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Fark SearchWeb Fark
Sun April 17, 2011
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Some Guy)   Photoshop theme: I accidentally the whole thing  (i.imgur.com) (20)
(Some Guy)   If all your friends are jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge, would you too? Second time in the last month a teenager jumps off and SURVIVES  (abclocal.go.com) (110)
(Scientific American)   The "uhhhs" and "umms" in our speech may be crucial to helping children learn to speak, according to the National Institute Of Why Is Bob Newhart So Freaking Awesome  (scientificamerican.com) (130)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)   Consumer Product Safety Commision bans sale of youth sized ATVs not because they are dangerous, but because they contain lead in the batteries. Those tasty batteries that kids love to eat  (startribune.com) (97)
(Boing Boing)   According to TSA, complaining about screening procedures is an indicator of 'terrorist intentions'. Counts double if passenger weighs more than a duck  (boingboing.net) (308)
(The Smoking Gun)   The Weekly Mugshot Roundup has a license to Grill  (thesmokinggun.com) (108)
(Some Guy)   What she says and what she really means. If she says "I love the way you smell." all bets are off  (yahoo.match.com) (278)
(Examiner)   E-books are great, but how does an author autograph them? Uhhh, there will soon be an app for that  (examiner.com) (53)
(Some Guy)   Ugly ass baby reindeer get special treatment, that is until Sarah Palin shoots it  (adn.com) (25)
(Daily Mail)   Researcher claims Last Supper was 24 hours earlier than generally believed, argues that there are always better deals on the Wednesday before Easter  (dailymail.co.uk) (64)
(YouTube)   Holy CRAP it's a tsunami, run run run run run  (youtube.com) (391)
(Some Guy)   The world championship cow chip throwing contest is this weekend in Beaver, Oklahoma. It's a Pro-Am event. Politicians are considered pros  (beaveroklahoma.net) (16)
(HelenaIR.com)   Meet the man single-handedly responsible for the comeback of wolves, retiring this year after 23 years. Know what he thinks about delisting them?  (m.helenair.com) (75)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop theme: I never thought this would happen, but  (i.imgur.com) (38)
(UPI)   Keep in mind MILFs are only hot when it's other people's moms  (upi.com) (95)
(LA Times)   Do you hate your family? Take them Snuba diving. It's as retarded as it sounds  (latimes.com) (134)
(AnnArbor.com)   Woman calls police to report shooting an intruder dead. Police point out that the "intruder" was her husband, shot right through the head. With calm, collected, "whatever" mugshot  (annarbor.com) (69)
(Yahoo)   Leading oil and gas companies have been injecting carcinogens into drinking water. Thank god we have a free market to self regulate itself and prevent these types of things from happening, right?  (news.yahoo.com) (160)
(Sun Sentinel)   Grandma, I'm hom... OH MY DEAR SWEET GOD  (sun-sentinel.com) (65)
(BBC)   "Plus-one" and you thought you had problems  (bbc.co.uk) (48)
(Boston Globe)   Boston prosecutor wants judge removed because he doesn't always give the sentence the DA wants and he sometimes doesn't believe police officers  (boston.com) (78)
(Quad City Times)   Well, this is either good or bad news, depending on how crazy you are  (qctimes.com) (48)
(Oregon Live)   Busy body demanding business card from cop while he arrests man for the 117th time gets her $82,000 payoff when he refuses to give one up. Oh, there was the whole arresting her for being a smart ass thing too  (oregonlive.com) (168)
(NewsOK)   Ugly-ass baby elephant born in Oklahoma City zoo (with pic of terrified-looking baby elephant)  (newsok.com) (21)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   Happy 100th birthday, Satan  (suntimes.com) (51)
(Slate)   Turns out the guy who helped the FBI nail the big poker websites had originally been narced out to the FBI by those very same poker sites. Somewhere Kenny Rogers is laughing  (slatest.slate.com) (134)
(Some Guy)   Researchers decide to reduce their chances of getting dates by posting images of their belly button bacteria. So far, it seems to be working  (huliq.com) (19)
(Fox News)   The Bay of Pigs, 50 years later: "How could we have been so stupid?"  (foxnews.com) (109)
(Daily Mail)   A compelling article that fully supports the widely held opinion that people who wear spandex and ride $2,000 bicycles are douchebags  (dailymail.co.uk) (290)
(People Magazine)   That's CAPTAIN Prince Harry to you  (people.com) (98)
(WLSAM)   New study says mixing alcohol and Red Bull gets you drunk and stimulated. In other news, mixing Red Bull and alcohol gets you drunk and stimulated  (wlsam.com) (45)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   There was no conspiracy behind the JFK assassination, says Secret Service. GO ON WITH YOUR LIVES PEOPLE  (suntimes.com) (118)
(Yahoo)   Philadelphia Orchestra out of C notes  (news.yahoo.com) (59)
(The Province)   German politician caught in sting operation for stealing toilet paper from town hall restroom. Two hundred farking rolls worth  (theprovince.com) (41)
(BBC)   UK posts info about US and UK nuclear submarines but redacts all sensitive information. And by 'redacts' I mean highlights the secret stuff in black, so you can just paste it into Word and read it  (bbc.co.uk) (60)
(Scientific American)   Photoshop this newly discovered natural stone arch  (scientificamerican.com) (24)
(New York Daily News)   Protip: If you've been awarded a hefty court injury settlement, don't boast about your current belly dancing skills on your blog  (nydailynews.com) (86)
(Al Jazeera)   We could just rerun this article for the next year or so and call it a day  (english.aljazeera.net) (30)
(National Post)   Does your child like eating American Cheese? Chances are that he/she is more likely to also enjoy eating paste in the back row of the special ed classroom  (news.nationalpost.com) (157)
(My San Antonio)   Maybe all of those parents who create unique names are on to something: man thrown in jail because of his common name  (mysanantonio.com) (52)
(Denver Post)   City bans those red, white and blue barbershop poles because they fear they will be distracting to motorists  (denverpost.com) (60)
(Telegraph)   Old and busted: Wine bars. New sweetness: Sherry bars  (telegraph.co.uk) (32)
(Time)   How to survive a real-life horror movie. "Hear a strange noise in the basement? Pretend you don't"  (time.com) (104)
(Some Guy)   Despite 3 cases of brain cancer, 3 cases of esophageal cancer and 14 out of 16 households having some type of cancer within a 1 block radius, the the EPA feels there is no problem at the Superfund cleanup site. Move along citizen  (timesleader.com) (51)
(Daily Mail)   Daughter writes book, says mom beat her. Mom sues daughter and incurs huge debt, then loses. Now Mom is losing her house, too. AND THE LAWYERS SWEEP THE SERIES  (dailymail.co.uk) (64)
(Some Guy)   What women really think of men's style. "Basketball jerseys are the worst. Nobody wants to see your armpit hair"  (yahoo.match.com) (282)
(necn.com)   50,000 in Thailand break human wave world record, held previously by Sendai, Japan  (necn.com) (93)
(Bloomberg)   University of Texas shows its confidence in US economic system by taking delivery of $1 billion in gold bars  (bloomberg.com) (115)
(Huffington Post)   After decades in power Castro decides maybe term limits might be a good thing, and ease up on the communism  (huffingtonpost.com) (36)
(ABC News)   Stay safe out there, real estate agents  (abcnews.go.com) (51)
(Boston Globe)   Photoshop this elderly excercise  (inapcache.boston.com) (25)
(Bloomberg)   You know that crazy guy in your block who has been hoarding food, ammo and water? Well, you might want to start being nicer to him  (bloomberg.com) (200)
(Boing Boing)   Gullibility may be early sign of dementia, and if you believe that, you're farkin crazy  (boingboing.net) (32)
(KPHO)   Surgeons plan to remove leaking battery from boy's stomach, then have him discharged  (kpho.com) (35)
(YNetNews)   Coming soon to your satellite dish: Al-Jewzeera  (ynetnews.com) (93)
(Some Guy)   Firefighter saves pit bull from fire, performs CPR on dog and promptly has face eaten off  (chicago.cbslocal.com) (165)

Sat April 16, 2011
(News.com.au)   Man dies after ute flips off bridge. Somewhere, some Southern judge is profoundly confused  T-Shirt  (news.com.au) (78)
(The Morning Call)   Is that $2,500 of heroin in your pants or are you happy to see me?  (mcall.com) (17)
(Daily Reporter)   ♪ OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKLAHOOMA where the postal carriers get hit by a train. ♫  (greenfieldreporter.com) (55)
(Canoe)   Boy decides to axe woman something  (cnews.canoe.ca) (53)
(Yahoo)   Help I'm addicted to TV infomercials. W/pic of someone who may be addicted to TV infomercials  (finance.yahoo.com) (211)
(Yahoo)   That prime filet mignon you just bought may actually be low grade scraps held together by meat glue, the same goes for other meats, poultry and fish. w/scary vid  (au.todaytonight.yahoo.com) (324)
(Boston Globe)   Photoshop this worker pushing a plank into place  (inapcache.boston.com) (40)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   Rahm Emanuel alienates every single future voter in Chicago  (suntimes.com) (176)
(wtsp.com)   Apparently, the idea of threatening your wife with a sword hasn't gotten old in Manatee County  (wtsp.com) (15)
(MLive.com)   Nothing brings a family together like taking the kids over to your ex's house to smear feces on the walls  (mlive.com) (62)
(STLToday)   Mattress store manager learns that refusing service to a Muslim couple for 'security reasons' isn't the best career move. With pic of what a veil might look like  (stltoday.com) (236)
(ABC News)   Old and busted: Jesus on a cracker. New Hotness: Elvis on a stinkbug  (abcnews.go.com) (27)
(KTVZ)   Open mic night turns into open self-inflicted knife wound night  (ktvz.com) (66)
(Daily Mail)   Nicolas Cage arrested for the only hit he's had in years  (dailymail.co.uk) (213)
(Fox Sports)   University engineering team suspended after hot female engineering student on team poses in bikini next to team's race car. This is why we can't have nice things  (msn.foxsports.com) (252)
(Yahoo)   Americans reluctant to share sex; work details on the web. Wait, that should've been a comma  T-Shirt  (news.yahoo.com) (34)
(nhregister.com)   Did you hear about the new treatment for when you have a seizure at your grandma's funeral? Handcuffs and pepper spray  (newhavenregister.com) (92)
(Some Guy)   World's slowest cyclist finally caught by man in electric wheelchair after grueling three day chase. With completely unsurprising mughost  (tcoasttalk.com) (59)
(Slate)   So what happens if you just don't file your taxes? Well don't worry about dropping the soap, it rarely gets to that point  (slate.com) (103)
(Sun Sentinel)   Lawn & Order: Yard Crimes Unit  (sun-sentinel.com) (19)
(Bloomberg)   Oil prices to drop next year, says Russian official with matching mini giraffes  T-Shirt  (bloomberg.com) (63)
(Jacksonville.com)   Citizens weigh in on bill to prevent slow drivers from blocking left lane. Best hyperbole: "This is starting to sound a lot like the Wild West in the 1890s"  (jacksonville.com) (257)
(Some Photographer)   Enough with the ugly-ass baby animals. Here are some ugly-ass old ones instead  (pdnphotooftheday.com) (35)
(Wall Street Journal)   All language traced back to one mother tongue, which sounds suspiciously like the goobly-gook Milla Jovovich spoke in The Fifth Element. Or Welsh. Take your pick  (online.wsj.com) (122)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen)   Four women, ranging in ages from 18 to 27, were arrested for prostitution after renting a hotel room and trying to whore themselves out. However, no one is that desperate, not even in Iowa City (w/mugshot nastiness)  (press-citizen.com) (144)
(CNN)   Britons start to wonder whether strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is really a basis for a system of government  (cnn.com) (115)
(Boston Globe)   Your dog wants... a pet limo so it can go to the pet airport and catch a Pet Airways flight. Yes, all these things exist. Weep for our future  (boston.com) (39)
(Chicago Tribune)   We were this close to Drew Curtis presents Drew Curtis' Fark.com: The movie. Written, starring, directed by, created, executive produced, and original screenplay by Drew Curtis. Presented by Drew Curtis and Carl's Jr  (chicagobreakingbusiness.com) (52)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Old man sticks pitchfork in robber, sees he's done  (nwfdailynews.com) (63)
(Spiegel)   Photoshop these guys looking for something tasty  (spiegel.de) (31)
(The Local (Germany))   Jack the Ripper was a German merchant seaman named Carl Feigenbaum who was convicted and executed for another murder in New York, making Feigenbaum the first trans-continental serial killer  (thelocal.de) (86)
(USA Today)   Las Vegas apparently wants to host more Fark parties, as hotel introduces "Wasted Wednesdays" at pool where women go topless  (travel.usatoday.com) (43)
(Some Guy That's Had Enough)   Hawaii leads the charge. TSA, DON'T TOUCH MY JUNK  (hawaiireporter.com) (258)
(Some Gashole)   Just in time for Memorial Day, gas prices are expected to break the all time high set in July '08. That's because *shakes magic 8 ball* apparently there's political unrest in Libya  (wtsp.com) (119)
(Gawker)   Pssst..hey, buddy...c'mere a minute. Wanna buy some tomatoes?  (gawker.com) (31)
(MLive.com)   Hadley, a cat who was badly burned in June 2009 is finally ready for a new home - but only if he can bring his girlfriend Minnie (they met at the shelter) with him to share Caturday  (mlive.com) (lots)
(KTLA)   Bacteria that caused Playboy Mansion outbreak found in hot tub. Investigators say it took a whole month just to separate the samples from the myriad of other jacuzzi contaminants - consisting mainly of Hef's sloughed off skin cells  (ktla.com) (37)
(Oregon Live)   I'm outta here  (oregonlive.com) (107)
(AZCentral)   What worse than losing your dog? Setting your house on fire while looking for your lost dog  (azcentral.com) (18)
(KPSP Local 2 News)   This just in from the You're Doing it Wrong Department: parachuter dies in a midair collision in preparation for a memorial for two parachuters who died in a midair collision  (kpsplocal2.com) (47)
(Chicago Tribune)   Today's hot teacher having sex with a student story brought to you by suburban Chicago  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (124)
(Telegram)   Photoshop this beanball  (telegram.com) (28)
(MSNBC)   Neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of night, stays these couriers from defecating in your yard  (msnbc.msn.com) (35)
(CNN)   Vegans get their organic panties in a twist after discovering they've been lusting after meat for years  (news.blogs.cnn.com) (328)
(The Scotsman)   Fark ready headline: Scottish butcher lays claim to 'the world's hottest sausage'  (thescotsman.scotsman.com) (26)
(Labspaces.net)   You may need to sit down for this, but doctors have looked at the data, and diet and exercise is how you lose weight  (labspaces.net) (116)
(LA Times)   With the FBI dealing, the three largest online poker sites draw aces and eights  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (149)

Fri April 15, 2011
(Cleveland Plain Dealer)   Q: Should married couples have a joint or separate bank accounts? A: Yes  (cleveland.com) (102)
(CBS News)   Oh I'm sorry, did I break your segregation?  (cbsnews.com) (62)
(3 News New Zealand)   Man tried to tell doctors he was hardcore, but they didn't listen. So he ate his own finger  (3news.co.nz) (47)
(Daily Mail)   President Obama finally puts to rest the 'birther' issue: 'I was born in Hawaii... I don't have horns'  (dailymail.co.uk) (572)
(Canoe)   "This is Bob Barker reminding you to have your pets spayed or neutered, and to get your elephants the hell out of Toronto"  (cnews.canoe.ca) (67)
(Some Bioluminescence)   Photoshop this green glow  (bigpicture.ru) (36)
(Guardian.com)   Good news: Your suicide attempt didn't work. Bad news: You're looking at 20 years for foeticide (Is that even a word?)  (guardian.co.uk) (381)
(Some Guy)   2-year-old talented tot can name all the presidents and capitals of the U.S., puts most adults to shame  (losangeles.cbslocal.com) (127)
(Some Guy)   You deserve extra credit if authorities mistake your science project for a bomb  (wkyc.com) (50)
(Some Guy)   Volunteers risk radiation to rescue dogs in Japan. I've got some radioactive dust in my eye  (batangastoday.com) (110)
(Some Guy)   California Christian University head coach arrested for attempting to do what his title implies  (kdvr.com) (76)
(Uproxx)   101 pieces of defaced currency. Some will blow your mind  (uproxx.com) (148)
(My Fox NY)   What should I wear to the Lady Gaga concert? I know. I will kill the family cat, spray its blood all over my clothes AND I'M CRAZY  (myfoxny.com) (192)
(The Raw Story)   Why do we kill people who kill people to show people that people killing people is wrong, people?  (rawstory.com) (362)
(Government Technology)   The days of "frantically braking because you think it's a cop but it turns out to be an old woman in a Buick" are almost behind us  (govtech.com) (189)
(AL.com)   Some states have insurance lobby; Alabama has cockfighting lobby  (blog.al.com) (31)
(KHOU Houston)   Deputies open front door, get soaked by bucket of water. Better call in the bomb squad  (khou.com) (42)
(FARK)   Update on Caleb  (fark.com) (139)
(Some Guy)   Man invents car that runs on bourbon....just like subby  T-Shirt  (thedailyload.com) (63)
(Sun Sentinel)   Group named "Americans Against Hate" demands dismissal of professor for the crime of being Muslim  (sun-sentinel.com) (124)
(Yahoo)   And then he was gone. Semper Fi, Clay  (news.yahoo.com) (304)
(Some Guy)   It's your Friday LMFAO weird airport sign slideshow  (clickorlando.com) (77)
(BBC)   "Your grandmother has just passed away. LOL"  (bbc.co.uk) (97)
(Yahoo)   If you had any doubt the Palestinians have no idea what they are doing, then this might help clear that up. A pro-Palestinian terror group kills a pro-Palestinian foreigner to get Hamas (pro-Palestinian government) to release pro-Palestinians  (news.yahoo.com) (99)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Among the icebreaker no-nos: Hitting the girl in the face because she won't talk to you  (nwfdailynews.com) (68)
(Some Guy)   "National Day of Prayer" constitutionality lawsuit thrown out. Suck it "National Day of Do Whatever You Want" supporters  (mega949.com) (137)
(Some Guy)   According to the bill's sponsor, Texas needs to make English the official language because: (a) It's the language of America. (b) I can't understand the lawn guy. (c) It's better for the environment  (mega949.com) (108)
(My Fox DC)   Lincoln freed the slaves so we could have until the 18th to file our tax returns  (myfoxdc.com) (36)
(Daily Mail)   Study finds most Britons can't tell difference between fine wine and swill, which is surprising given their reputation for culinary masterpieces  (dailymail.co.uk) (58)
(Mid Hudson News)   Chuck Schumer wants the shuttle Enterprise's final voyage to New York to pass through Newburgh, where the shuttle will be stolen and stripped for parts before being dumped in the river  (midhudsonnews.com) (91)
(Some Guy)   Not news: Thieves steal copper wire, plumbing fixtures, tools from construction site. News: Four times. Fark: Site is a new jail under construction  (wtkr.com) (22)
(620WTMJ)   Man who was bit by 1 of 36 snakes in his home looks exactly like what you're picturing  (620wtmj.com) (106)
(Some Guy)   Florida babe makes 13-year-old the official Luckiest Boy In School (with pic)  (clickorlando.com) (205)
(FARK)   Learn how much you don't know about news in less than two minutes  (fark.com) (33)
(This Is Plymouth)   Man ordered to pay £100 after urinating over chocolate in supermarket  (thisisplymouth.co.uk) (30)
(Yahoo)   Behold, the world's largest wooden structure, which is also the world's largest structure held together entirely by glue. If God ate popsicles, this is what he would build with the sticks  (news.yahoo.com) (56)
(Some Guy)   Americans are getting gas from Mexican stations, food  (radio.woai.com) (64)
(Baltimore Sun)   Get kicked out of bar at 2:00am, assault employees, punch windows, speed away in your minivan, flip the bird to cops, smash into QuickiMart, take off running, get caught by K9 units, rob someone along the way, TA-DA  (baltimoresun.com) (33)
(Yahoo)   Gov Walker defends his union-crushing bill by telling Congress that having to actually negotiate with people is too hard, so he just decided to take away all their power instead. Really, that's what he actually admitted to on Capitol Hill  (news.yahoo.com) (403)
(Reuters)   Luxury spending by rich to rise significantly. No way they could afford higher taxes, though  (reuters.com) (127)
(Yahoo)   Humanities teacher assigns project on the ancient Greeks to HS students. Students respond with life-sized replica of the Trojan Horse. Not for nothin teach, but I wouldn't bring that thing inside the school if I were you  (news.yahoo.com) (37)
(AJC)   Guess what, that off duty cop you're trying to run off the road has a shaitload of cop buddies who would love to take your ass down, son  (ajc.com) (16)
(Some Guy)   Taco Bell: "Our Food is too healthy, what else can we do?" Introducing the Dorito taco shell  (bites.today.com) (77)
(Daily Mail)   Um, usually the bride and groom are supposed to get naked AFTER the wedding, not before or during. (with pic that may not be sfw)  (dailymail.co.uk) (45)
(The Ledger)   Brothers file suit because tollbooth workers "detain" them while checking large bills  (theledger.com) (70)
(CBS News)   Half of the meat sold in the United States won't get you high  (cbsnews.com) (22)
(Reuters)   Scott Ritter convicted of trying to use his WMD to Iraq the no-fly zone of a 15 year old girl in an online sting  (reuters.com) (73)
(Jerusalem Post)   'The FBI released files on Tupac Shakur, revealing that the Jewish Defense League was suspected of "extorting money from various rap-music stars via death threats, including Shakur and Eazy E"  (jpost.com) (68)
(Sun Sentinel)   Florida man, needing a few square meals, steals 110 frozen dinners  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) (18)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this example of perfect timing  (picchore.com) (26)
(News.com.au)   There is no such thing as a Penis Purification ritual  (news.com.au) (40)
(Some Three-eyed Fish)   Nice looking hotel in Racine, WI: Check. Close proximity to a nuclear power plant: Check. Nearby outdoor activities like sport fishing: Check. Wait... what?  (riversideinnracine.com) (83)
(Reuters)   Police.finalize() in Java  T-Shirt  (reuters.com) (60)
(WLSAM)   There are nine areas that women should check on themselves each morning, but apparently two are unmentionable  (wlsam.com) (69)
(My Fox DC)   Aging meat is a lost art. Luckily the cops found it  (myfoxdc.com) (37)
(WFTV)   Stop feeling sorry for yourselves, gas costs $4.46 a gallon in Kenya  (wftv.com) (59)
(Miami Herald)   Fifty years ago the price of a good cigar went through the roof  (miamiherald.com) (56)
(The New York Times)   While we were busy debating whether or not 50k was too much to pay a teacher, CEO pay rose to an average of 9.6 million per year. So there's that  (nytimes.com) (262)
(MSNBC)   TSA agents are thieves. In other news, lost baggage ends up in...Alabama?  (msnbc.msn.com) (44)
(Reuters)   Two ugly ass Kenyan zebras born in St. Louis Zoo. A couple half-white/half-black horse's asses DEFINITELY born in the USA, Mr. Trump  (reuters.com) (23)
(Bloomberg)   Inflation statistics now classified "state secret" in China. Bradley Manning unavailable for comment  (bloomberg.com) (46)
(Some Pissed Off Mom)   A Detroit mother surrenders after a 10 hr. standoff with SWAT officers. Next time the state tells her to give her daughter a pill, by god she'll give the kid the damned pill  (prisonplanet.com) (277)
(Yahoo)   "Smugglers find creative ways to move contraband" On a completely unrelated topic, congrats to Ric Romero on his new gig at the AP  (news.yahoo.com) (8)
(AOL News)   Ever wonder what you could deduct from your taxes if you were a sex worker? Well, now you know  (aolnews.com) (28)
(The New York Times)   Metaphor alert: US Postal Service issues new Statue of Liberty stamp - based on the replica statue in Vegas  (nytimes.com) (53)
(The New York Times)   Underground midnight food raves become latest cool way for youth to sample hippest street cuisines. "When I was their age I was doing drugs and going to rock shows. That's not their culture. Their culture is food"  (nytimes.com) (112)
(WWL)   Having solved all problems related to crime, education, the BP disaster, corruption and pollution, Louisiana lawmakers consider placing a Ten Commandments monument at the state capitol  (wwl.com) (113)
(BBC)   World's oldest man loses out on title of world's oldest man to world's oldest man  (bbc.co.uk) (33)
(NJ.com)   Flanders man accused of giving defense data to the Chinese pleads not guilt-diddily-ildly  (nj.com) (35)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop these people of purpose  (bigpicture.ru) (33)
(Daily Mail)   Cool: One ticket remains for first Dutch space flight. Bonus: You could be sitting next to a Victoria's Secret model on that flight  (dailymail.co.uk) (90)
(KPTV)   When asked why the children were in a cage, he responded, "What am I supposed to do, let them run around the house and get into everything? What kind of [expletive] parenting is that?"  (kptv.com) (191)

Thu April 14, 2011
(Fox News)   George Washington finally gets a presidential library, some 200 years after he asked for it  (foxnews.com) (51)
(Gizmodo)   New Nintendo console, launching in 2012, more powerful than competitors' 6 year old consoles, smart phones  (gizmodo.com) (334)
(Yahoo)   Can you hire me now?  (news.yahoo.com) (140)
(Globe and Mail)   There is zero tolerance for crying in kindergarten  (theglobeandmail.com) (176)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this dove dealer  (bigpicture.ru) (49)
(Discover)   If you have a dog and it likes to dance, Discover magazine would like to see video proof of your dog shakin' his (or her) moneymaker   (blogs.discovermagazine.com) (31)
(Huffington Post)   Air Traffic Chief wakes up long enough to resign  (huffingtonpost.com) (67)
(Hometown Annapolis)   Westboro Baptist Church on Fort Meade counter protestors: "What the heck's wrong with these people?"  (hometownannapolis.com) (251)
(The Local (Sweden))   Short on cash to pay for gramp's funeral? If you're willing to donate his organs, you may just be able to put the rest of him in the ground for free  (thelocal.se) (58)
(Some Guy)   R U Home? The Burglar  (post-gazette.com) (17)
(WBIR Knoxville)   Teen fatally shot by twin brother (the one with the goatee)  (wbir.com) (105)
(SeattlePI)   Police stake out doughnut shop because of, um...uh...speeders...Yeah, that's the ticket  (seattlepi.com) (42)
(I Heart Chaos)   Jorts are so old and busted. This summer, you'll be turning heads in a pair of skin tight JeanPants. No Japan.. thank YOU  (iheartchaos.com) (160)
(USA Today)   Top 10 Party Schools of 2011. Seven years of college down the drain  (content.usatoday.com) (151)
(Cracked)   6 beauty products that qualify as torture  (cracked.com) (85)
(The Smoking Gun)   FBI arrests Israeli rabbi for in-flight groping of female passenger. Oy, that's some unorthodox behavior  (thesmokinggun.com) (73)
(Pat's Papers)   Thinking about killing your wife? Remember to log out of Google maps showing where you buried her body  (patspapers.com) (60)
(BBC)   Rats now seen as a greater threat to New York City than hipsters, republicans. "You'll see six of them just waiting for the train"  (bbc.co.uk) (136)
(Fox News)   Today's FARK ready headline: "3-Year-Old Asks Cops if They 'Found His Mom's Weed'"  (foxnews.com) (53)
(Jalopnik)   Hello Onstar, how do I get out of my Corvette?  (jalopnik.com) (151)
(Mother Nature Network)   All those tree-hugging, granola-chewing, dirty hippies who think growing cannabis is good for the environment are wrong  (mnn.com) (203)
(Some Guy)   Fark ready Headline: Mystery actor wins gagging order over prostitute claims  (thedailyedge.thejournal.ie) (19)
(Daily Mail)   This reluctant housedad's whining makes your wife actually sound good  (dailymail.co.uk) (168)
(New York Daily News)   You've just murdered your grandmother. What do you do next? C) enjoy some tasty waffles  (nydailynews.com) (62)
(Mother Nature Network)   What's the deal with eco-comedians?  (mnn.com) (41)
(Houston Chronicle)   Transcanada threatening US landowners with eminent domain if they refuse to let them run pipeline through properties in six states, even though they don't even have US State Department approval yet  (chron.com) (118)
(The Atlantic)   Sister Mary Schmuck dismayed, after leaving Kentucky and moving to convent in NYC, that some people find her surname to be funny, and now she wants to reclaim it. "At one point, there were 400 Schmucks in America," she says  (theatlantic.com) (92)
(Some Guy)   93-year-old man gives up on his dream of sailing around the world...in his car  (turnto23.com) (12)
(Jalopnik)   Yes, that's a tiger riding in a Range Rover  (jalopnik.com) (53)
(Some Guy)   Jamaica to look again at decriminalizing Marijuana. In other news, it's illegal to smoke Marijuana in Jamaica  (stopthedrugwar.org) (91)
(lehighvalleylive)   Because nothing says Hollywood like a limo ride to Wal-Mart, purchasing $1000 worth of electronics then freaking out when you're asked for your receipt. At least the jail time will give him some street cred in the industry  (lehighvalleylive.com) (216)
(AccessAtlanta)   The coolest pictures of flaming dough tossing you've seen all day. (Sorry, but it's a slideshow.)   (projects.accessatlanta.com) (11)
(CNNGo)   Why being an actor in softcore 3D porn isn't all it's cracked up to be. "We have to secure our penises with sticky tape. Try taping your penis for a month and see what happens"  (cnngo.com) (71)
(Arizona Star)   Good places to keep your stash: a shoebox in your closet, in a baggie in the freezer, or your bong shaped like Jerry Garcia's head. Bad places: civic water meters monitored by city employees  (azstarnet.com) (15)
(The Local (Germany))   Archaeologists find a 453-year-old wooden "tally stick" in Germany, believed to be the forerunner of debit cards  (thelocal.de) (31)
(wtsp.com)   Ugly ass baby cheetah gets an even uglier ass yellow lab puppy to play with. With ugly ass pics  (usf.wtsp.com) (27)
(Yahoo)   The financial crisis may be the only instance in history where "It's Complicated" is a publically accepted reason why no one was imprisoned or punished. Your house still in forclosure  (finance.yahoo.com) (87)
(Government Technology)   Kentucky Office of Homeland Security releases iPad app for reporting activity. A terrorist reached for comment said, "Kentucky? Hahahaha. What, are we going to blow up stills?"  (govtech.com) (53)
(Some Guy)   So you take a banana and you just cut away everything that doesn't look like a dragon. It's easy  (laughingsquid.com) (22)
(News.com.au)   Australia's mishandling of their replacement submarine fleet may lead to having extra seamen on hand  (news.com.au) (25)
(My Fox DC)   What's black and white and handwritten and contaminated with radiation?  (myfoxdc.com) (38)
(CBC)   Man finds a creative way to sit back and put his feet up. Fark: While driving  (cbc.ca) (20)
(Scientific American)   Mathematicians find fractal patterns to crack Srinivasa Ramanujan's cryptic claim, which he made in 1919, on number partitions, which are subdivions of numbers that -- OH SNAP, hold on, Snookie and J-Wowww are on TMZ right now  (scientificamerican.com) (115)
(AJC)   You can read about yourself on Fark if the Air Force is called in by the ATF to help with your eviction  (ajc.com) (29)
(Daily Mail)   You know you're a bastard when you're one of the last speakers of your language and the only other person who speaks it, refuses to talk to you  (dailymail.co.uk) (39)
(Discover)   If you ever wondered why Google Earth turned bridges into melted, goopy, bendy strips Salvador Dali would have loved, here's why  (blogs.discovermagazine.com) (40)
(Fox News)   Subby is shocked ... SHOCKED ... that Louisiana Parish officials would bilk BP for millions under the guise of oil spill cleanup support  (foxnews.com) (78)
(MSNBC)   Been wondering why the global warming crisis has been easing a bit lately? This might be why  (msnbc.msn.com) (40)
(Daily Mail)   As if you needed another god damned reason, here's why you don't go on f**king vacation in f**king Dubai  (dailymail.co.uk) (174)
(MSNBC)   Data shows 17 percent increase in residents near US nuclear reactors. I'm assuming they mean in size and number of fingers  (msnbc.msn.com) (33)
(AJC)   Man freed by mistake after serving 2 yrs of a 12 yr sentence. Man turns life around while out. Two yrs later, judge orders man to finish sentence, with 'Awww Shucks, Judge" mugshot goodness. Tag is for Southern justice  (ajc.com) (96)
(TC Palm)   Woman peels off 'hot pink' pants in front of passing school bus. What could possibly go wrong? Bonus pic of 'hot pink' pants chick  (blogs.tcpalm.com) (67)
(BusinessWeek)   FAA gives air traffic controllers someone to cuddle with during naps  (businessweek.com) (23)
(Some Guy)   Today's "famous face" on a "random thing" is bought to you by Kate Middleton and a jelly bean  (swns.com) (30)
(Examiner)   Founder and treasurer of the National Organization of Fake Police Officers arrested, charged with several real felonies  (examiner.com) (10)
(Some Guy)   Strangest way of earning Hero tag: milkman uses contents of truck to put out burning vehicle, save two men trapped inside. Now goes by Reid Fleming  (thejournal.ie) (64)
(NPR)   Your neighborhood watch catches kids skateboarding in the parking lot. This neighborhood watch catches pirates  (npr.org) (14)
(WTOP)   My dog's better than your dog, my dog's better than yours. My dog's better than your dog, 'cause he doesn't have to burrow through knee-deep feces to get around  (wtop.com) (37)
(Fox News)   What do the only two middle eastern nations who quelled their democratic rebellions have in common? They are using the same intel and sharing guns  (foxnews.com) (25)
(CNN)   Bachmann asked about her stance on oil, "I want to have a lot more than we have now"  (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com) (168)
(Des Moines Register)   Only 600 out of the nearly 5 million atheists in the US are going to the American Atheists National Convention. What, does Des Moines have cooties or something?  (desmoinesregister.com) (438)
(Cincinnati Enquirer)   Cincinnati Police looking for information to find man that penetrated the Hustler store, shot his load, then left with a wad in his hand (with video)  (news.cincinnati.com) (13)
(MetroWest Daily News)   Man with "a Coors Light can hidden in a Newman's coffee cup" busted for drunk driving, crappy taste in beer and coffee  (metrowestdailynews.com) (31)
(Stuff)   Not every news outlet is pleased with the NZ government right now (see the URL?)  (stuff.co.nz) (24)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this really big bear  (s.wsj.net) (20)
(Herald-Leader)   FBI releases 1974 death threat letter to Col. Sanders, possibly from an angry, myopic Scotsman  (kentucky.com) (75)
(Bloomberg)   Not only was Goldman Sachs the den of scum and villainy that cratered the economy, their Senate testimony now will be referred to the Justice Department for possible perjury charges  (bloomberg.com) (115)
(CNN)   To catch Sarah Connor, a computer would have to be able to recognize what it's seeing. Which means she's pretty much safe. Er, WAS pretty much safe, until Google got involved. Thanks, guys  (cnn.com) (68)
(BBC)   On the 41st anniversary of the Apollo 13 explosion, one young man destroys another Apollo. (With ridiculous before and after pics)  (bbc.co.uk) (84)
(Some Guy)   Bad: Your car is stolen while you're on vacation. Worst: Police can't find it anywhere. WTF: Owner pulls up behind it at a red light and helps make the bust  (clickorlando.com) (55)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen)   University of Iowa's "Humans vs Zombies" contest was cancelled after a human was hit by a car, something that would have given the zombies an unfair advantage  (press-citizen.com) (18)
(Poof)   Spontaneous human combustion happens all the time. It's just not widely reported...unless it happens at a porn shop  (sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com) (67)
(Herald Tribune)   White doves are beautiful when released at a fundraiser. Then they become nature's popcorn  (heraldtribune.com) (93)
(Examiner)   Catholic church pressure McDonalds to remove commercial of two six-year-olds (a boy and girl) saying it didn't promote family values. Instead wanted to replace girl with priest and then cover it up. Too much?  (examiner.com) (87)
(Some Guy)   Dog owner "glad she's still with us to live out her life with us until God decides it's her time to go and not a fire." Because God has never been known to speak through fire  (austin.ynn.com) (17)
(AccessAtlanta)   In response to Czech President Vaclav Klaus' "pen incident." The Czech people pull together to help him out  (accessatlanta.com) (18)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Man refuses to leave a bar until his bull whip and the cap to a dry erase marker were returned to him  (nwfdailynews.com) (39)
(KnoxNews)   If you were a kindergarten teacher, how would you handle a messy student? Having the other kids encircle him, call him a pig, and make oinking noises at him sounds like a brilliant idea. Welcome to Fark  (knoxnews.com) (181)
(USA Today)   Weight loss improves memory, attractiveness   (yourlife.usatoday.com) (164)
(Some Guy)   Consumer study surveys hipsters to learn if they consider themselves hipsters. Shockingly, no: "Because I am immersed in the social scene, where there are a lot of hipsters, people mistake me for being one of them"  (fwweekly.com) (195)
(WLSAM)   Made for Fark headline: Police: Man was drinking brandy with pants down in mall restroom  (wlsam.com) (39)
(Some Guy Inside)   Photoshop this pantomime horse  (s.wsj.net) (11)
(Some Guy)   Student stabs himself in the hand with a pen to prove the existence of God. It didn't work  (collegiatetimes.com) (439)
(Merced Sun-Star)   You're a suspect in a 30-year-old homicide, living under an alias in Florida. Do you: C) Drink on the job and repeatedly threaten your employees with a handgun?  (mercedsunstar.com) (13)
(MSNBC)   Most Americans actually think the tax they pay is fair  (msnbc.msn.com) (732)
(Durham Herald Sun)   Charges against former Duke lacrosse victim upgraded from assault to murder when her boyfriend is downgraded to dead  (heraldsun.com) (136)
(News.com.au)   Wombat diagnosed with depression - after being denied cuddles, pats he was used to (w/ "Ooh, yeah, right there" pic)  (news.com.au) (85)
(Some Guy)   Illinois passes ban on trans fats in food served in restaurants, vending machines. Because they can no longer trust the public to be responsible   (newsblogs.chicagotribune.com) (135)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   Teen uses nude photo to extort sax from a girl  (suntimes.com) (121)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 310: "Alphabet Photography". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (133)

Wed April 13, 2011
(Fox News)   If you live in Philadelphia and are between the ages of 11 and 19, you can now have condoms mailed directly to you for FREE  (foxnews.com) (62)
(CBS News)   Pentagon: The U.S. is NOT presently bombing Libya. Oh-by-the-way, just the U.S. fighter jets operating under NATO command are  (cbsnews.com) (106)
(WLSAM)   Apparently the best place to sleep in the whole country is in an air traffic control tower  (wlsam.com) (75)
(Some Guy)   Guess how many priests were accused of sexual abuse in Miami today? Nun  (940winz.com) (36)
(NPR)   Here are three books for those for whom poor grammar is that up with which they will not put  (npr.org) (153)
(Denver Channel)   Good: Sharing. Bad: Syringes  (thedenverchannel.com) (29)
(Some Place)   Photoshop this burning barn  (lpvmagazine.com) (61)
(Chicago Sun-Times)   Man arrested after threatening his neighbors and their dog with a power saw. What a tool  (heraldnews.suntimes.com) (38)
(The New York Times)   Sugar is a toxin. It is the primary cause of heart disease, diabetes, obesity, and most cancers. So put down the low fat Froyo and eat an egg  (nytimes.com) (328)
(Some Hobbit)   Couple builds eco-friendly home that is just precious  (simondale.net) (105)
(MLive.com)   Pretending to swear in front of children will cost you 60 days in jail  (mlive.com) (368)
(wtsp.com)   What kind of world is it when a guy can't take his 19 year-old hot girfriend to the prom?  (wtsp.com) (241)
(Detroit News)   In the Ray Charles could have seen this coming dept.: Parents sue over alcohol served to toddler at Applebee's  (detnews.com) (125)
(truTV)   Today is National Peach Cobbler Day, Blame Someone Else Day, Plant Appreciation Day and Scrabble Day. Happy Weird Holiday Day, everybody  (blog.trutv.com) (51)
(My Fox DC)   The toddler whose labrador kept him warm wanders off again, parents arrested. Where is your dog now?  (myfoxdc.com) (78)
(First Coast News)   THIS won't help the dumb-jock stereotype  (firstcoastnews.com) (88)
(Sun Sentinel)   South Florida is facing a rash of air conditioner thefts. That blows, what a cold crime  (sun-sentinel.com) (58)
(Life.com)   The most peaceful, beautiful pine forest you'll see today can be found in ... *spins wheel* ... New York City. Queens, to be exact  (life.com) (61)
(Boston Globe)   Not news: RI Gov creates 20 new jobs. Fark: Pirates  (boston.com) (34)
(Time)   Rickrolling? In MY Legislature? It's more likely than you think  (newsfeed.time.com) (63)
(Yahoo)   Marines urgently request protection for privates  (news.yahoo.com) (66)
(Wikipedia)   Happy Birthday Jack Chick, you shameless, hateful man  (en.wikipedia.org) (373)
(Jerusalem Post)   The first-ever Gaza Marathon will be held on May 5. Possible names for the event include 'Run for your Life' and 'Not From a Tank, This Time'  (jpost.com) (40)
(AZCentral)   Mexican 15 foot ladders neutralized American 15 foot fences. Border Patrol announces solution to the fence height gap. New advanced F-18 fencing program announced to be built by contractors in 48 states. Let me show you this on the Big Board  (azcentral.com) (196)
(Chicago Tribune)   News: Chicago suburb debates low-income housing. FARK: low-income is $75,000/year  (chicagotribune.com) (127)
(Palm Beach Post)   I hope I lose this cop in the drive thru lane. Can I get a large number 3 with a coke? Didn't work, but I've got snacks for this police pursuit  (palmbeachpost.com) (18)
(Some Guy)   Epic, deer-in-headlights mug shot of the day belongs to woman who chased down another woman with her car and beat her up while her 3-year-old nephew watched from the passenger seat  (wtkr.com) (69)
(ArabNews)   Saudi response to French veil ban: "How dare they take away our right to protect and practice our religion? ... . It is time they treat women with respect"  (arabnews.com) (226)
(Des Moines Register)   One of the finalists for Charlie Sheen's intern position is a woman from Des Moines (w/video of said intern candidate)   (blogs.desmoinesregister.com) (34)
(Talking Points Memo)   Republican Sen. Graham threatens to shut down Senate over $50,000 cut to his home state, Tea Party leader flips out in response   (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com) (116)
(CommonWealth Magazine)   Lawyer suspended for six months after offering to sell term papers to law school students. It would have been longer, but he got credit for enduring "adverse publicity on the Internet"  (commonwealthmagazine.org) (15)
(Washington Post)   Chilean miners, TSA, Pepco, and collapsing escalators are so much more awesome when made out of peeps  (washingtonpost.com) (17)
(MLive.com)   Today's most misread headline is brought to you by an unfortunately named opera  (mlive.com) (26)
(Cincinnati Enquirer)   They always say when a door closes a window opens, just try not to get stuck in said window  (news.cincinnati.com) (9)
(The Consumerist)   People are getting upset because Facebook's "memorable status updates" feature is dredging up painful memories about death, breakups, and every miserable Cubs baseball season  (consumerist.com) (68)
(Some Guy)   How copyright law is denying us easy access to medical price comparison, National Geographic boobies and "The Wonder Years" on DVD  (thisblogrules.com) (104)
(Mother Nature Network)   Your pillow is alive with thousands of microscopic dust mites. On the plus side, you'll never sleep alone  (mnn.com) (54)
(Globe and Mail)   "Boobies" is not a bad word according to the courts, but subby's recollection of the taste of soap suggests otherwise  (theglobeandmail.com) (27)
(Starpulse)   Fans keep asking Hayden Panettiere, 5'2", how deep her 6'6" Russian boyfriend penetrates her when they have sex  (starpulse.com) (326)
(Telegraph)   World's first carbon neutral bra developed to facilitate slender loris and vine snake movement. Bonus: these are not euphemisms  (fashion.telegraph.co.uk) (23)
(Yahoo)   Poll shows that Romanian teens are rampantly intolerant, as opposed to teens everywhere else who are just fonts of love and acceptance  (news.yahoo.com) (81)
(Yahoo)   Tennessee House passes bill attacking the teaching of evolution in their schools. No, this isn't a repeat from 1925, though witnesses have reported a strange "whirring" sound coming from Clarence Darrow's grave  (news.yahoo.com) (398)
(Washington Post)   West Virginia: The state that said no. Surprisingly the article isn't about toothpaste, soap, not marrying cousins, etc  (washingtonpost.com) (68)
(NYPost)   America's workday averages 8.5 hour a day, which is 30 minutes more in combined paid or unpaid jobs than most people in the developed world. Suck it American workers  (nypost.com) (118)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this panoramic place  (bigpicture.ru) (20)
(Houston Chronicle)   Space enthusiasts dismayed that space shuttles are allocated to blue states instead of places with an actual connection to the program  (chron.com) (497)
(Guardian.com)   Weird: Russian art collective who painted a 65-metre penis on a drawbridge just won a national art prize for their erection  (guardian.co.uk) (36)
(CNN)   2011 budget cuts revealed: Food and nutrition for poor children cut by $500M, while the Pentagon budget is increased by $5B  (money.cnn.com) (256)
(Some Guy)   There is a college in PA where the SAT isn't required to get in. Kind of like how you don't need a driver's exam to drive in that state  (wfmz.com) (60)
(BBC)   The hottest 43-year old former investment banker rowing across the Indian Ocean you will see all day  (bbc.co.uk) (48)
(Some Guy)   Anonymous posted bond for that Pirates fan who got tased. Oh an bonus video of some chick getting arrested by the same cops, same station. Stay tuned  (wtae.com) (41)
(Some Guy)   Snowmelt causing raging rivers, roads washed out, bridges closed, and this guy decided to go fishing. Last line of the article is priceless  (wcax.com) (63)
(CNN)   What's worse than robbing a kid's lemonade stand? Robbing a kid's lemonade stand that was raising money for a child's medical bills  (news.blogs.cnn.com) (17)
(WFTV)   While he sits in jail, kids come from miles around to dance on the asshole's lawn  (wftv.com) (30)
(Yahoo)   And the latest reason for a spike in oil prices IS: A sandstorm in Kuwait. Wait, really? A sandstorm? What? Are they shipping it by camel caravan now?  (news.yahoo.com) (23)
(wmal.com)   First in war. First in peace. First to legalize internet gambling  (wmal.com) (21)
(SLTrib)   If you're going to fondle yourself in the girl's locker room and then try to run away, don't do it when the track coach is around  (sltrib.com) (11)
(Washington Post)   ███████ of day-to-day Chinese government ██████████ released  (washingtonpost.com) (49)
(Phayngula)   Ever wonder what creationists thought of Inglorious Basterds? No? Well click the link anyway  (scienceblogs.com) (388)
(Fox News)   What's worse than yet another losing lotto ticket? Thinking you won $4M because of a misprint  (foxnews.com) (40)
(National Review)   Libya is not Iraq. I mean...look...they aren't even spelled the same way  (nationalreview.com) (33)
(WTAM)   Zombies may control next Ohio election  (wtam.com) (40)
(Washington Post)   Pakistani's are getting really tired of US drone attacks - "We did the miracle of getting Mr. Davis released and the next morning we get the token of gratitude"  (washingtonpost.com) (43)
(Daily Mail)   Woman uses 'self-immolation at Leighton Buzzard Station' gambit to try to stall every other player who had NOT yet declared Tottenham Court Road. Could reach Mornington Crescent within six moves, but Huddersfield Rule was in effect  (dailymail.co.uk) (83)
(Daily Mail)   Plastic surgeon performs sex act on himself in front of dominatrix when she came in for Botox treatments. Then things get weird. (with pic that may haunt your dreams)  (dailymail.co.uk) (52)
(The Raw Story)   AP falls for a hoax: General Electric is NOT donating its $3.2 billion tax return to the U.S. Treasury  (rawstory.com) (49)
(CNN)   $4 gas coming in your state. Subby grinds his teeth and mutters something about whiny Yanks as he fills the tank with $7.2 gold-laced European gas  (money.cnn.com) (294)
(Dayton Daily News)   The Phelps family has an evil twin attention whore in Ohio  (daytondailynews.com) (94)
(Some Guy)   KKK mayoral candidate who had a complete tantrum when he didn't win now accused of KKK-style voter intimidation. No this is not a repeat from 1961  (wtsp.com) (34)
(Rolling Stone)   "When the state is lending money at zero percent and the banks are turning around and lending that money back to the state at three percent, how is that different from just handing rich people money?"  (rollingstone.com) (281)
(St. Petersburg Times)   Today's mom involved in DUI crash on the way to day care comes from Land O'Lakes (with non butterface mugshot)  (tampabay.com) (54)
(Sun Sentinel)   Because they aren't doing enough stupid shiat already, Florida wants to end the ban on the separation of church and state  (sun-sentinel.com) (90)
(My Fox DC)   After the latest incident, firefighters will canvas the neighborhood handing out smoking pig ear detectors  (myfoxdc.com) (4)
(Some Guy)   The 7 best unintentionally sexual church signs  (someecards.com) (46)
(WTAM)   There was this study about being fat, but I forgot what it was about  (wtam.com) (10)
(The New York Times)   Mr. Crime Boss, please provide a job description for your last position. "Murders, responsibility for the family, made captains, break captains"  (nytimes.com) (7)
(My Fox DC)   This only works until everyone starts dyeing their sheep orange, wait, what?  (myfoxdc.com) (12)
(The Sun)   FBI files show that in the 1970s, flying cattle weren't necessarily a product of tornadoes  (thesun.co.uk) (44)
(MSNBC)   Economy's not bad everywhere. For example, business is booming at Houston's METRO Park-n-Ride smash-n-grab extravangaza  (msnbc.msn.com) (16)
(Yahoo)   Tired of knocking off American goods, Chinese now turning out fake Army units  (news.yahoo.com) (48)
(My Fox DC)   OK men, that concludes our training on 'How to stay safe when on the street and outnumbered by drunken maniacs.' If you missed any part, please reschedule for next year. Today, we will be focusing on 'How to pack your lunch'  (myfoxdc.com) (21)
(NPR)   It looks like Best Korea might possibly have a slight problem with their food supply. Maybe  (npr.org) (277)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop theme: thinking outside the box  (thesologuide.com) (21)
(MSNBC)   You want the little bar of soap? Fine. That tiny shampoo bottle? OK. But if you take the bathrobe, we are tracking your ass down  (msnbc.msn.com) (95)
(UPI)   Researchers discover that unlike every other person on the planet, doctors don't take their own advice  (upi.com) (32)
(Live Science)   Yellowstone's caldera is much larger than thought, announce scientists who, up to this point, had been fooled by Myspace-angled photos  (livescience.com) (158)
(MSNBC)   AOL and Huffington Post sued by unpaid writers. Complaint says as many as 9,000 contributors are owed $105 million  (msnbc.msn.com) (79)
(Huffington Post)   If Barbie were six feet tall, she'd have a 39" bust, 18" waist, and 33" hips. Apparently some people coffcofffemists have a problem with this  (huffingtonpost.com) (277)
(My Fox Orlando)   Not to be out done by Applebee's, 2-year old gets alcohol instead of juice at Olive Garden  (myfoxorlando.com) (99)

Tue April 12, 2011
(ABC News)   Will you go on a date with me? No. Here's $100. ...Ok  (abcnews.go.com) (243)
(Some Guy)   Doctor: "Sign here" Patient: "What's this, insurance?" Doctor: "No, an NDA. I accidentally removed your testicles instead of a tonsillectomy" Patient: "FFFFFUUUUU"  (wfaa.com) (80)
(AZCentral)   Man injured after getting stuck in trash compactor, authorities say a spunky 3' robot and his deeply closeted golden colored robot "companion" rescued the man  (azcentral.com) (34)
(Wall Street Journal)   You know the myth that men make 20% more than women? Yeah, turns out women are paid 8% more than men  (online.wsj.com) (472)
(Some Guy)   The U.S. has had solar energy since 1939, and we still haven't figured out how to really use it  (gereports.com) (203)
(My Fox DC)   Hey buddy, we looking to unload this toolbox. You interested? It'll be a nice fit for your shop. Or it could be a really good replacement for the one we just stole from your house  (myfoxdc.com) (17)
(Yahoo)   Predator may have killed US Troops. This is not a repeat from 1987  T-Shirt  (news.yahoo.com) (108)
(Denver Post)   A pesky woodpecker can cost a homeowner thousands of dollars. Ha-ha-ha-HA-ha  (denverpost.com) (64)
(Omaha World Herald)   Professor finds thousands of new Walt Whitman papers. Difficulty: they're federal documents written when he worked in the Attorney General's office. So, they'll be about as enjoyable and entertaining as Leaves of Grass, then  (omaha.com) (42)
(Fox News)   Former Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak has heart attack just in time for questioning by prosecutors over corruption allegations  (foxnews.com) (24)
(Huffington Post)   University of Virginia lacrosse player didn't realize he killed girlfriend, played sucky sport  (huffingtonpost.com) (197)
(Some Soldier)   Biographical misprint that read, "Retired Green Beret Colonel, PhD, whose attempt to rescue his daughter inspired the hit movie Taken" should actually read "Radarman, Petty Officer Third Class with a B.A. is full of shiat"  (armytimes.com) (155)
(Science Daily)   Bad news if you've been drinking to forget - alcohol can help the brain learn and remember  (sciencedaily.com) (59)
(Yahoo)   While most of us are pretty proud of our "equipment" I doubt many of would have the balls, so to speak, to donate ours to a museum  (news.yahoo.com) (73)
(Gizmodo)   New floating civilization planned with "No physical currency, Micro Democracy, Virtual Government, Flat rate tax." Andrew Ryan unavailable for comment  (gizmodo.com) (143)
(WRAL)   Man sentenced to 9-11 years in prison for A) Murder, B) Rape, or C) Baking bread  (wral.com) (137)
(Reuters)   Maya Soetoro-Ng says people should stop questioning the birthplace of her brother, Barak Obama. Well, that takes care of that  (reuters.com) (118)
(Seattle Times)   Scientists believe the devastating March 11th earthquake in Japan has increased the stress on several nearby faults  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (100)
(The Morning Call)   Man busted for using sandpaper to mark cards at casino. Smooth move  (mcall.com) (82)
(The New York Times)   The state of Texas would like to apologize for posting your Social Security numbers, birthdates and other personal information on the internet. It should not be a problem though. It was only there for a year  (nytimes.com) (46)
(We got balls, eh?)   Some Canadian gets a ticket for going 144 miles per hour, convicted after bragging about his car on craigslist. Fark: A Dodge Neon?  (niagarafallsreview.ca) (95)
(Wall Street Journal)   Governor Moonbeam signs bill mandating that California gets 33% of its electricity from renewable resources by 2020. The Sun and wind is there  (online.wsj.com) (198)
(Some Guy)   Reasons to end things with your roommate and find a new place to live: 1) Money 2) Girls 3) Opposition to a collective-bargaining bill  (dispatchpolitics.com) (23)
(SMH)   How to wear a bra. Conspicuously absent: not wearing one. (Possibly not safe for work pictures)  (smh.com.au) (lots)
(Yahoo)   Ever wondered about the graphic details of our president's sex lives? Well a) there is something very wrong with you and b) Larry Flynt has got a great new book for you  (news.yahoo.com) (44)
(Time)   So when you treat teachers like rock stars and pay them well and not like pizza delivery boys and then do efficiency studies on how well they deliver the pizza your schools will do well? Who knew?  (time.com) (121)
(CBS Local)   Two die while scuba diving at mining pit on Harvard Mine Road. They should've gone to Yale instead  (sacramento.cbslocal.com) (69)
(koat.com)   Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs in my car  (koat.com) (34)
(WWL)   In Louisiana, mothers of newborns must answer questions about smoking, alcohol use and abortions before they can get a birth certificate. The ACLU has a problem with this  (wwl.com) (267)
(Some Guy)   Teacher fails to juggle his work and personal life  (swns.com) (40)
(LA Times)   Synagogue bombing suspected caught on surveillance tape with President Madagascar and family  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (46)
(Nola.com)   Man admits to secretly photographing the butts of women shopping at Walmart. I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth  (nola.com) (178)
(Some Guy)   Voters: "No we don't want a $25 million $@##@#@# baseball stadium here in $@%@ Goat Nipple, NY" State Judge: "I like baseball"  (lohud.com) (67)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen)   Massive brawl breaks out in Iowa City high school, all because someone was upset that the girl he wanted to ask to prom had already been asked by someone else  (press-citizen.com) (130)
(wtsp.com)   Today's family of endangered birds moves into a crane and costs the city thousands of dollars because it can't 'legally' move them brough to you by Tampa  (wtsp.com) (55)
(BBC)   Good news for arachnaphobes: something out there is eating female wolf spiders. Bad news: male wolf spiders  (news.bbc.co.uk) (108)
(Fox News)   Why does a huge asteroid seem scarier than a small asteroid? Because, it's a little meteor  (foxnews.com) (87)
(FARK)   A few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 4/3 - 4/9  (fark.com) (13)
(SeattlePI)   Have you ever turned the volume up to 11 and blown a speaker? Yeah, well the same thing happens to squid heads  (blog.seattlepi.com) (37)
(CBC)   Sad: Man dies after falling into pasta machine. Hmmm: Man was dating the daughter of the owner of the business  (cbc.ca) (156)
(Some Guy)   Texans lobby for Fark attention, their own tag by pooping in lakes... again  (kltv.com) (45)
(Daily Mail)   Online gambler loses 1 million pounds. Donates old moo-moos and dialing wand to charity  (dailymail.co.uk) (49)
(CNN)   Should ignorant people be allowed to vote?  (cnn.com) (682)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop this road tickle  (roadtickle.com) (15)
(Some Guy)   Man freaking out over the thought of a possible government shutdown punches himself in the face  (kitsapsun.com) (28)
(Some Guy)   Today is Tax Freedom Day -- the first day this year that you've worked enough to pay your taxes and start making money for yourself (unless you live in Connecticut, where you have to work until May 2)  (taxprof.typepad.com) (162)
(El Paso Times)   Mexico is generally safe if you aren't shot or killed  (elpasotimes.com) (108)
(Telegraph)   Have nails from the crucifixion of our Lord and Savior been found? Were they carried by Joseph of Arimathea with the Holy Grail to Briton to later be found by the Templars who transported them with their secret treasure to America? WELL?  (telegraph.co.uk) (113)
(Chicago Tribune)   Brewmaster celebrates acquisition of his brewery by Anheuser-Busch by giving impromptu demo of how Budweiser is produced   (articles.chicagotribune.com) (70)
(WHIOTV)   Today is the day that the shuttles get their final destinations announced. Where do you think they should go and why?  (whiotv.com) (174)
(Sun Sentinel)   He must have thought it was a...*puts on sunglasses* dogwood tree. YEAHHHHHHHHHH   (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) (17)
(Yahoo)   Fracking shale. How does it work?  (news.yahoo.com) (107)
(CBC)   Mail marketers: "Send us $ for cheap crap" Senior: *send send* Daughter: "Hold on a second." *changes Dad's address* Mail marketers: "Hey Canada Post, send us his new address" Canada Post: "Sure"  (cbc.ca) (47)
(wtsp.com)   Today's family pet eaten by an alligator brought to you by Palm Harbor  (palmharbor.wtsp.com) (26)
(The Sun)   Another expected result of Japan's earthquake comes to pass: Fishermen in Taiwan are catching sea monsters at the beach (pic)  (thesun.co.uk) (39)
(KHOU Houston)   This just in from the Bates Motel Department: Creepy, unwashed identical twins found living with body of dead mother. With mugshot goodness  (khou.com) (55)
(The Sun)   JEEBUS ladies, the guy in the back of our hearse isn't going to get any deader if we take a break  (thesun.co.uk) (34)
(St. Petersburg Times)   Homeless, hungry, and have a thing for hot semi nude women? I hope you don't mind a little pain. Okay, A LOT of pain  (tampabay.com) (61)
(Daily Mail)   University professor charges $150 admission fee for class on Platonic Ethics featuring lap dancing strippers. In other news, your parents are working two jobs each to keep you in college  (dailymail.co.uk) (16)
(TC Palm)   Accused laxative thief dimed out by grocery store stool pigeon in Florida constipation caper  (blogs.tcpalm.com) (8)
(TMZ)   Real warlock boycotting Natalie Portman's "Your Highness" because it portrays warlocks in a negative light and doesn't show enough of her booty in that thong. Bonus: warlock's name is Christian  (tmz.com) (210)
(CBS News)   Category 3 tornado flattens Mapleton, Iowa. Local residents say the town still looks pretty much the same  (cbsnews.com) (28)
(The New York Times)   It seems every scientist in Japan got the "bananas are radioactive" talking points memo  (nytimes.com) (53)
(The New York Times)   Egypt sentences blogger to three years for posting military criticisms. In other news, FARK.eg website launch postponed indefinitely  (nytimes.com) (18)
(Some Guy)   Varsity girl's basketball coach at Alameda High School arrested for 1 on 1 ball handling drill  (kdvr.com) (66)
(AJC)   Similar to trying to kidnap someone with your finger, a Georgia man attempts to rob businesses with a garage door opener  (ajc.com) (22)
(SMH)   Air France A380 barges past smaller jet on tarmac at JFK, farts in its general direction (w/ vid)  (smh.com.au) (186)
(WSB TV)   Trailer park resident admits he shot his neighbor's dog with a BB gun because it crapped in his yard. Dog's owner claims that's impossible, since the dog crapped in the house. Classiest argument ever? You decide  (wsbtv.com) (94)
(TechnologyReview)   New brain-control interface lets you make phone calls by thinking of the number. Now if you could only remember the number  (technologyreview.com) (52)
(Some Guy)   Think museums are boring? You haven't been to the vodak museum. Fark: Peter the Great's punishment shot  (rt.com) (45)
(Some British monkey lover)   Bored with only stealing cell phones, London Zoo monkeys now obsessed with stealing sunglasses. With video  (wtsp.com) (32)
(SeattlePI)   This just in, radiation levels in Japan have caused massive mutations in their Whoppers.(with tasty pic)  (blog.seattlepi.com) (63)
(Radar Magazine)   I don't know what a Justin Bieber is but it left its hot girlfriend home so it could dance all night long with a bunch of gay dudes  (radaronline.com) (117)
(Some potheads)   Man is badly burned while making his own medicinal hash oil. Pot advocate: "I firmly believe what happened is the fault of our government." Yeah, that'll help your cause  (thechronicleherald.ca) (55)
(Click On Detroit)   Bad: Man falls out of 14th story window. Good: He survives. Sad: He still lives in Detroit  T-Shirt  (clickondetroit.com) (26)
(The Smoking Gun)   Disco is dead. Meet the man who pulled the trigger  (thesmokinggun.com) (83)
(Daily Mail)   Because when you think about it, what better way to celebrate Armenia's Genocide Remembrance Day than by putting Kim Kardashian on the cover of Turkish Cosmopolitan magazine?  (dailymail.co.uk) (64)
(Some Guy)   Student arrested for playing Rock, Paper, Scissors on school grounds. FARK: He used a real rock  (wcax.com) (19)
(AOL)   Old man fights no-pet HOA, argues that loneliness is covered under ADA -- and wins. Neighbors look to Best Korea for solution  (realestate.aol.com) (97)
(SacBee)   Ohio set to execute inmate who murdered another over changing TV channels. In his defense, he was strokin'  (sacbee.com) (70)
(Guardian.com)   Anti-Gaddafi Government might be running out of money  (guardian.co.uk) (34)
(Guardian.com)   Gaddafi Government might be running out of money  (guardian.co.uk) (15)
(KTLA)   Weight loss doctor tells patients sex with him will burn calories. And they swallowed that?  (ktla.com) (64)
(Salon)   X(x+1)(x+2)  (salon.com) (222)
(NW Florida Daily News)   Homeless man arrested for pulling a woman's hair under a bridge. What a troll  (nwfdailynews.com) (19)
(Abc.net.au)   Garlic, is there anything it can't do? Yes, it can't stop sniffer dogs finding your haul of loot  (abc.net.au) (20)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop theme: strange costumes   (melissadesa.files.wordpress.com) (12)
(Daily Mail)   Seven women get pregnant sitting on the same blue chair. Inconceivable  (dailymail.co.uk) (108)
(Yahoo)   Chicago school bans a) soda in school, b) peanuts, or c) bagged lunches from home  (news.yahoo.com) (334)
(WUSA)   Washington D.C. Mayor arrested. This is not a repeat from 1990  (wusa9.com) (112)
(Mirror.co.uk)   A blind water-skier sets a new blindfolded distance record. I think that's cheating  (mirror.co.uk) (22)

Mon April 11, 2011
(Some Guy) NewsFlash You never go full Chernobyl  (www3.nhk.or.jp) (896)
(The Consumerist)   This just in: toy companies ensure their advertisements are geared towards specific genders. YOU DON'T SAY  (consumerist.com) (85)
(SLTrib)   Shiny happy Mormon people TV ads not consistent with reality. "Generally speaking, we are collectively a boring people"  (sltrib.com) (179)
(AZCentral)   The original Wonder Woman Lynda Carter is going to be the grand marshal of an upcoming Gay Pride parade. Fabulous  (azcentral.com) (114)
(Some Guy)   Photoshop theme: THIS is a job for  (i.imgur.com) (21)
(The New York Times)   Pakistan decides it no longer wants to be in a relationship with US. "Please take your CIA and drone strikes, too. You can leave the Led Zeppelin CDs though"  (nytimes.com) (175)
(Delish)   Scariest what-if about the government shut down? The FDA. "We would've had no staff whatsoever but totally could've inspected food from Japan for radiation"  (delish.com) (50)
(Mother Nature Network)   New Mexico joins 30 other states in banning the spanking of children in public schools. In other news, 19 states still allow spanking in public schools  (mnn.com) (258)
(Financial Times)   Bernie Madoff's next goal in life is to teach business ethics  (ft.com) (114)
(Rochester Post-Bulletin)   If your seven-year old son goes missing, try the video game section at Wal-Mart  (postbulletin.com) (72)
(Alaska Dispatch)   Fark-Ready Headline... New Alaska game rule: No 'catch and release hunting' with Tasers  (alaskadispatch.com) (52)
(Some Guy)   "What are you in for?" "Rape." "What are you in for?" "Murder." "What are you in for?" "Getting behind on my couch payments"  (hamptonroads.com) (127)
(SMH)   The Jalapeno contains 5000 Scoville heat units; a bird's eye chilli packs between 50,000 and 100,000. And then there is ´The Trinidad Scorpion Butch T´ which tops 1.46 million units. You know you want it  (smh.com.au) (335)
(USA Today)   Libya may be committing war crimes, Dr. Romero says  (usatoday.com) (33)
(The Local (Germany))   If you have issues with your mother you c) set your legs on fire  (thelocal.de) (31)
(Fox News)   Spring Leporidae brings spring spheres to Seattle non-home schooling facility  (nation.foxnews.com) (120)
(WLSAM)   Plane diverted after people complain something stinks. You mean other than service, fees, delays, or security?  (wlsam.com) (19)
(Boing Boing)   English school principal announces zero tolerance. ...For mismatched socks  (boingboing.net) (39)
(Some Guy)   Eerie Erie man confesses to his neighbor that he planted a webcam in her bedroom. "He just stood there and said, 'I'm sorry, sorry, I'm so sorry. I know I have a problem. I haven't done this in a really long time.'"  (denver.cbslocal.com) (130)
(Life.com)   The Civil War began at 4:30 am on April 12th 1861. The propaganda posters went up at 4:32 am  (life.com) (262)
(Des Moines Register)   Not only does Michele Bachmann think she can fix all that is wrong with this country, but says she can do it in only one term  (desmoinesregister.com) (348)
(SILive.com)   Drugs, booze lead to teens' shady hookups, new study says. And you needed a study to figure this out, why?  (silive.com) (51)
(NJ.com)   Olympic track and field gold medalist Carl Lewis decides to run again  (nj.com) (49)
(AOL News) Video You're here for the coding job? Please leave your clothes at the door, and follow me  (aolnews.com) (132)
(Boston Globe)   Photoshop this player with a paddle  (cache.boston.com) (22)
(Boston Globe)   Visitors to New England Aquarium can now touch live sharks. Submitter can count all nine times he has been there  (boston.com) (84)
(Some Guy)   It's a cupcake slathered in smoked pulled pork and cheddar cheese. nom nom nom  (slyoyster.com) (71)
(My Fox DC)   Hey Bob, Cảm giác thế nào?  (myfoxdc.com) (74)
(MSNBC)   China police hold suspect in tainted milk case. How they got him in there is anyone's guess  (msnbc.msn.com) (42)
(Herald-Leader)   Sewage pump station to be built like a brick shiat house  (kentucky.com) (24)
(Time)   Coffee addiction might be genetic. From you, all right? I learned it by watching you  (healthland.time.com) (127)
(Some Guy)   Farkers, I present to you: The Wolf Knife  (blog.joethepeacock.com) (138)
(Newschannel 5)   Nashville woman zaps beauty supply shop employee with stun gun when a hair-extension robbery goes bad. Another innocent person falls victim to the senseless "war on wigs"  (newschannel5.com) (46)
(Some Guy)   Pharmacy bandit located the sleeping pills  (ksbw.com) (9)
(Yahoo)   In Japan, many elderly people keep huge amounts of cash stashed at home in boxes and safes, which, since the tsunami have been washing up on beaches and promptly turned over to the police. Okay, fine, we get it, you are better people than us  (news.yahoo.com) (194)
(Lancashire Evening Post)   Church website's link to nudist group is withdrawn. If you know what I mean  (lep.co.uk) (21)
(Breitbart.com)   Israel warns travellers of possible violent attacks during Passover. Suggest stockpiling of lamb's blood, just in case  T-Shirt  (breitbart.com) (97)
(rferl)   The Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan's President wins 95.5% of the votes in the Presidential elections  (rferl.org) (74)
(My Fox DC)   Looking at porn on your computer during a parliament session. Illegal. Taking pictures of someone else looking at porn on their computer during a parliament session. LEGAL  (myfoxdc.com) (39)
(Miami Herald)   We could tell by the way the dog was acting, he was using a fake ID  (miamiherald.com) (33)
(Some Guy)   Remember when I said our state was "broke," so I could use it as a pretext to bust the unions on behalf of my shadowy billionaire benefactors? Well - and this may come as a shock to you - I may not have been telling the whole truth  (host.madison.com) (394)
(Reno Gazette-Journal)   Man arrested for discovering a universal remote that will let him control his neighbor's stereo  (rgj.com) (71)
(WTAM)   $5 to see Jesus? Sounds like a deal  (wtam.com) (36)
(My Fox DC)   And down the stretch they come - Flo is ahead but the compact is coming strong outside - it's going to come down to the wire...and...what a finish...the mini-van with the 'God is Good all the Time' sticker wins by a bumper  (myfoxdc.com) (14)
(Cracked)   Eight absurd jokes that predicted real life events  (cracked.com) (87)
(ESPN)   NHL discussion time: how can your team win the Stanley cup? TFer is new to it, and his team keeps losing, especially in the first round. Any good hints and tips from experienced fans?  (espn.go.com) (387)
(wtsp.com)   Not news: Woman arrested after throwing knives at her fiance and his mother. Fark: It was because he didn't get her a ring, and he wanted to go skateboarding  (wtsp.com) (34)
(Some Guy)   You gotta love a story that has sports, a man being beaten on camera by cops, the crowd chanting USA USA, and an eventual tazering. Bonus: Witness interviewed has a uni-brow and apparently Chiclets for teeth  (wtae.com) (74)
(CNN)   Four ways we're still fighting the Civil War  (cnn.com) (320)
(Gothamist)   Forget PC vs. Mac. Christianity vs. Islam pales. Democrats vs. Republican? Not even a trifle. The great war of our day: Five Guys is better than In-N-Out, and you're a deluded troll if you say otherwise  (gothamist.com) (457)
(Some Guy)   Ten Disney characters not ruined by Rule 34...until four hours from now  (toplessrobot.com) (137)
(wtsp.com)   Protip: If you're gonna play 'ding dong dash' you prolly should make sure you're not naked  (wtsp.com) (11)
(Daily Mail)   Move over pot-bellied pig. Move over iguana. The skunk is now the must-have pet of distinktion  (dailymail.co.uk) (96)
(Some Modern Guy)   Photoshop This Broom  (theoldjailartcenter.org) (15)
(AZCentral)   Top scientists are working on flexible plastic screens so you can roll up your iPad like a newspaper when you take it into the bathroom  (azcentral.com) (73)
(north branford patch.com)   In case you've forgotten, April is National Grilled Cheese Month. Unfortunately, in this economy, EVERY month is grilled cheese month  (northbranford.patch.com) (66)
(Some Guy)   The gun was loaded, and so was the guy playing around with it at the gun show  (chicago.cbslocal.com) (131)
(WLSAM)   110 pound, 5-foot-four mother of two, charged with beating up two cops. (w/ you'd hit it, she'd hit you mug)  (wlsam.com) (111)
(Some Guy)   A federal judge, who's 103 years old, is still hearing cases. What? WHAT?  (poststar.com) (61)
(TBO)   Artist uses cremated remains of loved ones to paint portraits of loved ones because she "likes to think out of the box"  (www2.tbo.com) (31)
(Boston Globe)   What I learned about America from traveling for a month  (boston.com) (191)
(Denver Post)   Caller: "I want to report a sucide." 911 Dispatcher: "Can I get some details?" Caller: BLAM  (denverpost.com) (381)

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