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Sun June 05, 2011
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(abclocal.go.com) PSA Breaking into your neighbor's home by punching a hole in the window and sticking your face through like Jack Nicholson in the Shining, while barefoot and drunk is no way to go through life, officer  (abclocal.go.com) (42)
(Some Guy) Sad Daughter and her little man in a boatload of trouble  (wsbtv.com) (72)
(Some Guy) Strange Having solved all of its other problems, the Michigan Department of Natural Resources would like the public's help in finding whoever illegally reopened one of the campgrounds they closed in 2009  (miningjournal.net) (106)
(BBC) Followup Five great British things the Americans improved  (blogs.bbcamerica.com) (217)
(AlterNet) Silly Today's manufactured outrage, courtesy of Fort Worth, TX and the removal of the word "public" from the library's title  (alternet.org) (107)
(The Republic) Sad Daughter of victim: "I could never hate [Loughner]. And to me, he is as much a victim as I am, or as my mom, because society failed him. They knew that he needed help, and he never got it"  (therepublic.com) (301)
(News.com.au) Obvious Royal couple cancels meeting with Arnold Schwarzenegger. They'll be back  (news.com.au) (18)
(Yahoo) Obvious Poll finds Americans angry about pretty much everything  (news.yahoo.com) (226)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this discarded doll  (static2.businessinsider.com) (58)
(Gawker) Amusing A list of the 10 easiest ways to waste your time on the internet. #11 is clicking this link  (gawker.com) (140)
(Damn, I Missed It This Year) Asinine Right-wing Christians flee banners over Disney World warning of 'Gay Day'  (wisconsingazette.com) (616)
(Wall Street Journal) Interesting Are the rich really better than the rest of us?  (online.wsj.com) (238)
(The Local (Germany)) Silly Ain't no birthday party like a Facebook birthday party, cuz a Facebook birthday party don't stop until 1,500 guests and 100 police officers show up and the birthday girl flees  (thelocal.de) (39)
(NYPost) Sappy Ugly ass bear cub *really* loves the family dog (OMM NOM NOM)  (nypost.com) (53)
(CNBC) Sad More Americans are asking, who runs Bartertown?  (cnbc.com) (261)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Sappy Ticket to prom elates homless girl. That elation lasted right up until the night was over and she had to go.... home?  (suntimes.com) (84)
(CNN) Obvious God works in mysterious ways. Like having people believe in Bible verses that don't exist  (religion.blogs.cnn.com) (345)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Stupid Camping goes high tech with wireless internet and cable TV provided to defeat the purpose entirely  (suntimes.com) (127)
(The Newspaper) Interesting Police must pay $25,000 for beating old man to correct bad attitude. Beating cops with bad attitudes continues to be a capital offense  (thenewspaper.com) (107)
(The Sun) Strange Rodents of unusual size? Be damned, they DO exist (with pic)  (thesun.co.uk) (91)
(BBC) Followup Yemenis yump for yoy  (bbc.co.uk) (39)
(ABC News) Spiffy 9-year-old boy becomes the youngest solo hot-air balloonist in the time it takes you to get ready for the gym  (abcnews.go.com) (32)
(BBC) Scary Chain smoking can lead to problems with ash building up. More so if it's a chain of volcanoes  (bbc.co.uk) (16)
(Some Guy) Fail Garbage truck driver shocked, SHOCKED to discover his truck was a mobile incinerator  (5newsonline.com) (18)
(Some Guy) Hero Hot female combat fighter pilot who flew missions over Iraq and Afghanistan is tragically not single  (sundaymercury.net) (158)
(Some Guys) Photoshop Photoshop this hutong happening  (bigpicture.ru) (33)
(Chicago Tribune) Dumbass Protip: Don't show up drunk to your 6th DUI court appearance. Insane: Last DUI the BAC was .30  (chicagotribune.com) (45)
(CNN) Scary The scariest bouncy castle catastrophe you'll see all day  (cnn.com) (99)
(My Fox Orlando) Obvious British travel agency says average woman packs ten pairs of underwear for a one week trip. The average man packs three, including the two pair for emergency  (myfoxorlando.com) (117)
(Some Guy) Cool School names gym after guy who spent the most time on the court. The janitor  (newstrib.com) (32)
(Metro) Strange Female flasher escapes arrest because the police can't prove if she was aroused by it. So, good tip, if you're gonna flash ya junk be real nonchalant about it. With kinda Not safe for work pic  (metro.co.uk) (80)
(Beatcalls) Fail Coffee beans spilled on highway after truck overturns. Traffic grinds to a halt as tie-up causes latte problems  (beatcalls.com) (15)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida "I laugh when police officers get shot" and other fun things not to say when you get pulled over  (sun-sentinel.com) (102)
(Daily Record (UK)) Asinine Trump says that house near his new golf course is ugly, hires contractors to put fence and trees around it and then proceeds to send owner a bill for it  (dailyrecord.co.uk) (81)
(Toronto Star) Sad Alcoholics Anonymous kicks out atheists. "You need to believe in something higher than yourself. Our self got us drunk"  (thestar.com) (491)
(CBSSacramento.com) Fail School Application: "Has applicant received TB vaccine? [√ ]Yes [ ]No; Did applicant slide out of your vagina or get cut out with a knife? [ ]Vagina [ ]C-Section"  (sacramento.cbslocal.com) (173)
(AFP) Scary Great news: as the fire at a Russian military depot hits its third day, the number of explosions caused by shells cooking off is down to about 4-5 a minute instead of 40  (news.yahoo.com) (62)
(MSN) Photoshop Photoshop Swansea manager Brendan Rodgers and his happy team  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (18)

Sat June 04, 2011
(Some Guy) Sad High school class of 1936 celebrates its 75th anniversary. All four of them  (syracuse.com) (64)
(Yahoo) Silly No e-smoke, but some e-workplaces and e-localities are e-banning e-cigs anyway. Still no e-cure for -esticking e in front of e-everything  (news.yahoo.com) (289)
(Life.com) Sad 30 years ago today, the CDC recognized the first five cases of what would come to be known as AIDS. One harrowing, poignant, haunting photograph became the symbol of the plague. Brace yourself  (life.com) (555)
(Canada.com) Caturday Canadian PM Harper has a new cat and wants the internet to name it. Politics and Caturday, together at last (VE)  (canada.com) (196)
(Snooze on 6) Fail Man run over by own van as he pushes it downhill. You're doing it wrong -- and you sound flat  (newson6.com) (51)
(The Scotsman) Sick Beetle larva kebab? That'll be £1350, please  (news.scotsman.com) (47)
(Fox News) Cool Just to put a cap on its history, the shuttle Endeavor alerts a woman to car thieves as its final in-flight trick  (foxnews.com) (76)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Convicted hit-and-run driver gets two years house arrest at luxury condo  (sun-sentinel.com) (94)
(Sioux City Journal) Dumbass After receiving several calls of 'a dumb idea' in progress, police arrest a man for floating down the flooded Missouri River in a kiddie pool. Indeed, alcohol was a factor. Article includes a Kelsey Grammer lookalike mugshot  (siouxcityjournal.com) (74)
(Slate) Asinine "Pie is un-American," says obviously commie pinko America-hating "journalist" at Slate, may he drown in a pile of cherry pie filling  (slate.com) (215)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this plank  (i.imgur.com) (37)
(Yahoo) Amusing Lulz Security, hackers of PBS and Sony BMG, now targeting Gov. agency least equiped to defend themselves from cyberattack, the FBI  (news.yahoo.com) (117)
(Yahoo) Asinine France bans the words "Facebook" and "Twitter" from being uttered on TV and radio broadcasts. @Sarkozy: #thisisbullshiat  (news.yahoo.com) (175)
(BBC) Weird Japan holds 6th annual Super Cool Biz fashion show to encourage workers to ditch suits and dress down for summer, advises male salarymen to wear tight pedal pushers or carry a fan  (bbc.co.uk) (33)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida NOT NEWS: Gas stations near OIA are the highest-priced in the US. NEWS: Stations suing Orlando over new law requiring them to display prices on roadside signs. FARK: Owners claim "...we're practically a charitable organization"  (orlandosentinel.com) (182)
(Some Guy) Asinine Giving a new definition to the word "shameless" the parent company of KFC and Taco Bell is lobbying KY to allow food stamps to be used in their fine restuarants. You know, to help those poor people who have trouble cooking  (fox41.com) (462)
(Huffington Post) Obvious Who did Nazi the Smurfs in this light?  (huffingtonpost.com) (94)
(Wired) Strange We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and Internet access  (wired.com) (48)
(The Sun) Obvious Virgin air crew arrested for screwing passenger  (thesun.co.uk) (50)
(Connecticut Post) Dumbass Protip: If you're going to take the time to cut a hole in the wall of a store to steal beer, take more than a 12-pack  (ctpost.com) (17)
(Stuff) Dumbass Woman dies from drinking 10L of Coke a day. So naturally, her husband issues death threats to Coke staff  (stuff.co.nz) (238)
(Some Guy) Dumbass KY couple deny they hurt their baby by leaving him in a hot car while they went drinking in a strip club, but both complained about how hot the police car was on their ride to the station  (fox41.com) (80)
(Metro) Amusing Meanwhile in China, a zoo performs a tiger escape drill by chasing a man in a Tigger suit. Yes, there's a photo  (metro.co.uk) (63)
(Some Guy) Amusing Come for the home brewed brandy, stay for the "Happy Cemetery" (with a vaguely not safe for work tombstone, if you work in a very repressed office)  (horinca.blogspot.com) (21)
(Statesman) Fail 10-year-old boy learns that you can click it and still get a ticket. New Fark needs a Texas tag  (statesman.com) (213)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Tired to tears of toiling with untenable toll of taxing treatment to tread trash? Try transitioning toward tried and true technique touted to tender total take to towering top  (romenews-tribune.com) (30)
(Some Guy) Followup Hottie female teacher pleads guilty in sex scandal case. Oh yeah, there are pics  (fox41.com) (210)
(BBC) Amusing Pop Quiz hotshot. You're a hypnotist and have just put three people to sleep when you knock yourself out. What do you do?  (bbc.co.uk) (50)
(BBC) Followup What is sure to become a recurring event, possible successor to Osama Bin Laden killed. Better get used to it  (bbc.co.uk) (68)
(WFTV) Florida Middle school teacher suspended with pay so she can afford to keep buying gifts for her teenage boyfriends (with "yeah, you'd hit it" video)  (wftv.com) (36)
(BBC) Caturday Charlie the cat, missing for more than three months, is found 400 miles away from home just in time for Caturday  (bbc.co.uk) (lots)
(Some Guy) Florida After Bank of America wrongly tried to foreclose on their home, a couple takes two deputies and attempts to seize property from bank  (winknews.com) (144)
(Some Guy) Amusing Waving goodbye as your son boards the yellow bus each day is no way to go through life, dad. Your 10th grade son, and you in a costume. A different costume each and every day. With pics. Mermaid, really?  (ksl.com) (86)
(Washington Post) Scary Motorcycle cop injured after funeral for motorcycle cop killed taking part in funeral for motorcycle cop  (washingtonpost.com) (37)
(Some Cones) Photoshop Photoshop this soft serve selection  (pietmondriaan.com) (31)
(AZCentral) Obvious Diabetic woman is shocked after finding sugar in her coffee  (azcentral.com) (101)
(Fox News) Dumbass To raise money for her mortgage, Octomom to host combination bikini car wash and guess how many stretch marks contest  (foxnews.com) (91)
(The New York Times) Sad Little Leaguer killed when pitch hits chest. Boy's parents, boy, heartbroken  (nytimes.com) (191)
(BBC) Sick If you tore the heads off eighty-four pigeons, Police would like to know WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU  (bbc.co.uk) (71)
(Guardian.com) Amusing Krispy Kreme doughnuts become the UK's newest fast food sensation, with Brits doing the American thing and spending 2 hours in line to buy a bloody doughnut  (guardian.co.uk) (140)
(Chicago Tribune) Sappy Ugly ass baby dolphin born at Chicago aquarium. See, captive breeding DOES have a porpoise  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (19)
(Some Guy) Weird Ransom note for stolen Maine highway sign left at Stephen King's radio station  (bangordailynews.com) (32)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man being chased by cops attempts to eat meth. The real story here is the lack of photo manipulation skillz by the graphics department  (davenport.wqad.com) (119)

Fri June 03, 2011
(Some Kilted Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this hammer throw at the Highland Games  (bigpicture.ru) (33)
(Some Dog) Hero Let us salute one of history's great babysitters, the Pitbull. That's right tough guy: you've got a Nanny Dog  (ywgrossman.com) (324)
(ABC 4) Asinine Man pays $25 doctor bill with 2,500 pennies, gets a ticket from police for Disorderly Conduct. Wonder how he'll pay that fine?  (abc4.com) (104)
(Des Moines Register) Sick Elementary school principal accused of putting a camera in the boys' bathroom. You submitted this with a caught sayof  (desmoinesregister.com) (42)
(Ohio.com) Spiffy Ohio considers boosting alcohol limit of beer to 18 percent, thereby helping citizens cope with reality of living in Ohio  (ohio.com) (117)
(Daily Mail) Sad "I can see why the college decided to ban half-naked half-hour"  (dailymail.co.uk) (45)
(Richmond Times-Dispatch) Asinine Federal Reserve Bank flies a rainbow flag honoring gay rights below the American flag outside of the building. Of course someone has a problem with this  (www2.timesdispatch.com) (309)
(Albany Times Union) Dumbass Two police officers learn the hard way not to bring a horse to a fistfight  (timesunion.com) (67)
(Some Guy) Obvious In case you were wondering, the Middle-East is still in chaos  (yalibnan.com) (83)
(The New York Times) Interesting Oh, so that's why they call it "hump day"  (nytimes.com) (39)
(Some Guy) Scary Your car is worth half what you paid for it once you drive it off the lot. Less if the interior is covered in blood  (939mia.com) (57)
(CNN) Sad Headline: "$110 loan followed by 20 years of slavery". Surprisingly, this is not the GOP's 2011 revised budget   (thecnnfreedomproject.blogs.cnn.com) (123)
(cfnews13.com) Florida College buys PBS station. So... nothing but reruns of Monty Python's Flying Circus and Mystery Science Theater 3000?  (cfnews13.com) (161)
(The Morning Call) Scary Could a damaged extension cord start a porch fire? Frayed so  (mcall.com) (27)
(FARK) Cool Sure you clicked a lot of stories this week, but how many of them did you actually read? Really? Prove it  (fark.com) (38)
(Some Guy) Interesting Not news: Defense witness takes the stand in a murder trial. News: Prosecutor says that the defense witness is a "whore." Fark: Defense witness is a psychiatrist   (uppermichiganssource.com) (41)
(Boston Globe) Scary It was a wicked twistah: Tornado that ripped through Springfield, MA rated at EF-3 scale with 135mph winds  (boston.com) (89)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Fark: The Children's book. Difficulty:Each post counts as a page  (fark.com) (70)
(Dayton Daily News) Obvious You should always take a beer with you when you rob a bank, because even if a dye pack explodes and covers you with red dye, hey, at least you'll still have a beer to drink  (daytondailynews.com) (14)
(CNSNews) Misc EPA gives $1.29 million to China through "Methane Outreach Program." Why? Your gas is as good as mine  (cnsnews.com) (42)
(Some Guy) Asinine Forget teen drinking, a Chicago suburb wants to remind everyone of the dangers of balloons this graduation season  (triblocal.com) (44)
(Some Guy) Sad Jenna Jameson sued for faking it  (triblocal.com) (101)
(wgntv.com) Scary Two trains play chicken. Neither one gets out of the way  (wgntv.com) (48)
(AJC) Strange Q: How does a teen who went missing from the Atlanta airport end up living in the woods hours away a week later? A: he's Canadian  (ajc.com) (115)
(The Post and Courier) Weird Ever get so mad at your brother-in-law that you burned down your own house?  (postandcourier.com) (30)
(Yahoo) Asinine The latest target of right-wing outrage: Accountable Care Organizations- medical plans designed to help the 5% of Medicaid recipients who are responsible for 50% of its costs get better and cheaper care by better coordinating services  (news.yahoo.com) (98)
(ACLU.org) Dumbass ACLU launches month-long 40th anniversary campaign against Nixon's declaration of "War on Drugs". Tag is for idiots who think that we're winning  (aclu.org) (208)
(St. Petersburg Times) Followup Florida teacher that punched student in face won't be charged because the little farker had it coming  (tampabay.com) (340)
(JSOnline) Obvious "Noxious smell plagues south side homeless shelter"  (jsonline.com) (34)
(IndyStar) Dumbass Man with slim-to-no chance of ever living this one down calls police after kitten bites him  (indystar.com) (160)
(Politico) Stupid "Whenever we hear a call for XX miles per gallon by 2025, we repeat the mantra 'let the process work!'" The process would have left you bankrupt, toots  (politico.com) (359)
(Yahoo) Scary Good news: Conservation efforts have brought an endangered species back from the brink of extinction. Bad news: A species of giant, carnivorous, hermaphroditic snails  (news.yahoo.com) (76)
(AL.com) Silly New gun superstore features ammo displays, shooting range...and a deli  (blog.al.com) (171)
(Guardian.com) Followup Mocking the judge while at the same time asking for special considerations from him is no way to go through life, old man  (guardian.co.uk) (14)
(CBC) Unlikely "Somebody just can't come into your home and say you're unfit and take your baby away," according to woman living in cave  (cbc.ca) (88)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida ARF MOR CHIKIN  (orlandosentinel.com) (28)
(My Fox DC) Interesting To show our appreciation to you for keeping your bank account with us for nearly 100 years we want to give you this, uh, 2011 calendar and, ummmm, this foam thing with our logo on it, and, oh, this calendar...oh yeah, ummm, congratulations  (myfoxdc.com) (34)
(Gawker) Fail Jack Daniels just got even lamer  (gawker.com) (227)
(Yahoo) Weird Coming out of nowhere with a 5-0 record and a 2.33 ERA, Texas Rangers pitcher Alexi Ogando is baseball's feel good story of the year...if you look past the fact that he spent 5 years in jail for participating in a human slavery ring  (sports.yahoo.com) (79)
(MLive.com) Silly Students lock six chickens in social studies classroom. Survivor to begin teaching in September (Chicken prank trifecta in play)  (mobile.mlive.com) (14)
(Some Guy) Amusing West Point cadet standing too close to Patti LaBelle's luggage? That's: (a) a severe beating (b) a lawsuit (c) youtube video (d) all of the above  (610wiod.com) (295)
(Daily Mail) Scary The number of households in Britain where no one has ever had a job doubled between 1997 and 2010. Here in the US we call them People of Walmart  (dailymail.co.uk) (81)
(Reuters) Amusing Pants on the ground? No bus for you, not yours  (reuters.com) (71)
(Philly) Fail PA liquor control board really cares about its customers. No, really, why are you laughing? Stop laughing  (philly.com) (132)
(Kansas City) Amusing Missouri closes two beaches for high bacteria, roided-out protozoa  (kansascity.com) (12)
(Reuters) Silly Sextuplets born in Philly. Hehe, you said sex  (reuters.com) (37)
(The Sun) Followup Moon-shaped man pulling in votes to be the next top model with his own gravity field  (thesun.co.uk) (54)
(Politico) Spiffy The number of self-identified racists drops to 39%, the lowest number since November of 2009  (politico.com) (195)
(LA Times) Scary Iran expands electronic surveillance of its citizens with secret interpretations of misleadingly-named security law. Did I say Iran?  (latimes.com) (80)
(My Fox DC) Interesting Prison guards will let nothing get in between them and keeping the jail free from weapons - and yes, those Double Ds count as weapons so please remove the bra  (myfoxdc.com) (273)
(CNNGo) Hero Thailand calls for ban on obnoxious tattoos for tourists  (cnngo.com) (60)
(The New York Times) Scary Krugman predicts the coming double-dip recession he'll inevitably be blamed for by people who don't actually read his column  (nytimes.com) (209)
(NJ.com) Fail Thousands dead and one woman injured in graveyard by falling tombstone during 'extracurricular activities.'  (nj.com) (36)
(Yahoo) Hero If the sound of a soldier's clanging balls of steel is interrupting your bank robbery, don't threaten his kids  (news.yahoo.com) (101)
(Dayton Daily News) Fail Guy who thinks he's Danny Trejo goes to collect money, machete in hand. Reconsiders when he comes across someone who thinks he's Dick Cheney  (daytondailynews.com) (14)
(Yahoo) Scary Having a bad day? Well, at least a machine hasn't dragged you through a 5-inch wide hole  (uk.news.yahoo.com) (75)
(CNN) NewsFlash Dr. Dead  (news.blogs.cnn.com) (370)
(Philly) Obvious It goes without saying that you should always be wary of infected beavers  (philly.com) (19)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this static wave  (bigpicture.ru) (23)
(Reuters) Interesting Asshat judge sides with asshat student against asshat school over asshat prayers. Yeah, ten-gallon Texas asshats  (reuters.com) (237)
(Some Guy) Ironic Voced teachers "surgically" laid off in fields where occupations no longer exist. For example, computer repair and criminal justice, because everybody uses Linux and nobody breaks the law  (commercialappeal.com) (95)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Decide who was the horse groomer and who was the horse. Join the Friday Photo Fun at TSG Contest ends 6pm EST  (thesmokinggun.com) (9)
(Daily Mail) Caption Caption these King Penguins discussing whatever penguins discuss  (i.dailymail.co.uk) (72)
(Some Chicken Lover) Dumbass Cocky students arrested after being egged on into a senior prank involving rooster, expect to be henpecked by faculty  (wwnytv.com) (18)
(Telegraph) Cool MI6 hacks into al-Qaeda online magazine, replaces bomb-making instructions with Ellen DeGeneres' cupcake recipe. Report any suspicious pastries to your nearest bakery  (telegraph.co.uk) (129)
(Mirror.co.uk) Obvious A woman who stuffed stolen items up her skirt had trouble walking out of the store. The fact the items included a safe might explain a lot of why she couldn't walk  (mirror.co.uk) (29)
(CNN) Obvious Good news, everyone: Coffee helps prevent prostate cancer. Unfortunately, it also causes bowel cancer  (thechart.blogs.cnn.com) (63)
(Some Guy) Sad Retired couple uncover the hidden caveat of a bucket-list  (newsnet5.com) (45)
(Yahoo) Weird Bank issues motherfarking forclosure on motherfarking house full of motherfarking snakes  (finance.yahoo.com) (18)
(Wall Street Journal) Amusing "I Meh New York"  (blogs.wsj.com) (274)
(New York Daily News) Fail Terrorist hoisted by his own petard  (nydailynews.com) (114)
(CNNGo) Obvious It's official: Airlines are one step closer to becoming the NYC subway system  (cnngo.com) (52)
(Some Perfect Moment) Photoshop Photoshop this surreal landscape of Namibia's Dead Vlei  (pdnphotooftheday.com) (37)

Thu June 02, 2011
(USGS) Scary Aww jeez, not this shiat again  (earthquake.usgs.gov) (97)
(Nerve) Scary Not sleeping much? There goes your sex life. Or maybe that happened when you started Farking  (nerve.com) (28)
(AZCentral) Dumbass Man says he lit massive wildfires in Arizona as a duty to god. God what an asshole  (azcentral.com) (62)
(The New York Times) Interesting Company offers job with a year's supply of beer. With helpful pic of expected dress code  (bits.blogs.nytimes.com) (39)
(WLSAM) Asinine Blago wanted Senate seat so he could personally hunt down Bin Laden  (wlsam.com) (54)
(New York Magazine) Amusing NYC hipsters either angry or apathetic that they're about to lose their palindromic 11211 zip code  (nymag.com) (153)
(Yahoo) Hero In a move to be celebrated in bars everywhere, Customs Agents seize 1,900 karaoke machines  (news.yahoo.com) (60)
(Some Guy) Amusing Incident with crazy glue gets man stuck in jail  (commercialappeal.com) (24)
(Some SEC Reader) Asinine Sachs and Stanley just got the best Groupon deal ever. Shares for $.0001 each  (sec.gov) (76)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida In Florida it is illegal to feed homeless people  (orlandosentinel.com) (225)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Long Island teen killed after falling into Long Island  (wpix.com) (53)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida "I hereby request that these unconstitutional spying devices installed by the communist-led KGB proletariat in Gulf Breeze be removed"  (nwfdailynews.com) (77)
(Some Guy, Eh?) Cool It's an age-old rule, don't pick up hitchhikers. They could be serial killers, or worse yet, Bono  (edmontonjournal.com) (113)
(Mother Jones) Spiffy Meet the U.S. Navy's real seals (and dolphins)  (motherjones.com) (19)
(Hartford Courant) Unlikely At 492 stories, the turbines at this newly approved Connecticut wind farm will be the tallest structures ever built. Or the paper got it wrong. Either one  (courant.com) (108)
(CBC) Interesting Mutant blue delicious lobster caught in Nova Scotia  (cbc.ca) (99)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop theme: A new way to cook  (i.imgur.com) (19)
(Some Guy) Weird "Curators now are trying to figure out how to display a hot dog sign in a motorcycle museum"  (big1059.com) (16)
(Reno Gazette-Journal) News California court sentences Phillip Garrido to 431 years in prison for abducting, raping Jaycee Lee Dugard. Expected to be up for parole next week  (rgj.com) (135)
(Chicago Tribune) Interesting In Illinois, gays can't marry but can now get a separate license that will make them equal  (chicagotribune.com) (135)
(Some) Scary Alzheimer's damage may begin at a young age and could begin at a young age  (timesnews.net) (60)
(Some donor) Dumbass If you think an iPad 2 costs an arm and a leg, take heart; all it takes is a kidney  (hken.ibtimes.com) (31)
(USA Today) NewsFlash 3-10 people shot in Yuma  (usatoday.com) (194)
(The New York Times) Interesting Department of Education to for-profit colleges: if your students keep defaulting on student loans, we'll shut you down  (nytimes.com) (137)
(Chicago Tribune) Stupid Breast-feeding protest attendance sags, lacks support, and is mostly a bust  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (80)
(AJC) Sad Woman loses game of rock, paper, lawnmower against Georgia DOT  (ajc.com) (99)
(Some Guy) Sick The tiny soaps are free, but the body under the bed will cost you extra  (ksl.com) (46)
(Some Guy) Interesting Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder linked to smoking, substance abuse linked to attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder  (610wiod.com) (100)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man pleads guilty to defrauding government of $300k given to him for: (a) climate research (b) cancer research (c) drinking cups  (y100.com) (30)
(Daily Express) Silly Grumpy old man locks church bell ringers in the tower over the noise. He could have just used the the Number 14-St. Joseph-the-Somewhat- Divine-on-the-Hill ballistic missile  (express.co.uk) (52)
(wpix.com) Sad It's not the heat, it's the humidity... and the subway train  (wpix.com) (48)
(Daily Mail) Cool Oh God. The penguins have conquered South Georgia, Atlanta to be next  (dailymail.co.uk) (64)
(Washington Post) Interesting Should you use the Heimlich maneuver on drowning victims? In one corner, the inventor, Dr. Henry Heimlich. In the other corner, the entire international medical establishment  (washingtonpost.com) (79)
(FARK) Followup REMINDER: Toronto / Great Lakes Fark Party June 11 - Come have a brew with Drew (LGT last thread)  (fark.com) (35)
(Gizmodo) Amusing If ever there was a calling for the power of FARK: Make this man Britian's new sexy clothing model (with smashing sexy pic)  (gizmodo.com) (110)
(Houston Press) Spiffy Stocking an at-home bar doesn't have to be expensive: The five best cheap bottles of booze  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (269)
(KCCI) Silly Man says he was assaulted over a case of mistaken identity; strib club patrons believed that he and the stripper giving him a lap dance were really police informants  (kcci.com) (18)
(CNN) Stupid CNN explores whether we should all try to be like Mark Zuckerberg and only eat what we kill  (cnn.com) (119)
(Some Guy) Scary News: Man beaten by Phoenix cops, accused of assault and running away. Fark: Man is paralyzed with Polio  (courthousenews.com) (225)
(The Consumerist) Dumbass Online argument occuring over XBox Live results in one man tricking a SWAT team into storming the other man's home. Video game arguments are serious business  (consumerist.com) (69)
(Houston Chronicle) Weird Human heads in baggage lost by Southwest Airlines last year will now be cremated. Noggin, noggin, not gonna work here anymore, anyway  (blog.chron.com) (16)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Florida woman bites neighbor at child's drunken birthday bash. Perp was easily identified, "since the other folks that were present either had no teeth at all or only a few"  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) (26)
(Talking Points Memo) Dumbass Sovereign Citizen who refuses to pay taxes decides to send fake anthrax to the IRS instead   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (286)
(Cracked) Obvious 5 unhelpful people you meet in every hospital  (cracked.com) (137)
(WIVB) Silly Rugby teams face off in prom dresses  (wivb.com) (14)
(700 WLW) Amusing "The suspect is described as a white male, with bug eyes and buck teeth." With...creative artist rendering  (700wlw.com) (69)
(CNSNews) Obvious Fun fact of the day: The combined unfunded liability of Social Security and Medicare has reached nearly $107 trillion. That hot cocoa sampler box is going to be the best part of your retirement  (cnsnews.com) (94)
(Yahoo) Obvious Ratko Mladic's lawyer says accused war criminal "has" cancer, rather than "is a"  (news.yahoo.com) (55)
(People Magazine) Followup Ewww that smell. Can't you smell that smell?  (people.com) (149)
(Some Guy) Amusing Ohio's Republican Speaker of the House says his Twitter account was hacked with (a) naked pictures (b) bank records (c) support for Democrats (with LOLing picture of the Speaker)  (y100.com) (45)
(Marketwatch) Obvious "Quantitative Easing 2: Economic Boogaloo" was a bust  (marketwatch.com) (219)
(Some Guy) Hero Shep Smith: I didn't cover Sarah Palin's bus tour because it's not news  (businessinsider.com) (144)
(PNJ) Florida Out of crawfish? This calls for a shootin' rampage  (pnj.com) (40)
(Washington Post) Interesting D.C. homicide commander has waited 16 years for mysterious caller to call back. AT&T probably to blame  (washingtonpost.com) (33)
(ABC News) Hero This is the story of US soldiers who risked their lives, and violated military procedure, to take a live RPG round out of their comrade's body. Earth's axis shifted that day from the weight of their brass balls  (abcnews.go.com) (135)
(wtsp.com) Florida Alligators rescued in Phoenix loaded up on Southwest Airlines and flying to Florida. What could possibly go wrong?  (wtsp.com) (29)
(BBC) Scary Fifteen more killed in oiless Syria  (bbc.co.uk) (40)
(wtsp.com) Florida Today's Fark-ready headline: Fingerprint fiasco costs quadriplegic a job  (wtsp.com) (22)
(The Sun) Interesting Old man upset that a 27 year old lesbian model sends him "X-rated photos" of herself. Don't complain you lucky bastard, we're all jealous  (thesun.co.uk) (76)
(Some Guy That Was Left Behind) Dumbass Looks like the doomsday prophet profited after all  (wjactv.com) (66)
(The Consumerist) Fail Rugrats, Sponge-Bob, Bambi, porn. The Netflix algorithm needs some work  (consumerist.com) (57)
(Yahoo) Scary College senior prohibited from graduating because of comments he made on Facebook politely encouraging students to show up at a campus meeting and disagree with the school administration's policy  (news.yahoo.com) (55)
(Mother Nature Network) Stupid Cigarette labels are getting more morbid than ever. "The surgeon general hopes you drop dead tomorrow, you idiot"  (mnn.com) (57)
(Some Guy) Weird Monkey accused of witchcraft burned alive by South African mob. Wait, what?  (globalpost.com) (66)
(Fox 4 KC) Fail Independence Police kill elusive Missouri concrete alligator  (fox4kc.com) (41)
(My Fox DC) Interesting Downtown's only four-diamond accommodations that are close to the urine-stained sidewalks, cardboard boxes and sleeping bags that business and leisure travelers alike require during their stay  (myfoxdc.com) (13)
(Seattle Times) Interesting Three men all butthurt over being disqualified from the 2008 Gay Softball World Series. In other news there's a Gay World Series?  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (62)
(Des Moines Register) Amusing Newspaper writes story about state budget battle. No one cares, since they are all looking at the awesome stock "photo" attached to the article  (blogs.desmoinesregister.com) (24)
(Yahoo) Strange Italian authorities foil smuggler's attempt to send to North Korea a shipment of..tap shoes? really? WTF North Korea?  (news.yahoo.com) (28)
(MSNBC) Scary Deadly E. coli outbreak in Europe is from a new, mutant strain that probably originated in animals. Bird flu looks on in jealousy  (msnbc.msn.com) (13)
(Fox News) Followup Weiner asks security firm to take a hard look at his junk, er, hacked account. Article riddled with innuendo and a bonus uncut weiner video  (foxnews.com) (128)
(Fosters.com) Unlikely New Hampshire police arrest man from the 5th dimension. This is the dawning of the age of ridiculous. Let the dumb shine in  (fosters.com) (46)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: Cartoon characters on their day off  (cartoonnetwork.com) (41)
(Some Saudi Awabian) Amusing What's so funny about Akbar Zeb? I have a vewy gweat fwiend in Pakistan called Akbar Zeb  (sudanesethinker.com) (32)
(Huffington Post) Obvious Hey guys, the end of the world is actually coming on July 12, 2012. For just $10, you can receive the explanation as to how we got that date and what you can do to save yourself. I'll be over here in my mansion waiting  (huffingtonpost.com) (50)
(WPXI) Dumbass Someone was just a LITTLE too eager to get that money out of the ATM  (wpxi.com) (33)
(TC Palm) Florida Police say meat in man's shorts worth $11.13. His better half might dispute that, even if he did leave it on a roof in Florida  (blogs.tcpalm.com) (14)
(News.com.au) Dumbass Swedish tourist skateboards into one of Melbourne's busiest thoroughfares, the Burnley Tunnel. Sadly, he escapes with his life (with video footage)  (news.com.au) (30)
(PhysOrg.com) Interesting Worms from hell identified. Still nothing compared to your mom's crabs  (physorg.com) (37)
(WFTV) Florida Dumpster diving coach arrested for teaching teens how to cook what they find  (wftv.com) (14)
(USA Today) Sad Those days of coming home from a short vacation and finding the water-logged brick that was a phone book sitting on your porch may be about to vanish for good  (usatoday.com) (96)
(Radar Magazine) Fail So putting 12 embryos in a crazy woman who has six children and no visible means of support is bad? Who knew?  (radaronline.com) (96)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Protip: If you're an online sexual predator, and you're trying to hide your identity, you should probably call yourself something other than "The Delightful Deviant"  (orlandosentinel.com) (32)
(Bzzzzzzzzz) Amusing "Research says mosquitoes are more attracted to someone who is drinking beer, but scientists are not sure why"  (wtsp.com) (31)
(CBC) Fail Motorist asshole harasses other motorist asshole with hilari-ass results  (cbc.ca) (120)
(Mother Jones) Unlikely Osama bin Laden was denied entry in to heaven and lost his 72 virgins because he was killed by bullet coated with pig fat  (motherjones.com) (177)
(BBC) Unlikely China denies claims of hacking Gmail to spy on US officials, submitter's BIE folder  (bbc.co.uk) (115)
(Washington Post) Spiffy Schools starting to realize that one size fits all zero tolerance policies with lengthy suspensions and ousters for such mistakes as carrying toy guns or Advil to school need to be rethought  (washingtonpost.com) (83)
(Daily Mail) Sick Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their reenactment of the pony express, unless there's a herpes outbreak with the horses  (dailymail.co.uk) (11)
(NYPost) Sappy Cat rescued from tree in Brooklyn. The NY Post is there  (nypost.com) (23)
(MSNBC) Spiffy Sunday's Peruvian election expecting a voter turnout so heavy, major traffic problems are excepted in A) Lima, B) Arequipa, or C) Falls Church, Virgina  (msnbc.msn.com) (72)
(970 WFLA) Florida Judge blames "Irish Temper" for courtroom outbursts... What, you wanna fight about it?  (970wfla.com) (14)
(wtsp.com) Weird Convenience store clerk, 50, arrested for selling smokeless cigarettes to teen boys after they let him spank them  (wtsp.com) (21)
(OC Weekly) Spiffy For twenty-four hours, a group of teenagers sat inside a Denny's to take advantage of their All-You-Can-Eat Pancake Promotion. Hey, as long as they didn't leave it's fair game  (blogs.ocweekly.com) (107)
(My San Antonio) Amusing Old and busted: getting drunk at your sister's wedding. The new hotness: hitting your pregnant sister in the mouth with a wrench at her wedding  (mysanantonio.com) (35)
(BBC) Fail , the War on Drugs has  (bbc.co.uk) (261)
(WPXI) Dumbass When you're passed out in your own vomit and the police taze you five times then hit you with pepper spray, you might want to turn yourself in before they turn loose the dog  (wpxi.com) (45)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this dangerous descent  (classic-ru.org) (32)
(The Local (Germany)) Dumbass A German court rules that the phrase "kiss my arse" is insulting. Germany, I have only one thing to say about that, "FFFFFFUUUUUUU"  (thelocal.de) (53)
(Daily Mail) Cool Scoff all you want, but you better get ready for the second coming of Noah  (dailymail.co.uk) (141)
(BBC) Dumbass A Russian man buries himself alive so he would have good luck for the rest of his life. Well, that didn't take long  (bbc.co.uk) (43)
(Nola.com) Stupid Mom of the Year contestant leaves her toddler alone in a car with her dead friend while she passes out in a gas station bathroom  (nola.com) (68)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Protip: when you're wrapping an end of the school year gift for your child's teacher, first make sure there isn't a loaded gun in the box  (orlandosentinel.com) (26)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 317: "Urban Art" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (210)

Wed June 01, 2011
(Iowa City Press-Citizen) Fail New investigation reveals that 1 in 5 Iowans issued a gun permit have a criminal record. Yeah, that conceal-carry law was a GREAT idea  (press-citizen.com) (258)
(KMOV St. Louis) Cool Some eighth graders take a field trip to Hooters. And surprisingly no one has a problem with this  (kmov.com) (80)
(Daily Mail) Unlikely Scientists now claim that in prehistoric times women were the boss. Wilma and Betty nod in agreement  (dailymail.co.uk) (207)
(Some Guy) Silly Today's teacher / student sex scandal is sponsored by freckles  (midlandsconnect.com) (114)
(WLSAM) Dumbass Pro geo-caching tip: Don't leave any clues suspended by fishing line above a train track with commuter trains  (wlsam.com) (83)
(Yahoo) Amusing Best Korea rated among Happiest Place on Earth, and USA is ranked dead last. Guess who prepared the study? GUESS NOW COMRADE  (news.yahoo.com) (120)
(Some north shore rag) Dumbass Parents sue school when their precious snowflake is barred from graduation ceremony for printing porn from school computer. They should be proud he actually learned a useful life skill in school  (wilmette.patch.com) (65)
(Washington Post) Interesting We spent six years of research on why women have sex. We compiled 237 reasons. Duty sex. Revenge sex. Pity sex. Bored sex. Of the 237 reasons why women have sex, not one was looking at a man's genitals  (washingtonpost.com) (370)
(ABC News) Interesting Hey dumbass, that door won't open midflight, and five other myths of flying  (abcnews.go.com) (77)
(CNN) Scary Tornado hits Springfield, Massachusetts...wait, what?  (news.blogs.cnn.com) (169)
(Wikipedia) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Aliens among us  (en.wikipedia.org) (26)
(Some Guy) Spiffy The war against Christianity continues: Billboards have emerged across Sydney, Australia, carrying the slogan "Jesus: a prophet of Islam"  (christianpost.com) (284)
(io9) Strange What does it mean if you don't want to have sex? Here comes...er, is the science  (io9.com) (80)
(Baltimore Sun) Fail Fail: Lawyer charged with stealing textbook. TotalFail: From a judicial clerk. UltraFail: In a courtroom with security cameras. DivideByZeroFail: The book was "Understanding White Collar Crime"  (baltimoresun.com) (24)
(Some Guy) Cool 100 years ago Canada formed the world's first national park service. To celebrate, they sent a gaggle of musicians and filmmakers on a cross country tour. Stunning landscapes to the left, politely patriotic Canadians to the right  (nationalparksproject.ca) (79)
(CNN) Spiffy A look at what your casual college flings mean for you and Jesus. Don't worry, he still loves you, you slut  (religion.blogs.cnn.com) (60)
(Some Guy) Cool President Obama has declared June 2011 as "Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Pride Month". Fabulous  (whitehouse.gov) (281)
(KTLA) Dumbass Bend It Like Beckham  (ktla.com) (46)
(Washington Post) Hero My husband of five years has a painting of his nude ex-wife that he displays in our home. Am I wrong to feel disrespected?  (washingtonpost.com) (327)
(FARK) Scary Fark's redesign will go live at 5PM EST. Heads-up for those of you who missed the other warning threads and need a place to completely lose your mind  (fark.com) (lots)
(CTV) Fail You know, swimming in the river above Niagara Falls might not be a good decision  (ctv.ca) (94)
(AOL) Fail Americans too fat for good gas mileage  (autos.aol.com) (212)
(Palm Beach Post) Sick Not news: woman arrested for possession of marijuana. News: it was actually sage. Fark: prosecutor lied about testing it, and cannot be held accountable due to prosecutorial immunity  (palmbeachpost.com) (277)
(fox16.com) Strange Middle school yearbook features "Top 5 Worst People of All Time" list that includes Adolf Hitler, Osama bin Laden, Charles Manson, George W. Bush, and Dick Cheney. You may be surprised to know that some people are upset about this  (fox16.com) (218)
(Some Guy) Florida Gov: "Today I signed a bill that requires welfare recipients to be drug tested." ACLU: "Yeah, about that"  (big1059.com) (305)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Finally, something good coming from 3D scanners. The end of the muffin top  (dailymail.co.uk) (80)
(AL.com) Interesting Meet six year old James DeLano, the kid who is allergic to everything he eats  (blog.al.com) (149)
(Canoe) Hero Man t-bones car, gets out of his SUV, climbs on top of his SUV, strips naked, gets back into his SUV, takes off, hits tree, dies. Ta-da  (cnews.canoe.ca) (68)
(Some Guy) Sad SUV falls from sky, lands on bike path, killing jogger  (fox5sandiego.com) (82)
(Canoe) Unlikely Balloon boy's dad puts balloon boy's balloon up for auction, will donate the $1 million asking price to relief efforts in Japan. Balloon boy  (cnews.canoe.ca) (55)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass 10-year-old's snow-and-tell session blows her father's cover  (dailymail.co.uk) (25)
(BBC) Obvious Five great British things that Americans ruined. Surprisingly, all are correct but we're keeping #5 anyway  (blogs.bbcamerica.com) (287)
(Wall Street Journal) Obvious Using this interactive wage map, guess which areas are run by unions  (blogs.wsj.com) (289)
(Some Boob) Florida Protip: If you're a news anchor covering a murder trial, make sure your mic is off before you start talking about the suspect's boobs. With video  (wtsp.com) (78)
(Houston Chronicle) Dumbass Hey Cletus, how we gonna steal this propane tank? Just chain it to the truck and drag it - it oughta be good  (blog.chron.com) (36)
(USA Today) Fail Pope makes rare mention of life under Nazis. Which is one more comment than the Vatican made during all of WWII  (usatoday.com) (193)
(Yahoo) Sad If you want to commit a crime, do it on an Indian reservation, because unless prosecutors are literally willing to make a federal case out of it, you got scott-free  (news.yahoo.com) (111)
(CTNow) Obvious Metro North to bill driver of car struck by train ... Reason given by spokesman: The train was where it was supposed to be and the car was not  (ctnow.com) (91)
(UPI) Fail Man falls down embankment while urinating -- a clear case of piss-poor balance  (upi.com) (18)
(Washington Post) Ironic Headquarters of Federal Energy Regulatory Commission taken down by electrical power outage  (washingtonpost.com) (20)
(USA Today) Dumbass When your statistics fail, leverage the scare angle: Babies born to women are most likely to be autistic  (yourlife.usatoday.com) (78)
(WDTN) Strange Ohio man shoots wife while high on bath salts. In other news, you can get high on bath salts  (wdtn.com) (126)
(Mother Nature Network) Cool The statue of King Tut's grandfather revealed. He retired in Arizona, got a condo made of stone-a  (mnn.com) (28)
(Phyllomedusa Sauvagei) Photoshop Photoshop these waxy monkey tree frogs  (s.wsj.net) (16)
(Globe and Mail) Obvious Quebec daycare workers banned from telling fairy tales to children  (theglobeandmail.com) (146)
(Houston Chronicle) Sad Houston cop killed by illegal immigrant. Suspect currently awaiting trial, White House invitation  (chron.com) (240)
(Some Guy) Florida Cops confiscate the Jokermobile. Not sure if serious  (wmbb.com) (64)
(WPXI) Fail When the driver of a Toyota Prius boxes you up against a concrete barrier, rolls down his window, and beats you with a pipe... You might not be the intimidating biker badass you think you are  (wpxi.com) (389)
(Yahoo) Interesting Due to popular demand, NATO extends Libyan adventure another 90 days. So, all you have to do now Khaddafi is last another 90 days to join former winners of The Running Man  (news.yahoo.com) (81)
(USA Today) Spiffy Apple announces iCloud service. It's just like other cloud services, but each cloud is lined with 25 percent more silver  (usatoday.com) (176)
(Yahoo) Obvious Casino gambling about to add new jobs, a sense of ethics to Chicago  (news.yahoo.com) (35)
(MaineToday.com) Obvious U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder will testify on crack. Which isn't too bad because the judge is expected to be drunk  (onlinesentinel.com) (24)
(MSNBC) Scary Do you live in Honolulu, San Diego, or New York City? Congrats, you're in one of the "Top Three Most Overdue For A Hurricane" cities in America  (msnbc.msn.com) (155)
(Washington Post) Scary IAEA says that Japan "underestimated" tsunami threat to nuclear reactors. No worries, though, every other nuclear reactor is totally disaster-safe and prepared to face any possible emergency  (washingtonpost.com) (69)
(SLTrib) Amusing "Nude man, swearing about bears, arrested in Millcreek Canyon." His friend, Bittle, was found in a car "spaced out and acting like a five-year-old." Yes, shrooms were involved  (sltrib.com) (33)
(Some Guy) PSA Hurricane season is officially underway. Be sure to stock up on gas, beer, ham hocks, gunpowder & guitar strings. Link goes to a Farker's no-frills hurricane-info page  (tropicwx.com) (76)
(Some Love Pump) Spiffy Spinal Tap Fans Start Movement to Make 11/11/11 "Nigel Tufnel Day" Worldwide, national anthem to be played in D minor. Which is really, the saddest of all keys  (nashvillescene.com) (88)
(Daily Mail) Florida Surgeon forgets the first rule of medical school: don't transplant crazy person organs into your patient  (dailymail.co.uk) (54)
(Fox News) Stupid A yearbook picture where cheerleaders show some leg? STOP THE PRESSES. No, literally, stop them  (foxnews.com) (464)
(The New York Times) Weird Nastiest volunteer gig ever? Prospect Park cleanup crew, Brooklyn. The three operative words here? 600 used condoms (and one gold lamé thong)  (cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com) (36)
(The Consumerist) Scary Proof that those skin care kiosk workers in the malls are, in fact, the devil  (consumerist.com) (139)
(WMTW.com) Spiffy 'Walmart Of Weed' to open in Arizona. Always higher vices  (wmtw.com) (35)
(USA Today) Asinine Look, college grads. Don't worry that you have $35,000 in debt and can't find a job. Instead, be happy that you had the opportunity to learn. Be happy that you fulfilled your humanity  (usatoday.com) (233)
(Yahoo) Silly Tasmanian Senator meows at Malaysian-born and first openly gay cabinet member. Even the government has embraced "Australia, the Florida of Continents"  (news.yahoo.com) (14)
(Chicago Tribune) Stupid With ƃuıɥʇou better to do, oƃɐɔıɥƆ suburb regulates ƃuıdɯnɾ up and uʍop  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (35)
(AOL) Asinine Two F-16s scrambled as United Airlines flight is forced into emergency landing ... after passengers get into fight over reclined seat  (news.travel.aol.com) (242)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Stabbing yourself with a shard of glass probably really hurts, and it still won't get you out of child support payments  (tampabay.com) (12)
(Yahoo) Interesting Greenland cold snap linked to Viking disappearance. A confused Brett Favre seen offering assistance  (news.yahoo.com) (70)
(Post-Gazette) Strange Ahhhh Aaaaaahhhhhhhhh AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH  (postgazette.com) (42)
(UPI) Dumbass Obama condom merchant finally penile-ized  (upi.com) (33)
(Chicago Tribune) Cool The coolest photo of a blackbird riding on a bald eagle's back you'll see all... well probably ever  (newsblogs.chicagotribune.com) (78)
(Spiegel) Followup 15 people succucumbered to Spanish Veggie Flu in Germany so far  (spiegel.de) (45)
(WWSB ABC 7) Florida Man arrested for dancing down street, listening to his iPod while naked, claiming he "wanted to feel free." Surprisingly, alcohol was involved, instead of blotter acid  (mysuncoast.com) (23)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida The chances of something like this happening were medium-rare  (orlandosentinel.com) (25)
(Some Art) Photoshop Photoshop these I-beams and balls  (s.wsj.net) (15)
(Huffington Post) Spiffy Shhh. Don't tell anyone, but the federal tax rate is the lowest it's been in 60 years  (huffingtonpost.com) (214)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Sad Duck, duck, LIMO  (suntimes.com) (72)

Tue May 31, 2011
(SFGate) Dumbass Man picks up 3 DUIs in 3 days in 3 different cities  (sfgate.com) (96)
(CNN) Scary College girl survives Joplin tornado. FARK: She's also a Tuscaloosa tornado survivor  (news.blogs.cnn.com) (76)
(Some Guy) Obvious Berkeley students finally getting tired of all the damned hippies ruining their town  (berkeleyside.com) (187)
(Mother Nature Network) Obvious Study says high school athletes are less likely to smoke cigarettes or marijuana, but more likely to drink alcohol. This is not a repeat from 2001, 1991, 1981, 1971, 1961, 1951, 1941, 1931, or 1921  (mnn.com) (53)
(io9) Interesting A look into the mindset of speed daters. Here comes the pseudo-science  (io9.com) (82)
(UPI) Strange Female drunk drivers are older, alone, and better educated. I believe the "older" and "alone" parts, but I'm not buying the "better educated" part  (upi.com) (83)
(Some Park) Photoshop Photoshop this acrobatic action  (s.wsj.net) (25)
(Some Guy) Amusing If you've ever had a hard time pronouncing your favorite scotch when ordering, check out this video guide. Subby usually sticks to "blue on the rocks with a twist"  (esquire.com) (197)
(Mother Nature Network) Sad Reason #239 to weep for America: The Apple Store is the most photographed attraction in New York City  (mnn.com) (150)
(FARK) FarkBlog A quick note on the redesign, and some of Fark's favorite headlines from 5/22 - 5/28  (fark.com) (199)
(MSNBC) Interesting Health care executives are OUTRAGED that they may be held responsible for fraud committed by the companies they are paid tens of millions of dollars to be responsible for  (msnbc.msn.com) (146)
(The Wine Country Mafia) Fail The Sonoma County Way: You whack our elm tree grove, we force you to sell us eight acres of redwoods and we clear-cut em before the check even clears  (pressdemocrat.com) (119)
(YouTube) Amusing In Lithuania, you win swim race with inflatable doll, dah?  (youtube.com) (33)
(NPR) Interesting Why Osama bin Laden was a better boss than the guy you work for  (npr.org) (126)
(Ohio.com) Stupid Not News: Man destroys security camera to break in to apartment. Fark: It was his apartment, he was just locked out  (ohio.com) (29)
(Some Guy) Stupid New research shows young drivers speed and use cellphones behind the wheel because: (c) they're sad  (610wiod.com) (33)
(The Raw Story) Asinine Former Michelle Bachmann campaign manager arrested for freedom punching his wife  (rawstory.com) (113)
(Bangor Daily News) Amusing Bangor's Home Depot has a duck. E-I-E-I-O  (bangordailynews.com) (63)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Cool Producers of Takeshi's Castle and Most Extreme Elimination Challenge finally get their day in court against ABC's ripoff Wipeout  (hollywoodreporter.com) (238)
(CNN) Sick Egyptian general admits asking protestors if they play World of Warcraft  (cnn.com) (157)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida "If you're a taxpaying member of society, you're fighting in court now for one depressed widow's right to live with a Chihuahua"  (sun-sentinel.com) (145)
(Scientific American) Stupid New study suggests market trends can be predicted based on the country's collective mood on twitter. If you buy based on twits, you are a fu  (scientificamerican.com) (61)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Just because TSG can't get the weekly Mug Shot Roundup out on Friday doesn't mean Fark should prevent the photoshop fun (hot chicks, tranny, old people...)  (rss.thesmokinggun.com) (95)
(Huffington Post) Silly Jay Leno may have stolen a joke from Fox News, but it may be hard to prove because neither of them has been funny for years  (huffingtonpost.com) (91)
(FARK) Advice Tfer wrote a scathing letter to the local KFC because of the chaos every sunday thanks to their sunday bucket deal. The manager offered me a gig dressing as the Colenoel and managing the line. Would this impact my unemployment?  (fark.com) (338)
(Scientific American) Interesting So if science is a religion, and religion makes your brain shrink, then science makes you dumb?  (scientificamerican.com) (604)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Stupid Idiot reporter writes story about how local guy in CIA helped track down bin Laden. Forgets to put the guys address in article, so now terrorists will have to look it up before going over to whack the guy and his family  (startribune.com) (36)
(Monsters and Critics) Followup Man whose penis was cut off by the woman he tried to rape still has enough balls to flee the hospital, apparently in hopes of evading arrest  (monstersandcritics.com) (63)
(WIS 10) Scary Bad: 87-year-old woman goes missing. Good: she's later found alive. Scary: face-down in fire ant mound, covered in thousands of bites  (wistv.com) (59)
(Chicago Tribune) Dumbass Hotel maid sexually assaulted by banking executive in New York. This is not a repeat from earlier this month  (chicagobreakingbusiness.com) (71)
(Fox News) Scary The Pentagon has decided that it can respond to hacker attacks using full military force. Hold on, there's a helicopter outsi  (foxnews.com) (108)
(Daily Mail) Followup Judge says flash mob dancing not free speech at Jefferson Memorial, yet to rule on body-slam wrestling moves by guards  (dailymail.co.uk) (357)
(Fox News) Dumbass "If my child is unvaccinated and all these other children are vaccinated, how does my child pose any threat? This is my child and it's a right I should have"  (foxnews.com) (515)
(CBS News) Scary ˙uʍop-ǝpısdn oƃ snq ǝɥʇ uo sʃǝǝɥʍ ǝɥ⊥  (cbsnews.com) (26)
(AFP) Scary Not news: Taiwanese and Philippine health officials issue warning over sports drink News: That users will likely heed for once. Fark: because drinking the stuff will make your balls shrink  (news.yahoo.com) (18)
(Toronto Sun) Dumbass They were the easiest to diagnose  (torontosun.com) (11)
(Yahoo) Cool Jerusalem is just as fascinating underground as above  (news.yahoo.com) (72)
(EITB) Weird Norwegian ecology group 'Fark' for Forest sells explicit videos and photos of themselves having sex outdoors in an bid to show how important trees are, particularly in providing shade for those more sensitive areas  (eitb.com) (51)
(Some Guy) Asinine Iranian Ayatollah: "Hey when attacking Israel, little children are legitimate targets, just kill the bastards"  (rightsidenews.com) (170)
(The Sun) Stupid Liberals now banning finger pointing by seven-year-old boys because it's a threat to us all  (thesun.co.uk) (80)
(NESN.com) Interesting What Is the Worst American Sports Scandal of All Time? Enduring Larry Bird in the NBA's short shorts conspicuously absent  (nesn.com) (106)
(The Sun) Followup Man admits leaving stuffed tiger in field after his border collie got tired of trying to herd it  (thesun.co.uk) (50)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Today's "How Not To Start A Campfire" lesson comes to us from Lesser Carolina  (wyff4.com) (51)
(NPR) Hero You're a teacher with a classroom of little kids when a gunfight breaks out. What do you do? Sing a song to keep them calm, of course. (Audio)  (npr.org) (69)
(New York Daily News) Silly Woman arrested after re-enacting the "bring out yer dead" skit from Monty Python's Holy Grail  (nydailynews.com) (24)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop these beer-drinking superheroes  (online.wsj.com) (12)
(STV.tv) Dumbass Schoolgirls told to dress frumpy after authorities link short skirts and tight clothes with pedophiles  (news.stv.tv) (212)
(Yahoo) Asinine The only teeny-tiny flaw in Sarah Palin's cunning plan to avoid the media on her bus tour by having no formally scheduled stops is that it also makes it really hard for her supporters to know when/where to show up  (news.yahoo.com) (268)
(BBC) Ironic In warning NATO not to strike any more houses, Afghan President Karzai may have revealed a bit too much in the pic  (bbc.co.uk) (96)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Second annual redneck games at the Horse Hole mud bog include favorites such as tire change competition, blindfolded tent pitching, a sexy mechanical bull, and the engine rev stabbing competition  (tampabay.com) (24)
(The Local (Sweden)) Misc Explosions rock three IKEA stores throughout Europe. No word on how the attackers managed to successfully assemble the bombs without instruction manuals  (thelocal.se) (61)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass British mom smokes 3500 cigarettes during pregnancy, claims that by cutting off her unborn child's oxygen supply, she made her heart work harder, making her healthier in the long run. That's some dandy Florida-style logic there, lady  (dailymail.co.uk) (109)
(SmartMoney) Interesting Your credit card company has your best interests in mind, which is why it won't let you buy medical marijuana, online porn or casino chips. You're welcome  (smartmoney.com) (81)
(PhysOrg.com) Scary Nearly one in ten toys coming out of China unsafe. What's worse, 11 out of 10 of them may contain lead  (physorg.com) (37)
(The Raw Story) Scary The Department of Homeland Security has begun testing "malcontent detection" technology at an undiclosed location in the northeast. No doubt the precogs have already seen this  (rawstory.com) (120)
(Guardian.com) Interesting New drug arrives on the scene to mixed reviews, ranging from "not bad, slight gasoline aftertaste" to "OH MY GOD THE SNAKES ARE COMING FOR ME"  (guardian.co.uk) (157)
(BBC) Scary The number of revolutions will double by 2030  (bbc.co.uk) (196)
(CNN) Interesting It takes the Westboro Baptist Church to make the KKK seem like fine, upstanding citizens  (cnn.com) (252)
(Waterloo Courier) Sappy There are certain things you want to experience with your grandfather. Normally, though, getting your GED at the same time he is isn't one of them  (wcfcourier.com) (30)
(PhysOrg.com) Spiffy Archaeologists find sealed tunnel underneath Teotihuacan temple, and like complete idiots decide to open it and release whatever unspeakable horror resides within  (physorg.com) (131)
(Yahoo) Hero Man celebrates 85 year anniversary of living with Diabetes, not only breaking the record for Americans living with the disease, but also celebrating with a huge chocolate cake  (news.yahoo.com) (77)
(Some Guy) Scary A Brazilian man's dentures stop a bullet from reaching his brain. That's a one in a brazilian shot  (whec.com) (25)
(AFP) Sad Congratulations, you've kept AIDS at bay for decades. As a reward, please enjoy early-onset Alzheimer's, heart disease and cancer  (news.yahoo.com) (100)
(MSN) Photoshop Photoshop these Indian inmates and their bagpipes  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (20)
(Japan Probe) Spiffy Signage cat is watching you perambulate  (japanprobe.com) (63)

Mon May 30, 2011
(WFTV) Florida 400+ Cocoa Beach visitors encounter jellyfish stings instead of marshmallows  (wftv.com) (71)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida I guess the Casino *puts on sunglasses* lost the bet. YEAHHHHHHHHHHH  (sun-sentinel.com) (44)
(Lifehacker) PSA Wall-mounted paint cans make better coat hooks than actual coat hooks. THE FUTURE IS *HERE*  (lifehacker.com) (169)
(KHOU Houston) Scary Ain't no party like a Houston party 'cause a Houston party don't stop until someone shows off his gun and accidentally kills one of the guests  (khou.com) (99)
(WLSAM) Fail Feds on the lookout for 'fake war vets'. In other news, especially on Memorial Day some asshat would pretend he is a war vet  (wlsam.com) (292)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this silliness in swirling sand  (online.wsj.com) (24)
(UPI) Sad Wild Turkey tourist dies from alcohol poisoning  (upi.com) (54)
(Boston Channel) Fail Not News: Man injured in snowmobile crash FARK: While attending a Memorial day cookout  (thebostonchannel.com) (32)
(NYPost) Sad The law of averages finally catches up to Huck Finn  (nypost.com) (52)
(Toronto Star) Weird I have had it with these mother pho'king snakes on this mother pho'king train  (thestar.com) (40)
(CNN) PSA Dear worst generation of "parents" ever: Human beings were designed to drink water, not energy drinks. So, don't give them to your 10-year-old. Okay? Next week we'll discuss the dangers of letting toddlers drive cars  (thechart.blogs.cnn.com) (155)
(apan Today) Amusing "Tokyo men have made a name for themselves as the world's most lavish metrosexuals. They collect vintage designer duds, groom themselves immaculately and preen like 21st century peacocks"  (japantoday.com) (124)
(News.com.au) Hero Jack Russell terrier gets trapped under 45 metric tons of rock. His owner ain't having it  (news.com.au) (130)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Walmart employee had a wheelie bad idea  (orlandosentinel.com) (43)
(TC Palm) Florida Four stars  (tcpalm.com) (44)
(Detroit News) Scary 3 serujni ,3 sllik tnedicca yaw-gnorW  (detnews.com) (50)
(News.com.au) Dumbass Old and busted men have new hotness delusion syndrome  (news.com.au) (370)
(WIVB) Scary I like my coffee like I like my K-Mart parking lots: COVERED IN BEES  (wivb.com) (125)
(Some Guy) Silly Meanwhile, in England: cheese rolling  (swns.com) (54)
(Some Guy) Cool Photo collection of modern North Korea, or 1960s anywhere else  (businessinsider.com) (442)
(The Local (Sweden)) PSA Guess who was right about vaccinations. Go ahead, guess  (thelocal.se) (468)
(Some Guy) Strange When doing laundry, remember: hot water for light colors, cold water for dark colors, and avoid the naked guy in your laundry room  (www2.nbc4i.com) (30)
(LA Times) Strange He calls it Phonehenge West, a work of utility pole art. Authorities call it many things, including criminal possession of a wind turbine  (latimes.com) (68)
(Some Cringing Guy) Hero Woman gives police valuable evidence in their search for the man who attempted to rape her - his severed penis  (arabtimesonline.com) (151)
(Reason Magazine) Obvious New survey suggests owning a house in U.S. is dumb  (reason.com) (242)
(Canoe) Unlikely Canadian political candidate says that he had his Blackberry in his pocket that must have engaged camera mode when he was being jostled in a crowd. And THAT's how he accidentally tweeted a picture of his penis to the world  (cnews.canoe.ca) (95)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Life isn't fair  (i.imgur.com) (20)
(Huffington Post) Amusing Group angry about Frontline coverage of Bradley Manning hacks PBS, posts fake story about Tupac living in hiding in New Zealand, tweets info on PBS staffers, the network itself, and passwords for individual station access. For the LULZ  (huffingtonpost.com) (89)
(Quad City Times) Cool Illinois governor may sign bill allowing motorcyclists to legally run red lights  (qctimes.com) (156)
(The Sun) Stupid Woman spends £2,500 on a Rolex....for her dog. The Sun dial is there  (thesun.co.uk) (35)
(Some Guy) Interesting Barcelona has such a problem keeping people clothed, they're actually levying fines against their citizens who insist on doing everything naked. Nobody expects the Spanish Inhibition  (inewsone.com) (39)
(Miami Herald) Florida I'm going to South Beach for the Memorial Day holiday. Sunscreen: check. Bathing suit: check. AK-47 with 50 round mag: check  (miamiherald.com) (49)
(CNN) Stupid Germany to close nuclear plants for fears of tsunamis, Simpsons reruns  (cnn.com) (109)
(Some Guy) Strange Nude sprinter in traffic shocks motorists, who express appalled outrage that anybody was able to navigate traffic at faster than three miles per hour  (life.globaltimes.cn) (16)
(wtsp.com) Florida Mother of the year beats kid for eating her pot. With mugshot goodness  (wtsp.com) (48)
(Ghost Theory) Strange Video captures "UFO squadron" over Oakland. The group was disorganized and apparently harmless, leading UFO researchers to believe that Al Davis was in charge of it  (ghosttheory.com) (50)
(China Daily) Scary Don't eat snacks in bed, or you'll end up with FREAKIN' ANTS LIVING IN YOUR FREAKIN' EARS  (chinadaily.com.cn) (80)
(Wikipedia) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: Rejected ideas for new reality TV shows  (en.wikipedia.org) (35)
(NYPost) Florida If your girlfriend tells you that you're too drunk to drive, you're probably also too drunk to jump from a moving vehicle and survive  (nypost.com) (28)
(CNN) Interesting It's spring -- time for picking through garage sales, finding long-lost pictures of Marilyn Monroe and Jayne Mansfield  (edition.cnn.com) (49)
(News.com.au) Spiffy Man stranded in Louisiana swamp survives four days by eating plant stems washed down with a urine chaser. Surprisingly, no yellow fever  (news.com.au) (73)
(Some Guy) Cool Rob me once, shame on you. Rob me twice. . . IT'S GAME ON, MOTHERFARKER *BANG*  (charlotteobserver.com) (281)
(Daily Mail) Asinine WW2 reenactment might be cancled because some people are offended that some of the actors wear Nazi uniforms. Who do these people think fought in the war?  (dailymail.co.uk) (310)

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