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Sun October 09, 2011
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(KVAL) Unlikely Actual headline: "Teens say cutting down trees 'better than drinking'"  (kval.com) (70)
(MSNBC) Cool California passes law banning young people from getting a Boehner  (msnbc.msn.com) (160)
(Daily Mail) Hero Babe the pig lives on his own private island in the Bahamas, loves beer (w/pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (63)
(LA Times) Stupid So there's this drought and people will starve, blah blah ... OMG, THE FOOTBALL FIELD GRASS WILL DIE  (latimes.com) (72)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Followup Four boy scouts that went missing while canoeing were found along the Illinois/Wisconsin border, will earn their "mocked relentlessly for forgetting their compasses" merit badge  (suntimes.com) (58)
(New Zealand Herald) Scary Laptop DVD tray ejects six-inch spike through user's hand. Lucky it wasn't in his lap  (nzherald.co.nz) (132)
(Some Sandblasting Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this abraded face  (grace-shinjyuku.co.jp) (25)
(Seattle Times) Interesting 13-year-old supergenius is in desperate need of social skills, noogies  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (268)
(Des Moines Register) Weird Just in time for Halloween, a parked SUV with nobody in it mysteriously flips upside down. "It rolled on its own"  (desmoinesregister.com) (66)
(The Sun) Scary Land sharks on our golf course? BULL  (thesun.co.uk) (59)
(Salon) Sappy How I stopped detesting the symbolic sexism of traditional ceremonies and learned to love weddings  (salon.com) (122)
(News.com.au) Strange We don't need no stinkin guns, WE GOT BEES  (news.com.au) (39)
(KOKI) Scary Number of black widow spider bites in Oklahoma are double what they were last year  (fox23.com) (122)
(MSNBC) Interesting Occupy Wall Street has jumped the pond  (worldblog.msnbc.msn.com) (473)
(PennLive) Obvious Today's generation of children aren't being taught to think for themselves in school. Just like the generation before them, and the generation before them, and the generation before them  (pennlive.com) (123)
(Boston Herald) Stupid Police shut down train station due to coffee maker. Somebody needs to switch to decaf  (bostonherald.com) (35)
(Russia BTH) Interesting Stockpiles of Kalashnikov rifles are enough to supply Russian army and all the armies of the world. Or Christmas morning at subby's house  (rbth.ru) (113)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop these back benders  (spiegel.de) (30)
(Some Guy) Strange What the hell does this sign mean?  (fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net) (207)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Wheaton Wheaton's chef wants to level up your food  (suntimes.com) (41)
(Lithgow Mercury) Dumbass Teen wears balaclava when going into bank to deposit funds from charity fundraiser. Hilarity ensues  (lithgowmercury.com.au) (69)
(Beatcalls) Stupid There are many fun things to do while on LSD. Running down the middle of the highway in the middle of the night is probably not one of them  (beatcalls.com) (53)
(CBS News) Scary Homeland Security wants to make Minority Report and Person of Interest a reality  (cbsnews.com) (142)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Poor economy leads to less driving leads to fewer tickets leads to underemployed traffic lawyers. Won't somebody think about the lawyers?  (tampabay.com) (41)
(Some Guy) Stupid Not news: Drunk driver hits a tree, killing it. News: The tree was the only one around for miles. Fark: Because it was in the Sahara Desert  (dlewis.net) (37)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Man dies when he falls off yacht and is chopped up by propellers. Those who knew him said he made a fine chum  (sun-sentinel.com) (52)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Find a job for Amanda Knox  (google.com) (21)
(CNN) Asinine Headline: "Does clean energy kill jobs?" FTA: "There's really no evidence at all that most people see a conflict between environmental protection and job creation. In fact, in many ways they see them going hand in hand"  (cnn.com) (96)
(PennLive) Dumbass Sheriff charged with punching handcuffed man, he said "No I didn't"  (pennlive.com) (74)
(WCSH) Scary Shriner dies during parade when stunt ramp breaks, his go-kart flips and two of his buddies proceed to run him over with their karts. No word yet if funeral procession will be led by cops on mini bikes, followed by teeny tiny hearse  (wcsh6.com) (61)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Topless teacher is back in the...hey, wait, i wasn't finished  (dailymail.co.uk) (81)
(Sun Journal (Maine)) Cool This years winners of the 12th annual North American Wife Carrying Championship received $620, nine cases of beer and a chance to go on to the World Wife Carrying Championship. With a you'd-carry-that video  (sunjournal.com) (31)
(Telegraph) Spiffy Hot teacher accused of abusing special-needs children wins five-year battle to clear her name (w/pic)  (telegraph.co.uk) (51)
(MSNBC) Asinine Those damn Tea Partiers shut down the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum. Oh wait  (msnbc.msn.com) (313)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Study shows babies know difference between right and wrong when they are just 15 months old. How is babby informed?  (dailymail.co.uk) (92)
(AZCentral) Asinine FAA in a fowl mood about the Arkansas turkey drop  (azcentral.com) (41)
(Tulsa World) Scary Didn't tip the carhop at Sonic? That's a stabbing  (tulsaworld.com) (94)
(Some Guy) Scary Today, we are teaching police dogs how to fly. Get ready... and fllllyyyyy. OH MAN  (pantagraph.com) (45)
(Some Guy) Asinine Woman sues for being forced to listen to Rush Limbaugh. Can this be a class action suit?  (mywesttexas.com) (155)
(Dayton Daily News) Scary Yet another reason not to go to Walgreens  (daytondailynews.com) (85)

Sat October 08, 2011
(AZCentral) Interesting You know how the pundits always say Ron Paul could never get the Republican presidential nomination because social conservatives won't vote for him? About that  (azcentral.com) (256)
(SeattlePI) Scary Police are now ticketing drivers who honk in support of Occupy Seattle protestors. Welcome to Amerika  (seattlepi.com) (246)
(My Fox NY) Strange Performance artist to give birth at art gallery in front of an audience, will provide front row attendees with surplus Gallagher ponchos  (myfoxny.com) (91)
(PennLive) Followup World's oldest running car sells for $4 million. Could anyone fit in this vehicle?  (pennlive.com) (101)
(Short List) Cool They grow 'em tough in Belarus  (shortlist.com) (54)
(Marketwatch) Obvious The "Occupy" movement. A collective effort with no goals  (marketwatch.com) (622)
(Stars and Stripes) Dumbass Remember sailors, always look both ways before crossing an active aircraft carrier flight deck  (stripes.com) (69)
(MSN) Photoshop Photoshop this container ship stranded on a reef off the New Zealand coast  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (44)
(Chicago Tribune) Hero Four teens try to rob a pizza place. Customer goes all "History of Violence" on them; kills one with an employee's handgun and critically wounds the rest  (chicagotribune.com) (849)
(YouTube) Cool Right now, you could be watching this Van Halen-inspired tribute to old-school video games  (youtube.com) (52)
(Some Homeless Dude) Sad Landlord raises rent 250% retroactive to the first of the month in the only state left operating at a surplus  (minotdailynews.com) (176)
(AP) Weird Problem: Drivers in Caracas, Venezuela ignoring even the most basic traffic laws. Solution: Send in the mimes (Hey, it worked in Bogota, Colombia)  (hosted.ap.org) (29)
(WMUR) Strange Welcome to our lov_ly _wim_ing p__l. Notice there's no "moose" in it. Let's keep it that way (w/video)  (wmur.com) (23)
(News.com.au) Stupid Home sale garden gnome removal fee skyrockets to $39.666666 each. "The fate of the gnomes remains unclear"  (news.com.au) (50)
(Orlando Sentinel) Sappy S-e-r-g-e-a-n-t-OMFG   (orlandosentinel.com) (73)
(The Newspaper) Stupid Did you remember to read the 120 page list of speed camera tickets to see if your plate got caught? It's the law  (thenewspaper.com) (57)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this goose stepping owl  (i.imgur.com) (34)
(NBC New York) Dumbass Protip: If you have weed in your pocket, it's best if you walk past the nice police doggie instead of stopping to pet him  (nbcnewyork.com) (33)
(Short List) Interesting The 12 most epic Fark threads ever. This could be number 13  (shortlist.com) (469)
(Toronto Sun) Stupid First they came for the peanut butter, and I said nothing because my mouth was full of poutine. Now they've come for the fake peanut butter made from soy. You know what? I don't give a Flying Elvis. Soy products taste like crap  (torontosun.com) (68)
(LA Times) Silly Farking nail polish, how does it work?  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (12)
(FARK) Survey Subby has a 20 ounce steak marinating in the fridge. What super awesome thing are you looking forward to today?  (fark.com) (332)
(Some Guy) Amusing Now if we could just get a truck filled with bacon to tip over we could make a helluva omelet  (myfoxphoenix.com) (9)
(Some Booze Thief) Florida Today's 2000 cases of booze mysteriously driven away from beer plant brought to you by Jacksonville  (wtsp.com) (36)
(CTV) Scary Uhh...hey guys? Don't mean to alarm you or nothing, but we, uh, thought you should know Canada is on fire  (ctv.ca) (71)
(MSNBC) Scary Woman: I've had a stroke, get me to a hospital. Employer: Can you wait a month?  (msnbc.msn.com) (89)
(Yahoo) Interesting In the name of the Father, the Son and the holy crap where did all the Catholics go?  (news.yahoo.com) (169)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this surprised shopper  (i.imgur.com) (33)
(Yahoo) Sad Nestle warns things could get messtle  (news.yahoo.com) (66)
(Telegraph) Unlikely What how you hold your drink says about you, or what some mamby pambee british sci... hey, don't make me hit you with this bottle  (telegraph.co.uk) (59)
(Al Jazeera) Interesting We really don't know what good a rowboat filled with sheep could do, but thanks  (english.aljazeera.net) (18)
(newhaven independent.org) Caturday Police Lt. called to rescue a kitten trapped in a storm drain not only spends hours standing in muck to do so, but then takes the kitten home when no one else can help. Let's give this cat lover 2 paws up on Caturday  (newhavenindependent.org) (923)
(AOL) PSA If you drive a car in any of these colors, you're just as farking boring as the rest of society  (autos.aol.com) (141)
(Honolulu Star-Advertiser) Fail Pilot flying 2,300 miles from California to Hawaii discovers he only has enough fuel to fly 2,287 miles. Awkward  (staradvertiser.com) (84)
(Some Rammer Jammer) Stupid Rural Alabama meth bust nets a gold mine in mug shots (link to totally worth it slideshow in article)  (newschannel9.com) (62)
(CNN) Cool Corgis are 'the new cats' of Internet culture, still waiting on poptart infusion  (geekout.blogs.cnn.com) (88)
(AP) Sad Two Tibetans get fired up over Chinese oppression  (hosted.ap.org) (40)
(News.com.au) Fail Mom ordered to repay child support after 'Dad' found to be sterile .... Awkward  (news.com.au) (255)
(Some Peanut) Cool You know there's a recession when the unclaimed-cash booth is the biggest attraction at Peanut Fest. To be Fair, $45,000 isn't exactly peanuts  (hamptonroads.com) (13)
(New Zealand Herald) Amusing Teenager says it was all fun and games when his friends kidnapped him for his birthday, but was a bit surprised to discover they had turned him into a woman  (nzherald.co.nz) (61)

Fri October 07, 2011
(Denver Channel) Sad Drive the wrong way and kill a woman? It'll only cost you $268 if you're a state senator  (thedenverchannel.com) (149)
(Yahoo) Weird Father of the Year candidate reacts to his disobedient kids by locking them out of the house, setting fire to their clothing and toys. Again  (sg.news.yahoo.com) (33)
(Hartford Courant) Scary Man tries to kill himself with a chainsaw. Emphasis on 'tries'  (courant.com) (73)
(Metro) Dumbass Naked ex-postman superglues himself to a Job Center desk in protest. Way to make yourself look employable there buddy  (metro.co.uk) (40)
(SeattlePI) Strange Seattle is experiencing a rash of public masturbators  (seattlepi.com) (79)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing This week's Mugshot Roundup features a hairy mess, non-waterproof mascara, and the goddamn Batman  (thesmokinggun.com) (222)
(WWSB ABC 7) Florida In which two idiots think it doesn't look suspicious to load an A/C unit into a convertible in the middle of the night  (mysuncoast.com) (73)
(MLive.com) Dumbass Liquor before beer, in the clear... beer before liquor, black out and steal three-gallon drum of lemon chiffon ice cream  (mlive.com) (44)
(Mother Jones) Amusing Octopi Wall Street  (motherjones.com) (96)
(BBC) Interesting Dutch trains get plastic bags for passengers to pee in during emergencies. You don't know want to know what the Germans are doing  (bbc.co.uk) (57)
(MSN) Photoshop Photoshop this wacky wedding photo shoot  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (32)
(Washington Post) Dumbass Of course it's sheriff candidate's policy never to imply ownership in the event of an unsolicited penis photo... always use the indefinite article: "a" penis, never "your" penis  (washingtonpost.com) (49)
(Mother Jones) Obvious Time is money, which is why you are fat  (motherjones.com) (147)
(Des Moines Register) Obvious "When the school was opened on Wednesday morning, someone on staff noticed that the library ceiling was missing, and that raised a red flag"  (desmoinesregister.com) (35)
(Slate) Sad The war in Afghanistan is "halfway done." Which sounds really wonderful, until you realize it's been going on for ten years already  (slatest.slate.com) (137)
(FARK) Cool It's baaaack: Try your hand at this week's Fark Weird News Quiz  (fark.com) (37)
(Washington Post) Obvious "Congress is less popular than the use of caning as punishment for teenage vandals"  (washingtonpost.com) (125)
(Forbes) Dumbass You hear somebody butcher a song in karaoke, do you C) Punch a 79-year-old participant into a plate glass window?  (forbes.com) (80)
(UPI) Obvious Researchers find token link between marijuana use and vehicle crashes  (upi.com) (135)
(Fox 4 KC) Obvious Media discovers that outer space aliens are living near Kansas City, where they totally blend in  (fox4kc.com) (46)
(BBC) Stupid Garbage bag disguise: check. Stealing tobacco from a recovering stroke victim: check. Found hiding under a bed by police: check. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present today's dumbest crook  (bbc.co.uk) (19)
(Yahoo) Amusing How does Washington respond to Occupy [Your City Name HERE]? With a press release from the Bureau of Rectally Extracted Statistics  (news.yahoo.com) (45)
(National Review) Obvious New UN skyscraper will cost 5x original estimates, with engineers tracing the overruns to problems designing a containment vessel for the sheer volume and density of bullshiat  (nationalreview.com) (102)
(Tulsa World) Sad What kind of world are we living in when you cant even trust carnival midway workers anymore?  (tulsaworld.com) (65)
(AZCentral) Interesting Man arrested for assault using a brick and a chair. If he keeps this up, he may have a future career in the WWE  (azcentral.com) (28)
(SeattlePI) Followup On again, off again rapture is back on again  (blog.seattlepi.com) (229)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Dairy farmers are getting around a ban on unpasteurized milk by selling it as pet food. "Where's my freedom of choice to choose what I put in my mouth?"  (sun-sentinel.com) (201)
(truTV) Amusing 10 dumbest places to meet the love of your life. Fark politics tab strangely omitted, but entire state of Kentucky made the list, so maybe that balances it out  (trutv.com) (101)
(Some Guy's Gramma) Amusing Q. How do you get a 76 year old retiree to abandon her 27 mile police chase at speeds of up to 10 MPH? A. Run alongside her car and tap on the window until she notices  (heraldsun.com.au) (36)
(The Smoking Gun) Followup Teen tells cops she robbed her neighbor because she needed money to feed a porn addiction. With mug shot skin-crawlingness  (thesmokinggun.com) (158)
(CNN) Silly "Occupy Wall Street look just like my church," says woman who apparently has a lot of people taking pictures of themselves in idiotic costumes and uploading it to Flicker during the liturgy  (religion.blogs.cnn.com) (248)
(BBC) Strange Woman in 80's saved from apartment fire. Why we're just hearing about this now, I don't know  (bbc.co.uk) (23)
(Boston Herald) Obvious Boston gov't to Tea Party: Where's your form 23J5(c) filled out in #3 pencil and notarized in triplicate with correct diversity and environmental-compliance language, hm? Boston gov't to Occupy: it's all good, camp out wherever  (bostonherald.com) (339)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these space robots with key wound motor   (spectre-nebura.cocolog-nifty.com) (28)
(Yahoo) Fail Boise State player suspended four games for using a Mercede -- wait, it was a 1990 Toyota Camry? SEC: "Son, I am disappoint"  (rivals.yahoo.com) (61)
(Some Guy) Dumbass When you're so drunk you call the police because you think your car has been stolen, driving it home after is probably not the best move  (krmg.com) (22)
(National Parks Traveler) Asinine The former superintendent of Rainier National Park sold his house near the park for nearly 4 times its market value--to a private park concessionaire whose contract renewal he oversaw. Enjoy your woods, Citizen  (nationalparkstraveler.com) (48)
(Amazon) Amusing "My main issue with this cat evacuation kit is that the bag is too heavy for my cat to carry and there is no way to strap it to his back"  (amazon.com) (88)
(Short List) Stupid Remember when it was legitimately amusing to ridicule Charlie Sheen? Well, prepare for a nostalgic Halloween then  (shortlist.com) (29)
(The Daily Caller) Interesting Some of the Occupy DC protestors were lifted from the daily Occupy Home Depot protest  (dailycaller.com) (193)
(Santiago Times) Interesting Chilean scientists make a compelling case for rounding up old people and putting them in quarantine. So like Country Buffet, then  (santiagotimes.cl) (24)
(FARK) FarkParty Pop-up Austin party tonight (Mike's Texas Tour stop 2): Black Star Co-Op 10 pm-ish  (fark.com) (53)
(Onion AV Club) Asinine Zac Efron fan buys him a $100,000 bottle of champagne at a Chicago nightclub. Remember "job creators" are far wiser the government comes to spending their money, and therefore they shouldn't pay taxes  (avclub.com) (115)
(The New Age) Ironic AIDS charity runs out of money to pay safe-sex educators, so to make ends meet, they turn to prostitution  (thenewage.co.za) (15)
(Some Guy) Weird Woman who gave birth on the kitchen floor does it again, but this time in the bathroom. So let's all welcome little Swiffer Gabbitas to the world  (halifaxcourier.co.uk) (19)
(Gawker) Amusing Gawker thanks FARK for an abombination of a story  (gawker.com) (21)
(Talking Points Memo) Obvious Group opposing California's gay history law bending over backwards to get signatures on the downlow by using anti-child molestor posters to trick voters   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (105)
(MSNBC) Obvious As a change of pace, instead of awarding nobel peace prize to a man involved in three wars and assassinating his own citizens, they award it to three women involved in actual peace  (msnbc.msn.com) (78)
(TC Palm) Dumbass Cops ask passed out motorist at Taco Bell drive through for ID. Instead, he gives them a taco, really getting in the spirit of thinking outside the bun  (blogs.tcpalm.com) (24)
(Financial Post) Spiffy So...do you want to know what an orgasm smells like? You're about to find out  (business.financialpost.com) (114)
(CNN) Sad US task force says that healthy men don't need prostate screening. But that's my favorite part of the exam  (cnn.com) (78)
(Yahoo) Obvious Psychic arrested for scaring girl into stealing family's jewelry. See if you can guess the rest of this Fark headline  (news.yahoo.com) (55)
(USA Today) Stupid $1 billion Federal foreclosure assistance program ends with almost $600 million left unspent. Guess there's not really a foreclosure problem then, huh?  (usatoday.com) (93)
(Huffington Post) Scary Small Illinois town evacuated after large quantity of alcohol tragically goes to waste  (huffingtonpost.com) (13)
(MSNBC) Interesting Emergency Room visits for kids with concussions are on the rise, as opposed to my old man's "Walk it off" strategy  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (68)
(TBO) Florida Man complains Daisy Dukes short contest not in good taste. Chamber of Commerce checking with Boss Hogg  (www2.tbo.com) (483)
(Gizmodo) Amusing In an effort to upstage the patent troll suing people that use WiFi, today's patent troll is suing Motorola for manufacturing cell phones that have a processor  (gizmodo.com) (71)
(MyFox Twin Cities) Dumbass And then there's "drunk enough you think you can fuel your car at the police station's gas pump"  (myfoxtwincities.com) (14)
(Ahram Online) Strange Egyptian man gets threatening phone calls, kidnap attempts and beatings... because he doesn't want to be a porn star. Of course, the porn folks only want him because he's a dead ringer for Saddam Hussein  (english.ahram.org.eg) (44)
(Spalding Today) Unlikely No clear winner in game of chicken between Jack Russell Terrier and car carrying Jade Cocks  (spaldingtoday.co.uk) (22)
(Metro) Obvious If you catch someone breaking into your house, invite them inside before you shoot them. The general rule is, this side of the window: self defense. That side of the window: attempted murder. Got it? Good  (metro.co.uk) (100)
(Some Guy) Dumbass You'd better 'Like' my Facebook status, or else. Also, give me a cow  (heraldextra.com) (17)
(BBC) Ironic "The SWAT team stormed in like ninjas". I do not think that word means what you think it means  (bbc.co.uk) (27)
(Slate) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: Greeting cards you'd rather not get. (LGT inspiration)  (slate.com) (31)
(I Heart Chaos) Amusing As if Christianity hasn't shat all over pagan holidays enough, here's Jesus-ween. LOL Jesus ween  (iheartchaos.com) (129)
(WTAE-TV) Weird If you stole a 50 foot bridge, Pennsylvania State Police would like to have a word with you  (wtae.com) (29)
(Slashdot) Dumbass UBS: "Our risk systems *did* detect $2bn rogue trader, but we thought it was tax payers' money and thus threw a party with hookers and blow  (it.slashdot.org) (16)
(MSNBC) Obvious Honda managed to push only 214 Ridgeline pickups off its dealers' lots in August. More F-150s fell off delivery trucks that month  (msnbc.msn.com) (232)
(CNN) Hero Yeah, he said it: Vice President Biden comments that Occupy Wall Street has "a lot in common with the tea party"  (cnn.com) (222)
(Edie) Unlikely Environmentalists strip naked to protest a) oil company, b) nuclear plant, or c) biofuel-powered airplane?  (edie.net) (44)
(Some Guy) Asinine BofA: Our recent website problems were NOT in any way related to hacking, we SWEAR. Oh, by the way, a bunch of your debit card information has been compromised. No, the two are not related, we SWEAR. Lying bankers, are they even trying anymore?  (wtsp.com) (79)
(Some mall worker) Followup Mall yogurt stand worker heads to court after tainting frozen yogurt with semen. Hope they don't let that jerk off  (wtsp.com) (40)
(Some Hot Scot) Obvious Scottish hottest curry contest leads to mass vomiting, hospitalizations, nosebleeds, hilarity  (wtsp.com) (52)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Oh my God - IT'S FULL OF SNAKES (w/pic)  (dailymail.co.uk) (40)
(Des Moines Register) Dumbass Man who witnessed a car crash was assaulted by the at-fault driver and passenger after calling the police and driving off after them  (desmoinesregister.com) (30)
(lohud.com) Unlikely Woman wins $3 million jackpot at parents' store. That was convenient  (lohud.com) (21)
(MSNBC) PSA Your bizarre hatred for cilantro might be genetic instead of outright idiotic  (bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com) (153)
(Chicago Tribune) Scary Two workers injured in explosion at pasta plant. Paramedics say they knew the two victims weren't done because they didn't stick to the wall  (chicagotribune.com) (38)
(Telegraph) Scary OH CRAP Who are we going to borrow from now?  (telegraph.co.uk) (189)
(LA Times) Obvious Why have three killer whales been hanging out in an Alaskan river for three weeks now? Because they're killer whales and they'll do what they want, whatever  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (47)
(The Times of India) Sad Fire at cracker factory kills seven people. Honkey factory employees send their condolences   (timesofindia.indiatimes.com) (67)
(Some Prevert) Strange Two used condoms found after family discovers valuables missing in home robbery. Owners believe they got off easy  (triblocal.com) (22)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Half of US population lives in a household that receives state benefits. That's one big house  (dailymail.co.uk) (174)

Thu October 06, 2011
(Angry Zombie Kid) Scary 10 year old girl raped, knocked unconscious, then buried by cousin returns as a zombie to tell mom and dad about the crime  (newsinfo.inquirer.net) (130)
(The Sun) Scary I *told* you to watch for potholes  (thesun.co.uk) (24)
(SacBee) Stupid Obama's DOJ decides to change its mind and demands California's pot dispensaries close down within 45 days or face federal charges  (sacbee.com) (415)
(Oregon Live) Silly Today's "art project mistaken for a bomb" scare brought to you by a diorama made from a packet of tomato seeds, a flannel shirt and a computer mouse. Yes, there is a picture  (oregonlive.com) (51)
(Flickr) Scary What would you look like scared out of your mind? Pics from a Haunted House  (flickr.com) (751)
(My Fox Orlando) Florida No cable TV? That's a stabbin  (myfoxorlando.com) (26)
(Some Guy) Fail Good idea: free-range chicken farm. Bad idea: free-range daycare  (news1130.com) (51)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Helpful hint from Muncie Police: "the train's never really in the wrong" in collisions with trains  (thestarpress.com) (97)
(Entertainment Weekly) Interesting Amanda Knox book might be a cut above the rest  (shelf-life.ew.com) (87)
(Rabbit Food) Photoshop Photoshop these yummy fruits & veggies  (pics.livejournal.com) (26)
(truTV) Obvious Here come the Steve Jobs Is Still Alive conspiracy theories  (blog.trutv.com) (135)
(Wall Street Journal) Stupid In England, you can now hire a lawyer at the supermarket. Quality of legal services expected to rival that of British food  (blogs.wsj.com) (79)
(Yahoo) Followup Despite earlier reports, the decision to kill American citizen Anwar Al-Awlaki was not made unilaterally by Obama. it was made by a secret government panel, meeting in secret, using secret criteria. There, now don't you feel much better?  (news.yahoo.com) (295)
(The Consumerist) Dumbass We are the 1%, suck it peons  (consumerist.com) (839)
(CBC) PSA Porn sites could hijack company names once the .xxx suffix becomes available. Subby can't wait for westborobaptistchurch.xxx and vatican.xxx  (cbc.ca) (123)
(Fox News) Dumbass Iran: We totally didn't convict this guy for being a Christian, yeah...um...he was a rapist. yeah, no wait....Maybe a pimp. Ok we're going with pimp. Just ignore what the actual court documents say  (foxnews.com) (109)
(IndyStar) Cool Saudi on a flight from JFK to Indy tries to open cockpit door. He seemed simply confused, so another passenger lead him back to his seat and no one freaked out. Could we be learning?  (indystar.com) (144)
(The Smoking Gun) Asinine Man prances around in skimpy thong outside a Baptist church to win a $300 bet. Which won't come close to paying his bond  (thesmokinggun.com) (44)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop Challenge: Complete this artistic garden  (farm7.static.flickr.com) (20)
(Yahoo) Cool If you are still pondering what the double rainbow could mean, get ready to have your mind blown by the DOUBLE-double rainbow  (news.yahoo.com) (104)
(FARK) FarkParty Pop-up Dallas party tonight (Mike's Texas Tour stop 1): Flying Saucer, Dallas, 8pm (note venue change)  (fark.com) (75)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Billy Bob Thornton's daugher starring in "Monster's Ball II"  (sun-sentinel.com) (40)
(Toronto Sun) Obvious Next year marks the 200th anniversary of the most overzealous interpretation of "That could really use a new coat of paint" in history  (torontosun.com) (156)
(Stylist) Cool Steve Jobs' magic moment: the unveiling of the original 1984 Macintosh  (stylist.co.uk) (185)
(Some Guy) Florida Old and busted: Crack babies. New hotness: Oxytots  (610wiod.com) (40)
(AJC) Amusing Cell phone thief posts photo of himself on victim's Facebook page  (ajc.com) (61)
(XKCD) Cool XKCD's wonderful, subtle tribute to Steve Jobs  (xkcd.com) (206)
(WTOP) Unlikely The DC government would like you to know that it's totally not using its new smartphone street parking system to track people whose time has expired, even though it probably could if it wanted to  (wtop.com) (16)
(Daily Mail) Interesting 1 in 10 babies conceived on Ikea beds? I thought they were famous for missing screws  (dailymail.co.uk) (49)
(Yahoo) Unlikely Family of American killed by drone in Yemen says he was such a nice boy who always did the right thing  (news.yahoo.com) (229)
(Global Post) Interesting Australian court rules that a penis is not a prerequisite to being a man. In a lower court ruling, men no longer considered men after getting married and handing their balls over to their wives  (globalpost.com) (63)
(Yahoo) Followup Doctors at Romero General Hospital think that cancer probably killed Steve Jobs, sorry to all of you that had "Rabid wolves" in the pool  (news.yahoo.com) (70)
(Some Guy) Sick After assaulting our eyes by displaying her half dollar-sized, fleshy nipple, Nancy Grace decides to follow it up by farting on live television  (dailytelegraph.com.au) (289)
(Some Guy) Florida Tampa's new $3.5 million computer system fixes parking tickets, sending the people who actually pay them to jail. You're doing it wrong  (wtsp.com) (21)
(CBS Local) Spiffy Mumps outbreak reported at Berkeley. If only there was some kind of safe and reliable preventive measure young people could take before an outbreak occurs, perhaps a vaccine or some such thing  (sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com) (184)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Two Florida species extinct, were delicious. Unfortunately the red-necked Florida newsmaker is still at large  (orlandosentinel.com) (25)
(Some Guy) Weird It's about time: Fart smeller movement joins ranks with Wall Street occupiers   (jammiewearingfool.blogspot.com) (46)
(WTOP) Hero One DC restaurant has finally found an answer to the age-old question: Beer or ice cream?  (wtop.com) (45)
(C|Net) Followup Google pulls "is my son gay?" app after it turned out he was  (news.cnet.com) (82)
(MSN) Stupid Six statements to "get her in the mood" Surprisingly - "I plan to paint the house" not on list. Add your statement here:  (lifestyle.msn.com) (453)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this happy bug  (darkspyro.net) (22)
(AZCentral) Interesting Phoenix Zoo brings back oryx. Working next on Ballhogs  (azcentral.com) (60)
(Gothamist) Amusing Occupy Sesame Street  (gothamist.com) (45)
(MSNBC) Cool Tomas Transtromer awarded Nobel Prize for literature that is more than meets the eye  (msnbc.msn.com) (22)
(WebProNews) Ironic Steve Jobs' funeral to be picketed by Westboro Baptist Church... announced via Tweet sent from iPhone  (webpronews.com) (356)
(Life.com) Misc Gandhi, Mandela, Golda Meir, and Vince Lombardi walk into a bar  (life.com) (41)
(Daily Mail) Sad This is not the correct way to teach a Kindergartener how to tie a knot  (dailymail.co.uk) (87)
(CNN) Stupid Men are in decline because they play too many video games, don't get married, and aren't religious enough  (cnn.com) (460)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Scientists clone human stem cells, reduce miracle of life to a few scientific steps  (dailymail.co.uk) (76)
(Boston Globe) Dumbass Drunk aide to Massachusetts governor gets pass from Boston police before driving through suburb where they don't know who he is  (boston.com) (68)
(Fox News) Weird Severed goat head found on fraternity porch. According to police, the goat head looked like it was bought at a store. In other news, you can buy severed goat's heads at stores  (foxnews.com) (94)
(AJC) Fail Having solved all other problems, Georgia wing-nuts set to debate whether or not allow guns in church. "Why would you not want to take a gun?"  (ajc.com) (265)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 335: "Where the Wild Things Are". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (211)

Wed October 05, 2011
(Some Guy) Cool Instructions for turning a Halloween pumpkin into the Death Star  (fantasypumpkins.com) (37)
(The Smoking Gun) Hero There aren't too many people whose mug shot is a badge of honor. Civil Rights hero Rev. Fred Shuttlesworth, who died today, is one of those people  (thesmokinggun.com) (96)
(Some Guy) Sad Vandals break into a special-needs school and smash an aquarium, smear cake on the kitchen floor, and run wheelchairs through pools of refried beans. "The kids' art work is still on the walls. It's bizarre"  (ocregister.com) (72)
(Toronto Star) Fail Cheerleaders spanked bloody, Teacher-student threesomes, and above all Harry Dick Teacher's discipline chairman writes softcore teen novel. Fark: Also does infant massage  (thestar.com) (117)
(ABC News) Interesting Are you a millionaire who thinks you're not being taxed enough? Soon, you may be able to check "Tax Me More" on your tax form  (abcnews.go.com) (153)
(NPR) Interesting People bash Rick Perry for executing innocents in Texas, but the truth is that Texas is so efficient at executing people that the governor has almost nothing to do with the process  (npr.org) (119)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Obvious "People in Chicago are going to want to move after this winter"  (suntimes.com) (127)
(Ars Technica) NewsFlash Steve Jobs has gone to the iCloud  (arstechnica.com) (½)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida It's okay to have robotic monsters, flashing lights, and a bloody fountain in your yard to celebrate Halloween. But the minute you get children to dance to "Thriller" in your driveway, the city's going to have some problems  (sun-sentinel.com) (47)
(Motherboard.tv) Interesting What does it take to destroy the Kelihos botnet, a massive network of infected computers that sends around 3.8 billion spam emails every day?  (motherboard.tv) (79)
(ABC News) Strange Awkward wedding photos (awkward slideshow)  (abcnews.go.com) (56)
(The Smoking Gun) Obvious Not news: Naked couple arrested in Buick Regal. News: Woman was 71, man was 54. Fark: When cop opened door and asked what they were doing, guy replied, "I'm farking this chick"  (thesmokinggun.com) (96)
(ABC News) News The Quitter is quitting again  (abcnews.go.com) (257)
(MSNBC) Amusing Apple's Siri becomes butt of jokes in Japan thanks to unfortunate translation. Brings new meaning to the phrase "talking out of my ass"  (technolog.msnbc.msn.com) (80)
(Globe and Mail) Hero Prudish wife: What should we do about our hot, wet, sexy, naked, soapy, showering attention whore of a neighbor? Advice Columnist: Shut up and let your husband get his jollies  (theglobeandmail.com) (433)
(NPR) Interesting Do civil rights apply to Jesus schools? Hang on, the Supreme Court is about to tell us  (npr.org) (79)
(The New York Times) Obvious Farmer hires Americans to pick crops at $10.50/hr. Most walk off within six hours. "The work was too hard"  (nytimes.com) (382)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop Challenge: Make Your Own Fark Muppet, a Fuppet if you will  (fao.com) (34)
(SacBee) Scary Autism rates 497.81181619256 percent of what they were a decade ago  (sacbee.com) (194)
(Daily Mail) Scary Old and Busted: Resting in a jacuzzi. New Hotness: Resting in a jacuzzi dangling 500 Ft. above ground suspended from a bridge  (dailymail.co.uk) (25)
(Some Guy) Asinine Dear Asshat tourists, there are plenty of things to do in Virginia Beach besides stand on your hotel balconies and blind our pilots trying to land fighter aircraft at the nearby base with laser pointers. Sincerely, The Navy  (wtkr.com) (97)
(WLKY) Dumbass Police follow DUI suspect from strip club by trail of leaking fluids. Ewww  (wlky.com) (14)
(Some Guy) Weird Amish in bizarre crime spree of cutting off each other's hair and beards  (news-register.net) (48)
(WGAL 8) Interesting The state that executes more criminals than any other also records their final words. Among claims of innocence, genuine remorse and confused ramblings, you'll also find Sin-Cityesque gems like this "Lets do it man. Lock n Load"  (wgal.com) (133)
(Huffington Post) Obvious Mr. Ailes, did you hire Ms. Palin as a Fox News contributor because of her keen intellect and political savvy? "I hired Sarah Palin because she was hot and got ratings"  (huffingtonpost.com) (89)
(KCRA 3) Dumbass Pro-tip: If someone breaks into your property and steals several CDs filled with kiddy porn, perhaps you shouldn't report the theft to police  (kcra.com) (149)
(Baltimore Sun) Followup Hank Williams Jr. issues a heartfelt apology for his comments about the President. He wants to make it clear that this apology was not written by a publicist. Read it once and you will believe him  (baltimoresun.com) (389)
(SFGate) Ironic Israeli chemist wins Nobel prize for discovering "quasicrystals". A discovery that got him mocked by the scientific community and fired from his job when he announced it  (sfgate.com) (199)
(BBC) Interesting Prisoner serving life sentence given another life sentence for killing child murderer. 1UP  (bbc.co.uk) (160)
(Time) Dumbass Not to be outdone by BofA, Citi raises basic checking acct fee by 25% and now requires a $1,500 acct minimum to waive the fee. No fee for using a debit card, but we are just getting Wednesday started, aren't we?  (moneyland.time.com) (130)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this adventurous couple  (img0.liveinternet.ru) (42)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Scientists invent pill to erase memory of the Pickle Incident  (dailymail.co.uk) (99)
(Somerville Patch) Strange Drunk, shouting obscenities and assaulting a cop is no way to go through life, but it's great for terrorizing the nuns at the old folks' home  (somerville.patch.com) (5)
(Washington Post) Scary Roving armadillos could be heading for Washington D.C. SHUT. DOWN. EVERYTHING.  (washingtonpost.com) (67)
(Some Guy) Fail "Occupy Indianapolis" plans to protest and impede entry to business district...on Saturday. Guy Fawkes seen wandering around looking for someone to annoy  (indypolitics.org) (203)
(Some Pootie Poot) Followup Russian intelligence says their operatives don't have license to kill enemies of the state. "You don't need a license"  (en.ria.ru) (28)
(Slate) Interesting Who did we compare villains to before Hitler?  (slate.com) (110)
(Daily Mail) Amusing People in England offended by squirrel with large nuts. Farkers, not so much  (dailymail.co.uk) (38)
(The Consumerist) Fail Voting for the worst ad in America has begun. Voting enabled in thread so you can list the ads they missed  (consumerist.com) (448)
(Yahoo) Scary Yabba Dabba Bang Bang Bang  (news.yahoo.com) (52)
(Jacksonville.com) Florida If you come across cupcakes while walking in the woods, don't touch. IT'S A TRAP  (jacksonville.com) (52)
(Forbes) Scary Detroit is finally a #1 city  (forbes.com) (160)
(Some Guy) Strange CNN's Rowland Martin:"if you threaten my family [and] one of our lives is in danger, I'm doing all I can to kill you. No apologies.". Wow, he's really gotten cranky since Laugh-in was cancelled  (article.wn.com) (59)
(STV.tv) Stupid Cyclist who chained bike to iron gates fails to take into account cycling iron gate thieves  (news.stv.tv) (20)
(Short List) Weird There was a young man from St Kitts, who chopped lots of monkeys to bits. He fried them in oil, then bought them to boil, and now he has a bad case of the sh*ts  (shortlist.com) (30)
(Canberra Times) Strange Anybody who thinks their roommate is crazy doesn't have one that uses an arc welder to electrify the screen door or charge police officers with a sword when they arrive  (canberratimes.com.au) (43)
(JSOnline) Cool Milwaukee aldermen approve $1 million for Fark improvements. You'll get over it. What? Well it's too late now, I already made the headline  (jsonline.com) (19)
(BBC) Amusing Worlds hottest chilli eating contest leaves two in hospital, wiping butts with ice cream cones  (bbc.co.uk) (125)
(Daily Mail) PSA Teenagers, just ain't right in the head  (dailymail.co.uk) (67)
(Yahoo) Dumbass If you take 30 people scuba diving on your boat, don't bring 28 back  (news.yahoo.com) (99)
(UPI) Dumbass Motorist caught on highway drinking coffee, typing on laptop, using thumb drive  (upi.com) (46)
(Scientific American) Obvious Sewage, Lindsay Lohan's crotch, called "virus goldmines"  (scientificamerican.com) (15)
(Some Guy) Obvious Highlight of the Occupy Wall Street movement so far: Lotion Man  (jammiewearingfool.blogspot.com) (101)
(Short List) Weird Kim Jong-il's grandson found on Facebook. *Likes* Love Actually but thinks communism is "totes tarded"  (shortlist.com) (36)
(SLTrib) Dumbass Hikers in Utah's Mill Creek Canyon left speechless by lilac bush, holly bush, old man's bush  (sltrib.com) (11)
(CNN) Followup It's all fun and games until 20,000 union members show up  (cnn.com) (479)
(CNN) Interesting Samsung to file injunction against Apple to halt iPhone 4S sales. It's like a great big patent troll snake eating its patented tail. And subby's patented that saying  (us.cnn.com) (86)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Unlikely Chicago officials attempt to rein in gay pride: "Unless you're a hard-core drinker, most people don't drink at 10 o'clock in the morning." They've had gay pride parades before, right?  (suntimes.com) (83)
(Salon) Fail There's a time and a place for awful speeches. The eulogy at your grandfather's funeral should not be one of them  (salon.com) (32)
(Politico) Cool Warren Buffet challenges Rupert Murdoch on tax returns, limo race  (politico.com) (157)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Robbery defendant unable to return to his trial after lunch because he got arrested for robbing a jewelry store during the court's lunch break  (businessinsider.com) (14)
(Cyprus Mail) Spiffy You know what would solve a lot of problems simultaneously? A solar-powered energy plant that also desalinates water. Now THAT would...what? They just invented that? Badass  (cyprus-mail.com) (140)
(WTOP) Unlikely If I'm reading this headline correctly, tilapia is just like bacon  (wtop.com) (85)
(My Fox DC) Dumbass Former Chief of Staff to serve four months for planned attempt to stimulate the economy (w/ mugshot)  (myfoxdc.com) (22)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop Challenge: An Egg, A Leg, and Keg  (leggs.com) (18)
(CNN) Stupid CNN asks whether the media's obsession with stories involving pretty white girls, violence, and sex may have contributed to Amanda Knox's unfair treatment...by recounting four of its favorite such stories   (globalpublicsquare.blogs.cnn.com) (53)
(Some Guy) Followup Condoms are being rushed to flood victims in Thailand. What exactly were they flooded with anyway?  (perthnow.com.au) (42)
(Globe and Mail) Cool With the holidays coming, most Farkers are worried about family pestering them about why they aren't seeing anyone. But now, Fake Girlfriend is here to provide them the cover they need  (theglobeandmail.com) (47)
(USA Today) Stupid It turns out a woman does really need a man like a fish needs a bicycle  (yourlife.usatoday.com) (61)
(IOL) Fail Investigation finds that airliner could have landed just fine after one engine failed - if the pilot hadn't then switched off the one that still worked  (iol.co.za) (21)
(Wimp) Cool Seal pup wants to cuddle with photographer. Video is rated awww  (wimp.com) (70)
(Short List) Silly French schools ration ketchup to ensure kids stay French. Use of garlic to be increased by 1000%  (shortlist.com) (38)
(Coventry Telegraph) Dumbass Removal man finds live 2.2 lb WWII German incendiary bomb while clearing garage - "I didn't actually know what it was so I started shaking it". In related news, subby in Scary / Dumbass tag choice dilemma  (coventrytelegraph.net) (41)
(The Smoking Gun) Dumbass Teenage burglary suspect gets tripped up by his red boxer shorts after wearing his pants around his knees. (with mugshot badassness)  (thesmokinggun.com) (90)
(Daily Mail) Sick Need some money? Just shave your kid's head for two years and pretend he has cancer  (dailymail.co.uk) (34)
(CNN) Obvious New study finds that locking children in cages does not help them become well adjusted adults  (cnn.com) (47)
(Washington Post) Sad Everyone should set goals. This guy's goal was to cross six lanes of highway traffic during rush hour  (washingtonpost.com) (33)
(Lifehacker) Followup Fark is the internet's most popular news aggregator, ballot rigger  (lifehacker.com) (101)
(CTV) PSA High speed chase? Check. Crash in to the cops? Check. Half a pound of crystal meth in the vehicle? Check. Waiting in jail for 31 months for trial? Charges dismissed for delay of due process. Priceless  (ctvbc.ctv.ca) (42)
(The Age (Melbourne)) Scary "Duchess caught in topless photo scandal". Giggity  (theage.com.au) (114)
(Some Guy) Sick Not news: Student wears anti-gay bullying shirt. Still not news: Gets bullied for it. Fark: By principal  (aclu.org) (299)
(MSNBC) Fail "You just sold your newborn son for $15K. What are you gonna do next?" "I'm going to Disney World"  (msnbc.msn.com) (57)
(STLToday) Cool Anheuser-Busch to spend a billion dollars to make sure there's less water in their beer  (stltoday.com) (97)
(Statesman) Scary No rest for the weary. Bastrop County, Texas is on fire again  (statesman.com) (50)
(Life.com) Strange Slip these on, sugar. For real. Nothing sexier than a broad shuffling around in a pair of slippers, joined by a cord, polishing the floor with every step. Oh, yeah. Shuffle, baby. Shuffle good  (life.com) (35)
(Stamford Advocate) Asinine Teenager arrested after mom calls police because he refused to clean his room or put on his pants. Millions of teenagers put on earphones, listen to Seven Days Grace, and go "meh" as they do the same  (stamfordadvocate.com) (89)
(First Coast News) Florida Teen discovers transformers are more than meets the eye, not robots in disguise  (firstcoastnews.com) (48)

Tue October 04, 2011
(MSNBC) Obvious Airline passenger becomes distruptive and demands to be shot on learning the plane was headed to Detroit  (msnbc.msn.com) (49)
(Washington Post) Obvious Washington Post ranks the nation's ten best newspapers. Washington Post comes in second  (washingtonpost.com) (79)
(Some Guy) Scary Catskill man dead in car-pedestrian accident. Toonces wanted for questioning  (thedailymail.net) (31)
(Talking Points Memo) Interesting 12% of Americans blame Obama administration for U.S. economy's condition, 22% George W. Bush's administration, 16% blame Wall Street, while 15% say Congress. What do the missing 35% blame it on? (voting enabled)   (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com) (362)
(BBC) Cool France: "We kicked Libya's ass and we're coming for Syria next"  (bbc.co.uk) (140)
(Google) Sad Whale suffering from gunshot wound washes ashore in Jersey. Sadly, this has nothing to do with Snooki  (google.com) (74)
(Some Guy) Scary Woman accused of trying to poison husband with Mexican food. Lucky for him he did not eat the whole enchilada  (brownsvilleherald.com) (44)
(Denver Post) Scary As if you weren't already paranoid enough, now the delivery man might turn you in if you get high and order a pizza  (denverpost.com) (246)
(AP) Obvious One upside to the down economy: Drunken driving incidents have fallen 30 percent, because people can't afford to go out as much  (hosted.ap.org) (79)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this face painter  (spiegel.de) (26)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida County commission votes to stop fluoridating water after conservatives express concern about government medicating the public  (tampabay.com) (261)
(FARK) FarkBlog Doritos inventor dead of nachoral causes, Tropical Storm Ophelia to screw with hamlets, and DARPA funding to bang hot aliens: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 9/25 - 10/1  (fark.com) (12)
(The New York Times) Interesting Sesame Street to introduce new poverty-stricken muppet. I guess living in a garbage can just isn't poor enough on Sesame Street  (artsbeat.blogs.nytimes.com) (241)
(AL.com) Fail News: After inconveniencing tons of legal citizens, Alabama's tough new immigration law finally leads to the capture of a guy from Yemen, leading supporters to brag about how effective it is. Fark: He's legal  (blog.al.com) (175)
(UPI) Scary Chinese Communist Party newspaper, Global Times: Liquidate the Philippines and Vietnam for resources in the South China Sea  (upi.com) (285)
(PressConnects) Fail Reading Is Fundamental (even road signs)  (pressconnects.com) (87)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man baffled after discovering that an unsolicited offer for a free massage from a stranger on Facebook could somehow result in sexual assault  (ottawacitizen.com) (46)
(Some laker Guy) Amusing Store clerk's "my bad" nets customer $25M in lottery  (savannahnow.com) (77)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: Create an ad for an everyday product targeted at geeks  (fark.com) (23)
(Some Guy) Asinine Farmers: "We're going to lose our farms unless you amend this law you sponsored." Politician: "Too bad"  (montgomeryadvertiser.com) (719)
(Daily Mail) Hero Spearmint Rhino boss: Strip your way to a degree  (dailymail.co.uk) (100)
(Fox 59) Dumbass Arguing that drunk driving is only a violation if you hit someone? Yeah, that'll go over well with the cops  (fox59.com) (71)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Unlikely Many women aren't sure how to feel about their breasts, and instead they try not to think about them all  (suntimes.com) (593)
(Post Star) Dumbass Man busted for selling painkillers, excessive sweating (w/pic)  (poststar.com) (27)
(National Review) Interesting National Review recommends the Eurozone take the route Sweden used out of its financial crisis. You know, sensible, socialist Sweden  (nationalreview.com) (78)
(Some Florida website) Florida Protip: When you are released from jail, don't try to steal any cars in the jail parking lot while you are waiting for your ride  (wtsp.com) (13)
(ABC News) Amusing He's finally done it. He turned the White House gay  (abcnews.go.com) (93)
(Mother Jones) Interesting FBI interrogator broke an al Qaeda prisoner with pizza. Presumably that deep-dish, tomato-casserole monstrosity they call Chicago-style  (motherjones.com) (186)
(Gwinnett Daily Post) Amusing "A Cumming man has been sentenced to serve one year behind bars for peeping over women's bathroom stalls at the Suwanee public library". Well that makes sense  (gwinnettdailypost.com) (56)
(Washington Examiner) Scary Apparently as the dog came in the door he failed to mention the bear following him  (washingtonexaminer.com) (34)
(BusinessWeek) Obvious Once again, West Virginia drivers are the nation's most likely to prepare dinner by running it over  (businessweek.com) (28)
(Slate) Strange Women still panic about whether or not the number of sexual partners they've had is low  (slate.com) (519)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Wanna stay dry in Chicago? Stand under Marilyn Monroe's skirt  (dailymail.co.uk) (46)
(Abc.net.au) Obvious Police Commissioner presents figures showing 3% of population responsible for 61% of crime, unsuprisingly some people have a problem with this  (abc.net.au) (120)
(Stuff) Strange Body of man missing 14 days found in car in ravine next to man missing six days in other car in ravine  (stuff.co.nz) (38)
(Life.com) Cool Cape Cod 1948. Activationism. Grooviest cult ever  (life.com) (29)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Although it usually works on Scooby-Doo, in real life it's hard to escape the cops using a trap door. "Deputies spotted McDonald in the crawl space under the house but could not coax him out"  (nwfdailynews.com) (13)
(YouTube) Fail Occupy Wall Street speaker: You've got to think for yourselves. You're ALL individuals. Crowd: YES. WE'RE ALL INDIVIDUALS  (youtube.com) (299)
(CNN) Followup NJ Governor Chris Christie will not run for President, anything else  (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com) (151)
(Cleveland Plain Dealer) Scary Food labels may not tell you everything, like Peeps contain pork-derived gelatin. An you do not really want to know what Castoreum is  (cleveland.com) (75)
(Fox News) PSA Doing this daily could make you go blind. Don't worry men, it's not what you think  (foxnews.com) (13)
(LA Times) Sad Scientists say overfishing and climate change are to blame for a 90% drop in delicious mutated, ill-tempered sea bass  (latimes.com) (27)
(BBC) Fail Rescue search using boat and helicopter carried out after Jupiter mistaken for distress flare. Authorities excuse error, say they did not planet that way  (bbc.co.uk) (22)
(Short List) Hero 69-year-old man died doing what he loved: getting drunk, living on a small island and stalking the Queen of England  (shortlist.com) (12)
(NJ.com) Dumbass Jersey City man arrested for wearing only sunglasses and a meat cleaver  (nj.com) (14)
(Mirror.co.uk) Amusing Woman requests stripper for her 100th birthday  (mirror.co.uk) (17)
(My San Antonio) Strange Police stumped as to why woman would lie about being raped by amputee (with you'd hit it pic)  (mysanantonio.com) (88)
(International Business Times) Interesting First, scientists gave grandpa his boner back. Now, they're improving his ability to breakdance again  (au.ibtimes.com) (12)
(Short List) Fail "Amanda Knox: GUILTY." Daily Mail makes slight reporting boo-boo  (shortlist.com) (76)
(Nola.com) Fail Breaking News: 1899: Photographs debut in newspapers  (nola.com) (15)
(CNN) Spiffy Cowabunga, dude! Hawaii seeks to approve surfing as a high school sport  (cnn.com) (23)
(AsiaOne) Followup A former chain-smoking orangutan adapts to new home, gaining weight  (asiaone.com) (6)
(USA Today) Obvious USA Today explores how to avoid paying debit card fees. Next week: How to avoid eating liver, followed by an expose on how to avoid punching yourself in the face  (usatoday.com) (49)
(Come for the decapitation) Scary Bill Nelson's wife was perfect. Until she ate him. Coming to a parole board in fall 2011; in widespread release, Omaima Nelson, Maneater. "Nothing tastes as good as the man man I married. It's the sauce that does it"  (blogs.ocweekly.com) (55)
(Washington Post) Stupid A look at "peer benchmarking," the driving force behind CEO pay. Or, in simpler terms, "Performance doesn't matter when you're above average like everybody else"  (washingtonpost.com) (43)
(KGOR) Dumbass Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Interrupt a man's fishing with a military rescue operation and you might want to watch out for bullets  (kgor.com) (23)
(Some Guy) Obvious Scientists back new HGH test that goes back 21 days. Prediction: next year's Olympics the first time in two decades that no Olympic records are broken  (news.brisbanetimes.com.au) (34)
(Fox News) Obvious American and Russian scientists gather to hunt the Yeti, after which Scooby and those meddlesome kids will take off its mask, revealing it to be Pemba's sister Minga  (foxnews.com) (23)
(MSNBC) Scary If you took some time out of your drive down I-5 this morning to shoot at a patrol car, an ambulance, and two other vehicles, police would really, really like to talk to you  (msnbc.msn.com) (11)
(Some Guy) Strange Hard economic times are leading to an increase in the theft of hogs and dogs. Frogs and logs still safe investments  (wqad.com) (12)
(YouTube) Cool Bohemian Rhapsody sung by a flatbed scanner  (youtube.com) (44)
(FARK) Cool Is seeing little elves in your peripheral vision that laugh and dance normal? I'm on a conference call and they are distracting me again with their antics  (fark.com) (169)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Woman identifies her mother's body at the morgue, then goes home with it  (madamenoire.com) (19)
(The Newspaper) PSA Appeals court takes moot case -- the defendant already died -- just to set precedent that police can look at what's on your cell phone when they arrest you  (thenewspaper.com) (72)
(Chicago Tribune) Cool C.W. Marketing sent letters to people asking for them to test out new electronic gizmos like iPads, which they could keep. Apparently, the 100+ fugitives didn't know "CW" stood for Central Warrant and was a sting operation  (chicagotribune.com) (38)
(ABC News) Obvious Scientists discover that people who post drunken photos of themselves on Facebook may have real-life drinking problems. Wait till they find about my bunny fetish collection  (abcnews.go.com) (27)
(Lifehacker) Asinine Because you may still have 30 seconds of peace and quiet here or there, Congress prepares legislation allowing political asshats to robocall your cell phone  (lifehacker.com) (132)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: 5 minutes later. (Show us what happened after the in/famous image)  (farm1.static.flickr.com) (59)
(Some Guy) Dumbass "The victim said something like, 'well why don't you shoot me,' and he did.'' Alcohol was involved  (channel961.com) (9)
(Some Gal) Cool Farkette gamer chick wishes to raise awareness about the Extra Life charity event. Play Games. Heal Kids  (extra-life.org) (54)
(Chicago Tribune) Interesting Thousands of Chicagoans will now donate their body to science as soon as they're done voting  (chicagotribune.com) (5)
(Some Guy) Stupid Patent trolls start to sue anyone with a WiFi router, which makes subby think we should reward them with a Dick Cheney hunting trip  (patentexaminer.org) (100)
(The Local (Sweden)) Spiffy If you're ever in a Swedish prison, well, first off, lucky you, but second, be advised that it is permissible to have sex therein with a baby in the room  (thelocal.se) (28)
(Denver Post) Dumbass Asian student complains when freshman makes derogatory remarks about Asian cuisine. Freshman proceeds to beat Asian student. Was that Wong? Should I have not done that?  (denverpost.com) (95)
(CBS News) Strange L.A.'s Wall Street protesters find no press during takeover of City Hall. Fark: so now they're attention whoring the Michael Jackson trial  (cbsnews.com) (15)
(Some Guy) Florida "A 33-year-old man who claimed to be a mixed martial arts fighter was incapacitated by a shotgun after a fight with an internet prostitute"  (cbs12.com) (43)
(azfamily.com) Spiffy The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints sees Broadway's 'The Book of Mormon' and raises it one new PR campaign  (azfamily.com) (62)
(Daily Mail) Cool Forget pumpkins. You can carve skulls from other vegetables  (dailymail.co.uk) (21)
(Guardian) Cool Nepalese monastery in Kathmandu is teaching nunviolence  (guardian.co.uk) (12)
(USA Today) Scary More and more theme parks are having to re-engineer their rides to accommodate girthier riders  (travel.usatoday.com) (96)
(Some Guy) Sad "High school football player hit and killed by car honored at varsity game." It seems a bit odd to have a car honored at a varsity game  (lancaster-chester.wbtv.com) (35)
(NPR) Cool How two Nobel Prize medals in physics were saved from being seized by the Nazis. Here comes the ... alchemy?  (npr.org) (34)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If the cops have arrested two of your drinking buddies for fighting the bouncers but they haven't arrested you, don't make them change their mind by punching the sergeant in the nose  (kitsapsun.com) (4)
(BusinessWeek) Scary Contraceptive injections come with a little bonus the ads didn't mention  (businessweek.com) (62)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Old and busted: Occupy Wall Street. The new hotness: teh eeevil FARKING LEAF BLOWERZZZZZ OMGWTFBBQ  (sun-sentinel.com) (108)
(Chicago Tribune) Cool Texting while biking in Chicago will soon earn you a ticket, my car door in your face  (chicagotribune.com) (111)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Teenager who brought eleven bottles of gasoline to school and then stabbed a police officer while trying to steal his gun, shakes hands and makes up. "You're a hero even to me"  (tampabay.com) (40)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Elementary school bans restaurant deliveries for students. Baby Spicoli furious  (tampabay.com) (50)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Dumbass If you're trying to buy a pound of pot with three grand in fake bills, either make sure you're dialing the right number or at least check out what kind of car the guy is driving when he arrives  (startribune.com) (47)
(Yahoo) Scary Vladimir Putin wants to build new Soviet Union. Wait--scratch that. It's a "Eurasian Union." Totally different. Carry on  (ca.news.yahoo.com) (49)
(CNN) Interesting Now you know why downloading pr0n takes so long  (business.blogs.cnn.com) (81)
(Mother Nature Network) Hero October is American Cheese Month. How will you celebrate?  (mnn.com) (205)

Mon October 03, 2011
(CNN) Silly With no pretty white women in peril to monitor for now, CNN reports on what wine goes with meatloaf, Jell-O, tuna casserole, and mac-n-cheese  (eatocracy.cnn.com) (73)
(Oregon Live) Strange Remember: You're supposed to play dead if you're attacked by a bear, not a mule deer  (oregonlive.com) (80)
(Some Guy) Fail Fark shiatty editing headline of the day: "Farm Bureau estimates crap damage at $207 million"  (dc101.com) (66)
(Chicago Tribune) PSA Facebook postpones Timeline launch, says they haven't worked out the final kinks on getting all of your private information out to everyone  (chicagotribune.com) (70)
(Tembolat Gugkaev) Photoshop Photoshop this lamp storage thingy  (theluxhome.com) (35)
(Des Moines Register) Asinine Two performers cited for BOOBIES BOOBIES I SAW BOOBIES  (desmoinesregister.com) (188)
(CNN) Unlikely Defending the drone attack that killed Anwar al-Awlaki, Dick Cheney calls on Obama to apologize to Bush for criticizing his anti-terror tactics  (articles.cnn.com) (904)
(MSNBC) Scary Seven bodies dumped at bus stop in Mexico, reportedly did not have exact change  (msnbc.msn.com) (72)
(The New York Observer) Interesting We've switched the blathering idiots the media chooses to have people believe represent the Occupy Wall Street movement with an articulate individual. Let's see who notices  (observer.com) (513)
(Daily Mail) Sick There was a toddler forced to swallow a spider. That wriggled and jiggled and tickled insider her. She swallowed the spider to catch the fly. I don't know why she swallowed the fly, but the parents get jail time  (dailymail.co.uk) (81)
(Guardian) NewsFlash If you like crazy red heads and don't mind being killed during sex, Amanda Knox is officially available  (guardian.co.uk) (499)
(CBS News) News Massive chemical fire in Waxahachie, near Dallas. But if you're nearby, the explosions already tipped you off about it  (cbsnews.com) (109)
(Yahoo) Strange "We're sorry, the scientist to whom you are trying to award the Nobel Prize is dead. Please hang up and try again"  (news.yahoo.com) (86)
(Goal) Amusing Hoffenheim and Bayern Munich both fail to score for an entire game, unlike horny fans in the stands  (goal.com) (43)
(CNBC) Asinine Thailand employs an elite squad of computer technicians to make sure no one on the internet makes fun of stupid King Bhumibol Adulyadej, the biggest jerk in the universe  (cnbc.com) (225)
(USA Today) Stupid In its never-ending quest to reach the bottom of the well, the NFL is having Madonna perform at the Super Bowl halftime show  (content.usatoday.com) (306)
(USA Today) Stupid Okay, I'll get my child vaccinated, you needle-loving doctor man. But only if you let me use my extensive background in not knowing anything about medicine to devise my own alternative vaccination schedule  (yourlife.usatoday.com) (386)
(Pravda) Amusing Huge silicon breast saves woman from husband's knife  (english.pravda.ru) (59)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop this strange scene  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (24)
(Fox News) Spiffy Star soccer player kicks winning field goal after being crowned homecoming queen. (with you'd hit it too...in a couple months when she turns 18...pic)  (foxnews.com) (164)
(CNN) Followup South Carolina jumps Florida in the race to get all the derp dollars   (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com) (124)
(Toledo Blade) Spiffy Nothing builds character like your first job in high school. Making $300 to $600 an hour. Going to parties. Dancing. Pretending to be Justin Bieber. Yep, those were the days  (toledoblade.com) (54)
(NYPost) Dumbass Note to wealthy businessmen: Do not cheat on your Playboy covergirl girlfriend after giving her a blank check, she might just cash it  (nypost.com) (82)
(Yahoo) Obvious In a last ditch attempt to be taken seriously, Occupy Wall Street (TM) protestors are now dressing up as zombies. Yeah, this is totally not just a hipster party  (news.yahoo.com) (433)
(Daily Mail) Stupid Unconfirmed reports state New York psychiatrist Dr. Quazi Rahman earned $515,700 overtime in a year - by working 110 hours a week and double-charging schizophreniacs  (dailymail.co.uk) (96)
(The Sun) Sick It takes an awful lot of guts to pull off what these inmates did  (thesun.co.uk) (216)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop this dirt digger  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (18)
(YouTube) Strange Russian speed metal band is too good not to take their act on the road  (youtube.com) (78)
(Life.com) Obvious Arguably the most efficient method of political sabotage available to the marginalized, the willful appropriation and subversion of the dominant culture's language is nothing less than a revolu ... whoa, nice rack (Not safe for work-ish)  (life.com) (387)
(The Sun) Scary Man rips out own eyes in church. The Sun is there, but he can't see it  (thesun.co.uk) (154)
(Some Guy) Strange When escaping from the back of a police car remember, it's leave the handcuffs, take your ID; not leave your ID, take the handcuffs  (chicago.cbslocal.com) (22)
(SMH) Scary "Kill Gramps for his Loot" is the game the whole family can play  (smh.com.au) (57)

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