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Sun June 12, 2011
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Free Press) Interesting The Archbishop of Detroit is unhappy with priests who attended a Liberal conference, along with the fact that he was assigned to Detroit  (freep.com) (74)
(The Times of India) Scary Many pink flamingos die of electrocution daily. Divine intervention not a factor  (timesofindia.indiatimes.com) (31)
(Some Guy) NewsFlash Miami overrun by Cuban  (cbssports.com) (585)
(Discovery) Photoshop Photoshop this healthy circle  (news.discovery.com) (25)
(Houston Chronicle) Unlikely White and prosperous Mormon claims Mormons aren't as white and prosperous as we think  (blog.chron.com) (162)
(AL.com) Stupid Alabama man wants to reclaim the 40 beer kegs stolen from his small brewery after he tracks down thieves and presents their driver's licenses, tags and addresses to police. Police response, *crickets*  (blog.al.com) (271)
(New York Daily News) Fail Tour bus company forced to suspend operations as people were found travelling in the luggage compartment. Difficulty: they paid for tickets that would let them ride there. And it's not the first time  (nydailynews.com) (43)
(Some Guy) Sad FCC report concerned about the decline of local investigative journalism and lack of community news stories. Ric Romero facepalms  (tigerbeatdown.com) (70)
(New York Daily News) Strange Biker pulled over by NYPD for sexy outfit: 'I thought he was joking'. Bonus: Leggy Dutch Broad pic  (nydailynews.com) (230)
(Dayton Daily News) Scary Report: In a pinch, half of U.S. families would not be able to come up with $2,000 within 30 days. Subby retreats to his gated community to wait out the coming revolution  (daytondailynews.com) (405)
(Some Fun Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this devil's tooth fungus  (4.bp.blogspot.com) (30)
(Some Guy) Interesting Pippa single. Line-up begins to the right  (thestar.blogs.com) (99)
(myfoxphoenix.com) PSA The TSA would like to remind you that a 6-inch plastic toy hammer is a weapon of terror, a baseball however, is not  (myfoxphoenix.com) (111)
(NYPost) Spiffy First post-shooting photos of Rep. Gabrielle Giffords released. Very nice, but Emma Watson did it better  (nypost.com) (214)
(The New York Times) Interesting The US is underwriting all sorts of 'shadow internets' across the globe to foster free speech and democracy. Very cool. But does this also mean Voice of America now provides porn?  (nytimes.com) (56)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Gator meat a novelty, but not a staple, say local buyers. Unlikely tag tastes like chicken  (nwfdailynews.com) (66)
(WLKY) Unlikely Man without limbs declares intent to swim across bay. Buoy, that's something  (wlky.com) (48)
(Stuff) Interesting Pacific's biggest naval battle since 1945 now looming between Fiji and Tonga  (stuff.co.nz) (83)
(CNN) Scary The only thing more disturbing than the Casey Anthony trial are the people who go to watch it  (cnn.com) (71)
(Columbia Missourian) Stupid You get an unexpected package left at your door with an Arabic recipient. Do you: (c) pick it up, drive it downtown, plop it on the counter of the police dept. to report it?  (columbiamissourian.com) (93)
(Yahoo) Spiffy Ugly ass babboon orphan adopts ugly ass bush baby..With OMG THATS CUTE pics  (news.yahoo.com) (19)
(Patriot Ledger) Spiffy Newly elected politician under investigation for sex in House chamber late at night, expected to plead "Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?"  (patriotledger.com) (214)
(Telegraph) Hero You want to know what a real hero is? A real hero is a 79-year-old bloke who can still get two women to fight over the right to sleep with him, and don't you forget it  (telegraph.co.uk) (60)
(Time) Asinine Old and predictable: Bull fighting. New and unpredictable: Lion fighting  (newsfeed.time.com) (70)
(The New York Times) Sad America can't even kick ass in the bubblegum department any more  (nytimes.com) (31)
(Lohud.com) Spiffy A week after his crash, 77-year-old pilot is ready to SWEET SATAN ON A STUMP WHAT THE HELL IS ENGULFING HIS ARM?  (lohud.com) (82)
(Mother Nature Network) Spiffy Save a cow, eat a dress. Yes, please  (mnn.com) (46)
(Inside Bay Area) Obvious God smites doomsday prophet Harold Camping with a stroke  (insidebayarea.com) (235)
(AL.com) Asinine After visiting the bare cement slab that used to be their home, FEMA inspector rejects family's tornado damage grant application for "insufficient damage"  (blog.al.com) (140)
(The New York Times) Interesting "Good with kids, good with horses, good with cats. A perfect lady in the home." But no sex  (nytimes.com) (80)
(The New York Times) PSA "Did you try that mango colonic I recommended?"  (nytimes.com) (37)
(Neatorama) Weird Bronies: Adult men who like to watch My Little Pony (w/pic of a Brony). What the Weird tag was invented for  (neatorama.com) (466)
(USA Today) Spiffy If this law passes you will no longer have to dress up in that tube top, and spandex to buy your lottery ticket. This is a good thing  (usatoday.com) (44)
(Some Guy) Amusing Nudist to school: Please replace the trees that prevented the kids seeing me naked at home. School: No. Nudist: Kids, have a picture, it will last longer. Bonus: Hot female nudist  (adelaidenow.com.au) (122)
(AZCentral) Sad Much like Nicolas Cage before it, the 430,000 acre Wallow fire is doing its best to raze Arizona  (azcentral.com) (51)
(Omaha World Herald) Sappy Ugly-ass twin gibbons born in captivity. Awww-worthy family pic included  (omaha.com) (12)
(AZCentral) Ironic Attention, all desert hipsters: Tempe restaurant to host PBR-Pancake eating contest. "The beer gives the pancakes a pleasant cornmeal texture and a yeasty sourdough taste"  (azcentral.com) (50)
(Cracked) Fail The six most useless weapons built. Come for the tank built from a postcard, stay for for the faith-shaped bullets  (cracked.com) (106)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop these many melons  (inapcache.boston.com) (15)
(Chicago Tribune) Dumbass Man arrested in robbery that nets him a penny less than a dollar. Poor guy, he should have had more cents  (chicagotribune.com) (13)
(MSNBC) Florida "4 injured in dessert fire at Florida restaurant"  (msnbc.msn.com) (64)

Sat June 11, 2011
(Some Wicked Women) Florida When you ax your estranged wife to stop picking at you, make sure she understands the order of your words  (ocala.com) (56)
(Abc.net.au) Scary New lethal activity in Australia - drinking the water  (abc.net.au) (36)
(Daily Record (UK)) Stupid Amputee commits B&E, but half set of footprints leaves his record muddy  (dailyrecord.co.uk) (21)
(NYPost) Spiffy New York City is letting a food truck sell hard liquor in the middle of Central Park. What could possibly go wrong?  (nypost.com) (46)
(NYPost) Sad NY Court says lapdances are taxable. Elliot Spitzer says this never would have happened if he was still Governor  (nypost.com) (35)
(PhysOrg.com) Sappy A bunch of ugly-ass baby cheetahs born at Smithsonian Zoo. It ain't easy bein' cheesy (w/video)  (physorg.com) (19)
(Time) Interesting Anonymous vs. NATO - Round 1 - FIGHT  (techland.time.com) (433)
(LA Times) Cool This is not your father's Navy as destroyer anchors off Malibu beach. Sailors enjoy shore leave consisting of surfing, ordering off the menu and getting some plastic surgery  (latimes.com) (44)
(ABC News) Dumbass Having used up all the double-entendre headlines with Anthony Weiner, the media goes back to old reliable, missing photogenic caucasian blonde college-age girls  (abcnews.go.com) (76)
(The Sun) Scary If Edvard Munch designed trees, they would look like this  (thesun.co.uk) (66)
(Daily Mail) Unlikely Welsh anthropologist suggests humans may be "extinction proof," despite never having been to an Oakland Raiders game  (dailymail.co.uk) (111)
(El Smokie the Bear) Scary Do we REALLY need New Mexico?  (myfoxphoenix.com) (85)
(Wall Street Journal) Unlikely Short summer suits, modeled by leggy women who look absolutely nothing like the women who work in your office  (online.wsj.com) (97)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this cucumber cascade  (inapcache.boston.com) (25)
(LA Times) Amusing Firefighters use saw to free 3-year-old's head from toilet seat, say she was never in distress - just a bit flushed  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (30)
(Some Guy) Sad Neighbors notice mildew under eaves of house and call police, uncover 1,600 pot plant operation. Note to self: Invest in mildew killer  (kptv.com) (82)
(DentistryIQ) Unlikely Today's health scare: ...spins the wheel... your toothbrush. Brits laugh  (dentistryiq.com) (22)
(Wheaton Local) Wheaton The City of Wheaton opens the Wesley Street bridge. Someone should run for mayor there... any ideas?  (triblocal.com) (96)
(Some Guy) Interesting Not following any of America's financial regulations is one thing, but now Goldman-Sach has gone too far: They've arranged to have a private grill at NYC's Shake Shack where their employees orders are cooked and served first  (dealbreaker.com) (58)
(The Morning Call) Weird Now that's what I call a divine paint job  (mcall.com) (66)
(The Sun) Fail Man kidnaps dog in attempt to get loan. Because you're reading this on Fark, you can safely assume that there were a few ruff glitches in his plan  (thesun.co.uk) (16)
(The New York Times) Obvious Hudson River pleasure boaters and fishermen are becoming frustrated with all the security checks on the water. Fly me a river, dude. Fly me a river  (nytimes.com) (124)
(Daily Mail) Scary Bin Laden 'was a sex machine who would vanish into the bedroom with his wife for days.' Mercifully, the sun wasn't there  (dailymail.co.uk) (85)
(Chicago Tribune) Unlikely Gueuze: complex, funky, idiosyncratic, multifaceted, pungent, satisfying, intense, crisp, dry, acidic, refreshing, tart, fruity, oaky, sour, musty, vinous, lemony, strawlike, cidery, grassy, haylike. That's an awful lot of words for beer  (chicagotribune.com) (69)
(The Consumerist) Asinine Never mind the bridal shop actually got you the wedding dress you wanted; no, they took a few days to get it and "ruined" your mother-daughter day. The world has ended  (consumerist.com) (190)
(Lohud.com) Dumbass Malcolm X's daughter admits identity theft, faces (2X+1)^3 years in prison  (lohud.com) (67)
(Marketwatch) Interesting Being a 'nosy neighbor' at local open houses can prove just how sick your neighbors are. And teaches you where not to hide your own twisted, evil stuff when you sell  (marketwatch.com) (48)
(RedEye Chicago) Dumbass The average price of a first date in Chicago is $170. You know, a hooker would be cheaper, and would probably improve the after-dinner odds a bit  (redeyechicago.com) (59)
(Yahoo) Interesting World's most expensive cities 2011, $11 for a beer, $5 for a dozen eggs, $24 for a movie ticket  (finance.yahoo.com) (77)
(Some Dead Guy) Obvious Candidate for leadership of Al Quaeda killed. This is not a repeat from last week  (kbc.co.ke) (56)
(UPI) Obvious Experts advise checking elderly at least twice a day during high heat, rotating at regular intervals to ensure even cooking  (upi.com) (17)
(AL.com) Dumbass News: Man nearly dies trying to ride a bull. Fark: Riding a bull was one of the things on his bucket list  (blog.al.com) (38)
(Globe and Mail) Fail Eleven cops, whose memories are critical for court testimony, seem unable to recall when a pastry chef had his arm broken, by whom and why they refused him treatment for hours. Umm...there's a picture? Oh, now I recall  (theglobeandmail.com) (144)
(CNN) Asinine The latest threat to the survival of our species, which must henceforth be eliminated, is... (shakes Magic 8 Ball) ...salt shakers  (cnn.com) (89)
(WWSB ABC 7) Amusing Life imitates art. Caddyshack style  (mysuncoast.com) (37)
(Vancouver Sun) Fail Does a monthly stipend for HIV-positive government employees lead to a) employees falsely claiming they're HIV-positive, b) employees spending the stipend on booze and hookers, or c) both?  (vancouversun.com) (45)
(BBC) Spiffy Rare lizard saved from extinction in Mauritius despite not having a cute British accent  (bbc.co.uk) (23)
(Herald Sun) Asinine Are there any doctors aboard? A passenger has had a heart attack, and if you perform CPR, we'll reward you by charging you for a second ticket  (heraldsun.com.au) (41)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this petri dish  (inapcache.boston.com) (31)
(Daily Mail) Scary A visit to a "makeover" salon for three-year-olds. Just keep telling yourself, they are our future  (dailymail.co.uk) (59)
(Some Photo Guy) Caption Caption this unusual photographic encounter  (a8.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net) (41)
(SeattlePI) Amusing Angry birds menacing Everett, WA residents. National Guard preparing to deploy pigs and poorly fastened lumber  (blog.seattlepi.com) (56)
(Washington Post) Dumbass Do you see what happens Larry? Do you see what happens when you cut off a motorcycle in Eastbound I-66 rush hour Larry?  (washingtonpost.com) (93)
(AJC) Obvious A DUI judge gets 1 day in jail, a $800 fine, and 40 hours of community service for a DUI  (ajc.com) (64)
(My Fox NY) Amusing So apparently making yourself comfortable on Spanish flights is frowned upon. Had I known  (myfoxny.com) (29)
(YouTube) Video Your WTF video of the day - Konis Hupen (honk honk)  (youtube.com) (59)
(Some...Oh Look, Shiny) Fail 15 signs that you might have adult ADHD. Given the subject, is a 15 page slideshow really a good idea?  (health.com) (101)
(They're all nuts) Amusing Another squirrel vies for fattest Fark mascot. Overweight squirrel trifecta in play?  (cuteoverload.com) (12)
(Stillwater Gazette) Scary Not news: second-grade teachers take their classes for a walk around the zoo, and get to see the zoo's Mexican Wolf. Fark: which is also walking around the zoo  (stillwatergazette.com) (36)
(koamtv.com) Caturday Laverne the cat found alive and well after being trapped for 16 days in the rubble of a house destroyed by a EF-5 tornado. Welcome to the miracle edition of Caturday  (koamtv.com) (1108)
(KTLA) Dumbass If you're an ex-deputy who has pled guilty to 12 felonies - including DUI - it is especially inadvisable to show up drunk for sentencing  (ktla.com) (37)
(SFGate) Fail Men hold up Dunkin' Donuts, come away with bag of dough. Cops get a rise out of the mistake  (sfgate.com) (28)
(WWSB ABC 7) Florida Contaminated water leaking into the harbor? Screw it, just throw some matresses on it and call it a weekend  (mysuncoast.com) (25)
(angusrshamal.com) Photoshop Photoshop this Sesame Street scene  (angusrshamal.com) (18)
(MSNBC) Obvious If you flew US Airways in the past year and DIDN'T pay a $25 fee to help them get redundant data centers, this is all your fault, citizen  (overheadbin.msnbc.msn.com) (35)
(Some Dead Guy) Obvious New York tells pet cemeteries to stop burying humans with their beloved pets. They just ain't right when they come back  (nbcnewyork.com) (24)
(Chicago Tribune) Sad Crystal Lake girl dies. Ch-ch-ch-ch-ah-ah-ah-ah   (chicagobreakingnews.com) (89)
(KSN.com) Sad "Bubble Man" passes away in Wichita. Wood Man, Metal Man inconsolable  (ksn.com) (69)
(Fox News) Scary Virgin introduces new in-flight entertainment. Live 30 minute cage fights  (foxnews.com) (38)

Fri June 10, 2011
(The Sun) Amusing Geez, Fark's mascot really let himself go  (thesun.co.uk) (70)
(Philly) Interesting Teacher gives female student a vibrator and encourages her to masturbate furiously. Naturally someone has a problem with this  (philly.com) (199)
(Yahoo) Sad If you're 30+ years old, there's a good chance you'll die at your cubicle, fast food court or other place of employment  (news.yahoo.com) (211)
(ABC News) Hero Woman loses 300 lbs by putting down the fork. That's one heavy fork  (abcnews.go.com) (185)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this parasol protection  (spiegel.de) (25)
(The Smoking Gun) Spiffy Yes, we have the usual assortment of strange forehead tans and tattoos in this week's Mugshot Roundup, now with 100% more Friday  (thesmokinggun.com) (179)
(lehighvalleylive) Weird Scantily clad, drunk and throwing mulch at an air conditioning unit is no way to go through life, son  (lehighvalleylive.com) (13)
(Seattle Times) Sappy "Former WA, FL man arrested in Mexico in homicide" No word if he battered his victim first, but hopefully police can iron out the details  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (40)
(Oregon Live) Followup It turns out that one guy didn't assault another man with a dead weasel or a dead marten. It was a dead mink  (oregonlive.com) (42)
(Yahoo) Followup The last straw for Gingrich's campaign staff is when he gave in to his wife's demand to take a two-week cruise just after he announced his run. In other news, Newt's apparently been gone for two weeks and nobody noticed  (news.yahoo.com) (118)
(The Brooklyn Paper) Weird Fark tag Battle Royal: Toddler loses teddy bear (Sad). Mother posts "Lost/Reward" signs (Cool, Spiffy, or Sappy). What happened next (Amusing or Strange)  (brooklynpaper.com) (49)
(Toledo Blade) Cool As far as tickets go, getting one for letting a monkey run through the city at large is a pretty cool one  (toledoblade.com) (12)
(LA Times) Interesting How's tourism in Egypt doing these days? (Not well.)  (latimes.com) (29)
(CNN) Spiffy Hot redhead Russian spy is...oh you've clicked already? Never mind  (news.blogs.cnn.com) (62)
(Some Guy) Interesting Internet declared a human right. You'll be working tech support for the rest of your life  (good.is) (68)
(New Scientist) Obvious You're not bipolar, you're a victim of the 'madness industry'  (newscientist.com) (94)
(Seattle Times) Interesting Study of 800-year-old tree rings backs global warming. Well that settles it  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (291)
(Boston Globe) Interesting Ten things to do on Nantucket. Curiously absent is drinking yourself into a coma because there's absolutely nothing to do on Nantucket. Also missing is watching that thing with that man from the island you heard that one time  (boston.com) (45)
(Orlando Sentinel) Followup Woman attacked by chimp gets full face transplant, now resembles her attacker  (orlandosentinel.com) (68)
(The Consumerist) PSA Confessions of a Best Buy Geek Squad Geek, who spent 4.5 years at his job  (consumerist.com) (149)
(CBS News) Followup The psychic that led Texas police on a wild goose chase looking for a mass grave would like you to know she's not a psychic, she's a prophetess. And she got her information from 32 angels and Jesus himself. Now, don't YOU feel stupid  (cbsnews.com) (114)
(Some Guy) Amusing Canadian Postal Workers go on rotating strike, stopping deliveries in one area each day. One week into it, Canadians only notice by hearing it on the news  (thenorwester.ca) (85)
(Time) Spiffy Your wife's hairy butt could save our economy. Just in time for swimsuit season  (time.com) (43)
(The Real Ric Romero) Hero "Hiding a spare key is another dumb move as it makes it easier for thieves." Thank you for keeping us safe, Ric Romero. Today, you get the Hero tag instead of the Obvious tag  (abclocal.go.com) (95)
(Spiegel) Amusing So what did Germans think of the big to-do for Chancellor Angela Merkel at the White House? "Blow Out Party for a Relationship of Waning Importance" Ouch  (spiegel.de) (135)
(Daily Mail) Interesting The Palin e-mails, where we have uncovered groundbreaking correspondance like "Do u remember who the barber is who's going to trim my hair?" and other such visionary e-mails  (dailymail.co.uk) (158)
(Blame it on the voices) Amusing News: Drunken brawl at wedding results in the arrest of seven wedding guests and citations for the bride and groom. Fark: What started the mayhem in the first place  (blameitonthevoices.com) (64)
(AZCentral) Obvious Detroit areas remain without power, leaving them no worse off than usual  (azcentral.com) (40)
(Daily Mail) Obvious If the Turks are describing your handling of protesters as 'This is savagery', you may have a PR issue  (dailymail.co.uk) (38)
(Time) Obvious 5 Myths about the U.S. Economy. Number 3 people are bound to have a problem with  (time.com) (168)
(FARK) Followup LAST CALL - Toronto / Great Lakes Fark Party June 11 - Pre-party game: Blue Jays v. Red Sox (DIT)  (fark.com) (32)
(FARK) Spiffy It's back. NONE SHALL PASS  (fark.com) (43)
(Yahoo) Amusing The key to better sex? Sorry, I wasn't listening. Could you tell me again?  (news.yahoo.com) (113)
(SFGate) Cool Nine US airports will begin offering direct flights to Cuba. Viva la revolucion  (sfgate.com) (56)
(Some Guy) Stupid Woman feels dirty and violated after finding out the head cleaner tape in her brand new VCR is actually porn. In other news people are still buying VCRs  (fox59.com) (84)
(Rolling Stone) Cool Sweet picture of Bill Clinton and... Dobby  (rollingstone.com) (46)
(ktvb.com) Scary Bus carrying a smugload of cyclists flips over  (ktvb.com) (56)
(EITB) Unlikely Oversized TV chef to cook oversized Salisbury Steak in attempt to beat world record. The 900lb steak - and the chef - will be lifted with a crane boom  (eitb.com) (30)
(CNSNews) Amusing Dope smoking menstruating monkey study gets 3.6 million dollars. If they wanted to know about Lindsay Lohan, they could have just traded her an 8-ball of blow  (cnsnews.com) (31)
(Some Guy) Cool A $20 ticket buys you all the Crown Royal you can drink and all the balls you can eat. Its the 7th annual Testicle Festival  (nbcwashington.com) (59)
(G4TV) Spiffy Cool: Madden NFL 12 and new "dynamic player performance." Sad: Morgan Webb's favorite NFL team (Sponsored link)  (g4tv.com) (116)
(The Week) Followup Seven kids who can paint better than most artists  (theweek.com) (103)
(MSNBC) Amusing Woman lost in Nepal eats shoots and leaves  (msnbc.msn.com) (39)
(Gawker) Strange Old and busted: Nude beaches. New hotness: Nude hiking trails  (gawker.com) (150)
(Daily Mail) Cool Three years after Katrina does not look as good as three months after the Japanese tsunami  (dailymail.co.uk) (210)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Some go for cheese, some for fireworks, some need condoms more than flip-flops. And everyone laughs at the person caught shoplifting a mop. It's the Friday Photo Fun Matchup  (thesmokinggun.com) (21)
(The New York Times) Fail Egypt discovers the hard way that their revolution will only succeed if they have a stable economy. Oops, the revolution killed that. Never fear, here comes the Muslim Brotherhood to fill the vacuum  (nytimes.com) (65)
(Orlando Sentinel) Dumbass You're from England and visiting Orlando and your child ends up in the hospital. Do you a) sit by the bed and hope he get better, b) go to the chapel and pray, or c) head over to Target and take pictures up a woman's skirt  (orlandosentinel.com) (40)
(CNN) Scary SCOTUS rules 6-3 that fleeing 5-0 is no different than 1-8-7  (cnn.com) (147)
(USA Today) Cool The US Balloon Corps celebrates 150 years of aerial reconnaissance, squeaky voices  (usatoday.com) (13)
(The Raw Story) Followup Members of 'Anonymous' arrested in Spain, charged with hacking PlayStation, world governments  (rawstory.com) (99)
(SFGate) Followup Krauts blame sprouts  (sfgate.com) (15)
(Yahoo) Followup So why is the Koch-funded Americans for Prosperity so opposed to the building of bridge in Detroit that they plastered fake eviction notices on nearby buildings? Well see there's this rich guy who own a private toll-bridge nearby  (news.yahoo.com) (134)
(Gamma Squad) Sappy Get ready to break your dawww bone: these ducklings imprinted on a Corgi  (gammasquad.uproxx.com) (44)
(Hartford Courant) Stupid Connecticut town spends $630,000 to resolve a $400 ethics violation  (courant.com) (21)
(www.pojonews.com) Dumbass Man gets wasted, breaks into house, pees on floor. Woman invites him to her place and shoots up in front of her eight-year-old. Son, I am disappoint? Mom of the Year? No way to go through life? Welcome to Fark? So many choices  (poughkeepsiejournal.com) (22)
(Daily Mail) Unlikely Yes, your cell phone may cause planes to fall from the sky. Yes, even you Mr. Airplane Mode iPhone  (dailymail.co.uk) (105)
(Guardian.com) Obvious Yuri Budanov murdered. Moose and squirrel wanted for questioning  (guardian.co.uk) (21)
(Winston-Salem Journal) Dumbass Not news: Man brags about 145MPH joyride with buddy. News: They're NC state senators. Fark: They're immune because the comments were made on the Senate floor  (www2.journalnow.com) (40)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Apparently, Barbie dolls cause little girls to flirt with their fathers and British troops to rape Libyan men and women...or something  (dailymail.co.uk) (34)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this gesturing guy  (bigpicture.ru) (31)
(CNN) NewsFlash Dow goes up, dow goes DOWN. You can't explain that  (money.cnn.com) (163)
(The Local (Germany)) Sad The man who typed Schindler's list and helped to save the lives of 1,200 people dies at the age of 91  (thelocal.de) (47)
(Some Guy) Fail Rule #1 for owning a jewelry store: When you leave to go home at night LOCK THE DOOR  (fosters.com) (9)
(AJC) Dumbass If you steal a wallet from another patient in your semi-private room, don't have the nurse read off the credit card number so you can order a pizza. Just sayin  (ajc.com) (7)
(CNN) Followup NATO, who wasn't targeting Gadhafi, is now targeting Gadhafi. Robert Mugabe and Bashar al-Assad refresh their drinks and order another mass slaughter  (cnn.com) (34)
(CNN) Amusing She can get up 105 pounds in the snatch fully clothed. Britney Spears expected to try and break record  (religion.blogs.cnn.com) (83)
(Some Gate Agent) Dumbass "Missed your connecting flight, and it's our fault? No problem, just hit that ATM over there, and for $120 I can get you taken care of"  (wfaa.com) (39)
(CBC) Stupid Business owner approached by men who claim they need money to wash the white stuff they coated their money in to smuggle it out of Africa. Unfortunately for them, he wasn't an idiot  (cbc.ca) (24)
(SFGate) Followup Man who photoshopped his 13 year-old daughter's face onto pornographic pictures should not have been conviced of child pornography because it was adults, not minors, conducting sex acts. Also...WHAT THE F*CK? THIS IS WRONG ON SO MANY LEVELS  (sfgate.com) (107)
(BBC) Weird You know the beer festival was good when you wake up half-naked and get punched in the face  (bbc.co.uk) (10)
(BBC) Asinine After a 40-year hiatus, Vietnam announces that they would like to be bombed into the stone age by a new super power  (bbc.co.uk) (71)
(My Fox DC) Asinine If you couldn't get laid after tweeting that all single mothers are ugly, it probably won't help your chances when you say your blind date can eat like a dragon and dresses like a ThunderCat (w/ pic)  (myfoxdc.com) (51)
(Got Wood?) Amusing Handy Wood drops pants and exposes self, handy wood  (abc27.com) (5)
(Topless Robot) Spiffy Eleven costumes that are nerdly and still look incredibly hot on hot geek girls. Oh yes, there are pictures (bonus: no Slave Leia)  (toplessrobot.com) (254)
(io9) Interesting Smoke up fatty, here comes the SCIENCE  (io9.com) (29)
(Herald Tribune) Florida In an attempt to make them look like they're bigger on the inside, Florida condo community to be named after current Doctor Who companion River Song  (heraldtribune.com) (16)
(Washington Times) Obvious California legislators pass "do as I say, not as I do" gun law, exempt themselves from California's ridiculous gun control laws  (washingtontimes.com) (120)
(Some Guy) Fail Newspaper entertainment critic gives glowing review to "Glee Live," especially the songs she didn't see and that were not performed   (newsblogs.chicagotribune.com) (30)
(BBC) Amusing Concerned citizen forces British City Council to admit they are totally unprepared for a zombie invasion  (bbc.co.uk) (21)
(WPXI) Dumbass WPXI gets the scoop on hammer, saw, bulldozer story. Film at elev...er, right now  (wpxi.com) (11)
(Stamford Advocate) Strange High school student makes body double for his principal for extra credit. Awesome or creepy?  (stamfordadvocate.com) (16)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Nude photo shoots are a privilege, not a right. And definitely not an invitation to start beating it in the bushes  (ottawacitizen.com) (50)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida You might be a Florida tag if you get busted for smoking an "illegal substance" while arguing with your wife inside a shed  (nwfdailynews.com) (9)
(Townhall) Interesting Mexico's president to speak at Stanfords commencement. He does realize the college he wants is on the other side of the bay. Right?  (townhall.com) (44)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Whittler whittles aways his days. "I will be 87 in August. This is what I do with my time"  (nwfdailynews.com) (11)
(Politico) Amusing State of Alaska set to release 24,000 Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: emails. Did you know the Liberals started the Great Chicago Fire? Well, now you do  (politico.com) (93)
(Arutz Sheva) Asinine Hey Kids do you want to learn genuine Islamic values, paramilitary training, and explosive making this summer? then look no further than Hamas Summer Camp for children of all ages  (israelnationalnews.com) (46)
(NJ.com) Obvious Avaya plans 1 billion dollar IPO; Financial institutions "handling" the offering read like a "who's who" of recent bailouts, scandals and corporate welfare  (nj.com) (18)
(WLSAM) Spiffy Joe Biden proving he is truly Obama's caddy  (wlsam.com) (13)
(CBS News) Sappy I thought nobody went to Mardi Gras without having their monkey seized at least once  (cbsnews.com) (7)
(Oregon Live) Sick "Mr. Owl, how many poops does it take to taint a town's water supply?"  (oregonlive.com) (43)
(The Atlantic) Silly China writes an unflattering article about an American city. Did they choose to make fun of a) New York City b) Chicago c) Los Angeles d) Millisocket, Maine  (theatlantic.com) (38)
(The Union Leader) Fail Man faked brain injury to get diaper changed, and then things get weird  (unionleader.com) (21)
(Naples Daily News) Florida Want to run around naked in backyard with your girlfriend? Make sure it's your backyard first  (naplesnews.com) (15)
(Mother Nature Network) Spiffy Illinois recognizes its Southern roots and legalizes eating roadkill  (mnn.com) (33)
(Some Guy) Stupid The latest deadly outbreak? Dirt  (stlouis.cbslocal.com) (9)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Sometimes when you live with your wife and a female roommate you find yourself calling 911 for no damn reason  (nwfdailynews.com) (14)
(FARK) Spiffy I'm 100% positive I'm still 45% drunk from last night and we have a team meeting in 10 minutes. Awesome  (fark.com) (191)
(Some Guy) Florida MAKE IT RAIN  (gainesville.com) (10)
(Mirror.co.uk) Asinine Ginger Kid shocked, SHOCKED when Dominos put his description on his receipt  (mirror.co.uk) (115)
(Some Merlot Guy) Obvious Wine Enthusiast finds that wine makes women more enthusiastic in bed. I'll take a glass of the '06 Romero  (winemag.com) (23)
(Reading Eagle) Amusing Dog tries to cook his own damn steak  (readingeagle.com) (17)
(SacBee) Asinine Town horrified by pornographic billboard, prompting vandals to deface it. The billboard? A woman in a bikini at the beach  (sacbee.com) (114)
(Mirror.co.uk) Cool The most adorable bullfight... EVER. Or, this takes bullfighting to a new level. Or, bet you didn't see this coming  (mirror.co.uk) (49)
(NBC Bay Area) Dumbass There are times when it's OK to stuff your bra. Just not when you're in a courtroom, and your padding material just happens to be METH  (nbcbayarea.com) (13)
(Village Voice) Spiffy Yes, ladies, you CAN walk around the city topless. T-O-P-L-E-S-S   (blogs.villagevoice.com) (171)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this pair of peregrine falcons  (s.wsj.net) (45)
(MSNBC) Unlikely No one in Chicago wanted to claim $17,000 cash laying on the sidewalk  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (39)
(Daily Mail) Sad Proud new Marine is not allowed to wear her uniform at high school graduation. Drop and give me one hundred pushups  (dailymail.co.uk) (210)
(Mother Nature Network) Interesting Cool: New study says beer may help marathon runners recover after a race. Sad: Non-alcoholic beer  (mnn.com) (35)
(SeattlePI) Stupid If you are a legal medical marijuana patient in Washington, you can still be fired from your job even if you only smoke it at home and experience no side effects on the job  (seattlepi.com) (197)
(CBS News) Sad Whitney Elementary School in East Las Vegas is committed to providing a safe environment that nourishes achievement, independence, and responsibility to all 610 children currently enrolled. Nearly 85% of those children are homeless  (cbsnews.com) (171)

Thu June 09, 2011
(Daily Mail) Sick Great Moments in Socialized Medicine #2,398: Hospital staff step over a dying man lying in a hallway for 10 solid hours, then finally drag his body across the floor into a room. In front of his family  (dailymail.co.uk) (225)
(Beatcalls) Dumbass I'm sorry about the speeding, drunk driving, reckless endangerment, swerving BUT I JUST BROKE A NAIL  (beatcalls.com) (23)
(the ICE man) Asinine Your neighbor may be a Drug Lord if: (A) He has a special edition Camaro with an engine that runs on jet fuel  (ice.gov) (180)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this guy standing on a steel structure  (online.wsj.com) (46)
(Some Guy) Sad Cumming man shoots woman in face and neck  (ledgernews.com) (64)
(Scientific American) Amusing "100 percent trash boat" sets sail in Taiwan ... you may call it a junk  (scientificamerican.com) (35)
(News.com.au) Scary Man shot in Mooloolaba. I'm not an Australian doctor, but that sounds very painful  (news.com.au) (37)
(Some F*cker) PSA Today is International F*ck-A-Friend Day. Tomorrow: Things-Just-Got-Awkward Day  (urinalgum.com) (171)
(Local10) Interesting What is the length of two blue whales, the height of five giraffes, the weight of 165 elephants, and can handle 853 people at a time? Besides your mom  (local10.com) (97)
(Some Blow Up Guy) Dumbass A blow up doll with a cup holder in the top of it's head sounds like a GREAT idea. But it's still not going to get you out of that HOV violation  (chchnews.ca) (44)
(Washington Post) Scary You know how Stalin used to dress his secret police in long black leather coats and just the sight of them would bring fear into Soviet citizens? Well, guess who putin an order for some  (washingtonpost.com) (121)
(Some Guy) Obvious Worlds' Most Exclusive Web Site not so much now that you're here  (businessinsider.com) (105)
(Some fat arse) Interesting Sitting may be just as deadly as smoking cigarettes. So get off your fat arse, go outside and smoke 'em if you've got 'em  (sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com) (47)
(CNN) Interesting In the new American middle class, success is measured by how long you can remain payment-free in your underwater home before the foreclosure actually happens. This couple's made it 5 years  (money.cnn.com) (127)
(Some Guy) Scary Measles may soon be dotting Maryland  (wbaltv.com) (220)
(The New York Times) Interesting New Russian ATM will scan a passport, record fingerprints, take a three-dimensional scan for facial recognition, tell if your pants are on fire  (nytimes.com) (24)
(Canoe) Obvious Exercise bike found full of cocaine. Which makes sense if you think about it  (cnews.canoe.ca) (30)
(970 WFLA) Florida Protip: Before you remove the camera you've strategically placed in the unisex bathroom of Starbucks, turn it off. Otherwise police will get a great shot of you and your license plate  (970wfla.com) (38)
(Salisbury Post) Dumbass On the way to court for a reckless driving charge, man causes head-on collision while searching for attorney's phone number. Keep that number close buddy, you're going to need it  (salisburypost.com) (14)
(Reuters) Obvious Alabama signs toughest immigration law in the country, despite the fact that no one wants to immigrate to Alabama  (reuters.com) (267)
(The Smoking Gun) Weird An FBI Spy Vs. Spy drama starring an Indiana man, his ex-wife, and a 17-year-old girl he friended who turned out to be his ex-wife. Facebook is the root of all evil  (thesmokinggun.com) (134)
(Philly) Cool Scientists unearth a giant 65 million-year-old sea turtle. I thought Snooki was still in Italy  (philly.com) (81)
(KTLA) Sappy Nine beagles who were bred for research need new homes. No superpowers or evil genius tendencies have been observed  (ktla.com) (79)
(Some Guy) Weird Man loses custody of his children after they catch him having sex with a blow up doll. Then things get weird  (kfor.com) (125)
(Houston Press) Amusing Veals on Wheels, Hepatits B-B-Q and other rejected food truck names  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (63)
(Can U Tuck A Looney?) Asinine Burlesque dancers in Calgary are upset that their nude dancing is being legislated just like strippers, and exotic dancers. Burlesque is apparently French-Canadian for "no tucking"  (ffwdweekly.com) (62)
(Some Guy) Interesting ExxonMobile reports huge oil discovery in Gulf of Mexico that isn't from the BP spill  (610wiod.com) (197)
(G4TV) Interesting Gameplay demo for Arkham City shows a few issues with physics. Specifically, how Catwoman fights without her breasts falling out (Sponsored link)  (g4tv.com) (162)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this persistent pressure  (online.wsj.com) (30)
(Some Guy) Dumbass "According to the incident report, he initially growled at deputies, then later told them he was scratched by a wolf in the woods and blacks out when the moon comes out." Alcohol was involved  (y100.com) (27)
(wtsp.com) Florida Today's prostitute round-up brought to you by Polk County. With typical cast of hittable, would-not-want and 'hey is that Rod Stewart' mug shots  (wtsp.com) (141)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Joran van der Sloot was so broke before his arrest, he was planning on becoming a prostitute. Dude, they kill and bury hookers. WTF is this guy's problem?  (dailymail.co.uk) (60)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Once again, Florida discriminates against disadvantaged blacks  (orlandosentinel.com) (23)
(Some Guy) Amusing Astronaut remembers 'the little girl that threw up on me'  (triblocal.com) (12)
(Huffington Post) Scary Woman is assaulted by police, tries to report it, gets rebuffed and harassed, tapes conversation, is arrested for eavesdropping. Ta da  (huffingtonpost.com) (332)
(Some Guy) Scary Douglas Watson, do you take Elaine Davidson to have to HOLY FARK, really?  (swns.com) (149)
(SacBee) Sad Civil Rights icon & writer of "Blacks Just Wanna Have Fun," Clara Luper dead at 88  (sacbee.com) (24)
(WFTV) Florida One man fired, another demoted for flipping off driver during road rage incident. Fark: They were firefighters on an emergency call  (wftv.com) (64)
(Sign On San Diego) Weird World's craziest white lady pays for shopping sprees for "poor Mexican women" while letting loose profanities and shouting "aye, aye, ayeeee" Yeah, that's all I've got  (signonsandiego.com) (41)
(FARK) Survey What are you doing for Natalie Portman's birthday today?  (fark.com) (194)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Conservative newspaper sends out mailers depicting what their ideal reader may look like  (tampabay.com) (81)
(The Newspaper) Interesting Los Angeles will abandon red light cameras because city's 3% share of ticket revenue doesn't cover costs  (thenewspaper.com) (62)
(SLTrib) Strange Evil: install spyware on female customer laptops granting webcam access. Genius spyware message: "try putting your laptop near hot steam for several minutes to clean the sensor" Payoff: shower pics, then jail  (sltrib.com) (109)
(970 WFLA) Florida Fark prepares for influx in Florida tags as wildlife officials extend gator huntin' hours  (970wfla.com) (5)
(Some Danish Guy) Spiffy Hey Muslims, it really wasn't anything personal with those drawings. The Danes don't even like their own religion  (cphpost.dk) (12)
(Washington Post) Sad Leonard Stern, co-_________ of Mad Libs, _________ at age 88. He will be ___________  (washingtonpost.com) (62)
(Washington Post) Followup Add the "gay girl in Damascus" to the list of Internet frauds that you totally knew were bogus from the very beginning  (washingtonpost.com) (44)
(Kotaku) Amusing "Can Kinect Fun Labs Grant Life to a Plastic Purple Penis?" You be the judge  (kotaku.com) (9)
(WTOP) Followup The Washington DC police department would like you to know that its transfer of the officers who gave Charlie Sheen his own police motorcade had nothing to do with them giving Charlie Sheen his own police motorcade  (wtop.com) (9)
(CNN) Strange Grasshoppers? In *my* tacos? It's more likely than the Health Department wants it to be  (eatocracy.cnn.com) (39)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen) Dumbass Man charged with "criminal mischief" after shredding thousands of dollars worth of his girlfriend's clothing and then peeing on the shred pile because she "interfered with another one of his relationships"  (press-citizen.com) (31)
(Canada.com) Interesting Japan may close all nuclear reactors by next April, get rid of computers by next July, and eliminate automobiles by September  (canada.com) (51)
(WHAM) Dumbass Teenager shows girlfriend's parents around his multi-million dollar home he supposedly inherited. Real homeowner shows up. Awkward  (13wham.com) (61)
(Washington Post) Obvious Americans are torn between raising and not raising that debt ceiling thingy  (washingtonpost.com) (159)
(The Consumerist) Followup Blu-Ray sales are being eclipsed by DVD sales  (consumerist.com) (324)
(Gamma Squad) Asinine Tennessee passes another brilliant law to ban *shakes magic 8-ball* posting pictures on the internet someone might find emotionally distressing. There goes the internet  (gammasquad.uproxx.com) (93)
(Sun Chronicle) Interesting Massachusetts town's plan to tax public drunkenness conflicts with state law guaranteeing right to be drunk in public  (thesunchronicle.com) (21)
(Some Hot Shot) Scary "Remember when you Tasered me in the face. That felt good"  (yourhoustonnews.com) (9)
(AZCentral) Silly Mother is shocked, stunned, and outraged that the McDonald's play area her kid was playing in was dirty. "The entire structure was riddled with swear words and gang signs"  (azcentral.com) (43)
(The Sun) Strange Actor who played both an Ewok and a goblin busted for fondling himself on a train next to a teen girl. Rule #34 implodes. "Asked why he had not put his hat in the luggage rack, he said he could not reach"  (thesun.co.uk) (46)
(Some Guy) Strange Missing Boa + missing ferret. Lunch and a nap?  (cfax1070.com) (7)
(CBC) Silly Problem: The government wants to shut down your zoo. Solution: Start calling it a church  (cbc.ca) (16)
(KJRH) Weird Ahh, the neighborhood pool. Children frolicking, mothers gossiping, crazy naked dude hopping the fence and jumping in. w/vid  (kjrh.com) (33)
(USA Today) Spiffy Safety innovations have made SUVs the safest vehicles on the road, unless you're in the small car that gets hit by one of them  (usatoday.com) (38)
(Some Guy) Spiffy At last, a public toilet that's kinda ready for the zombie apocalypse, thanks Russia  (uberreview.com) (7)
(Chicago Tribune) PSA Eleven phrases that make you sound stupid no matter how smart you are. Bonus: irritating slideshow  (chicagonow.com) (210)
(Sarah MFing Palin) Dumbass Sarah Palin posts about an Obama 'WTF' moment on Facebook. Fark: Her followers translate that in the comments to Win The Future, because Sarah doesn't swear  (facebook.com) (360)
(TwinCities.com) Unlikely Hay guyz, the snow is melting in a parking lot. Someone call the news desk. Alert Fark, Global Warming. Al Gore. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa  (twincities.com) (36)
(Google) Unlikely Michael Taylor, FDA's deputy commissioner for foods and former Monsanto vice-president, would like to assure you that arsenic in your chicken is not a big deal  (google.com) (21)
(New York Magazine) Obvious Meet the sleaziest lawyer in New Jersey (ergo the sleaziest lawyer in the observable universe)  (nymag.com) (43)
(New York Daily News) Obvious Powerful people tend to be rule breakers who take it too far and cross the line of what is acceptable. In other news, water is wet, Drew likes beer, and Fark destroys at-work productivity  (nydailynews.com) (35)
(New York Magazine) Amusing Tiger vs. Weiner - see if you can tell whose dirty talk is whose (FYI for the terminally thick: language not safe for work)  (nymag.com) (51)
(Guardian.com) Interesting Your bacon-double-cheeseburger is a) causing mass starvation b) killing the planet c) delicious or d) all of the above  (guardian.co.uk) (153)
(The New York Times) Scary Psst. You didn't hear this from me but the U.S. is increasing airstrikes in Yemen  (nytimes.com) (52)
(My Fox DC) Cool Things were fine until the children began to develop allergies to dog nose  (myfoxdc.com) (14)
(Yahoo) Strange 96-year old woman confesses to murder she committed in 1946, authorities say she could go to jail for the rest of her life  (news.yahoo.com) (48)
(Wall Street Journal) Obvious Leonard Nimoy invokes classic Star Trek episode while issuing statement on Israeli-Palestinian relationship. No, not "The Trouble With Tribbles"  (blogs.wsj.com) (70)
(CNN) Asinine With unemployment on the rise again, it's a good thing we're about to cut unemployment benefits  (money.cnn.com) (166)
(MSNBC) Scary Two words: Stealth Godzilla  (worldblog.msnbc.msn.com) (17)
(Fox News) Scary Fox News uncovers the terrifying truth: "green" buildings may be killing you  (foxnews.com) (86)
(Some Guy) Silly England's oldest morris dance revival group celebrates it's 100th anniversary. If you've never seen morris dancers, well, brace yourself   (hertsandessexobserver.co.uk) (72)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Unless you were one of the kids from 'The Family Circus,' don't leave a trail of paint droplets as you wander about the neighborhood vandalizing cars  (nwfdailynews.com) (17)
(CNN) Amusing The CNN Belief Blog celebrates its first birthday by listing the top ten things its learned. Number 2: Holy Christ, you atheists won't shut up, will you?  (religion.blogs.cnn.com) (270)
(Chicago Tribune) Followup Judge expected to hand jurors the Blagojevich case today, putting an end to one of the most ridiculous trials Illinois has ever seen  (chicagotribune.com) (14)
(wsbtv.com) Scary Today's Fark-ready headline: Cobb Co. Authorities Warn Of Zombie Mayhem  (wsbtv.com) (29)
(Bloomberg) Obvious Mercedes M-Class burns 25% less fuel, compensates 35% more penis  (bloomberg.com) (61)
(Mother Nature Network) Strange Australia imposes a new dusk to dawn curfew. Fark: On cats  (mnn.com) (49)
(WLSAM) Fail In Chicago, 'asphalt helpers' are more valuable than paramedics  (wlsam.com) (49)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Silly HOW DO YOU TURN THE TURN SIGNAL UP?  (searchchicago.suntimes.com) (70)
(TwinCities.com) Cool Two men jump in Wisconsin river to cool off, are now at room temperature  (twincities.com) (44)
(Daily Mail) Photoshop Photoshop these Hershey's Kisses hats  (i.dailymail.co.uk) (17)
(Some Guy) Dumbass News: Man accidentally kills self in game of Russian Roulette. Fark: With a dog. Yes, there is moonshine involved   (articles.southbendtribune.com) (45)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Misc ProTip: When working as a police sketch artist, it helps to choose a gender for the suspect  (news.cincinnati.com) (44)
(CNNGo) Spiffy The IATA would like to return something to you: Your dignity  (cnngo.com) (69)
(Fox News) Weird "Suspect is a man, around the age of 40... Wait, Scratch that, Suspect is a woman, around the age of 40"  (foxnews.com) (19)
(MLive.com) Amusing The city that smelt it, dealt it  (mlive.com) (29)
(My San Antonio) Strange You shouldn't spend your life parked outside a woman's house gazing at her with binoculars, but if you do then you really should wear more than just underwear  (mysanantonio.com) (33)
(Some Guy) Amusing "His buttocks were definitely exposed. He was wiggling them at us when we pulled in"  (bangordailynews.com) (27)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 318: "Scanner as Camera." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's contest  (farktography.net) (142)

Wed June 08, 2011
(Komo) Scary The victim asked, "Why are you carrying a weasel?"  (komonews.com) (93)
(UPI) Dumbass Protip: When setting up a drug deal, try not to text your intentions to the phone of a local cop  (upi.com) (12)
(Sign On San Diego) Scary Seven-gill shark opens the summer season with taste test off the coast of San Diego  (signonsandiego.com) (27)
(wlwt.com) Scary Men tried to extinguish van fire with water. What stopped them? SCIENCE  (wlwt.com) (52)
(Some Guy) Sad Woman dies of Hilton Head trauma two days after falling from golf cart. Says to write it down as a one  (wbir.com) (16)
(Some Guy) Weird WTF is wrong with you people???  (theadrenalines.com) (235)
(Google) Cool Air Force Cadet unlocks Force Lightning ability  (google.com) (53)
(Some Guy) Sad Fire kills up to 30,000 chickens east of Calgary. Canada now facing a severe shortage of dipping sauces  (calgaryherald.com) (29)
(UPI) Scary Reduce, reuse, rekindle  (upi.com) (7)
(Washington Post) Obvious High school girls' basketball coach takes it to the hole, gets called for the foul  (washingtonpost.com) (50)
(CBSSacramento.com) Scary We apologize for the explosive fault in the pipeline. The section that was repaired after we repaired the repaired section has been repaired. Sackings begin shortly  (sacramento.cbslocal.com) (18)
(Daily Mail) Asinine In case you ever wondered how attention whores are made, having a mom known as "the human Barbie" who gives you a boob job voucher for your seventh birthday is probably a good starting point  (dailymail.co.uk) (128)
(Some Guy) Florida Priest busted for wrestling the bishop  (1035superx.com) (27)
(Reuters) Amusing U.S.A. rated most funny in an online global poll. Load of bullocks if you ask me, Nancy wankers  (reuters.com) (100)
(Kotaku) Sappy 29-year old Nintendo exec hits the reset button on her biological parents, finally has a real family after co-workers legally adopt her  (kotaku.com) (84)
(Some Guy) Weird Man pushing a wheelchair with a mannequin in it he claims is his wife "not a threat" according to welfare workers (with the WTF pic of the day)  (watertowndailytimes.com) (67)
(Some Guy) Florida "Bar Girls", who swindled tourists of thousands of dollars in bar tabs will be able to keep their nickname. Florida tag pours Followup tag a $1000 shot  (1035superx.com) (45)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Not News: Tijuana man arrested. News: for having more than 75 unpermitted weapons and 10,000 rounds of ammunition. Fark: He's the former mayor  (y100.com) (55)
(Patch.com) Scary Mountain lion spotted in Greenwich, Connecticut. EVERYBODY HAVE THEIR SERVANTS PANIC  (whiteplains.patch.com) (67)
(Cleveland Plain Dealer) Fail If you're going to try and freak everyone out at a party by cocking your shotgun, it helps if you don't put the shells in backwards  (blog.cleveland.com) (31)
(The Times of India) Scary Man gets trampled to death as two wild elephants go berserk in the appropriately named town of Mysore  (timesofindia.indiatimes.com) (18)
(Nola.com) Sad News: Man gets carjacked. Fark: 11-year-old gets carjacked  (nola.com) (14)
(Google) Photoshop Iron Photoshop ingredient: AA battery  (images.google.com) (30)
(ktvb.com) Obvious Suicide rates in Idaho are up on news that they're living in Idaho  (ktvb.com) (48)
(Anchorage Daily News) Asinine Alaska State Trooper facing months of paid administrative leave after leaving the scene of an accident in his police vehicle and registering a .40 BAC. Police spokepersons refuse to reveal his Fark handle  (adn.com) (102)
(The Week) Unlikely This 4-year-old is supposedly the next Picasso. Her macaroni art is truly fridge-worthy  (theweek.com) (155)
(9 News) Sad Head-on crash leaves cement truck applied directly to the forehead. Head-on crash leaves cement truck applied directly to the forehead. Head-on crash leaves cement truck applied directly to the forehead  (9news.com) (50)
(Some Guy) Amusing Barr barred after shouting barred word after jumping over the bar. Bars team from state title  (larrybrownsports.com) (27)
(MLive.com) Amusing Man runs through church, shows off his holy trinity  (blog.mlive.com) (53)
(PhysOrg.com) Cool New app identifies plant species from a leaf. Yup, that's Poison Sumac alright  (physorg.com) (139)
(Some Guy) Sad Kid born with drugs in system needed to be cared for by someone other than parents since both were using. Unfortunately, so were all 4 grandparents. Great-grandmother for the ultra-fail  (jconline.com) (170)
(Chicago Tribune) Sad "Man wedged in underwater rocks dies after rescue", says article displaying a very liberal use of the word "rescued"  (chicagotribune.com) (61)
(NYPost) Amusing Actual headline: "Disgusted Democrats letting Weiner shrivel"  (nypost.com) (230)
(Some Guy) Interesting The glass staircase at a new courthouse is an architectural marvel. Plus when you're standing under them you can totally look up women's skirts  (dispatch.com) (181)
(My Fox NY) Misc Chinese scientists are genetically modifying cows to produce human breast milk, furry porn  (myfoxny.com) (96)
(CBC) Scary Tree cutter in serious condition after trying to branch out  (cbc.ca) (46)
(My Fox DC) Strange I bend over backwards to hide in my luggage and steal your belongings under the bus and this is the thanks I get  (myfoxdc.com) (49)
(Some Guy) Strange Man single-handedly robs bank  (timesunion.com) (31)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this skid-stopping cyclist  (boston.com) (35)
(Some Guy) Cool The coolest video of massive solar flare you'll see all day. The sun is... well, you know  (weather.com) (64)
(MSNBC) Dumbass Teen hacking government websites learns the importance of being behind seven proxies  (msnbc.com) (74)
(Abc.net.au) Amusing Aussie PM gets a handle on indigenous affairs. My word, she looks impressed  (abc.net.au) (26)
(Some Guy) Florida Police looking for two women that stole 75 deodorant sticks from a store. Raise your hand if you're sure who they are  (wpbf.com) (42)
(Yahoo) Obvious Stuxnet 2.0 ready for release  (news.yahoo.com) (70)
(Some Guy) Dumbass In my day, people showed respect for giant ice cream cones  (wsoctv.com) (24)
(Washington Post) Interesting Maryland's juries never forget. Maryland's juries never forgive. Maryland's juries do it for the lulz  (washingtonpost.com) (53)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen) PSA Iowa's government may shut down on July 1, affecting the hundreds of people who live in Iowa  (press-citizen.com) (46)
(FOX 10 AZ) Hero Uncle has seizure while driving on freeway so 9yr old girl in passenger seat takes control of steering wheel, pulls over, brakes till stop, puts it into park while 9 yr old cousin in back seat calls 911 and grandmom... taa daaa  (myfoxphoenix.com) (77)
(G4TV) Interesting All the awesome of E3, without that funky nerd smell (Sponsored link)  (g4tv.com) (108)
(Mother Nature Network) Interesting How to photograph a dragonfly. If you're into that kind of thing  (mnn.com) (53)
(cape cops) Florida 300 pound bronze dolphin statue stolen from Florida business. Company officials sad over monumental loss  (capecops.com) (34)
(Marketwatch) Unlikely Would stocks be up if Bernanke lied to us about the future like a good politician does?  (marketwatch.com) (30)
(Boing Boing) Cool Disney World Enchanted Tiki Room to reopen. Millions of parents across the land pray that the drinks aren't watered down  (boingboing.net) (117)
(My Fox DC) Stupid #Losing  (myfoxdc.com) (48)
(CBS News) Sappy A couple drive from China to South Africa, create four-minute sapfest  (cbsnews.com) (73)
(News.com.au) Amusing Google maps captures aerial photo of New Zealand school which spares the rod, spoils the child  (news.com.au) (90)
(CNN) Sad The federal government funded a study in which effeminate male children were beaten to correct their behavior. What could possibly go wrong?  (cnn.com) (423)
(CNN) Stupid If you picked "July of 2011" as the date that Mark Zuckerberg would begin using face-scanning technology on all the photos uploaded to Facebook despite saying he never would, step forward and claim your prize  (cnn.com) (248)
(Important Media) Scary It's official: Monsanto's Roundup herbicide causes birth defects  (redgreenandblue.org) (344)
(Nola.com) Sad Lavergne kills two people, then commits suicide. Shirley you can't be serious  (nola.com) (34)
(MSNBC) Followup Media grabs AP story without fact checking, claims the USS Carl Vinson is 3/4 of a mile long  (msnbc.msn.com) (161)
(New York Daily News) Followup Search for missing Alaskan dogsledder enters second week as all leads turn to mush. Troopers say Yukon see where she last stopped, so it's definitely not an Aleutian  (nydailynews.com) (26)
(UPI) Dumbass Oh, what do you do with a drunken Sailor?  (upi.com) (90)
(Wired) Cool The latest urban assault vehicle from Mercedes with complimentary "move or I'll run over you" pics  (wired.com) (128)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this hypersonic Ferris wheel  (media.trb.com) (34)
(io9) Strange Indiana road sign advises you not to be afraid of the space rays  (io9.com) (65)
(WLSAM) Fail Teacher charged with having sex with a high volume of her students, both boys and girls, at a Christian school. And she is the pastor's daughter  (wlsam.com) (209)
(Yahoo) Stupid Spiffy: Roughhousing is good for kids and their parents. Sad: But parents have become so nannyfied that they need to attend "roughhousing workshops" to learn the proper way to have a pillow fight  (shine.yahoo.com) (132)
(The Morning Call) Weird Two men gamble over bottle of urine. Things get kinda jaily from there  (mcall.com) (46)

Tue June 07, 2011
(NewsOK) Scary Bin containing 268,000 bushels of grain collapses. This isn't a joke. This is deadly cereal  (newsok.com) (98)
(Telegram) Photoshop Photoshop this car covered in cherry blossoms  (telegram.com) (32)
(NJ.com) Interesting NJ Supreme Court rules that journalist shield law doesn't apply to Washington State blogger because the online bulletin board she posted on "is nothing more than a forum for discussions." Uh-oh  (nj.com) (156)
(Kansas City) Sick For some reason, an ice cream shop thought it would be a good idea to sell cicada-flavored ice cream. "The cicadas were fully cooked by boiling then covered in brown sugar and milk chocolate"  (kansascity.com) (144)
(Some Guy) Asinine Today's example of "That's Some Fine Police Work There, Lou:" Cops arrest man on DUI charges for being unsteady on his feet and having slurred speech. Actual cause: Cerebral Palsy  (dailyjournal.net) (271)
(Wall Street Journal) Ironic Cops melting down seized guns into Peace Angel statue. Criminals filling gun vacuum by stealing plowshares and melting them down into assault weapons  (online.wsj.com) (74)
(MSNBC) Followup E. Coli crisis: "Worst may be behind us." *turns around* ...Yup  (msnbc.msn.com) (34)
(KHOU Houston) Unlikely Mass grave of 25-30 bodies discovered behind a home in East Texas....psyche!  (khou.com) (781)
(Reuters) Followup The German e.Coli outbreak that was first linked to Spanish cucumbers, then not linked to Spanish cucumbers, then blamed on salad greens, then not blamed on salad greens, then on bean sprouts, now isn't due to bean sprouts  (reuters.com) (38)
(WGAL 8) Amusing Naked man reported in Governor Dick park. Where else would he be?  (wgal.com) (23)
(Some Guy) Interesting Kidnapping your kids and "giving them to an unknown organization" = quickest. divorce. ever  (big1059.com) (34)
(CBS) Amusing Screech machine could drive teens away from park. Slater machine won't stop talking about football  (minnesota.cbslocal.com) (69)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Repent. The rapeture is near  (sun-sentinel.com) (62)
(BBC) Followup Japanese report admits that we are twice as Fukushima'd as earlier thought  (bbc.co.uk) (104)
(Quincy Herald Whig) Amusing Small-town paper from 1955 evokes memories of simpler times. For five cents, you learn "STRIKE SNARLS ST LOUIS", Konrad Adenauer has pneumonia, Hazel Fields has weed problem, and PBR comes in 4-packs of super tall half quarter cans  (whig.com) (56)
(Scottish Sun) Dumbass Car + gas station + cig = Smoking hot mom  (thescottishsun.co.uk) (78)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Scary Man puts a damper on the embers of his stepdaughter's romance with a fireplace poker  (startribune.com) (85)
(Some Guy) Followup Psychology Today contributor fired over his "Why Are Black Women Less Attractive?" blog article  (newsone.com) (597)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man busted for DWI twice in one day. You'd have a drinking problem too if your neck was slowly swallowing your head  (syracuse.com) (31)
(Kansas.com) Scary Man texting while driving down Kellogg Road slams into a parked police car. Bones go snap, crackle, pop  (kansas.com) (30)
(Seacoastonline.com) Strange Severed deer parts make wonderful children's gifts, says teacher  (seacoastonline.com) (13)
(wgem.com) Sad Teens attempt to make their car hill-hop. The operative word here is 'attempt'  (wgem.com) (56)
(UPI) Strange Weight of 350K book collection damages house bought to shelter it. Though disappointed in the one-story, owners maintain the plot is still good  (upi.com) (43)
(Chicago Tribune) Scary Doo-doo-DOO. We're sorry, the person you are trying to call has been shot. Please try again later. Message 3-57  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (20)
(Telegraph) Amusing This article is both about epic TSA rudeness and Pippa's rear end  (blogs.telegraph.co.uk) (67)
(Houston Chronicle) Fail There are some peoiple who could get lost driving in their town, even some who could get lost driving in their neighborhoods. Then there's this couple  (chron.com) (105)
(Daily Mail) Asinine "Look, this started out as a good bit about frail old ladies carrying heavy loads so fit young men wouldn't injure themselves, but now it's just got silly"  (dailymail.co.uk) (43)
(Pat's Papers) Interesting No I wasn't sexually harassing you, I'm just trying to get my wheelchair to turn left  (patspapers.com) (11)
(cfnews13.com) Florida Manatee man finds class ring after 25 years, also hopes that scientists can make him human again  (baynews9.com) (28)
(SMH) Interesting New bakery in Sidney caters specifically to people with Acute Attention Whoring Disorder  (smh.com.au) (53)
(Some Guy) Scary Earless rabbit born near Japan's crippled Fukushima plant. What's that, Doc?  (joe.ie) (74)
(FARK) FarkBlog Piss-poor balance, Jessica Simpson's shunning muumuu, and nobody expects the Spanish inhibition: Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 5/29 - 6/4  (fark.com) (4)
(Canoe) Strange Two dead in freak bear crash. As opposed to the normal, run-of-the-mill bear crashes that usually occur  (cnews.canoe.ca) (29)
(Time) Cool Switzerland's answer to dirty prostitution? Sex boxes  (time.com) (60)
(Some Guy) Interesting Police in Montenegro arrest Pink Panther suspect. He will be given one pheaun call before being locked in a small reum  (isria.com) (21)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Your high beams are showing  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) (36)
(CNN) Sick That is NOT what "pediatrician" means  (edition.cnn.com) (157)
(CNN) Obvious NATO airstrike hits Gadhafi's compound for the 14764th time. How many airstrikes does it take before we start referring to it as a "pile of smoldering rubble", rather than a "compound"?  (edition.cnn.com) (65)
(970 WFLA) Dumbass Before claiming you were abducted and held captive against your will for three days, make sure the guy you were with deletes that video of you partying at the beach  (970wfla.com) (43)
(Washington Post) Sad Magician in car accident goes *poof*  (washingtonpost.com) (35)
(Some Guy) Cool REMINDER: Fark Party in Cologne, Germany this Saturday at Mühlen Kölsch  (muehlenkoelsch.de) (29)
(Some Guy) Obvious What are we going to do to stop these high rollers? BOOBIES  (swns.com) (166)
(USA Today) Interesting Private jet usage is on the rise despite the shaky economy, renewing GOP speculation that the rich need a tax cut  (travel.usatoday.com) (132)
(The Ledger) Florida Porn actress arrested for obscenity. Once you see the mugshot, you'll understand why  (theledger.com) (161)
(CNN) Followup Yememi president, who suffered "just a scratch" in rebel attack, is being treated in Saudi Arabia for 40% burns, deep shrapnel wounds and a collapsed lung  (cnn.com) (75)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Remember the hit-and-run driver who was sentenced to two years in a luxury condo? Turns out his lawyer was the judge's campaign treasurer  (sun-sentinel.com) (53)
(My Fox DC) Strange When playing 'Simon Says' with police, it is very important that they know the game has started  (myfoxdc.com) (18)
(National Post) Amusing Bedlam as bull bolts butchery. Boys in blue bring bull to bay. Bull + bullet = beef. mmmmmm, BBQ  (news.nationalpost.com) (21)
(Milford Daily News) Obvious A fifth (DUI) of Hennessey  (milforddailynews.com) (11)
(The Journal) Strange Naked Irishman attempting to row across the Indian Ocean naked is rescued after injuring his head. No, not that one  (thejournal.ie) (23)
(Something in my eye) Sad Mean: Theives steal wheelchair. Heartless: Disabled dog's wheelchair  (boston.cbslocal.com) (63)
(MSNBC) Obvious All but one of Australia's "X-files" have been, um, "lost". How convenient  (msnbc.com) (30)
(Guardian.com) Scary Can the US do it again?  (guardian.co.uk) (285)
(G4TV) Cool Capturing the fog of war better than ever before. Exhibit A: Modern Warfare 3. Exhibit B: Battlefield 3. Holy crap (Sponsored link)  (g4tv.com) (259)
(Labspaces.net) Ironic Many American rivers are becoming contaminated with algae because A: Industrial pollution? B: Farm runoff? or C: They're too clean and pristine?  (labspaces.net) (46)
(News.com.au) Interesting Japan's Kyoto Seika University is launching its first doctoral program in manga studies. Possible hentai degree from Beaver State pending  (news.com.au) (38)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this spelling bee blunder  (online.wsj.com) (32)
(Daily Mail) Stupid UK retailer Tesco reveals top ten...Christmas toys?  (dailymail.co.uk) (24)
(Euronews) Strange Russia's former richest man wants to be paroled, but court says his lawyers have failed to prove he's in prison. We're through the looking glass, comrades  (euronews.net) (33)
(Daily Mail) Silly The adorable and bouncy new Eurosport sensation: bunny rabbit dressage  (dailymail.co.uk) (53)
(Washington Post) Interesting Misquotes on the internet are just the price we pay for freedom. As Harriett Tubman said, "When the lie is put to the people, the people will put to the lie"  (washingtonpost.com) (146)
(WTOP) Sad Man falls asleep in IHOP. Man gets arrested. Man begs police to get dog out of car. Police ignore man. Police take man to jail. Man released that night. Man returns to IHOP. Dog dead in car  (wtop.com) (353)
(Wall Street Journal) Dumbass Karate instructor in trouble for teaching his female students the "Monkey fondles the peach" move  (online.wsj.com) (68)
(EITB) Interesting 54-year-old Spanish woman patents easy-on condom "for the blind and nervous" after her civil engineer friend couldn't get to grips with the standard protection  (eitb.com) (50)
(Daily Mail) Fail Barclays opens its first 24-hour, self serve bank  (dailymail.co.uk) (26)
(WTOP) Spiffy Police in Maryland, Pennsylvania, Virginia, and DC declare this summer to be open season on aggressive drivers. No bag limit, ticket what you catch  (wtop.com) (185)
(Yahoo) Interesting Iran sends subs into the Red Sea to protect its 14th Fleet, which is all of two ships. That's not even Photoshop, that's Paint  (news.yahoo.com) (91)
(USA Today) Scary The US has $61.6 trillion in unfunded obligations, or about $534,000 per household. And doesn't include what's owed to seniors, veterans and retirees. You do the math  (usatoday.com) (254)
(KnoxNews) Weird Virginia prison inmate mangles self attempting to perform his own sex-change, then sues the state because they didn't provide the operation for him. This guy's got balls  (knoxnews.com) (74)
(KTLA) Dumbass Cops arrest church choir director after he gets teen to go past the refrain  (ktla.com) (55)
(New York Magazine) Cool Yes, it's a slideshow. A delicious, creamy slideshow wrapped in cookies  (nymag.com) (22)
(BBC) Interesting Crikey: Australian breakthrough on recovering old fingerprints could aid unsolved cases  (bbc.co.uk) (43)
(WFTV) Florida If you find a bear lounging in your backyard hot tub, you might be a Floridian. "I should have yelled at him for leaving dirty paw prints around the spa"  (wftv.com) (38)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this guy snoozing in suds  (spiegel.de) (20)
(Labspaces.net) Scary Do you like your summers blindingly, blisteringly hot? The next sixty years are bringing good news for you. Everyone else on Earth, not so much  (labspaces.net) (385)
(KTLA) Sad Man kills himself after 10 failed attempts. Friends and family cite his 'never say die' attitude  (ktla.com) (87)
(Some Guy) Weird Cool: Joining the Mile High Club. Sick: Joining the "I found a beetle larvae crawling in my lunch a mile high in the sky so I'm going to take a picture of it and post it on the internet" club  (heraldsun.com.au) (35)
(MSNBC) Dumbass Some Americans crave the road less traveled, and then there's this guy  (msnbc.msn.com) (87)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Meet the man who sticks his hands in boiling oil without affect. My God, the Asian Terminator  (dailymail.co.uk) (79)
(KNBC 4 Los Angeles) Stupid Forever 21 sues woman who set up a blog mocking their crappy stores because she uses the letter "F" to mean "F*ck"  (nbclosangeles.com) (78)
(Daily Mail) Unlikely Thug Life: The 12-year-old who could become America's youngest ever 'lifer' for killing two-year-old brother  (dailymail.co.uk) (301)
(CBSSacramento.com) Scary 62nd annual reenactment of historic wagon train ride over Sierra takes detour into the first annual Donner Party Reenactment  (sacramento.cbslocal.com) (37)

Mon June 06, 2011
(Forbes) Interesting Cat tax deductions relevant to my interests  (blogs.forbes.com) (155)
(News.com.au) Interesting Napoleon's first English lessons sell for $136K, GOSH  (news.com.au) (28)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this shout out  (shorpy.com) (34)
(TwinCities.com) Cool Milwaukee: just as cool as Chicago, and less expensive  (twincities.com) (197)
(AJC) Hero Mr. T wannabe steps between his wife and an armed robber, is saved when his medallions deflect a bullet to the chest. Pitiable fool flees scene empty-handed  (ajc.com) (49)
(AP) Asinine Jilted ex-boyfriend puts up abortion billboard against ex-girlfriend  (hosted.ap.org) (646)
(Washington Post) Obvious Chinese government takes on national drunk driving problem with its usual subtlety and restraint  (washingtonpost.com) (56)
(Some Guy) Sick Horry County man arrested for exposing himself in Dollar General parking lot. Witness only saw two bits  (wmbfnews.com) (29)
(LA Times) Dumbass EBay scammer gets 12 years of negative feedback  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (51)
(Some Vengeful Venison) Scary "I've watched people walking their dogs and they're acting scared. The deer can sense that. The deer know"  (vancouversun.com) (89)
(wxii12.com) Dumbass The school bus does not care if you are jogging. It will not move  (wxii12.com) (43)
(Some Flabbergasted Guy) Dumbass Mother-of-the-Year candidate lets total stranger borrow her car and take her two pre-school-age boys to the park, is surprised when the kids end up in another state  (hamptonroads.com) (61)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Woman finds glitch in accounting software, takes $2.4 million from company. No word if she kept the red Swingline stapler  (pittsburghpostgazette.com) (65)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida All right STOP, collaborate and LISTEN. ICE is back with new plans for detention  (sun-sentinel.com) (30)
(NT News) Sad FAIL: Driver loses control of vehicle, dies in rollover. IRONIC: In Darwin rural area. AMUSING: Unintentionally appropriate photo  (ntnews.com.au) (62)
(Reno Gazette-Journal) Weird Want to entertain your kids? Why not let them run around inside this gigantic replica colon, complete with bowling ball-scale hemorrhoids and anal fissures the size of a Bull Mastiff? Yes, there are pictures  (rgj.com) (54)
(Houston Chronicle) Asinine Rice University police officer fired for assisting HPD officers who were shot  (chron.com) (64)
(Economist) Interesting Looks like the regional patois of England are changing. Bad news is if you're from London you'll turn into Ali G by 2030  (economist.com) (28)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption this adorable snarling baby  (rijik.livejournal.com) (48)
(The Times of India) Scary Love means never having to send bullets through the mail  (timesofindia.indiatimes.com) (22)
(Canoe) Stupid Thousands of dead Greeks drew pensions. Gyro tag not applicable here  (cnews.canoe.ca) (46)
(CNN) Obvious Hard-hitting CNN exposé uncovers that there's not enough bin space on airplanes  (cnn.com) (59)
(Reuters) Cool What has over 3000 participants, mock tanks rumbling around, pyrotechnics exploding and soldiers tumbling out of plywood landing craft amid a cacophony of clacking paintball guns? A paintball D-Day re-enactment in Oklahoma. Wait...where?  (reuters.com) (37)
(The Smoking Gun) Dumbass Go on, tell them that you're in jail for beating up an eight year old for trying to watch cartoons instead of wrestling, big guy  (thesmokinggun.com) (50)
(CNN) Silly When visiting Zimbabwe, DO NOT use the toilet behind the red velvet ropes at the end of the gold carpet inlaid with sapphires and surrounded by hovering cherubs. That is Mr. Mugabe's crapper, and he does not share with others  (edition.cnn.com) (57)
(Some Guy) Sad World's oldest man dies...at 26. RIP Leon Botha  (mg.co.za) (80)
(KnoxNews) Asinine Why would you bring a gun to a kid's birthday party? C) because "Y'all didn't save my kids no damn ice cream and cake"  (knoxnews.com) (99)
(MSNBC) NewsFlash Weiner comes out  (msnbc.msn.com) (¾)
(Ohio.com) PSA "It's not acceptable to call me a retard or call yourself or your friends retarded"  (ohio.com) (272)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Drunk causes cancellation of town's fireworks show: "From what I understand, this individual didn't seem to care or have any empathy for the hundreds or thousands of people whose plans he ruined"  (nwfdailynews.com) (107)
(Hartford Courant) Dumbass In case you were wondering, punching yourself in the face, ripping your clothes and throwing your keys and wallet into a river won't fool cops into not arresting you for DUI  (courant.com) (18)
(NPR) Spiffy Stop worrying about China's rise, you silly Americans. It just wants to get up and give the world a hug  (npr.org) (113)
(truTV) Sad The 24 dumbest things people waste their money on. Organic food right up there with lottery tickets and purebred dogs  (trutv.com) (417)
(Some Outfit) Photoshop Photoshop this man helping this woman get dressed  (bigpicture.ru) (20)
(Chicago Tribune) Sad The good news is that a woman missing for a year has been found. The bad news is that she was at the morgue the whole time  (chicagotribune.com) (24)
(CBS News) Obvious Jury selection begins in "Cleveland Strangler" case. Challenge is finding people who actually live in Cleveland and don't want to strangle people  (cbsnews.com) (50)
(Some Guy) Obvious It turns out some lawmakers do have a problem with a website that sells people all kinds of illegal drugs  (democratandchronicle.com) (141)
(AFP) Sad Taliban attacks Pakistan bakery to get a rise out of the upper crust. They knead to be leaven town before something goes a-rye  (news.yahoo.com) (54)
(Hartford Courant) Spiffy Police scramble as small town is invaded by zombie chicks. In bikinis  (courant.com) (68)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Special needs teacher charged with meeting a student's special needs  (thecitizen.com) (86)
(MSNBC) Strange Identical twin friars born seconds apart 92 years ago, die hours apart. Finally, both were just tuckered out  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (30)
(Washington Post) Interesting 1,200 homes blacked out after an electrical substation gets all squirrelly  (washingtonpost.com) (29)
(Abc.net.au) Scary The most nonchalant reaction to a serial killer ever: "I think this guy is almost the 13th guy or 14th guy in this village. So we are tired"  (abc.net.au) (76)
(G4TV) Interesting E3 live coverage begins today. Upcoming press conferences include Sony, Nintendo, and two other companies that haven't been embarrassed by hackers. Yet. (Sponsored link)  (g4tv.com) (512)
(Daily Comet) Dumbass Traveling evangelist who supports Westboro Baptist Church is arrested in Nashville for indiscriminately spreading the good news of pepper spray  (dailycomet.com) (34)
(CNN) Sad Operation Iraqi Freedom still liberating American soldiers from this mortal coil  (edition.cnn.com) (119)
(New York Magazine) Followup NYC investigation finds that Xmas blzzard cleanup wasn't intentionally incompetent, they're like that pretty much all the time  (nymag.com) (24)
(Newsweek) Interesting Mormonism is hotter than ever. Today is a red-latter-day  (newsweek.com) (238)
(Boston Globe) Stupid In the 1960s Boston brought back gas street lights. In the 2010s Boston discovered they could be turned off in the daytime to save fuel  (boston.com) (56)
(Des Moines Register) Fail Stoner arrested after fatal crash  (desmoinesregister.com) (101)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Passenger loses dump truck challenge in Crash Cab  (orlandosentinel.com) (17)
(Short List) Weird French artist creates soft street for people to feel drunk/confused/Inception-y   (shortlist.com) (17)
(Dorset Echo) Obvious Titanic II sinks. Naked Kate Winslet not a factor  (dorsetecho.co.uk) (37)
(BBC) Interesting Pipe bomb found at a DIY store in Ireland. You know, crafting stuff by hand really does show you care  (bbc.co.uk) (15)
(Some Guy) Amusing Young man attacked by cougar, is saved by courageous police officers  (littlefallstimes.com) (53)
(Dr. Feelgood) Interesting Men have better sex than women because men are better at fantasizing. With helpful pic of what the men are usually fantasizing about  (oyetimes.com) (239)
(Stuff) Interesting Cole's Law: Cabbage art, when correctly marketed, can sell for very high prices  (stuff.co.nz) (34)
(Miami Herald) Florida Cops threaten to shoot witnesses, then handcuff them and smash their cameras after being filmed unloading a storm of bullets into suspect. Fark: one guy hid a SIM card in his mouth and gives evidence to the Miami Herald  (miamiherald.com) (498)
(Some Guy) Scary Photo galley of the Puyehue volcanic eruption. Whoever shot picture #3 deserves a medal and a free pair of underwear  (heraldsun.com.au) (44)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Woman stalking man for three years honored by police for being the Worst. Neighbor. Ever.  (dailymail.co.uk) (81)
(Daily Chronicle) Ironic Lawyer arrested after screwing her clients literally instead of legally  (daily-chronicle.com) (124)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida The verdict is in: Legal scholars think Casey Anthony's lawyers are nuts  (orlandosentinel.com) (113)
(Life.com) Hero Amazing color photographs from England and France before and after D-Day. Sleepy English villages filled with Yank GIs; friendly mademoiselles on the road to Paris; cognac-sipping tank crews; more friendly mademoiselles. Best part? No Schwimmer  (life.com) (94)
(Some Campers) Photoshop Photoshop this semi-submerged circle  (bigpicture.ru) (28)
(Some Seoul Men) Photoshop Photoshop these workers washing windows  (bigpicture.ru) (24)
(Daily Mail) Sappy Puppy sucked away by tornado found alive; doggerday tag not available; with awww pics  (dailymail.co.uk) (44)
(CBS News) Cool Remember the name Timothy Ray Brown. He's the first man in world history to have his HIV completely eliminated from his body in what doctors call a "functional cure"  (cbsnews.com) (314)
(Metro) Stupid Indoor trailer park offers camping experience with a twist  (metro.co.uk) (31)
(Donside Piper) Obvious Experts say more than half of Scots still think they can tell food is safe to eat by its color, smell, or whether it's been deep-fried  (donsidepiper.co.uk) (48)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Graduation party turns into a bittersweet symphony after one killed and another injured. I hope you had the time of your life  (orlandosentinel.com) (51)
(Some Intact Guy) Weird I said MAN'S SEVERED EAR RECOVERED FROM ASSAULT SCENE  (nbc12.com) (30)
(Telegraph) Fail Good idea: Realizing photojournalists will try to get photos of you outside the court after your conviction. Bad idea: Thinking you can throw them off by dressing in drag. (pics)  (telegraph.co.uk) (32)
(NYPost) Dumbass Man "instructed by God" to swim to Liberty Island. Unfortunately, God forgot to tell him to take a lifevest  (nypost.com) (48)
(Free Press) Obvious Study finds you can't pull yourself up by your bootstraps on minimum wage because bootstraps are all you can afford to eat  (freep.com) (545)
(The Smoking Gun) Fail Even the people in this week's Mugshot Roundup fell asleep waiting for its arrival  (thesmokinggun.com) (66)
(JSOnline) Stupid Oh yeah? Well YOU try driving 11 kids around in a Dodge Durango without having a drink  (jsonline.com) (21)
(Some Guy) Stupid The latest global warming threat is...*SPINS WHEEL*...searching the internet  (vancouversun.com) (197)

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