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Sun February 13, 2011
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(CBS News)   Is marrige beconing obsolete?  (cbsnews.com) (268)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop Scott Brown (R-MIT) doing some scientific research  (web.mit.edu) (38)
(Telegraph)   Polish MP on gay marriage "you can forget about gay men but I would gladly watch lesbians". Some people have a problem with this  (telegraph.co.uk) (219)
(Boston Globe)   MIT grad's invention turns brewery waste to fuel. "Saving the earth, one beer at a time"  (boston.com) (81)
(Des Moines Register)   Public school districts in Iowa are using billboards and multimedia campaigns to drive enrollment numbers, failing to realize it might actually be illegal and exploit children  (desmoinesregister.com) (35)
(Toronto Star)   Italian women like sex, not bunga-bunga. Just FYI  (thestar.com) (202)
(BBC)   A sword fight in Scotland? There can be only one  (bbc.co.uk) (69)
(The Smoking Gun)   Ear-pulling, tooth-yanking, an epic twotone trucker's tan, and a Not safe for work tattoo. It may be late, but at least the Mugshot Roundup has potential  (thesmokinggun.com) (116)
(Telegraph)   Not news: Police in the UK have told residents to stop putting wire mesh on their garden shed windows. Fark: "Because they could be sued if a burglar is injured"  (telegraph.co.uk) (228)
(UPI)   You're king of a small middle-eastern country and worried about neighboring political unrest. What do you do to keep your citizen$ from getting up$et? The an$wer is obviou$  (upi.com) (55)
(The New York Times)   Supreme Court to hold a moment of silence to mark five years since Justice Clarence Thomas last spoke during a court argument  (nytimes.com) (139)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this schnoz spray  (online.wsj.com) (20)
(Some Guy)   What $200,000 worth of marijuana looks like (Cop math)  (wkbw.com) (137)
(The New York Times)   Instead of Mubarak ruling until the next election, a military council led by a Mubarak loyalist will rule until the next election. Meet the new boss  (nytimes.com) (139)
(Yahoo)   Michelle Obama: Laughter is good for marriage. Tune in tomorrow as the Tea Party declares War On Laughter  (news.yahoo.com) (179)
(Sign On San Diego)   Not news: editorial comes out against rural wind power. Fark: because wind power causes the same "health issues" Wi-Fi does  (signonsandiego.com) (117)
(CNN)   Hundreds assemble in Muslim country, march towards Presidential palace, and call for their leader to step down. This is NOT a repeat of last week  (edition.cnn.com) (149)
(Examiner)   Parents concerned about possible meanness of their son's pit bull puppy, so they build a 5' x 8' prison for it and leave it in there. For six years  (examiner.com) (271)
(Washington Post)   "Most of the men are preoccupied with leading women back to their bedrooms," says friend to Ric Romero  (washingtonpost.com) (99)
(Orlando Sentinel)   "Monster squid lands on Delray Beach" - Well, in fairness it IS pretty monstery for a 3 foot long squid  (orlandosentinel.com) (50)
(LA Times)   Congratulations, fellow male Farkers, we are now the primary model for America's young men  (latimes.com) (290)
(Online Athens)   Thief steals meat from Taco Bell. Police beef-up search for suspect, meat with witnesses. Locals told to steer clear of the crime scene, many say they never sausage a thing  (onlineathens.com) (82)
(AJC)   Atlanta PD will stop interfering with people who videotape cops performing their duties in public, pay citizens group $40,000  (ajc.com) (226)
(Some Guy)   Driver clocked at 118 mph told police he was making a YouTube video, was still recording as they walked up. He showed them the video to prove it  (salem.katu.com) (84)
(New York Daily News)   Economics professor uses hidden bathroom cell phone camera to study the latest figures  (nydailynews.com) (37)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this tired tank man  (online.wsj.com) (16)
(Miami Herald)   Florida mother leaves her newborn strapped into a car seat while she tans indoors. Well, at least the mug shot will look good  (miamiherald.com) (82)
(WLSAM)   Russian girls in mini-skirts if you are still reading are a major movement for a better society , and very good shovelers  (wlsam.com) (73)
(New Zealand Herald)   [muttering] "I could set the building on fire"  (nzherald.co.nz) (65)
(News.com.au)   Try dating his daughters  (news.com.au) (74)

Sat February 12, 2011
(Some Belted Guy)   Wearing a belt made out a seat belt to avoid wearing an actual seat belt? Well, that's a finin' in Kansas  (wkrg.com) (150)
(Sign On San Diego)   Mr. Beer Belly 2011 contest ends in an unprecedented tie. Subby's uncles didn't want those Padres tickets anyway  (signonsandiego.com) (42)
(RedOrbit)   32% of Russians think the Sun revolves around the Earth. The Sun isn't there  (redorbit.com) (216)
(ABC News)   Does God belong in the bedroom?  (abcnews.go.com) (236)
(Daily Mail)   Voldecat lives. No word on Harry Mouser  (dailymail.co.uk) (66)
(Boston Globe)   Photoshop this Marine and a duck  (inapcache.boston.com) (35)
(STLToday)   Modern Noah building ark in Netherlands, has had his fill of Dutch rudder offers  (stltoday.com) (80)
(Time)   "Get Cracking on that 11-11-11 Baby"  (newsfeed.time.com) (98)
(UPI)   Ten ugly-ass baby animals for the price of one slideshow  (upi.com) (24)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen)   Is this 1872? No, it's Iowa  (press-citizen.com) (170)
(Some Guy)   Teen tells her mom the 'Twilight'-style hickey her boyfriend gave her was the result of being attacked while jogging   (floridakeyssheriff.blogspot.com) (146)
(USA Today)   Baby monitors will kill your children. Seriously  (yourlife.usatoday.com) (97)
(Tulsa World)   Tulsa breaks 90-year-old global warming records  (tulsaworld.com) (229)
(NJ.com)   Woman dies after Polar Bear plunge, so parents sue the organizers, city, two bars, a couple who invited her to dinner, the hospital, the doctor, and the police department. Also, she wasn't one of the plungers  (nj.com) (146)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Woman accused of stealing a wedding ring from a K-Mart. In other news, some people actually shop for wedding rings at K-Mart  (nwfdailynews.com) (79)
(Labspaces.net)   Children who are treated with powerful, addictive drugs in childhood, or whose parents enable them to blame their bad behavior on a "disorder", are more likely to be drug addicts as adults  (labspaces.net) (244)
(Bozeman Chronicle)   Critics call bill that would allow Montanans to hunt with spears "a return to the Stone Age." With picture of bill's biggest supporter throwing a spear while dressed as a caveman  (bozemandailychronicle.com) (121)
(wtsp.com)   Little girl helps police foil puppy napping caper, police respond by giving her the cutest puppy of the bunch. With pics so sweet they will rot your teeth  (lakeland.wtsp.com) (56)
(CNN)   After wrapping up the Egyptian leg of the tour last night, The Middle East Democracy Extravaganza is appearing today until further notice in Algeria. Will someone grab me a t-shirt?  (cnn.com) (87)
(KC Chronicle)   High school bans dancing because it is too "suggestive." This is not a repeat from the 1950's  (kcchronicle.com) (109)
(Orlando Sentinel)   CFO of Florida tree farm is knot happy after facing 30 years of plant me in the roots prison. He hopes this will blow over, knock on wood  (orlandosentinel.com) (24)
(UPI)   European Parliament members finally come to the same conclusion Americans have known for years: the French suck  (upi.com) (55)
(Voice of America)   Hey, Egyptian protestors, you just forced a dictator out of office. What are you going to do now? (Difficulty: There's no Disney theme park nearby)  (voanews.com) (121)
(MSN)   Photoshop Hungarian ballet dancer Andras Ronai  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (41)
(Des Moines Register)   Hoping to copy the massive success of sex offender registries, Iowa has created a child abuse registry. To help streamline the process, no arrest or conviction is even needed for someone to get listed on it  (desmoinesregister.com) (89)
(UPI)   Hawaii votes to legalize civil unions for gay couples. Bonus: And heterosexual couples. Who needs marriage at all these days?  (upi.com) (139)
(Galesburg Register-Mail)   The strangest obituary you'll read today. "Mr. Baumgartner had lived a long and passionate life dedicated to rambunctious performances and dairy products"  (obituaries.galesburg.com) (33)
(AZCentral)   Girl Scout cookie deliveries could begin as early as this afternoon. NORAD will be keeping track as cookie deliveries sweep across the nation. It's not news, it's.... not news  (azcentral.com) (57)
(AZCentral)   Founder of Wild Oats likes to sow his with underage girls  (azcentral.com) (79)
(Lot's Wife)   I mean honestly, who steals 75 tons of salt?  (northjersey.com) (96)
(York Press)   Married couples banned from tourist attraction on Valentine's Day  (yorkpress.co.uk) (28)
(Yahoo)   188-year old shipwreck linked to "Moby Dick" located off Hawaii. Discoverers feeling pretty cocky  (in.news.yahoo.com) (50)
(Bangor Daily News)   Oh my GOD. The bus driver had an unopened beer on the bus. WONT SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?  (new.bangordailynews.com) (126)
(Daily Express)   We regret to inform you the Southeastern service from Hastings to London has been cancelled due to damp buttocks  (express.co.uk) (24)
(Maui News)   Officials in Hawaii seek a chiropractor who speeeeeaks whaaaaaaaale  (mauinews.com) (55)
(Telegraph)   Wikileaks does not encourage people to leak stuff to them  (telegraph.co.uk) (50)
(UPI)   New map charts a leaky Earth -- hence the term 'in continents'  (upi.com) (39)
(BBC)   The scent of attraction: how animals choose their mates (with hot Not safe for work pic of bees gettin' it on and doing the nasty)  (news.bbc.co.uk) (26)
(Daily Bulldog.com)   For $25, you can have the chance to get it on on a chairlift at Maine's Saddleback Mountain. Of course, you only have 8 minutes and it's subzero  (dailybulldog.com) (32)
(Some Guy)   "I LEARNED it from YOU, Dad"  (1035superx.com) (49)
(cbs3 springfield.com)   Milk the cat loses the tip of her tail after being caught in a car engine. She is recovering nicely just in time for Caturday (w/video)  (cbs3springfield.com) (810)
(MSNBC)   Pit bull puppy swallows foot long drum stick. Surgery successful, no repercussions  T-Shirt  (msnbc.msn.com) (33)
(Telegraph)   His mission: "to become the best flute player in the world, to have a huge amount of sex, and to make some sense of the mysterious and confusing world". One-and-a-half out of three ain't bad  (telegraph.co.uk) (37)
(Some Guy)   RCMP reminds drivers that speed limit near emergency vehicles is 60 km/h and tow truck ramps are not to be used for launching your car airborne  (globaltvedmonton.com) (26)
(MSN)   Photoshop these German weightlifters  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (17)
(Canoe)   Diaper fetish man arrested and sentenced. Cops hoping he'll soon change  (cnews.canoe.ca) (13)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   The coolest story (with pics) about a high school cheerleader bleeding all over her teammates during the course of a routine that isn't the plot of some weird Japanese porno you'll read all day  (suntimes.com) (114)
(Some Guy)   Bill O'Reilly Meme. You can't explain it (VE)  (geekosystem.com) (543)
(BBC)   California: The most miserable US state to live in  (bbc.co.uk) (322)
(WLSAM)   Woman gets an extra-crunchy McChicken sandwich  (wlsam.com) (96)

Fri February 11, 2011
(Telegraph)   As if life in Australia couldn't get any worse, now residents are being warned to stay away from giant birds "with claws that can disembowel a human - on the hunt for food "  (telegraph.co.uk) (100)
(WWL)   If you meet 3 hot women in the French Quarter, and they accompany you back to your hotel room, don't be surprised if you wake up missing $6k in cash (w/ trio of mugshots)  (wwl.com) (171)
(Telegraph)   Good: A hot air balloon ride through the Alps. Bad: Your balloon crashes into the mountains. Good: You survive the crash. Bad: There's nobody around to rescue you. Good: You can walk to help. Bad: You slip on ice and fall into a ravine  (telegraph.co.uk) (32)
(Komo)   Ugly ass baby ocelot born at Seattle zoo  (greenwoodphinney.komonews.com) (26)
(ABC News)   Police enter ER, "There's a guy having a heart attack in your parking lot, our guys are performing CPR, can we get some help?" ER Staff: "Sorry, you're going to have to call an ambulance"  (abcnews.go.com) (442)
(Daily Mail)   What's worse than losing your hand after getting it caught in a meat grinder? Losing your hand after getting it caught in a meat grinder for ten minutes  (dailymail.co.uk) (79)
(NPR)   Disney is upset children aren't consumers of their products until preschool, is now making marketing push in delivery rooms nationwide  (npr.org) (102)
(FDNY)   Photoshop these firefighters having fun  (s.wsj.net) (13)
(CNN)   Groupon offers half off a $40 gift certificate to FTD. FTD sets up "special" website to redeem the coupons. Only problem, the "special" site is more expensive than regular FTD, negating any savings  (money.cnn.com) (98)
(The Local (Sweden))   Wearing pink? That's a stabbing  (thelocal.se) (54)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Florida, a state surrounded by water, is facing a major drought  (orlandosentinel.com) (114)
(CNN)   88 Indian star tortoises, 33 elongated tortoises, seven radiated tortoises, sex mata mata turtles, four Southeast Asian narrow-headed softshell turtles, three Aldabra tortoises, a pig-nosed turtle and a ploughshare tortoise. Weird? you bet  (cnn.com) (58)
(Some Guy)   Chandra Levy's mom has opportunity face her daughter's killer and find forgiveness. I said "opportunity" here  (washingtoncitypaper.com) (129)
(BBC)   BBC News asks: Why would women risk their lives to get DAT AZZ?  (bbc.co.uk) (269)
(SLTrib)   Sex and the single Mormon  (sltrib.com) (178)
(Some Person)   NYPD made over 50,000 arrests for marijuana possession in 2010 alone. I guess that's how New Yorkers roll  (ibtimes.com) (255)
(Some Guy)   Calling on the power of FARK: Help a family out with medical bills - child with rare auto-immune disorder. DIT (tag is for you, ya big galoot)  (causes.com) (128)
(Government Technology)   Hail Watson. I, for one, welcome our new supercomputer overlords  (govtech.com) (83)
(Dayton Daily News)   As if the cold isn't bad enough, your city may also be at risk of a frost quake  (daytondailynews.com) (31)
(Some Guy)   We're still talking about Egypt? Here's the lineup of the next 11 dominoes to fall  (businessinsider.com) (198)
(Pat's Papers)   Hospital figures Big Brother is the only way to get employees to wash their hands. Turns out, they're right  (patspapers.com) (38)
(Fox 8)   You want cheezburger? Can't has, is not Homelessguyturday  (fox8live.com) (110)
(Mother Nature Network)   Scientists with way too much time on their hands splice together the genes of a rose and celery to make a superflower  (mnn.com) (57)
(Some Guy)   The man was "upset that he was not arrested with his friend," according to the statement  (tahoedailytribune.com) (14)
(Daily Mail)   It's ok to cheat on your husband, as long as you have your dentist boyfriend sedate you so that you don't suffer "Christian guilt"  (dailymail.co.uk) (88)
(Yahoo)   Grape vine that was the "grandparent" of one of the world's most popular wines survived 500 years of wars, flood and droughts, but was no match for some asshat with a hand-axe  (news.yahoo.com) (92)
(MSNBC)   Yeah, so um, everything we've told you in the past about beating stress, well it's a bunch of horse shiat  (msnbc.msn.com) (129)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   Mother devastated after her son dies after a root canal. She wants answers, but says getting them is like pulling teeth  (southtownstar.suntimes.com) (109)
(FARK)   Eleven crazy-ass questions: try your hand at Fark's Weird News Quiz  (fark.com) (77)
(ABC 4)   As your mom's boobs grow, so does the economy  (abc4.com) (99)
(Chicago Tribune)   Overworked and underpaid is no way to go through life, air traffic controllers   (chicagobreakingbusiness.com) (69)
(Some Guy)   "I've got five kids and they've seen butts all their lives and they all turned out fine"  (courierpostonline.com) (111)
(WGN)   "Granddad bandit" caught after he led police on a two-hour walker chase through the mall  (wgntv.com) (5)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this calipering craftsman  (s.wsj.net) (18)
(CNN)   Yahoo announces plans to release app for iPad and Android, tentatively titled "whothefarkusesyahooanymore"   (cnn.com) (61)
(Stuff)   Something you really don't want to hear while on trial: "It wasn't much of a penis"  (i.stuff.co.nz) (71)
(Fox News)   The Border Patrol's latest technique in catching ilegales: take their shoes  (foxnews.com) (58)
(Politico)   Oprah wants 'respect' for Obama, oh and some waffles  (politico.com) (130)
(Some Guy)   "Hello? is that the police? ....my boyfriend's just clubbed himself to death then chucked himself on our bonfire"  (swns.com) (53)
(The Smoking Gun)   It's Friday and that means Photo Fun from our friends at TSG: Why were these fine citizens arrested? Contest ends at 6pm Eastern  (thesmokinggun.com) (20)
(National Geographic)   Monkeys found to pass certains behaviours through generations, including the *facepalm* (w/pics)   (blogs.nationalgeographic.com) (24)
(My Fox DC)   I was appalled, I couldn't believe it...so I called the sex-smut hotline five or six more times just to uhhhh...just to make sure I didn't dial it wrong. Yeah...that's it  (myfoxdc.com) (14)
(Time)   Study finds beer drinkers more likely to have sex on the first date. Now to just deal with those whiskey drinkers problems  (newsfeed.time.com) (67)
(Wikipedia)   Today is the birthday of one of America's greatest political satirists. Happy 46th, Alfred Peachous  (en.wikipedia.org) (38)
(Washington Post)   3 foot 11 murder suspect found in El Salvador, extradited back to the US to face charges. He's just SO adorable. Just look at his MUG shot. Maybe he killed a guy because they kept setting their beer on his head  (voices.washingtonpost.com) (78)
(KENS5)   Civil Liberties? Never heard of her. Wait.... didn't she sing with Starship or something at one time?  (kens5.com) (64)
(Some Guy)   A school resource officer arrested, handcuffed, and jailed a mentally challenged student ... for pinching another student. That's just retarded  (wsbtv.com) (48)
(AOL News)   It's a Down Home recipe: Take William S. Burroughs' poo, add a dash of his blood, a pinch of DNA, and voila -- Naked Lunch is served  (aolnews.com) (29)
(Some Guy)   After being thwarted in your attempt to throw urine at the owner of a kabab shop the next logical step is to come back with gasoline and try to burn the place down. With bonus video of chair thowing beat down  (cltv.com) (13)
(The New York Times)   The party of Lincoln is filled with secessionists, and Milton Friedman is a leftist according to today's GOP  (nytimes.com) (74)
(Some Guy)   Day release prisoner escapes on tractor, ploughs in to golf course  (swns.com) (4)
(Baltimore Sun)   Peter J. Marcher Jr., master brewer and inventor of Colt 45, goes to big keg in the sky at 92  (articles.baltimoresun.com) (35)
(Stuff)   Controversial recruiting ad saying "we're like cougars -- we like 'em young, too" is pulled. Straight to Ultrafark: It was an ad recruiting police officers  (stuff.co.nz) (11)
(Washington Post)   In Maryland, Minorities are now the majority which means the majority is now the minority and majorities should now be eligible for minority benefits. Unless you are a minority in which case you are no longer a minority  (washingtonpost.com) (120)
(NPR) NewsFlash Mubarak steps down, signs with Vikings  T-Shirt  (npr.org) (966)
(New York Daily News)   Sure Bloomberg, the Irish are a drunken people but were you aware of how sensitive they are?  (nydailynews.com) (67)
(Washington Post)   "The organizers require the 200 carefully selected entrants to sign a three-word waiver that reads simply, 'You may die'"  (washingtonpost.com) (41)
(Hampton Roads)   Woman charged with beheading piglet. Oh bother  (hamptonroads.com.nyud.net) (24)
(CNN)   Groupon realizes they aren't funny  (edition.cnn.com) (54)
(Yahoo)   Activists provide men with a great new excuse this Valentine's Day: "I'm sorry honey, it's not that I'm cheap, it's just that, in good conscience, I couldn't buy you any "Blood Chocolates"  (news.yahoo.com) (30)
(Some Guy)   Customs: "Anything to declare ma'am?" Her: "No." Customs: "Aren't those raspberries ma'am?" Her: "Yes." Customs: "That's a strip searchin'"  (detroit.cbslocal.com) (57)
(azfamily.com)   What it looks like from a train's point-of-view when your fat ass gets hit by the train as you scamper and wheeze across the tracks trying to catch the train  (azfamily.com) (82)
(MSNBC)   Um...so...I guess I'm sorry....or something...for insulting..um...your mother...or something  (bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com) (16)
(Some Guy)   It's almost Valentines Day, so here's the best internet revenge against an ex lover you'll see this week  (y100.com) (60)
(AOL)   Police in hunt for The Dreaded Ice Bun Hurler of Merrie Olde Englande  (news.aol.co.uk) (8)
(Some Guy)   News: Gymnast told he'll likely never walk again after fall. Great news: Walks out of the hospital one week later  (nbcmiami.com) (36)
(News.com.au)   12,000 year old human face carvings found with help from rodents of unusual size? I don't think they exist  (news.com.au) (31)
(Wall Street Journal)   Claim: Global warming is causing warming... er...extremes...er.. more weird weather. Reality: Weird weather is not increasing  (online.wsj.com) (607)
(USA Today)   Good news, there's a 20 percent chance you don't actually have syphilis  (yourlife.usatoday.com) (24)
(MLive.com)   Robocop fans raising money for Robocop statue. "I'd buy that for a dollar"  (mlive.com) (51)
(New York Daily News)   Twenty one years ago, the Chernobyl disaster affected every country in the northern hemisphere, shrinking brains by 5%, which could explain comments in the politics tab  (nydailynews.com) (60)
(Yahoo)   15 Secrets Your Waiter Will Never Tell You, which contain about three helpful items, with the rest just reinforcing the stereotype that waiters are petty jerks  (shine.yahoo.com) (391)
(EITB)   Facebook closes woman's profile for posting photo breastfeeding son  (eitb.com) (153)
(Washington Post)   It's about to get real ugly in Egypt, as the council of military chiefs announces that it will back Mubarak remaining in office until September. Today's WTF Egypt thread  (washingtonpost.com) (299)
(Daily Mail)   Tree fighting for its own life turns chainsaw on man who was cutting it limb from limb  (dailymail.co.uk) (33)
(Statesman)   One step closer to "Fred Durst Society of the Humanities and Arts" sewage plant  (statesman.com) (50)
(Miami Herald)   Porn film shot on Miami Beach while park is open. Legal staff polling to determine if it merits action -- serious, serious action  (miamiherald.com) (103)
(Some Guy)   Best use of the word 'tad': "I've got to admit I was a tad worried when I lost sight of the shark in the blood, and I then had to swim through the blood to get back to the boat"  (dailytelegraph.com.au) (35)
(Some Girl)   Photoshop these owlets  (4.bp.blogspot.com) (39)
(Daily Mail)   Squatters take everything from vacant home, even the toilet seat. They certainly know how to squat  (dailymail.co.uk) (79)
(Daily Mail)   Woman arrested and charged with stealing food worth £200... that supermarket had thrown out  (dailymail.co.uk) (99)
(Chicago Tribune)   Illinois considers allowing ads on license plates. Brought to you by Carl's Jr  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (74)
(Scientific American)   Archaeologists have found the Las Vegas of ancient Pakistan  (scientificamerican.com) (32)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   Chicago's CTA tries new tactic to deter fare jumpers: "After handcuffing him and ordering him lie on the bathroom floor on his stomach, he removed the boy's shoes and socks and rubbed his genitals against the boy's foot"  (suntimes.com) (111)
(Sign On San Diego)   Hitler's desk set for sale *shakily removes glasses, calls for admin to green link, leave room*  T-Shirt  (signonsandiego.com) (140)

Thu February 10, 2011
(G4TV) Video Live video stream of the 14th Annual Interactive Achievement Awards, honoring artistic expression and innovation in game development. Bonus: Jay Mohr is hosting, so it'll probably be too rude for your parents (Sponsored link)  (g4tv.com) (53)
(BBC)   Spice drug helps repair stroke damage. Side effects may include: Blue-within-blue eyes, space folding, universe control. Ask your Guild Representative if the spice drug is right for you  T-Shirt  (bbc.co.uk) (152)
(Houston Press)   The Jug & Muffin and five more (real) names not to give your restaurant if it's not a Hooters  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (71)
(FARK)   Ok. I'm an ass. But, I haven't watched the news in about month. Who can summarize the Egypt thing in one paragraph?  (fark.com) (388)
(Huffington Post)   Bristol Palin memoirs release date moved from 8/21/11 to 6/21/11. How will the ghost writer ever make that deadline?  (huffingtonpost.com) (116)
(BBC)   Apparently the police take it very seriously when you drop off a surface to air missile that you found while cleaning out a house  (bbc.co.uk) (38)
(Washington Post)   Female visitors to the PG County jail don't have to remove their bras. It's encouraged when they visit R County jails, though. And you should see what they have to do at the NC17 County jail  (washingtonpost.com) (20)
(Some guy)   French penis-leash couple arrested. Penis-leash  (adelaidenow.com.au) (65)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this relaxing beach scene  (cache.gawkerassets.com) (37)
(WPTV)   Girl hit by boat propeller has part of right leg amputated, will have to make do with what's left  (wptv.com) (80)
(El Paso Times)   216-month old baby throws tantrum during traffic stop  (elpasotimes.com) (87)
(The Hill)   Air Force Chief of Staff Gen. Norton Schwartz to defense industry executives: "Don't blow smoke up my ass. There's no time for it. There's no patience for it. OK?"  (thehill.com) (224)
(WMCTV)   Not News: Happy birthday card stating "I cannot believe my little tot-tot is already a teenager" Fark: It's from your convicted sex offender  (wmctv.com) (91)
(Canoe)   A man is under arrest for trying to spend more quality time with his family in a WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU kind of way  (cnews.canoe.ca) (102)
(AZCentral)   IRS rules breast pumps are tax deductible which means I need to get new business cards  (azcentral.com) (40)
(wspa.com)   South Carolina may mint its own state currency, no word on secession plans  (www2.wspa.com) (124)
(AFP)   "Assange abused my cat", WikiLeaks insider says  (news.yahoo.com) (110)
(Guardian.com) NewsFlash Mubarak RickRolls protesters  (guardian.co.uk) (804)
(MSNBC)   Look lady - love of bacon is not a "weird food fad"  (bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com) (86)
(Some Guy)   Fiancee of accused killer of Yale graduate student Annie Le continues to stand by her man, refuses to let this tragedy become a wall between them  (newstimes.com) (66)
(Yakimaherald)   What did you do this morning? Oh, you know my enemy crashed into my car and brandished a sword at me, but I was able to fend him off with my machete, you?  (yakima-herald.com) (97)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   Sun Times Columnist Mary Mitchell - who once threatened to punch a coworker in the nose when she disagreed with his column - says that Chicago needs even more security cameras to help keep people "civil"  (suntimes.com) (47)
(ABC News)   Bet this story leaves you weirded out  (abcnews.go.com) (116)
(NPR)   It's taken 40 years of research and untold thousands of man-hours, but scientists have finally determined, once and for all, that fleas jump with their feet  (npr.org) (20)
(Time)   Ever posted an image in a Fark comment you made? Yup, you're screwed  (techland.time.com) (340)
(Some Guy)   PETA protesters to brave severely cold weather. If only there was something warm and furry they could cover themselves with  (940winz.com) (56)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Homeless man utters the one line you don't want to say to police if you don't want to be arrested  (nwfdailynews.com) (75)
(CNN)   Explosion rocks Allentown. Please pray for Billy Joel  (cnn.com) (51)
(Some Guy)   You know that study that says smoking pot may hasten the onset of mental illness? Turns out it is just crazy talk  (blog.norml.org) (112)
(News24)   Holy crap it's a leopard, get on the bike  (news24.com) (35)
(wtsp.com)   School bus driver who let student drive her bus walks away with a $50 fine. Otto Man salutes  (wtsp.com) (23)
(The New York Times)   ♪♫ And the lamb...got hit by a bus...on Broadway ♪♫  (cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com) (42)
(Cleveland Plain Dealer)   Ferrari to Ford: We're gonna call our new car an F150. Ford to Ferrari: How about FU instead?  (cleveland.com) (288)
(Yahoo)   China, which monitors and censors every last thing its citizens Google, Tweet, or blog, says it has absolutely no involvement in the sophisticated and coordinated cyberattacks on US oil companies that originated inside their country  (news.yahoo.com) (41)
(Pat's Papers)   Nurse tells surgery patient to "man up" after stealing pain meds. Co-workers put two and two together after she falls asleep in operating room while he screams in agony  (patspapers.com) (111)
(Some Bowler)   Drunk woman pulls herself over after mistaking blinking bowling alley sign for police. Yeah, you'd hit it  (wtsp.com) (78)
(Orlando Sentinel)   One man will not take the loss of his handicapped parking space sitting down. That's just how he rolls  (orlandosentinel.com) (25)
(Salon)   The hardest part about quitting drinking is not dating. 'After one too many hangovers, I decided to swear off alcohol. I didn't know I'd be giving up women'  (salon.com) (261)
(KIRO)   Minister improves girl's oral proficiency...he's also being charged with some stuff  (kirotv.com) (21)
(News.com.au)   Half of the pilots surveyed admitted to falling asleep mid-flight. Fark-ready quote: "Will there need to be a big accident before we wake up?"  (news.com.au) (43)
(Sun Sentinel)   Florida lawmaker wants to end tenure and fire teachers that don't measure up. In future news, Florida to consolidate remaining teachers into one building  (sun-sentinel.com) (63)
(Reuters)   Poll shows Charlie Sheen's image improves the more he parties  (reuters.com) (86)
(Telegraph)   "Get on [the plane], imbecile. All my life I've had to put up with your screw ups"  (blogs.telegraph.co.uk) (28)
(Chicago Tribune)   Driver ticketed for trying to leaf the scene of a hit-and-run  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (17)
(Some Guy)   The screenwriter of all the Twilight movies will pen the Highlander remake. Expect a lot of awkward pauses and longing looks between Connor and The Kurgan  (411mania.com) (151)
(Time)   Beer marshmallows. Bet you'll want s'more of these  (newsfeed.time.com) (18)
(Merced Sun-Star)   What does it mean? 'Double Rainbow' guy now lecturing at University of California (with video)  (mercedsunstar.com) (23)
(milwaukee tmj4)   Couple who treated their daughter's diabetes with prayer is now praying for a new trial. What would Jesus do?  (todaystmj4.com) (128)
(Flickr)   Photoshop this innovative revolutionary   (farm6.static.flickr.com) (33)
(Yahoo)   Clapper says that Al-Qaeda is the top threat to US national security, but the Popeil Pocket Fisherman disagrees  (news.yahoo.com) (28)
(CNN)   Picasso surrealistic painting easily sells for $40 million, since most buyers have a mental block against cubism  (money.cnn.com) (26)
(News.com.au)   If you found the Army's missing land mine, please raise your hand, legs, fingers, elbows, kneecaps and skull  (news.com.au) (12)
(USA Today)   Headline on USA Today's main page: "16% of Veterans Homeless." Article: "About 16% of homeless adults in a one-night survey in January 2009 were veterans"  (usatoday.com) (79)
(NPR)   One indicator the economy is on the rebound: People are getting divorced again. In other news, bad economies help keep people together since when nobody has any money it's hard to fight about it, or make plans for getting half  (npr.org) (46)
(Mother Nature Network)   If you really want to show her you love her, name a cockroach after her this Valentine's Day. "Nothing says forever like a cockroach"  (mnn.com) (13)
(Daily Mail)   Third time's a charm, unless you're trying to land in heavy fog. (With "OH SHIAT" belly up pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (27)
(MSNBC)   Dubai knows how to properly deal with child rapists  (msnbc.msn.com) (189)
(MSNBC)   Fake-marriage market gives China's gays, Tom Cruise, an out  (msnbc.msn.com) (28)
(Reno Gazette-Journal)   "The [bar] will not be required to close during the suspension period but may not serve alcohol or have any live entertainment or amplified sound or music." So like a Utah bar then?  (rgj.com) (10)
(wtsp.com)   Tampa man busted passing yellow pages off as $400 fake laptops. Finally, something the yellow pages are good for  (wtsp.com) (15)
(NPR) NewsFlash Multiple reports circulating that Hosni Mubarak will step down tonight in lieu of his original plan, which was to be assassinated and disemboweled by an angry mob  T-Shirt  (npr.org) (662)
(Some Guy)   It's the age-old story: A guy goes out for cigarettes and the next thing he knows a half-naked homeless woman with a bottle of Wild Irish Rose pops into his car  (sanduskyregister.com) (36)
(The Macomb Daily)   Other than forgetting the cash, gun and his phone, this bank robber did just fine  (macombdaily.com) (4)
(Breitbart.com)   Strokes up among younger U.S. population. Giggity  (breitbart.com) (47)
(My Fox DC)   Facebook is actually useful for something other than getting laid  (myfoxdc.com) (49)
(News.com.au)   Predictive text fail causes man to kiss friend  (news.com.au) (51)
(Reno Gazette-Journal)   Airport ticket prices in Reno 4th highest in the nation, presumably in an effort to stop the flood of people trying to leave Reno as fast as possible  (rgj.com) (19)
(MSNBC)   If an 80-year-old woman gets five years in a California prison for stealing a ring from Macy's, imagine what they're going to do to Lindsay Lohan  (msnbc.com) (48)
(Some Guy)   A natural history museum give the public what it really wants, animals doing it  (spoonfed.co.uk) (18)
(LA Times)   Next time on Mythbusters: Adam and Jamie test the myth that globalization means they might be the only special effects wizards left in California soon  (latimes.com) (88)
(Seattle Times)   Ex-con builds his own jail on vacant lot and lives there complete with orange jump suit and handcuffs to teach kids a lesson, or something  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (28)
(Some Guy)   CDC: "C-Diff is out there in infected stool. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or hand-sanitizer, or antibiotics. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead. "  (boston.cbslocal.com) (92)
(The Consumerist)   Wells Fargo is sorry to hear your daughter died. Now, how will you be paying off her $45,000 in student loans?  (consumerist.com) (123)
(Yahoo)   Former NY mobster on the run from the FBI for more than a decade found hiding out in rural Idaho. Authorities say they aren't sure that just leaving him there wouldn't have been a worse punishment  (news.yahoo.com) (34)
(Washington Times)   Whassoproud leewee hale atta twlightzone gleama. 85 percent of Americans insist they know the words of the StarSpanglebann-errrr   (washingtontimes.com) (123)
(Breitbart.com)   I never thought I'd read an article that contained so much stupidity, but when it's about the Clown Car Duggar family, I guess I shouldn't be too surprised   (bighollywood.breitbart.com) (399)
(Telegraph)   Remember when Eyjafjallajokull erupted in Iceland last year? Yeah, that was just a practice run  (telegraph.co.uk) (67)
(The Doylestown Intelligencer)   High school students find blog bashing them... written by their English teacher. With multiple grammar errors. Can anyone say "Teachable Moment"?  (phillyburbs.com) (76)
(Yahoo)   Egypt is about to go all China on the protesters if they don't calm the Allah down  (news.yahoo.com) (31)
(970 WFLA)   Fark's favorite state is proposing a law that would keep slow drivers to the right, begging the question: Who'd be left on the left?  (970wfla.com) (76)
(Washington Post)   So, now that RON PAUL is a committee chairman, who's the first person he wants to call before his committee as an expert witness? Oh, a southern secessionist who believes Hitler was a disciple of Lincoln? RON PAUL  (washingtonpost.com) (261)
(Some Guy)   "Police report covering torn weave and scratched breast didn't specify the type of hot sauce, a spicy condiment typically made from chili pepper, vinegar and salt, or the brand or size of the vegetable juice can"  (tcoasttalk.com) (10)
(Yahoo)   Mississippi's Sons of Confederate Veterans planning to issue a special license plate honoring Gen Nathan Beford Forrest, the founder of the KKK, are stunned that some people have a problem with that  (news.yahoo.com) (75)
(WPXI)   There are too many atheists in the world, so I hung this giant cross in a pine tree and decorated it with Christmas lights. Ain't it pretty?  (wpxi.com) (144)
(Some Guy)   City to ticket homelessness. Good luck with that  (y100.com) (24)
(Politico)   16 freshman lawmakers have declined their government health benefits. And now, the rest of the story  (dyn.politico.com) (337)
(Bloomberg)   Derivatives Lobbiest forges letters to the CFTC. Gets caught when forging letter from a Burger King in Arkansas. Should have known the only derivative from BK is in a clogged up toilet  (bloomberg.com) (25)
(Some Guy)   King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia (not) dead  (businessinsider.com) (74)
(Reno Gazette-Journal)   Headline: "Reno police seek leads in hit-and-run". Judging by the photo the lead needs to be attached to a bit and bridle  (rgj.com) (17)
(eBay)   Now THAT'S how to sell you ex's "stuff" on Ebay  (shop.ebay.com) (141)
(Palm Beach Post)   What does it take for a cop to be suspended without pay, then fired? A) Tasering an old man. B) Beating someone for questioning your authority. C) Letting a dog eat peanut butter  (palmbeachpost.com) (38)
(WLSAM)   Apparently in suburban Chicago, you have to expose yourself three times before you get pinched. But, oh, that mugshot  (wlsam.com) (23)
(Beatcalls)   Attention all female Exxon employees: Interviews for promotions are not held in motels and do not require a medical exam  (beatcalls.com) (48)
(Des Moines Register)   Another band teacher caught playing in A minor  (blogs.desmoinesregister.com) (84)
(Some Guy)   Convicted sex offender to have part of a baseball complex named after him. Naturally, a number of people have a problem with this  (ottawacitizen.com) (56)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this serious temple  (bigpicture.ru) (27)
(WRAL)   Cop kills one of their own  (wral.com) (110)
(Some Hooter)   Member of Owl Qaeda vows to continue decapitating one chicken a day until its food demands are met  (wabi.tv) (28)
(Huffington Post)   Popquiz: you work in a Uranium factory where 42 people have died of cancer in the last 10 years. The company wants to slash healthcare benefits because cancer treatment is expensive. What do you do?  (huffingtonpost.com) (152)
(ktvb.com)   State Trooper poaches moose, knuckles under pressure  (ktvb.com) (22)
(NPR)   NPR tries to answer why girls love horses, unicorns, and dolphins  (npr.org) (177)
(Some Digitizer)   18-year-old high school girl makes three fingers disappear. No... not THAT way  (ksl.com) (171)
(BBC)   European scientists working on RoboEarth, a network similar to the Internet for robots to share information. The resulting robot uprising will be thwarted when someone uploads a video clip of a robot humping a washing machine  T-Shirt  (bbc.co.uk) (48)
(News.com.au)   World's hottest airline hostesses are ... you've already clicked the link, haven't you?  (news.com.au) (124)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 301: "It's on the Travel Brochure" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (231)

Wed February 09, 2011
(Some Vigilante Citizen)   Is the Denver Airport is a secret temple to Satan, Baal, and the Loch Ness monster? The answer may surprise you  (vigilantcitizen.com) (262)
(Some Toy)   Photoshop this dynamic demo  (bigpicture.ru) (23)
(NPR)   If you're assigned to an offshore rig nicknamed 'old shakey' and you're told not to shave in case you cut your throat, it might be time to consider an alternative posting  (npr.org) (24)
(Boston Globe)   Man who charged elderly man $4,800 to shovel the snow off his roof: "I'm making an honest living"  (boston.com) (76)
(Some Guy)   Nine-year-old girl locked in bathroom for six years was only let out on special occasions. Last occasion? Christmas 2007. (with "kill it with fire" mugshot)  (big1059.com) (200)
(New York Daily News)   Snow or not, tradition or not, ITG or not; saving your parking space with junk in NY is in fact illegal  (nydailynews.com) (91)
(SeattlePI)   Inmates flush six blankets and 25 plastic baggies down the jailhouse toilet. But the real crime is that taxpayers have to foot the repair bill  (seattlepi.com) (52)
(The New York Times)   Paul Krugman, Jan. 28: "I won't post anything about the unrest in Egypt until I learn enough about it." Yesterday: "The unrest in Egypt is caused by global warming"  (nytimes.com) (137)
(Some Guy)   From today's Yeah-good-luck-with-that files: MPAA threatens to disconnect Google from the Internet  (techspot.com) (77)
(MSNBC)   Would you like a Diet Coke with your heart attack?  (msnbc.msn.com) (117)
(Some Guy)   "No school today for snow." YAAAAY!" "So you'll have to go to school on Saturday." "BOOOO!"  (big1059.com) (35)
(Yahoo)   Taxes aren't as high as you think they are, "thanks to a weak economy." Well, okay then. Thanks, weak economy  (custom.yahoo.com) (61)
(Reuters)   "Cambodian Anger Over Temple Not Exploding, for Now." Once the temple explodes things will calm down  T-Shirt  (reuters.com) (18)
(Some Guy)   HA HA Pricipal. Caught sayof of QUAKER SCHOOL found bathroom "there is a bomb" Is it right ot not. CNN Says no. St. Pete Times Looking for fakes -OR- "hello, I am write single to stall and wait for bomb squad sweep"  (timesonline.com) (216)
(MSNBC)   Volcano under Yellowstone rising at an unprecedented rate. In other news, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE  (msnbc.msn.com) (131)
(CSMonitor)   Mubarak can breathe easier knowing there's at least one world leader who still has his back. Unfortunately, it's Kim Jong-Il  (csmonitor.com) (24)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen)   University of Iowa theater tries again to show a film the school banned last year. The film: "Disco Dolls in 'Hot Skin' -- In 3D"  (press-citizen.com) (22)
(CNN)   United States had female computers in World War II, proving that men have been trying to perfect the sexbot for decades longer than previously suspected  (cnn.com) (68)
(LA Times)   So, these comedians walk into a comedy club and the club owner offers them psychotherapy to help them tame their inner demons. One of the comedians turns to the other and says:  (latimes.com) (110)
(Some Guy)   You'd never need government assistance, right? You could make it on your own, living off guts and bootstraps. Well, try this game, and see how far you get  (playspent.org) (744)
(www.ksl.com)   The Riverdale City Council is taking a "don't ask, don't tell" approach to the issue of chickens in residential areas, so no more openly showing your love of cocks  (ksl.com) (62)
(ABC News)   EVERYBODY PANIC: Napolitano says terror threat 'Most Heightened' since 9/11. OH NOES: It will be an inside job  (abcnews.go.com) (197)
(Politico)   Rep. Giffords speaks, demands toast  (politico.com) (114)
(Some Guy)   The Egyptian street protests have a new sponsor: KFC  (globalvoicesonline.org) (41)
(Time)   They've only had a year to correct this: The Verizon iPhone may have the same "death grip" antenna issue as AT&T  (techland.time.com) (131)
(Huffington Post)   Slideshow: Ten states running out of smart people. Wanna guess the red-blue ratio - or do you just want to fill in the little ovals to make a pretty pattern?  (huffingtonpost.com) (197)
(Boston Globe)   Photoshop this Philadelphia flyer  (inapcache.boston.com) (34)
(Some Lucky Bugger)   Man who was hit by train, got up and walked away, says he didn't know what hit him. Why yes, alcohol was involved, why do you ask?  (thestarphoenix.com) (16)
(Cleveland Plain Dealer)   Jurors so upset about case brought against 19-year-old that they will give the defendant their jury pay  (blog.cleveland.com) (79)
(The Smoking Gun)   Yet another argument for circumcision: Just say no to foreskin crack  (thesmokinggun.com) (175)
(USA Today)   Newest after-school clubs are Secular Student Alliance clubs for non-believers. President of one chapter is also vice-president of Jewish Student Union "because I come from a long line of atheist Jews"  (content.usatoday.com) (180)
(Reuters)   Deaf dog learns sign language, wants the right hand pinching the fat part between the thumb and forefinger of the left hand  (reuters.com) (43)
(Some Guy)   US Congress to TSA: "Release the safety reports on airport scanners" TSA to Congress: "F*ck off"  (prisonplanet.com) (159)
(Sun Sentinel)   Marijuana and mushrooms found in the car of speeding driver that claimed he was trying to outrun a 500-foot Barbra Streisand shooting lawn darts from her mouth  (sun-sentinel.com) (52)
(Some Guy)   Headline: Bishop breaks ranks on same-sex marriage. Article: Julie Bishop is willing to listen to the views of her electorate  (theaustralian.com.au) (10)
(Some Guy)   Nobody takes that Woody guy seriously, but Buzz Lightyear knows how to fire up a union  (clickorlando.com) (15)
(Fox News)   This week's nominee for the most oxymoronic headline goes to Fox News for: The Evolution of Home Schooling  (foxnews.com) (154)
(Some Axe Guy)   The police are here. Do you: A) Tell them you're going to finish your bottle of Vodak first? B) Attack them with a hatchet? C) Proclaim yourself Jesus Christ and ask them where they are going to park their helicopters? D) All off the above  (wtae.com) (30)
(Sky News)   53 cancer patients to be tested for HIV after nurse mistakenly uses same needle for two months  (skynews.com.au) (91)
(The Register)   Credit crunch pushes US ID fraud to 8 year low - click here for details  (theregister.co.uk) (13)
(Telegraph)   The "Morning After Pill" works (If your goal is to increase STDs in girls 16 and younger)  (telegraph.co.uk) (166)
(Engadget)   Sony officially releases PS3 root key via Twitter  (engadget.com) (56)
(KFAB)   Toddler in crash trudges through snow seeking help for mom and brother. Sorry, must have a snowflake in my eye  (kfab.com) (29)
(Detroit News)   Not news: police taser 5' 2" woman for possible shoplifting. News: she's also 400 pounds  (detnews.com) (164)
(Some Guy)   Mother of Circus' newest attraction, Toilet Baby, turns herself in  (allheadlinenews.com) (49)
(Some Guy)   If you live in Bismarck and your buddy just got a new TV, check to see if it has a cut security cable on the back. Step 3: Profit  (bismarcktribune.com) (33)
(Quad City Times)   Davenport is selling off its unused parking meters for a reasonable $45 each in hopes it will earn revenue for the city. If only there were some other way they could use parking meters to earn money  (qctimes.com) (40)
(CNBC)   Whistleblower -- who disclosed Swiss banking secrets hiding a trillion dollars from US tax -- is rewarded with 40 months in prison. His lesson: Don't piss off the rich  (cnbc.com) (98)
(Providence Journal)   Two men arrested in Navy kickback scheme. Soon to be promoted to Rear Admirals  (projo.com) (14)
(My Fox DC)   WATERMELON..CANTA...uh, WATERMELON  (myfoxdc.com) (32)
(Yahoo)   900-foot-long asteroid is COMING RIGHT FOR US .. in 2036.... maybe... we will get back to you  (buzz.yahoo.com) (58)
(NYPost)   Not news: New York store selling exclusive leather handbags for $300. Fark: You first get to eat the cow the bag is made from. "I'm going to need to buy a belt"  (nypost.com) (27)
(Some Guy)   Deputy Dunkin says 14-year-old stashed cellphone cam in girl's locker room to sneak peek at the girls' donuts. This story has a lot of holes in it  (1035superx.com) (48)
(wtsp.com)   Not news: Two U of Florida girls on the swim team busted for shoplifting. Fark: You'd totally hit both of them  (wtsp.com) (100)
(Yahoo)   Best Korea walks out on peace talks, breaking the record held by 'M*A*S*H' for repeats  (news.yahoo.com) (33)
(MSNBC)   Good news East Coasters, the snow is finally melting. Bad news, you can now see the piles of trash everywhere  (msnbc.msn.com) (60)
(Some Guy)   Old and busted: making kid have "time out" in the corner. New hotness: making kid "chill out" in the freezer  (y100.com) (22)
(Washington Post)   So it looks like Bush's chances of being arrested in Switzerland were about as real as those death threats that canceled Palin's speech in Colorado  (voices.washingtonpost.com) (65)
(wtsp.com)   Would-be robbers scared away by a couple of pet parrots. Heckle and Jeckle unavailable for comment  (wtsp.com) (20)
(Some Guy)   California spent $900,000 on new prison "death chamber" because judge called it "too dim and crowded", had poor feng shui  (1035superx.com) (34)
(Canoe)   Woman sues concert venue after getting hit by a crowd surfer. Lawyer immediately signs all waivers. No riders  (cnews.canoe.ca) (55)
(USA Today)   Your government at work: $18 billion spent across 47 duplicative job programs run by 9 agencies. And nobody knows if any of it actually creates jobs  (usatoday.com) (84)
(Duluth News Tribune)   Monorail, monorail: Minnesota city takes cue from the Simpsons  (duluthnewstribune.com) (87)
(Orlando Sentinel)   SUV crashes into 7-Eleven in Sanford. YOU BIG DUMMY  (orlandosentinel.com) (31)
(WPXI)   Man with nice stereo tased for offering his neighbor a hatchet wound  (wpxi.com) (18)
(The New York Times)   This is your pilot.We'll begin taxiing as soon as we can find the baggage handler/tug driver and figure out what's causing the screaming and thumping in the cargo hold  (nytimes.com) (29)
(Wired)   Here's a handy map of the worlds organized crime. further proof that Americans like their hookers, and blow  (wired.com) (64)
(CNN)   OK, stop me if you've heard this one before: There's the massive winter storm gathering over the midwest, see?  (cnn.com) (58)
(Mother Nature Network)   It appears the lumberjacks are losing their never-ending war with the forests. There are now more trees in the world than there were 100 years ago  (mnn.com) (132)
(New York Daily News)   When planning to rob a nail salon, plan not to use your employer's GPS enabled ambulette as an escape vehicle  (nydailynews.com) (22)
(Yahoo)   Greeks let their oil tanker be captured by pirates, in an apparent maneuver to take the pirates by surprise, not only by surprise but totally unarmed  (news.yahoo.com) (151)
(Orlando Sentinel)   "Monday's holdup of the Fairwinds Credit Union was fairly routine until the suspect's arm popped off"  (orlandosentinel.com) (19)
(Wired)   The science behind the idiot tax  (wired.com) (121)
(Washington Post)   Maryland first grade teacher charged with choking, continuing to strike students when they couldn't spell their safe words  T-Shirt  (washingtonpost.com) (78)
(Guardian.com)   Saudi oil reserves shrinking like George Costanza in a cold shower  (guardian.co.uk) (205)
(JWF)   That time of the month when researchers try to justify their existence by making up stories about how polar bears might disappear if their hysterical claims about globalwarmingclimatechange ever come to fruition   (jammiewearingfool.blogspot.com) (128)
(Some Guy)   "Hey boss, this kid was being chased by pitbulls so I let him in my mail truck and took him home." "You're fired"  (nbcphiladelphia.com) (73)
(Some Guy)   A-Rod reportedly goes 'ballistic' over his Lady and the Tramp moment at the Super Bowl  (myfoxchicago.com) (81)
(Some Guy)   Deputy charged with shoplifting Five Hour Energy drinks. Fellow officers became suspicious when his pulse rate set off his radar gun  (wtkr.com) (16)
(wtsp.com)   Tampa man fends off intruder with nunchucks, which we all know were simply called "nuns" before Chuck Norris  (wtsp.com) (19)
(NPR)   A lack of "rigor" leaves many young men "adrift" in college. Dude, it's college. How can you lack rigor? I could get rigor six, seven times in one night. Man, good times, good times  (npr.org) (59)
(CNN)   Muslim Brotherhood says they want democracy in Egypt, not theocracy, and to prove it, they refuse to field a candidate to replace Mubarak  (cnn.com) (130)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Key witness in Warlock murder case testifies today, plans to blame the Druids  (orlandosentinel.com) (64)
(LA Times)   Remember the protests in Egypt? To the utter surprise of most Americans, it's still going on. Meet the new face of the protesters  (latimes.com) (104)
(UPI)   Oldest drinkable beer discovered, will be analyzed and brewed again. Initial reports say the taste has 'burnt notes', which puzzles Anheuser Busch brewers who say beer should have no flavor at all  T-Shirt  (upi.com) (80)
(Some Guy)   The best job search marketing campaign you'll see all day  (dailydawdle.com) (41)
(Herald-Leader)   Protip: When driving erratically, it's best to leave the drugs and dead bodies at home  (kentucky.com) (25)
(WRAL)   Photoshop Theme: Crossing the Line  (wwwcache.wral.com) (30)
(Beatcalls)   After breaking into an office, nothing takes the edge off better than sitting down at a desk and watching a little porn  (beatcalls.com) (33)
(MSNBC)   Three Texas teens cross the border into Mexico to get a killer deal on a car  (msnbc.msn.com) (136)
(Guardian.com)   A lot of fancier yarns come from people trying to tell the truth. It's not easy once you're out of the habit. Fifteen new stories by Dash Hammett found in Texas  (guardian.co.uk) (37)
(Miami Herald)   A quadriplegic man is suing Disneyland. The theme park left him stranded on the "It's a Small World" ride for 40 minutes. That's so inhumane  (miamiherald.com) (126)
(SLTrib)   Third grade teacher has the students lie down without moving for 45 minutes to simulate slave conditions. Surprisingly, the only parent with a problem emigrated here from Eastern Europe  (sltrib.com) (79)
(Fox News)   Catholic schools get higher test scores than public schools, while spending less per pupil  (foxnews.com) (309)
(Omaha World Herald)   Bar builds a curling rink. Remember to visit next week for a story about drunken curling injuries  (omaha.com) (58)
(CBS News)   One student's hair gets set on fire and a 16-year-old beats up a 17-year-old pregnant student. Just another day in Middletown, Ohio  (cbsnews.com) (47)
(MSNBC)   Extension of Patriot Act Blocked in House  (msnbc.msn.com) (384)
(Some Snow)   Photoshop this weird winter world  (bigpicture.ru) (35)

Tue February 08, 2011
(CNN)   If you have to explain your Super Bowl ad, it probably wasn't as successful as you hoped  (cnn.com) (233)
(CNN)   We're gonna need to go ahead and move you downstairs into storage B. We have some new people coming in, and we need all the space we can get. So if you could just go ahead and pack up your stuff and move it down there, that would be terrific  (cnn.com) (176)
(AJC)   Tennessee state representative credits working at Hooters for her success in politics  (ajc.com) (91)
(News4Jax)   Man delivers live rocket to police station. Um.. thanks, citizen?  (news4jax.com) (49)
(The Daily Beast)   You know that whole Obama-is-a-big-spender thing? Well, it turns out, not so much  (thedailybeast.com) (246)
(Some Guy)   "More Docs Doesn't Add Up to Happier Patients." Well, is okay, but was more nurse divide over to lesser expense billings?  (commonwealthfund.org) (100)
(Some Guy)   Tourists, back rooms, butt implants, death. It's like someone woke up and said "God, I want to be on Fark today"  (nbcphiladelphia.com) (57)
(Some Guy)   Scientists say fish caught in Ohio's Grand Lake St. Mary's are safe to eat. Just wipe the toxic blue-green algae off them first  (dispatch.com) (44)
(My San Antonio)   Dear Miss San Antonio, please return your crown because you've become a fatty  (mysanantonio.com) (229)
(IndyStar)   Ahh a simpler time, when people settled mortgage disputes by wiring a shotgun to someone's neck  (indystar.com) (28)
(CNN)   Fortyninefortyninefortynine do I hear FIFTY? Going once... Going twice  (cnn.com) (59)
(Time)   Julian Assange didn't answer to Swedes because he was in hiding - from Sarah Palin  (newsfeed.time.com) (107)
(LA Times)   Auditors find that California court computers upgrade project is years behind schedule and what was originally supposed to cost $260 million has ballooned to $1.9 billion. Apparently they decided to get macs  (latimes.com) (149)
(Google)   Photoshop your favorite kids' book as if it had been written by Stephen King  (google.com) (103)
(AOL News)   Bad -- Kidnapped baby. Good -- Reunited with parents after 23 years. Pricele$$ -- Whars my munee  (aolnews.com) (144)
(UPI)   Invasive species weathers Florida freeze, continue to play shuffleboard and bocce ball  (upi.com) (42)
(WLSAM)   If you are a tax cheat, you have two choices: 1) come clean and pay a cheaper rate or 2) continue to assume that they are a government agency and that, as such, it is unlikely they will find you  (wlsam.com) (36)
(Detroit News)   54-year-old--whose only income is from selling "Magic: The Gathering" cards--"marries" 13-year-old in online RPG, then consummates the marriage in real life. Her mom and the police have an issue with that  (detnews.com) (211)
(Yahoo)   Obama to CEOs "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country" CEOs to Obama: "We will let you give us tax breaks"  (news.yahoo.com) (220)
(Some Guy)   Guess whose laws are so lax it leads the nation in fraudulent, fake, insurance bilking auto accidents?  (mega949.com) (52)
(MSNBC)   Houston ...............orders inve...............stigation ................. into roll.............. ing blackout..................s   (msnbc.msn.com) (69)
(Abc.net.au)   Best retraction ever?  (abc.net.au) (58)
(Life.com)   Do we really have to be subjected to the awkward spectacle of hugs, tears, newborn babies and all the rest of it every time a few troops make it home alive from Afghanis ... oh, dammit ... sorry ... something in my eye  (life.com) (38)
(CNN)   Today: Daytime sleepiness = narcolepsy. Next week: Upset stomach = alien baby  (pagingdrgupta.blogs.cnn.com) (55)
(Some Elf)   Not news: Man misses birdie. News: With a rifle in a cookie factory  (riverfallsjournal.com) (12)
(Economist)   Holy Kyoto batman, some just stole a bunch of Carbon  (economist.com) (36)
(Yahoo)   After social media helps spark revolution across the middle east, Syrian government decides NOW is a good time to unblock YouTube and FaceBook  (news.yahoo.com) (13)
(Some Guy)   Two arrested after woman's dog painted pink. Well, there isn't a lot to do in Terre Haute  (tribstar.com) (44)
(Orlando Sentinel)   One Florida mother's quest to make sure the world knows her snowflake got beat up by a girl  (orlandosentinel.com) (47)
(Spiegel)   In Democracies the excuse is usually to "spend more time with the family." In Hollywood it's rehab. Dictators usually opt for the "needs medical treatment"  (spiegel.de) (31)
(Jakarta Post)   Defendant in blasphemy trial sentenced to five god damn years in prison  (thejakartapost.com) (46)
(Some Guy)   Mandatory Arabic classes are coming to some Texas schools because it's a "language of the future." This will not end well, unless 72 virgins are coming too, God willing  (dfw.cbslocal.com) (199)
(The New York Times)   Less than half of New York high-school graduates are ready for college or jobs. Read it and weep. In New York, stare at it blankly for a few seconds and then go see what Snooki's up to  (nytimes.com) (83)
(Some Guy)   Worker loses hand in salt spreader accident. Police stumped at first. Eventually finger wreckless behavior, point out safety violations  (wtae.com) (34)
(Some Guy)   Grandma ate Cheetos with a fork  (kinston.com) (39)
(Some Guy)   Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of a corpse of a guy who was shot in the head stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds  (newschannel9.com) (8)
(Some Guy)   Not debatable: Glenn Beck is about to fall off a cliff. Debatable: Will Fox News fall off with him or give him a push?  (politicsdaily.com) (171)
(New York Daily News)   Dora the XXXplorer  (nydailynews.com) (155)
(Some Guy)   Today's average woman is... pretty hot for average, actually  (kuvaton.com) (275)
(Fox News)   Pamela Anderson says Immigrants need to respect the Legal Citizenship Process  (foxnews.com) (63)
(HelenaIR.com)   Sisters pry open grocery store doors with their bare hands to steal two cases of beer they could have purchased legally ten minutes earlier  (helenair.com) (21)
(Some Guy)   Not impressed with woman who texted herself into a mall fountain, this teenager darwinated himself off a parking garage  (reghardware.com) (100)
(Yahoo)   Communist China raises interest rates to dampen inflation. Since they're Communists, why don't they shoot enough consumers to dampen inflation permanently?  (finance.yahoo.com) (39)
(Sun Sentinel)   Florida massage therapist charged with being the rapist. This will not have a happy ending  (sun-sentinel.com) (36)
(Digital Trends)   Forgive me Father for I have... *Beep* Excuse me Father, I have another call  (digitaltrends.com) (16)
(MSNBC)   Lesbian lip lock leaves lady less one lip  (msnbc.msn.com) (82)
(Baltimore Sun)   Cops don't like red light cameras either . . . because they aren't capable of extending "professional courtesy"  (baltimoresun.com) (80)
(The New York Times)   In case you haven't heard, $2.2M is the maximum you can deduct on your taxes for Ransom  (nytimes.com) (11)
(CNN)   Sad: Bank offers credit cards with 59.9% and 79.9 APR. More sad: 700,000 people sign up. FARK: All perfectly legal  (money.cnn.com) (186)
(Yahoo)   Fire sweeps through the warehouses storing the costumes and floats for Brazil's Carnivale parades. Authorities estimate thousands of costumes, representing tens of yards of fabric were destroyed  (news.yahoo.com) (20)
(Some Guy)   Mark Zuckerberg claims he's being stalked by a 31-year-old man who's sending him creepy messages on Facebook. Supersize our ironic tag please  (wtkr.com) (30)
(Some Guy)   Millionaire steel mogul with castle, moat, and petting zoo refuses to pay child support  (businessinsider.com) (35)
(Some Dude)   West Hollywood considers outdoor smoking ban -- poles excluded  (ktla.com) (23)
(FARK)   Shinmoedake Bukkake, Lieberman touring with Sabbath, and the Natalee Holloway conversion scale: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 1/30 - 2/5  (fark.com) (12)
(Guardian.com)   BBC axes 1,000 hours of children's radio. After finding the average audience age was 48  (guardian.co.uk) (29)
(Yahoo)   The greatest moments in parking history. Lovely Rita in the back seat until I'm screaming for more strangely absent  (news.yahoo.com) (19)
(wtsp.com)   News: Man hit by random bullet while sitting at home on his couch. Fark: While watching Goodfellas. With helpful pic of man on his couch  (wtsp.com) (21)
(NYPost)   The Hell's Angels aren't what they used to be when Hunter Thompson rolled with them - now they can't even keep tourists off their private park bench  (nypost.com) (45)
(IFC)   The rules of movie quoting. This sort of thing is my bag, baby  (ifc.com) (247)
(CBS 46 Atlanta)   Woman who attempted to mail puppy: "Give me back the dog." Authorities: "Yeah, how about no?"  (cbsatlanta.com) (94)
(Washington Post)   J. Paul Getty III finally reunited with his severed ear  (washingtonpost.com) (28)
(Seattle Times)   If a woman OD's in your house will you be charged in a crime? If you're August Busch IV, probably not. Heck, the police will even withhold the report til your lawyer gives the go-ahead  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (47)
(NPR)   An Alabama prison has amazing success reducing inmate violence with a meditation program. For some reason Christians have a problem with this  (npr.org) (135)
(Emergency Alert System)   Your fascist uncle that listens to AM radio all day? He just got a little more paranoid  (federalnewsradio.com) (75)
(Some Guy)   Family adopts Marine bomb-sniffing dog who stayed and tried to guard their son as he lay dying from a bomb blast in Afghanistan. A cat would never earn the hero tag like this  (wtkr.com) (118)
(The Sun)   England's gypsy version of Octomom is nowhere near is hot as our beloved American original  (thesun.co.uk) (49)
(Some Guy)   1,000 pound man to move - very slowly- to facility in Ohio that will help him lose weight  (wtkr.com) (73)
(Some Guy)   Reporter discovers that you can play sex games on the xBox. Ric Romero surrenders  (wtsp.com) (35)
(Some Guy)   Is there a better way to say "I love you" then with the gift of a weasel ball? No there is not  (weaselballs.com) (29)
(WSB-TV)   If you suspect your new dentist may be fake, what with him practicing out of his basement and all, the time to have your doubts and go to the police is BEFORE you go through with your visit  (wsbtv.com) (19)
(AJC)   Driver fails to account for margarine of error, gets creamed. Bonus: Shuts down all eastbound Atlanta traffic  (ajc.com) (45)
(Yahoo)   Apparently in Afghanistan last week, Mullah Omar emerged from his cave and saw his shadow, predicting an early spring offensive this year  (news.yahoo.com) (9)
(NJ.com)   Town loses 14 year legal battle against strip club (with a convenient gallery of what strippers might look like)  (nj.com) (57)
(Some Guy)   "Principal Williams sent the teen a picture of his privates"  (y100.com) (29)
(Some Guy)   People who reside in cardboard boxes shouldn't live curbside  (y100.com) (23)
(wfaa.com)   Texas Governor Rick Perry, while running for re-election(February 8, 2010) "Today, we have billions in surplus". One year later, well about that surplus  (wfaa.com) (158)
(Statesman)   "We don't want to be putting teenagers behind bars and ruining their lives" due to "sexting" claims Texas AG. Therefore he's proposing a bill that would ruin the parents' lives instead  (statesman.com) (59)
(Den Of Geek)   Fark ready Headline: Mayor of Detroit rejects RoboCop statue suggestion  (denofgeek.com) (83)
(AlterNet)   We asked 100 people, "Name something you pass around." Fark: Joint more popular than collection plate. (Survey says there's video goodness.)  (alternet.org) (103)
(Canoe)   Doritos steals Super Commercial idea from siblings' YouTube video. And they would have got away with it if it wasn't for those meddling kids and their dog  (cnews.canoe.ca) (55)
(Pocono Record)   Thinking about taking Junior out to shoot the ol Daisy Red Ryder? Not so fast, Mr Reckless Endangerment Disorderly Conductor  (poconorecord.com) (31)
(Washington Post)   What happens when a city full of liberals overturns its ban on handguns? Let's take a look at Washington, DC, and check  (washingtonpost.com) (362)
(WFTV)   God-dammit, the suspect got away. I know, let's trash his car and get a paid vacation  (wftv.com) (44)
(Hometownannapolis)   Yo mama so stupid she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company  (hometownannapolis.com) (104)
(CNN)   "And now ladies and gentlemen, Ringling Brothers presents: The death-defying human cannonball feats of.....this baby we just found in the toilet......TA DA"  (cnn.com) (55)
(Some Guy)   This year's "Someone is offended by making drunk jokes about the Irish on St. Pat's" story brought to you by Old Navy. Fortunately, an actual Irish person is in the story to tell everyone to lighten the hell up  (newyork.cbslocal.com) (78)
(AFP)   France to witness the birth of a "savior sibling" completely unaware that the Savior is already here and playing quarterback for the Broncos  (news.yahoo.com) (14)
(The New York Times)   Keith Olbermann gets a job with Al Gorezeera   (mediadecoder.blogs.nytimes.com) (72)
(Daily Mail)   *Knock, knock* "Who is it?" "Hi, this is Lady Gaga. I was just wondering if I could come in and show Anderson Cooper my old apartment." '" "Ummmmm, no...and get those cameras out of here"  (dailymail.co.uk) (101)
(Mother Nature Network)   Blimey. It turns out rainforest gibbons have accents, mate  (mnn.com) (6)
(AOL News)   Colorado Springs: Home of the US Olympic Training Center, Garden of the Gods, and of course a refueling station for UFOs  (aolnews.com) (20)
(Greenwich Time)   Sewage overflow has costly consequences for Mianus  (greenwichtime.com) (15)
(Boston Herald)   MIT egghead that crafted ObamaCare and RomneyCare hopes to explain their intricacies with a comic book. Unknown if it will include a chiseled Obama in a loin cloth or a scantly clad Pelosi  (bostonherald.com) (38)
(My Fox DC)   Not only will Harriet be known as the most successful female high school wrestler in the area, she'll also be known as the girl 17 guys can say they got to second-base with for the first time  (myfoxdc.com) (90)
(PC Magazine)   Hidden "world mode" chip discovered in Verizon's Apple iPhone 4  (pcmag.com) (73)
(NW Florida Daily News)   The devil has steered you the wrong way if you steal 300 pounds of beef from a church  (nwfdailynews.com) (15)
(Some Cold Guy)   Photoshop this Icy Pane  (s263.photobucket.com) (30)
(Some Guy)   After seeing these... I have some SERIOUS respect for Sweden  (luketechtips.com) (332)
(Canoe)   Cow defies 105,000 to 1 odds and gives birth to a set of triplets. Farmer shocked, calls it bovine intervention  (cnews.canoe.ca) (58)
(JSOnline)   Ice volcanoes have appeared along Lake Michigan shorelines. With somewhat disappointing pictures of what ice volcanoes may look like  (jsonline.com) (64)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Teen, lying on his bed, tries to tie a loaded gun around his leg. Obvious outcome is painfully obvious  (orlandosentinel.com) (68)
(MSNBC)   Nine-year-old gets photo of woman performing oral sex sent to his cell phone. Mother texts back to complain. Sender apologizes, says it was a wrong number and he was just trying to sell his sofa and that was the only picture he had  (msnbc.msn.com) (195)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop theme: I did it for the lulz  (i.imgur.com) (32)
(Some Smart Guy)   Stupid is as stupid eats  (france24.com) (33)
(St. Petersburg Times)   Mother of the Year candidate falls asleep on Percocet while her seven-year-old son wanders the neighborhood huffing spray paint  (tampabay.com) (36)
(Oregon Live)   Oregon is about to ban pictures of plastic bags  (oregonlive.com) (132)
(Hot Air)   So you have 50 years experience cutting hair. Well too bad, the government says, now you must 'get training', and an expensive permit to cut hair now  (hotair.com) (214)
(BBC)   Latest world volcanic threat comes from....spins globe.......Russia  (bbc.co.uk) (32)
(Herald-Leader)   If you're a small-town police chief, don't breathalyze the mayor when he shows up drunk at the firehouse  (kentucky.com) (35)
(MSNBC)   Could smoking pot may hasten the onset of mental illness, or is that just crazy talk  (msnbc.msn.com) (178)

Mon February 07, 2011
(NPR)   That's what you get when you give the gays their own medicine  (npr.org) (164)
(CNN)   TV Executive who founded network to counter Muslim stereotypes found guilty of being a Muslim stereotype  (cnn.com) (159)
(Denver Channel)   Seizure victim barred from taking meds during school day by his school's anti-drug policies  (thedenverchannel.com) (146)
(Jalopnik)   Step by step guide for getting your car out of snow  (jalopnik.com) (95)
(Denver Channel)   Pregnant woman goes to pharmacy for antibiotics. Fark: Accidently gets and takes abortion drug instead  (thedenverchannel.com) (154)
(Huffington Post)   Bristol Palin set to write memoirs. Let's see if Fark can come up with a title for this instant masterpiece  (huffingtonpost.com) (415)
(CNN)   Google executive couldn't be found. Then BING, he's released  T-Shirt  (cnn.com) (37)
(NJ.com)   70 Passaic Valley Sewerage Commission employees flushed  (nj.com) (23)
(IndyStar)   More and more wineries think you'll want to drink wine that tastes like Indiana  (indystar.com) (63)
(Seattle Times)   Tax and Spend Socialism leads to: "For the third straight year, American families and businesses will pay less in federal taxes than they did under former President George W. Bush"  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (178)
(WXYZ Detroit)   Ten year old released from being stuck in tube. Doopity-doo  (wxyz.com) (19)
(FARK)   Photoshop theme: What will the TSA come up with next?  (fark.com) (26)
(Mirror.co.uk)   If it's been a while since your hose and helmet had any attention, you should know that 75% of women fantasize about their men dressed as firemen  (mirror.co.uk) (140)
(Spiegel)   Entire Italian museum, staff included, requests asylum in Germany  (spiegel.de) (32)
(AL.com)   Trade a gun for a "toy" for your ... gun  (blog.al.com) (41)
(The Hollywood Reporter)   Greedy capitalist Michael Moore sues Weinstein brothers for spreading his wealth around, stealing his pie  (hollywoodreporter.com) (229)
(The Local (Germany))   I Love You This Muuuuuuuuuuch....splat  (thelocal.de) (91)
(Some Hoosier Hilljack)   Wanting to ensure Indiana never leaves the 1950's, lawmakers are voting to double ban gay marriage  (wthr.com) (286)
(LA Times)   "Tell you what Al Jazeera, can I call you Jerry? We got off on the wrong foot Jerry. I like you. We should be friends, hang out, you know, be pals"  (latimes.com) (81)
(Some Guy)   Woman caught hiding meth. Clearly, it wasn't in her hair  (mymotherlode.com) (129)
(Boston Globe)   Rhode Island town discovers 587 mystery stop signs. Solution: Legalize them all and collect ticket revenue  (boston.com) (65)
(Pat's Papers)   No porn, no mints, not the turn down service anyone's after--Michigan jail officials can't figure out why no one wants to pay for their cell  (patspapers.com) (113)
(Free Press)   Convicted of stalking? File suit against your victim and the city. That'll teach 'em  (freep.com) (40)
(St. Petersburg Times)   Robo-Signer controversy now linked to Church of Scientology. Xenu trifecta in play  (tampabay.com) (67)
(Albany Times Union)   Dying bartender featured on Fark last week said he wasn't going anywhere until the Super Bowl, and passed away during the first quarter. Yes, he picked Green Bay  (blog.timesunion.com) (60)
(The Hill)   Poll: voters don't know what the farking Debt Ceiling is, or they knowingly vote for politicians that run the nation like a boomer that takes out a 4th mortgage to get drunk in Cancun  (thehill.com) (111)
(The New York Times)   Obama administration looking to expand availability of birth control. Some people have a problem with this  (nytimes.com) (456)
(Daily Mail)   Glow-in-the-dark surgery. Coming to a hospital near you  (dailymail.co.uk) (22)
(The New York Times)   Amazing story about the fine art smackdown between Russia and Chabad  (nytimes.com) (21)
(Some Guy)   ATF under fire for allowing US guns to barrel into Mexico. Aw shoot  (big1059.com) (128)
(My Fox DC)   Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin praised a group of female students who posed in an erotic calendar for his 58th birthday as "courageous" and "beautiful". Courageous  (myfoxdc.com) (48)
(MSNBC)   Chase supports the troops  (msnbc.msn.com) (129)
(NJ.com)   Policewoman chases criminal, catches bullets  (nj.com) (90)
(Some Guy)   "Ya mean yer onne them mooslims?" That's a neck stabbin'  (wiod.com) (153)
(BBC)   Number 20. Number 20. Number 20. Number 20. Number 20.  (bbc.co.uk) (46)
(Reuters) NewsFlash Ugly ass baby nation born in Sudan  (uk.reuters.com) (150)
(Yahoo)   In an attempt to quell civil unrest, Egypt decides to give all government fat cats a 15% raise  (news.yahoo.com) (31)
(Some Cold Guy)   Revenge is a dish best served cold, with a snowblower  (chicago.cbslocal.com) (51)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Man busted for shoplifting a CD. The More You Know: CDs were methods of distributing music before the Internet  (nwfdailynews.com) (109)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this bizarre back end  (online.wsj.com) (13)
(Fox News)   Great news air travelers. The dude that just got a handful of your junk is now about to get collective bargaining  (foxnews.com) (89)
(Towson Patch)   That toilet left outside the courthouse that triggered a bomb threat was done in support of a man arrested for bomb threats whose son was killed in 2006 when he broke into a Muslim's house in Illinois. See? It all makes sense now  (towson.patch.com) (29)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)   Father beats son, possibly deafens him by hurling shot glass at the boy's ear. Fark: After being woken for the supper his son had cooked for him. Sounds like his old man and subby's old man should get together and go bowling  (startribune.com) (120)
(Fox News)   "The bunnies sized me up and treated my body like it was a stripper pole"  (foxnews.com) (69)
(Huffington Post)   What's Marathi for 'hey yall, watch this'  (huffingtonpost.com) (21)
(AJC)   This morning, do you think your boss will really fall for it? "I was kidnapped by two intoxicated, rogue, boxhead, dancer robots and was forced to drive around and lovingly feed them popcorn"  (ajc.com) (25)
(Daily Mail)   Joan Rivers insists it was her real body that appeared in the Super Bowl ad where she was wearing hot pants and a tank top  (dailymail.co.uk) (116)
(BBC)   This is not 'Nam. This is Irish road bowling. There are rules  (bbc.co.uk) (49)
(Daily Express)   Scientists discover chocolate is healthier than fruit juice. Why yes, they do work for a chocolate manufacturer, how did you know?  (express.co.uk) (48)
(TC Palm)   Man's verbal diarrhea and sh*t slinging prompts 911 call. Will the crap talker go to jail? Magic 8 ball says -----  (blogs.tcpalm.com) (18)
(Daily Mail)   'Ghost of headless monk' forces theme park to relocate water slide after disturbing ancient burial ground. In other news, park planners have apparently never watched horror movies  (dailymail.co.uk) (58)
(Some Guy)   While you were watching the Super Bowl, Egyptian protests entered their twelfth day. Hello, is this thing on? Hello?  (english.aljazeera.net) (83)
(Some Hot Guy)   Sure, pepper spray looks like fun and games on TV, but police and school officials don't share your awesome sense of humor  (wsbtv.com) (22)
(The Sun)   Yes, worm and cheese pizza really IS an improvement to hospital food  (thesun.co.uk) (8)
(My Fox DC)   Somewhere...in El Salvador...the Steelers are champions  (myfoxdc.com) (57)
(KCRG)   Man gets tired of waiting in line at the Taco Bell drive-thru, decides to ram the car in front of him. Ah, Cedar Rapids, the Florida of Iowa  (kcrg.com) (54)
(Daily Mail)   Girl addicted to eating soap. Has apparently never uttered curse word in entire life  (dailymail.co.uk) (38)
(Some Guy)   Baskin-Robbins owner offers a year of free ice cream for information leading to the arrest of a robber  (kptv.com) (20)
(Daily Mail)   FBI probing case of human trafficking...by the Church of Scientology. News to the left. Threats of lawsuits and Tom Cruise anigifs to the right  (dailymail.co.uk) (102)
(Yahoo)   World to soon have a brand new metaphor for the futility of war as Thai and Cambodian troops fighting over 900-year old temple have heavily damaged the site and may destroy it altogether  (news.yahoo.com) (39)
(LA Times)   Officials confused by influx of brown people sneaking over the Mexico/Texas border. Because they're Sikh  (latimes.com) (40)
(AP)   From the "headline is unwittingly funny" file: 54 sickened by carbon monoxide leak at CO tourney  (hosted.ap.org) (32)
(Palm Beach Post)   Had 155 cases thrown out and are under investigation for practicing law without a license? Sending the judge a bizarre forged judicial order (w/bad spelling and namedropping top government officials) won't help  (palmbeachpost.com) (34)
(Some TreeHugger)   The Yellow Pages sues for the right to continue leaving back-up toilet paper by your door  (treehugger.com) (73)
(Daily Kos)   Security firm: We've taken down the top leaders of Anonymous. Anon: Err, no you didn't. And here's over 9000 company emails. Bonus: One complains that Guy Fawkes isn't responding to friend request  (dailykos.com) (418)
(The Consumerist)   Diet Coke found the perfect location to kick off their anti-Starbucks ad (pic)  (consumerist.com) (42)
(Some Guy)   If you've been craving horse, Nebraska may soon be the place for you  (journalstar.com) (54)
(Ars Technica)   Farmville for Dummies coming soon to a bookstore near you, brought to you by the Department of Redundancy Department  (arstechnica.com) (31)
(wtsp)   Contractor uses $10 worth of cement, works for one hour, charges elderly woman $107,000. Well ... he did work for an hour  (wtsp.com) (73)
(St. Petersburg Times)   Catching up with Balloon Boy's family after settling in Florida. "People here treat us so different compared to out there. People here don't care"  (tampabay.com) (41)
(The Sun)   Hidden cameras capture Japan's deep hatred of dorphins  (thesun.co.uk) (132)
(Washington Post)   You know you've been waiting for the first darkly introspective analysis of what the Superbowl and its commercials meant to our culture. You also know you wanted it to use the word "zeitgeist." Well, here you go  (washingtonpost.com) (51)
(Daily Mail)   'Super pack' of 400 wolves terrorize remote town. Gerald Ford unavailable for comment  (dailymail.co.uk) (69)
(Some Snowbunny)   "Tracks in snow lead authorities to buglary suspects"  (baxterbulletin.com) (20)
(Yahoo)   Green Bay fans pour into the streets to celebrate their team's Superbowl victory, then promptly realize it's February and they live in Green Bay Wisconsin, and holy hell it's cold, and promptly pour back inside to warm up  (news.yahoo.com) (65)
(NBC Charlotte)   Pop quiz: When robbing a convenience store, you should: A) ensure your ski mask is on properly B) make sure the cash register is unplugged before trying to make off with it C) never relinquish possession of your gun D) all of the above  (wcnc.com) (14)
(Daily Mail)   Unfortunate headline of the day: Divorce judge orders car crash amputee to "hand" over more than half of his £500k compensation to ex-wife of five years  (dailymail.co.uk) (67)
(NYPost)   All these airplanes heading towards each other are interfering with air traffic controller's quality movie watching time  (m.nypost.com) (18)
(MSNBC)   Three confirmed cases of cholera in NYC. EVERYBODY PANIC  (msnbc.msn.com) (50)
(Reuters)   "Over a thousand people gathered on the outskirts of Tokyo, shovels in hand, to dig it out for the top prize in the Japan All-National Hole Digging Competition and claim the coveted Golden Shovel award"  (reuters.com) (21)
(Detroit News)   Some mugshots are better than the story. What the HELL is on that man's head?  (detnews.com) (44)
(Some Guy)   After serving kielbasa, cheeseburgers, pizza and wings at WH Super Bowl party, Michelle Obama now takes on restaurant menus so the children can eat better or something   (jammiewearingfool.blogspot.com) (168)
(Flickr)   Photoshop theme: It's Drew's 38th birthday. Shop him as the founder of another organization   (farm1.static.flickr.com) (30)
(Some Hunter)   Beaver hunt delivers a wet but frigid outcome  (wcbi.com) (32)
(AFP)   If wine really does get better with age this bottle should taste pretty damn good  (news.yahoo.com) (74)
(BBC)   11 year old girl caught entering Colombian jail with 74 cell phones and a gun taped to her back. No word if tape said "Seasons Greetings"  (bbc.co.uk) (59)
(Time)   In honor of Christina Aguilera, here are the ten worst Star Spangled Banner renditions of all time  (time.com) (245)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this cautious collection  (online.wsj.com) (12)
(Accuweather)   Just because last week wasn't crappy enough, Snowmageddon II: Electric Boogaloo set to strike country this week. Where's the suck tag when you need it  (accuweather.com) (116)
(The Daily Press)   Protip: Ventilate the house if you're going to start up a car inside to use as a stereo  (dailypress.com) (25)
(WLSAM)   Hello Domino's? I'd like to order 892 pizzas, thin crust, 800 cheese, 90 with sausage, 1 vegetarian, 1 with hacksaw blade  (wlsam.com) (52)

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