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Sun August 21, 2011
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(SFGate) Dumbass Thirsty eight-year-old climbs down neighbor's chimney to get drink, rescuers have to cut hole to rescue him. Home owner may file soot for damages  (sfgate.com) (43)
(Some Guy) Cool The Marines biggest problem is landmines. The IEDs a big part of it. They've found a new way to mark them. They cover them up with  (bigpeace.com) (155)
(CNN) Asinine Ric Romero reports that libraries let you borrow books for free. This is CNN  (us.cnn.com) (109)
(ABC News) Spiffy "10 Great Places to Eat from a Food Truck" and yes, The Big Gay Ice Cream Truck made the list  (abcnews.go.com) (146)
(asahi.com) Stupid America considers reviving 50-year-old bad idea, thanks to Japanese nuclear disaster. Welcome home, backyard fallout shelters  (asahi.com) (174)
(I Heart Chaos) Cool Tron-inspired Duck Tape commercial is awesome as duct tape is infinitely useful  (iheartchaos.com) (85)
(AJC) Unlikely Gunshots lead police to 600 pounds of marijuana. Officials say they located the 520 pounds of marijuana in the back of a truck in southeast Atlanta  (ajc.com) (60)
(Yahoo) Interesting And the state with the most stagnant new housing market is ... go ahead, guess  (finance.yahoo.com) (130)
(MSNBC) NewsFlash Rebels enter Tripoli, leader says Gadhafi's son Seif al-Islam has been arrested  (msnbc.msn.com) (1137)
(Wikipedia) Photoshop Photoshop theme: 10 years from now  (en.wikipedia.org) (54)
(The Daily Caller) Fail Milk, milk, lemonade. Turn the corner, Capitol Police raid  (thedc.com) (64)
(Some Guy) Obvious Finally someone in the news industry recognizes the real reason college costs keep going up  (jconline.com) (216)
(CTV) Cool Old and busted: Stealth planes. New Hotness: Stealth snowmobiles  (ctv.ca) (68)
(BBC) Interesting The era of man being the dominant species may be coming to a close as more sea monsters learn to fly balloons  (bbc.co.uk) (36)
(Taipei Times) Amusing Taiwanese man gets $24,000 fine ($828 US) and nearly loses wife after speed camera catches him driving 1008 mph in a 40 zone. What a bargain  (taipeitimes.com) (84)
(Reuters) Interesting It's "zero hour" for Muammar Gaddafi in Tripoli as rebels vow to push him into the Mediterranean Sea  (reuters.com) (178)
(New York Daily News) Dumbass Bicyclist learns how traffic laws apply to him, and it only cost him $1500  (nydailynews.com) (511)
(Some Guy) Ironic Man blind since birth becomes film critic. He's used to violence and drama he can't see, he's already a traffic reporter  (nhregister.com) (28)
(Washington Post) Asinine Getting ready for a wave of coal-plant shutdowns and rising prices for electricity. Just what the economy needs  (washingtonpost.com) (150)
(Beeb) Interesting 10 iconic travel experiences. Americans, this does not mean visiting the McDonald's near all of these locations  (bbc.com) (99)
(Some Guy) Cool Man greeted at airport by a tuxedoed waiter from Morton's after wishing for steak on Twitter  (shankman.com) (107)
(Daily Mail) Interesting From the humble Mini to Hitler's Volkswagen Beetle: Ten of the greatest car designs. Well only nine really, the last one is fail  (dailymail.co.uk) (273)
(Wikipedia) Photoshop Photoshop theme: The laws of cartoon physics applied in real life  (en.wikipedia.org) (33)
(National Hurricane Center) Florida Irene planning a South Beach vacation  (nhc.noaa.gov) (67)
(Fox News) Interesting The "smelly slimy raw chicken" is pretty obvious as is the "mold on the jelly". But what's the deal with soy sauce?  (foxnews.com) (126)
(Some Guy) Interesting Nine foods that fight fatigue. Frozen coffee on a stick absent  (healthzone.ca) (52)
(The Sun Daily) Sad You know compact cars have gotten too small when you read a tragic headline of "Man killed when car plunges into drain"  (thesundaily.my) (25)
(Courthouse News) Dumbass If you want to food poison people from a radio station you don't like, it isn't a good idea to post a question asking what to do on a rival station's FB page  (courthousenews.com) (35)
(UPI) Spiffy Middle East Quartet condemns "cowardly" terror attacks on Israel, play awesome version of Schoenberg's String Quartet No. 2 in F sharp minor, Op. 10  (upi.com) (68)
(LA Times) Stupid ...and when they came for the chocolate milk, there was nobody left to speak for me  (latimes.com) (114)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida FYI: Paying a "sovereign citizen" to put your house into common law trust to save it from foreclosure, well, that doesn't really work  (tampabay.com) (80)
(The Times of India) Interesting New study shows that single people, spinsters have shorter lifespans. In related news, older unmarried women are spinsters, older unmarried men are still single  (timesofindia.indiatimes.com) (40)
(SeattlePI) Dumbass Man from Arkansas sues Microsoft for $500 billion. Why yes, he is representing himself in court  (blog.seattlepi.com) (61)
(Mother Nature Network) Amusing Singer sells his LA home for $2.1 million because he's upset that the 19 statutes of David that grace his front yard are more famous than he is. "It wasn't like I was just this wacky guy who wanted 20 p****es on his lawn"  (mnn.com) (85)
(LA Times) Obvious Ground-breaking research concludes people who aren't doing what they want to be doing get unhappy  (latimes.com) (33)
(UPI) Followup Woman pleads n contst 2 killing old mang w her car whIl texting, avoids jail tym  (upi.com) (54)
(KXII) Scary In Texas, teacher arreSted for inapproPriate relationship with A studenT  (kxii.com) (69)
(AZCentral) Interesting Chicken lays world's tiniest egg. Farmers say that's gonna be hard to beat  (azcentral.com) (48)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop this sweltering salt  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (15)
(UPI) Strange Your honor, before we continue with this criminal hearing will you marry my pregnant girlfriend and I?  (upi.com) (31)
(BBC) Ironic God disrupts Pope's speech  (bbc.co.uk) (70)
(The Local (Sweden)) Strange Girl struck by lightning...twice....while in the shower  (thelocal.se) (109)

Sat August 20, 2011
(Some Guy) Ironic What's the most unfortunately-named band you could possibly think of to play a 9/11 concert? Go on, guess  (nbcnewyork.com) (343)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If you're stealing a car from a mechanic, make sure you pick one with a windshield and fully attached steering wheel  (10news.com) (10)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing It's boobies, lips and tongues in this week's belated mugshot roundup  (thesmokinggun.com) (121)
(Washington Post) Sick Five people won't beheading to Sam's Club anytime soon  (washingtonpost.com) (94)
(Al Jazeera) News Live blog of activity in Libya, shiat getting real  (blogs.aljazeera.net) (451)
(CBC) News 737 crashes in Canadian Arctic. Survivors reported. Coincidentally, Canadian military holding an exercise in the area of the crash, which is good news for the survivors  (cbc.ca) (109)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this father & son mowing the lawn  (3.bp.blogspot.com) (40)
(Some Guy) Amusing Fat dudes doing belly flops, dirty hippies at music festivals and filthy hot chicks in bikinis on a moon bounce - these mud people have it all, including a woman's Gene Simmons-worthy tongue in pic 71 (slideshow)  (wtkr.com) (60)
(Some Guy) Weird Neighborhood lives in fear of man who assaulted quadriplegic man with a fish. He's also known to chase people with his chainsaw, leaving some neighbors saying he might have a little drinking problem  (newportrichey.wtsp.com) (71)
(Baltimore Sun) Followup From homeless to headache: Ted Williams and his golden voice apparently requires hotel rooms for himself, his girlfriend, and his bodyguard  (baltimoresun.com) (61)
(Some Beer Snob) Interesting The 11 best crappy domestic beers. Yes, yes, we all know that you like Belgium amber wheat ale stout, keep it to yourself  (11points.com) (331)
(Daily Mail) Strange Man refuses order to remove fake speed camera because it's really a bird box housing an endangered bat  (dailymail.co.uk) (56)
(St. Petersburg Times) Followup Things to do on your cruise vacation: A) Enjoy fine dining and a show; B) Relax in the spa; or C) Get drunk and drop the ship's anchor  (tampabay.com) (93)
(LA Times) Dumbass The US Postal Service's bold new idea to save itself: encourage people to write letters. Maybe it should rename its "Forever" stamp the "Until We're Bankrupt" stamp  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (153)
(Chicago Tribune) Cool Why commercial whiskeys are better than anything ever made by craft distillers  (chicagotribune.com) (230)
(Some Guy) Florida Court rules guy justified in shooting intruder under Stand Your Ground Law. Carrying a concealed weapon before shooting, not so much  (keysnet.com) (130)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this Scarecrow Festival submission  (spiegel.de) (33)
(NPR) Sappy I have no idea what you're talking about, so here's a baby elephant in a raincoat  (npr.org) (24)
(CNN) Fail What, the Appalachian Trail was too easy for you ?  (cnn.com) (167)
(Some Guy) Sad The 10 most depressing states in the USA. Wrapped up in a dismal slideshow  (health.com) (276)
(nwi times) Followup Illinois Secretary of State questions new law exempting Amish from having photos on their driver's licenses. In other news, the Amish need driver's licenses  (nwitimes.com) (63)
(UPI) Obvious Libyan government official denies rebels have taken two key towns, says he's married to Morgan Fairchild, and is about to have his picture on the cover of Newsweek  (upi.com) (20)
(Philly) Dumbass Parents who pimped out their 16 year old daughter as a model apparently upset that some people might find their daughter somewhat sexually alluring, won't even share photos  (philly.com) (174)
(WTAE) Unlikely Your school photographer refuses to take your precious snowflake's photo after seeing her bully a classmate. Do you: C) Thank her for bringing the misbehavior to light and say you'll take care of it. Wait WHAT?  (wtae.com) (157)
(IOL) Unlikely Man gets 16 months in jail for drunkenly stealing Krispy Kreme donuts. To be fair, he had 233 priors  (iol.co.za) (29)
(mjtimes.sk.ca) Caturday 15-year-old boy saves injured kitten from certain death, gives him a good home. Cat gets lost, boy is devastated. Entire community bands together to help reunite cat and boy in time for them to share Caturday  (mjtimes.sk.ca) (1126)
(Some Guy) Interesting So you think you're an expert on pop culture robots?  (hopewellstudios.com) (204)
(MSNBC) Obvious While your 401k gets emptied by the latest market turmoil the super-rich are raking in the dough with investments only they can access. Guess it's time for more tax breaks for these poor rich folks  (msnbc.msn.com) (298)
(Daily Mail) Stupid Perhaps "Get On the Treadmill, you Fatass" isn't really appropriate reading material for your 6-year-old  (dailymail.co.uk) (77)
(Failblog.org) Photoshop Photoshop this frog in the rain  (wins.failblog.org) (24)
(St. Petersburg Times) Asinine Today's "screwed-over by Bank of America" award goes to the seventy-year-old lady facing foreclosure because she paid her mortgage four days too early  (tampabay.com) (152)
(CNN) Obvious Blaming others for your misfortune can ruin your health -- which you'll probably just blame on somebody else, too  (cnn.com) (34)
(Jalopnik) Dumbass Want to one-up the guy that has the Lamborghini serviced at Best Buy? Get a Veyron and take it through a coin-op car wash  (jalopnik.com) (109)
(Some Guy) Interesting Would you like to live 44 percent longer than normal? Are you willing to take an experimental drug to do so? There is some really good news, if you're also a mouse  (thestatecolumn.com) (32)
(MLive.com) Dumbass Lighting a cigarette while using nail polish remover, or paying attention in high school chemistry class. Guess which one is the better idea  (mlive.com) (49)
(Entertainment Weekly) Misc Videogames vs. Movies: Have games replaced films as the modern popular narrative medium? Who cares. We've killed the books. USA USA USA  (popwatch.ew.com) (126)
(Some Guy) Stupid New Oxford English Dictionary entries include "retweet", "mankini", and "sexting". Next year they're going to need to add FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU   (news.consumerreports.org) (63)
(Yahoo) Cool Cadillac Unveils: Convertible Hybrid Concept Car, Four-door features rear-hinged "suicide" doors, twin-turbocharged V-6 engine  (autos.yahoo.com) (136)
(St. Petersburg Times) Followup Checking in on feral girl, six years after being discovered by police: "She doesn't chew off her dolls' arms any more"  (tampabay.com) (259)
(Gawker) Fail Dear FBI super-spies: Do not name your FBI surveillance van's wifi network "FBI SURVEILLANCE VAN"  (gawker.com) (172)

Fri August 19, 2011
(Some boob staring thief) Florida If you're going out to steal copper pipes from nudist resorts, you may want to wear something other than your "I stare at boobs" t-shirt. With mug shot goodness  (wtsp.com) (52)
(Time) Interesting OKCupid announces the top ten sluttiest cities in America. Yep, looks like your mom's usual summer circuit all right  (newsfeed.time.com) (135)
(FARK) FarkParty Louisville Fark Party / Pub Crawl Reminder - The Revenge of Indiana  (fark.com) (109)
(Neatorama) Photoshop Since Bert and Ernie are staying stubbornly straight, photoshop some other unlikely but fabulous gay weddings  (neatorama.com) (64)
(Guardian.com) Ironic Policeman investigating leaks to newspapers arrested on suspicion of making leaks to newspapers  (guardian.co.uk) (24)
(CNNGo) Cool Cup Noodles museum set to open in September. Admission is 6 for $1.00, or 20 cents each  (cnngo.com) (48)
(Politico) Asinine Your pet's political affiliation. What you need to know  (politico.com) (119)
(Some Guy) Strange "Amputation faked for insurance money." How do you FAKE an amputation?   (uppermichiganssource.com) (94)
(IndyStar) Followup Lawyers smell money from Indiana stage collapse, begin circling overhead. Well blow me down  (indystar.com) (73)
(The Sun) Strange British motorist: Welcome to Earf. UFO pilot: PEW PEW PEW (all caught on video)  (thesun.co.uk) (176)
(FARK) Survey It's time for the weekly Fark Weird News Quiz...now with an easy version for those of you who actually worked last week  (fark.com) (52)
(SeattlePI) PSA Don't be nice to the weird kid in middle school, he's weird for a reason  (seattlepi.com) (233)
(Some Guy) Misc Little person wins small settlement after mental midgets at Starbucks fire him for using a tiny step stool  (kfoxtv.com) (101)
(Some Heat Index) Scary "August 2011 will crush... smash... obliterate... destroy and annihilate the previous warmest average monthly temperature by at least 2.0 degrees and in a few locations by 3.0 degrees"  (srh.noaa.gov) (290)
(Daily Mail) Stupid When calling an ambulance for your five-year-old having a heart attack, you might want to mention that it's a...cat  (dailymail.co.uk) (49)
(CBC) Spiffy Pet store will no longer sell puppies, forcing you to adopt like a filthy communist  (cbc.ca) (127)
(MSNBC) Strange Canadian contest winner begins spending 80 days living at Vancouver International Airport. Long time JetBlue passengers call him an amateur  (overheadbin.msnbc.msn.com) (12)
(Some Guy) Scary Firefighters flea abandoned home  (connecticut.cbslocal.com) (39)
(SFGate) Obvious If you are a former Oakland Raider cheerleader (or "Raiderette") and then you become a police officer, don't be surprised if your former job comes up in the workplace. I'm not saying it's right, I'm just saying  (sfgate.com) (180)
(Government Technology) Spiffy TV: Let's run that crime scene photo through 3D-o-Tron. Real life: Okay  (govtech.com) (33)
(PennLive) Silly Boa constrictor up for adoption, will be loyal, loving, may crash funerals  (pennlive.com) (20)
(MSNBC) Interesting Image: At 83, subject of 'American Girl in Italy' photo speaks out. Ninalee Craig says image symbolizes independence and fearlessness, not harassment  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (106)
(NPR) Followup Orange goo that took over Alaskan village shore is not mass of unknown microscopic eggs, but a mass of unknown spores. There, doesn't that make you feel better?  (npr.org) (60)
(Mlkshk.com) Amusing Very, very few albums of wedding photos deserve to make the front page of Fark. Then, there's this one  (mlkshk.com) (191)
(Short List) Weird In space, no one can hear you call room service. Or can they?  (shortlist.com) (24)
(Some Guy) Stupid Blind man sued for illegally downloading porn he can't watch  (geek.com) (59)
(Mid Hudson News) Dumbass Police and firefighters scrambled for suspicious package in police station parking lot...which turns out to be a cooler full of beer. Bombed squad promises to destroy it  (midhudsonnews.com) (21)
(Novinite) Obvious Court tells old man that even though the 11-year-olds on his lawn are loud and rude, he's still not supposed to shoot any of them in the knee  (novinite.com) (36)
(LA Times) Amusing Please update your Netflix queue, Idiocracy has been moved to the documentaries section  (latimes.com) (105)
(MyFox Twin Cities) Unlikely Mechanics are happy to remove a python from your dashboard. Cash, credit or BBQ ribs are all acceptable payment  (myfoxtwincities.com) (7)
(UPI) Sad It's bad enough that authorities seized 2,000 lbs of pure cocaine, now they can't stop talking about it  (upi.com) (27)
(Beatcalls) Dumbass If your car runs out of gas, flagging down a cop for help is a great idea. Just remember to take the drugs out of your pocket  (beatcalls.com) (54)
(NPR) Obvious "Ron Paul is not a typical Republican candidate and his supporters are not typical Republican voters." RON PAUL  (npr.org) (333)
(BusinessWeek) Interesting Swiss say they'll continue making great chocolate and cheese, but their special on legally paying 16-year-olds for sex ends soon  (businessweek.com) (68)
(Metro) Sappy I love you too, deer  (metro.co.uk) (24)
(Foreign Policy) Fail Five megatrends from the past that weren't. Last one was so wrong that to this very day, it helps you fark and fap  (foreignpolicy.com) (45)
(Pasadena Star News) Dumbass Navy recruiter arrested after cops allege he subjected potential enlistee to everything but rum & the lash  (pasadenastarnews.com) (42)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Friday Photo Fun Match Game: Pair up a quintet of assault arrestees with their weapons  (thesmokinggun.com) (3)
(BBC) Interesting The first successful application of Godwin's law  (bbc.co.uk) (20)
(Daily Mail) Amusing $194,000 for a Terrafugia flying car? Screw that  (dailymail.co.uk) (28)
(Chicago Tribune) Stupid Every dog must have his day, and every family of a dog shot and killed by cops also has their day, and sometimes that day is worth $333,000 in damages  (chicagotribune.com) (134)
(Some Guy) Sad For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain  (king5.com) (50)
(The Local (Sweden)) Cool Divers over the moon about finding Mars on the Baltic seabed  (thelocal.se) (34)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Fark.com cliches in great paintings throughout history  (fark.com) (212)
(Washington Post) Sad Turkish Air Force finds some Kurds in their whey  (washingtonpost.com) (18)
(Washington Post) Sad Military investigators still trying to identify those in the Ash Pile of the Unknown Soldier  (washingtonpost.com) (17)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man convicted of conspiring to interfere with commerce by robbery for attempting to steal cocaine that didn't exist  (wptv.com) (23)
(Google) Cool Break out the champagne and noisemakers... the big day has finally arrived. Spin your anvils and spread your legs... and have a happy WONKY STAPLE DAY #5  (google.com) (271)
(Palm Beach Post) Florida Roofer who was dying to get down is in grave condition after passing out on top of a cemetery construction site. Thankfully coworkers and firemen crypt him alive  (palmbeachpost.com) (18)
(Boston Channel) Scary Powerplant spokesman says radioactive tritium leaked into the river does not pose a health problem. Blinky the three-eyed fish unavailable for comment  (thebostonchannel.com) (70)
(Yahoo) Hero NATO: "b-12. b-13. b-14"  (news.yahoo.com) (71)
(WSB TV) Spiffy Badass 12-year-old girl with an interest in forensics solves break-in before investigators can, commenting "I did your job again"  (wsbtv.com) (140)
(Mother Nature Network) Interesting The Great Drought of 2011 has cost Texas $5.2 billion. This will never happen if Gov. Perry was president. Because then he'd control the weather  (mnn.com) (312)
(Daily Mail) Unlikely British girl in desperate need of grounding  (dailymail.co.uk) (97)
(CBS News) News Good News: Two of the West Memphis Three to be free. Bad News: They have to make a deal with the Devil and admit guilt  (cbsnews.com) (414)
(Guardian.com) Obvious Scientists say man-made climate change may increase Earth's susceptibility to hostile alien invasions. No, really  (guardian.co.uk) (173)
(Some Pixelated Fashionista) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Photoshop an enhancement to something that doesn't need enhancing. LGT inspiration  (styleite.com) (36)
(CNN) NewsFlash British council bombed in Kabul  (cnn.com) (110)
(BBC) Interesting There is a cure for cancer. The Shamen were right all along  (bbc.co.uk) (111)
(AJC) Cool Georgia Colleges ask students to prove they're legal citizens before enrolling in fall semester classes  (ajc.com) (423)
(The Register) Scary Think you're great at hiding your PIN when you use the ATM? The dude behind you just took a thermal image of the keys you pushed, and he's got your code  (theregister.co.uk) (154)
(USA Today) Interesting That creepy Burger King guy --- let's pretend he never existed  (usatoday.com) (173)
(MSNBC) Interesting Moammar Gadefeated?  (msnbc.msn.com) (254)
(Independent) Cool Otters make remarkable comeback in England. Jugband scene sees explosion  (independent.co.uk) (40)
(Huffington Post) Interesting The 19 Most Popular Sites On The Web (Right Now). Of course had they gone to 20 like a responsible list we'd be popping the corks at the home office in Kentucky  (huffingtonpost.com) (150)
(Click On Detroit) Fail WILMA!  (clickondetroit.com) (84)
(Some Guy) Fail "When a truck that's 13 feet 6 inches tall tries to drive under a bridge that's not quite that tall, it doesn't make it" FAIL tag trumps Obvious  (pressconnects.com) (80)
(Toledo Blade) Silly In its latest effort to stimulate the economy, the federal government announces the release of the new Rutherford B. Hayes dollar coin  (toledoblade.com) (130)

Thu August 18, 2011
(The Sun) Dumbass Yeah, that's gonna hurt your resale value  (thesun.co.uk) (62)
(io9) Cool If you ever wanted to rent an entire country for a weekend, then today is your lucky day  (io9.com) (25)
(Daily Mail) Scary Scientists alter chicken DNA to create embryos with 'alligator-like' choppers. Sleep well  (dailymail.co.uk) (109)
(AZCentral) Followup The Arizona man who shot his penis with his girlfriend's gun now has a restraining order against her. Police warn him to take things slowly, and not go off half-cocked  (azcentral.com) (42)
(Talking Points Memo) Followup Goldman Sachs employee who changed his name before going to work for Republican financial oversight committee did it *spins wheel* to honor his Transylvanian heritage   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (87)
(JSOnline) Ironic It will be the most ironic hotel ever  (jsonline.com) (56)
(KTVZ) Scary If you drive a former mail delivery truck, it's a good idea to remove the extraneous right-side gas pedal -- you know, the one for the drunk passenger  (ktvz.com) (14)
(Denver Post) Obvious Residents of Cleveland and Detroit no longer have to wonder why the air smells like crap  (denverpost.com) (41)
(MSNBC) Fail Would-be car thief defeated by two small boys and a poodle  (msnbc.msn.com) (40)
(Some Guy) Sad 25 foods you'll never be able to eat again. You sound fat. And wistful  (buzzfeed.com) (554)
(Canada.com) Spiffy Librarian: What would you like to check out today? Customer: Hmmm, how about a transvestite midget furry with a drinking problem. Librarian: Here you go  (canada.com) (48)
(Miami Herald) Scary You know the videos where the girl goes in to be a "model" and then a porno breaks out. Turns out those are actually real  (miamiherald.com) (317)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Woman claims SpongeBob Squarepants artist sent thugs to karate chop her art gallery  (blogs.findlaw.com) (34)
(Oregon Live) Sad Latest casualty in the War on Terror: Tennis balls. "It was not clear why they exploded the ball"  (oregonlive.com) (67)
(MSNBC) Obvious "I wore a Speedo when I was in my 20s, but come on. There should be a law prohibiting anyone over the age of 50 from wearing a Speedo." Preach it, brother  (msnbc.msn.com) (102)
(Guardian.com) Amusing "We pray to God that the thief is struck by a strong bout of the shiats"  (guardian.co.uk) (55)
(THE DAILY) Amusing He coulda been a credenza  (thedaily.com) (28)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these filthy, nasty hippie freaks  (foto174.ru) (32)
(wlwt.com) Scary Python found in trash. HE'S NOT DEAD YET  (wlwt.com) (63)
(Life.com) Interesting Oh, sure, you look cool with your earpiece and shades and your SIG Sauer handgun and Remington shotgun and that nasty snub-nosed Belgian submachine gun with its armor-piercing rounds. But can you dance? Well can ya, punk?  (life.com) (87)
(Telegraph) Weird Fisherman catches 6ft 200 pounder and has to promptly throw it back  (telegraph.co.uk) (70)
(WRAL) Cool Many mammaries march against man's modesty mandate  (wral.com) (216)
(WESH Orlando) Florida It's okay to carry your stroller in the back of your pickup, but you might want to take the baby out first  (wesh.com) (80)
(KGOR) Weird Extreme Hoarders - The Chihuahua Edition  (kgor.com) (80)
(My Fox Dallas) Amusing Dear Mr. Robber, you're obviously new to wearing women's clothing, so let me assure you that panties are supposed to go under the dress, not on your head  (myfoxdfw.com) (41)
(Daily Mail) Cool The coolest pictures of Bolivia's salt flats you'll see today  (dailymail.co.uk) (115)
(Guardian.com) Sad GPS is great for figuring out whether to go left or right. Up and down, not so much  (guardian.co.uk) (72)
(The Atlantic) Asinine $70 million swimming pools, year-long paid vacations, multimillion dollar executive salaries. Corporate America? Nope. Wall Street? Guess again  (theatlantic.com) (291)
(My Fox DC) Interesting The Washington Monument? Let's see, you wanna head south through the white people, move past the drunk Catholic girls, hang a left at the gays, and go south toward the guys wearing fanny packs and riding Segways  (myfoxdc.com) (77)
(TC Palm) Florida Basil (baz'el) n. -- 1. An aromatic Old World herb used in pesto. 2. In weaponized form, can be employed to give hubby the smackdown  (blogs.tcpalm.com) (63)
(Economist) Followup Does rioting in Merrie Olde England mean British culture is doomed? Only if this wasn't also a headline from 1981, 1978, 1974, 1963, 1958, 1951, 1932, 1913, 1900, 1883, 1862, 1842, 1815 and 1751  (economist.com) (116)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Woman: a diamond is forever. Man: so is herpes, and it's a much cheaper way to take you off the market  (dailymail.co.uk) (117)
(TwinCities.com) Followup Owner of prosthetic leg found after someone finally steps forward  (twincities.com) (23)
(Huffington Post) Sappy Lauren Bush to marry David Lauren. To avoid family disappointment, bride promises to keep the Bush  (huffingtonpost.com) (113)
(adn.com) Followup Trial begins for woman who punished her child by making him stand naked in a cold shower. Lawyers argue she was preparing him for marriage  (community.adn.com) (116)
(Some Guy) Cool On this day in 1920, the 19th Amendment was ratified, giving women the right to vote and setting back sandwich production for decades  (todaysdocument.tumblr.com) (400)
(Some Guy) Fail There are a lot of things that can distract you when driving, such as playing with the radio, talking on a cell phone, or shooting yourself through both legs  (clarksvilleonline.com) (28)
(Washington Times) Interesting Secret U.S. supercomputer laboratory engaged in classified military research uses Chinese made computers. Some people hav... 我们拥有你  (washingtontimes.com) (91)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this speech coach  (online.wsj.com) (21)
(Globe and Mail) Asinine One of the most egregious Second Amendment violations I've seen  (theglobeandmail.com) (140)
(Some Guy) Hero "Nobody should have to live like that, and, by God, if I have anything to say about it, it will never happen again"  (heraldonline.com) (203)
(The Consumerist) PSA If you're eating dinner at a restaurant and decide to air your negative opinion about the place on Twitter while still eating, don't be shocked if you get kicked out  (consumerist.com) (257)
(WPBF) Florida Bigamy suspect says he doesn't remember marrying first wife (w/ mugshot that would seem to support his claim)  (wpbf.com) (45)
(News.com.au) Scary The call you never want to hear from your daughter: "Mum, the bear is eating me"  (news.com.au) (297)
(News.com.au) Interesting The average marriage lasts 8.7 years, feels WAY longer  (news.com.au) (281)
(Some Guy) Sad Brazilians waxed before they could fulfill missionary positions  (kptm.com) (25)
(Washington Post) Fail OK. Let's try this again. THIS is a birthday candle. THAT is a bottle rocket  (washingtonpost.com) (33)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this surprised squirrel  (wondermouse.com) (48)
(CNNGo) Weird In non-Soviet Russia, people sleep in oversized vending machines  (cnngo.com) (84)
(Yahoo) Asinine Ex-NBA ref kills himself on the same day his wife's strangled body was found. Authorities say there is no evidence the two deaths are connected. Really, they said that, out loud and everything  (news.yahoo.com) (77)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 328: "Mmm Bokeh 2: Electric Bokehloo". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (219)

Wed August 17, 2011
(Daily Mail) Fail Houston, we have a problem  (dailymail.co.uk) (99)
(Some Guy) Interesting Girl attacked by macaque in Wal-Mart parking lot. Yeah, sorry about that  (articles.ky3.com) (96)
(Mother Nature Network) PSA If you regularly use hand sanitizers, brush your teeth after every meal, and pop nutritional supplements like they're going out of style, you're probably doing your body more harm than good  (mnn.com) (161)
(Some Guy) Amusing Anonymous neighbor complains about man's garden, man's fellow neighbors come to his defense and the city inspector ends up trading gardening tips with him  (host.madison.com) (57)
(CBS News) Sick Not news: school girl forced to write note of apology to another student. News: For allowing him to rape her. Fark: Being raped is a public display of affection and is an expellable offense  (cbsnews.com) (444)
(Salon) Sad Well, it looks like you don't have Nixon's pilot to kick around anymore  (salon.com) (27)
(Entertainment Weekly) Fail Let an 11-year-old be mayor for a day. What's the worst that could happen?  (popwatch.ew.com) (132)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Where's Drew Curtis? (Waldo Challenge)  (fark.com) (36)
(Gizmodo) Asinine You know how you have to take a farking vacation day to be home for an 8-hour window waiting for the cable guy every time you need him to come? Here's why  (gizmodo.com) (158)
(WLSAM) Fail 75% of high school kids in Illinois are not ready for college, but fortunately, they can't read their college rejection notices  (wlsam.com) (156)
(Denver Post) Amusing City will shut down fountains near Phish concert to keep smelly hippies out of the water  (denverpost.com) (133)
(Some Guy) Interesting Remember how gas prices were dropping? A refinery in Memphis just exploded, so forget about that  (wreg.com) (65)
(CBC) Asinine In the Nanny State, you can be sentenced to four years for orchestrating disorder, even if you didn't orchestrate any disorder  (cbc.ca) (143)
(NYPost) Fail NYC salt-spreading truck driver doesn't let a lack of a door or ramp stop him from exiting the repair shop from the second floor  (nypost.com) (36)
(Talking Points Memo) Scary Manhunt on for ex marine accused of rape. With picture of-OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (361)
(PennLive) Amusing Pa. lawmaker suggests spread of STDs 'amongst womenfolk' a side effect of natural gas drilling. Ugh drill, baby, drill  (pennlive.com) (57)
(LA Times) Strange I may not agree with what you say but I will defend to the death your right to view this photo of Salvador Dali in a bathtub  (framework.latimes.com) (34)
(Some Guy) Amusing Finally, Facebook's Terms and Conditions in easy-to-understand Bro speak  (slacktory.com) (47)
(Fox News) Amusing Huge rodent spotted in California. NYC rodents laugh, pick their teeth with 2x4s  (foxnews.com) (75)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Interesting Woman saved from house explosion by refrigerator. Indy remains unimpressed  (startribune.com) (33)
(Yahoo) Asinine Shockingly, the internet billionaire who made his money flouting US banking laws and regulations, now wants to build floating sovereign city-states in international waters beyond the reach of any country's laws  (news.yahoo.com) (649)
(BBC) Interesting Oil's well that ends well as Libyan rebels refine their strategy against slick loyalist troops  (bbc.co.uk) (26)
(KTVB) Dumbass Not News: guy burns his trash to avoid paying for garbage pickup Fark: sets neighborhood on fire, is now liable for all suppression costs  (ktvb.com) (48)
(Some Guy) Asinine Woman dying of bone cancer sells her possessions in yard sale to pay bills. City says, "I'm sorry. Rules are rules." and closes it down  (salem.katu.com) (249)
(CNN) Fail CNN does not understand cause and effect, correlation vs. causation or how the markets work: Exhibit 1a. "Abercrombie drops 5% after 'Jersey Shore' diss"  (money.cnn.com) (63)
(CNN) Followup Ahh, summertime. Nothing like a dip in the local pond to cool off, and contract BRAIN-EATING AMOEBAS  (cnn.com) (67)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Spiffy Inspired by every cop movie made in the 70s, detective sues mayor for making him shave his facial hair  (nky.cincinnati.com) (52)
(Stuff) Fail Relationship tip: Before smashing your car into the apartment building of your husband's lover, you might want to first Google the address  (stuff.co.nz) (27)
(My Fox DC) Interesting Your honor, I always take out $1.5 million insurance policies on the hot-ass blond chicks I take to Aruba. Doesn't everybody?  (myfoxdc.com) (85)
(My Fox NY) Scary Fark-ready headline: "Russian Man Kills Wife With Homemade Missile"  (myfoxny.com) (55)
(NewsOK) Stupid Man arrested for theft of oilfield equipment after he was placed at scene at time of the theft by GPS device. He wore it as part of his release on bond for stealing oilfield equipment  (newsok.com) (17)
(USA Today) Cool London police have arrested their 1000th rioter. Two hundred more and they get the toaster oven  (usatoday.com) (47)
(Canada.com) Obvious When they're not crab fishing or rolling their snow tire around, Canadian inmates like to smoke the bible  (canada.com) (39)
(Mirror.co.uk) Amusing And now, animals with their heads stuck in things  (mirror.co.uk) (32)
(Click Orlando) Florida Harry Potter casts a spell on two riders, forcing officials to tame the Dragon Challenge coaster  (clickorlando.com) (41)
(BBC) Amusing I say, I say, I say..... How do you get down from a cow?  (bbc.co.uk) (45)
(Forbes) Scary All that radioactive sulphur from Fukishima that reached the US back in March? It is now in your pants. Your testicles to be exact. You're welcome  (forbes.com) (113)
(Daily Mail) Weird Who knew having a gay rights tattoo on your butt could get you out of trouble?  (dailymail.co.uk) (57)
(Washington Post) Scary Citibank: Pay your credit card bill, or we kill you  (washingtonpost.com) (124)
(Boston Globe) Interesting Nobody expects the Spanish Extradition  (boston.com) (32)
(The Consumerist) Fail After a woman's dog gets hit by a van, the woman's insurance company totals out the dog  (consumerist.com) (112)
(trib local) Dumbass After giving candy to minor girl, man does some extra tasting. Cops quickly take away his lick her license  (triblocal.com) (85)
(FARK) Photoshop Theme: Pair off two different SciFi characters and Photoshop what their kids would look like  (fark.com) (64)
(Chicago Tribune) Fail Killing 14,000 people a year, the biggest mass-murderer in the word is...the Social Security Administration  (chicagotribune.com) (139)
(BBC) Obvious Poaching threatens Swedish wolves, makes them flavorless and mushy  (bbc.co.uk) (54)
(SFGate) Weird Someone in New Zealand thought a clever way to promote the Rugby World Cup would be to have bikini-clad women on motorcycles drive sheep through downtown Auckland. Surprisingly, some people had a problem with this  (sfgate.com) (38)
(Telegraph) Scary What's worse than leaving dishes in the sink over the weekend and coming home to ants? A Gypsy infestation  (telegraph.co.uk) (341)
(MSNBC) Weird I'll be taking some stem cells, and whatever cash you got  (msnbc.msn.com) (21)
(Daily Mail) Scary Shark saves man  (dailymail.co.uk) (47)
(The New York Times) Sad Paul Meier, father of the randomized clinical trial, dies. There will be two funerals, and neither mourners nor clergy will know which coffin contains his body  (nytimes.com) (76)
(The Sun) Asinine Sexy pics at 12, pregnant at 15, and mom is thrilled because now the government will have to provide them with a bigger house. Hooray for the welfare state  (thesun.co.uk) (496)
(Telegraph) Dumbass Research shows men fall in love more easily and more often than women ... and usually live to regret it  (telegraph.co.uk) (202)
(Arizona Star) Scary ♫ Thaaaat girl is poisonnnnnnn ♫  (azstarnet.com) (86)
(LA Times) Asinine Get off the air above my lawn  (latimes.com) (152)
(Some Photogs) Photoshop Photoshop this sand-dwelling subject  (bigpicture.ru) (26)
(MSNBC) Florida Couple charged with hoarding nearly 700 cats, Fark's Florida tag  (msnbc.msn.com) (93)
(Huffington Post) Obvious Researchers find that reading Fark at work makes you a better worker  (huffingtonpost.com) (89)

Tue August 16, 2011
(UPI) Interesting Russia's new stealth fighter debuts. I can't see what they did there  (upi.com) (155)
(The Sun) Amusing Mantis dances in front of dog. The Sun is there  (thesun.co.uk) (43)
(The Local (Sweden)) Misc Mouse on board stops US-bound flight in Stockholm. Guess we need some motherfarking snakes on that motherfarking plane  (thelocal.se) (29)
(Huffington Post) Scary Rick Perry: "Let's use Predator drones on them Messicans a-crossin' the border"  (huffingtonpost.com) (307)
(Gizmodo) Obvious Gizmodo finally tackles the hard-hitting question that no one had the guts to ask: why the hell is everyone stealing copper?  (gizmodo.com) (122)
(Cracked) Obvious Thanks for ruining my dream of emigrating to Japan to become an anime artist in order to support my sick grandmother, JERKS  (cracked.com) (364)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this goose gaze  (spiegel.de) (33)
(CBS 46 Atlanta) Strange Oh, did I mess up your entire morning commute? Hawkward  (cbsatlanta.com) (39)
(Uproxx) Obvious Maru the famous internet cat has a book coming out. And don't even try to pretend that you're not going to buy it  (uproxx.com) (161)
(Wired) Strange Don't worry about that presentation, sir, I'll have my secretary copy the file to her vibrator and bring it right over to you  (wired.com) (88)
(The Consumerist) Silly Bank of America customer service rep transfers man to a foot-fetish hotline  (consumerist.com) (68)
(FARK) FarkBlog Kids reading to dogs in K-9, a lengthy wrap sheet, and Paul Revere's famous ride through...Davenport? A few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 8/7 - 8/13  (fark.com) (7)
(MSNBC) Obvious A Texan's take on the London riots. Yea, it's pretty much what you would expect  (worldblog.msnbc.msn.com) (416)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Ironic To alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, forgetting things  (suntimes.com) (38)
(WWL) Amusing Online charter schools: At last, combining the social development of home schooling, the educational prowess of public schools, and the solid career path of Phoenix University  (wwl.com) (86)
(Talking Points Memo) Weird Nazi, jihadist, Asperger's sufferer, gun nut, and Law & Order fan plead guilty to terrorism charges. FARK: All one person   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (154)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Dumbass Chinese restaurant chef accused of wontonly stabbing two employees  (suntimes.com) (54)
(CBS News) Sad 24 teenagers, 1.45 am, 7-11, 0 merchandise left. Flashmob looting arrives in Maryland  (cbsnews.com) (320)
(SeattlePI) Strange If you've recently lost a skull, these garbage men have it stuck on a pole for you  (seattlepi.com) (47)
(Miami Herald) Scary WAR. UH. Good god man. How much is it costing? NO ONE FARKING KNOWS  (miamiherald.com) (149)
(CNNGo) Scary Beauty tool that looks like it could kill you could actually kill you  (cnngo.com) (101)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Compton police phones in gridlock after rapper "The Game" tweets followers to call them  (abclocal.go.com) (90)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Woman offers $1,000 on Facebook to anyone who will kill her boyfriend. FARK. Some dumbass actually took her up on the offer  (abclocal.go.com) (123)
(My Fox DC) Interesting Prince Harry dumps lingerie model girlfriend to spend more time concentrating on Apache helicopter training, Pippa's arse (w/ pic)  (myfoxdc.com) (133)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Scary Human prune sues after tub failure  (suntimes.com) (117)
(Reuters) Interesting Fitch backs up US's AAA+ credit rating, douchey looking clothes  (reuters.com) (95)
(Some Guy) Florida This just in from Miss Manners: The small fork on the outside is for your salad, and always call ahead before you drive your truck through the Waffle House in an attempt to kill your wife who works there  (wpbf.com) (53)
(BBC) Dumbass Your mom tells you to do your chores. Do you a) do your chores, b) do your chores, c) do your chores, or d) call the cops and tell them she's making you do "forced labor"?  (bbc.co.uk) (109)
(AL.com) Amusing TVA would like you to know that they have a very strict ban on zombies during their next board meeting  (mobile.al.com) (21)
(The Athens News) Amusing "Dude. That was like, our last joint. Do you still have the County Commisioner's cell phone number?"  (athensnews.com) (19)
(SeattlePI) Dumbass Fisherman arrested for exposing his nightcrawler  (seattlepi.com) (19)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Sad Man uses weed trimmer on his father to take a little off the top  (suntimes.com) (47)
(The Atlantic) Interesting Cuba's daiquiri diplomacy plan: opening Hemingway's Bar inside their embassy and not charging for drinks  (theatlantic.com) (28)
(Washington Post) Spiffy A look at Great Falls, VA, the wealthiest community in the United States and living proof that the American dream is still alive and kicking. It's eating government dollars and thriving on perpetual war, sure, but it's alive and kicking  (washingtonpost.com) (128)
(WSB TV) Scary The new Rock Paper Scissors rules are in: Sword beats grandmother. Pellet gun beats car windshield. Taser beats 14-year-old boy  (wsbtv.com) (20)
(Guardian.com) Followup Got anything invested in NewsCorp.? You might want to call your broker. NOW  (guardian.co.uk) (77)
(Guardian.com) Fail UK man arrested for planning a fight through social media on his blackberry. A water fight  (guardian.co.uk) (17)
(CNN) Stupid White powder puts scare into Alaska congressional delegation. Police brace for anarchy in coming winter months  (edition.cnn.com) (24)
(wtsp.com) Florida "Driscoll admits that not only was his overtime padded, but he was also finishing a session of oral sex with Turner when co-worker Maggie Taffs walked in"  (wtsp.com) (71)
(WPXI) Stupid Half-naked woman fails at pole dancing, parenting  (wpxi.com) (30)
(Toledo Blade) Spiffy Police cancel Bronze Alert after missing girl is found  (toledoblade.com) (17)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this hilarious hat  (cs10419.vkontakte.ru) (30)
(Some Guy) Obvious There's money in the Taco Stand  (wlwt.com) (52)
(Boing Boing) Obvious China praises UK conservatives for joining China in censoring the internet  (boingboing.net) (32)
(CBS News) Ironic Megachurch pastor who wanted to protect kids from drugs dies from apparent drug overdose  (cbsnews.com) (92)
(UPI) Scary Now you know where Ramsay got the idea for "Hell's Kitchen"  (upi.com) (49)
(This Is Plymouth) Interesting Man banned from visiting Britain's most notorious prisoner in case they swap places  (thisisplymouth.co.uk) (30)
(azfamily.com) Spiffy Remember back when people actually dressed up with some class before robbing a bank? So does this guy  (azfamily.com) (21)
(Breitbart.com) Weird That ride over Niagara Falls was so turbulent, it turned a Japanese woman into a man  (breitbart.com) (29)
(News.com.au) Dumbass Man loses driving privileges for 12 months after being caught using two phones at once  (news.com.au) (24)
(Fark yeah) Followup Texas Board of Education has stopped fight at 4 minutes 50 seconds of the final round. Winner by knockout, Charles "Sweet Science" DARWIN  (tfninsider.org) (480)
(New York Daily News) Sick You're tired caring for your disabled 7-year-old son and want to send a signal that the mother should pitch in. Do you c) leave his severed head by the driveway for her to see when she comes home?  (nydailynews.com) (302)
(wten) Sappy U.S. Navy Lieutenant finally finds his Cinderella at amusement park  (wten.com) (53)
(UPI) Interesting Researchers say alcohol linked to insomnia -- like when your drunk neighbors keep you up all night  (upi.com) (80)
(Telegraph) Unlikely Researchers claim every hour of watching TV shortens your life by 22 minutes  (telegraph.co.uk) (150)
(Telegraph) Obvious Mother who doesn't do her job blames government for not doing her job  (telegraph.co.uk) (233)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this 96-year-old man pushing on  (online.wsj.com) (27)
(NPR) Followup Family possibly gives up $50,000 prize because they're honest, idiots  (npr.org) (96)
(Boston Globe) Asinine Apparently, there's nothing illegal about engaging in bodybuilding competitions while collecting injury disability from the fire department  (boston.com) (77)
(MSNBC) Interesting Man drives 1400 miles to get the pizza he grew up with, FARK: From Massachusetts, Suck it Chicago, and New York  (msnbc.msn.com) (136)
(Chicago Tribune) Hero Starbucks CEO to other CEOs: "Stop donating to political campaigns and start creating jobs"  (chicagotribune.com) (255)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Fail Friends don't let friends rob each other at gunpoint  (suntimes.com) (17)
(AP) Fail Meanwhile in Libya, Gaddafi finally gets around to using a scud missile, and fails to hit anything  (hosted.ap.org) (77)
(Boston Globe) Spiffy Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz  (boston.com) (58)

Mon August 15, 2011
(KnoxNews) Interesting It's 10 PM. Do you know where *your* child-porn downloading cop is parked and using your unencrypted router connections?  (knoxnews.com) (117)
(Toronto Star) Strange You're angry at your ex-wife. Do you: c) dump a 20 ton boulder in her driveway  (thestar.com) (92)
(CNN) Interesting CNN Money's list of 100 Best Places to Live (in the USA) has been released. Colorado won again, let the wars begin (Link goes to list instead of slideshow for your sanity's sake)  (money.cnn.com) (308)
(Yahoo) Cool The definitive guide to how to defeat anyone at "Rock/Paper/Scissors"   (news.yahoo.com) (77)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this guy and his "gun"  (3.bp.blogspot.com) (33)
(Stuff) Dumbass Woman steals $780 of Botox in her face. Suspect is expressionless. Repeat, expressionless  (stuff.co.nz) (34)
(KHOU Houston) Interesting Woman asked to stop breastfeeding in a woman only gym. "It's just eating. It's food; You don't go eat a sandwich and put a blanket over your head"  (khou.com) (256)
(Washington Post) Hero Oldest Bataan Death March survivor, who was told by a doctor not to expect to reach 50 given his war experiences, dies at 105  (washingtonpost.com) (102)
(My Fox Dallas) Dumbass Drunk, shirtless, driving a stolen forklift through city streets and throwing your empty beer cans at the police car following you is no way to go through life, son. With video goodness, of course  (myfoxdfw.com) (31)
(Gawker) Stupid Professor at religious college: "Hai kids, there's this thing called science, and........ " TERMINATION ENSUES  (gawker.com) (297)
(Some CBS Affiliate) Obvious Detroit police stop responding to automated burglar alarms since 98% turn out to be false alarms. People who live near idiots with car alarms nod understandingly   (detroit.cbslocal.com) (58)
(CNN) Interesting Want to learn more about Islam? There's a hotline for that. And, through the end of the month, lots of roadside billboards to get the word out about it  (religion.blogs.cnn.com) (172)
(Canada.com) Obvious Doctors beginning to realize that obesity is only one indicator of health, jollyness  (canada.com) (37)
(Life.com) Hero 50 years ago today, a 19-year-old named Conrad Schumann took a legendary flying leap over newly erected barbed wire and became the first-ever GDR soldier to escape from East to West Berlin. Suck it, commies  (life.com) (112)
(The Consumerist) Followup Starbucks shuts down the not-at-all-a-publicity-stunt Jonathan's Card over fraud concerns  (consumerist.com) (123)
(wistv.com) Scary Man speaks about shark bite. And I quote: "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH"  (wistv.com) (52)
(Slate) Spiffy Itsy, Bitsy, Teeny, Weeny: An Illustrated History of the Bikini. Yes it's a slideshow. You'll get over it  (slate.com) (lots)
(NYPost) Weird Creepiest story you'll read all day: Plus-sized model has converted her home into a silent nursery filled with handmade, eerily lifelike baby dolls she keeps carefully arranged in carriages and cribs  (nypost.com) (193)
(The Raw Story) Interesting New study shows that "mean people" earn more money. So, fark you  (rawstory.com) (122)
(TMZ) Florida Casey Anthony may benefit from the State of Florida's incompetence. Again  (tmz.com) (127)
(The New York Times) Obvious Republican congressman accuses Obama of corruption. You can see where this is going  (nytimes.com) (99)
(Txchnologist) Interesting Bre Pettis wants to be able to duplicate himself -- and just might be able to  (txchnologist.com) (22)
(Some Guy) Interesting 16 cute-but-deadly plants. Audrey II not on the list  (webecoist.com) (76)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop these women minding their business  (online.wsj.com) (28)
(The Newspaper) Followup Houston's red light cameras, which were shut down by voters then reactivated by a federal judge, are about to be shut down by the mayor then reactivated by a federal judge  (thenewspaper.com) (118)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Woman who drinks up to 28 pints a day arrested for stealing bacon. And no, I don't know what her Fark handle is  (dailymail.co.uk) (58)
(AP) Interesting Did Butch Cassidy survive the blaze of guns in Bolivia and live to a ripe old age, peacefully and anonymously, in Washington state?  (hosted.ap.org) (48)
(Miami Herald) Asinine Ihre Papiere, bitte  (miamiherald.com) (268)
(Huffington Post) Interesting New fuel sources discovered You might be running your car on things like human fat, processed dirty diapers or minced rabbit  (huffingtonpost.com) (66)
(LA Times) Obvious A South Korean, conscripted by the Japanese during WWII, wants to stop being dead now  (latimes.com) (28)
(Florida Today) Florida Ball breaker attacks man with nutcracker  (floridatoday.com) (14)
(MSNBC) Scary What's the new rage in protesting, if you're a monk in China? Why, setting yourself on fire, of course. It's been done before. But monk he see, monk he do  (msnbc.msn.com) (79)
(Washington Post) Cool Meet Andrew Robison, the man who will decide what art gets saved when the zombie apocalypse finally comes  (washingtonpost.com) (57)
(Pittsburgh Post-Gazette) Scary The US has a serious drug supply shortage. So don't get leukemia now, wait until next year  (postgazette.com) (73)
(Des Moines Register) Stupid If you were the person responsible for sticking a 'go vegan' sign in one of the famous butter cows at the Iowa State Fair, officials are not amused. "The butter cow represents humankind's tyranny over defenseless animals"  (desmoinesregister.com) (267)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Woman agrees to meet her ex-boyfriend in the parking lot of a Walmart in order to retrieve her short pink shorts, panties and bras from his cars. Things rapidly go downhill from there  (nwfdailynews.com) (98)
(CBS21.com) Interesting Some stories write their own headline: "Police seek ex in robbery of Big Beaver exotic dancer"  (whptv.com) (55)
(Short List) Strange Amazon CEO applies for patent for cell phone airbags. Also looks into a vibrating function for cars  (shortlist.com) (24)
(Sunshine Slate) Florida What not to have tattooed on your forehead when being arrested by police  (sunshineslate.com) (57)
(The New York Times) Cool Noted communist and dirty hippy Warren E. Buffett, on taxing the rich: "My friends and I have been coddled long enough by a billionaire-friendly Congress. It's time for our government to get serious about shared sacrifice"  (nytimes.com) (621)
(Mother Nature Network) Obvious Now they've done it: After officials shut down cell phone services to stop a protest at San Francisco's subway, their website is now the number one target for hackers worldwide  (mnn.com) (141)
(SLTrib) Stupid Daughter's 14th birthday party? Threaten the guests with a fire poker, a knife and a beer bottle and then punch your daughter in the mouth. The Aristocrats  (sltrib.com) (41)
(NYPost) Sad Give me your tired, your poor, your suicidal woman, jumping suddenly  (nypost.com) (35)
(Huffington Post) Obvious More farker, less farking. Less farker, more farking  (huffingtonpost.com) (63)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Oldest car-chase cliche in the book kills one, injures several  (orlandosentinel.com) (41)
(CBC) Spiffy Some gawmogue got his back-load of caper taken. Dem blue hat by'es will take the batty to the station, divvy up the yaffle, and put 'er deego in the shed. May as well just cut the line and go home  (cbc.ca) (77)
(News.com.au) Weird I'll see your "man trapped in elevator as it fills with water" story and raise you a "skier takes wrong turn and is chased by a herd of Hereford bulls"  (news.com.au) (39)
(Daily Mail) Followup ♫ Aruba, Jamaica I didn't wanna break ya. Bermuda, Bahama I didn't kill that pretty mama. Key Largo, Montego dammit now let me go ♫  (dailymail.co.uk) (68)
(Telegraph) Cool F1 fan receives bionic hand from Mercedes team. Afterward, teen says, "I can do everything, it is just like the real thing." (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)  (telegraph.co.uk) (145)
(The New York Times) Scary Firefighters narrowly rescue two men trapped in a stuck elevator filling with water. It's like all of subby's nightmares rolled into one convenient package  (nytimes.com) (112)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this complex costume  (online.wsj.com) (43)
(USA Today) Obvious Stinky, sweaty people have great air conditioners  (yourlife.usatoday.com) (64)
(Some Shutterbug) Asinine Chief says cops can detain photographers if their subject has "no apparent esthetic value." There goes your mom's modeling career  (lbpost.com) (252)
(Globe and Mail) Scary Putt-Putt: Serious business  (theglobeandmail.com) (51)
(Motor Trend) Asinine The administration's proposed new car mileage rules which are expected to mandate a 56.2 mpg average by 2025 will cost car buyers an additional $6714 for each car  (motortrend.com) (437)
(MSNBC) Obvious All school and no play makes kids something something  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (94)
(STLToday) Stupid High school students pass out brownies secretly laced with pot at summer band camp. Police: "It could have been an interesting band practice"  (stltoday.com) (78)
(io9) Amusing Silly Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.. Wendy's doesn't serve pizza  (io9.com) (44)
(Chicago Sun-Times) PSA It is now legal to raise chickens in Chicago. Naturally some people have a problem with this  (suntimes.com) (103)

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