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Sun May 29, 2011
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(AZCentral) Amusing What sort of guy would shoot a gun at a grounded airplane? *Looks at mugshot* BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  (azcentral.com) (197)
(Stuff) Hero Today's 18-year-old waitress beating the snot out of criminals story comes to you from Wellington, New Zealand  (stuff.co.nz) (67)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this corn quality control  (online.wsj.com) (29)
(LA Times) Sad Restaurant owner dead after his Model A crashes. Officials cited the lack of seat belts, crumple zones, airbags, traction control, and anti-lock brakes as contributing factors  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (169)
(The New York Times) Scary Don't put away that tinfoil hat just yet, Texas hippies  (nytimes.com) (335)
(News.com.au) Weird Vietnam bans police from wearing sunglasses. This is one idea that sounds... *puts on sunglasses* ... so very OH CRAP, I CAN'T COMPLETE THE JOKE, THEY'RE AFTER ME  (news.com.au) (70)
(CNN) Misc 15 things your lifeguard won't tell you. "I'll sleep with you" surprisingly absent  (cnn.com) (82)
(MLive.com) Scary When Detroit police shut down their crime lab back in 2008, they left behind thousands of rounds of live ammo, evidence kits, and case files. And some people have a problem with this  (mlive.com) (64)
(C|Net) Cool The story of Anchor Brewery and the start of the U.S. microbrew resurgence  (news.cnet.com) (155)
(News.com.au) Fail Safe playgrounds are hurting your kids. Stop thinking of the children  (news.com.au) (200)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Stupid Report shows over a third of incoming college students need remedial help. Back in subby's day, they used to say those people weren't college material, not treat them like snowflakes and patronize them  (suntimes.com) (225)
(Kansas City) Obvious A sheer layer of latex is allowing some Missouri strippers as well as your mom to continue to conduct business and frolic  (kansascity.com) (102)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this banana business  (bigpicture.ru) (19)
(Some Guy) Amusing Are you one of the seven types of annoying drivers? Take a look, numbskull. AND SLOW THE FARK DOWN  (wheels.ca) (386)
(Des Moines Register) Cool Gas station offering $5,000 in gas to people who trade in a firearm. What could possibly go right?  (desmoinesregister.com) (180)
(Some Guy) Strange Farmer greasing pigs to keep mice from eating them turns to sugared cement to make little rodent statues  (news.ninemsn.com.au) (45)
(NYPost) Silly Your noisy city has loud trucks, construction equipment, people and subways. Do you c) ban street musicians from a fountain in Central Park after 100 years?  (nypost.com) (40)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Step 1: Take down simple traffic lights and replace them with nine confusing signs. Step 2: Change the rules at different times of day. Step 3: Add one traffic camera. We all know what Step 4 is  (dailymail.co.uk) (46)
(BBC) Dumbass Some French government guy resigns over sexual harassment charges. This is not a repeat from two weeks ago. Blah blah blah France surrenders blah blah penis  (bbc.co.uk) (22)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Victoria Secret model (with pics) talks about how when she was young she was bullied or something, I don't know I was too busy looking at her legs  (dailymail.co.uk) (126)
(Some Guy) Interesting NC church fined $4,000 for A) running an illegal bingo game, B) serving food without food handler's permit, or C) excessive tree branch pruning  (charlotteobserver.com) (81)
(Some Hot Dog Loving Guy) Spiffy Hot dog Grilling season officially starts Monday. No matter how you like you like them cooked, the age old question still remains - why do most hot dogs come in packages of 10 and hot dog buns in packages of eight?  (baxterbulletin.com) (221)
(BBC) Obvious Because shotgun pellets hurt  (bbc.co.uk) (34)
(MY source) Interesting Does having 39 tags to choose from make a Farker more selfish? SHUTUP, I SAW THIS ARTICLE FIRST. IT'S M I N E, YOU CAN'T HAVE IT  (smartmoney.com) (30)
(Delaware Online) Fail Guy run down by Ford Taurus after stealing handsoap & lotion bottles from dollar store; mess with the Dial, you get the horns  (delawareonline.com) (27)
(Mirror.co.uk) Strange "Sausage fan has therapy to break his addiction to the bangers." Even Rule #34 takes a step back  (mirror.co.uk) (61)
(Fox News) Sad Washington State bus carrying soccer fans crashes and kills two, all because it ROOOOOOOOOooooooooolleddddd   (foxnews.com) (18)
(Mirror.co.uk) Strange The animals exciting scientists this year: The Darwin's bark spider, the iron-eating bacterium, and the leech found in a woman's nose  (mirror.co.uk) (29)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida When you've just driven drunk straight through someone's house, running over one family member and flinging another, do you c) offer to help them find their kids for $1,000?  (tampabay.com) (59)
(New York Daily News) Sad Model and friend party in Atlanta hotel until they have a major falling out  (nydailynews.com) (87)
(Daily Mail) Silly ATM repairman steals 200K by replacing cash with photocopied bills. Maybe no one will notice  (dailymail.co.uk) (51)
(Some Sleepy Guy) Obvious If you regularly hit the snooze button and go back to sleep, you're not alone. And you're probably fat  (bodyandsoul.com.au) (95)
(New Zealand Herald) Interesting People are much more civilized in New Zealand than in America when they find a venomous spider in their pizza  (nzherald.co.nz) (59)
(Some Guy With Rats) Spiffy Not news: Woman brings service dog wherever she goes. News: City passes ruling to allow woman to use a different animal. Fark: Her service rat. Bonus: Video of boggling rat  (abclocal.go.com) (51)
(New Zealand Herald) Interesting Fins, floor mats and wobblers are the current weapons in the fight against zombies in the supermarket  (nzherald.co.nz) (14)
(Gawker) Unlikely Did Weiner tweet a a picture of his wiener?  (gawker.com) (325)
(WLSAM) Unlikely The number of US drivers unfit to be on the roads: a) 370,000 b) 3,700,000 c) 37,000,000  (wlsam.com) (194)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this daring rescue  (i.imgur.com) (34)
(Some Guy) Scary Can't control the flow of information into your country? Just uplug the Internet and create your own  (newser.com) (59)
(The New York Times) Hero Why med school should be free  (nytimes.com) (211)
(News.com.au) Scary Pilot blacks out for 55 minutes, plane continues on autopilot out to sea. He must have had the fish  (news.com.au) (58)
(BBC) Scary And now for something completely different: Japan's Nuclear Super Typhoon  (bbc.co.uk) (35)
(Miami Herald) Cool Mmmmmm, ice-cold real life Duff beer *drool*  (miamiherald.com) (64)
(Telegraph) Spiffy Britain's richest woman worth £6.8 billion, SMOKING HOT (w/pic)  (telegraph.co.uk) (91)
(The Atlantic Wire) Unlikely Not News: Planes takeoff delayed by 7 hours. News: Passengers stage a revolt and take over the plane. Fark: No one is arrested and the plane completes its flight  (theatlanticwire.com) (85)

Sat May 28, 2011
(Some Guy) Sad Leave it to Denny's to make bacon and ice cream unappetizing  (slashfood.com) (97)
(Washington Post) Cool Meet Ernestine Williams, a sweet little 74-year-old lady who could pick you up and break you over her knee. Yes, even you, tubby  (washingtonpost.com) (53)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this hurley holder  (online.wsj.com) (31)
(BBC) Spiffy Even after 80 years there's nary a creature alive that can outrun a greased Flying Scotsman  (bbc.co.uk) (75)
(Cracked) Cool The six most badass airline pilots to ever stare down death  (cracked.com) (173)
(Life.com) Hero Arlington Cemetery: Hallowed Ground. It's not dusty in here, those are justifiable tears  (life.com) (138)
(Some Guy) Obvious Colorado Bigfoot-hunter on why no concrete evidence has ever been found: "The creatures are coming through a wormhole, an intergalactic travel portal from one galaxy to another"  (krdo.com) (151)
(Independent) Interesting World's most popular religious book may not have been written by "the Big Guy," new research shows  (independent.co.uk) (90)
(Naples Daily News) Florida Not news: Dog bites woman. News: Woman bites woman. Fark: Over the dog. Florida tag probably unnecessary. (w/bonus You'd hit it mugshot)  (naplesnews.com) (70)
(FBI) Wheaton FBI offers $50,000 reward for "The Wheaton Bandit". Speaking of which, anyone seen Wil lately?  (fbi.gov) (104)
(Yahoo) Hero Last surviving Austrian who hid Jews honored  (news.yahoo.com) (94)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this ash wiper  (online.wsj.com) (20)
(Yahoo) Interesting Dutch government to ban tourists from cannabis shops, your Mom  (news.yahoo.com) (186)
(BBC) Spiffy There are the precious snowflakes who spend their time getting fat and improving their texting skills. Then there is this kid  (bbc.co.uk) (65)
(LA Times) Spiffy Vegetables are for sissies. This Memorial Day Weekend, grill up some dude food  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (112)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Police say Florida drivers are downing more liquor than usual. Apparently this is news to anyone who has never driven in Florida  (orlandosentinel.com) (17)
(AOL) Florida Woman gets charged with misdemeanor buttery  (weirdnews.aol.com) (26)
(Orlando Sentinel) Obvious Pastor figures out no why one likes Christians anymore  (blogs.orlandosentinel.com) (487)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Pull over for DUI, man asks to speak with lawyer. You bet that's a taserin' and now a lawsuit to boot  (ksl.com) (325)
(Yahoo) Interesting Condoms in my porn? It's more likely than you think  (news.yahoo.com) (179)
(USA Today) Scary Nuclear power plant in the heart of "Tornado Alley" turns out to not be as twister-proof as planned. What could possibly go wrong?  (usatoday.com) (54)
(Yahoo) Obvious NATO stages a rare daytime air strike on Tripoli. At this point, isn't this pretty much like egging your neighbor's house when they're out of town?  (news.yahoo.com) (33)
(Telegraph) Interesting People tend to become happier when they turn seventy five, they just don't remember why  (telegraph.co.uk) (25)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Why ARE so many female teachers having affairs with their teenage students... and is the 'cougar effect' to blame?  (dailymail.co.uk) (175)
(Slate) Interesting Your commute is killing you. But at least you have a big house, which must be kind of nice  (slate.com) (151)
(USA Today) Obvious "Small signs suggest waning support for Gadhafi." Like all those bombers and the thousands of Libyans who have led an armed rebellion against him for the past two months? Those small signs?  (usatoday.com) (21)
(The New York Times) Spiffy The Weber Grills grilling hotline is staffed almost exclusively by women. "You might want to grab a beer - and just listen for a while." mmmmmm  (nytimes.com) (146)
(AJC) Followup It turns out that the "Grandma Bandit" was really a man, and his name really was Roxanne  (ajc.com) (23)
(Some Guy) Cool The coolest pictures of the Swedish subway system you will see today  (sharerimg.com) (74)
(FARK) Caturday Just in time for Caturday: Captionshop any of the kittehs from this week's Catography thread. LGT thread  (fark.com) (too many)
(The New York Times) Ironic In an effort to better reflect America, the US is ditching the Food Pyramid and replacing it with the Food Plate. A round, brittle serving dish full of vittles  (nytimes.com) (81)
(Fox News) Asinine Teacher gives lesson about clownfish to help promote tolerance towards transgendered people. Some people have a problem with this  (foxnews.com) (145)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop these board gamers (with prize sponsored by Neatorama)  (spiegel.de) (36)
(charlotte observer) Amusing If your wedding is held at a campground outside of a NASCAR track on race weekend, your bride is wearing a dress from a souvenir shop and you ride around on a decorated golf cart, you might be a redneck  (charlotteobserver.com) (49)
(The New York Times) Spiffy Samuel Adams creates a lager to be consumed specifically while eating sirloin. "Beer is deserving a place at the table if you're having a good meal"   (mediadecoder.blogs.nytimes.com) (138)
(Jalopnik) Hero How not to pick up a woman in one step. Also, how to never fly again and be watched by the Feds  (jalopnik.com) (108)
(PhysOrg.com) Cool Yeah, viewing a mouse is cool and all, but have you ever viewed a mouse... ON FLUORESCENT NANOTUBES?  (physorg.com) (16)
(Boing Boing) Spiffy Moment of Impact: the amazing photography of Alan Sailer  (boingboing.net) (62)
(WGAL 8) Cool Man hobby: Building an airplane from a parts kit in your basement. Man problem: Uh-oh...plane is too large to get out once completed. Man Solution: Knock down a wall, and drag it out with chains and a truck. BOO-YAH  (wgal.com) (57)
(Chicago Tribune) Asinine In less than a month, Rahm Emanuel has rid Chicago of all crime, allowing police to crack down on illegal lighters  (chicagotribune.com) (90)
(Uproxx) Dumbass The framers that voted for the Fifth Amendment protecting us from self-incrimination really never considered how easy self-incrimination would be if you had a sick beat and YouTube  (uproxx.com) (41)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop theme: a new form of transportation  (i.imgur.com) (28)

Fri May 27, 2011
(MSN) Obvious Well, this explains why car insurance in Florida, California and Hawaii is so high  (money.msn.com) (49)
(Daily Mail) Stupid Woman wins $1 million Lotto jackpot after atheist son prays for prize. Post hoc ergo propter hoc manifesto  (dailymail.co.uk) (108)
(Sky News) Scary Attack of the Killer Cukes  (news.sky.com) (41)
(Some Guy) Cool Japan finds the time to donate $120,000, blankets, tarps and cleaning robots to the victims of the Alabama tornado  (www2.alabamas13.com) (160)
(AZCentral) Dumbass "Rock burglar" is in a world of schist  (azcentral.com) (53)
(Des Moines Register) Obvious Hockey stick birthday spankings might have been okay back in your day Mr. principal, but these days each child comes from the factory with this new fangled post-traumatic stress disorder  (desmoinesregister.com) (58)
(Huffington Post) Amusing Unemployed woman calls lawmaker's bluff that she wouldn't do his yard work. Really, nobody wins here  (huffingtonpost.com) (316)
(Washington Post) Obvious Four high school students arrested after food fight turns into real fight  (washingtonpost.com) (21)
(Scientific American) Photoshop Photoshop this possessed pumpkin  (scientificamerican.com) (24)
(Life.com) Sappy So he's coming home from Iraq? Big deal. That's his little daughter? Well, that's pretty cool. That's the little daughter he's seeing for the FIRST TIME? OK ... sorry. Something seriously huge in my eye  (life.com) (150)
(Webecoist) Silly "WTF Japan?" of the day  (webecoist.com) (97)
(Boston Globe) Weird I scream, you scream, the cops scream when two feuding ice cream men try to run each other off the road  (boston.com) (36)
(Independent) Sick Not News: Back in 2003, a pizza delivery man from Erie, PA was killed when he forcibly had a bomb strapped around his neck and was instructed to rob a bank. Fark: A lighthearted comedy based on the event is set to open in theaters in August  (independent.co.uk) (127)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen) Stupid Organic and free-range meats weren't enough. Now, foodies have a new overpriced option: DNA traceable meat  (press-citizen.com) (131)
(Yahoo) Obvious The National Park Service would like to remind you that your chances of being mauled to death by a grizzly at Yellowstone have gone way down in the last century; but that a small chance is still a chance  (news.yahoo.com) (139)
(CNSNews) Stupid How much would you be willing to pay to get kids to "Sit Still" in kindergarten class? Apparently $500 million  (cnsnews.com) (138)
(The Consumerist) Dumbass Walmart shoplifter asked for receipt, goes nuts: Causes $1000 in damage; arrested for theft, assault and battery, marijuana possession. Guess which state. Go ahead, guess  (consumerist.com) (330)
(Google) Scary Air France jet plunged at 11,000 feet per minute. Oh, don't read this if you're about to board a plane. Shoot. Meant to say that part first  (google.com) (306)
(Seattle Times) PSA Respect thy moose, lest ye suffer nasti bytes  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (34)
(Wisconsin State Journal) Scary What do you mean, 'all this rhetoric against Planned Parenthood might spur people to violence?'  (host.madison.com) (275)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Stupid Before: Tornado sirens go off at the sign of a little bit of rain. After: County relaxes standards by which sirens go off. You Can See This Coming: Sirens don't go off and actual tornado hits  (news.cincinnati.com) (54)
(WFTV) Florida TV news crew hanging out at crash scene after everyone left find suitcase full of killer weed. Camera man cries as anchor calls police to report what they were reporting, LIVE at 6  (wftv.com) (60)
(FARK) Survey It's Friday, and you know what that means. Okay yes, pizza for dinner, but also the weekly Fark Weird News Quiz  (fark.com) (42)
(AOL) Strange Artist creates perfume out of urine, to be called "Eau de Toilet"  (weirdnews.aol.com) (32)
(YouTube) Amusing Happy birthday to the late, great Vincent Price. So here is the master of horror wearng a toga and asking bachelors questions on "The Dating Game"  (youtube.com) (70)
(Metro) Silly Free to a good home. Evil Bob is a 10 yr. old border collie. He looks older than his years, has wonky teeth, bad breath and a bad attitude. He is terrified of cats, snaps at horses' heels and nips pigs  (metro.co.uk) (38)
(Detroit News) Amusing The police officer/exotic dancer did not dance for the mayor and get into a sexy, sexy catfight with the mayor's wife...allegedly  (detnews.com) (21)
(NBC Bay Area) Strange Headlines that will haunt you: Mark Zuckerberg Kills His Own Meat  (nbcbayarea.com) (63)
(CNN) Followup That US Marine killed by 60 bullets fired by the SWAT team performing a drug raid on his house? Yeah, turns out he didn't fire first like the officers first said. Actually, he didn't fire at all. Oops, our bad  (cnn.com) (524)
(Wall Street Journal) Interesting Comparison of frequent flyer miles programs. Chart/Story to the left, my-airline's-best fight devolving into a hot stewardess thread to the right  (online.wsj.com) (42)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Historic Miami Herald newspaper building sold to Malaysian company, who plans to turn it into sweatshop with overworked, underpaid laborers... oh, wait  (sun-sentinel.com) (22)
(Spiegel) Amusing Good news: orgies are growing in popularity. Bad news: corporate orgies. Worst news: German corporate orgies  (spiegel.de) (116)
(Some Guy) Spiffy ACLU actually takes a stand for a good cause, offers free representation for finger giving motorist  (charlotteobserver.com) (211)
(Village Voice) Obvious Young people would rather lose their sense of smell than lose their online social networks. Well, who needs to smell people on Facebook anyway?  (blogs.villagevoice.com) (63)
(WESH Orlando) Florida Car carrying $1M coin collection rolls over and crashes, dumping entire load across highway -- resulting in unexpected lane change  (wesh.com) (60)
(Some Guy) Followup 91-year-old woman busted by feds for selling suicide helium kits speaks out in a really high-squeeky voice  (y100.com) (118)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida "I used to play with a bear as a kid, so don't get me wrong I'm not a bear hater. I just don't like what they're doing here"  (nwfdailynews.com) (49)
(Washington Post) Cool "In the back of a gritty-looking gas station, unleaded goes for $3.94 a gallon and the yellowfin tuna steak - dressed with red onions, raisins and caper mayonnaise and tucked into a warm homemade brioche - will set you back $8.50"  (washingtonpost.com) (99)
(Telegram) Photoshop Photoshop this girl and her frog  (telegram.com) (32)
(WMTW.com) Amusing ...and finally tonight I'd like to make a toast to the Maid of Honor: May she be able to post bail by morning  (wmtw.com) (60)
(KTLA) Scary Runaway Prius crashes into mini-mall, trapping woman. After investigation, authorities recommend battery charge  (ktla.com) (104)
(Daily Mail) Interesting House for sale: big, spacious--oh, and three people have been killed here including two different previous owners. Nothing to worry about, though, it's not like it's cursed  (dailymail.co.uk) (99)
(KSL.com) Amusing Horse herpes outbreak forces rodeo queens to ride stick ponies. No, that's the actual headline used  (ksl.com) (75)
(Fox News) Amusing Top five reasons you can't concentr  (foxnews.com) (53)
(cbs) Asinine Long Island Power Authority (LIPA) will proudly honor fallen heroes at Memorial Day parade by charging organizers a usage fee to hang American flags on their poles  (newyork.cbslocal.com) (51)
(Chicago Tribune) PSA If you find yourself being directed by "Spirits" to strip naked and hang out by a police station, don't do it. Those spirits do not have your best interests in mind  (chicagotribune.com) (20)
(Breitbart.com) Asinine John Walker Lindh's father says that since bin Laden is dead, there's no reason to keep Lindh in prison and insists his son has paid for his crimes. Naturally, someone has a problem with this  (bighollywood.breitbart.com) (193)
(BusinessWeek) Interesting How FEMA got its groove back  (businessweek.com) (110)
(Komo) Interesting High school cheerleaders slapped with hot dogs, squirted on. Sounds hot until you get to the diaper part  (komonews.com) (55)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Have you ever had that dream where you're only wearing underwear and everyone standing around you is clothed? And you're in a hospital. And you have severe burns from a meth lab mishap. And you're not really dreaming  (nwfdailynews.com) (30)
(TBO) Florida Little Mikey brings home a stray kitty... with a REALLY long tail  (www2.tbo.com) (59)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this captain and his teenage companion  (flickr.com) (33)
(Quad City Times) Sick Today's teacher sex scandal is brought to you by Fulton, Il and a twenty-sOHGODMYEYES KILL IT WITH FIRE  (qctimes.com) (167)
(NPR) Scary One of those cool slidey picture things of Joplin before and after  (npr.org) (89)

Thu May 26, 2011
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Tying up naked children to a desk and beating them with a paddle is no way to go through life, officer  (orlandosentinel.com) (62)
(Stuff) Hero Three 15 year old high school boys stand up to gang members trying to abduct a 12 year old girl in broad daylight... and win  (stuff.co.nz) (108)
(Comics Alliance) Hero Want to help out the young victims of the Joplin tornado? Well, this comic book shop would like you to donate comic books they can distribute to the kids  (comicsalliance.com) (108)
(Yahoo) Sappy Dog with two broken legs finds owner after storm. Your dog wants a tissue  (news.yahoo.com) (58)
(CNN) Interesting All your bibles are belong to us  (ireport.cnn.com) (267)
(The Smoking Gun) Asinine Man wearing only olive oil busted for sunbathing naked in Indiana. Say to cops, "I'm from New York. Can't I do this here?"  (thesmokinggun.com) (68)
(BBC) Amusing Indian government orders Axe ads off television for showing women as "lustily hankering after" men who use deodorant  (bbc.co.uk) (64)
(KJRH) Obvious Shoot a robber once in the head while he's knocking over your pharmacy? You're a hero. Empty the rest of your revolver into him while he's lying helpless? Then the jury is going to convict you of murder 1  (kjrh.com) (262)
(Some Angry Guy) Spiffy Guy eviscerates Time Warner Cable with a full page newspaper ad. I've got nothing else. Just read it and smile  (splitsider.com) (168)
(WLSAM) Fail Two different bug exterminating companies release their list of worst cities for bedbugs. One thing is certain: You really can't sleep soundly in Cincinnati  (wlsam.com) (31)
(FARK) PSA Sneak preview of Fark's redesign - launching June 1  (fark.com) (481)
(OECD) Interesting Think your country's priorities are misplaced? Go pick somewhere else to live. No seriously, pick. We have charts and everything  (oecdbetterlifeindex.org) (119)
(Some Guy) Stupid Working moms: You get shorter working days, weekends and public holidays off, breastfeeding breaks and can work from home. Men, childless workers and parents of older children: Suck it  (heraldsun.com.au) (145)
(Mother Nature Network) Strange Avian scientists say some birds are turning up with both male and female characteristics. Clearly they're not studying cocks or boobies  (mnn.com) (29)
(Daily Mail) Hero Correct use of the Hero tag: Wife talks about moment husband gave his life to save her during tornado  (dailymail.co.uk) (156)
(Some Guy) Weird Either we all really did miss the rapture, or this is the greatest real life trolling attempt in recent memory  (host.madison.com) (94)
(Canoe) Caption Caption this tuxedoed dude trying his luck with the ladies  (cnews.canoe.ca) (67)
(The Consumerist) PSA How to grill the perfect burger  (consumerist.com) (220)
(UPI) Strange Woman arrested for biting jerky in store, released after promising to bite smooth in future  (upi.com) (23)
(UPI) Florida Man sues for $15K in damages after being injured by rose thorn. That must be some prick  (upi.com) (49)
(Denver Post) Dumbass Rockies: 12, Diamondbacks: 4, Darwin: 1  (denverpost.com) (92)
(Chicago Tribune) Dumbass Mother says police shouldn't have killed her teenage son. Just because he had five prior arrests. And he was pointing a gun at police  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (173)
(Hindu.com) Obvious New Indian censor board chief named; Chief Minister Dik████ said to be pleased  (hindu.com) (38)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this warming welcome  (i.imgur.com) (32)
(LA Times) Followup If you guessed "2" for the number of days it would take after the Supreme Court ruling for California to start accidentally releasing violent criminals, come collect your Kevlar prize  (latimes.com) (109)
(Some Guy) Asinine City rejects a colon cancer awareness billboard campaign with the message, "What's up your butt?"  (tri-cityherald.com) (43)
(AJC) Strange Thieves steal $10k in hair extensions and didn't weave any clues behind  (ajc.com) (34)
(Some Guy) Interesting What is proper compensation for the six deaths on Papua New Guinea's "Death Trap" road? If you guessed cash and a menagerie, please step forward to claim your goat  (thenational.com.pg) (24)
(Some Guy) Followup New SeaWorld Shamu show to debut without trainers. Doesn't that just defeat the porpoise?  (y100.com) (24)
(Boing Boing) Fail The best Oprah emails...sent to web browser developer 'Opera'  (boingboing.net) (51)
(Washington Post) Spiffy This summer, a 61-year-old long-distance swimmer will try to finish a Cuba-to-Florida swim that she started 32 years ago in her attempt to break the record for "World's Pruniest Woman"  (washingtonpost.com) (24)
(Salisbury Post) Obvious Kendrick Stoner arrested for drug possession. His buddy Alvin ChildMolester should probably lay low  (salisburypost.com) (35)
(NPR) Cool Literature as a mathematic equation, by Kurt Vonnegut  (npr.org) (42)
(AP) Obvious Philip Morris Inc buys rights to technology that lets users inhale nicotine without smoking. What could they possibly want with th-- oh  (hosted.ap.org) (107)
(Herald Tribune) Strange Want to hear your favorite song on the radio? That will be one pint of blood, please  (heraldtribune.com) (73)
(STLToday) Followup Night club loses its lick-her license  (stltoday.com) (93)
(BBC) Amusing Pope shuts down ex-lap dancing nun's monastery. Old habits die hard  (bbc.co.uk) (72)
(Some Guy) Amusing Naked man drives dump truck into home, assaults homeowner. Revenge is a dish best served drunk  (pressherald.com) (19)
(Some Guy) Scary Two bit by shark off Hawaii beach. Would have been three, but the Fonz managed to jump clear  (khon2.com) (42)
(The New York Times) Sick NYPD cop accused of raping a drunk woman while in uniform was only "snuggling" with her. Four times. While wearing a condom  (nytimes.com) (275)
(Canoe) Scary Ottawa high school student fails shop class  (cnews.canoe.ca) (92)
(NBC Action News) Sad 232 officially missing from Joplin tornado  (nbcactionnews.com) (110)
(MSNBC) Florida After enjoying a quiet evening outside their trailer, roommates feud with a machete and cinder block after one is told he was getting evicted. Of course this happened in Florida  (msnbc.msn.com) (17)
(Some Guy) Amusing Mullet Bandit robs banks across Ohio. Flees to Alabama where he blends in  (q13fox.com) (50)
(Some Guy) Weird New 'leftover themed' eatery will buy your leftovers and re-sell them. Even more puzzling - do their lights stay on when the doors are closed?  (kinston.com) (56)
(MSNBC) PSA "Ancient sea monsters not to be messed with." Advice we can all benefit from in times like these  (msnbc.msn.com) (57)
(The Hill) Obvious Deputy chief of staff under President George W. Bush moves seamlessly from warrantless wiretaps to lobbying for Facebook on 'privacy.'  (thehill.com) (40)
(WQAD) Amusing Iowa bar busted for illegal gambling. You'll never guess what it was for though  (wqad.com) (77)
(wtsp.com) Followup Disney generously decides to let the Navy have the trademark for "Seal Team 6"  (wtsp.com) (100)
(Some Guy) Interesting "A new poll suggests that Texans have different priorities than the rest of the country" according to the Romero Institute  (940winz.com) (183)
(Some Guy) Florida "Psst. You. At the gas pump. I'm a Best Buy manager. If you give me some money I can go in and get you a great deal on stuff"  (940winz.com) (78)
(KnoxNews) Amusing Oh.................... god.................... oh................... god..................... don't.................... stop................... oh................... baby.................... do..................... me................... hard  (knoxnews.com) (106)
(Some Hobo) Florida Jet ski thief killed by 14-year-old with shotgun; earns nod of approval from a hobo  (blogs.miaminewtimes.com) (383)
(Yahoo) Scary Dad to teenage daughter: okay honey, that's it, you're grounded and I'm taking away your cell phone Daughter to dad: ARROWED  (news.yahoo.com) (181)
(Time) Obvious Priest serving in diocese of the Pope's pedophilia advisor has been arrested for pedophilia  (time.com) (280)
(Scientific American) Sad Budget woes put astronomers in dire financial straits. Who will make our horoscopes now?  (scientificamerican.com) (63)
(Some Guy) Asinine Since Joplin hasn't suffered enough, here comes Fred Phelps  (news-leader.com) (283)
(Daily Mail) Scary YouTube star sucked through sunroof by tornado. Finally, something we'd all love to see, but the cameras weren't rolling  (dailymail.co.uk) (256)
(Huffington Post) Hero Cry havoc and adopt the dogs of war  (huffingtonpost.com) (72)
(Telegraph) Strange Man breaks leg driving into tree while being attacked by a goose -- at least that's what he told his wife  (telegraph.co.uk) (13)
(Some Guy) Amusing Suspect: I haven't had anything to drink officer. Police: Sir, did you notice you have urinated all over your pants?  (fox8.com) (29)
(Telegram) Strange School committee member forced to resign after blogging that union president could "kiss my white Irish ass"  (telegram.com) (29)
(SLTrib) Fail Remember when you got out of jail after 17 years for a crime you didn't commit? Not so fast  (sltrib.com) (44)
(Waterloo Courier) Silly Dog jumps onto his owner's shoulder, resulting in the wildest car ride either has ever experienced  (wcfcourier.com) (18)
(News24) Unlikely "They also accused his wife of turning into a snail and terrorising the community"  (news24.com) (46)
(Chicago Tribune) Amusing Crazy person infiltrates the Willis Tower. Say, this reminds me of the time I tried to convince Drew he was up for an Oscar for his role in "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell"  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (58)
(Some Big-breasted woman) Amusing Today's Fark-ready headline: "Big-breasted woman at Chicago trial spurs objection"  (wtsp.com) (575)
(Bloomberg) Obvious Let's be honest here - if you spend one trillion dollars on a new jet fighter fleet, you're going to find a way to use it. A lot  (bloomberg.com) (232)
(The Atlantic Wire) Fail Journalists are now flying to Libya so that they can report on the armed conflict using Skype, Twitter and Google. There may be a wasted step here  (theatlanticwire.com) (27)
(Herald Tribune) Scary Gulf fisherman finding lesions and parasitic boils on red snappers. Sure, but what about the fish they catch?  (heraldtribune.com) (26)
(TC Palm) Florida The evening started so well. A woman with 'real big thighs.' A drive to a motel. Cocktails. Little did he know he'd wind up without pants filing a police report about a Dodge Avenger  (blogs.tcpalm.com) (48)
(Some Guy) Florida Prison psychiatrist sued for freudian slipping it to inmates, having a gigantic super ego  (940winz.com) (37)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Study finds kids don't enjoy violent cartoons as much as previously thought. Tom, Itchy, Wile E. Coyote all breathe sigh of relief  (dailymail.co.uk) (87)
(CNBC) PSA The good news: Free land is up for grabs. Bad news: It's in Arkansas  (cnbc.com) (47)
(Wall Street Journal) Cool Serbian war criminal Ratko Mladic arrested; will be tried at the UN war-crimes court where it will be determined that the whole mess is Israel's fault  (online.wsj.com) (73)
(truTV) Obvious The top 10 real-life modern ninja stories, most of which are full of fail  (blog.trutv.com) (43)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Osama's wife, Amal, may have ratted him out to the US. And you thought your wife was upset when she found your porn stash  (dailymail.co.uk) (93)
(Telegraph) Unlikely Judge to wife: "Stop hitting yourself." *punch* "Stop hitting yourself." *punch* "Stop hitting yourself." *punch*  (telegraph.co.uk) (62)
(MSNBC) Interesting I have a list of secret government code names, but if I showed you... I'd have to kill you  (powerwall.msnbc.msn.com) (47)
(Politico) Unlikely Solution to global warming: Start clear-cutting the world's forest  (politico.com) (395)
(WWL) Amusing Not news: Two drunks arrested after bar fight. News: Mother & son arrested after bar fight. Fark: Both were cops  (wwl.com) (26)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this sculpture being scrutinised  (inapcache.boston.com) (25)
(Wired) Scary There's a Secret Patriot Act that allows the Feds to do anything, and not tell you. The more you know  (wired.com) (221)
(NPR) Cool $100,000 scholarship to not go to college, now that's change we can believe in  (npr.org) (85)
(SLTrib) Hero Elizabeth Smart gets the final word  (sltrib.com) (196)
(The New York Times) Amusing They say no one's ever beaten the Van Wyck ... Van Wike ... Fon Weig ... Eh, fark it. I'll take Woodhaven Bvld so that numbskull can catch a plane for Seattle  (nytimes.com) (49)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 316: "Puddytats 2: I Did! I Did See a Puddytat!" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (362)

Wed May 25, 2011
(Jalopnik) Ironic U.S. Transportation Secretary shows up in huge SUV to unveil new fuel economy stickers  (jalopnik.com) (119)
(KMOV St. Louis) Scary Semi carrying rubbing alcohol overturns; accident cleans itself up  (kmov.com) (42)
(The New York Times) Hero "There's never a need for a Pap smear at 30,000 feet." And other tales of emergency medicine on flights  (nytimes.com) (90)
(SeattlePI) Ironic Udder pandemonium reigns when dairy queen reveals she's lactose intolerant  (seattlepi.com) (49)
(HelenaIR.com) Scary Good start to the day: grabbing your newspaper off the porch and making some coffee. Bad followup: having the cops call to tell you not to do that again, because they need to shoot the mountain lion sleeping on said porch  (helenair.com) (75)
(Some Guy) News Tornadoes spotted near Bono, Arkansas. The Edge on edge. This is your Wednesday stormwatch thread. Stay safe, everybody  (kait8.com) (363)
(MetroWest Daily News) Dumbass Not news: Overly demanding tennis parent. Fark: Overly demanding special olympics tennis parent  (metrowestdailynews.com) (41)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Dozens of Florida schools lack art, music teachers. Probably because of mandatory drug testing requirements  (orlandosentinel.com) (74)
(CBS 4 Denver) Hero Shelter dog that lost foot gets the chance to walk on all fours again. HE CAN MAKE IT ON HIS OWN 'CAUSE HE'S GOT THE HEART OF A CHAMPION  (denver.cbslocal.com) (37)
(Talking Points Memo) Fail MSNBC yeller Ed Schultz is likely done after calling a radio host a "right wing slut"  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com) (293)
(KDGE Dallas) Dumbass Men burglarizing house collect all of the guns--except for one  (kdge.com) (168)
(Cracked) Amusing Six things nobody tells you about owning a motorcycle  (cracked.com) (309)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshope this olde towne square  (fark.com) (29)
(The Raw Story) Unlikely Feds: If you try to stop the TSA from touching your junk, Texas will become a no-fly zone  (rawstory.com) (260)
(wsmv.com) PSA As if cicadas weren't annoying enough as it is, their hisses could be dangerous to your hearing  (wsmv.com) (45)
(AZCentral) Strange It can be stressful doing time in a Mexican jail. But the beer, vodka, tequila, heroin, and billiard tables help  (azcentral.com) (21)
(SeattlePI) Obvious Arizona shooter Jared Loughner found not competent to stand trial. I'm just as surprised as you are  (seattlepi.com) (269)
(Some Guy) PSA Powertools recalled due to spillage potential. Your mom unavailable for comment  (y100.com) (12)
(Some Guy) Interesting It says a lot about our society when a school has to remind parents to show some decency and not show up at their kids' bus stop wearing pyjamas  (gazettelive.co.uk) (93)
(The Sun) Strange ROFLMFAO, no, really  (thesun.co.uk) (54)
(Yahoo) Stupid Obama says the US-UK relationship is enduring, as evidenced by the American media's week-long jerk-off session with the royal wedding  (news.yahoo.com) (41)
(CSMonitor) Stupid After solving the riddle for cats, scientists have finally figured out the next greatest mystery plaguing mankind: how dogs drink water  (csmonitor.com) (38)
(BBC) Strange Horse turned away from McDonald's drive thru. Later accepted at the Deliveries door  (bbc.co.uk) (30)
(Jalopnik) Sappy "There's an ugly-ass baby owl on my bike"  (jalopnik.com) (80)
(Pat's Papers) Ironic GPS treasure hunter is able to remember his exact coordinates and give them to rescuers after a boulder crushes him. But he can't remember his age  (patspapers.com) (33)
(Boing Boing) Interesting CDC releases report on measles outbreaks. In case you wondered how hard the U.S. got trolled by Jenny McCarthy  (boingboing.net) (150)
(Click On Detroit) Weird "Hey, Twitchy. What, you got ants in your pants?" "No, caffeine and shea butter." "Oh, I see......wait, what?"  (clickondetroit.com) (21)
(My San Antonio) Asinine News: school cop who had been reprimanded 12 times and suspended four shoots and kills unarmed student. Fark: he's still employed  (mysanantonio.com) (272)
(PhysOrg.com) Cool Every minute, 48 hours of video are uploaded to Youtube, 47.7 of those hours being 13-year-old girls lip-syncing to Lady Gaga songs  (physorg.com) (72)
(Statesman) Asinine The city of Austin is cancelling a theater in the park showing of Napoleon Dynamite after the Mayor's Committee for People with Disabilities complained about an offensive word. That's just f*cking retarded  (statesman.com) (97)
(Life Inc) Amusing Writer opines that "Journalism Degree Most Useless". Irony tag explodes upon contact  (lifeinc.today.com) (102)
(Detroit News) Scary The moral here is that false morels are dangerous morels  (detnews.com) (38)
(Canoe) Dumbass Babysitter busted for feeding three kids toast covered with I Can't Believe It's Not Oregano  (cnews.canoe.ca) (37)
(Press-Enterprise) Interesting Man's wife calls 911 after he finds an overly aggressive cougar in the garage  (pe.com) (48)
(Government Technology) Obvious Government IT guys: "To the cloud...whatever that means"  (govtech.com) (174)
(My Fox DC) Stupid Hand-wringers warn computer games and cell phones put children at risk for joint pain  (myfoxdc.com) (52)
(Some Farm Guy) Asinine In response to numerous tapes of animals being abused and mistreated at farms being leaked to the media, Iowa is finally going to criminalize this outrageous practice (of secretly recording animal abuse)  (globegazette.com) (105)
(Just a Rash) Cool For those of you who want a little head, the Patron Saint of Genital Disease's head is for sale. Cool tag because there isn't an itchy and inflamed tag  (naturalplane.blogspot.com) (21)
(Yahoo) PSA Getting caught in a speed trap can raise your car insurance rate up 53%  (finance.yahoo.com) (154)
(I'll tumble for ya) Silly Fleeing escapee catches some static from police who find him hiding in a dryer  (wmur.com) (22)
(WTAP) Dumbass How many points are a '96 Cadillac, a '10 Explorer, one other vehicle, a utility pole, a speed limit sign, two parking signs, a tree, and a house worth?  (wtap.com) (43)
(Slate) Amusing The case-please hear me out-against the em dash  (slate.com) (114)
(Some Guy) Asinine Teachers losing their jobs? Check. Budget slashed? Check. Overcrowded classrooms with little or no teaching supplies? Check. New iPads for school administrators? Check. Wait, what?  (ktnv.com) (130)
(Some Guy) Followup Alaska seeks more ▇▇▇ to ▇▇▇▇▇ Palin's emails, get more Sharpies  (big1059.com) (89)
(Some Guy) Amusing FEMA declares its newest disaster area: Eric Cantor  (borowitzreport.com) (63)
(Fayetteville Observer) Dumbass If you're going to rob someone, make sure their 15 armed and angry family members arean't within shouting distance. Hospitalarity ensues  (fayobserver.com) (133)
(AP) Fail What do you do when you're in a space suit 220 miles up, on a space walk, and something gets in your eye? "Oh, boy"  (hosted.ap.org) (83)
(Some Guy) Asinine Police: "What? He's accidentally smashed your greenhouse window?" Woman: "Yes" Police: Dispatch the chopper  (swns.com) (61)
(Some Guy) Interesting Park's new "Dinosaurs Alive" exhibit opens early as "Dinosaur Afire"  (wlwt.com) (27)
(Some Dentist) Florida Today's "dentist arrested after getting into fisticuffs with an 87-year-old woman over painful dentures" story brought to you by Deltona  (wtsp.com) (26)
(The New York Times) Interesting Family member asks New York Times to correct to guy's obituary. NYT does some fact checking and issues the corrections, 112 years after it was first published   (cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com) (13)
(Toronto Star) Weird Woman answers online job ad and gets sexually assaulted. Gets hired and sexually assaulted a second time and finally goes to the police  (thestar.com) (93)
(MSNBC) Followup Grimsvotn volcano in Iceland stops spewing ash, wants to cuddle  (msnbc.msn.com) (8)
(Mohave Daily News) Dumbass "Yes, I am farked up," said the $190,000-a-year City Attorney who crashed her Lexus after downing a liter and a half of Chardonnay  (mohavedailynews.com) (53)
(LA Times) Fail Skate and/or Die  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (72)
(CNN) Obvious Mexican tanks: From an American company, assembled in Canada (with pic of what a Mexican tank might look like)  (news.blogs.cnn.com) (86)
(ZimEye) Sad Beauty pageant's "Miss Personality" loses her title after politicians find out it doesn't mean she'll sleep with them  (zimeye.org) (57)
(BBC) Obvious Fire at funeral home leaves dozens dead  (bbc.co.uk) (26)
(Herald Tribune) Spiffy Promising new Alzheimer's drug goes for major clinical trial, patients divided into three groups: test group, control group, and "forgot to take my pills" group  (heraldtribune.com) (36)
(Plank you very much) Stupid If you are wondering why people everywhere are randomly laying prone in odd places, today is "National Planking Day." LGT gallery of cute chicks planking their way around Tampa  (tampabay.metromix.com) (259)
(MSN) Photoshop Photoshop these workers working their way up  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (18)
(Wired) Obvious Vuvuzelas discovered to not only annoy large amounts of people, but also spread germs to a large numBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT  (wired.com) (103)
(Toronto Sun) Silly Surprisingly the facial hair game is not very lucrative  (torontosun.com) (41)
(3 News New Zealand) Scary 'Brass nipple'. 'Compressed air'. 'Pierced the flesh of his left buttock'. You do the math  (3news.co.nz) (91)
(Some Arena) Photoshop Photoshop this frisbee fanatic  (bigpicture.ru) (34)
(AL.com) Florida Woman splits on her 9-month old son, leaving him alone to go bowling. If her life wasn't in the gutter before it's about to be  (blog.al.com) (101)
(Toronto Star) Interesting Woman spearheading attempt to get all clowns licenced. Because if anyone knows funny, it's the government  (thestar.com) (97)
(3 News New Zealand) Scary I scream, you scream, we all scream, especially the man selling the ice cream  (3news.co.nz) (53)
(AL.com) Obvious More than 200 concerned citizens pack a city council meeting in Cordova, Alabama. The issue: A proposed ban on single-wide trailers  (blog.al.com) (115)

Tue May 24, 2011
(My Fox NY) Sick It's a sure sign of spring when the waters of New York's harbor and rivers begin to warm and bodies start floating to the surface  (myfoxny.com) (44)
(NYPost) Asinine Ex-IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn's pals try to buy off the accusing maid's impoverished family in West Africa to make the case go away, and it looks like they just may succeed  (nypost.com) (314)
(UPI) Scary Group trashes Dunkin' Donuts. This never would have happened under the watchful eye of Fred the Baker  (upi.com) (152)
(The Sun) Scary 19-year-old survives 90-foot fall. The sunbed is there  (thesun.co.uk) (31)
(People Magazine) Sappy Duggar family helps victims of Joplin tornados, plans on offering a few of their children and grandchildren as replacements to families that lost loved ones  (people.com) (94)
(Gothamist) Fail Charges dismissed. You are free to go (to prison for five years)  (gothamist.com) (84)
(UPI) Florida Woman attacked by man with swim noodle after an incident involving a rotten watermelon. Just another day in Florida  (upi.com) (25)
(DFW Star-Telegram) Dumbass Texas police officer caught cheating at Rock, Paper, Scissors  (star-telegram.com) (91)
(NJ.com) Scary Woman pleads guilty to feeding her 7-year-old daughter chicken. That's outrageo... chicken heart? Well, many cultures value animal parts that we don't normally... raw, from a bloody, ritual sacrifice... eff that, I'm outta here  (nj.com) (78)
(NCBuy.com) Spiffy Chickity farmer of Chinese chicken, gives 'em all specs so the hens keep kicking  (ncbuy.com) (59)
(MSNBC) PSA Census data tells college students what their majors are worth; arts majors find the report melancholy, head out to Starbucks for another latte  (msnbc.msn.com) (139)
(NJ.com) Dumbass Hey, ump: When you track down and beat up the guy who stole your iPhone, make sure you didn't actually leave it in the snack shack  (nj.com) (19)
(LA Times) Scary The Empire is one of the most dangerous places to be a pedestrian, stormtrooper   (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (60)
(AJC) Dumbass Man steals condoms. This is where the rubber meets the rude  (ajc.com) (15)
(Boston Herald) Scary In 2006 a big chunk of concrete fell from Big Dig ceiling. In 2010, a big chunk of aluminum. In 2011, a big chunk of foam. I suppose that's progress  (news.bostonherald.com) (52)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this surveyor  (azwater.gov) (32)
(Some Guy) Interesting WHO drafts plan to make sure the kids are alright  (939mia.com) (41)
(Seattle Times) Obvious FBI recovers stolen rare Ferrari F50, kept it for an "ongoing investigation" then took it for a "short ride" and wrecked it. Now they refuse to pay for damages. Ta Da  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (195)
(Denver Channel) Unlikely Twitter helps woman get her stolen bike back, thanks to just under 140 characters  (thedenverchannel.com) (23)
(Some Guy) Dumbass "Dear FBI, I have a master plan to have Barack Obama killed and this plan is fool proof. Love, Inmate #7644-567"  (939mia.com) (56)
(KTLA) Sad This is nothing to yolk about. 15-year-old girl in critical condition after scrambling to leave after egging a house  (ktla.com) (254)
(Some Guy) News God hates Oklahoma: 1/2 mile wide tornado just crossed I-40 near El Reno  (kfor.com) (747)
(Some Guy) Florida "Casey Anthony didn't kill her daughter Caylee with duct-tape and throw her in the woods... she uhh..uh... DROWNED...yeah, that's the ticket"  (610wiod.com) (163)
(GovWin) Spiffy Good news: Over the past 3 years, only 191 dead people have gotten replacement Social Security cards  (govwin.com) (56)
(kjct8.com) Obvious Drilling near nuclear site fails to get glowing response  (kjct8.com) (9)
(Slate) Stupid Your partypooper article of the day: Slate columnist thinks watching movies in the park is lame  (slate.com) (97)
(Some Guy) Dumbass News: Teacher arrested for helping students get high. Fark: With chloroform  (mercedsunstar.com) (30)
(NJ.com) Interesting Best excuse for refusing the "walk a straight line" field sobriety test: a.) I'm on cold medication. b.) Hell, I couldn't do that if I was sober. c). I have a prosthetic leg  (nj.com) (54)
(WLSAM) Weird Woman tries to sell daughter's virginity for $10k. In subby's day, all it took was a couple beers  (wlsam.com) (146)
(Some Guy) Stupid The economy is improving, if you base it on wine sales at Morton's Steakhouse in San Antonio  (mega949.com) (50)
(Washington Post) Strange Cooked sheep meat in red gravy confiscated from Ethiopian traveler at Dulles Airport, even though he did bring enough for everybody  (washingtonpost.com) (58)
(Gizmodo) Interesting And now, the story of a 45-year-old woman who had her brain reformatted when she was twenty two  (gizmodo.com) (156)
(FARK) FarkBlog Some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 5/15 - 5/21  (fark.com) (19)
(Daily Mail) Obvious A Danish with Marmite or Vegemite is now illegal, as it should be  (dailymail.co.uk) (69)
(News.com.au) Scary When you see the phrases "snake hunt" and "went horribly wrong" in the same story, you know you're in for quite a ride  (news.com.au) (45)
(Wall Street Journal) Obvious Tennis players don't like playing with French balls  (online.wsj.com) (19)
(The Morning Call) Strange Kids target Dr. Robotnik's ban on hedgehogs  (mcall.com) (32)
(Metro) Strange Actual headline: "Drunk parrots acting up and falling out of the sky in Australia (again)"  (metro.co.uk) (27)
(Reuters) Scary Quick-release asprin on sale today, quick-release ulcer study tomorrow  (reuters.com) (25)
(Daily Mail) Asinine These dogs probably have nicer homes than you  (dailymail.co.uk) (21)
(Hartford Courant) Sappy Sissy, a blind 15-year-old quarter horse, has a new home at the Deer Haven Ranch animal shelter, but she came with a lot of baggage - five goats and five sheep - because they take care of her and feed her  (courant.com) (35)
(CBS News) Silly Chinese dog nurses ugly ass baby ligers after mom refuses. You read that right  (cbsnews.com) (32)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Men, are the happy go-lucky type? Always smiling? Cheerful? Well, you're going to single forever and women don't find you attractive  (dailymail.co.uk) (409)
(Some Guy) Dumbass High school student charged with felony after putting staples in teacher's coffee. That was easy  (wric.com) (45)
(FARK) Followup Behold the power of Fark: Appeal to help college kids rescue animals puts them in the running for $500,000 grant. Thank you (and vote if you haven't). DIT, LGT original thread  (fark.com) (39)
(Canada.com) Interesting Animal rights groups outraged after South Korea allows fur in Fendi fashion show, raising the question as to whether animals have Seouls  (canada.com) (36)
(My Fox NY) Strange The first rule of Prayer Group Fight Club is you do not talk about Prayer Group Fight Club  (myfoxny.com) (52)
(Jacksonville.com) Florida One dead, one critical after police dog the bounty hunters  (jacksonville.com) (63)
(Some Guy) Misc The newest police tool for taping searches - sunglasses cameras. Guess they want to try and record any....shady behavior. YEEEEEEEEAAAAAHHH  (newsnet5.com) (79)
(YNet) Sick Man assaults girlfriend after she ridicules size of his penis. Too bad she wasn't able to beat him off  (ynetnews.com) (324)
(USA Today) Cool Ford develops car seats that could provide warnings before a driver has a heart attack. OOOHHHH YEEEEAAH  (usatoday.com) (40)
(CSMonitor) Ironic Arizona plans border fence, requests more money since they already went broke purchasing boot straps  (csmonitor.com) (146)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Popeye's manager gladly makes the news on Tuesday for fondling underage employees today  (nbcphiladelphia.com) (55)
(Washington Post) Obvious Washington Post article explores the reason we're having so many devastating F4 and F5 tornadoes this year; makes it 11 paragraphs before mentioning "climate change"  (washingtonpost.com) (267)
(Yahoo) Followup Harold Camping may not be doing God's work, but he's certainly helping out Darwin  (news.yahoo.com) (195)
(Norwich Bulletin) Dumbass Police officer finds missing Connecticut girl attached to the foot lodged in his groin  (norwichbulletin.com) (48)
(Dayton Daily News) Sick If you own a billboard in Dayton, Ohio available for rent, and don't mind microwaved babies, please call PETA  (daytondailynews.com) (103)
(Huffington Post) Amusing Some people write extensive resumes, and some people write this  (huffingtonpost.com) (141)
(TC Palm) Florida When shooting an AR-15 rifle, make sure the target isn't in your bedroom closet. That way, if you miss you won't blow holes in the washing machine, flood your house and have to explain your drunk self to the cops  (blogs.tcpalm.com) (93)
(Some Guy) Amusing Scientists propose installing an equatorial trench around our moon. Hopefully a one meter exhaust port will not be included  (geeksaresexy.net) (180)
(Telegraph) Interesting Ihr Hund wünscht Steak  (telegraph.co.uk) (32)
(Some Travelers) Photoshop Photoshop these free spirits  (i466.photobucket.com) (20)
(Fox News) Obvious Fox News takes a fair and balanced look at whether freedom-loving 'mericans should be forced to send untold billions of Freedom Dollars to mooslem ter'rist countries   (politics.blogs.foxnews.com) (188)
(Some Guy) Weird Man stages topless protest to demand his parrot back after officials took it away from him because he filmed the bird grasping to his windshield wipers as he drove down the highway. This happened in Australia, the Florida of continents  (heraldsun.com.au) (60)
(Some Guy) Dumbass KY Pastor accused of having sex with young girl from his church. Astroglide Priest unavailable for comment  (wbir.com) (115)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Sad I always knew the machines would come for us, but never did I think a lawnmower would be the first to strike  (startribune.com) (62)
(Some Guy) Asinine Armed robbery of Radio Shack yields $23.57, 3 cordless phones, 20 feet of speaker wire, a handful of BNC connectors and an undisclosed number of 9 volt batteries  (sacramento.cbslocal.com) (143)
(KTLA) Dumbass Two men involved in donut shop stabbing arrested by police using cruller ID  (ktla.com) (16)
(Mother Nature Network) Cool It's a simple question, really. Would you hunt a wild boar using only a handmade spear?  (mnn.com) (246)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Woman rips a man's shirt off , tries to hit him in the head with a shovel, and throws a cup at him. We're all grieving Randy Savage's death differently  (nwfdailynews.com) (33)
(Flickr) Sad Personal photos from a man who lives less than six blocks from where the Missouri tornado hit hardest  (flickr.com) (60)
(Durango Herald) Followup Man gets 60 days in jail for having a sh*t eating grin  (durangoherald.com) (56)
(The Consumerist) Spiffy Old & busted: Super-sizing. New hotness: Mini-sizing  (consumerist.com) (92)
(CBS News) Hero Mark Kelly doesn't always pilot the space shuttle 5 months after his US Representative wife is shot in the head in a mass shooting, but when he does, he gets on his space-phone and calls up the classmates of shooting victim Christina Green  (cbsnews.com) (45)
(Some Guy) Strange No matter how much you hate your job, just be glad your boss hasn't forced you to wear a flea collar. Yet  (heraldsun.com.au) (27)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida "Intoxicated woman caught trying to get inside stranger's husband"  (nwfdailynews.com) (32)
(Google) Followup Ash to cancel up to 500 flights. There's an Evil Dead joke in there somewhere  (google.com) (48)
(The New York Times) Interesting Is anti-white bias a problem?  (nytimes.com) (458)
(Joplin Globe) Scary Joplin High School seniors went from graduation into the teeth of a tornado. And your graduate worries about the job market  (joplinglobe.com) (33)
(Washington Post) Sad DC's five-month-old National Pinball Museum will go tilts up in July  (washingtonpost.com) (103)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this ball within a ball  (spiegel.de) (23)
(Toronto Sun) Asinine Canadian woman sues nightclub after being denied entry for wearing moccasins. Her lawyer successfully argues that there's dignity in de feet  (torontosun.com) (44)
(Weather.com) PSA "The ingredients are in place for a classic Plains tornado outbreak Tuesday"  (wwworigin.weather.com) (33)
(Yahoo) Followup Apocalypse later  (news.yahoo.com) (175)
(Daily Mail) Amusing That overseas call center with the employees named Adam & Jill? Soon it really will be Dakota & Jayden  (dailymail.co.uk) (57)
(PennLive) Silly Mom rescues 20-year-old son from pooping, upholstery-wrecking groundhog  (pennlive.com) (29)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida TIFF over beer leads to stabbing. At least it wasn't a JPEG over lite beer  (orlandosentinel.com) (48)
(First Coast News) Florida Man arrested after his mom sets off his explosives in backyard tool shed, charged with making destructive device, impersonating Larry Fine  (firstcoastnews.com) (31)
(Some Guy) Ironic Ahmadinejad talks about western abuse of women to auditorium full of sacks  (english.farsnews.com) (192)

Mon May 23, 2011
(UPI) Dumbass Gallant calmly selects a new dinner option when told the restaurant is out of chicken legs. Goofus whips out his crank and tells the lady at the window, "I've got a leg for you"  (upi.com) (41)
(SacBee) Obvious Horrible stank bringing people in Mecca to their knees  (sacbee.com) (54)
(WABC) Silly If your body went missing last fall in the Long Island area, Suffolk police have a present for you  (abclocal.go.com) (46)
(Bozeman Chronicle) Silly This isn't 'Nam; this is gopher hunting. There are rules  (bozemandailychronicle.com) (90)
(NJ.com) Sick A child should know how to tie her shoelaces well before age 8. A mother should know not to tie her daughter to the bannister with shoelaces well before age 33  (nj.com) (68)
(Some Girls) Photoshop Photoshop these beauties bearing baskets  (bigpicture.ru) (21)
(CBS Local) Scary Not news: cocktails found in dorm. Fark: Molotov cocktails found in dorm  (baltimore.cbslocal.com) (36)
(NJ.com) Sappy Little girl celebrates one year after receiving the best/worst unicorn costume ever  (nj.com) (83)
(WXII) Fail Driver falls asleep, crashes into Confederate monument. Officials say they will try to piece it together, but aren't sure if their efforts will secede  (wxii12.com) (54)
(The Morning Call) Weird 64-year-old man searches for love, finds a Nigerian online dating fraud scheme instead  (mcall.com) (64)
(Some Guy) Followup Like vultures, other religions try to snag Left Behind preacher's followers: "You are not stupid, your shame will pass"  (opposingviews.com) (329)
(WPIX) Weird NEVER FORGET to have accommodations for people who need to use the bathroom  (wpix.com) (69)
(Some Guy) Spiffy FARKer's son in wheelchair has been invited to play at the Little League World Series  (2theadvocate.com) (95)
(Rolling Stone) PSA Conspiracy theories are destroying America. That sounds like an even bigger conspiracy  (rollingstone.com) (375)
(Some Weakling) Asinine To deal with spring allergies, one must ingest bioflavonoids, alternate hot and cold sinus washes, and remove any books, stuffed animals or trinkets on dressers. Or you could just stop pretending you're allergic to everything  (thenelsondaily.com) (122)
(Sun Sentinel) Obvious Box found in warehouse  (sun-sentinel.com) (70)
(Wired) Scary Every driver in the country will soon be legally required to change their name to Winston Smith  (wired.com) (163)
(Huffington Post) Asinine Cops crack down on Nutcracker, because we can't have hard liquor and snowball syrup to go  (huffingtonpost.com) (26)
(The Smoking Gun) Sick Conduct unbecoming of an airplane passenger climaxes in arrest of the guy in 18-D  (thesmokinggun.com) (130)
(WDRB 41) Amusing You know it's a high-tech world when the shoplifters are taking "carryout orders" via text message  (fox41.com) (18)
(Don't encourage this thread) Interesting In all seriousness, puns enabled the rise of modern civilization (VE)  (hereandnow.wbur.org) (80)
(Washington Post) Stupid Golden oldie: Dogs banned from kids' parks. Adult contemporary: Kids banned from dog parks  (washingtonpost.com) (133)
(Boing Boing) Obvious You're being exploited, John Q. Sample  (boingboing.net) (17)
(Yahoo) Interesting So here's how we'll know precisely how sincere the Rev. Camping was about his predictions: Of the $104 million in assets his foundation reported to the IRS in 2009, how much did he have left on Saturday?  (news.yahoo.com) (146)
(Scientific American) Interesting What science journalists really talk about  (scientificamerican.com) (20)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass UK's police code name for Obama during his state visit will be "Chalaque" a Punjabi word that means "someone too smart for their own good". Like say the British official who revealed a SECRET CODE WORD to the media  (dailymail.co.uk) (90)
(National Geographic) Interesting Strange vehicle that crashed at Area 51 and covered up by the US government was an airplane and National Geographic has declassified pictures that "prove" it  (news.nationalgeographic.com) (151)
(MSNBC) Obvious Cutting-edge economics research reveals that beer drinkers "trade down" and buy cheaper brands as the price of beer increases  (msnbc.msn.com) (80)
(Some Guy) Spiffy To help take the sting out of dwindling profits, shrimp fishermen are now catching jellyfish  (savannahnow.com) (70)
(MSNBC) Fail Sony user data hacked. This is not a repeat  (technolog.msnbc.msn.com) (124)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Theme: Photoshop vintage posters for modern products. LGT inspiration  (designfloat.com) (55)
(NYPost) Weird Presenting: the worlds most expensive luxury condoms. Hide them in your Transformers lunchbox, your mom won't find them there  (nypost.com) (101)
(The Consumerist) Ironic Publishers, not technology, are to blame for the demise of the publishing industry  (consumerist.com) (99)
(The Sun) Fail Court postpones and relocates case of obese woman after she cannot fit through court doors for trial. Lawyers and defendant all looking for a change of menu  (thesun.co.uk) (97)
(Mother Nature Network) Interesting Irregular periods linked to future health problems for teens, sleepless nights for their boyfriends  (mnn.com) (48)
(Chicago Tribune) Scary More and more doctors are using their own medical inventions, from medicine to machines, using unsuspecting patients as guinea pigs  (chicagotribune.com) (28)
(Some Guy) Obvious Taliban leader Mullah Omar is either dead or alive  (heraldsun.com.au) (50)
(The Raw Story) Fail Secret Service uncovers massive hole in President Obama's security detail: steep driveways  (rawstory.com) (118)
(Engadget) Fail US lags [loading...] in broadband [loading...] adoption [loading...] and [loading...] [connection lost] [redialing...] download speeds  (engadget.com) (143)
(Some Guy) Fail You're walking down the interstate with your small children, and a deputy stops to help you. Do you c:) stab him, get shot, leave the kids, steal the cop's car, crash into a tree and die?  (timesfreepress.com) (82)
(Pat's Papers) Ironic Who's laughing now, mr. smiley face?  (patspapers.com) (47)
(The Ledger) Florida Pajama party ends in pillow fight. Did I say pillow fight? I meant gunfight  (theledger.com) (31)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Take a famous photo and add subtle evidence of time travel  (google.com) (131)
(Redneck Pilot) Dumbass Let's play a game. How many beer cans can you spot in this picture of a pickup truck with its landing gear down?  (wmur.com) (62)
(Yahoo) Obvious Pakistan retakes the naval base held by six militants. Six. The army denies knowing where they were the entire time, but clearly, this is an army who takes its missions seriously  (news.yahoo.com) (44)
(Radio Netherlands) Interesting Holland is famous for its exports like tulip bulbs, cheese, urine, greenhouse vegetables ... wait, what?  (rnw.nl) (24)
(Naples Daily News) Florida Woman stabs boyfriend over amount of time he spent in public restroom. Surprisingly, a nude woman was involved  (naplesnews.com) (51)
(Huffington Post) Scary The most dangerous threat facing America's youth isn't terrorism or the economy or even the skyrocketing cost of college. It's prom  (huffingtonpost.com) (142)
(Some Guy) Interesting "Nurse-in" at city hall to protest breastfeeding ordinance to be attended by a gang of angry mothers, media boobs  (y100.com) (112)
(Komo) Asinine New mattress store has their delivery truck sabotaged. That's just sofa king low  (komonews.com) (38)
(MSNBC) Dumbass There can be only one  (msnbc.msn.com) (77)
(My Fox Los Angeles) Dumbass Doctor prescribes Jesus to patient. Physician, saviour self  (myfoxla.com) (121)
(Some Guy) Unlikely 1 in 6 kids has a developmental disorder such as autism or ADHD, say scientists who apparently don't do much work on confirmation bias these days  (health.usnews.com) (175)
(Globe and Mail) Strange Gather 'round, my friends, and harken to the heroic tale of one Canadian man's grueling, months-long struggle to prepare for the arrival of his firstborn child... by building a rainbow-colored igloo  (theglobeandmail.com) (26)
(Daily Mail) Fail Black box from Air France 447 which crashed into the Atlantic in 2009 reveals pilot was not in cockpit. Things are now going to get very turbulent  (dailymail.co.uk) (170)
(News.com.au) Unlikely Church teaches supernatural course on how to cure cancer, help women conceive, bring dead back to life. How could they expect to do that with a straight faith?  (news.com.au) (43)
(SLTrib) Amusing Utah law makes "acting sexy" illegal, according to industry insiders. And by industry insiders I mean pimps and prostitutes  (sltrib.com) (57)
(Some Guy) Interesting "'Julian, we've got to do something about these redactions. We really have got to.' And he said: 'These people were collaborators, informants. They deserve to die.' And a silence fell around the table"  (pbs.org) (220)
(Daily Mail) Unlikely Karl Lagerfeld hopes that men will enjoy looking like Jambi the Genie  (dailymail.co.uk) (60)
(YouTube) Scary People taking shelter at a Joplin gas station. No real video, but the audio is compelling  (youtube.com) (245)
(CONTEMPORIST) Photoshop Photoshop this guy bending over a chair  (contemporist.com) (21)
(SFGate) Followup Harold Camping has had a "really tough weekend" because you didn't  (sfgate.com) (677)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen) Sick Today's story about a woman hiding a container of marijuana in her vagina is brought to you by Iowa City, Iowa  (press-citizen.com) (114)
(Kiplinger) PSA The hidden dangers of joint checking accounts  (kiplinger.com) (213)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Coolers: Holder of beer, savior of boaters  (sun-sentinel.com) (28)

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