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Sun January 02, 2011
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(NYPost)   So while NYC was shut down by blizzard, union malingerers were getting drunk instead of plowing the streets  (nypost.com) (129)
(ktvb.com)   Each year 20,000 kids narrowly escape death while sledding  (ktvb.com) (53)
(News.com.au)   Man almost starts the new year on a disastrous note by throwing away $12M lottery ticket, tugging on Superman's cape, spitting into the wind, pulling the mask off that old Lone Ranger, and messing around with Jim  (news.com.au) (24)
(WESH Orlando)   Attorney wants loud car stereo law thrown out, fights for hearing  (wesh.com) (74)
(New York Daily News)   Man attempting suicide has his fall broken by a pile of garbage. Now he's really down in the dumps  (nydailynews.com) (51)
(Yahoo)   110-year-old man, widowed 4 times and divorced once, tells newspaper he wants a younger wife to take care of him. 82-year-old hottie reads article, accepts proposal. Mission accomplished  (asia.news.yahoo.com) (59)
(The New York Times)   New approach to Alzheimer's care gives patients chocolate, bacon and booze. "For god's sake, if you like bacon, you can have bacon here"  (nytimes.com) (105)
(Yahoo)   GM and Nissan made good on their promise to bring mass produced electric cars to the market. However, no one wants to buy them  (finance.yahoo.com) (404)
(Sun Sentinel)   South Florida city plans to drop $1 million on a 9/11, Dale Earnhardt, and the War of Northern Aggression memorial  (sun-sentinel.com) (53)
(WorldNetDaily)   WingNutDaily's "Top Ten Stories Covered-Up by the Mainstream Media in 2010". And what a shock: the top two are Birther stories  (wnd.com) (250)
(WLSAM)   And now for some good news  (wlsam.com) (69)
(MSNBC)   Man denies reports that he's engaged to Debra LaFave. School's back in session, kids  (msnbc.msn.com) (45)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this lemur weighing in  (online.wsj.com) (31)
(Some guy)   It's the 2010 All-Star Sex Scandal Teacher line-up. Subby wants players that don't know the meaning of the words "quit," "give up," or "inappropriate sexual conduct." (Bonus: not a slideshow)   (boston.barstoolsports.com) (82)
(NPR)   Into the tunnels: Checking out the understuff of NYC with urban penetration  (npr.org) (53)
(CNN)   Egyptian church bombing leaves experts scoptical about prospects for peace in the Mideast  (cnn.com) (109)
(Chicago Tribune)   The creator of the beehive hairdo is finally getting honored. "I don't care what your husband does from the neck down, but I don't want him to touch you from the neck up"  (chicagotribune.com) (17)
(MSNBC)   Major 7.1 magnitude earthquake hits Chile. There's a whole lotta shakin' going on  (msnbc.msn.com) (44)
(NYPost)   Another complete coincidence involving NYC sanitation workers from which you haters should not draw any inferences whatsoever: their call-in-sick rate for the blizzard was double what it usually is  (nypost.com) (110)
(Dorchester Reporter)   Boston Globe uses apostrophe in attempt to seem relevant. The Dorchester Reporter is there  (dotnews.com) (43)
(Miami Herald)   And now we go to Dave Barry with the only year in review worth reading  (miamiherald.com) (84)
(Slate)   How a woman advocating for the rights of patients to pain relief has had her life ruined by an insane U.S. Attorney  (slate.com) (269)
(Stuff)   Most gallingly of all, aliens don't want to have sex with us. Face the facts, New Zealanders: aliens are just not that into us  (stuff.co.nz) (53)
(Cedar Rapids Gazette)   Company that builds mortuary lifts that can handle bodies and caskets weighing up to 1,000 pounds cannot build and ship them fast enough to keep up with demand. Have another slice of pie, America  (thegazette.com) (83)
(Some Guy)   Please be careful if you are making "raunchy" videos depicting lesbians in the shower, masturbating, rectal exams, or calling subordinates "f_gs". This rule applies even if you are the CO of the USS Enterprise (w/ vid)  (hamptonroads.com) (195)
(Some Guy)   Under new Massachusetts law, everything from not inviting kids to your birthday party to beating up gay students will be lumped into a single category, "bullying"   (sentinelandenterprise.com) (182)
(Chicago Tribune)   Chicago's murder rates are the lowest they've been in forty-five years. Guess the gun control laws in Illinois really are working  (chicagotribune.com) (171)
(Some Guy)   "Every year I actually wonder why I do this, and I can never come up with a good answer, but I always do it anyway"  (ksl.com) (36)
(WFTV)   Four nursing students expelled after posting pictures on placentabook  (wftv.com) (132)
(Asbury Park Press)   Man charged with DUI after abandoning overturned car and one shoe. A shoe? Who abandons a shoe? Really  (app.com) (36)
(Google)   Arkansas town declared "bird free zone"  (google.com) (62)
(Bangor Daily News)   When you call your business The Trippy Hippy, you can expect the police might be watching you. W/ Trippy Hippy mugshots, man  (bangordailynews.com) (68)
(Mercury News)   Woman on a mission to save the world from apocalyptic earthquake just didn't want to be alone after the disaster  (mercurynews.com) (24)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop these Turkish wind tunnel trainees  (online.wsj.com) (23)
(NW Florida Daily News)   You know you're hardcore if you point a gun at the exterminator making his annual termite inspection just to "make a statement". Do you even have to look at the tag to see what state?  (nwfdailynews.com) (41)
(New York Daily News)   Manhattan lawyer, looking at that nice 40% lawyer's fee, says no one is trying to get rich as he prepares a class action suit against NYC for subway riders stranded on trains during last week's blizzard  (nydailynews.com) (46)
(Telegram)   No more sales tax on liquor? I'll drink to that  (telegram.com) (39)
(Vancouver Sun)   Federal judge rules that even cigarette vendors are entitled to the full protection of the law  (vancouversun.com) (37)
(wtsp.com)   Debra Lafave, the hottest teacher ever arrested for illicit boy lovin, is getting married again. Yeah, you'd still hit it  (wtsp.com) (100)
(Bangor Daily News)   "Whether the weather be nice or whether the weather be not. Whether the weather be cold or whether the weather be hot. We'll weather the weather, whatever the weather, whether we like it or not" Pig spleens be damned  (bangordailynews.com) (21)
(WLBZ2.com)   If you want to buy just one beer in Vermont with a credit/ debit card you may just have to get the whole sixer  (wlbz2.com) (55)
(MSNBC)   Spain's tough anti-smoking law goes into effect today. If you've ever traveled through Spain, you know that This. Will. Not. End. Well  (msnbc.msn.com) (131)
(Some Guy)   2011's first homicide arrest mugshot includes wifebeater and tattoo proclaiming "Only God Can Judge Me". Tell that to the jury, retort Police  (cnycentral.com) (49)
(Springfield Republican)   Police spokesman says department will win brutality lawsuit by repeating over and over the guy they beat up was a criminal  (masslive.com) (35)
(Chicago Tribune)   Today in Fark Health News: Does food coloring cause hyperactivity? OH MY GOD, DOES IT??? BLARGHHHHHHHHHHHH WHEEE  (chicagotribune.com) (55)
(BBC)   Sri Lanka says Ceylon to colonial name  (bbc.co.uk) (29)
(Some Guy)   Man comes home to find a threesome in his car port, "The half-naked man was having sex with one of the women, while the other female was naked and messing with the victim's scooter." Then is gets really weird  (seattlecrime.com) (80)
(CNN)   Fire closes water ride at Universal Studios. What on earth will wind up being the cause?  T-Shirt  (cnn.com) (68)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this weird wire work  (online.wsj.com) (19)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Man upon being caught smuggling a bag of cocaine in his hand while he's going into jail: "(Expletive), I knew I shouldn't have brought that in"  (nwfdailynews.com) (13)
(Some Guy)   Yoga instructor suffers two broken legs after being struck by a truck. Doesn't let that stop her from teaching. With "you would hit it harder than the truck did" pics/video  (ksl.com) (84)
(Chicago Tribune)   The first Darwin Award of 2011 goes to *spins wheel* Chicago, Illinois and the genius who jumped into frozen Lake Michigan to save his girlfriend's water bottle  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (203)

Sat January 01, 2011
(SFGate)   If your TotalFark subscription expires on May 21, 2011, don't bother renewing it  (articles.sfgate.com) (363)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this open office  (pdnphotooftheday.com) (32)
(News.com.au)   "Staff have been running around trying to breathalyze prisoners. It's been reminiscent of the end scenes of 'The Benny Hill Show' - the only thing missing was the music"  (news.com.au) (25)
(Huffington Post)   In all her infinite wisdom, Katie Couric suggests a Muslim version of "The Cosby Show"  (huffingtonpost.com) (264)
(SMH)   First they came for the cigarrette packs, I said nothing for I wasn't a smoker. Then they came for the fast food wrappers  (smh.com.au) (74)
(News.com.au)   How good is this card player's poker face? Good enough to convince casino staff workers to serve him 42 beers in a single 17-hour sitting  (news.com.au) (60)
(WTOP)   Rare "panda cow" born in Colorado, best served rare to endangered  (wtopnews.com) (50)
(Fox News)   We've secretly replaced these past climate predictions with reality. Let's see how they did  (foxnews.com) (359)
(Yahoo)   Actual quote from gasoline expert on reaching $4 per gallon this summer: "A dollar more per gallon isn't that much -- probably about $750 more per year for each motorist"  (finance.yahoo.com) (273)
(The Real Ric Romero)   Ric Romero: "Because California has so many cars, the state also has the most car thieves. Those thieves are using technology to help them sell stolen cars." Truly, you have a dizzying intellect, Ric  (abclocal.go.com) (41)
(Some Guy)   Milwaukee is the drunkest city in America, which makes perfect sense any way you think about it  (outsidethebeltway.com) (39)
(Huffington Post)   How America broke their precious little snowflakes and what we can do to fight back the wussification of this country  (huffingtonpost.com) (131)
(LA Times)   When selecting an outfit for bank robbery do you go for C.) Pink scrubs and a Darth Vader mask?  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (25)
(Some Guy)   Apple Store employee returns from disability, given desk in store's basement, has stapler taken away. No word yet on whether the building has suffered any fire damage  (tuaw.com) (80)
(Charlotte Observer)   Just when you thought comic books couldn't get any stupider, here comes Captain Salvation to completely destroy your faith in a higher power  (charlotteobserver.com) (112)
(BBC)   First female Brazilian President waxes lyrical, vows to pluck the deprived from lives of poverty and shave away inequality  (bbc.co.uk) (36)
(Washington Post)   Airports consider ditching TSA, privatizing groping and invasive searches  (washingtonpost.com) (81)
(Time)   Here are ten people who had their 15 minutes of fame in 2010. I'm on a horse  (time.com) (61)
(Telegraph)   The flu rate among British children under the age of five has doubled in the past week. We'd panic, but we're British, so we'll just project an air of mild concern  (telegraph.co.uk) (69)
(Houston Chronicle)   Who dat? Who dat? Who dat say dey living in FEMA trailers for the last 6 years?  (chron.com) (211)
(Some Guy)   Tasering vultures is so 2010. 350 Volt electric moose taser is the hot new way to protect your sister from painful bites. (trifecta complete)  (wirelessmoosefence.com) (15)
(STLToday)   Amish man dies after pinned by cart. If only there was some type of machine that could lift....oh, right  (stltoday.com) (42)
(kjrh.com)   Family hires pet detective to find cat. ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLRIGHTY THEN  (kjrh.com) (35)
(ABC News)   Remember that much-ballyhooed, kidney-for-freedom deal? Yeah, it probably violates organ transplant laws. Ouch  (abcnews.go.com) (44)
(The New York Times)   Defiant Ivory Coast leader stands on his soapbox, refuses to be dropped despite a shower of international pressure  (nytimes.com) (35)
(Huffington Post) NewsFlash US Capitol evacuated due to unauthorized passenger jet in restricted airspace. Developing story  (huffingtonpost.com) (142)
(cfnews13.com)   's oldest person relinquishes the title  (cfnews13.com) (20)
(The New York Times)   Hey you, out there in the cold, GEDing lonely, GEDing old, can you teach me?  (nytimes.com) (127)
(Denver Channel)   Armored car driver hears gunshots inside bank, calls police. Cops surround building, burst in on surprised employees having a party armed with....well, just helium balloons, but they SOUNDED scary  (thedenverchannel.com) (29)
(Gulf News)   Speed limits based on road color? That's ludicrous  (gulfnews.com) (78)
(NPR)   "Hey young man, looking for fame, fortune and adventure? Want to be your own man, live your own life, make a difference in the world? Why, come join the growing wave... and hop on a plane to the most happeninest place on the planet"  (npr.org) (43)
(YouTube) VideoEdit Attention Photoshoppers: As a Fark tradition since 2007, VideoEdit your favorite creations of 2010. Link goes to a winner from last year  (youtube.com) (50)
(Some Guy)   Come for the high vacancy rate, stay for the crime and blight: Top 7 US cities that are running out of people  (247wallst.com) (221)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this fool for frostbite  (pdnphotooftheday.com) (35)
(Cracked)   What do KFC and greek fire have in common? Both had only two people who knew exactly how it was made  (cracked.com) (47)
(TBO)   Scientists at the Anne Frank Marine Institute have uncovered the mystery of why dolphins beach themselves  (www2.tbo.com) (61)
(cfnews13.com)   Son of Sanford police officer hasn't surrendered. YOU BIG DUMMY  (cfnews13.com) (36)
(What is this I don't even)   Old and busted: tasing camels. New hotness: tasing vultures. Tasing trifecta in play  (news-journalonline.com) (17)
(The Sun)   A and B were normal, but after hearing the C word we pressed F to make sure our daughter didn't learn that one too  (thesun.co.uk) (75)
(Some boozy scofflaw)   The criminal profile of deer poachers has changed from a boozy scofflaw looking for free meat and thrills to a greedy self-aggrandizer with an antler affinity bordering on addiction  (thegazette.com) (35)
(The New York Times)   Don't trust anybody over 70  (nytimes.com) (167)
(Time)   .....That was awkward  (healthland.time.com) (81)
(The New York Times)   Iraq moves to ban all Red Ryder BB guns. Oh fudge  (nytimes.com) (70)
(Some Girl)   After police pursue a kitten on Christmas, the kitten is persuaded to have a forever home with one of the chasing deputies. Happy Mew Year  (baynews9.com) (745)
(io9)   New Year's resolutions might not be a waste of time  (io9.com) (21)
(The Sun)   Do it yourself projects you should not try: A) fixing a leaky pipe B) caulking your windows C) your own sex change operation  (thesun.co.uk) (66)
(Sea Coast Echo)   Police tase a camel. "The animal was not complying with my commands"  ( (45)
(BBC)   OY - before you throw any more shrimp on the barbie, make sure to save two of them  (bbc.co.uk) (59)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this snowy subway station  (online.wsj.com) (35)
(Yahoo)   Ancient fortress in Tel Aviv home to ancient lesbian urn. What's an ancient lesbian urn? About three drachmas an hour  T-Shirt  (news.yahoo.com) (82)
(Universe Today)   You can have another New Year's toast at 5:49 am tomorrow in the name of science  (universetoday.com) (43)
(FARK)   Happy New Year to everybody; it's Fark's annual New Year's Eve thread  (fark.com) (1455)

Fri December 31, 2010
(MSNBC)   Mob attempts to overturn car to get at bicyclist  (msnbc.msn.com) (57)
(WTAE-TV)   Police arrest duo in rare filet mignon theft. Well done  (thepittsburghchannel.com) (27)
(Mashable.com)   Google releases new software that revolutionizes the way you send text messages  (mashable.com) (88)
(Fox News)   Charges filed against protester who threw a Dutch Apple Pie -- the most dangerous of all thrown pies -- against Sen. Levin (D-ucked too late)  (foxnews.com) (90)
(Daily Chronicle)   News: 58 year old blind man plans to run for charity. Fark: 10,000 miles. Totalfark: Along the same 1 mile stretch of road. (Charity Info in thread))  (daily-chronicle.com) (21)
(Cincinnati Enquirer)   Word of advice: Hiding pot in the police car taking you away for armed robbery probably isn't a good idea  (news.cincinnati.com) (16)
(Some Guy)   Burglarize home. Go to jail. Hire lawyer. Get out. Burglarize home. Pay lawyer. Go to jail. Hire lawyer. Get out. Burglarize home. Pay lawyer. Go to jail. Hire lawyer. Get out. Burglarize home. Pay lawyer. Go to jail. Get out  (ksat.com) (33)
(UPI)   "The man said he has driven on the railroad tracks before without incident. When asked why he was nude from the waist down, he said: 'No reason.'" Fair enough  (upi.com) (15)
(clickorlando.com)   Man runs to catch bus. Mission accomplished  (clickorlando.com) (8)
(Washington Post)   Maryland special ed teacher busted with nine baggies of teacher's aide  (washingtonpost.com) (24)
(Daily Mail)   Female Chinese students resort to eating roundworm eggs to ensure they look thin for job interviews  (dailymail.co.uk) (89)
(Boston Globe)   Photoshop this pope light  (inapcache.boston.com) (48)
(Telegraph)   Over 20 years, this dude took some pretty awesome animal photos in Madagascar. And yes, #12 is an animal, not a tree  (telegraph.co.uk) (53)
(BBC)   Italy to begin ban on plastic bags, mustaches on women  (bbc.co.uk) (18)
(The Day)   Who among us has not wrapped a zucchini in duct tape, stuffed it into our sweatpants and said hello to the kids down at the Shop-Rite?  (theday.com) (27)
(BBC)   Palestinian orchestra to hold first concert. Jewish critics expect it to bomb  (bbc.co.uk) (16)
(MyFox Houston)   Cop: I knew I'd be late to the New Year's DWI task force... so I said screw it... let's stop for drinks  (myfoxhouston.com) (22)
(AOL News)   The best weird news of 2010. Bonus: Not a slideshow  (aolnews.com) (7)
(ABC)   Big blow hits Wood hard, leaves Dent  (kspr.com) (37)
(CNN)   Baby, if you've ever wondered, wondered whatever became of me, I'm flying through the air in Cincinnati, Cincinnati W-I-N-D  T-Shirt  (cnn.com) (75)
(Some Guy)   Baltimore police officers dive into frigid Inner Harbor and swim under two piers just to get a Penny that dropped in the water  (baltimore.cbslocal.com) (119)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   New study indicates that "ecstasy may have a medicinal role to play in helping people who have trouble connecting to others socially," according to researchers sitting on your lap and stroking your hair while cooing  (suntimes.com) (218)
(Some Guy(s))   Assistant Superintendent is suspended for pinching the buttocks of a teacher. Blames the 'playful' one of his two personalities and is suing to get their job back  (pressconnects.com) (50)
(New York Daily News)   Photoshop these lookers  (assets.nydailynews.com) (24)
(Some Guy)   Animal Control "determined that the dog was acting true to its nature by removing the wound from the victim as it would in the wild" and the incident was not a violation  (chicago.cbslocal.com) (127)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Woman beats husband with a rock after he smoked while he was sick, because smoking is bad for your health. As opposed to being beaten with a rock  (nwfdailynews.com) (57)
(charlotte observer)   UFO catches fire, causes $2000 in damages to nearby vehicles  (charlotteobserver.com) (17)
(Some Guy)   Woman gets boob job for $5. (With Happy New Year Farkers pictures)  (swns.com) (281)
(Some Guy)   'Disaffected youths' in France to celebrate New Year like only they can: Yes, it's time for the annual carbeques   (jammiewearingfool.blogspot.com) (162)
(CNN)   First Class recalls beef; passenger remembers he had lasagna  (cnn.com) (52)
(Mercury News)   Gun battle today between homeowner and unlicensed invasive extrajudicial wealth redistributor  T-Shirt  (mercurynews.com) (175)
(Some Guy)   Do you wonder what good can come from Detroit? How about a Liger-Bot?  (streetculturemash.com) (48)
(CNN)   Billy the kid won't be getting out of prison anytime soon  (cnn.com) (39)
(Some Guy)   Odd: Man tells woman he's God. Fark: And they're going to have sex. TFark: Then he drove the point home by levitating across the room  (dentonrc.com) (111)
(Fox 4 KC)   Lawyer disappointed after judge accepts his argument that red light cameras are unconstitutional  (fox4kc.com) (92)
(cfnews13.com)   Casey Anthony's legal team targets JibJab video. Yeah, they've got an ironclad defense strategy  (cfnews13.com) (46)
(Some Guy)   Man strips to his underwear at airport checkpoint in protest of TSA searches. TSA appreciates the effort, calls him an 'early adopter'  T-Shirt  (wtkr.com) (67)
(Some Guy)   Julian Assange threatens to name Arab leaders with CIA ties if he is arrested or killed  (businessinsider.com) (566)
(National Geographic)   There's a jungle inside Vietnam's mammoth cavern. A skyscraper could fit too. And the end is out of sight  (ngm.nationalgeographic.com) (86)
(Some Zodiac)   Photoshop this snowman of the high seas  (iisuspictures.ru) (30)
(AOL News)   All 100 cars in pileup in North Dakota  T-Shirt  (aolnews.com) (125)
(Some Guy)   Arrested for DUI, you tell the cops: C) Ozzy Osbourne made me do it  (chillicothegazette.com) (33)
(KREM)   Good-Taking your kids sledding. Bad-Towing them behind an ATV while drunk. Fark-You crash them into a parked police car  (krem.com) (41)
(My Fox Los Angeles)   Party Too Much? Try A Hangover Facial. "Trust me honey, it'll help"  (myfoxla.com) (69)
(Gawker)   Remember that Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs was the pitcher and the guy on base had a whole tree as a bat?  (gawker.com) (124)

Thu December 30, 2010
(Shorpy)   Photoshop this 60s Little League team  (shorpy.com) (41)
(Slate)   If you shave in the shower, you're a selfish coot  (slate.com) (270)
(ABC Action News)   It's getting so that old men can't cruise around in their cars, offer teen boys $100 for sex nowadays  (abcactionnews.com) (40)
(Some Guy)   Bad: you try to snatch a purse but the victim kicks your ass and dislocates your arm. Worse: then she shows up in the same ER  (newschannel5.com) (32)
(FARK)   Fark's Parents of the Year candidates for 2010  (fark.com) (64)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen)   If you're in a sporting goods store do you C) let your child play unsupervised on a treadmill? If so, and she gets injured, do you C) sue the store for "failing to provide proper supervision for you daughter?"  (press-citizen.com) (118)
(The Real Ric Romero)   "Before you book a room, check a hotel's website to see what the rooms look like, the services being offered and hotel policies." Ric Romero, you magnificent bastard‼ That idea is so crazy, IT JUST MIGHT WORK  (abclocal.go.com) (46)
(Jacksonville.com)   End of year lists are better when it's stupid Florida criminals  (jacksonville.com) (9)
(MSNBC)   I can't stand it, I know you planned it / Imma set it straight, this blizzard gate / I can't stand plowing when I'm here / Cause your weather report ain't so snowglobe clear  (msnbc.msn.com) (30)
(Mediaite)   After seeing Sarah Palin hunt caribou on TV, MSNBC reporter wants Tucker Carlson to call for her execution. After that this gets a little weird  (mediaite.com) (279)
(SeattlePI)   A casino floor is not a weapon. In case you were wondering  (seattlepi.com) (35)
(Yahoo)   Mother and daughter team accused of banging the same teenaged boy  (news.yahoo.com) (180)
(nbc12.com)   Misuse of hair dryer causes deadly house fire. That blows  (nbc12.com) (38)
(Huffington Post)   State legislator introduces bill to require that taxes be paid in gold coins. Guess which party. Go on, guess  (huffingtonpost.com) (181)
(Chicago Tribune)   Much like Subby, Indiana University grapples with huge collection of sexually explicit films and videos  (chicagotribune.com) (68)
(Chicago Tribune)   Worker crushed by falling 6,000-pound granite slab; investigation expected to be stonewalled  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (83)
(wusa9.com)   Worker gets waxed at the car wash  (wusa9.com) (25)
(BBC)   India crying over onion shortage  (bbc.co.uk) (60)
(Daily Mail)   Today's Political Correctness gone overboard: People say a calendar of scantily-clad women posing with dogs promotes bestiality  (dailymail.co.uk) (129)
(Celebitchy)   "We've been watching Prince William's growing bald spot closely for years, and we believe Rogaine can help"  (celebitchy.com) (45)
(Salon)   I'm not sure what a Justin Bieber is, but "Ground-Zero Mosque" opponents have just launched a boycott against it after mistakenly believing a story on a satirical web site  (salon.com) (256)
(USA Today)   Underage drinkers really need to step up and bring their "A" game on New Year's Eve  (usatoday.com) (52)
(Some Guy)   15 foods you should never buy again. You can still stick them down the front of your pants though  (rd.com) (266)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this old bus  (img830.imageshack.us) (44)
(Bloomberg)   Honda recalls 19,000 snowblowers due to previously unknown flamethrower feature. On the bright side, that's a hell of a way to clear your driveway  (bloomberg.com) (65)
(Washington Post)   Those $25,000 chips you stole from the Bellagio... they'll soon be worthless  (washingtonpost.com) (190)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Woman diver seriously injured after she was too busy using Facebook to deploy her parachute  (orlandosentinel.com) (69)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   Illinois' oldest resident has passed away at the ripe old age of 111. Plans to continue voting  (suntimes.com) (28)
(Reuters)   Mississippi to free 2 jailed for life for $11 robbery. IF one of them agrees to donate a kidney  (reuters.com) (124)
(BBC)   After the successful 1980 London Iranian Embassy rescue, the British government expected to make the elite SAS anti-terrorist unit available to other countries for sieges, hostage rescues, weddings, parties and bar mitzvahs  (bbc.co.uk) (32)
(BBC)   Thousands without water in Northern Ireland due to frozen pipes. Whiskey still flowing just fine  (bbc.co.uk) (45)
(Yahoo)   Marine conservationists' plans to stop the invasive lionfish involve lemon, shallots, and maybe a nice dill sauce  (news.yahoo.com) (44)
(Washington Post)   Christine O'Donnell waves wand, concocts defense against latest allegations: "Biden's out to get me"  (washingtonpost.com) (114)
(Fox News)   No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF  (foxnews.com) (178)
(FARK)   Fark's 2010 Dumbass Roundup  (fark.com) (93)
(Daily Mail)   Don't wipe off on curtains in the Playboy mansion. Just sayin'  (dailymail.co.uk) (173)
(Some Guy)   Man uses sex tape as leverage in divorce deal. After seeing wife's pic, subby thinks she should stay strong and not yield to his bullying  (heraldsun.com.au) (74)
(Reuters)   Work sets you free, theft gets you two+ years in Swedish jail  (uk.reuters.com) (14)
(The Smoking Gun)   FBI raids Texas business in connection with Operation Payback DDOS attacks  (thesmokinggun.com) (126)
(Some Guy)   Stripper sets underwear aflame with something other than venereal disease  (trentonian.com) (30)
(The New York Times)   Israeli president convicted of rape. In an unexpected twist, there were no Palistinians involved this time  (nytimes.com) (171)
(BBC)   Queen Elizabeth II gets her first great grandchild. All the previous ones were complete arseholes  (bbc.co.uk) (34)
(Washington Post)   Take a look at what passes for topical humor at the Washington Post these days  (washingtonpost.com) (44)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Man tries to explain to the TSA he wasn't masturbating on a flight, he merely spilled Tabasco sauce on himself, which caused his crotch to burn and itch  (nwfdailynews.com) (54)
(Yahoo)   Scientists say "zombie" satellite suddenly sprung back to life and began broadcasting after being "dead" for months. I'm pretty sure I played this game on the Xbox last year, and it doesn't end well  (news.yahoo.com) (86)
(Washington Post)   Facebook now more popular than Jesus Christ  (voices.washingtonpost.com) (47)
(CNN)   One upon a time, there was a heroic lion in Africa, and that lion wasBOOM HEADSHOT  (cnn.com) (20)
(Some Guy)   Muppets with people eyes. Otherwise known as tonight's fever-dream   (muppetswithpeopleeyes.tumblr.com) (44)
(Yahoo)   Transocean is refusing to respond to subpoenas from the government agency investigating the gulf spill, Apparently they thought these were the optional kind of subpoenas  (news.yahoo.com) (41)
(WTAM)   If this had been Spicoli's teacher, he would have ordered two pizzas  (wtam.com) (17)
(USA Today)   Alzheimer's Association sponsors "Boomer Express" Rose Bowl parade float, except they can't remember where they parked it  (usatoday.com) (17)
(Wall Street Journal)   Not news: guy says the real farking F word. Farking news: gets six months in jail for it  (blogs.wsj.com) (68)
(Yahoo)   Recent clashes between rival militias have left 3,000 dead and created almost 300,000 refugees as former residents flee the city. Is this a) Mosul, Iraq? b) Khandahar, Afghanistan? c) Juarez, Mexico?  (news.yahoo.com) (80)
(The Raw Story)   TSA bans woman for unusual buttocks: "This is the most ridiculous sky security theatrics imaginable"  (rawstory.com) (144)
(CNN)   Researchers urge doctors to disclose the fact that they're sleep-deprived before performing surgery. Note that they aren't urging them to not perform said surgery at all. (With helpful pic of what a sleepy surgeon might look like.)  (cnn.com) (29)
(AL.com)   Alabama cemetery only allows special coons to be buried there  (blog.al.com) (45)
(NJ.com)   Residents of Newark react to unplowed roads in their usual restrained way by -- threatening to shoot anybody who skids out of control into their cars  (nj.com) (50)
(CNN)   Sit back and let me tell you a story of the day the fat girl got mad at God  (religion.blogs.cnn.com) (110)
(NYPost)   Mayor Bloomberg takes the stand up guy approach and assumes blame for slow snow removal while several union members admit that the union bosses ordered a snow removal slowdown to protest City moves to reduce costs  (nypost.com) (189)
(South Bend Tribune)   Wal-Mart stops selling kid's CD after parents complain it contains profanity not usually heard in their homes  (southbendtribune.com) (114)
(The Eagle Tribune)   No officer, I was not driving my wife's car in that hit and run. I was having a random hook up with some woman from a bar. Yeah, that's the ticket  (eagletribune.com) (11)
(Fox News)   This week's "Student arrested under no-tolerance policy for mistakingly bringing her dad's lunch to school" SNAFU brought to you by Sanford, North Carolina  (foxnews.com) (130)
(IndyStar)   Earthquake hits Central Indiana. Hundreds of thousands of acres reported to be flattened, desolate, uninhabitable wasteland. Oh wait...nevermind  T-Shirt  (indystar.com) (104)
(Daily Mail)   Singer Brandy brags about new "Egyptian God" tattoo, even though it's a likeness of Hindu deity Ganesh. Someone should probably tell her that her Chinese symbol tattoo actually says "Beef & Broccoli"  (dailymail.co.uk) (91)
(Some Guy)   The complete map of North American English dialects  (aschmann.net) (321)
(WTOP)   New Year's Day? Or CAR THEFT DAY? Find out if you're at risk in this completely original article that's never been re-used as space filler by any news organization ever  (wtop.com) (12)
(wtsp.com)   Coming soon: You will no longer be able to refuse to blow in Florida when pulled over for a DUI  (wtsp.com) (143)
(Some Steamy Guy)   Photoshop this steamy McMansion guy  (i162.photobucket.com) (37)
(Washington Post)   English-language magazine provided bomb tips to nine terror suspects and made wonderful stocking stuffers  (washingtonpost.com) (40)
(MSNBC)   Shooting your neighbor because his dog peed on your lawn will only get you four years' probation  (msnbc.msn.com) (302)
(Guardian.com)   Of all the cool weapons, the crossbow is perhaps the most overlooked  (guardian.co.uk) (191)
(Telegraph)   That's no antique, that's my wife  (telegraph.co.uk) (19)
(herald sun)   A 92-year-old man chewed through masking tape for two hours to free himself after two men bound him to a chair and robbed his house. This would make one hell of a denture commercial  (heraldsun.com.au) (15)
(CBC)   Man tests solution for long hospital wait times  (cbc.ca) (41)
(wboc)   Police called when a woman shopping at a convenience store took 100% off ... of her clothes (w/enlargeable mugshot)  (wboc.com) (70)
(Daily Mail)   Scientists predict 1 in 6 alive today will live to 100, not take one day of retirement  (dailymail.co.uk) (42)
(Mercury News)   Just another routine California traffic stop: open cans of beer, bags of crystal meth, a goat tied up in the trunk. Wait...what?  (mercurynews.com) (18)
(FARK)   Photoshop theme: If I ran Fark.com for a day  (fark.com) (37)
(News.com.au)   Woman stopped by police 8 times over legal BAC limit  (news.com.au) (59)
(Some Chick)   Ow, chihuahua ( w/aww, chihuahua pic)  (kcrg.com) (33)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Woman dies after using massager on neck. YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG  (orlandosentinel.com) (69)
(STLToday)   Actual Headline: Southern Ill. girl, 12, gets new computer, finds porn  (stltoday.com) (100)
(io9)   Someone has compiled a nice little chart comparing and contrasting 2000 and 2010  (io9.com) (131)
(Some Guy)   Back in April, many of you contributed to a Photoshop thread to help cheer up a friend suffering from liver cancer. A sad update (DIT)  (wwltv.com) (132)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 295: "What Dreams May This Way Come" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (165)

Wed December 29, 2010
(Chicago Tribune)   Plane skids off runway in a desperate attempt to escape Wyoming  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (75)
(Yahoo)   One hundred people surveyed: Name the top cause for the delay of a former Venezuelan president's funeral?  (news.yahoo.com) (57)
(CBS News 13)   If a tree falls in a forest, and no one screams, is the man in the tent still dead?  (sacramento.cbslocal.com) (41)
(Lansing State Journal)   Rosie the Riveter model passes away. Tag is for her and the countless other "Rosies" out there  (lansingstatejournal.com) (175)
(Some Guy)   For $3,495,000 you can buy a 1,195 square-foot condo with an elevator that takes you directly down to an exclusive beach on the Pacific Ocean. "Who needs stairs, right?"  (lagunahomes.ocregister.com) (86)
(FARK)   Fark's 2010 Headline of the Year contest: Puns and wordplay  (fark.com) (102)
(BBC)   Poultry maker accused of prefering white meat  (bbc.co.uk) (159)
(NPR)   Admit it. You hate champagne. Champagne is for pansies. But if you've got to drink some this New Year's, here are some ways to jazz it up  (npr.org) (152)
(WLSAM)   Sex toy defendant arrested for failing to show up to court. Buzzkill  (wlsam.com) (16)
(WTOP)   Happy New Year, ladies. Your husband will probably be filing for divorce soon  (wtop.com) (58)
(Some Guy)   Hours from graduating college, a young man is called to Active Duty in the US Navy months before Pearl Harbor. 69 years later, the university awards him the degree he earned  (bus.wisc.edu) (47)
(Google)   Baby boomers fear outliving Medicare, unlike younger generations, who have much more to fear but are too stupid to acknowledge it  (google.com) (102)
(Gawker)   America's drunkest cities. Hey, If I lived in these places, I'd be sloshed too  (gawker.com) (230)
(Wired)   How many words does it take to describe awesome? Two: Beer Cannon  (wired.com) (17)
(Dispatch)   Glenn Beck: The government does not want you to know the truth about historical artifacts supporting my paranoid Mormon fantasies. Historian: shut up  (dispatch.com) (248)
(Washington Post)   Prominent Republicans including Mike Huckabee, Haley Barbour, and the WSJ editorial page refudiate Sarah Palin's attacks of Michelle Obama's anti-obesity agenda  (washingtonpost.com) (84)
(madison.com)   Man arrested for shoplifting $1,300 worth of "useless stuff"  (host.madison.com) (18)
(The New York Times)   The snow storm is over and Bostonians have taken out the lawn chairs, potted plants and barstools in an epic parking war  (nytimes.com) (111)
(Talking Points Memo)   FBI: Yep, Charlie Wilson was every bit as much of a bad ass as Tom Hanks made him out to be   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (59)
(My San Antonio)   You went full Comcast, man. Never go full Comcast  (mysanantonio.com) (48)
(MSNBC)   Turns out that a warning sticker is all that keeps that technician from zapping the wrong areas of your brain with radiation  (msnbc.msn.com) (35)
(ABC2News Baltimore)   "Hey boss, did you know rental DVDs strip out extra features?" "MY GOD LOU, RUN WITH THAT STORY"  (abc2news.com) (143)
(WTOP)   One in ten drivers should be in jail right now  (wtop.com) (119)
(Huffington Post)   Belgian Catholic priest who was about to be nominated for the 2011 Nobel Peace Prize has been asked to take seat right over there  (huffingtonpost.com) (84)
(Some Guy)   Society of Professional Journalists launches campaign against the term 'illegal immigrant'. Non-Consensual Sex Partners, Un-Licensed Pharmacist's overjoyed  (dailycaller.com) (142)
(Washington Post)   Put a sign mentioning Jesus up in your yard for Christmas? That's a Homeowner Associationing  (washingtonpost.com) (179)
(Gossip Cop)   Owen Wilson did not die from a snowboarding accident. He probably had just been smoking Peyote for six straight days and it's all in his head. In related news, please enjoy the snowboarding bloopers videos  (gossipcop.com) (106)
(The Register)   We've secretly replaced the mission critical chips we're supposed to be supplying with these dirty pieces of crap - let's see if anyone notices  (theregister.co.uk) (38)
(CNBC)   OPEC can do nothing to prevent oil reaching $100 a barrel  (cnbc.com) (86)
(LiveLeak)   Terrible News: Actor Owen Wilson reportedly dead after snow boarding accident. Fark: check the website's sidebar for related articles in bad taste including "Snowboarding Bloopers"  (liveleak.com) (186)
(Some Guy)   The best books of 2010 that you didn't read  (pbs.org) (40)
(My San Antonio)   Remember those stricter ID checks at the U.S.-Mexico border that began last year? Yeah, they're already not being enforced  (mysanantonio.com) (23)
(FARK)   What was the weirdest story on Fark of 2010? Several possibilities, voting enabled  (fark.com) (68)
(Some Guy)   Parents find out dead son donated sperm so his lesbian aunt could have a child making them both grandparents and aunt & uncle in this touching family story not from Alabama  (heraldsun.com.au) (65)
(Hartford Courant)   California medical marijuana dispensary rakes in food donations with a unique offer: a complimentary marijuana cigarette  (courant.com) (60)
(Breitbart.com)   Haiti is through being cool and could devolve into civil war  (breitbart.com) (97)
(Hartford Courant)   Wisconsin man earns bragging rights as the champion liar of 2010 with this line: "I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met"  (courant.com) (39)
(journal times)   "Evaluate the integral of the curl of the function F=z²i-3xyj+x3y3k over the surface, s, where s is that part of the paraboloid z=5-x²-y² that is above the plane z=1"  (journaltimes.com) (158)
(AOL News)   Mother and baby who both died and came back in childbirth "connected right directly with God", who has since allowed the family's father to lose his job and home, and go to jail  (aolnews.com) (50)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Six-months pregnant woman tells cops she drinks to relieve the stress of being six-months pregnant  (nwfdailynews.com) (59)
(Some Guy)   The government's financial statements are so bad that GAO cannot render an opinion on their validity. If a private business did this, the CEO would be in jail. Because its the government, CEO Obama gets taxpayer-paid vacation in Hawaii  (taxprof.typepad.com) (189)
(FARK)   Wrapping up Headline of the Year voting for 2010 and an idea on how to make the contests better for 2011, as well as Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 12/19 - 12/25  (fark.com) (57)
(Fox News)   Man decides to play Frogger in actual traffic with entirely predictable results  (foxnews.com) (49)
(Breitbart.com)   Forecasters keep an eye on the looming 'Solar Max,' patiently waiting for the sun to vomit forth tides of electromagnetic radiation and charged matter. No reason to panic at all, just keep an eye out for exploding satellites  (breitbart.com) (112)
(panama city news herald)   80 year old man caught using glory hole attempts to bribe cop by offering to do yardwork at his house  (newsherald.com) (99)
(The Local (Germany))   Your kindergartner is violating copyright laws, and you are going to pay  (thelocal.de) (62)
(The New York Times)   "When you read out her résumé, you just want to throw up in a bucket"  (nytimes.com) (479)
(The New York Times)   Disney builds a secret underground lair designed to help them target long lines and develop solutions to combat them  (nytimes.com) (90)
(Orlando Sentinel)   OMG, SRY U DIED. HRS A SGN, LOL  (orlandosentinel.com) (45)
(AJC)   Thief leaves thank you cards after burglarizing home. His mom would be so proud  (ajc.com) (12)
(Mediaite)   Finally, someone answers the burning question of what Lorena Bobbit has been up to  (mediaite.com) (60)
(Cracked)   In the blue corner, wearing white trunks, weighing in at a mere 140 pounds, Jesus "El Saviorrrrrrr" Christ (sorta sponsored link)  (cracked.com) (55)
(CSMonitor)   Julian Assange signs million dollar book deal  (csmonitor.com) (110)
(Some Guy)   Vintage skateboard ads from the 70s and 80s. And you though today's skaters dressed like idiots  (visualnews.com) (140)
(Yahoo)   Authorities say European anarchists are much more sophisticated and better organized these days, while seemingly still unaware of the irony of this development  T-Shirt  (news.yahoo.com) (72)
(NYPost)   Most companies want product placement in movies. Except when you're a church that makes beer and the beer stars in a porno. "The actress pours the beer into her co-star's mouth from a bottle clasped in her cleavage"  (nypost.com) (31)
(Cleveland Plain Dealer)   Monkey escapes soldiers on bike  (cleveland.com) (14)
(Huffington Post)   6'9" "Amazon" model wrestles men for money. In other news, Andy Kaufman seriously considers return to public life  (huffingtonpost.com) (191)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this deer dilemma  (animalpicture.ru) (29)
(MSNBC)   Detroit furniture store explodes, creates thousands of dollars of improvements  (msnbc.msn.com) (41)
(AJC)   Delta loses Army officer's German shepherd  (ajc.com) (92)
(AOL News)   Washington state will not tolerate hard core criminals, and a 49th murder conviction could be grounds for the death penalty  (aolnews.com) (83)
(Fox News)   Zetas drug cartel threatens all-out guar. Guat? Second base  (foxnews.com) (47)
(Daily Mail)   Woman wins £15,000 after botched facelift leaves her looking 'like a chipmunk.' "ALLLVIIIIIIIIINNNNNN"   (dailymail.co.uk) (62)
(3 News New Zealand)   This just in: teenagers might use words old folk don't understand, like 'sick', 'wicked', 'rozz' and 'devotchka''  (3news.co.nz) (122)
(USA Today)   "This will be very helpful to people who are bewildered by what's in meat"  (usatoday.com) (49)
(Detroit News)   Feds bust escort ring, release names from poor areas but not rich suburbs. Whew, that was a close one  (detnews.com) (84)
(WFTV)   Cop's son caught on video randomly practicing what it takes to follow in his dad's footsteps  (wftv.com) (122)
(wtsp.com)   Man 23, shoots his wife, 50, dead during 'fantasy sex play'. With collectable mullety goodness mug shot  (wtsp.com) (114)
(Yahoo)   Friends say the 8 people who perished in the New Orleans warehouse fire were NOT homeless "gutter punks". They were homeless musicians and artists, which is totally different, you see  (news.yahoo.com) (84)
(CBS 46 Atlanta)   Purse snatcher receives a belated Christmas gift from victim: a can of whupass  (cbsatlanta.com) (17)
(Philly)   Bad: getting nailed driving the wrong way in Philly. FARK: You just robbed a mobster's wife at gunpoint  (philly.com) (78)
(Daily Mail)   Woman sees Jesus in her X-Ray. Subby sees Skeletor  (dailymail.co.uk) (72)
(Yahoo)   "KY couple sues Bengals, stadium over drunk fans" - The more you rearrange the words, the more amusing the headline  (news.yahoo.com) (44)
(BBC)   We're too busy to worry with you right now, so go ahead and enjoy that kilo of heroin hidden in your butt  (bbc.co.uk) (7)
(CNN)   Man goes all United 93 on teenager who refuses to shut off his iPod during takeoff  (cnn.com) (180)
(AZCentral)   Nearly 70 dead bats found in Arizona. Isn't it a little early for spring training news about the Cubs?  T-Shirt  (azcentral.com) (38)
(daily me)   If you play piano for a living, things you don't want to hear in an ambulance: "Don't worry, your finger is right over there"  (dailyme.com) (59)
(FARK)   Photoshop your predictions for 2011  (fark.com) (26)
(NPR)   New stamps won't have prices on them. For the young'uns out there, a "stamp" is something we used to have to buy in order to pay bills and let our friends know what we'd been up to the past month  (npr.org) (66)
(Daily Mail)   Polar bear 0, Seagull 1  (dailymail.co.uk) (31)
(Gawker)   Study: Waiting to have sex makes for stronger marriages  (gawker.com) (195)
(Some Heartbroken Guy)   January is a heartbreaking month for anyone who works in a shelter or volunteers with a rescue  (gazette.com) (126)
(News.com.au)   Of all the cool weapons, the tomahawk is perhaps the most overlooked  (news.com.au) (133)
(Washington Post)   Mrs. Anderson, I thought the South lost?  (washingtonpost.com) (154)
(Wave3)   "I hear 30's the new 20 and 14's the new 19." - With "I'd hit it after a 6-pack" pic  (wave3.com) (88)
(LA Times)   Do you like cat-filled rooms and mats of fur covering everything? Do you like coffee? We just might have the country for you. YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL LINT BRUSHES  (latimes.com) (57)
(News.com.au)   Skinny jeans, adult films, human excrement sell 'like hot cakes' in Best Korea  (news.com.au) (107)

Tue December 28, 2010
(The Real Ric Romero)   Many people spend money they don't have during the holidays. One way you can avoid extra fees is to pay your bills on time. It's not fiscal responsibility, it's Ric Romero's consumer tips  (abclocal.go.com) (61)
(Boston Globe)   Photoshop this titleist tester  (cache.boston.com) (27)
(News.com.au)   Tattoo parlor fire-bombed. First responders report several people horribly disfigured, but say no one was actually hurt  T-Shirt  (news.com.au) (49)
(Telegraph)   Dyson uninvents the vacuum cleaner, and from the looks of it, it's going to suck. And by suck, I mean not suck  (telegraph.co.uk) (212)
(Federal Times)   No wonder Blockbuster is going out of business: Even the Library of Congress wants to get into the streaming movies business  (blogs.federaltimes.com) (35)
(Slate)   For those of you getting all panicky about the two feet of global warming blanketing the ground, Slate answers your questions: "Do dogs need sweaters?" and "Is road salt edible?"  (slate.com) (81)
(Guardian.com)   Things Grandma won't tell you: the Forty Elephants were responsible for the largest shoplifting operation ever seen in Britain between the 1870s and 1950s  (guardian.co.uk) (27)
(Some Guy)   "Two computer programmers who claim to not to be crazy Star Wars fanatics built a home theater modeled after Darth Vader's destroyer vessel in The Empire Strikes Back"  (triblocal.com) (60)
(NPR)   Turns out fatasses will eat that burger even if they know it's 900 calories because they deserve it after going on that five minute walk during lunch break  (npr.org) (185)
(FARK)   Fark's 2010 Headline of the Year contest: Business headlines  (fark.com) (69)
(FARK)   Fark's 2010 Headline of the Year contest: Music tab headlines  (fark.com) (88)
(FARK)   Fark's 2010 Headline of the Year contest: Politics tab headlines  (fark.com) (105)
(FARK)   Fark's 2010 Headline of the Year contest: Showbiz tab headlines  (fark.com) (85)
(FARK)   Fark's 2010 Headline of the Year contest: Geek tab headlines  (fark.com) (77)
(FARK)   Fark's 2010 Headline of the Year contest: Sports tab headlines  (fark.com) (104)
(Boing Boing)   If you've ever wanted a life-sized Patrick Swayze wax figure, then today is your lucky day  (boingboing.net) (45)
(Daily Mail)   We've had no luck finding Nemo, but we DID find Bruce (pic)  (dailymail.co.uk) (29)
(SFGate)   Mead is making a comeback and is no longer just popular with wenches, Beowulf, and hippies  (sfgate.com) (152)
(MSNBC)   Remember how the government declared gulf seafood safe to eat? About that  (msnbc.msn.com) (112)
(FARK)   Photoshop theme: What Santa Claus does in his off time  (fark.com) (55)
(NPR)   You're all worthless and weak. Now drop and give me two  (npr.org) (241)
(Some Guy)   "Just another idiot trying to make a name for himself" is Julian Assange's opinion of Mike Huckabee, working title of bio  (floridaindependent.com) (124)
(Chicago Tribune)   The problem with law students is they forget about things like gravity and remembering they can't fly  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (89)
(Some Guy)   The US, which has been waging a 40-yr, $1 trillion war on drugs, is looking for answers in tiny Portugal. Tag is for the war  (washingtonpost.com) (198)
(Boston Globe)   The Charles River turned yellow. Wicked pissah  (boston.com) (72)
(Yahoo)   Ski lift doesn't  (news.yahoo.com) (50)
(CNN)   Do I have something green and salmonella-y stuck in my teeth?  (cnn.com) (48)
(NYPost)   Due to the weather, NYC has instituted death panels for those who collapse with a heart attack from shoveling  (nypost.com) (99)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Some people sleep with a teddy bear. Others, a loaded pistol. Which explains the nine bullet holes in the fence  (nwfdailynews.com) (41)
(AP)   The Empire Strikes Back, along with other fine films, is chosen to be preserved in the National Film Registry. Read the article for a list of the other films, read the thread for the "original vs digitally altered" debate  (hosted.ap.org) (257)
(Toronto Star)   "You never take out the garbage, this vacation you booked is terrible and you can't even slash my throat right"  (thestar.com) (16)
(G4TV)   G4's new Attack of the Show host gets spanked by Dominatrix (Sponsored link)  (g4tv.com) (232)
(Athens Banner Herald)   Woman loses sheep after sheepdog fails to clock in for work. Sheepdog seen chumming it up with suspected perp "Ralph" afterwards, wanted for questioning  (onlineathens.com) (27)
(Some Guy)   Thief makes off with 153 bras. Police seek your support as they move to bust this boob  (chicago.cbslocal.com) (51)
(News.com.au)   Autistic boy ruled OK for sex change  (news.com.au) (82)
(what does it mean?)   You're a Lieutenant Commander in the Navy detained at a Philippine airport over a bag of cocaine, do you c)throw it at security when they question you and jump to your death while in custody? Ultrafark: it wasn't coke  (apnews.myway.com) (104)
(Washington Post)   How the Supreme Court's 2007 decision on late-term abortion is giving fundamentalist loons the country over a new hope that they'll some day be able to run your life  (washingtonpost.com) (226)
(Yahoo)   "Octomom" faces evication from her CA home leading to fears that her 14 children will have to take shelter under her enormous vagina  (news.yahoo.com) (185)
(USA Today)   So many of you slackers aren't working right now that the government is having to redefine what it calls "long-term unemployment" from 2 years to 5 years  (usatoday.com) (147)
(National Post)   In the war between literalism and irony, the first casualty is jokes  (nationalpost.com) (59)
(AFP)   And your thought YOUR girlfriend was needy: Police say woman faked her own kidnapping to see if her husband loved her enough to pay the ransom  (news.yahoo.com) (75)
(Some Lush)   Drunk driver with 14 cases of beer in his car arrested. No word on what his Fark handle is  (sandmountainreporter.com) (25)
(Some Guy)   PSA: Getting your hand bitten off by an alligator will not get you on disability  (naplesnews.com) (42)
(Some Guy)   Gay coal miner sues WV company for harassment. Could never understand why everyone would giggle when he said he was ready to work the shaft  (herald-dispatch.com) (38)
(USA Today)   Starting today, each Frito-Lay chip is half natural, baby. Just close your eyes and don't think about the other half. CRUNCH  (usatoday.com) (40)
(Some Guy)   Woman who had the Constellation Dingus tattooed across her face has apparently taken to a life of crime now  (volunteertv.com) (26)
(CBC)   Priceless art stolen? This looks like a job for... oh, they stole him too  (cbc.ca) (34)
(Some Guy)   Barack Obama's plan to leave Club Gitmo open and detainees there indefinitely is a bold masterstroke for fairness and justice; why didn't Bush think of this?   (jammiewearingfool.blogspot.com) (180)
(NYPost)   New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie says he doesn't make resolutions to lose weight because he never sticks to them. You don't say  (nypost.com) (38)
(AZCentral)   Attorney says his reputation was ruined because he was not allowed to bring candy into a courthouse. Now seeking sweet justice. "That offended me because it was hot and I knew it would melt if I took it outside"  (azcentral.com) (15)
(Washington Post)   DAD, I am NINJA....Son, I am disapoint  (washingtonpost.com) (52)
(CBS News)   Blaze in Abandoned New Orleans Building Kills 8. In Other News, Word "Abandoned" Has New Meaning  (cbsnews.com) (16)
(FilmDrunk)   The 10 highest-grossing films of 2010. Some of these films are really good, while others are "Clash of the Titans" and "Twilight Saga: Eclipse"  (filmdrunk.uproxx.com) (158)
(FARK)   Fark's 2010 Headline of the Year contest - Context headlines  (fark.com) (86)
(Yahoo)   China deploys aircraft carrier-sinking missile. What's that? Only one country in the world, and that's us, has a significant carrier fleet? Well, I'm sure that's just a total coincidence since we're such good friends and all  (news.yahoo.com) (136)
(Some Guy)   10 most bizarre moments of Mike Singletary's head coaching tenure  (bleacherreport.com) (65)
(lubbock online)   Haiti cholera outbreak solved by murdering practitioners of voodoo and black magic  (lubbockonline.com) (24)
(Yahoo)   Not News: Boomers are too poor to retire in luxury; Fark: They forgot "bottling their tears" as a source of income in the article  (finance.yahoo.com) (112)
(Yahoo)   ,  (news.yahoo.com) (82)
(Yahoo)   The biggest threat to the GOP's chances in 2012 against Obama is that they are going to have to run an actual person, and not just a party affiliation, against him  (news.yahoo.com) (325)
(USA Today)   Analysis shows: Ugly underwear can ruin your day. Still being ugly when you take them off can ruin someone's night  (usatoday.com) (76)
(Some Guy)   Someone who has never seen or heard a single standup comedian attempts to rob a Dunkin Donuts  (wusa9.com) (31)
(Washington Post)   Buahhhhhhh..... Bah, Bum bah, bum baaahhhhhhh..... Bummmmmmm...ba doobie, doobie doooo wahhhhhhh  (washingtonpost.com) (31)
(CNN)   Today's article about what is killing your baby is brought to you by the letter D  (pagingdrgupta.blogs.cnn.com) (27)
(Statesman)   If you see a woman riding a giant chicken while holding a plate of waffles, call police immediately  (statesman.com) (26)
(Yahoo)   It's when fast-moving stories of such tremedous import break like this one, that we truly appreciate our news media: The president has gone out for shaved ice, I repeat Obama is having a snow cone  (news.yahoo.com) (42)
(CNN)   Two years after undergoing a landmark face transplant, Connie Culp has regained her sense of smell, wants steak, and pronounces vowels like AHHHHHHHHH  (cnn.com) (34)
(News.com.au)   Part of the party who had left the night before told police that their friends had left a car below the room running because they were afraid they would not be able to start it the next morning. Guess what happened next  (news.com.au) (65)
(Some Guy)   "Christmas Eve should be a time for family members to gather to cook a turkey, but one family decided to skip the bird, and cook meth instead"  (cbs42.com) (18)
(Toronto Sun)   PM Sweater Vest is hoping for a little Suu Kyi in the new year. Amen brother  (torontosun.com) (10)
(CNN)   Still trying to get home this holiday season? Hope you're ready to ring in New Year's at the airport  (cnn.com) (46)
(My Fox Dallas)   News: Church lady's house robbed on Christmas Eve. Fark: Pastor charged with the crime  (myfoxdfw.com) (45)
(Some Guy)   7-Eleven clerk performs CPR on customer who collapsed in the store. Considering their prices, I'm surprised this doesn't happen more often  (post-gazette.com) (25)
(Some Guy)   Polish government thanks drivers for having 125 accidents over Christmas by raising speed limit to 140  (thenews.pl) (37)
(WESH Orlando)   Newspaper employee steals ATM but can't figure out a way to open it. Now in edition to being broke, he'll be taken out of circulation for awhile  (wesh.com) (56)
(Some Guys)   Photoshop these men moving mud  (iisuspictures.ru) (29)
(UPI)   "The boy admitted he lit his socks on fire, which he said he had done several times before without incident, and when he stomped his foot to extinguish the flame it ignited a carpet soaked with gasoline from an earlier spill"  (upi.com) (40)
(AZCentral)   There's nothing wrong with turning off the lights, taking off your shoes, and reclining your seat before taking a snooze. Unless you're in your car in the middle of the street  (azcentral.com) (8)
(News.com.au)   PROTIP: If you're wheelchair-bound and you still insist on robbing storage units, don't forget to cover your tracks  (news.com.au) (14)
(CNN)   Killer hides body in luggage, police are on the case  (cnn.com) (19)
(Chicago Tribune)   Thousands of people every year still don't realize that snowblowers are cold, calculating murderers that will eat you and your family the first chance they get  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (75)
(NW Florida Daily News)   You either have anger management issues or have been exposed to too many gamma rays if you rip a mailbox out of the earth because somebody won't accept your challenge for a fight  (nwfdailynews.com) (30)
(MSNBC)   Israel archaeologists find 400,000 year old teeth from an indentured laborer  (msnbc.msn.com) (48)
(Abc.net.au)   At last .. a political party that stands for something worthwhile. Higher speed limits and burnouts  (abc.net.au) (42)
(Some Guy)   Blind man on being reunited with his guide dog: "I was very afraid that I'd never see him again"  (baynews9.com) (45)
(AJC)   Panhandler jumps on tractor-trailer cab, asks for cash, falls, breaks both legs. TA-DA  (ajc.com) (25)
(wisc news)   News: Detective arrested for drunken driving while on the job. Fark: His name is Vodak  (wiscnews.com) (67)
(Oregon Live)   You may have a drinking problem if you drive a forklift through a store wall in order to steal some beer. "The lesson here should be not to leave your keys in the forklift"  (oregonlive.com) (71)

Mon December 27, 2010
(Lincoln, England)   Photoshop this blessing bishop  (iisuspictures.ru) (43)
(News.com.au)   "She was a very big fat ugly woman, she got in the car and stunk it out"  (news.com.au) (101)
(CNN)   Gas prices to hit $5 in 2012. EVERYBODY PANIC EARLIER THAN USUAL THANKS FOR THE HEADS UP  (money.cnn.com) (269)
(Some Guy)   The votes are in and have been counted. The winner of the first ever National Rest Stop Competition™ is.....Utah  (ksl.com) (78)
(Chicago Tribune)   Illinois pets will be required to undergo a background check before being adopted  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (79)
(clickorlando.com)   Man calls 911 on "the media," with predictable results  (clickorlando.com) (60)
(ABC News)   Headline: "Your rights during long airline delays". Article:"Essentially none"  (abcnews.go.com) (83)
(The Smoking Gun)   Like a lump of coal tucked into the toe of your stocking, here's a belated Mugshot Roundup  (thesmokinggun.com) (141)
(Some Guy)   How to "set your gay daughter straight"  (theladiesmonthly.com) (202)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)   If you lived here, you would have been towed by now  (startribune.com) (53)
(Discover)   Three giant spaceships are *not* on their way here to probe us in 2012. Richard Gere inconsolable   (blogs.discovermagazine.com) (90)
(io9)   The CIA used mind control and LDS in the 70s in an attempt to do...what, no one knows  (io9.com) (181)
(Bad Princess)   Impromptu Baltimore Fark Party, Tomorrow (Tuesday) December 28, 8pm at Azul 17 in Columbia MD. Come one, Come all  (azul17.com) (67)
(Washington Post)   Maryland woman octuples the size of her family in one night  (washingtonpost.com) (196)
(Baltimore Sun)   Photoshop this defiant crustacean  (baltimoresun.com) (37)
(Press-Citizen)   If you're going to drink too much to drive, just don't drive. Do not, under any circumstances, call 911 to tell the police you're too drunk to drive  (wqad.com) (55)
(Some Guy)   20 hours of snowfall in 40 seconds. Bring a shovel  (vimeo.com) (136)
(Some Guy)   The real reason Wikileaks is in trouble? They're about to reveal the secret U.S. war against the UFO base in the Southern Ocean  (whatdoesitmean.com) (184)
(Wired)   On this day in 1831, a young Charles Darwin sets sail and does not win an award  (wired.com) (139)
(Yahoo)   Oddly enough, the States that WON the civil war seem largely disinterested in commemorating its 150th anniversary  (news.yahoo.com) (273)
(CSMonitor)   Mexican government guarantees that tortillas of the future will remain flat  (csmonitor.com) (39)
(MSNBC)   Methylenedioxypyrovalerone is a hell of a drug  (msnbc.msn.com) (120)
(FARK)   What was the Thread of the Year on Fark? (voting enabled)  (fark.com) (157)
(NPR)   Are you strict on your snowflakes? Or do you pamper and indulge them? Doesn't matter, you're a crappy parent and they're turning into binge-drinking alcoholics either way  (npr.org) (47)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Florida to require for-profit schools to adhere to minimum educational standards, unlike their public institutions  (orlandosentinel.com) (26)
(Gawker)   One town's police force shows the rest of the U.S. how to get rid of Latinos. Incoming congress seen taking notes  (gawker.com) (200)
(The New York Times)   Jon Stewart's role in pushing for a bill to provide health care for 9/11 responders has drawn comparisons to Edward R. Murrow  (nytimes.com) (296)
(Some Guy)   Planning on joining the military? You gonna get raped  (enewspf.com) (174)
(wfsb.com)   15,000 lose power in Connecticut. More like Disconnecticut, AMIRITE?  T-Shirt  (wfsb.com) (60)
(The Newspaper)   D.C. drivers were convicted of DUI based on inaccurate breath tests for a decade, not a year as previously thought  (thenewspaper.com) (153)
(Washington Post)   The Grim Reaper is fast becoming a regular character at Disney  (washingtonpost.com) (122)
(Yahoo)   Many farmer's markets are expanding to year-round operations, apparently figuring the folks willing to pay $10/lb for "organic, locally grown" Arugula also aren't bright enough to figure out the concept of "in season"  (news.yahoo.com) (75)
(Washington Post)   Democrats understand that a key element to keeping Obamacare from getting repealed is naming it after something other than Obama. Like, I don't know, a llama or something  (washingtonpost.com) (99)
(Washington Post)   Dear Santa, here is a list of things i don't want next year  (washingtonpost.com) (102)
(AL.com)   Good: The oil from the Gulf spill may have actually strengthened organisms along the coast. Bad: The organisms are plant-eating fungi  (blog.al.com) (24)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop Santa pumping iron  (af.mil) (16)
(Gothamist)   NYC gets an inch of snow. Underground, in the subways  (gothamist.com) (257)
(Gaston Gazette)   Man wins lottery, uses winnings to feed the homeless and hungry at Salvation Army even though he's been unemployed for months. Damn dusty room  (gastongazette.com) (134)
(Telegraph)   Woman comes back to life in coffin, WANTS BRAINS (w/pic of undead)  (telegraph.co.uk) (95)
(Buffalo News)   Good chess openings: Réti Opening and Sicilian Defense. Bad chess opening: taking a glass chessboard and smashing it over your girlfriend's head  (buffalonews.com) (56)
(Yahoo)   The story of another lawyer who routinely files dozens of lawsuits. But this one you're going to like  (news.yahoo.com) (233)
(Chicago Tribune)   If you're going on a meth bender, it's best not to pass out inside a cab with $450,000 worth of drugs on your person  (chicagotribune.com) (48)
(Daily Mail)   New research suggests women think about food more than sex. Men have just learned to combine the two  (dailymail.co.uk) (160)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop theme: Unconventional uses for heavy machinery  (caterpillar.com) (26)
(Some Guy)   Paralyzed woman's specially modified car--which was stolen just days before Christmas--was found and returned on Christmas Eve  (ksl.com) (128)

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