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Sun October 24, 2010
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Daily Mail)   "Four Killed by Celery." When will the government wake up and do something about these stalking deaths?  (dailymail.co.uk) (56)
(Canoe)   79-year-old man meets his long-lost brother. It's probably very dusty in here  (cnews.canoe.ca) (15)
(UPI)   Aggressive, over the top Elmo brought to you by the letters B-U-M. "I wasn't going to let my daughter anywhere near it. I also think it kind of smelled"  (upi.com) (58)
(Some Guy)   Jealous of the Navy's 'Sharks With Laser Beams' program, the Army wants to develop a flying Humvee (Epic concept art)  (wtkr.com) (157)
(Some ex-Catholic Guy)   If all America's ex-Catholics formed one church, it would constitute the second largest church in America  (commonwealmagazine.org) (196)
(The Sun)   Hello, boils and ghouls, and welcome to "Tales from the Crypt." Tonight's frightful feature is about two ghastly gagsters who throw a damsel into an open grave. Too bad their prank wasn't bury good, HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE  (thesun.co.uk) (50)
(UPI)   Pastor and World War II veteran skydives for his 85th birthday: "We all get 24 hours in the day. It's all what you choose to do with them"  (upi.com) (19)
(Daily Telegraph)   Plane forced to land after hamster discovered in gere  (dailytelegraph.com.au) (65)
(SacBee)   Gay man finds the neo-Nazi skinhead who almost beat him to death 30 years ago... working with him at the Museum of Tolerance  (sacbee.com) (102)
(Daily Mail)   Britain's oldest refrigerator still functioning, rivaling even the Queen herself  (dailymail.co.uk) (73)
(News.com.au)   Aliens probably created four-legged chicken because, hey, why not?  (news.com.au) (42)
(Yahoo)   Employers looking at health insurance options. In other words, employers are looking at dropping employee's insurance coverage  (news.yahoo.com) (237)
(Some fatty)   The worlds fattest countries. American Samoa checks in at #1 with 93.5% of its population overweight  (bing.com) (136)
(Some Guy)   Denver voters to decide whether their tax dollars should be spent on creating an "extraterrestrial affairs commission"  (dailyplunge.com) (56)
(USA Today)   Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.... And an Easter Bunny too  (usatoday.com) (33)
(ABC News)   Why does the Internet love cats so much? Your dog is pouting in the doghouse  (abcnews.go.com) (137)
(Daily Mail)   Lost any confidential e-mails recently or forgotten your home computer password? Just call Google Street View, they probably have it  (dailymail.co.uk) (82)
(BBC)   Gangmasters Licensing Authority discovers children working illegally in a ....wait a minute....the what now?  (bbc.co.uk) (72)
(Daily Mail)   Librarian sets Guinness Book record by collecting 22.1 grams of navel lint over 26 years - and, yes, he's still single  (dailymail.co.uk) (45)
(Some Guy)   Tired of the average ho-hum haunted houses? Now you can be kidnapped and buried alive...just for fun  (citypages.com) (54)
(Google)   Photoshop Theme: Rejected ideas for new Sesame Street Muppet characters  (google.com) (48)
(Some Guy)   Dear first year students, treat bank recruiters like your are on a first date....and take a shower too  (dealbreaker.com) (71)
(Telegraph)   If only you could make money snoring  (telegraph.co.uk) (14)
(News.com.au)   U.S. Navy: We know nothing about the 1,500 live ammo shells at the bottom of the bay, and if you want them, go get them yourselves  (news.com.au) (56)
(Daily Herald)   Husband's online activities leave "nagging and unpleasant" wife out in the cold. Bonus: Nagging and Unpleasant columnist responds  (dailyherald.com) (293)
(AP)   Largest NH paper won't print gay marriage notices. Live free or die single  (hosted.ap.org) (226)
(Some Guy)   The less you know about your mate, the longer you stay married. See honey, I forgot your birthday because I care  (sciencenews.org) (73)
(Seattle Times)   Good: Puget Sound gets its first electric car charging station. Bad: It will take you 2-4 hours to charge up. Good: Electricity will be free at first. Bad: Its at a Lutheran Church. Did we mention you'll be stuck there?  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (125)
(The Eagle Tribune)   Typical day's schedule: sleep, watch Family Guy, do homework, troll MySpace for women, listen to music, apply for a job. All without leaving his police cruiser  (eagletribune.com) (53)
(St. Petersburg Times)   Nudist camp HOA votes to kick handicapped resident out because he doesn't go nude enough  (tampabay.com) (71)
(Cape Cod Times)   If you want to build a wind turbine in a historic district, you might meet some opposition  (capecodonline.com) (41)
(NYPost)   Hundreds of non-sparkly vampires are hanging out in gothic-themed bars and driving cabs in the city. "It's not at all like the 'Twilight' movies, but they're right there in the city"  (nypost.com) (82)
(News.com.au)   Tourists feel "violated" by surveillance cameras. Now that's one hell of a zoom lens  (news.com.au) (33)
(WGME.com)   In one Maine school, kids as young as six have to walk as much as a mile to school. My God, how are we supposed to keep them fat and lazy?  (wgme.com) (167)
(CNN)   "I believe they thought the power was off," said Lt. Keith Hupp of the South Gate Police Department  (cnn.com) (135)
(Some Facepalmer)   There's a shooting in your club. Do you: A) cooperate with authorities, B) take precautions to prevent similar incidents, or C) hide the victims in a closet while trying to stop the cops from coming in the door?  (news-record.com) (41)
(JSOnline)   If you don't choose the cool booze you lose  (jsonline.com) (25)
(NYPost)   High school principal cuts sports so her failing school can concentrate scarce resources on educating students. Surprisingly, parents have a problem with this  (nypost.com) (134)
(Washington Post)   Do you have a college education and a good job? Are you ignorant of NASCAR, Oprah, and MMA? Congratulations, you may be a member of the "New Elite"  (washingtonpost.com) (267)
(The Sun)   The damage done by Paris Hilton is irreversible  (thesun.co.uk) (37)
(Some Drunk)   Ten best dive bars in America. It is time for a road trip  (tmrzoo.com) (239)
(My San Antonio)   If your own mother won't believe you when you tell her that you have been sexually assaulted, then post it on Facebook  (mysanantonio.com) (49)
(AZCentral)   It's a slippery slope: first it is flour, then it is whole wheat flour and, before you know it, they are smoking reefer  (azcentral.com) (32)
(Some Guy)   Auditor: "Sirs, people in your state want to drink." Sirs: "We are a Mormon state and we abstain from alcohol." Auditor: "You can make money. Plus, your wives..." Sirs: "That will be all"  (kptv.com) (96)
(Washington Post)   Guns don't kill people, unscrupulous gun stores whose weapons have a disproportionate and empirically verifiable statistical linkage to incidences of violent crime kill people  (washingtonpost.com) (157)
(Jackson Clarion Ledger)   Wood you believe two men arrested for selling 100% eco-friendly "laptops" in motel parking lot?  (clarionledger.com) (66)
(Sun Sentinel)   Homeless man sentenced to house arrest  (sun-sentinel.com) (44)
(Some Big Sissi)   Photoshop this drilling dynamo  (bigpicture.ru) (23)
(Some Guy)   And now for something completely different; two men wearing beer-bottle costumes are attacked in front of their home. Strangely enough, alchohol appears to have been a factor  (baynews9.com) (12)
(UPI)   Teacher banned from classroom for life, destined to remain a virgin forever  (upi.com) (30)
(SeattlePI)   Court settlement means New Jersey baker won't have to stop calling himself 'Cake Boss.' Ass Man approves  (seattlepi.com) (16)
(Yahoo)   Do middle aged women look good with long hair, or is that a young girl thing?  (shine.yahoo.com) (194)
(Yahoo)   American al-Qaida spokesman urges attacks in US, calling it a duty and an obligation of Muslim immigrants. Three additional virgins for whoever gets Juan Williams  (news.yahoo.com) (105)
(io9)   The Air Force Academy opens its doors to Hogwarts graduates  (io9.com) (50)
(Yahoo)   How many people are living the American dream? Well, it depends how much money you make  (finance.yahoo.com) (48)
(Yahoo)   If a Muslim suicide bomber fails, do they still get 72 virgins?  (news.yahoo.com) (156)
(ABC News)   Drunkorexia, the new scourge affecting college campuses  (abcnews.go.com) (91)
(WESH Orlando)   You drive by a man wearing a sheet in the middle of the day. Do you C) Call police to report you've seen a ghost?  (wesh.com) (48)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this pontiff performance  (bigpicture.ru) (24)
(USA Today)   Michigan man to put a dozen Madagascar hissing cockroaches in his mouth for charity. Hey, at least he has good taste in noble causes  (usatoday.com) (37)

Sat October 23, 2010
(LA Times)   "Sesame Street" is brought to you by the letters G-A-Y  (latimes.com) (161)
(MLive.com)   In a failing school district, some parents are still supportive and put up signs showing their pride in their kids. How does the city thank them? $500 and 90 days in jail  (mlive.com) (109)
(UPI)   Holy Christ, we're gonna need a bigger crane  (upi.com) (71)
(Time)   Alexander Anderson, creator of Rocky & Bullwinkle, pulls last rabbit out of hat  (time.com) (81)
(oregonhumane.com)   Just in time for Caturday, Oregon Humane Society installs software and video feed thats lets you interact with their kittens  (oregonhumane.com) (64)
(MSNBC)   Douche that endangered hundreds of lives by flying with rare form of TB can sue, citing 'privacy issues'  (msnbc.msn.com) (83)
(Someone without a clue)   Well no shiat, sherlock  (koco.com) (104)
(Telegraph)   Researchers are shocked to discover BMW drivers really are assholes  (telegraph.co.uk) (300)
(Mercury News)   Parents upset that their precious little snowflakes weren't admitted to homecoming dance  (mercurynews.com) (100)
(SMH)   The Devil forcibly evicted from his apartment by 11 Parisians, who then take his baby and jump from a second story window to escape him when he tries to get back in. Fark: He was a father feeding his baby  (news.smh.com.au) (80)
(2theadvocate.com)   A small Louisiana town thinks it can move Halloween, the ACLU doesn't think so  (2theadvocate.com) (135)
(Google)   Photoshop theme: skywriting  (google.com) (28)
(MSNBC)   Contrary to reports that the U.S. is falling behind in science and meth, students at Georgetown build their own lab in a dormitory  (msnbc.msn.com) (43)
(Telegraph)   I like to move it move it (it's a slideshow, but you won't care)  (telegraph.co.uk) (40)
(Idaho Reporter)   Tax commission busts pumpkin peddlers, age 4 and 6  (idahoreporter.com) (67)
(Some Guy)   Man forces friends to call him only on secure phones, consistently moves around, and thinks government agents after him, also he runs Wikileaks  (nytimes.com) (186)
(Yahoo)   Canadian Beer now has 27 percent alcohol . Ohhh Can-Eh-Duh  (ca.news.yahoo.com) (103)
(Dayton Daily News)   Sure...And it's luck when the dealer gets Blackjack 8 times in a row too  (daytondailynews.com) (78)
(News.com.au)   NASA begins planning "100 year spaceship" program aimed at settling other worlds, sleeping with green women  T-Shirt  (news.com.au) (208)
(My Fox Tampa Bay)   Getting back at your wife during a divorce is easy if you have pictures of her smoking a joint and putting a gun in her mouth....while sitting in her police cruiser  (myfoxtampabay.com) (138)
(ABC News)   This just in, and just in time to warn you before Halloween. Some towns worry about the debauchery caused by teens and young adults. Please make a note of it  (abcnews.go.com) (41)
(Mercury News)   Prop19 is going up in smoke, man  (mercurynews.com) (371)
(WTOP)   Virginia DOT will raise most highway speed limits to 70 to stop people who obey speed limits from getting in the way of everybody else  (wtop.com) (198)
(Some WhipperSnapper)   Happy Birthday Earth 6,014 years young this month. Why you haven't aged a day since the Flood my dear  (rationalskepticism.org) (205)
(Telegraph)   Dolphins in the wild are teaching themselves to "walk" with their tails along the surface of water, most likely for the next Sea World tryouts and all the free fish those jobs pay  (telegraph.co.uk) (48)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   Nanny gets two year old to behave. Dad apparently has a problem with that after viewing the nanny-cam tape. Let's take a look and see.....GOD NO...... WHAT IS THAT  (heraldnews.suntimes.com) (252)
(Gizmodo)   That's Doctor Jan Itor to you  (gizmodo.com) (90)
(Boston Globe)   Photoshop this laser-lit lady  (inapcache.boston.com) (8)
(Liverpool Echo)   Man takes horses through McDonalds drive-thru for snack  (liverpoolecho.co.uk) (38)
(The New York Times)   Witches outraged at new beer label, will turn drinkers into a newt until the next afternoon  (nytimes.com) (143)
(Denver Channel)   Little girls raise money for pet oxygen masks that save a kitty just in time for Caturday  (thedenverchannel.com) (788)
(Daily Mail)   Dentist offered woman discount if she let him fill cavity  (dailymail.co.uk) (37)
(UPI)   Connecticut newspaper warns severely brain-damaged readers about the dangers of wearing a Lady Gaga meat dress  (upi.com) (40)
(Cambridge News)   Burglar distressed to discover that the house he's targeting comes with a guard. A former Coldstream Guard. A 72-year old pissed-off hungover Coldstream Guard. Who's naked  (cambridge-news.co.uk) (40)
(Fosters.com)   Man charged with assault with a sandwich. No need for the hero tag for this poor boy  (fosters.com) (24)
(Telegraph)   Men brought up with a lot of women seen as less butch  (telegraph.co.uk) (44)
(Boing Boing)   Just in time for Halloween, here's the Candy Hierarchy Chart. Yes, those atrocious candies in the black and orange wrappers are in the lowest tier possible  (boingboing.net) (201)
(Canoe)   Legally obliged to be in court for the trial of the guy who sexually assaulted you? That's a firing  (cnews.canoe.ca) (64)
(Canoe)   Now look what those socialists are doing: a ten-year old called for jury duty  (cnews.canoe.ca) (62)
(Boston Globe)   Photoshop this badminton ballet  (inapcache.boston.com) (19)

Fri October 22, 2010
(SFGate)   Today's Fark-ready headline: Flaccid ticket sales doom Exotic Erotic Ball  (sfgate.com) (48)
(Pittsburgh Post Gazette)   When someone sells you oregano instead of weed, sure, go ahead and call the cops. They'll get right on it  (pittsburghpostgazette.com) (67)
(abc27.com)   Pen pals finally meet after 58 years. One might be so inclined to call it a read letter day  (abc27.com) (33)
(Zah bang man ganna harm mah zambah?)   Mah zambah barg branz haarh  (sears.com) (146)
(Toronto Star)   If you booby-trap your house, it's probably a good idea to remember that you booby-trapped it  (thestar.com) (43)
(ktvb.com)   Four Hispanic kids recovering from car crash that killed their dad. Oh, and mom's been deported  (ktvb.com) (312)
(KHOU Houston)   Woman who was brain dead at beginning of organ harvesting process, has been upgraded to mostly brain dead...which is slightly brain alive  (khou.com) (75)
(Yahoo)   Media in frenzy over beach-goer killed by shark. His chum survived but but feels the gill-t. Fin  (news.yahoo.com) (58)
(The Smoking Gun)   The Mugshot Roundup is here nice and early. Unfortunately, it appears to have landed face-first  (thesmokinggun.com) (187)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this airbrush art  (bigpicture.ru) (48)
(Some Guy)   Why is the deficit so big? It could be because billion dollar companies are robbing the U.S. Treasury blind  (thenewyorkcrank.blogspot.com) (240)
(Salon)   Forget bigotry. Juan Williams' real crime is being a terrible pundit  (salon.com) (340)
(The Real Ric Romero)   Ric Romero joins forces with the Norton Black Market Experience truck: "Stopping most cybercrime means having some sort of Internet security software, whether it be from Norton or some other source"  (abclocal.go.com) (72)
(MSNBC)   Mass graves found at Iwo Jima, leading some to believe there was some sort of battle there several decades ago  (msnbc.msn.com) (51)
(MSNBC)   World's most advanced sub meets the world's oldest speed bump. Speed bump wins  (msnbc.msn.com) (106)
(Houston Chronicle)   County Sheriff sets up online reporting system for property crimes. Which means they don't even have to come out to your house to do exactly nothing about the incident  (chron.com) (36)
(Some Flanders)   When your friend falls off a 200-foot cliff, it's probably better to call the paramedics instead of trying to "pray him back to life"  (redding.com) (81)
(Fox News)   When texting someone you haven't talked to for a long time, you might want to ask "So what do you do now?" before asking "Wanna smoke some pot?"  (foxnews.com) (115)
(The Tennessean)   Nashville lawyer and Watergate prosecutor Jim Neal finishes his closing statement at 81  (tennessean.com) (6)
(The Register)   The moon, less like a harsh mistress and more like your Mom  (theregister.co.uk) (60)
(MSNBC)   Climate Prediction Center says this winter will be warmer, drier, colder and wetter  (msnbc.msn.com) (27)
(CNN)   Receiving mail with swastika postmarks is never good news  (edition.cnn.com) (44)
(Denver Channel)   The man told police that since he didn't understand English, he pushed the gun away and pushed the man out the door  (thedenverchannel.com) (5)
(The Smoking Gun)   Kristina Svechinskaya, the "world's sexiest computer hacker" also had three accomplices. And yes, you would, any one of them if you could. But you can't, so you won't  (thesmokinggun.com) (150)
(Boston Globe)   We've secretly replaced this resturant's usual hot sauce with Blair's Mega Death Sauce at 550,000 scoville hot sauce. Let's see if this kid putting it on his chili notices  (boston.com) (146)
(MetroWest Daily News)   Caught in stolen car, woman explains she was going to return it because she meant to steal her boyfriend's car instead. In other news, the woman pictured has a boyfriend  (metrowestdailynews.com) (25)
(Examiner)   Whoopi Goldberg defends Juan Williams right to say ridiculous stuff...like she does  (examiner.com) (86)
(Denver Channel)   Psychic and husband disappear. If only there was a network of people they could call  (thedenverchannel.com) (17)
(New Zealand Herald)   Airbus A320 blows an engine during midflight. Do the flight attendants: C) Stand in the back of the plane and cry  (nzherald.co.nz) (104)
(11 Alive)   Church sign: "To whoever stole my air conditioners, you are going to need them - God"  (11alive.com) (94)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Gainesville non-burning Koran preacher is picking up his free Hyundai today  (orlandosentinel.com) (47)
(Washington Post)   That Virginia textbook that said thousands of slaves happily marched alongside the traitor army? Yeah, turns out the "experts" reviewing it were a trio of teachers who just wanted a free license  (washingtonpost.com) (51)
(Dayton Daily News)   Today's FARK-ready headline brought to you by yer mom. "Fight sparked by claims of mom's 'sexual favors'"  (daytondailynews.com) (21)
(11 Alive)   Two Bernese mountain dogs apparently spent their youth playing Street Fighter, as they inflict $3,000 worth of damage on the new family car, from the outside  (11alive.com) (63)
(MLive.com)   Remember the neighbor from Hell who taunted the seven-year-old girl dying of Huntingdon's disease? If you guessed that this horrible woman would lose custody of her kids, please come to the courtesy desk and pick up your free apple turnovers  (mlive.com) (176)
(Boston Globe)   At this year's Head of the Charles regatta you can make a friendly wager on which boat will be overturned by a curious seal  (boston.com) (14)
(USA Today)   Norfolk girl to host "zombies vs humans" tag game for 10,000 Facebook friends. The mayor: "I'm not sure we could stop it now if we tried...so we're just trying to go with the flow and make the best of it"  (usatoday.com) (63)
(New York Daily News)   NYC drivers to get 1500 countdown clocks to help them decide if they need to floor it as they approach an intersection  (nydailynews.com) (39)
(Bangor Daily News)   Maine high school football team lifts a car up off of an injured teammate and holds it there for 20 minutes while help arrives  (bangordailynews.com) (73)
(Daily Mail)   Couple becomes engaged after love at first sight. A certain bear we all know is asked by the groom to be best man  (dailymail.co.uk) (64)
(LA Times)   A Venn diagram of the "Top 10 weirdest moments of the 2010 campaign" and the "Top 10 Tea Party movements of 2010" form a perfect circle  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (145)
(Gawker)   R.I.P. Chatroulette. You came, you saw, you...no, wait, scratch that, reverse it  (gawker.com) (79)
(Fox News)   If the homeless woman you let sleep in your car happens to die, do you A) Call the police B) Dump the body on the side of the road, or C) drive around with her sitting there so long she becomes mummified  (foxnews.com) (39)
(Dallas News)   In a completely isolated incident, GOP congressional candidate remarks that violent overthrow of government is 'on the table'  (dallasnews.com) (543)
(WFTV)   If your a school teacher, sexting a student telling her how hot she is probably will get you sent to the principle's office  (wftv.com) (90)
(BBC)   Evidence suggests Iraq weapons expert Dr David Kelly died as a result of a "self-inflicted injury". Reminds me of the recent case where an MI5 man died accidently by "locking himself inside a suitcase, in a bath"  (bbc.co.uk) (16)
(New York Daily News)   Pricipal. Caught sayof school that stop text books. Is he liteurate or not. Ben Chapman says no. Daily News looking for Yankee fans -OR- "Hello. I am write teachur and wait for paychek again"  (nydailynews.com) (114)
(Yahoo)   Taiwanese woman take same sex marriage debate to its logical extreme by announcing plans to marry herself  (news.yahoo.com) (55)
(Gawker)   The George W. Bush Presidential Library will feature mementos from his presidency, such as the pistol that he personally wrestled away from Saddam Hussein when he pulled him from that spider hole  (gawker.com) (249)
(Yahoo)   Speaking slowly and enunciating very carefully, Ugandan Health Minister blames jiggers for 20 deaths and more than 20,000 illnesses in his country in the last few months  T-Shirt  (news.yahoo.com) (72)
(Yahoo)   It's a question you would have thought never needed answering: "how many octopus heads is it safe to eat at one sitting?  (news.yahoo.com) (31)
(My Fox DC)   Rich people really are different. They even have different hormones that help them live longer. Name your conspiracy to the right  (myfoxdc.com) (87)
(AJC)   It seems to me that if a man died, you don't have to put "killer" in quotation marks  (ajc.com) (36)
(Yahoo)   Remember how in 2007, shortly before The Great Recession, income inequality levels hit their highest point since 1928, shortly before the Great Depression? New research shows that wasn't just a kooky coincidence  (news.yahoo.com) (243)
(My Fox DC)   700 creepy-ass Mexican clowns miss out on setting new 'laughing' world record. Subby now unwillingly working on setting record for 'consecutive hours without sleep'...because the clowns know when you are sleeping (w/ video)  (myfoxdc.com) (46)
(Some Austrian Artist)   Photoshop this perpendicular pickle  (bigpicture.ru) (45)
(SLTrib)   Two-thirds of Americans believe that messages from U.S. religious pulpits are connected to rising rates of suicide among gay youths  (sltrib.com) (357)
(ABC News)   Man goes to college, gets his degree, can't find a job - wants his money back. Line forms behind the GM, Merrill Lynch and Citibank executives  (abcnews.go.com) (169)
(Denver Channel)   Man caught groping woman on airplane. Authorities immediately removed him from the airplane and put a TSA uniform on him  T-Shirt  (thedenverchannel.com) (46)
(Some Guy)   Navy designates first submarine for Women: it's bigger and more powerful and it never needs batteries  (kgw.com) (203)
(Daily Mail)   One in four couples sleep in separate beds to avoid each other's unbearable habits, Dutch ovens  (dailymail.co.uk) (156)
(Daily Mail)   "I left Al Qaeda because they refused to pay healthcare"  (dailymail.co.uk) (45)
(My Fox DC)   Think your kid has a stash of weed or coke under his or her bed? Hire a drug-sniffing dog to come to your house for $200 an hour. As a bonus, they'll let you keep the drugs and won't tell the cops  (myfoxdc.com) (47)
(News.com.au)   I've had it with these mother*ckin' crocodiles crashing my motherf*ckin' plane  (news.com.au) (28)
(Wired)   According to the greatest magazine article of all time, breasts are the key to the future of regenerative medicine  (wired.com) (69)
(NJ.com)   World of Warcraft actually got someone laid  (nj.com) (94)
(The New York Times)   "And when they stop, they often touch, grasp, pat or rub the statue's small but prominent penis, while a friend or relative takes a photo"  (cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com) (47)
(KNBC 4 Los Angeles)   Seven cardinal sins of ordering beer. Beer snobbery curiously missing from list  (nbclosangeles.com) (225)
(Some Guy)   Just because it's called a leaf blower doesn't mean you should use it without pants on  (lohud.com) (23)
(Some Guy)   Ever sell your house and use a real estate company? Ever think you may have picked the wrong one? Bet these homeowners' story beats yours  (wsbtv.com) (52)
(Buffalo News)   Photoshop this undead confection  (buffalonews.com) (21)
(BBC)   The first man to drive with bionic arms was seriously injured in a car crash. Cyberdyne Systems has offered to pay for the medical expenses in exchange for one of the arms. They just want it to um, ...see if it played a part in the accident  (bbc.co.uk) (32)
(News.com.au)   Man tells armed robber that he's homeless, gets his stuff back. There. That was easy  (news.com.au) (14)
(Scientific American)   Being suicidal: What it feels like to want to kill yourself  (scientificamerican.com) (259)

Thu October 21, 2010
(LA Times)   Well that didn't take long. Juan Williams agrees to be FoxNews' "one black friend" for $2 million  (latimes.com) (488)
(Ohio.com)   Armed and masked Waffle House robber locks himself out, demands hostages let him back in  (ohio.com) (43)
(CNN)   While you were arguing with security about the nail clippers on your keychain, man gets into Michigan football game with two M-16s  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com) (96)
(ABC7)   Police arrest man who barricaded himself in a mall, but fail to check to see if he had threatened to burn the building down (w/ live video of the fire)  (abclocal.go.com) (50)
(News.com.au)   Woman refuses to stop, collaborate, or listen; quickly learns that ice is back with a brand new invention  (news.com.au) (57)
(Houston Chronicle)   "Experts differ on whether Halloween costumes embarrass dogs"  (chron.com) (66)
(Seattle Times)   Thinking fast, an engineer chose to intentionally hit another man's car to save his life  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (125)
(Reuters)   Cobbles San Lucas  (reuters.com) (112)
(Scripps Instit. of Oceanography)   Photoshop this baby bivalve  (bigpicture.ru) (48)
(Newser)   States with abstinence-only sex education have higher rates of teen pregnancy, while other states see a drop. You're doing it  T-Shirt  (newser.com) (198)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Open carry in our favorite state? More likely than you might think  (orlandosentinel.com) (228)
(MSNBC)   Couple leap to conclusions after finding frog in bag of frozen vegetables  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (89)
(Daily Mail)   Apparently Monica Lewinsky was down on her knees trying to find the missing nuclear launch codes  (dailymail.co.uk) (140)
(My Fox NY)   You know that surly biatch in the toll booth on the New Jersey Turnpike. Her salary and benefits add up to around $320,000 per year. Have a nice bumper to bumper drive to your $45,000 + hot cocoa sampler box job  (myfoxny.com) (233)
(Guardian.com)   North Korea wants more money  (guardian.co.uk) (84)
(Hartford Courant)   Current going rate for a hitman: $5 worth of crack  (courant.com) (26)
(Some Guy)   What starts with F, ends with UCK, and was uttered out loud when it was determined to be missing?  (wcax.com) (97)
(AJC)   If students don't want to hear prayers over PA system, they can "put their fingers in their ears"  (blogs.ajc.com) (329)
(Yahoo)   The high price of Obama Socialism: Fannie Mao and Fidel Mac bailouts will cost us $200 Billion  (news.yahoo.com) (370)
(NYPost)   "Perhaps most oddly, gay teens are also three times as likely as non-gay teens to report either becoming pregnant or getting someone else pregnant"  (nypost.com) (126)
(Some Guy)   Rent too high. Do you c) strip off and prance around wearing nothing but a Mickey Mouse mask?  (independent.ie) (34)
(Washington Post)   Toyota to recall another 1.5 million cars, mostly from the "douche" and "douche elite" model lines  (washingtonpost.com) (103)
(The New York Times)   Union sues to block release of teacher ratings until "unreliable" and "unproven" process is revised to show truth that all teachers are above average  (nytimes.com) (44)
(Cracked)   Six death-defying stunts that are secretly easy to do  (cracked.com) (73)
(Cracked)   Derp 101  (cracked.com) (128)
(Yahoo)   Deanna Favre is relying on faith to get her through the accusations against her husband. Faith and all the zeros on the check she'll get in a few months  (sports.yahoo.com) (84)
(Mirror.co.uk)   The best picture of a squirrel monkey riding piggyback on a macaw you'll see all day  (mirror.co.uk) (25)
(USA Today)   Obama pronounces that housing foreclosures may begin again. BoA: "Yeah, we're way ahead of you"  (usatoday.com) (34)
(Some Plant Finder)   Evidence emerges that most "crazy teabaggers" at rallies are indeed plants  (mobot.org) (247)
(Denver Channel)   City of Denver finds new revenue source in floating 'no parking' signs  (thedenverchannel.com) (15)
(Daily Mail)   Cafe owner ordered to remove kitchen exhaust fan because bacon smell offends Muslims. MMMM, bacon  (dailymail.co.uk) (145)
(My Fox DC)   Halloween is right around the corner, time for candy, costumes, and racist yard displays depicting African-Americans being lynched  (myfoxdc.com) (108)
(Washington Post)   In the latest sign that it truly is getting all of its ideas from Hollywood supervillains, Iran is building (photoshopping) its own secret, worldwide financial network  (washingtonpost.com) (11)
(Some Aunt)   Farker LeadFootSpiderMonkey's nephew needs our help, link goes to website set up for two-year-old Caleb  (helpcaleb.com) (34)
(Some Guy)   Fox News affiliate refuses to air Republican congressional candidate's ad because it is blatantly false, accusing his opponent of making votes actually made by a man with the same last name. No, really  (coloradopols.com) (66)
(capitalgains)   TARP, the investment that makes the federal government look like Warren Buffett. Except voters are so conditioned to assume government can't work they think the 8% return was at their expense. Joseph Heller had a phrase for this  (capitalgainsandgames.com) (169)
(The Raw Story)   Hey, you'll never guess who has ties to an extremist Alaskan militia. No, not him. Nope, not him either  (rawstory.com) (99)
(Palm Beach Post)   Man arrested for cruelty to moonshine  (palmbeachpost.com) (11)
(AJC)   Atlanta pharmacy robbed not for money, but for the elusive "purple drank"  (ajc.com) (67)
(11 Alive)   What could be worse for a parent than to find out their daughter (and a mother of two) was killed in a car crash? Well, being sent a firefighter's cell phone video of the gruesome crash scene is probably up there  (11alive.com) (83)
(Washington Post)   NAACP attempts to inject rationality into the election debate: "Tea Partiers are like church bombers and assassins during the Civil Rights era"  (washingtonpost.com) (219)
(IEEE Spectrum)   DARPA needs help to program its new robot. Now you can be a cog in the military machine from your home  (spectrum.ieee.org) (31)
(KFAB)   If you think it was bad the jury didn't buy your "sleepwalking" defense, wait til your cellmates learn your last name is "Butts"  (kfab.com) (13)
(Washington Post)   One Federal judge dares ask the question: So are these farking polar bears actually endangered, or not?  (washingtonpost.com) (40)
(Yahoo)   Escaped ape attacks Kansas City Police car. No word on whether the ape was grape or wanted for rape  (news.yahoo.com) (35)
(Yahoo)   Eliot Spitzer denied membership in Harvard Club. Great, now who's bringing the hookers?  (news.yahoo.com) (18)
(USA Today)   Well, you knew it was coming: Farmville creator faces mega lawsuit for breaching privacy. It's as if a million status updates cried out and were suddenly silenced  (content.usatoday.com) (60)
(WSB-TV)   Women more likely to give to charity than men. Also more likely to remind you of it for the rest of your life  (wsbtv.com) (43)
(The Sun News)   Employee that was sleeping on the job foils burglar that cut a hole in the wall to steal TVs. That's nothing to snooze at  (thesunnews.com) (13)
(The Superficial)   This week: Parents TV Council derides new GQ Glee photoshoot as "near pedophelia". Next week: GQ thanks Parents TV Council for boosting sales to record levels  (thesuperficial.com) (261)
(Cincinnati Enquirer)   Macing your newborn daughter is generally not a good way to get the mother to shut up during an argument. PSA tag too incredulous to come to work  (news.cincinnati.com) (36)
(The New York Times)   "In a Digital Age, Students Still Cling to Paper Textbooks" And by "cling" they mean "forced to buy" by greedy textbook manufacturers in collusion with greedy universities  (nytimes.com) (96)
(The New York Times)   "I get my climate science from Rush Limbaugh and Scripture"  (nytimes.com) (274)
(NPR)   NPR to Juan Williams: "Hope you enjoyed being on 'The O'Reilly Factor.' Don't come back"  (npr.org) (1325)
(Some Guy)   Louisiana man gets five years for shooting two deputies who he thought were burglars during a no-knock drug raid. Fark: Man even called 911 during the raid  (2theadvocate.com) (161)
(Washington Post)   Front-page Uganda newspaper story featured a list of 100 homosexuals, with a bright yellow banner across it that read: "Hang Them". Alongside their photos were the men's names and addresses  (washingtonpost.com) (171)
(CNN)   "No, you're extreme" "nah uh, you're super extreme" "you're an extremist's extreme times infinity"   (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com) (64)
(Yahoo)   How worried is Israel about Iran? Well, for the first time ever they are actually in favor of a US plan to sell a buttload of advanced fighters and attack helicopters to Saudi Arabia  (news.yahoo.com) (56)
(Houston Chronicle)   Demonstrating again that most all redheads eventually show their craziness, 1968 Playmate of the Year charged with attempted murder  (chron.com) (150)
(Yahoo)   Five theories on why Virginia Thomas called Anita Hill out of the blue 20 years later and demanded an apology. And yes, #5 does involve alcohol  (news.yahoo.com) (237)
(CNN)   Jenny McCarthy outbreak claims ten more lives  (cnn.com) (355)
(Telegram)   Photoshop this piece of kale  (telegram.com) (30)
(Denver Post)   Police pull man over and find in his car women's underwear, a grappling hook, binoculars, an expandable baton, lock picks, glow sticks, duct tape, a stun gun, zip ties, a head lamp, and leg cuffs. Then it gets weird  (denverpost.com) (106)
(AOL News)   One small scent for man, one giant leap for mankind  (aolnews.com) (31)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Drunk, angry, and trying to sneak into the Mullet Festival without paying is no way to go through life, son  (nwfdailynews.com) (50)
(Some Guy)   How to spot a sex addicted school teacher  (christwire.org) (119)
(Daily Mail)   Man visits his sister for a week while his home is being redecorated returns home to find his house wasn't finished. Nah, just kidding he came home to find 15 jobless Italian squatters had moved in and changed the locks  (dailymail.co.uk) (283)
(Huffington Post)   Former JetBlue flight attendant's house burglarized while he was in court. Suspect escaped down inflatable slide from second-floor master bedroom  (huffingtonpost.com) (29)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Man busted for DUI after getting into an accident has a perfectly good explanation: He was held hostage and forced to smoke crack  (nwfdailynews.com) (16)
(Life.com)   Who would spend $2 million to cover up a first post?  (life.com) (70)
(MLive.com)   Even Gumby's testicles aren't safe in Flint, Michigan  (mlive.com) (45)
(Daily Mail)   Airport valet parking service also rents cars, what could possibly go wrong?  (dailymail.co.uk) (23)
(MSNBC)   Remember, guns don't kill people, people kill people. Except the Remington Model 700-series rifle. That one apparently can kill people on its own  (msnbc.msn.com) (310)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop these steelworkers with a flare for protesting  (online.wsj.com) (22)
(CNN)   Police department in one of the most violent towns in Mexico run by a 20 year old student. She plans to protect the citizens from drug cartels with hopes and dreams  (cnn.com) (173)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 285: "Travel Photography" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (320)

Wed October 20, 2010
(The New York Times)   Dear Fark: I never thought I'd be writing one of these headlines, but Bob Guccione is dead at 79  T-Shirt  (nytimes.com) (179)
(News.com.au)   "Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Interrupting car." "Interrup-" *CRAAAAAAAAAAAAASH*  (news.com.au) (14)
(The Consumerist)   KFC, McDonald's, Wendy's, Taco Bell, and A&W have combined to Death Star your stomach  (consumerist.com) (73)
(Central Florida News 13)   If you smoke, don't. If you smoke outside, don't throw your butts on ground. If you smoke outside in grassy field while confined to wheelchair, don't set yourself on fire  (cfnews13.com) (51)
(MSNBC)   A girl of 11 was thrown off of the cheerleading team because she wouldn't 'shake her booty'. She believes girls should not use their bodies like that. So.... why did she want to be a cheerleader in the first place?  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (181)
(Calgary Herald)   Abandoned baby's father didn't realize he found his own son in dumpster. He also didn't know he got his girlfriend pregnant. Apparently a lot of things get past this guy  (calgaryherald.com) (115)
(AlterNet)   The Founding Fathers: brilliant men, but total farkin' buzzkills, man  (alternet.org) (134)
(Canada.com)   Canada tells Fox News to "take off you hoser"  (communities.canada.com) (205)
(insidebayarea.com)   Teen: "Hey officer, can I get a ride home?" Cop: "Sure, but do you have any illegal substances in your pocket?" Teen: "Yes. I mean, no"  (insidebayarea.com) (100)
(Some Guy)   Florida's new immigration law: All immigrants must carry papers. Unless you're white, then you're cool  (immigration.change.org) (276)
(Some Guy)   Mules replaced by prostitutes. This is not a story from Tijuana  (y100.com) (39)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this reel jig  (i626.photobucket.com) (44)
(Telegraph)   Britain's first hospital discovered, while search continues for first dental clinic  (telegraph.co.uk) (29)
(Pat's Papers)   Juror realizes why case sounds so familiar. And it's not because she saw it on Law and Order  (patspapers.com) (78)
(Mother Nature Network)   To protest a federal proposal that would limit the amount of potatoes given to schoolchildren, man goes on a 60 day all-potato diet. "I love tater tots"  (mnn.com) (115)
(MSNBC)   News: Baldness drug that works. Fark: May cause erectile dysfunction  (msnbc.msn.com) (143)
(fox8.com)   Three-year-old boy learned how to save his father's life from cartoon. Oh yeah? Well, cartoons taught *me* how to defeat Skeletor AND the Shredder. TOP THAT  (fox8.com) (107)
(Boston Globe)   60% of Rhode Island students fall below the Peter Griffin scale of intelligence. That's wicked retarded  (boston.com) (79)
(Yahoo)   Why obscenely rich people pay thousands of dollars for an Italian fungus that smells like a locker room. Bonus: Puff Daddy telling a chef to "shave that biatch"  (news.yahoo.com) (132)
(WFTV)   Obama's economy is now taking down NASCAR  (wftv.com) (203)
(Some Guy)   Internal Affairs: Officer was fired for sleeping on the job. Officer: I couldn't tell anyone where I was because I was hunting terrorists  (www1.whdh.com) (38)
(Gawker)   Textbook used by Viriginia public schools claims that blacks fought in the Confederate army. The author, who is not a historian, said she found the information on the internet and "stands by what I write"  (gawker.com) (491)
(MSNBC)   Longer cat is even loooooonger  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (140)
(Daily Mail)   Giant piranha known to eat crocOMG KILL IT WITH FIRE AND TARTAR SAUCE  (dailymail.co.uk) (143)
(Houston Chronicle)   Pilot tells the TSA to suck it, calls screenings a "make-work program that doesn't make travel safer"  (chron.com) (252)
(TMZ)   How boring is it being the Indianapolis Colts punter? So boring it might drive a man to drink. And swim through a canal shirtless. And try to get into a random woman's car  (tmz.com) (93)
(kptm.com)   Well, THAT'S gonna put a dent in your sheriff candidacy  (kptm.com) (58)
(Talking Points Memo)   Virginia Republican sent out racist email comparing blacks to dogs because he was "getting familiar with the Internet"   (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com) (360)
(Wauwatosa)   Grandpa, tell us again how you got the cop in a scissor hold after peeing on the tree  (wauwatosanow.com) (23)
(Some Guy)   Secret underground tunnels in Salem, Oregon have unearthed some interesting tidbits of history such as an 80s disco, a 30s grocery shop, and a 20s Stairwell to Nowhere  (katu.com) (94)
(AOL News)   "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was..." (continued on next thigh)  (aolnews.com) (78)
(Some Guy)   Cancer patients might be giving you cancer  (kptv.com) (50)
(NYPost)   Candidate running for NY governor under the Rent Is Too Damn High Party hasn't had a rent increase in five years  (nypost.com) (199)
(My Fox DC)   Calvin Klein ad could encourage gang rape. Signature omega-stitched premium stretch denim gang rape  (myfoxdc.com) (342)
(Some Guy With Lots Of Stuff)   If you're under 45, you will need 260 different products and/or services to have a reasonable lifestyle. Subby gets by on Scooby Doo lunchbox and ability to count to potato  (yle.fi) (78)
(3 News New Zealand)   As Paris burns, in New Zealand they're taking to the streets over how much actors should be paid in the new Hobbit movies. No, really  (3news.co.nz) (49)
(YouTube)   Bloomberg TV interviews a noted economic expert on the need to consider precious metals as part of a complete personal finance and investment strategy, pities the fool who doesn't  (youtube.com) (73)
(Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)   After a horrific crash during a snowstorm that resulted in 60% blood loss and the amputation of one of her legs, woman receives a bill for the damaged guardrail from PennDOT. Yes, there is a picture of Miss Hotness  (post-gazette.com) (244)
(SMH)   The next time anyone criticises you for being indecisive, point them to this story of the man who had TWO sex change operations  (smh.com.au) (81)
(News.com.au)   Bad: Getting hit by a car. Worse: The driver is a cop. Fark: He was drunk. TRIPLE HOLY FARK: The ambulance coming to help runs over you  (news.com.au) (73)
(Some Guy)   Please help epic cleavage girl pay her court fine so she can avoid jail. Yes, this is real. No, you have no chance with her  (thesmokingjacket.com) (3594)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this guy walking out of the White House  (cache.gawkerassets.com) (32)
(Daily Mail)   Handless model that posed in brassiere for disability awareness becomes overnight sensation, says it's hard to come to grips with fame (w/ handy pic)  (dailymail.co.uk) (137)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Not news: Drunk woman walks outside her motorhome to use the bathroom. Fark: While it was driving down Interstate 10  (nwfdailynews.com) (33)
(UPI)   Large bag of marijuana found floating in Massachusetts river. Cops knew immediately knew it was pot since the tide was high  T-Shirt  (upi.com) (59)
(Capital Times)   What better way to celebrate the end of your court hearing for an OWI than to have some beers on the way home  (host.madison.com) (29)
(Washington Post)   19-year-old man leans out of moving pickup truck to say hi to friends. You forgot pole-land  (washingtonpost.com) (67)
(Metro)   I would crawl 500 miles and I would crawl 500 more  (metro.co.uk) (31)
(SacBee)   With all of the city's problems solved, Sacramento's mayor finds time to compete in this year's Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year award. No, seriously  (sacbee.com) (32)
(Daily Mail)   The Department for Education has determined that 1 in 4 boys requires special needs education. They would like to remind you that's like half, and it's not the school system's fault  (dailymail.co.uk) (57)
(Canoe)   Old men more likely to favor legal prostitution. There goes your inheritance  T-Shirt  (cnews.canoe.ca) (103)
(WWSB ABC 7)   If you threaten to blow up your kid's elementary school because they informed DCF about a burn on the child's arm....you might be a Floridian  (mysuncoast.com) (27)
(The New York Times)   NATO is securing road routes, and even flying high-level Taliban officials into Afghanistan for super high-level talks to end this meandering clusterfark of a war  (nytimes.com) (130)
(Dayton Daily News)   Things expected during a driving test: Starting, stopping, turning, parallel parking. Things not expected: Naked man walking around the test area  (daytondailynews.com) (25)
(Some Guy)   Protip: If you are planning on shoplifting jeans at Wal-Mart, try to remember to take your wallet and ID out of the old jeans you left in the dressing room  (wsmv.com) (19)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop these key steps  (online.wsj.com) (17)
(CBS Dallas/Ft. Worth)   After raising over $13K for a Boy Scout pack last year dad told he can't head the popcorn fundraiser and had his leadership shirt taken away because he is gay  (cbs11tv.com) (400)

Tue October 19, 2010
(Daily Mail)   Wallabies might look like great rave partners, but they don't tend to hold up very well  (dailymail.co.uk) (28)
(Life.com)   No sane person would argue that Picasso, alone in a dark room with a flashlight, was the inspiration for Firenze the centaur. But Dobby the house-elf? Bald, bulging eyes, scantily clothed? We have a winner  (life.com) (24)
(Canoe)   Canada to declare war on KFC's Double Down sandwich  (cnews.canoe.ca) (183)
(Some Guy)   Look at me. Look at your man, now back to me. I'm in a horse  (greenwichtime.com) (128)
(News on 6)   Felon disguises himself as cellmate to escape jail. Sideshow Bob unavailable for comment  (newson6.com) (32)
(WIVB)   How do you give back to the community after a pizzeria owner commits tax fraud? You sentence him to deliver 12 sheet pizzas to the City Mission once a week for the next year, THAT'S how  (wivb.com) (52)
(Boston Globe)   Shockingly enough a 747 buzzing the Golden Gate Bridge reminds people of 9/11  (boston.com) (153)
(Daily Mail)   Woman claims to be the £113m Euro lottery winner but her husband threw away the ticket. Fortunately she still had her notepad where she wrote down her numbers as proof  (dailymail.co.uk) (66)
(Some Guy)   If your front yard Halloween display includes limbless dolls covered in blood hanging from trees, you may be upsetting your neighbors. "Every time I drive by I always have to look at them and it's not right"  (kapptv.com) (198)
(CNN)   Great Pumpkin weighs in at 1,535 pounds. No word on the Great Dolemite, Applehead  (ireport.cnn.com) (39)
(Some Guy)   Pentagon sends 2nd carrier to help surge into landlocked country, Army begins testing tanks against submarines  (airforcetimes.com) (141)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this old oddball  (online.wsj.com) (27)
(ABC News)   Two bullets strike Pentagon, apparently fired by the invisible man as no one seems to have seen a thing  (abcnews.go.com) (120)
(KNBC 4 Los Angeles)   California gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman wants you to watch this dude in a tutu play his sweet bass. Seriously  (nbclosangeles.com) (56)
(Washington Post)   89-year-old woman presumed dead, then found alive, is now dead. Coroner's office hoping to get the paperwork straightened out by December  (washingtonpost.com) (16)
(AP)   This is your captain speaking. If you look out your left window, you'll notice we just hit a deer  (hosted.ap.org) (57)
(NYPost)   BMW salesman and potential John Fitzgerald Page stunt double sues fish packer and supermarket after he finds out eating 10 cans of tuna a week caused his mercury poisoning  (nypost.com) (208)
(Yahoo)   Peregrine falcons being checked for Gulf Coast taint. How to safely check a falcon's taint, subby has no idea  (news.yahoo.com) (53)
(LA Times)   Could WikiLeaks have prevented Dick Cheney from blowing up the World Trade Center?  (latimes.com) (187)
(Telegraph)   Bored at work? Can't be bothered to go in for the day? Just phone in a bomb threat, that's sure to work  (telegraph.co.uk) (34)
(CSMonitor)   Remember when officials who detained American citizens without charges were held accountable for their actions? Yeah, me too. Good times  (csmonitor.com) (134)
(CNN)   Johnson & Johnson recalls another batch of tainted medicine. This is not a repeat from...well, pretty much this whole past year  (cnn.com) (45)
(Philly)   Baggy jeans foil casino winner robbery  (philly.com) (61)
(TMZ)   Tom Bosley is back with the angels  (tmz.com) (318)
(Some Guy)   Don't be THAT guy on Halloween: Star Wars edition  (nedhardy.com) (183)
(SlashFilm)   Glee creator and Eat, Pray, Love director Ryan Murphy being courted to direct a Rocky Horror remake by Fox. Don't, just, don't  (slashfilm.com) (176)
(FARK)   Colo-rectal smoking, the Gap's huge casual tee, and I'm thinking RVs: Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week 10/10 - 10/16  (fark.com) (20)
(WBIR)   Dumb: using a kitchen knife in a jewelry store holdup. Dumber: while wearing a garbage bag over your head. Dumbest: your getaway vehicle is a wheelchair  (wbir.com) (34)
(Redding.com)   "..the manager at Bartel's Giant Burger on Lake Boulevard called 911 to report that a man with a blue cast on his right arm had just urinated on the side of her freshly painted building. He also was carrying a black bucket"  (redding.com) (31)
(My Fox DC)   This figure may highlight the impact illegal downloading has had on record sales. It may also highlight the fact that this band just sucks  (myfoxdc.com) (170)
(BBC)   Fiji has lost it's "birth certificate", bring legitimacy of state into question. Draw parallels to the right ------  (bbc.co.uk) (67)
(Think Progress)   Rep. Calvin Hill (R-otating vibration head) sells sex gadgets; he just doesn't want public universities teaching you what they're good for  (thinkprogress.org) (87)
(Echo News)   Family of four have lucky escape after fridge explodes and fills their house with toxic fumes. Generally you don't see that kind of behavior in a major appliance  (echo-news.co.uk) (33)
(Sun Sentinel)   "Is Miley Cyrus too trashy?"  (sun-sentinel.com) (300)
(Washington Post)   What happens when you gather a bunch of whiny cheapskates onto the same website and whip them into a penny-pinching frenzy? Nothing good, as Groupon is discovering  (washingtonpost.com) (69)
(Toronto Sun)   Alcohol. The cause of, and solution to, all of a city's financial problems  (torontosun.com) (14)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Burglar terrorizes family,makes off with just a pot roast. Discription of suspect is as follows: Wears a heavy fur coat and has big ugly teeth (pix )  (orlandosentinel.com) (25)
(Investors Insight)   Home prices are likely to fall another 20%, may not bottom out before 2012. And then there's all the broken chains of title in the foreclosure paperwork mess  (investorsinsight.com) (105)
(Telegraph)   A giant, £15,000 stone tub of Marmite was unveiled yesterday, much to the bemusement of local people. It also tastes better  (telegraph.co.uk) (27)
(Yahoo)   Air Force pilot in charge of flying the Canadian equivalent of Air Force One, is revealed to have some unusual hobbies such as rape, cross-dressing, burglarly, panty theft, rape, and serial killing  (news.yahoo.com) (151)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Protip: If you're tossed out of a nightclub for groping some girl's butt, don't complain to the police. Especially if you have 112 Oxycontin and two warrants out for your arrest  (nwfdailynews.com) (34)
(NYPost)   In order to protect his emergency chute from unwanted turbulence, former JetBlue steward Steven Slater will not tell the DA to take his plea deal and shove it  (nypost.com) (23)
(The New York Times)   Former Madam and candidate for NY Governor: "The difference between the MTA and my escort agency is that I had only one set of books and provided quality services that were on time" BURN  (nytimes.com) (40)
(11 Alive)   Authorities seize 105 tons of marijuana. Police estimate street value at just enough to cover the budget deficit  (11alive.com) (60)
(Talking Points Memo)   "Hey guys, have we ever considered just flat out telling minorities to not vote?"  (talkingpointsmemo.com) (276)
(BBC)   Saudi Prince guilty of murdering servant and being gay. Guess which is worse under Islam  (bbc.co.uk) (125)
(The New York Times)   Bank of America reports $7.3 billion loss, because of new LIMITS on Debit card fees. In other news Bank Of America was fleecing Debit card customers to the tune of $10 Billion a year  (nytimes.com) (120)
(Yahoo)   Goat that fatally gored Washington hiker long had a reputation as a baaad kid. Why it didn't therefore also have a reputation as a tasty slab of gyro meat is not immediately clear  (news.yahoo.com) (42)
(Some Guy)   Only four days left in the LeBron James Poetry Contest  (outofbounds.nbcsports.com) (41)
(Cracked)   Five things you won't believe aren't in the Bible  (cracked.com) (261)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Things we've always wanted to say to a cop but probably shouldn't #41: "Kiss my (expletive) and talk to my (expletive) lawyer"  (nwfdailynews.com) (44)
(Mother Nature Network)   In order to retain your eco-tourist hipster cred badge this year you need to stay in a tree hotel. "I imagine myself as an eagle in a roost"  (mnn.com) (25)
(Telegraph)   British Navy's newest aircraft carrier will never carry aircraft  (telegraph.co.uk) (166)
(BBC)   Man, since taking this drug for Osteoporosis my bones have been so much stroaaggghhhhhh  (bbc.co.uk) (16)
(Yahoo)   Will this Sunday's rash of head-shots lead the NFL to finally ban spawn-camping?  (news.yahoo.com) (143)
(Gawker)   Horror stories from Walmart employees. Always poor treatment. Always  (gawker.com) (200)
(NPR)   NYC's Bacon-Palooza: "We have bacon-flavored lip balm; we have a bacon-shaped wallet, bacon air freshener, bacon soap so you can smell like bacon." ; the bacon burlesque striptease where the pasties were - you guessed it - bacon  (npr.org) (27)
(Some Guy)   Mother of a Marine killed in Afghanistan continues to send care packages of goodies to Marines serving there. Hero tag can't wait to open the mail  (wtkr.com) (67)
(Some Guy)   The most redneck city in Canada elects another old white dude. No, wait, it's a young gay Muslim. WHAT?  (calgaryherald.com) (143)
(Miami Herald)   North Miami Mayor seems to have trouble remembering exactly who it was that gave him a shiny new Porsche  (miamiherald.com) (12)
(Yahoo)   The O'Donnell-Coons debates continue to generate such gems as: "tell me where THAT is in the Constitution" "Uhh.. Right here in the First Amendment" "OH c'mon that's not in there. It is? ..oh"  (news.yahoo.com) (978)
(AZCentral)   You know that opening scene in 'Ghostbuster' where the books float off the library shelves? That's exactly what's happening in the library in Scottsdale, Arizona. "I've had books fly at me, so I've seen it"  (azcentral.com) (103)
(Variety)   Jane Fonda and Ted Turner reunite to save the planet. We're doomed  (variety.com) (54)
(Some Guy)   Man throws cat from sixth floor, over a parking garage and pool, where it lands at the feet of a cop. Good distance, bad aim  (newsherald.com) (76)
(The Macomb Daily)   The perfect crime ... wait, where's my two-year-old? Darn, left her at the store  (macombdaily.com) (11)
(io9)   Iron Man, Captain America, Thor take over TRON  (io9.com) (78)
(Telegraph)   Bob Barker and Drew Carey ask that you spay and neuter your meth addicts  (telegraph.co.uk) (58)
(MSNBC)   Cheetos in your shirt and Ho Ho's in your pants. What could possibly go wrong?  (msnbc.msn.com) (10)
(Yahoo)   In a letter to its employees, Boeing blames healthcare reform law a steep rise in the amount they're charging employees for their health plans. Unfortunately, the part of law they are blaming doesn't take effect until 2018  (news.yahoo.com) (100)
(USA Today)   Infants ignore robots unless adults show them otherwise. Dude, they're not gonna like that  (content.usatoday.com) (11)
(Metro)   Police reportedly "unhappy" with man who threw his washing machine out of an eighth floor window. The washing machine itself is completely broken up over the rejection  (metro.co.uk) (8)
(Some Guy)   Gas odor reported at Ben Dover Jackson School  (theday.com) (15)
(Yahoo)   Having solved their pesky problem with child-loving priests, the Vatican finally addresses the burning question, "Are Homer and Bart Simpson Catholic?"  (news.yahoo.com) (61)
(Yahoo)   Seriously? Do you really feel the need to even ask that question?  (news.yahoo.com) (117)
(WPXI)   Four-year-old accidentally shoots himself with his dad's gun. I would say something about the importance of gun owners knowing proper gun safety, but you would think a state trooper would already have that covered. (Tag is for the dad)  (wpxi.com) (93)
(11 Alive)   Baby born during morning traffic in Atlanta. Fellow commuters unable to count any toes, but can spot at least one middle finger  (11alive.com) (26)
(AOL News)   Astrologer reviews charts of candidates in tight races, predicts outcomes. "Will Neptune give Blumenthal the same magical aura that it provided for Palin in 2008, or will Saturn in Libra deliver the victory that McMahon has earned?"  (aolnews.com) (26)
(Yorkshire Evening Post)   Q: Dear employee are you an illegal immigrant or asylum seeker? A: No, I've worked for you for past 53 years  (yorkshireeveningpost.co.uk) (24)
(ABC)   Long Island town tables mosque plan approval to investigate whether burqas violate mandatory big-hair/orange-skin regulations  (abclocal.go.com) (164)
(Some Guy)   It may be your lucky day when a man approaches you and offers you $1000 to pretend you're Tiger Woods and sleep with his wife. "I was in it to make a couple bucks and have sex with a pretty lady"  (couriermail.com.au) (32)
(News.com.au)   Unicorn footage revealed to be hoax by the Ontario Science Centre  (news.com.au) (62)
(Some Guy)   Ballet dancer stabs a retiree in the neck with a broken beer glass while chastising him for kicking a neighbor's cat. No, this is not a headline generated by Mad-Libs  (couriermail.com.au) (20)
(Metro)   Town breaks world record with 230-foot enchilada while trying to distract attention from world-record drug violence  (metro.co.uk) (8)
(CPSC)   I'm stuck to my bath toy submarine. I'm so very scared. Help  (cpsc.gov) (57)
(Some Cucurbitaceae)   Photoshop this great pumpkin  (bigpicture.ru) (21)
(News.com.au)   Australian professional surfer gets amped and hangs eleven. Police not stoked  (news.com.au) (15)
(NPR)   Lose your medical license due to those pesky professional misconduct charges? Worried about finding new work? Don't fret, Doc, the pharmaceuticals are hiring  (npr.org) (21)
(News.com.au)   G'day mate, and welcome to Australia. Can I just have a quick look at your porn?  (news.com.au) (74)
(Metro)   Motorcyclist doing a building crossing 1600 feet in the air, stops and finally asks himself "Wire we doing this?"  (metro.co.uk) (28)
(The Local (Sweden))   Apparently asking a teen female trainee to dance naked for a good review is wrong ... even in Sweden  (thelocal.se) (59)
(BBC)   Cat dumping woman fined £250 for "causing unnecessary suffering to a cat"  (bbc.co.uk) (57)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop these angry Asians  (online.wsj.com) (10)
(The New York Times)   Seized by the feds in a $35 million Medicare fraud bust: rifles, shotguns, handguns, a bat'leth, brass knuckles, pistols, collapsible ba-- wait a minute, go back a couple  (cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com) (76)
(Fox News)   Crystal Cathedral megachurch files for bankruptcy. God only knows what will happen next  (foxnews.com) (178)
(News.com.au)   London bombers were really big fans of... *spins the Wheel of Random TV Shows* ... The A-Team  (news.com.au) (21)
(Capital Times)   This is why we lock our doors  (host.madison.com) (206)
(Washington Post)   Airline delays cost you $17 billion last year. Keep complaining about paying for a pillow, though  (washingtonpost.com) (54)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this Roosevelt Island tram  (s.wsj.net) (28)
(LA Times)   Disney's Gravityland ride claims its first victim of the season  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (94)
(Fox 4 KC)   Homeownership 101: A) Buy a house in a flood zone. B) Bypass insurance C) Sue the city when your house floods  (caller.com) (85)
(Komo)   Firefighter to keep $13 million injury award despite being seen dancing, chopping wood, diving into money bin  (komonews.com) (60)

Mon October 18, 2010
(Yahoo)   Three bedroom homes in Haiti are going for $900,000. But at least you'll have a tremendous view of shanty towns, outhouses and abject poverty  (news.yahoo.com) (47)
(Some Guy)   Dear valued customer, YOU'RE FIRED  (readthehook.com) (274)
(Fox News)   The Alternative Minimum Tax was originally aimed at just 155 rich Americans but as many as 25 million taxpayers could see their tax go up because of a delay in patching it  (foxnews.com) (346)
(Bloomberg)   "Aliens in Skirts Get Brushoff From Men at Work." They just smiled and gave the aliens Vegemite sandwiches  (bloomberg.com) (41)
(KPTV)   Horse wandering highway is hit, causing 2-car crash. Animal succumbs to injuries before it can be caught and stabilized  (kptv.com) (51)
(Talking Points Memo)   Obama Justice Dept files an amicus brief in the Tennessee mosque case stating that, yes, Islam is a religion   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (190)
(My San Antonio)   "Once again, Squirrel Awareness Month runs concurrently with the opening of squirrel hunting season in deep East Texas, a coincidence that brings to light the paradox of the squirrel experience in America." Wait..... WTF?  (mysanantonio.com) (92)
(Boston Globe)   Photoshop this cable guy  (inapcache.boston.com) (19)
(Washington Post)   Teachers scared students may be smarter than them, ban use of any sources from outside of class  (washingtonpost.com) (179)
(CNN)   Police hoping to stamp out two suspects who went postal at a Tennessee post office this morning  (cnn.com) (17)
(Stuff)   Deaf people can now describe their emergency in 160 characters or less  (stuff.co.nz) (53)
(C|Net)   "I'm keeping the laptop I stole but I backed up your files for you"  (news.cnet.com) (89)
(KPTV)   Woman arrested in St. Helens shooting. Witnesses say she just blew her top  T-Shirt  (kptv.com) (25)
(Bloomberg)   Defense stocks tumble on fear of Republicans taking over Congress after next election. Wait, what?  (bloomberg.com) (75)
(Some Guy)   Economy hits new low as wives start robbing husbands at gunpoint, rather than through emotionless sex  (wlwt.com) (56)
(Cracked)   The seven most useless SkyMall products (Reviewed accordingly)  (cracked.com) (184)
(MSNBC)   Mexico is experiencing a civil war aided by the availabilty of "50 caliber machine guns" that are available "over the counter" in the United States  (msnbc.msn.com) (434)
(Press-Enterprise)   If you ever wonder if your local water board is run by a bunch of Nazis, well maybe it is  (pe.com) (118)
(Sun Sentinel)   When kayaking watch out for jumping barracuda that bite chests, puncture lungs and break ribs  (southflorida.sun-sentinel.com) (39)
(Yahoo)   Americans can now rest easier at night, "Celine Dion hospitalized as precaution"  (news.yahoo.com) (28)
(Daily Mail)   Dental conditions are so bad in Britain that people are having teeth removed through their ears  (dailymail.co.uk) (36)
(Used to be Some Guy)   Of all the places you could possibly store munitions, inside a smokehouse probably isn't the wisest choice  (wdbj7.com) (18)
(Some Guy)   Man says he's found the image of Jesus growing in the rings of a tree. "Am I nuts or not, I don't know"  (www2.journalnow.com) (67)
(io9)   The ten strangest Spider-Man public-service announcements ever  (io9.com) (48)
(Some Guy)   New Michigan law stiffens penalties for Super Drunk driving. Imagine how cool it would be to tell your buddies that you are officially "Super Drunk," able to drink entire kegs in a single chug  (michiganmessenger.com) (79)
(Some Guy)   Man buys gun at gun show. Promptly shoots himself in the leg. BONUS: His last name  (wmur.com) (122)
(Fox 4 KC)   Bedbugs invade Lawrence KS, are two-touchdown favorites over the Jayhawks  (fox4kc.com) (94)
(UPI)   Once again Bigfoot fails to show up for his special day, locals plan to redouble efforts next year with more flyers  (upi.com) (28)
(AL.com)   Alabama company creates your digital clone to teach courses, talk to your family after you're dead or play banjo to scare you some city slickers  (blog.al.com) (46)
(Discover)   Actual pictures of planets orbiting other stars. Difficulty: slideshow. Bonus: Sauron's homeworld   (blogs.discovermagazine.com) (63)
(Some Guy)   "Then the suspect ripped off Young's necklace and pulled down his pants before the men jumped back into the car"  (1035thebeat.com) (13)
(BBC)   Man gets married twice in one day to two different women. Jeesh... Sorry to hear that  (bbc.co.uk) (31)
(Some Guy)   Driving through a park screaming about terrorists? Check. Woman wearing an open robe? Check. Florida tag? Of course  (charlotteobserver.com) (26)
(MSNBC)   The UN says earth's extinction rate is the highest since the dinosaurs, costing an estimated $6.6 trillion in data pulled from an Apatosaurus' ass, divided by unpaid NYC parking tickets  (msnbc.msn.com) (72)
(NPR)   It's 2010. How right were the futurists of bygone years? Bonus: Uses the word "gangtackled"  (npr.org) (84)
(Stuff)   New Zealand's brain injury charity says it didn't mean to cause offence by planning a "zombie walk" to raise money for victims of brain damage. With picture of what a zombie walk looks like  (stuff.co.nz) (39)
(Washington Post)   Those privacy settings you spent all that time adjusting so Facebook wouldn't transmit your private information? Yeah, they transmittted it anyway  (washingtonpost.com) (145)
(Yahoo)   New federal funds leads to a push to help Down's syndrome sufferers and other "intellectually disabled" students go to college. Not suprisingly, many people think this is retarded  (news.yahoo.com) (126)
(The Smoking Gun)   Thanks officer, we've been looking for that bong for the last seven years  (thesmokinggun.com) (71)
(ABC15.com)   You may have had a cool dad, but even he never made you pancakes in the shape of a standing T-Rex (Jose Cuervo Cue Moment of the Week)  (abc15.com) (127)
(Some Guy)   Do you listen to Toby Keith, Ted Nugent or Metallica? You might be gay and not even know it  (lovegodsway.org) (203)
(CNN)   Drunken father of the year candidate triggers Amber Alert by misplacing car, toddler  (cnn.com) (20)
(Townhall)   Candidate meant to accuse opponent of spending money on big fat "bonuses". Paging Dr. Freud  (townhall.com) (49)
(Some Guy)   Man & friends go to visit his girlfriend. Another man & friends go to visit the same woman. Then it gets very stabby and car shooty  (1035thebeat.com) (15)
(WDTN)   OMG: Suspicious can left in front of bank brings out bomb squad. WTF: It was a can with foil and rubber bands on it. BBQ: It was pedialyte for cats  (wdtn.com) (25)
(Mother Nature Network)   If you picked four for the number of days the Chilean miner's Pact of Silence would last before it starts to crumble, step up to claim your prize  (mnn.com) (34)
(The New York Times)   Pervasive fraud found in Afghan election. This is not a repeat from every other election in Afghan history  (nytimes.com) (30)
(Wired)   Superbombs, and secret jails. What can we expect from the next Wikileaks' next big release?  (wired.com) (72)
(Huffington Post)   Yes, we atheists are irritating and pushy, but what are we pushing towards? What's our goal? We have no idea  (huffingtonpost.com) (1363)
(Yahoo)   Rand Paul is deeply upset that his opponent is "attacking his faith" by running ads questioning his time as an Aqua Buddhist  (news.yahoo.com) (154)
(MSNBC)   Scientists debate what to do if we find extraterrestrial life. Firing up the grill noticably missing from options  (msnbc.msn.com) (166)
(Some Guy)   Not News: Man arrested for purse snatching. News: driving through town with victim clinging to his car. Fark: He's the mayor  (1035superx.com) (17)
(Sunday Business Post)   Confused woman fails to notice that her boarding pass is for later in the week. Fark: So do all four security checkpoints she passes through  (sbpost.ie) (40)
(Some Guy)   Good news: Universal Health Care. Bad news: 47% increase in premiums to pay for it  (nbcconnecticut.com) (341)
(Yahoo)   Numerous health problems linked to phthalates, according to the Sylvester Cat Research Institute  T-Shirt  (news.yahoo.com) (45)
(AFP)   Indian Muslims go "Hey wait a minute," and decide to appeal ruling that "evenly divides" a disputed holy site that they'd owned 100% of until an angry mob attacked it  (news.yahoo.com) (63)
(Some Guy)   Pat Tillman didn't believe in God and didn't want to be used as a publicity tool for war, so naturally Sarah Palin used him as a propaganda tool to glorify war and God  (politicususa.com) (232)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this withholding woman  (online.wsj.com) (25)
(Mother Nature Network)   Conspiracy theorists rejoice: NASA finally admits to doctoring space photos  (mnn.com) (96)
(Herald-Leader)   Bill would allow coroners to use emergency lights and sirens on way to fatal accidents, because you never know when the corpse will reanimate and walk away  (kentucky.com) (65)
(Toronto Sun)   What's worse than lobsters on your piano? Kenyan crabs from Koreans on your pirates  (torontosun.com) (20)
(Yahoo)   Inasmuch as global warming is about to turn it into the most lucrative shipping lanes in the world, US Coast Guard Commander thinks the US should have a presence in the Arctic instead of just letting the Russians claim it all  (news.yahoo.com) (74)
(Some Guy)   Staff and parents at St. Vincent Euphrasia elementary school are driven to bizarre behaviour by their ludicrously misinformed superstition. They've also banned wi-fi because they think it causes health problems  (ottawasun.com) (147)
(My Fox DC)   It's okay to beat your wife, just don't leave bruises, declares Chief Justice Falah al Kramden  (myfoxdc.com) (103)
(Philly)   Sewer workers are always on the lookout for a useful nugget  (philly.com) (40)
(WTVD)   Security guard orders hand-holding, kissing lesbian couple to leave shopping center because they "want it to be public." Doesn't every man?  (abclocal.go.com) (243)
(AZCentral)   Cop in trouble for going to a bar and knocking together the heads of his ex-girlfriend and her friend. Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck  (azcentral.com) (43)
(Daily Mail)   In an effort to curb violence and anti-social behavior local authorities will crack down on the selling of cheap booze. Yeah, that'll calm the yobs down  (dailymail.co.uk) (51)
(NewsOK)   Not news: Building evacuated due to mold spores. Fark: It was the health department  (newsok.com) (21)
(Charlotte Observer)   Wanna stop in and have lunch with your kid at school? That will require a full criminal background check, and daily checks thereafter. Enjoy your meal  (charlotteobserver.com) (182)
(Daily Mail)   Scientists plan to fight viruses with blinged out bacteria  (dailymail.co.uk) (36)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop these stretching swimmers  (online.wsj.com) (21)
(io9)   Blocking the sun to be outlawed by U.N. In other news U.N. finally finished watching season six of 'The Simpsons'  (io9.com) (74)
(CNN)   Osama Bin Laden hiding in Northwest Pakistan. This is not a repeat from 2000, Spies Like Us  (cnn.com) (159)
(WIS-TV)   Protip: When selling crack cocaine door-to-door, skip the house with the police cruiser in the driveway  (wistv.com) (30)
(MSNBC)   95 year old WW2 pilot finally receives Bronze Star for helping in the rescue of 500 downed US airmen  (msnbc.msn.com) (19)
(SacBee)   Picking a fight with a parking attendant? Bad idea. Picking a fight with a waiter? Bad idea. Picking a fight with a homeless man? Bad idea. Picking a fight with a gun-toting jazz band member? REALLY bad idea  (sacbee.com) (59)
(Boston Herald)   Mom sues after her 15-year-old sex-addict snowflake appears on Tyra Banks' show  (bostonherald.com) (216)
(Washington Post)   After nine years, the trial for the murder of Chandra Levy is to begin on Monday. It's been so long because the prosecutors have been waiting for the right Condit-ions  (washingtonpost.com) (61)

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Cuervo Cue Moments