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Sun January 23, 2011
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Some Guy)   Photoshop these bunches of balls  (fototelegraf.ru) (27)
(Some Guy)   'Mythbuster' wannabe arrested for shooting neighbor's home while testing the ballistic stopping power of phone books. In other news, they still print phone books  (fox8.com) (92)
(Forbes)   "70% of engineers with PhD's who graduate from U.S. universities are foreign-born. Increasingly, these talented individuals are not staying in the U.S, instead, they're returning home, where they find greater opportunities"  (blogs.forbes.com) (315)
(MSNBC)   Civil War site is now a battlefield for Wal-Mart  (msnbc.msn.com) (87)
(Boston Herald)   Jack LaLanne now doing one-armed daisy pushups  (bostonherald.com) (261)
(National Geographic)   Yellowstone bulges as magma swells. The ground has risen ten inches in some spots, which must really mean just four and a half  (news.nationalgeographic.com) (264)
(WLSAM)   When the fire alarm goes off in your dorm and it is annoying you, you: c) eat lasagna  (wlsam.com) (133)
(Some Guy)   She-beast arrested for prostitution. w/ "OMG, somebody actually paid to have sex with that" mugshot  (naplesnews.com) (243)
(Washington Post)   Pieces of our national legacy ... bidding will start at $300. I've got $300, looking for $350. These are beautiful urns that once flanked the tomb of the unknown soldier. I've got $350, lookin' for $400  (washingtonpost.com) (90)
(Connecticut Post)   Someone's going to pay a lot for that muffler  (ctpost.com) (30)
(The New York Times)   Being $40,000 in debt with a worthless for-profit college degree and living in your parents' basement isn't all bad. You can still share your self-proclaimed genius with everyone on Fark while people with real degrees are at work  (nytimes.com) (456)
(Teresópolis)   Photoshop these water gatherers  (fototelegraf.ru) (18)
(Mercury News)   Vietnamese pickers have discovered the male G-spot.....in your ear  (mercurynews.com) (132)
(TMZ)   Neighbors complain that living next to Octomom is like "living next to a horribly obnoxious amusement park."- complete with clown car  (tmz.com) (249)
(BBC)   Abandoned rail line to Amlwch set to reopen for delivery of badly needed vowels  (bbc.co.uk) (65)
(Telegram)   School superintendent doesn't think letting teachers correct students' wrong answers during standardized tests counts as cheating  (telegram.com) (70)
(SMH)   If you are going to enter (and then win) the wet t-shirt competition, it might be a better idea if you aren't 16  (smh.com.au) (195)
(LA Times)   At Arden Fair Mall if you lose your car, a computerized video system that reads plates will show you where you left it. All paid for by the hoopy froods at the Department of Homeland Security  (latimes.com) (65)
(Boston Globe)   Boston police respond to accusations of racial discrimination by demonstrating how they use force indiscriminately  (boston.com) (46)
(Fox News)   Drug suspect had no dog, so NYPD shot his 76-year-old dad instead  (foxnews.com) (125)
(Boston Globe)   A Massachusetts resident's most prized possession is her vintage 1980s green license plate, faded enough to keep photo tickets away but bright enough to pass inspection  (boston.com) (110)
(Telegraph)   Children to be taught about homosexuality in math class. To be fair, Euclid and Pythagoras *were* Greek  (telegraph.co.uk) (169)
(Oregon Live)   Fabric samples stolen; police will canvas area, cover a large swatch  (oregonlive.com) (35)
(Some Blaze)   Photoshop this falling wall at a fire  (bigpicture.ru) (39)
(Yahoo)   "The instructor was demonstrating how to defuse a grenade when he accidentally pulled the safety pin"  (asia.news.yahoo.com) (80)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Police can't put their finger on why a suspected arsonist would leave a huge clue pointing himself out  (orlandosentinel.com) (20)
(The Onion)   Judge rules photogenic white girl will be tried as a black male  (theonion.com) (64)
(WXII)   School Superintendent Don Martin explains why his district has highest incidences of sexual misconduct charges: "ACK, GACK, .... WHUMP"  (wxii12.com) (63)
(Some Guy)   Homeless panhandler opens fire on men eating ice cream. You screamed. We all screamed  (thedailysound.com) (45)
(Telegraph)   "Some of those posing naked had pasta sauce and chocolate smeared over their bodies, while a crowd of 500 students looked on." If that headline doesn't bring you back to your college ski trips, nothing will  (telegraph.co.uk) (43)
(Chicago Tribune)   Protip: If you are in jail on domestic battery charges, don't go asking everyone around you where the friendly neighborhood hitman can be found  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (15)
(Boston Globe)   Photoshop this Stanley sunrise  (cache.boston.com) (41)
(LA Times)   City to turn sidewalk benches 90 degrees, remove backs so pedestrians can avoid encounters with pesky homeless  (latimes.com) (227)

Sat January 22, 2011
(SFGate)   Chicago bound plane makes emergency landing at Oakland airport, unaware nothing in the air could be more dangerous as Oakland, CA  T-Shirt  (sfgate.com) (56)
(Crooks & Liars)   Anti-immigration group raids home, shoots entire family. Early reports say hundreds of conservatives are offended by what you're thinking  (crooksandliars.com) (lots)
(Daily Mail)   For sale: five-bedroom house in Idaho, infested by snakes. Asping price: $109,000  (dailymail.co.uk) (84)
(Change)   Utah bill would essentially make it legal for anyone to shoot your outdoor cat  (animals.change.org) (227)
(Some Guy)   How much actual beef is in Taco Bell food? If you said 36%, come up and claim your roll of toilet paper  (wtol.com) (386)
(Snooze on 6)   Two steal 30-pack of Bud, lead cops on low-speed chase, lose control on ice. "Would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for those meddlesome skids"  (newson6.com) (26)
(The Consumerist)   75% of AOL's revenue comes from our grandmas  (consumerist.com) (88)
(Slush Pile Funnies)   Photoshop theme: Inadvisable comic books. Link goes to example  (slushpilefunnies.com) (58)
(Make mine a double)   "The Breakfast of Champions" no longer deemed to be sufficient nutritional information on booze labels  (thestate.com) (152)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   A conservative is a liberal who's just been mugged. A liberal is a conservative who's just been in prison. This is what happens when bad cops get caught  (suntimes.com) (133)
(NYPost)   How much is an age discrimination suit? Would you believe 24 cents?  (nypost.com) (104)
(Some Guy)   800 parrots go cold tukey at drug rehab facility. In other news, they have drug rehab facilities for parrots  (vancouversun.com) (41)
(Sun Journal (Maine))   Nothing like a bunch of college girls taking a dip...in Maine. It's looking a bit nipply out there  (sunjournal.com) (137)
(Some Guy)   It's BAMMER time in Minnesota  (kare11.com) (51)
(Some Guy)   Woman killed in fire was kind, generous, warm  T-Shirt  (news-gazette.com) (50)
(The Smoking Gun)   Smoking Gun provides supporting evidence proving the inverse relationship between men wearing "World's greatest dad" t-shirts and parents who are actually good  (thesmokinggun.com) (21)
(The Olympian)   Trying to get a job at Wendy's? Going back in the same day and announcing "This is a stick up" and robbing the place pretty much guarantees you won't be hired  (theolympian.com) (16)
(USA Today)   Envious wives now creating Mom Caves. Subby's wife calls hers "the house"  (usatoday.com) (168)
(Boston Globe)   Asked by auditors to explain cost overrun, group says Native Americans can't eat cheap food  (boston.com) (32)
(News.com.au)   Finely chop powder, alternate nostrils and rinse between lines. OH, and puff, puff, pass  (news.com.au) (35)
(wtsp.com)   It's probably a good idea to roll up the windows while smoking weed in the car, especially if you look like this guy  (wtsp.com) (56)
(WLSAM)   Suburban mom gets 10-year sentence for sex with her daughter's teen friends. Whew, at least she is not their teacher  (wlsam.com) (151)
(wtsp.com)   Woman loses control of her car, slams into a neighbor's house, then two other cars, before crashing into a bedroom and dining room of yet another house. Ta Da  (wtsp.com) (36)
(Patriot Ledger)   Massachusetts police seize another man's guns, this time for using gunpowder to blow up snowbanks he didn't want to shovel  (patriotledger.com) (70)
(Boston Herald)   Mayor gives up illegal plan for casino on land reserved for biotechnology after learning it's hard to keep a $500 million project secret  (bostonherald.com) (15)
(Telegraph)   Hindus celebrate the festival of Thaipusam by making a human kebab  (telegraph.co.uk) (26)
(CNN)   Pakistani woman goes to school. Next week's headline: Pakistani school burns down  (cnn.com) (24)
(Daily Mail)   Girl in wheelchair: 1, Cop in the handicapped spot: 0  (dailymail.co.uk) (109)
(The Atlantic)   The latest trend for people who have more money than sense: Gourmet artisanal ice  (theatlantic.com) (65)
(Some Guy)   28-year-old woman of Chinese and Native-American heritage drops from 198 to 125 lbs and wins national figure competition. I'd mention the 3rd degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do, but you already clicked on the link  (wtkr.com) (254)
(Some Guy)   Teen hit with his own golf ball creates popular viral video. Just kidding, he's suing the golf course for three million bucks  (katu.com) (272)
(Telegraph)   100-year-old to be given two new sexual partners. Oddly enough, this has nothing to do with the Playboy empire  (telegraph.co.uk) (31)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this sauntering Swiss Silvesterklaus  (bigpicture.ru) (26)
(G4TV)   This is what CNN would be like if all they talked about was MMOs. And if Anderson Cooper was allowed to call people a**holes (Sponsored Link)  (g4tv.com) (133)
(cbs)   NYC sanitation workers busted for drugs. Cops grow suspicious when too many customers on the route were trashed  (newyork.cbslocal.com) (10)
(Some Girl)   Almond lives the great life in his tree while his human servant climbs a ladder twice a day to provide the food and pampering this Caturday  (host.madison.com) (733)
(PhysOrg.com)   At long last cold fusion has arrived and I thank God I'm alive  (physorg.com) (241)
(UPI)   Researchers say 2 in 1,000 may be awake during anesthesia, State of the Union address  (upi.com) (135)
(WLSAM)   When you serve alcohol to monkeys, they act exactly like 23 year old males  (wlsam.com) (31)
(AZCentral)   Now that most people have stopped drinking, texting, talking on a cell phones, breastfeeding and shaving legs while driving, the biggest threat to our nation's road is the people who drive with pets  (azcentral.com) (89)
(Galesburg Register-Mail)   The family that makes meth together, goes to jail together (with multi-mugshot sadness and WTF)  (galesburg.com) (53)
(AZCentral)   California teacher suspended for letting students have sex in his classroom. FARK: He teaches 2nd grade  (azcentral.com) (113)
(Some Guy)   NBC exec Jeff Zucker can breathe a sigh of relief: Honolulu jury finds that beating a peacock to death is not animal cruelty  T-Shirt  (kitv.com) (54)
(Flickr)   Photoshop this treehugger  (flickr.com) (29)
(Herald Sun)   If the cops are trying to decide if your husband has been drunk driving, it's never a good idea to grab the wheel and try to run them over. Especially if you're drunker than your husband  (heraldsun.com.au) (6)
(National Post)   After several masked men started fire bombing man's home in the middle of the night, man loads his gun, goes outside, fires weapon and scares off attackers. Police reward man by arresting him  (news.nationalpost.com) (185)
(Hartford Courant)   While reading a book in the library, man finds happy ending  (courant.com) (43)
(Contra Costa Times)   Currency is legal tender throughout the nation, unless you live in Discovery Bay, California  (contracostatimes.com) (134)

Fri January 21, 2011
(The Eagle Tribune)   Call Mr Plowed, that's my name. That name again is Mr Plowed  (eagletribune.com) (31)
(LA Times)   Car hits man, doesn't stop. Second car runs over man, kills him, doesn't stop. Pedestrian crosses street to help dead man, gets hit by car. Driver exits car to help wounded woman, a mob of people beat him and rob him. Welcome to L.A  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (112)
(MSNBC)   Keith Olbermann no longer with MSNBC  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (966)
(Fox News)   So you want to become a professional beer snob?  (foxnews.com) (61)
(Sun Sentinel)   Man gets 25 year for pawning stolen laptop. If he'd just thrown it out the window, he would have won the Heisman  (sun-sentinel.com) (74)
(Lifehacker)   I mean, I really just don't understand why this article will not go green. I've put thought into the headline, tried to be clever... what do we need to do to come to an understanding?  (lifehacker.com) (112)
(LA Times)   Litter of 10 endangered ugly-ass African wild dog puppies born in captivity  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (27)
(ABC News)   Apparently the Peace Corps has added "sweeping gang rape allegations under the rug" to the chartiable services it provides in other countries  (abcnews.go.com) (211)
(The Smoking Gun)   This week's mugshot roundup features plenty of grillz, gunz, girls, and guilt  (rss.thesmokinggun.com) (180)
(io9)   BP's Deepwater Horizon disaster will never repeat itself. Just kidding, oil drilling is actually getting even more extreme and dangerous  (io9.com) (60)
(Boston Globe)   Photoshop this mind massage  (inapcache.boston.com) (31)
(Washington Post)   "And so, I hereby pledge that, beginning on Feb 1, 2011, I will not mention Sarah Palin - in print, online or on television - for one month"  (washingtonpost.com) (205)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   2011: Chicago PD forms the PreCrime division  (suntimes.com) (70)
(Dayton Daily News)   "I want to be able to teach my son right from wrong." Well, beating a baby alpaca to death isn't a good start  (daytondailynews.com) (85)
(Rasmussen Reports)   41% of Likely U.S. Voters say they are at least somewhat likely to boycott all companies that have been bailed out by the government  (rasmussenreports.com) (117)
(Some Guy)   Circumcision? I thought you said "amputation" Hahaha, oh boy  (dailytribune.com) (141)
(Curbed LA)   People keep dressing LA's bear for some reason  (la.curbed.com) (19)
(WBALTV)   $3/gallon for gas may seem like a deal come spring  (wbaltv.com) (202)
(Some Orange Fingered Guy)   Meth in a Cheetos bag in your hoo-haa is no way to go through life, young lady  (journalstar.com) (72)
(Yahoo)   Key drug used for death penalty executions is discontinued by maker, due to the fact that it causes death  (news.yahoo.com) (86)
(The Star Press)   Dry Amish town in Northern Indiana wants to stop gas station from selling beer, fueling cars  (thestarpress.com) (36)
(SMH)   Hotel made of beach trash in Madrid. What a dump  (smh.com.au) (25)
(Canoe)   Toronto mayor trying to bring an NFL team to town. Also he thinks that adopted children deserve less love  (slam.canoe.ca) (109)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   Headline: "Three dead, two wounded in Gary shootings." Someone should really stop that guy  (suntimes.com) (72)
(Houston Press)   The comfort food trend has reached its logical conclusion: Behold, the grilled cheese mac & cheese sandwich  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (141)
(Daily Mail)   British healthcare backwards day: Swine flu saved my babby's life  (dailymail.co.uk) (18)
(LexisNexis)   Patent Reform Act of 2011 to be introduced by Congress next week. Hopefully, to trolls trying to extract money from companies with overly broad patents  (lexisnexis.com) (36)
(Talking Points Memo)   Sharia alarmist Frank Gaffney thinks Muslims have infiltrated American conservatism   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (161)
(Some Guy)   Blunt news for residents of Zig Zag  (y100.com) (60)
(The Smoking Gun)   Assault with a gallon of milk? That's udderly ridiculous. Join the Friday Photo Fun at TSG (contest closes at 6pm EST)  (thesmokinggun.com) (30)
(Some Lucky Guys?)   It's Husband's Day in Iceland, where wives treat their husbands to specialties like putrefied shark meat, soured lamb testicles, sour blood and liver sausage, schnapps flavored with caraway seed, and fifteen minutes of not nagging  (icelandreview.com) (93)
(CNN)   Doctor says that parents who refuse to vaccinate their kids should be forced to pay higher insurance premiums  (cnn.com) (491)
(USA Today)   Bush, Cheney, Powell, and other alum of Gulf War '91 gather for 20-year reunion. Ah, good times, good times  (usatoday.com) (125)
(Yahoo)   British police bodyguard to the wife of a senior politician is under investigation for being a little to attentive to the body he was supposed to be guarding  (news.yahoo.com) (46)
(Some Guy)   Dear conspiracists: This is what the trail looks like from a real missile fired from the west coast  (thehindu.com) (94)
(Yahoo)   George Clooney's publicist confirms that he got malaria in the Sudan earlier this month, but he's all better now. In other new malaria becomes the clear front runner for this year's title of "Sexiest Microbe Alive "  (news.yahoo.com) (34)
(Some Guy)   Chinese lanterns, the silent killers  (coventrytelegraph.net) (25)
(LA Times)   Scalia and Thomas rubbed wallets with conservative philanthropists before campaign finance 'decision'  (latimes.com) (159)
(Houston Press)   Science has come up with a way to stop invasive sea snails from destroying oyster beds: eat them  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (30)
(Some Guy)   Not News: graffiti spree in small southern town. Kinda News: residents recognize man's face in the paint. FARK: it's Carlton Banks  (wafb.com) (78)
(Pressconnects.com)   'Kick a Jew day' may cause suspension of 37 students  (pressconnects.com) (175)
(FARK)   It's Friday, so it must be time for the Fark Weird News Quiz  (fark.com) (83)
(Nerve)   Wait a second, this is a POLICE escort service? So does that mean you're not going to sleep with me?  (nerve.com) (15)
(Yahoo)   Crocodile in distress when cell phone it ate keeps ringing in its stomach; this wouldn't be as much of a problem if it was an AT&T phone  (news.yahoo.com) (36)
(Chicago Tribune)   Great news, Chicagoans; Rahm Emanuel may very well be your new mayor  (chicagotribune.com) (107)
(UPI)   Research suggests stress interferes with the brain's ability to think clearly, perform complex tasks, submit coherent headlings  (upi.com) (13)
(Pat's Papers)   "Tony Bagels." "Johnny Pizza." "Baby Fat." Nicknames on lengthy Mob indictment confirm that no proper mobster would ever even consider the Atkins diet  (patspapers.com) (31)
(Wikipedia)   Turn a famous movie line, literary quote or other well-known phrase into a fortune cookie by adding the words "in bed" at the end  (en.wikipedia.org) (519)
(Flickr)   Photoshop this peering professional   (farm6.static.flickr.com) (26)
(MyFox Twin Cities)   You know it's cold when small animals are found frozen in place  (myfoxtwincities.com) (105)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)   During yet another botched drug raid, police protect and serve man's face into nearby tree  (startribune.com) (77)
(Mother Nature Network)   The Great Question of our time: Why can't I tickle myself?  (mnn.com) (44)
(Palm Beach Post)   Police stake out comes to an end when detectives realize they are being staked out by the guys they were supposed to be staking out  (palmbeachpost.com) (24)
(Sean Penn)   Hugo Chavez says he will not give up his emergency power to govern by decree. Hurray for...communism? Socialism? Fascism? What kind of -ism is this jerk?  (apnews.myway.com) (101)
(Daily Mail)   Old and busted: dull old history lessons. New hotness: making your elementary school really think WW3 has started, complete with air raid sirens and outside explosions  (dailymail.co.uk) (49)
(Chicago Tribune)   Chicago aquarium thinks locals would rather watch Da Fish instead of Da Bears this weekend  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (62)
(AJC)   Teen wearing an ankle monitor robs jewelry store. Hope he likes his new bracelets  (ajc.com) (11)
(CNN)   Support among women for Arizona shooting victim has slipped to its lowest recorded point  (cnn.com) (172)
(USA Today)   South Korea's still 0 for 2 against North Korea, but they're 1 and 0 against pirates  (usatoday.com) (42)
(Denver Post)   Man wearing Obama mask robs banks, demands change  T-Shirt  (denverpost.com) (40)
(St. Petersburg Times)   If you happened to leave your briefcase outside a pet supply store in Middle-of-Nowhere, Florida don't bother checking the lost and found. Police have already blown it up just to be safe  (tampabay.com) (30)
(Canoe)   Canadian truck driver saves two malnourished, dehydrated puppies dumped at a landfill. "I'm a big animal lover and I just did what I thought was right"  (cnews.canoe.ca) (63)
(Some Guy)   All the homes that survived the Australian floods are now at risk of fire  (couriermail.com.au) (12)
(Washington Post)   Make that two mass bird deaths the USDA caused  (washingtonpost.com) (63)
(USA Today)   Marriott blocks in-room TV porn, meaning now you have no choice but to listen to the middle-aged conventioneer with his hooker or the drunk teenagers going at it  (travel.usatoday.com) (99)
(Daily Mail)   Now THAT'S a hickey  (dailymail.co.uk) (48)
(Washington Post)   In "repealing" Obamacare, House Republicans only made it stronger  (washingtonpost.com) (320)
(The Sun)   84-year-old widow opens a can of Geritol-brand whoopass on a burglar: "I hope this sends a strong message to other burglars. If someone else comes, they'll get more of the same"  (thesun.co.uk) (62)
(Some Guy)   We're only 20 days into the year, but the dumbest lawsuit of the year winner is about to be crowned  (lasvegassun.com) (203)
(Daily Mail)   Old and busted: Fish tacos. New hotness: Lion tacos  (dailymail.co.uk) (79)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this Perilous Perch  (i256.photobucket.com) (34)
(Yahoo)   The top 15 best companies to work for in 2010, you can read this while deciding how to spend your $25 walmart gift card your boss gave you instead of a raise  (finance.yahoo.com) (274)
(Some Guy)   How does a girl get noticed in a big college town? Crashing your car into a building while driving naked seems to do the trick  (kcrg.com) (75)
(Some Guy)   Robin Williams and Henry Rollins had a baby  (pdxmugshots.com) (97)
(Komo)   Pro tip: If your fuel pump quits working, don't try to keep your vehicle running by pouring gasoline directly into the carburetor while driving since there's a teensy tiny chance it could explode  (komonews.com) (93)
(Some Guy)   Husband: "Honey I've been shot, drive me to the hospital right away" Wife: "Yeah , Yeah. I've got a couple errands first, but you're welcome to tag along"  (syracuse.com) (69)
(wtsp.com)   Psst. Hey. New governor of Florida. During your "Twitter Town Halls" - don't retweet the ones that call you a "jackass"  (wtsp.com) (37)
(The Mercury)   When is a wheelchair not a wheelchair? WHEN IT'S A FREAKIN' TANK  (themercury.com.au) (70)
(NPR)   After larynx transplant, California woman is able to nag husband for first time in over a decade  (npr.org) (22)

Thu January 20, 2011
(Some Guy)   Why you should never have a bunch of six-year-old girls watch nature shows   (hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com) (213)
(The Local (Germany))   German soldier shoots comrade in 'prank', proving yet again Germans have no humor at all  (thelocal.de) (63)
(My Fox Dallas)   News: First-grader suspended for hand gun. Fark: He made the shape of a gun with his hand  (myfoxdfw.com) (186)
(Some Jittery Guy)   Caffeine is definitely good for you. Or perhaps very bad. Make up your mind, Science  (chronicle.com) (70)
(NPR)   Dedicated undercover cop goes extra deep, marries and has children with person he is spying on  (npr.org) (53)
(Tribune Local)   One thing Skokie, Illinois has besides barbershop quartets? World-champion DUI high score of 0.425%  (triblocal.com) (148)
(Wall Street Journal)   Keep calm and carry on photoshopping this soldier  (online.wsj.com) (53)
(WWL)   It's the saddest meth mugshot you'll see this week  (wwl.com) (166)
(CSMonitor)   USDA admits it was the cause of one of the mass bird deaths because they were crapping on farms  (csmonitor.com) (98)
(Komo)   Transformer explodes at Chehalis power plant but will somehow be fully functional and back for the next movie  (komonews.com) (38)
(Reading Eagle)   Woman who fell in fountain and outed herself to complain about unwanted fame just got some more: theft for charging $5,000 to a co-worker's credit cards  (readingeagle.com) (201)
(Denver Post)   Airlines at Denver International Airport are investigating a number of unexplained windshield cracks, strange creatures on the wings  (denverpost.com) (70)
(Washington Post)   Excuse #112 to get off jury duty: I'm a US Supreme Court justice  (voices.washingtonpost.com) (119)
(Yahoo)   Gabby Giffords (inD-estructible) is able to stand up. Suck it Teddy "I got shot in the chest" Roosevelt  (news.yahoo.com) (373)
(Some Guy)   Okay kids, line up and get ready to board the bus for the field trip of a lifetime. There's a new Super Walmart opening up today  (blogs.roanoke.com) (85)
(Life.com)   50 years ago today John F. Kennedy took office, ushering in the age of Camelot; here are rare and previously unseen photos from that day  (life.com) (100)
(Spokesman Review)   Facebook, bad Civ clone, and fellow nerds save life of disabled gamer  (spokesman.com) (49)
(Some Guy)   Not News: Oil from BP spill is washing up. Oh Shiat: In human blood samples  (southernstudies.org) (113)
(Dayton Daily News)   Inside the pocket of innermost pair of pants, the officer felt two objects, one hard and one soft  (daytondailynews.com) (45)
(Some Guy)   Two brothers use bats to beat each other bloody. With artist's rendition of what a bat might look like  (sanduskyregister.com) (47)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen)   In addition to gays, Iowa Republicans add another group to the people they believe are a threat to marriage: working mothers. Why? Because "two-income families have eroded traditional nuclear families"  (press-citizen.com) (209)
(Some Guy)   After losing its only bookstore over a year ago, the largest city in the US without one will finally get one back  (pro8news.com) (101)
(9 News)   Police search for Moron  (9news.com) (77)
(Dallas News)   In 1969, 15% of children were driven to school by parents. Today, that number is 75%. Complaints about gas prices to the right  (dallasnews.com) (391)
(The Daily Beast)   Tunisia shows us that it doesn't take an invasion and 150k American troops to bring democracy  (thedailybeast.com) (87)
(Fox News)   The next dozen or so Martin Scorsese films have just been written  (foxnews.com) (71)
(Some Guy)   Peacock killer, qu'est que c'est  (staradvertiser.com) (47)
(Some Guy)   Think you've updated Java? Think again  (itmanagement.earthweb.com) (70)
(Some Guy)   Michelle Obama's 'Let's Move' campaign blamed for increase in pedestrian deaths  (wmal.com) (150)
(CBC)   Aristide, "I am ready" to return to Haiti, since that worked out so well for Baby Doc  (cbc.ca) (50)
(AOL News)   Allowing sleeping dogs to lie in your bed could increase your risk of contracting the plague  (aolnews.com) (124)
(WFTV)   Man caught red handed pinching a bud from someone's pot plant. FARK: It was a cop  (wftv.com) (75)
(Cracked)   Six douchebag luxury goods originally invented to help people  (cracked.com) (103)
(mmmm...lobster)   Bus driver thought he saw a drowning person in the harbour. He was wrong and bouy is he embarrassed  (thechronicleherald.ca) (30)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop theme: Improve a famous building or landmark  (gbfans.com) (62)
(BBC)   Swiss banker who gave Wikileaks details of rich tax evaders has been found guilty of breaching Switzerland's strict bank secrecy laws  (bbc.co.uk) (182)
(My Fox DC)   Preservation group wants to stop development because land holds connection to President George Washington. FARK: One of his horses might have, MIGHT HAVE, been born there  (myfoxdc.com) (75)
(BBC)   So the Koran-burning pastor is like 'I'm gonna get on a plane to Britain' and then Britain's all 'Dude, you have no plane'  (bbc.co.uk) (317)
(My Fox DC)   Maybe winter is the best time to invade Russia after all. Suck it Bonaparte  (myfoxdc.com) (58)
(The Sun)   Sir, you owe six months in parking fees for your Porsche. "I have a Porsche?"  (thesun.co.uk) (83)
(Daily Mail)   Get caught speeding in a 30 MPH zone? You have the choice of a ticket from the police, or a tongue lashing from the boy scouts running the speed trap  (dailymail.co.uk) (46)
(Kansas City)   Higher unemployment leads to less people stuck in rush hour traffic  (kansascity.com) (59)
(Mother Nature Network)   The eight biggest technological gadgets from back when you were young that are now considered obsolete today  (mnn.com) (388)
(Orlando Sentinel)   THIS JUST IN: Our van is stuck under a bridge and traffic is backed up as far as this reporter can see  (orlandosentinel.com) (70)
(CBS News)   Just because the band won't play another encore, don't throw a grenade on stage or fatally shoot two of the musicians  (cbsnews.com) (148)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this Dryas iulia egg on a Passiflora incarnata tendril  (bigpicture.ru) (26)
(UPI)   Bedbugs evolving to defeat insecticides. Subby, for one, welcomes our new blood-sucking bedbug overlords  (upi.com) (95)
(News.com.au)   London police training exercise causes Twitter panic. #yaketysax  (news.com.au) (19)
(KSAZ)   Human remains found in toolbox. Authorities have yet to identify the body, but say they know the drill all too well  (myfoxphoenix.com) (41)
(Mirror.co.uk)   A doctor removed a teenager's testicle only to find out that the lump was a harmless cyst. That doctor has got some ball  (mirror.co.uk) (89)
(Some Fountain Girl)   Woman who fell in fountain upset that people may recognize her from video on internet talks to newspaper that publishes her name. Ta-da  (readingeagle.com) (201)
(News.com.au)   Troops warned against using too much Viagra. That's gonna be hard  (news.com.au) (59)
(Some Guy)   Early Mugshot of the Year candidate arrested for attempting to reclaim video game console with the help of a large sword. There can be only Playstation One  (courierpress.com) (57)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 298: "Color Popping Naturally" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's contest  (farktography.net) (167)
(UPI)   Researchers say tractor rollover is a major farm death cause - right behind boredom and suicide  (upi.com) (52)

Wed January 19, 2011
(Salon)   Women now dominate college campuses, leaving them with fewer options for romantic partners. Should they a) work to lessen the gender gap, b) become lesbians, or c) withhold sex from men?  (salon.com) (637)
(Toronto Star)   Student wears same jeans for 15 months in the name of science. Deadheads turn up their noses  (thestar.com) (73)
(Economist)   The fact is that Amsterdam's heroin-addict population has been falling for two decades. That's even though, since 2002, the Dutch authorities have been doing something radical: They've been giving the addicts free heroin  (economist.com) (180)
(Boston Globe)   Photoshop this clutching coach  (cache.boston.com) (37)
(Nerve)   Comic asks for one million dollars on YouTube, actually gets it. Literally everyone else on the internet kicks themselves for not thinking of it first  (nerve.com) (197)
(Canoe)   B.C. man hit by stray bullet in Mexico. DAMN YOU, TIME-TRAVELING BULLETS  T-Shirt  (cnews.canoe.ca) (43)
(Daily Mail)   A bunch of squatters move into a nice home, trash the place, and bring property values down in the neighborhood. Just kidding. They made the house look better than ever  (dailymail.co.uk) (91)
(KNBC 4 Los Angeles)   Shooting reported at LA school. Not a repeat from yesterday  (nbclosangeles.com) (45)
(Chicago Tribune)   Today's media-fabricated fearmongering asks *spins wheel o' hysteria* IS THERE AN EPIDEMIC OF LASERS POINTING AT OUR SKIES?? pew. pew. pew  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (64)
(Washington Post)   Sure, this mom unplugs her kids and she gets a book deal; I unplug my mom and I get charged with second-degree murder  (washingtonpost.com) (55)
(officer.com)   Due to his expert knowlege of police procedure and the fantastic view from his front window, man determines police shooting was not proper  (officer.com) (85)
(Beatcalls)   How to make a convertible out of a coupe. Step 1: Alcohol was involved  (beatcalls.com) (33)
(Boston Globe)   Family of boy who fell to earth near Boston seeks "justice". Which means "legal action of the highest order." Which means their lawyer wants one of those billion dollar yachts  (boston.com) (152)
(Reuters)   Hu's bending over for whom? Chinese leader concedes his country needs to improve human rights  (reuters.com) (81)
(IndyStar)   Indiana Governor wants to roll back prison time for non-violent drug offenses because it wastes too much money. Prosecutors still want to throw away the key  (indystar.com) (65)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Florida city creates new law to ban sex offenders from...entering or living within its entire city limits  (orlandosentinel.com) (84)
(Washington Post)   Worried that you married the wrong person? Well, you did. But here's what to do about it  (washingtonpost.com) (147)
(Google)   Usually, when a vote in Africa shows 99% of the electorate agreeing on something, it's denounced as a fraud. Not this time  (google.com) (83)
(The New York Times)   All that self-esteem building is leading to epidemic levels of pathological ninnyishness in kids  (nytimes.com) (54)
(Daily Mail)   Boy, 14, shoots father, great aunt, grandmother with rifle bought as birthday present. At least he's getting some use out of it  (dailymail.co.uk) (91)
(Huffington Post)   Top 10 creepiest love song lyrics. Slidesh...I mean 'creepshow' warning  (huffingtonpost.com) (140)
(Nerve)   Iran bans the sale of Valentine's Day gifts. Millions of Iranian men secretly relieved  (nerve.com) (26)
(Houston Chronicle)   Won't someone please think of the children getting high on raw sewage and calling it "butt hash"?  (blogs.chron.com) (68)
(Wall Street Journal)   Headhunter sends a musical greeting card with a small battery and wires attached to an Israeli bank's New York offices without a return address. What could possibly go wrong?  (online.wsj.com) (13)
(Some pedestrian deaths)   Pedestrian killed in road accident. Fark: victim was on day-release from prison for killing a pedestrian in a road accident  (bdpost.co.uk) (30)
(Detroit News)   Remember the neighbor from hell who taunted the 7-year-old girl dying of Huntington's disease? She just got busted for violating a personal protection order taken out by the girl's family (w/ "haters gonna hate" picture)  (detnews.com) (177)
(Some Guy)   He really is the most interesting man in the world  (backporch.fanhouse.com) (120)
(BBC)   A species of amoeba - a single-celled organism - actually "farms" the bacteria it eats, making it smarter than most Manhattanites  (bbc.co.uk) (28)
(CNNGo)   The world's oldest and probably most SFW naked man festival (SFW pics)  (cnngo.com) (16)
(AZCentral)   Pigeon found trying to take drugs into Colombian jail, Polly wanna crack rock?  (azcentral.com) (17)
(NPR)   NPR discusses how NPR should have better reporting skills because NPR is disappointed in NPR  (npr.org) (82)
(Yahoo)   Texas town most affluent US neighborhood. With pic of what affluent Texans may look like  (news.yahoo.com) (206)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   ER visits due to people slipping on ice are on the rise. Cue Yakety Sax  (suntimes.com) (49)
(AZCentral)   It's starting to look like the mysterious person who visited Edgar Allan Poe's grave every birthday is nevermore  (azcentral.com) (77)
(MSNBC)   Americans think the Chinese do not have the hubris needed to be a superpower   (behindthewall.msnbc.msn.com) (137)
(Reno Gazette-Journal)   And now a mugshot showing what happens when you shoot your brother in front of your punch-happy relatives  (rgj.com) (78)
(Gawker)   Science discovers the best cure for your hangover: Coffee and asprin. Really, science? You think no one ever thought of that before?  (gawker.com) (128)
(WauwatosaNOW)   Police: "We've found your lost 2-year-old boy." Family: "Them's fightin' words"  (wauwatosanow.com) (330)
(Chicago Tribune)   Body fat data taken off grade school report cards, which is interesting because body fat data was on grade school report cards?  (chicagotribune.com) (128)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this vegetable vendor  (online.wsj.com) (28)
(Reno Gazette-Journal)   Bus driver fired after leaving special needs child alone on bus for Potato minutes or more  (rgj.com) (103)
(Cracked)   The 6 strangest ways anyone was ever mistaken for a god  (cracked.com) (200)
(Denver Post)   District attorney keeping us all safe by charging 10-year-old boy as an adult in accidental arson  (denverpost.com) (117)
(Press And Journal)   Nightclub owner sends guy to hospital after beating him in road rage incident with two foot rolling pin, apparently in desperate knead of anger management  (pressandjournal.co.uk) (33)
(The New York Times)   Goldman Sachs executives would like to thank everyone for the financial crisis in 2008  (dealbook.nytimes.com) (111)
(USA Today)   At what point is it too cold to send your little snowflake outside for recess? International Falls, MN, says, "35 degrees above zero? Pfft, we'll send them out until they freeze"  (usatoday.com) (220)
(My Fox Dallas)   Burglars make total ashes of themselves when they realize that the cocaine they just stole and snorted was actually cremains of homeowner's father and Great Danes  (myfoxdfw.com) (64)
(Connecticut Post)   After paying its dues, Connecticut has been allowed back in to New England  (ctpost.com) (63)
(azfamily.com)   Rep. Gabrielle Giffords will be moved to a Houston hospital Friday. Carpetbagger  (azfamily.com) (76)
(Huffington Post)   Drunk owl arrested by German police after a long night hitting the whoo-ch  (huffingtonpost.com) (23)
(Yahoo)   Sir Arthur Conan Doyle estate confirms that the game's afoot again  (news.yahoo.com) (93)
(Some Guy)   Creepy doll shows how babby formed  (click2houston.com) (74)
(Some Guy)   News: 23 year old girl goes missing, body recovered, identified by family members, 2 men charged with kidnapping and murder, body cremated and buried Fark: She comes strolling through the front door the next day  (ndtv.com) (164)
(News.com.au)   We're flying in a Lockheed Eagle Series L-1011. Came off the line twenty months ago. Carries a Sim-5 transponder tracking system. And you're telling me I can still flummox this thing with something I bought at Radio Shack?  (news.com.au) (184)
(Daily Mail)   Researchers claim dogs have been man's best meal for nearly 10,000 years  (dailymail.co.uk) (119)
(Yahoo)   Remember that place where John the Baptist baptized Jesus? Yeah, it's surrounded by land mines  (news.yahoo.com) (142)
(The Sun)   Man killed by his own cock. Police suspect fowl play  (thesun.co.uk) (51)
(Boston Phoenix)   Police seize guns from home of man who said it was wrong to shoot innocent bystanders when gunning down politicians  (thephoenix.com) (247)
(The Sun)   School boy kicked out of the 9th grade because A) he started a fight B) he sold pot C) he's 24 years old  (thesun.co.uk) (99)
(NPR)   JPMorgan Chase would like to apologize to the 4000 active-duty military personnel it overcharged for their mortgages. And to the 14 it erroneously foreclosed on, it would like to add a sincere, "Our bad"  (npr.org) (92)
(UPI)   Baby born with organs outside his body finally goes home. Parents tell hospital they've got a lot of 'spleening to do  (upi.com) (70)
(peninsula daily news)   On a lark, birdwatcher hardly swallows after spottin' the robbin' of his van. Gives police tern by tern directions  (peninsuladailynews.com) (21)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop these card-playing cronies  (online.wsj.com) (34)
(The New York Times)   Video of Tucson shooting shows Judge John Roll appears to have died shielding another victim from gunfire  (nytimes.com) (257)
(Yahoo)   The Sun is there  (news.yahoo.com) (41)
(SFGate)   Because people aren't lazy enough already : Now they don't need to change their cat's litter anymore  (sfgate.com) (61)
(News.com.au)   $1.1 billion yacht is... you know what, I can't even think up a funny headline. This monstrosity is a floating "fark you" to anyone who's not insanely rich  (news.com.au) (414)
(CTV)   Crop shortages by 2020. Start hoarding now  (ctv.ca) (85)
(Yahoo)   Good night from Reuters  (in.news.yahoo.com) (69)
(The Tennessean)   Tennessee's Medicaid program will pay for obesity surgery, but it will NOT pay for dietary counseling. Clearly, trying to get Tennesseans to change their eating habits will cost way too much  (tennessean.com) (68)
(Some Guy)   Dumb: Robbing a bank in a snowstorm. Dumber: Using the commuter bus as a getaway vehicle. Fark: Use the bus stop across the street from your house  (countytimes.com) (9)
(AOL News)   "I can endure a supposedly stressful incarceration as easily as the component parts of a basic grammatical unit come together in my mind to form these lyrics which I have just skillfully rapped"  (aolnews.com) (70)
(Yahoo)   Netflix is abandoning DVDs and the customers who prefer them. Hope you like streaming old TV shows and movies you haven't heard of  (blog.movies.yahoo.com) (380)
(WIOD)   Experts predict shortage in nursing home beds in 10 years. In unrelated news, institution of death panels gains resounding bipartisan support among younger voters  (wiod.com) (52)
(BBC)   Good news: cigarettes won't give you cancer over the course of several years. Bad news: they give you cancer immediately  (bbc.co.uk) (238)
(Yahoo)   Furthering the all out war on illicit drugs, the US is now against the indigenous peoples in the Andes chewing coca leaves  (news.yahoo.com) (118)
(Some Guy)   Aluminum heist foiled  T-Shirt  (triblocal.com) (35)

Tue January 18, 2011
(WLSAM)   Muslim girl pulled from a basketball game because her headscarf was deemed dangerous  (wlsam.com) (136)
(CBC)   The Vatican is busted. A 1997 letter warned Bishops to not report child abuse to police  (cbc.ca) (270)
(KeysNet)   Blitzed grandpa passes out on U.S. 1 pavement, but it's OK, his 18-month-old grandson kept guard on his Keystone Ice in the stroller. With passed-out grandpa photo goodness  (keysnet.com) (58)
(Hartford Courant)   News: Man stabs 4 people at party, killing one. Fark: They were making fun of him for farting too much  (courant.com) (89)
(Some Guy)   Most places, you drink the water, you get flouride. In Grand Island Nebraska, you also get superpowers. Or cancer  (nebraska.tv) (55)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop the S.S. Icebox  (online.wsj.com) (42)
(AL.com)   2001: HAZMAT responds to the scene because of an envelope labeled 'Anthrax.' 2011: HAZMAT responds to the scene because of an envelope labeled 'Cure to Anthrax.' Bonus: Envelope contained small twigs  (blog.al.com) (59)
(Mercury News)   After recent rains washed away the coyote urine, home owner is considering installing bars on his windows and doors so his wife will never be forced in to pillow fights again  (mercurynews.com) (22)
(Some Guy)   Bomb placed along parade route defused in Spokanistan  (spokesman.com) (163)
(BBC)   Police chief orders inquiry into "serious security lapse". Fark.com: After two sniffer dogs have puppies  (bbc.co.uk) (46)
(Nevada Appeal)   Administrators find it easier when students are stripped of all identity, every minor infraction is noted and collected, and teachers deliberately single out any student who tries to stand out  (nevadaappeal.com) (99)
(BBC)   In a blow to global warming theorists, the number of pirate kidnappings hit a record high in 2010  (bbc.co.uk) (38)
(CNN)   Major earthquake leaves remote area of Pakistan looking exactly the same  T-Shirt  (cnn.com) (73)
(CNN)   Woman manning Manama man o' war "man overboard" in Oman. Man  (cnn.com) (61)
(Some Guy)   Despite trying to show officers her receipt, woman is mistaken for robber, placed into a choke hold and then tased  (fox40.com) (216)
(Washington Post)   Police interview 300 after Loughner shootings to find out if. This. Is. Madness  (washingtonpost.com) (46)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Somebody keeps murdering the women living at my house and suddenly I'M THE BAD GUY  (orlandosentinel.com) (19)
(CNN)   Kennedy family makes major announcement to the general public that Sargent Shriver has died. Services to be private  (cnn.com) (86)
(UPI)   Birdwatcher spots a familiar species in the wild: the Stolenus vanicus  (upi.com) (5)
(630 WMAL)   Commentator on NPR uses racist term for whites  (wmal.com) (500)
(NJ.com)   Thieves recreate "Gone in 60 Seconds," except with catalytic converters  (nj.com) (23)
(Some Guy)   Chihuahua is now afraid to go outside after an owl tried to put it in its rightful spot on the food chain  (myfoxchicago.com) (110)
(Yahoo)   Obama destoys even more jobs with a new wave of regulations... wait, I'm sorry, he is betraying the public safety by threatening to remove life-saving regulations  (ca.news.yahoo.com) (82)
(Yahoo)   Study of 2,300 college undergrads finds 45 percent of students "show no significant improvement in the key measures of critical thinking, complex reasoning and writing." As if those are key life skills  (news.yahoo.com) (136)
(AP)   Obama holding first China state dinner in 13 years. Another to be held an hour later when everyone's hungry again  T-Shirt  (hosted.ap.org) (63)
(Daily Mail)   You've looted your country and escaped with 3,000 lbs of gold. Where to now? I'm going to Disneyland, er, Euro-Disney?  (dailymail.co.uk) (38)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Doesn't everyone fight with their brother or sister when they don't help with the dishes, leave dirty clothes on the floor, or sell drugs to your girlfriend?  (nwfdailynews.com) (7)
(Some Guy)   It's 2am and you hear a woman screaming for help. Do you c) ignore it and find her corpse in your yard the next morning  (thechronicleherald.ca) (114)
(WLSAM)   Is Obama like Reagan? About the only similarity is that they were both born in the United States. Right?  (wlsam.com) (62)
(NJ.com)   "Hey, you wanna play 'Knockout'?" "Um, no?" "Too bad." *KNOCKOUT*  (nj.com) (67)
(The Onion)   Congress passes legislation to honor 9/11 First Capitalizers  (theonion.com) (40)
(Gawker)   Ugly ass baby elephant born in Germany is easily amused  (gawker.com) (19)
(Reason Magazine)   Thinking about making a sports wager with a friend? Not so fast, citizen. We have SWAT teams to deal with your kind  (reason.com) (121)
(Some Guy)   "The most important meal of the day" just got a little less important  (610wiod.com) (109)
(CNN)   Baby Doc arrested in Haiti. Wait, what year is it?  (cnn.com) (53)
(Boing Boing)   Someone is paying more than $400 for leftover Apollo mission pot roast. Tang not included  (boingboing.net) (35)
(Some Guy)   You know how you stab a guy for lending you a cheap cigarette, then go on probation and quit drinking, but then go to a pig roast and the same guy shows up and puts out your left eye with a beer bottle? I hate it when that happens  (csindy.com) (42)
(FARK)   A very brief note on the patent lawsuit, and then Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 1/9 - 1/15  (fark.com) (182)
(Salon)   Visit historic Camden, New Jersey. All the urban decline - now with half the police  (salon.com) (113)
(CNNGo)   Japan's latest national shame is housewives who buy Groupons  (cnngo.com) (36)
(UPI)   Unknown naked woman joins bachelor in bed. Being Canadian, he promptly calls the police  (upi.com) (91)
(Some Guy)   Still trying to track down who controls patent used against Reddit, Digg, Fark, Slashdot & TechCrunch  (techdirt.com) (207)
(MetroWest Daily News)   White family claims the reason they flew a Confederate flag on MLK Day was to honor an Irish soccer club  (metrowestdailynews.com) (150)
(Some Guy)   Survey: Women in their 40's slightly less likely to have sex on first date than your mom  (wiod.com) (345)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this spinning show  (s.wsj.net) (25)
(WWL)   Former Louisiana governor gets out of federal prison, promptly given job by head of state Democratic party  (wwl.com) (70)
(Yahoo)   Defense Lawyers for HIV+ airman accused of having sex with multiple partners without disclosing his status, says the order requiring him to reveal that is unconstitutional, because if he told people that, he'd never get laid again  (news.yahoo.com) (251)
(CNNGo)   Disney castles are kind of cool when they're made of ice blocks cut from the surface of the Songhua River in Harbin  (cnngo.com) (18)
(Chicago Tribune)   You are now free to pray or shut the hell up in Illinois schools  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (397)
(Discovery)   Just remember, it stopped aging once it was bottled, on the left. Whisky snobbery to the right  (news.discovery.com) (200)
(Some Guy)   If you are driving on I-75 today, be on the lookout for a tiger and her cub. Oh my  (wbir.com) (26)
(Ohio.com)   Attorney accused of exposing himself to teens at Christian outreach coffeehouse says "We're not afraid to do what it takes" (with disturbing mugshot and 911 audio)  (ohio.com) (75)
(Some Guy)   Politician with strange coloured moustache: "I'm defending gay people's rights... to cure themselves of this sickening affliction"  (swns.com) (72)
(St. Petersburg Times)   Things get surreal at the dedication to a new Salvador Dali museum  (tampabay.com) (28)
(Cracked)   6 famous movies with mind-blowing hidden meanings  (cracked.com) (151)
(NCBuy.com)   And they say, if you drive down that forgotten stretch of St. Louis highway, at just the right time of night? You too might see them. Fingerhut catalogs and Omaha Steaks flyers, as far as the eye can see  (ncbuy.com) (21)
(truTV)   Dancing With The Stars is controlled by the Tea Party, and 9 other important modern conspiracies  (trutv.com) (26)
(Some Soldier)   The Army's optional and anonymous Spiritual Fitness Test? Yeah, about that  (rockbeyondbelief.com) (246)
(Some Guy)   "If I wandered away while my mom squeezed cantaloupes, this was not considered tantamount to dropping me off at a NAMBLA convention. Now, apparently, it is - even though the crime rate hasn't been this low since 1974"  (pasadenastarnews.com) (153)
(Reuters)   Surprisingly SFW - "Goatse did not immediately return requests for comment"  (reuters.com) (76)
(My Fox DC)   Beer can be good for you, researchers claim as they try to figure out who drove home last night and where they parked the car  (myfoxdc.com) (22)
(Geekosystem.com)   Are you curious as to just who is Banksy? For one million dollars, you can find out on eBay  (geekosystem.com) (95)
(Ohio.com)   Not News: Ohio woman in a serious hurry gets 3 speeding tickets. Fark: In just over an hour  (ohio.com) (70)
(Some Guy)   "I am a senior at a a small New England high school. A few days ago, the administration implemented a new rule: No physical contact at any time. Am I wrong in thinking that banning all touch goes too far?"  (freerangekids.wordpress.com) (205)
(Washington Post)   Crazy new concept for reforming American auto companies calls for paying workers based on their performance, not their seniority. THE HELL YOU SAY  (views.washingtonpost.com) (224)
(Huffington Post)   The donated corneas from the 9-year-old Tucson shooting victim have restored the sight of two other children. Subby's corneas feel salty  (huffingtonpost.com) (81)
(ClickOrlando)   Some of us would be a little wary if our neighbors offered us a live WWII grenade. Others would immediately pull the pin  (clickorlando.com) (44)
(My Fox DC)   Deaf basketball team making noise on the court. Well, more like grunts  (myfoxdc.com) (30)
(NPR)   LAPD gang and narcotics officers don't like being monitored for corruption  (npr.org) (154)
(Some Guy)   Quiet town shaken up by mysterious loud bangs. This is not the plot from another M Night Shyamalan film  (swns.com) (44)
(USA Today)   Investigation launched to probe what John Edwards knew about the campaign money being used to hide his baby mama  (usatoday.com) (36)
(Boston Herald)   Unlikely: Politicians urge judge to be lenient with drug dealer. Obvious: Politicians urge judge to be lenient with drug dealing aide to mayor of Boston  (bostonherald.com) (26)
(News.com.au)   Man admits killing his pregnant wife with an axe, but won't tell where the lucky fetus is because the "louk lord" can still be used to ask ghosts for winning lottery numbers  (news.com.au) (82)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Woman facing charges after punching a police horse in the nose. Woman only pawn in game of life  T-Shirt  (nwfdailynews.com) (125)
(Spiegel)   Photoshop these blue hares  (spiegel.de) (30)
(Daily Mail)   Here's the background on the video of the 1950's housewife tripping balls. No word if she saw herself crawling up her own leg with a knife in her teeth  (dailymail.co.uk) (236)
(MLive.com)   Cops reel in woman who battered men with fish  (mlive.com) (28)
(Guardian.com)   Lost tomb of emperor Caligula found  (guardian.co.uk) (141)
(io9)   34,000 year-old bacteria that was frozen inside crystals in Death Valley has thawed and is rapidly multiplying, ready to kill us all  (io9.com) (36)
(Daily Mail)   Church offers 'baptism lite': "Less chilling, bastes great"  (dailymail.co.uk) (64)
(Washington Post)   And the latest popular thing that's actually bad for you is *spins*.... filtered and bottled water  (washingtonpost.com) (144)
(AZCentral)   I'll hear the train a comin'; hum, hum, the bend, and I've had my headphones on since hum hum hum THUD. Trifecta compl THUD SQUISH THUD THUD THWAK PLOP thwak thwak plop gurgle  (azcentral.com) (85)
(Some Monday night in retard land)   She kinda charged inside the trailer and the dog was sleeping and she startled it, causing it to to attack her. And then and when it wouldn't release its grip even after being tasered, they were forced to shoot it several times  (baynews9.com) (82)
(Some Guy)   History's nine biggest blackouts. Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears noticeably absent from list  (good.is) (46)
(Orange County Weekly)   Surf Shop Celebrates MLK Day with '20% Off All Black Products' Sale. Probably not exactly what Dr. King was going for  (blogs.ocweekly.com) (111)
(Some Guy)   New Ohio Gov seems a little green on the concept of Martin Luther King, declares St. Patricks Day as new MLK day  (plunderbund.com) (122)

Mon January 17, 2011
(News.com.au)   Journalist accused of stalking Maria Sharapova. How could he possibly be a stalker?? He clearly has an "I AM NOT A STALKER" sign  (news.com.au) (89)
(Some Paranoid Guy)   "The new reality is that the world is only one poor harvest away from chaos" and other fun quotes for the coming FOODPOCALYPSE. With the looting, and the pillaging and heyheyhey  (greenbuildingpro.com) (125)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this red sculpture  (1.bp.blogspot.com) (29)
(CONTEMPORIST)   Photoshop this nerdy girl on a stool  (contemporist.com) (68)
(Some Guy)   Never touch another man's fries (with incredibly unrelated video)  (syracuse.com) (115)
(Some Guy)   I tanned a turtle  (coventrytelegraph.net) (70)
(Idaho State Journal)   News: Pianist maimed in potato gun explosion. Fark: Pianist maimed in potato gun explosion  (journalnet.com) (281)
(The New York Times)   So you say you own this house, paid the lien, and want to sell it to the holding company Beef Patty Breath? Sounds legit.. sign here  (nytimes.com) (137)
(The Sun)   Men who suffer post orgasmic illness syndrome are just allergic to themselves  (thesun.co.uk) (117)
(Daily Mail)   Good-looking men and women have higher IQs, says study commissioned by plastic surgeons  (dailymail.co.uk) (230)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Florida: "We do stupid like Nebraska does corn"  (orlandosentinel.com) (206)
(AJC)   Chat Roulette now popular with people looking for real pigs instead of furries  (ajc.com) (63)
(Washington Post)   The banks have heard your desperate lamentations in the dark, your heartbroken wails over the lack of ads in your online checking account, and they have decided to answer your pleas  (washingtonpost.com) (82)
(CNN)   I mean, thanks and everything, Julian, but how about leaking account info from the Wells Fargo around the corner?  (cnn.com) (103)
(wtsp.com)   Tilted Kilt waitresses arrested for offering customers a little something something that wasn't on the menu. With mug shot goodness  (wtsp.com) (134)
(STV.tv)   Schoolgirl has sex with three boys in exchange for a cigarette. Probably not a Lucky Strike  (news.stv.tv) (169)
(Boston Herald)   Woman in ER: "Your valet boy is really helpful." Nurse: "What valet boy?"  (bostonherald.com) (58)
(Telegraph)   While the Western World was eating Twinkies and playing X-Box, the first domino in the Arab world just toppled  (telegraph.co.uk) (214)
(Some Guy)   It's nice to know that colorful gang nicknames are still alive and well as cops bust Chiggs, Cat, McGiva and Ants  (newcity.patch.com) (45)
(Salon)   The coolest story of a woman who tracked down her thief using Craigslist, Myspace and a McDonalds you will read today  (salon.com) (109)
(KOCO)   Armed man robs Hallmark shop, plans to send them a nice thank you card  (koco.com) (11)
(Oregon Live)   "At first I thought it was kind of weird that I would get a fan club when I was just a sign dancer"  (oregonlive.com) (58)
(NPR)   "It's possibly the biggest thing, one of the most important things, people don't know about Martin Luther King's life"  (npr.org) (139)
(The Times of India)   Local village in India opens a bank with no locks, with God acting as its guard. This should end well  (timesofindia.indiatimes.com) (38)
(Beatcalls)   Memorable: Standing on the bow of a ship, yelling "I'm king of the world." More memorable: Running naked through Florida traffic, yelling "I'm king of the world"  (beatcalls.com) (23)
(Impact Magazine)   Fashion of the 2000s: "Every major trend of our teenage and young adult life was a re-hash of something we had already seen: skinny jeans, Ray-Bans, body-con, tassels, studded leather, shoulder pads. Our parents beat us to it"  (impactnottingham.com) (112)
(Examiner)   Man wakes up frightened and in the closet after a car crashes through his apartment. Police examining skid marks  (examiner.com) (15)
(Daily Mail)   Scotch in a can. For the sophisticated whisky drinker  (dailymail.co.uk) (143)
(KSAT)   Knowing "Hello Kitty" kicked your ass will not sit well in prison  (ksat.com) (20)
(The New York Times)   Israel and the United States created the Stuxnet worm  (nytimes.com) (318)
(Billings Gazette)   Man with music cranked up in car doesn't notice freight train - initially  (billingsgazette.com) (37)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this separation  (online.wsj.com) (23)
(Canada.com)   UN chief calls for rule of law in Tunisia, adding, "Come to think of it, everywhere else too"  (canada.com) (18)
(Daily Mail)   8 out of 10 cats think you're GUILTY  (dailymail.co.uk) (77)
(Abc.net.au)   Is that a swordfish in your pocket or are you just pleased sashimi?  T-Shirt  (abc.net.au) (21)
(Reuters)   First major crossing over Thames in nearly 20 years to be built, against wishes of those who have truss issues  (uk.reuters.com) (14)
(NewsOK)   Apparently the ethics board has a problem with a nurse who has sex with a married patient who's dying of a terminal disease (w/ "Hellooooo nurse" mugshot)  (newsok.com) (126)
(Some Guy)   Not news: man-eating bull sharks swimming off Australia's coast. News: Australia hit by devastating floods. Fark: bull sharks swimming down Australia's flooded city streets  (thechronicle.com.au) (57)
(AL.com)   Heroic kudzu-eating bug arrives to save Alabama. Except it stinks, threatens soybeans and peanuts, and would like to introduce you to its stinky little friend  (blog.al.com) (81)
(Reuters)   Darwin wastes no time dealing with woman who decided to go jogging down railroad tracks while wearing headphones  (reuters.com) (140)
(My Fox NY)   Driver tosses smoking woman off the bus. Shouldn't he have used the fire extinguisher instead? (w/video)  (myfoxny.com) (92)
(USA Today)   U.S. Army owes $160,000,000 to 57,000 current and former soldiers. That's like $8 a people  (usatoday.com) (100)
(Gawker)   College student pays $14,309 tuition with 33-pound duffel bag of cash, to protest, or something  (gawker.com) (144)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this old tymey gas station  (mtmorrishistory.org) (44)
(The Daily Press)   Old and busted: Minority kids involved with gang activity. New hotness: Suburban white kids committing "ritual crime"  (dailypress.com) (134)
(News.com.au)   OK, NELSON MANDELA HOAX COMING OUT  (news.com.au) (41)
(Daily Mail)   After surrendering to the Nazis, the French still found a way to give Hitler the finger  (dailymail.co.uk) (64)
(WLSAM)   If your home wasn't foreclosed on in 2010, don't worry, you have an even better chance in 2011  (wlsam.com) (82)
(AccessAtlanta)   These prisoners are gonna fry  (accessatlanta.com) (9)
(Gawker)   Reminder: Latex sex dolls are not recognised flotation devices  (gawker.com) (32)
(New Zealand Herald)   "At first the crowd probably believed it was a stunt. However it was soon obvious it was lawn mower racing's ugly underbelly at full clip"  (nzherald.co.nz) (26)
(BBC)   'Baby Doc' Duvalier returns to Haiti from exile. What could possibly go wrong?  (bbc.co.uk) (92)
(Buffalo News)   The lure of the Mighty Taco can make ordinary men do dumb things  (buffalonews.com) (145)

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