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Sun September 04, 2011
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Journal Star) Asinine The latest threat to our pwecious snowflakes at school: Waterfalls  (journalstar.com) (88)
(Some Guy) News Massive wildfire breaks out in Bastrop, Texas: 10,000 acres involved, 10 miles long, spreading fast  (gonzalescannon.com) (718)
(News.com.au) Followup 6.1-magnitude aftershock strikes off Vanuatu Barada Nikto  (news.com.au) (33)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Secret documents reveal Gadaffi threatened holy war if Lockerbie bomber died in Scotland  (dailymail.co.uk) (61)
(News.com.au) Unlikely Next Top Model contestant is a size 8, too fat (w/pic)  (news.com.au) (253)
(LaCrosse Tribune) Strange Meanwhile in Wisconsin: 'Ed Gein, The Musical'  (lacrossetribune.com) (60)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Superpower? America's a Third World country. Look what happened in New York after a damp squib of a hurricane sent the US into panic  (dailymail.co.uk) (194)
(News.com.au) Dumbass Happy Feet, the wayward penguin who ended up stranded in New Zealand, has been nursed back to health and released in sub-Antarctic waters. Where he promptly does a u-turn and heads back to New Zealand. Potato  (news.com.au) (48)
(Telegraph) Interesting European Union investigating nutritional value of eating insects -- presumably by traveling to U.S. and sampling fast food  (telegraph.co.uk) (28)
(Some Guy) Asinine Christians in Beirut are outraged, OUTRAGED that Halloween flip-flops are being sold in the marketplace  (nowlebanon.com) (56)
(Les Mureaux, France) Photoshop Photoshop this weird thing on wheels  (bigpicture.ru) (35)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Apparently in Florida you're still considered a teen if you're 22  (nwfdailynews.com) (45)
(BBC) Asinine Vandals sack Rome. This is not a repeat from 455  (bbc.co.uk) (40)
(Forbes) Unlikely MDA asks Americans to give $1 more to their Labor Day Telethon this year, to thank them for firing that creepy old hack Jerry Lewis  (forbes.com) (51)
(Cracked) Hero Cracked makes a list of 7 items; puts it all on one page  (cracked.com) (63)
(truTV) Interesting Labor Day is a plot to promote the greater good, and nine other Labor Day-themed conspiracy theories. THE GREATER GOOD  (trutv.com) (57)
(Some Old Rugged Cross) Stupid Today's "Jesus in a mundane thing" story comes to you from *spins wheel* Newnan, Georgia. Bonus: "Where the hell is Jesus on this?" picture of object  (times-herald.com) (59)
(News.com.au) Sad Airline food takes its first victim  (news.com.au) (61)
(Telegraph) Interesting Stroke victims treated with saliva from vampire bats, despite the stakes  (telegraph.co.uk) (24)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Bank of America calls deceased man's widow 48 times a day to remind her that he owes them a mortgage payment  (dailymail.co.uk) (347)
(Some Guy) Weird "I failed to visit Hell again which left me feeling disappointed"  (asiaone.com) (71)
(New York Daily News) Spiffy Drinkers set Guinness World Record for hitting more than 170 pubs in 24-hours after reaching the pint of no return  (nydailynews.com) (26)
(SFGate) Spiffy One thing that isn't feeling the recession: going out in the desert, getting wasted and setting shiat on fire  (sfgate.com) (58)
(newsinenglish.no) Amusing Even if you really hate your bad haircut and don't have a hat, calling the police about it probably won't help the situation  (newsinenglish.no) (27)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this flight instructor  (bigpicture.ru) (28)
(Some Guy) Sick CCTV captures rare footage of slow lorises mating in an elevator at Motherwell Station  (thescottishsun.co.uk) (247)
(Some Guy) Scary Talk about a bad LDS trip  (journalnet.com) (128)
(BBC) Sad Cuban defence minister dies of heart attack, boredom  (bbc.co.uk) (36)
(Some Guy) Amusing This review is comedy gold; come for the ignorant review, stay for the "lawyer" defending his stupidity in the comments  (amazon.com) (189)
(Some Hungry Guy) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Rejected Food Network shows  (foodnetwork.com) (50)
(Yahoo) Spiffy Our long national nightmare is over: male porn actor who had tested positive for HIV re-tests as negative, allowing porn production to resume  (news.yahoo.com) (159)

Sat September 03, 2011
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this surf searcher  (inapcache.boston.com) (25)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Sheriff takes back county jail from for-profit company after they let it get run down. One year after being back in government hands, Sheriff saves over one million dollars in expenses  (tampabay.com) (223)
(MSNBC) Misc I have no idea what you're talking about, so here's a 126.4-pound cabbage  (overheadbin.msnbc.msn.com) (59)
(Cracked) Sick The eight most badass Make-A-Wish Foundation wishes. Bring a tissue, it's dusty in here  (cracked.com) (251)
(Some Guy) Cool Two enterprising teens stun auto industry with introduction of new Austrian compact car using innovative gravity-driven manufacturing process (with cool pic of first production model)  (web.orange.co.uk) (77)
(SFGate) Sick Vatican rejects criticism over sex abuse, argues they were only minor offenses  (sfgate.com) (125)
(Salon) Ironic Why do ironic t-shirts enrage the public?  (salon.com) (199)
(Some Guy) Florida Cop Tasers himself after pleading "don't Tase me, me"  (keysnet.com) (53)
(WLSAM) Spiffy Every new car comes with free car washes for life, floor mats, and a hanging wedgie  (wlsam.com) (30)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Reversing the usual order, bar offers free drinks for ladies that remove their underwear. Naturally, some people have a problem with this  (thejournal.ie) (78)
(Naples Daily News) Florida Mom complaining about you practicing martial arts in the living room again? Nothing that a roundhouse kick to her head won't cure  (naplesnews.com) (51)
(Some Guy) Interesting Filmmakers who must be high on poppy seeds are russian through the creation of a documentary about the origins of Thousand Island Dressing. Let's hope they don't have an epilectic caesar. Meanwhile, back at the ranch  (syracuse.com) (51)
(BBC) Strange Man recovering from savage attack by python. Oh wait, swap those two  (bbc.co.uk) (62)
(Yahoo) Sad Documents found in at Gadhafi's secret police's headquarters show they had extensive ties and received aid from a shadowy US group known only by the initials C.I.A.  (news.yahoo.com) (261)
(Guardian.com) Followup China's propaganda bureau has taken over two vocally critical newspapers in Beijing purely at the behest of the public, who know a red herring when they see one  (guardian.co.uk) (29)
(Independent) Sad The Last Resort: More and more Americans are calling long-stay motels home  (independent.co.uk) (229)
(Some Guy) Strange Look, you can't just pound on a guy's door and demand to have sex with his wife. Even if you ARE naked when you do it  (thetandd.com) (80)
(Some Potter fan) Amusing Female muggle finds Mandrake  (web.orange.co.uk) (44)
(CBS News) Dumbass Billy Joe Armstrong kicked off Southwest flight for being an American idiot  (cbsnews.com) (202)
(CNN) Sad Two pilots tried to make a Cessna 415 in Alaska  (cnn.com) (60)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida What the hell is a 'stoner box' and why are you showing yours to the cops?  (nwfdailynews.com) (139)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Interesting Afghanistan veteran who lost both legs and an arm is angry after being discharged by the British Army, even though he's still fit to bite the legs off the enemy  (lep.co.uk) (46)
(Some Guy) Amusing Seven animals that yell like people, plus one that screams like your wife  (theenthusiast.com.au) (76)
(Toronto Sun) Obvious Student who was getting laid every couple of days and twice on Sundays won't be anymore  (torontosun.com) (127)
(Honolulu Star-Advertiser) Fail Attempt to walk from one island to another island ends predictably  (staradvertiser.com) (31)
(AZCentral) Stupid How crazy are the people in Phoenix? They get mad when Heidi Klum goes topless sunbathing  (azcentral.com) (152)
(CSMonitor) Florida Florida wants pathological liar Casey *cough murderer* Anthony, once convicted of fraud, to pay $50,000 for their failed murder prosecution. Sure, just let her get her checkbook out. What? It's good  (csmonitor.com) (134)
(Washington Times) Followup More fractures found in Washington Monument. Experts called in since D.C. officials have no idea how to fix crack problem  (washingtontimes.com) (41)
(CNN) PSA Lee to storm The South. Awkward  (cnn.com) (37)
(KTLA) Unlikely Woman finds rock she says looks like Virgin Mary holding Jesus, so clearly it has sedimental value  (ktla.com) (53)
(waukee.patch.com) Caturday For over 15 years, Waukee Hardware's best employee has never missed a day at work, and has proved invaluable in attracting business. Pretty impressive considering that the employee is 19. And not human. Welcome to Caturday  (waukee.patch.com) (804)
(Some Guy who needs an editor) Obvious One in four Americans would give up basic civil liberties in exchange for freedom. Wait. What?  (newser.com) (138)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop theme: 2012 Presidential campaign posters you'd like to see  (google.com) (56)
(News.com.au) Amusing "My Facebook date used me as a getaway driver"  (news.com.au) (25)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Alcohol doesn't make you behave badly, it just stops you from caring about the embarrassment  (dailymail.co.uk) (53)
(Some Guy) Stupid A man is assaulted for taking too long to pump his gas, but to be fair he shouldn't have taken so long to pump his goddamn gas  (lohud.com) (56)
(Whoa) Weird College gym extracts electricity from people using cardio machines, bringing the Matrix one step closer to fruition  (ktvq.com) (47)
(Daily Mail) Scary One in 25 bosses is a secret psychopath. Good luck on Monday  (dailymail.co.uk) (120)
(Huffington Post) Unlikely Glenn Beck: Let's go back to using "Colored"  (huffingtonpost.com) (390)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Growing up we all played doctor at some time or another. But most of us did it in the bedroom when our parents were gone, not an actual ER  (orlandosentinel.com) (37)
(Yahoo) Stupid The South loses again  (news.yahoo.com) (132)
(Daily Mail) Amusing I'm surfing with the sharks, I'm surfing with the sharks, suck my d**k, I'm surfing with the sharks  (dailymail.co.uk) (57)

Fri September 02, 2011
(LA Times) Interesting Olympics 2020 bids are in: Rome; Madrid; Tokyo; Istanbul; Doha, and Baku ... Baku? What, Vulcan wasn't available? Oh. Right  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (71)
(Huffington Post) Interesting KY's latest ad will feature lesbians, appeal to straight men  (huffingtonpost.com) (114)
(Denver Post) Scary And this boys and girls is Bog, the zoo's 10-pound American alligator. In the wild, Bog would normally OWWWWWWW GET IT OFF ME  (denverpost.com) (33)
(Arizona Star) Hero Rancher fed up with promises from the county takes matters in his own hands and does his own road work, then sends them the bill. The county's response? Thanks but paying would set a bad precedent  (azstarnet.com) (118)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this joker jesting   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (35)
(Huffington Post) Spiffy Chinese park offers free entry to virgins  (huffingtonpost.com) (58)
(wavy.com) Dumbass Idiot that had to be rescued from his beached sailboat in 3 feet of water is arrested. Twice. For being drunk. Then poops in the police car. Now he has 3 days to get his boat off the beach or the Coast Guard will cut it up  (wavy.com) (61)
(The Smoking Gun) Dumbass Bad: Man serving 10 days in jail for overdue library books. Worse: Has to return to job at Pizza Hut upon release from clink  (thesmokinggun.com) (52)
(Mother Nature Network) Interesting New study reveals pirates of the Caribbean had a fascination with fine pottery, eye shadow  (mnn.com) (69)
(LA Times) Interesting Professor by day, motorcycle gang meth dealer by night  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (113)
(Chicago Tribune) Dumbass Good idea: Deciding to walk home after being arrested for DUI. Bad idea: Via the expressway  (chicagotribune.com) (25)
(Fox News) Amusing Don't let your kids watch the tranny on Dancing With The Stars. BOOGA BOOGA BOOGA  (foxnews.com) (399)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Today's Fark-ready headline: Suburban Boynton mom arrested after daughters, 5 and 7, found home alone; playing with condom  (sun-sentinel.com) (51)
(IndyStar) Plug Stupid crime: Repeatedly stealing copper from live power lines, Impressive crime: Surviving repeatedly stealing copper from live power lines  (indystar.com) (60)
(Des Moines Register) Sick "It's been 93 years since we were able to kill doves with buckshot in Iowa. Now, we can hunt doves like we were meant to"  (desmoinesregister.com) (271)
(Yahoo) Interesting President Obama halts controversial EPA regulation. Enjoy your smog some more, citizen  (news.yahoo.com) (178)
(WTOP) Obvious You might want to sit down for this, but it turns out that the nuclear industry may have been understating the risk posed by earthquakes to their reactors  (wtop.com) (57)
(Some Guy) Scary "The bat flew down the pizza aisle, flew back at us, flew down and landed on her, attacking her and bit her leg." Pizza aisle?  (minnesota.cbslocal.com) (101)
(Daily Mail) Sad London is no longer an English city and that's how it got the Olympics, says John Cleese  (dailymail.co.uk) (161)
(CNN) Strange Gadhafi: The capitol has not fallen. I declare that wherever I am, that is the capitol  (edition.cnn.com) (95)
(WLKY) Sad Dermatologist shot while leaving office. Investigators say it appears to have been a planned attack, not a rash decision  (wlky.com) (38)
(WLSAM) Fail Sick of thinking outside the box? Here is the net-net, the bottom line, and the key takeaway  (wlsam.com) (145)
(Some Fruity Guy) Photoshop UltraFark Photoshop Challenge: Color in these random fruits and arrange in a classic still life  (onlinecoloringgames.com) (28)
(FARK) Cool Ready for this week's episode of the Fark Weird News Quiz? No. Well, damn  (fark.com) (35)
(Harrisburg Daily Register) PSA If you see a squirrel with purple lips in Illinois, it means you're tresspassing  (dailyregister.com) (30)
(CNN) Dumbass If you've taken over the computers of 100 women and are planning to use the threat of posting online the naked photos you've taken of them to extort money, you might want to put the kibosh on your scheme for a little while  (cnn.com) (122)
(Metro) Scary As if we didn't already have enough to worry about, now it looks like space aliens are raping our pigs  (metro.co.uk) (44)
(USA Today) Followup Yes, the naked dead woman found hanging in the Coronado mansion with her hands and feet bound killed herself. So quit yammering about it  (usatoday.com) (172)
(Some Yooper) Dumbass Another confirmed sighting of the legendary Wisconsin "thirty beer drunk"  (lacrossetribune.com) (66)
(Village Voice) Interesting Australian government will order church of Scientology to pay workers minimum wage, including back pay. "It will be an utter disaster, worse than losing tax-exempt status"  (blogs.villagevoice.com) (112)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Police stun naked man in Florida. To be fair, the naked man probably stunned police a bit, too  (orlandosentinel.com) (6)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Fail Chicago university removes SAT and ACT requirements, measuring a student's ability to pay as the sole admission criteria  (suntimes.com) (104)
(Fox News) Misc Gulf storm expected to dump 20 inches of rain. Female meteorologist says it'll be 6 inches at best  (foxnews.com) (60)
(Some Guy) Amusing Man in chicken suit attacked outside of a store. Peter Griffin unavailable for comment  (nebraska.tv) (63)
(Yorkshire Post) Strange Good news - if you want a library card in the UK, the library no longer has to ask you whether you have AIDS, cancer, or are a tranny  (yorkshirepost.co.uk) (40)
(Lake Wylie Pilot) Obvious Working on a movie for Halloween 2012 release, but don't have a plot? Here you go  (lakewyliepilot.com) (43)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Orlando injecting molasses into 40 acres of land to slow spread of cancer-causing contaminants. "We've gotten five tankfuls into the ground already"  (orlandosentinel.com) (46)
(JSOnline) Unlikely Therapist denies being the rapist  (jsonline.com) (38)
(Jalopnik) Stupid No one expects the transit inquisition Our chief weapon is fear and surprise  (jalopnik.com) (52)
(Yahoo) Followup Police nab fugitive featured on "America's Most Wanted" who was hiding out in New Jersey; may release him if they can't find a punishment worse than living in New Jersey  (news.yahoo.com) (18)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Just like when a hot teacher has sex with a student, you can say "why couldn't this happen to me when I went to school?" with this awesome charter school. Clue: 2-for-1 and ladies night  (sun-sentinel.com) (55)
(Emirates 24/7) Unlikely Cops blame rollover accident on...magic?  (emirates247.com) (34)
(Jalopnik) Asinine Texas DOT creates the new Texas Autobahn  (jalopnik.com) (269)
(Washington Post) Cool Let's face it: having your own airplane is passe. Your own yacht? *yawn* All the *real* hipsters own their own railroad car  (washingtonpost.com) (99)
(News.com.au) Obvious Bats invade Transylvanian classroom. Vell, vhat did you expect, vhite rabbits?  (news.com.au) (22)
(Fox News) Sick 45-year-old grandpa charged with child abuse after forcing his three grandsons through a desert hike with no water. Fark: because they were fatties  (foxnews.com) (155)
(KWCH TV) Dumbass When the hooker you've already paid for shows up and isn't as cute as her picture on the Net, and won't give you a refund, do you? C: Call the cops to report the hooker you hired robbed you  (kwch.com) (60)
(Fox News) Sick UN announces its latest aid program: food for sex  (foxnews.com) (102)
(Yahoo) News 7.1 earthquake reported in Alaska; tsunami warning issued (update: tsunami warning has been cancelled)  (yahoo.com) (157)
(Daily Mail) Unlikely Obvious: Holland is flat. Strange: They're going to spice things up with an artificial mountain. Unlikely: It's going to be a mile high and three miles wide  (dailymail.co.uk) (85)
(BBC) Interesting Scientists develop vaccine to curb sex drive of deer. If they want them to stop having sex, why not just make them get married?  (bbc.co.uk) (159)
(Outside) Stupid Not that athletic footwear is getting to be too specialized, but if you're planning on running with the bulls in Pamplona, have we got a shoe for you  (outsideonline.com) (41)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this pasta preparation person  (bigpicture.ru) (30)
(USA Today) Fail Insomnia costs US $63.2 billion annually, says offices of made up statistics. Yawn  (yourlife.usatoday.com) (49)
(LA Times) Stupid 17,505 people per square mile means you have to create microparks out of bright orange dumpsters. Huh  (latimes.com) (57)
(The New York Times) Cool Fed to sue banks over the mortgage crisis  (nytimes.com) (203)
(Some Guy) Asinine Firefighters take water from your pond. Do you: c) try to shoot down their helicopter?  (news9.com) (86)
(Independent) Interesting The head of the Libyan rebel military was once tortured by the CIA and handed over to Gadaffi for imprisonment  (independent.co.uk) (99)
(Orlando Sentinel) Dumbass Hey, college boy, are you studying hard or is that low-grade uranium in your pocket? Oh, shiat, it's uranium  (orlandosentinel.com) (60)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Hey guys, I found these brownies my son made in the freezer at home and thought I'd bring them in to work for us all to enjoy at coffee break and PLANETARY BEAT BLACKTHORN CRIBBLE  (timescolonist.com) (126)
(MSNBC) Obvious Americans are using so little gasoline that the U.S. has been a net exporter of refined fuels to other countries for the past nine weeks, which has led to the 2nd highest Labor Day gas prices in history because Fark you, that's why  (msnbc.msn.com) (202)
(WWL) PSA Tropical Depression #13 forms in Gulf. Louisiana & Texas in pray-off to see who gets the sweet, sweet rain  (wwl.com) (87)
(The Atlantic Wire) Dumbass Los Angeles resident goes off to Libya to fight with the Rebels, despite not knowing Arabic or how to fire a gun, is somehow still alive  (theatlanticwire.com) (97)
(KDAF) Sad ♫Are you burning at Scarborough Faire/Ren Fest Fire, burnt pickles and ash♫  (the33tv.com) (68)

Thu September 01, 2011
(Daily Mail) Interesting British households where no one has EVER worked doubles to 297,000 in 15 years  (dailymail.co.uk) (165)
(NPR) Interesting FDA advisory panel recommends national database of silicone breast implant recipients, preferably with recent photos and phone numbers  (npr.org) (49)
(Santa Ynez Valley News) Dumbass High school volleyball coach arrested for teaching underaged female student how to bump-and-set while he spiked  (syvnews.com) (84)
(MSNBC) Spiffy Number of US Military deaths in Iraq for August: 0  (worldblog.msnbc.msn.com) (134)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Replace famous celebrities with Drew  (fark.com) (103)
(Yahoo) Florida Romance novelist scammed of $20 million by family of "psychics." Next novel will be a story of hope, betrayal and REVENGE, with Fabio on the cover  (news.yahoo.com) (61)
(wlwt.com) Sad 24-year-old father dies of tooth infection. Sorry to put a dentin your day  (wlwt.com) (301)
(Daily Mail) Unlikely Latest on the list of things causing cancer? Tattoos  (dailymail.co.uk) (68)
(WLSAM) Dumbass You're lucky enough to be married to a stripper. Don't wreck it by setting her room on fire  (wlsam.com) (90)
(Nerve) Amusing Cops have discovered Urban Dictionary, much to the dismay of the guy who said he wanted to "murk" a witness against him  (nerve.com) (76)
(Guardian.com) Dumbass Berlusconi, facing a major blackmail scandal, will fight for as long as it takes to clear his name. Just kidding, he says he says his country "sickens" him, that he can't wait to leave "shiatty Italy"  (guardian.co.uk) (98)
(Telegraph) Strange Culture of drunkenness, lewd behavior and sexual misconduct fueled by unlimited free vodka and jagermeister at . . . Microsoft? This explains rather a lot, actually  (telegraph.co.uk) (72)
(Reuters) Scary Gelled fuel for use with decorative fire pots works much better than expected  (reuters.com) (45)
(MSNBC) Interesting Yo dawg, I heard you like rivers, so I put a river under your river for when you dig under the river  (msnbc.msn.com) (58)
(Tricites.com) Stupid Fifth grader arrested and Child Protective Services notified because girl rode her bike one mile to school. Tennessee tag screams out for creation  (www2.tricities.com) (213)
(CNN) Interesting Fark-ready headline of the day: "Dog boom as China's attitudes on pets, palates change"  (cnn.com) (46)
(NJ.com) Sick Two men arrested for kidnapping, sexually assaulting handicapped woman, after promise of Bible study turns all Old Testament-y  (nj.com) (55)
(KTLA) Scary Man, Iggy Pop has gone downhi...scratch that, he's actually looking better  (ktla.com) (39)
(Huffington Post) Interesting Granny porn case dropped after evidence sags  (huffingtonpost.com) (53)
(Some rock hound) Stupid Visiting the Grand Canyon do you c) spray paint your name so your kids can see it in 20 years?  (ottawacitizen.com) (149)
(Guardian.com) Amusing Getting a tan in the UK has its hazards: "I awoke to find a man crouching behind me, having a right old play with his meat and two veg"  (guardian.co.uk) (57)
(NPR) Obvious Soda quiz, jerkwads. What is the proper way to call a soda soda? SODA. That's right. Every other way is wrong and an affront to America and good taste  (npr.org) (620)
(Florida Today) Florida Not News. Juvenile delinquency down in Florida. News. Adults committing those same juvenile crimes on the increase  (floridatoday.com) (16)
(BBC) Scary Family gets compensation over groin strain death misdiagnosis. No matter what way you order those words, it still sounds awful  (bbc.co.uk) (36)
(Boston Globe) Sick Think your neighbor's bad? Well, at least he doesn't give your horse the clap  (boston.com) (84)
(SeattlePI) Obvious Washington D.C.: Home of America's worst tan, worst communication skills, worst former mayor and now America's worst drivers. Here comes the science  (seattlepi.com) (141)
(PhysOrg.com) Followup "All those little squirts coming out, you would not see that on a normal day"  (physorg.com) (40)
(USA Today) Sad More and more hotels are replacing their tiny toiletry bottles with the full-sized version. But how else will I pretend that I'm a giant?  (travel.usatoday.com) (90)
(CNNGo) Spiffy Legendary flower believed to bloom only once every 3,000 years springs up at South Korean convenience store. Either that or it's just some kind of mold or fungi  (cnngo.com) (55)
(BBC) Scary Some days you tip the cows, some days the cows tip you  (bbc.co.uk) (45)
(SFGate) Stupid Chubby Bunny: Extreme sport, extremely gross, or just another example of the decline in Western civilization?  (sfgate.com) (71)
(Some Guy) Amusing Woman gives birth in Waffle House parking lot. Scattered reports say the labor was over easy, but the parking lot was smothered and covered with afterbirth  (wltx.com) (30)
(BBC) Interesting Hey Australia, the one animal on your island that doesn't kill everything it sees is the one you hunted to extinction. May Steve Irwin have mercy on your souls  (bbc.co.uk) (56)
(AP) Cool Man foils robbery of his home and aids in capture of suspects. From his plane flying over the scene  (hosted.ap.org) (11)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this De Lackner DH-4 "Heli-Vector"  (img265.imageshack.us) (36)
(The Local (Sweden)) Hero "Independence Day" the Swedish way: Man charged for 'shooting down UFOs'  (thelocal.se) (41)
(Ars Technica) Obvious No Nazi comparisons? Sounds like something Hitler would say  (arstechnica.com) (49)
(DoDlive) Cool Even small jobs help defend our country, like this guy, who cut the hair of 1.5 million airmen in basic training for 50 years  (airman.dodlive.mil) (169)
(The New York Times) Interesting Let me correct you on a few things, Otto. "London homeowners underground" is not a political movement  (nytimes.com) (46)
(Reuters) Followup Bones of Australian icon Ned Kelly identified, hope to be replaced with those of Yahoo Serious  (reuters.com) (37)
(Huffington Post) Dumbass Compassionate mother gets her baby girl to stop crying by: A) singing a soothing lullaby, B) feeding her a warm bottle of milk, or C) blowing marijuana smoke in her mouth  (huffingtonpost.com) (151)
(Keighley News) Dumbass And then there's "too drunk to remember getting in a fight." With a car  (keighleynews.co.uk) (17)
(Some Expat) Sick Strange: Dutch game show offers cash prizes to asylum seekers. Sick: The money is to be used for a one-way trip back to where they came from. WTF: One of the consolation prizes is a bulletproof vest  (rnw.nl) (79)
(Somerset County Gazette) Silly Store to customer: Sorry for overcharging you, let me draw you a picture of a dinosaur  (thisisthewestcountry.co.uk) (41)
(AP) Weird Ohio police round up 10 trash bags full of feral panties from Fairfield County hillsides  (hosted.ap.org) (132)
(Precentral) Amusing Not News: Scammers set up website to lure disgruntled Touchpad buyers with promises of refunds once they provide bank account info. Still not news: HP threatens legal action. Fark: Turns out site is legit, and was set up by HP  (precentral.net) (49)
(Google) Interesting Attorney general of embattled Syrian city resigns, says he's taking a gig in Mexico where it's safer  (google.com) (8)
(UPI) Interesting Nurse admits to prosecutors that she is a naughty nurse. Awwww yeah  (upi.com) (18)
(Google) Obvious [ ] In a relationship [ ] It's complicated [√] It's complicated but we both have nukes  (google.com) (36)
(WPXI) Stupid Yes, alcohol was involved in today's "accidental" sword fight  (wpxi.com) (20)
(BBC) Asinine UN to Libya: Want some peacekeepers? Libya to UN: What? In our moment of triumph and revenge killings? I think you overestimate their chances  (bbc.co.uk) (48)
(LA Times) Ironic Hey Doc, I'm going to have to ask you to disrobe before you examine me  (latimes.com) (28)
(Bulawayo 24) Sick Bad: Somebody walks in on you having sex. Worse: Your wife walks in on you having sex. Fark: With a non-consenting goat  (bulawayo24.com) (115)
(Mercury News) Spiffy If you left you truck on its side in the middle of an intersection, everyone would like to thank you for the free weed  (mercurynews.com) (24)
(Local10) Dumbass Invasive Texas Rooster most likely eaten by invasive Burmese Python after reported missing in the Everglades for six days  (local10.com) (20)
(TBO) Florida Good samaritan robs woman of $30,000. Florida has a funny definition of what a good samaritan is  (www2.tbo.com) (23)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Interesting Two boobs lift $3K worth of bras from Victoria's Secret. Police trying to make a bust, but pair still at large  (cincinnati.com) (63)
(BBC) Spiffy Teacher who moonlighted as a stripper and porn star says "I've done nothing wrong" (with pic)  (bbc.co.uk) (119)
(Daily Mail) Sick Not news: Fake breasts in beauty pageant. News: Contestant is four years old. Fark: Mother thinks it's in good taste  (dailymail.co.uk) (225)
(CBC) Unlikely Psychic steps up to prove powers to win a $1 million dollar prize, is sick of winning the lottery all the time  (cbc.ca) (647)
(Napa Valley Register) Amusing Police and fire report, Wednesday, August 24: "No animals were arrested this time"  (napavalleyregister.com) (9)
(TC Palm) Florida Middle school staff member celebrates start of school year by: A) bringing booze in lunch box, B) urinating in closet, C) catcalling teachers in drunken rant, D) all of the above  (blogs.tcpalm.com) (30)
(Richmond Times-Dispatch) Followup Just to show how weak that East Coast earthquake was -- it only moved 115-ton containers holding spent nuclear fuel 4.5"  (www2.timesdispatch.com) (33)
(Telegraph) Interesting Best Korea launches first cruise ship. Guests can enjoy unicorns, on-board karaoke, genuine fresh coffee, love: exciting and new, as well as mostly operating restrooms  (telegraph.co.uk) (71)
(Boston Globe) Sad It's only the beginning of September but the dolphins are already giving up in New England  (boston.com) (26)
(Telegraph) Silly Domino's planning a pizza joint on the Moon. At least the cheese will be fresh  (telegraph.co.uk) (81)
(Some Guy) Interesting FEMA official heads to local Waffle Houses after disasters to see how scattered, smothered and covered things really are. "If you get there and the Waffle House is closed? That's really bad. That's where you go to work"  (bizjournals.com) (103)
(USA Today) Scary Another aftershock hits Virginia; crews forced to pick up second chair  (usatoday.com) (48)
(Slashdot) Ironic Wikileaks goes full retard, sues the Guardian for leaking information about WikiLeaks  (tech.slashdot.org) (108)
(MSN) Cool Town decides to write fewer traffic tickets so that police can focus on actual safety. Just ki... oh wait - they actually did it. Bonus: fewer accidents  (money.msn.com) (133)
(Some Guy) Cool Never take Fudge away from a woman, even if you are a bear  (juneauempire.com) (70)
(Des Moines Register) Dumbass Man arrested for beating the caught sayof out of school principal   (blogs.desmoinesregister.com) (65)
(Some Girls) Photoshop Photoshop this swinging super soaker   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (26)
(My Fox DC) Dumbass Man arrested for assault with live power lines -- quite a serious charge  (myfoxdc.com) (24)
(KABC) Obvious The CDC strongly suggests that you not drink 567,000 calories worth of soda a day  (abclocal.go.com) (184)
(New York Daily News) Scary ♫ I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay, I sleep all night and I work all OH, GOD MY TOES ♫  (nydailynews.com) (59)
(WWL) PSA If you live along the Gulf Coast from Texas to the Florida Panhandle, you might get hit with a tropical depression..or storm.. or Cat-2 hurricane by the weekend. Whew, at least it's not cancer  (wwl.com) (73)
(Mother Nature Network) Weird How to toilet train a cat, how to chair dance to Christmas music, how to give a possum a pedicure, and some other totally bizarre videos  (mnn.com) (40)
(Some Guy) Interesting Actual Headline: "Fat cells may help create healthy bone." Chubby chasers nod in agreement  (wndu.com) (93)
(Local10) Florida Passé: Yelling, "Hi, Jack" at the airport. Fresh: Drawing bomb and writing "BOOM" on a suitcase at the airport  (local10.com) (49)
(WeLovedC) Amusing DC club's celebration for Eid al-Fitr, the end of Ramadan, features free jello shots, $5 margaritas, and free bottle service for groups of six or more girls  (welovedc.com) (138)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 330: "Pathways." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's contest  (farktography.net) (207)

Wed August 31, 2011
(Some Ecto-1) Hero Oh. My. God. These people have discovered how you can make ECTO COOLER AT HOME. Yes, ECTO COOLER. A homemade recipe. HOLY SHIAT THIS IS AWESOME  (toplessrobot.com) (332)
(Boston Globe) Dumbass Pizza shop owner had a *lot* of oregano  (boston.com) (46)
(Some Woman) Photoshop Photoshop this walk past pedestals   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (30)
(The Sun) Asinine Hospital to girl paralyzed by mistake: "Um... our bad"  (thesun.co.uk) (132)
(News.com.au) Scary Ash bursts from Mexican volcano, grabs his chainsaw  (news.com.au) (71)
(The Sun) Scary 22 people trapped by UK fair ride: "It looks like the teeth on one of the main cogs disintegrated." Why am I not surprised to hear that disintegrating teeth are responsible for trouble in the UK?  (thesun.co.uk) (39)
(News.com.au) Obvious President Obama to view tipped-over lawn chair  (news.com.au) (143)
(Houston Press) Asinine Sauza encourages depressed Empty Nester mothers to drink tequila in crass new PR campaign  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (64)
(BBC) Strange German prostitutes to be taxed by the meter. Luckily subby likes short women  (bbc.co.uk) (122)
(jdnews.com) Scary With Irene bearing down In NC, it was best to stay inside last week because c) military dropping missles into your back yard  (jdnews.com) (30)
(Huffington Post) Silly "Let's face it--homophobia is so gay"  (huffingtonpost.com) (240)
(VOA) Ironic Gadhafi unable to celebrate 42nd anniversary of coup that brought him to power, due to ongoing coup by rebels to oust him from power  (voanews.com) (33)
(Smithsonian) Interesting When food attacks. Or, why I hope to die in a beer flood  (blogs.smithsonianmag.com) (38)
(Yahoo) Interesting "I think they're treating it as a normal suspicious package right now"  (news.yahoo.com) (17)
(Some Guy) Strange Fish being killed off by... rain?  (wfaa.com) (51)
(Discover) Fail Cosmic rays not linked to global warming, ability to turn invisible, fly while on fire, stretch, or become lumpy and utter snarky one-liners   (blogs.discovermagazine.com) (116)
(SeattlePI) Sick Lurking in a Toys 'R' Us bathroom stall, waiting for six year old boys to molest? That's a, well, should be a lot worse than this actually  (seattlepi.com) (129)
(The Brooklyn Paper) Strange R.I.P. Vagina Tree  (brooklynpaper.com) (86)
(NYPost) Obvious NYC restaurant customers, cork that whine about the 20 percent automatic gratuity fees that you're being charged, ya cheap bastards  (nypost.com) (230)
(NewsOK) Hero Cops arrest man for mowing his lawn at 4:30 in the morning  (newsok.com) (194)
(Philly) Weird Norwegian police on the lookout for a man, between 40 & 50 years old, dressed in a black leather hat and a dark coat, last seen with large white dog and and a stolen eight foot long whale tooth  (philly.com) (26)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this vertical roll   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (21)
(Government Technology) Cool Five amazing technologies that will soon become ordinary. Bass-O-Matic sadly not listed  (govtech.com) (86)
(Ars Technica) Amusing Bodycount review: Many aspects of the game look like they were created using placeholder graphics that were meant to be replaced, until the executive decision was made not to hire artists  (arstechnica.com) (224)
(PhysOrg.com) Interesting Your mom's behaviors are a feature, not a bug  (physorg.com) (21)
(UANews) Obvious College freshmen face sleep problems, and education helps fix them, which explains all the students sleeping in class  (uanews.org) (29)
(Some Guy) Sick Website reguritates the history of fake plastic vomit  (collectorsweekly.com) (25)
(Washington Post) Followup 14 of the 33 trapped Chilean miners granted early retirement. Government gives the other 19 the shaft  (washingtonpost.com) (6)
(Some Guy) Interesting Police ditch their tasers and switch to using tridents, say they are much more effective when used with their big nets  (onntv.com) (74)
(SMH) Sick Teacher said to stand 'head and shoulders above his peers,' the rest of whom probably are not having unlawful sex with teenage boys  (smh.com.au) (46)
(Yahoo) Hero Federal Judge strikes down Perry's "Look at a picture of the baby you are about to murder" abortion law "The act compels physicians to advance an ideological agenda, regardless of any medical necessity"  (news.yahoo.com) (440)
(ABC News) Interesting After 66 years of silence, Goebbels's secretary speaks: "I didn't know about the Holocaust. I was a stupid, politically uninterested little sausage of simple means. I only learned about the Jewish extermination after the war"  (abcnews.go.com) (251)
(Bloomberg) Followup Rebel fighters targeting black Libyans, sub-Saharan Africans, guys in white plastic armor and helmets, Amnesty International reports  (bloomberg.com) (85)
(JSOnline) Florida Fugitive lemon tree leads secret second life, second family. Fed sting ends all. With Florida tag visits Wisconsin goodness  (jsonline.com) (57)
(USA Today) Stupid You must be this tall (without a headscarf) to ride this ride. Oh really? That's a beating  (usatoday.com) (159)
(Stylist) Amusing From extra mile to mile high ... airline ad ditched after staff sex scandal  (stylist.co.uk) (46)
(Metro) Amusing I bet she won't park there again  (metro.co.uk) (62)
(Patriot Ledger) Amusing Some cars just can't hold their liquor  (patriotledger.com) (23)
(Some Guy) Followup Cop caught farking on car received award in July for going beyond the call of duty  (m.santafenewmexican.com) (92)
(Independent) PSA Israel to equip Jewish settlers with gas and grenades. What could possibly go wrong?  (independent.co.uk) (488)
(The Atlantic Wire) Unlikely People are sick of "daily deals" sites, according to new research done by people too slow to take advantage of daily deals  (theatlanticwire.com) (73)
(Space) Followup Great news ISS Astronaut, Russia has identified the problem with her rocket failure. Now you've got to ask yourself one question: do you believe it?  (space.com) (67)
(The New York Times) Ironic The New York Times calls MSNBC "less a news provider than a carousel of liberal opinion". Irony tag implodes  (artsbeat.blogs.nytimes.com) (110)
(Reuters) Florida Welcome back to school, kids. You over there, here's a belt, now pull up those saggy pants  (reuters.com) (139)
(Houston Chronicle) Interesting He's a friendly critter that loves to munch strawberries, cucumbers, carrots, and taking a nap under the pool table. Grampa?  (chron.com) (30)
(Yahoo) Obvious Having no other stories to report on, the media goes after the hard hitting questions like "Why has Jennifer Aniston worn the same bikini for the last two years?" Bonus: A history of her hair  (movies.yahoo.com) (88)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Interesting Cops: Man had sex with inflatable pool raft  (news.cincinnati.com) (112)
(Gawker) Amusing You've seen the lists for best party schools, nerdiest schools and hottest colleges. How about the 25 most unranked schools? Yes, the Cincinnati College of Mortuary Science is on there  (gawker.com) (46)
(Reuters) Spiffy Libyan resident explains what Eid al-Fitr means to him: "When the Curly Hair is dead, Magua will eat his heart. Before he dies, Magua will put his children under the knife, so the Curly Hair will know his seed is wiped out forever"  (reuters.com) (56)
(CNN) Followup No, see, when I b*tch slapped my kid and threw him off the boat, I was kidding  (cnn.com) (54)
(Some Guy) Fail Ramming cars full of cross dressers and then jumping on the hood of your car and emptying a clip at them while shouting "I'm going to kill you all" is no way to go through life son. Especially if you happen to be a DC Cop  (washingtonexaminer.com) (215)
(UPI) Interesting Iran sues Russia over pirated copy of Photoshop  (upi.com) (28)
(The Consumerist) Interesting Click the "Like" button, OR ELSE  (consumerist.com) (16)
(Some Honest Guy) Weird I'll see your "Teens find backpack with $20,000 in it" story and raise you $130,000  (wsbt.com) (60)
(WOODtv.com) Scary Bad: Water heater malfunction first thing in the morning. Worse: Your house explodes. Farking Awesome: You and your wife get to say "TAA-DAAAA"  (woodtv.com) (33)
(Reuters) Obvious Financial Times pulls its iPad app out of the App Store after Apple insists on keeping the customer information from FT's subscriptions  (reuters.com) (65)
(Yahoo) Interesting "Falling Man" photographer retraces his steps on 9/11. Reading Rainbow moment: He also photographed the last breaths of Bobby Kennedy  (news.yahoo.com) (102)
(Yahoo) Unlikely Planned layoffs down in August, giving way to the surprise layoff. Time for a surprise meeting. I hope it's about cake  (finance.yahoo.com) (41)
(Huffington Post) Sad US slaps Syria with sanctions. Meanwhile, Syrian soldiers are going house to house killing people. 2,000 dead, 25,000 tortured and in jail. It's not news, it's farked up  (huffingtonpost.com) (118)
(AZCentral) Obvious Rarely is the question asked: 70-year-old Raquel Welch or 25-year-old Lindsay Lohan?  (azcentral.com) (200)
(CNN) Interesting Facebook begins offering bounty to hackers who help it find and eliminate bugs. Now if only we could get a bounty for finding and eliminating Facebook users  (money.cnn.com) (26)
(National Geographic) Spiffy After 15 years of speculation, Blackbeard's ship finally confirmed to be lying off coast of North Caaaaarrrrrrrrolina   (news.nationalgeographic.com) (65)
(Short List) Cool Jet skiing down a New York street, sullied by needlessly impassioned Linkin Park soundtrack  (shortlist.com) (21)
(KOTV) Weird News: Cow gives birth to two headed calf. Fark: The accompanying video of the rancher's grandchildren playing with it  (newson6.com) (74)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Don't have a cow, man. Well, I guess having one little cow would be okay  (dailymail.co.uk) (27)
(Telegraph) Scary Hundreds evacuated as wildfire in northern Texas causes area to be marginally more scorched, blackened and desolate than usual  (telegraph.co.uk) (49)
(UPI) Fail Korans printed in China and imported into Iran found to have errors Allah way through  (upi.com) (146)
(My Fox DC) Interesting Before you sign away $300K in grant money, always make sure that when they say "non-profit job training facility" they do not actually mean "strip club"  (myfoxdc.com) (22)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida "The woman threw a flip-flop shoe that hit her husband in the penis"  (nwfdailynews.com) (63)
(MSNBC) Strange Whether or not you believe in an afterlife, one thing appears certain: When you die, one of your feet goes to Vancouver  (msnbc.msn.com) (36)
(Detroit News) PSA You will not be paid for grenades through a "gun buyback" program  (detnews.com) (31)
(Wired) Asinine US district judge rules that using tracking software to determine where your stolen laptop is violates the privacy of the people using it at the time  (wired.com) (298)
(Gawker) Obvious Surprisingly, Tripoli's liveability rating tumbles after western-backed rebels level half the city with anti-aircraft weaponry  (gawker.com) (27)
(Fox News) Asinine "Areas of success include airline-passenger screening, according to former 9/11 Commission co-chairmen Tom Kean and Lee Hamilton" hahahahahaha *gasp* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  (foxnews.com) (40)
(The Daily Beast) Cool The top 25 colleges ranked by...student hotness  (thedailybeast.com) (182)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this orange 'O'  (bigpicture.ru) (26)
(ABC 4) Dumbass Woman accused of punching police officer during arrest (w/ "Meth, it's a helluva drug" pic)  (abc4.com) (21)
(CNN) Followup Hurricane Katrina is back. She changed her name and her home address, but she still looks the same and acts like a raging biatch. Looks like she might be dating the East coast this time around  (cnn.com) (76)
(TriCities) Obvious Johnson City is one of Tennessee's top towns for gay couples, along with Sausageville, North Brokeback, and all of Santorum County  (www2.tricities.com) (28)
(SLTrib) Hero Two teenagers building a fort found a backpack with $20,000 in it, turn it over to the police. Police Quote: "It all worked out perfectly from a police perspective." Hero tag for teens building a fort in this day and age  (sltrib.com) (63)
(ABC News) Stupid 9/11 coloring book identifies the hijackers as "freedom-hating radical Islamist Muslims". Obviously, some people are unhappy with this, but maybe not who you'd expect  (abcnews.go.com) (157)
(WTHI) Cool James Bond wins $6.5 million in Indiana Lottery, can finally retire from MI-6  (wthitv.com) (33)
(MSNBC) Dumbass If it comes down to a choice between personal responsibility and a ghost, choose the ghost  (msnbc.msn.com) (43)
(PA Times Herald) Obvious Elderly couple gets midnight call from policeman with "heavy Indian accent" about their grandson in jail, needing bail money. Then, things get wired  (timesherald.com) (85)
(Chicago Tribune) Interesting Why class reunions aren't such a bad thing after all  (chicagotribune.com) (192)
(MSNBC) Dumbass Well I guess that'll show her  (msnbc.msn.com) (96)
(Some Guy) Florida The Monroe County Sheriff's Office would like for you to ask your mom to stop doing that. Thank you  (nbcmiami.com) (46)

Tue August 30, 2011
(Some Guys) Photoshop Photoshop this traffic stop  (bigpicture.ru) (31)
(CBC) Stupid Problem: Starving Refugees. Solution: Hand out cash. Really? That's the plan? There's no food to buy, but I guess they could get wall units or four months of TF or something  (cbc.ca) (52)
(Mental Floss) Interesting Researchers give money to capuchin monkeys to see how they'd spend it. As it turns out, they're nearly as reckless and irrational as humans. Almost  (mentalfloss.com) (63)
(AP) Stupid How many times do I need to tell you? It never works well when you take a rock to a crossbow fight  (hosted.ap.org) (25)
(MSNBC) Amusing And then it got weird  (msnbc.msn.com) (43)
(TribLocal) Dumbass It took over 50 years for one of the many adults that must have passed through this elementary school in Illinois to notice that Old Glory was two stars short of a complete set. Remember when educators actually educated people?  (triblocal.com) (131)
(CBS News) Hero Young life ruined by felony conviction over 7 cent robbery  (cbsnews.com) (321)
(Mother Jones) Scary It's the attack of the killer superinsects, sponsored by the scientists at Monsanto  (motherjones.com) (93)
(Foreign Policy) Interesting Ten things from the last decade that were more important than 9/11  (foreignpolicy.com) (168)
(Some Guy) Dumbass No happy ending in massage parlor sex-trafficking trial after witness recognizes defense lawyer as client  (abajournal.com) (67)
(Spiegel) Amusing "Apple is like sushi: What was once exclusive is now as common as a lower back tattoo"  (spiegel.de) (127)
(AZCentral) Strange Cue up 'Yakity-Sax.' Airport worker gets trapped in the luggage carousel  (azcentral.com) (22)
(Komo) Obvious Shirt depicts Osama bin Laden tied to a log held by a muscular American. Naturally, some people are upset about this  (komonews.com) (143)
(Yahoo) Followup Gaddafi undead adopted daughter story just got Farkier by a)daughter really dead b) there was a replacement adopted daughter c) photos of supposedly live daughter don't match each other in age or race or d) all the above (see photo captions)  (news.yahoo.com) (46)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Most amazing pics of a polar bear scaling a 300 ft cliff to get his nom on that you will see this hour  (dailymail.co.uk) (78)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Want to be thin? Just get yourself some jaundice, anaemia, respiratory problems and chronic blood disorders. Article bonus: young Audrey Hepburn pictures  (dailymail.co.uk) (58)
(The Real Ric Romero) Obvious "In a troubled economy, you don't need trouble with your appliances, too." I did not know this. From the bottom of my heart, thank you, Ric Romero  (abclocal.go.com) (63)
(MonroeNews.com) Scary Monroe, MI: Come for the small-town comforts, stay for the ample body dump opportunities and astronomical unsolved murder rate (Bonus forensic reconstruction of a 1980s Genesis music video)  (monroenews.com) (54)
(the daily breeze) Dumbass Man charged (again) for stuffing ribs down his pants  (dailybreeze.com) (23)
(Some Guy) Dumbass After his buddy gets stung by a bee, man retaliates by dousing the beehive with gasoline and setting it on fire. Guess what happens next. "The correct way to do that is to call a beekeeper"  (bellinghamherald.com) (83)
(The Consumerist) Silly "Look... me and the McDonald's people got this little misunderstanding. See, they're McDonald's... I'm McDowell's. They got the Golden Arches, mine is the Golden Arcs. They got the Big Mac, I got the Big Mick"  (consumerist.com) (81)
(Some Hypoallergenic Guy) Asinine At this point, why don't we just keep a standing fleet of ambulances at every school, fit each student with their own plastic bubble, and feed them a tasteless gruel made of chalk and recycled newspaper?  (norwichbulletin.com) (126)
(FARK) FarkBlog Wing walker becomes air dancer, a fluff piece on laundry detergent, and Higgs boson downgraded to "female orgasm": some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 8/21 - 8/27  (fark.com) (10)
(The Week) Cool The 6 dumbest things people said about Hurricane Irene  (theweek.com) (56)
(the daily breeze) Asinine If you are going to act as your own lawyer at a rape trial, don't tell the jury you were beating on a 69-year-old grandma with your pants down because you feared for your life  (dailybreeze.com) (14)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Parents, when your toddler acts up at a restaurant you; A) hold and comfort the child B) feed the child and give him/her warm milk C) give the child margaritas in the hope he/she passes out. [Bonus Fark: The parent is a police officer.]  (fox8.com) (80)
(Life.com) Misc Snagged on a missile fin, caught in a jet turbine, sucked into a vortex ... NO CAPES  (life.com) (19)
(The Smoking Gun) Asinine South Carolina woman buys the first Apple iPlank--for $180--from a guy with a gold tooth in a McDonald's parking lot  (thesmokinggun.com) (102)
(Nerve) Amusing Bill Nye uses dachshund-pitbull sex to explain climate change to Fox News host  (nerve.com) (212)
(Gawker) Interesting How Bill O'Reilly Tried to Get His Wife's Boyfriend Investigated By the Cops  (gawker.com) (103)
(CNNGo) Sappy In an interesting reversal, underprivileged women are now using coat hangers to help their children survive  (cnngo.com) (20)
(AOL) Strange TSA finds man with seven more trouser snakes than expected  (aol.com) (16)
(AJC) Asinine Thieves steal hair. Police hope to get to the root of this  (ajc.com) (38)
(Yahoo) Obvious 123456  (news.yahoo.com) (310)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this all too lifelike sculpture  (bigpicture.ru) (35)
(News.com.au) Scary Vacationers lose their chum to tiger sharks  (news.com.au) (41)
(Some Guy) Interesting Libyan rebel chief Colonel Ahmed Omar Bani: The final 'final' battle for Libya is imminent. This is final. Really final  (politicons.net) (66)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Not News: Surveillance camera captures couple having sex on hood of a car. News: The man is a New Mexico State Police officer in full uniform. Fark: A Chihuahua can be seen moving in for a better view of the action (Not safe for work)  (thesmokinggun.com) (279)
(My Fox DC) Interesting It's really only about $60K, because, you see, even God pays taxes  (myfoxdc.com) (49)
(Gizmodo) Obvious Public recording of public officers doing public things to members of the public while in public can be made public  (gizmodo.com) (111)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida I am Jack's smirking revenge  (sun-sentinel.com) (44)
(TMZ) Strange Turns out, there's a second Rebecca Black, one who's a legal adult and is a swimsuit model. Unfortunately, the tween singer's fans have gotten confused and are accusing her of stealing the Friday whiner's fame  (tmz.com) (123)
(Cleveland Plain Dealer) Stupid Your required media scaremongering du jour: "Are airline pilots forgetting how to fly?"  (cleveland.com) (67)
(CTV) Obvious Today's Fark-ready headline: "Health Canada warns against buying semen over Web"  (calgary.ctv.ca) (55)
(USA Today) Obvious "Diplomatic Immunity" Thud  (usatoday.com) (34)
(Stylist) Strange One snorkel, a pair of flippers and a 180-ft mud bog. It's surf time in Wales  (stylist.co.uk) (6)
(Mother Nature Network) Spiffy Today's natural substance that's being hailed as the next new biofuel to solve all the world's woes? *Spins wheel* Panda poop  (mnn.com) (41)
(News.com.au) Dumbass Woman arrested at airport for taping birds to her body, told she cannot fly that way  (news.com.au) (30)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Florida reports two deaths from Hurricane Irene, even though Hurricane Irene never touched Florida  (tampabay.com) (35)
(Washington Post) Stupid It's taken two years of increasing joblessness, economic stagnation, billions in Federal bailouts, unemployment and perpetual war, but by golly Obama's got himself a job plan. Uh, next week, I mean. He'll have one next week  (washingtonpost.com) (419)
(Chicago Tribune) Followup Death toll from Hurricane Irene rises to 40,000. Wait, sorry, it's 40. So Hurricane Irene is just as deadly as a bus crash  (chicagotribune.com) (122)
(WLSAM) Fail Arrested 99 times, you'd think he would know how to pretty-up for a mugshot by now  (wlsam.com) (48)
(The Consumerist) Silly Instead of using money from first class to make planes safer, American Airlines will now provide first-class passengers with pajamas, turn-down service, and slippers  (consumerist.com) (74)
(Some Guy) Obvious Ric Romero hired by CNBC to produce hard hitting documentary: "Is Coffee Addictive?"  (newsonnews.net) (52)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man picks up second DUI felony on way home from DUI hearing  (journalstar.com) (38)
(Washington Post) Silly To prepare for Hurricane Irene, you stocked up on Doritos, Pop Tarts and peanut butter. Now what?  (washingtonpost.com) (63)
(Slate) Hero Restoring my faith in the third wave of feminism: "Stop complaining about the slutty way college girls dress". "Have you truly forgotten what it is like to be young and horny?" Indeed  (slate.com) (¼)
(National Hurricane Center) Interesting Katia shows her svelte, lithe body, spinning counterclockwise in a sea of lust  (nhc.noaa.gov) (77)
(WFTV) Florida The first rule of teen fight club is "Don't jump in and beat the crap out of the kid who won against your son...on camera"  (wftv.com) (75)
(The Daily Press) Fail If you're going to loot abandoned homes during a hurricane, wait until after the live news broadcast has stopped pointing their cameras at you  (dailypress.com) (36)
(Mother Nature Network) Obvious In case you couldn't figure it out for yourself, scientists say using snuff while you're pregnant is not a good idea  (mnn.com) (29)
(EITB) Unlikely Phoenix suburb considers holding Pamplona-style bull run without the town's approval. But not to worry: they'll be using rodeo bulls not Mexican fighting ones  (eitb.com) (17)
(BBC) Interesting Archaeologists now believe that Neanderthals ruled Jersey for a quarter million years. Except for a staggeringly lifelike depiction of her near the bottom right, this article has nothing to do with Snookie  (bbc.co.uk) (54)
(Standard Media) Scary Big cats have figured out that the weak and dying members of human herds are found in hospitals. Sleep well  (standardmedia.co.ke) (50)
(Daily Mail) Interesting If the fresh powder you ski on this season tastes like sewage....it just might be  (dailymail.co.uk) (26)
(Short List) Cool Hells Angels Kremlin Chapter. Two guesses who's the leader of the pack  (shortlist.com) (84)
(Evening Express) Dumbass Please prepare three keyword-rich pars for the web. Get rid of drop intro, ta  (eveningexpress.co.uk) (34)
(Guardian.com) Cool Ferrari is the latest to call for higher taxes on the ultra wealthy, in an effort to finally get out of this slump  (guardian.co.uk) (99)
(Mercury News) Strange Bicyclists are serious threats to pedestrians--especially the bicyclists riding around with swords  (mercurynews.com) (55)
(Talking Points Memo) Amusing Michele Bachmann's soon to be released memoir is currently untitled. Let's help her pick one  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com) (232)
(SacBee) Weird Insane person dreams of the NFL without beer  (sacbee.com) (76)
(Yahoo) Amusing Headline: "Michele Bachmann Poses for Calendar" is one short word shy of giving her a 20-point boost in her approval rating  (news.yahoo.com) (82)
(Yahoo) Sick Remember, parents, seven-year-olds make poor boat anchors. Note: Sick tag used because there is no Outraged tag  (news.yahoo.com) (58)
(Some Guy) Sick "Rape, involuntary sexual deviate intercourse, indecent exposure, indecent assault, statutory sexual assault, furnishing liquor to a minor, corruption of minors and endangering the welfare of children." And guys, she's single  (wtae.com) (82)
(Washington Post) Obvious The US has spent billions of contractor dollars in Iraq and Afghanistan on poor planning, inefficiency and fraud. The rest it just squandered  (washingtonpost.com) (45)
(USA Today) Interesting Joplin, 100 days later: A town on the verge of complete recovery. New Orleans, 6 years later: "Give us more aid." Hm  (usatoday.com) (199)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop Challenge: Insert Wil Wheaton into a movie that would have been better for his having been cast  (google.com) (86)
(Stuff) Dumbass So you lose your bag full of weed, do you a) feel stupid and accept the loss; or b) express your stupidity by contacting the police, claiming ownership, and asking if someone's handed it in?  (stuff.co.nz) (29)
(AOL) Obvious One simple thing that somewhat makes sense could fix the economy, save most people's homes, and create a million jobs a year. So, it probably won't happen  (realestate.aol.com) (256)
(Washington Post) Fail "Intelligent design theory is based on peer-reviewed scientific evidence." [citation needed]  (washingtonpost.com) (515)
(Herald-Leader) Amusing Not News: sibling rivalry News: turns into a high speed car chase Fark: the youngest is 78. At least they avoided the farmer's market  (kentucky.com) (15)
(LA Times) Asinine Paint a picture of a bank on fire, perhaps as a metaphor for how the banks burned the US down? ... Yeah, expect the LA Dragnet to investigate your ass  (latimes.com) (52)
(Abc.net.au) Dumbass Man hides $50k of gold jewelry in garbage bags. What could go wrong? Au sh*t  (abc.net.au) (21)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Medievalists discover Queen Elizabeth I was hornier than a bonobo when around faithful courtier Robert Dudley who possessed "the unashamed boastfulness of a wide-boy." We are amused  (dailymail.co.uk) (92)
(BBC) Sick American Scientists infected thousands of Guatemalans with syphillis and gonorrhoea without their consent. USA USA USA  (bbc.co.uk) (89)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If you are a juror, it is probably a bad idea to Friend the defendant  (dfw.cbslocal.com) (42)
(WLSAM) Dumbass What kind of ass steals $60,000 worth of toliet paper?  (wlsam.com) (72)
(NPR) Sad In the aftermath of the hurricane, many homeowners still struggle to repair their devastated homes. Fark: The aftermath is 6 years later, and the hurricane was Katrina  (npr.org) (165)

Mon August 29, 2011
(AZCentral) Strange You know that goat you rescued from the zoo during a birthday party and hid it in your closet? Well it was a great plan up until you had to take it out for a late-night walk  (azcentral.com) (47)
(Some Bikes) Photoshop Photoshop these lotus leaf young ladies  (bigpicture.ru) (17)
(Times Free Press) Dumbass You notice your car is on fire. Do you: C) Pull into a gas station and stop right beside a pump to check it out?  (timesfreepress.com) (90)
(NPR) Obvious So it turns out that tailoring education to your precious snowflake doesn't work  (npr.org) (167)
(AZCentral) Scary Think you're having a bad day? At least you didn't impale your eye socket with pruning shears  (azcentral.com) (73)
(News.com.au) Dumbass Friends of tagger who fell to his death trying to reach dangerous spot risk their own lives trying to reach same spot to tag tributes  (news.com.au) (203)
(NPR) Followup Yvonne, at large since May 24, evades hunters on a shoot-to-kill mission, helicopters with thermal imaging cameras, and psychics. Yvonne is a cow  (npr.org) (71)
(Some Motherboard) Strange 40 years ago this week, MLK gave his "I have a [THIS HEADLINE REDACTED TO COMPLY WITH US COPYRIGHT LAW]"  (motherboard.tv) (167)
(Some Guy) Interesting If you get busted for scamming people out of thousands by pretending you have cancer, you better hope the judge in your case isn't a cancer survivor  (syracuse.com) (49)
(CNN) Spiffy Child rapist and competitive masturbator Warren Jeffs is in a coma after fasting for three whole days  (cnn.com) (188)
(Houston Chronicle) Scary "Hey doc, this person was HIV+; should we harvest their organs anyway?" "Uhhh....Huh. There's a headscratcher. Sure, why not? I mean, what could possibly go wrong?"  (chron.com) (100)
(Some Guy) Silly 50 Reasons why Arizona is the best state. Personally, I think having the worlds largest Laser Tag arena just makes you look desperate for attention  (blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com) (213)
(SacBee) Sad That "starter house" you bought? You're going to retire in it  (sacbee.com) (408)
(NPR) Amusing Now that Irene is just a soggy memory, it's time to ask the really tough questions, like "Why Did I Watch Fourteen Hours Of The Weather Channel?"  (npr.org) (80)
(Wired) Strange Weird, birdlike mystery drone that looks like it was purchased at a mall kiosk crashes in Pakistan  (wired.com) (52)
(Some Boy) Photoshop Photoshop this muddy mess   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (23)
(Some Guy) Amusing Police can't prove all crimes "were the work of the same squirrel". No information on testicle size  (abclocal.go.com) (26)
(PhysOrg.com) Obvious Preserving 4% of the ocean may save marine mammal species. The remaining 96% is still okay for trash, drilling  (physorg.com) (52)
(Jacksonville.com) Florida It's not really a proper block party in Florida until at least 11 people get shot  (jacksonville.com) (79)
(Uproxx) Amusing The internet did what the internet does with events like Hurricane Irene over the weekend: mocked and ridiculed it mercilessly  (uproxx.com) (90)
(HelenaIR.com) Spiffy 100-year-old fortunetelling machine sits unnoticed for years in Montana pioneer town. Collectors find it, say it may be the only one left in existence, prepare offers as high as $10 million for it. Montana: "Nah, we're good"  (helenair.com) (136)
(Chicago Tribune) Cool Chicago may reopen its famous Playboy Club  (chicagotribune.com) (50)
(Washington Post) Followup Mexican police arrest five people for setting a bar/casino on fire, killing 52 people. Police still unsure what to make of all the abandoned semi-trucks outside the establishment or why it was only open after dark  (washingtonpost.com) (66)
(Buffalo News) Obvious Man in clown suit steals golf cart, goes on joy ride, gets arrested for DWI  (buffalonews.com) (38)
(St. Petersburg Times) Obvious Today Show asks: Did the media overhype Hurricane Irene? Florida empties bathtub, nods  (tampabay.com) (133)
(My Fox DC) Interesting "I don't think that's relevant for any teenager," said parents after learning book on school reading list includes a graphic depiction of a teen lesbian sex scene. Excuse me, but I beg to differ  (myfoxdc.com) (237)
(BBC) Interesting Looks like somebody broke the first rule of 'Chinese Espionage Club'  (bbc.co.uk) (19)
(Gawker) Asinine Anti-gay GOP official resigns after posting bare-assed photo. The war between "Dumbass" and "Asinine" tags was furious  (gawker.com) (155)
(Yahoo) Interesting The survivor guilt from making it out of the WTC towers on 9/11 would be bad enough, but imagine being THE LAST person to get out alive  (news.yahoo.com) (173)
(WRAL) Scary Q: How many inhabited barrier islands does North Carolina have? A: About five more than last week  (wral.com) (83)
(Google) Interesting Ashton meeting with Israeli leaders to try to re-start stalled peace talks. Geez, banging Demi Moore, replacing Charlie Sheen, and now this. Is there anything this guy can't do?  (google.com) (45)
(My Fox DC) Interesting Did you ever think you would get the chance to swim down 160th St in NYC? FARK: No, but I did think I would one day swim down 159th St. (w/ video)  (myfoxdc.com) (59)
(Telegraph) Hero Britain's head of the Department of Health wants the country to legalize physician-assisted suicide, and he wants insurance companies to help foot the bill  (telegraph.co.uk) (179)
(AP) Amusing Actual Headline: "Climber Who Cut Off Arm To Escape Speaking At MSU" - Oh c'mon, Bozeman's not that bad  (hosted2.ap.org) (78)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Industrial accident and/or possible Cola Wars guerrilla action leaves one man hopping mad  (orlandosentinel.com) (25)
(Huffington Post) Cool A letter from people with Alzheimer's to President Obama: This potato is following me, maybe I should run around my neighborhood naked, Do you have any cottage in your fridge?  (huffingtonpost.com) (84)
(Stars and Stripes) Scary Half of the Air Force airmen tested had used Spice. So at least we have a leg up on the space race  (stripes.com) (188)
(Rolling Stone) Obvious Think Obama is going to hold banks accountable which knowingly issued fraudulent mortgages? Better hope for change  (rollingstone.com) (177)
(Independent) Amusing Who knew there was a Museum of Bad Art? article includes bad slide show of bad art (may not be safe for work)  (independent.co.uk) (55)
(Some Guy) Cool Artist turns David Bowie's "Space Oddity" into illustrated children's book. Spoiler: Ending sure seems to have a lot of space dust in it  (badassdigest.com) (101)
(Chicago Tribune) Dumbass Good: Indiana town throws a parade for wounded soldier. Bad: Parade canceled. Fark: Because the soldier was arrested for shooting at somebody  (chicagotribune.com) (22)
(AP) Interesting The four assed baboon has nothing on the conjoined crocodiles  (hosted.ap.org) (13)
(BBC) Amusing When putting an electronic ankle bracelet on an offender, choose the non-artificial leg  (bbc.co.uk) (25)
(KPTV) Dumbass Man arrested for standing outside store wearing only underwear. Boy, Ron Howard has really let himself go  (kptv.com) (32)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop the flightless bird... in flight  (ellf.ru) (34)
(LA Times) Strange Should have realized they weren't real cable repair men when they showed up on time  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (18)
(Daily Mail) Ironic Meet one of Moammar's Angels (of Death). 19-year-old has 11 claimed executions. (with "I'd kill it, too" pic)  (dailymail.co.uk) (192)
(News.com.au) Dumbass PR tip: If you're an airline, don't offer to sponsor two sports fans if they promise to wear blackface and afro wigs to a high-profile game  (news.com.au) (43)
(Chicago Tribune) Dumbass BIFF. POW. SOCK. OOF. KORG. Korg? What the hell?  (chicagotribune.com) (62)
(MSNBC) Followup 300k+ kids think this is the BEST. Back to School. EVAR  (msnbc.msn.com) (30)
(Time) Strange Old and busted: Imploding legendary Vegas hotels that have outlived their usefulness. New hotness: imploding Vegas hotels before they open  (newsfeed.time.com) (87)
(Townhall) Hero Hurricane? Just another minor inconvenience for a guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier  (townhall.com) (232)
(Guardian.com) Obvious Action Jesus with kung-fu grip replacing peace loving hippie Jesus  (guardian.co.uk) (188)
(CNBC) PSA The biggest gas guzzlers on the market. That Escalade doesn't seem so great now, does it?  (cnbc.com) (305)
(Business Insider) Followup Before it burned down, Richard Branson's island was a boozy paradise for celebrities (with pics of what that may look like)  (businessinsider.com) (60)
(Some Guy) Spiffy For those who have asked themselves, "What's in an MRE?" With bonus, "What's in other countries' MREs?"  (visualnews.com) (172)
(Some Guy) Silly Pastor starts drive-in church, because Jesus would have wanted you to keep your fat ass parked in your Buick to worship. "I think He would like it. His stuff was outdoors, Ray said. "A lot of trouble He had was indoors"  (wfaa.com) (42)
(Some Guy) Strange Man with bullet in his brain for 30 years comments "Extended Warranty? How can I lose?"  (ktxs.com) (36)
(Fox News) Obvious Hey, look. It's Bird Flu Resurgence time  (foxnews.com) (20)
(Gawker) Weird Hurricane Beast spotted on Long Island. What do you think it is? (w/pic)  (gawker.com) (84)
(Google) Interesting Egypt asks Israel to dismantle part of the 1979 Camp David Peace accords  (google.com) (53)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Hey, remember when your dad locked you in a closet with a pack of cigarettes to get you to stop smoking? Some city is trying that with underage drinking. Sort of. I think  (sun-sentinel.com) (39)
(Some Guys) Photoshop Photoshop these sacrifice snatchers   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (22)
(Yahoo) Obvious Police investigating whether dead hiker found in Yellowstone was killed by a bear or some OTHER 800-lb predator with 4" claws  (news.yahoo.com) (127)
(News 10 ABC Sacramento) Dumbass If you're paranoid enough to unload half a clip at the newspaper delivery van, you don't have what it takes to be a successful pot grower  (news10.net) (53)
(Washington Post) Asinine Obama to Joplin schools, roads and bridges: Sorry; we need to pay for all the damage Irene didn't cause. No money for you  (washingtonpost.com) (482)

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