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Sun September 11, 2011
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(C|Net) Scary Japanese flight controller posts Obama/Air Force One flight plan on the Internet. Japanese Transportation Minister is said to apologize to the US President with a reverse Pearl Harbor  (news.cnet.com) (97)
(France24) Sad Woman strips naked in front of courthouse to protest seizure, demolition of her home. By the way, she's 77, but you already clicked on the link, didn't you?  (observers.france24.com) (63)
(Philly) Obvious With all other problems solved, police in Collingswood, NJ solve the mystery of the floating doughnuts  (philly.com) (32)
(Boston Globe) Scary Massachusetts police on alert after somebody was seen using a rental truck to carry cargo  (boston.com) (69)
(The Smoking Gun) Silly Never forget, to contribute to this week's Mugshot Roundup  (thesmokinggun.com) (143)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Old and busted: speed trap. New hotness: Costume speed trap. With Elfin slideshow  (orlandosentinel.com) (73)
(MSN) Photoshop Photoshop these speaking-in-tongue'rs   (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (21)
(ABC 4) Obvious "Is anyone else as annoyed by flakiness as I am or is everybody too fickle to take a side?"  (abc4.com) (134)
(Some Barney Fife) Asinine Try to do a good deed and direct traffic during a traffic emergency. Yeah, that's a ticket  (losangeles.cbslocal.com) (151)
(The New York Times) Interesting Mario Brothers get more tax breaks than Koch Brothers  (nytimes.com) (66)
(SFGate) Cool Is it a coat or sleeping bag?  (sfgate.com) (104)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this general struggling to hold on  (rnw.nl) (41)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this android astronaut  (bigpicture.ru) (32)
(LA Times) Sad NASA's smaller projects may be at risk. Behold the combination orbiting telescope/fold-away bed  (latimes.com) (50)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Asinine "When he returned for it, security personnel had established a "perimeter" around the phone and a nearby stroller and two coolers..." Was the location: C) Food court at the Mall of America? USA USA USA  (startribune.com) (200)
(My Fox NY) Silly Fat guy sues White Castle, claiming their seats are so small you have to eat ten to feel full  (myfoxny.com) (278)
(The New York Times) Interesting We're making headway in the movement to end the international trade in shark fins. But wouldn't just arming them with lasers do the trick?  (nytimes.com) (35)
(Orlando Sentinel) Stupid Where are your calories now?  (orlandosentinel.com) (37)
(Some Guy) Misc Jet powered school bus hits 367 MPH. See, Nebraska isn't boring after all  (kgw.com) (41)
(CTV) Obvious Canada's version of "Cash For Clunkers" was almost as successful as America's. Almost  (ctv.ca) (104)
(CBC) Followup The missing boy from Canada has been returned home safely. Friggin awesome, eh?  (cbc.ca) (109)
(Some Guy) Fail It's a pretty bad day when your neighbor drives through your house and kills your roommate. It's a REALLY bad day when the giant hole in your house exposes your pot, cocaine, and illegal firearms as well  (wgntv.com) (81)
(Some Studio) Photoshop Photoshop this restored ride  (s.wsj.net) (21)
(FARK) Sad Ten years. Reading this brings back the horror and confusion the whole world felt, while Farkers tried to keep people informed as major sites went down  (fark.com) (700)
(Some Guy) Stupid If you paid less than $2,000 an ounce for weed, you got a really good deal  (blogs.westword.com) (92)
(Fox News) Asinine In today's America, all you need to divert a flight is exhibit "suspicious behavior". What constitutes that? Using the bathroom twice during a flight  (foxnews.com) (125)
(Fox News) NewsFlash Terror attack on base in Afghanistan; 77+ wounded. Pray for our troops  (foxnews.com) (506)
(The Daily Beast) Fail "So how come my local mall does more business in an afternoon than the entire Internet handles in a month?" - A Newsweek oldie but goodie from 1995  (thedailybeast.com) (119)
(Telegraph) Obvious The Romero Institute's UK branch reports that shockingly, embarassing behavior at office parties is linked to alcohol  (telegraph.co.uk) (12)
(My Fox DC) Florida Man fires gun at snake, shoots self after both recoil  (myfoxdc.com) (32)
(Daily Star) Weird Piglet born with human head and OMG KILL IT WITH FIRE (w/pics)  (dailystar.co.uk) (104)
(The Union Leader) Scary Shriek Shriek Shriek Shriek, ...Mother, what have you done?  (unionleader.com) (12)
(Daily Mail) Sad Bet you can't stay sober for 30 days. Okay, how about 31 days?  (dailymail.co.uk) (58)
(Houston Chronicle) Sad During drought, ranchers are losing their asses  (chron.com) (36)
(io9) Amusing Marijuana harvesting, naked horseback riding, dogs & cats living together. MASS HYSTERIA  (io9.com) (53)
(WLKY) Sad Copper thieves hit church for third time. Cu in hell  (wlky.com) (57)
(Yahoo) Scary Army on the lookout for whoever stole 14,000 rounds of ammo from Fort Bragg. No physical description of suspect available, other than the fact that he or she has unbelievably huge balls  (news.yahoo.com) (131)

Sat September 10, 2011
(Huffington Post) Fail Continental pilot discovers that from 10,000 feet all airports look alike  (huffingtonpost.com) (100)
(Daily Mail) Hero The first pictures of the 9/11 Memorial at Ground Zero  (dailymail.co.uk) (436)
(Some Guy) Followup "This is such a motley collection of twatwaffle that I can hardly contain my rage"  (ohnoa.com) (290)
(Some Guy) Sappy Not news: woman celebrates her 56th birthday. Still not news: surrounded by younger people. Holy crap: just before she graduates her nine-week military boot camp  (timescolonist.com) (68)
(Examiner) Dumbass Driver with baseball bat cuts off driver with cell phone. Police win  (examiner.com) (90)
(My San Antonio) Cool 95 pic slideshow of Miss Universe contestants in their "National Costumes." Who knew Venezuela had dragons ?  (mysanantonio.com) (262)
(WQAD) Sappy Ugly-ass baby giraffe born at the Niabi Zoo (w/pic)  (wqad.com) (14)
(Some Guy) Florida You know who else was a painter and ... GAH, what's this under the photo, kill this mugshot with fire  (wtsp.com) (44)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this bike being brought on board  (spiegel.de) (27)
(Yahoo) Cool Nude, black, and playing rugby is no ...wait, that's actually a pretty cool way to go through life son  (news.yahoo.com) (59)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida 2.2 million Florida drivers have suspended licenses, 15.5 million more are inexplicably allowed to drive  (tampabay.com) (88)
(zimbabwean) Amusing Kangaroo caught stealing lingerie from clotheslines. After carefully waiting, Prague police finally get the jump on him  (thezimbabwean.co.uk) (24)
(The Sun) Obvious UK parents say their son will be better educated in Albania. It borders on the A-a-a-adriatic, its land is mostly mountainous, and its chief export is chrome  (thesun.co.uk) (78)
(Telegraph) Interesting Japanese man now playing dual roles as human guinea pig and beacon in the darkness of Fukushima leak  (telegraph.co.uk) (58)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Florida, a state where it's legal to shoot someone for looking at you funny, wonders why there's an alarming rise in "accidental" shootings  (sun-sentinel.com) (118)
(LA Times) Interesting Weeee, weee weee weeeeee  (latimes.com) (45)
(Slashdot) Interesting Turns out blocking net access actually *increases* the likelihood of your government being overthrown  (tech.slashdot.org) (55)
(Daily Mail) Amusing In Texas, they would get shot, in England, they get invited to stay  (dailymail.co.uk) (210)
(MSNBC) Interesting Beers that America no longer likes. Yep. That one's on there. That one too  (msnbc.msn.com) (450)
(Yahoo) Amusing Fidel Castro finds humor in being the Cuban Abe Vigoda  (news.yahoo.com) (16)
(BBC) Obvious Coppers choose to discover £100,000 in heroin at Scottish train station. Renton, Spud, Sick Boy and Tommy said to be speechless  (bbc.co.uk) (18)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these happy hoopsters   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (20)
(Some Guy) Obvious Gimmicky "9-10-11" weddings. Seriously into numbers, you also believe that each of those weddings will have ended by 12-21-12  (siouxcityjournal.com) (109)
(Sun Journal (Maine)) Dumbass When you get caught with a backpack full of marijuana at school, it's good to know that your mom has got your back  (sunjournal.com) (33)
(Some Butthurt Botnet) Silly You call THAT a DDoS?  (scmagazine.com.au) (39)
(I Heart Chaos) Spiffy I made a flower pot, what did you make? Just a totem pole of internet awesome  (iheartchaos.com) (46)
(Reuters) Caturday Rare African Golden Cat makes a special video appearance just in time for Caturday  (reuters.com) (861)
(St. Petersburg Times) Interesting Former Sen. Bob Graham calls mysterious disappearance of wealthy couple from Sarasota gated community "the most important thing about 9/11 to surface in the last seven or eight years"  (tampabay.com) (179)
(Fox News) Obvious Women are increasingly turning to prostitutes for sex. That's turning "to," not turning "into," which is why this is news  (foxnews.com) (174)
(Some Guy) Interesting So, if your house caught fire right now and you had five minutes to carry just the most important things you wanted to save, what would you bring?  (theburninghouse.com) (426)
(Some bad behavior) Dumbass Judge pissed that teen defendant pees in courtroom trashcan. Dude, urine court  (news.ninemsn.com.au) (41)
(The Smoking Gun) Scary The Paypal 14. Witness the evil that lurks in basements around the World  (thesmokinggun.com) (89)
(KPTV) Sad Rise in vehicle battery theft sparks outrage, multiple charges expected  (kptv.com) (24)
(Reuters) Amusing Did you hear the one about the census taker who had a topless young woman answer the door wearing red underwear, lacy black stockings and holding a whip?  (reuters.com) (62)
(Guardian.com) Silly Norwegian mass murderer loves him some Lacoste shirts. Oddly, Lacoste has a problem with that  (guardian.co.uk) (68)

Fri September 09, 2011
(LA Times) Followup Arizona company has no idea why the power went o  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (80)
(TMZ) Asinine CBS: Steve Jobs is Dead. Steve Jobs: Uh, wait a minute  (tmz.com) (155)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this round reach out  (shorpy.com) (34)
(news-record.com) Amusing Judge and clerk caught after leaving briefs in wrong closet and that's not the amusing part  (news-record.com) (21)
(HelenaIR.com) Asinine Man out on bail for 12th DUI arrest goes for baker's dozen by popping four kinds of prescription pills and plowing through construction zone with two-year-old child in his car. Maybe he just needs another chance  (helenair.com) (72)
(The Raw Story) Obvious After nervously posting Anonymous mugshots, the political website Talking Points Memo goes down. Coincidence? Probably not  (rawstory.com) (66)
(The Raw Story) Sappy The House of Representatives votes to "never forget" 9/11, thereby creating tens of jobs for out-of-work crying eagle painters  (rawstory.com) (125)
(LA Times) Fail Austin Powers' henchman gets life in prison. Who throws a shoe? Honestly  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (68)
(Some Guy) Scary From the "Why didn't I think of that?" department: Daycare director totally solves the problem of kids who won't take a nap  (wcsh6.com) (79)
(Seattle Times) Amusing 9 times out of 10 the train wins. Then there's this guy  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (24)
(MSNBC) Obvious Someone in the media has to ask the question: is it safe to fly on 9/11? Yes, after all, we've been under attack from the same group for 10 years now. They just have cheap blue uniforms and no accountability   (overheadbin.msnbc.msn.com) (62)
(Des Moines Register) Cool Michelle Bachmann will be at a college football game this weekend tailgating, doing keg stands, throwing down jello shots, and trying to be the corn hole champion   (caucuses.desmoinesregister.com) (69)
(Naples Daily News) Florida LOST: ONE PYTHON. Nine feet long. Black. Very friendly. Loves small children and furry animals. Answers to "Mr. Slithers." Reward offered  (marconews.com) (26)
(brobible.com) Amusing Porn studio building massive underground bunker to ride out the 2012 apocalypse, backwards cowgirl  (brobible.com) (39)
(BBC) Spiffy London teacher resigns to take up easier job as deputy prime minister of Somalia  (bbc.co.uk) (15)
(CBC) News Lawn Chair tips over on Vancouver Island  (cbc.ca) (99)
(Some Guy) Stupid Oh god... there is actually something called "The Hedge Funds Care Award for Caring"  (hedgefundscare.org) (39)
(Miami New Times) Florida Google street view captures a naked lady holding a water jug on front porch, naked. (Also: naked.)  (blogs.miaminewtimes.com) (135)
(Mother Nature Network) Followup The radiation in the seawater off the Fukushima nuclear power plant has three times as much Godzilla in it than previously announced  (mnn.com) (53)
(UPI) Asinine Man who had leg amputated is stumped why he has to prove disability  (upi.com) (45)
(Washington Post) Hero An interview with one of the two combat pilots scrambled to hunt down Flight 93, with only her F-16 and her steel ovaries as weapons  (washingtonpost.com) (276)
(FARK) PSA Final Warning: Los Angeles Fark party tomorrow - link goes to most recent thread. Let vincent_blackshadow know if you need parking  (fark.com) (66)
(MSN) Florida I'll take "How America Got Fat" for 1000. Okay, in what state does walking to the cafeteria fulfill the daily exercise requirement?  (health.msn.com) (49)
(Phoenix New Times) Followup Nice try, but calling your brothel a church of sexual healing doesn't make the whole sex-for-money thing legal  (blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com) (64)
(The Raw Story) Obvious In its bid to be the new Florida, Wisconsin fires whistleblower who revealed voter suppression  (rawstory.com) (159)
(NYPost) Amusing Westboro to protest ~spins derp wheel~ New York Fashion Week?  (nypost.com) (62)
(Cracked) Scary Rape, child molestation, kidnapping, torture... those classic family comedies were such wholesome fun  (cracked.com) (192)
(FARK) Cool It's Friday, so that means it's time for the Fark Weird News Quiz, everybody. Have fun  (fark.com) (56)
(ABC News) Interesting In what is incredibly NOT the plot for the next SyFy made-for-TV movie--Canadian company to start mining gold from ancient site in Transylvania  (abcnews.go.com) (40)
(MSNBC) Cool Scientists name the area of the Sun that unleashed four massive eruptions of solar flares "Old Faithful", narrowly beating out "Peter North"  (msnbc.msn.com) (48)
(Some Guy) Strange And in other news, Arkansas has a state "Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Awareness Day"  (nwahomepage.com) (45)
(Life.com) Weird Most closeted gay men would just ask a female friend to act as their beard, but this guy went the extra mile  (life.com) (47)
(Huffington Post) Strange Woman dies after hot beef injection  (huffingtonpost.com) (114)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Current second place in the poll to choose a plus-size model for American Apparel is a woman who entered the competition to protest the competition. With "you'd skip the flour and hit it, anyway" pics  (dailymail.co.uk) (517)
(SacBee) Obvious Because really, who was going to buy the house where 11 bodies were found?  (sacbee.com) (141)
(USA Today) Interesting Good news, everybody: if may only take two doses of the HPV vaccine to turn your little girls into turbo-powered monster sluts instead of the three they'd originally guessed  (yourlife.usatoday.com) (173)
(Asylum.co.uk) Fail Faking a picture of Gwyneth Paltrow meeting British Prime Minister's wife Samantha Cameron for a national newspaper? Don't include the original source picture in the same article, because people will notice  (asylum.co.uk) (55)
(News.com.au) Obvious Interpol issues "red" notices for Gadaffi, his son, and the characters played by Bruce Willis, Helen Mirren, Morgan Freeman and John Malkovich  (news.com.au) (33)
(The New York Times) Obvious Some religous groups upset the no clergy were invited to the 9/11 cermony, also upset that we are a secular society  (nytimes.com) (341)
(Huffington Post) Dumbass Azerbaijani cabinet minister feels sheepish after being lambasted in the press for smuggling mutton  (huffingtonpost.com) (40)
(Reason Magazine) Dumbass Obama-appointed Drug Czar blames medicinal marijuana for encouraging kids to smoke pot. Yes people, it must have all started when we watched Grandma do it when she was getting chemotherapy  (reason.com) (543)
(truTV) Asinine Dumb things said about 9/11 by the famous and infamous  (trutv.com) (205)
(KFAB) Strange And that, my friend, is why they call them whirlybirds "choppers"  (kfab.com) (47)
(Canada.com) Followup Joe Biden says to remain calm unless you're somehow within 500 feet of a motorized vehicle  (canada.com) (33)
(Some Guy) Amusing Actual headline: Homeowner's brass balls stolen  (alextimes.com) (15)
(CNN) Followup It may shock you to find out that the naked dead man found in an empty hot tub with a dog collar on his neck was "easily influenced"  (cnn.com) (33)
(Globe and Mail) Stupid New social networks for couples allow users to barter household chores for sex. So it's like Craigslist, but with household chores  (theglobeandmail.com) (100)
(Some Guy) Unlikely State worker accused of welfare fraud uses the "Bearded Spock" defense  (theindychannel.com) (30)
(MSNBC) Interesting Detroit police divers find 200 year old cannon at the bottom of the Detroit River. This finally ends the ongoing investigation of two-century-old unsolved liquor store robbery  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (23)
(Mental Floss) Silly Star Trek character or Erectile Dysfunction Pill?  (mentalfloss.com) (56)
(Quad City Times) Amusing Gesundheit  (qctimes.com) (21)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Florida digs out its get tough policy on assault shovels  (nwfdailynews.com) (20)
(Short List) Silly In England, a war is brewing between Poundland and the 98p store. 2p or not 2p?  (shortlist.com) (31)
(My Fox DC) Dumbass Going to concerts once in a while makes me feel like a kid again. FARK: The music also drowns out the cries of my eight-month-old baby I keep locked in the truck of the car  (myfoxdc.com) (49)
(Some Lassie) Survey What highly inappropriate song would you want played at your funeral?  (entertainment.ie) (587)
(The Atlantic) Spiffy Who needs roller skates when you have a huge frying pan and two big slabs of bacon? Bonus: A really big spatula  (theatlantic.com) (18)
(Free Press) Sick 11-year-old's pregnancy reviewed. Poorly plotted, ran too long, and the dialogue was childish  (freep.com) (70)
(Discover) Amusing Is there something you would like to tell us, Canada? Is this aboot the time we made fun of you, eh?  (blogs.discovermagazine.com) (152)
(Naples Daily News) Florida Governor Rick Scott, GOP-led legislature reject over $100-million in federal grants because it's part of President Obama's health care plan. On the positive side, they did keep $13-million for abstinence sex education  (naplesnews.com) (77)
(Ars Technica) Fail Senate passes "Dog Ate My Homework Act" to bail out patent lawyers and require companies to hire more patent lawyers  (arstechnica.com) (54)
(Al Jazeera) Dumbass Bin Laden was killed to keep US and Israeli roles behind 9/11 hidden. This is what Noam Chomsky actually believes  (english.aljazeera.net) (241)
(Beatcalls) Florida Psychiatry 101: Getting out your aggression does not include punching your therapist  (beatcalls.com) (18)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Where's my elephant ranch? WHERE'S MY ELEPHANT RANCH? Hey, they're playing the elephant ranch song again  (sun-sentinel.com) (25)
(Spike) Weird Eight creepy things found in Gaddafi's palace  (spike.com) (73)
(Some Water Ski Flyer) Florida Old and busted: Water skiing. New hotness: Water ski flying. What could possibly go wrong?  (winterhaven.wtsp.com) (28)
(Daily Mail) Amusing A duck walks into a bar... (w/pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (54)
(Daily Mail) Sappy The rich get richer. Millionaire's 25-year-old son wins $107 million lottery  (dailymail.co.uk) (112)
(Washington Post) Obvious Turns out that if you get your head pushed into a school toilet regularly, it may affect your test scores  (washingtonpost.com) (40)
(Omaha World Herald) Dumbass Pro tip: If you are going to rob a house, take off your ankle monitor  (omaha.com) (19)
(Daily Mail) Scary OH GOD, NOT THE BIRDS (w/pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (52)
(Daily Mail) Fail Absolut Fail  (dailymail.co.uk) (100)
(BBC) Obvious Panic dial set back to 'Terrorism' as Department of Homeland Security warns of a 'credible threat'  (bbc.co.uk) (172)
(Daily Express) Ironic Remember how CFL bulbs were going to save the world some electricity? Carbon footprint of manufacturing, distribution and disposal of CFL is far greater than the energy usage of a standard bulb  (express.co.uk) (426)

Thu September 08, 2011
(The New York Times) Interesting Google's worldwide energy consumption is sucking the life out of the planet. People need to search online less and forage more  (nytimes.com) (64)
(News.com.au) Obvious "They don't always say it out loud, but men really do want women with sex appeal." Gee, ya think?  (news.com.au) (202)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Woman booked after her cover was blown while ripping off literature from local libraries  (losangeles.cbslocal.com) (23)
(BBC) Interesting Farkettes may not look at this article  (bbc.co.uk) (123)
(LA Times) Fail Massive power outage in San Diego. Surprisingly, nobody seems to be covering it on the East Coast. How's that knocked over lawn chair?  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (348)
(USA Today) Obvious U.S. sweltered through the hottest summer in 75 years. Only difference is that 75 years ago you didn't have to listen to everyone drone on about global warming  (usatoday.com) (110)
(Yahoo) Scary Police issue Amber Alert for the son of a TFer's friend. British Columbia and Washington farkers, please be on the lookout  (ca.news.yahoo.com) (250)
(News.com.au) Obvious What do you do when you lose your way while hunting squirrels? You eat worms, that's what  (news.com.au) (50)
(Boing Boing) Amusing Actual Washington Post headline: "Libya Ferrets Out Gadhafi's Taint"  (boingboing.net) (36)
(HelenaIR.com) Silly Police try to determine ownership of dozens of garden gnomes glued onto high school as part of senior prank. Until then the little statues remain in legal gnome-man's land  (helenair.com) (68)
(STLToday) Interesting 150 years after the Civil War, St. Louis is on the verge of regaining control of its own police force. Zombie Lincoln nods approvingly  (stltoday.com) (36)
(FARK) FarkBlog The Vatican's minor offenses, Washington Monument's crack problem, and Steven Seagal in "On Deadly Hound": some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week from 8/28 - 9/3  (fark.com) (6)
(NPR) Scary Let's just take a quick look at what all the Republican candidates have to say about science, shall we?  (npr.org) (465)
(MSNBC) Asinine U.S. Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke said he's surprised by how cautious consumers have been in the two years since the recession officially ended. Really? No clue huh?  (msnbc.msn.com) (121)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing This Twilight crap has got to stop (with DO NOT BITE mugshot)  (thesmokinggun.com) (117)
(WUSA9) Asinine I've always heard that coke can get you some clam, but I never knew it worked the other way around too  (sterling.wusa9.com) (36)
(AP) Stupid Dead NASA satellite will soon plummet to Earth. It could be in September, could be in October. They don't know where it will land. But they assure you YOUR LIFE IS NOT IN DANGER WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T PANIC. STAY CALM. DO NOT PANIC  (hosted.ap.org) (175)
(Some Roasting Guy) Obvious AP NewsAlert: Texas is officially Hell  (wfaa.com) (379)
(ABC News) Interesting Ah coffee, a great pick-me-up, morning ritual, cure for 7-year-old's ADHD, afternoon social...wait, what?  (abcnews.go.com) (174)
(Mercury News) Obvious Three topless coffee shop employees cited on suspicion of public nudity. Well, what do you expect from a TOPLESS COFFEE HOUSE?  (mercurynews.com) (144)
(CBC) Dumbass CBC posts "Where were you on 9/11?" query and opens it up to the public to comment. Top voted comments are all conspiracy theories  (cbc.ca) (431)
(New York Daily News) Sick Butt Why: Babies getting fewer diaper changes in tough economy  (nydailynews.com) (260)
(Chicago Tribune) Stupid Walgreens pharmacist thwarts armed robbery inside his store. If this wasn't Fark, the story would have ended there rather than with Walgreens canning his ass  (chicagotribune.com) (246)
(My Fox DC) Obvious Although the ads were intended to be light-hearted, their depiction of Jesus winking and holding a thumbs-up sign with the text 'miraculous' deals gave the impression that they were mocking and belittling core Christian beliefs  (myfoxdc.com) (394)
(Some Butt Double) Silly Instead of saying: "the accused pulled his pants down exposing his posterior area to a female person known to him", they could have said: "He mooned her"  (local2.ca) (21)
(Bloomberg) Obvious Lee marches North, shows that Sherman punk how it's really done  (bloomberg.com) (49)
(NPR) Cool Ben & Jerry's announced today that "Schweddy Balls" ice cream is on its way to store shelves across the country  (npr.org) (159)
(ABC News) Sad In response, residents, have taken matters into their own hands, instituting a neighborhood watch program, its official name The Kentucky Street Watch Owls. Unofficially, they're called the "Ho Patrol"  (abcnews.go.com) (54)
(Yahoo) Scary Dutch woman accused of harassing her ex by calling him 65,000 times in a year claims that since they were in a relationship, that many calls "wasn't excessive". Hmm. Can't imagine why they broke up in the first place  (news.yahoo.com) (103)
(Some Dumbass) Dumbass Perhaps putting that ad on Craigslist for a fake orgy wasn't the best idea  (wtsp.com) (82)
(FARK) Asinine What's the most persistent myth about your profession/job? Do you try to correct people or just ignore it?  (fark.com) (1002)
(Yahoo) Interesting After killing Bin Laden, the US should have declared victory and left Afghanistan, says noted liberal peacenik, and former head of the Saudi intelligence service Prince Turki al-Faisal  (news.yahoo.com) (80)
(Yahoo) Unlikely In new audio tape, Gaddafi denies he has fled Libya, claims he just had a bunch or "use-or-lose" vacation days and his frequent flier miles were about to expire, so...  (news.yahoo.com) (14)
(Short List) Silly It's between the pug that ate 100 rocks and the golden retriever that was attacked by an otter. Your vote counts  (shortlist.com) (27)
(Londonist) Fail Ultra-patriotic anti-immigration British National Party chooses Falklands War veteran as candidate for next year's London mayoral election. Only slight problem: He's an immigrant who fought for Argentina against Britain  (londonist.com) (97)
(AllAfrica) Strange Surely each of us has, at least once, gone to the bank to make a withdrawal, been accused of stealing the manager's penis, and had to flee a lynch mob  (allafrica.com) (68)
(STV.tv) Dumbass Darth Vader robs gas station, flees on bicycle. The force catches up with him  (news.stv.tv) (33)
(Yahoo) Obvious Fact Checkers find that both Perry and Romney might have, perhaps, been not entirely forthcoming in the claims they made during last night's debate  (news.yahoo.com) (232)
(wtsp.com) Florida Today's mug shot roundup brought to you by: The Scarface t-shirt  (wtsp.com) (22)
(Some Doctor) Photoshop Photoshop this aural assault   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (32)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen) Dumbass Man with a shirt wrapped around his head arrested for attacking a door tells police he's "Double Dragon" and will "fight everyone"  (press-citizen.com) (73)
(News.com.au) Dumbass Teenager stabs girlfriend over 30 times because she kept complaining about him not making garlic bread. Why didn't he just tell her to baguette?  (news.com.au) (87)
(The Week) Interesting Should food stamps be accepted at Taco Bell? They don't even take $2 bills  (theweek.com) (371)
(Some Guy) Sick New York woman kills boyfriend's dog using hair bands. Police initially suspected she used Poison from a Whitesnake, but ultimately confirmed this Twisted Sister used Scorpions. Warrant out for her arrest. Damn Yankees  (newyork.cbslocal.com) (181)
(Yahoo) Sick After starving them for two weeks, Indonesian man finally feeds his dogs. He was delicious  (news.yahoo.com) (76)
(MSNBC) Sad Now that kids are back in school your dog has a sad. Article give signs to tell if your pet is depressed  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (53)
(Daily Mail) Fail UK, which has one of the worst cancer survival rates in Europe, comes upon solution to the problem: Stop screening so many patients for cancer  (dailymail.co.uk) (144)
(LA Times) Interesting New study says that children living with a smoker tend to miss more school. Parents urged to send kids out to buy cigarettes on weekends only  (latimes.com) (29)
(Huffington Post) Weird Two Walmart employees rob the store where they work to pay for a sex change for one of them. ATTICA ATTICA ATTICA ATTICA  (huffingtonpost.com) (35)
(Guardian.com) Hero This guy's dad killed time in a Nazi POW camp doing cross-stitch. With hidden coded messages in them  (guardian.co.uk) (73)
(New York Daily News) Scary Woman says she didn't realize there was anything wrong with stuffing her dead roomie in a suitcase and leaving it on a porch  (nydailynews.com) (69)
(The Sun) Cool There are some amazing 3D artists out there. Then there's this guy  (thesun.co.uk) (94)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 331: "Farktography Classic: Black and White 3". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (199)

Wed September 07, 2011
(Boing Boing) Amusing Remember the good ol' days when it was perfectly okay to vacuum-seal your toddler in cellophane?  (boingboing.net) (48)
(NJ.com) Strange Woman armed with scooter tussles with woman armed with urinating beagle  (nj.com) (47)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Question: Why did 9/11 attackers visit Las Vegas five times before the attacks? Answer: Because they couldn't visit six times  (dailymail.co.uk) (143)
(National Geographic) Cool Waiter, there's a new species in my soup  (news.nationalgeographic.com) (51)
(Some Scientician) Interesting Bananas: Intelligently designed to fit into your hand...and to be completely wiped out by a fungal pathogen  (the-scientist.com) (225)
(AP) Interesting Shocker: Power demand from US homes is falling  (hosted.ap.org) (128)
(CBC) Sad Frosh week hospitizliates one durnk student too much vodak  (cbc.ca) (97)
(Albany Times Union) Scary EF-1 tornado touches down in cemetery. Thousands feared dead  (timesunion.com) (33)
(Chicago Tribune) Sick ♪ We can dance if we want to, we can leave your friends behind, 'cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance I will kill you, biatch ♪  (chicagotribune.com) (46)
(BBC) Interesting Malaysia attempting to sell biological weapons to China  (bbc.co.uk) (54)
(ABC News) Sad Gumby headed for pokey after getting caught on video trying to rob San Diego 7-Eleven  (abcnews.go.com) (56)
(The Hindu) Strange Not news: US proposes no-fly zones. Fark: On the moon  (thehindu.com) (124)
(ABC) Sad ~ Fin ~  (abclocal.go.com) (99)
(BBC) Followup Florist who stabbed intruders will not be charged with murder. Surviving robbers to face charges, living the rest of their lives knowing they received a beat down from a 72 year old florist  (bbc.co.uk) (130)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Authorities: Woman who stripped down at gentlemen's club wasn't dancer  (tampabay.com) (118)
(Wall Street Journal) Silly California bill would require babysitters over 18 to get minimum wage plus overtime, and mandate rest and meal breaks, and limits on how many times they can get hit on by creepy dads  (blogs.wsj.com) (158)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Who trespasses at a Waffle House? Apparently this guy  (nwfdailynews.com) (30)
(Ars Technica) Followup Remember when people thought Netflix was cracking down on the number of streams allowed? Yeah, about that  (arstechnica.com) (156)
(New York Daily News) Hero Mom fights to have special education son held back after school tries to pass him to sixth grade. Can't read? Promote him  (nydailynews.com) (136)
(Mother Jones) Stupid Brilliant scientists get closer to mass-producing lab-grown meat, ensure commercial viability by calling it "shmeat"  (motherjones.com) (127)
(Wired) Interesting 10 things all geeks can agree on. Being an adult who's a fan of Harry Potter doesn't make you a geek, it makes you creepy, there's a difference  (wired.com) (253)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Monica Lewinsky, 38, living as near-recluse in LA after inability to build career as handbag seller or celebrity. Basically, her life blows  (dailymail.co.uk) (379)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this rebel on rattan  (bigpicture.ru) (30)
(wmal.com) News East coast earthquake STILL causing damage: crane that was repairing National Cathedral collapses  (wmal.com) (50)
(WTOP) Amusing Washington trooper shovels fish heads off freeway. No word on whether they could play baseball, wear sweaters, dance well, or play drums  (wtop.com) (46)
(AOL) Strange When your case of crabs gets so out of hand that store employees think you're trying to steal lobsters, it's time to go to the doctor  (aol.com) (16)
(Metronews.ca) Dumbass Local radio station, Hot 89.9, holds "Win a baby" contest. Some people have a problem with this (Total value of prize: $35,000. Baby has no cash value)  (metronews.ca) (70)
(Daily Mail) Sick Not news: mom enters 3 year old daughter in beauty pagent News: girl's costume concerns people as it might be too sexual Fark: mom dressed daughter as a prostitute  (dailymail.co.uk) (161)
(Some Happy Guy) Amusing The best unintentionally sexual church signs. Bonus: Not a slideshow  (happyplace.com) (54)
(CBS San Francisco) Spiffy Good news in San Francisco: You'll never have to sit in someone else's ball sweat or dingleberries ever again if a new law targeting public nudity passes  (sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com) (38)
(PhysOrg.com) Interesting Global warming bringing crab threat to Antarctica. Could drawn butter be next?  (physorg.com) (33)
(Bloomberg) Obvious Today's Farkworthy™ headline: "Stored horse semen may upset monarchs, billionaire race fans, court told"  (bloomberg.com) (23)
(Google) Followup Texas wildfires are 30% contained...if you are a 'glass is half full' kind of person. If you are a Texan, however, you are a 'the glass is 70% melted' kind of person  (google.com) (92)
(Daily Mail) Scary Headlines you really don't want to read: "Great-grandmother gets a boob job at 65". Unfortunately, there are pics involved  (dailymail.co.uk) (54)
(Some Philosopher Guy) Obvious There's no such thing as an "ex-atheist." Anybody who ceases being an atheist was never one to begin with  (dangerousidea.blogspot.com) (529)
(Hartford Courant) Fail Conventional wisdom says that you should never bring a knife to a gunfight. You should, however, bring clothes  (courant.com) (3)
(Foolocracy) Scary Iran claims to be 14% larger than previously thought. No one knows what that means, but it's not good news for Iran's neighbors  (foolocracy.com) (43)
(Daily Mail) Strange Old and Busted: 'Do not resuscitate' bracelets. New Hotness: 'Do not resuscitate' tattoos  (dailymail.co.uk) (48)
(Short List) Dumbass Moose forgets noose in drunken suicide bid  (shortlist.com) (14)
(CBC) News Pre-season hockey: Jets, Flames defeat KHL's Yaroslavl Lokomotiv. News tag sadly trumps sad tag  (cbc.ca) (220)
(Anorak.co.uk) Weird Man kills hunting partner who ate his dog, that was killed by a monkey, who slept in a room that lay in the house that Jack built  (anorak.co.uk) (23)
(CNN) Unlikely Big Oil: OK, listen. You get rid of all those pesky regulations and let us drill anywhere we want, and we'll, uh, create jobs. Yeah, jobs. 1.4 million of them, in fact. Sound good to you? We cool?  (money.cnn.com) (137)
(Detroit News) Asinine 1. Don't pay taxes on your property, thus getting it foreclosed. 2. Buy it back at fire-sale prices at auction. 3. Escape tax debt (aka, profit)  (detnews.com) (132)
(Politico) Obvious Gov. Rick Perry is furious with President Barack Obama for not stopping him from cutting funding to wildfire planning and battling forces  (politico.com) (166)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Gallant butchers his cows in a proper facility. Goofus does it in the driveway  (standard.net) (63)
(Some Guy) Followup Butt slashing suspect identified, seen fleeing from the rear  (wusa9.com) (12)
(slip ups.com) Sad Today, as he does every year, GHW Bush honors the men who died at Pearl Harbor  (slipups.com) (39)
(Life.com) Interesting As September 11 draws near, people in the States and indeed around the world struggle to come to grips with an anniversary that sparks turbulent, complicated emotions about the Pentagon's six cafeterias. Wait ... what?  (life.com) (40)
(Toronto Sun) Sad Another death attributed to War of 1812. This is not a repeat from 1812  (torontosun.com) (28)
(Bangor Daily News) Stupid Maine has decided to stop referring to some of its landmarks as whores  (bangordailynews.com) (46)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Sorority and fraternity enrollment at UCF is expected to plunge after the school bans alcohol at all events, leaving a bunch of sober people to realize they are paying for friends  (sun-sentinel.com) (127)
(The Atlantic Wire) Interesting Scientists find evidence that not only did the ancestors of modern humans interbreed with Neandertals, but nearly every other semi-human species that they ran into. Theorize that beer was invented way earlier than originally thought  (theatlanticwire.com) (233)
(Yahoo) Dumbass Irish father sues Facebook because he's a crappy parent  (news.yahoo.com) (131)
(USA Today) Interesting Begun, the Airline Fall Fare Sales have. Tickets are available starting at $19 ($327.34 after you add in all the fees)  (travel.usatoday.com) (51)
(Canoe) Interesting Radio station's "Win a Russian bride" contest raises ire at immigration department, bulges in pants  (cnews.canoe.ca) (74)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Is that a vial of cocaine in your pocket, or are you happy to see me? Oh... Both  (blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com) (13)
(My Fox DC) Interesting Miss Colombia reprimanded for not wearing panties during Miss Universe appearances. FARK: Yeah, we didn't think you would mind  (myfoxdc.com) (147)
(BBC) Followup Prosecutors want DNA to untie the knot, prove it's Knox. If not Knox, they're stuck with naught, while Knox is not a jailbird, and escapes their net. Confused? You won't be, after this week's episode of 'Il Sapone'  (bbc.co.uk) (34)
(USA Today) Asinine Researcher proves American families are "frayed but united." Also, "fearless but scared," "hesitant but excited," "poor but rich," "tense but relaxed," "schizophrenic"  (usatoday.com) (70)
(BBC) Obvious China's rich list is now topped by a construction magnate, although come the next quake, he'll most likely get schooled  (bbc.co.uk) (15)
(Some Guy) Scary When the Texas wildfires are finally extinguished, residents should prepare for a new threat: rattlesnake invasion  (accuweather.com) (99)
(FOX6Now) Florida Some guy gets disability pay in the amount of $50k/year tax free and free healthcare. Proceeds to openly compete in Iron-Man competitions  (fox6now.com) (149)
(CF News 13) Florida Deputy directs motorcyclist to stop, neglects to direct truck driver behind motorcycle to stop  (cfnews13.com) (93)
(BBC) Stupid "Yes, I can see you're treating a girl who's having an epileptic seizure, but would you mind getting me a milkshake?"  (bbc.co.uk) (99)
(Telegraph) Interesting Study shows being born in a certain month appears to indicate what job a person will end up with -- but, of course, Virgos are skeptical  (telegraph.co.uk) (114)
(Click Orlando) Scary Police: "Suspect tried to ram us, we shot him in self-defense and are charging him with attempted murder." Wait, there's surveillance video? So sorry, the officers involved will get more training  (clickorlando.com) (257)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Southwest Airlines passenger restrained and arrested after refusing to turn off his cell phone  (dailymail.co.uk) (264)
(The Smoking Gun) Interesting This week's Mugshot Roundup from TSG features what appears to be a Terminator Cyberdyne Systems 800  (thesmokinggun.com) (108)

Tue September 06, 2011
(Gawker) Interesting Thanks a lot, 9/11. Thanks a farking lot  (gawker.com) (189)
(Metro News-Enterprise) Interesting Guy sues cruise line because they didn't tell him that swimming in the Pacific can be dangerous. Court rules guy's expert witnesses didn't shore up his case, declare it washed up  (metnews.com) (39)
(Kansas City) Hero Tip: If you are going to carjack by jumping on the hood and yelling "Drive!" be specific  (kansascity.com) (34)
(Seattle Times) Spiffy When did Catholics, he thought to himself, start coming to Mass dressed for a Britney Spears concert? Had he missed a memo or something?   (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (156)
(Google) Asinine Actual headline: Former Jets reflect on impact of 9/11 attacks  (google.com) (75)
(My Fox NY) Fail Man suffering from priapism arrested for robbery -- likely to face stiff sentence, hard time  (myfoxny.com) (47)
(Yahoo) Dumbass NYC Mayor Bloomberg: Stop saying 'Ground Zero'  (news.yahoo.com) (172)
(CNN) News Rooty tooty fresh 'n shooty  (edition.cnn.com) (199)
(Some Meteorologist) Strange Man found dead in a bathtub with a chain around his neck. And now over to Brett Cummins, with the weather  (katv.com) (142)
(Yahoo) Asinine Iranian authorities moving to crack down on a new "dangeous", "counter-revolutionary" pastime by young adults: water-gun battles in public parks  (news.yahoo.com) (63)
(AJC) Weird Wolf Blitzer's proudest moment: "I was at the BET Soul Train Awards last year and did the Dougie. I got so much street cred doing that"  (blogs.ajc.com) (43)
(Houston Chronicle) Scary Man arrested in kidnapping-rape-shooting, or in other words, one crime short of hitting for the cycle  (chron.com) (33)
(10News San Diego) Dumbass PROTIP: When robbing an auto parts store, you may want to check that the getaway car you steal isn't waiting in the parking lot for repairs  (10news.com) (10)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Internet: Artist will paint portraits of the recently deceased... Craigslist: depicting their decent into Hell  (regretsy.com) (87)
(Yahoo) Dumbass Train-hopping teen girl left legless, right one too  (news.yahoo.com) (79)
(NYPost) Obvious 3D TV bombs with consumers so badly, the blowback is tanking the entire sector: "The idiot TV makers spent an enormous amount of time and money trying to get people to buy a television they didn't want in the first place"  (nypost.com) (385)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Victim's brother said, "A chunk of meat was hanging off his arm," which goes well with the potato he was trying to shoot out of his potato gun  (wlky.com) (73)
(Yahoo) Interesting Italian forensic expert testifies in Amanda Knox case, or at least that's the excuse the AP is using for running this story. In closely related news, Italian courtrooms are apparently quite chilly  (news.yahoo.com) (114)
(The New York Times) Followup Parliament once makes preparations to summon the dark lord once more after witnesses throw his son under the bus  (nytimes.com) (54)
(Short List) Cool Headlines imagined as cartoons, without any knowledge of the actual stories  (shortlist.com) (49)
(The Atlantic Wire) Spiffy Atlantic Wire lists FARK as one of the media sources can't they live without. Especially since "Fark famously has its own Florida tags now." (8th paragraph)  (theatlanticwire.com) (67)
(WGAL 8) Strange Sometimes saying you're sorry is as simple as returning that stolen truck with a simple note inside  (wgal.com) (14)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Why a young virgin must not look a lusty man in the eye... and other compelling lifestyle advice from 1740  (dailymail.co.uk) (96)
(CNN) Amusing Actual Gaddafi quote when asking for asylum: "Niger, please?"  (cnn.com) (37)
(Reuters) Obvious Italy and Greece shake euro zone. Sounds dirty, but isn't  (reuters.com) (13)
(MSN) PSA Seven things that teachers wish parents would know - other than "STFU", "take some f*cking responsibility for your snowflake's assclownery", and "quit f*cking blaming us for your miserable lot in life"  (lifestyle.msn.com) (164)
(Nerve) Cool First-ever Pixar clip from 40 years ago unearthed, and it's still better than "Cars 2"  (nerve.com) (106)
(Huffington Post) Sick Competition brewing between two women struggling to be GAAAH KILL IT WITH FIRE  (huffingtonpost.com) (135)
(Al Jazeera) Scary Iran claims Bushehr nuclear power plant has finally come online, and--wait, what's that up there in the sky? Birds?  (english.aljazeera.net) (48)
(Huffington Post) Cool Why Possibilians are better than wishy-washy Agnostics and MUCH better than poop-flinging Athiests  (huffingtonpost.com) (530)
(Discover) Cool NASA's Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter takes high resolution pictures of the Apollo missions where humans walked on the Moon. Still unclear why Buzz Aldrin made moon angels  (blogs.discovermagazine.com) (83)
(LA Times) Obvious Baby boomers to whipper-snappers: I got mine, now STFU and GBTW  (articles.latimes.com) (183)
(Some Swingin' Guy) Asinine Three Iranian men executed for something that couldn't possibly happen   (thenewcivilrightsmovement.com) (65)
(New York Magazine) Amusing In a heartwarming victory for tolerance and multiculturalism, fully 94% of New Yorkers say they'd at least consider interborough dating, except for those wogs on Staten Island  (nymag.com) (40)
(Fox News) Misc Petraeus CIA Directoraeus  (foxnews.com) (36)
(PhysOrg.com) Unlikely The Neutral People of the Neutral Country, with their hearts full of neutrality, think nuclear power can be phased out by 2050. By 2050 most power plants have been replaced by OH NO THERE GOES THE MICROWAVE BEAM AGAIN  (physorg.com) (61)
(Northampton Chronicle) Obvious Since county turned off speed cameras three times as many drivers are speeding and one times as many drivers are crashing  (northamptonchron.co.uk) (27)
(Government Technology) Sad On 9/11 many police and firemen died due to ineffective communications systems. Ten years later, a new system has been built. No, wait, "the capability exists, but what is lacking is the political will to build this system"  (govtech.com) (48)
(Denver Post) Scary Well, now we know it is legal to shoot a bear if it breaks into your house and helps itself to your fridge  (denverpost.com) (46)
(The High Low) Ironic Parents and teachers agree. Back-to-school season sucks. Finally someone wised up to fix the problem  (thehighlow.com) (21)
(Car and Driver) Amusing Vice President Biden wants you to know that he's never washed a Trans Am in his driveway while shirtless, but if he did, it'd be a convertible  (caranddriver.com) (57)
(Al Jazeera) Interesting Emboldened by their successful Photoshop offensive, Iran steps up the cyberwar by hacking Facebook and AOL  (english.aljazeera.net) (10)
(The Local (Sweden)) Scary I don't like vats full of caustic lye. You paper-makers can't deny: When a guy falls down through an unsupported place into concentrated base, he gets stung  (thelocal.se) (113)
(CNN) Interesting The company that brought you the Taser is trying to branch out into the record-everything-a-cop-sees market. Don't film me, bro?  (tech.fortune.cnn.com) (56)
(Some Guy) Asinine Bad: Local drug task force thinks you're concealing an ounce of heroin. Worse: They get a warrant for a body cavity search and find nothing. Fark: Lady receives a $1,122 bill from the hospital for the search  (lcsun-news.com) (139)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida This week's Florida prostitution roundup is a total sausage fest  (orlandosentinel.com) (19)
(Some Guy) Amusing Sweet Jesus. The Statue of Liberty is a dude  (tfninsider.org) (70)
(USA Today) Cool Next time you want to complain about that speeding ticket you got from a traffic camera, remember this: that same camera is helping police catch criminals, too. Other than you, I mean  (usatoday.com) (66)
(Gawker) Dumbass Texans not tricked by so-called Al Jazeera "reporter" who wants to "film" local high school football game  (gawker.com) (318)
(USA Today) Interesting There's only five Superbowl ad spots left to buy, so get cracking  (usatoday.com) (15)
(Canoe) Cool Good news, guys. Now you can move to France, and for the low, low price of $14,000, you can not have sex with your wife  (cnews.canoe.ca) (65)
(Politico) Interesting Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano calls out web news aggregator Matt Drudge for suggesting that she's an ogre. Interesting analogy, Siqmund?  (politico.com) (114)
(Miami Herald) Florida Florida looking to repeal its business-killing anti dwarf-tossing rules in favor of a more dwarf-tossing business-friendly environment  (miamiherald.com) (26)
(CNNGo) Cool Tokyo's Top 10 Mythical Beasts. Sleep well Farkers, sleep well  (cnngo.com) (68)
(NYPost) Scary For once, a story involving a pit bull NOT attacking and killing someone. Sadly, the people the pit bull didn't attack were home invaders who shot her owners execution style  (nypost.com) (55)
(New York Magazine) Amusing New Jersey: Land of Stereotypes  (nymag.com) (55)
(YNet News) Obvious US: 'Hey Israel, uh, just wanted to say it looks like we forgot to tell you we have been bugging your embassy and intercepting all your communications for the last 70 years. Sorry about that'  (ynetnews.com) (454)
(Pegasus News) Scary Fried Bubblegum wins 2011 Texas State Fair Fried Food Awards  (pegasusnews.com) (54)
(My Fox DC) Interesting Band teacher got tired of blowing his own horn (w/ mugshot)  (myfoxdc.com) (35)
(New York Daily News) Interesting Feral hogs are running loose and multiplying in New York, whose residents are okay with this because a) free-range bacon and b) at least they're not like deer, staring at oncoming traffic like stoners looking into a fridge  (nydailynews.com) (201)
(CNN) Hero No, Google+, I don't want to be internet famous  (cnn.com) (82)
(Fox News) Dumbass Man: "I have a bomb in my backpack". A few hours later: "What do you mean I can't keep my daughter?"  (foxnews.com) (16)
(New York Daily News) Scary 47 people shot this weekend during roving gun battles on the streets of Syria. Oh did I say Syria? I meant Brooklyn  (nydailynews.com) (275)
(970 WFLA) Florida Not news: Man steals truck. Florida Tag: Man steals truck from the scene of an accident while police are there investigating  (970wfla.com) (12)
(BBC) Interesting Alien worms are a threat to forests, Ice Pirates  (bbc.co.uk) (37)
(Yahoo) Hero Cantor Fitzgerald lost 658 out of its 960-strong workforce in 9/11, they nearly shut the firm but resolved to work harder to help their colleagues families. Ten years later they have donated over $180 million  (uk.news.yahoo.com) (101)
(Some 3-year-old) Photoshop Photoshop this toddler taking a look  (bigpicture.ru) (27)
(fox 8) Hero Angry Vietnam vet removes huge torn American flag off the pole at Burger King. Supervisor: Thanks, breakfast is on us  (fox8.com) (277)
(SMH) Strange TV network reassures viewers that the flatulence of one of the characters on its drama series will be toned down  (smh.com.au) (29)
(Expatica) Cool From the annals of mighty fine police work: officers return stolen car plus a little compensation to owner. The compensation being the thief's wallet, identity card, crack pipe and heroin  (expatica.com) (11)
(Current News) Scary Electric current in tap water shocks families, causes news outlets to create amusing clip art graphics  (timesofoman.com) (51)
(ABC News) Followup White House declines to comment on Hoffa's "sons-of-biatches" remark, as Obama aides scout the nation for football stadiums under construction  (abcnews.go.com) (309)
(TC Palm) Dumbass "My pants just fell down", says the drunk lady to the cop  (blogs.tcpalm.com) (40)
(Short List) Unlikely Is this Jesus Christ standing on a cloud? (Clue: No)  (shortlist.com) (65)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Behold... the power of Chaz  (dailymail.co.uk) (124)
(My Fox Orlando) Florida Yo ho yo ho yo ho yo ho yo ho yo ho yo ho yo ho yo ho yo ho yo ho yo ho yo ho yo ho yo ho yo ho yo ho yo ho yo ho yo ho yo ho yo ho yo ho yo ho yo ho yo ho yo ho yo ho yo ho AHHHHHHHHHH MAKE IT STOP  (myfoxorlando.com) (153)
(Amarillo Globe-News) Sad Amarilloans get riled up over a Muslim physician building a terrorist training camp. Turns out it's actually a community center dedicated to his mom  (amarillo.com) (205)
(The Local (Sweden)) Sad Performance artist hanging along side of building pludges to ground when harness breaks. No one mimed a bit  (thelocal.se) (123)
(MSNBC) Interesting Here is a guy who is succeeding at sowing his seeds everywhere  (msnbc.msn.com) (68)
(Statesman) Interesting Woman trapped in a lawn chair saved by her paper boy. Her first thoughts were likely "I'm so very scared. Help"  (statesman.com) (97)
(Washington Post) Sad If rich country club dads can't take their kids fishing after hours in a pond on the golf course, then the terrorists have won  (washingtonpost.com) (81)
(Reuters) Interesting Nearly 40% of Europeans support socialism  (reuters.com) (183)
(Beatcalls) Scary Where there's a cigarette, there's an ashtray. Where there's an ashtray, there's a guy waiting to smash you in the head with it (w/ mugshot)  (beatcalls.com) (50)

Mon September 05, 2011
(Some Guy) Interesting Pepper relish wins best-of-the-best award on the final day of the New York State Fair. So here's a picture of what almost looks like a baby and a stuffed animal about to be crushed by a stroller  (syracuse.com) (34)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Young women say they don't know why their doctor had to take pictures of them naked and playing with a sex toy, but he insisted that it was a valid treatment for their anorexia  (icenews.is) (166)
(Chicago Tribune) Scary Previously unknown tick-borne parasite has infected the nation's blood reserve, claims the CDC  (chicagotribune.com) (61)
(Fox News) Interesting That's not a croc, now this, THIS is a croc  (foxnews.com) (94)
(WTNH) Dumbass After being without power for eight days, man welcomes repair crew with open arms. And by open arms I mean a gun  (wtnh.com) (69)
(I Heart Chaos) Cool Study shows that injecting old mice with young mice blood makes them younger, sparkly and emo  (iheartchaos.com) (73)
(Daily Mail) Amusing If you want to get married on a cruise ship, then don't act surprised when the ship's official photographer is also the ship's chef. Bonus: Chef's wedding photos  (dailymail.co.uk) (70)
(Statesman) Followup Bastrop Wildfire -- 476 Homes Destroyed, 0% Contained  (statesman.com) (460)
(WLSAM) Spiffy It's right there, in the Declaration of Independence: life, liberty, free lunch and cheap internet  (wlsam.com) (100)
(FOX8) Fail NAACP upset over 'offensive' sign at high school football game. They mad bro, they totally mad  (fox8.com) (349)
(BBC) Fail People will suspect you don't take diversity very seriously if you end your job advert with "Usual rubbish about equal opportunities employer etc"  (bbc.co.uk) (164)
(Yahoo) Interesting Pakistan is shocked...SHOCKED to find three Al Qaeda suspects in Pakistan  (news.yahoo.com) (36)
(Toronto Star) Dumbass Man attends air show hoping to see little boats  (thestar.com) (59)
(Mother Nature Network) Sad It turns out dolphins mourn their dead. Except in no wake zones  (mnn.com) (81)
(Some Guy) Scary A $200,000 Bottle Of Scotch? Really?  (onlyexcess.com) (194)
(Google) Obvious Culinary School grads file a class-action lawsuit after discovering that shelling out $50k for culinary school only qualifies you for an $8/hr gig as a line cook  (google.com) (406)
(Fox News) Florida Nice gun boss, now can you give me a ride to the hospital?  (foxnews.com) (40)
(azfamily.com) Weird You hit a curb and damage your tires. To pay for a new set, do you: C) Break into a horse racetrack armed with a flare gun and make a pregnant woman crawl through a ventilation space to get to the racetrack's money room?  (azfamily.com) (26)
(FARK) Photoshop Theme: Well, this is embarrassing  (fark.com) (27)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy I've made a few Minor changes to my Jag: Owner who couldn't fit dogs in sports car modifies it into something a little more downmarket  (dailymail.co.uk) (96)
(Some Guy) Cool A lot of Pictures of Burning Man 2011  (totallycoolpix.com) (77)
(Kotaku) Amusing Cumming mother moans about being used after discovering phallic image  (kotaku.com) (84)
(panama city news herald) Florida Woman misses monkey head after her husband dies  (newsherald.com) (23)
(Huffington Post) Interesting For divorced women, it's Survival of the Sluttiest  (huffingtonpost.com) (514)
(Fox News) Misc Taxi driver reportedly locks passenger in the trunk of his cab after a dispute. Sounds like a fare fight  (foxnews.com) (14)
(Some Guy) Florida Man interrupted while downloading kiddie porn--by police serving him a warrant for downloading kiddie porn. Awkward  (blogs.browardpalmbeach.com) (132)
(Huffington Post) Sad New video surfaces of aftermath of United 93 crash on 9/11. Even after 10 years, chillingly sad  (huffingtonpost.com) (325)
(LA Times) Interesting New York's Little Italy is taking it to the mattresses  (latimes.com) (20)
(Pocono Record) Sad Man dies after rescuers accidentally drop car while trying to save him  (poconorecord.com) (68)
(Short List) Sad Plus-sized cow fails to find anything in her size at understocked sports store  (shortlist.com) (17)
(Statesman) Asinine I'll see your new girlfriend and raise you one burning Avalanche  (statesman.com) (25)
(BBC) Unlikely Don't worry, corporal, that's just a column of cows on the horizon. Cows with...turrets  (bbc.co.uk) (72)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Drivers Ed 101: When being stopped for a minor traffic violation, brush the marijuana leaf off your shirt  (nwfdailynews.com) (23)
(Lynn Daily Item) Strange Woman may go to jail if she refuses to let bank run gas line through her basement to foreclosed house next door, in violation of building code  (itemlive.com) (138)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida It turns out that family down the street living in a huge home and driving expensive cars aren't drug dealers. They're psychics  (sun-sentinel.com) (53)
(JSOnline) Asinine Mother now wants Everclear banned in Wisconsin because her kid couldn't handle his alcohol, not realizing that most of Wisconsin can't get drunk on anything less than 194 proof  (jsonline.com) (140)
(AZCentral) Fail It's safe to say your police training exercise at the airport did not go well if somebody was able to steal a container with explosive equipment  (azcentral.com) (11)
(Chicago Tribune) Weird Shirtless man wielding 35-inch samurai sword "marching like a drum major" down the interstate. Then things got weird  (chicagotribune.com) (33)
(News.com.au) Dumbass Man arrested at public library for trying to read between the line  (news.com.au) (28)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Create a sports-themed wine, beer or other alcoholic beverage. LGT inspiration  (fark.com) (28)
(USA Today) Followup A weakened Lee marches slowly through the South. This is not a repeat from 1865  (usatoday.com) (29)
(The New York Times) PSA The Post Office is on the verge of insolvency. Lick it. Done  (nytimes.com) (184)
(Des Moines Register) Asinine "Police found that a package of beef ribs, worth about $4, had been taken from the freezer, the TV and air conditioner had be shut off and the toilet had been used"  (blogs.desmoinesregister.com) (38)
(The New York Times) Asinine Arizona now charges $25 to visit inmates in prison. At that price, the visit better be conjugal  (nytimes.com) (143)
(Washington Post) Interesting A Week in the life of a Liberal Arts major  (washingtonpost.com) (161)
(Daily Mail) Sad Britons 'are unhealthiest in the world.' Even Americans are in better shape  (dailymail.co.uk) (119)
(News.com.au) Obvious It's highly dangerous. I'm all for breastfeeding but not while driving a car  (news.com.au) (33)
(Economist) Sad For those of you in NYC who derided Hurricane Irene as overhyped by the media, it may be one of the top ten costliest natural disasters in U.S. history  (economist.com) (112)
(How Stuff Works) Interesting An Irish monk was the first European to land in America, beating Columbus by almost 1000 years  (history.howstuffworks.com) (174)

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