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Sun March 27, 2011
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(IMDB)   Photoshop Theme: Scorsese's new idea for a kids' show on Nickelodeon  (imdb.com) (54)
(UPI)   Psychologists say comfort food is bad on the waistline, but good for mental health -- almost as if it 'comforts' a person  (upi.com) (116)
(Des Moines Register)   Iowa terror drill involving white supremacists killing immigrants canceled after angry phone calls and emails from white supremacists decrying their portrayal as domestic terrorists, threatening to start killing immigrants if it took place  (desmoinesregister.com) (165)
(Yahoo)   East Libya to begin oil exports, start spending Gadaffi's money  (news.yahoo.com) (65)
(Cracked)   Six things your kids just don't understand  (cracked.com) (452)
(Yahoo)   Japanese planners built Fukushima to survive a once-in-a-century event, instead of a once in a millennium event like some suggested or once-in-an-Old-Ones-Awakening like Americans prefer  (news.yahoo.com) (169)
(Daily Mail)   Streetlights in Lafayette Colorado. Seriously. I mean it  (dailymail.co.uk) (103)
(Examiner)   Just because you're buying us, doesn't mean we won't continue to mock you: T-Mobile to AT&T  (examiner.com) (87)
(Yahoo)   10 extreme chocolate chip cookies. Drooling on your keyboard is allowed  (shine.yahoo.com) (96)
(Huffington Post)   Inventor of Super Glue no longer stuck to life. Coffin to be sealed never to open again  (huffingtonpost.com) (43)
(Quad City Times)   In 1991, Iowa started allowing riverboat gambling on the grounds that as nonprofit groups, they would have to give to local organizations. Twenty years later, the state is full of casinos and everyone is addicted to the money  (qctimes.com) (60)
(Houston Chronicle)   Judge: "You have been arrested for marijuana, but we will drop charges if you sing in my court." Fark: Defendant's name is Willie Nelson  (chron.com) (126)
(Boston Globe)   Get the hyphen out  (boston.com) (169)
(WLSAM)   Report: US hospitals are not prepared for a mass-casualty emergency like an earthquake or a nuke meltdown. Everybody panic  (wlsam.com) (94)
(NYPost)   Did you hear about the Anne Frank museum that's going to built next to the Ground Zero mosque?  (nypost.com) (235)
(News.com.au)   Russia permanently switches to Daylight Savings Time in order to benefit the animals who don't understand the time change  (news.com.au) (89)
(The Raw Story)   National Cancer Institute has ruled that pot does in fact have medical benefits  (rawstory.com) (292)
(Chicago Tribune)   How to start a home bar. Your collection of half-empty liquor bottles strewn around the basement doesn't count  (chicagotribune.com) (174)
(Boston Globe)   After year in "rapid fabrication laboratory" musical sculpture returns to subway next month, where it will produce "resonant and enchanting music" according to author who apparently never heard it in operation  (boston.com) (32)
(CNN)   This CNN story about a man dedicated to making sure kids living in motels are getting fed will restore your faith in humanity. Then the comments below the article will destroy it again  (cnn.com) (291)
(Some Lizard)   Photoshop these hard rockers  (scenicbuenavista.com) (21)
(Patch)   One of Brooklyn's last independent video stores bites the dust today. The news is spreading like wildfire over Prodigy message boards  (parkslope.patch.com) (123)
(Concord Monitor)   New Hampshire lepidophiles raise rare butterfly species discovered by Vladimir Nabokov. "Once you release them, you see them mating immediately"  (concordmonitor.com) (42)
(Chicago Tribune)   Chicago man busted with more than $4.8 million worth of pot. Police are excited to have stopped $2 million in drugs from hitting the streets, while the city of Chicago eagerly awaits the seizure proceeds from the $700K bust  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (33)
(Telegraph)   Scratch one from the list of humankind's long-standing questions: Scientists prove itching is contagious  (telegraph.co.uk) (29)
(Toronto Sun)   Kid who outed porn secretary faces suspension, unliking, possible deportation to Sweden  (torontosun.com) (253)
(Chicago Tribune)   Rising costs means no COLA, soda, or pop for Social Security recipients again this year  (chicagotribune.com) (162)
(BBC)   So about that massive radiation spike...oops...our bad  (bbc.co.uk) (467)
(BBC)   Hot soldier is only fourth woman to receive Britain's Military Cross  (bbc.co.uk) (113)
(WXYZ Detroit)   Another sign America's youth are flabby and out of shape: 13-year-old boy hospitalized for a week after doing push-ups at school as punishment  (wxyz.com) (216)
(Daily Mail)   They've finally gotten round to making an Owner's Manual - for the Titanic  (dailymail.co.uk) (47)
(Sun Sentinel)   You know how experts predicted freezes and droughts would kill off the Burmese pythons that have invaded the Everglades? Yeah, about that  (sun-sentinel.com) (48)
(Science News)   Would you give up your ability to feel pain if it meant also giving up your sense of smell? Here comes the science  (sciencenews.org) (77)
(MSNBC)   Here's the proof that we were all created and not evolved  (msnbc.msn.com) (457)
(AP)   The Bronx Zoo would like you to know that the majority of their poisonous cobra snakes are safely locked inside their enclosures  (hosted.ap.org) (32)
(Some Double Moonbow Guy)   Double Moonbow OMG  (spaceweather.com) (72)
(CNN)   John Hinckley's doctor says he's no longer a threat. Zombie Reagan disagrees, brains  (cnn.com) (47)
(Reuters)   In most countries, ancient Greek/Roman ruins would be a major tourist draw. In Libya, their Greek/Roman ruins are inhabited by goats  (reuters.com) (59)
(BBC)   Radioactivity at Fukushima's Reactor 2 is now 10 MILLION times the usual level, and all workers have been evacuated, leaving the reactor to presumably melt down. Didn't think of this one, did you Dr. Strangelove?  (bbc.co.uk) (299)
(News.com.au)   12 year old sleepover goes all Freddy Krueger  (news.com.au) (98)
(CNN)   If you lost a 40" gold chain necklace with a cross and medallion with Latin letters about 30 miles from Key West, I know who's got it  (news.blogs.cnn.com) (34)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop these bowl builders  (4.bp.blogspot.com) (18)
(Washington Post)   If your last name is Glass, something like Glass's glass store is a cool idea. If your last name is Cokayne... not so much  (washingtonpost.com) (58)
(Captain Obvious)   People with no money want cheap cars that get good gas milage. To the Romero-Copter  (abclocal.go.com) (182)
(Seattle Times)   Students stunned when their professor says he's going back to Libya to be the rebel finance minister  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (57)

Sat March 26, 2011
(The Atlantic)   Photoshop these Marlboro Reds  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (30)
(Wall Street Journal)   Historians in Virginia and North Carolina are arguing over which state lost more troops in the War Between the Stats  T-Shirt  (online.wsj.com) (94)
(BBC)   Not news: Liquor store to close due to competition. Holy FARK: It opened in the year 1617  (bbc.co.uk) (62)
(CNN)   CNN discovers that your dog is harming the environment, forgets that humans didn't invent dogs. Your dog wants real journalism back  (cnn.com) (227)
(SeattlePI)   Female teacher gives 17-year-old male oral sex cause he was suicidal. Yeah, that's the ticket. Oral sex, what can't it do?  (seattlepi.com) (170)
(Some Canadian)   Canadian soldier enroute to the airport to deploy to Afghanistan, stops to alert family of a balcony fire, puts out the fire and still makes the plane. That's the Canadian way, eh  (cfax1070.com) (85)
(Gawker)   Kids today don't know what White-Out or a Ditto Machine are, fail to get high in High School  (tv.gawker.com) (92)
(Chicago Tribune)   Ecstasy use accounts for dramatic rise in ER visits, face licking, glow stick purchases  (chicagotribune.com) (118)
(Billings Gazette)   Cool: Radio Shack giving away free guns. The Catch: you have to sign up for Dish Network  (billingsgazette.com) (106)
(Some Guy)   This great woman, who was a "computer" during WWII, and last of her kind, died this past week. Read about this heroine  (ghanamma.com) (76)
(My Fox NY)   New York subway train severs man's leg and chops part of arm after he jumps on tracks to avoid police. He should have known: Subway...eats flesh  (myfoxny.com) (78)
(The Smoking Gun)   Take one guess at which of these two women was arrested for overcharging $16 for a beej  (thesmokinggun.com) (87)
(BBC)   Something called "MySpace" loses 10 million members in one month  (bbc.co.uk) (112)
(WTNH)   Science teacher resigns over allegations of inappropriate conduct with students. It's a male, so don't get your hopes up  (wtnh.com) (22)
(Some Guy)   During a time of tragedy, it's always comforting to know you can still rally around a steakhouse  (vindy.com) (15)
(Slate)   "OMG" finally makes it into the Oxford English Dictionary after years of use. 96 years, to be precise. WTF?  (slate.com) (72)
(New York Daily News)   Removing any doubt as to whether clowns are scary  (nydailynews.com) (77)
(Some Guy)   What's worse than finding a half-naked man sleeping inside a Panera Bread bathroom? If you said "Finding a half-naked man sleeping with porn inside a Panera Bread bathroom," you're the big winner  (minnesota.cbslocal.com) (44)
(AL.com)   Forrest Gump named the best film character of our time. Darth Vader, Cool Hand Luke, Jake LaMotta, and Clark Griswald all demand a recount  (blog.al.com) (291)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this contamination check  (online.wsj.com) (20)
(Some Activist)   At 8:30 PM on Saturday 26th March 2011 people around the world will turn off their lights for an hour  (earthhour.org) (271)
(AL.com)   Principal says students will be banned from Prom if they participate in a senior ditch day. "Many students had no idea that skipping school that day carried such consequences"  (blog.al.com) (155)
(Fox News)   Abercrombie & Fitch now selling itty bitty bikini tops with padding to make your little snowflake look sexy... because every 8-year-old girl needs a little breast enhancement  (foxnews.com) (254)
(Cherokee Chronicle Times)   Quote from police officer in 1961: "Our officers are instructed to travel at least five miles under the speed limit when on routine patrol in order to let traffic around"  (chronicletimes.com) (83)
(MSNBC)   "You guys in AZ are lifesavers" California prison official says to counterpart in Arizona after borrowing drugs to carry out executions  (msnbc.msn.com) (55)
(The Eagle Tribune)   Head of anti-poverty agency made $144,000 per year working 15 hours per week. So at least a government program worked for one person  (eagletribune.com) (58)
(LA Times)   Filmmaker Richard Leacock, who invented the cinema verite technique, has died at age 89. Unless you're a film buff or student, you've probably never heard of him, but the man was a genuine legend  (latimes.com) (41)
(Some Guy)   "No, this isn't the line for free government cheese. It's the line for free government TREES"  (silive.com) (41)
(MSNBC) NewsFlash Geraldine Ferraro dead at 75  (msnbc.msn.com) (281)
(NYPost)   They came for the NYC drug dealers and then the hookers and I didn't speak out because I'm not a druggie or a hooker. Then they came for the pub crawlers and there was no one left to speak out for me  (nypost.com) (60)
(CBC)   Canadian driver gets 40 points on his license after being ticketed for driving 145 mph in a -- checks google to translate Canadian to American -- Neon?  (cbc.ca) (104)
(Some Guy)   Four women busted in CT massage parlor for prostitution. Bonus: with helpful "guilty, guilty, meh, innocent" slide show  (greenwichtime.com) (140)
(Some Guy)   Hungry, hungry hippies  (azdailysun.com) (105)
(Yahoo)   Suspect in GA cop-killing ended a stand-off with police after demanding his surrender be broadcast on live TV. Apparently for some reason he didn't think he'd survive the experience otherwise  (news.yahoo.com) (83)
(Washington Post)   Libyan rebels retake Ajdabiya  (washingtonpost.com) (178)
(Some Guy)   Each little snail here / Know how to wail here / That's why it's hotter / Under the water  (english.kyodonews.jp) (13)
(NBC New York)   T☢ky☢ water still th☢ught t☢ be safe t☢ drink  (nbcnewyork.com) (154)
(SFGate)   Most bank thieves use a high speed vehicle to aid in their getaway. Then there are these guys (Bonus: They actually got away)  (sfgate.com) (28)
(Mega Millions)   If you bought a MegaMillions lottery ticket this week, and you live in New York, you just might be having the BEST DAY EVER  (megamillions.com) (173)
(NW Florida Daily News)   You know it's a slow news day when the paper does a story about a man who bought a potato shaped like a heart. "We've got braggin' rights over Idaho now"  (nwfdailynews.com) (22)
(Yahoo)   16.4 million dollar cable bill. . . And you thought yours sucked  (news.yahoo.com) (51)
(Some Guy)   I'm mentally stable, now can I have my 80 cats back?  (healthscout.com) (14)
(Some Ladies)   Photoshop this stalled dancer  (jordanmatter.com) (20)
(AZCentral)   If you find mountain lions on the fairway, you can always try to play the ball without penalty. Otherwise, for one or two mountain lions, it's a two-stroke penalty. For three mountain lions, it's only one stroke  (azcentral.com) (36)
(KTLA)   Your 19-year-old daughter is dating a 33-year-old registered sex offender. Do you C) post flyers at their college offering a $3000 bounty on his delivered corpse?  (ktla.com) (132)
(mansfield news journal)   Lucy the cat, stuck up a tree for the past seven days, is finally rescued in time for Caturday  (mansfieldnewsjournal.com) (1178)
(NPR)   For-profit youth detention center operates with guards that place bets on fights, have sex with inmates or are gang members themselves. Obviously NPR must be defunded  (npr.org) (137)
(AP)   If you're the Libyan government, you know the whole world is against you when an Arabic country is flying combat missions against you, commanded by the Canadian military  (hosted2.ap.org) (55)
(Daily Mail)   Meet Einstein, the world's smallest stallion. He would like to learn to sing Happy Birthday for his upcoming party, but he's just a little horse  (dailymail.co.uk) (51)
(Some Guy)   Officer of the Year candidate arrests a young mother for driving with an expired license. Then he makes sure that her car is parked well off the side of the lonely dark freeway, and that her two year old son is safely secured inside  (ksat.com) (189)
(io9)   Why are these trees completely wrapped in spider webs? Actually, who the fark cares why, just stay the heck away from there  (io9.com) (129)
(Nut)   Photoshop some Louisiana friends for Litter Free Larry  (bastropenterprise.com) (39)
(WLSAM)   Summer help wanted: Sex, drinking, sleeping and a paycheck. Apply Cook County Forest Preserve  (wlsam.com) (58)

Fri March 25, 2011
(NPR)   Do streetlights need headlights?  (npr.org) (88)
(Poughkeepsie Journal)   Gallant calmly reasons out disputes with his loving wife. Goofus assaults his latest ex-girlfriend's new fella, then violates the restraining order...while still in jail  (poughkeepsiejournal.com) (32)
(Some Guy)   If your employment contract contains a "vomit clause," it might be time to start paying attention  (cascadiaprospectus.org) (68)
(WWL)   When you're facing the death penalty in your murder trial, it's generally not a good idea to tell the jury, "If I had an AK-47, I'd kill every last one of y'all with no remorse"  (wwl.com) (177)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   If you happen to be in possession of 2500 rubber ducks, the police in Yorkville IL would like a word with you  (beaconnews.suntimes.com) (66)
(Gothamist)   A mascot for the NYPD? Let Fark handle it  (gothamist.com) (71)
(WDRB Fix 41)   NOTE TO CRIMINALS: It doesn't matter how tough you try to look in your mugshot. If your crime is stealing pansies, you're still gonna get beat up in jail  (fox41.com) (66)
(Some Guy)   If you're embezzling $14k a month from your employer, what do you do with the money? Of course you dump it all into a convenience store video poker machine. Bonus: It's all Obama's fault  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (82)
(The Smoking Gun)   Father of "Jessi Slaughter" arrested for punching 12-year-old Internet "star" in face. Yes, he done goofed  (thesmokinggun.com) (367)
(Stamford Plus)   This is just your annual friendly tax-time reminder to please not be stupid and claim that the 16th Amendment is illegal  (stamfordplus.com) (108)
(Some Guy)   Rosa Parks? Pfffht amateur. Meet Melissa McCafferty, the Dee Snider lookalike who spent this morning sitting on a basketball hoop, protecting it from being torn down by the state DOT. w/pics  (delawareonline.com) (70)
(mynorthwest.com)   Washington man dies trying to revive dead wife  (mynorthwest.com) (82)
(Boston Globe)   A Massachusetts employment organization has canceled its annual job fair because C) there are no jobs  (boston.com) (74)
(PC Magazine)   Netflix is extremely sorry for the recent outages and wants to make up to you by reimbursing you 23 cents  (pcmag.com) (174)
(Yahoo)   The inventor of the Snuggie is so rich, he can afford to burn money to stay warm  (finance.yahoo.com) (87)
(Yahoo)   "Leviticus treats homosexuality as a sin, a capital offense even, but... consider this: Eating shellfish, cutting your sideburns and getting tattoo were equally prohibited"- Jim Bakker- yes, THAT Jim Bakker  (news.yahoo.com) (366)
(Pat's Papers)   The New York Times on how to be a good dictator: "If you're going to be a tyrant, be a wacko"  (patspapers.com) (22)
(Avalanchers.com)   Underpants for your hands and nine other products that shouldn't exist  (mydoubts.net) (51)
(Mother Nature Network)   The chemicals in perfume and cologne may be toxic to all humans except for the lady who works in the cubicle next to you  (mnn.com) (76)
(Journal-Courier)   Geez, a sheriff posts one comment about Jews and homosexuals and suddenly it's a "big deal"  (myjournalcourier.com) (61)
(Daily Mail)   Hurray for a more free Egypt. You know, the kind of freedom that gives us McDonalds, free speech, and the right to have the Army conduct virginity checks on women. Vive le Egypt  (dailymail.co.uk) (68)
(PennLive)   Man who was high on bath salts thought he was being chased by electricity during burglary  (pennlive.com) (73)
(Sun Sentinel)   Remember when Judge Doom got flattened with a steamroller? It isn't nearly as funny in real life  (sun-sentinel.com) (75)
(Some Guy)   Transit nerds try to make public transit sexy (w/ pic of sexy transit nerds)  (missionlocal.org) (61)
(LA Times)   California city wants a new library. Without those scary books to get in the way and collect dust  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (47)
(CTV) NewsFlash Canada grants universal health-care; then 27-years later, BAM, government collapses. Coincidence? I think not  (ctv.ca) (627)
(FARK)   The hardest news quiz on the planet  (fark.com) (81)
(Ocala.com)   Parents end up in court after letting their child miss 55 days of school. Since this is Florida, that's equivalent to missing 2 days in a non-Florida school  (ocala.com) (76)
(The Daily Beast)   So, apparently being a billionaire hedge fund manager means you get a much lighter sentence for being a sex-slave-owning pedophile. Who knew?  (thedailybeast.com) (217)
(ktvb.com)   Bride blames her melons for making guests sick  (ktvb.com) (105)
(Time)   High-end apocalypse bunker features Internet cafe, since we'll still have wi-fi when the world ends  (newsfeed.time.com) (50)
(Talking Points Memo)   This is getting sad. Newt's already ridiculous explanation for Libya flip flop goes down in flames  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com) (135)
(The Smoking Gun)   Selling smack, selling "crack" showing Mr Ding Ding and getting their fight on. Who did what in today's TSG Friday Photo Fun? Contest ends at 6pm Eastern  (thesmokinggun.com) (10)
(Pravda)   "For some reason, a smile makes a Russian person suspicious. Many Russians think that those who smile a lot are not really healthy mentally"  (english.pravda.ru) (150)
(pal-item)   Armed men double down KFC  (pal-item.com) (11)
(Telegraph)   Nothing like laser guided bombs to focus the mind on reevaluating loyalties  (telegraph.co.uk) (20)
(Newburyport News)   Federal officials seek public input on wildlife refuge management, learn the average resident wants to tear up beaches in a dune buggy while his dog learns to hunt piping plover  (newburyportnews.com) (16)
(Mother Nature Network)   Generation Y: "We're not slackers, we're slow starters"  (mnn.com) (237)
(LA Times)   After ADW, APB issued for MIA robber CCW at DQ  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (23)
(MSNBC)   Walmart love triangle gets out of hand  (msnbc.msn.com) (40)
(STV.tv)   You have a missed call - from an astronaut on board the International Space Station  (news.stv.tv) (28)
(Mother Nature Network)   The Royal Wedding video will be available for purchase online within an hour after it happens. Offer does not apply to the honeymoon  (mnn.com) (32)
(BBC)   A) A plane fuselage, a ship's anchor, a clarinet and a bridge. Q) Name four items stolen from the UK military in the last 11 months  (bbc.co.uk) (38)
(The Cambridge Chronicle)   If you're a town administrator trying to fix your budget by closing down a beloved elementary school, don't go out and borrow $3 million to astroturf a football field  (wickedlocal.com) (39)
(Outside the Beltway)   Ford: "A customer can have a car painted any colour that he wants, so long as it is not black"  (outsidethebeltway.com) (78)
(Rolling Stone)   How two American kids became big-time weapons traders - until the Pentagon turned on them  (rollingstone.com) (83)
(My Fox DC)   Plastic surgeon says he operated on Gadhafi (w/ a not sure if it's a before or after pic)  (myfoxdc.com) (26)
(AP)   Ted Turner's bison help save historic Texas herd  (hosted.ap.org) (31)
(Some Guy)   27-year-old had his driver's license suspended for 36 different reasons. Guess why he's in the news again. Well, that ain't the HERO tag sitting over there  (wcax.com) (43)
(LA Times)   Unless hiring practices have changed recently, your prospective boss should not masturbate on the phone as part of your job interview  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (39)
(wtsp.com)   Stab her? Why, no, I was just giving her a piece of pie, and the knife slipped  (bradenton.wtsp.com) (16)
(Some Guy)   Juneau who else is trying to ban Sharia law?  (y100.com) (194)
(BBC)   Gurkha awarded Conspicuous Gallantry Cross - in 15 minutes he fired more than 400 rounds, launched 17 grenades, detonated a mine and threw his tripod at the Taliban when his gun jammed  (bbc.co.uk) (163)
(Some Guys)   Photoshop these guys in front of a grid  (amazingfuture.co.uk) (28)
(Some Guy)   Two university students who built bottle bombs sentenced to making a YouTube video. Judge says that if they step out of line again, he'll worsen the punishment by forcing them to read the video's comment section  (fox43tv.com) (31)
(Beatcalls)   The time to crack open a beer and celebrate freeing your pickup truck from the deathlike grasp of the railroad tracks is not before the cops get there while the truck is still stuck  (beatcalls.com) (12)
(BBC)   "Anyone offered kebab meat in suspicious circumstances is asked to contact British Transport police"  (bbc.co.uk) (51)
(Some (hot?) Librarians)   How often can you read an e-book till it's worn out? Apparently 26 times  (pioneer.lib.ok.us) (231)
(New York Daily News)   One hundred years ago today the Triangle Shirtwaist Company went up in flames killing 146 trapped workers, kicking off the labor movement  (nydailynews.com) (268)
(Some Guy)   "If you thought you saw a car headed down the expressway, you weren't imagining it... the father got out of the daughter" Wait. What?  (kristv.com) (51)
(11 Alive)   Police reach out to cop killer via Facebook, attempt to wear him down with repeated invitations to play Farmville  (11alive.com) (26)
(The New York Times)   Japan admits there is likely a containment breach at nuclear reactor #3  (nytimes.com) (298)
(YouTube) Video Pastor to congregation: "F- YOU"  (youtube.com) (120)
(New York Daily News)   PETA calls for animal friendly language in the Bible, golden calf to be paid its weight in gold, lion and lamb to be legally allowed to enter into a committed relationship  (nydailynews.com) (48)
(AOL News)   The bride was delicious  (aolnews.com) (91)
(Some Guy)   Hot dogs may be healthier than chicken  (fox19.com) (80)
(Abc.net.au)   If you had Syria to make it through to the elite eight, you are on the cusp of a perfect bracket  (abc.net.au) (132)
(MSNBC)   Just in case you were wondering... There's a 99.44/100% Pure® chance there won't be a no-fly zone to prevent a massacre in Ivory Coast  (msnbc.msn.com) (177)
(Quad City Times)   College student guilty of stealing $60,000 worth of text books and selling them at area pawnshops. That translates into roughly 300 stolen books  (qctimes.com) (131)
(Some guy with a baby who digs him)   M-O-O-N, that spells drug-resistant super bug spreading in LA county hospitals, nursing homes  (losangeles.cbslocal.com) (132)
(Some Guy)   Pastor explains he had sex with teenage boys to cure them of homosexuality  (wisconsingazette.com) (248)
(Yahoo)   And what did you do for your sister when you were 9?  (news.yahoo.com) (138)
(AP)   Wisconsin billionaire charged with child sex assault. S.C. Johnson, a family company  (hosted.ap.org) (95)
(Des Moines Register)   Iowa terror drill focuses on white supremacists killing brown people when the shiat hits the fan...for some reason white supremacists have a problem with this  (desmoinesregister.com) (337)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this human punching bag  (pawma.org) (19)
(Yahoo)   Man finds forgotten $9M lottery ticket while preparing taxes. I hope he has some good offsetting deductions  (ca.news.yahoo.com) (28)
(Some Guy)   Breaking into your old high school, masturbating on underwear taken from boys' lockers is no way to go through life, son (w/ mugshot)  (kctv5.com) (44)
(CNN)   NATO may go for "no-fly plus", which will make upselling them on the extended five-year parts and labor warranty really easy  (us.cnn.com) (48)
(Some Guy)   Neither snow nor rain, nor a glass window will stop this pooch from chasing the mailman  (leaderpost.com) (30)
(Some Hotel Guest)   Protip: If you and the little woman are going to live in the secret room at the Sheraton, don't leave containers of urine and feces in the hall  (wwlp.com) (162)
(News.com.au)   Nightclub offers breast enhancement surgery as promotional prize. Amazingly, some people have a problem with tits  (news.com.au) (128)

Thu March 24, 2011
(Hartford Courant)   Medical marijuana market worth $1.7 billion a year, or in police terms: six joints  (courant.com) (71)
(PhysOrg.com)   American Indians were in North America 2,000 years earlier than we thought, before the US government started giving them massive amounts of help  (physorg.com) (196)
(WLFI)   Bad day: Getting shot by police after allegedly waving a handgun at them while driving a lawn mower out for some cigs. Worse day: Your mom then asks police to charge you for theft of her mower  (wlfi.com) (39)
(New York Daily News)   Court grants workers' comp to man mauled by grizzly after smoking pot  (nydailynews.com) (72)
(Daily Mail)   'Thorn from Jesus's crucifixion crown' goes on display at museum  (dailymail.co.uk) (150)
(BBC)   To whom it may concern: There's a resurgence of open letters being sent to newspapers as a common form of protest  (bbc.co.uk) (42)
(LA Times)   L.A. teacher's union endorses Underdog, while the school board is holding out for Hong Kong Phooey  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (40)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this little engineer  (antoshka-toys.ru) (21)
(Mother Nature Network)   I saw a turtle poop plastic for a month  (mnn.com) (58)
(Seacoastonline.com)   Marriage counselor's secret to settling marriage squabbles: get the wife high and bang her lights out  (seacoastonline.com) (126)
(Sports Radio 610)   Vote in the March Madness countdown for Houston's Hottest Woman in the Media  (houston.cbslocal.com) (42)
(Cleveland Plain Dealer)   Man calls 911 for help getting a bird out of his dishwasher  (blog.cleveland.com) (46)
(Some Guy)   Good news for gang members, sailors, and tramps who need stamps: Court rules tattooing is constitutionally protected under the first amendment  (dailybreeze.com) (123)
(Yahoo)   Thanks for your service in WWII and for paying taxes for 80 years, but your parents were born before birth certificate records were kept in Iowa, so get the fark out  (news.yahoo.com) (115)
(CNN)   Customs detains four-year-old by herself, then deports her to Guatemala. Fark: She was born in New York  (articles.cnn.com) (266)
(Talking Points Memo)   Who has received the most help from the government? A) defense contractors, B) Wall Street, or C) American Indians?   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (346)
(Pat's Papers)   Just imagine: your cheek could have a six pack  (patspapers.com) (32)
(The New York Times)   American oil companies covered Libya's payment to the Lockerbie bombing victims' families  (nytimes.com) (97)
(NYPost)   Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel must now come up with something that rhymes with 'Ed Koch'  (nypost.com) (50)
(Daily Mail)   Sure, black garlic tastes good, stays fresh longer and doesn't give you bad breath, but will it kill sparkly vampires?  (dailymail.co.uk) (79)
(Talking Points Memo)   GOP platform includes tax cuts for the wealthy and nuclear weapons for terrorists   (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com) (107)
(Some Guy)   Clearly, the greatest problem facing Texas today is balancing the budget. No wait, scratch that. It's public officials sending text messages  (wfaa.com) (28)
(Some Norwegian Guy)   Coolest timelapse video of the Northern Lights you'll see in the next day or two  (vimeo.com) (45)
(Yahoo)   Those wildly unpopular "checked baggage fees"? Well Airlines have heard the consumer outcry over them and..quietly jacked them up even more  (news.yahoo.com) (106)
(BBC)   China to overtake US as dominant economy by 2030 due to rising international demand for lead  (bbc.co.uk) (83)
(Canoe)   High school secretary's double life as a porn star exposed. Cover blown by autograph seeking student. With photo goodness  (cnews.canoe.ca) (257)
(Pat's Papers)   If you've been unconvinced of the coming apocalyse, here's a sign: OED includes its first emoticon  (patspapers.com) (33)
(Yahoo)   "We've interrogated him and taken his statement, so now -- oh, right, almost forgot. You have the right to remain silent"  (news.yahoo.com) (75)
(BusinessWeek)   Virginia released fewer chemicals into the environment in 2009. If you think this means the GOP governor thinks the EPA is doing too good of a job, raise your hand  (businessweek.com) (40)
(The New York Times)   The Americanization of China continues: 75 new Imax theaters to open. Can reality TV be far behind?  (nytimes.com) (45)
(AJC)   French Air Force scores heroic dogfight victory. Well, the plane had already landed when they shot it.. but still  (ajc.com) (72)
(Canoe)   If you recently swiped a sex doll from a Calgary sex shop -- you know what? Just keep it, okay?  (cnews.canoe.ca) (57)
(NYPost)   Good: Prepare to be groped at your next concert. Bad: No not that way. Fark: By the TSA  (nypost.com) (109)
(Yahoo)   Baby porpoise left stranded in a rice paddy by the tsunami has been returned to the sea, where rescuers hope that it will grow big and strong so that someday they can club it to death in a cove in Taiji  (news.yahoo.com) (44)
(Post-Gazette)   Tornado tears through Hempfield, then heads to the store for some Doritos  (post-gazette.com) (46)
(Herald-Leader)   Founder of Creation Museum manages to alienate half of his client base  (kentucky.com) (251)
(Spinner)   On Wednesday, Russian President Dmitry Medvedev welcomed his lifelong heroes into his residence. Those heroes? Rock band Deep Purple. No, seriously  (spinner.com) (34)
(AL.com)   Burger King bikini brawl, and yes, it's caught on tape  (blog.al.com) (363)
(BBC)   Revolutionary deep earth drilling project expected to provide plot excuse for SyFy original movie  (bbc.co.uk) (47)
(Yahoo)   One reason for the sky-high unemployment rates may be that 65 million Americans, or nearly 1 in 4 adults, have a criminal record, which is an automatic disqualifier for many employers  (news.yahoo.com) (308)
(Contact Music)   The cast of Glee has seven new songs on the Billboard Hot 100  (contactmusic.com) (167)
(The Macomb Daily)   That was such a good heist, I'm going to call my buddies to tell them ... oh oh  (macombdaily.com) (8)
(CNN)   CNN to air special called "Unwelcome: The Muslims Next Door," to report that most people are ..... actually just fine with a Mosque in their neighborhood  (religion.blogs.cnn.com) (105)
(USA Today)   Davenport, Iowa is bracing itself the worst flood in history. The mayor's thoughts on people who live in the flood zone? "Don't call us if there's water coming in and you weren't smart enough to get out"  (usatoday.com) (114)
(Yahoo)   Oil spill probe reveals that the blowout preventer was flawed, which is coincidentally why submitter ran into trouble after last night's burrito  (news.yahoo.com) (26)
(wtsp.com)   Apparently, the idea of calling 9-1-1 from atop a freight train hasn't gotten old in Colorado  (wtsp.com) (14)
(USA Today)   Donald Trump is running for President as a birther, suggesting Obama will have hell toupee  (content.usatoday.com) (177)
(CNN)   Japanese fallout reaches Colorado and Oregon. In that order  (cnn.com) (36)
(Reuters)   Transgender woman suing New York City over what she says are burdensome requirements for changing gender on her birth certificate. Ain't that a kick in the balls?  (reuters.com) (186)
(Daily Mail)   Highway destroyed by Japanese earthquake repaired in six days. Chicago, New York, Boston DOT's kindly request you skip reading this article. (pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (91)
(Gallup)   World to the U.S.: "You are farking awesome, well comparatively anyway"  (gallup.com) (56)
(Time)   Know what would be cool? If every gay person at Liz Taylor's funeral would go up to the inevitable Westboro protesters and try to seduce as many as they could  (newsfeed.time.com) (145)
(USA Today)   South Carolina growing "more urban," is filled with self-loathing  (usatoday.com) (42)
(Boston Herald)   The latest blue collar interests: hunting, fishing, WWE, plastic surgery, monster trucks, NASCAR - wait, what was that middle one?  (bostonherald.com) (23)
(Daily Mail)   A day after Chris Brown has meltdown and trashes green room at GMA, does he: A: Apologize? B: Offer to pay for damages? or C: Party with semi-naked women?  (dailymail.co.uk) (103)
(CNN)   Oh, did we say Tokyo's water was irradiated? No, no, we meant "ensafiated." It's been ensafiated and it's totally safe for you to drink. Please stop panicking. Thank you  (cnn.com) (50)
(SeattlePI)   Frisbee assault prompts 911 call. Wham-O  (seattlepi.com) (33)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this particular patio  (pdnphotooftheday.com) (19)
(New York Magazine)   A weed grows in Brooklyn  (nymag.com) (23)
(USA Today)   Imagine a world, a world where fat people and children could be quarantined into the same special section of an airplane. ARE YOU WITH ME? USA Today explores  (travel.usatoday.com) (124)
(Yahoo)   After Western air strikes fail to dislodge Qadaffi's armor, NATO officials are contemplating sending in a stealthed rogue to do a backstab and then use the combo points for a shatter armor finishing move  (news.yahoo.com) (76)
(wtsp.com)   Teacher of the year on leave after slapping student. No, really  (wtsp.com) (48)
(USA Today)   An app that instantly shares pictures you've just taken with anybody around you who has the same app? What could possibly go wrong?  (usatoday.com) (56)
(Cleveland Plain Dealer)   Zombies invade Case Western Reserve University--EVERYBODY PANI--Oh, its just the annual Humans v. Zombies game on campus. Related story: Nerf announces stock is highest in years  (blog.cleveland.com) (45)
(Some Guy)   Should Florida lawmakers make sex with animals illegal? Some say yes, some say neigh  (naplesnews.com) (59)
(Chicago Tribune)   Oh boy, Chicago just got iced again *grabs Yakety Sax tape*  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (19)
(Some Guy)   Things to do before school in the morning: shower, dress, eat breakfast, steal a car  (theindychannel.com) (18)
(Yahoo)   Royal twits ban tweets for twats who attend wedding  (news.yahoo.com) (16)
(Yahoo)   That letter from an AZ teacher claiming his Hispanic students refused to stand for the Pledge of Allegiance that was read aloud by the State Senate president during the immigration bill debate? Yep. pure BS  (news.yahoo.com) (257)
(CNBC)   Another day, another article about the US being under a mountain of crushing debt, spending  (cnbc.com) (43)
(Mother Nature Network)   In a move that has Michelle Obama's socialist fingerprints all over it, the commies at the USDA announce plans to put more fruits and vegetables in America's schools  (mnn.com) (70)
(NJ.com)   Woman consents to letting male therapist massage her breasts, decides to press criminal charges after discovering he's got a girlfriend  (nj.com) (140)
(AFP)   For many jobs, using fake diploma-mill credentials to land them could be seen a nothing more than a little white lie. "Airline Pilot" however, is not one of those  (news.yahoo.com) (25)
(CBC) NewsFlash Not again / For God's sake / How much more / Can we take / Burma Quake  T-Shirt  (cbc.ca) (119)
(AOL News)   Former public restroom to become a sandwich shop. Whatever you do, don't order the vertical bacon sandwich  (aolnews.com) (18)
(Changed Locks?)   Apparently the White House staff was not informed that the black man on the patio was allowed to be there. With video of President Obama trying to open locked doors  (newsnet5.com) (110)
(9 News)   Don't you hate it when you're settling into bed for the evening and a naked guy crashes through your ceiling?  (9news.com) (18)
(WFTV)   Not news: A Florida man is arrested for robbing a Cumberland Farms store. Less than news: His mother is said to be very upset about it. Fark: Because she was driving the getaway car  (wftv.com) (4)
(Spinner)   Pete Townshend's biggest regret? Joining The Who. Not the whole child pornography scandal, not the Lifehouse Elements debacle, no, just joining the band that made him famous  (spinner.com) (106)
(Some Guy)   Twenty puppets stolen. Owners won't press charges, just want them back with no strings attached  (wtnh.com) (26)
(BBC)   Billboard hacker who gave Moscow commuters the gift of porn is going to do hard time  (bbc.co.uk) (35)
(Network World)   Cell phone carriers are waiting 90 days to send text-to-give donations to Japan - because in three months, the Japanese will be much more appreciative. They'll be positively glowing  (networkworld.com) (28)
(wtsp.com)   Mom arrested after falling asleep in Burger King drive thru with her kids in the car. You hit it it, and judging from the mug shot she'd hit you back  (wtsp.com) (57)
(Some Guy)   Studies show Mega-Churches growing, doubling in size in 10 years "largely for non-spiritual reasons". Suck it, Mega-Atheists  (wiod.com) (318)
(Some Guy)   Apparently, earthquakes, nuclear meltdowns, and Mid East revolutions are putting a bit of a damper on the Baselworld jewelry and luxury watch trade show  (ibtimes.com) (12)
(MSNBC)   China says nuclear power plants staffed with enslaved nine-year-olds built with twine, tape, and a plastic door flapping in the breeze are the wave of the future, so build, baby, build  (msnbc.msn.com) (24)
(Daily Mail)   The first amazing pictures emerge of the Fukushima Fifty as they struggle to get the nuclear power plant meltdown under control  (dailymail.co.uk) (151)
(Some Guy)   Officer files federal lawsuit after his former sergeant shot him in the groin with a stun gun, better known to law enforcement officers as an Electric Cowboy  (kold.com) (15)
(The Macomb Daily)   For al-Qaida bomber, Detroit was just the cheapest flight  (macombdaily.com) (35)
(TC Palm)   Airing your dirty laundry in public. Pouring laundry detergent over your girlfriend. It's a never ending cycle  (blogs.tcpalm.com) (41)
(Yahoo)   Harry Houdini's last surviving stage assistant is dead at 103. Or is she?  (news.yahoo.com) (50)
(Press-Enterprise)   Two injured in samurai sword attack. Suspect may be Spanish or Egyptian, is 2,437 years old  (pe.com) (70)
(NJ.com)   NJ bomb squad called for suspicious box found on bus. After fruitless search, large basket of produce finally destroyed  (nj.com) (22)
(ABC News)   News: Active bomb found in Detroit federal building. Fark: It has been sitting on the 'lost and found' shelf for three weeks  (abcnews.go.com) (49)
(The Raw Story)   Student sent home for wearing pro-equality t-shirt. You better believe that's a lawsuit. The ACLU is there  (rawstory.com) (105)
(Miami Herald)   Miami Heat  (miamiherald.com) (14)
(ABC2News Baltimore)   Next time you rip your pants, just tell mom the truth, okay?  (abc2news.com) (35)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this man in a boat  (pics.livejournal.com) (40)
(The Morning Call)   Worst way to hire a hitman: a) Stolen credit card, b) Paypal, c) hitmanforhire.com, d) all of the above  (mcall.com) (49)
(BBC)   Manual for the Non-sexist Use of Language discourages use of phrases such as: "If you want to work, why did you have children," and: "You are prettier when you keep quiet"  (bbc.co.uk) (139)
(Some Guy)   TSA strikes again: They detain a father and son for being -- wait for it -- "too clean." Bonus: Gratuitous "right-thinking Americans" usage  (gcnlive.com) (268)
(wtsp.com)   Tampa's Newschannel 8 van overturns on highway. Now to permanently be called 8 On Your Side  (venice.wtsp.com) (26)
(Wired)   Green Machine + Motorcycle = WANT  (wired.com) (111)
(UPI)   Both elder abuse victims and perpetrators often abuse alcohol -- primarily because it not only sucks to get old, but it also sucks to be around old people  (upi.com) (29)
(Washington Post)   Reagan Airport tests whether having a working air traffic control tower is really necessary  (washingtonpost.com) (117)
(SeattlePI)   Thief takes a condom machine from a sports bar. It must have been robbed for her pleasure  T-Shirt  (seattlepi.com) (47)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 307: "Me Love You Long Time" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (124)

Wed March 23, 2011
(WPBF.com)   Phase 1: Print out your own fake bar codes and place them on toys and DVDs at Wal-Mart. Phase 2: ????? Phase 3: Prison  (wpbf.com) (80)
(Salon)   Well, that was quick - part II: SecDef Gates says US could give up Libyan no-fly zone control as early as this weekend  (salon.com) (242)
(MSN)   Do you go to church? If you do, Jesus will make you fat. Apparently there are more calories in those little crackers than originally expected  (health.msn.com) (107)
(Some Guy)   And he would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those meddling kids  (abclocal.go.com) (58)
(Canoe)   "Justice Terry Clackson ruled Shostak initially had the right to be in the woman's northeast Edmonton home on Dec. 24, 2007, but he lost that right once he handled her vibrator"  (cnews.canoe.ca) (32)
(Wall Street Journal)   Photoshop this catastrophe crew  (online.wsj.com) (33)
(Reno Gazette-Journal)   Courts uphold the principle of innocent until proven guilty by releasing alleged repeat molestor on his own recognizance, which has absolutely nothing to do with him being a probation officer  (rgj.com) (91)
(Some Guy)   Ohio's planned statewide tornado drill scheduled for today has been cancelled due to inclement weather...no really  (newsnet5.com) (126)
(Some Guy)   The rise of Shoreleave (sponsored link)  (ad.doubleclick.net) (233)
(Talking Points Memo)   Bootstrappy Republican posterboy James O'Keefe wants YOU... to pay off his credit card debt   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (307)
(Chicago Tribune)   Chicago suburb wants to install safer roundabouts, but all they seem to do is go around in circles  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (83)
(BBC)   Gaddafi's air force "no longer exists as a fighting force." Well that was quick  (bbc.co.uk) (280)
(Yahoo)   Government near the Mediterranean Sea on the verge of collapse; no, this is not about Libya  (finance.yahoo.com) (67)
(Some Guy)   Who wants to be the paper of record when you can be the paper that printed an interactive map to exotic massage parlors?  (patspapers.com) (113)
(Some Guy)   This shouldn't be a police blotter, it should be a brochure  (ocregister.com) (67)
(Some Guy)   Not news: Family complains that their diabetic son may be in danger from driving without taking his medicine. Fark: Cops responded by running him off the road into an interstate highway median and shooting him to death  (courthousenews.com) (484)
(CNN)   Guess what, the coalition has more help in the fight for removing Gadhafi. Al Qaida  (cnn.com) (74)
(Yahoo)   Now that we've become their de facto Air Force, the US would kinda like to know who exactly the Libyan rebels are and how they plan to govern the country after QDaffy  (news.yahoo.com) (186)
(Some Guy)   Man who served 16 years for robbing clerk at knifepoint for 6-pack now back in jail after robbing a store clerk at knifepoint for a 12-pack  (1035superx.com) (70)
(Yahoo)   Soldier expected to plead guilty to Afghan murders, will likely receive a blanket sentence to cover all charges  (news.yahoo.com) (65)
(Some Guy)   "I asked her if a pony would do, and she said, 'Absolutely not. It's got to be a horse'"  (ocala.com) (90)
(The Sun)   Mother of the Year candidate injects her 8-year-old daughter with Botox for beauty pageants  (thesun.co.uk) (296)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   Seven ways to emotionally stunt your snowflake so they never have to hear mean things  (suntimes.com) (165)
(The Daily Show)   Lewis Black explains why he's never been as much in favor of a presidential candidate than he is for Donald Trump  (thedailyshow.com) (138)
(Great Falls Tribune)   Man uses divorce papers to burn down wife's beauty parlor. Split ends with permanent damage  T-Shirt  (greatfallstribune.com) (55)
(Mother Nature Network)   How to help your dog avoid the bloat  (mnn.com) (59)
(National Post)   Judge rules that obsessive guy with anti-Hasidic blog is just a dick, not a criminal   (fullcomment.nationalpost.com) (145)
(MSNBC)   As if tsunamis, earthquakes, radiation and Qaddafi aren't bad enough, millions will be infected with drug resistant tuberculosis in the next few years. EVERYBODY PAN--*cough*  (msnbc.msn.com) (64)
(CNN)   There are only three FDA-approved potassium iodide products that protect against radiation. All sold out  (money.cnn.com) (86)
(Mother Nature Network)   Judge strikes down a Google book deal. What a yahoo  (mnn.com) (36)
(CBS News)   Knut went nuts  (cbsnews.com) (58)
(Some Guy)   "Asked by officers why he was walking around nude, the man retorted, asking why they were wearing clothes"  (bclocalnews.com) (74)
(Some Guy)   A crucifix is effective when used against demons and vampires. Effectiveness against police armed with tasers? Not so much  (story.albuquerqueexpress.com) (35)
(Wall Street Journal)   Looting is no longer unknown in Japan, thanks to citizens' hunger for beer. "I doubt Kirin minds. Everyone helped, and now everything has been cleaned up"  (online.wsj.com) (125)
(Flickr)   Photoshop -- The Fun Slide  (farm6.static.flickr.com) (39)
(KnoxNews)   You're banned from a pub named "Friends," and a waitress asks you to leave. Do you c:) shoot the patron standing beside you, cut out his heart, and eat some of it?  (knoxnews.com) (94)
(TBO)   Zoo creature molests human boy in--- OMG what is that thing? KILL IT WITH FIRE  (www2.tbo.com) (279)
(Some Guy)   "Yes, I'd like to report a naked woman stranded on a 450 foot cliff"  (big1059.com) (51)
(Yahoo)   Elementary school kids are put through a daily de-con procedure complete with sniffer dogs because school isn't legally allowed to ask parents of child with severe peanut allergy to homeschool their child instead  (news.yahoo.com) (328)
(AOL News)   Today's Fark-ready headline: "Nation of Islam looks to UFOs to save the world"  (aolnews.com) (53)
(Burlington Free Press)   "If you can drive better, let's see it" said the drunk woman to the drunk man, shortly before his-and-hers DUIs  (burlingtonfreepress.com) (12)
(Cracked)   The eight most ridiculously badass protesters ever photographed  (cracked.com) (246)
(Ye Olde Guye)   Organizers want to bring a Renaissance Fair to small Indiana town, but the council says it's a feudal effort  (nwitimes.com) (48)
(Some Guy)   It's come to this: Pre-schoolers drawing on the sidewalk with chalk have been branded graffiti artists   (whitehorse-leader.whereilive.com.au) (48)
(CNBC)   The United States is on a path to become insolvent. But what does the Federal Reserve know about this kind of stuff. They probably were never given a credit card by their parents in college...like the current administration  (cnbc.com) (200)
(Metro)   In a world without religion, rebellious teens express their defiance by going to church  (metro.co.uk) (161)
(IOL)   Man opens hotel for chickens; "thriving business" has allowed him to recoup  (iol.co.za) (8)
(West Australia Today)   ProTip: Reading your patient's medical history can help you avoid slicing her open and digging around for a gall bladder that was removed ten years ago  (watoday.com.au) (29)
(NPR)   The first repair workers into the damaged Fukushima Dai-ichi nuclear reactors may be Robots. It took Japan THIS long to tap their second greatest natural resource?  (npr.org) (71)
(Yahoo)   Looking for tax deductions for your dog food or breast augmentation? Yahoo tells you how  (custom.yahoo.com) (13)
(Fox News)   Eight weddings and a funeral  (foxnews.com) (261)
(Salon)   Remember when we armed the Mujahedeen against the Soviets? Remember how awesome and totally void of unforeseen consequences that was? John McCain does too  (salon.com) (87)
(Bloomberg)   Japan's quake damage size of four Katrina's. In other news, natural disasters are now using "Katrinas" as a unit of measurement  (bloomberg.com) (111)
(My Fox DC)   Have you always felt overwhelmed when trying to figure out what kind of light bulbs to use for the house? No? Well don't worry, the government will take care of that for you from now on. You did say yes, right?  (myfoxdc.com) (160)
(The Atlantic)   Should you give money to homeless people, or just tell your ex to get a job?  (theatlantic.com) (53)
(Digital Spy)   That news about Charlie Sheen returning to Two and a Half Men? Turns out, that rumor was #notwinning  (digitalspy.com) (42)
(Daily Mail)   I want to bomb Libya. NO, I want to bomb Libya. I was here first. Na uh‼ Ya huh‼ I swear to god I'll pull this NATO over if you don't stop fighting; look, there's enough of Libya for everyone to bomb  (dailymail.co.uk) (119)
(Fox News)   13 illegal immigrants arrested in California in fake military van, wearing U.S. Marine uniforms with the name Perez on them  (foxnews.com) (76)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   Women have fewer regrets than man, says new study written by bitter woman  (suntimes.com) (64)
(AZCentral)   Cops pull over car doing 101 on I-70. The find a man driving a woman about to give birth. Just like in the movies, they A) help deliver the baby, B) arrest her husband the driver, C) give them a police escort to the hospital  (azcentral.com) (270)
(ABC News)   Another day, another cloud of smoke rising from Reactor 3 of the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear plant  (abcnews.go.com) (329)
(WLSAM)   Question of the day: Do I jump from a second floor balcony, or do I let a guy maybe hack me to death with a chainsaw?  (wlsam.com) (123)
(Fox News)   Man runs into Starbucks and throws 100 $1 bills in the air upon reading the menu and figuring out he didn't have enough for one coffee  (foxnews.com) (84)
(Today)   "If you're drunk and at work reading this, there is the increasing likelihood you're not the only one"  (lifeinc.today.com) (93)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this happy customer  (dtile.nl) (34)
(LA Times)   Neighbors unite against mystery landowner's planned 'megamansion'  (latimes.com) (97)
(WLKY)   Stray cat rescued from soup can was hypothermic but is making great progresso  T-Shirt  (wlky.com) (45)
(Oregon Live)   Twins nearing the age of 100 credit their longevity to the oxygen near their home  (oregonlive.com) (32)
(WLSAM)   Federal prison cells cost more than hotel rooms, and the sex is much more available  (wlsam.com) (61)
(gainesville.com)   When selling periodicals, don't get physical with an off duty cop or he'll definitely show you his bullet-loaded magazine  (gainesville.com) (30)
(MSNBC)   Obituary...can I have the definition please? Obituary... O...B...I...T...U...A...R...Y Obituary  (msnbc.msn.com) (50)
(The Sun)   I said DEAF PUPPY LEARNS SIGN LANGUAGE  (thesun.co.uk) (48)
(Orlando Sentinel)   City council meeting ends abruptly after mayor ends up unconscious at hands of town manager's husband  (orlandosentinel.com) (44)

Tue March 22, 2011
(Daily Mail)   Three-year-old Chinese boy weighs 132 lbs, and from the looks of it, he doesn't see a problem with that  (dailymail.co.uk) (294)
(LA Times)   Have you ever wondered what is in popcorn? The cinemas would rather not have to tell you if you did  (latimes.com) (163)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this Michelangelo matron  (andyfreeberg.com) (29)
(Makin it Rain)   Not News: Thief steals Blogger's Mac. Fark: Blogger remotely finds pictures via Photo Booth. UltraFark: And a Video of the perp dancing to "Make It Rain" and promptly posts it. (With Vid included)  (betabeat.com) (169)
(WESH Orlando)   10 warning signs your eyes are in danger, assuming you can see this headline  (wesh.com) (103)
(Yahoo)   Zombie Castro: "I've been dead for five years"  (news.yahoo.com) (29)
(Time)   Scholars claim early Bible described God has having a wife. God has genitalia?  (newsfeed.time.com) (407)
(Yahoo)   "Capitalism may have ended life on Mars", says Venezuela's President Hugo Chavez. No, really  (news.yahoo.com) (115)
(Al Dente Blog)   Good: Lifestyle writer and columnist takes the United Way Hunger Challenger and tries to live on $7/day to mimic food stamp recipients. Fark: First thing she does is buys a $5 can of oatmeal at Trader Joe's  (aldenteblog.com) (484)
(The New York Times)   Well, it appears that the Fed made taxpayers the tidy sum of $82 billion last year. Just imagine if they'd invested in GOLD  (nytimes.com) (190)
(Some Guy)   Dachshund miraculously found alive in rubble one month after fire destroyed woman's home, proving it ain't no weenie dog  (boston.cbslocal.com) (112)
(Some Guy)   Captain Morgan's cannons found in Panama. Sink responsibly  T-Shirt  (y100.com) (51)
(KTLA)   Woman dragged for mile after being struck by elderly motorist. Officials now trying to piece together the evidence  (ktla.com) (66)
(Wall Street Journal)   T u r t l e..... s p a r k s........ f a s t ........ m o v i n g........... b l a z e........ i n .......N .Y  (online.wsj.com) (48)
(MSN)   Photoshop this worker creating replicas of Princess Diana's engagement ring at a Chinese factory  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (20)
(Some Guy)   Man facing a judge on a DWI charge figures he may as well go down swigging  (cbsnewyork.com) (24)
(Some Guy)   Don't push first term Senator Sherrod Brown. He's laboring for an investigation of pre-term labor drug that went from $10 to $1,500  (wiod.com) (255)
(Pat's Papers)   In the off-chance you base restaurant decisions on how many pairs of skinny black jeans are present, Yelp adds 'hipster' as descriptor  (patspapers.com) (133)
(Some frickinsweet)   I knew this day would come, I just hoped it wouldn't be so soon. DIT  (manhattan-institute.org) (½)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Woman caught shoplifting a flamingo, a dolphin and a grape wine stopper. And somehow this is not a scene from a Carl Hiaason novel  (nwfdailynews.com) (35)
(Not Quite Nigella)   All your sandwich dreams have come true: Bacon jam. w/recipe  (notquitenigella.com) (72)
(Some Guy)   The next state planning to strip union rights? (difficulty: NOT Florida)  (wiod.com) (174)
(FARK)   Actual news overload, the invasion of cute, and some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 3/13 - 3/19. Duke sucks  (fark.com) (18)
(Some Guy)   Just great. Now the zombies have stun guns  (post-gazette.com) (19)
(Law.com)   Judge: "You want how much from LimeWire?" Records Execs: "75 trillion dollars." Judge: "You do know that's five times the national debt, right?" Record Execs: "Potato"  (law.com) (288)
(Some Governement Buy)   Government releases HAZMAT level instructions for cleaning up dangerous chemicals. Er, cleaning up after a broken CFL bulb  (ct.gov) (192)
(MSNBC)   Seattle is billing their new waterslide as "The Andy Dufresne Experience"  (msnbc.msn.com) (82)
(Some Guy)   School to angry mom: Sorry, our investigation of our football coach having sex with your 15-year-old will take months, be patient. Mom: Fark this, I'm calling the police myself. Cops: Book 'em, Danno  (wtkr.com) (92)
(Some Guy)   The bride wore a white gown, sensible flats for kicking officers, and was teary eyed from pepper spray. Mazel tov  (big1059.com) (10)
(The New York Times)   Unemployed college graduates are getting frustrated their English degrees aren't turning into six-figure jobs  (nytimes.com) (312)
(Some Guy)   High school students sickened by synthetic marijuana. This is why we must secure the supply of real marijuana to our schools  (citizen-times.com) (94)
(Some Guy)   "Yes, we purchased more than 100 tornado warning sirens. They're right over there in those boxes collecting dust"  (1035superx.com) (34)
(CSMonitor)   How many people does it take to give wheelchairs to needy Polish children? One. That's just how he rolls  (csmonitor.com) (15)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Orlando's proposed giant ferris wheel is supposed to rival U.K.'s famous London Eye, if you enjoy the view of flat rooftops and parking lots. "At least you can see Disney in some way"  (orlandosentinel.com) (41)
(Daily Mail)   Because nothing says "I Love You" more than a Hello Kitty Sig P226 handgun  (dailymail.co.uk) (171)
(Yahoo)   Guatemala's First Lady files for divorce from her husband. Not because he was playing "hide the cigar" with an intern, but to circumvent a Constitutional provision that would prevent her from becoming president after him  (news.yahoo.com) (18)
(MLive.com)   Today's government efficiency story comes to us from Flint, Michigan where a $60,000 statue of Rosa Parks has sat in a crate for two years waiting to be unveiled  (mlive.com) (49)
(Sky News)   Putin (S-o cool) plays with snow leopard. With video  (news.sky.com) (43)
(wtsp.com)   If you're going to leave your kids with a 14 year old babysitter, make sure it's one who knows not to light alcohol on fire and use your 7 year old to put it out  (wtsp.com) (15)
(Some Guy)   Police respond to call of intoxicated woman causing a disturbance in a hotel, find her naked and in the fetal position in a hallway. Police arrest woman, inform her that the Vegas Fark party is still 10 days away  (triblocal.com) (13)
(BBC)   Things rarely heard at an employment tribunal: "the "last straw was on 22 November 2009 when he believed that an elephant would escape...it did in fact escape"  (bbc.co.uk) (5)
(The New York Times)   In today's Twitter-esque world, schools need to learn to teach students about brevity rather than requiring 17-page essays  (nytimes.com) (123)
(My San Antonio)   "Shared sacrifice is needed to reduce the nation's debt." - Big Oil  (mysanantonio.com) (102)
(AOL News)   If your plastic surgeon doubles as a knife thrower, maybe you need to reconsider your plastic surgeon. Or at least stand 20 paces back  (aolnews.com) (9)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   Man ends up on the no-fly list because he emailed a Muslim cleric about how to raise children in an interfaith marriage  (suntimes.com) (91)
(Some Guy)   Look, no matter how bad the argument is, you can't just go around stabbing your roommate and drinking his blood and letting him die with his underpants over his head  (brisbanetimes.com.au) (30)
(The Onion)   Microsoft Word now includes squiggly blue line to alert writer when word is too advanced for mainstream audience  (theonion.com) (141)
(Canada.com)   There is a time in many womens' lives when they realize they really need a baby. For some, it comes 33 years late  (canada.com) (70)
(Tulsa World)   Thieves leave empty handed when Papa John's employee enforces their new "one robbery per day" policy  (tulsaworld.com) (13)
(Some Guy)   No matter what he does the rest of his life, Mike's friends will never let him live down that one time he tried to run over a police officer while driving naked  (newschannel5.com) (10)
(Sun Sentinel)   If you're going to rub your crotch on a stranger, try to avoid doing it to the undercover cop (Bonus: Perv's name)  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) (52)
(AFP)   If you've seen three komodo dragons wandering around, the Indonesian Zoo would like to ask you where so they can send a recapture team before they eat anyone  (news.yahoo.com) (26)
(Reuters)   Yemeni president warns that civil war in his country will give Al Qaeda a new safe-haven. So, when do we invade?  (reuters.com) (27)
(Some Guy)   CIA to recruit spies on Seattle airwaves  (mynorthwest.com) (30)
(Washington Post)   Rolling blackouts mean Japanese have to resort to ancient communication skills such as the printed word to give and obtain information  (washingtonpost.com) (28)
(Some Guy)   Good news: Your stolen car was returned. Bad news: There's a mobile meth lab in the trunk  (articles.ky3.com) (25)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Bomb squad called to the scene of a chilling crime: Someone left a cooler full of Bud Light in front of a bank, possibly intending for people to drink it  (orlandosentinel.com) (24)
(Mirror.co.uk)   Creepiest photo you'll see attached to an article about vaginal cosmetic surgery all day  (mirror.co.uk) (249)
(LA Times)   Ninth Circuit rules that fibs can be protected speech, according to this opinion by my girlfriend, Judge Morgan Fairchild  (latimes.com) (89)
(Some Guy)   Man's wife says, "No," to a new iPad and he's forced to return it. Apple execs hear about it and send it back with the note, "Apple says yes"  (tuaw.com) (250)
(WESH Orlando)   Not news: Woman asks for kiss, man refuses. News: Woman fires shots into man's house. Fark: She's 92. (with mugshot goodness)  (wesh.com) (40)
(CSMonitor)   Japan says radiated ocean water poses no human health risk. Phew. It's a good thing only humans live in the ocean  (csmonitor.com) (42)
(BBC)   Jesus may soon have something in common with dinosaurs  (bbc.co.uk) (566)
(Springfield News Sun)   Several important, job creating infrastructure improving projects being delayed by rayed beans. Mmmmmm. rayed beans  (springfieldnewssun.com) (17)
(BBC)   Ban on church's sodomy ad overturned, proving you don't need missionary to see God  (bbc.co.uk) (51)
(Croydon Guardian)   You know those nights that start with a quiet drink with friends, but end with you naked from the waist down and smearing feces on hospital staff? Yeah, me too  (yourlocalguardian.co.uk) (22)
(AOL News)   Australian man recommends unique way to save local businesses: Eat a koala  (aolnews.com) (32)
(Chicago Tribune)   How to be a better listener and WOULD YOU JUST PAY ATTENTION. This is hopeless  (chicagotribune.com) (24)
(Telegraph)   American F-15 crashes in Libya. Pilot rescued by rebels  (telegraph.co.uk) (424)
(Guardian.com)   Man... I don't remember Guitar Hero being this hard  (guardian.co.uk) (74)
(Huffington Post)   Pole dancing for Jesus. The shepherd's staff grows mightier  (huffingtonpost.com) (62)
(Boston Globe)   Photoshop this man in the mud  (inapcache.boston.com) (38)
(Mirror.co.uk)   "I couldn't get my man to propose - until our house blew up." (w/ pics of happy couple, blown up house)  (mirror.co.uk) (38)
(News.com.au)   Aircraft in Australia forced down by inchworms in the instruments. Was allowed to resume flight once mechanics swapped them out for centimeter worms  T-Shirt  (news.com.au) (37)
(NPR)   Radioactive milk only a danger after 58,000 glasses, says world's most lactose-tolerant scientist  (npr.org) (67)
(Globe and Mail)   Man brings failed human rights complaint after his attempt at adopting his reincarnated dog fails. Also failed: his meds  (theglobeandmail.com) (13)
(Komo)   Worst. Uncle. EVER. Narcs out teacher when nephew tells him he's "getting laid by a teacher." With "I'd hit it?" pic  (kent.komonews.com) (158)
(Palm Beach Post)   Police officer training Rule #1: Don't let your handcuffed prisoner steal your car  (palmbeachpost.com) (19)
(The Ledger)   Newly hired Florida police officer fired for stealing one marijuana blossom. Now must look for another budding career  (theledger.com) (39)
(Fox Business)   "Is cable still worth it?" asks one channel that certainly isn't  (foxbusiness.com) (313)
(Neatorama)   Theme: Unlikely USB devices (LGT example)  (uploads.neatorama.com) (50)
(Washington Post)   Since the mid-90s, cases of Type 2 diabetes in people under 20 have gone from zero to tens of thousands. I blame the Internet  (washingtonpost.com) (185)

Mon March 21, 2011
(St. Petersburg Times)   Cool: Woman fatally shoots home invader who was giving her fiance a beatdown. Fark: Hot woman. Stupid: With annoying yap-yap dog. Florida: She used a pink handgun. Asinine: THAT guy's got her?  (tampabay.com) (377)
(NPR)   The latest Republican scheme to create jobs and bolster the economy? Cut funding for Title X women's health care clinics. Well, of course it is  (npr.org) (584)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Here's todays "human bites cop" story. BAD BOY  (orlandosentinel.com) (20)
(Billings Gazette)   Good mom: hiring a babysitter to watch the kids. Bad mom: paying said babysitter in prescription sleeping pills  (billingsgazette.com) (36)
(Some Guy)   One armed man victim of one armed robbery  (abclocal.go.com) (17)
(WWSB ABC 7)   Home video catches the moment Pop's casket falls into the grave, enabling the family to relive the horror over and over (of course story includes vid). Till Eulenspiegel not available for comment  (mysuncoast.com) (172)
(Boston Globe)   Appeals court says if you're afraid of being spied upon you can sue the government over the cost of your tinfoil hat  (boston.com) (49)
(Houston Chronicle)   Woman hit and killed by monster truck. Funeral will be held on Sunday Sunday SUNDAY  T-Shirt  (chron.com) (165)
(Spiegel)   Photoshop this chosen country  (spiegel.de) (28)
(WPXI)   If you call a radio station to talk about a ticket you got the day before and end up joking about being high, don't go straight to the police station to fight the charges. Just sayin'  (wpxi.com) (54)
(CBS News)   CBS offers Charlie Sheen his job back. WINNING  (cbsnews.com) (191)
(The Newspaper)   The speed camera never lies. Except when they're rigged to read 15% high. For the children  (thenewspaper.com) (68)
(AP)   Man who had sex with horses released from prison, considered stable  T-Shirt  (hosted.ap.org) (95)
(Des Moines Register)   Police go to a house and find pigs, chickens and other animals inside. "It was cold outside"   (blogs.desmoinesregister.com) (25)
(WLSAM)   Big increase in men getting cosmetic surgery, and big increase is an appropriate phrase, wink wink  (wlsam.com) (56)
(Some Guy)   The best cure for Radiation Poisoning: Red Wine  (themoralliberal.com) (50)
(ABC News)   Government recommends keeping your children in car seats until they are old enough to steal the vehicle  (abcnews.go.com) (191)
(CNN)   Providing a visual that no one needed, Trump says he screwed Gaddafi   (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com) (102)
(Slate)   Raises don't make employees work harder, but pay cuts make them slack off  (slate.com) (112)
(CBS News)   One surprising source has stepped up in relief aid in Japan. The Japanese mafia  (cbsnews.com) (133)
(The Content Farm)   Just in time for the Vegas Fark Party: How to bury a hooker in the Nevada desert  (thecontentfarm.net) (53)
(Some Guy)   The volunteers who spent 12 hours searching for a "lost" boy can feel good knowing they helped crown 2011's Hide and Go Seek Champion  (ky3.com) (87)
(Gawker)   Man fights to preserve life, liberty, and the $1 value menu as he opens fire on a SWAT team over the 50% price increase in a Taco Bell burrito  (kdge.com) (210)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Cool: Police escort. Florida: Police escort to the ground  (nwfdailynews.com) (41)
(Some Guy)   Bending over and hearing the snap of a surgical glove may soon be a thing of the past, except at your mom's house  (y100.com) (102)
(Some ProJo)   Two men charged in a shooting outside the Institute for the Study and Practice of Nonviolence  (newsblog.projo.com) (25)
(Herald Tribune)   News: Neighbors set up video camera at intersection to catch drivers ignoring stop signs. Fark: Violators include school bus, sheriff's office vehicle and fire department truck  (heraldtribune.com) (121)
(The New York Times)   Study shows cats attack birds, other cats' butts  (nytimes.com) (137)
(CBS Local)   Nuclear plant owner admits that they'd be in grievous danger if a tsunami snuck past New York City and traveled 25 miles inland, therefore we need solar power in a place where it rains 200 days a year and snows the other 165  (newyork.cbslocal.com) (468)
(Yahoo)   Tokyo Tap Water -- Now With Cesium  (ca.news.yahoo.com) (81)
(News.com.au)   Petroleum operators, by which they mean petroleum consumers, will be forced to pay for their own safety inspections  (news.com.au) (19)
(Toronto Star)   6'6", 500-lb heavily pixelated killer back in custody after what should have been a short and breathless chase  (thestar.com) (71)
(Politico)   Stupid, silly Republicans all upset over President Obama unilaterally deciding to use US military to do what he asked the UN to do. Did I say Republicans?  (politico.com) (412)
(Cracked)   Six things we're running out of, including helium (yawn), phosphorous (yawn), and tequila (gasp). Tequila? EVERYBODY PANIC  (cracked.com) (124)
(Google)   Photoshop theme: spring break in the 1800's  (images.google.com) (20)
(Some Guy)   Traffic accidents rarely make it on Fark. But it is also pretty rare that the monkey dies  (wsoctv.com) (44)
(KTVZ)   Oregon AG pushes to make strangulation a felony, says it's time to stop treating it as a choke  (ktvz.com) (43)
(Sun Sentinel)   Police shoot and kill man who may or may not have been suicidal. I guess it doesn't matter now  (sun-sentinel.com) (45)
(Yahoo)   Pentagon says Qaddafi's forces are in "disarray" after NATO strikes. Which is military-speak for "mercenaries who signed on to shoot civilians have decided that going toe to toe with the USAF ain't in the contract"  (news.yahoo.com) (337)
(Yahoo)   Experts baffled by a recent epidemic of suicides among Native American teens. Yessir, that's certainly a puzzler, what with their stellar quality of life and the nearly limitless opportunities they have to look forward to  (news.yahoo.com) (180)
(Baltimore Sun)   Maryland Mansion destroyed in fire, still plans to release new album and tour later this year  T-Shirt  (baltimoresun.com) (64)
(Some Guy)   Because there's not enough going on, Qu'ran set on fire in Florida church while people pose for photos  (newstime.co.za) (145)
(My Fox DC)   North Koreans told to use pets as earthquake warning, dinner  (myfoxdc.com) (39)
(Some Guy)   When shoplifting an entire cart of booze, repeatedly punching an employee in the face, and firing a shotgun thru a window towards bystanders, there's really only one place: Walmart (bonus: surveillance pics)  (big1059.com) (42)
(Some Guy)   Extending length of yellow lights from 4.3 seconds to 5 seconds causes 62 percent drop in red-light tickets, lost profits for city  (insidebayarea.com) (113)
(11 Alive)   Savannah, GA's annual St. Patrick's Day celebration includes 27 arrests for disorderly conduct, 13 for public urination and one for asking two undercover officers to be lookouts while he breaks into patrol cars  (11alive.com) (45)
(My Fox DC)   A spokesman says they are confident the suit can be resolved or else everyone will burn in hell  (myfoxdc.com) (6)
(Some Guy)   Star couples are accustomed to some loss of privacy that comes with living in the public eye, but surely we've crossed some line when we start snapping pictures of them while they're banging each other  (sciencenews.org) (56)
(Some Guy)   Algerian newspaper reporting that Gaddafi's son dead, possibly of shame  (agi.it) (49)
(News.com.au)   Viral bullying case takes a new twist as everyone now claims to be a victim. The only man in this fiasco is Casey The Cake Crusader himself  (news.com.au) (141)
(Chicago Tribune)   Multiple injuries reported after fire breaks out at CHA apartment. CURSE YOU, CHAIRFACE CHIPPENDALE  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (29)
(Orlando Sentinel)   Sammy Hagar says aliens abducted his brain, possibly to determine why he can't drive 55  (orlandosentinel.com) (51)
(PennLive)   When robbing a bank, it's generally a good idea to not hand over your ID and attempt to open an account immediately beforehand  (pennlive.com) (7)
(CNN)   Failing Japanese reactor elects pope  (cnn.com) (145)
(Al Jazeera)   Three top Yemen generals defect to the ongoing revolution. Oh, it is ON  (english.aljazeera.net) (238)
(LVSun.com)   Not News: Someone in Vegas is busted for coke. News: It's a Clark County DA. FARK: He's the chief drug prosecutor for the DA's office  (lasvegassun.com) (134)
(STLToday)   City spends $1.2-million building a bike trail through a rattlesnake habitat  (stltoday.com) (141)
(The Atlantic)   You will photoshop hypno-wolf  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (32)
(The Local (Germany))   Former neo-Nazi becomes leftist after sex change  (thelocal.de) (119)
(Beulah Fest)   Photoshop this bull-riding beauty   (cmsimg.pensacolanewsjournal.com) (20)
(Daily Mail)   Wedding photographer sued for filming the backs of heads, grass, and people who weren't even invited to the wedding. "He turned up to our wedding with scars all over his face"  (dailymail.co.uk) (85)
(Mirror.co.uk)   Cops raid the wrong home.... for the 41st time  (mirror.co.uk) (92)
(Daily Mail)   Need to "cure" homosexuality? There's an app for that  (dailymail.co.uk) (402)

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