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Fark SearchWeb Fark
Sun March 13, 2011
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Abc.net.au)   Earthquake and Tsunami form legs and feet. Explosions and Nuclear Radiation form arms and torso. I, Volcano, will form the head  (abc.net.au) (381)
(Washington Post)   UVa fraternity pledge hospitalized for four days after being forced to drink a bottle of... soy sauce? Really, soy sauce?  (voices.washingtonpost.com) (181)
(journal times)   Silly: Pilots locked down the cockpit after three passengers conducted an orthodox Jewish prayer ritual onboard. WTF: Which involved tying leather straps and small wooden boxes to their bodies  (journaltimes.com) (321)
(Telegram)   Photoshop this snowboarder  (telegram.com) (23)
(The Smoking Gun)   Sorry the Mugshot Roundup is a couple days late, but it took police a little while to dig the first guy out of the recycling bin  (thesmokinggun.com) (130)
(al Jazeera English)   State Department spokesman PJ Crowley resigns after telling the truth  (english.aljazeera.net) (194)
(Wall Street Journal)   Question: Why do $500 t-shirts cost so much? Answer: Because someone set the price at $500  (blogs.wsj.com) (150)
(My Fox Phoenix)   Deaf school teacher accused of luring minor for sex, prosecutor reportedly willing to accept plea lin lieu of hearing  (myfoxphoenix.com) (64)
(Gawker)   Headline: Everyone is surviving cancer now, Still no cure for canc...hey  (gawker.com) (144)
(Huffington Post)   So, does your brain hurt? Study shows drugs cause shrinkage  (huffingtonpost.com) (55)
(Some Guy)   Dress your snowflakes in these ridiculously expensive outfits and they'll feel precious for years to come  (cozi.com) (151)
(The Onion)   Davenport, Iowa descends into hell immediately after a gay marriage ceremony  (theonion.com) (105)
(Guardian.com)   "[British] food is terrible and the women are not very attractive" says Burger King CEO. Liz Hurley unavailable for comment  (guardian.co.uk) (346)
(Scientific American)   Worst-case scenario which could happen at Fukushima Power Plant  (scientificamerican.com) (670)
(Flickr)   Photoshop this peculiar pipe  (flickr.com) (38)
(NYPost)   New York's newest dining trend: 'Pop-up cafes' erected in gutters, traffic lanes and parking spots  (nypost.com) (67)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   More terminally-ill Americans are choosing to die at home, mainly due to insurance companies kicking them out of hospitals  (suntimes.com) (221)
(TwinCities.com)   Mayor proposes a community mural on the side of a government building in hopes of sparking community pride. Of course some people have a problem with this. "We are getting a reputation for this silliness"  (twincities.com) (51)
(New York Magazine)   Guy goes to four shrinks at various points in his life, and each one falls asleep during their first session with him. Does this mean the author has a serious mental issue, or iszzzzzzzzzz  (nymag.com) (58)
(Some Guy)   Meanwhile, over in Libya, the dreams of a revolution are fading fast while the rest of the world dickers and dithers  (theaustralian.com.au) (198)
(Sign On San Diego)   Police are taking a second look at bus driver's story in fatal NY crash, even though a tractor and trailer have been impounded  (signonsandiego.com) (89)
(CNN)   Facebook rolls out anti-bullying tools, will be featured in next issue of "Internet Tough Guy" magazine  (cnn.com) (60)
(Some Pious Guy)   Now you can friend Pope John Paul II on Facebook. From the great beyond, and further  (apnews.myway.com) (19)
(Chicago Tribune)   Journalist asks why more people don't just enjoy a half-pint of beer. Subby suggests journalist goes back to his manicure and appletini and leave drinking to the big boys  (chicagotribune.com) (117)
(Korea Times)   When trying to recoup a loan from a close friend, try to avoid going postal and killing said friend. It really screws up your chances of getting the money back  (koreatimes.co.kr) (22)
(FARK)   Over 10,000 feared dead, hundreds of thousands homeless, millions without power, food or water. Not to mention the meltdown fears at Fukushima Daiichi. (Thread #5, LGT Thread #4)  (fark.com) (1021)
(Abc.net.au)   Roll over before and after devastating aerial footage of earthquake and tsunami ravaged Japan  (abc.net.au) (79)
(IndyStar)   Nerds on rampage at strip club. Subby has an alibi  (indystar.com) (42)
(Pittsburgh Live)   Professor finds 42% of women are crazy, compared to just 24% of men. Granted, that's in prison, but surely the numbers can't be too different outside the big house  (pittsburghlive.com) (60)
(DFW Star-Telegram)   Veteran discovers his mortgage payment is still being taken out of his check, 28 years after it was paid off. But wait'll you hear the punchline  (star-telegram.com) (66)
(MSNBC)   Dr. 1: You're anorexic. Dr. 2: Your brain's broken. Dr. 3: Your heart's broken. Dr. 4: It's MS. 2 years later: You were right all along, it was that tick bite  (msnbc.msn.com) (55)
(UPI)   Good news for Farkers: Those with the most optimism and cheerfulness die younger  (upi.com) (44)
(Boing Boing)   A brief primer on how nuclear plants work and whether the leaky facilities in Japan are completely Fukushima'd  (boingboing.net) (80)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this bocce ball  (myimages.bravenet.com) (21)
(Boston Globe)   Ahh spring... birds singing, trees budding, and Filene's Basement "Running of the Boston Brides," a mystical shopping spree celebrating entry into either true love, or an easy Bluestate paycheck (warning: slideshow of Boston girls)  (boston.com) (32)
(Sun Journal (Maine))   St. Patty's Day is just around the corner so here's some recipes that include beer as an ingredient. Of course, if you prefer you can still enjoy it raw  (sunjournal.com) (21)
(Time)   The newest dangerous threat to our health? c) Daylight saving time  (healthland.time.com) (80)
(Chicago Tribune)   Coffee linked to lower stroke risk in women. Finally, a nice perk from the daily grind  (chicagotribune.com) (27)
(CNN)   Customers at the Waterfront Restaurant in Ohio went for a ride, when it broke free of its moorings. Said one, "I was so happy when we got wedged under the bridge, certainly saving us from the toxic waste and the fire"  (news.blogs.cnn.com) (26)
(Red Wing Republican-Eagle)   Lindbergh Boy missing. Anyone with information contact the police. This is not a repeat from 1932  (republican-eagle.com) (18)
(Orlando Sentinel)   There's a time and a place to flash your impressive roll of cash. During your arrest is not one of them  (orlandosentinel.com) (22)
(Hawaii News Now)   There's drunk, hitting-women drunk, falling-down drunk, and then there's "punching the female paramedic who's trying to help you" drunk  (hawaiinewsnow.com) (48)
(Reuters)   Atlantis has been found: Still not sure why the ancients sunk it in the first place  (reuters.com) (191)

Sat March 12, 2011
(Slate)   That guy who stuffed things up his butt was my friend  (slate.com) (77)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT  (imgboot.com) (54)
(Some Guy)   Feathers get ruffled after a chicken slaughterhouses announces plans to move across the street from the SPCA  (mcclatchydc.com) (54)
(KCCI)   Yes, it's come to this: Police have to say old man giving kids lollipops only wanted to give kids lollipops  (kcci.com) (88)
(Oregon Live)   Man decides to film incoming tsunami on sandbar at mouth of Klamath River. Obvious ensues  (oregonlive.com) (126)
(Reuters)   Aw Jeez, not this sh*t again. Now a third reactor in Japan has lost its emergency cooling system  (reuters.com) (lots)
(FARK)   More than 1,700 people likely dead or missing after Japanese quake/tsunami. Explosion blows roof off nuke plant, raising fears of a meltdown, government expands evacuation area (Thread #4, LGT Thread #3)  (fark.com) (π)
(Washington Post)   Five middle-school students injured in dihydrogen monoxide explosion  (voices.washingtonpost.com) (126)
(TC Palm)   1. Open the bidding on community center. 2. Award the contract to yourself as the low bidder. 3. Cancel the contract because you're not paid enough  (tcpalm.com) (50)
(Some Guy)   Five US cities are looking to cut land fill waste and costs by letting consumers opt out of junk mail delivery entirely  (tinygreenbubble.com) (97)
(CNN)   Japan quake so powerful it shifted the earth off its axis by 4 inches, sped up the earth's rotation by 1.6 microseconds, and shifted Japan's coastline by 8 feet. So - 4 inches CAN make the earth move and time stand still  (cnn.com) (121)
(Times Square)   Photoshop these sheep made of sheets of paper  (s.wsj.net) (18)
(WFTV)   US city proclaims itself to be tsunami ready. Is this city in A. California B. Washington or C. Florida? And no fair peeking at the tag before you answer  (wftv.com) (60)
(Some Guy)   The funniest wedding photo session that you will see all day  (gbobg.com) (95)
(Financial Times)   The French won't talk to strangers, Americans won't touch strangers, and the British won't even look at strangers  (ft.com) (92)
(wtsp.com)   Time for the yearly "Spring Breakers arrested for..." stories. First up this year: alligator taunting  (wtsp.com) (41)
(BBC)   While the West demonstrates the power of wishful thinking, Gaddafi faces two futures. In one he crushes the rebels quickly. In the other he crushes them slowly and painfully  (bbc.co.uk) (88)
(NYPost)   13 gamblers dead in NY bus crash. Bet they didn't see that coming (with WOW, highways signs are TOUGH pic)  (nypost.com) (138)
(Some Guy)   Five alternative foods to cook on the grill. Your guests want steak  (womansday.com) (141)
(wtsp.com)   Family goes out on a limb, says they see image of Jesus in a tree. Officials stumped  (wtsp.com) (60)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   Time for this year's "just what the hell is Daylight Savings Time all about" article  (suntimes.com) (86)
(UPI)   Hey Gadhafi... sorry about your son's palatial British mansion. Whoops, our bad  (upi.com) (66)
(Some Guy)   Purple monkey dishwasher  (niemanlab.org) (48)
(Sun Journal (Maine))   There can only be one, Bro  (sunjournal.com) (30)
(Some Cool Cat)   Vanna the cat delivered to her new forever home by an Alien just in time for Caturday  (pressconnects.com) (1130)
(Abc.net.au) NewsFlash If smoke and explosions are any indicator, oil hits the anus at Japanese nuke plant  (abc.net.au) (lots)
(NJ.com)   NJ hunters shoot deer from a motor vehicle. Tell cops they're trying to get more bang for the buck  (nj.com) (33)
(Some Guy)   The threat of cartel violence isn't stopping smokers from crossing the border into Mexico in search of cheaper cigarettes  (ktar.com) (31)
(Some Filmmaker)   Photoshop this stopaction studio set  (s.wsj.net) (31)
(WFTV)   Woman arrested on DWI charge from 1977. Court hearing will now require a leave of absinthe  (wftv.com) (19)
(FARK)   24 hours after 8.9 magnitude earthquake/tsunami, Japan trying to stave off meltdown at nuclear power plants (Thread #3, LGT Thread #2)  (fark.com) (961)
(NewsChannel 5)   Mimes swarm Nashville courthouse demanding freedom of speech, mute cries fall on deaf ears  (newschannel5.com) (12)
(Daily Mail)   Would-be burglar's plans hampered when he gets tangled in laundry basket (w/ derp perp mug shot)  (dailymail.co.uk) (21)
(Daily Mail)   Police arrest 'onion torturer' who used vegetable to get drug dealers to leek information  (dailymail.co.uk) (43)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Florida couple arrested for stealing bronze vases from cemeteries. Both now facing grave charges  (nwfdailynews.com) (22)
(Scientific American)   Japan has an amazing early-warning detection system for earthquakes that at least buys them a minute or two's worth of warning. Yes, it cost half a billion, but likely saved many, many lives today  (scientificamerican.com) (115)
(FARK)   Magnitude 8.9 earthquake, tsunami has devastated northern Japan. 300 reported dead. (Thread #2; LGT original thread)  (fark.com) (2840)

Fri March 11, 2011
(CNN) NewsFlash 8.9 earthquake strikes northern Japan, submitter in Tokyo spent a minute under his desk. Stay safe, fellow Japan Farkers  (news.blogs.cnn.com) (3331)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop these menacing men  (online.wsj.com) (24)
(NewsOK)   The world's attention is focused on Japan right now, and that's as it should be. On the other side of the world, everything is perfectly fine. Oklahoma is entirely engulfed in flames, but everything else is fine  (newsok.com) (81)
(Some Guy)   While Peter King was wetting the bed about potential Muslim terrorists, 5 Alaska sovereign citizens arrested for being ACTUAL terrorists  (adn.com) (119)
(Denver Post)   Woman who faked cancer pleads guilty to tumor charges  (denverpost.com) (21)
(Stuff)   If you see 'vegetable oil' coming out of a cable you're drilling into, STOP drilling  (stuff.co.nz) (85)
(The Consumerist)   Unbeatable prices, but surprisingly beatable receipt checkers  (consumerist.com) (493)
(Some Guy)   Failsafe on cooling system at Fukushima #2 has, well, failed. Feel safe?  (english.kyodonews.jp) (129)
(USA Today)   The final Vegas hangout of the Rat Pack blows away like sands in the Sahara  (travel.usatoday.com) (65)
(Discover)   No, the "supermoon" didn't cause the Japanese earthquake. And it won't do anything else, either  (blogs.discovermagazine.com) (90)
(MSNBC)   GOP budget cuts target Pacific Tsunami Warning Center. What could possibly go wrong?  (msnbc.msn.com) (110)
(WPXI)   It is NOT ok to leave your 4 yr old home alone when you: a) run to get the mail b) drive to the store for something and/or c) dress in black and roam the streets playing 'Ninja'  (wpxi.com) (32)
(Some Gal)   Indonesia decides to help Japan celebrate "International Disaster Day"  (thejournal.ie) (39)
(The Smoking Gun)   When phones, irons, fire extinguishers, machetes and solar lawn lamps are outlawed only these criminals will have them. Who gets which in TSGs Friday Photo fun? Contest ends at 6pm Eastern  (thesmokinggun.com) (10)
(Some Guy)   Man tries to bribe his way out of a failed drug test, with drugs  (cfnews13.com) (15)
(WLSAM)   This time change weekend is time to acknowledge that times have changed and that the time change is an idea whose time has come and gone  (wlsam.com) (103)
(Some Guy)   When the School District is replacing chairs in its classrooms with stability balls it may time to stop deep frying everything you stuff in your fat little kids mouth  (centralmontgomery.wsfa.com) (56)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this leaping lad  (fototelegraf.ru) (27)
(Guardian.com)   Rather than pissing it away, you could put your urine to better use  (guardian.co.uk) (45)
(Parent Dish)   Then: Kids walked five mile in the snow to school. Uphill. Both ways. And they liked it. Now: Kids walk a block and a half in the snow to the store. And Mom gets arrested  (parentdish.com) (145)
(Hartford Courant)   Single-sex lunches introduced in America's heartland schools to prevent boys and girls from getting cooties  (courant.com) (52)
(WLSAM)   Actual Secret Service tape of the day Reagan was shot is released, reveals Reagan's nickname was Rawhide, Nancy's is Rainbow, and those agents did an awesome job  (wlsam.com) (189)
(NYPost)   Naked Cowboy drops suit, pants, against Naked Cowgirl  (nypost.com) (64)
(PennLive)   Westboro Baptist Church plan to picket funeral of 7 children killed in rural Pennsylvania house fire, because Christianity is all about compassion  (pennlive.com) (394)
(Some Guy)   ProTip: If your junkie boyfriend gets you a 3-carat $12,000 engagement ring suddenly, probably shouldn't post pics on Facebook about it  (pittsburgh.cbslocal.com) (37)
(Some Guy)   Police who raided Charlie Sheen's home described by the actor as "absolute pros". He should know  (swns.com) (34)
(FARK)   Pop quiz, hotshot. No really, it's the Fark Weird News Quiz: easy as pie  (fark.com) (60)
(AZCentral)   In Arizona it's one thing to enter a government building with a holstered gun. But don't you dare try to do that with a holstered pitchfork  (azcentral.com) (31)
(C-U Sober Guy)   Remember how you could refuse a breathalyzer test? In Illinois, that's now a felony. Papers please. Bonus: Fill in the blank search warrants  (news-gazette.com) (127)
(CNNGo)   If ever there's an excuse to click through bikini calendar photos, it's that they're so bizarre and not at all sexy in any way  (cnngo.com) (27)
(Stuff)   Everything *is* upside down Down Under: Kiwi thieves break into a prison to steal that prison's television. Fark: The prison and police only discovered this after an unrelated fire in the prison  (stuff.co.nz) (15)
(Some Guy)   Not News: Man explains Moon's role in March 11 earthquake. Holy Fark: He does it on January 19  (december212012.com) (132)
(wptv)   High school officials irate after teacher gives psychology quiz laced with sexual innuendo. After discharging questions, asks pupils for deeply penetrating answers (w/link to quiz)  (wptv.com) (123)
(The Sun)   Rapist who won the lottery while in prison lives a quiet, dignified life. Just kidding. He's kind of like the Beverly Hillbillies, only rapier  (thesun.co.uk) (37)
(AJC)   A bill that just passed a legislative committee effectively makes it impossible to get an abortion in Georgia  (ajc.com) (300)
(The New York Times)   James Elliot, who discovered rings around Uranus, has died of . . . oh, come on. Seriously?  (nytimes.com) (44)
(Orlando Sentinel)   If you think firing a gun at Denny's will get you faster service, by all means. Hit them with your best shot. Fire away  (orlandosentinel.com) (17)
(The Sun)   And now, a story about a dog and his dog  (thesun.co.uk) (29)
(CNN)   The scariest video of a tsunami fire-wave sweeping over the land you will see all day. That's right, a tsunami wave... on fire  (cnn.com) (92)
(CTV)   Disappointed that the US is now issuing colored bank notes, the Bank of Canada moves to ensure decades of mockery by introducing plastic bills  (calgary.ctv.ca) (116)
(Some Guy)   Proposed bill would make it a misdemeanor to be an illegal alien in Florida. That oughta put an end to the problem  (wiod.com) (33)
(TBO)   When asked who let the monkey through the metal detector, deputies answered "It wasn't armed"  (www2.tbo.com) (17)
(WFTV)   Man fights police when they try to make him stop watering his neighbor's lawn and, well....just look at his mugshot  (wftv.com) (53)
(Some Guy)   Your Fark ready headline for the day: Searching for Jersey Shore's "J-Woww" will likely lead to viruses  (afterdawn.com) (16)
(Some Guy)   One third of Brits believe Doctor Who is a documentary. Morons, no wonder America had to win WW2 by stealing the German Enigma machine  (reghardware.com) (90)
(Metro)   Actual headline: Giant Ice Penis is Global Warming to blame  (metro.co.uk) (33)
(The Tennessean)   Father blames Nashville Muslims for making his son into a terrorist, because it definitely didn't have anything to do with the way his son was raised, which was perfect  (tennessean.com) (92)
(BBC)   Met Police had a "cunning plan" to deal with the student protests. The plan's author was Chief Superintendent S. Baldrick  (bbc.co.uk) (48)
(www.canada.com)   Former bodybuilding champion charged with prostitution. Hmmm - bodybuilder... Let's just do a quick GIS on herOH MY GOD KILL IT WITH FIRE WHAT THE HELL SERIOUSLY WHAT THE HELL  (timescolonist.com) (177)
(MSNBC)   WHO pushed panic pandemic over H1N1, but the world is still unprepared for a major health crisis. Everybody Panic  (msnbc.msn.com) (58)
(March of Dimes)   Farker antidisestablishmentarianism and his wife recently lost their young son. Their son's organs have since gone on to save the life of an infant girl. Let's show our appreciation on his upcoming March of Dimes walk. LGT donation page  (marchforbabies.org) (109)
(Some Guy)   Tweet:"I find it ironic that Detroit is known as the #motorcity and yet no one here knows how to (expletive) drive." Fark: Chrysler Official Twitter Account  (wheels.ca) (82)
(uhh.hawaii.edu)   Timely information for any farkers in Hawaii: why you can't surf a tsunami  (uhh.hawaii.edu) (70)
(Some Guy)   Fark ready headline of the day: Prosecutors say Va man implicated in decades-old rape won't be tried because he has died  (wtkr.com) (24)
(Canoe)   Old style drug security: Guard dog. New style drug security: Guard alligator  (cnews.canoe.ca) (26)
(Some Guy)   "Ric Romero live in Miami, reporting that the Japanese earthquake will have no affect on Ohio" Wait, what?  (939mia.com) (41)
(Snopes)   Arctic ice is disappearing, glaciers are melting and sea levels are rising... says article from 1922  (snopes.com) (126)
(Reno Gazette-Journal)   Elko man wins elk calling championship. Reno man finishes second after managing to attract only pudgy cartoon cat  (rgj.com) (27)
(SMH)   Cop who tasered a man 28 times, killing him in the process, says he had no idea it hurts to get tasered. Unlikely tag tasers Dumbass tag to death  (news.smh.com.au) (166)
(Mother Nature Network)   Killer shrimp prove they are much more than just a prawn in the game of life  (mnn.com) (77)
(Reuters)   Would all of Japans nuclear power plants that remained safe and leak free during last nights earthquake step forward. Any time now, Fukushima Daiichi. Hello? Are you even listening?  (reuters.com) (101)
(Herald Tribune)   Slideshow of tsunami sweeping the shores of Japan. Holy ship get out of that giant whirlpool   (galleries.heraldtribune.com) (37)
(Metro)   Circus dwarf who pulls appliances with his penis will not be allowed to perform at Oxford. Officials say that changing the rules would be too much of a stretch  (metro.co.uk) (56)
(Des Moines Register)   It's not every day that a story on arrests for a beat down and a drug bust ends up with a reference to Hamlet  (blogs.desmoinesregister.com) (31)
(NJ.com)   If you are a known drug dealer, getting two kilos of cocaine in the mail is really pushing the envelope  (nj.com) (13)
(Abc.net.au)   Now THIS is burglary. Tag is for owner and neighbor  (abc.net.au) (18)
(wtsp.com)   Protip: If you have stolen a car and are hiding in the ceiling, you may want to put out the cigarette  (wtsp.com) (17)
(Some Examiner Guy)   Fewer than two dozen super-elite lawyers regularly bring cases to the Supreme Court. And this doofus  (washingtonexaminer.com) (80)
(Chicago Tribune)   Iowa man says he will take on Lent the way the monks did centuries ago: by consuming only water and beer for 46 days  (chicagotribune.com) (72)
(Fox News)   Beauty queen decrowned after her past is revealed: Miss Exxxotica 2008  (foxnews.com) (93)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this massive musical membrane  (imgboot.com) (29)
(Doobie Howser)   Not news: Doctor admits to smoking 30 joints. Fark: A day  (wtsp.com) (95)
(Yahoo)   The media wants to know: Are Kate Middleton's knees too sharp?  (royalwedding.yahoo.com) (43)
(KOTV)   Agents discover luckiest 14-year-old boy ever employed at strip club  (newson6.com) (71)
(Some Guy)   Neighbor owes you $80? By all means, settle things by using a front-end loader to destroy his house, garage, trees and six antique cars. Oh, and be sure to wreck his propane tank and knock down the power lines  (gazette.com) (82)
(AOL News)   Was winter's extreme cold and snow caused by arctic warmth?  (aolnews.com) (81)
(Globe and Mail)   Here today, gondola tomorrow  (theglobeandmail.com) (39)

Thu March 10, 2011
(CBS SF)   Kid on a field trip jumps off Golden Gate Bridge on a dare and lives. Apparently, he liked his odds with a 2% survival rate  (sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com) (201)
(Some Palin-Americans)   Sarah Palin fans are all going to pull over to the side of the road this Sunday, for some reason. For a few minutes our roads will be safe. No, from Obamunism, you jerk  (standupamericaus.com) (423)
(Washington Post)   Needing to bring lapsed Catholics back into the fold, Boston Archdiocese turns to the one true god: Marketing  (washingtonpost.com) (73)
(Washington Post)   US knitters knit Afghan afghan  (washingtonpost.com) (27)
(The Smoking Gun)   Today's Fark-ready headline: "Video: Tranny Brawl Erupts At Taco Joint"  (thesmokinggun.com) (63)
(Sun Sentinel)   Note to self: If you are going to get into a standoff with Florida police, do it when it's raining. They will probably call the whole thing off  (sun-sentinel.com) (14)
(ABC News)   Obama administration attacks another all-American tradition: bullying. Isn't giving wedgies also a form of free speech?  (abcnews.go.com) (92)
(BBC)   "Hail Satan and thank you for calling. My name is Amanda. How may I offer you excellent service today?"  (bbc.co.uk) (91)
(Gizmodo)   In the unlikely event of a cabin decompression, use the oxygen mask. If you are in the toilet, YOU ARE GOING TO DIE  (gizmodo.com) (127)
(AP)   Man spends a decade on the lam, only to be done in by his wife's lasagna  (hosted.ap.org) (34)
(Media Matters)   Media Matters and the Southern Poverty Law Center are the real racists for smearing a patriotic American who simply tried to blow people up at the MLK parade  (mediamatters.org) (393)
(Some Guy)   New law in California would finally end the oppression and allow drinking in gondolas  (preview.npr.org) (56)
(Some Girl)   Photoshop this bone-white ball  (1.bp.blogspot.com) (55)
(Canoe)   Once again, people, downloading child porn doesn't remove it from the internet  (cnews.canoe.ca) (105)
(Some Guy)   Women are as into casual sex as men, they just think you propositioning them is creepy, dangerous, and you're unlikely to be good in bed  (yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com) (lots)
(BBC)   The collective wealth of the billionaires hits a new record of $4.5tn, but remember we are all struggling in these tough economic times  (bbc.co.uk) (414)
(LA Times)   A new study finds that women who post loads of photos of themselves on their profiles are AWs. When did Ric Romero start working for the LA Times?  (latimes.com) (181)
(Pat's Papers)   Kaskaskia, Illinois, population 14, loses its smallest town claim to fame after five new resident move in  (patspapers.com) (66)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   "Inviting Dr. Laura into 'Bedroom' was worth it for one couple." I CAN'T FAP TO THIS  (suntimes.com) (32)
(Talking Points Memo)   Meanwhile, union protesters stage the single largest protest in Indiana state history today  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com) (242)
(Some Guy)   Worst. Armed robbery. Ever  (annarbor.com) (48)
(Some Girl in a Trunk)   "A motive has not been found, police said Munson is the ex-wife of the victim's current boyfriend". If only we could find some kind of connection here  (wilx.com) (20)
(Huffington Post)   The latest Republican legislative effort to focus on job creation is *spins wheel* the repeal of Net Neutrality  (huffingtonpost.com) (137)
(Seattle Times)   Fark: batters wild swing sends bat into stands. Total Fark: Fan makes one hand catch. Ultrafark: Doesn't spill a drop of his beer  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (169)
(Stars and Stripes)   Activist launching 1000s of balloons into North Korea, carrying leaflets, USBs, DVDs critical of dictator Kim Jong Il regime. As if ordinary North Koreans had PCs, DVD players, cigarette papers  (stripes.com) (62)
(Baltimore Sun)   Today's media: Newspaper does a story about a giant, leather-clad rooster cradling the head of Jesus that's disturbing people in one part of town. And doesn't include a picture of it. "It looked demonic to me"  (baltimoresun.com) (43)
(Some Guy)   Not news: VA Beach club to charge patrons $25 to see The Situation from Jersey Shore. Fark: Story listed next to article stating region had the second-highest rate of chlamydia cases among U.S. metropolitan areas  (wtkr.com) (74)
(Houston Chronicle)   Remember that 11 year old raped by 17 men? Defense attorney: "Yep, she was asking for it"  (chron.com) (532)
(Bloomberg)   World's largest bond fund removes U.S. government from its investments due to the deficit increasing at an exponential rate  (bloomberg.com) (45)
(Guardian.com)   Live in the Netherlands? Own a PS3? Not anymore you don't  (guardian.co.uk) (80)
(CNN)   Just as gasoline nears $4/gal., banks may make it impossible to pay at the pump, and fill your tank completely  (money.cnn.com) (312)
(Toronto Sun)   Alice in Chains bassist Mike Starr died with dignity. Just kidding, he placed desperate calls to his dealer looking for bud and roomie says he was on methadone cocktail  (torontosun.com) (151)
(Daily Mail)   Yes, I'm sure the guy with 82 tattoos of Julia Roberts is perfectly sane  (dailymail.co.uk) (44)
(Some Guy)   Vet shoots parents when they refuse to acknowledge him as Jesus. Must be Old Testament Jesus  (ksdk.com) (59)
(Talking Points Memo)   Watch out, Big Bird, there might be a tape of PBS execs falling for the same hidden camera prank that nailed NPR   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (124)
(Some Guy)   Don't get caught loading stolen merchandise into a stolen car the same week you called 911 on yourself for breaking into someone's house  (southwestportland.katu.com) (26)
(Yahoo)   Detroit named by Men's health as the Angriest city in America leaving many observers puzzled as to what residents of that veritable paradise could possibly have to be upset about  (news.yahoo.com) (96)
(The Local (Sweden))   Swedish female cop who interrogated WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange is friends with one of his accusers. But there's no conspiracy here, we promise  (thelocal.se) (100)
(Daily Mail)   Columni$t ask$ the eternal que$tion: Why are older men $o much better husband$ than the$e younger boy$?  (dailymail.co.uk) (143)
(The New York Times)   Government to Bank of America: Forgive billions in mortgage. BoA: How about no?  (nytimes.com) (270)
(Some Guy)   "Scott Walker was blinded for nearly 3 hours after gazing into the bright light." The sinister world of cow abductions; what is the governor not telling us?  (cowabduction.com) (52)
(Beatcalls)   You know there probably won't be a second date when she ends up grabbing her purse and running naked out of the apartment  (beatcalls.com) (100)
(Washington Post)   FDA approves the first new drug to treat lupus in nearly 5 decades. I think I'm supposed to make a joke about that shiatty doctor show I never watch that has the guy with the cane in it  (washingtonpost.com) (107)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   McRunner trains for marathon by eating nothing but McDonald's. Look for him around mile 13, when the McAmbulance rushes him to the McHospital due to his McCoronary  (suntimes.com) (122)
(Reuters)   Wisconsin unions set to strike, rally at capitol. Price of cheese set to skyrocket  (reuters.com) (1430)
(970 WFLA)   Most of the time while bonding with her daughter, mom would only give her half of the Roxicodone pill to snort, but if her daughter was really good she'd give her the whole thing  (970wfla.com) (86)
(The Local (Sweden))   Leave a bag of pee at the bank you just robbed? Urine trouble  (thelocal.se) (22)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this lurking looker  (i.imgur.com) (51)
(NJ.com)   Woman trying to rob bookstore is chased down by two men watching adult videos. Suspect caught before situation got out of hand  (nj.com) (55)
(CNN)   Big quitter, the Lama  (cnn.com) (173)
(Oregon Live)   Dog, who sees owner is going to have a heart attack long before it happens, saves his life. Your dog wants a Dogs Of Valor award  (oregonlive.com) (77)
(Ars Technica)   You might want to think twice about eating that chicken leg. Or pork chop. Or steak. Or anything else from a farm animal, for that matter  (arstechnica.com) (229)
(Daily Mail)   Artists shape 1.5 tons of Play-Doh into the latest full size model car  (dailymail.co.uk) (52)
(MetroWest Daily News)   Street racing tips: (1) Don't. (2) Check for cops. (3) Check for oncoming cars. (4) Check for oncoming cops. If you must disregard (1)-(4), then (5) Drive something tougher than a Hyundai  (metrowestdailynews.com) (222)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)   It was just two people fighting, but if one of them is dressed up as a 7-foot gopher, then it's pretty amusing  (startribune.com) (26)
(UPI)   21-year-old restaurant employee dies after falling into service shaft. Talk about your dumb waiter  (upi.com) (48)
(Sun Sentinel)   A Florida couple having sex in a car was charged with "unnatural behavior". I wonder what kind of sex counts as "unnatural behavior" in Florida. Maybe the lights were on and their eyes were open?  (sun-sentinel.com) (134)
(Some Guy)   Connecticut Law against driving a motor vehicle on a frozen public lake implies this is not the first time someone's needed a rescuin'  (theday.com) (33)
(Spiegel)   Photoshop this stone service  (spiegel.de) (25)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 305: "Stars." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (145)

Wed March 09, 2011
(LA Times)   In a move that in no way can be construed as Big Pharma exerting influence over the FDA, the FDA approves a commercial version of a $20 per dose drug that prevents premature births. FARK: The commercial version will sell for $1500 per dose  (latimes.com) (192)
(Some Guy)   Police find crack in man's ass  (heraldsun.com.au) (21)
(IndyStar)   Indiana woman arrested for having 32 dogs in her house; some of them living  (indystar.com) (65)
(Some Geologist Guy)   Man who accurately predicted recent NZ quake says get ready for round two  (heraldsun.com.au) (91)
(Some Guy) NewsFlash Even though the Wisconsin GOP's bill to strip collective bargaining rights is all about balancing the budget, the GOP is going to pass it as a non-fiscal bill tonight to get around the need to have the Dems present  (host.madison.com) (too many)
(Washington Post)   One of the hardships of early 20th century city life: no squirrels  (washingtonpost.com) (70)
(MSNBC)   If you are fluent in another language, the CIA wants you. Wait one second, cheeto fingers: Klingon, Huttese, and Na'vi don't count  (msnbc.msn.com) (142)
(Huffington Post)   Indiana legislature considering bill to require doctors to lie to their patients  (huffingtonpost.com) (129)
(Nerve)   Corporate America gives Trollz dolls a sexy makeover in a concerted attempt to rape your last innocent memory of childhood  (nerve.com) (122)
(KPTV)   Man with service snake lobbies against constricting bill  (kptv.com) (28)
(Some Guy)   ...and then he lit a cigarette while in the police choke hold  (kegl.com) (80)
(AZCentral)   Arizona is now trying to convince other states to join them and defect from the Union. This will not end well  (azcentral.com) (238)
(Hartford Courant)   Chickens have empathy. Tasty, tasty empathy  (courant.com) (61)
(Fox News)   Hippies use Louisiana yard dog to guard their pot. Hint: didn't work  (foxnews.com) (39)
(Huffington Post)   Fark's own Catymogo1 goes through the flight from hell. With hawt video goodness  (huffingtonpost.com) (232)
(Wonkette)   There are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also OH HOLY HELL RUMSFELD IS ON FACEBOOK WITH TYRA BANKS  (wonkette.com) (27)
(Spiegel)   Photoshop this freshly baptised baby  (spiegel.de) (32)
(UPI)   Giant condom placed on statue as tribute to inventor riles officials -- too bad they can't take some good-natured ribbing  (upi.com) (40)
(Pat's Papers)   Eating "a piece of chocolate cake, an ice cream cone, a pickle, a slice of Swiss cheese, some salami, a lollipop, a piece of cherry pie, one sausage, a cupcake, and a slice of watermelon" gets hungry caterpillar anti-obesity job  (patspapers.com) (39)
(I Heart Chaos)   The year 2000 as envisioned in the year 1910. Looks like he got LA right (last picture)  (iheartchaos.com) (107)
(Some Guy)   Governor: "I want Florida to be National example". Romero: "You should get your own tag on Fark"  (y100.com) (108)
(SLTrib)   Utah Republicans pass legislation requiring schools to teach students that the US is a Republic, not a Democracy. Why? Because Socialism. No, seriously  (sltrib.com) (377)
(LA Times)   Now that gas prices are approaching $eleventy per gallon, the media is trotting out the old "how to get better gas mileage" story again. Tune in next week for Hypermilers: Douchebags or geniuses?  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (161)
(nhregister.com)   Mom tells cops locking her son in dog crate was fun. Cops say it was a felony  (newhavenregister.com) (55)
(CNN)   How the human penis lost its spines  (cnn.com) (185)
(Herald Tribune)   The Conehead family is alive and living in Florida, where one of them was just elected to city council  (heraldtribune.com) (89)
(MyNorthwest)   Headline: "Is social media to blame for fear of crime?" 2nd paragraph: "With ten straight minutes of crime stories leading nearly every local nightly newscast"  (mynorthwest.com) (31)
(Some Guy)   Kid who tried to blow up his high school described as a loser  (sfexaminer.com) (55)
(NJ.com)   Oh what a relief: Laxative bandit nabbed, but not before eating the evidence  (nj.com) (31)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   Illinois actually believes people would want to report their online purchases in order to pay sales tax. Oh wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder  (suntimes.com) (185)
(Boston Globe)   Truck overturns, spilling load of printer ink. Damages estimated at *bites pinky* one BILLION dollars  (boston.com) (89)
(Mother Nature Network)   How to survive a bear attack. "Don't be a tease"  (mnn.com) (70)
(Some Guy)   When waiting for your free operation on your broken leg should you a) say nothing b) be nice c) Tweet the hospital treatment is poor and all the patients have flatulence  (swns.com) (46)
(Fox News)   Fox news wants to know: Is Hugh Hefner overcompensating for something?  (foxnews.com) (74)
(Some Redneck Guy)   If this is your grocery list ....yoooouuuu just might be a redneck. (Bonus: click the "Meet the family that will be eating all this " link)  (someecards.com) (306)
(Chicago Tribune)   This is going to rile the grammar Nazi's, but irregardless of that, it needs to be said  (chicagotribune.com) (196)
(Google)   Maersk Alabama attacked by pirates. No, this isn't a repeat from April 2009, or November 2009  (google.com) (50)
(UPI)   Now on CNN: Rumsfeld advises us on military use against Gadhaffi. Next up: Octomom advises us on Birth Control  (upi.com) (36)
(Globe and Mail)   Woman writes newspaper column at exact moment she becomes old  (theglobeandmail.com) (35)
(STLToday)   Estate of a man who chased a thief and was then killed in in the struggle is suing Starbucks for not having proper security on its tip jar  (stltoday.com) (84)
(WRAL)   Who in Florida doesn't have a hurricane survival story that ends at a Nova Scotia strip club?  (wral.com) (22)
(Yahoo)   Not news: Man ejected for arguing with a referee at a college basketball game News: He was a college professor, in the stands Fark: The professor that was honored at halftime  (rivals.yahoo.com) (25)
(Some Guy)   Well adjusted and totally not crazy woman's plan to kill her nine-month pregnant friend steal her un-born baby and pass it off as her own somehow went wrong after she decides to set friends clothes closet on fire  (kpho.com) (42)
(Time)   First documented case of "beat deafness" is some 23 year-old dude. Whitey odds running at 4/5  (newsfeed.time.com) (44)
(Sun Sentinel)   Bomb squad deployed and two schools locked down due to tennis shoes in a box  (sun-sentinel.com) (16)
(WKBT)   Drunk, swearing and urinating in public is no way to go through a screening of "Rango," son  (wkbt.com) (23)
(Globe and Mail)   This list of the worst car movies of all time considers both Speed and Grease terrible car movies. Where's that list of worst lists of all time?  (theglobeandmail.com) (140)
(Guardian.com)   Mark Zuckerberg is the leading cause of divorce in the U.S  (guardian.co.uk) (125)
(Some Guy)   One night of drinking, seven DUIs  (keysnet.com) (41)
(St. Petersburg Times)   Republican lawmakers introduce bill requiring state parks to build a golf course  (tampabay.com) (112)
(charlotte observer.com)   Inmate found with joint rolled from torn page of Bible. No word if it was Exodus 19:8 or Leviticus 16:2-13  (charlotteobserver.com) (86)
(Al-Jazeera English)   Remember that wacky Chinese editorial about Charlie Sheen? The writer slipped that past his Communist editors to parody Chinese propaganda  (blogs.aljazeera.net) (20)
(Sun Sentinel)   Car manufacturers really need to stop putting the ejection seat button right next to the radio  (sun-sentinel.com) (12)
(Life.com)   Not news: Cache of photographs discovered in London. News: Least offensive of the lot features a woman dressed as Al Jolson in blackface. Fark: The woman is Eva Braun  (life.com) (141)
(NBC Miami)   Burger King employees fail to let customer have a whopper her way, so she decides to jump over the counter and start fighting them. And yes, there's video of the assault  (nbcmiami.com) (105)
(Some Guy)   How to wear a bra. It's a slide show, but it's a slide show of women showing their bras. (Read the headline, and decide for yourself if it's safe for work or not)  (brisbanetimes.com.au) (lots)
(The Age (Melbourne))   Michelangelo's David has a famously small flaccid member - turns out it is actually stiff.... with fear  (theage.com.au) (93)
(wtsp.com)   Creepiest caterpillar invasion video you'll see all day  (wtsp.com) (15)
(bgdailynews.com)   Kentucky city hopes its ceramic Squirrels on the Square will attract tourists, dogs, Farkers  (bgdailynews.com) (13)
(Yahoo)   BBC provides us with in-depth analysis of how William might reign as King- and by "reign" they of course mean "read a speech once a year the Prime Minister wrote for him and host a lot of garden parties"  (news.yahoo.com) (130)
(Herald Tribune)   Stephen King: Florida's new governor might be star of my next horror novel  (heraldtribune.com) (63)
(Fox 41)   Stop me if you've heard this one before: A couple walk into Wendy's and pass out at a table  (fox41.com) (22)
(BBC)   Scientists discover ice caps melting and seas rising faster than previously expected. But ice loss causes a fractional reduction in gravity, improving your backstroke, so it's a wash  (bbc.co.uk) (347)
(Hartford Courant)   The "three-year glitch" has now replaced the "seven-year itch" as the point of which British couples start hating each other  (courant.com) (27)
(MSNBC)   The pluralistic blush is off the Egyptian rose  (msnbc.msn.com) (59)
(NYPost)   Fidel Castro, the stogie-chomping revolutionary, is now an official hipster as he gets more than 100,000 followers on Twitter  (nypost.com) (32)
(USA Today)   The story of Pancho Villa serves a cautionary tale about why we should hate Muslims. Or something, hell, I don't know. You read it  (usatoday.com) (79)
(Some Guy)   If you bring your kids along to buy drugs and end up getting robbed at gunpoint, calling the cops will only make matters worse  (news-journalonline.com) (11)
(Salon)   How "Dungeons & Dragons" changed my life, well, aside from the never getting laid part  (salon.com) (214)
(BBC)   If Hitler had won the war you and I would all be speaking German right now... What's that?... Sorry, better English right now  (bbc.co.uk) (57)
(LA Times)   Retailers are so desperate for business, they are manufacturing another shopping holiday: Green Thursday  (latimes.com) (25)
(Wikipedia)   Well, Ash Wednesday is here. What are you giving up for Lent?  (en.wikipedia.org) (391)
(CNN)   All you countries who may have had relations with the U.S. in the past may want to get tested. Just sayin'  (cnn.com) (19)
(Some Guy)   National Public Resignation  (1035superx.com) (72)
(Spaceflight Now)   DISCOVERY'S FINAL LANDING. Deorbit burn at 10:52 EST, touchdown at 11:57. Follow progress with NASA-TV feed here  (spaceflightnow.com) (268)
(MSNBC)   Not news: Mom gives daughter driving lesson. Also Not News: Mom, brother and mom's boyfriend are all in the car. News: Daughter is 10 years old. Fark: Why, yes, alcohol was a factor, how did you guess?  (msnbc.msn.com) (30)
(CBS 46 Atlanta)   Young mother arrested after her baby's cooing in a public library gets her thrown out. Shocked local residents ask, "people still go to libraries?"  (cbsatlanta.com) (169)
(Yahoo)   Don't like how your sex offender trial is going? Don't try fleeing in open court unless you want to be tackled by court staff...the judge in fact. The judge in full robe and whig. He is da law  (news.yahoo.com) (40)
(NBC DFW)   Douche-Bag riding his douche-cycle, in the park, recues drowning family. He might even get a Douche-Bag Medal, too. Douche-bag  (nbcdfw.com) (174)
(My Fox DC)   What's the difference between a staple gun, a tattoo gun, a water gun and a caulk gun? Only one will get you expelled if you're carrying it during school  (myfoxdc.com) (78)
(STLToday)   News: 75 year-old hoarder found dead in her home. Fark: As the home was being cleaned out, the mummified remains of the hoarder's mother were also found. No one had heard from her since 1993  (stltoday.com) (182)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this tribute to disco (or whatever the hell it really is)  (maasrowe.com) (35)
(New York Daily News)   1) Serve in the US Army, 2) get honorably discharged and 3) get citizenship? Not so fast there  (nydailynews.com) (89)
(Chicago Tribune)   17-year-old dies a victim of shaken baby syndrome. Go ahead, re-read that, I'll wait  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (55)
(BBC)   Details on Bigfoot's freedom of speech law suit are almost as fuzzy as his videos  (bbc.co.uk) (23)
(Huffington Post)   News: Chinese dissident creates a Facebook account using a name without documentation to avoid arrest. Facebook bans him. Fark: Then Mark Zuckerberg creates a profile for his dog  (huffingtonpost.com) (69)
(New York Daily News)   After a brief search, airport custom officials find $170,000 in woman's underwear  (nydailynews.com) (46)
(Boston Globe)   Not news: Your mom calling you to get up and go to school. News: Your principal calling you to get up and go to school. FARK: Magic Johnson calling you to get up and go to school  (boston.com) (42)
(Mother Nature Network)   The new definition of insanity: Remarrying your ex-wife and expecting things will be better this time  (mnn.com) (145)
(Snooze on 6)   Oklahoma leads the nation in women behind bars -- lonely, lonely women that want your love  (newson6.com) (58)
(Some Stoner)   When hiding your weed from the cops, kick it ALL THE WAY under the police car (w/ AWW DUDE mugshot)  (click2houston.com) (42)
(Canoe)   Pastor, church members steal $1 million from Canadian zoo. Hippocritical behavior causes widespead pandamonium  (cnews.canoe.ca) (48)
(Reason Magazine)   "We've replaced this defendant's court appointed attorney with a police officer pretending to be an attorney. Let's see if anyone notices"  (reason.com) (171)
(Some Pedestrian)   Photoshop this impolite pointer  (fototelegraf.ru) (44)
(Remaining half of 'fro)   Man sits down for haircut and then things get all stabby. Mugshot hilarity included  (stamfordadvocate.com) (39)
(Daily Tribune)   News: Man found dead. Fark: near top of 1,000-foot radio tower. Ultra-Fark: wearing only a T-shirt and underwear  (dailytribune.com) (113)
(AZCentral)   I said MAN BITES OFF PART OF ROOMMATE'S EAR. YES, ALCOHOL WAS INVOLVED  (azcentral.com) (32)

Tue March 08, 2011
(TribLocal.com)   Woman flies cross-country to seek revenge on husband... by cutting crotches out of companion's pants  (triblocal.com) (56)
(wtsp.com)   True or False: It's ok to steal if it is your aunt's birthday  (wtsp.com) (21)
(Some Winner)   Guy punches his mom then attacks a police officer. Mugshot shows what happened next  (kltv.com) (74)
(Some Guy)   Dating website inspires couples to start "gun in your face" night  (phillyburbs.com) (60)
(Daily Mail)   Mom furious that teacher stapled a bad progress report to son's shirt. Under his sweatshirt. After requesting that she be sent notes on his progress. And complaining that the notes never made it home  (dailymail.co.uk) (155)
(Miller-McCune)   New public transit system comes to DC area. Fark: It's free, and no government agencies were involved  (miller-mccune.com) (98)
(Politico)   Harry Reid wants you to know that if it wasn't for the National Endowment for the Humanities, tens of thousands of cowboys in Nevada would not exist. Wait, what?  (politico.com) (62)
(The New York Times)   And, the Happiest Man in America Award goes to a Chinese-Hawaiian Jew with a Viagra-commercial smile. Mazel Tov  (nytimes.com) (76)
(madison.com)   Wearing hand-me-down clothes? Thrifty. Wearing your dead husband's teeth? Creepy  (host.madison.com) (32)
(Salon)   Fake Web site set up by NPR scammer James O'Keefe ends up fooling anti-Muslim Teabaggers into pretty much confirming their racism  (salon.com) (290)
(LA Times)   Researchers dub the Deep South "America's Diabetes Belt." The South shall rise again...just as soon as someone finds a front end loader to break through their bedroom wall and lift them out of their own disgusting filth  (latimes.com) (164)
(Reno Gazette-Journal)   The cutest pictures of a kitten in impromptu blackface you'll see until your cat gets into the shoe polish again  (rgj.com) (149)
(Washington Post)   Not news: Muslim protesters demonstrate outside US Embassy. Fark: Begging for US intervention  (washingtonpost.com) (104)
(The New York Times)   Florida GOP is experiencing more than a little buyer's remorse over their new Governor  (nytimes.com) (180)
(Daily Breeze)   Billions of dead anchovies surface in California yacht harbor (w/ pics). Pelicans and pizza chefs rush to cleanup  (dailybreeze.com) (99)
(Spiegel)   Photoshop these orange oddities  (spiegel.de) (19)
(WWL)   Happy Mardi Gras from all us Gulf Coast farkers. Sorry you had to work today  (imgsrv.wwl.com) (97)
(WESH Orlando)   Man files lawsuit claiming severed foot was stolen, says he's not sure what his next steps will be  (wesh.com) (35)
(WPRO)   Rhode Island school in battle over separation of Church and smallest State  (630wpro.com) (81)
(Washington Post)   Japanese Americans rise up to defend Muslim Americans from discrimination and persecution, forming a bond. An axis, if you will  (washingtonpost.com) (155)
(Talking Points Memo)   Tea Party is pretty pissed about being called "seriously racist people" by NPR exec on hidden camera  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com) (804)
(Houston Chronicle)   O2 bandit escapes into thin air. Police gasping at straws as investigation tanks  (chron.com) (18)
(UPI)   Palm print on toilet seat leads to arrest, burglar held in loo of $30K bond  (upi.com) (22)
(WPXI)   Road rage shooting suspect: "I didn't want to kill him, after I shot him, I made sure he was alive"  (wpxi.com) (85)
(Washington Post)   Private industry is always more efficient than government, as demonstrated by guards contracted to protect the Social Security Administration, who were able to perform roving patrols while seated at their desks  (voices.washingtonpost.com) (73)
(Some Guy)   Texans to vote on secesa....suces....oh screw it, Texas wants out of the US, its own Fark tag  (mikechurch.com) (648)
(Chicago Tribune)   Ex-cop on trial for assisting a motorist. Did I say assisting? I meant ass-kicking  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (73)
(Some Guy)   'He, Charlie Sheen, ignored his own father's advice to keep quiet, who was once the president of the US. Sheen is a disgrace, unfilial to his father and his fatherland.'  (beijing.globaltimes.cn) (163)
(Washington Post)   Obama creates indefinite detention system for terrorists at Gitmo. Promises he really will shut it down someday to make dumb people happy  (washingtonpost.com) (397)
(Daily Mail)   Watch out for the supermoon, with its extra mooniness  (dailymail.co.uk) (62)
(The Consumerist)   Confessions of a Middle Aged Staples Employee  (consumerist.com) (69)
(NYPost)   Why are real men are so hard to find? It's because women are moving ahead in the workplace and provider husbands, fathers are now optional. Soooo, man up, ya ''child-man' slackers  (nypost.com) (380)
(AlJazeera)   Ghadaffi's mercs execute soldiers who are reluctant to perform massacres. Thus alienating the only people in the country who like him  (english.aljazeera.net) (45)
(Des Moines Register)   Doctors tell woman if she doesn't have an abortion, her baby will die regardless and she herself will become disabled. But Nebraska law meant she could not have the abortion, and she was forced to carry her baby to term and...yeah  (desmoinesregister.com) (401)
(Some Guy)   Police raid your house by mistake once: Our bad. Twice: It will never happen again, we promise. 80th time: Um, perhaps you should move  (copblock.org) (64)
(Some Guy)   Judge: "It's an automatic ban for 100mph". Motorist: "But there was a nasty foreigner" Judge: "Okay then"  (swns.com) (28)
(ABC Action News)   Police find cocaine in Girl Scout cookie box...giggity  (abcactionnews.com) (23)
(Some Guy)   During a well-deserved break from evading the Terminator, Amtrak's top cop bans TSA from all Amtrak facilities for unconsitutional searches  (cs.trains.com) (107)
(WTSP.com)   Not news: Swat team called out, neighborhood evacuated after Dunkin Donuts robbed. Florida: Police send entire neighborhood to the Dunkin Donuts  (wtsp.com) (16)
(Talking Points Memo)   Utah approves gold and silver as legal tender. This is not a repeat from the Paleolithic age  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com) (96)
(I Heart Chaos)   And for no real reason, here's a picture of Hunter S. Thompson, John Cusack and Johnny Depp in a car with a blow-up doll  (iheartchaos.com) (58)
(Some Guy)   WikiLeaks reveals: Saudi royalty takes drugs, has sex, and parties like the rest of us  (businessinsider.com) (52)
(Telegraph)   BBC has hired an atheist to tell us that God had a wife and Eve wasn't such a bad gal, she was just misunderstood  (telegraph.co.uk) (87)
(Washington Post)   The government spends $4 to $5 on seniors for every dollar spent on children. Why is that? Well for one thing, children don't vote  (washingtonpost.com) (146)
(Reuters)   Bill Gates Foundation costs him richest-man title  (reuters.com) (159)
(Some Guy)   Man arrested for making "cat bombs" (with helpful instructions on how to make cat bombs, and, yes, it is in W.V.)  (articles.herald-mail.com) (78)
(CNNGo)   The 5 essential dishes behind Thai cuisine. The most mouth-watering pics you'll see today  (cnngo.com) (80)
(CNNGo)   St. Patrick's Day parade cancelled in Shanghai for being "too threatening to political stability". In unrelated news, political stability is the new euphemism for sobriety  (cnngo.com) (19)
(WPXI)   A moose got high with my sister  (wpxi.com) (29)
(Some Winner)   Charlie Sheen is looking for a "social media intern." That would look good on the ol' resume  (digitalspy.com) (84)
(FARK)   Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2011-02-27 to Sat 2011-03-05  (fark.com) (12)
(Yahoo)   Kaspar the friendly robot helps autistic kids, gives the rest of us the creeps  (news.yahoo.com) (37)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Famous last words to a cop armed with a Taser: "You can't tell me what to do"  (nwfdailynews.com) (90)
(New York Daily News)   Defendant: I have a right to wear my pants on the ground. Judge: Not in our house  (nydailynews.com) (83)
(The Chattanoogan)   Today is both Fat Tuesday and the 100th anniversary of International Women's Day, so all you empowered, sex-positive, third-wave feminists know what to do  (chattanoogan.com) (216)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this dino touch  (bigpicture.ru) (22)
(CNN)   Gas prices are still high. More on this tomorrow, when we'll report that gas prices are STILL HIGH  (money.cnn.com) (74)
(Herald Tribune)   Slideshow of models doing their little turn on the catwalk at Paris Fashion Week. Mugatu did not show his Derelicte collection, but apparently a falcon on your arm is part of the "ready-to-wear" collection   (galleries.heraldtribune.com) (36)
(Mother Nature Network)   Six edible invasive species recipes. Come for the fennel-infused vodka, stay for the lionfish nachos  (mnn.com) (29)
(CNN)   "911, what is your emergency?" "Uhh yeah hi I just broke into this guy's house but I felt the need to take a shower and uhh...oh God..they're home. I think they might have a gun Please help me"  (cnn.com) (83)
(nhregister.com)   When high school swimmers take their marks in competition, it will no longer be at the pool named for coach charged with having 1,000 images of child pornography  (nhregister.com) (23)
(Beatcalls)   I will not bring a 9mm to school - I will not bring a 9mm to school - I will not bring a 9mm to school - I will not bring a 9mm to school - I will not bring a 9mm to school - I will not bring a 9mm to school - I will not bring a 9mm to school  (beatcalls.com) (96)
(Yahoo)   Five health reasons why your morning coffee is **flips coin** GOOD for you  (shine.yahoo.com) (54)
(Canoe)   Ick: Man convicted of assault with a used condom on his girlfriend. Double ick: "The woman did not know who the condom belonged to as she had some company over who had stayed in her bedroom"  (cnews.canoe.ca) (52)
(ESPN)   Barry Bonds' increased hat and shoe size will be used as evidence against him at trial. Still no comment about his deceased ball size  (sports.espn.go.com) (70)
(New York Daily News)   Authorities warned suspect is armed and dangerous, covered in blue liquid  (nydailynews.com) (19)
(USA Today)   Who waves a machete around while on the roof? Who has a machete, anyway? Charlie Sheen, that's who  (content.usatoday.com) (90)
(KMOV St. Louis)   Teacher quits job after a student 'accidentally' finds her on a porn site; you would hit her milfy goodness today  (kmov.com) (313)
(Some Guy)   Website devoted to all the makeshift toilets pooping up in New Zealand after the devasting earthquake  (showusyourlongdrop.co.nz) (29)
(Daily Mail)   Teacher who had sex with schoolboy, 15, is spared jail after judge says: 'He touched you first'  (dailymail.co.uk) (141)
(Chicago Tribune)   "Library of the future" opens in suburban Chicago featuring amenities such as Nintendo Wii, plasma TVs, and not a single book in sight  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (168)
(UPI)   Research at the Farmers Market Institute suggests elderly half as likely to see pedestrians  (upi.com) (23)
(io9)   I don't know if it is the coolest you will see in whatever amount of time, but if the sheer awesomeness of this doesn't leave you breathless you have no soul  (io9.com) (180)
(WKMG)   Another reason to date older men: They're so polite, they'll take you to the hospital after shooting you in the face  (clickorlando.com) (20)
(BBC)   Rare 400 year old bible found in UK church. Described as being in near pristine condition with only four of the Ten Commandments broken  (bbc.co.uk) (69)
(Some Guy)   Want to pet a moose? That's a kickin  (adn.com) (50)
(AJC)   Atlanta area "Sovereign Citizens" are moving into foreclosed buildings on the grounds that banks cannot own property or land. The FBI, while intrigued, does not want to subscribe to their newsletter  (ajc.com) (259)
(Some Girl)   Photoshop these jaywalkers   (spinspinspin.files.wordpress.com) (32)
(Daily Mail)   If you are seated in an exit row, you may be called upon to fondle the female passenger next to you and karate chop the air marshal in the neck  (dailymail.co.uk) (50)
(Herald Tribune)   Pro tip: When your son is being questioned about a stolen cell phone, and you're hiding that phone in your purse, be sure to turn off the ringer  (heraldtribune.com) (38)
(UPI)   Woman who lost hand in accident gets transplant 5 years later, says she's having a hard time coming to grips with it  (upi.com) (47)

Mon March 07, 2011
(AZCentral)   Jared Loughner's lawyer wants his trial delayed until 2013 so she can spend two years fabricating non-existent evidence to save him from the death penalty. TWO YEARS  (azcentral.com) (199)
(Yahoo)   Joran van der Sloot may only get 20 months for murder even after admiting that he slammed Stephany Flores in the face with his elbow then strangled her for a full minute before taking off his shirt and asphyxiating her  (news.yahoo.com) (109)
(UPI)   Researchers warn of denture adhesive dangers, panic grips elderly  (upi.com) (28)
(Fox 5 Atlanta)   Helicopter parents upset after their snowflakes were suspended from school for falsely accusing a teacher of pedophilia  (myfoxatlanta.com) (229)
(Daily Herald)   It takes a special kind of drunk to blow a stop sign and hit a house. On the 2nd floor  (dailyherald.com) (61)
(SFGate)   Scientists were just as happy to see the giant penis frog as he was to see them  (sfgate.com) (33)
(Wall Street Journal)   "Office Rents Dip on Park Avenue." Huh. I always just buy my dip  (online.wsj.com) (41)
(Some Radiated Guy)   Solar flare warning issued for South Africa. Extreme SPF sunscreen recommended. No, seriously  (technology.iafrica.com) (90)
(Huffington Post)   2009: Republicans accuse Democrats of trying to kill Grandma. 2011: Republicans are actually killing Grandma  (huffingtonpost.com) (349)
(Some Guy)   If you lost your head in a Minneapolis park, police would like to hear from you  (minnesota.cbslocal.com) (32)
(Some poll)   In the annual popularity contest among nations, Germany is Miss Congeniality; the four most disliked are Israel, Pakistan, North Korea and Iran. The U.S. did, however, win the swimsuit competition  (worldpublicopinion.org) (53)
(SFGate)   A man's final moment with his dog. Getting through this nearly impossible without getting tons of things in eyes  (sfgate.com) (178)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop these reaching residents  (online.wsj.com) (26)
(Reuters)   Gaddafi: "Let's hold a meeting to let me step aside with immunity from trial." Opposition: "No"  (reuters.com) (87)
(UPI)   Woman charged with scamming nuns denies it's habitual  (upi.com) (20)
(NPR)   As every good Farker should know, there is only one way to improve a veggie burger  (npr.org) (160)
(KPTV)   Armed man robs Plaid Pantry store, police surprised to find no one kilt  (kptv.com) (21)
(Salon)   Reporter, to Alabama State Senator who introduced a measure to ban Sharia law: "What's Sharia law?" The Senator's response: "I have no idea"  (salon.com) (161)
(Vanity Fair)   Do you really care that Mark Zuckerberg got a puppy?  (vanityfair.com) (126)
(BBC)   Tunisia dissolves secret police. Double secret police fear for their jobs  (bbc.co.uk) (38)
(NYPost)   Residents in the club-centric hub of NYC's Lower East Side are raising a stink over the manure minefield they're forced to navigate and they want the mounted NYPD cops to cut the crap  (nypost.com) (71)
(Daily Mail)   Reject baby spider monkey clings to stuffed animal mommy with heart-wrenching pics  (dailymail.co.uk) (95)
(Some Guy)   Border agents have seized on a fine new way to nab illegal immigrants: Grab them as they're already returning to Mexico  (fronterasdesk.org) (130)
(KING-5)   "We're people we're not monsters. We've just made a different type of mistake than someone else" explains the rapist as Seattle weighs whether to give ex-cons minority status  (king5.com) (152)
(NYPost)   Airline veteran gets 'pink slip' after 54 years working for American Airlines for using a derogatory term for gays during a bull session about "Don't Ask Don't Tell". Fark: He was defending their right to serve  (nypost.com) (150)
(News.com.au)   Generation X and Y identified as least likely to clean dryer lint filters. Talk about your fluff piece  (news.com.au) (160)
(CNN)   Adorable Senator thinks iPhones and iPads are manufactured in the United States   (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com) (192)
(Some Guy)   Protip: If your snowflake is trying to show off their 'hip' side with a fake tongue ring, make sure they know that they're not supposed to swallow [the ring, that is]  (kdvr.com) (40)
(The Courier)   Fark-ready headline: Royal Zoological Society of Scotland denies 'concealing' beavers  (thecourier.co.uk) (19)
(The Smoking Gun)   Man turns self in with "Lick Me" written on his forehead, no word on what his tramp stamp says  (thesmokinggun.com) (25)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Florida wants to raise the minimum driving age to 18, still no maximum  (orlandosentinel.com) (110)
(Yahoo)   Brazilian Carnival group tries to bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, back from devastating warehouse fire  (news.yahoo.com) (25)
(The New York Times)   The New Economy: NJ town has laid off so many police officers that the Chief has started making arrests personally  (nytimes.com) (65)
(Daily Mail)   Cyndi Lauper makes the most of a flight delay and breaks into song  (dailymail.co.uk) (68)
(Fox News)   Timely advice for the average American courtesy of FoxNews: "How to survive a pirate attack"  (foxnews.com) (59)
(Some Guy)   US Marshals office cancels a program that has let thousands of fugitives safely surrender to authorities in Churches, complaining that the program is just too expensive to fund. The yearly cost? $250,000  (officer.com) (83)
(Yahoo)   After a shocking terror attack in New York City, lawmakers rushed to enact laws that critics said trampled the Constitution, but supporters insited was the only way to counter the threated to the US posed by radicial-Germanism?  (news.yahoo.com) (39)
(Mother Nature Network)   Not to be outdone by Japan, China is now the land of the rising suns  (mnn.com) (34)
(Yahoo)   Mattel shuts down the Shanghai-based House of Barbie. Apparently the Exploited Factory Worker Making $0.12/hr Barbie and the Jailed and Tortured Dissident Barbie, just weren't as big sellers as they'd hoped  (news.yahoo.com) (23)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this head scratcher  (online.wsj.com) (32)
(NYPost)   Great news for New Yorkers: Air-traffic controllers monitoring the Big Apple's choked airspace rack up mistakes at more than twice the national average. Happy burning, flaming exhaust trails  (nypost.com) (25)
(Iceland Review)   Air Iceland flight makes emergency landing in Nuuk. Airline spokesman Curly unavailable for comment  (icelandreview.com) (23)
(Some Guy)   Terminally ill 9-year-old gets his one wish granted: to become a Soldier in the U.S. Army  (thefortpolkguardian.com) (230)
(The New York Times)   Having commited no crime and having court documents to prove it? Yeah, that'll be 8 days in jail and two strip searches  (nytimes.com) (113)
(CNNGo)   The Chinese government's newest priority is ordering citizens to be happy  (cnngo.com) (43)
(Baltimore Sun)   Maryland restaurants with outdoor seating are going to the dogs  (baltimoresun.com) (59)
(The Tennessean)   Greens, liberals successfully kill off the Easy-Bake Oven  (tennessean.com) (414)
(Some Guy)   If you're growing pot in your home, make sure the utility man doesn't mistake the bleating of your pet goats for a wailing baby  (clevescene.com) (21)
(Some Guy)   Man found asleep in his car clutching his security blanket. And by security blanket we mean Bud Light  (morningjournal.com) (9)
(News.com.au)   Man shoots himself with friend's gun while playing Russian Roulette. Gun owner is charged with murder. There goes subby's business plan of Russian Roullette by Mail  (news.com.au) (65)
(BBC)   Urban devastation theme park ride criticized as 'tasteless' for featuring crashed airplane next to major airport. Animatronic vault dwellers and super mutants still okay  (bbc.co.uk) (33)
(Some Guy)   Study finds two-thirds of Americans not getting enough sleep because they use their computer, text, or play video games well into the night. In other news, this article was submitted to Fark at 3:04am PST  (northjersey.com) (29)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   City of Chicago is spending $2.5 million on solar powered trash compactors  (suntimes.com) (61)
(The Sun)   World's youngest granny is 23. The (grand) son is there. (w/non-gilfy photo)  (thesun.co.uk) (99)
(FARK)   The hardest thing you've ever done, share it  (fark.com) (1140)
(BBC)   Volcano erupts in Hawaii. Some teabaggers remain unconvinced, insist it happened in Kenya  (bbc.co.uk) (47)
(CNN)   Either a great name for a game show or a gay porn, CNN asks, "What's inside Mubarak's closet?"   (globalpublicsquare.blogs.cnn.com) (10)
(Washington Post)   The Republican party is on the verge of legally eliminating unions as a viable democratic voting block. What group should they work to disenfranchise next? Hm...how about college students? Yeah, college students  (washingtonpost.com) (192)
(TC Palm)   'Cookie Monster' busted in Florida after crumby crime. 'A' is for arrest. Bonus photo  (blogs.tcpalm.com) (26)
(SLTrib)   Man builds UFO landing strip. You know, for art  (sltrib.com) (19)
(People Magazine)   You know you may be in serious trouble if Gary Busey starts worrying about you  (people.com) (28)
(TMZ)   Marijuana dispensaries in California now sell a new strain of cannabis that will melt your face off while your children weep over your exploded body  (tmz.com) (154)
(AL.com)   Danica Patrick is becoming the Paris Hilton of NASCAR  (al.com) (232)
(Some Guy)   Israeli model bitten by snake after attempting to lick it. This is not a repeat from Genesis  (news.ninemsn.com.au) (49)
(Aint-It-Cool-News)   The Lord Of The Rings extended versions are coming to Blu Ray. Now witness the farewell in Return Of The King in the original 17 1/2 year cut  (aintitcool.com) (178)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)   After pelting us with useless Charlie Sheen updates for weeks, the AP stops and asks us if all of this Charlie Sheen gossip is good for us  (startribune.com) (34)
(Yahoo)   British press points out that Prince has a friend N.A.M.ed Jeffery Archer. But, royals are B.L.A.se on the matter  (ca.news.yahoo.com) (27)
(Yahoo)   Discovery leaves space station for the last time. Now the space farers will return home after a send-off by Captain Kirk...and they are all wearing red shirts  (news.yahoo.com) (41)
(Denver Channel)   Woman uses knowledge acquired from the "Twilight" saga to fight off would be rapist  (thedenverchannel.com) (70)
(Some Guy)   Gaddafi attempts to bring his people together by sending aid to rebels. Just kidding, he's using tactical nukes on them  (veteranstoday.com) (187)
(wtsp.com)   List of 101 things every Floridian should do in 2011. "Learn how to drive without blinker on" suspiciously absent  (wtsp.com) (44)
(PhysOrg.com)   Researchers link Type 2 diabetes to carbohydrates. You gonna finish those fries?  (physorg.com) (122)
(Chicago Tribune)   Continental decides coach passengers don't need a comforting package of nuts after having their package and nuts examined   (chicagobreakingbusiness.com) (58)
(CBS News)   You may find this shocking and difficult to believe, but Andy Rooney hates ebooks. Whoever he is  (cbsnews.com) (176)
(Herald Tribune)   Lawmakers who didn't read Freakonomics might be raising the number of crime-related Florida tags in 2031  (heraldtribune.com) (86)
(Wall Street Journal)   The 1,000 MPH car. It has three engines - one of which is a Formula 1 racing car engine. And that's only used as a fuel pump  (blogs.wsj.com) (170)
(Toronto Sun)   Hallucinogenic mushrooms used 6000 years ago by ancient humans. That definitely explains early man's high morel standing  (torontosun.com) (81)
(Washington Post)   North and South Cackylacky feud over Andrew Jackson's real birthplace. South Cackylacky: "Come on, man. This is all we have"  (washingtonpost.com) (78)
(BBC)   As rebels attempt to hold gains in Libya, Moonmar the Gadfly attempts to bring immigration and race cards into play  (bbc.co.uk) (34)
(Washington Post)   Arctic plankton are blooming 50 days earlier and could disrupt the entire ecosystem AND KILL US ALL EVERYBODY PANIC  (washingtonpost.com) (157)
(YouTube)   Best. Horse name. Ever  (youtube.com) (123)
(Hartford Courant)   Man charged with assault for throwing pot of hot coffee at girlfriend -- grounds for losing any perks he may have had in the relationship  (courant.com) (47)
(Some Guy)   Raven to three substations and a third of Municipal Light and Power customers in Anchorage: Nevermore  (adn.com) (29)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Dentist to get his own cavity filled after arrest for buying pizza with a stolen credit card  (orlandosentinel.com) (61)
(Some Carrara Marble)   Photoshop this revelation  (bigpicture.ru) (19)
(AJC)   Are you pregnant or is that just 21 pounds of ecstasy in your stomach?  (ajc.com) (37)
(Some Guy)   Ron Jeremy debated the founder of XXX Church, the church that plans to relieve Americans of the addiction to porn. They had a long and hard debate that came from all angles. Everyone left satisfied  (king5.com) (84)
(Gizmodo)   Someone built the house from "Up," and it actually works  (gizmodo.com) (71)
(Canoe)   Canadian man dies when his ice house doesn't contain enough ig glue  (cnews.canoe.ca) (64)
(The Age (Melbourne))   Headline: Can music make wine taste better?. Article: No  (theage.com.au) (34)
(Sky News)   Killed soldier, and his dog that died shortly after, to be flown home together. Insert favorite euphemism as to why you're tearing up here  (news.sky.com) (125)
(Globe and Mail)   Imagine living in a town where the only education option for your kids is a Catholic education  (theglobeandmail.com) (452)

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