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Sun September 25, 2011
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Savannah Now .com) Obvious On the other hand, it's kind of a given that a bright pink police car is probably going to get vandalized now and again  (savannahnow.com) (51)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Obvious Mother of conjoined twins has no regrets, says she feels a strong connection between them  (suntimes.com) (130)
(Cleveland Plain Dealer) Interesting 'Cool,' 'absolutely,' 'no problem,' and other words and phrases that annoy us all, you know  (cleveland.com) (753)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop the Dark Hedges  (i.imgur.com) (39)
(Some Guy) Cool News: Vaccine likely discovered. Fark: For AIDS. Ultra Fark: It's a form of cholesterol. You know what that means? We need to eat more BACON  (voanews.com) (183)
(Some Guy) Amusing No science projects. No book reports. No math. Just CHEER... and make me a sammich during halftime  (btownerrant.com) (101)
(Daily Mail) Scary New ant species discovered in America will eat you, your pets, and your electronics  (dailymail.co.uk) (88)
(The New York Times) Strange Bacon thieves on the rise in down economy  (nytimes.com) (43)
(Yahoo) Cool For a mere $1.295 million, you can own your own island. Mary Ann and Ginger not included  (finance.yahoo.com) (75)
(Some Guy) Sad Internet-created celeb rebels against guardians, is drawn to dangerous substances, goes missing. RIP the Lindsay Lohan of bears  (duluthnewstribune.com) (17)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Remember how much time Jesus spent preaching about how his birth reset the year to one? No?  (dailymail.co.uk) (368)
(Springfield Republican) Obvious Free parking lot near high school's $100 per year parking lot helps administrators learn microeconomics and students learn negotiation  (masslive.com) (66)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop this rugby re-enactment  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (26)
(Marketwatch) Interesting Someone tired of hearing "poor people make bad choices" makes poverty simulator and challenges every member of Congress to play it  (marketwatch.com) (596)
(Quad City Times) Cool Banned books week is here, and once again libraries are inviting everyone to come in and enjoy a good book  (qctimes.com) (69)
(Beatcalls) Florida You know he's not into you if after the pillow fight he has you arrested (w/ mugshot)  (beatcalls.com) (34)
(Some Guy) Stupid Kid gets bullied at school so obviously the school suspends the bullies. Oh, wait, the school suspends the kid's mom for telling the bullies to leave her kid alone. Now it all makes sense  (minnesota.cbslocal.com) (89)
(Short List) Spiffy How to make the perfect onion rings: 1. Coat onion rings in batter. 2. Fry. 3. Remove onion from ring  (shortlist.com) (93)
(Seattle Times) Amusing Parking TIFF settled. The Joint Parking Experts Group are glad to get over this BMP in the road and make a clean exif  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (40)
(Salon) Obvious The best article you'll read today about why the once-revered United States criminal justice system is collapsing  (salon.com) (227)
(LA Times) Spiffy Aperitifs are a great way to start drinking before the drinking starts  (latimes.com) (50)
(LA Times) Interesting Meet slut Mathira Mohammad, the Pakistani Paris Hilton  (latimes.com) (113)
(Some Guy) Asinine Pittsburgh police cause woman permanent hearing loss after they use LRAD against her during IMF protest. Fark: That she wasn't participating in  (courthousenews.com) (298)
(Daily Mail) Sad Body of missing woman found encased in cement in an oil drum; investigators say this concrete evidence is likely to solidify their case against husband  (dailymail.co.uk) (53)
(Santa Cruz Sentinel) Amusing "When officers arrived at the scene, deputies found an intoxicated woman throwing the duck around." AFLAC  (santacruzsentinel.com) (41)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop this steepest race in the world  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (18)
(USA Today) Interesting "Gelato in hand, you stroll down an Italian street. An attractive woman argues with a street vendor, who accuses her of shoplifting. A crowd gathers. To prove her innocence, she starts to strip"  (travel.usatoday.com) (155)
(Boston Globe) PSA Historic 236-year-old bullet hole goes back on display in Lexington, Massachusetts  (boston.com) (27)
(BBC) Interesting Seizure of another FARC submarine expected to have no immediate effect on monthly subscription fees  (bbc.co.uk) (32)
(Metro) Scary Axe murderer let out of jail to chop down trees. Heads should roll over this  (metro.co.uk) (34)
(Boston Herald) Spiffy Not news: Stolen canoe replaced. News: 205 years later. Fark: It was stolen by Lewis and Clark  (news.bostonherald.com) (37)
(Burlington Free Press) Dumbass Emily Post etiquette rule #5: Thanking the fire department for helping you during a car accident doesn't give you license to steal their truck  (burlingtonfreepress.com) (17)
(MSNBC) Scary Posting on a social network is nothing to lose your head over. Except in Mexico  (msnbc.msn.com) (114)
(HelenaIR.com) Dumbass Most incompetent hunter on earth illegally shoots grizzly bear he thought was a black bear, tracks it into heavy brush with his hunting partner where bear turns on them, then fatally shoots partner while trying to save him from bear  (helenair.com) (101)

Sat September 24, 2011
(Independent) Sad What happens in Mecca stays in Mecca  (independent.co.uk) (178)
(The Scotsman) Strange Developer's plans blocked because there's a squirrel already living on his land  (scotsman.com) (56)
(The Eagle Tribune) Ironic Man died trying to retrieve gun he carried for protection  (eagletribune.com) (119)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Chinese fireman kept six women as slaves for two years. You know the drill  (dailymail.co.uk) (89)
(ksl.com) PSA Just to clarify, calling the cops and telling them to stop trying to pull you over doesn't make them stop  (ksl.com) (42)
(Yahoo) Unlikely New website will let random internet strangers cheer you up. Yeah, this will end well  (ca.news.yahoo.com) (207)
(Des Moines Register) Scary Beef will no longer be what's for dinner in 2012  (desmoinesregister.com) (210)
(Some woman) Obvious Woman erects 24 foot cross in her front yard, surprisingly her neighbors won't turn the other cheek and the city find it's her cross to bear for permitting and/or removal  (dailynews.com) (157)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this dangling diver  (bigpicture.ru) (23)
(Chicago Tribune) Spiffy The weekend is the perfect time for eggs. So those Egg Council creeps got to you too, huh?  (chicagotribune.com) (41)
(Examiner) Unlikely Textercise promotes exercise while text messaging. You know, things like jogging while texting, and getting run over while doing so  (examiner.com) (19)
(LA Times) Cool After 65 years, Fender finally opens their factory to the public. Even people like Bender  (articles.latimes.com) (184)
(WXYZ Detroit) Interesting Researchers find family dinner helps prevent kids from using drugs, alcohol (w/ disturbing pic of what a "healthy" family may look like)  (wxyz.com) (91)
(Some Guy) Misc Ugly-ass albino fawn spotted in Montana. It may be delicious  (billingsgazette.com) (28)
(MSNBC) Interesting Butterface  (photoblog.msnbc.msn.com) (93)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Detective busts dealer in sting, confiscates $7,000 and turns in $6,000. Turns out it was actually a sting within a sting  (sun-sentinel.com) (155)
(CBC) Stupid Since it worked so well for their neighbors, Canada is now instituting mandatory prison sentences for growing marijuana  (cbc.ca) (118)
(Some Guy) Asinine Hey kid, want to play outside? Put on this GPS tracker and reflective vest  (inhabitots.com) (85)
(Quad City Times) Cool Who knew Pop-Tarts could do so much?  (qctimes.com) (56)
(Orlando Sentinel) Unlikely Is there any way to make peace with FARK YOU YOU FARKING BASTARD I HOPE YOUR HOUSE BURNS DOWN YOU SON OF A BIATCH  (orlandosentinel.com) (43)
(Metro) Dumbass Bond. James Bond. License to kiss underage girls  (metro.co.uk) (45)
(Cleveland Plain Dealer) Dumbass "I don't think most men know that by cheering on a women's lingerie football league, you are inadvertently supporting sexual violence against women"  (cleveland.com) (249)
(FARK) PSA Sup y'all. Giving a presentation later today, thought I'd say hi in advance for a nice screenshot. Best off-color comment wins a free beer from me -Drew  (fark.com) (406)
(Some Guy) PSA What's up, Doc? Today is International Rabbit Day  (holidayinsights.com) (46)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this forest firefighter  (shorpy.com) (29)
(Life.com) Misc Turns out skinny-jeaned hipsters can't be blamed every time an old-school Brooklyn neighborhood undergoes rapid, unsettling change  (life.com) (19)
(WFTV) Florida Police issue tickets for future parking violations. CAUTION: Reading this article will make your head asplode  (wftv.com) (55)
(My Fox Tampa Bay) Florida Investigative reporter asks whether mug shots should be posted online, forgetting that this is part of the important service his state provides to Fark  (myfoxtampabay.com) (30)
(CNN) Stupid Palestinians are seeking statehood, the US economy is in ruins and the government is about to shut down, and Europe is spinning out of control. So, naturally, CNN is publishing an article about ghosts on its main page  (cnn.com) (106)
(Fox News) Interesting Facebook's new "timeline" design will enable many new features, one of which will allow you to see a complete list of all those corksucking motherfarking asshat losers who unfriended you. I SEE YOU, BRENT  (foxnews.com) (88)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Cool You don't have to go to Germany to celebrate Oktoberfest. Subby just toured Kentucky after a trip to local bourbon store. Also drunk enough to believe I'm hanging out with Drew  (suntimes.com) (24)
(WLBZ.com) Obvious Maine school that doesn't love boobies doesn't like lawsuits more  (wlbz2.com) (49)
(San Mateo Daily Journal) Obvious Drunk, naked, waving a frying pan, asking police to behead you, masturbating and yelling at nurses is no way to go through life, but a damn good way to get into rehab  (smdailyjournal.com) (33)
(MSN) Amusing College says that a politician alumnus is really living up to his name. Right, Mr. Dikshiat?  (news.in.msn.com) (22)
(Sky Valley Chronic-le) Interesting 33-year-old murder cold case solved as cops arrest Ronald MacDonald. Hamburgler must have turned state's evidence  (skyvalleychronicle.com) (35)
(Chicago Tribune) Followup I am Jack's complete lack of surprise  (chicagotribune.com) (32)
(Some Guy) Strange Holy s**t, look at how f*****g disgusting this kitchen is...bloody hell man, it looks like this f*****g place hasn't been cleaned in f*****g DECADES  (blogs.laweekly.com) (140)
(Daily Mail) Stupid What do you do with a drunken mortgage consultant, what do you do with a drunken mortgage consultant, earl-eye in the morn-ing  (dailymail.co.uk) (18)
(The Sun) Caturday Cats. Hats. That is all  (thesun.co.uk) (821)
(Mother Nature Network) Spiffy If you have your first cup of coffee within an hour of waking up, congratulations. You're normal  (mnn.com) (88)
(Some Guy) Weird Man perfects the art of growing the perfect decorative mushroom. It's as if Mario Brothers and your stoner roommate in college made a love child together during a wild night of hallucinogenics  (asiaone.com) (21)
(Some Guy) Florida What do you do when attacked with a fishing pole during an argument about an iguana: c) grab the duct tape  (naplesnews.com) (14)
(Some Generic) Strange Nothing says high-class better than beer at the Dollar General  (fayettevilleflyer.com) (57)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Dad tries to run over son, son dodges car, punches dad in face, dad gets out and swings crowbar at son. Somehow it's a womans fault  (sun-sentinel.com) (57)
(Telegraph) Obvious Experts warn that childhood is being eroded by a "relentless diet" of advertising, addictive computer games, test-driven education and poor childcare  (telegraph.co.uk) (90)
(KOTV) Interesting Woman's claim to fame is that she's the only person to ever get hit by falling space junk  (fox23.com) (53)
(The Superficial) Photoshop Photoshop this proud Emmy winner  (cdn04.cdn.thesuperficial.com) (30)
(STLToday) Cool Some house sitters drop by every few days, drown the plants, lose the dog, and then drink all of your beer. Then there's this guy  (stltoday.com) (90)
(Entertainment Weekly) Amusing Bitter ex-Borders employees get in a last shot at scavenging customers with a list of grievances posted on the sales floor. 7) We always knew when you were intently reading Better Homes and Gardens, it was really a hidden Playboy  (shelf-life.ew.com) (239)
(Daily Mail) Stupid Mirrored motorcycle almost disappears when it's moving. Let's pause to reflect on the wisdom of that  (dailymail.co.uk) (107)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Grandma vs flasher..."If you haven't got anything worth showing, don't show it at all"  (dailymail.co.uk) (49)

Fri September 23, 2011
(Chicago Sun-Times) Ironic A Cook County Forest Preserve "resident watchman" whose duties include stopping people from growing or smoking pot in the woods has been arrested for growing pot in the woods  (suntimes.com) (22)
(660 News) Asinine Woman suing Kraft for $100,000 because chewing gum got stuck in her dentures and caused her suffer "a bout of depression that lasted about 10 minutes"  (660news.com) (59)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Don't cry. This week's Mugshot Roundup is here  (thesmokinggun.com) (134)
(SFGate) Dumbass I ♣ my son's little league coach  (sfgate.com) (53)
(The Raw Story) Spiffy Scientists discover virus that kills all forms of breast cancer. Still no cure for... heyyyyy waitaminute  (rawstory.com) (178)
(Boston Globe) Dumbass Caution: Cigarette smoking may be hazardous to your health  (boston.com) (46)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen) Sick That...that is a hard 30, lady  (press-citizen.com) (229)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop this biggest pitcher of beer in the world  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (29)
(Some Guy) Dumbass 1 house, 6 people, 4 meth labs...you bet it's Alabama. With "why ain't we got us a tag yet" mug shots  (tuscaloosacounty.myfoxal.com) (94)
(Asbury Park Press) Dumbass 25-year-old driver who fatally ran over a 76-year-old man has had his license suspended 7 times, including 3 DUIs. In what is surely an irrelevant coincidence, his daddy happens to be president of the town council  (app.com) (55)
(Some Guy) Stupid You now have the option of going to jail or church; either way you're going to be on your knees praying for Jesus to come already  (thebigdc.com) (156)
(WIVB) Fail It's not unusual to see things that cost more than a dollar in the Family Dollar, like name-brand shampoo, well-known cleaning products and this Jaguar  (wivb.com) (44)
(The Daily Caller) Fail Solyndra execs hide from sunlight  (thedc.com) (153)
(The Daily Caller) Scary Lawyers beginning to see the unemployed as clients, make moves to start class-action lawsuits against companies that refuse to hire the unemployed  (dailycaller.com) (195)
(kctv5.com) Strange China charges ahead with latest in plug and play baby technology (pic is a bit graphic)  (kctv5.com) (56)
(Canoe) Stupid Retired cop: "Yeah, 911? I'm following a drunk driver who is running people off the road. He's gonna kill someone." 911 operator: "OMG HANG UP You can't talk on a cell phone while driving"  (cnews.canoe.ca) (139)
(Omaha World Herald) Sappy Rural Nebraska teen cut from cheerleading squad for being born without legs and full arms finally gets chance to cheer after Michigan school offers her a spot on their squad  (omaha.com) (163)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida School fires teacher for something she does in her free time, after somebody anonymously mails them the sex and drug videos  (sun-sentinel.com) (122)
(CNN) Amusing The easiest commute in America, at 14.2 minutes, is subby's own town of Great Falls, Montana, probably because we're all driving at suicidal rates of speed to cross this barren, accursed stretch of frozen Hell god please kill me now  (news.blogs.cnn.com) (122)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Sweet: Marines say people who found military drones on NC beaches after live-fire exercise can keep them  (wtkr.com) (71)
(Some chest bumper) Florida This is why you don't do the celebratory touchdown chest bump with the team's kicker  (southtampa.wtsp.com) (36)
(Some Labor Activist) Strange Old and busted: driving like a maniac to hospital with a woman in labor. New hotness: bicycling to the hospital while in labor. w/pics  (copenhagenize.com) (35)
(New Zealand Herald) Sad New Zealand's Church of Baptism with Fire & Holy Spirit turns out to be 50% accurate  (nzherald.co.nz) (65)
(WWSB ABC 7) Florida Welcome to Florida, where the over/under on the number of times a school bus driver can forget a kid on the bus before getting fired is set at 2.5  (mysuncoast.com) (27)
(Space) Obvious Satellite which will not land in the US now scheduled to land in the US later tonight  (space.com) (232)
(Reuters) Interesting If you're going to get sent to prison, try to have it be in Venezuela  (reuters.com) (37)
(My Fox DC) Interesting The ACLU works to defend and preserve the individual rights and liberties guaranteed to every person in this country. And that means you, autistic kid in the banana suit at the high school football game  (myfoxdc.com) (87)
(Above the Law) Fail ABA improving employment statistics for the law school class of 2010 by no longer differentiating whether employed graduates got legal jobs or were working the counter at McDondalds  (abovethelaw.com) (119)
(FARK) Cool It's Quiz Time, if you're into that sort of abuse  (fark.com) (30)
(ABA Journal) Obvious Legal protip: When submitting your brief to the 7th Circuit Court, try to avoid 345 word sentences  (abajournal.com) (92)
(Short List) Interesting So it turns out that Turkey is the best place to ever get buried alive  (shortlist.com) (34)
(some Turing test candidate) Cool Today's Fark-ready headline: Talking computer will change the world; promises not to kill you  (techrepublic.com) (49)
(MLive.com) Sad Whatever you're doing, you should avoid running into tractor-trailers. This goes double if you're flying a small plane  (mlive.com) (34)
(Pravda) Obvious After overwhelming success in Bushehr, Russia wants to build 'Nuclearwood' in Iran  (english.pravda.ru) (20)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen) Dumbass Pedestrian learns the hard way you're either on, off or under the bus  (press-citizen.com) (24)
(BBC) Sad Man dies in accident while using turf-cutting machine. Poor old sod  (bbc.co.uk) (23)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Interesting News Corp phone hacking scandal lawsuits spread to the US. Upon hearing this, Rupert Murdoch said it's disgusting how the media lowers itself to smear anyone in power  (startribune.com) (24)
(Washington Post) Dumbass Russian Navy says one of its nuclear subs was rammed. Fark: By a bunch of drunk Russians in a fishing boat  (washingtonpost.com) (50)
(National Post) Spiffy Social media lets women feel like they have a social life so they don't mind staying home on Saturday night making sandwiches for you  (life.nationalpost.com) (49)
(Some Guy) Florida Couple who broke in to house to do laundry no longer have a clean record  (dc101.com) (12)
(AJC) Strange Leave it to Atlanta to have the first tranny panda  (ajc.com) (22)
(NYPost) Dumbass Chauffeur for a senior UN diplomat from the UAE learns what every New Yorker already knows: never leave your $100,000 Mercedes double-parked and idling while you run into the store for "just a minute"  (nypost.com) (41)
(Times Union) Scary Even suburban Detroit is now the kind of place where a hungry homeless woman with a concealed-carry permit will fire 11 shots at a possum in a shopping center parking lot. And miss 11 times  (timesunion.com) (126)
(Telegraph) Strange Coroner rules Irish man died of spontaneous human combustion. O'Really?  (telegraph.co.uk) (93)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Friday Photo Fun: Match the arrestee with their alleged weapon (potatoes are a weapon?). Contest ends 6p.m. EST  (thesmokinggun.com) (14)
(Hawaii News Now) Scary Hawaiian volcano goddess Pele realizes there's still one home left in subdivision she keeps burying with lava, tries again  (hawaiinewsnow.com) (73)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop this resting reveler  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (28)
(Calgary Herald) Scary Aaaaand whatcanIgetforthis kidnappedauctioneer? Ineedahundredgrand, hundredgrand, hundredgrand, inthebackcanIget onetwentyfive, onetwentyfive, who'llgiveme onetwentyfive?  (calgaryherald.com) (26)
(Hindustan Times) Amusing Everyone has a secret they keep from their spouse. For example, this woman's husband, who pushed her off a bridge to drown, had never found out she was an expert long-distance swimmer  (hindustantimes.com) (118)
(The Local (Germany)) Amusing Underendowed Germans increasingly turning to penis enlargement operations. You know who else wanted to be the world's biggest dick?  (thelocal.de) (144)
(Huffington Post) Interesting Same-sex couples in civil partnerships are less likely to divorce than straight married couples. Probably due to state laws defining divorce as between one man and one woman  (huffingtonpost.co.uk) (101)
(WHIO TV) Sad Man dies after one car swerves into the path of another on Needmore Road. They certainly did  (whiotv.com) (29)
(KERO) Dumbass When you film yourself running stop signs and speeding around town, posting it on YouTube only helps the police catch you  (turnto23.com) (40)
(SFGate) Interesting Cetaceans making real life version of 'Wet Side Story'. Featuring rival gangs, the dolphins and the porpoises, fighting to the death over their surf  (sfgate.com) (34)
(Marketwatch) Dumbass $2.4 million for air conditioning? THAT DOES NOT FEMPUTE  (marketwatch.com) (107)
(Metro) Spiffy When reality is like the plot of a movie. A hitman fakes the death of his victim after falling in love with her. This deception is sure to ketchup with him. (With you'd hit it too pic.)  (metro.co.uk) (88)
(The Macomb Daily) Interesting I can either take you to jail ... or you could just show me your chest and we'll call it a day  (macombdaily.com) (140)
(BBC) Interesting Sata elected Zambia's president, having beaten out incumbent IDE and archrival SCSI  (bbc.co.uk) (64)
(CNN) Unlikely Suspected Al-Qaeda operative gets probation, as Spain downgrades "war" on terror to "slight disapproval"  (cnn.com) (33)
(Tucson Citizen) Sad Two prominent BMX riders and a police helicopter pilot die in crash. That was one hell of a jump, lads  (tucsoncitizen.com) (37)
(LA Times) Spiffy Fire crews finally free dog trapped in rock crevasse after dousing him with vegetable oil and using a lasso. "It was easy once the oil hit the canis"  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (53)
(New York Daily News) Amusing Teen orders new paintball rifle barrel, company sends Viagra and porn to help him shoot more straight and accurate  (nydailynews.com) (67)
(The Irish Times) Ironic Cork man drowns  (irishtimes.com) (50)
(MSNBC) Cool I walk alone, I walk alone. With a shopping cart  (msnbc.msn.com) (76)
(LA Times) Stupid Three arrested in the most bungled beer heist in history. Need moronic tag  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (58)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: History In Pictograms (LGT: Examples)  (polkadot.it) (30)
(Daily Mail) Strange Not news: Homeowners considering an injunction against their neighbor after he posts a sign that they say is scaring away potential buyers. Fark: the sign the neighbor posted is warning buyers about himself (w/photo of sign)  (dailymail.co.uk) (119)
(WWL) Dumbass Robbery victim taken at gunpoint to ATM. Victim suggests to robber that he lower his bandana so as not to arouse suspicion. Robber complies, ID'd by other victims  (wwl.com) (30)
(KCTV5) Strange All in a day's education in Kansas City. Fire. Fist fights. Oh, and students maced  (kctv5.com) (21)
(Huffington Post) Strange News: Texas A&M deputy chancellor is fired, pulls a knife on staffers, asks if anyone is man enough to take away his office keys, tells police "I shall return." Fark: He's one of Perry's closest advisers  (huffingtonpost.com) (168)

Thu September 22, 2011
(Fox News) Asinine Texas Republicans continue to fight the good fight against growing government spending by denying special requests for last meals of convicts on death row. And by Republicans, we mean Democrats  (foxnews.com) (277)
(MSNBC) Scary Over the counter asthma inhalers will be taken off the market by the end of the year. Now what will Piggy do?  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (137)
(Chicago Tribune) Asinine Not news: Former city worker retires. News: With an annual pension of $158,000. Fark: He earned this for one day's work  (chicagotribune.com) (85)
(News.com.au) Unlikely U.S. ambassador claims 40 percent of men visiting Philippines go there for sex, usually request a 'Manila Folder'  (news.com.au) (155)
(KNBC 4 Los Angeles) Amusing What starts with F and ends with U-C-K? A Los Angeles Fire Department internal investigation  (nbclosangeles.com) (54)
(Some Guy) Florida What's a cop sex murder case without a little forgery thrown in?  (nbcmiami.com) (13)
(Talking Points Memo) Strange Obama is so liberal, he's palling around with RAND PAUL. Wait, RAND PAUL?  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com) (78)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Keep it simple, stupid  (fark.com) (37)
(Some Guy) Followup Woman who committed suicide with hands bound behind her back, naked, and hanged from balcony also clubbed herself on head in four places and referred to herself in suicide note in third person  (blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com) (229)
(Mother Jones) Strange Rick Perry's new Florida co-chair believes gays cause floods, fires, tornadoes and God has Parkinson's disease  (motherjones.com) (134)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Note News: Church hired first ever female pastor. News: She hides a deep dark secret. Fark: That shes a member of the local roller derby team (with video goodness)  (whas11.com) (81)
(CNN) Interesting We finally found that yellow cake we were after in Iraq. It was in Libya  (cnn.com) (175)
(Denver Channel) Cool Dog reunited with owners after two years and 700 miles wants to know why cats get all the approved links  (thedenverchannel.com) (133)
(Some Guy) Weird Some say there's a secret UFO base hidden at the bottom of one of the Great Lakes. That's eerie   (theparanormalpastor.blogspot.com) (154)
(Some Guy) Dumbass "I'll have one more for the road." Police: no problem  (weirdcrime.net) (39)
(Croatian Times) Amusing Tourists from Italy tell police they didn't realize patronizing prostitutes was wrong, since their Prime Minister does it all the time  (croatiantimes.com) (34)
(io9) Interesting Warp speed, Mr. Sulu  (io9.com) (329)
(Connecticut Post) Interesting Woman shocked by naked man delivering newspapers. Apparently she didn't know people still read newspapers  (ctpost.com) (37)
(Wikipedia) Photoshop Photoshop Challenge: Recreate a classic album cover. Difficulty: Using MS Paint  (en.wikipedia.org) (147)
(SeattlePI) Obvious American Family Association does not want you to lick Ben & Jerry's Schweddy Balls  (blog.seattlepi.com) (235)
(Radar Magazine) Asinine Mom, you are killing me with love. And pizza, and ice cream, and donuts  (radaronline.com) (99)
(US News) Obvious Experts say parents need to revive the 1950s practice of telling their spawn to go out and play  (health.usnews.com) (190)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Strange On the first day of Halloween, my true love grew for me - A pumpkin in a pear tree (w/ pic)  (startribune.com) (25)
(Stylist) Amusing 'Exhausted' Italian parents fight to evict pampered son - aged 41  (stylist.co.uk) (100)
(The Newspaper) Followup Massachusetts Supreme Court upholds law that charges drivers $70 to contest a $100 ticket  (thenewspaper.com) (139)
(CTV) Asinine When travelling to Canada, please remember that Air Canada has a strict carry on limit of two.... guns?  (ctv.ca) (81)
(CBS News) Stupid If you thought that batmanning was the new Horsemanning which is the new Planking, then here comes "teapotting"  (cbsnews.com) (189)
(Forbes) Dumbass Doctor pleads not guilty to diluting chemotherapy drugs, since after all, that makes them more effective homeopathically  (forbes.com) (62)
(Montreal Gazette) Interesting Doctors ask, if you're too fat to be impregnated the usual way, should you really get fertility treatment?  (montrealgazette.com) (161)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Cool Man steals freon to get high. Rehab will force him to just breathe air, conditioning him if you will  (startribune.com) (43)
(Some Booster) Spiffy Hot mom, 35, arrested for sex with son's high school football teammate. Apparently, he couldn't find any female teachers to have the sex with. (w. mug shot)  (badjocks.com) (245)
(Some Guy) Stupid City councilman in hot water for: (a) misappropriating funds (b) illegal donations (c) naming his dog Muhammad  (wjrr.com) (134)
(Some Guy) Amusing After a hooker services you and takes more money than the $60 you promised her, just let it go. It's not worth getting into a fight on the side of the road and everyone on Fark finding out the hooker was actually a man  (kcra.com) (56)
(BBC) Scary Peruvian children react poorly to program that provides free school lunches and rat poison  (bbc.co.uk) (25)
(Boston Herald) Strange Politician is sad to hear man she hired for state job was arrested, because a Satanist who beheaded a hooker was perfect for a customer service job  (bostonherald.com) (51)
(NPR) Sad That obese woman you just saw waddling down the aisle? She has needs, buddy. She has sexual needs and they're not being met, and she's suffering because of it  (npr.org) (412)
(Washington Post) Sad The recession has hit even the two richest, whitest counties in America, with respective median incomes falling to just $89,000 and $103,000. Brother, can you spare a Lexus?  (washingtonpost.com) (201)
(Stylist) Sappy Your "aww" fix for the day: happy ending for bald baby penguin rejected by family  (stylist.co.uk) (28)
(Talking Points Memo) Weird Today on Iron Chef Wikileaks, our contestants will create a diplomatic cable with these ingredients: Venezuela's government, BlackBerry maker RIM, and the musical Jesus Christ Superstar   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (11)
(Some Fro Guy) Dumbass If your hair is big enough to smuggle a midget in, don't be surprised if the TSA singles you out  (wsbtv.com) (115)
(Skokie Patch) Dumbass Cops stop woman with flat tire and front-end damage, who blows .276 at 11:45 AM. Apparently vodka is a balanced breakfast  (skokie.patch.com) (43)
(Toronto Star) Ironic Black heritage group hires white fundraiser. Black heritage group fires white fundraiser. White fundraiser promptly sues for, wait for it, racial discrimination  (thestar.com) (118)
(Some Guy) Interesting Please fasten your seat belts and turn off your cell phones. Also, please ignore those Arabic looking scratches on the bottom of some of our airplanes  (losangeles.cbslocal.com) (78)
(PhysOrg.com) Interesting Six coronal mass ejections in 24 hours. The Sun's wife is there, smoking a cigarette  (physorg.com) (86)
(This is my Next) Spiffy HTC announces phone aimed at women. It's purple, has a light-up "charm" indicator for calls, and an unusually strong vibrate mode  (thisismynext.com) (82)
(Autoblog.com) Scary There are many dumbass stunts you can do in a car, and then there are these douchebags in the Middle East  (autoblog.com) (119)
(TheSpec.com) Sick Man who operates a day care and works as a mall Santa is arrested for... oh, you already guessed it, didn't you?  (thespec.com) (26)
(Abbotsford Times) Hero Canadian online pedo isn't anywhere near as smart as girl's dad, who gets him thrown in jail twice, then handed over to US authorities and banned from Canada forever  (abbotsfordtimes.com) (66)
(BBC) Ironic Greeks stop working over austerity measures brought about because they stopped working  (bbc.co.uk) (85)
(The Northwestern) Unlikely Lady manages to have teacher-student sex and prison worker-inmate sex, with a side-order of special-ed sex, all at the same time  (thenorthwestern.com) (59)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida If you're going to joke with a lady about breaking into her home and stealing her TV, don't later break into her home and steal her TV  (nwfdailynews.com) (9)
(Daily Mail) Strange Baby born on overseas flight. Nationality still up in the air  (dailymail.co.uk) (120)
(Daily Mail) Sick Rule one of pre-teen cage fighting, you don't talk about pre-teen cage fighting  (dailymail.co.uk) (203)
(Oddee) Amusing One-page list of 10 divorce gift ideas. Subby has #10, uses it all the time when making dinner with his second wife  (oddee.com) (74)
(York News-Times) Amusing 3 dogs, 2 pigs, a goose with 2 goslings, 3 deer and... a fisherman? It's not animal hoarding, it's mass lawn-sculpture kidnapping  (yorknewstimes.com) (8)
(Some Guy) Dumbass It doesn't matter if you cook them some bacon. Break into someone's house, you will be charged with burglary. MMmmm bacon  (stlouis.cbslocal.com) (10)
(Short List) Stupid Man sends broken laptop to Sony for repair. Sony sends seven broken laptops back to him. Anything we can do, Sony can do better (apart from customer service)  (shortlist.com) (48)
(Jalopnik) Strange Can't decide whether to buy a vintage Corvette or a vintage pickup truck? One eBay seller has you covered  (jalopnik.com) (42)
(Some Guy) Amusing Topless Starbucks barista fired for singing about customers on YouTube (with video)  (mercedsunstar.com) (50)
(Some Guy) Amusing Longmont woman placed into protective custody after hearing voices from parallel universe. Kent remains unimpressed  (timescall.com) (36)
(Stylist) Amusing How to attract women: you need a deep voice, red clothes and facial scars. But don't be happy or macho  (stylist.co.uk) (116)
(USA Today) Cool Don't look now, haters, but the Ground Zero mosque has opened its doors  (usatoday.com) (160)
(LA Times) Followup Kelly Thomas will get justice: Fullerton officers charged with murder, manslaugher in his beating death  (latimes.com) (136)
(Flickr) Photoshop Theme: two great tastes that taste great together (link goes to inspiration)   (farm4.static.flickr.com) (24)
(Komo) Spiffy German University debuts driverless car. Expects to find Sarah Connor in 20-30 years  (komonews.com) (63)
(BBC) Ironic Julian Assange angry about the unauthorized leak of his autobiography  (bbc.co.uk) (58)
(Yahoo) Obvious Georgia scores a late TD against Texas tonight for the win  (news.yahoo.com) (277)
(KVAL.Com) Fail Not News: man leaves iPod behind at gas station. Fark: with 1,400 images of child porn. (with wide-ass mugshot goodness)  (kval.com) (106)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 333: "Airborne". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (198)

Wed September 21, 2011
(USA Today) Obvious Convicted murderer executed. No, not the popular one, the one everyone hated. So that makes it okay, right?  (usatoday.com) (359)
(Daily Mail) Asinine 'It's my boy's human right to have a three-inch ponytail.' 'It would be like cutting someone's finger off'  (dailymail.co.uk) (110)
(CTV) Weird Bird sex offender. *flap*flap*flap*  (saskatoon.ctv.ca) (27)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this mountain man  (i1103.photobucket.com) (21)
(Yahoo) Scary Car bomb goes off in Michigan, injuring three, including two children  (news.yahoo.com) (114)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Today is World Alzheimer's Action Day  (alz.org) (111)
(Mizooulian) Scary How do you handle a grizzly bear that can swim across the largest freshwater lake in the western U.S.?  (missoulian.com) (108)
(NJ.com) Dumbass Don't report you've been carjacked if you haven't been carjacked. This goes double if your car was actually towed away by the State Police  (nj.com) (22)
(Some Guy) Obvious Closed pot shops means higher crime. In related news, open pot shops means higher slurpee sales  (thebigdc.com) (42)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Elementary school grows their own cafeteria food. How do you grow sloppy joes?  (bigthink.com) (88)
(Talking Points Memo) Strange And, lo, the lamb opened the seventh seal, and Ted Haggard appeared on "Celebrity Wife Swap" with Gary Busey   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (92)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Today is World Alzheimer's Action Day  (alz.org) (102)
(WBEZ) PSA The Fourth Amendment no longer applies to Hoosiers  (wbez.org) (115)
(Huffington Post) Asinine Driving without a license and about to drop your anchor baby? Joe Arpaio will see to it that you deliver that child while shackled in four point restraint to your bed  (huffingtonpost.com) (476)
(Yahoo) Weird "A 77-year-old Ukrainian man won a jar full of sour cream for coming first in a dumpling eating contest and then promptly died"  (news.yahoo.com) (76)
(Some Guy) Ironic Real actor Hugh Jackman punches fake wrestler/actor in jaw, causes fracture without the use of steel chair. (with video goodness)  (cagesideseats.com) (272)
(CNN) Spiffy Good news, everybody. That bus-sized satellite that's about to plunge from orbit is going to break up into 26 smaller pieces, which won't hurt nearly as bad if one hits you  (lightyears.blogs.cnn.com) (156)
(3 News New Zealand) Sick Man details his nine-month sexual relationship with dolphin, restraining order from SeaWorld  (3news.co.nz) (317)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Today is World Alzheimer's Action Day  (alz.org) (120)
(Yahoo) Cool MacArthur Foundation awards $500,000 no-strings attached "genius grants" to 22 Americans, none of whom, yet again, were you  (news.yahoo.com) (60)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Light at the end of the light  (i.imgur.com) (42)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida "Meena Patel removed her sneaker and held it to Falguni Patel's nose, attempting to revive her with the odor"  (tampabay.com) (68)
(9&10 News) Obvious Summit on obesity to attract 500 health care heavyweights  (9and10news.com) (37)
(Creditman) Obvious If you're a bankrupt graphic designer and want to set up a website about poor service from professionals, pick on a profession other than lawyers  (creditman.biz) (34)
(Pravda) Stupid Man explodes his wife when she decides to break up with him  (english.pravda.ru) (67)
(Buffalo News) Dumbass Little old lady, driving drunk, stops at the drive-thru liquor store to get some more. Lack of a drive-thru is just a minor inconvenient detail  (buffalonews.com) (24)
(USA Today) Scary Need a drink? Stay the fark away from Utah  (usatoday.com) (298)
(MSNBC) Obvious Somehow it's the hospital's fault that they transplanted a woman's Hepatitis C-infected kidney into her husband  (msnbc.msn.com) (58)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Perhaps the second time you hit the same house is a good time to evaluate your driving skills  (wtae.com) (21)
(SFGate) Scary This hole has a water hazard, two bunkers, and 70,000 angry bees  (sfgate.com) (32)
(Yahoo) Strange Think your kid is a picky eater? This three year old hasn't eaten ANYTHING in his entire life  (news.yahoo.com) (137)
(Some Guy) Interesting Students having a reunion decide to look for an old fallout shelter and discover it still fully stocked from 1964  (thedailynewsonline.com) (162)
(ABC 15) Obvious Things your university should tell you: which textbooks you need, dorm visitation rules, cafeteria hours, and oh yeah, the fact that your class is cancelled because the professor's been dead for five months  (abc15.com) (35)
(UPI) Interesting Birth control beads found to be 95 percent effective, but not as effective as diamonds -- for obvious reasons  (upi.com) (97)
(Reuters) Interesting New study says preemies may face higher death rates as adults, although in the long run, that really doesn't seem possible  (reuters.com) (10)
(New York Daily News) Weird Police looking for Nephra Payne, Nephra Payne, Nephra Payne, Nephra Payne, Nephra Payne, Nephra Payne, Nephra Payne, and Nephra Payne  (nydailynews.com) (57)
(Middle East Online) Unlikely A photograph entitled "Koranic Inlay" which shows verses of the holy Muslim book projected on a French-Moroccan artist's naked body submitted for art fair in Marrakesh. What could possibly go wrong?  (middle-east-online.com) (76)
(MSNBC) Interesting What sort of academic would be the best to have on hand in the event of a nuclear apocalypse? Subby gets first dibs on the guy with the geiger counter  (msnbc.msn.com) (137)
(BBC) Interesting For lonely deep-sea squids, what happens 2,600 feet underwater, stays 2,600 feet underwater  (bbc.co.uk) (46)
(BBC) Obvious Welsh alcohol campaign group wants pubs to stop pushing energy drinks as mixers. Owners say that's just plumb loco  (bbc.co.uk) (40)
(Chicago Tribune) Cool Chicagotopsthelistof America'smostcaffinatedcities   (chicagotribune.com) (39)
(Watchdog.org) Stupid Virginia looks at classifying Claritin-D and Sudafed as more dangerous than Rohypnol, since it's not like you can make meth out of safe, harmless Rohypnol  (watchdog.org) (148)
(My Fox DC) Scary I'm not saying I condone threatening a Taco Bell employee with a shotgun after they forget to put hot sauce in with your order - I'm just saying I understand  (myfoxdc.com) (75)
(Washington Post) Dumbass Everyone knows you shouldn't walk a chihuahua with a Toyota Camry. Always best to use a Chevy no va  (washingtonpost.com) (56)
(Some Guy) Hero The right way to handle a grizzly bear. With pic of hot blonde wrangler  (missoulian.com) (157)
(My San Antonio) Obvious You can be on Facebook. Or you can be on the Sex Offender Registry. But not both  (mysanantonio.com) (55)
(Some Trou Dropper) Unlikely Man finds new side effect for Viagra: The inability to keep from dropping trou while in department stores  (wtsp.com) (18)
(Some Guy) Scary The wrong way to handle a grizzly bear  (missoulian.com) (73)
(BBC) Interesting Military-style heist attempt on safe deposit centre near Paris kills guard, though robbers get away empty-handed. Colour of the boat house at Hereford still unknown  (bbc.co.uk) (58)
(Some Doctor) Florida Doctor learns the hard way to cup, not honk  (wtsp.com) (39)
(Guardian.com) Misc "Facebook changes see the social network trying to be more social." Demented and sad...but social  (guardian.co.uk) (71)
(Reuters) Scary Germany bans its biggest neo-Nazi group. So, the other ones are still cool?  (reuters.com) (74)
(Some Typesetter Guy) Silly Samuel L Jackson fills your Lorem Ipsum needs  (slipsum.com) (36)
(Some Guy) Scary Not only have the police been instructed to keep the media away from the #occupywallst protests but Yahoo has been blocking emails containing info about the protests  (readersupportednews.org) (190)
(IndyStar) Dumbass If you crash drunk into a policewoman's patrol car, flashing her a peace sign as you flee does not make it all better  (indystar.com) (15)
(The Consumerist) Stupid Bronx dicks bag of tricks: fix tix, nix pics. Cliques nixed. Pricks  (consumerist.com) (19)
(Radio Netherlands Worldwide) Scary Amsterdam courthouse damaged by missile. Tourists immediately try to make a bong out of it  (rnw.nl) (25)
(Guardian.com) Obvious Iran releases those US hikers held as spies after the check clears  (guardian.co.uk) (55)
(Some Guy) Sappy Young couple welcomes baby into the world in a Burger King parking lot. Mom relieved their boy was just a small fry and not a Whopper  (wtkr.com) (18)
(CNNGo) Cool ǝsnoɥ  (cnngo.com) (30)
(Halifax Courier) Unlikely So there's mail fraud, tax fraud, parrot fraud, wire fraud, insurance fraud, and... wait, what?  (halifaxcourier.co.uk) (67)
(The Courier) Silly Sporting a tattoo celebrating last year's victory, man prepares to defend his title as World Porridge Champion  (thecourier.co.uk) (31)
(Ottawa Citizen) Sick 20 minutes of a man masturbating with a Cabbage Patch Kid is enough video evidence for one day, says the Judge  (ottawacitizen.com) (152)
(Some Dusty Website) Sad 14-year-old boy who made an "It Gets Better" video after coming out last spring kills himself when it doesn't get better  (unicornbooty.com) (559)
(News.com.au) Scary Man killed in industrial blender will be remembered by friends as a real smoothie. The strain of his job was the final straw but never sucked up to anyone  (news.com.au) (65)
(Some Invitation) Photoshop Photoshop these under-the-arbor advances  (theseamericans.org) (22)
(Albany Times Union) Strange A riot involving 250 drunk college students breaks out - does the legal system come down like a ton of bricks on a) the drunks, b) the vandals, or c) the guy playing the bagpipes in the middle of it?  (timesunion.com) (72)
(ABC News) Misc Wife shoots husband in self-defense...and again...and again...and again...and again...one more time...and again...and again...(how many bullets are in that thing?)...and again...and again...aaand, just to be really sure, again  (abcnews.go.com) (159)
(News.com.au) Strange Study finds that marijuana blocks PTSD symptoms in rats. In other news, rats get PTSD  (news.com.au) (110)
(Wired) Asinine OnStar is there when you need them. And when you don't. Even if you've cancelled your service  (wired.com) (119)
(JSOnline) Stupid Apparently it's been illegal to serve margarine in restaurants in Wisconsin for over one hundred years. Of course Republican legislators have a problem with that  (jsonline.com) (81)
(Yahoo) Obvious I don't know what the hell an Ira Glass is, but he got drunk with Rachel Maddow and woke up smelling of vomit and has ass burn  (news.yahoo.com) (106)
(NPR) Hero Gay serviceman comes out to his father. Dad's reaction is faaabulous  (npr.org) (228)
(AL.com) Strange Real estate developer: Next year we're building a 300-mile highway from the Gulf Coast to Tennessee. Alabama DOT: WTF?  (blog.al.com) (72)
(The Sun) Sappy Ugly-ass baby red squirrels take a nap. The Sun is there (with awww pic)  (thesun.co.uk) (29)
(AP) Obvious Tuesday: Masked gunmen blocked traffic in a Mexican coastal city and dumped the bodies of 35 slaying victims as horrified motorists watched  (hosted.ap.org) (145)
(I Heart Chaos) Cool Five-year-old girl discovers perfect 160 million year old fossil. Dammit, that was my dream. Stupid kids  (iheartchaos.com) (57)
(Fox News) Strange I'll see your "guy who committed suicide by using a cable around his neck while driving his car" and raise you "removed parachute mid-skydive"  (foxnews.com) (132)

Tue September 20, 2011
(The Tennessean) Amusing Southern Baptist Convention president wants to change their name. Suggestions on the right  (tennessean.com) (255)
(USA Today) Obvious Change: Obama sends more ground troops to Libya  (usatoday.com) (164)
(CNN) Sick No murder weapon, no DNA evidence and no surveillance tapes. Seven of nine eyewitnesses have recanted. But Judge says, "there is no substantial doubt cast on the verdict." So tomorrow a potentially innocent man will die  (news.blogs.cnn.com) (620)
(Globe and Mail) Stupid The IRS is now hitting up Canadians for owed taxes, since Canada is part of North America, which is America, so Canada is in America  (theglobeandmail.com) (253)
(AJC) Scary When a three-year-old armed with a shotgun wants his binky, HE WANTS HIS BINKY NOW  (ajc.com) (77)
(Some Guy) Hero Teacher cleared of assault charges and commended for his actions after county attorney looks at the video tape of the incident and determines the kid had it coming  (wtvr.com) (162)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these blank expressions  (2.bp.blogspot.com) (34)
(CBC) Asinine A mother who abandoned her kids has come back to them years later to a) say sorry, b) shower them with love, c) sue them?  (cbc.ca) (148)
(Parkersburg News & Sentinel) Ironic Indian company forced to close call centers it had outsourced to the US  (newsandsentinel.com) (64)
(USA Today) Scary Not News at this point: Man says the world economy is screwed. News: Man is chief economist at the IMF  (usatoday.com) (86)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Ironic Non-profit group under fire for spending $45,000 on a Hummer so it could raise AIDS awareness  (suntimes.com) (50)
(Some Guy) Amusing What, no roadkill? (Sponsored link)  (randomhouse.com) (61)
(Business Insider) Obvious The 20 most miserable cities in America. Yes, that's on there. That too. (Warning: Slideshow)  (businessinsider.com) (419)
(Yahoo) Misc Kansas City MO school board ends book ban on Slaughterhouse-Five. So it goes  (news.yahoo.com) (94)
(Government Technology) Obvious Study examines the thousands of surveillance cameras cities are deploying to curb crime, finds they don't work if no one watches the video recordings  (govtech.com) (47)
(FARK) FarkBlog Man who shot judge's car with a BB gun in a pellet court, topless dancing lawyer now making money pro bono, and an 80-year-old man is carjacked by a bitch of women: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 9/11 - 9/17  (fark.com) (60)
(Some Guy) Amusing Man on trial describes masturbating while killing chickens, explaining this was PRIOR to aliens removing one of his testicles  (victoriaadvocate.com) (50)
(Some Guy) Sad Two days is a long time to wait for an ambulance after a car wreck  (wpsdlocal6.com) (26)
(Pravda) Interesting Want to have better sex? Drink less beer  (english.pravda.ru) (126)
(Daily Mail) Strange Arts and Crafts time with paper in French prisons may have to be cancelled  (dailymail.co.uk) (15)
(The Daily Beast) Interesting GOP senate leader abruptly quits post. No, it's not Mitch McTurtle; it's the flannel shirt guy  (thedailybeast.com) (74)
(Yahoo) Obvious Newly discovered dolphin may already be at risk. Well duh, it took us this long to find it for a reason  (news.yahoo.com) (7)
(New York bar report) Sick The NY state bar's report on supermax prisons. They're torture chambers, pure and simple  (www2.nycbar.org) (539)
(Yahoo) Amusing City council of Sydney, Australia denies permit to proposed big-box brothel because it might hurt the business of mom-and-pop brothels  (news.yahoo.com) (47)
(Bloomberg) Asinine Since America is on a class warfare high: $16 muffins and beef Wellington appetizers, nothing is too 'extravagant' for the U.S. Justice Department  (bloomberg.com) (157)
(Boston Globe) Amusing Transylvania discount coffins. Great business start up opportunity, or greatest?  (boston.com) (33)
(Some Guy) PSA This is why you shouldn't store your extra paint cans inside your oven  (syracuse.com) (14)
(The Register) Scary SSL 3.0 and TLS 1.0 have been broken. Your online bank account last seen whimpering in a corner  (theregister.co.uk) (80)
(Some Super-Genius) Followup Public outcry erupts as officials prepare to evict family of seven from burned-out Los Angeles home. Fark: a family of coyotes  (outsideonline.com) (71)
(My Fox DC) Interesting Maryland sees drop in crime now that Baltimore has started classifying drive-by shootings as traffic accidents  (myfoxdc.com) (38)
(Some Guy) Fail Drunk driver manslaughter, high yield pick-pocketing, eye bleach mugshot, and reporters who don't know what "K" stands for  (channel961.com) (46)
(Some Guy) Hero Buzz Aldrin is nailing a woman who was nine years old when he walked on the moon  (scoop.today.com) (176)
(Stars and Stripes) Weird Man dies from portapotty explosion. The question is, what the hell did he eat?  (stripes.com) (38)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop this giant guinea pig problem  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (34)
(BBC) Unlikely Japan defense giant hit by cyber attack that is absolutely not connected to peaceful, benign, innocuous China. Pay no attention to the Chinese scripting found in the code  (bbc.co.uk) (102)
(Houston Press) Amusing From the classic Newman's Own to the classless Skinnygirl cocktails: The best and worst of celebrity food endorsements  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (106)
(Boston Globe) Interesting Chilean protester: This is my ass. Riot police: send in the dogs  (boston.com) (60)
(MSNBC) Obvious Young douchebags see online slurs as "jokes", even negroes, broads, wops, and crackers  (msnbc.msn.com) (269)
(Some Guy) Sad Bar owner says 8-foot, 800-pound stuffed bear stolen by drunk patrons the other night is "not a cheap bear"  (officer.com) (33)
(Independent) Interesting Insurance firm sues Saudi Arabia for funding 9/11 attacks, cites Wikileaks in its complaint. Dilemma: trying to figure out who to root for  (independent.co.uk) (47)
(CNN) Scary "They can survive a Greek default. They can arguably survive if Portugal and Ireland go down as well. But you include Italy and Spain, now we're starting to talk some real money"  (money.cnn.com) (65)
(Wired) Interesting Wired's favorite cars from the Frankfurt Auto Show. Includes a lot of sleek concepts from the usual brands, as well as Citroen outdoing itself on the fugly front  (wired.com) (56)
(WBTV) Scary Killing a couple relatives may very well improve your home, but you don't have to do it at Lowe's  (wbtv.com) (28)
(Daily Mail) Amusing In 1930, just years before Hitler made it a moot point, the USA had drawn up plans to attack Great Britain and seize its maple syrup, poutine, and Canadian bacon industrial lands  (dailymail.co.uk) (112)
(ABC News) Obvious The first Arab Spring votes are more about stalling change, meeting the new رئيس, same as the old رئيس  (abcnews.go.com) (23)
(Reuters) Obvious Zambia's youth backs King Cobra for president despite Billy Dee Williams' support of smooth Colt 45  (reuters.com) (18)
(Click Orlando) Florida 260: The number of ugly ass baby alligators a pair of geniuses tried to poach  (clickorlando.com) (6)
(BBC) Scary Typhoon headed for Japan might fist-bump the Fukushima plant  (bbc.co.uk) (19)
(Ceskapozice) Interesting Topless statue of Virgin Mary stolen. Since it's a statue, topless pics are safe for work, right?  (ceskapozice.cz) (48)
(My San Antonio) Interesting Strange but true - when Rick Perry described Texas border towns as dangerous, a reporter actually investigated the facts  (mysanantonio.com) (105)
(USA Today) Cool Music and video sharing? In my relaunched Facebook? It's more likely than you think  (usatoday.com) (17)
(Daily Mail) Interesting You know who else we can blame for female binge drinking? Blame...thank....whatever   (dailymail.co.uk) (26)
(SeattlePI) NewsFlash Former Afghan President and head of the Afghan peace council Burhanuddin Rabbani killed. I'd hate to see what sort of thing happens to the head of the war council  (seattlepi.com) (46)
(Slate) Asinine Eliot Spitzer spouts off on why young women turn to prostitution. With a picture of what a young woman might look like  (slate.com) (47)
(PennLive) Interesting Judge not only has too many Facebook friends, but one of his friends is a defendant in a court case he presided over. Oops  (pennlive.com) (12)
(Tucson Citizen) Asinine Continental and American boldly announce new business model where fees for checked bags are higher than ticket prices  (tucsoncitizen.com) (84)
(Gawker) Florida Gang of drag queens terrorizes Florida. "They'd come in and order yards of fabric at up to $39.99 a yard, stuff it in their man purses and leave without paying. Oh, gosh, they could wipe out a whole section of boas in seconds"  (gawker.com) (26)
(Some Guy) Interesting "Hello Illegal Immigration Hotline? I think I might be illegal but I'm not sure. Can you help?"  (nbcchicago.com) (14)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Topless photos of "Dancing With the Stars" contestant leaked (Not safe for work)  (dailymail.co.uk) (165)
(BBC) Sick Radio station run by Somalia's al-Shabab Islamist group awards AK-47s and hand grenades to children who won a Koran-reciting contest. Say what you like, but at least it's an ethos  (bbc.co.uk) (77)
(Yahoo) Followup In his defense, man accused of killing his wife and shooting up a church has been married six times before-and only shot one of them to death  (news.yahoo.com) (15)
(Boston Herald) Followup Final 9/11 lawsuit reaches last billable hour  (bostonherald.com) (24)
(My Fox DC) Stupid Student suspended from high school for banana suit stunt at football game. Parents promise to fight for appeal  (myfoxdc.com) (41)
(ABC News) News If you've eaten at an IHOP in the Toledo, OH area, congratulations - You've supported terrorism  (13abc.com) (92)
(Daily Mail) Followup Germany's wild boy wants to return to live in the wild, sing about the bare necessities  (dailymail.co.uk) (27)
(Cracked) Interesting Six famous firsts you learned in history class which are total BS  (cracked.com) (156)
(Miami Herald) Interesting Pope visiting homeland where appropriate welcoming committee awaits him, including a Lutheran chancellor, Berlin's gay mayor and a divorced, remarried Roman Catholic president. Plan to walk into a bar together  (miamiherald.com) (22)
(The Standard) Cool To treat methanol poisoning, doctors turn to lifesaving ethanol-based medication called "beer." Here comes the delicious science  (standardmedia.co.ke) (42)
(Reuters) Silly Fugitive Gaddafi taunting NATO knnniggits in audio broadcast  (reuters.com) (20)
(WTOP) Stupid Virginia decides that I-95 has not quite reached its maximum target potential of misery and despair; decides to add tolls  (wtop.com) (100)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Because doctors don't see enough vajayjays, this one in England sets up a camera to try and see a few more  (dailymail.co.uk) (8)
(Quad City Times) Spiffy Ever heard of a butterfly wing transplant? No? Well now you have  (qctimes.com) (33)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Vice officer uses fake penis to solicit sex, which was going well until he saw an oppossum  (thesmokinggun.com) (25)
(Guardian.com) Fail Atlas publisher says Greenland has lost 150 times more ice than reality  (guardian.co.uk) (129)
(Salon) Interesting Salon has a tl;dr on a bunch of dweebs getting the phone numbers of more poontang than even your momma, and then viddying 'bout it AND THE VIDDYs ARE PHENOMENAL  (salon.com) (47)
(Daily Mail) Interesting For those of you planning to follow the economic disaster plan to "eat the rich", here is a handy map of the neighborhoods where most of America's millionaires live  (dailymail.co.uk) (73)
(Telegraph) Weird Japanese continue to bring the weird with the booming business of disaster tourism  (blogs.telegraph.co.uk) (6)
(Salon) Interesting A look at the culture of pornography before the internet  (salon.com) (58)
(CNNGo) Unlikely Ladies: Come to Thailand and get your breasts slapped  (cnngo.com) (43)
(Mirror.co.uk) Amusing Dear Colleen, my husband wants sex six times a day  (mirror.co.uk) (133)
(Yahoo) Followup Desegregation plans for Little Rock schools headed to court. No, this isn't a repeat from 1957  (news.yahoo.com) (28)
(NewsBusters) Silly Matt Lauer, hard-hitting journalist, asks President Clinton "You're really good in a closed room...Are you surprised at how good you are?" In other news, giggity  (newsbusters.org) (35)
(The Register) Interesting How to go from the IT dept to being a rogue trader  (theregister.co.uk) (38)
(Some Guys) Photoshop Photoshop these strung out guys   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (30)
(Washington Post) Scary A future network of sensor-linked armed drones may one day seek, identify and destroy human targets with complete autonomy, according to researchers who've NEVER WATCHED ANY SCIENCE FICTION MOVIES, EVER  (washingtonpost.com) (69)
(Poughkeepsie Journal) Sad Newly-married man celebrates his nuptials with c) some late-night four-wheelin' at the gun club with his drunk brother. Darwinity and Foxworthiness ensue in equal proportions  (poughkeepsiejournal.com) (30)
(WTOP) Scary Sex offender posing as Vince Young in the D.C. area is considered dangerous and mentally unstable, as no one in their right mind would pretend to be Vince Young  (wtop.com) (12)
(AJC) Obvious Philippines declares one-day truce with rebels to mark the U.N. International Day of Peace, resupply  (ajc.com) (3)
(MSNBC) Followup Italian scientists are on trial for failing to predict an earthquake. Is it any wonder Italy never had a space program?  (msnbc.msn.com) (29)
(SFGate) Fail Drunk mistakes police station for casino, comes in asking for CHiPs  (sfgate.com) (12)
(Daily Mail) Strange Woman gives birth to twins from double uterus, says family is already looking for a bigger house since kids aren't used to sharing a womb  (dailymail.co.uk) (42)
(KCTV5) Strange Kindergartener brings his mom's drugs to show and tell  (kctv5.com) (32)
(SeattlePI) Cool Washington state one step closer to ultimate hippie utopia  (blog.seattlepi.com) (69)
(azfamily.com) Weird Man tries to sell a human skull on Craigslist. What a bonehead  (azfamily.com) (40)
(Jalopnik) Amusing Virginia re-approves kid cannibalism  (jalopnik.com) (24)
(Some Guy) Weird Police try to warm up cold case by setting fire to restaurant  (calgaryherald.com) (3)
(News.com.au) Scary Man has nose bitten off in street brawl. When asked how he smells, authorities reply "Of alcohol"  (news.com.au) (24)
(CBS News) Followup Shortly after midnight, EDT, Lt. Gary Ross asked, told, and said "I do"  (cbsnews.com) (126)
(Daily Star) Obvious 4,000 people are having sex right now. You are not one of these people  (dailystar.co.uk) (73)
(MSNBC) Interesting Necklace from the Titanic is missing. James Cameron immediately buys movie rights for Titanic II  (msnbc.msn.com) (34)
(Denver Post) Hero Firemen aren't the only ones who run into burning buildings  (denverpost.com) (36)
(CBS News) Interesting Is evidence being withheld in the murder of a Border Patrol agent? Secret recordings raise new questions in ATF "Fast and Furious" operation  (cbsnews.com) (178)

Mon September 19, 2011
(Some Guy) Florida Bad night in the woods: Hunter not only shoots himself in the foot with his own crossbow but also manages to pin it to the floor of his ATV. Fark: he's also a paraplegic  (wtsp.com) (28)
(Some Guy) Cool Slimy, mudhole? Built for under $5K, this home was  (ciracar.com) (156)
(Omaha World Herald) Hero After teachers were offered a one month "vacation" from paying their insurance premiums, they decided that, instead of pocketing the money, they would use it to buy new textbooks for their school system  (omaha.com) (168)
(Some Guy) Interesting Hockey mom accused of pucking around with two boys on her son's hockey team  (ocregister.com) (91)
(Some Guy) Fail If a train leaves the station in the wrong direction, how many hundreds of miles must it travel before anybody notices?  (heraldsun.com.au) (69)
(AJC) Fail Sorry about shooting you in the face, but at least the possum didn't get away with the eggs  (ajc.com) (37)
(Life.com) Cool Life's "sexiest Oktoberfest women" slideshow pencil stapler urethra swoopdive gargle kleenex pterodactyl  (life.com) (492)
(Some Ellf) Photoshop Photoshop these brews. Tasty, tasty brews  (ellf.ru) (26)
(Forbes) Asinine Archaelogists love The History Channel too, except for that whole part about the aliens impregnating Moses' wife  (forbes.com) (339)
(MSNBC) Spiffy ▪◄:-)  (technolog.msnbc.msn.com) (115)
(BBC) Interesting Chinese villagers riot after fluoride is added to their water  (bbc.co.uk) (117)
(KNBC 4 Los Angeles) Hero Brewery employee hops into action to save ale-ing pilot from mashed plane  (nbclosangeles.com) (26)
(NBC Bay Area) Weird Australian diplomat has vegemite confiscated by US Customs  (nbcbayarea.com) (175)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Today's flight diversion brought to you by backgammon  (azfamily.com) (65)
(Some Guy) Florida Man killed in hit and hit and hit and hit and hit and hit and hit and run incident  (610wiod.com) (75)
(Washington Post) Dumbass Looks like the navigator in Russian flight crash that killed 44 picked the wrong week to not stop drinking  (washingtonpost.com) (76)
(Some Farkette) Interesting Problem: friend of TFette has brain cancer. Solution: Raise money. Fark: Friend who is terrified of heights will be jumping out of an airplane for donations. Jump will be near Allegan, but you'll hear the screams as far away as Detroit  (aleapoffaith.info) (113)
(ABC) Sad PROTIP: No matter how much you feel compelled to do so, do not attempt to mow your lake  (abclocal.go.com) (60)
(ABC News) Scary The hard life of a trucker, drive, drive, fuel, weigh stations, kill a prostitute, drive, eat at a truck stop, drive, kill a prostitute,drive, pop some caffeine pills, drive, fuel, kill a prostitute,drive  (abcnews.go.com) (174)
(My Fox DC) Dumbass If you're going to bust into a home, wash a dog in the bathroom, use a toothbrush and eat some birthday cake - remember - don't take pictures of it all on the homeowner's camera and leave the camera in the house after you leave  (myfoxdc.com) (40)
(Yahoo) Scary Don't panic yet, but the volcano that blew up two centuries ago with ten times the force of Krakatoa (and also caused a "year without a summer") is rumbling again  (news.yahoo.com) (188)
(BBC) Amusing Injured Royal Marines to operate "hop-on hop-off" boat service during 2012 Olympics  (bbc.co.uk) (15)
(Some Gaga Clown) Florida Clown, 81, maintains that she is the original Lady Gaga  (clearwater.wtsp.com) (61)
(Some Guy) Strange If you know anything about a missing 10-foot-tall fiberglass giraffe, Kitsap County deputies would like a word with you. "It probably had to be transported by truck because it likely would not fit into a car"  (kitsapsun.com) (22)
(Short List) Amusing Russians get punchy in chat show fight. My money's on the rich, white one. Oh wait, hang on  (shortlist.com) (29)
(Gizmodo) Interesting Netflix splitting up into GameFly and Bittorrent  (gizmodo.com) (449)
(Yahoo) Obvious No matter how Wendy's tries to spin it, horse meat is still horse meat  (finance.yahoo.com) (165)
(Some Guy) Florida She went right upside the head of her favorite baby boy with a plastic lunchtray  (news-journalonline.com) (44)
(Some Guy) Amusing There's nothing worse than being on a plane full of asses  (timesonline.com) (12)
(CNNGo) Spiffy How to eat Shanghai hairy crabs. Not be confused with how to eat Your Mom's hairy crabs (Pics)  (cnngo.com) (40)
(TC Palm) Florida Drunk woman riding lawnmower down a public street in South Florida steps it up a notch, 'howling like a dog' and 'doing burnouts.' With bonus photo  (blogs.tcpalm.com) (29)
(Some Spanker) Asinine NY State suspends assistant prosecutor after learning she was a paid fetishist by night. Because being a lawyer is so different than being paid to spank people  (wtsp.com) (48)
(Discover) Interesting Today's shocking scientific finding: autism causes atheism. Jenny McCarthy races Richard Dawkins to the scene  (blogs.discovermagazine.com) (350)
(Some Guy) Followup That whole "video games enhance cognitive skills"? Yeah about that  (dc101.com) (73)
(LA Times) Dumbass A man and his daughter are shocked to discover you can't just steal electricity by tapping into the source  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (105)
(Short List) Dumbass Thing not to do when bored #435: shoot at cops for no reason  (shortlist.com) (48)
(AZCentral) Followup NASA finally determines that the 12,500 pound school bus sized satellite will crash to Earth on Friday. Or maybe Thursday. Or Saturday  (azcentral.com) (143)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Perhaps throwing that rubber snake with a string attached to it into oncoming traffic wasn't the best idea  (wtsp.com) (59)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this guy and his spine  (me.byu.edu) (18)
(My Fox DC) Interesting Best video of cops slapping five with beer-bonging tailgaters outside the stadium in Philadelphia. FARK: And the Eagles aren't even playing. (w/ video)  (myfoxdc.com) (32)
(KABC-7) Fail Driver injured, passenger killed after PCH crash splits Ferrari in 2, ejects them 30 feet onto beach. Darwin plays a mean game of "Gran Turismo"  (abclocal.go.com) (109)
(Some sadly sober guy) Cool Please note the updated kitchen, the redesigned bathrooms and the new carpet in the living room. Also, there's $1000 bar tab for the place across the street  (thesouthern.com) (30)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida You know you're living in Florida if you're driving down the road in your van with your girlfriend and your mother suddenly leaps into the van while it's moving and starts taking swings at your girlfriend  (nwfdailynews.com) (25)
(Some Guy) Weird The person you just stole a cell phone from probably doesn't want to be your friend on Facebook  (greeleytribune.com) (7)
(CNNGo) Spiffy World's Best Tourists. Vogons didn't make the list  (cnngo.com) (165)
(Yahoo) Followup Cup Noodles museum is now set to open. Will have hot water added, then be closed for five minutes  (news.yahoo.com) (19)
(The New York Times) Sad It's the end of an era as the final iconic single space parking meter in Manhattan is removed  (nytimes.com) (65)
(Some pirates) Cool Ayyyyy mateys, today is International Speak Like a Pirate Day. Avast, to celebrate we will throw a gallon of blood into the water and make those lubbers from the Politics tab walk the plank. Arrr  (talklikeapirate.com) (109)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy Study: Casual sex and binge-drinking are "a necessary part of human development"  (dailymail.co.uk) (55)
(Some Guy) Interesting Previously domesticated birds are teaching wild birds to speak English. Somebody warn Tippi Hedren  (australiangeographic.com.au) (25)
(HorseTalk) Scary Don't kid yourself, Jimmy. If a horse ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about  (horsetalk.co.nz) (49)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Strippers arrested for taking their clothes off at strip club  (orlandosentinel.com) (87)
(LA Times) Asinine Listen, just because I moved next to a massive tourist landmark doesn't mean I should have to deal with all these tourists  (latimes.com) (125)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this diagonal deck  (static.pictorymag.com) (25)
(Abc.net.au) Strange Apparently there is a black market where you can buy shoplifted meat  (abc.net.au) (51)
(Stuff) Amusing Greatest threat to aviation security in New Zealand is: a) Terrorists, b) Sheep, or c) Comedy shows on TV?  (stuff.co.nz) (24)
(Google) Cool They've found part of the oldest beaver in the world. Insert Betty White joke here  (google.com) (30)
(Poughkeepsie) Asinine Are you a caregiver for the mentally disabled who's been abusing and neglecting your clients? Boy, New York is SO going to fire your ass and-- what? CSEA, are you? Carry on, then - and here's your tax-free pension  (poughkeepsiejournal.com) (94)
(Fox News) Scary *pew*pew*pew*  (foxnews.com) (85)
(Life.com) Interesting Luke, I am your ceaselessly misquoted father  (life.com) (152)
(I Heart Chaos) Cool Things we say today which we still owe to Shakespeare like "Tits or GTFO". Yeah, I'm pretty sure that was from Hamlet  (iheartchaos.com) (129)

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