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Sun December 26, 2010
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Examiner)   A man is playing with his crossbow in his backyard. Of course, 20 cops show up, beat him to a pulp, and seize his trailer  (examiner.com) (433)
(UPI)   Lack of funding cancels Oklahoma state prison rodeo. Disheartened inmates told to keep practicing bareback riding  (upi.com) (39)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this moon and monument  (iisuspictures.ru) (38)
(Talking Points Memo)   Everyone's favorite thug decides to spend Christmas torturing inmates down at the local jail. Because hey - why not, right?   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (571)
(Breitbart.com)   That's a nice fondue pot you have there. It would be a shame if something happened to it  (breitbart.com) (44)
(Jacksonville.com)   Latest media scare story: credit card skimmers are stealing all of your money. EVERYBODY PANIC  (jacksonville.com) (70)
(BBC)   Sounds like some of our friends across the pond need to re-read The Giving Tree  (bbc.co.uk) (35)
(Daily Mail)   New Jersey woman eating 30,000 calories a day to achieve her goal of becomming fattest woman alive. Bonus for the bachelors: she's single. w/pics  (dailymail.co.uk) (464)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)   $500 fine for swearing on a bus? Un-farking-believable   (startribune.com) (142)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   Your son has a raging addiction to painkillers. No problem, just blame everything except your perfect addict snowflake and shiatty parenting  (suntimes.com) (226)
(Orlando Sentinel)   With temperatures heading south of 60 degrees, Florida shelters are opening their doors to the flood of weaklings that can't take what's considered t-shirt weather for the rest of the country  (orlandosentinel.com) (116)
(Some Guy)   Armenian police do what we've all dreamed of: crack down on kids for being emo, due to fears the kids will "damage our gene pool"  (france24.com) (57)
(Yahoo)   Jimmy Carter near victory in a 20-year long struggle to eliminate a truly horrific disease from the planet. Best. Ex-president. Ever  (news.yahoo.com) (300)
(NYPost)   Woman stylist has a leopard porkpie hat, a whale-skin handbag, a seal coat, ivory bangles and a fur cape made from hides of the threatened Geoffroy's cat. Even Mr. Burns is impressed  (nypost.com) (100)
(Daily Mail)   Not sure what's more worrying - UK man taking 3 days for 200 mile round trip to the Airport, or the Police being able to track his car on every part of his journey using license plate recognition cameras. Your safety is paramount Citizen  (dailymail.co.uk) (64)
(Some Guy)   Woman gets bit in the eye over her Facebook status (second story)  (theleafchronicle.com) (43)
(USA Today)   More states letting (fat) students opt out of (stop being fat) P.E. Classes  (usatoday.com) (152)
(Yahoo)   Kuwaiti oil minister said the world economy can handle $100/barrel oil, just before crossing his fingers and adding "please oh please oh please"  (news.yahoo.com) (95)
(Salon)   Slideshow: The Year in Crazy. Come for Jenny McCarthy, stay for Glenn Beck and John Mayer  (salon.com) (66)
(Metro)   After being banned from throwing missiles, riding motorcycles and hanging out with his friends, court deals teen a final crucial blow. He can no longer wear purple shoe laces  (metro.co.uk) (22)
(Boston Globe)   Ten years ago today a cubicle dweller from Massachusetts went back in time to kill Adolf Hitler and became one of the first murder defendants to have his web browsing habits used against him  (boston.com) (54)
(My San Antonio)   Man retrieves stolen dog by paying $10,000 reward to a guy who wanted to pay for liver transplant and seemed displeased with the television news cameras  (mysanantonio.com) (57)
(UPI)   Shooting at a fleeing bank robber, while legal, might not be the best idea  (upi.com) (105)
(Yahoo)   Nope, sorry haven't got any tuna on the menu, would you like to try our lovely eel tartare instead? It's fresh from the hovercraft  (news.yahoo.com) (57)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this block club  (iisuspictures.ru) (21)
(Some Guy)   NASA-ha-ha-HAA-ha  (treehugger.com) (46)
(Some Chestnut)   Dads: Filling the house with Christmas comfort, togetherness, and warmth does not involve stripping naked, taking your baby hostage, and setting the Christmas tree on fire  (news.ninemsn.com.au) (39)
(MSNBC)   Death panels to start next week  (msnbc.msn.com) (141)
(Statesman)   One Texas man has discovered his life's purpose: To make life as miserable as possible for cops trying to set up speed traps  (statesman.com) (266)
(Washington Post)   More body scanners are coming to an airport near you. Benjamin Franklin puts head down on desk, begins to cry  (washingtonpost.com) (178)
(Some Guy)   Withdrawn mourners banking on quick service for ATM shooting victim  (wbir.com) (12)
(CNN)   Blizzard to delay holiday travel, Starcraft 2 expansion pack  (cnn.com) (68)
(Some Guy)   Men. In belted sweaters  (visualnews.com) (110)
(AZCentral)   For Christmas 2011, ten-year-old Stephen Goodman plans to mail handmade Christmas cards to troops overseas. One card to each deployed service member. 180,000 in all  (azcentral.com) (43)
(AZCentral)   Armed man at Mormon temple meets Saints sooner than Latter  T-Shirt  (azcentral.com) (58)
(CBC)   Not News: Police issue wave of speeding tickets. FARK: To ambulances  (cbc.ca) (84)
(My Fox DC)   Police welcome snow as crime-busting aid. FREEZE  (myfoxdc.com) (19)
(Google)   "Dear Vicksburg, reinforcements are not on the way. Good luck holding back the Union Army. Signed, 1863"  (google.com) (155)
(Some Guy)   Hog boss charged with hazards; will have to duke it out in court  T-Shirt  (cpheraldleader.com) (20)
(Boston Globe)   Photoshop something for these star gazers to stare at  (inapcache.boston.com) (39)
(Detroit News)   Michigan enjoys its first Christmas with alcohol sales. Full report after someone in Detroit sobers up  (detnews.com) (55)
(Canoe)   Drunken snowmobiler taunts police by spinning donuts. He should've known better than to tease cops with donuts  (cnews.canoe.ca) (19)
(KHOU Houston)   There's something in her eye. There's something in my eye  (khou.com) (68)

Sat December 25, 2010
(Free Press)   Looks like The Edge went to Detroit and shot someone  (freep.com) (59)
(Toronto Star)   Man stuck inside Salvation Army charity box during attempted robbery  (thestar.com) (50)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this mobile store  (online.wsj.com) (15)
(Some Guy)   Son, I am disappoint  (themonitor.com) (259)
(MSNBC)   Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring except the drunk intruder that just broke in, dropped a deuce, puked twice, and refused to leave  (msnbc.msn.com) (44)
(USA Today)   Census find only 786 mountain gorillas left in the world. Several hundred undercounted due to their lack of sending back the census form  (content.usatoday.com) (72)
(Kansas City)   India launches 27 billion dollar satellite in the Bay of Bengal, again  (kansascity.com) (155)
(Some Guy)   "The Board found that a reasonable person would conclude by having sexual intercourse while on duty, in uniform, in a police vehicle, that the Mountie conducted himself disgracefully." He should have removed that ugly uniform  (ottawacitizen.com) (33)
(Some Guy)   Would you pay $129 for a Prince Charles and Princess Diana bottle of coke? No? What if it came in a satin box?  (businessinsider.com) (34)
(Daily Mail)   Marine sends his sister a brocicle for her birthday  (dailymail.co.uk) (45)
(Lord Alfred Tennyson)   Photoshop this frosted web  (bigpicture.ru) (30)
(Daily Mail)   Cops say that the factory worker who was trapped inside a canoe-making oven ignored the warning that you can't have your kayak and heat it too  T-Shirt  (dailymail.co.uk) (106)
(Daily Mail)   Man swallows a tropical fish to impress his friends. Avoid the green ones. They're not ripe yet  (dailymail.co.uk) (96)
(Some Guy)   Grinches get away with woman's specially modified Baja. With you would hit that hard (but first you will need some rope and ceiling hangars first) pic  (ksl.com) (172)
(Rolling Stone)   Merry Christmas to celebratin' Farkers all around the world. So, how's it going so far? (voting enabled)  (rollingstone.com) (458)
(Jacksonville.com)   Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. A 10 year old girl writes him a letter to ask for only one present this year - to be able to adopt a former feral cat named Sylvester. Welcome to the Christmas version of Caturday  (jacksonville.com) (792)
(Some Guy)   Is that the Grinch trying to steal Christmas? No, that's just your friendly neighborhood Vaseline salesman in your living room  (columbian.com) (23)
(Kansas City)   Four people injured when Model A ford crashes into a pole. This is not a repeat from 1930  (kansascity.com) (41)
(Some Guy)   "You know if I could go back in time, I would lez it up 24 hours. Believe me, one thing I would not miss? Balls. Terrible little things." Betty White's contribution to this list of the best GLBT quotes of 2010  (thegavoice.com) (67)
(Daily Mail)   Funny: Setting off fireworks at your co-worker's house as a prank. Not funny: Accidentally burning down your co-worker's house during a prank involving fireworks  (dailymail.co.uk) (17)
(Free Press)   How naughty has Detroit been this year? Well, five tugboats are struggling to drag in its Christmas delivery of coal  (freep.com) (24)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Chilean miners that went through 70 days of hell to be punished with the worst kind of torture America has to offer: The "It's a Small World" ride at Disney World  (orlandosentinel.com) (36)
(CNN)   Pistachios now come in six delicious flavors: plain, salted, Jason, Freddy Krueger, George Washington, and Jesus  (religion.blogs.cnn.com) (34)
(Abc.net.au)   It's not officially Christmas in Darwin until someone dies by scissors  (abc.net.au) (35)
(Some Guys)   Photoshop this tiny town  (bigpicture.ru) (19)
(Boston Herald)   Sometimes Santa wears blue. What is this salty discharge from my eyes?  (bostonherald.com) (44)
(Japan Probe)   Attention: bunnies have taken over a former chemical weapons facility. I repeat: : bunnies have taken over a former chemical weapons facility  (japanprobe.com) (86)

Fri December 24, 2010
(CBC)   Spacious home for rent in beautiful rural Ontario. Fully furnished, only $1000 per month. If you lived here, you'd -- oh wait, you DO live here  (cbc.ca) (43)
(My San Antonio)   What would Christmas be without a nutcracker story?  (mysanantonio.com) (31)
(Spiegel)   Photoshop these long-distance lookers  (spiegel.de) (33)
(Denver Post)   Not news: Man tries to clean fireplace. News: While there's a fire inside it. Fark: He was using an aerosol cleaner  (denverpost.com) (51)
(FARK)   A very special Christmas Eve edition of the Fark Weird News Quiz  (fark.com) (50)
(Captain Steroid)   TFer Captain Steroid presents his First Annual X-Mas Photoshop Contest. Theme: Santa Penguins. Difficulty: No TFers. 1st PRIZE: One month of sponsored TotalFark for the winner. Contest ends tonight @ Midnight CST on X-Mas Eve. Have fun :-)  (img574.imageshack.us) (116)
(Telegraph)   Honey is a good cure for hangovers, say scientists, but caution that her rates are high and she only accepts cash  T-Shirt  (telegraph.co.uk) (71)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Baby dolphin found swimming next to its dead mother. Police are trying to determine if someone did this on porpoise  (orlandosentinel.com) (47)
(Capital Times)   Lion baby announced at Madison's Henry Vilas zoo. With ugly-ass pics  (host.madison.com) (13)
(FARK)   Christmas Eve Fark Party in Lexington at the Chase Tap Room  (fark.com) (24)
(madison.com)   Goat found shivering on cold Wisconsin beach now has own apartment  (host.madison.com) (37)
(Daily Mail)   Study that says women make up their mind about a man in 3 minutes, is off by 2 minutes and 45 seconds  (dailymail.co.uk) (263)
(abclocal.go.com)   Air Jordans cause mayhem. This is not a repeat  (abclocal.go.com) (177)
(New Scientist)   Let us quietly reflect on the eve of the humble yet beloved birth of the True Christ Savior, the Prince of Peace, the King of Kings, by....watching a robot solve Rubik's Cube in 15 seconds  (newscientist.com) (36)
(Boston Globe)   Before going in for that spine surgery, remember that (1) all those little bones look the same, (2) you have more vertebrae than your surgeon has fingers  (boston.com) (53)
(Google)   Japan agency warned not to accept whale meat gifts. Cetacean please  (google.com) (32)
(Contact Music)   Sofia Vergara appeals for aid to Colombia, and with those breasts of hers, everyone will listen  (contactmusic.com) (139)
(WLSAM)   Another sign of the bad economy: burglar steals autographed picture of Jim Carrey  (wlsam.com) (17)
(Telegraph)   If the word "tits" appears in your obituary four times, you have lived a magnificent life  (telegraph.co.uk) (58)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Shoplifter conceals shoes under breasts. That's one thieving jug-gernaut brought to heel  (nwfdailynews.com) (23)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this arcade  (ljplus.ru) (24)
(Denver Channel)   So, why not install flashing red lights at this problematic intersection? Because they will be a distraction  (thedenverchannel.com) (26)
(Yahoo)   How do you force a president from office who refuses to concede the election? Well cutting off his access to the bank account from which he pays his soldiers seems like a great first step  (news.yahoo.com) (28)
(Yahoo)   Flash mobs all the rage this holiday season. Soooo, what does everyone think about this Y2K business?  (news.yahoo.com) (16)
(UPI)   Male/female shopping styles evolved from hunter/gatherers, can be seen at malls: females browse and forage, males want to kill someone  T-Shirt  (upi.com) (83)
(Some Guy)   Not news: Local man turns 90. News: He's the mayor. Holy hell: He's been the mayor since 1949  (fbherald.com) (26)
(Life.com)   You know who else celebrated Christmas?  (life.com) (48)
(Some Generosity)   Ellen DeGeneres donates one million meals to shelter dogs. Like any Ellen DeGeneres joke, there's no punchline here, but that's still pretty damn good on her  (digitalspy.com) (134)
(YouTube)   Joel, Servo, and Crow would like to wish everyone a happy Patrick Swayze Christmas  (youtube.com) (53)
(NW Florida Daily News)   'I'm going to (expletive) kill you. Don't ever come back.' Oh, and Merry Christmas  (nwfdailynews.com) (10)
(Yahoo)   France faces major airport delays as nation's supply of de-icing fluid depleted by winemakers  (news.yahoo.com) (17)
(MSNBC)   Note to self: If vacationing in Jamaica, don't accept food from the locals  (msnbc.msn.com) (44)
(Boston Herald)   Because "Ackbar's Jewelers" would have been a little too obvious  (bostonherald.com) (53)
(Jackson Progress-Argus)   Sex offenders who stay in Butts will have to pay  (mycountypaper.com) (34)
(Gizmodo)   Attempting to rob a restaurant? There's an app for that  (gizmodo.com) (9)
(New York Daily News)   TSA's random deadly object of the week is the Thermos. All that effort picking out the perfect gift for your significant other was for naught. Jerks  (nydailynews.com) (57)
(Metro)   If your new husband refuses sex for the first six months of the marriage, don't be too surprised when you walk in on HER in the bathroom  (metro.co.uk) (70)
(God's Own Mouthpiece)   "Urban Dictionary? No wonder it's so full of sex and drugs. It must be run by negroes"  (landoverbaptist.net) (196)
(MetroWest Daily News)   So you finally nailed your hot teacher, and you're thinking "my friends will never bel....zzz...." and she's lying wide awake thinking "he was good for a teenager, but was he $10 good?"  (metrowestdailynews.com) (21)
(MTV)   Eight Star Wars-themed products the world would have if George Lucas ever sold out  (geek-news.mtv.com) (60)
(CNN)   Young Koreans whine about military service. Subby whines about the fact he's been there and done that for their country for the last 33 years without whining. Until now  (edition.cnn.com) (99)
(WLSAM)   New study proves that when states cut budgets by scrutinizing teacher benefits, the teachers unions put the best interest of the kids first. Nah. It's what you thought  (wlsam.com) (58)
(LA Times)   The new governor of Hawaii is in on the Obama birth certificate coverup  (latimes.com) (238)
(Talking Points Memo)   Just in time for the War On Christmas, a report from the front lines of 'America's War On Christianity'   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (63)
(AJC)   For the first time since 1882, Atlantans will have the opportunity to line up for bread and milk on Christmas  (ajc.com) (45)
(ABC News)   Pulitzer prize committee notified of ABC's late entry into this year's journalism competition  (abcnews.go.com) (19)
(Yahoo)   Apparently in England, you get bail if you are under 18 even if you steal something worth more than $1 million  (news.yahoo.com) (14)
(The Consumerist)   The USA gets the McRib, the UK gets the ...hork... Brussel Sprout Whopper  (consumerist.com) (47)
(Newsday)   NY Gov. Patterson blindly commutes a murderer's sentence  (newsday.com) (80)
(BBC)   Obama government moves to take over millions of acres of public land  (bbc.co.uk) (150)
(Boston Globe)   17 year old boy drives to a stranger's house every night to carry their son with cerebral palsy up the stairs to his bedroom because the parents can't  (mobile.boston.com) (96)
(Ho Ho Ho) NewsFlash NORAD is tracking fast moving bogey. EVERYBODY PANIC  (noradsanta.org) (159)
(Some Guy)   Police are searching every alley for the pinheads who robbed a bowling club before the turkeys can strike again  (dailytelegraph.com.au) (26)
(UPI)   Painter and sculptor Elmo Gideon has passed away at 86. His cremated remains will be placed in hotel rooms across the nation  (upi.com) (24)
(Some Guy)   .335. It's great if it's your batting average, it's awful if it's your BA  (heraldsun.com.au) (40)
(Boston Globe)   Photoshop this cleanup costume  (inapcache.boston.com) (30)
(NDTV)   Wife of the chief minister of a state in India applies for a loan to buy (a) car (b) Christmas gifts or (c) onions?  (ndtv.com) (30)
(MSNBC)   World War 2 pilot rescued by New Guinea villagers who spent a lifetime repaying his debt dies  (msnbc.msn.com) (96)
(Daily Mail)   Orphaned hedgehog gets all scrubbed up for our pleasure  (dailymail.co.uk) (35)
(WISHTV)   Maximum penalty for sculpting snow penis: 1 year in jail and $5,000 fine. Sounds like a stiff penalty  (wishtv.com) (121)
(AP)   Late Sen. Edward Kennedy's dog, Splash, dies at 13. Alcohol was not a factor. Splash  (hosted.ap.org) (82)
(Nevada Appeal)   Those 2 Navy MH-60 helicopters that took a dip in Lake Tahoe, causing $500,000 of damage? The crews did it so they'd have cool photos for their Facebook page  (nevadaappeal.com) (125)
(Fox News)   World's smartest dog knows more than 1,000 words, including "It was a dark and stormy night"  (foxnews.com) (53)
(Some Chick)   FAA claims it was birds and not planes that spread red poop all over an Indianapolis neighborhood. Neighbors say that's crap  (theindychannel.com) (47)

Thu December 23, 2010
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this position point  (citypicture.ru) (33)
(News24)   Man arrested for drunk driving in a Mercedes full of stolen sheep. He'll probably bleat the charges  (news24.com) (50)
(Contact Music)   EVEN THOUGH I'VE GOT A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH YOU PEOPLE, I'D LIKE TO WISH YOU A HAPPY FESTIVUS‼  (contactmusic.com) (203)
(Fox News)   The "Iceberg Cowboy" finds a rare iceberg archway in the ocean (w/pic)  (foxnews.com) (58)
(FARK)   Fark's 2010 HEADLINE OF THE YEAR contest  (fark.com) (252)
(WXYZ Detroit)   Private contractors attempt to upgrade pumping station, end up downgraded by explosion  (wxyz.com) (11)
(My Fox NY)   Reindeer Eat Magic Mushrooms to Escape Winter Boredom while the herdsmen pass the time with a warm drink  (myfoxny.com) (53)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Florida sheriff eagerly awaits the forthcoming NAACP lawsuit  (orlandosentinel.com) (151)
(Some Guy)   The most vandalized church in the Cleveland Catholic Diocese refuses to take down a vandalized Christmas billboard because they say it stand as a symbol of the unbroken Christmas spirit  (newsnet5.com) (65)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Former KKK leader won't let his son's girlfriend drink the good beer (Budweiser). And then it gets rednecky  (orlandosentinel.com) (174)
(MSNBC)   There's a vas deferens between medical malpractice and paying to raise your unwanted child  (msnbc.msn.com) (60)
(Boing Boing)   Be prepared for carolers this year. Learn how to make figgy pudding  (boingboing.net) (38)
(Some Guy)   Company tweets the birth of Jesus. Okay messiah is coming out  (christianpost.com) (24)
(Wall Street Journal)   This bod's for you  (online.wsj.com) (26)
(Some Guy)   Christians once had their own War on Christmas™  (lifeslittlemysteries.com) (83)
(Huffington Post)   Two thirds of U.S. colleges curtail free speech. If you had to go off campus to read this, yours is one of them  (huffingtonpost.com) (113)
(Some Guy)   Mother listens to her 16-year-old son's heartbeat... in a 51-year-old man  (pittsburgh.cbslocal.com) (40)
(Some Guy)   The smokers in the group serve as church greeters because they're out front anyway  (westword.com) (21)
(Yahoo)   Guy jumps off Parliament's balcony. Told ya those things will kill you  (news.yahoo.com) (33)
(CNN)   Let's not start sucking each other's dicks quite yet  (cnn.com) (180)
(Wave3)   Mysterious creature found in Kentucky. It was delicious  (wave3.com) (94)
(Canoe)   Santa's flight plan leaked. Thanks Julian Assange  (cnews.canoe.ca) (32)
(NPR)   Tree that survived the collapse of WTC on 9/11 replanted at Ground Zero  (npr.org) (71)
(Some Guy)   "She told dispatchers that her neighbor had emptied a cat litter box in her front yard, so she had responded in kind, pouring her own cat's litter box over the neighbor's car." Then it gets weird  (redding.com) (23)
(Some Guy)   Meet the world's suingest atheist, 14 years of God-hating litigation and not one single victory  (christiancentury.org) (417)
(Slate)   "Americans are hardly more religious than people living in other industrialized countries. Yet they consistently-and more or less uniquely-want others to believe they are more religious than they really are"  (slate.com) (155)
(Talking Points Memo)   Leading social conservative: "Obama is selling us out to the Indians." He then clarified: "Teepee, not turban"   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (185)
(Yahoo)   "The results showed that people living in the stroke belt...were about 30 percent more likely to eat two or more servings of fried fish every week"  (news.yahoo.com) (123)
(Some Guy)   Retiring senator just happens to find moon rock which was presented to the state of Missouri in his pile of memorabilia  (kmbc.com) (43)
(News.com.au)   Man accused of arson after getting trapped in blackberries. He probably had Verizon  (news.com.au) (18)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this emotion expressed  (bigpicture.ru) (33)
(Telegraph & Argus)   The maximum punishment for reporting a dead pigeon in your garden is six months in jail  (thetelegraphandargus.co.uk) (22)
(The Morning Call)   HA HA, EXPLOSION REPORTED AT CHEMICAL LAB NEAR QUAKERTOWN  (mcall.com) (156)
(Neatorama)   Active duty Army Ranger, Master Sergeant Mark Morgan is no cream puff, but he can bake you a mean one  (neatorama.com) (51)
(Denver Post)   Man who ordered 178 pizzas as prank agrees to hand over dough  (denverpost.com) (67)
(BBC)   Dude. If it's been a month since the election and the world is saying you lost and it's become necessary to use mercenaries to kill 173 people and arrest 500 others to keep from being forced out, let it go man. Cause, it's gone  (bbc.co.uk) (54)
(Yahoo)   Norwegian reindeer owners tell Santa to put reflective collars on his reindeer...you know...so the airplanes won't mistakenly fly him over  (news.yahoo.com) (7)
(UPI)   Experts advise that a Christmas tree can ignite in 3 seconds, so keep that in mind when selecting a gift for that hard-to-shop-for pyromaniac on your list  (upi.com) (13)
(Yahoo)   Habits for Humanity? Almost 100 elderly nuns descend on New Orleans to rebuild houses destroyed by the flood. After all that practice with rulers, I bet they swing a mean hammer  (news.yahoo.com) (26)
(BBC)   Here's the world's smallest Christmas card for all you scrooges out there  (bbc.co.uk) (26)
(CBC)   "Before I sign my name to this report saying you should get reduced prison time, would you like to have sex?"  (cbc.ca) (38)
(Chicago Tribune)   Chicago airports think holiday travelers will enjoy annoying music and free package wrapping while the TSA gropes your goods  (chicagobreakingbusiness.com) (25)
(Some Guy)   177 nations guarantee paid leave for new mothers; the U.S. does not. 74 nations guarantee paid leave for new fathers; the U.S. does not. 163 nations guarantee paid sick leave; the U.S. does not  (dissidentvoice.org) (480)
(Washington Post)   People criticizing Nina Totenberg -- excuse the expression -- are full of shiat  (voices.washingtonpost.com) (74)
(Yahoo)   Senate apparently decides we don't need a Nobel-prize winning economist from MIT to be on the board that sets our monetary policy, because hey, what the fark would he know about anything?  (news.yahoo.com) (67)
(Huffington Post)   On the heels of their latest WTF, CIA tells terrorists to STFU  (huffingtonpost.com) (51)
(CBC)   Storm causes Canadian beaches to close. Wait, what?  (cbc.ca) (37)
(Some Guy)   Department of Homeland Security reduced to using not safe for work language and trolling discussion boards  (infowars.com) (95)
(NPR)   Is part of the reason that Obama has so many enemies that we know too much about him? An ironic question posed by NPR, especially since that most important bit of info, his country of birth, remains so clouded in mystery  (npr.org) (100)
(Some Guy)   If you're a teen lesbian, you might wanna consider getting the f*ck out of East Texas  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (125)
(Guardian.com)   Best Korea threatens South with nuclear 'Holy War' over military exercises at Pocheon. Gotta catch 'em all  (guardian.co.uk) (58)
(Denver Post)   If you're behind in your child support in Colorado, then you're encouraged to go to casinos, play the ponies, and buy lottery tickets  (denverpost.com) (35)
(Globe and Mail)   Canadian airport screeners are rude and smell of pot  (theglobeandmail.com) (29)
(Some Guy)   New evidence of explosives that can be used in controlled demolition has been found in the dust traces of the World Trade Center  (projectcensored.org) (634)
(YouTube)   If you've ever wanted to hear 'Bohemian Rhapsody' played on four violins, then today is your lucky day  (youtube.com) (53)
(Scientific American)   Want to finally know for sure whether or not you're nuts? Try tickling yourself  (scientificamerican.com) (55)
(CNN)   Gardasil approved for anal cancer. Still no cure for the pains in the ass you'll be spending Saturday with  (pagingdrgupta.blogs.cnn.com) (41)
(Yahoo)   Not news: China on schedule to launch its first aircraft carrier in mid-2011 News: It's actually an old Soviet carrier that they bought and are retrofiting. Fark: After it had already been converted to a floating casino  (news.yahoo.com) (101)
(MSNBC)   Mom, I know I lived with you until I was 27, but I'd really rather you didn't come live with us after you retire  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (198)
(Some Guy)   11 year old girl scares of three burglars with pink rifle  (everydaynodaysoff.com) (128)
(Yahoo)   Dog Owner decides that a litter of 17 is quite enough and decides to have his pet neutered, hopes maybe the Duggars will take the hint  (news.yahoo.com) (22)
(National Post)   Canadians realize that giving time and money to charities means less time and money for yourself  (nationalpost.com) (38)
(CBC)   Parcel bombs explode at Swiss and Chilean embassies in Rome. Great, now we won't be able to take embassies onto airplanes  (cbc.ca) (98)
(FARK)   Fark's 2010 Headline of the Year contest, Round 4: October through December (voting closes at 11AM EST)  (fark.com) (116)
(Spiegel)   Photoshop this man bicycling in a blizzard  (spiegel.de) (32)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Good news, Florida. Almost every type of crime is on the decline. Bad news: Except murder, which is out of control  (orlandosentinel.com) (73)
(Sun Sentinel)   Two birdbrains thought they would build a nest egg with smuggled pigeons. Yolk's on them  (sun-sentinel.com) (13)
(My Fox Dallas)   Drunk driver detained outside of Bush's Dallas home. No, not the guy you're thinking  (myfoxdfw.com) (90)
(The Times of India)   The average man experiences just under three hours of orgasms in his lifetime. That's shorter than "Titanic," but far less painful  T-Shirt  (timesofindia.indiatimes.com) (159)
(Washington Post)   In case you were wondering, your mailman can accept gifts up to $20. But no cash or booze, since that might conceivably improve service  (voices.washingtonpost.com) (87)
(Inside Chevy)   Police hunt Triangle Man after shooting someone who presumably lived in a garbage can and was hit on the head with a frying pan  (www2.insidenova.com) (110)
(News 10 ABC Sacramento)   Airline pilot films TSA checkpoints, points out flaws and posts it to YouTube. Naturally, the TSA has a problem with this  (news10.net) (328)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 294: "Farktography Classic: Seasons Greetings 4" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (164)

Wed December 22, 2010
(Spiegel)   Photoshop these awkward awardees  (spiegel.de) (24)
(News.com.au)   Sad: Man tells woman he sees into the future and she will die if she doesn't have sex with him. Stupid: It works  (news.com.au) (102)
(KOCO)   Driver of 1000+ HP 'vette posts Youtube video of himself driving 190 mph. Also video of car's license plate. Predictably, he's arrested  (koco.com) (222)
(ABC News)   Even Julian Assange wouldn't touch this one: Retired Santa Claus leaks children's wish lists  (abcnews.go.com) (72)
(Some Joker)   Man threatened to carve smile onto woman's face. Why so serious?  (journalstar.com) (47)
(NewsOK)   13 year old student in Oklahoma City arrested for possessing a permanent marker  (newsok.com) (174)
(times news)   Man tries to run over three sheriffs with a stolen tractor. Cops charge him with being plowed  (timesnews.net) (16)
(Denver Post)   Doctor gives a medical marijuana prescription to a woman who is 6-months pregnant. Yes, some people have a problem with this  (denverpost.com) (167)
(truTV)   Another story about how the people of Sweden have too much money and not enough to do  (blog.trutv.com) (33)
(Mediaite)   Fox News declares Elie Wiesel winner of the Holocaust. Well, he didn't die, so I guess that's winning  (mediaite.com) (141)
(LA Times)   Obama hasn't had a cigarette in nine months  (latimes.com) (130)
(CNN)   As you get groped at the airport, the TSA would like to remind you of who the real victims are: the TSA  (money.cnn.com) (260)
(Some Guys)   Photoshop these motoring men  (img-fotki.yandex.ru) (32)
(Huffington Post) NewsFlash Senate passes 9/11 responders bill unanimously after publicly shamed Republicans relent their objections  (huffingtonpost.com) (379)
(CNN)   Need help on that last minute gift for the geek in your life? This guide may help. Whatever you do, don't get the poster of The Riddler reading "Why So Serious?"  (cnn.com) (61)
(Some Guy)   Epic win from when the Cleveland Browns actually knew what that meant  (lastangryfan.com) (175)
(MSNBC)   Three more days to Christmas. Time for the annual "Did you know there's an actual SANTA CLAUS INDIANA?" story  (msnbc.msn.com) (48)
(Reuters)   Moms who take iron supplements more likely to have kids who attend magnet schools  T-Shirt  (reuters.com) (37)
(MSNBC)   If you've ever spent time in Sacramento then this story about a pitbull attacking a horse probably doesn't surprise you  (msnbc.msn.com) (57)
(NPR)   Latest enlistees in the war on Christmas? Extraterrestrials. With really unhelpful picture of how to tie a Christmas tree to the top of your flying saucer  (npr.org) (33)
(SMH)   "Mini Ice Age coming", says man who beats weather experts ... with, like, a stick or something  (smh.com.au) (159)
(UPI)   Police arrest 'unruly' female Santas. "Rudolph was charged with criminal trespassing, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct, including public intoxication"  (upi.com) (42)
(WLWT)   Jesus 'ultrasound' billboard turning heads, stomachs  (wlwt.com) (184)
(Gizmodo)   When what to my wondering eyes should appear but a HH-60 Pave Hawk with Santa rappelling out of it  (gizmodo.com) (53)
(NJ.com)   Town spends $17,000 to defend itself over a $5 dispute  (nj.com) (83)
(MSNBC)   Deal in the works for 9/11 health care bill. Unfortunately, it will likely exclude all pre-existing injuries and symptoms consistent with being a first responder on 9/11  (firstread.msnbc.msn.com) (38)
(Huffington Post)   Kaplan University giving students an MBA in dirty tricks  (huffingtonpost.com) (87)
(Yahoo)   Judge orders 62-year old woman who has held the same job for 40 years, to jail after ruling her "a flight risk". Of course for those 40 years she was Bernie Madoff's secretary, so that might have something to do with it  (news.yahoo.com) (26)
(Some Guy)   Yes, but who would win in a fight: Chuck Norris or Kenny Loggins?   (hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com) (81)
(CNN)   Is it tacky to ask for cash for christmas?  (cnn.com) (154)
(Some Guy)   "And I was way too sophisticated to let myself get farted on by an animal that looked like a coat rack"  (metropulse.com) (25)
(Some Guy)   Nothing says Merry Chistmas like suing a Santa Claus parade  (680news.com) (29)
(Toronto Star)   This lawyer dad is a pucking a**hole  (thestar.com) (398)
(Yahoo)   Philly police tell residents that serial rapist may be climbin' in their windows snatchin' their people up; but they still aren't allowed to form an angry vigilante mob to hunt him down and kill him  (news.yahoo.com) (55)
(Fox News)   NLRB requires another piece of paper you'll never read to be posted in a place in your office you never visit  (foxnews.com) (60)
(Some Guy)   Men hit barber, shoot customer, and flee shop without shave and haircut. Talk about two-bit criminals  (clickorlando.com) (13)
(Globe and Mail)   Vatican and China argue over who gets to wear silly hats  (theglobeandmail.com) (35)
(Washington Post)   As China's obsession with plastic surgery grows, so do the pitfalls, as illustrated by this story of two Wangs  (washingtonpost.com) (46)
(NPR)   Unlike the TSA, CIA, FBI, Federal Government, and Geek Squad technicians, Al Queda learns from their mistakes  (npr.org) (53)
(Huffington Post)   Apparently "trying to invoke the beast" in a public park is a no-no  (huffingtonpost.com) (99)
(Daily Mail)   British spy who was found dead inside gym bag had transvestite cabaret show tickets that never got used. What a drag  (dailymail.co.uk) (28)
(TheAdvertiser.com)   The TSA requests, instead of bring it on a plane with you, please leave any and all stuffed chickens at home  (theadvertiser.com) (27)
(Some Guy)   Despite having a doctor's note, school won't let girl wear sweatpants because it violates the dress code. "I don't write prescriptions for them and they should not write prescriptions to circumvent our dress code"  (clevescene.com) (162)
(Washington Post)   CIA creates Wikileaks Task Force...WTF  (washingtonpost.com) (70)
(Telegraph)   Village overwhelmed by visitors looking for underground UFO garage to hitch ride when world ends in 2012. "Many come and pray on the mountainside. I've even seen one man doing some ritual totally nude up there"  (telegraph.co.uk) (24)
(Some Guy)   News anchors unable to report breaking story about SWAT standoff because police evacuated their news room  (wsoctv.com) (8)
(The Consumerist)   STOP THE PRESSES: Man claims his bag of Doritos contained only THREE CHIPS  (consumerist.com) (94)
(NPR)   Why your stupid Prius means we'll all be paying more for steak  (npr.org) (280)
(truTV)   The 12 strangest holiday-related patents  (trutv.com) (21)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   Remember the movie Backdraft? The finale is being reenacted in Chicago right now  (suntimes.com) (78)
(NPR)   The real question now is whether or not Obama will strut out to his next news conference, spike his notes on the ground, and do a victory dance around the podium  (npr.org) (169)
(BBC)   Winter's here, and so's the annual scary "a cough that won't go away could be a sign of something worse" for both of you who didn't already know  (bbc.co.uk) (21)
(CNN)   North Korea retaliates for live-fire drills with technology previously unknown to exist above the 38th parallel  (edition.cnn.com) (85)
(Peace FM)   Witch-doctor jailed for making four guys' penises disappear. Subby suggests looking on 2nd Ave near St Mark's Place, where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street  (news.peacefmonline.com) (75)
(National Post)   "I know for some of the faithful enforced secularism in the public square is perceived as an assault on religion but that's like saying an empty glass is an attack on booze"  (fullcomment.nationalpost.com) (588)
(Yahoo)   Neighbors say French farmer jailed for shooting suspected truffle thief was never really what you'd call a fun guy  (news.yahoo.com) (26)
(Fox News)   New Zealand military releases 2,000 page History of Streetlights report  (foxnews.com) (95)
(Some Guy)   "Former Inmate: Jews Used Witchcraft on Guantanamo Prisoners, Made Me Feel a Cat Was Trying to Penetrate Me"  (thememriblog.org) (136)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)   Flaming Snowplow of DEAAATH (with flaming pic)  (startribune.com) (63)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop these professional painters  (carspicture.ru) (14)
(Some Ailurophile)   Man caught hiding in pharmacy ceiling charged with burglary, disturbing sanctuary of the Divine Feline Observer of Your Self-Stimulation  T-Shirt   (johnsoncitypress.com) (30)
(Kansas City)   Swallowing pieces of glass to collect insurance money is usually worth the pane, unless the company sees right through it  (kansascity.com) (53)
(Sun Sentinel)   Florida has declared tourist hunting season open  (sun-sentinel.com) (82)
(MSNBC)   Man in pink tutu runs 20 miles in snow.... and isn't being chased by police  (msnbc.msn.com) (27)
(CNN)   Al Qaeda mulled the idea of poisoning US salad bars. Luckily for us, Americans don't eat salad  T-Shirt  (cnn.com) (122)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Deputies catch woman trying to smuggle drugs into jail by hiding them in her bra. That's quite a bust  (nwfdailynews.com) (31)
(WMCTV)   Things you would not plan on finding in a meth lab: c) Monkeys  (wmctv.com) (45)
(CSMonitor)   US teen birthrate fell dramatically in 2009 thanks to MTV's '16 and Pregnant'  (csmonitor.com) (175)
(AZCentral)   There's speeding, and then there's "112 mph over the limit" speeding  (azcentral.com) (206)
(FOX6Now)   Man unemployed for 18 months goes to McDonald's for McRib, wins $1 million Monopoly prize. Is there anything the McRib can't do?  (fox6now.com) (122)
(The New York Times)   Want to get around moonshine laws? Just don't call it "moonshine"  (nytimes.com) (79)
(FARK)   Photoshop Theme: If I could do it all over again  (fark.com) (53)
(News.com.au)   Scientists breed singing mouse. Disney not overly impressed  (news.com.au) (97)

Tue December 21, 2010
(News.com.au)   Man stabbed in Woolloongabba. I'm not familiar with these hoity-toity medical terms  T-Shirt  (news.com.au) (76)
(Boing Boing)   Socialist country passes law drastically reducing internet freedoms  (boingboing.net) (184)
(Some Guy)   "Pants Fire not Crime, Police Say," although it can serve as evidence of perjury  (fredericksburg.com) (31)
(Fox News)   Someone finally noticed that the UN stinks  (foxnews.com) (61)
(LA Times)   Year of change exemplified: The average American wage declined about 4%. Happy Holidays  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (163)
(Some Skier)   Redneck manners meets Colorado ski slopes - if a 14-year old girl bumps into your little snowflake: c) punch her in the face  (vaildaily.com) (229)
(NJ.com)   Internet shock jock and government informant Hal Turner gets 33 months in federal prison for being a tad too shocky  (nj.com) (142)
(UPI)   The top 10 most divisive issues of 2010. Yes, Justin Bieber made the list  (upi.com) (92)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   Israel's Holocaust memorial says it has now identified 4 million of the 6 million Jews who were killed by Nazis in the Holocaust of World War II. Take pause to let those numbers sink in  (suntimes.com) (764)
(Some Guy)   Twenty-three percent of HS students who try to join the military fail its entrance exam, which is a real sad statement about our education system. At least the military still has standards  (app.com) (304)
(MSNBC)   Today's Fark-ready headline: "Vatican: Condoms OK, but not as contraceptive"  (msnbc.msn.com) (90)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this desert drinker  (animalpicture.ru) (26)
(Quad City Times)   Headline: "Man in jail for repeated exposures". If he had a digital camera he wouldn't have wasted all that film  (qctimes.com) (7)
(FARK)   The last batch of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 12/12 - 12/18, and an update on the 2010 Headline of the Year contest  (fark.com) (38)
(Mainichi)   Actual headline: 'Man acquitted of creating family trees without a license'  (mdn.mainichi.jp) (34)
(Gallup)   The number of Americans who believe in strict Creationism is down. That's good. It's still 40%. That's bad. At least we can all agree that the frogurt was divinely inspired. Mmm, frogurt  (gallup.com) (654)
(Stars and Stripes)   So how are military personnel reacting to DADT repeal? "You're gay? OK. Get back to work"  (stripes.com) (407)
(Fox News)   Brazilian shotgun wedding. YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG  (foxnews.com) (66)
(The Smoking Gun)   You've been asked to leave a convenience store. Do you: C) pee in the freezer  (thesmokinggun.com) (65)
(Huffington Post)   Liam Neeson's comments about Narnia's Aslan leads to political correctness, which leads to Sharia, which leads to SUFFERING  (huffingtonpost.com) (225)
(News.com.au)   Chocolate better cure for common cold than echinacea, claim women researchers  (news.com.au) (27)
(CNN)   TSA patdowns are forcing sexual assault victims to re-live the trauma that many of them barely survived in the first place  (cnn.com) (255)
(Washington Post)   When you work out, you're working out with STAPHYLOCOCCUS  (washingtonpost.com) (73)
(WLSAM)   Another sign of the bad economy: free yoga classes  (wlsam.com) (47)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   The Grateful Dead are grateful for the $615,000 our government spent to digitize dirty hippie archive  (suntimes.com) (100)
(BBC)   Not news: Another royal wedding. News: It's the only hot one who was actually BORN royal. Fark: And she has a tongue stud  (bbc.co.uk) (130)
(AJC)   I SAlD, IT TAKES 41 YEARS FOR A HUMAN TO CULTIVATE A PEARL IN HIS EAR  (ajc.com) (57)
(MSNBC)   "U.K. officials greased Lockerbie bomber's release, report finds". Giggity  (msnbc.msn.com) (26)
(Some Guy)   The USS Harry S. Truman returns home, and 119 new fathers are first off the carrier to meet their new kids. Tag is for the parents  (wtkr.com) (131)
(CNN)   Fourth actor sustains serious injury in Bono's broadway show: "Spider-Man: Turn on the Fark"  (edition.cnn.com) (83)
(Mother Nature Network)   Giant African tortoises are taking over the Arizona desert. Very slowly  (mnn.com) (83)
(Some Guy)   Could someone please help me shovel out the driveway so people can see my 'stop global warming' sign and know that I care?   (jammiewearingfool.blogspot.com) (731)
(BBC)   British Undersecretary for Business: "I have declared war on Mr Murdoch and I think we are going to win"  (bbc.co.uk) (52)
(NYPost)   Stephen Baldwin assures the world he will not fling forks at any of his pinko-commie brothers during Christmas dinner  (nypost.com) (35)
(Yahoo)   The first step in Obama's nefarious plan to take your guns away has finally begun: ATF to ask gun dealers on the Mexican border to report purchasers of multiple high-powered rifles. Thank god the NRA is already fighting this  (news.yahoo.com) (287)
(CBC)   Inmates turn trash into toys for Christmas. "Mommy, why is there a razor blade glued to this toothbrush?"  (cbc.ca) (10)
(Some Guy)   Vet holding cat hostage until bill is paid. Merry Christmas  (wect.com) (270)
(Some Guy)   This guy takes "crashing at a friend's house" to eleven  (greenevillesun.com) (10)
(Fox News)   Flash mob trying to sing "Hallelujah Chorus" results in evacuation of mall. YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG  (foxnews.com) (61)
(Some Guy)   How to get a raise and avoid a hot coco sampler. No, seriously, the article talks about hot coco sampler avoidance. Tag is for the fact that it's so true  (carissadoshi.com) (100)
(Sun Sentinel)   Like the blind leading the blind, Ohio will help Florida teachers combat their illiteracy  (sun-sentinel.com) (18)
(AOL News)   Last minute gift ideas for the weirdos on your list  (aolnews.com) (39)
(Kansas City)   Case of "Rules don't apply to me" or "Workers did not block off properly"? Either way, karma is a real biatch  (kansascity.com) (65)
(Some Guy)   Biologist rages at council after riding bike into bollard. What a cyclepath  (swns.com) (46)
(Statesman)   Newspaper faults judge for releasing suspect on bond, because it "helped him avoid almost six months in jail before the felony charge was dismissed"  (statesman.com) (32)
(Some Guy)   First picture of woman jailed for having sex with 14-year-old boy. Yeah, you'd hit it  (swns.com) (160)
(Politico)   Janet Napolitano, Secretary of Homeland Security: "Our people are working 24/7, 364 days a year." Well, someone's got to keep all 57 states safe  (politico.com) (119)
(Deserted London)   The city of London without any humans in it - spooky photos of the city on a Christmas morning  (ianvisits.co.uk) (36)
(NPR)   The story of how one philanthropist is bringing real treatment to veterans suffering from traumatic brain injuries, treatment the Pentagon won't give. Warning: dusty  (npr.org) (28)
(Huffington Post)   Ah, summertime in Australia. The sun glinting off the barbie. The whiff of roasting kookaburra in the air. And the snow. Lots and lots of snow. Crikey, what?  (huffingtonpost.com) (83)
(LA Times)   For the discerning woman in your life; A mugwort and wormwoord tea vaginal steam bath  (latimes.com) (35)
(Daily Mail)   Sixth-grader will unfortunately forever be known as "the molester's son" after Dad got blitzed on vodka while chaperoning a field trip and decided the girls looked cute  (dailymail.co.uk) (53)
(Yahoo)   Twinkies, tapeworms, and pregnancy hormone - the list of the most ridiculous fad diets of 2010 is out. Eating less, exercising more notably absent  (shine.yahoo.com) (29)
(Cincinnati Enquirer)   Today we salute you, Mr. Found $22,000 Worth of Savings Bonds in a Recycling Bin and Worked on Your Own to Track Down a Living Heir and Deliver Them Just in Time for Christmas Recycling Plant Worker  (nky.cincinnati.com) (34)
(Some Guy)   Father pulls daughter out of a van on the side of the highway and they fall to the ground fighting until the van rolls over the daughter's legs at which point they get back in and drive to a gas station, then things get weird  (heraldpalladium.com) (33)
(LA Times)   You knew this was coming. Slideshow of last night's Lunar eclipse  (latimes.com) (59)
(Free Lance Star)   Man's pants mysteriously catch fire; that's what he gets for lying  (fredericksburg.com) (13)
(AOL News)   But the worst part of being a mall Santa? No beer. "I immediately knew I made a mistake. Beer is a major no-no for Santa"  (aolnews.com) (47)
(Yahoo)   NJ Supreme Court has ordered the six largest mortgage lenders in the country to appear before it and explain why ALL thier foreclosure actions, some 30,000 total, shouldn't be thrown out of court for bad/fraudulent paperwork  (news.yahoo.com) (103)
(Yahoo)   Visitor Don'ts for five major cities. L.A. list fails without "get on the 405"  (travel.yahoo.com) (324)
(New York Daily News)   Spend $50 on greeting cards, get a free pole dance  (nydailynews.com) (41)
(FARK)   So, who's really not looking forward to spending an extended amount of time with the family? Will you be traveling? Will you be drinking?  (fark.com) (430)
(The Consumerist)   Thomas Edison was a twisted little doll maker with visions of cyborgs dancing in his head  (consumerist.com) (72)
(New York Daily News)   For a good time, go to Fark.com, ask for Ric Romero. Courthouse bathrooms are a haven for lewd graffiti artists  (nydailynews.com) (24)
(Toledo Blade)   With four neighboring states belonging to the 70 mph faction and only one at 65, Ohio switches sides  (toledoblade.com) (77)
(Guardian.com)   News: €5 million worth of stolen art recovered after thieves tried to sell it. Fark: to a scrap iron dealer for €30  (guardian.co.uk) (24)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this bunny kiss  (online.wsj.com) (31)
(Yahoo)   Dog gives birth to 17 puppies. Owner fined for littering  (news.yahoo.com) (124)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   After a 2500 year drought in language contribution, Greece steps up and delivers the 2010 word of the year  (suntimes.com) (61)
(Some Guy)   Nine-year-old girl has been raising money to buy gifts for hospitalized children for the last four years. This year she raised $15K  (wsoctv.com) (42)
(WUSA9)   High school puts the smack down on (a) a gang (b) a group of bullies, or (c) the Xmas Sweater Club  (princewilliamcounty.wusa9.com) (175)
(Snot News)   "Sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight. Be sure to check out the latest Skymall catalog, located in your seatback pocket, just behind the blood and mucus-filled airsickness bag"  (wfaa.com) (49)
(FOX6Now)   Like any other teenage boy, he thought the "I'm a vampire" pickup line would work  (racine.fox6now.com) (84)
(mainichi.jp)   Junior high teacher reprimanded for posting "list of fools" on school corridor, labeling some of his students "pathetic" and "troublesome"  (mdn.mainichi.jp) (57)
(Orlando Sentinel)   The Orlando Police Department would like to assure the public they aren't going to use the Taser anymore. No, they are just going to plain ol' shoot you instead  (orlandosentinel.com) (79)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop these Santa shenanigans  (online.wsj.com) (34)
(Some Guy)   A New Zealand brothel for women is looking to hire male prostitutes for $176 per hour. Difficulty: Have to perform on demand with real women  (myfoxchicago.com) (145)
(AZCentral)   If police are investigating reports that you exposed yourself to children, it helps if you don't answer the door with your pants down around your ankles. "That's him"  (azcentral.com) (20)
(My Fox Los Angeles)   Man breaks record with 25K Santa items, says, "When I think about them I touch my elf"  (myfoxla.com) (16)
(UPI)   Breastfeeding linked to better grades - especially if the teacher is really into it  (upi.com) (35)
(Boston Globe)   Hey, kids -- we're going to take away your toy guns and smash them for Christmas. Ho ho ho  (boston.com) (260)
(Salon)   "I just don't remember [segregation] as being that bad," says Governor who grew up white and wealthy in 1960s Mississippi  (salon.com) (354)

Mon December 20, 2010
(Time)   Not News: Christmas is a time for giving. Fark: Random samaritan gives $100,000 to Salvation Army in Joplin, MO. Cool: The bank that issued the cashier's checks won't say who bought them  (time.com) (92)
(NYPost)   Good: Former rapper confesses to a 17 year old shooting to clear his continence. Fark: He didn't know his victim died and now faces life in prison  (nypost.com) (216)
(WWSB ABC 7)   Hanging onto front of girlfriend's car to keep her from leaving you? That's an impalement  (mysuncoast.com) (25)
(NPR)   Is It really a flash mob if media outlets cover It BEFORE It happens?  (npr.org) (45)
(Herald Tribune)   Not News: man charged with DWI for weaving inside his lane. News: Beats the charge. Fark: Because his lawyer followed cops around and filmed them driving the same way  (heraldtribune.com) (126)
(YouTube)   The coolest stop-motion animated metal fish video you'll see all day  (youtube.com) (18)
(Times Leader)   Pennsylvania man claims he only used a prosthetic penis during drug test because probation officers made fun of his real one  (timesleader.com) (94)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this scrapper in Spain  (online.wsj.com) (52)
(Hebdenbridge Times)   Special victims unit detective accused of putting his special unit in victim  T-Shirt  (hebdenbridgetimes.co.uk) (45)
(Houston Press)   The nation's BBQ capital according to Google, and it's not where you think it is  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (382)
(Huffington Post)   Sarah Palin takes a jab at the First Lady while making s'mores: "This is in honor of Michelle Obama, who said the other day we should not have dessert." Hurrrr  (huffingtonpost.com) (504)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   More women are choosing not to wreck their happy fun place during childbirth  (suntimes.com) (365)
(NPR)   Doctors tend to live where rich people live  (npr.org) (76)
(Fox News)   How to holiday proof your relationship. No, it doesn't involve elf-themed sex toys  (foxnews.com) (64)
(USA Today)   Boyhood home of first black US President to become National Park  (travel.usatoday.com) (124)
(BBC)   Good news: Political organizations are coming together and merging in Somalia. Bad news: They're Islamist groups al-Shabab and Hizbul Islam  (bbc.co.uk) (37)
(Slate)   It's that time of the year when the media trots out the usual story about the merits of cannibalism  (slate.com) (105)
(Gawker)   Protip: If you want to smuggle uranium out of Armenia, bring a doctor's note  (gawker.com) (27)
(FARK)   Fark's 2010 Headline of the Year contest, Round 3: July through September  (fark.com) (82)
(Nerve)   New site protects online daters from creeps and felons by offering background checks. Just enter in the fake name that cute guy gave you and they'll show you his impossibly clean record. It's fool proof  (nerve.com) (57)
(UPI)   Charity claims teen prostitution needs closer look, says crack-down position doesn't help  (upi.com) (52)
(The Atlantic Wire)   Wikileaks founder's lawyers outraged by ... leaks  (theatlanticwire.com) (124)
(The Sun)   Defense cuts will make the RAF almost as powerful as the Canadian navy  (thesun.co.uk) (62)
(NewsBusters)   NPR host apologizes for using offensive word on air. Was it; A: The 'N' word? B: An ethnic slur for people of Middle Eastern descent? or C: Christmas?  (newsbusters.org) (212)
(Contact Music)   Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch could be turned into a school. Most likely an all-boys Catholic school, considering  (contactmusic.com) (25)
(WFTV)   Man wearing trench coat enters Walmart and rolls back prices, foreskin  (wftv.com) (44)
(Piedmont Triad / WFMY News 2)   Shooter smokes Winston-Salem man  (digtriad.com) (20)
(Bloomberg)   "Payrolls drop in 28 U.S. states, joblessness rises in 21 states in labor setback." Little Hope that this situation Changes soon  (bloomberg.com) (163)
(Yahoo)   Security forces on high alert at gas prices jump 400 percent. Oh it's in Iran? Fark 'em  (news.yahoo.com) (43)
(Wall Street Journal)   The new Don't Ask Don't Tell. But it's your Android and your iPhone doing the telling without asking  (online.wsj.com) (49)
(NPR)   Sure, those violent video games are turning your kinds into amoral losers with strong violent tendencies. But they're making them smarter, too  (npr.org) (70)
(Bitten and Bound)   A Vegas showgirl and former Washington Redskins cheerleader ambassador is missing and her ex was the last to see her. Coincidence? Yeah, right... (pics)  (bittenandbound.com) (71)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   Where does your tax money go? Politicians and corporate interests, you fool  (suntimes.com) (35)
(News.com.au)   Beetles caught performing sex act with beer bottles. I would expect this from Ringo, but Paul, I am disappoint  (news.com.au) (17)
(SMH)   Australian police discover $20m worth of ecstasy hidden in van, promptly confiscate both pills  (smh.com.au) (20)
(Daily Mail)   "Now if you look to your left, you'll see Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Drowneder and Blitzen. On your right you'll see, wait, what?"  (dailymail.co.uk) (48)
(Some Guy)   Hippies searching fields along side of interstate 80, in hopes of finding the location of mushrooms that the woman on top of a street sign had eaten  (kcra.com) (27)
(LA Times)   Congressional district stretches reed-thin line 200 miles along California coast. Voters there refer to it as "the district that disappears at high tide"  (articles.latimes.com) (117)
(Chicago Tribune)   Posit: motorists often break traffic laws. Solution: red light cameras to enforce the law. Problem: motorists no longer breaking law  (chicagotribune.com) (101)
(SMH)   Bangladesh launches late bid for "best airport ever" prize with five minutes of porn on the big screen displays  (smh.com.au) (17)
(St. Petersburg Times)   If your day is filled with "fondling, genital-grabbing or simulated sex acts" you must work at: A) A porn studio. B) A brothel. C) The Cheesecake Factory  (tampabay.com) (113)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Florida paper provides a helpful guide on what to buy your burglar this holiday season  (orlandosentinel.com) (20)
(Washington Post)   News: Senate bans staff & presidential appointees from owning stocks in companies with DoD contracts. Fark: Actual senators exempt  (washingtonpost.com) (162)
(CNNGo)   The year's 10 quirkiest news stories from the continent where women pee standing up  (cnngo.com) (23)
(Philly)   In honor of the fifth anniversary of Kitzmiller v. Dover, today's intelligently designed discussion thread to the right  (philly.com) (260)
(Victorville Daily Press)   Man gives away over a ton of potatoes "to help a lot of people keep from getting obese"  (vvdailypress.com) (36)
(Huffington Post)   Sixties sexy supermodel suing Stella Artois seeking seven million simoleons  (huffingtonpost.com) (53)
(Guardian.com)   In perhaps the strangest of all Wikileaks reveals, documents surface claiming Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi is terrified of Bono  (guardian.co.uk) (44)
(wtsp.com)   Remember the guy who wrote the pedophile book that caused a big stir on Amazon? Guess what he was just arrested for  (wtsp.com) (245)
(Mother Nature Network)   Students are really good at spreading germs in school, according to top scientists at the No Duh Institute  (mnn.com) (13)
(Washington Post)   You knew it was coming: "If the Army trusts gay men and women with rifles, why shouldn't society trust them with wedding rings?"  (washingtonpost.com) (228)
(Baltimore Sun)   Think you owe more on your house than it's worth now? Wait until you lose your mortgage interest deduction  (baltimoresun.com) (398)
(Yahoo)   The Pope says the Church must reflect on what allowed abuse, which is probably a lot like looking at a mirror with a mirror behind you  (news.yahoo.com) (57)
(SMH)   Australia's top 10 moments in a seriously weird political year. Nice to know it's not just the U.S. with shoe throwing, fake displays of marital affection, and budgie smugglers  (smh.com.au) (15)
(Yahoo)   For 11 militants convicted of bombings in Iran, the Sunni will not come out tomorrow  (news.yahoo.com) (15)
(NJ.com)   Peace on earth, goodwill toward men, unless you have a six-foot singing Santa on your porch playing Christmas songs on a loop. Then screw you  (blog.nj.com) (28)
(Fox 5 Atlanta)   UGA graduates congratulated by keynote speaker for being the number one party school and being able to count to potato  (myfoxatlanta.com) (40)
(Brisbane Times)   "At the end of the class, Mr Doherty said to the class words to the effect that they were 'little shiats' and to 'f--- off and go home'"  (brisbanetimes.com.au) (59)
(Time)   Why are environmentalists glum this holiday season? Six months after Deepwater Horizon blew it's like nothing happened  (time.com) (96)
(NBC NY)   Suspicious package at Newark Airport not dangerous, just contains the Giants 4th quarter defense  (nbcnewyork.com) (29)
(Boston Globe)   Photoshop this pilot parachuting out of his plane  (inapcache.boston.com) (30)
(Some Guy)   Faux20  (chicago.cbslocal.com) (130)
(Billings Gazette)   Jury pool in marijuana case stages 'mutiny', tells judge no way they will convict defendant for small amount of pot  (billingsgazette.com) (268)
(Some Guy)   Porn star clinic owner feels she's been ganged up on, vows she's not going down  (dailynews.com) (39)
(Daily Mail)   Much like the condoms he used, details of Julian Assange's creepy lifestyle are starting to leak  (dailymail.co.uk) (335)
(Des Moines Register)   Firemen called to second blaze this year at the same location. Owner trying to prevent a third time asbestos he can  (desmoinesregister.com) (22)
(UPI)   Yarn replacing graffiti in public spaces. G-G-G-G-G-G-GEE, YOU KNIT?  (upi.com) (85)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this special sports statue  (sportpicture.ru) (31)
(Some Guy)   Strange things are afoot at the Circle K  (abc15.com) (104)
(AFP)   We all knew it was coming. Water has been discovered to cause cancer  (news.yahoo.com) (123)

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