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Sun February 20, 2011
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Guardian.com)   I first saw my wife 10 years after we married  (guardian.co.uk) (73)
(Some Guy)   Two men who were contracted to build an exhaust vent in a police evidence locker find a mother lode of marijuana. You can guess how it ended  (timesdaily.com) (72)
(CONTEMPORIST)   Photoshop something to fill up this empty closet  (contemporist.com) (37)
(Yahoo)   Indian historian states yoga was invented in 19th century with help from Western physical-fitness practices and was never truly Vedic. "Yoga is to North America what McDonald's is to India: both are foreign implants gone native"  (in.news.yahoo.com) (124)
(BBC)   British Gay Muslims are seeking rights to marry. And honestly, they were born gay, Muslim, and British, let's give them a break for once  (bbc.co.uk) (109)
(SMH) NewsFlash Intense gunfire reported in Tripoli, Gaddafi's son says protesters have seized control of some military bases and tanks  (news.smh.com.au) (738)
(Orlando Sentinel)   If a person offers to sell you a lottery ticket worth millions in exchange for $14,000 in cash, stop for a moment and ask yourself, "Why?"  (orlandosentinel.com) (68)
(Some Guy)   Good: A carriage ride down Memphis' Beale Street. Bad: The horse slips into a sewer drain. Good: You and the horse are okay. Bad: The horse is stuck. Good: There's a cowboy roping competition in town for the weekend  (commercialappeal.com) (43)
(New Zealand Herald)   Actual headline: "Boy kidnapped by crocodile." Kidnapped? What, are we expecting ransom demands? Severed toes in the mail?  (nzherald.co.nz) (56)
(Help Nathan Buy Firefly)   We have to help Captain Mal keep the ship. If they take the ship, they'll rape us to death, eat our flesh, and sew our skins into their clothing. And if we're very, very lucky, they'll do it in that order  (helpnathanbuyfirefly.com) (228)
(The New York Times)   Green roof collapses in Illinois. Where is your Sod now?  (green.blogs.nytimes.com) (40)
(Some Guy)   Westboro Baptist Church Strikes Back  (imgur.com) (428)
(Herald Tribune)   Spa ladies busted for giving happy endings. Ages 22, 28, 37 and... 70. Yes, there are mugshots  (heraldtribune.com) (110)
(Globe and Mail)   Canadian newspaper looks at the US economic situation. One easy budget fix is raise taxes to levels similar to other G7 countries. Of course, that's like announcing you worship Satan  (theglobeandmail.com) (281)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Orlando is a more dangerous city than Detroit. Yes, THAT Detroit  (orlandosentinel.com) (89)
(BBC)   Morocco, come on down. You're the next contestent on "The Protest is Right"  (bbc.co.uk) (51)
(Yahoo)   Holy crap. We can't live here. This is human country  (news.yahoo.com) (30)
(The Eagle Tribune)   City has so many bad cops it can no longer afford to hire lawyers to defend them against police brutality suits  (eagletribune.com) (135)
(WLSAM)   Weird: Al Yankovic has a NY Times bestseller. Weirder: Al Yankovic is still around  (wlsam.com) (237)
(Daily Mail)   Ugly-ass badger babies discovered and rescued from deadly floods. Mushroom, mushroom (with 'awwww' pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (43)
(Buffalo News)   Judge jails a woman because he suspects she's going to steal drugs in the future. Due process weeps  (buffalonews.com) (122)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)   County weighs going entirely smoke free - even in people's own cars. Citizen, show me your (cigarette) papers  (startribune.com) (221)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop Danny having a beer  (macstavern.com) (28)
(NPR)   The ever-increasing volume and continually accelerating pace of the news cycle are rendering our brains incapable of redlighting even the smallest story. HEAR THAT MODMINS?  (npr.org) (30)
(The Daily Beast)   Qaddafi cuts off all access to the internet in Libya because, you know, it worked so well when they tried that in Egypt  (thedailybeast.com) (155)
(Daily Mail)   Yesterday's Daily Mail: red meat is good for you. Today's Daily Mail: red meat gives you cancer. Glad that's settled then  (dailymail.co.uk) (53)
(Telegraph)   When it all ends for you, will *your* obituary include such winning terms of phrase as "a taste for game hunting and safari life, as well a thirst for liquor and ladies"? Well done, game hunter turned conservationist David Lloyd  (telegraph.co.uk) (43)
(The Sun)   Teacher discovers her coffee has that unmistakable nutty flavor  (thesun.co.uk) (96)
(NYPost)   Why losers have delusions of grandeur: "The less you know, the more you think you do"  (nypost.com) (220)
(TBO)   Motorcyclist has a cow  (www2.tbo.com) (62)
(Some chick)   Code enforcement officer notices high-power consumption at a home. Sniffer dog smells drugs. Pot plants fill every room. Police SUSPECT it's a marijuana-growing operation  (heraldnet.com) (51)
(SBS)   Opposition wants cabinet member fired after learning he got three speeding tickets, including one for more than 5 mph over the limit  (sbs.com.au) (11)
(Sun Sentinel)   Ex-wife + girlfriend + alcohol + gun in the house. Want to guess the ending? Give it a shot  (sun-sentinel.com) (38)
(CNN)   California to ban state trinkets. Your move Arizona  (money.cnn.com) (68)
(SFGate)   Last surviving builder of the Golden Gate Bridge heads off to work on the Pearly Gates  (sfgate.com) (16)
(Daily Mail)   Research shows alcohol can delay dementia  (dailymail.co.uk) (35)
(Mirror.co.uk)   Locals in small English village unhappy with pub sign showing a tattooed Queen Elizabeth. "There are lots of people who are jolly cross"  (mirror.co.uk) (40)
(WFTV)   Teen dies after running into traffic while being chased by mall security for saggy pants  (wftv.com) (199)
(CBS News)   Anonymous puts Westboro Baptist Church on notice: "neither your institution nor your congregation will ever be able to fully recover"  (cbsnews.com) (591)
(Some Spring Training)   Photoshop this mascot on the move  (s.wsj.net) (18)
(Wall Street Journal)   Congratulations male Farkers,your extended adolescence of playing videogames, downloading porn, posting snarky message board comments, collecting action figures, and smoking weed has created a new psychological profile, the "pre-adult"  (online.wsj.com) (364)
(journal times)   Do not use bounce house near steep hills, raging rivers, downed electrical wires, fighting ninjas and angry unicorns. Nothing was said regarding gusts of wind  (journaltimes.com) (21)
(Daily Mail)   World's unluckiest man shares 100 room "mansion" with his 39 wives, 94 children and 33 grand children  (dailymail.co.uk) (71)
(News.com.au)   McDonald's new Favourites Combo meal contains enough calories for a whole day  (news.com.au) (113)
(Guardian.com)   If you thought things were chaotic in the Middle East now, just wait until they run out of water  (guardian.co.uk) (81)
(Telegraph)   Britain to set clocks two hours ahead to 'double summertime'  (telegraph.co.uk) (109)
(Yahoo)   Scientist finds Gulf bottom still oily, dead. w/pic of OMG KILL IT WITH FIRE  (news.yahoo.com) (108)

Sat February 19, 2011
(Some Guy)   Good: all expenses paid trip to NYC to be on Maury with your girlfriend. Bad: she dumps you as soon as you get home. Fark: you call the cops to bust her skank ass for violating her drug trafficking parole for traveling out of state  (wtol.com) (68)
(Some Guy)   Three NZ teens get a good talking to from fire brigade after blowing up kitchen while making homemade bombs. Yep, that's pretty much how we'd handle it in the US. Author gets bonus for describing them as "sheepish"  (bayofplentytimes.co.nz) (29)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this endeavour  (airpigz.com) (37)
(SLTrib)   American Zen master disrobes after finding enlightenment in loin of female student  (sltrib.com) (60)
(NBC DFW)   Remember those awesome Naked Scanners the TSA just had to have? An undercover agent was able to sneak a gun through the one at DFW every single time she tried. If only there were some sort of device that could detect metal items  (nbcdfw.com) (286)
(SFGate)   Berkeley's KPFA radio station to air annual 16 hour Grateful Dead marathon today. Once in awhile you can get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right  (sfgate.com) (149)
(CNN)   You would think with all the pirate activity around Somalia, you would stay away from the area with your yacht. But then you wouldn't be an aristocrat would you?  (cnn.com) (149)
(Cracked)   Five myths about the military you think are true thanks to movies  (cracked.com) (266)
(Mercury News)   Not to go off on a tangent here, but a California study indicates many junior high students just aren't prepared for algebra. Critics say it is just a sine of the times  (mercurynews.com) (141)
(Herald Tribune)   Police detective: I am a sovereign citizen unbound by the laws of your country. Police department: Don't let the door hit you on your sovereign ass  (heraldtribune.com) (104)
(Some Guy)   Beak sends yobs to do porridge following gaffle for ruck at Keepmoat rugger  (thestar.co.uk) (42)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   The average life expectancy is on the rise, despite Americans being lazy fatasses  (suntimes.com) (38)
(Cracked)   Abraham Lincoln: Portrait of a Crazy Badass  (cracked.com) (72)
(Some little early pearly)   Mannford man arrested for Facebook threats. What a deuce  T-Shirt  (newson6.com) (69)
(Kansas City)   If you leave the store you're robbing with less money than when you went in, you might be doing it wrong  (kansascity.com) (28)
(Daily Mail)   Photoshop this rude awakening  (i.dailymail.co.uk) (25)
(LA Times)   Regulations that require houses over 3,000 square feet to have fire sprinklers cause firefighter to die, after the sprinkler system melts in the fire and causes a roof collapse  (latimes.com) (86)
(Yahoo)   Which is worse PETA or TSA for caving in to PETA?  (news.yahoo.com) (74)
(BBC)   OK OK? OK  (bbc.co.uk) (74)
(Some Guy)   Homeland Security shut down 84,000 websites by mistake. When websites were visited, a page with a message stating the site was closed due to an anti-child porn sting. Oops! Sorry about that. Kthnxbye  (tech.blorge.com) (90)
(The Cambridge Chronicle)   City wants to outlaw early morning athletic practices. "If a contractor or a landscaper can't be out there making a living why can a sports team?"  (wickedlocal.com) (51)
(UPI)   Airline plans in-flight clowns to entertain passengers -- as if flying isn't scary enough already  (upi.com) (33)
(Daily Mail)   Today's bit of random Daily Mail outrage comes after Prince Charles said he likes red squirrels and it would be nice to have one perch on his shoulder like a parrot  (dailymail.co.uk) (36)
(Fox News)   Not all American Christians are crazy: Two churches are being criticized for giving their towns' Mosque-less Muslims a place to pray  (foxnews.com) (204)
(Washington Post)   News: Call goes out in China for a "Jasmine Revolution". Fark: China blocks web searches of the word "jasmine". TotalFark: Original protest announcement may only be performance art  (washingtonpost.com) (29)
(LA Times)   California Monsoon 2: Electric Boogaloo  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (69)
(Patriot Ledger)   Man airdrops porn to friends stranded in arctic wilderness  (patriotledger.com) (38)
(Fox News)   Seriously, where were these teachers when subby was in school? FUUUUU  (foxnews.com) (94)
(Canoe)   10-year-old points laser at police helicopter. Toronto cops track him down by process of illumination  T-Shirt  (cnews.canoe.ca) (73)
(Miami Herald)   Damn, your hair didn't move at all. Not guilty  (miamiherald.com) (43)
(Weekly World News)   For those too lazy to read Marlowe, Goethe, or join the GOP, here's a quick guide to selling your soul  (weeklyworldnews.com) (48)
(Daily Mail)   Research suggests eating red meat is good for you. Suck it, vegans  (dailymail.co.uk) (195)
(Some Guy)   "The Myth of the Teen Brain." Subby KNEW those darn kids were brainless  (alexchediak.com) (60)
(NW Florida Daily News)   50-year-old woman busted for shoplifting dish washing detergent, dryer sheets, hydrogen pen, baking soda and women's thong panties worth a grand total of $7.50  (nwfdailynews.com) (51)
(AOL News)   Big brother is watching you...from a humming bird feeder (with video)  (aolnews.com) (34)
(Some Guy)   Good news, everyone: if you haze subordinates by forcing them to eat doggie biscuits, simulate oral sex on tape, and one of your victims ends up killing herself, you can still retire at full military pension  (hamptonroads.com) (79)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)   If there is a speed limit, but there is no sign, how would you know when you broke it?  (startribune.com) (63)
(Mother Nature Network)   Nine mountains you may never see in person even if you didn't spend all day on the computer in your mom's basement  (mnn.com) (54)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Beerlympics. Can't wait for follow up tag  (blogs.orlandosentinel.com) (8)
(Reuters)   What goes "thump thump thump CROAK?"  (reuters.com) (27)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Don't pull a gun on your condo's maintenance man even if you think he's a Cuban Nationalist spy hired to kill you  (nwfdailynews.com) (15)
(NeighborsGo)   Behold the power of Fark on Caturday; The tale of a cat and an alien  (neighborsgo.com) (1319)
(MSNBC)   When transporting mattresses on the roof of your car, rope or bungee cords will work a lot better at holding them in place than having your buddy laying on top of them  (msnbc.msn.com) (48)
(The Smoking Gun)   Protip: If you must share child pron online, use a better nickname than "Pervymcperv"  (thesmokinggun.com) (54)
(CONTEMPORIST)   Photoshop this orange cube-shaped structure  (contemporist.com) (27)
(Some High School Journalist)   Inside the world of high-school hipsters. Or not: "I'm trying out different things and people think I'm weird. People call me a hipster, but I'm just doing it whatever"  (silverchips.mbhs.edu) (71)
(Missoulian)   Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night nor face-full of burning capsaicin mist from irate idiot who grabbed the pepper-spray you just used on his dog will stay you from the swift completion of your appointed rounds  (missoulian.com) (45)
(Chicago Tribune)   Libraries migrating from the Dewey Decimal System to the sort of organization you'd find in a bookstore because people just don't get the Dewey System  (chicagotribune.com) (135)
(WISHTV)   Female teacher seduces student in school darkroom. With you'd only hit it in a darkroom too mugshot  (wishtv.com) (47)
(ABC News)   Fourth grader suspended over 'Kick Me' sign prank. 'It falls in the category of bullying and intimidation and generally those things aren't permitted or sanctioned'  (abcnews.go.com) (66)
(Weekly World News)   ⦰ ~~~ /\ \0/ /\ ~~~ ⦱  (weeklyworldnews.com) (50)
(Some Guy)   Cop on computer sends explicit video of himself to another cop on another computer. Apparently a bunch of other cops have some sort of issue with this  (wnep.com) (34)
(Abc.net.au)   How high's the water, Mama? 14.3 metres high and rising. Crikey  (abc.net.au) (8)
(ABC News)   What would you do if approached by a minor in front of a liquor store?  (abcnews.go.com) (255)
(Daily Mail)   Man calls police to complain that he had been shot with an air rifle while burglarizing a home  (dailymail.co.uk) (80)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this ice breaker  (online.wsj.com) (49)

Fri February 18, 2011
(The Smoking Gun)   Only the Mugshot Roundup could bring together a Teabagger and a member of the NAACP  (thesmokinggun.com) (84)
(Telegraph)   Research indicates dogs share their owners' emotions -- especially if they have a steak in it  (telegraph.co.uk) (21)
(Some Guy)   The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away. And sometimes the Lord gets tazed by police in Colorado Springs  (krdo.com) (47)
(The Consumerist)   Man sues sushi buffet because he didn't want to eat the rice, just the awesome centers  (consumerist.com) (224)
(KSAT)   So, the tranny punches his wheelchair-bound mom before ripping out her dentures and fleeing the home. The Aristocrats  (ksat.com) (30)
(WWSB ABC 7)   Disabled Florida man can't sit in standard wheelchair, so he builds his own bad-ass laying-down power chair -- sound system included  (mysuncoast.com) (60)
(Telegraph)   Unlike the Egyptian army's refusal to kill their own citizens, the army of Bahrain has no problem following orders  (telegraph.co.uk) (116)
(Fox News)   Don't act like your schadenfreude don't stink: Fan of PeopleOfWalmart shocked to see her mom, now wants site taken down  (foxnews.com) (249)
(Yahoo)   Speaking two languages may delay getting Alzheimer's. You finally have an excuse for learning Klingon  (news.yahoo.com) (123)
(Boston Globe)   If you know the whereabouts of 265 cases of heroin, cocaine, marijuana, and pills, the Boston police would like a word with you. As would Charlie Sheen  (boston.com) (39)
(FARK)   Firm buttocks, curvy breasts and the sexiest little Fark Weird News Quiz you've ever seen  (fark.com) (96)
(WNEP)   In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the judge, who sends kids to jail for cash; and the district attorneys, who prosecute the judge. These are their stories. DUHNN DUHNN  (wnep.com) (79)
(Washington Post)   Homeowner's association members upset after learning their new president is a total biatch  (washingtonpost.com) (37)
(Denver Channel)   And then the diaper-clad firefighter assaulted the intoxicated woman  (thedenverchannel.com) (17)
(Some Guy)   Tea Party plans rally at Wisconsin capital. "We're shooting for large numbers." Apparently, they are coming armed this time  (host.madison.com) (330)
(New Statesman)   "Not to say that the demonstrators are secular; but they are operating in a secular political space, and they do not see in Islam an ideology capable of creating a better world"  (newstatesman.com) (51)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this fiery peek  (bigpicture.ru) (27)
(Mother Nature Network)   Presidential candidate wants to legalize polygamy. No, not Mitt Romney  (mnn.com) (90)
(WSOCTV.com)   Charlotte bar named "Most Arrogant Bar in America." They had a party to celebrate, but you weren't invited  (wsoctv.com) (46)
(The Smoking Gun)   TSGs Friday Photo Fun. Who stole what? Contest ends at 6pm Eastern. (Please say A=A)  (thesmokinggun.com) (15)
(Some Tit)   Michelle Obama's breastfeeding advocacy reveals cleavage between U.S. right, left  T-Shirt  (ottawacitizen.com) (158)
(Some Guy)   Pop-up Fark party tonight in SF 730pm, Irish Times - Drew's in town. Be prompt cos he's getting hauled off around 1030. May get there earlier  (sfirishtimes.com) (36)
(Burlington Free Press)   Author promotes "radical homemaking" such as making your own bread, cloths, buying secondhand. Yeah, you and every other dirty hippie  (burlingtonfreepress.com) (145)
(Washington Post)   Obama enacts rule shredding your right to deny care to sluts or gheys  (washingtonpost.com) (144)
(Yahoo)   Dear Abby: My friends tease me about my conservative clothes and attitudes even though I never bring up the fact that they are fat, ugly, whores, what should I do?  (news.yahoo.com) (132)
(Some Guy)   Authorities did not initially say who the owner of the abused dog was for fear for his safety, and 48 year old Michael Jenkins of Utica, New York is pretty thankful about that  T-Shirt  (y100.com) (66)
(Some Guy)   Kayaker snaps close-up picture of English lake monster, promptly fills kayak  (thewestmorlandgazette.co.uk) (93)
(Some Guy)   Cousins caught with stolen beef jerky. Looks like this case is (puts on sunglasses) cut and dried. YEEEAAAHHHHH  (post-gazette.com) (38)
(Some Guy)   It's not Halloween for months, but that doesn't mean you can't make this mask and scare the hell out of your friends. Warning: mask is extremely graphic  (savings.com) (109)
(Telegraph)   Accidental crossbreeding in guy's greenhouse produces world's hotest chili, measuring 1.17 million on the Scoville Scale. Suck it Bhut Jolokia  (telegraph.co.uk) (95)
(Some Guy)   Guess which state still has day time and night time speed limits? Difficulty: Not Florida  (1035superx.com) (98)
(Free Press)   Not news: Restaurant dine & dash News: Chuck E Cheese Fark: One year old's birthday party  (freep.com) (53)
(Courier Press)   Police find $30,000 on suspect in drug bust. Immediate check the $12,000 into evidence. With pics of what $8,000 might look like  (courierpress.com) (36)
(Bloomberg)   Saudi Arabia risks unrest after Bahrain. Oh Shiite  (bloomberg.com) (75)
(Some Guy)   Iranian President Ahmanutjob says the American president "doesn't even know how to spell his own name properly." Proper ways to spell both Presidents names to the right  (ynetnews.com) (110)
(Space)   Google Earth optics are dead on  (space.com) (42)
(EITB)   Techno-Facebook nun who was booted out of her monastery after digitalizing 100-year-old records has over 2000 on-line fans and counting  (eitb.com) (44)
(Huffington Post)   Obama hates his dog, America  (huffingtonpost.com) (90)
(Some Guy)   You know your drug trial is not going well when your attorney shouts at judge "This is utter crap. Never in court have I seen this." shortly after his cell phone goes off and just before he is kicked out of the courtroom  (mankatofreepress.com) (35)
(National Geographic)   Bottom-feeding Atlantic tomcod in the notoriously polluted Hudson River develop a gene that renders them immune to the toxic effects of PCBs - making them one of the world's fastest evolving fish populations. Still no gene for dead bodies  (news.nationalgeographic.com) (67)
(AJC)   Emory University sets world record for "longest line of tacos." This was made easier by the fact that there was no previous world record (with "you'd eat it" pics)  (blogs.ajc.com) (53)
(Above the Law)   Columbia Law dean, by sharing embarrassing grades received by current law professors and successful lawyers, reassures 1Ls that grades aren't everything and that high-profile connections and improbable luck still count for something  (abovethelaw.com) (112)
(Yahoo)   The unrest in the middle east is now spreading to countries that international experts stongly suspect are completely made up as protestors reported rallying in Djibouti to demand the ouster of their president  (news.yahoo.com) (90)
(dailytech)   Please copy and paste this into your status if you know someone, or have been killed by someone, who posts on facebook while driving  (dailytech.com) (70)
(Yahoo)   My father is who? Ohhhhhh. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  (news.yahoo.com) (98)
(Post Star)   Wrestler arrested after damaging dressing room. Apparently that wasn't in the script  (poststar.com) (36)
(Discover)   New for Caturday: automatic LOLcat detector  (blogs.discovermagazine.com) (27)
(Talking Points Memo)   Wisconsin Governor's "war on the unions" won't save any money. But that's ok, because the state didn't have a budget shortfall to begin with. Wait, what?  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com) (746)
(Some Facehugger)   Sacramento man survives alien...URGGH...tumor found growing...GGLLLAAARRGGHHH   (sacramento.cbslocal.com) (37)
(St. Petersburg Times)   Your son has a 1.22 GPA. Do you A) Make him study for four hours every night; B) Ground him; or C) Make him stand on the side of the road wearing a sign telling everyone how stupid he is? Eh, multiple choice is hard  (tampabay.com) (127)
(Some Guy)   Not news: Kid goes to principal's office to tell him that he's going to get beaten up. Still not news: Kid gets beaten up. Fark: Kid is suspended for 10 days for participating in a fight  (journalpress.com) (173)
(Boston Globe)   Remember that aggressive swan panhandling in a liquor store parking lot? It's back and it's brought its friends to get in on the action  (boston.com) (35)
(SeattlePI)   Outlook man given life sentence for killing teen. Word  (seattlepi.com) (47)
(Some Guy)   Family: Your stairs at the bar killed my son. Jury: Not the bar's fault. Judge: Forget them, here's $6.7 million  (big1059.com) (117)
(Financial Times)   People are saving too much, let's start a national lottery to entice them to stop  (ft.com) (29)
(Hi, everybody)   Researchers from Hollywood Upstairs Science College are surprised when the hole they drilled into a volcano begins to fill with lava  T-Shirt  (ouramazingplanet.com) (26)
(Canoe)   "Canada's dumbest criminal" goes up against the Calgary police department. Guess who's winning so far?  (cnews.canoe.ca) (43)
(Some Guy)   It's bad when a day care gives a grandfather the wrong kid to take home. It's Fark when the grandfather doesn't realize he's got the wrong kid until he gets home  (ktar.com) (15)
(Boston Globe)   Yet another way for "hipsters" to tell you how great they are without ever having to converse with an actual human being  (boston.com) (106)
(Some Guy)   Owner of llama who attacked man and head butted his car says "Henry just likes to smell new people"  (wsoctv.com) (21)
(LA Times)   FCC investigating whether Fox "intentionally provided material factual information that was incorrect" or is guilty of "intentionally omitting material information"   (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (61)
(Some Guy)   Love is all one needs. Excuse subby as he sulks over the fact that he fails at life and will die alone  (khaleejtimes.com) (55)
(The Straight Dope)   Only an evil genius could come up with such an insidious plan to melt Earth's ice caps... oh, wait  (straightdope.com) (29)
(AsiaOne)   After uneventful flight, pilots escape unhurt from inferno in... van shuttling them from the airport to the hotel  (motoring.asiaone.com) (4)
(The Consumerist)   Bad: There is a natural gas explosion. Worse: You lose everything you own. FARK: The cable company bills $170 for cable box destroyed in the fire  (consumerist.com) (49)
(Washington Post)   Tech news roundup: your cellphone is a computer, Zynga is worth $7 billion, and Groupon is a load of shiat  (voices.washingtonpost.com) (33)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this white sock wizard  (bigpicture.ru) (24)
(WXYZ Detroit)   Even the occupied buildings in Detroit are falling apart, dozens narrowly escape injury after a 600 square foot ceiling collapses at a government building  (wxyz.com) (23)
(AFP)   Shots of horse semen? Damn, you Kiwis are weird  (news.yahoo.com) (71)
(NYPost)   One of the Real Cheap Housewives of New Jersey brought a $5 million lawsuit...over 80 cents  (nypost.com) (65)
(Bolingbrook Patch)   Woman knees officer in groin, charged with aggravated battery in a pubic place  (bolingbrook.patch.com) (20)
(Some Guy)   DEA agents mistakenly raid law prof's house, prof will sue: "There will not be a better litigated case this century"  (sfweekly.com) (216)
(The Atlantic)   Dear Foodies: you're more of a glutton than Joe Six Pack who gulps Mountain Dew and stuffs Doritos into his face  (theatlantic.com) (101)
(The Daily Beast)   Haley Barbour, you've just been asked to denounce an effort to commemorate a KKK leader on Mississippi license plates, and your answer is, "I don't go around denouncing people?" Really?  (thedailybeast.com) (254)
(MSNBC)   Reporter who had grererfg on air was due to sshfhfhlsl arre binndddaa migraine ssshlllop  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (154)
(Mercury News)   It's the old "your honor, my client was too drunk to understand his Miranda rights" defense  (mercurynews.com) (32)
(Reuters)   Study shows that stretching before exercising does not prevent serious inju- AAAAA , CRAMP  (reuters.com) (36)
(IndyStar)   Gas prices rise faster in Indianapolis in last two days than any other city. Reason: Low supplies? No. Unstable pipelenes? No. Middle east unrest? No. No one drove on icy roads last few weeks and you lost money? Yes  (indystar.com) (77)
(AFP)   Kyrgyzstan uses last remaining vowels to name mountain Vladimir Putin  (news.yahoo.com) (18)
(NYPost)   Tiny dogs behind record number of NYC dog bites. Death from the ankles down  (nypost.com) (124)
(Fox News)   Sexting has officially jumped the shark: The FoxNews guide to sexting  (foxnews.com) (116)
(MSN)   Photoshop actor Bill Murray during an interruption of his golf game. This contest is not a repeat from 1980  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (49)
(KOTV)   Parts of Oklahoma experience 100 degree temperature swing in one week. OK  (newson6.com) (110)
(UPI)   Like to eat while shopping? Researchers find mall food trays as dirty as gas station toilets  (upi.com) (103)
(C|Net)   Online coupons make you spend more  (news.cnet.com) (75)
(LA Times)   Hospital: so sorry, but next time write "I do not need a kidney" on your abdomen when you come in for a check up. On the bright side, you have a new kidney and it's a close match that won't kill you  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (61)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this allegorical David  (online.wsj.com) (19)
(Cellular News)   For those of you keeping score, it's 1,203 yes, 1,204 no in the studies that cellphones cause/do not cause cancer  (cellular-news.com) (92)
(Some Guy)   Official job description: mop floors, clean toilets, empty wastebaskets, erase blackboards, peel gum from underneath desks, spy on teachers who may be abusing students  (woai.com) (29)
(Sun Sentinel)   "I'm insane," man exclaims after he tries to burn down Miami  (sun-sentinel.com) (47)
(Cincinnati Enquirer)   Guy gets involved in a play "slap fight" with some other guy, gets angry and turns it into a real fight, resulting in a beatdown. Then it gets weird  (news.cincinnati.com) (75)
(SFGate)   A series of cool pictures from each and every snowstorm that has ever occurred in the history of San Francisco -- five storms in all, one each in 1882, 1887, 1951, 1962, and 1976  (sfgate.com) (67)

Thu February 17, 2011
(BBC)   If you don't think a painkiller will work, it won't. The same cannot be said, however, of roofies  (bbc.co.uk) (95)
(PhysOrg.com)   Browsing Fark at work may be beneficial after all  (physorg.com) (28)
(CNN)   Defense Secretary Gates, on closing Gitmo: "No hope for that change"  (cnn.com) (146)
(USA Today)   From the people who brought you Global Warming, Climate Change, and Climate Disruption, comes a brand new product. Climate Chaos  (usatoday.com) (242)
(Denton RC)   Pitiful coward found guilty of murdering his wife. "The laws of Texas don't reward someone just because he got rid of her body real good"  (dentonrc.com) (102)
(Herald-Leader)   It's not news, it's Fark.com  (kentucky.com) (73)
(Some Guy)   According to a "well placed source", Mubarak is in fine health, was "strong enough" to have breakfast on the beach yesterday, and does not want to go on the cart  (english.ahram.org.eg) (23)
(Mother Nature Network)   Photoshop this ninja bug  (mnn.com) (22)
(Fox News)   Forget about that little President guy Mahmoud Ahmadinnerjacket, the Iranian protesters are aiming straight for the country's "Supreme Leader" himself: Ayatollah Ali Khamenei  (foxnews.com) (114)
(Politico)   Lobbyists being required to sign confidentiality agreements (i.e., don't talk to the press or the public) in exchange for policy input  (politico.com) (40)
(USA Today)   Thanks to the Valentine's Day solar flare, Aurora Borealis could be visible tonight across northern USA  (usatoday.com) (79)
(Arizona Star)   28 year veteran Tucson firefighter refused to respond to Jan. 8 shooting spree citing 'political differences'. Gets nod of approval from tea party  (azstarnet.com) (217)
(Some Guy)   Homeowner wants to tear down heavily damaged historical home where his daughter died and plant a memorial garden, but the city denies him a demolition permit. Tag is for the city  (postandcourier.com) (93)
(Chicago Tribune)   Anti-circumcision activists get all snippy when they are tipped off about new studies that show that circumcision is beneficial after all  (chicagotribune.com) (358)
(Talking Points Memo)   Runaway Wisconsin Dem Senator Posts On Facebook: 'brb'  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com) (377)
(Huffington Post)   Friends say Congresswoman Giffords is laughing at jokes, admit some of them went over her head  T-Shirt  (huffingtonpost.com) (62)
(Toronto Star)   Police officer tells law students that "women can avoid sexual assault by not dressing like sluts." Hilarity does not ensue  (thestar.com) (715)
(AP)   Wisconsin GOP dispatches police to round up boycotting Democrat legislators  (hosted.ap.org) (644)
(The Raw Story)   Study: Fox News viewers twice as likely to fear Sharia law, robots  (rawstory.com) (98)
(BBC)   Even if the flares hit, future generations will be able to count to potato  (bbc.co.uk) (53)
(WPRO)   In an effort to cut the national vehicle accident rate by half, Rhode Island DMVs to stop issuing driver's licenses  (630wpro.com) (33)
(AZCentral)   /\ \o/ /\  (azcentral.com) (105)
(Jerusalem Post)   Two, Two deposed presidents in comas.. ah ah ah  (jpost.com) (36)
(MSNBC)   Today's Fark-ready headline "Judge postpones ruling in beauty queen 'tacos' flap"  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (34)
(Daily Mail)   Couple has sex every day for a year  (dailymail.co.uk) (179)
(SLTrib)   Jehovah's Witnesses and Seventh-day Adventists growing at a faster rate than Mormons, according to ... wait, there's someone at the door  (sltrib.com) (142)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop theme: Merge and consolidate two countries  (i.imgur.com) (31)
(Yahoo)   Canada hit by Chinese cyberattack. SAVE THE BACON  (news.yahoo.com) (51)
(Some Guy)   "But I guess because a horse is higher off the ground it leaves a little more to the imagination" said the lawyer for the horse rapist  (stamfordadvocate.com) (52)
(Mother Nature Network)   Rare frog reappears in India a century after experts thought it had croaked  (mnn.com) (26)
(The Post and Courier)   That'll teach 'em: Woman drives into crowd of middle schoolers, police say, when they refuse to move from in front of her car  (postandcourier.com) (138)
(BBC)   Brazilian police arrested in 'vigilante death squad.' Here in Seattle, we let them do that on the clock  (bbc.co.uk) (37)
(The Daily What)   Idiot uses American Red Cross twitter feed to share plans of "getting slizzered" that night. Dumbass tag would have fit but brewery decided to use the opportunity to urge people to give blood  (thedailywh.at) (28)
(CDC)   From the south? You or someone you know is probably teen pregnant  (cdc.gov) (117)
(Talking Points Memo)   Lesson: Take on NASCAR fans, and you'll get a death threat at your office within 48 hrs  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com) (138)
(IndyStar)   Hillbilly attempts theft of copper wire from 24K volt transformer with expected results. Bonus pic of exactly how you expected hillbilly to look  (indystar.com) (111)
(Huffington Post)   Republican lawmaker argues that coal mining be allowed to resume because God will provide unlimited natural resources. Yes, he really said that  (huffingtonpost.com) (287)
(PennLive)   Money mysteriously bleeding out of your tiny backwoods town's general fund? Blame it on Russian hackers  (pennlive.com) (11)
(USA Today)   Maybe the South won't rise again  (usatoday.com) (328)
(CNN)   Ponzi Fail: Sell $1M worth of fake air travel vouchers. Cover vouchers with pricier real tickets paid by credit card  (cnn.com) (32)
(NBC 4)   Having solved all other problems, the city of Manassas, Virginia now wants to make it illegal for anyone under 18 to walk their dog  (nbcwashington.com) (71)
(Huffington Post)   Sarah Palin to answer questions in front of mainstream media. Notice I didn't say "from mainstream media"  (huffingtonpost.com) (140)
(Some Guy)   Even the President of the National Homeowners Advocate Group thinks your HOA sucks  (y100.com) (128)
(Time)   Of course: Immigrants live longer than native-born Americans  (healthland.time.com) (34)
(Independent)   "And it was Mubarak who invented umbrellas. And one night the Sphinx collapsed and he rebuilt it with his bare hands, and didn't tell a soul because he's shy. And he won Egypt's Got Talent"  (independent.co.uk) (18)
(Some Guy)   Even if sinking all your money into silver seems like a good idea, keeping it in your home probably isn't  (theprovince.com) (42)
(El Paso Times)   Freeze reveals $1 million in cold cash  (elpasotimes.com) (46)
(Fox News)   Lollipop Guild may hold cancer cure clues  (foxnews.com) (23)
(Some Guy)   Texas: where "you can go to jail for importing orchids without the proper paperwork, shipping lobster tails in the wrong packaging, and even for failing to return a library book"  (1035superx.com) (55)
(CNNGo)   Winter's almost done / The most serene pics of trees / That you'll see today  (cnngo.com) (22)
(Some Guy)   How to blow a good moment "I would say it was like a 13-year-old girl meeting Justin Bieber,"  (mmafighting.com) (40)
(Some Guy)   Drunk man shows up at jail pretending to be an attorney in order to speak with an inmate. Somewhere, Lionel Hutz is smiling  (clevescene.com) (9)
(Yahoo)   Not News: Legal foul up forces Texas man to serve 18 yrs in prison, 14 of them on death row before being released. FARK: Another legal foul up costs him the compensation he would have received due to the first foul up. Tag is for Texas justice  (news.yahoo.com) (96)
(Forbes)   Live the dream of decorating your hair with an ink-jet printer  (blogs.forbes.com) (28)
(Herald Tribune)   Slideshow of top dogs at Westminster Dog Show. No photos of a frantic search for "Busy Bee" toy  (galleries.heraldtribune.com) (74)
(Ohio.com)   Hello police? Someone stole a picture I took of me duct taping my child to a chair. I've been watching Law and Order a lot and this has to be a clear case of identity theft, right? Hey whats with the handcuffs?  (ohio.com) (41)
(Some Guy)   Cutting-edge medical software offers a preview of duck lips  (modernmedicine.com) (14)
(Some Guy)   HA HA Quakers welcome gay marriage. NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT  (ekklesia.co.uk) (111)
(The Atlantic)   U.S. falling behind other developed nations in alcohol consumption - this is our sputnik moment  (theatlantic.com) (98)
(Some Guy)   Woman, who is suing former employer over unfair dismissal, says it hasn't affected their sex life  (swns.com) (22)
(MSN)   Photoshop this giraffe relocation project  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (17)
(Yahoo)   Iraqi people: "Thank you America for granting us our freedom. Now, about the bill"  (news.yahoo.com) (199)
(The Raw Story)   In a dramatic shift in policy, the US will support a UN censure of Israel. Yes, you read that right. The US... will support... a UN censure of Israel  (rawstory.com) (252)
(The New York Times)   Sorry South Dakota, there's still a bag limit on obstetricians  (nytimes.com) (104)
(WESH Orlando)   Hot deals in the Walmart toy department cause a stir  (wesh.com) (46)
(WTOP)   Bad: You get pulled over. Worse: Dog helps cop find your stash. Fark: It's YOUR dog  (wtop.com) (47)
(Free Press)   Miguel Cabrera pulls a "You know who I am?", promptly gets arrested  (freep.com) (75)
(NYU News)   After mocking Lara Logan's rape, NYU law professor resigns his position to spend more time with his family, who promptly resign their position as his relatives  (nyunews.com) (316)
(Some Guy)   City un-bans smoking "after numerous people said they preferred bars and restaurants to make their own rules regarding smoking". Suck it, Nanny State  (y100.com) (614)
(Some Guy)   Old and busted: dead people voting. New hotness: dead policeman signing red light camera tickets  (autoblog.com) (51)
(Some Guy)   Nanny State tickets mom (who loses her job) for placing her 14 year old into a nanny state over his 3 year old brother for half an hour in a nanny state that states a nanny must be 16  (parentdish.com) (82)
(The New York Times)   The value of human life is getting in the way of profit. The really sad part is the value of human life hasn't kept pace with inflation for a decade  (nytimes.com) (127)
(Politico)   Now that Congress has made exporting horse meat illegal, it's time to give wild horses birth control to curb their population. Don't worry Title X, subsiding human birth control will be cut to pay for it  (politico.com) (205)
(NW Florida Daily News)   It's illegal to fork your sister. Even in Florida  (nwfdailynews.com) (86)
(MSN)   Photoshop these rare white lions hanging out in a Netherlands zoo  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (36)
(Canoe)   Doctors now say Steve Jobs has about six weeks left on his operating system  (cnews.canoe.ca) (365)
(Yahoo)   Model feels pressure to stay plus sized, sometimes bigger really is better. w/pics  (shine.yahoo.com) (856)
(Huffington Post)   Are employers discriminating against the jobless, or are the jobless just less desirable?  (huffingtonpost.com) (371)
(Toronto Sun)   Canadian inmate suing for injuries caused by dangerous cow. Prison officials feel he's just trying to milk the system  (torontosun.com) (23)
(NYPost)   Mugging victim, a feisty 96-year-old codger who was thrown down and robbed by a whippersnapper half his age, wants a rematch so he can wear a larger onion belt  (nypost.com) (16)
(Daily Mail)   If you're suffering from migraines, they could be caused by that knife blade buried in your brain four years ago that doctors never noticed  (dailymail.co.uk) (45)
(Newsweek)   Why almost everything you hear about medicine is wrong  (newsweek.com) (151)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 302: "Farktography Classic: Software Hootenanny 2" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's contest  (farktography.net) (152)

Wed February 16, 2011
(MSN)   Photoshop these Afghan children playing peek-a-boo  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (30)
(Yahoo)   It's time to play Which Word in this Headline Doesn't Belong: "Couple reluctantly steps forward to claim lottery winnings"  (news.yahoo.com) (175)
(Canoe)   I said MAN FORCED TO EAT HIS OWN EAR  (cnews.canoe.ca) (92)
(Life.com)   Exxon, Greyhound, Lucky Strike, Coca-Cola, Skylab, Studebaker, Ritz crackers, BP. His, his, his, his, his, his, his and ... his  (life.com) (76)
(NPR)   Hipster migration is making Portland, OR too white, according to some obscure statistics you've never even heard of  T-Shirt  (npr.org) (383)
(Fox News)   Beautiful Hollywood Hills mansion can be yours for only $15 million. Bonus: It's either haunted, cursed, sitting on an ancient Indian burial ground, or maybe the aliens land there  (foxnews.com) (75)
(kfbk)   Copper thief shocked to win Darwin award  (kfbk.com) (122)
(Rigger, Please)   Truck mechanic killed after getting jacked off  (phillyburbs.com) (39)
(Talking Points Memo)   Dem campaign chair: The GOP really f@$^ed itself with that whole 'redefining rape' thing  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com) (235)
(Fox News)   Somali pirate sentenced to 33 years of not having to go back to Somalia  T-Shirt  (foxnews.com) (87)
(Some Guy)   Police in New York would like you to know that when it warms up, it will no longer be safe to walk on lakes  (y100.com) (40)
(Some Guy)   Philadelphia to demolish building with pets inside, refuses to allow rescue org to help  (citykitties.org) (135)
(WLSAM)   'A new study suggests that a woman's sleep is disrupted more than a man's after drinking alcohol' presumably by the drunk horny guy in bed next to her  (wlsam.com) (49)
(News-Journal)   News: Someone found a Blockbuster Video that's still open Fark: They robbed it  (delawareonline.com) (55)
(Reuters)   South Korea has developed a new robotic gun that can identify and lock onto Sarah Connor from up to three miles away  (reuters.com) (62)
(Some Guy)   NyQuil: The figure skating, father manslaughtering, probation violating so you can go back to jail medicine  (1035superx.com) (43)
(My Fox DC)   Hey, are you wearing pantyhose? ok, gotta go - Hey, are you wearing pantyhose? ok, gotta go - Hey, are you wearing pantyhose? ok, gotta go - Hey, are you wearing pantyhose? Well hello  (myfoxdc.com) (56)
(BBC)   Mosquito-eating spider is attracted to the smell of sweaty socks (w/ picture of spider that will make you want to change your socks every two hours)  (news.bbc.co.uk) (162)
(BBC)   In move surprising many, South Sudan to be known as South Sudan  (bbc.co.uk) (49)
(Chicago Tribune)   Chicago expected to break 130-year high temperature record tomorrow. AL GORE WARNED YOU  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (181)
(Egypt)   Mubarak wanted to turn Tahrir into Tiananmen. The military refused the order. Hero tag walks like a Egyptian  (americablog.com) (198)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop theme: Useless infographics  (i.imgur.com) (34)
(TwinCities.com)   Bottlenose dolphin dies at Minnesota aquarium. They say she just lost her porpoise in life  (twincities.com) (42)
(News.com.au)   Five months after surgery woman suffers from bad case of clamps  (news.com.au) (34)
(BBC)   Next stop on Middle East Protest Tour 2011: Libya  (bbc.co.uk) (39)
(Some Guy)   When your neighbor asks to borrow your truck to move some bodies, just let him. Asking was just being polite  (abclocal.go.com) (26)
(Yahoo)   Thousands throng the main square in Madison WI to protest the governor's plan to take away worker's rights. Not for nothing, but isn't this how things started in Egypt?  (news.yahoo.com) (588)
(MSNBC)   Like, ohmigod, did you see what Ethel wore to Kegel class today? Those sweatpants are so last century  (msnbc.msn.com) (72)
(Brockton Enterprise)   Not news: Aggressive panhandler outside of liquor store. News: Swan. "It seemed to be disgruntled"  (enterprisenews.com) (54)
(CNN)   The top signs that you might have a work spouse, hopefully not of the second-picture variety  (cnn.com) (140)
(BBC)   Company pioneers new telesales technique: "He said I needed new windows but when I showed no interest he threatened to put my head in a vice and watch me bleed to death"  (bbc.co.uk) (56)
(Mercury News)   After 10-year battle, Steve Jobs finally able to demolish Steve Jobs' home  (mercurynews.com) (71)
(WHIOTV)   Having your vehicle towed in Cincinnati will cost you an arm and a... well, just an arm  (whiotv.com) (31)
(Cracked)   The five most terrifyingly homoerotic Japanese music videos  (cracked.com) (49)
(Yahoo)   Much like the hosts of a great party, the Egyptian military is glad everyone had an great time, now wants all these people they've never even seen before to just go home  (news.yahoo.com) (7)
(Daily Mail)   Serene Branson, who may have suffered stroke while on air, and then told she didn't, now may have actually had a stroke on air, or something  (dailymail.co.uk) (82)
(BBC)   Best Korea celebrates Dear Leader's birthday with ice-skating, music shows and food shortages  (bbc.co.uk) (22)
(BBC)   Promiscuous apes make more sperm, say researchers at the University of Your Mom  (news.bbc.co.uk) (31)
(USA Today)   So it turns out that filing fraudulent tax returns from behind bars can be a pretty profitable little enterprise  (usatoday.com) (17)
(NPR)   Spiritual tourism in Northern Arizona just isn't what it used to be  (npr.org) (75)
(Canoe)   What injury can get you hospital, medical, dental and physiotherapy treatment and deny your family $200,000 of income? If you said getting your finger slammed in a door at school, you obviously know this family  (cnews.canoe.ca) (46)
(LA Times)   Because Florida doesn't need jobs or improved infrastructure, Governor Rick Scott graciously sends high-speed rail money to California  (latimes.com) (228)
(Gizmodo)   The Little Mommy doll may be the creepiest toy ever  (gizmodo.com.au) (101)
(WFTV)   If your brother is being arrested for impersonating a police officer, it's not a good idea to pull up the the scene in your identical fake police car. (With " Yep, they even look like cops" mugshots)  (wftv.com) (27)
(Chicago Tribune)   The governor of Illinois would like to borrow *puts pinky to lip* EIGHT POINT FIVE BILLION DOLLARS  (chicagotribune.com) (29)
(BBC)   War of words heats up between . . . Mexico and France?  (bbc.co.uk) (44)
(BBC)   Man trains goldfish in synchronised swimming. Over 50 animal rights groups object, claming he uses magnets. Man says no, magnets would make the fish stick together. Then it gets weird  (bbc.co.uk) (45)
(News.com.au)   That whole gay ´equal marital rights´ coin has a flip side to it. With a picture of what two lesbian hands may look like  (news.com.au) (86)
(Politico)   Before becoming Obama's press secretary, Jay Carney had a job. But that's not all; it appears as if he were paid to do that job -- with money. And get this: his wife also works. They've even went so far as to plan for retirement  (politico.com) (69)
(wtsp.com)   Lawyer for the mother of child pictured with bong on Facebook says it was not a bong. No word on what lawyer was smoking when he said that  (wtsp.com) (47)
(BadJocks)   Patriots cheerleader arrested as part of drug ring, mug shot shows destructive power of oxycodone, Photoshop skills  (badjocks.com) (76)
(Daily Mail)   Hillary Clinton believes she has found the one thing that will either divide or unite women: Handbags  (dailymail.co.uk) (14)
(CNN)   Bahrain anti-monarchy protests continue in Manama. No word on whats going on in Manuh or DeeDeeDuhDeeDee  (edition.cnn.com) (41)
(Yahoo)   Boehner: We're broke, slash social programs, fire government workers, cut EVERYTHING. Pentagon: We can save $3 billion by cutting this jet engine we don't want Boehner: Sorry, that's built in my district  (news.yahoo.com) (494)
(Life.com)   Happy 70th birthday, Kim Jong-il. Long may you fire holes-in-one and compose several operas a day and re-invent the Internet and swig that Hennessey and lead your nation to a glorious destiny ... or, you know, burn in Hell. Either is cool  (life.com) (55)
(Some Guy)   Using a different browser can get you lower airfare. Bonus: Ric Romero teaches us about cookies  (abclocal.go.com) (25)
(Reuters)   Japan cuts short whale hunt due to Sea Shepard disruptions  (reuters.com) (152)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)   College debt meets real life. "At the end of the day I have mortgaged my life and my children's future for an education that did absolutely nothing for me"  (startribune.com) (385)
(Guardian.com)   University of Kentucky settles out of court for $125,000 with astronomer they didn't hire for being skeptical about evolution  (guardian.co.uk) (512)
(CBC)   Toronto pizza joint busted for selling marijuana was "popular with university and high school students"  (cbc.ca) (26)
(LA Times)   Christian college bans "homosexual practice," homosexual alumni note that they're no longer practicing and have since gone pro  (latimes.com) (97)
(Reno Gazette-Journal)   In an effort to diversify, BP is now being sued for contamination originating in a poorly managed copper mine  (rgj.com) (8)
(Washington Post)   Natanz, the Iranian nuclear facility "devastated" by a *cough* Israeli cyberattack last year, is now back online and producing even more enriched uranium than before the attack  (washingtonpost.com) (51)
(Daily Mail)   Owen Wilson's month-old son Robert photographed for first time. In other news, Hollywood actor gives child normal name  (dailymail.co.uk) (52)
(Boston Globe)   Rich architect builds house that looks like glass semi trailer crashed into hillside. The Boston Globe is there  (boston.com) (136)
(Boston Herald)   Nobody in Massachusetts' government is willing to explain how a proposal to eliminate two fake holidays turned into a law requiring union members to work for double pay  (bostonherald.com) (71)
(JWF)   After attending lecture on the "intelligent use of information technology," idiot former congressman decides to get drunk and post photos on Craigslist   (jammiewearingfool.blogspot.com) (26)
(CNN)   You know how in Terminator 2, the T1000 could heal itself from even gaping wounds? Well, picture that, but in a comet  (cnn.com) (42)
(NPR)   The problem with a balanced budget, in a nutshell: American voters want more government than they're willing to pay for. Except you, of course, you're good  (npr.org) (241)
(AJC)   "Love triangle blamed in motel shooting." 90% of the time, that headline's right 100% of the time  (ajc.com) (23)
(AJC)   "Barbie Bandit" re-arrested on battery charges (With "What the hell was Ken thinking when he bought her all that stuff" mugshot)  (ajc.com) (43)
(Sun Sentinel)   Man declared dead twice in four days. (with video showing him preparing to eat tasty BRAAAAINS)  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) (17)
(Daily Star)   Problem:Woman has eating disorder where eating junk food induces the big 'O'. Biggie problem:She grows into a big 'O'. Supersize me:she whores self out to fetish web sites for cash.W/ 'can you stop eating for a sec' pic  (dailystar.co.uk) (95)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this provisional protection  (online.wsj.com) (35)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Police called to school after student tries to pay for lunch with a $1,000,000 bill. Good thing he didn't try to pay with a $2  (orlandosentinel.com) (105)
(USA Today)   Your dog wants naturally grazed hormone-free prey  (usatoday.com) (32)
(Canoe)   During robbery, thieves steal man's prosthetic leg. Victim attempts to follow crooks on foot  (cnews.canoe.ca) (22)
(Yahoo)   Have you been raped? Was it filmed? Your case may be thrown out if you don't 'act like a rape victim' or 'fight back enough.' Fark: This applies for military rape victims  (news.yahoo.com) (369)
(Telegraph)   Great moments in socialized medicine: When people consider moving their elderly family members into puppy mills for better medical care and food, you might have a problem  (telegraph.co.uk) (391)
(MLive.com)   Man charged with 20-year felony for dubbing over a video making it appear as if he was singing a sexully suggestive song to a classroom full of children  (mlive.com) (163)
(The New York Times)   England's dreams to have the London 2012 Olympics motivate millions to become thin, healthy citizens are dashed in greasy plates of bangers and mash, fish and chips, mushy peas, and a couple dozen pints of bitter  (nytimes.com) (82)
(CNN)   It's the end of the road for the station wagon  (money.cnn.com) (217)
(KTRK)   Elementary school girl suspended for coloring her hair red. Ginger Separatist Movement to hit the streets at 0800 tomorrow  (abclocal.go.com) (185)
(KLTV)   Lingerie night at the Hookah Bar....16 and up invited.....and some have a problem with this  (kltv.com) (105)
(The Smoking Gun)   And you thought that your mother embarrassed you in high school  (thesmokinggun.com) (72)
(AOL News)   Four Walmart employees who acted in the "best interest and safety" by disarming a gunman are rewarded with a no expenses paid trip to the unemployment line  (aolnews.com) (224)
(BBC)   A real treatment for the common cold? It's more likely than you zinc  (bbc.co.uk) (73)
(UPI)   Lou Gehrig's disease linked to smoking, playing first base  (upi.com) (59)
(Philly)   What do you do when the bank refuses to pay the settlement money from your wrongful foreclosure suit? Why, you foreclose on them of course  (philly.com) (122)

Tue February 15, 2011
(KTLA)   L.A. County worker was slumped over her desk and dead in her cubicle for a day before anyone actually noticed  (ktla.com) (91)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)   Caller to 911: "There's a deer in my closet." 911 dispatcher: "Are you messing with me?"  (startribune.com) (40)
(Some Girl)   Photoshop this relaxing resting place  (revistahabitare.com.br) (21)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Police officer has been paid $550,000 in the past seven years by following orders and not coming to work  (orlandosentinel.com) (83)
(Philly)   Mom to son: No more Playstation. You can't touch this. Son to mom: Stop. Hammertime  (philly.com) (142)
(SeattlePI)   New poll finds that fifty-eight percent of Americans say marijuana should be legalized. Forty-two percent too stoned to answer poll  (blog.seattlepi.com) (164)
(Chicago Tribune)   Not News: Man found frozen to death. News: death was possibly cold-related   (chicagobreakingnews.com) (57)
(AJC)   Turns out the police officers assigned to an investigation at an Atlanta gay bar were doing Jagermeister shots just before the raid. Fabulous  (ajc.com) (70)
(Fox News)   President Obama: No need to bring a machete to a budget proposal battle when all you need is a scalpel  (foxnews.com) (113)
(ABC News)   That Army microbiologist who committed suicide after the FBI said they had scientific proof he sent the 2001 anthrax letters? Turns out they sort of made that up  (abcnews.go.com) (118)
(Patriot Ledger)   You are sitting in a Subway restaurant eating a sandwich when someone asks you to turn down your radio. Do you C: Pull out your hatchet, chop your sub in half, and ask "You want some of that?"  (patriotledger.com) (113)
(FARK)   A very brief update on the patent lawsuit against Fark. Dogs wanting steak (Patent #4534989) unavailable for comment on the advice of their legal counsel  (fark.com) (319)
(Life.com)   Heavy stuff on top of people. A slideshow. That's it. For real  (life.com) (47)
(CBS News)   CBS News correspondant Lara Logan recovering from brutal assault during Egypt protests  (cbsnews.com) (524)
(AFP)   Today in Famous Last Words, President Obama says to the rest of the Middle East, "Follow Egypt's example"  (news.yahoo.com) (42)
(Daily Mail)   TSA employees: "Yeah, we steal money and if you complain then you're a terrorist"  (dailymail.co.uk) (143)
(Telegraph)   Italian guys are on Berlusconi's side  (blogs.telegraph.co.uk) (35)
(College Humor)   Last text message go un-replied? Here's a flowchart explaing why.. loser  (collegehumor.com) (41)
(wtsp.com)   Not news: Cat burglar is actually a real cat who likes to steal things from his neighbors yards. Fark: Things like, y'know, bikini bottoms. With hilarious pics, video  (wtsp.com) (62)
(BBC)   The circus continues: Italian police sue Amanda Knox's parents for libel. Bonus: trial to begin on 4th July  (bbc.co.uk) (54)
(TBO)   More proof of America's decline: Not one protestor in Egypt burnt the American flag  (www2.tbo.com) (85)
(SeattlePI)   Latest stop in Middle East Protest Tour 2011: Bahrain  (seattlepi.com) (43)
(The Raw Story)   The South Dakota GOP is attempting to legalize the murder of abortion providers  (rawstory.com) (418)
(Canada.com)   Canadian court orders human rights commission to reconsider whether 90-year-old pilots are really such a good idea  (canada.com) (40)
(BBC)   Experts say Botox does little to relieve migraines. Sheep's bladders efficacy in preventing earthquakes still in question  (bbc.co.uk) (42)
(Some Guy)   After neighbors complain about the noise, council votes to remove rock from house  (billingsgazette.com) (66)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this flood drinker  (bigpicture.ru) (32)
(Talking Points Memo)   Iraqi defector admits he made up WMD info that Bush White House used to go to war   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (305)
(WLSAM)   You think you're just about getting by financially today? You actually owe an additional $45,000  (wlsam.com) (180)
(Seattle Times)   Kicks to the groin elevated from Funniest Home Video fodder to standard opening salvo in Seattle police suspect apprehension procedure  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (75)
(BBC)   Care home leaves bottle of toilet cleaner in a room with a blind dementia patient. Hilarity does not ensue  (bbc.co.uk) (30)
(Herald Tribune)   Photos of couples renewing old wedding vows during a romantic beach sunset. This is Florida, so we're talking OLD vows  (galleries.heraldtribune.com) (13)
(wtsp.com)   From the Special Place in Hell Department: Man wanted for beating elderly nun who gave him a drink of water  (wtsp.com) (50)
(Some Jittery Guy)   Starbucks tests more aggressive delivery campaign  (chronicle.augusta.com) (47)
(News.com.au)   Carrying a man bag can cause serious back injury, loss of all credibility  (news.com.au) (144)
(Some Guy)   Hundreds of birdwatchers queue outside house to get a glimpse of ultra-rare bird. Wait, that's a pigeon right?  (swns.com) (55)
(Some Guy)   Child faces being kicked out of school for dishing out jaw breakers at lunch time. No, not those sorts of jaw breakers  (swns.com) (67)
(IndyStar)   Today's Fark-ready headline: Strip club customer blames robbery on nerds  (indystar.com) (23)
(FARK)   Quick note about Fark opening up comment notifications via email for you, and a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 2/6 - 2/12  (fark.com) (108)
(Yahoo)   South Korean banks offer higher interest savings account if customers lose weight, called the "Less Won Ton, More Won" account  (news.yahoo.com) (13)
(Yahoo)   Rumsfeld seeks to have Jose Padilla's lawsuit against him thrown out on the grounds that Rumsfeld was "only following orders"  (news.yahoo.com) (105)
(CNNGo)   Hong Kong serves up the hottest naked chef you'll see today (not-suitable-for-work-ish semi-nudity)  (cnngo.com) (107)
(Sun Sentinel)   Man arrested, charged with misdemeanor assault charge for A: Hitting wife? B: Kicking son? or C: Throwing a grape? (With mugshot goodness)  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) (74)
(Houston Chronicle)   Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get. Like psychedelic mushrooms  (chron.com) (37)
(CNNGo)   In case you haven't heard, the ear-cleaning business is booming  (cnngo.com) (46)
(Sun Sentinel)   The arrest report quotes him as yelling, "I'm a champion arm wrestler, I can bench press 600 pounds. I'm gonna kick all your (backsides) out"  (sun-sentinel.com) (78)
(Some Guy)   You might be drunk if you find yourself trying to mow the sidewalk with your car  (fox8.com) (8)
(Some Guy)   Alaksa Senate passes bill valitating right-in votes dispite mispellings  (big1059.com) (57)
(Sun Sentinel)   If you're going to go rob stores, be sure to hire babysitter first  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) (9)
(The New York Times)   Krugman: "Both sides are bad, but Democrats claim to feel sorry about it"  (krugman.blogs.nytimes.com) (109)
(Yahoo)   High-school drop-out/ teen Mom paid $30k per speech to lecture teen-agers on the virtues of abstinence. Wow, kids be sure to stay in school and be pure because you certainly wouldn't want to end up like that  (news.yahoo.com) (158)
(The New York Times)   America is not in decline, we're just so awesome we can't get any better. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to log off; my dial-up connection is getting a little flakey  (nytimes.com) (43)
(WLSAM)   Protest by six women trying to get marriage licenses for same-sex marriage. This raises an important societal question: were they hot?  (wlsam.com) (39)
(MSNBC)   Iranian government believes the Egyptian and Tunisian Revolutions are all part of an elaborate American plot to undermine the Iranian government  (msnbc.msn.com) (74)
(Some Guy)   We all have our crosses to bear. Except this guy, who has to unplug his and take them down  (wtae.com) (48)
(BBC)   Remember how all those European countries thought the Clinton impeachement was a silly exercise into sexually deviant political games by a less developed society? Yeah, about that  (bbc.co.uk) (111)
(Daily Mail)   Suffer from insommnia? Now you can sleep like a baby. A strange, mutated, toad-like baby  (dailymail.co.uk) (25)
(NYPost)   Crowd at brewery celebration gasps in horror when Mayor Bloomberg announces he puts ice cubes in his beer  (nypost.com) (120)
(Cracked)   Five amazing things invented by Donald Duck. No, really  (cracked.com) (57)
(The Macomb Daily)   Seven people pulled from fiery minivan on Detroit freeway by Good Samaritans  (macombdaily.com) (28)
(Chicago Tribune)   Araceli is currently hitting a man with her car. [1 person didn't like this]  (chicagotribune.com) (15)
(Some Guy)   Vermont proposes a measure to revoke human rights. Or, rather, to revoke the right of corporations to be classified as persons  (thedailyaztec.com) (203)
(CNN)   Child abuse on the rise in Japan. What? Nobody had a problem with them piloting their super astro battle mechs and spending 90 hours a week trying to catch pokemon until now?  (cnn.com) (33)
(Independent)   August Busch IV is drinking alone these days  (independent.co.uk) (64)
(Palm Beach Post)   Things you might find in a pest control truck: Pesticides, acid, body in a bag, kid having seizures  (palmbeachpost.com) (12)
(The Daily Caller)   Top 5 hilarious tax hikes this year, featuring a 2.9% tax hike on bull semen  (dailycaller.com) (65)
(The Newspaper)   Virginia politicians find new revenue source: $2,500 fine for not stopping completely before turning right on red. Camera enforced. Plus a year in jail if you try to fight your ticket  (thenewspaper.com) (124)
(Live Science)   10 failed derpsday predictions  (livescience.com) (170)
(TC Palm)   Palm City man arrested with crack in shirt pocket says cocaine 'probably' there when he bought the shirt  (blogs.tcpalm.com) (20)
(Daily Mail)   Woman suffers horrific burns after kneeling in corrosive cement while working in kitchen. In other news, corrosive cement? (with graphic pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (90)
(AlterNet)   Happy 40th birthday to the war on drugs. You have succeeded, now it's time to retire  (alternet.org) (79)
(Yahoo)   Vallejo, Ca makes Newsweek's list of 'Dying American Cities" the magazine noting that the city never recovered from the worldwide collapse in demand for barbarian princesses in chainmail bikinis  (news.yahoo.com) (90)
(Click Orlando)   Police warn ATM users to be on the lookout for the goddamn batmen  (clickorlando.com) (33)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Remember how cool The Terminator looked as he pulled out a shotgun from a bouquet of roses? One bank robber had the same idea  (orlandosentinel.com) (22)
(Pocono Record)   Protip: If you are a wanted fugitive, it is best not to pull over and urinate on your car  (poconorecord.com) (14)
(NYPost)   From Russia with love - SI Swimsuit cover revealed. In related news, magazines were print versions of Internet websites. Some say they still exist, personally I don't believe it  (nypost.com) (74)
(Bangor Daily News)   Woman repeatedly calls 911 to say the police were at her door harassing her. "In fact when police told her she was under arrest, she tried to call 911 again"  (new.bangordailynews.com) (35)
(My Fox DC)   Here's your obligatory, cheese-ball, Valentine's Day marriage proposal at the ice rink  (myfoxdc.com) (17)
(The Scotsman)   Giant mouse terrorising British school - providing you only look at the picture and don't read the article  (edinburghnews.scotsman.com) (31)
(My Fox DC)   Tons and tons of greasy, grimy gopher guts - 3 oz mutilated monkey meat - 2 tbsp ground little dirty birdie feet  (myfoxdc.com) (53)
(AP)   B-17 veteran back in air aboard a WWII-era bomber, firebombs Orlando  (hosted.ap.org) (48)
(MassLive)   Three-alarm chili causes two-alarm fire  (masslive.com) (15)
(Daily Mail)   "Why is cash-strapped Britain giving £1billion in aid to a country that can afford its own space program?"  (dailymail.co.uk) (56)
(Some Guy)   The police wake you up behind the wheel. You C) Refuse to cooperate, lead them on a 100MPH chase through 2 counties with 5 departments, crash into a cop car, and jump from an over pass. The aristocrats  (wtae.com) (18)
(Piedmont Triad / WFMY News 2)   Favorite activity in a van: Conceiving a baby. Least favorite: Delivering a baby  (digtriad.com) (13)
(Daily Tribune)   Man threatens to blow up apartment with stove gas line, discovers stove is electric  (dailytribune.com) (16)
(My Fox DC)   When times get tough, single men tend to reevaluate their priorities...like whether their mail-order bride should come from Russia, the Ukraine, Colombia, or the Philippines  (myfoxdc.com) (79)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Nephew of Dalia Lama attempts 300-mile-walk across Florida to bring awareness to Tibetan independence. Twenty-five miles later, successfully brings awareness to lousy Florida traffic instead  (orlandosentinel.com) (54)
(CNN)   Mubarak's having breakfast in bed at a Ritz-Carlton somewhere thinking, "Now why didn't I think of that?"  (edition.cnn.com) (51)
(Some Guy)   Man charged with attacking woman who questioned change in his Facebook status to 'single'. Will soon change his anus' status to 'in a relationship.'  (floridatoday.com) (12)
(Herald Tribune)   Condom in man's rectum contained: 17 pills, cigarette, six matches, flint, empty syringe with eraser over needle, lip balm, additional unused condom, receipt from CVS pharmacy and paper coupon  (heraldtribune.com) (54)
(LA Times)   Van Gogh's brilliant sunflowers are wilting away to a dull brown  (latimes.com) (40)
(The Sun)   "Your surname is like a sausage" - everyone laugh. "Well, your surname is like a brownie" - that's going on your file, racist. Fark: They're both nine. Ultra Fark: They're both white  (thesun.co.uk) (73)
(Talking Points Memo)   Former GOP candidate gets 366 days In jail for lying in voter suppression probe. I guess sometimes you just can't Nguyen   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (32)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this man in a strained state  (online.wsj.com) (61)
(Boston Globe)   Let US see Al Jazeera. Or, how I learnt to stop worrying and love the Arab news  (boston.com) (108)
(Chicago Tribune)   Not news: Parents hiring tutors to help their kids cram for difficult upcoming tests. FARK: To enter kindergarten  (chicagotribune.com) (59)
(Huffington Post)   "Here's what my son wants out of life: macaroni and cheese, a video game, and Kim Kardashian. He's a single-cell protozoa version of a husband"  (huffingtonpost.com) (332)
(News.com.au)   A preschool teacher with 20 years' experience sprayed air freshener on Asian children under her care because they smelled of curry, a tribunal heard. Parents fume  (news.com.au) (121)
(WWSB ABC 7)   Florida man uses Google Earth to locate groundbreaking evidence of hidden ancient cultures, or at least failed developments from the 60's  (mysuncoast.com) (55)
(The Smoking Gun)   KFC Double Down finally arrested for crimes against humanity, with the only mugshot you'll probably ever see  (thesmokinggun.com) (27)
(Some Girl)   Photoshop this fuzzy funnel  (louisecampbell.com) (43)
(PennLive)   Harrisburg PA residents stage rally calling for mayor's resignation. Mayor responds by making lewd gestures through office windows. With "well that explains everything" pic of said mayor  (pennlive.com) (134)

Mon February 14, 2011
(The New York Times)   I said, JAZZ PIANIST AND COMPOSER GEORGE SHEARING DIES AT 91  (nytimes.com) (77)
(NJ.com)   Blonde 25-year-old student teacher pleads guilty to being a total cliche  (nj.com) (236)
(Boing Boing)   Even Optimus Prime is no match for New York City's parking enforcement  (boingboing.net) (45)
(Daily Mail)   Your girlfriend is infertile but you want to have kids. Do you c) Rape your mentally challenged daughter repeatedly until she becomes pregnant?  (dailymail.co.uk) (114)
(The Local (Germany))   In 1945 the Nazis escaped to the Moon. In 2018, they are coming back  (thelocal.de) (123)
(Telegraph)   "There is no difference between a real and fake hymen" said the cleric  (blogs.telegraph.co.uk) (91)
(Chicago Tribune)   Church near Green Bay, Wisconsin deemed holy by Vatican for appearance of the Virgin Mary; Brett Farve promptly texts nude photos to her  (chicagotribune.com) (26)
(Some Guy)   Old and Busted: "Did you eat a lot of paint chips as a kid?". New Hotness: "Did you eat a lot of produce as a kid?"  (610wiod.com) (20)
(Some Foil Protected Guy)   Sunspot 1158 swelled up and blew a gasket. Pending solar storm is aimed directly at Earth. Unplug anything you care about, lock your kids in the cellar, but whatever you do, DON'T PANIC  (astronomyreport.com) (449)
(MSN)   Photoshop this South Korean pet hotel  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (29)
(Philly)   Parents of injured wrestler refuse to have his spinal injury treated medically, because the mother is a naturopath and wants to treat the injury with Herbs instead. This is not a repeat from the 16th Century  (articles.philly.com) (217)
(US News)   Roses are red, but not very green, doused with frequent large doses of pesticides and chemical treatments and transported 1000s of miles in refrigerated containers by fossil fuel combusting vehicles and sold at gouging prices to die 2 days later  (usnews.com) (84)
(MSNBC)   Michael Vick to cry on Oprah Winfrey Show Thursday  (nbcsports.msnbc.com) (87)
(SLTrib)   "Book of Mormon" Broadway show gets ready to debut from the the South Park Creators. LDS church not amused  (sltrib.com) (290)
(Some Guy)   CBS reporter Serene Branson is "feeling fine" after derigrrasgz sfbbbbrft rasj bsagoqazth chub  (losangeles.cbslocal.com) (229)
(The New York Times)   Interactive graphic of how $3.7 trillion is spent in Obama's proposed 2012 budget  (nytimes.com) (142)
(KPHO)   Man stranded in desert manages to stay alive by drinking window washing fluid intermittently  (kpho.com) (112)
(BBC)   Indian foreign minister speaking before the UN goes 3 minutes before he realizes he was reading the Portuguese foreign minister's speech  (bbc.co.uk) (40)
(BBC)   We've shot at it, buzzed around it and photographed it, and now we're returning for another look. Soon, its rage will erupt  (bbc.co.uk) (22)
(Flavor Wire)   If you'd like to pretend to be intellectual and witty to pick up chicks tonight, a blog has helpfully gathered 30 quotes from major literature suitable for use as pick-up lines. Fark: One is from Lolita  (flavorwire.com) (305)
(Fox News)   Thai fighters crash during military exercise. Darth Vader unimpressed  T-Shirt  (foxnews.com) (227)
(Fox News)   "The question is what the Iranian people will say when they see Egypt. And I think an answer will be, if the Egyptian people can have their freedom ... why not us?"  (foxnews.com) (199)
(MSNBC)   Kid draws violent image on desk. School responds accordingly and sends kid to psych ward  (msnbc.msn.com) (298)
(Some Guy)   Pregnant and dissatisfied with your haircut? That's a stabbin'  (theday.com) (35)
(Some Psychologists)   American Psychological Association to consider DSM diagnosis for living in a red state  (keennewsservice.com) (73)
(ABC News)   DNA analysis diagnoses disabilities, birth defects... incest? Oh brother  (abcnews.go.com) (91)
(Daily Mail)   A bit scary: Your girlfriend might want to borrow your razor. Fark: For her face  (dailymail.co.uk) (66)
(NJ.com)   An old law in New Jersey says you have to wait 72 hours to get married unless there was rape involved, then you can do it right away  (nj.com) (64)
(NW Florida Daily News)   OMG WTF JUST HPPND? ˙pǝıp noʎ  (nwfdailynews.com) (258)
(NYPost)   NYC psycho stabbings were tragic. The tragedy just got ....um..this is really uncomfortable  (nypost.com) (86)
(Herald Tribune)   Police can now search everyone who walks through a public area for drugs. Like, zoinks Scoob, let's get outta here  (heraldtribune.com) (139)
(CNSNews)   You may soon be able to carry a concealed weapon in Wyoming without a concealed weapons permit. Just two problems though, you can't be drunk, and you're in Wyoming  T-Shirt  (cnsnews.com) (79)
(Spiegel)   Photoshop these death-defyers in Delhi  (spiegel.de) (17)
(FARK)   Happy Valentine's Day. Give us a story that will make the Sappy tag weep, the Single folks envious, and give us Married a wistful gaze...."Ah yes, I remember when". Or is the other way around?  (fark.com) (270)
(Some Guy)   When the cops have you in a stairwell with guns drawn and tell you to drop the cigarette, do you: c) tell them to wait a minute because you have two drags left  (lfpress.com) (112)
(Broken Secrets)   23% of women buy Valentine's Day flowers for themselves. 0% of men do the same  (brokensecrets.com) (88)
(Cracked)   Six factors that secretly influence who you have sex with  (cracked.com) (114)
(Some Guy)   KANSAS LAW WOULD ALLOW BLIND PEOPLE TO CARRY CONCEALED WEAPONS  (www2.ljworld.com) (170)
(truTV)   To help you justify having nothing to do tonight, here are 14 reasons Valentine's Day is dumb  (trutv.com) (64)
(CNN)   Diplomatic immunity, how does it farkin' work? Pakistan: we like Lethal Weapon 2  (edition.cnn.com) (128)
(Fosters.com)   F**king bar owner donates $1,125 to a God-damned charity that she collected from a friggin' swear jar. shiat  (fosters.com) (41)
(Houston Chronicle)   British officials, (who've apparently never read fairy tales, played Nintendo games, seen Star Wars or anime) upset over "kidnapping" of actress playing Kate Middleton and "rescue" by Boy Scouts  (chron.com) (22)
(Yahoo)   Welcome to Ziebach, Country SD. Which, according to the latest census, is the poorest county in America with more than 60% residents living below the poverty line. Why yes, there IS an Indian reservation there, how did you guess?  (news.yahoo.com) (140)
(Sun Sentinel)   "Saggy Pants Robber" will probably want to pull them up for the next 26 years  (sun-sentinel.com) (16)
(Telegraph)   Grammy reporter gibberish may have been stroke on the air  (telegraph.co.uk) (272)
(globaltimes.cn)   Top Gear China is now in production, "...with a streak of Chinese humor... In the pilot episode, a Cadillac races a donkey to see which is more efficient in farm work"  (beijing.globaltimes.cn) (107)
(Sify)   From the 'bizarre things inspired by movies' file, the hobby Steve Carell's character practiced in Dinner for Schmucks is a hit in Brooklyn  (sify.com) (32)
(Yahoo)   US Navy orders all submarines to go smokeless. Because really, if you want to have a ship full of jittery, irritable people, what better than the ones carrying nuclear missiles?  (news.yahoo.com) (238)
(Albany Times Union)   Man shot at bowling alley for failing to mark it zero  (timesunion.com) (51)
(USA Today)   Kidswhodrink toomanyenergydrinks maysuffernegativesideeffects   (usatoday.com) (25)
(The Sun)   Transfer my spirit to a cow to cure my homosexuality? You'll end up with a gay cow. That's when the witch doctor started using a chicken  (thesun.co.uk) (29)
(Vancouver Sun)   Two teachers disciplined for viewing porn at school. Report notes that "the pornography varied from mild to extreme"  (vancouversun.com) (34)
(CBS News)   Man who has been dead since 1994 pleads not guilty to murder charges  (cbsnews.com) (13)
(My Fox DC)   Some superstar entertainers have ridiculous backstage riders full of drugs, porn, inflatable sex dolls...wait, what?  (myfoxdc.com) (35)
(The Daily Beast)   The large print: Obama releases budget that projects the largest deficit ever. Small print: It's bigger than expected because of the Bush tax cuts  (thedailybeast.com) (242)
(Yahoo)   Malaysian woman misplaces her magic rock, is forced to beat off tiger with wooden ladle  (news.yahoo.com) (33)
(My Fox DC)   Mothers share the benefits of breastfeeding with their babies. FARK: And with everyone else that visited the Smithsonian Museum that day  (myfoxdc.com) (120)
(KCRG)   University of Iowa will not ban student porn films this year. Let the imagination flow  (kcrg.com) (24)
(Fosters.com)   A New Hampshire town official that brought a peeing goat to work with him resigns  (fosters.com) (12)
(Yahoo)   Gabrielle Giffords can converse and mouth simple songs; doctors say she's already mastered most of the Kings of Leon catalog  (news.yahoo.com) (91)
(CNN)   Palestinean Authority dismisses cabinet, resignation expected. This is not a repeat from every other country in the region  (edition.cnn.com) (33)
(ProJo.com)   Chance the dog, a stray making a city park his home, wins hearts of park workers. Just in time for Mondog  (projo.com) (62)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Not news: After a cop pulls a driver over and asks him how the amount he's been drinking, man replies, "two or three." Fark: Two or three days  (nwfdailynews.com) (54)
(Canoe)   Dating service matches people with herpes. Let's all give them a clap  (cnews.canoe.ca) (102)
(WMUR)   Town looks to set mustache contest world record at winter carnival, offers free rides  (wmur.com) (17)
(ABC Action News)   Family, officials install plaque at elementary school picnic table where student who died in plane crash often ate lunch with her mom. Apparently some parents have a problem with this  (abcactionnews.com) (124)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop theme: Accurate state flags  (i.imgur.com) (87)
(Sun Sentinel)   Florida man fondly remembered as a "friendly, helpful neighbor." Right until the shotgun rampage  (sun-sentinel.com) (25)
(Hartford Courant)   It's your Valentine's weekend celebration. Do you c) Stab your wife with your wedding cake knife and then stab yourself with it eight times in an attempt to get her arrested?  (courant.com) (25)
(Marco Eagle)   Man arrested in bar after becoming outraged, OUTRAGED, that the women he was buying drinks for had hard-ons too  (marconews.com) (168)
(News.com.au)   Male nurse badly beaten by one-armed legless patient, forced to surrender man card to officials at hospital  (news.com.au) (67)
(Stuff)   Bullet, shot at policeman's chest, pierces bulletproof vest and is stopped by his notebook. Cops quickly make a cardiac arrest  (stuff.co.nz) (40)
(NPR)   The dark origins of Valentine's day. The Romans celebrated the day by sacrificing a goat and a dog, then whipped women with the hides of the animals they had just slain. Stay classy Romans  (npr.org) (77)
(Daily Nonpareil)   Consumer spending is up, so naturally food prices are on the rise  (southwestiowanews.com) (52)
(AOL News)   Laughing gas making a comeback as option for mothers in labor. LOL  T-Shirt  (aolnews.com) (73)
(AFP)   17,000 people form human chain to commemorate the bombing of Dresden where an estimated 25,000 died 66 years ago. So it goes  (news.yahoo.com) (224)

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