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Sun October 02, 2011
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Yahoo) Silly Hooters rival Twin Peaks accused of stealing "mounds" of sensitive business info to swipe their secret to success. Uh -- how secret is "scantily-clad chicks serving cheap-ass food"?  (news.yahoo.com) (117)
(Bangor Daily News) Asinine Some Maine gas stations are deliberately overcharging customers. "Several well-known retailers are knowingly overcharging the public and assuming that any fines that they pay are more than offset by the increased profit"  (bangordailynews.com) (165)
(News.com.au) Interesting Australian health care reform: Go to a private hospital, or go back to your own country  (news.com.au) (121)
(Daily Mail) Strange Woman discovers boyfriend is actually lesbian sex offender. Awkward (w/pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (387)
(Chicago Tribune) Asinine Rich people in nice Chicago neighborhood try to run out poor family that lived there long before the neighborhood was nice, call SWAT team to do it  (chicagotribune.com) (322)
(NYPost) Stupid Man who sells beers at Yankees Stadium suspended for joking around with a player for the Red Sox. "The vendor is always wrong"  (nypost.com) (37)
(Mediaite) Fail Problem: Colonel Sanders and Kentucky Fried Chicken are already trademarked. Solution: Name your business Obama Fried Chicken and use the President's face instead  (mediaite.com) (130)
(J.P. Morgan Chase) Obvious Did J.P. Morgan Chase just bribe NYPD to the tune of $4.6 million?  (jpmorganchase.com) (192)
(The New York Times) Obvious Apathy. Do I care? Whatever  (nytimes.com) (64)
(Des Moines Register) Obvious State of Iowa rules that a business owner's contest giving prizes to the employees who guessed correctly in the game "Guess The Next Cashier Who Will Be Fired" was illegal and demoralizing  (desmoinesregister.com) (53)
(Wikipedia) Photoshop Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Pareidolia (LGT definition)  (en.wikipedia.org) (36)
(DFW Star-Telegram) Asinine 22 year old man (with no criminal record) + 2 ounces cocaine = 36 year prison term. Sounds fair  (blogs.star-telegram.com) (376)
(PennLive) Asinine College students fined for a) public drunkenness, b) noise violations or c) collecting money for kids with cancer?  (pennlive.com) (65)
(Reuters) Weird Old and busted: Crunchy Frog. New hotness: Crunchy Crickets. Weird tag subs for IckyIckyIcky tag  (reuters.com) (42)
(Lifehacker) Spiffy Lifehacker.com lists the five best news aggregators. FARK at #3: "Best of all, there are real people behind the service" Wait ... what?  (lifehacker.com) (193)
(Quad City Times) Fail Some kids like the idea of mandatory tests. And they hope that the state of Iowa makes them mandatory. And they identified themselves in a newspaper interview. They're going to have an awkward Monday  (qctimes.com) (52)
(Some Guy) Spiffy How come the Ramen we ate in college never looked like this?  (soshiok.com) (122)
(UPI) Cool The Geezer Bandit is at it again, this time robbing a bank after opening savings accounts for his grandkids and getting a bundle of $2 bills for Taco Bell  (upi.com) (18)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this man with a monumental task   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (23)
(Space) Cool The Chinese state broadcasting agency had a million songs they could have played as background for their first space station launch. They chose to reveal the first objective of their world domination plan  (space.com) (108)
(The Daily Caller) Stupid Ow my balls  (dailycaller.com) (65)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Caleb is a high-energy Dutch shepherd who loves his work - Making sure snowflakes hate their helicopter parents  (sun-sentinel.com) (62)
(Telegraph) PSA Experts say repetitive public safety announcements might do more harm than good. So don't start up with your white zone shiat again  (telegraph.co.uk) (57)
(My San Antonio) Dumbass Texas man fired because he weighed 650 lbs is suing under the Americans with Disabilities Act. Since losing his job he's lost more than 300 lbs of his disability  (mysanantonio.com) (238)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida You know it's time to move out when your mom injures your girlfriend by throwing a Holy Bible at her face  (nwfdailynews.com) (78)
(SFGate) Strange Just another day on the 101 in Burlingame - cars speeding, motorcycles changing lanes, a sea lion crossing eight lanes of traffic. Wait... what?  (sfgate.com) (27)
(Yahoo) Scary Move along, nothing to see here, just 700 protesters arrested on the Brooklyn Bridge. Keep it moving, you  (news.yahoo.com) (356)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this futuristic house  (welcometohr.com) (37)
(Daily Mail) Sad Yaa. I finally made it to the top of Mount Kilimanja...ACK...THUD   (dailymail.co.uk) (73)
(CNN) Scary Hide your Reagans. Hide your Fosters  (cnn.com) (44)
(SFGate) Stupid If you were planning on doing a mural, officials in Martinez, California don't want any beavers painted downtown  (sfgate.com) (40)
(Buffalo News) Followup Remember the story about the New York State DMV dropping the eye test requirement for license renewal? Well, hindsight is 20/20  (buffalonews.com) (41)
(BBC) Sad Turns out Wall Street was literally built on the backs of slaves  (news.bbc.co.uk) (86)
(The Consumerist) Fail Calling someone fat and tellling them "I knew you were a joke when you came in" because they didn't buy anything isn't good customer service  (consumerist.com) (227)
(Daily Mail) Sappy Ugly-ass meerkat and ugly-ass micro pig form an ugly-ass friendship (w/AWWW pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (19)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Of all the things to shove in your girlfriend's mouth, this isn't one of them  (newsnet5.com) (72)
(AOL) Weird Are those hummingbirds in your pants, or are you just happy to see me? Oh wow, hummingbirds (w/pic)  (travel.aol.co.uk) (48)
(io9) Interesting Today in "Words you never thought you'd see in the same sentence": You can bribe a marmoset to meditate by giving it a marshmallow  (io9.com) (30)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Scary Man arrested for beating a woman while holding her and her kids captive had 64 prior arrests since 2001. He has to be careful now, under Illinois' 66-strikes law  (suntimes.com) (45)
(MSNBC) Hero "You want to be commander in chief? You can start by standing up for the men and women who wear the uniform of the United States, even when it's not politically convenient"  (msnbc.msn.com) (465)

Sat October 01, 2011
(Boston Globe) Strange If you abandoned a baby in Newton, Mass. yesterday please check your pockets because you may have forgotten a key part of the process  (boston.com) (119)
(Some Guy) Florida "I don't even like Facebook. I was on Twitter, then I go back to Facebook for two days and this happens to me"  (news4jax.com) (137)
(UPI) Amusing The fierce looking Iranian infantryman  (upi.com) (139)
(Wired) Amusing Baby sharks birthed in artificial uterus with helpful picture of what a baby shark might look like  (wired.co.uk) (41)
(Slate) Spiffy Ken Burns does for prohibition what he did for baseball  (slate.com) (80)
(Canada.com) Interesting Airline no longer allowing flight crews to stay in city's downtown because of safety concerns. Bogota? Mogadishu? Nope, Winnipeg  (calgaryherald.com) (70)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this sky-high salute  (spiegel.de) (26)
(Some Guy) Interesting What's your score?  (piepalace.ca) (557)
(syracuse.com) Weird Woman runs over man on promise of $180,000. FARK: By his own request  (syracuse.com) (28)
(Fox News) Stupid There's nothing to report on the Amanda Knox trial, so we're reporting on reporters sent to report on the trial  (foxnews.com) (50)
(Some Homeowner) Florida Homeowner's association president stunned when his mailbox explodes. Surely has nothing to do with the letter he sent requiring everyone to get fancy schmancy brick mailboxes  (seminole.wtsp.com) (110)
(Tribune Local) Cool Evanston mayor wants to fine people caught with less than ten grams of marijuana instead of throwing them in jail because it's cheaper for the city and it will generate revenue  (triblocal.com) (100)
(Slate) Sad It was a gray morning when the vet told Harry that his dog's heart was failing and it wouldn't be long before he died. So, Harry took the next day off work and spent the whole day with his dog, whom he spent the perfect day with  (slate.com) (303)
(11 Alive) Obvious Is it possible that Al Sharpton is running a scam on the poor?  (11alive.com) (102)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Scientists developing most useless pill ever  (dailymail.co.uk) (63)
(Philly) Asinine Gas company under-bills woman by $12k, now wants the bean-o's  (philly.com) (65)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these nimble nudibranch  (l.yimg.com) (20)
(AJC) Dumbass If you're the asshat turning road signs upside down, police would like a word  (ajc.com) (52)
(Daily Mail) Stupid Brit travel agency bans over-80s in case they 'spoil' the fun for everyone else by being too slow. Still no cure for driving  (dailymail.co.uk) (38)
(Network World) Interesting What '60 Minutes' won't tell you about Andy Rooney tomorrow: He makes up stuff  (networkworld.com) (141)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Cool The circus is coming to town. Well, at least some sideshow and burlesque acts are coming. And there will be beer. Beer with chocolate, vanilla and chile peppers  (suntimes.com) (17)
(BBC) Followup Karzai to Taliban: Screw you guys, I'm going home  (bbc.co.uk) (47)
(Daily Mail) Obvious We're not still behaving like jackasses, ladies - we're doing it for you, for our relationship  (dailymail.co.uk) (51)
(Cracked) Amusing Before you read this, please raise your hand and repeat after us: "I will not do drugs because of some words I read on a comedy website." Thank you  (cracked.com) (56)
(BBC) Sad The Maastricht Fark Party has been cancelled  (bbc.co.uk) (29)
(The Atlantic) Spiffy 35 shots of a few smelly, college sophomores taking up valuable space. WHY DON'T THESE PUNKS GET A JOB?  (theatlantic.com) (753)
(New Zealand Herald) Strange "Security footage showed Ms Waines failing to scan two postcard purchases and removing money from an honesty jar to buy a chocolate fish." With helpful photo of a chocolate fish  (nzherald.co.nz) (22)
(ABC News) Cool NATO Federation captures Khan: "To the last, I will grapple with thee... from Hell's heart, I stab at thee. For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee"  (abcnews.go.com) (42)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Accidental Chinese Hipsters   (accidentalchinesehipsters.tumblr.com) (40)
(Tennis Planet) Photoshop Photoshop this thing that tennis star Jo-Wilfried Tsonga received after winning the ATP Moselle Open  (d.yimg.com) (18)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida I guess they had (puts on sunglasses) nowhere to bee... YEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH   (sun-sentinel.com) (29)
(Cracked) Amusing Looking for ways to deal with your bully? Don't listen to Hollywood's advice  (cracked.com) (129)
(heraldsun.com.au) Caturday Graeme the cat walks his person to the train station each morning, and is waiting patiently for her train to arrive every evening. Your cat opens 1 eye as you leave, and reminds you to bring home dinner. Welcome to Caturday  (heraldsun.com.au) (933)
(Some Guy) Hero Manhattan bookstore owner helps nab alleged serial library book thief. Sure, go ahead, laugh if you want to. I've seen your type before  (newyork.cbslocal.com) (30)
(Guardian.com) Cool Japan deploys pokeballs to protect people during tsunamis  (guardian.co.uk) (53)
(Some Guy) Asinine Japanese dental salon specializes in fixing teeth. Fark: by making them crooked  (odditycentral.com) (30)
(azfamily.com) Obvious This is exactly why you don't let an inmate work on a chain gang next to a car auction  (azfamily.com) (14)
(The New York Times) Obvious The good thing about being on a US research vessel is that you can talk like a pirate for a week and nobody blinks an eye. The bad thing about being on a US research vessel is that the boats never carry any alcohol   (scientistatwork.blogs.nytimes.com) (26)
(Joe Friday) Dumbass Police: "We generally don't catch the smart ones because we are too busy with the dumb ones". With photographic proof  (katu.com) (33)
(ABC News) Dumbass So, the plan was to kill a bear, skin it, then dress up in the carcass and kill the ex-girlfriend as the bear. Yes, alcohol was involved in the formulating of this plan  (abcnews.go.com) (42)
(Seattle Times) Cool Hospital construction steel-beam workers spray-paint "Hi" messages to sick kids watching from their hospital rooms, brightening their days and kicking up lots of dust in the process  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (43)
(ABC News) Scary The Happening II: Revenge of the Produce. Listeria found in lettuce  (abcnews.go.com) (50)
(WLSAM) Stupid Sure the economy sucks, but families have always got $300 for Halloween stuff. And pet owners have another $59 for costumes for Rover and Mittens  (wlsam.com) (52)
(NewsOK) Amusing You just have to know, that if you're a teacher, and you contact your 13 year old lover by a love note inside a burrito, you are going to make the main page of Fark  (newsok.com) (67)
(Huffington Post) Dumbass "If you don't play my request I'll come in with a gun and shoot up the radio station", warns man who has never heard of the Internet  (huffingtonpost.com) (24)
(The Union Leader) Dumbass Bystanders join in burglary, then decide to call the cops on the original burglar  (unionleader.com) (20)
(KSL) Dumbass You are being arrested by police. Do you a) remain silent, b) ask to speak with your lawyer or c) tell the police that you're invisible and unstoppable  (ksl.com) (51)
(Abc.net.au) Fail Places not to place a Ferris Wheel: No. 34. At the end of an aeroplane runway (with pic)  (abc.net.au) (33)
(Time) Weird In order to tame culture of educational masochism, South Korean government conducts late-night cram-school raids looking for kids studying after 10 PM, and ordering them to stop and go home to sleep  (time.com) (67)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Note to self: When transporting a mattress with your vehicle don't have a kid try to hold it down  (koamtv.com) (56)

Fri September 30, 2011
(CBS 4 Denver) Asinine Student forced to drop a class because she had an epileptic seizure. Yeah, that's a lawsuit  (denver.cbslocal.com) (112)
(CBS News) Cool Deaf woman weeps after hearing her own voice for the first time. It is so very dusty this time of year  (cbsnews.com) (149)
(Lifehacker) Advice Should you be concerned about deja vu?  (lifehacker.com) (130)
(CNN) Amusing The next time you feel like mocking CNN for not publishing news anymore, consider this: What OTHER network will give you an 8-page slideshow on how to survive a zombie apocalypse?  (money.cnn.com) (76)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Don't cry or get your hair in a frazzle, this week's mugshot roundup is right on time  (thesmokinggun.com) (153)
(Lifehacker) Advice Should you be concerned about deja vu?  (lifehacker.com) (106)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Rumors that Putin uses Botox are false: He uses the force of his will to intimidate his wrinkles  (dailymail.co.uk) (56)
(We Interrupt) Obvious Necklace baked into birthday muffin accidentally becomes birthday endoscopy  (weinterrupt.com) (45)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Mexico proposes issuing temporary marriage licenses so couples can opt out if they eventually decide they don't want the Juan they're with  (dailymail.co.uk) (58)
(Huffington Post) Sad Harry Reid's wife diagnosed with breast cancer  (huffingtonpost.com) (90)
(FARK) Spiffy Better late than never: your late-afternoon edition of the Fark Weird News Quiz  (fark.com) (29)
(Denver Post) Sad Unintentionally disappointing headline of the day: "Pictures from undercover Hooters bust released"  (denverpost.com) (40)
(FARK) Photoshop Theme: Combine a Chick Flick and a Macho Movie, and Photoshop the poster  (fark.com) (74)
(Some Guy) Obvious Man arrested with 30 pounds of pot in a motel room has 'bummer' mugshot you'd expect  (wtkr.com) (29)
(Washington Post) PSA DC's ten-year record high spore count means there's humongous fungus among us  (washingtonpost.com) (45)
(AL.com) Cool Ladies and gentlemen of Fark, I present Cap'n Crunch Ice Cream  (blog.al.com) (137)
(Washington Post) Interesting Michele Obama caught shopping at Target, a clear and calculated elitist slap in the face to every Real American who shops at Wal-Mart  (washingtonpost.com) (227)
(BBC) Interesting Link found between flu vaccine and narcoleps(thud)  (bbc.co.uk) (34)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Strange Surf's up... Chicago?  (suntimes.com) (74)
(Chicago Tribune) Sappy It's the ent of the line for the oldest citizen of Merrillville, IN  (chicagotribune.com) (55)
(Miami Herald) Florida Problem: Nobody budgeted ($5.7 million) for 9-1-1 services this year. Solution: Don't respond to calls until we can figure it out  (miamiherald.com) (52)
(Labspaces.net) Interesting If you use cocaine, you'll probably need medical marijuana soon  (labspaces.net) (98)
(Some Hypocrite) Asinine Using an illegal device to hide your license plate from red light cameras can get you in serious trouble. Especially if you're a Police Captain in charge of red light cameras  (wwltv.com) (120)
(SFGate) Followup Pelosi's brother-in-law not tied to solar project, but it's not as fun to report on that as when we thought he was  (sfgate.com) (213)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this greeting guy  (bigpicture.ru) (25)
(Some Achluophobic Guy) Sad If you go looking for people who hunt at night, you might just find them  (wdsu.com) (60)
(TC Palm) Florida Today in mentally challenged ramblings from Florida: "Christian atheist is equivalent to being a Jewish Muslim." Don't get him started on the agnostic satanists, too  (tcpalm.com) (199)
(My Fox DC) Hero English man arrested for doing what every grown online gamer has wanted to do to some sh*t-talking little pissant  (myfoxdc.com) (255)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Friday photo fun: Match the arrestee with their J.O.B. contest ends 6:00pm EST  (thesmokinggun.com) (18)
(Examiner) Cool Jesus Farking Christ It's Blasphemy Day  (examiner.com) (301)
(USA Today) Sad Stop whining about how you're underwater on your piddly little mortgage and spend some time thinking about poor Candy Spelling, forced to unload her $150 million mansion for a paltry $85 million. DAMN YOU, RECESSION  (usatoday.com) (116)
(Gawker) Interesting Arnold Schwarzenegger admits he entered politics the same way he left it: As a joke  (gawker.com) (63)
(lehighvalleylive) Stupid Woman sues Wal-Mart over two cents, inadvertently shares her love of sausage with the world  (lehighvalleylive.com) (118)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Ten "secret" places to enjoy Disney World. We need a photo of that "Partners" statue  (tampabay.com) (243)
(MSNBC) Asinine Students get scores docked for saying "bless you" in the middle of class. You are so good looking  (msnbc.msn.com) (230)
(Telegraph) Sad Another Telegraph obituary that has it all: in this case, that's a spanking, a half-eaten lamb chop, a bottle of correction fluid, a hamster, yachting and a lesbian lover  (telegraph.co.uk) (28)
(Washington Post) Dumbass A close look at your tweets shows that you're optimistic in the morning, get less so during the day, and remain stupid enough to keep tweeting about it as though it's different every time  (washingtonpost.com) (40)
(Kuriositas) Photoshop Photoshop this egret gone fishing  (3.bp.blogspot.com) (30)
(News.com.au) Obvious Photographer at a porn shoot gets the shock of his life when he finds out he is really the conductor of the train  (news.com.au) (91)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Not News: Woman driver in accident. Meh News: She was DUI. FARK: She was a liquor control board employee  (wtae.com) (24)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Robber: I've got a gun, gimme all the money. Clerk: I can't open this register, may my associate help? Associate: BOOYAH (Video Included)  (wcax.com) (170)
(Fox News) News Obama assassinates conservative American for exercising freedom of speech  (foxnews.com) (932)
(Yahoo) Cool You may be cool, but you'll never be Hello Kitty Smart Car cool  (sports.yahoo.com) (140)
(Short List) Stupid Good things come in threes. Apart from robbing the same bank in the same week  (shortlist.com) (12)
(SLTrib) Stupid In Utah, it's okay to drink, and it's okay to watch "The Hangover II", but it's illegal to drink AND watch "The Hangover II"  (sltrib.com) (101)
(The Sun) Scary Man catches a 245lb catfish. The Sun is there (w/KILLITWITHFIRE pics)  (thesun.co.uk) (114)
(Telegraph) Obvious You can coach a coach, doctor a doctor, judge a judge, and maybe even prostitute a prostitute. Butcher a butcher, though, and people get upset  (telegraph.co.uk) (36)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Weird Twelve Illinois tollboth operators accused of stealing $25,000 over the course of seven years. That is a lot of change  (suntimes.com) (65)
(Chicago Tribune) Interesting So, the safest way to battle the emerald ash borer beetle is to release wasps. Why are we trusting these guys? It sounds like some sort of sting  (chicagotribune.com) (43)
(SFGate) Weird Man found dead in Twin Peaks hotel. Siht si eht gnitiaw moor. Dulow uoy ekil emos eeffoc? Emos fo ruoy sdneirf era ereh  (sfgate.com) (85)
(Boston Globe) Spiffy 2011 Ig Nobel Prizes awarded, congratulations to those who studied the effects of having to pee while driving and the Mayor who crushed cars with a tank  (boston.com) (20)
(Some Guy) Stupid Fence proposed between US and Canada. Difficulty: Not an Onion article  (huffingtonpost.ca) (149)
(Some Guy) Fail Today's Fark-ready Headline: "Firearms instructor shoots self' - in the thigh...during firearms recertification test  (wwlp.com) (45)
(Telegraph) Stupid Want that pothole fixed? Drivers in Manchester are being ordered to take photographs of the offending crevice and to walk out in the middle of the road to measure it  (telegraph.co.uk) (29)
(WXYZ Detroit) Sappy Teenage girl's dying wish was to be buried next to her mother, but her family couldn't afford the $6,000 burial plot. In steps in an anonymous benefactor to grant the girl's dying wish. Man. This weather's hell on my allergies  (wxyz.com) (91)
(The Consumerist) PSA Wall Street Journal will now steal your browsing history. It's right there in their new terms of service agreement  (consumerist.com) (42)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida School police chief says when he pulled out a .40-caliber Glock pistol during a community meeting it was the same as if the CEO of Apple was to pull out an iPad during a meeting  (sun-sentinel.com) (110)
(Daily Mail) Followup Greenlight 101: Take article involving teacher/student sex. Add 'female/female', 'lesbian' and 'hot' to the headline, and the prerequisite twist of 'mental health act'. Submit, wait for sweet, sweet green  (dailymail.co.uk) (49)
(io9) Strange The one true aphrodisiac? Rotting fruit  (io9.com) (44)
(Huffington Post) Stupid Woman arrested for erratic driving...in her golf cart...to buy a scarecrow. You've probably already figured out the drunk part by yourselves  (huffingtonpost.com) (17)

Thu September 29, 2011
(El Paso Times) Dumbass Caution: The guy passed out in his car in the center lane has the right of way  (elpasotimes.com) (17)
(CBS News) Obvious Iraq to buy F-16s from the United States and there's no reason to think this will ever come back to bite us. Nope, none at all  (cbsnews.com) (216)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Apparently, "CAML TOW", "LUCIFER", "PMS MOM", "1PO PIMP" and "BUTT RUB" are not suitable license plates in the state of Florida  (sun-sentinel.com) (92)
(LA Times) Fail Wait, doc, you're telling me squirting sunscreen and beef extract up my ass ISN'T going to cure my cancer?  (articles.latimes.com) (104)
(Washington Post) Interesting 9/11 changed everything, which is why newspapers shouldn't run photos featuring planes in the same frame as a building  (washingtonpost.com) (100)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Asinine Cincinnati to allow concealed weapons in bars tomorrow. Guns, beer and Bengals fans, what could possibly go wrong?  (news.cincinnati.com) (201)
(Motherboard.tv) Obvious Alarmist, paranoid hermits are collectively bummed: Earth's asteroid apocalypse is probably not going to happen, says NASA  (motherboard.tv) (79)
(KTLA) Fail Send me your poor, your tired, your newborn twins belonging to Mexico's most wanted drug lord  (ktla.com) (74)
(Philly) Dumbass Cops: Man arrested for exposing himself blames pants  (philly.com) (34)
(Some Guy) Sad World War II vet risked his life over there so that some day he could return to his hometown over here and get banned from riding his golf cart in the street  (vindy.com) (49)
(CNBC) Asinine Bank of America to charge $5/month for an unprecedented perk: Accessing your own money  (cnbc.com) (455)
(The Daily) Scary Welcome to Scientology High, a "real-world Hogwarts" that's "kinda magical," and only costs $42,000 per year in real-world money  (thedaily.com) (85)
(The Atlantic) Scary The Great Robot Uprising and subsequent enslavement of humanity hasn't happened yet, but don't worry--the humans have already lost  (theatlantic.com) (106)
(NPR) Interesting Okay, you cut my grass and I'll give your mom a pacemaker. Deal?  (npr.org) (48)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this painting into somewhere unexpected  (img1.liveinternet.ru) (60)
(NorthJersey.com) Interesting NJ police chief: Ticket my wife. Please  (northjersey.com) (67)
(SeattlePI) Sad Good news for those struggling in this economy: you may not be forcibly evicted from your tent city as often  (seattlepi.com) (47)
(Telegraph) Scary Cantaloupes with listeria determined to be bigger melon threat than Nancy Grace's nip slip  (telegraph.co.uk) (110)
(Washington Post) Asinine "Not sure what's worse, people not knowing the Onion is fake, or that it seemed believable that Members of Congress would take kids hostage"  (washingtonpost.com) (356)
(SFGate) Interesting Study finds magic mushrooms can make lasting personality changes, walls breathe  (sfgate.com) (286)
(NPR) Fail Yes, television fails utterly at depicting a reasonable, non-stereotypical view of women. But it's even worse when it comes to depicting men  (npr.org) (367)
(The Consumerist) Followup You'd better sit down for this one - Panera's Pay Whatever You Feel Like restaurant didn't work out  (consumerist.com) (203)
(My Fox DC) Interesting Experts say lawmakers are still a bit short on social media savvy. Except for the parts that involve posting naked pictures of their junk online and hitting on women who are not their wives. Those parts they got down  (myfoxdc.com) (22)
(You Will Obey) Photoshop Photoshop this rather creepy closeup of Donald  (freecoloringprint.com) (41)
(Snooze on 6) Dumbass Man arrested for lovin' it at McDonalds  (newson6.com) (65)
(USA Today) Cool Our view: Drivers who flash you should not be ticketed. Well, depends on the driver  (usatoday.com) (87)
(Toronto Star) Dumbass Open letter from guy arrested for rioting at G20 summit explaining his actions: I was a loser surrounded by losers  (thestar.com) (128)
(SMH) Interesting Holding journalists accountable for what they write vs freedom of speech  (smh.com.au) (120)
(Palm Beach Post) Florida Pawn shop raid nets $3 million in toothbrushes. That's a LOT of toothbrushes  (palmbeachpost.com) (42)
(Reno Gazette-Journal) Obvious "Police have identified the rival gang member who killed the president of the Hells Angels' San Jose chapter... (but are) not sure they'll track him down before rival bikers do." Obvious tag mows down Scary tag in a drive-by  (rgj.com) (153)
(PennLive) Stupid PA state police plane finds two (2) pot plants in a cornfield, and report it  (pennlive.com) (96)
(CBS News) Interesting Pakistan frees Osama bin Laden's bodyguard. United States offers to drop him off at bin Laden's last known location for free  (cbsnews.com) (38)
(Mediabistro) Dumbass MSNBC reporter reports live via Skype from airplane bathroom. Surely, he can't be serious  (mediabistro.com) (74)
(CBS News) Obvious Alabama to enforce the strictest immigration laws in the nation, puzzling experts who can't find anybody willing to immigrate to Alabama  (cbsnews.com) (152)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Hey, those cops ate my pot brownies  (abclocal.go.com) (30)
(YouTube) Silly The lyrics are supposedly "Kiss me 'til you're drunk," but I first heard it as "Kiss me on the junk." (Link has dirty words, FYI)  (youtube.com) (122)
(Some Guy) Interesting What your drink says about you on a date. No mention of that shampoo bottle full of pruno you shared with T-Bone down on D block, but you were a hellcat that night  (thedailymeal.com) (456)
(Houston Chronicle) Asinine New York is now planning to put the Shuttle Enterprise in a parking lot in Hell's Kitchen so the homeless can paint it with urine  (chron.com) (138)
(Toronto Star) Silly Don't you DARE disrespect the Canadian flag, or else we'll, uh, do...something  (thestar.com) (127)
(CBC) Strange You just got into a five-car collision. Do you: c) flee, break into a house and try to use the gas stove and a lighter to light yourself on fire?  (cbc.ca) (27)
(Telegraph) News El Presidente rushed to hospital 'for kidney failure'  (telegraph.co.uk) (282)
(Daily Bhaskar) Weird Fashion designer makes dress completely out of nipples, which would be fine if it didn't shrink up every time the weather got cold  (daily.bhaskar.com) (61)
(Sunderland Echo) Amusing On the first anniversary of their mother's death, family receives letter from hospital. Fark: It was for penis-enlargement surgery  (sunderlandecho.com) (40)
(Wikipedia) Photoshop Theme: It does a body good. (LGT inspiration)  (en.wikipedia.org) (22)
(Bangor Daily News) Amusing Naked man spotted at a Maine golf course. Possibly looking for his lost balls?  (bangordailynews.com) (17)
(BusinessWeek) Scary Tropical storm Ophelia expected to strengthen to hurricane, really screw with hamlets all along the eastern seaboard  (businessweek.com) (85)
(WDEL Wilmington) Interesting Teenager discovers that some substitute teachers are pretty cool. Especially the substitute teacher that let him check out naked pictures of her  (wdel.com) (149)
(My Fox DC) Scary Dirty mouth? Clean it up, with hand sanitizer - no, wait, don't do that, hold on  (myfoxdc.com) (112)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Weird "Shain Pierce returned to his apartment after having a toe amputated and found the man he was sponsoring in Alcoholics Anonymous drinking alcohol inside." And then it gets weird  (news.cincinnati.com) (78)
(TwinCities.com) Silly Fark toast-ready headline: Fargo brewery unveils its first beer: Wood Chipper  (twincities.com) (93)
(AnnArbor.com) Dumbass What, you don't go to the barber with a fifth of vodka and two handguns? Well, why not?  (annarbor.com) (21)
(azfamily.com) Amusing Just one of the many reasons why you might want to rethink that snazzy Face Tattoo  (azfamily.com) (74)
(Lifehacker) Interesting How links get greenlit  (lifehacker.com) (51)
(Detroit News) Fail Every year hundreds die riding snowmobiles in winter - this year Death got a head start in early fall. "They'll ride on dirt, grass or where it's wet"  (detnews.com) (52)
(CNN) Stupid Not News: Man planned to fly plane into the Pentagon or the U.S. Capitol. Fark: A model plane  (cnn.com) (256)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 334: "Show of Emotion 2". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (161)

Wed September 28, 2011
(Daily Mail) Amusing British bar sells cheap drinks until people are "passed out in the gutter and staggering around without trousers". One ticket please  (dailymail.co.uk) (58)
(azfamily.com) Sad Times are tough for one of the guys in The Village People  (azfamily.com) (19)
(Click On Detroit) Sad A little crystal meth always makes the sex party better at the gay police chaplain's sex party. Until someone dies, that is  (clickondetroit.com) (105)
(Brockton Enterprise) Silly School committee chairman apologizes for opening meeting by removing fellow committee member's bra  (enterprisenews.com) (57)
(Some Guy) Scary Nothing restores your faith in humanity quite like seeing a vehicle slow down to help you when your car is broken down on the side of the highway in the middle of the night. Until the guys inside rob you  (ocregister.com) (28)
(Yahoo) Strange Office Depot CEO: "Charlie Brown was terminated for having an improper relationship with another associate." Good grief  (news.yahoo.com) (55)
(Some hot librarian) Interesting It's the American Library Association's Banned Book Week, so here's a list of the previous decade's most challenged books that goose-stepping morons should try reading rather than burning  (ala.org) (277)
(Boing Boing) Sappy Ugly-ass picture of ugly-ass panda cubs taking a nap  (boingboing.net) (26)
(Huffington Post) Interesting News: Nearly three quarters of Americans favor raising taxes on the super-wealthy. Fark: So do two thirds of Republicans  (huffingtonpost.com) (248)
(CNN) Obvious I don't want to be in the bunker when Hitler finds out that 7-Eleven stores in Taiwan have pulled their Vampire Hitler products  (news.blogs.cnn.com) (102)
(The Onion) PSA Historians would like to remind you all that you should check what's happened in the past before making any big decisions  (theonion.com) (71)
(Anchorage Daily News) Amusing "He was strongly advised not to hike in the dark while drunk" and other assorted goodies from the Unalaska police blotter  (adn.com) (32)
(FARK) FarkBlog Dog removed from crevasse after the oil hits the canis, waiting for Jesus to come, and a car accident on Needmore Road: Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 9/18 - 9/24  (fark.com) (8)
(SLTrib) Fail Utah lawmakers assert that hiding bartenders from public view in restaurants reduces number of underage drinkers  (sltrib.com) (126)
(Some Guy) Interesting Innovative Ways to Lower Crime Rate #47: Invite criminals to police station and ask them not to commit crimes  (oxonhill.wusa9.com) (19)
(Life.com) Interesting How to eat sushi. Yes, you're doing it wrong  (life.com) (343)
(Some Guy) Scary "Since I was like 12 every fiber in my body, basically everything, I know this is going to be crazy, but I believe that I'm a vampire and part werewolf" says most hardcore member of Team Edward  (nbcmiami.com) (169)
(Huffington Post) Scary You're gonna need a bigger boat. No, really, don't go shark fishing in a kayak  (huffingtonpost.com) (29)
(The New York Times) Amusing The trolls are eating each other: Al Qaeda tells Ahmadinejad to quit being a 9/11 Truther  (thelede.blogs.nytimes.com) (190)
(Some Aqua Teen) Photoshop Photoshop Ignignokt   (aqua-teen-hunger-force.wikia.com) (22)
(Bangor Daily News) Dumbass Maine man shows up to his court appearance for drunken driving drunk  (bangordailynews.com) (26)
(www.ksl.com) Spiffy Further proof the '70s rocked: you could smoke ganja on planes. Oh, and hijack a plane, release passengers for $1 million and retire on a Portuguese beach... almost  (ksl.com) (26)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Florida county makes selling bongs to minors illegal. I for one will sleep better at night knowing those little bastards won't be able to buy apples, socket sets, buckets, or any of the other 1,475 things I could make a bong out of right now  (sun-sentinel.com) (117)
(Some Guy) Amusing Iranian photoshoppers keeping busy blurring out the boobs of the third American hiker  (rferl.org) (92)
(Daily Record (UK)) Weird Is there such a thing as too much beer? If it makes you think that taking a Stanley knife from your toolbox and hacking away at your penis is reasonable, that's too much beer  (dailyrecord.co.uk) (64)
(My Fox Dallas) Sad Heidi the cross-eyed possum has died (with dare you not to laugh pic)  (myfoxdfw.com) (116)
(Village Voice) Amusing There will be a protest to protest the treatment of Occupy Wall Street protesters  (blogs.villagevoice.com) (235)
(WTOP) Followup Banana Man has the last laugh  (wtop.com) (83)
(Cap Times) Weird Guy arrested for walking down street and smashing windows of homes and car with saucepan. So much for potheads being nonviolent  (host.madison.com) (27)
(Some Guy) Dumbass When will the government's vendetta against the rich end? Businessman claims Nebraska State Patrol is after him because of his Boston accent, not because he's trying to dodge paying thousands of dollars in state taxes or anything  (journalstar.com) (59)
(Yahoo) Stupid Mom posts on Facebook about her son's messy room, causing her son's football team to vacate three wins. Good thing she didn't post about what she found under the mattress  (rivals.yahoo.com) (117)
(Houston Chronicle) Interesting 'Disposable: A History of Skateboard Art' & 'Vegan, Virgin, Valentine' are just of couple of books that are banned in Texas schools. Surprisingly 'Decision Points' is not on the list  (blog.chron.com) (35)
(Some Guy) Strange Never bring a bamboo spear to a beanbag fight  (sheboyganpress.com) (12)
(San Marcos Register) Sad The latest sign that the economy sucks: Thieves are robbing wishing wells  (sanmarcosrecord.com) (52)
(WPXI) Strange Buy local does not apply to Halloween decorations, say police investigating exhumation of 12-year old boy who died 100 years ago  (wpxi.com) (58)
(Pensito) Amusing Sign at rally: 'Homescholers for Perry'  (pensitoreview.com) (187)
(XTRA.ca) Spiffy Current Farkette (a former Farker) makes political history in Canada. Subby wants to change the world  (xtra.ca) (316)
(Ben & Jerry's) Photoshop The AFA is offended by Ben & Jerry's Schweddy Balls ice cream. Photoshop some flavors that would be acceptable to them  (benjerry.com) (49)
(Media Matters) Asinine Fun with charts. Why is Solyndra so much more of a priority for media coverage than, say, an obvious case of government corruption exposed in 2008 at the MMS, or the loss of taxpayer dollars through military contracting waste and fraud?  (mediamatters.org) (222)
(STLToday) Stupid Couple sucessfully steal Chinese food but are caught when they return an hour later  (stltoday.com) (21)
(EITB) Sappy No can comprehend esta nueva trend por writing en Spanglish en internet - sucks mucho  (eitb.com) (84)
(CNN) Florida Florida, first in the nation in crazy, set to become the first primary of the 2012 election  (cnn.com) (113)
(Science Daily) Obvious Public ignorant, research finds. There, fixed that for you  (sciencedaily.com) (63)
(New Scientist) Interesting Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. Better, stronger, faster, more able to navigate mazes and find cheese  (newscientist.com) (19)
(Yahoo) Amusing Math works once again as NASA only misses the satellite impact zone by a mere... half the planet  (news.yahoo.com) (95)
(Boing Boing) Scary Man builds circular flying machine - soon to end up in Darwin Awards under 'death by salad shooter'  (boingboing.net) (106)
(National Post) Obvious Dogs make great workout partners, according to experts who rarely use the bench press  (life.nationalpost.com) (47)
(Some Hypnotist) Amusing Chainsaw juggler hopes to set new world record, find his fingers & have them re-attached  (thechronicleherald.ca) (21)
(LA Times) Obvious Three major Obama advisers warned last year that the Solyndra deal was rotten, as were many others, but thankfully they were underbussificated for such outrageous disloyalty. Less oversight FTW  (latimes.com) (192)
(Telegraph) Obvious Germany, regarding the US plan to have the EU increase its debt ceiling: "stupide". Also used were:"idiot", "dumkopf", "dummer" and "selten dämlich"  (telegraph.co.uk) (51)
(NPR) Dumbass New survey shows that Baby Boomers are "delusional" and "woefully unprepared" when it comes to health care in their retirement. Gosh, I hope we get government out of their health care by the time that happens  (npr.org) (126)
(Some Guy) Dumbass NH residents take their beer seriously: Kid, neighbors all team up on robber who tried to steal 30 pack of beer. FARK: He got slapped upside the head with a toilet plunger, too  (wmur.com) (55)
(Cracked) Obvious Six parodies that succeeded because nobody got the joke  (cracked.com) (139)
(Fox News) Stupid Just in case you're curious, the going rate in New York for someone to take your SAT test for you is $1500  (foxnews.com) (53)
(MSNBC) Followup Whack-a-Moammar™  (msnbc.msn.com) (22)
(WTOP) Dumbass Always suspected that there were lots of drooling idiots in Washington, DC, but never had the proof? Well, here you go  (wtop.com) (76)
(CNNGo) Spiffy Two words: Lightsaber handrails  (cnngo.com) (29)
(CNN) Obvious Young, virtuous, godly Christians, raised on abstinence and family values, are bumping uglies just as much as their unsaved counterparts. Sometimes with them, in fact  (religion.blogs.cnn.com) (178)
(Yahoo) Interesting Interracial couple has a set of twins where one is black and the other is white. Scientists say the pair is likely to be used as a clumsy metaphor in approximately 3x10^7 magazine articles and novels in their lifetime  (news.yahoo.com) (100)
(The New York Times) Cool Massachusetts does away with the "til death do us part" clause of alimony payments  (nytimes.com) (73)
(Talking Points Memo) Amusing Obama on the current crop of GOP candidates: "I Mean, Has Anyone Been Watching The Debates Lately?"  (2012.talkingpointsmemo.com) (294)
(My Fox DC) Interesting The Washington Monument is here. The Washington Monument is queer. Deal with it. (w/ pic)  (myfoxdc.com) (24)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this sideburn champion  (craphound.com) (31)
(Canoe) Weird Male porn star suing the Canadian government for $100 million for their 10-month delay in issuing him the police clearance he needed to open his adult film business in Romania. Dude's got balls  (cnews.canoe.ca) (16)
(CNA) Interesting Pope Benedict denies rumors of retiring due to his age, says he feels like a kid  (catholicnewsagency.com) (57)
(Huffington Post) Cool Parents say they're really proud of their eight-year-old drag queen  (huffingtonpost.com) (30)
(Telegraph) Interesting China's per-capita emissions are set to pass Britain's next year; will pass Antonio Cromartie's some time in 2014  (telegraph.co.uk) (29)
(BBC) Scary Five. There are five severed heads in the bag. AH AH AH  (bbc.co.uk) (53)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Interesting The odds on three siblings being born on the same day are 133,590 to one, these parents should have had a bet on it  (lep.co.uk) (57)
(Some Guy) Weeners Ron de Jeremy: "Any other rum doesn't have a third leg to stand on"  (alligator.org) (43)
(Huffington Post) Stupid Powerful Alabama Republican: "You mean I shouldn't refer to black people as 'aborigines?'"  (huffingtonpost.com) (148)
(Stylist) Amusing Had enough of lame ass politicians? Get a donkey to run instead  (stylist.co.uk) (7)
(Toronto Sun) Obvious Cops on the lookout for mustard man's grandfather  (torontosun.com) (15)
(USA Today) Scary Which is a worse indicator of our financial times: that there's such a thing as a welfare system for pets, or that it's failing?  (yourlife.usatoday.com) (17)
(Copenhagen Post) Sad Things get too hot in the lead up to sex fair, and firefighters have to pull out as exhibition center burns  (cphpost.dk) (6)
(Pravda) Interesting Is there any coffee in instant coffee?  (english.pravda.ru) (57)
(Some Guy) Weird Man sees his sleeping wife remove her clothing, touch her own body and moan. So naturally he assumes she's having sex with an invisible man  (asiaone.com) (116)
(Salon) Cool Man tracks down the kid who bullied him in eighth grade and...talks to him  (salon.com) (299)
(National Post) Dumbass Man thinks his friend is a bear, shoots him, is banned from Gay Pride parades for life  (news.nationalpost.com) (32)
(CNN) Silly Iran plans to send warships to the Eastern coast of the United States. To match the arrogance of the American military floating its warships near the Iranian border. See, now everything is cool  (cnn.com) (308)
(Metronews.ca) Asinine Neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds. But nobody said anything about a spider web  (metronews.ca) (25)
(New Zealand Herald) Strange Family plagued by prostitutes. I know people who would pay good money for that  (nzherald.co.nz) (38)
(CBS2) Ironic Surfers save the life of a Great White Shark. You did read this correctly  (losangeles.cbslocal.com) (61)
(WWSB ABC 7) Florida According to PETA, three days is an acceptable amount of time to wait before publicly mocking a man that was attacked by a shark  (mysuncoast.com) (91)
(NYPost) Hero If you're a nursing student, you damn well better get some extra credit for delivering your neighbor's baby in the back seat of a car  (nypost.com) (29)
(USA Today) Followup U.S. insists bin Laden photos must remain secret. But enjoy all the Michael Jackson death pics you want  (usatoday.com) (68)
(The Smoking Gun) Sick After being arrested for beating up her boyfriend, woman tells cops "All I want is a piece of ass. Is that too much to ask for?" Given her mugshot, I'd say yes. Yes it is. My guess is the boyfriend finally sobered up  (thesmokinggun.com) (219)
(Yahoo) Spiffy US and Europe: "WAAAH -- DEBT CRISIS." Africa: "STFU and GBTW, whiners"  (news.yahoo.com) (54)
(BBC) Sad Pacemaker inventor flatlines  (bbc.co.uk) (36)

Tue September 27, 2011
(Some Assistant Principal) Spiffy Today's hot teacher caught having sex with three high school boys and sending them nude pics brought you to courtesy of Shawnee Mission, Kansas. (w. creepy mug shot pic)  (badjocks.com) (203)
(JSOnline) Stupid Neither snow nor rain nor 0.18 blood alcohol concentration  (jsonline.com) (29)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Come visit this Swedish hotel, it's so underground even hipsters haven't heard of it  (dailymail.co.uk) (49)
(Some Guy) Interesting When a computer is in screensaver mode, does a police officer's touching a key or moving the mousepad in order to reveal the contents of the screen constitute a Fourth Amendment "search"?   (legalblogwatch.typepad.com) (212)
(UPI) Dumbass Man approaches two women in public and asks if he can suck their toes -- now finds himself in a jam  (upi.com) (61)
(MLive.com) Strange There's nothing wrong with spreading the message that God wants us all to be peaceful. Just don't do it while walking in traffic. And really, it's not the kind of message that requires you to be naked  (mlive.com) (24)
(Gizmodo) Scary Uncomfortable: Having food stuck in your teeth. Fark: Having a live fragmentation grenade stuck in your face  (gizmodo.com) (75)
(MSNBC) Followup At dance dedicated to high school bully victim, do his classmates (C) Chant 'We're glad you're dead.' Fark: His sister attended the dance  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (451)
(io9) Interesting What better way to raise money to save a haunted train museum from closing than by selling your severed thumb? Wait, what?  (io9.com) (26)
(Xenu) Photoshop Photoshop the ultra-secret insides of Scientology's Super Power building, parts of which look like the set of a science fiction film  (xenu.net) (67)
(Washington Post) Interesting Maryland scrubbing baby cribby bumpers, scrubbing baby cribby bumpers, scrubbingbabycribbybumpers   (washingtonpost.com) (45)
(MSNBC) Scary Turns out Qadahfi had a liquidation sale of around 20,000 missiles prior to that whole overthrow thingee  (msnbc.msn.com) (104)
(Salon) Scary Did you pass 8th grade science? Then you can hack a Diebold voting machine  (salon.com) (183)
(Bangor Daily News) Obvious Maine ups the speed limit on part of Interstate 95. Now you can go nowhere faster  (bangordailynews.com) (79)
(Huffington Post) Obvious Republican Congressman smiles as he cuts ribbon for stimulus-backed project he opposed  (huffingtonpost.com) (135)
(Some Guy) Survey Why do men . . . ? Post your questions here, and men will answer  (emotionalhealingsystem.com) (2831)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Meet the guy who had to break out of a gas station he was robbing  (sun-sentinel.com) (10)
(SeattlePI) Scary Man who used gasoline and makeshift blowtorch to kill six people is sentenced to 198 years of MacGyver reruns in prison  (seattlepi.com) (53)
(BBC) Sad Rebel alliance using Thai fighters to attack civilian targets  (bbc.co.uk) (73)
(Some Boat Enthusiast) Photoshop Photoshop this frightened Corgi  (i55.tinypic.com) (60)
(Some Guy) Amusing Feeling a little grumpy this Tuesday? Then here's a picture of an entire bridal party sinking into a lake that should bring a smile to your face  (imgur.com) (116)
(FARK) Advice Do I need to bring anything for the Chicago Fark Party? Chips? Dip? Soda?  (fark.com) (117)
(CNN) Stupid Remember that confrontation with Bristol Palin where the guy said, "your mother's a whore?" Well, it may have been staged for her new reality show. Staged. For reality. Goddamnitsomuch  (cnn.com) (151)
(Short List) Weird Did a British TV channel use videogame footage and pretend it was an IRA video? No really, did they? I can't tell  (shortlist.com) (89)
(Canada.com) Obvious The gunman who entered an elementary school carrying a sawed-off rifle and a hunting knife, who said that he didn't mind shooting children, and would kill everyone if they called police was just trying to tell children that bullying is wrong  (canada.com) (71)
(Gawker) Florida If you want to increase business by paying a guy to stand in front of your ice cream shop dresed as an ice cream cone, first of all, make sure he doesn't look like a Klansman  (gawker.com) (130)
(Guardian.com) Obvious UK may lose Falkland Islands. This is not a repeat from 1982  (guardian.co.uk) (160)
(Slate) Obvious Rich women have few kids, but poor women have several, and this is a problem, according to someone who just pulled his head out of his ass  (slate.com) (246)
(Houston Chronicle) Strange Pastor's church burns down, his wife is shot by his son so they can collect the insurance and both men are dating the same woman. A scenario for a new Lifetime movie? No truth is stranger than fiction  (chron.com) (35)
(Cletus) Obvious The hillbilly image of Arkansas still lives on in the 21st century, like we really did not know that  (publicbroadcasting.net) (98)
(CBS.com) Ironic News: You can't afford a 42 inch Plasma TV, but prisoners in Allegheny County jails have 40 of them, all brand new. Fark: They bought them with their own money  (pittsburgh.cbslocal.com) (111)
(CBC) Dumbass Dick 'Shotgun' Cheney enjoys an afternooon in Canada, with his personal body guards, the Canadian police. Oh and something about Canada needing to arrest Cheney for His Crimes against Humanity  (cbc.ca) (83)
(The Daily Caller) Asinine Fox News Host and debate moderator Brett Baier insists that only three members of the debate audience booed that soldier, because, of course, with his back to the audience, he was able to individually count them  (dailycaller.com) (221)
(BBC) Cool Okay, so an evangelical Christian walks into a gay bar, and  (bbc.co.uk) (103)
(Some Guy) Florida How many times do we have to remind you: Don't bring a baby to a bar fight  (baynews9.com) (25)
(Wall Street Journal) Misc What you wear can influence how people perceive your race. Obviously, Members Only jackets mean you are Iranian, but the rest?  (blogs.wsj.com) (61)
(USA Today) Scary Next time you're about to go splashing through a cool, refreshing fountain, think of the diarrheal disease. No, seriously, think about it  (yourlife.usatoday.com) (30)
(NYPost) Stupid New York restaurant adds mandatory 18% tip for south asian customers because "they never tip". Lawsuits ensue  (nypost.com) (287)
(truTV) Interesting The plot to destroy Fidel Castro's beard, and 11 other key components to the US government's secret campaign to crush Cuba  (trutv.com) (13)
(NPR) Interesting How psychologists found the HMAS Sydney. WWII shipwreck trifecta now in play  (npr.org) (15)
(Reuters) Dumbass Animal activists burn down a store that sells fur coats, bravely ignoring the fact that that store also sells FIREWORKS  (reuters.com) (65)
(Washington Post) Interesting We salute you Mr. Wears-no-shirt-on-horseback guy. Vladimir Putin: Real Man of Genius  (washingtonpost.com) (40)
(Washington Post) Dumbass Step1: Impersonate Vince Young. Step 2: Collect money for children's foundation. Step 3: Profit. Step 4: Add felony fraud to your career stats  (washingtonpost.com) (12)
(CNBC) Interesting Foreigner may be Poland's new problem. Wait a sec, is that from the '83 tour? I saw those guys in the Meadowlands with Bryan Adams; that was a kickass show. I totally copped a feel off this passed out broad while they were playing Urgent  (cnbc.com) (54)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida If you're going to steal a watch from where you work, don't wear it to work  (nwfdailynews.com) (16)
(My Fox DC) Stupid Who would have thought that using the Grim Reaper in a Cheesehead hat to trash cheese on a billboard right outside Lambeau Field - without getting permission from the company that makes the Cheesehead hat would piss people off?  (myfoxdc.com) (54)
(Some Guy) Strange Touching story of a girl reunited with her father after - wait, you can get into Canada if the name on your passport is "Meta International"?  (montrealgazette.com) (23)
(WXYZ Detroit) Followup Romulus police officers investigated for corruption. Chairman Koval assures citizens the Tal Shiar will investigate the matter thoroughly  (wxyz.com) (27)
(The New York Times) Interesting And now lighting your farts at parties is a little less cool  (nytimes.com) (44)
(Washington Post) Scary The Washington Monument has been closed "indefinitely" due to earthquake damage. BONUS: video inside the monument on the day the quake hit and a park ranger trampling tourists to get the hell out  (washingtonpost.com) (80)
(American Decency Association) Amusing Lane Bryant clothing chain fails to think of the children. Bonus line: "Topless women looking overly friendly with each other"  (americandecency.org) (174)
(Boing Boing) Asinine UK Labour party wants journalists to be licensed, plans to repurpose the Cat Detector Van from the Ministry of 'Ousinge to enforce the regulations  (boingboing.net) (80)
(KSNT Topeka) Strange Police find man wrestling with his snake before he begins threatening them with his sword. Surprisingly, neither of these is a euphemism  (ksnt.com) (7)
(WJAC Johnstown) Dumbass Mother of the year candidate busted for huffing aerosols in the presence of her infant. Police wouldn't have known, except the can was still between her thighs after she crossed five lanes of traffic and crashed her car into an embankment  (wjactv.com) (23)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida A variety of stories from the police blotter that perfectly explain why Florida gets her own tag. All in two paragraphs or less  (nwfdailynews.com) (31)
(TG Daily) Interesting Coronal mass ejection sends solar wind plasma penetrating geosynchronous orbit. In other words, so much for using your GPS today  (tgdaily.com) (64)
(Yahoo) Strange Journalism professor says AP's transcription of Obama's speech was racist-because they reported it exactly as he said it and didn't fix his grammar  (news.yahoo.com) (215)
(Times Free Press) Amusing Consultant firm suggests Chattanooga airport be renamed "Chattanooga Airport"  (timesfreepress.com) (28)
(CBC) Interesting Scientists, Terra Nova marketing department announce new species of dinosaur  (cbc.ca) (117)
(Vindicator) Obvious If your house has a fully stocked bar, and a room with a pole for dancing, authorities might think it's a brothel. So you'll have to get rid of the pole  (vindy.com) (36)
(The Courier) Strange Proposal to make a village an Alcohol Free Area has Scots up in arms - even though this being Scotland, you can drink all the alcohol you want in an Alcohol Free Area  (thecourier.co.uk) (19)
(Some Guy) Interesting British health experts report that crack and heroin usage among young adults is being replaced by use of "club drugs" like Special K and Mephedrone. Warn that this could lead to sharp rise in drive-by huggings  (montrealgazette.com) (25)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop this monstrous mask  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (24)
(Gawker) Sick One of Nancy Grace's twins tries to escape during Dancing With the Stars (possibly Not safe for work)  (gawker.com) (188)
(My Fox DC) Interesting The crack doesn't fall far from the pipe  (myfoxdc.com) (20)
(Florida Today) Interesting 1.25 million dollars of cocaine washes ashore on a Florida missile range beach. In a related story, military brass say the rockets are now being tweaked for launch  (floridatoday.com) (16)
(AP) Followup Amanda Knox's lawyers employ the "Jessica Rabbit" defence  (hosted.ap.org) (64)
(Sunderland Echo) Amusing Not News: Nine-year-old kid furious over faulty football boots FARK: Mullet of the Year winner announced  (sunderlandecho.com) (33)
(Daily Mail) Weird Woman sues after botched plastic surgery leaves her with uniboob  (dailymail.co.uk) (56)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Vandals spray-paint a fence with the numbers 850 and 6, and the words or letters "Juggals," "MMFWE," and "MCZ." Can somebody younger and hipper than me please explain what that means?  (nwfdailynews.com) (75)
(WLBZ.com) Stupid Money's Tight, Times Are Hard... [open] Here's Your Unemployment Sympathy Card  (wlbz2.com) (15)
(C|Net) Asinine Today: Cell service comes to NYC subway platforms. Coming soon: experts baffled by rise in subway passengers pushed onto the tracks  (news.cnet.com) (19)
(WWSB ABC 7) Florida This week's local prostitute round-up runs the gamut from "pretty hot" to "you gotta be kidding me"  (mysuncoast.com) (66)
(Washington Post) Fail Southwest Airlines, an official sponsor of GLAAD, boots lesbian TV icon off flight, allegedly for getting upset when asked to stop making out with her girlfriend. What the frickin' frak?  (washingtonpost.com) (291)
(UPI) Obvious Many doctors claim patients get too much care, say they'd rather be on the golf course  (upi.com) (40)
(BBC) Strange Syrian hackers take over Harvard's website, Harvard says the attack was Assad attempt  (bbc.co.uk) (31)
(News 95.7) Cool Stolen bicycle with a one-of-a-kind engine "could explode like a grenade" if the wrong fuel mixture is used (w/pic)  (news957.com) (57)
(The Chattanoogan) Dumbass Robbers just broke into my house, I'm so very scared. Help. • Like • Comment  (chattanoogan.com) (49)
(Some WV Guy) Stupid Man threatens to shoot himself if girlfriend doesn't take him back. Man then changes his mind and puts the gun down. Gun accidently goes off and shoots the man in the hand and foot  (wvgazette.com) (21)
(BBC) Cool US firm finds sunk WWII British cargo ship w/ 200 tonnes of silver worth about £150m and gets to keep 80% of it. USA USA USA  (bbc.co.uk) (53)
(Hartford Courant) Scary Man accused of chasing people with bat. Goddamn bat man  (courant.com) (29)
(Some Judge) Strange "He also ruled that two images Osbourne printed of the characters Bart, Milhouse and Lisa from The Simpsons engaging in sex acts are also not child porn because it's impossible to tell their age with any certainty"  (ottawasun.com) (160)

Mon September 26, 2011
(Gizmodo) Interesting Norway has a new stealth cruise missile for strategic lutefisk protection  (gizmodo.com) (72)
(Huffington Post) Obvious Ratings agency Moody's: Obama's debt plan good, but thanks to Republican opposition, it will never be adopted  (huffingtonpost.com) (136)
(Yahoo) Amusing News: Mayan film documentary claims proof of aliens. Other News: Mayans have film  (news.yahoo.com) (146)
(Daily Mail) Strange Even though three-year-old girl eats entire light bulb, she's still not considered very bright  (dailymail.co.uk) (52)
(Bay News 9) Florida 10-year-old boy sees boyfriend beating his mom, runs to grandpa's house, gets shovel, and wacks boyfriend upside the head with it. What a nice boy  (baynews9.com) (141)
(Iron Mountain Daily News) Ironic Town considers taxing septic tank owners for not giving a shiat about the new sewer plant  (ironmountaindailynews.com) (130)
(Salon) Amusing Sen. Mike Lee (R-UT) on his meeting with birther queen Orly Taitz: "Once it was clear that her issue did not reflect one of critical national security importance, she was thanked and the meeting ended"  (salon.com) (111)
(Huffington Post) Weird Why do Canadians hate boobies?  (huffingtonpost.com) (134)
(WTMJ) Sad Person found dead and partially submerged IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER  (620wtmj.com) (83)
(Some Guy) Asinine Six careers you can transition to without a Bachelor's Degree. FARK: Four of them require Bachelor's Degrees  (education.yahoo.net) (251)
(Miami Herald) Asinine Government group seeks to make school safer by banning A: Weapons? B: Drugs? or C: Potatoes?  (miamiherald.com) (72)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this happy hairy-hatted man   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (24)
(How Stuff Works) Spiffy The 10 Most Beautiful Drives in the US - #6 belongs on your bucket list  (adventure.howstuffworks.com) (336)
(NPR) Scary "Thinking about it for another minute, if it's not aliens, it's got to be the United States"  (npr.org) (108)
(BBC) Interesting If it's not .scot, it's crap  (bbc.co.uk) (56)
(Digital Trends) Amusing Belgian architects design pedophile-proof church  (digitaltrends.com) (76)
(Daily Mail) Interesting You know who else was caught speeding in 1931?  (dailymail.co.uk) (95)
(NewsBusters) Sad The good news: ABC News fact checks Rick Perry's debate statements. The bad news: They didn't bother mentioning that the heads of Solyndra took the 5th in front of Congress  (newsbusters.org) (236)
(Talking Points Memo) Interesting Army goes green, still drab  (idealab.talkingpointsmemo.com) (56)
(Reuters) Interesting Swimmer's dream is toast after she gets into a jam  (reuters.com) (70)
(The Courier) Strange Residents flee apartments to escape thick smoke from baby stroller fire  (thecourier.co.uk) (24)
(Fosters.com) Scary Six hurt in horse-drawn carriage accidents in New Hampshire. This is not a repeat from 1856  (fosters.com) (18)
(Washington Post) Obvious Pew study shows most people prefer to get their local misinformation through word of mouth  (washingtonpost.com) (27)
(LA Times) Sad After series of thefts, town and local schools remove brass historical plaques. Two out of three meth addicts disapprove  (latimes.com) (25)
(Stylist) Fail Female 'corpse' found alive in Brazilian hospital morgue  (stylist.co.uk) (58)
(Some Walk) Photoshop Photoshop this wide stride   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (37)
(Some Guy) Weird Frankly, Nick can get his own Coke  (foodmag.com.au) (46)
(Yahoo) Obvious The secret to living well on $40,000/yr? Write two books on living on $40,000/yr to avoid living on $40,000/yr  (finance.yahoo.com) (214)
(Reuters) Interesting Amanda Knox called a "promiscuous she-devil" in court. Like that's neccessarily a bad thing  (reuters.com) (138)
(LA Times) Sick A Lasting Toll: As the economy falters, families that lost homes and livelihoods in the Great Recession are increasingly confronting the possibility that they may never fully recover  (latimes.com) (420)
(Some Guy) Sick A bear of very little brain. Or impulse control  (thepeterboroughexaminer.com) (54)
(WISHTV) Scary Today in "Life Imitating Horror Movies": Lost child leads police to five dead bodies in a rural home  (wishtv.com) (76)
(BBC) Cool Man sends out over 4800 messages in a bottle, and receives over 3100 replies  (bbc.co.uk) (80)
(USA Today) Sad Nobel-Peace-Prize-winning Kenyan dies. No, not that one  (usatoday.com) (36)
(Daily Mail) Weird Man receives patent for the ultimate snowman, agrees to share it with his stuffed tiger  (dailymail.co.uk) (35)
(El Kabong) Florida Today's man arrested for bashing another guy over the head with a guitar brought to you by the Keys. El Kabong surrenders  (wtsp.com) (47)
(SFGate) Ironic New study shows San Francisco - that bulwark of progressive sharing, kindness,and wealth redistribution to the downtrodden proletariat - is the worst tipping city in the United States  (insidescoopsf.sfgate.com) (254)
(Some Guy) Stupid Fans at Arab football games on Sand Mountain recite the Lord's Prayer despite letter from Freedom from Religion Foundation. Wait, what?  (channel961.com) (157)
(Some Guy) Dumbass After using an inhaler to steal beer, this fine citizen broke a police windshield with his face  (wtsp.com) (15)
(Yahoo) Strange Police are appealing to anyone who might have video footage of the fatal shooting of a Hell's Angels chapter boss at a Reno casino to come forward. Because if there is one place where there are NEVER surveillance cameras, it's a casino  (news.yahoo.com) (80)
(Economist) Interesting People make false confessions all the time under pressure. So I guess there goes every Law & Order episode  (economist.com) (89)
(TechnologyReview) Obvious The government is almost ready to unveil Super Wifi that will boost capacity and range...as long as you don't live in a heavily populated area  (technologyreview.com) (41)
(Some Apple Guy) Cool Happy Birthday Johnny Appleseed. Most seed ever spread around the mid west by one man, until the formation of the NBA  (leominsterchamp.com) (44)
(CNN) Followup Hikers freed after two years can't wait to check their Myspace accounts, party with Jeff Conoway  (cnn.com) (86)
(Some Guy) Followup Banana Man's suspension lifted after a peel  (wjla.com) (33)
(Some Guy) Sad Elevator mechanic gets the shaft  (abclocal.go.com) (22)
(Breitbart.com) Scary Remember that movie about piranhas attacking beach goers? Totally not realistic...unless it's set in Brazil  (breitbart.com) (49)
(TC Palm) Florida A man and a woman argue over adult entertainment, demonstrating that hell hath no fury like a woman porned  (blogs.tcpalm.com) (33)
(Mother Nature Network) Strange Much like how your family never talks about whatever happened to your Uncle Timmy, our solar system may have once harbored a forgotten planet  (mnn.com) (71)
(NYPost) Interesting How the 'price' of sex has dropped to record lows. Of course you have to get out of your mother's basement first  (nypost.com) (145)
(Some Consumer Reporter) Obvious Until the mid-1970's, most flight attendants were female like the ones you saw on ABC's "Pan Am". Guess who OBVIOUSLY helped end that?  (facebook.com) (110)
(Wikipedia) Photoshop Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: lens flare  (en.wikipedia.org) (30)
(Houston Chronicle) Sad Creator of Doritos dead at 97 of nachoral causes  (chron.com) (137)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida There are many traditional ways for a father and son to bond on Sunday morning: playing ball, going fishing, working on the yard. And then there is this  (tampabay.com) (109)
(AP) Scary Apparently sometime in the past ten years the NYPD added anti-aircraft missiles to its arsenal  (hosted.ap.org) (194)
(Washington Post) Dumbass Don't eat those things," he said. "They might kill you" is good advice from someone who thought it was a good idea to eat mushrooms called the Death Cap and the Destroying Angel  (washingtonpost.com) (104)
(Daily Mail) Stupid Scientists now claim fruit juice contains so much sugar it could actually increase risk of cancer.... OH, COME ON .... make up your mind  (dailymail.co.uk) (133)
(Some Reincarnated Guy) Interesting Dalai Lama to decide at 90 if he should reincarnate. So, he's got that going for him  (voanews.com) (102)
(Denver Channel) Obvious Los Angeles-area AT&T customers unable to make or receive calls. Or, as AT&T customers call it: Sunday  (thedenverchannel.com) (58)
(Telegraph) Stupid The last bullfight has occurred in Spain's Catalonia, though attaching flaming torches to their horns and chasing them through town is still a-ok  (telegraph.co.uk) (45)

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