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Sun December 12, 2010
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Some Guy)   Photoshop theme: Questionable Christmas lighting  (bigpicture.ru) (37)
(Some Guy)   Today's humiliating TSA patdown story is brought to you by Tampa, FL (with pic that makes you feel a little sorry for the TSA agent)  (charlotteobserver.com) (297)
(Some Guy)   Amazon websites across Europe taken offline in suspected DDOS attack  (blogs.channel4.com) (109)
(Autoblog.com)   And *you* thought minivans weren't cool  (autoblog.com) (136)
(News 10 ABC Sacramento)   Protection sought for woodpecker species. Ha-ha-ha-HAA-ha, ha-ha-ha-HAA-ha, ha-ha-ha-HAA-ha, HEH-HEH-HEH-HEH-HEH-HEH  (news10.net) (62)
(Some Guy)   Lacking important business, Georgia Ag Commissioner grants permit for 9 flying reindeer to land in the state Dec. 24  (rn-t.com) (52)
(Guardian.com)   Tattooed bloggers of Williamsburg angry that their neighborhood is being gentrified by massive numbers of non-tattooed non-blogging people who hold down steady jobs, and don't even play in a band  (guardian.co.uk) (216)
(NPR)   Is narcissism a disorder or am I just that great?  (npr.org) (182)
(NewsOK)   Conning baby sitters by posing as autistic and wearing diapers is no way to go through life, son. (With mugshot goodness)  (newsok.com) (120)
(Chicago Tribune)   Not news: "Pekin man allegedly tossed dead squirrel" Fark: "Pekin man facing charges for tossing a dead squirrel into the drive-through window of a fast food restaurant"  (chicagotribune.com) (35)
(AccessAtlanta)   Kentucky man watches '2012', freaks out about the end of the world, starts building bombs at his home. Insanity defense should work for voluntarily watching '2012'  (accessatlanta.com) (63)
(Yahoo)   Unbelievable video of Metrodome collapse from inside the stadium  (sports.yahoo.com) (209)
(Denver Post)   Scorpion discovered in Colorado. In the Rocky Mountains. In December. Maybe there is something to this global warming thing after all  (denverpost.com) (71)
(One Stinky Corpse)   Actual Headline: Syracuse-area soldier killed in Civil War believed to be in collection donated to Library of Congress  (syracuse.com) (28)
(Chicago Tribune)   Ten things you might not know about underwear. For the first time, Farkers complain there's no slideshow  (chicagotribune.com) (59)
(LA Downtown)   "The Museum of Contemporary Art offered one of its walls to a prominent street artist. The artist completed the work. This morning, the museum painted over it"  (ladowntownnews.com) (128)
(Guardian.com)   Sperm stem cells altered into insulin-producing cells to treat diabetes. Researchers say a cure for diabetes is about to come any moment now  (guardian.co.uk) (113)
(CNN)   British protesters may have "poked Camilla with a stick" during demonstrations last week. Unclear whether it was actually a riding crop, or just an ordinary piece of tack  (cnn.com) (44)
(Daily Mail)   After the discovery of a wooden version of Stonehenge, scientists say it could be one of the most important archaeological finds for decades. Or it could be the remains of a farmer's fence  (dailymail.co.uk) (41)
(ABC News)   "I'm not a witch" named top quote of the year. "She turned me into a newt" suspiciously absent from list  (abcnews.go.com) (63)
(ABC News)   The latest childhood game that could get your snowflake sent to the hospital? "Cops and robbers on steroids"  (abcnews.go.com) (42)
(NYPost)   It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A, unless you are Santa Claus. West Village "Y" axes Santa for Frosty the Snowman. "Frosty is a great winter character who would appeal to a broader number of kids"  (nypost.com) (66)
(Wall Street Journal)   In case you've run out of reasons to leave Detroit, now planning officials say only seven neighborhoods deserve full city services  (online.wsj.com) (82)
(Some Guy)   In a bid to make cards more interesting, the World Poker Tour announces all games will feature girls in wet bikinis from now on  (pokerjolt.com) (63)
(Some Guy)   Everyone from Jesus to Marcel Marceau lends a hand in these supremely odd Tokyo subway etiquette posters  (pinktentacle.com) (53)
(Aklemai)   Photoshop Sarah Silverman in an even more awkward position  (aklemai.com) (46)
(WLSAM)   You can feel good even if you feel bad at this time of year. Here's the science, Scrooge  (wlsam.com) (37)
(ABC Action News)   Today's retreaded moral panic: Kids are getting HIGH on NUTMEG  (abcactionnews.com) (144)
(Daily Mail)   Woman secretly admire the way men can squeeze it in and out through tight spaces, but hate it when they go too fast  (dailymail.co.uk) (50)
(Boston Herald)   Boston parks can't have bushes because a homeless man might crawl in there and die. Thanks, moms  (bostonherald.com) (62)
(Some Guy)   Call somebody "Hon"? That's now federal trademark infringement   (explorebaltimorecounty.com) (78)
(Fosters.com)   Do you come to New England in the fall to enjoy the foliage and perhaps pick up a jug of maple syrup? Well, that may all be coming to an end thanks to global warming  (fosters.com) (124)
(Bitten and Bound)   The Royal palace released two official engagement pix of Wills snuggling his future MILF. Queen E, by contrast, was ramrod straight in her vintage prenup portrait  (bittenandbound.com) (50)
(Cracked)   Five ways porn is responsible for our modern world. Yay porn  (cracked.com) (95)
(ABC Action News)   Lovely couple arrested for having temper tantrum after hearing judge's ruling in family court (with Fark worthy mugshot)  (abcactionnews.com) (35)
(Miami Herald)   Today's teacher-student sex brought to you by the Sunshine State. Headline not much shorter than entire article  (miamiherald.com) (39)
(Fox News)   Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, A tale of a fateful trip That started aboard a paddlewheel boat and ended at poverty point  (foxnews.com) (14)
(Sun Journal (Maine))   "...an actual Hershey's chocolate bar contains only 4 to 10 percent chocolate, and even organic chocolate bars generally list raw cane sugar as a primary ingredient"  (sunjournal.com) (167)
(UPI)   Word "jackass" gets book literally banned in Boston, in book about a donkey, meant to encourage children to read. Farking Massholes  (upi.com) (103)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this watery warning  (bigpicture.ru) (20)
(AZCentral)   Vatican Bank mired in laundering scandal. Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in  (azcentral.com) (208)
(NW Florida Daily News)   If Child Protective Services officials are at your house, don't let them see the kids playing with their toy box of shattered glass  (nwfdailynews.com) (50)
(Chicago Tribune)   Dear Chicago Tribune, why does my tree smell terrible? A: You have an ass-tree  (chicagotribune.com) (105)
(Some Guy)   Man, who defrauded gym of three cents ends up in court with $1800 costs. What a dumb bell  (swns.com) (94)

Sat December 11, 2010
(UPI)   Researcher says first impressions have lasting impact. I've never even met the guy and I already I know he's an idiot  (upi.com) (32)
(The Local (Sweden))   Suicide bomber has a blast in the Swedish capital...nearby Christmas shoppers, not so much  (thelocal.se) (182)
(Chicago Tribune)   How any American male's life can be destroyed in seconds with a child's false words  (chicagotribune.com) (390)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this 12-wheel drive  (bigpicture.ru) (18)
(Guardian.com)   A well-done steak isn't a food choice: it's a crime  (guardian.co.uk) (312)
(WLSAM)   Strippermobile bringing ho-ho-ho's for your holiday cheer  (wlsam.com) (37)
(Kotaku)   One sure way to end up on the naughty list is to break into a medical center and steal video games from kids with cancer  (kotaku.com) (40)
(Sign On San Diego)   We all know that scissors beat paper, but now we also know screwdriver beats "glove scrunched into the shape of a handgun"  (signonsandiego.com) (14)
(CNN)   More than 1,200 people attend Elizabeth Edwards' funeral. Meanwhile, the Westboro Baptist Church's planned protest crashes and burns  (cnn.com) (95)
(WLSAM)   The moral of the story: think twice before getting engaged to a female attorney no matter how hot she is  (wlsam.com) (202)
(The Real Ric Romero)   Ric Romero: "When it comes to buying cookware, a good, quality set can set you back hundreds of dollars, so you want to be sure it's money well spent." Gee, thanks for that insight, Ric  (abclocal.go.com) (111)
(WLSAM)   Today's teacher having sex with her student trial comes from Santa Cruz California, and is being delayed by a coma  (wlsam.com) (47)
(News.com.au)   KFC gift cards are available in $500 denominations. Naturally, some people are freaking the hell out over this  (news.com.au) (122)
(Boing Boing)   Meet Samantha Spiegel, 19, killer groupie. With 'You'd hit it but then again you'd have to kill someone first' picture  (boingboing.net) (92)
(Some Guy)   When attacked on the job by men with machetes, do you: A) Dial 911 B) Dial .357 or C) chase them off with a feather duster  (www1.whdh.com) (41)
(Daily Mail)   If you're Michael Caine, you get to party in the Hawaiian surf with Shakira  (dailymail.co.uk) (63)
(Washington Post)   Woman uses Facebook to update friends and family on the birth of her first son and ends up giving a play-by-play account of her own death  (washingtonpost.com) (257)
(Mother Nature Network)   Not only can they smoke from hookahs, but caterpillars can also whistle from their sides  (mnn.com) (34)
(Nola.com)   People get all Godwiny as the South prepares to celebrate the 150th anniversary of the Civil War. "It's almost like celebrating the Holocaust"  (nola.com) (289)
(ScienceNOW)   It turns out that a little chilly weather in Cancun didin't stop 2010 from being the hottest year on record. Suck it, climate deniers. And, uh, Earth  (news.sciencemag.org) (163)
(News.com.au)   Geminid meteor shower on the way. Don't forget your meteor shower cap  (news.com.au) (23)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Global warming causes record number of manatees to die of hypothermia. OH, THE COLD MANATEE  (orlandosentinel.com) (86)
(Spiegel)   Photoshop this guy in green  (spiegel.de) (28)
(Daily Mail)   Prince Charles' life, as told through his annual Christmas cards  (dailymail.co.uk) (65)
(WLSAM)   For sale: 3 bdrm, 2.5 bth townhouse. 11 ft ceilings, rooftop terrace, marble bath. Room for secret service agents. Asking $479,000  (wlsam.com) (19)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Woman who killed 91 year old man because she was doing 86 in a 40 will face jail time. Just kidding, she got two traffic tickets. Fark: The woman is a cop  (orlandosentinel.com) (162)
(Houston Chronicle)   If you wrapped your newborn in a wii-fit mat before abandoning him on a doorstep, doctors would like to speak to you. Really, doctors, not the police. We promise  (chron.com) (32)
(Independent)   The swine flu is back. EVERYBODY PANDEMIC (again)  (independent.co.uk) (75)
(Some Guy)   12/11/10 ... 9 ... 8.... 7 .... 6  (sportsjournalists.com) (76)
(Yahoo)   We don't need no education. We don't need no thought control. No dark sarcasm in the front room. Parents, raise those kids at home  (news.yahoo.com) (61)
(The Local (Germany))   Dimwitted authorities see the light and confiscate "Heatballs" being transported from China  (thelocal.de) (89)
(The New York Times)   One year after electing Tea Party candidate, one of the wealthiest counties in the country goes broke  (nytimes.com) (183)
(CNN)   First-grade girl bullied for liking Star Wars, decides to stop liking it. But then, something happened to restore balance to The Force. Dammit, I've got a midichlorian in my eye  (edition.cnn.com) (161)
(Yahoo)   Would you buy a brand-new car for $2,900? For some reason, neither would anybody else  (finance.yahoo.com) (76)
(Globe and Mail)   Who watches the watchers? Behold, the watcher-watchers   (theglobeandmail.com) (34)
(UPI)   British arsonist gets short sentence in death of jockeys  (upi.com) (19)
(PhysOrg.com)   Scientists prove that beer goggles improve, strengthen relationships  (physorg.com) (25)
(LA Times)   Couple arrested for leaving mess in their hotel room for maid to find. With I'd invite her over the threshold into my hotel room mugshot  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (71)
(wpbf.com)   It's not only a child's hearing that can be injured by loud toys, random shoppers and baby sitters are also in danger  (wpbf.com) (14)
(The Daily Record)   The body was found after apparently being run over by a Jeep and then an Audi - oh yea, and also, it fell from the landing gear of a 737  (dailyrecord.com) (79)
(The New York Times)   Bernie Madoff's son cashes out  (nytimes.com) (309)
(Telegraph)   ♫ Noel ♫ noel, ♪ noel ♪♫ let debaters debate ♫♪ Long is their journey into the depths of hell .♪♫ Noel ..♪♫...noel♪♫ ....Well, you get the point by now  (telegraph.co.uk) (38)
(The Week)   UN experts meet in the tropical resort of Cancun to discuss wiping out Global Warming. Global Warming responds with a 100 year record low temperature reading during the summit  (theweek.com) (260)
(LA Times)   It's the stuff of turbocharged automotive legend. A pristine never-sold 1987 Buick Regal GNX has been sitting on a dealer's showroom floor for 23 years  (latimes.com) (246)
(AOL News)   Sick and tired of Santa Claus? Thanks to this man, you may now enjoy having him tortured, executed, beaten, electrocuted and hanged by an evil elf  (aolnews.com) (37)
(The Sun)   British driving instructor tells female students to place their hands on the steering wheel, while he honks their horns  (thesun.co.uk) (33)
(WPXI)   Never, EVER mess with this woman. Just sayin'  (wpxi.com) (128)
(Spiegel)   Photoshop this suspended Santa  (spiegel.de) (18)
(UPI)   Lisa Murcowski wins Alaska. Or was it Morkowski? McKuskee? Morkinski? Natasha Kinski? Hey, now that would be cool  (upi.com) (110)
(Some Girl)   Cat safely back on the ground after rescuers spent 7.5 hours trying to get him out of a tree. Cat indifferent to all the attention  (vcstar.com) (642)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Sister throws a candle at her brother in the middle of a fight. Oooh, burn  (nwfdailynews.com) (25)
(Beatcalls)   A strong undertow does what Jamie Lee Curtis never could  (beatcalls.com) (62)
(Some Guy)   Woman kidnapped and forced to shop. What next? Man kidnapped and forced to watch sports?  (nbcphiladelphia.com) (21)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Town Christmas parade comes to a stop as drunken city worker argues with one of Santa's elves about overtime  (nwfdailynews.com) (15)
(Snooze on 6)   Expert warns loud toys are harmful to children's hearing, parent's sanity  (newson6.com) (36)
(monsters critics)   Custer's battle flag auctioned for $2 million. Sadly, it represents the last win for the Indians until the 1920 World Series  T-Shirt  (monstersandcritics.com) (48)
(MSNBC)   I'd probably call 911 if I pooped out a squirrel, too  (msnbc.msn.com) (65)
(UPI)   Haggis-flavored potato chips. THE FUTURE IS *HERE*  (upi.com) (56)
(Chicago Tribune)   Sorry we poisoned you for decades with drinking water we knew was tainted. Enjoy your free garbage pickup and cancer  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (43)
(Flickr)   Photoshop this tiny house  (farm4.static.flickr.com) (25)
(cbs12.com)   Camel falls onto audience members during Christmas show, presumably after being punched by Conan the Barbarian  (cbs12.com) (46)

Fri December 10, 2010
(JSOnline)   A 17-year-old girl has been charged with child abuse after fighting with an older student at their high school in Wisconsin. Wait, what?  (jsonline.com) (119)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Islamic relations center brings community members of different faiths together. Haha, just kidding. Florida rednecks pelted the building with rocks  (orlandosentinel.com) (87)
(The Tennessean)   Not news: Person leaves keys in car, car gets stolen. News: Thief gets into an accident in the stolen car. Fark: Owner of car is responsible for wreck  (tennessean.com) (119)
(Some Guy)   The "Howard Hughes" who died in 1976 was a stand-in who was either mentally ill or addicted to drugs. The real Howard Hughes -- lived and died in Alabama as recently as Nov. 21, 2001  (troymessenger.com) (81)
(AOL News)   Michael Moore....that's the joke  (aolnews.com) (233)
(Toronto Star)   Bad: A 38 yr. old woman is being deported back to Mexico. Badder: She doesn't speak the language and knows no one. Fark: She was adopted by an American couple when she was five months old  (thestar.com) (257)
(Some Guy)   Police have exhausted all leads and hope that new evidence will catalyze the investigation of converter thefts  (santafenewmexican.com) (24)
(Chicago Tribune)   Illinois named worst state to retire in, watch baseball   (chicagobreakingbusiness.com) (54)
(UPI)   Midwest faces "big snowstorm," which is Minnesotan for "mild inconvenience"  (upi.com) (221)
(The Smoking Gun)   There is a distinct lack of holiday cheer in this week's Mugshot Roundup  (thesmokinggun.com) (165)
(AJC)   Elizabeth Smart's crazy kidnapper found sane, guilty  (ajc.com) (162)
(Life.com)   It's sad how so many men, confronted with photographs of female Marines, can't seem to get past the women's looks to focus on the courage, dedication and sacrifice that these ... whoooahh. Hello, there  (life.com) (203)
(BBC)   World is getting more corrupt. Drew, green this and I'll make it worth your while  (bbc.co.uk) (44)
(Some Guy)   Best...internship...ever   (autoblog.com) (64)
(WIVB)   Was he thinking, "before I'm sentenced for a brutal murder, I think I'll insult the judge"  (wivb.com) (63)
(LA Weekly)   It is now considered "attempted lynching" to film LAPD officers in public  (laweekly.com) (365)
(Some Guy)   Attention Terrorists: Those airport X-Ray machines probably can't detect plastic explosives after all  (springerlink.com) (85)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this person playing panda  (online.wsj.com) (25)
(UPI)   Nun accused of stealing $1.2 million from school. She must have a bad habit  (upi.com) (29)
(BBC)   Woman cuts in ticket line, next buyer win $17m in lottery  (bbc.co.uk) (75)
(Some Guy)   If you're trying to drive your car onto a ferry boat at the edge of the frigid waters of Lake Erie, you might want to let that cellphone call go to voice mail  (sanduskyregister.com) (34)
(G4TV)   Hot blonde talking about Fark. No really  (g4tv.com) (149)
(Some Guy)   As punishment for nearly passing Prop 19, medical marijuana dispensaries are being raided across California  (ktvu.com) (130)
(I'm Thinkin Arby's)   Man who sounds very fat didn't realize he shot himself while inside McDonalds until police pulled him over several minutes later  (justnews.com) (53)
(Yahoo)   Egyptian resort reopens after reaching a peaceful agreement with the Israeli assassin sharks  (news.yahoo.com) (20)
(Orlando Sentinel)   It turns out Jim Morrison doesn't want to be pardoned by the state of Florida  (orlandosentinel.com) (38)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)   Ambulance patient upset because driver stopped at Subway on the way to the hospital. Not for food, but because she had diarrhea. She must have had Subway earlier, then  (startribune.com) (66)
(Mother Nature Network)   It turns out the goo coming from your starfish may have some use after all (third story down)  (mnn.com) (33)
(Boing Boing)   Neil Armstrong personally responds to inquiry about why he didn't walk far on the moon. Buzz Aldrin thinks he should have responded with a sucker punch instead  (boingboing.net) (143)
(Wall Street Journal)   How to wear plaid without looking like a lumberjack. Step 1: Don't wear plaid  (blogs.wsj.com) (71)
(Some Guy)   Finally, something of interest from the last batch of wikileaks (Not safe for government workers)  (ding.net) (85)
(Warming Glow)   CNN reports taxes and protests coverage accompanied with explosive diarrhea scene from Dumb and Dumber. Ain't that some shiat?  (warmingglow.uproxx.com) (20)
(Some Guy)   Man finds romance in NEIGH-bor's barn; Prince Charles is impressed  (wctv.tv) (34)
(Des Moines Register)   Students bake 7000 cookies for the homeless, so now they'll be homeless with diabetes and tooth decay  (desmoinesregister.com) (25)
(NYPost)   After saving 50 GIs from a suicide bomber in Afghanistan, Rufus the hero dog has his day  (nypost.com) (40)
(AZCentral)   German army enters France. This is not a repeat from 1940, but French surrender anyway from force of habit  (azcentral.com) (53)
(Kinston Free Press)   14 Toys R Us managers claim affairs with Santa Claus  (kinston.com) (69)
(The Smoking Gun)   TSGs Friday Photo Fun. This week we get to decide which one of these five criminals has really shiatty taste in music. Contest ends at 6pm Eastern  (thesmokinggun.com) (27)
(FARK)   It's the weekly Fark Quiz, to see how you much of the weird you remember from last week  (fark.com) (71)
(Mother Nature Network)   Man says your grandmother is a cyborg because she uses a hearing aid and won't stop looking for Sarah Connor  (mnn.com) (35)
(BBC)   Pakistani intelligence successfully trolls press with faked anti-Indian Wikileaks cables  (bbc.co.uk) (24)
(Palm Beach Post)   13-year-old "Barbie" girl says in news conference that schools should have security anywhere she goes off campus after she got beat up several blocks away  (palmbeachpost.com) (165)
(Washington Post)   ...as they were pulling onto Interstate 295, she reached into her sweat pants and felt her baby's head in her hands  (washingtonpost.com) (93)
(Asia One)   Saudi media fall for satire that Obama would admit to Congress that he was a Muslim. Wait, that was a joke?  (news.asiaone.com) (43)
(BBC)   Iranian media says Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani (woman sentenced to death by stoning for adultery) is not an adulterer, just a common murderer and that she is free, it's just that no one knows where she is or anything else for that matter  (bbc.co.uk) (8)
(BBC)   UK petrol hits record high of £1.21 per litre. Sounds cheap until you realise that's about $7.30 per gallon of gas  (bbc.co.uk) (122)
(Some Guy)   If you enjoy gratuitously fornicating turtles, Thailand might be the place for you  (cnngo.com) (20)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Honest, officer, just because my pants are unbuttoned and my zipper unzipped and there's a girl in my car clutching a $20 bill, don't think anything fishy's going on  (nwfdailynews.com) (23)
(Wired)   The military bans CDs, DVDs, thumb drives and every other form of removable media under threat of court martial. Good thing there's no other way to share data between computers  (wired.com) (123)
(Yahoo)   Old man has it his way at Burger King, with a side of death  (news.yahoo.com) (71)
(Some Guy)   "Jesus Door" Joe ordered to return the Holy Grail of bathroom doors  (wtsp.com) (38)
(WPXI)   Woman threatens to shoot pizza guy in the head for late delivery. Watch out, this gal is an even bigger biatch  (wpxi.com) (60)
(Philly)   Couple never got medical help for their 2-year-old son when he got pneumonia because they thought God would cure him. Oops  (philly.com) (159)
(Some Guy)   If your last name is "Butt" perhaps you should consider a career in helping people out, not ripping off wrought iron fencing from a community cemetery  (thepittsburghchannel.com) (41)
(News.com.au)   Teen who had romp with convict's girlfriend while he was in prison finds he was also a tattoo artist (with "yo dog" pic")  (news.com.au) (96)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   Remember the story of the boy whose parents are suing the maker of the aluminum bat that caused him to get hit in the head? He's still playing baseball AND using an aluminum bat..... AND they're still suing  (suntimes.com) (73)
(Daily Record (UK))   Cops stop a driver in the carpool lane because the passenger has vacant, unblinking eyes, and it's not Paris Hilton  (dailyrecord.co.uk) (30)
(YouTube)   Leave it to the internet to boil down the many subtle shades of the Wikileaks revelations into an internet-friendly video including animals, Frank the Tank and Adam Sandler  (youtube.com) (20)
(Chicago Tribune)   Milwaukee standoff ends after robot smashes window. Sarah Connor still at large  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (20)
(Wired)   Spoiler Alert: Hollywood puts the best parts of the movie in the trailer  (wired.com) (111)
(Kansas City)   Would-be robber runs off when his victim points a remote control at him and he thinks it's a gun  (kansascity.com) (29)
(Fox News)   News: High school student suspended for mistakenly bringing unloaded hunting rifle, locked in car trunk, onto school property. Fark: She is teh hawt cheerleader (pic)  (foxnews.com) (378)
(Lincolnshire Echo)   I didn't buy a TV licence because a squirrel took a leak on my set and now it doesn't work  (thisislincolnshire.co.uk) (115)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Police determine they were not racially profiling an angry black woman that ran out of her car screaming at cops  (orlandosentinel.com) (143)
(CBC)   You've been fired the day before your work's Xmas party. Do you D) Bring a shotgun to the party and insist you didn't intend to shoot your boss 3 times?  (cbc.ca) (88)
(Yahoo)   The FAA admits it might have lost track of a few planes recently, like 115,000 or 1/3 of all privately owned planes in the country. Good thing there's nothing nefarious you can do with a plane  (news.yahoo.com) (55)
(WPXI)   If you play this claw machine just right, you might win the two-year-old  (wpxi.com) (82)
(Some Guy)   Theme: Fark Photoshopper Laz Long has passed away. Photoshop a tribute to his memory, using elements from his Photoshop Entries. RIP Funny Man  (mistersquirrel.net) (79)
(Some Frightened Hunter)   Today's WTF photo courtesy of a deer stand camera in the Louisiana woods  (wdtn.com) (620)
(Some Guy)   Transgender woman suing California DMV after a clerk looked up her home address and sent her a letter condemning her decision to get rid of her stick shift  (sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com) (298)
(Some Guy)   Not news: Male sets his beercan-strewn abode on fire when he takes a smoldering cigarette to bed. Fark: Male is a lab rat  (couriermail.com.au) (35)
(New York Daily News)   In your rundown of today's Bronx public school incidents, we have a pregnant teacher elbowed into miscarrying, a teacher punched in the eye by a 14-year-old, and a school riot over bathroom passes  (nydailynews.com) (97)
(Some Guy)   Wikileaks founder Julian Assange gets internet access while in prison. What could possibly go wrong?  (heraldsun.com.au) (297)
(Daily Mail)   UN warns melting glaciers and ice sheets releasing deadly pollutants into the air and oceans - principally dihydrogen monoxide  (dailymail.co.uk) (89)
(Chicago Tribune)   The Mayor of Naperville really hates ZZ Top  (triblocal.com) (63)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   "YOU'RE F****D" You sure are if you graduated from Kaplan University  (suntimes.com) (101)
(Some Pervy Guy)   Perverts rejoice as the fusion of amputee porn and tentacle porn draws near  (geek.com) (77)
(Some Water's Edge)   Photoshop this lapping ladybird  (animalpicture.ru) (43)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   American life expectancy takes a turn for the worst. THANKS, OBAMA  (suntimes.com) (85)
(whnt.com)   Student saves teacher from choking. I guess that means homework for everybody. Hooray  (whnt.com) (35)

Thu December 09, 2010
(AZCentral)   Ex-Arizona beauty queen gets jailtime, with mugshot goodness. Wait.. wait... don't... oh what the hell, you've already clicked it, haven't you  (azcentral.com) (139)
(Some Guy)   McDonald's employee breaches fast food worker etiquette and spits directly on customer instead of in food  (chicago.cbslocal.com) (56)
(New Scientist)   You're fat because you have no imagination  (newscientist.com) (135)
(Some Guy)   Book dealer killed after she bought books stolen by a "gang member" from his polygamist Mormon dad. "Police reports state Nielsen was affiliated with an Insane Clown Posse, or Juggalos gang"  (ksl.com) (314)
(Washington Post)   Six children hurt in La school when el car crashed into it  T-Shirt  (washingtonpost.com) (41)
(Metro)   Mr. Freeze survives 24 hours inside block of ice, vows to get even with Batman  (metro.co.uk) (62)
(Some Photography Professor)   Photoshop this implant inspection  (s.wsj.net) (40)
(Some Guy)   Community up in arms over painting of gun-totin' cowboy Santa. And by "community" I mean one lonely, attention-starved woman who really needs a hobby  (kcra.com) (91)
(SeattlePI)   In a minor victory for common sense, the Seattle School District has voted to continue teaching Aldous Huxley's classic 'Brave New World'  (blog.seattlepi.com) (138)
(Gawker)   Google's "year in review" search video reveals just how shallow and stupid we all are  (tv.gawker.com) (59)
(CNN)   :P is the most hated emoticon, having beat out :, :), :/ and :( according to a new poll. :P  (cnn.com) (259)
(CNN)   American homes worth $1.7 trillion less in 2010 than they were the year before. You should add a deck, though, that would totally help bring up the resale value  (money.cnn.com) (147)
(Some Guy)   "It's shocking because you don't expect a bank with a good reputation like Chase to be involved in this sort of thing," says a delusional woman  (katu.com) (84)
(Gawker)   New study shows women are getting "drunker, fatter, and sluttier" subby fails to see the problem here  (gawker.com) (215)
(CNN)   Let's be clear: The Donald does not want to be, has not wanted to be, and will never want to be president. But he's heard the desperate voices of America crying out for him, and so he's willing to shoulder the burden. For you  (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com) (160)
(Baltimore Sun)   "Spiritual" suitcase seized at Dulles held a hedgehog, elephant tails, chameleons, skins from genets, seed pods, sheets soaked with the blood of sacrificed chickens, and "a lot of soil." That's some church  (weblogs.baltimoresun.com) (41)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this housegirl  (5andadime.com) (21)
(The New York Times)   Behind on rent and about to be evicted? New York City would like to use you as a guinea pig and see if you end up homeless, for the greater good  (nytimes.com) (71)
(Some Guy)   Woman feels emotional after finding garbage in a dumpster  (ksl.com) (121)
(Pat's Papers)   According to the New York Times and a guy whose job is to get "models and Saudi royalty into hot clubs," you're a loser if you don't hire a bartender to preside over your tiny apartment party  (patspapers.com) (120)
(Some Guy)   After cutting off the hosting of its free content, Amazon starts selling the WikiLeaks cables online  (swns.com) (90)
(justnews.com)   Pants on the ground, pants on the ground, you look $250 poorer with your pants on the ground  (justnews.com) (249)
(Government Technology)   Texas to build experimental green community. Key components include guns made from recycled material and sustainably grown Skoal  T-Shirt  (govtech.com) (71)
(Fox News)   Lockerbie Bomber reportedly in coma, near death. This is not a repeat from 2009  (foxnews.com) (91)
(The Daily Record)   Today's "six arrested after stealing copper from a haunted high school" story brought to you by Lambertville, NJ  (dailyrecord.com) (50)
(Some Guy)   "A man who hung his GED certificate above his methamphetamine-cooking rig, then fled police by taking to the woods with a tent and a bowl of macaroni and cheese, pleaded guilty today"  (roanoke.com) (42)
(Guardian.com)   Apparently, some people think that the wholesale destruction of dozens of international diplomatic relationships should qualify Julian Assange for the Nobel Peace Prize  (guardian.co.uk) (312)
(The Consumerist)   Man manages to make it past TSA screeners with a hunting knife. No word where he hid it  (consumerist.com) (145)
(NPR)   Some military chaplains are worried that God won't like them anymore if they have to administer services to gay soldiers  (npr.org) (205)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this clothed AW  (energyaware.net) (28)
(MSNBC)   New study reveals states that have the most impaired drivers. Upper Midwest, you got the drunks. New England, you get the stoners  (msnbc.msn.com) (43)
(CNN)   House Democrats discover vestigial spines   (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com) (514)
(Some Guy)   Westboro Derp to protest Elizabeth Edwards' funeral  (myfox8.com) (188)
(Guardian.com)   Embassy cable reveals DynCorp contractor employees in Afghanistan hired young "dancing boys" for entertainment. Leaked information is dangerous for who, again?  (guardian.co.uk) (206)
(Yahoo)   Capcom's kid friendly "Smurf Village" is the highest-grossing iPhone app even though it's a free download. Largely because the "smurfberries" your kids can buy in the game can cost $60 a pop in real money  (news.yahoo.com) (144)
(Kansas City)   Man is able to rip own head off during suicide without the need of super glue or cheese wire  (kansascity.com) (69)
(My Fox Dallas)   Remember those atheist bus ads? Christian ministers now have "stalker trucks" following them around with a counter message. Totally not creepy and desperate, guys  (myfoxdfw.com) (127)
(WLSAM)   No suspects in "honeybee shootings." Well, except the cop who matched the exact description, was in the area, and drove the exact vehicle witnesses described  (wlsam.com) (26)
(Daily Mail)   Congratulations on your pregnancy, sir. Please show up for your ultrasound with a full bladder  (dailymail.co.uk) (22)
(AP)   Police say unidentified man committed unspecified crime while saving heart attack victim's life, would like to find and "thank" him  (hosted.ap.org) (18)
(Some Guy)   The ocean tastes like grape soda. Discuss  (drinkstewarts.com) (459)
(Daily Mail)   Sorry MasterCard and PayPal, I can't hear your faux patriotism over the sound of your servers exploding  (dailymail.co.uk) (188)
(Chicago Tribune)   While reefer madness has everyone worried about stoned pilots, have you ever stopped to wonder why your doctor was so peppy and energetic?  (chicagotribune.com) (37)
(Daily Mail)   Not news: Breastfeeding infant. News: Breastfeeding six-year-old. Fark: At the same time  (dailymail.co.uk) (155)
(Washington Post)   Larks' tongues; wrens' livers; chaffinch brains ; jaguars' earlobes; wolf's nipple chips, get them while they're hot, they're lovely; dromedary pretzels, only half a dinar; Tuscany fried bats...."ALLLBATROSSS"   (washingtonpost.com) (36)
(Gamma Squad)   Michael Bay promises a "Dork-free Transformers". They fired LaBeouf? (also a teaser video)  (gammasquad.uproxx.com) (112)
(PressHerald.com)   Police enter closed strip club and find several men inside claiming to be plumbers. That must explain why they had their caulk in their hands  T-Shirt  (pressherald.com) (31)
(WLBZ2.com)   Man arrested for selling up to $10000 worth of toys online. Toys he helped collect for Toys For Tots. Definitely on the naughty list  (wlbz2.com) (19)
(CNN)   265 hours of G*DD*MN F*CKING Nixon White House to be released  (cnn.com) (49)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Band teacher in hot water for playing in A minor  T-Shirt  (orlandosentinel.com) (97)
(Chicago Tribune)   Pricipal . Caught sayof threats to kill cop. "He f*ck my wife." Is He guilty or not? Tribune Says yes. Chicago police looking for car witnesses, or "hello, he slept with her disregard arrest"  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (73)
(MSNBC)   It's not technically a Seasonal Article but here it is again anyhow: Salvation Army reports that two $1400 gold coins were put into their kettles. Thank you, Indiana  (msnbc.msn.com) (48)
(Some Guy)   Canadians have every right to defend their border from mooses...um, moosen  (wellandtribune.ca) (73)
(Yahoo)   Us Suregeon general, who isn't grossly exaggerating to scare you or anything; say that even a single puff on a cigarette, or inahling the smoke of someone else's can make you have a heart attack and die  (news.yahoo.com) (388)
(Telegraph)   Just in time for Christmas, religious leaders in the Holy Land want landlords to tell non-Jews there's no room at the inn  (telegraph.co.uk) (71)
(National Geographic)   "New Snub-Nosed Monkey Discovered, Eaten." You just checked the source tag for the Onion logo  (news.nationalgeographic.com) (39)
(Daily Mail)   Good News: Prince William inherited his mother's smile, charm, and good looks. Bad News: He inherited his father's hairline. Bonus: Includes pics of Dr. Who, a former Spice girl, James Bond, and The Joker  (dailymail.co.uk) (47)
(Washington Post)   Library book overdue.....no problem. Just return it and pay the fine, Thankyouverymuch. That'll be $2,701  (washingtonpost.com) (57)
(Some Guy)   You want to smoke some pot. Do you: A) Fly to Amsterdam? B) Buy some from a dealer? C) Break into a police impound lot so you can take the stash hidden in your truck? "They aren't the smartest people in the world"  (sunherald.com) (32)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Is that two cans of Natural Ice and two steaks in your pants or are you just happy to see me?  (nwfdailynews.com) (18)
(UPI)   Lots of sex helps neurotic newlyweds - unless it's with the neighbors  (upi.com) (210)
(Chicago Tribune)   'Parents of the Year' candidates donate all of their son's Christmas presents to the Salvation Army after he was caught stealing a collection kettle  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (135)
(Some Guy)   Fark ready headline of the day: "Charities benefit after Breast Friends meet Dragons"  (leaderpost.com) (67)
(Statesman)   To Teas scool distrits receied fiv-tar ratngs fr fical efficincy aparently achieed by leving ot te leters of cerain ky wods  (statesman.com) (9)
(fox19.com)   It turns out that fires are tough to fight when the hydrants are frozen. SCIENCE  (fox19.com) (30)
(SacBee)   Teen throws creamed spinach dish at drive-thru worker. When asked for comment, he said, "I yam what I yam"  (blogs.sacbee.com) (17)
(The Consumerist)   Time Warner is immune to the national do not call registry and will continue to cold call until you dump them for a new provider  (consumerist.com) (65)
(Some Guy)   Sometimes, it's hard to spot a victim of child abuse. Other times, the victim runs down the street half nekkid yelling "Mom's beating me"  (wlwt.com) (28)
(Bloomberg)   Sirius XM stocks surge as Howard Stern announces he's signing on for five more years of people insisting they didn't know he was still on the air  (bloomberg.com) (200)
(Mother Nature Network)   Although she doesn't have a leg to stand on, Heather Mills insists her new vegan eatery will be more popular than McDonald's  (mnn.com) (37)
(Liberty Central)   I hope you like those full body scanners at the airport, because the House just voted to buy a bunch more  (libertycentral.org) (46)
(Washington Post)   Keeping with their motto of "produce a poor quality imitation rather than innovate", China presents its own Peace Prize to counter the Nobel Comittee honoring Liu Xiaobo  (washingtonpost.com) (34)
(Chicago Tribune)   Chicago suburb ignores court order to return $190,000 in seized money to the innocent people they stole it from. The city says they don't know where the $45,000 went  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (119)
(Some Guy)   Precious heirlooms stolen from SouthPark couple , YOU BASTARDS  (wcnc.com) (15)
(Some Guy)   Baby Jesus stolen from church nativity. Maybe they should try nailing him down  T-Shirt  (masslive.com) (73)
(Chicago Tribune)   Dear Amy, my hot female tenant won't stop farking her man as loudly as possible and I don't know what to do. Amy? Where did you go?  (chicagotribune.com) (81)
(AFP)   German cops make sure it won't be a Marijuana Christmas for an "old hippie" and his six foot tall Pot Christmas Tree  (news.yahoo.com) (11)
(Some Guy)   Great, now there's a Tea Party for children. Oh, wait... It's an actual tea party held for children battling cancer. My Bad  (boston.cbslocal.com) (11)
(Deseret News)   HA HA This stuff TASTES LIKE CRAP  (deseretnews.com) (35)
(Fresno Bee)   "Some people already see wrestling as a dirty sport. Now people are talking about anal penetration and wrestling in the same sentence"  (fresnobee.com) (68)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this flood fishing  (online.wsj.com) (29)
(MSNBC)   Man puts his original $9.95 Rolex on eBay. Did it sell for a ridiculously high price? Of quartz it did  (technolog.msnbc.msn.com) (103)
(Engadget)   For Gods sake Pennsylvania... Are you freaking serious?  (engadget.com) (270)
(The Sun)   I don't know about you, but I'm glad that Iran doesn't have anything nutty up its sleeve... nothing like, oh, say, 9,000 bomb-filled suicide boats  (thesun.co.uk) (120)
(CNBC)   With more states moving towards marijuana legalization, prices are falling, while viewership of Robot Chicken is skyrocketing  (cnbc.com) (78)
(Canoe)   Wanting to Donate Toys to a Christmas Toy Drive? Plastic M-16s are okay, Harry Potter and Twilight not so much  (cnews.canoe.ca) (65)
(CNN)   The Panama Canal is full of water and, apparently, that's a problem  (cnn.com) (28)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)   Hat cam cop is watching you violate  (startribune.com) (83)
(Denver Channel)   Hey kids, I'll drive you home, but I'm going to get some whiskey first, mmmkay?  (thedenverchannel.com) (22)
(9 News)   Reporter is SHOCKED to learn that people who are collecting unemployment benefits are asking for jobs that pay under the table  (9news.com) (173)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop these sandwich snatchers  (online.wsj.com) (23)
(The Smoking Gun)   After robbing a bank, you find a suspicious device in with the money. Do you: C) Hide it in your car, and then google "tracking device"  (thesmokinggun.com) (44)
(Wonkette)   "America will collapse by 2025" Cool, that's 13 years longer than I expected  (wonkette.com) (202)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 292: "Optimus Prime" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (137)

Wed December 08, 2010
(The Sun)   If you absolutely must leave your phone at the scene of a jewelry store robbery, don't use a picture of yourself holding a bag of stolen watches as the phone's screensaver  (thesun.co.uk) (22)
(AJC)   Today's "Was that wrong? Should I have not done that?" comes to you from the campus of KSU where a hot teacher decides to strip nude in front of a full class  (ajc.com) (130)
(Some lame parents)   Your kid can't duck fast enough during a Little League game and gets beaned. Do you: (a) admit your son is not an athlete. (b) sign him up for basketball. (c) sue the maker of the bat that was used to hit the ball  (chicago.cbslocal.com) (110)
(Philly)   Philadelphia: Catholic Archdiocese creates panel to look at school children. I mean, to learn how to entice more children. I mean, in school. I mean, "into" school. I mean, "into going to Catholic school." For education  T-Shirt  (philly.com) (69)
(Some Guy)   NJ woman arrested after posing as a prostitute to lure men to an area where her boyfriend would attack them from behind. Subby doesn't know who to feel sorrier for, the boyfriend or the johns who would want to have sex with this beast  (app.com) (120)
(UPI)   Deer escapes from live church nativity scene. Run Rudy, RRRRUUUN  (upi.com) (42)
(Telegraph)   Dealing a devastating blow to Fark headline clichés, Britain's dental health has now dramatically improved  (telegraph.co.uk) (26)
(Newsweek)   What the internet killed. Apparently, not slideshows. Yes, that one is on there, so is that one. And before you click, that one too  (newsweek.com) (106)
(Time)   If SpaceX's flight is successful, it will basically make NASA obsolete  (newsfeed.time.com) (120)
(ABA Journal)   Star prosecution witness in elder abuse case: a parrot. "We think he was mimicking the mother when he said, 'Help me. Help me,' and mimicking the daughter when he laughed"  (abajournal.com) (65)
(Daily Mail)   Man catches a 405-pound yellowfin tuna, shattering the 33-year-old world record by 17 lbs. Now that's a lot of sashimi  (dailymail.co.uk) (41)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Emma's Home Cooking shut down for being a little too much like home  (orlandosentinel.com) (10)
(X-Entertainment)   The 10 greatest things about a bucket of cheap, plastic farm animals  (x-entertainment.com) (51)
(Some Guy)   Silly: Bishop confirms Virgin Mary sighting in Wisconsin. Obvious: By a nun. Fark: From an incident that occurred in 1859  (channel3000.com) (33)
(IndyStar)   Not news: Man gets drunk and decides to watch a porno. Fark: Man gets drunk and decides to watch a porno while driving down the road  (indystar.com) (23)
(Some Guy)   Having a hard time finding the perfect gift for your racist uncle? An Indiana store is selling blackface themed soaps this holiday season  (wthr.com) (73)
(Daily Mail)   I moved 12,000 miles away and the same motherf**king cop pulls me over  (dailymail.co.uk) (55)
(National Geographic)   Nat Geo's 10 weirdest new animals of 2010: Allow me to introduce the mini-Cthulhu, the Yoda bat, the ninja slug and WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR FAAAAACE?   (news.nationalgeographic.com) (66)
(TwinCities.com)   Hangover remedy #43: Snake in crotch "Sobers you right up"  (twincities.com) (11)
(News.com.au)   Julian Assange says no-one's ever been harmed due to WikiLeaks. Except the 1,300 Kenyans whose deaths he took credit for a few months ago  (blogs.news.com.au) (706)
(io9)   Ancient Indonesians were terrorized by giant storks who were capable of eating small children  (io9.com) (29)
(SOME GUY)   NEW STUDY OFFERS HOPE TO BLIND PEOPLE  (contactlenses.co.uk) (34)
(CNN)   Exit polls show that 25% of GITMO detainees plan to return to terror  (cnn.com) (61)
(Your source for bivalve STD news)   This is just your average everyday article about OYSTER HERPES  (tvnz.co.nz) (37)
(BBC)   Paris receives 4.5 inches of snow, promptly surrenders  (bbc.co.uk) (63)
(Google)   PayPal confesses  (google.com) (161)
(Some Guy)   You know you're still in a recession if the year's hottest Christmas gift is charity sex  (thefrisky.com) (112)
(Canoe)   Stop me if you've heard this one. A professor, a priest, and a clown walk in to a pre-school  (cnews.canoe.ca) (28)
(The Morning Call)   Man takes kids to tree lighting ceremony, gets drunk, loses kids, starts a fight with police, and lands in jail. Ta da  (mcall.com) (23)
(JSOnline)   Meet the 100-year-old Walmart greeter who was pushed, ummm... actually just fell over during receipt check. "I don't let people fool with me"  (jsonline.com) (131)
(Some Guy)   "911, what is your emergency?" "i I ih ah i UH" "♫O come, all ye Faaithfull ...♫" "Uh huh"  (sheboyganpress.com) (23)
(NASA)   Photoshop this supercell  (antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov) (42)
(SFGate)   "John Toomey woke up Tuesday to discover he was the world's second-most-famous Santa Claus"  (sfgate.com) (26)
(Some Illiterate Guy)   Texas woman jailed for overdue library books that were destroyed in house fire  (www2.wsav.com) (58)
(Life.com)   The best photos of the year ... and yes, you can relax. Cigar Guy is in there  (life.com) (185)
(Denver Post)   Llama llady dies from lleukemia  (denverpost.com) (34)
(Philly)   Student falls victim to atomic wedgie in locker room. Parents: "We're going all the way with this. We want to prosecute to the fullest extent"  (philly.com) (304)
(Washington Post)   FBI foiled in yet another attempt at domestic terrorism  (washingtonpost.com) (137)
(Some Guy)   In order to improve the delivery of water and power, the Los Angeles DWP spends $50k on: c) a psychiatrist to resolve a feud between the General Manager and his #2  (dailynews.com) (31)
(Politico)   Politico asks the really important Wikileaks question: Who will play Julian Assange when the movie is made?  (politico.com) (114)
(Kansas City)   Was breaking open a door and throwing a grenade past a little girl's head necessary, considering the warrant was for a cell phone whose owner had moved out four months earlier and was in police custody?  (kansascity.com) (157)
(Some Guy)   Family crash car while carrying bucket of paint. They're all-white, but a bit overcome with emulsion  T-Shirt  (swns.com) (25)
(Some Guy)   WikiLeaker Army Pfc. Bradley Manning, at least according to the Berkeley City Council  (sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com) (364)
(Some Guy)   One principal's solution to the droopy drawers epidemic: Get caught, get Urkeled  (theroot.com) (151)
(Some Guy)   College dedicated to Ayn Rand's philosophy closes because it couldn't get federal funding  (chronicle.com) (265)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Rachael Ray wants to burn your house down  (blogs.orlandosentinel.com) (105)
(CNN)   Hello. I am Prince Bolkiah of Nigeria. I am writting in earnest to seek assistance. Before my in-castration, I dispatch the sum of five undred million USD cash to private copanies and must need your help to retreive it. Also, get Dick Cheney  (cnn.com) (57)
(Some Guy)   Newlywed stabs her husband seven times over a disagreement about the TV remote. Police: "alcohol may have been a factor"  (wtsp.com) (44)
(Some Guy)   Class stops UMaine student from skinning a bunny as his class project. Bunny close call trifecta in play  (bangordailynews.com) (122)
(MSNBC)   Adult film star that tested positive for HIV had previously contracted chlamydia, gonorrhea and herpes and STILL didn't wear condoms, now says condoms should be mandatory. Ya think?  (msnbc.msn.com) (278)
(Nerve)   Women in China have started spicing up their weddings by hiring little guys in blue underwear to run around the ceremony and photobomb guests  (nerve.com) (23)
(wtsp.com)   Theater group defends their spoof production of "A Very Merry Unauthorized Children's Scientology Pageant." Here come the lawsuits  (saintpetersburg.wtsp.com) (67)
(Some Guy)   Britain's sudden release of the Lockerbie Bomber in August 2009, which everyone assumed was motivated by oil, really was all about oil  (businessinsider.com) (37)
(The Hill)   White House press secretary takes a question from the fake twitter account of a fictional character. Sam Donaldson's ghost surrenders  (thehill.com) (34)
(Some Guy)   Failed firebomber headbutts lamppost running away from crime scene. With bonus video  (swns.com) (34)
(Politico)   Senator Hatch denounces Democrats attempts to pass the DREAM Act as nothing more than a "show vote" to curry favor with Hispanic voters. This would be the same DREAM Act he's been the chief sponsor of for the last ten years  (politico.com) (104)
(New Scientist)   Flaming drives online communities say scientists butthurt at other scientists who submitted this research with a better title  (newscientist.com) (29)
(Washington Post)   1) Have city order you to tear down part of your fence. 2) Get elected mayor. 3) Have fence re-built at taxpayer expense  (washingtonpost.com) (28)
(Yahoo)   NYC officials bust up a pot, coke, meth and LSD ring operating out of a Columbia University frat house. Unclear if the raid was named "Operation Shooting Fish in a Barrel"  T-Shirt  (news.yahoo.com) (52)
(SeattlePI)   Noted attorney and renowned legal scholar Snoop Dogg, esq. comes to the defense of Willie Nelson after the country singer's recent bust. "They better leave Willie the f**k alone, why are the (sic) f**king with Willie Nelson"  (blog.seattlepi.com) (75)
(Washington Post)   Is Pay-As-You-Go the future of our broadband internet? That would suck, running into your data cap right when you were doing something impor  (washingtonpost.com) (153)
(WMTW.com)   Woman killed in an Ohio car crash has been upgraded to alive  (wmtw.com) (22)
(New York Daily News)   NYC gets serious about pet owners not picking up their dogs' poop, raise penalty to include a police beating  (nydailynews.com) (108)
(SFGate)   Macy's fires Santa Claus. This is not a repeat from 1947  (sfgate.com) (67)
(YouTube)   Horror movie Saw. Featuring Wallace & Gromit  (youtube.com) (11)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)   Jewelry store having a Second Coming sale--50 percent off until Jesus Christ returns to Jerusalem  (startribune.com) (37)
(YouTube)   The most popular new gadget in Japan is a machine that turns plain uncooked rice into a loaf of fresh baked rice bread; but don't get too excited, they're already on backorder for the next five months  (youtube.com) (73)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Today's media manufactured fearmongering is *shakes Magic 8-Ball* THAT BUTTER YOU HAD AT BREAKFAST WILL KILL YOU AND MAY CONTAIN ASBESTOS  (orlandosentinel.com) (25)
(MSNBC)   Hailed as the oldest and rarest whisky they've ever produced, a bottle of 64-year old Macallan sells for $460,000. A furious worldwide search underway for an equally vintage bottle of Mountain Dew to mix it with  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (241)
(NYPost)   Grandmother given a $100 ticket for throwing out her newspaper in a city trash can. What's a newspaper?  (nypost.com) (64)
(WLBT Jackson)   Old and Busted: South leads nation in obesity. New Hotness: Mississippi lowest in nation in hate crimes. Statisticians' heads asplode  (wlbt.com) (105)
(Some Guy)   If you receive a "Flight 93 - Forever Heroes" medallion for Christmas, chances are there's a special place in Hell for the person who gave it to you  (1035superx.com) (106)
(Some Guy)   Open discussion: Where were you when news of John Lennon's death broke?  (rtdna.org) (386)
(Cracked)   You haven't got any tail for like forever so do you C) Start your own sex cult to get laid whenever you want  (cracked.com) (42)
(AJC)   That cholera outbreak in Haiti? Apparently caused by witches. No worries, locals have killed 12 so far  (ajc.com) (134)
(YouTube)   Full Metal Star Wars (warning: enough profanity to unscrew your head)  (youtube.com) (14)
(Stuff)   Unexpected airline excuses, no. 23: "We're sorry for the delay, but we're having some problems loading the cheetah"  (stuff.co.nz) (26)
(Cracked)   While most of us would find these seven cost cutting measures horrifying, there are a few who would look at them and say "I need to try this"  (cracked.com) (79)
(Yahoo)   The average middle class American has saved just a little bit less than they'd hoped/needed to for retirement, like say, 93% less  (news.yahoo.com) (259)
(UPI)   Concussion symptoms found to differ between sexes. Females tend to lie around complaining how bad they feel, males deny anything is wrong and try to walk it off until they keel over dead  (upi.com) (48)
(LA Times)   President Obama to appear on Mythbusters tonight as the gang tries to recreate Hawaii's temporary placement as a Keynan colony in August 1961  (latimes.com) (123)
(Yahoo)   Woman has $2 million Stradivarius violin stolen at train station when she set it down to pay for a sandwich. In other news, some people apparently carry around $2 million items in public WITHOUT chaining them to their wrists  (news.yahoo.com) (131)
(Google)   Indianapolis Fark Party on Wednesday for those who missed it last week, and those who want to do it again. Same place, same time, different night. DIT  (google.com) (30)
(Live Science)   It's the socialization of organized religion that makes people happy, not faith in god. That guy always ruins the party  (livescience.com) (117)
(Yahoo)   Man--who can't hear you over the sound of how awesome he is--runs the Vegas marathon dressed as Elvis, restarts the heart of a fellow runner, and then gets married in a "run-thru" wedding chapel, all in the same day  (news.yahoo.com) (41)
(AJC)   Father of five Ted Turner wants the world to adopt China's one-child policy to save planet  (ajc.com) (226)
(Information Dissemiation)   In the last 72 hours, the US has quietly put nine submarines to sea - 60% of the fleet is now in or heading for the Pacific. Sleep well  (informationdissemination.net) (200)
(TC Palm)   Sunbathe naked near Target and a heavily-traveled road? What could possibly go wrong?  (blogs.tcpalm.com) (36)
(Spiegel)   Photoshop this urban diver  (spiegel.de) (41)
(9:06am ET Launch)   Your future begins here - SpaceX / COTS-1 launch coverage live  (spaceflightnow.com) (381)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   Furry flies all the way from Austria to Chicago to shock.. er, surprise his girlfriend with a marriage proposal. With pic of soon to be ex-wife  (suntimes.com) (121)
(Wonkette)   U.S. State Department takes a break from its war against Wikileaks to announce that America will be hosting "World Press Freedom Day"  (wonkette.com) (484)
(Slate)   Raise your hand, everyone who's found arsenic-based life. Not so fast, NASA  (slate.com) (135)
(Some Bardy Guy)   Two Gentlemen of Verona called out for a Taming of the Shrew after two bridesmaids got into a Tempest, making Much Ado About Nothing and turning the reception into a Comedy of Errors. All's Well That Ends Well  T-Shirt  (northjersey.com) (41)
(Wired)   And you thought you farked that flight attendant because you're so good looking  (wired.com) (53)
(The Consumerist)   Step 1: Buy traffic camera. Step 2: Install camera on busy street. Step 3: Randomly pay out prize money to drivers "caught" going the speed limit...wait, what?  (consumerist.com) (60)
(Some Peacock)   Photoshop this garbage jewelry  (my-expressions.com) (14)
(AZCentral)   Restaurant that came under fire for serving an all-rabbit dinner during Easter now plans to cook up reindeer for Christmas  (azcentral.com) (131)

Tue December 07, 2010
(News.com.au)   *facepalm*  (news.com.au) (232)
(Time)   China: Richer than us, stronger than us, and now officially smarter than us  (time.com) (530)
(Fox News)   New Hampshire high school assigned personal finance reading refers to Jesus as a "wine-guzzling vagrant." Surprisingly, someone has a problem with this  (foxnews.com) (255)
(STLToday)   They're all English words, but submitter has never seen them together in this order before: "Missouri home damaged by lawnmower fire in bedroom"  (stltoday.com) (107)
(Walter Johnson)   Photoshop these plaster pitchers  (shorpy.com) (16)
(UPI)   Giant snails being targeted by vandals, French  (upi.com) (47)
(azfamily.com)   Not funny: Domestic abuse. Funny: Domestic abuse suspect getting stuck in his ceiling trying to escape from the cops  (azfamily.com) (29)
(Some Guy) NewsFlash Elizabeth Edwards dead of cancer at 61  (abclocal.go.com) (547)
(Chicago Tribune)   High school vows to leave no snowflake behind. Will eliminate valedictorian and other honors, pass out gold stars instead  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (144)
(Daily Mail)   German doctors capture live MRI images of baby at the moment of birth (w/photo)  (dailymail.co.uk) (152)
(Some Guy)   Europe was "America Light". Not so much on the "light" part any more  (healthnews.com) (64)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Deported Palestinian student: I didn't mean 'Death to Americans,' only a mild slapping  (nwfdailynews.com) (213)
(Fox News)   Grandma is sentenced to wear a tether after serving contaminated food to cops to the tuna 47 hospitalizations  (foxnews.com) (113)
(Some Guy)   In the spirit of Christmas, Dallas pastor has vowed to publicly shame anyone not participating in Christmas in the way he deems acceptable. Happy Holidays, everyone  (blogs.dallasobserver.com) (250)
(Some Guy)   Here's how you make a 17-foot gingerbread house, Disney style (with pic)  (disneyparks.disney.go.com) (39)
(Yahoo)   Apparently curious what having the psychic hate of the whole world directed at them feels like, someone broke into an NZ wildlife refuge and clubbed two dozen baby seals to death  (news.yahoo.com) (130)
(PhysOrg.com)   NASA: Yo dog we heard you like satellites so we ejected a nanosatellite from a microsatellite that we sent into Space on a satellite so now you can get your nanosatellite on from your microsatellite because we heard you like satellites  (physorg.com) (48)
(Duluth News Tribune)   Woman bis husbans ongue off  (duluthnewstribune.com) (43)
(The Raw Story)   Woman supposedly 'raped' by Assange has CIA ties. Kinky  (rawstory.com) (462)
(CNN)   Freed hiker Shannon Shourd continues to demonstrate the sound reasoning that got her locked up in an Iranian prison in the first place  (cnn.com) (173)
(G4TV)   Meet the new cohost of AoTS, Justin Timberlake's next one night stand  (g4tv.com) (120)
(CSMonitor)   Pearl Harbor Day sees fewer surviving veterans -- why is this news, were they expecting to see more?  (csmonitor.com) (39)
(NYPost)   Good: Celebrities vow to boycott Twitter until $1 million is raised for charity. Good: They were having trouble raising that money. Bad: Billionaire donates $500,000 so they can meet the goal  (nypost.com) (51)
(Some Guy)   Another winter, another bunch of silly Chicagoans claiming dibs on parking spaces with kitchen chairs  (chairfreechicago.org) (221)
(MSNBC)   Immigration officials banned from saying "Merry Christmas" so passengers won't get confused and bribe them because kids do it, or something  (msnbc.msn.com) (44)
(FARK)   A quick note on Fark's Headline of the Year contest, and a few of our favorite Headlines of the Week for 11/28 - 12/4  (fark.com) (24)
(Some Guy)   Let's Bring 'Em Home is underway again for 2010 and asking the Fark community for any help contributing to help buy plane tickets to fly soldiers home for Christmas  (lbeh.org) (234)
(Washington Post)   Bomb blast strikes prayer ceremony. If only there were some way they could have asked for this not to happen. I don't know, beseech a higher power or something  (washingtonpost.com) (57)
(Huffington Post)   If you thought that newlywed in South Africa totally was involved in his wife's death, step up and collect your prize  (huffingtonpost.com) (58)
(The Sun)   UK continues to lobby for its own tag with a Pizza Hut and it's "blacks must pay first" policy  (thesun.co.uk) (194)
(Mother Nature Network)   Scientists are studying magicians to learn about lateral inhibition, cognitive illusions, and how to extract unlimited pennies from somebody's ears  (mnn.com) (22)
(Mayo News)   Your DUI trial isn't going well if your own lawyer says you drank "an astronomical amount of alcohol" and the judge says it's the highest BAC he's ever seen. Especially if they're both Irish  (mayonews.ie) (54)
(Newson6.com)   Blind Man Arrested For DUI  (newson6.com) (33)
(Cracked)   Seven shockingly dark origins of lovable children's characters. You won't believe where Odie came from  (cracked.com) (200)
(TruthDive)   Amazingly, "There's nothing in the Bible saying I can't rape a young boy twice a month" fails as a defense in court  (truthdive.com) (73)
(Sun Sentinel)   The recession finally reaches the North Pole  (sun-sentinel.com) (9)
(CNN)   Breaking news from CNN: OH MY GOD IT'S COLD OUTSIDE  (cnn.com) (89)
(Some Guy)   If you can't find your car in the impound lot,  (wlky.com) (28)
(CBSChicago.com)   Man caught running around with a crack pipe wearing only socks. In broad daylight. In the snow  (chicago.cbslocal.com) (41)
(Some Guy)   Headline: the flu is mutating and will kill you and everyone you care about; The article: well, not yet anyway  (esciencenews.com) (17)
(The New York Times)   "America's prison system is now studied largely because of its failure - the result of an expensive approach to criminal justice shaped by fear-driven ideology"  (mobile.nytimes.com) (180)
(Some DWI)   Protip: When trying to avoid a DWI charge, make sure your Mom isn't under the influence BEFORE switching seats. Bonus: Happy Mug Shots   (captain.blogs.starnewsonline.com) (31)
(Seacoastonline.com)   Best mug shot of a one-legged drunk woman who bit and scratched a cop that you'll see all day  (seacoastonline.com) (47)
(Some Guy)   Working a 5 alarm overnight is cold, wet and miserable. Fark: Especially when it's the second one in 12 hours.Tag for the firefighters who would like a shower, coffee and bed  (wbaltv.com) (106)
(AOL News)   I always wondered what Disneyland did with the people who died in those costumes  (aolnews.com) (91)
(Some Grinch)   Apprentice Salvation Army bell ringer fails probationary employment period on his first day  (gainesvilletimes.com) (35)
(Boston Globe)   Photoshop this policeman in position  (inapcache.boston.com) (33)
(New York Daily News)   I have to enter multiple passwords and use a key card just to access basic information in my company for my job, yet in the US Armed forced it seems any low level soldier or sailor can access classified documents  (nydailynews.com) (220)
(The Local (Germany))   Germany abandons plans to ship nuclear waste to Russia on the grounds that it would involve shipping nuclear waste to Russia  (thelocal.de) (12)
(Washington Post)   On an international scale, American education earns a rock-solid C -- enough to play varsity. USA USA  (washingtonpost.com) (157)
(YouTube)   Video of WWII survivors returning to Pearl Harbor  (youtube.com) (90)
(USA Today)   Tumblr experiences 15-hour outage; nothing of value lost  (content.usatoday.com) (39)
(FARK)   It took this TFer over an hour to go 25 miles because idiots don't know how to drive in the snow. How's your morning going?  (fark.com) (508)
(USA Today)   After spending their adult lives selling out to the system they once stood so stoutly against, Baby Boomers may, at the end, find themselves cheated by that very system  (usatoday.com) (118)
(Baltic Course)   For an extra $15, Scandinavian Airlines will let you select a seat with no gay marriages taking place in the aisle next to it  (baltic-course.com) (28)
(AOL News)   Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Things you should know about this day in history  (aolnews.com) (44)
(Washington Post)   New electronic pickpocket devices can literally steal your identity even if your credit cards or passports are in your pocket. "As weird as it sounds, wrapping your passport in tinfoil helps. The tinfoil people happen to be correct"  (washingtonpost.com) (63)
(Daily Mail)   Bus drivers struck off for being too fat to drive, 'We have a meeting on Monday when I hope we can all sit round a table and talk about this sensibly.'  (dailymail.co.uk) (23)
(IFC)   Okay, I might just be tempted to see American Psycho: The Musical  (ifc.com) (62)
(Daily Mail)   Throw a party for your alleged rapist and try to erase positive text messages you sent after sex? It's the latest chapter in the Wikileaks drama. Bonus: Article cites leaked sources  (dailymail.co.uk) (185)
(Jerusalem Post)   Hey Egypt, what do you think is causing these shark attacks lately? Egypt: JEWS  (jpost.com) (88)
(TC Palm)   'Fat uncle' in jeopardy of not being able to get in door after nephew's lip balm arrest in ... where else? Florida. Lil Wayne and Usher CDs also involved  (blogs.tcpalm.com) (13)
(USA Today)   Meet the next great fashion fad: peggings. No, no, sorry. Jeggings. Jeggings, not peggings. My bad  (usatoday.com) (66)
(LA Times) NewsFlash If you're taking a shot today every time you hear "Julian Assange" and "sex charges", you might want to put the alcohol poisoning hotline on your speed dial  (latimes.com) (494)
(Some Guy)   10 things to say (and not to say) to someone with depression. God, I just know I'm gonna get these backwards  (health.com) (217)
(NPR)   Dude, that Hockney at Pierre Berge-Yves St. Laurent looks totally 'shopped. I can tell from the pixels  (npr.org) (8)
(PhysOrg.com)   Why married men behave better: because everything interesting, funny, cool and dangerous has been crushed and ground out of them, leaving behind a boring, soulless husk which follows orders and says "yes dear"  (physorg.com) (522)
(Chicago Tribune)   Chicago police expand use of tasers to non-violent suspects, the elderly, and pretty much anyone else they aren't already tasing  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (57)
(Seattle Times)   Today is the 69th anniversary of the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor. For the 3,000 or so remaining survivors of the attacks, it might as well have happened yesterday  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (185)
(fox)   More than 1,000 North Koreans jailed for doing something other than starving  (myfoxchicago.com) (77)
(3 News New Zealand)   Reporter has the best day at work - ever  (3news.co.nz) (63)
(KCCI)   High school students return Korean War era Purple Heart medal to recipient's family after medal was locked away in a school safe and forgotten about for a decade  (kcci.com) (21)
(Flickr)   Photoshop this old printing press  (farm4.static.flickr.com) (24)
(Daily Mail)   Coolest pictures of exploding water balloons you'll ever see  (dailymail.co.uk) (43)
(ABC News)   President of Botswana says no fat wife for him. "She may fail to pass through the door, breaking furniture with her heavy weight and even break the vehicle's shock absorbers"  (abcnews.go.com) (80)
(AJC)   Guess who wants to ban in-flight wi-fi. The TSA? Nope, your friendly sky waitress is concerned you might set off a bomb with it  (ajc.com) (171)

Mon December 06, 2010
(Yahoo)   AP Style Guide update says whistleblower references to WikiLeaks inaccurate. Attention whore references spot-on  (news.yahoo.com) (63)
(CNN)   If you're smart you'll stay married and not have kids out of wedlock, so says a study from the Institute of Correlation equals Causation  (cnn.com) (188)
(Talking Points Memo)   Christian Senator James Inhofe: "We're being repressed"   (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com) (431)
(Yahoo)   Rising sea levels may do to the Marshall Islands what dozens of nuclear bomb tests failed to  (news.yahoo.com) (76)
(Huffington Post)   There are approximately 157,000,000 Muslim terrorists in the world. THIS IS WHAT GLENN BECK ACTUALLY BELIEVES  (huffingtonpost.com) (315)
(CNN)   Elizabeth Edwards decides to stop cancer treatment   (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com) (240)
(Yahoo)   The latest trigger for runaway global warming is Alaskan wildfires  (news.yahoo.com) (99)
(Guardian.com)   "Face it: there's a 45% chance that Julian Assange is rooting through an exhaustive collection of photographs of your bum right this very minute"  (guardian.co.uk) (122)
(MSNBC)   The rust eating bacteria will never let go, Jack. They'll never let go  (msnbc.msn.com) (51)
(PBS)   Does the door close button really work? Maybe. The great elevator debate continues  (pbs.org) (110)
(woodtv.com)   Painter falls off ladder, has brush with death, nearly kicks the bucket  (woodtv.com) (34)
(SFGate)   Man legally changes his name to 'Captain Awesome. ' "Awesome says that judge also allowed him to sign his name as a right arrow, a smiley face and a left arrow"  (sfgate.com) (83)
(Free Press)   Court ruling: Stop trying to make Detroit schools successful  (freep.com) (78)
(Some Guy)   Shooting erupts over a game of dominoes. Just another example of white-on-black crime  (blog.thenewstribune.com) (26)
(Some Ugly Guy)   Study: Attractive people better paid than Farkers  (post-gazette.com) (60)
(SFGate)   The next time you call in sick to work when you aren't really sick, beware: A corporate hooky detective might be spying on you  (sfgate.com) (177)
(The Times of India)   Water Board to offer incentives to informants, such as no longer waterboarding informants   (timesofindia.indiatimes.com) (5)
(LA Times)   Prop. 8 lawyer argues that marriage exists in society's interest so that men and women can procreate. Yes, because that could never happen otherwise  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (377)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Second-rate Florida school now churning out third-rate TSA screeners  (orlandosentinel.com) (29)
(USA Today)   Warning: That Baby Jesus you stole from the nativity scene across town may have an embedded GPS tracker, jailarity may ensue  (usatoday.com) (50)
(Sun Sentinel)   Four cars spontaneously bust into flames due to oppressive Florida heat. The sun is there  (sun-sentinel.com) (37)
(ABC2News Baltimore)   5 alarm fire rips through downtown Baltimore across the street from the Hustler Club... whew that was a close one  (abc2news.com) (32)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this classy woodpile  (data13.gallery.ru) (22)
(MSNBC)   Toilet paper injury lawsuit will be heard by jury, verdict expected to be voted on by show of hands  (msnbc.msn.com) (35)
(Daily Mail)   Aww, it's OK, you'll get a green light just like this one sooner or later, just keep trying  (dailymail.co.uk) (38)
(The New York Times)   What $60 billion (the approximate amount that extending the Bush tax cuts on income above $250,000 a year) would buy besides a couple of million electric-cooled pony harnesses, with fuel injection... fuel injection... fuel injection  (nytimes.com) (201)
(Examiner)   Not content with simply screwing up the economy, the Government decides to cut out the middle man and screw up the currency itself. That makes cents  (examiner.com) (63)
(AZCentral)   TSA fails to stop terrier attack  T-Shirt  (azcentral.com) (72)
(BBC)   You mean I shouldn't dig up rocks and stones for my building materials business from around the bases of Nepalese bridge supports?  (bbc.co.uk) (19)
(Fox News)   Students on Visa forced to work in strip clubs. No word on Mastercard changing its business model yet. Bonus: "hotbunking"  (foxnews.com) (95)
(Boing Boing)   Irate 'Cash4Gold' response letter to lewd prankster  (boingboing.net) (129)
(Some Guy)   Naperville, which is considered the "Florida of Chicago" decides maybe you shouldn't have to pay fee just to fight your red light camera ticket  (triblocal.com) (66)
(Billings Gazette)   Blind woman can't get mail delivered to her house, despite requests. Post Office: "Don't expect to see us any time soon"  (billingsgazette.com) (83)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Latest media manufactured fearmongering is *shakes Magic 8-Ball* THE BOY SCOUTS WILL KILL YOUR CHILDREN  (orlandosentinel.com) (119)
(Capital Times)   Now you can get diagnosed, treated, and prescribed meds on-line. Just wait 40 minutes before using website to simulate typical waiting room time  (host.madison.com) (44)
(NPR)   Admit it, you could use a good rolfing  (npr.org) (71)
(NPR)   Well? Where the hell is my greenlight? What's taking so long?  (npr.org) (133)
(Wall Street Journal)   Executions:464 Exonerations:12  (blogs.wsj.com) (222)
(Chicago Tribune)   "Hostage taker remembered as quiet, helpful leader." Man, Stockholm Syndrome is a bi*ch  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (48)
(Salem News)   Not news: Man busted for carrying pot. Fark: A big pot, with a tree in it  (salemnews.com) (28)
(The Tennessean)   Nashville vet dresses like a marshmallow to save whooping crane  (tennessean.com) (21)
(Washington Post)   Now that their Playoffs hopes are all but gone, the Redskins need to focus on "rebuilding." This is not a repeat from 2009, 2008, 2007...hell, from pretty much any year since Dan Snyder bought the team  (washingtonpost.com) (118)
(Slate)   Interested in seeing how Type 2 diabetes has lumbered its way across the US over the past six years? Here's a handy map. The South may rise again, but it probably won't be able to do much more than waddle  (labs.slate.com) (343)
(SLTrib)   "Utah teacher cleared of neglect after taping student to desk." Challenge: not duct tape  (sltrib.com) (55)
(SMH)   Bottom falls out of Australian teenager's world when he is arrested for trying to pass laxatives off as ecstasy tablets  (smh.com.au) (33)
(Reason Magazine)   Another day, another kooky "Reason".com article that talks about the debt in % of GDP by citing inflation adjusted dollars and making availability heuristic fallacies. Woopie  (reason.com) (113)
(Pajamas Media)   "Keynesian economics is dead. The whole justification for the Democratic Party-the welfare state-is one giant Ponzi scheme that makes Madoff seem like a piker"  (pajamasmedia.com) (498)
(SeattlePI)   "I can't imagine hanging out two hours in a bathroom," says man who does not make $2,500 per hour  (seattlepi.com) (51)
(CBS News)   Hot air balloonist continues to be found at sea by a fishing boat  (cbsnews.com) (29)
(Philly)   Sad: Reality show halted after a 23-year-old contestant was severely injured while trying to jump over a moving car driven by his father. Not sad: The incident prevented a network appearance by Justin Bieber  (philly.com) (72)
(Some Guy)   "The risk of a terrorist attack is so infinitesimal and its impact so relatively insignificant that it doesn't make rational sense to accept the suspension of liberty for the sake of avoiding a statistical anomaly"  (oudaily.com) (423)
(Bloomberg)   Israeli forest fire claims 42 lives thus far. Asked for comment, fire cited need for lebensraum  (bloomberg.com) (58)
(The Register)   British government abandons policy of actually asking real scientists for scientific advice because it turns out that real scientists won't just rubber stamp whatever ridiculousness the politicians come up with  (theregister.co.uk) (54)
(Some Guy)   So, turns out we are already in a mini-ice age. Goes well with the Mini Cooper and mini fridge  (sundaysun.co.uk) (90)
(Daily Mail)   BBC radio announcer drops the "C bomb" during his show while doing a story about Jeremy Hunt. Bonus: His name is Naughtie  (dailymail.co.uk) (45)
(wtsp.com)   State bans all Christmas decorations at the toll plazas. That'll help  (wtsp.com) (83)
(Google)   Not-news: Tehran student protester hit up for bribe by corrupt cops. Funny: Dad's "I can't afford your revolution" reaction. Fark: Story greenlit in a diplomatic cable  (google.com) (101)
(ProJo.com)   Lawyers face suspension for not paying their bar tabs  (projo.com) (16)
(Daily Mail)   A scandal to take down the Royal Family, future Princess wears bunny ears, gets tipsy and dances. Fark: In 2007  (dailymail.co.uk) (51)
(Reuters)   It's gonna take a lot to take Shell's holdings away from them. That's nothing that a hundred capitalist pigs or more could ever do, I bless the rains down in Venezuela  (uk.reuters.com) (49)
(Some Guy)   Economist: It's the most wasteful time of the year, 'cause Santa Claus does a perennially poor job of matching gifts with recipients, which results in "an orgy of value destruction"  (failuremag.com) (61)
(Wikipedia)   Photoshop this Adansonia grandidieri  (upload.wikimedia.org) (52)
(Dallas News)   Don Meredith, former Dallas Cowboys quarterback, dies of shock after the Cowboys win last night's game  (dallasnews.com) (101)
(Kansas City)   Kansas Governor declines PETA's brilliant economic recovery plan  (kansascity.com) (63)
(Fox News)   What is on the "insurance file" of Wikileaks? KFC's secret recipe? Coke's? Maybe the real soundstage footage for the moon landing?  (foxnews.com) (298)
(Some Guy)   Obama uses his first presidential pardon on kindly old man who received one year's probation for mutilating pennies in 1963  (post-gazette.com) (106)
(News.com.au)   Just in time for a twisted Christmas, show someone you care by giving the gift of....Queen Elizabeth's underwear  (news.com.au) (16)
(Some Guy)   Ten most dangerous cars of all time. Holy crap, submitter owned three of them  (autoshippers.org) (205)
(TBD)   What do the New York Times's goofy trend articles all have in common? They say either "women/girls are doing X" or "women/girls are refusing to do Y," and contain catchphrase "small but growing"  (tbd.com) (28)
(News.com.au)   Jetstar: Prove you have a dead baby or we charge an extra $600  (news.com.au) (48)
(New York Daily News)   NYC's oldest cathedral is named a basilica by the Vatican, but the sight lines still suck and who knows what they'll do for skybox revenue  (nydailynews.com) (47)
(Some Guy)   Grab your Fruit of the Looms and wrap your boas: Federal Appeals Court to hear Prop 8 case today  (redding.com) (99)
(Some Guy)   Go ahead you bastards, FORECLOSE. I sold that house in 1994  (tcoasttalk.com) (67)
(AOL News)   How Americans protest high rent: write letters to the editor, picket, barricade. How Germans protest high rents: first, strip naked. Then, hold a dance party  (aolnews.com) (36)
(Daily Mail)   Its worse than thought. Your mom is not the only over 50 year old to be sleeping around  (dailymail.co.uk) (45)
(LA Times)   Majorities of Muslims in mid-east countries want Islam in politics, would favor changing current laws to allow stoning as a punishment for adultery, hand amputation for theft and death for those who convert from Islam to another religion  (latimes.com) (329)
(Some Guy)   Grab your popcorn, live cam of riots in Athens  (zougla.gr) (266)
(Some Guy)   Snowplow rescues those seven people trapped inside fully-stocked pub. Nobody wanted to leave  (couriermail.com.au) (38)
(Telegraph)   "A frozen lake is a danger even just to walk on, but to drive quad bikes across it is stupidity at the highest level"  (telegraph.co.uk) (90)
(The Mercury)   Hotels consider sports-style yellow card warning system for patrons' drinking. Jim Ignatowski asks, "What does a yellow card mean?"  (themercury.com.au) (36)
(Chicago Tribune)   Female Chuck Norris impersonator roundhouse kicks cop so hard he tasers himself  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (84)
(Yahoo)   Nine limited edition foods with cult followings. McRib me any day  (shine.yahoo.com) (200)
(Some Gal)   Photoshop this wintry window  (bigpicture.ru) (21)
(BBC)   Wikileaks publishes list of facilities 'vital to US security,' just like Washington would've wanted  (bbc.co.uk) (321)
(Daily Mail)   Um, you guys might wanna change your Facebook profile pictures back to normal  (dailymail.co.uk) (244)
(Vanity Fair)   Sill living cancer victim Christopher Hitchens calls out dead cancer victim Randy Pausch on proper cancer etiquette  (vanityfair.com) (109)
(Google)   Police confiscated four Kalashnikov assault rifles, three submachine guns, eight handguns, four grenades, two bullet-proof vests, 50 kilogrammes of ammonium nitrate explosives and 200 grammes of TNT. Damn that could be a fun weekend  (google.com) (89)
(Chicago Tribune)   Comcast gets bored and pulls the plug on ~spins wheel~ Chicago  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (119)

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