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Sun November 06, 2011
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Salon) Interesting How mankind evolved into a race of deceitful liars. I question the veracity of this study  (salon.com) (87)
(BBC) Strange Not news: Man trapped in train crash. Fark: A model train in his back garden  (bbc.co.uk) (39)
(Kansas.com) PSA Modern houses go up in flames faster. Sleep tight  (kansas.com) (87)
(Detroit Free Press) Fail Man sideswipes a cop car at 1:49 AM, blows a .346 on the breathalyzer. As a bonus, he had three young children in the car with him  (freep.com) (40)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Scary Man stabs woman multiple times over Halloween candy. He was *not* a jolly rancher  (suntimes.com) (40)
(Thailand) Photoshop Photoshop this boy with a broom   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (37)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida "They dragged me out of the car, threw me on the ground, and treated me like a criminal." That will tend to happen when you fall asleep in a stranger's pickup truck  (tampabay.com) (48)
(NYPost) Strange One of New York City's best known graffiti vandals also had a side gig when he wasn't out spray-painting everything; he's a retired NYPD cop  (nypost.com) (54)
(FARK) Spiffy Subby just ate a McRib.Yes, we know they're made of cigarette butts and toxic waste and the sauce is made of unicorn blood and the tears of orphans and they cook it by lighting Lucifer's flatulence on fire. But darn it -- it's tasty  (fark.com) (458)
(Daily Mail) Stupid Women forced to 'dumb down' to find a man to marry. You submitted this with a stupider headline  (dailymail.co.uk) (556)
(BBC) Followup 34-car crash may have been caused by nearby firework display, says Chief Constable Anthony Bangham. Claim backed up by Inspector Wwwwwwooooosh and Sergeant Ffffffsssshhhhh-BOOM  (bbc.co.uk) (38)
(Some DOT Guys) Photoshop Photoshop this snapped signal   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (22)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Spiffy Arrests of illegal immigrants down 43% on Arizona border, a significant drop that indicates the Arizona illegal immigration law is working  (suntimes.com) (191)
(Buzzfeed) Weird Meanwhile, in Russia... (w/ WTF pics)  (buzzfeed.com) (229)
(Some Guy) Interesting Hey Canada: When you wake up next spring, we'll have moved military equipment closer to the border. You need not worry about a thing. . . (snicker)  (kirotv.com) (83)
(Daily Mail) Stupid Eight inches makes it tough to walk, though subby's never had a problem with it  (dailymail.co.uk) (92)
(Komo) Sad Actual Headline: Man dead, wife critically injured in Humptulips attack. Is Humptulips another way to say "Snoo Snoo"?  (komonews.com) (72)
(Huffington Post) Unlikely Herman Cain states that he refuses to answer any more sexual harassment questions. Well that should do it  (huffingtonpost.com) (234)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Woman who had her first child at age 57 thanks to in vitro fertilization now realizes she made a huge mistake  (dailymail.co.uk) (282)
(SeattlePI) Interesting Some think the tail of the new Boeing 787 makes the ass look out of proportion with the rest of the jet (w/ gratuitous ass-shot photo)  (blog.seattlepi.com) (239)
(Daily Mail) Asinine High school student suspended three days for wearing eye shadow, told there will be no make-up  (dailymail.co.uk) (114)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Beware the "quadraboob." (With pics. And a short video. That's always fun)  (dailymail.co.uk) (170)
(Bangor Daily News) Spiffy Whale adoption urged as Christmas present. I'm going to need a bigger aquarium  (bangordailynews.com) (31)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Fark cliches invade other forms of media  (fark.com) (45)
(Salon) Ironic Not ironic  (salon.com) (80)
(AP) Obvious Six days without power, and people are starting to get pissed. For some damned reason AP thinks this is news  (hosted.ap.org) (154)
(CNN) Cool No matter how hard you try you won't be able to achieve this level of badassery  (religion.blogs.cnn.com) (64)
(Atlanta Journal Constitution) Interesting Five nerds charged in candy stealing spree. They thought they could make a fast break, but police are reserving a special dark place for them in jail  (ajc.com) (36)
(ksbw.com) Scary I'll *pop* kill you *pop* you bastard *pop*  (ksbw.com) (80)
(Telegram) Interesting 140 years ago a stand-up comic bombed in Worcester. You may have heard of him  (telegram.com) (80)
(Beatcalls) Dumbass If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer  (beatcalls.com) (43)
(New York Daily News) Scary UN atomic agency to reveal proof of Iranian nuclear warhead work. EVERYBODY PANIC IN A STRONGLY WORDED LETTER  (nydailynews.com) (141)
(USGS) News ♪ ♫ "Oooooklahoma where the quakes come sweeping down the Plain" ♪ ♫  (earthquake.usgs.gov) (222)
(MSNBC) Strange 84-year-old man dies in hunting accident. You know, by catching fire and falling off the tree stand  (msnbc.msn.com) (44)
(Houston Chronicle) Weird Elderly woman charged in connection with "purple drank" ring, bootleg Matlock DVD manufacturers  (chron.com) (35)
(NYPost) Spiffy How rich is New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg? This year alone he spent $5.64 million on a personal public image campaign and he's not even running for office  (nypost.com) (41)
(CBC) Hero Woman rescued from burning house by a complete stranger who stumbled upon fire after taking a wrong turn  (cbc.ca) (42)
(New York Daily News) Scary 26-vehicle crash turns England into a Michael Bay movie  (nydailynews.com) (67)
(Detroit News) Hero Rescue workers save 45 Chinese miners from cave-in. YOU HERE THIRTY-SIX HOUR. YOU GO NOW  (detnews.com) (52)
(Sign On San Diego) Spiffy Can't decide if you want a cocktail, beer, or champagne? These guys have just the thing for you  (signonsandiego.com) (50)

Sat November 05, 2011
(The Sun) Obvious Really cheap people recycle tea bags three times over. The Sun is there  (thesun.co.uk) (168)
(The Times of India) Stupid Who throws a shoe at Pakistan president Pervez Musharraf? Honestly   (timesofindia.indiatimes.com) (80)
(News.com.au) Florida Inmate returns after being released early. There. That was easy  (news.com.au) (33)
(The Sun News) Amusing Three prostitutes arrested, two of them were charging $250 and one only wanted a beer in exchange for sex. Guess which one wanted the beer (mugshots in link)  (thesunnews.com) (152)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop this television tune in  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (36)
(MSNBC) Interesting Study finds most people have a bunch of facebook friends but only two pals that are really close to you  (vitals.msnbc.msn.com) (159)
(Some Guy) Interesting Not news: Underground fire in an old abandoned mine proves difficult to extinguish Holy Fark: It's been burning for 70 years  (ksl.com) (84)
(Boston.com) Sappy Ugly-ass baby gorilla celebrates 1st birthday at Franklin Park Zoo  (boston.com) (10)
(LA Times) Sick 22-year-old man arrested for taking thousands of upskirt photos. It's a real shame, too, the guy's a crack photographer   (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (268)
(Daily Mail) Photoshop Photoshop this pint-sized percher  (i.dailymail.co.uk) (40)
(9 News) Scary Where's Waldo? Grabbing a bartender by the genitals and kicking him in the groin, that's where  (9news.com) (54)
(Yahoo) Scary Oakland Police put another Vet into intensive care  (news.yahoo.com) (618)
(Roanoke Times) Dumbass Not news: Salem High School marching band flawlessly executes halftime show with artistry and precision. Fark: with an escaped, mostly-nekkid Noid of some kind running amuck among them carrying a stolen flag  (roanoke.com) (46)
(KTLA) PSA Before you try to rob the store make sure there aren't any martial arts experts right behind you  (ktla.com) (74)
(Chicago Tribune) PSA Why wearing a cape won't make you a badass. Ah Ah Ah  (chicagotribune.com) (84)
(wlwt.com) Scary Ain't no party like a North College Hill party 'cause a North College Hill party don't stop until a woman attacks her boyfriend and the host with a beer stein  (wlwt.com) (28)
(Scientific American) Obvious Why daylight savings time should be abolished: It cuts into my drinking time  (blogs.scientificamerican.com) (185)
(Daily Kos) Strange Loudoun County Republicans: "Thank a Soviet veteran, because the Democrats won't." Wait, what?  (dailykos.com) (221)
(Some Guy) Strange South Korean school teaches eight-year-old girls the art of being a bride-to-be. TLC seen rapidly trying to develop it into a reality show  (asiaone.com) (61)
(wpsd) Dumbass Today's cute high school Spanish teacher arrested for sexual contact with student is brought to you by Graves County, Kentucky  (wpsdlocal6.com) (149)
(WWSB ABC 7) Florida The key to stealing items to sell for scrap metal is to remain inconspicuous. Stealing a parade float does not fit this criteria  (mysuncoast.com) (24)
(Daily Mail) Photoshop Photoshop this bountiful display  (i.dailymail.co.uk) (30)
(Foreign Policy) Interesting Most people don't ride their motorcycle through Western Syria in the middle of an uprising. But most people aren't this dude  (foreignpolicy.com) (34)
(CBS News) NewsFlash You know what I really hate? Dying  (cbsnews.com) (309)
(Mother Nature Network) Interesting And you thought Rod Stewart and Barry Manilow were fossils  (mnn.com) (25)
(3 News New Zealand) Caturday Two tiny leopard kittens, who were rescued after being abandoned by their mother during the flooding in Cambodia, have made a full recovery just in time for Caturday  (3news.co.nz) (798)
(Canoe) Scary Paper covers rock. Rock breaks scissors. Scissors stab neck  (cnews.canoe.ca) (23)
(Toronto Star) Amusing Gay penguins. Consider that in your mind for a few moments...Gay. Penguins. Is it the Apocalypse? No, but it's close  (thestar.com) (207)
(Mother Nature Network) Cool A beehive for hipsters. "It kind of looks like something that Lt. Ellen Ripley would have set fire to with a blow torch"  (mnn.com) (71)
(Daily Mail) Sick Seven year old girl forced to work as nightclub dancer to support her disabled parents  (dailymail.co.uk) (169)
(Connecticut Post) Scary If there's a bad place for your boat to capsize, it's I-95  (ctpost.com) (26)
(LA Times) Fail After recent privacy breaches, UCLA Medical Center tightened security. Except for a doctor taking home all the patient data. But don't worry, it was on an encrypted hard drive. With the password written on a piece of paper right next to it  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (59)
(Some Guy) Followup Remember that restaurant that banned kids? Out of business. Just kidding. Business is up twenty percent  (wtae.com) (209)
(Some Guy) Asinine Army general calls for changing name of PTSD to PTSI. What's in a name? That which we call a disorder by any other name would feel as horrible  (pbs.org) (165)
(AZCentral) Silly Since there were no unattended packages to freak out over, emergency units rush to the scene of a popping light bulb  (azcentral.com) (19)
(The Raw Story) Florida Teens suspended for hugging at school. Baseball and football coaches still allowed "good hustle" pats of encouragement  (rawstory.com) (73)
(CNBC) Amusing East Coast reporter takes advantage of offer to ship two In-N-Out burgers to anywhere in the U.S. overnight, finds out the food isn't worth the $56 he spent. "Reheat and consume at your own risk"  (cnbc.com) (216)
(Wired) Scary While most countries store their nuclear weapons in a well-fortified bunker, Pakistan stores their nuclear weapons in a van down by the river  (wired.com) (115)

Fri November 04, 2011
(LA Times) PSA Dumbest man on planet to fly lawnchair over Baghdad, lifted by hundreds of balloons. I guess that's one way to get in some target practice  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (46)
(Toronto Star) Sick What would you do for an ice cream bar?  (thestar.com) (74)
(NJ.com) PSA People, for the last time: Portable gas-powered generators are for EXTERNAL USE ONLY  (nj.com) (75)
(MSN) Photoshop Photoshop this five-pound burger  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (31)
(Slate) Sad USDA: We should make school lunches healthier, How about less french fries, pizza and salt. US Congress: Whoa there, Slim Goodbody  (slate.com) (330)
(Canoe) Scary Why are 2,000 hikers trapped near Mount Everest? Because it's there  (cnews.canoe.ca) (70)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Don't look so surprised. It's just this week's Mugshot Roundup  (thesmokinggun.com) (157)
(WFTV) Florida Plumber finds $40,000 in air duct, and returns the entire $20,000  (wftv.com) (74)
(Washington Post) Sad College students rely on Yahoo Answers for research, which explains why so many term papers address "How is babby formed?"  (washingtonpost.com) (213)
(CNN) Sad Less than a week after throwing out the first ball at Game 7 of the World Series, former Cardinal great Bob Forsch dies at age 61  (sportsillustrated.cnn.com) (22)
(Some Guy) Cool "And the winner of the $2 million lottery is... Barry, the sports anchor. Barry?"  (pnyr.big1059.com) (166)
(Yahoo) Amusing Remember, remember, the high-budget Hollywood production loosely related to an event that the British government used to keep its population in line  (news.yahoo.com) (213)
(MSNBC) Cool Wounded elephant gets prosthetic foot and is walking again. Includes video of ugly ass elephant gimp  (worldblog.msnbc.msn.com) (20)
(Detroit News) Dumbass MSW pretends to be MD for at least eight years, ordering treatments and testifying for a county court the whole time  (detnews.com) (37)
(MLive.com) Asinine When cops find missing man, he was so cold that he could no longer walk. So they cite him for trespassing because he collapsed on private property  (mlive.com) (79)
(Wikipedia) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Say it with numbers  (en.wikipedia.org) (47)
(BBC) Sick "He is believed to have dug up the remains of young women at various cemeteries and put dresses on them"  (bbc.co.uk) (94)
(Kansas City) Amusing Bad idea: hiring actors to play "Taliban" giving up their arms, to impress the U.S. ambassador. Fark: forgetting to tell U.S. security  (kansascity.com) (13)
(Some Puzzled Guy) Strange "Very powerful" unknown force crushes a whole block full of cars in Washington DC. Nobody heard anything and the police don't know anything about it  (wusa9.com) (243)
(Canada.com) Sad Police release graphic, bloody photo of dead teen from before she was attacked  (canada.com) (92)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Everything went downhill when she asked the cop to arrest her mailbox  (sun-sentinel.com) (41)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man who stole checks at interview doesn't get the job, but does get 3-6 years in prison  (journalstar.com) (43)
(ABC) Cool MF Global CEO hires criminal defense attorney because of all those pesky unnecessary criminal laws. He just needs government off of his back  (abcnews.go.com) (90)
(Washington Post) Spiffy People still like looking at their clocks in public  (washingtonpost.com) (110)
(Syracuse) Amusing Every cop in New York State responds to truck crash on I-81  (syracuse.com) (56)
(Times Union) Followup "We care about this [roidraging crackhead]" That's why we tazed him to death  (timesunion.com) (142)
(USA Today) Sad Cruise ship docks with two dead passengers. Rule 34 shows up in the strangest places  (usatoday.com) (56)
(The Register) Cool Bill Gates to spend $1 million to have an astrophysicist develop a mosquito barrier made out of frickin' laser beams  (theregister.co.uk) (145)
(The New York Times) Misc Yay: Unemployment rate dropped in October. Meh: to 9.0%  (nytimes.com) (168)
(Some Guy) Amusing "Let's play Cowboys and Iranians" poster at restaurant causing a bit of a stir  (abclocal.go.com) (193)
(Team Coco) Video Triumph the Insult Comic Dog visits OWS, with predictable results  (teamcoco.com) (98)
(Telegraph) Amusing Before and after meth addi...er, jogger pictures  (telegraph.co.uk) (80)
(Chicago Tribune) Ironic Car crashes into an auto repair shop  (chicagotribune.com) (17)
(WSBT) Obvious South Bend was occupied. Until it wasn't. Nobody wants to sleep outside in South Bend  (wsbt.com) (24)
(Some FB Guy) Scary Your drunken rants on Facebook may soon start showing up in Google searches for all to mock  (losangeles.cbslocal.com) (58)
(Short List) Weird "The steak, sir. Very good sir. And how would sir like his cow killed? Traditional slaughterhouse or surprise attack, sir?"  (shortlist.com) (53)
(Scientific American) Hero Meet Allison, creator of the Jenny McCarthy Is An Ignorant Biatch foundation  (scientificamerican.com) (261)
(The Smoking Gun) Misc Friday Fun Photo Match Game: Match mugshot to weapon of choice (macaroni, golf club, bullwhip, candle, or onion)  (thesmokinggun.com) (15)
(FARK) Survey It's Friday, so it's time for this week's episode of the Fark Weird News Quiz to make you feel bad about yourself  (fark.com) (42)
(WFTV) Florida Disgruntled customer fills bank tube with urine, forgets deposit slip  (wftv.com) (62)
(11 Alive) Fail Like three of those useless fat red birds, a trio of burglars tries and fails to break into Apple store  (alpharetta.11alive.com) (51)
(My Fox DC) Sick An engaged couple, expecting their first child, have found out they are actually brother and sister. Relax West Virginia...not this time  (myfoxdc.com) (157)
(CBS 46 Atlanta) Dumbass Authorities match up sex offender's ankle monitor GPS coordinates and the location of three reports of indecent exposure, consider also charging him with assault for giving his lawyer a migrane  (cbsatlanta.com) (8)
(The New York Times) Scary The one percent has its own 99 percent  (nytimes.com) (513)
(Some Guy) Amusing Norway's claim to fame: Bronze statues of men fighting babies (warning: some nudity--mostly penises)  (awesome-robo.com) (34)
(Some Guy) Florida If the cops are going to raid a strip joint, you would think they would have the man-to-man courtesy and let a customer finish getting his lap dance before breaking down the door  (newsherald.com) (22)
(USA Today) Followup Judge that savagely beat his daughter says she's trying to get back at her for taking away her Mercedes. Oh, and the District Attorney refuses to prosecute him  (usatoday.com) (744)
(New York Daily News) Asinine 15% of Americans hate Jews. Other 85% afraid of upsetting their masters  (nydailynews.com) (292)
(Great Falls Tribune) Scary High school geology field trip suddenly turns into very real Hamlet graveyard soliloquy lesson  (greatfallstribune.com) (21)
(Mother Nature Network) Interesting Russian officials are about to open up the hatch to a windowless cell that's been sealed for 520-days as part of a simulaton to Mars. How much you wanna bet all they find the crew all dead and a slug-like alien crawling around inside?  (mnn.com) (76)
(CNN) Hero Texas Man: I'll go forward with OpCartel. I'm a member of Anon. Followup story on Texas man's brutal murder in 3.... 2.... 1  (cnn.com) (122)
(My Fox NY) Stupid When surveyed, 10% of respondents admit when changing between Standard Time and Daylight Savings Time, they turn clocks the wrong way  (myfoxny.com) (108)
(WSB TV) Asinine That's weird. My seizure medicine doesn't look the same as it usually does. Do you think it's jqnlwjkt1e;hqbine2 qawuhnqi82wbqnjf  (wsbtv.com) (98)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Hard boiled detectives scramble to crack the case of who egged a neighborhood. There are a dozen suspects  (nwfdailynews.com) (34)
(CBS News) Stupid Skinny is the newest buzz word, which is good cause I had never heard it before  (cbsnews.com) (54)
(Chicago Tribune) Followup It's one thing to stab a 14-year-old to death while robbing her house, but you get a special seat in hell for taunting her family with texts from her cell phone  (chicagotribune.com) (95)
(USA Today) Interesting Obama tops Forbes' list of world's most powerful people, narrowly edging out Ryan Seacrest  (content.usatoday.com) (17)
(My Fox DC) Strange If you can't throw a naked prostitute out of your hotel window while arguing over the price of sex any more - what in the hell can you do?  (myfoxdc.com) (53)
(CNN) Scary TSA screeners say they usually find four or five guns in airport luggage on a typical day, Cincinnati Bengals road game  (articles.cnn.com) (100)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Scary I've always been afraid of clowns. Here is the reason why. Oh, and it's a gun-toting clown for extra-scary goodness  (news.cincinnati.com) (44)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this classic spark plug ad  (farm1.static.flickr.com) (26)
(Slate) Silly The National Restaurant Association hasn't realized that NRA belongs to another, even more gun-happy fringe group. This and other abbreviations that are shared by two very different groups  (slate.com) (74)
(Quad City Times) Obvious "Man tries to pay old traffic ticket in pennies". If you've been on Fark for more than a week, you know why it's "tries" and not "succeeds"  (qctimes.com) (83)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen) Dumbass Wife suspects her husband of cheating, so she drives to his workplace and finds him talking to a strange woman. Then she punches him in the face, tears off his shirt, hits him with a rubber hose, and runs him down with her car  (press-citizen.com) (73)
(Some Guy) Obvious Secret Service: Watch Out For 'Black Money' Scam. Also, Mr. Rogers wasn't a Marine sniper. And that email from Nigeria? Yeah. Delete that  (wmur.com) (41)
(Some Congregant) Asinine Wife of bankrupt megachurch founder asks congregants to drop off food--not at her house but at the church, where the limo driver will pick it up  (ocregister.com) (241)
(USA Today) Amusing The Atheist Ten Commandments  (usatoday.com) (409)
(Salon) Spiffy Why cheating turns us on  (salon.com) (280)
(Telegraph) Scary French satirical magazine goes where South Park feared to tread, proudly announces the Prophet Muhammad would be editor-in-chief of this week's issue. Molotovarity ensues  (telegraph.co.uk) (189)
(CBC) Dumbass Canadian politician tells joke about calling a suicide hotline whose call center was in Pakistan, saying they asked him if he could drive a truck. Apparently, some people have a problem with this  (cbc.ca) (114)
(Mirror.co.uk) Unlikely A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away a Star Wars fan killed his smoking hot Asian wife for smashing up his toy collection  (mirror.co.uk) (314)
(MSNBC) Stupid More family photos with pets. With lots of 'awkward' for future trauma, embarrassment, and FUN  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (101)

Thu November 03, 2011
(Fox News) Obvious Juan Moore Man Avoids Jail by Faking Illegal Immigrant Status  (foxnews.com) (56)
(Toledo Blade) Dumbass News: Mother forgets son at Chuck-E-Cheese. Fark: Man finds kid walking eight miles from his home, and returns him. Ultra Fark: Man is city mayor  (toledoblade.com) (57)
(The Nation) Dumbass Okay, sympathetic to OWS or not, can we agree that quitting a job and borrowing $35k to get an MFA in puppetry at UConn was a bad career move?  (thenation.com) (513)
(Some Artist) Photoshop Photoshop this standing art   (postmediaottawacitizen.files.wordpress.com) (33)
(Mirror.co.uk) Dumbass Her husband secretly fed her steroids to 'fatten her up' and make her stay at home. When she found out about it, in her HULK fueled rage, she beat him into a pulp  (mirror.co.uk) (89)
(AP) Florida Heavy October rains raise the dead. We all float down here  (hosted.ap.org) (58)
(New York Daily News) Strange Cops turn to Facebook to bust a machete-wielding madman who attacked two in a chicken shack  (nydailynews.com) (35)
(Boing Boing) Fail Twin Rivers police stops selling T-shirt showing child behind bars along with "U Raise 'Em, We Cage 'Em" text. Subby is offended: "tase" would have been a much better rhyme than "cage"  (boingboing.net) (120)
(BBC) Misc It's easy to make jokes about English food, but it turns out it's not so bad after all. Well, not compared to Scottish and Welsh food anyway  (bbc.co.uk) (126)
(AL.com) Dumbass It's never a good idea to use your Facebook status update to threaten blow up the police department, but it's an especially bad idea if you also collect child pornography  (mobile.al.com) (78)
(Some Overzealous Cleaner) Dumbass Cleaning tip: Before cleaning up a puddle on a museum floor, make sure it isn't a $1.1 million art installation   (acn.liveauctioneers.com) (237)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop this McFlood  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (31)
(UPI) Interesting Riot police: "What's the matter, Kiev protesters? CHICKEN?"  (upi.com) (30)
(CTNow) Sad 92-year-old veteran stands at attention and addresses the Snowpocalypse power crisis: "All I'm saying is the system is wrong. They should have a priority list. There are people out there worse than me"  (ctnow.com) (56)
(NJ.com) Amusing "Did you steal a cell phone?" "No." *rrrrring* "Yes"  (nj.com) (22)
(WLSAM) Scary Listeria outbreak in cantaloupes has become the greatest American melon tragedy since Gallagher  (wlsam.com) (86)
(Huffington Post) Scary Cliff near Wisconsin power plant collapses, depositing frothy slurry of coal ash--a hearty blend of selenium, lead, mercury and arsenic--into the cool blue waters of Lake Michigan. Drink up, folks  (huffingtonpost.com) (170)
(Some Guy) Interesting You should freeze your jeans because of global warming. Wait, what?  (610wiod.com) (123)
(9 News) Dumbass Hey, wait a minute, this is clearly an iPab  (9news.com) (65)
(MSNBC) Dumbass Not news: Unhappy with wedding pictures, man sues photographer. News: Six years later. Fark.com: He wants to recreate the images 6 years later, after he's already divorced, and after his wife has moved to Latvia  (msnbc.msn.com) (117)
(Daily Mail) Asinine World's first 'halal whisky' made without alcohol goes on sale in time for party season. To halal with that  (dailymail.co.uk) (102)
(Cracked) Interesting Five backup plans that would have changed modern history  (cracked.com) (106)
(KSTU FOX 13) Scary Fourth rattlesnake found in university building. Administration officials hope to scale back snake enrollment  (fox13now.com) (41)
(cfnews13.com) Florida Ex-Daytona Beach commissioner sues over bathroom sex sting. He doesn't have a very wide stance to operate from  (cfnews13.com) (27)
(Buzzfeed) Weird Ladies and gentlemen of Fark, I present the Ketchup Fountain  (buzzfeed.com) (82)
(Mirror.co.uk) Scary Justin Beiber on Twitter: "I did not lose my virginity to a random 20-year-old fan and get her pregnant after a 30 second sex romp backstage." Justin Beiber to girl's lawyer: "I plead the fifth"  (mirror.co.uk) (291)
(Some Guy) Scary Tandar Monkeys are this year's Furbies, only creepier. Yes, they're creepier than Furbies  (entertainmentearth.com) (66)
(MSNBC) Interesting Amtrak increases age for unaccompanied minors from 8 to 13. Tests confirm it was too difficult for 8 year-olds to climb out of a train when it is on fire and lying on its side  (overheadbin.msnbc.msn.com) (56)
(Mother Nature Network) Obvious New study reveals that if your wife doesn't take your last name after marrying you, it's not because she's a feminist. She just doesn't like your last name  (mnn.com) (211)
(ESPN) Obvious Dammit Tebow, stop being such a good sport  (espn.go.com) (216)
(CNBC) Unlikely The Dow could reach 100,000 in 20 years, according to an author that just discovered crack cocaine, angel dust, and probably some peyote thrown in for good measure  (cnbc.com) (113)
(Some Balti-moran) Hero Vietnam vet shows would-be robber of liquor store what happens when you bring a knife to a gun fight. Fark: the vet's pet parrot was on his shoulder the entire time  (perryhall.patch.com) (106)
(Some Guy) Interesting Pharmacies report shortage of Adderall. You submitted this with a better-HEY LOOK A BUNNY  (wtkr.com) (102)
(SFGate) Stupid Just because they weren't pissed enough already, "Mercedes hits 2 Occupy Oakland protesters." That is going to RUIN the paint job  (sfgate.com) (489)
(io9) Interesting What do ancient penis decorations say about us? So glad you asked  (io9.com) (71)
(Boston.com) Stupid Facing outrage over $360,000 pay to run housing project for families making $20,000, director resigns to collect $278,842 pension  (boston.com) (54)
(Stuff.co.nz) Dumbass No seriously, I was just talking into my sunglasses case. I'm, um crazy  (stuff.co.nz) (31)
(Kickstarter) Plug Old-school Farker is launching a Kickstarter campaign for a new game. Come check it out; if you like it you could help a fellow Farker out  (kickstarter.com) (75)
(Slate) PSA What Occupy Wall Street can learn from The Great Rail Strike of 1877. Hopefully, it involves better grooming and body care  (slate.com) (48)
(UPI) Interesting Researchers find the wider the range of bacteria babies are exposed to, the less likely they will develop allergies -- suggest diets supplemented with dirt  (upi.com) (91)
(Some Guy) Interesting New GPS device alerts domestic violence victims that it's time to start making some damn sandwiches again  (newyork.cbslocal.com) (45)
(Bay Citizen) Hero "The protest is good. The economy is bad for everyone. And I have ladies on my truck" Isn't it great seeing protestors and longshoremen getting along?  (baycitizen.org) (62)
(Huffington Post) Interesting 66% opposed forgiveness of student loans. Slideshow goodness of students and the cost of majoring in holistic interpretive dance  (huffingtonpost.com) (359)
(Hungry Shooter) Amusing Fark ready headline: "Man Bites Man, Gunfire Follows"  (wowt.com) (15)
(The Consumerist) Stupid Stores take early merchandising of Christmas to the next level with the rolling out of belated Xmas cards just after Halloween  (consumerist.com) (71)
(Life.com) Weird You know who else was the target of a voodoo ritual in a lonely cabin in the Maryland woods in 1941?  (life.com) (50)
(Some Guy) Scary Hello. Onstar? Yeah, my stabby guy hiding in the back seat just deployed  (wtae.com) (33)
(Canoe) Stupid School cancels Remembrance Day events because the Veterans attending have been bringing along non-functioning replicas of the guns they used to fight for the freedom to cancel Remembrance Day activities  (cnews.canoe.ca) (70)
(Daily Mail) Photoshop Photoshop the Queen holding a football  (i.dailymail.co.uk) (58)
(WWSB ABC 7) Florida If PETA doesn't stand up for the mullet, who will?  (mysuncoast.com) (96)
(Mother Nature Network) Scary Remember when the TSA rolled out those nude x-ray machines and glossed over cancer concerns? Yeah, about that  (mnn.com) (163)
(Talking Points Memo) Sad Four Georgia senior citizens arrested for plotting to attack Americans with a bio-weapon, wearing unlicensed onions on their belts   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (120)
(CNN) Followup Condi Rice says Gadhafi's crush on her was "weird and a bit creepy." So that's one thing you have in common with a deceased African dictator  (cnn.com) (41)
(Some Guy) Hero Laid-off park ranger goes for run in park, finds missing two-year-old  (duluthnewstribune.com) (60)
(Fox Business) Followup Remember Greece, when Griff asks you if you are in or out TELL HIM YOU ARE OUT  (foxbusiness.com) (70)
(BBC) Followup Greek PM resignation imminent. The pic says it all  (bbc.co.uk) (95)
(Huffington Post) Interesting The 10 colleges that will help on the way to alcoholism quicker  (huffingtonpost.com) (104)
(SFGate) Dumbass Surfer in trouble for "riding" a deep-sea turtle. With pic goodness  (blog.sfgate.com) (105)
(Nola.com) Dumbass Pop quiz: If a photo on Facebook shows 12 hunters posing with 64 blue-winged teal ducks, but the limit is four teal ducks per hunter, how many days in jail are they looking at?  (nola.com) (96)
(CTV) Interesting Colgate's electric toothbrush is the bomb  (ctv.ca) (33)
(NBC San Diego) Obvious Five trapped in secret 500 foot border tunnel filled with raw sewage because of US border fence. Ain't that the sh*t  (nbcsandiego.com) (115)
(CNNGo) Sick Disturbingly popular trend in China has couples wearing matching outfits wherever they go. As if China hasn't already manufactured enough products that make you sick  (cnngo.com) (116)
(CBC) Obvious Man leads Canadian cops in five-hour pursuit where "neither the truck driver nor police broke highway speed limits"  (cbc.ca) (33)
(Yahoo) Scary Sorry. Cannot complete transaction. Current balance on your account is SNAKE  (news.yahoo.com) (57)
(Some Guy) Amusing 83-year-old man arrested for prostitution. With awesomely smug "yes, I can" mug shot  (heartlandconnection.com) (61)
(The Sun) Silly Nine hungry goats climb tree. The Sun is there  (thesun.co.uk) (48)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 339: "State Fair". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (125)

Wed November 02, 2011
(Des Moines Register) Ironic Parents went to their child's school to discuss a fight, wind up getting into a fight (w/mugshot that will leave no doubts in your mind)  (blogs.desmoinesregister.com) (128)
(News.com.au) Interesting Norway beats up Disneyland to retain title as the happiest place on earth  (news.com.au) (72)
(Popular Science) Interesting Everybody wants to rule the world. This man could actually do it, though  (popsci.com) (75)
(CONTEMPORIST) Photoshop Photoshop this geometric chair  (contemporist.com) (30)
(BBC) Asinine Teachers' advice to end bullying problem: "Act less gay"  (bbc.co.uk) (465)
(LA Times) Sad City of Compton finds itself in full financial meltdown -- despite being solidly in the black only a few short years ago  (latimes.com) (99)
(News.com.au) Strange Who's Australia gonna call? CULTBUSTERS  (news.com.au) (50)
(The Sun) Interesting Jack the Ripper was my great-great-great-great uncle, and this was his knife  (thesun.co.uk) (95)
(The Daily Caller) Followup Building 7, Truthers 0  (thedc.com) (501)
(Des Moines Register) Fail Woman sets fire to another woman's house because "she ended their friendship on Facebook"   (blogs.desmoinesregister.com) (45)
(CBS) Florida Slightly used plane available in 1/2-off sale  (miami.cbslocal.com) (31)
(Fox News) Sick Woman accused of killing pregnant woman, fetus pleads insanity. You would too, if you were kept in solitary for nine months  (foxnews.com) (66)
(Bloomberg) Interesting Cupcakes are just as addictive as cocaine, just as fun to eat off a stripper's ass  (bloomberg.com) (114)
(AZCentral) Interesting L.A. is raising its barking dog fine to $250. This could get very expensive for Britney Spears during her next concert  (azcentral.com) (31)
(Philly.com) Asinine Fark ready headline: "Teen robbed of meatball sub at gunpoint"  (philly.com) (48)
(Some Guy) Amusing Poop transplant could save Arizona man's life...as if he doesn't get enough shiat from his wife  (blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com) (62)
(HelenaIR.com) Dumbass Man tricks his girlfriend into believing he'd been kidnapped by men in skeleton masks on Halloween, gets treated to jail cell and multiple criminal charges for tampering with evidence and drug possession  (helenair.com) (13)
(wcyb.com) Scary Tractor-trailer accident protects highway from the gum disease gingivitis  (wcyb.com) (11)
(AOL) Sick "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, Eat Your Heart , Chop Off Your Hands, Hide the Body, Very Bad Day." by Charles Kembo  (aol.com) (41)
(azfamily.com) Spiffy You know you've got a true friend if he's willing to commit robbery to pay for your bail  (azfamily.com) (10)
(LA Times) Dumbass Man stops for "free birdseed," with expected results  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (57)
(Some Guy) Obvious Were you not molested by a teacher when you were in school and feel bad about it now? Well, there's always Hope  (www2.scnow.com) (41)
(ABC Action News) Sad Thought you could go at least one week without a birthday shooting. You thought wrong  (abcactionnews.com) (9)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Food Truck Fiesta begins today, followed shortly by the 5K dash to the bathroom, and in the evening the Toss Your Cookies cotillion will be in full swing  (tampabay.com) (22)
(Some Guy) Amusing Patent troll now getting to try life as a real troll by living under a bridge  (vegasinc.com) (40)
(Daily Mail) Hero Romanian cabinet minister poses in PVC dress for magazine cover  (dailymail.co.uk) (57)
(Some Guy) Asinine Controversial breast cancer awareness display of bras burned down in Kabul. Wait, did I say Kabul? I meant to say Bowling Green  (courier-journal.com) (59)
(Some Guy) Obvious You can only stab so many defense lawyers before the judge stops giving you new ones  (heraldnet.com) (39)
(Daily Mail) Florida Liberace Squirrel caught on camera thanks to woman with too much time on her hands  (dailymail.co.uk) (18)
(FARK) FarkBlog German automaker approves Third Peich term, all abhorred by Amtrak flasher, and bipolar man sought between Arctic and Antarctic: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 10/23 - 10/29  (fark.com) (5)
(Houston Press) Sick Texas judge sentences disabled teen to harsh punishment for file sharing  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (605)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Impossible puzzles   (catmacros.files.wordpress.com) (44)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida St. Thomas Aquinas high school suspends four for marijuana abuse. This sort of thing would be allowed at St. Malachi's or St. Augustine's  (sun-sentinel.com) (31)
(Some Guy) Dumbass "OnStar, how may I help you?" "I've just been in an accident and police are chasing me." "Sir, I've been giving the police directions so they can find you. You should pull over"  (timesunion.com) (100)
(Some Guy) Fail Not News: Peeping tom caught in the act. News: All occupants of victims' house give chase. Fark: Victims are town council members holding an illegal meeting  (wcnc.com) (48)
(MSNBC) Scary Here's something else to add to your list of things to worry about: exploding reefers  (msnbc.msn.com) (35)
(Some Guy) Strange Guy pleads no contest to drugging, raping, and shaving his drinking buddy's entire body completely hairless. No contest? Isn't that how beer pong is supposed to end?  (wfaa.com) (94)
(The New York Times) Obvious Too pulse to is for  (nytimes.com) (33)
(My Fox DC) Cool Holy flat tire  (myfoxdc.com) (36)
(Buzzfeed) Amusing The 32 wittiest comebacks of all time. YOUR MOM HAD A WITTY COMEBACK  (buzzfeed.com) (253)
(The Smoking Gun) Followup Adding to the pain of the busted Georgia couple who gave their late dog LSD: Their mug shots are now on TSG  (thesmokinggun.com) (103)
(Reuters) Amusing Guess the most popular video game in history (HINT: It doens't have the words Tetris, Gran, Duty, Wii, Halo, Zelda, Theft, War, Mario, Sims or Pokemon in its title)  (reuters.com) (249)
(Reuters) Interesting Apparently telling customers that a rival car dealer is an Islamic militant who used the profits from his dealership to fund terrorists crosses the line from "agressive salesmanship" to "a $7.5 million libel judgement"  (reuters.com) (136)
(USA Today) Obvious The Oakland Police's near-fatal wounding of Scott Olsen opened the floodgates of veterans coming out to support OWS, send conservatives scrambling for ways to smear soldiers  (usatoday.com) (475)
(Some lovin' from the oven) Dumbass Burglar named Pilsbury tries to extort dough. Boy, what a crook. May have a good prison nickname, though  (kjonline.com) (24)
(Huffington Post) PSA Wear a condom or you may end up f**king a polar bear  (huffingtonpost.com) (72)
(AZCentral) Weird 20 boxes of frozen pigs feet taken in train heist. Investigation now on track, going full boar  (azcentral.com) (22)
(augusta.com) Scary Nobody better lay a finger on my Butterfinger...or I'll bust a cap in your ass  (chronicle.augusta.com) (46)
(NYPost) Asinine Correction: Yesterday's edition of the New York Post reported that Gov. Cuomo gave raises to his staff after he came into office, when, in fact, he reduced his salary and the pay of his top aides by five percent. Sorry we got caught lying  (nypost.com) (41)
(news4 jax) Florida Old school: Having sex in coed dorms. New school: Having sex on a picnic table at the federal courthouse  (news4jax.com) (43)
(Yahoo) Interesting French refuse to occupy Paris. It's like the Germans have to do everything for them  (uk.news.yahoo.com) (56)
(CNN) Interesting New rules slashing crack cocaine sentences go into effect. Put *that* in your pipe and smoke it  (cnn.com) (151)
(BBC) Obvious Investigation continues into how rockfall left 15 mobile homes teetering on the edge of a cliff in south Wales, although initial findings indicate that rockfall was to blame  (bbc.co.uk) (41)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Not news: Man in Halloween mask scares girlfriend. Still not news: her dog attacks him: Still not news: he understands the dog reacted normally. Fark: he wants dog put down  (courierpress.com) (131)
(ABC) Cool OSS operative sent letter to three-year-old son in America on VE day, written on Hitler's stationery. Subby's old man didn't even get him a Euro Disney t-shirt  (abcnews.go.com) (67)
(O.C. Register) Scary "Look at my man-gina." Why yes, there absolutely is a corresponding mug shot  (ocregister.com) (85)
(CNN) Followup Japan: "Damaged reactors could take 30 years to retire" Americans: "That whole mess is still going on? Sheesh, we're a little pre-occupied over here with the Kardashian melt-down, okay? Try to keep up  (articles.cnn.com) (49)
(Life.com) Spiffy 65 years ago today Howard Hughes flies his "Spruce Goose," with the largest wingspan in the history of aviation, for roughly a mile over Long Beach Harbor, celebrates by peeing into commemorative platinum milk bottle  (life.com) (64)
(Mirror.co.uk) Asinine Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds. But they draw the line at bumpy roads  (mirror.co.uk) (19)
(Fox News) Ironic OWS movement now has 21 new members, each fired because the cafe that employed them could no longer support itself due to lost business caused by the OWS protests  (foxnews.com) (203)
(NYPost) PSA WARNING: Occupy Wall Street may cause a burning, itching sensation  (nypost.com) (121)
(Some Tyler Durden) Amusing Bad: Using your work PC to view porn. Even Worse: Not realizing it's plugged into the LED billboard display at the busiest intersection in town  (shanghaiist.com) (53)
(NYPost) Fail Little Mary refuses to eat her milk and cookies or take naps at nap time. Do you: c) suspend the five-year-old punk from kindergarten?  (nypost.com) (101)
(STV.tv) Fail Man in superhero costume arrested for motorway incident. Unclear whether it was suicide attempt or Kryptonite-related flight failure  (news.stv.tv) (5)
(Some Action) Photoshop Photoshop this fabulous four   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (37)
(Washington Post) Obvious Court ruling confirms that England can leak Assange to Sweden  (washingtonpost.com) (27)
(New Zealand Herald) Scary Doctors warn that sharing earbud headphones may lead to hearing loss, transmission of bacteria, getting hit by bus  (nzherald.co.nz) (22)
(CNN) Followup Casey Anthony takes the fifth 60 times, presumably due to the Casey Anthony Court TV Drinking game  (cnn.com) (81)
(Smh.com.au) Interesting ♬ It's hard to find a, thing called vagina ♬  (smh.com.au) (104)
(Yahoo) Interesting R.I.P. to 14 cars and trucks for 2012  (autos.yahoo.com) (363)
(Yahoo) Followup Safeway drops charges against couple accused of stealing two sandwiches  (news.yahoo.com) (267)
(katu.com) Asinine Grocery store refuses payment in coins. That's change we can't believe in  (katu.com) (430)
(Mirror.co.uk) Silly A mother passed a driving test while in labor and then drove herself to the hospital to give birth. Wow. Just wow... a woman passed a driving test? Unbelievable  (mirror.co.uk) (66)
(Telegraph) Unlikely Government report states future violent gang members can be spotted at age three  (telegraph.co.uk) (142)

Tue November 01, 2011
(ABC) Scary Toyota unveils robots to assist the elderly. Available at no cost to Old Glory policy holders  (abcnews.go.com) (61)
(Abc.net.au) Strange Leg found to be armed  (abc.net.au) (29)
(The Times of India) Scary Old people today have more sex. Hey, come back, don't you want the rest of your grilled cheese sandwich?   (timesofindia.indiatimes.com) (101)
(Some forever alone guy) Photoshop Photoshop some guests to liven up Kirk Cameron's pitiful birthday party  (media.zenfs.com) (62)
(Talking Points Memo) Stupid Kentucky gubernatorial candidate tries desperately to make an issue out of his opponent participating in a Hindu ceremony. Why, yes, he IS a Republican. How did you know?   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (212)
(BBC) Interesting Glowing brain tumour trial begins. Prosecutors vow to remove this cancer, and will ask for life  (bbc.co.uk) (25)
(AZCentral) Dumbass 'Beauty, whether moral or natural, is felt, more properly than perceived' - Philosopher David Hume. ' 'I'm gonna bone my 15 year old hot student' - High School Track Coach Elisha Hume  (azcentral.com) (178)
(NJ.com) Obvious Learn the Secret, Surefire Way to Get the Phone Numbers of Hot Women You Meet on the Street  (nj.com) (83)
(Mass Live) PSA Western Massachusetts residents still without electricity, Lady Schicks. Supplies of granola and Ani DiFranco CDs needed urgently  (masslive.com) (64)
(Billings Gazette) Amusing Today's fully Fark-compliant headline: "Man admits switchblade assault in squirrel dispute"  (billingsgazette.com) (28)
(NJ.com) Strange Late Friday night, four young women are waiting in a parking garage. One notices another's miniskirt is so short, her buttocks are showing. She reaches over and pulls the skirt down. And then things get oral  (nj.com) (613)
(UPI) Unlikely Woman claims picture shows two ghosts having spirited sex in her living room  (upi.com) (83)
(Chicago Tribune) Fail Man experiencing chest pains decides to try to remove his own pacemaker, with predictable success rate  (chicagotribune.com) (58)
(UPI) Stupid Old and busted: Calling 911 because you're lost in a maze or in an orchard. New and glorious: Being trapped in a shopping cart  (upi.com) (30)
(Denver Channel) Asinine Drunken Wrestling: Don't try this at home -- or the office  (thedenverchannel.com) (15)
(BBC) Cool For the right price, you can get into the Queen of England's pants  (bbc.co.uk) (40)
(Some Guy) Scary Victim in DUI crash with Seattle Police Officer amazed he's still alive, glad officer was too drunk to find his gun  (kirotv.com) (122)
(Boston.com) Cool Students in Libtard-Land Massachusetts lead US in reading, math. Socialism suspected  (boston.com) (171)
(Guardian) Followup So turns out Newscorp and everyone involved with the News of the World hacking mess were aware of what was going on about 3 years before it was blown open  (guardian.co.uk) (44)
(Some Guy) Scary Mani, Pedi, HepC  (610wiod.com) (23)
(Some Wet Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these bumbershoots   (garciamedialife.files.wordpress.com) (28)
(Cracked) Interesting Cracked explains the Politics tab  (cracked.com) (140)
(CNN) Interesting Snuggie inspires inventors to find next shame-inspiring sensation  (money.cnn.com) (51)
(Some Herpetologist) Florida "My milk snake brings all the boys to the yard ... " (with picture)  (wpbf.com) (47)
(Atlanta Journal Constitution) Hero Dog dies after alerting owner and saving him from house fire. With pics that make it awfully dusty in here  (ajc.com) (161)
(Popular Science) Followup Chinese officials deny hacking US satellites, tampering with Coca-Cola cans  (popsci.com) (51)
(BBC) Strange Cocklers barred from estuary. Subby feels their pain, as he's been barred from being near schools for something like that  (bbc.co.uk) (12)
(The Smoking Gun) Florida Nine-year-old girl who was told to stop eating candy on the school bus does the logical thing: spits at the driver, throws rocks at the bus, and then tosses a chair at a cop  (thesmokinggun.com) (395)
(Yahoo) Strange Berlin museum mixes haute couture with haute cuisine, spotlighting models draped in octopus tunics, seaweed miniskirts and Salmon tops. And you thought it was just the Japanese that were into that erotic sea creature stuff  (news.yahoo.com) (37)
(Huffington Post) Amusing The Dominique Strauss-Kahn sex scandal is being given the porno treatment. Naturally, some people have a problem with this  (huffingtonpost.com) (24)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Apparently the test for sorcery in Saudi Arabia is beheading. If you live, you are innocent. If not, then you weigh more than very small rocks  (dailymail.co.uk) (210)
(Some Guy) Hero Horse rescued from Bedford swimming pool. In Pottersville they just let them drown  (www2.wsls.com) (25)
(Some Guy) PSA Pricipal . Caught sayof school that has stoped Handstandsing " See, told ya so" Is He dead or not. CNN Says yes. Tampa Bay Times Looking for chads -OR- "hello, I am write single to salute and wait for answer again"  (wfaa.com) (148)
(AZCentral) Asinine For Halloween, did you hand out: A) Chocolates? B) Candies? C) Comic book-style pamphlets about fearing God in which three children die, one by hanging himself?  (azcentral.com) (267)
(Mercury News) Obvious 3 cops, 1 pole  (mercurynews.com) (18)
(UPI) Sad Asylum seekers drown near Java. C, that's why you make sure your boat is fully compiled  (upi.com) (64)
(UPI) Misc IU's Kinsey institute finds that grandma's sexual satisfaction is not tied to her birth control. Grandma.... sexual... satisfaction. How's your breakfast, Farkers?  (upi.com) (58)
(BusinessWeek) Obvious Congress finally realizes that repealing Glass Steagle was the stupidest thing they've done in the past 15 years  (businessweek.com) (193)
(Yahoo) Misc No one knows who they were or what they were doing, but their legacy remains and you can buy it for $300,000  (news.yahoo.com) (21)
(TwinCities.com) Dumbass Magician demands AirTran make $50,000 appear because the wouldn't let him carry his dove on the aircraft  (twincities.com) (34)
(Naples News) Florida Definition of doing it wrong: beating your girlfriend for playing with a sex toy in bed because you'd rather sleep  (naplesnews.com) (69)
(LA Times) Ironic Ad: "For the last week in October, the Magic Castle will be ON FIRE with the spirit of Halloween" Fark: Magic Castle is ON FIRE with real flames on Halloween day  (latimes.com) (29)
(Fox News) NewsFlash Boeing 767 crash lands in Warsaw, Poland with no injuries. Survivors will be buried later this afternoon  (foxnews.com) (215)
(USA Today) Obvious Good news, consumers. Banks have heard your outrage over the utterly transparent debit card fees, so they're going to roll those on back and replace them with far more subtle fees instead  (usatoday.com) (153)
(SF Examiner) Asinine The Oakland Information Ministry is happy to report that whoever fired the tear gas cannister at the now critically injured former Marine, it was almost certainly not the police  (sfexaminer.com) (263)
(YouTube) Video Jon Huntsman's three smoking daughters parody Cain's smoking ad. It's a video, so you might as well read the rest of this but yes, he has THREE hot daughters (even with mustaches)  (youtube.com) (186)
(AL.com) Amusing Japanese used panty vending machine technology surpassed by American fresh meat vending machine. Your dog wants slot B6  (blog.al.com) (37)
(The Raw Story) Scary Japan lawmaker drinks water from Fukushima plant, gives glowing review  (rawstory.com) (48)
(BBC) Scary Greek president: "Let the people decide." European markets: "F*ck that"  (bbc.co.uk) (270)
(Pravda) Interesting Two Russian girls switched at birth to live next door to each other without exchanging parents  (english.pravda.ru) (39)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this end of a cargo ship  (i.imgur.com) (30)
(CNN) Interesting Forget orange juice futures, peanut butter is SKYROCKETING  (money.cnn.com) (120)
(WTOP) Sad GOP light-heartedly depicts the President with a bullet hole in his forehead  (wtop.com) (777)
(NPR) Florida Florida: "Due to your parents being illegal immigrants, we're going to have to charge you out-of-state tuition." Student: "But I was born in the US and I live in Florida." Florida: "So?"  (npr.org) (315)
(Some Guy) Obvious Sheriff: Time for Citizens to Arm Themselves, People are tired of doing the right thing and criminals getting away with their actions  (wyff4.com) (272)
(Some Guy) Followup Photographer doing a mom/newborn baby shoot asks the father to join in a couple of shots on a whim. Four days later, he returned to Afghanistan and was killed with twelve others by a suicide bomber. Here is that last photo with his baby girl  (erikhornung.com) (177)
(UPI) Interesting Study finds trees are not adapting well to climate change. Well, hey, if they don't like it, they can just leaf  (upi.com) (286)
(Quad City Times) Silly "Spider-Man robbed a local gas station Sunday night, threatening the clerk with a machete"  (qctimes.com) (32)
(Daily Mail) Scary While shopping at Target, woman struck by shopping cart that two boys pushed off a four-story parking garage. Bullseye  (dailymail.co.uk) (78)
(Telegraph) Sick Just in time for Hallloween, "bone-eating snot flowers" discovered  (telegraph.co.uk) (30)
(Some Guy) Amusing Sinkhole swallows 80 year old man as he goes for morning "newspaper". Whatever that is, it sounds dangerous  (nbcnewyork.com) (18)
(Patch.com) Sad Yes, that is a dump truck full of weed seized by police. Yes it is  (greenfield.patch.com) (77)
(Telegraph) Weird Bad news: You have a tumor. Good news: Your tumor has a face (w/pic)  (telegraph.co.uk) (99)
(SLTrib) Strange This crazy bastard shot his neighbor for "telepathically raping" his wife. And with a mugshot like that, I think I believe him  (sltrib.com) (120)
(Some Guy) Scary Who wouldn't forget about five sticks of dynamite they stored in the trunk of an abandoned car in their backyard?  (wtkr.com) (14)
(Times Union) Scary Don't taunt dynamite roid rager  (timesunion.com) (59)
(Omaha World Herald) Dumbass Bro tip 8824: Don't pee on a cop car when the cop is in the car  (omaha.com) (32)
(UPI) Ironic Tourist attraction hands out free deodorant after actors complain about patrons' body odor  (upi.com) (31)
(Yahoo) Sick US soldier at court-martial: Sure I made a necklace of human fingers taken from Afghans I killed, and put a hash-fueled beatdown on the soldier who snitched on me, but I'm not a murderer or anything  (news.yahoo.com) (190)

Mon October 31, 2011
(Houston Press) Stupid Baristas confirm your long-held suspicion that they're judging you and your crappy, sugary coffee order the second you walk in the door  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (164)
(Sign On San Diego) Amusing When superheroes go bad; police arrest The Shoveler  (signonsandiego.com) (24)
(The New York Times) Scary Genetically engineered mosquitoes that are engineered to kill? What could possibly go wrong?  (nytimes.com) (32)
(ABC) Interesting Mt. Rushmore has room for one more bust. Conservatives want Reagan, Liberals want Roosevelt, subby really wants Marilyn Monroe's bust, Farkers want... Drew Curtis?  (abcnews.go.com) (327)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida "Two men dressed as the undead were arrested on charges of assaulting the living." Bonus: At a nudist camp. Extra bonus: What a nekked zombie's mug shot looks like  (tampabay.com) (13)
(CBS 4 Denver) Amusing Adorable masked intruder found in family's bathtub  (denver.cbslocal.com) (57)
(Salon) Fail Adults ruined Halloween. Here comes the math and science to prove it  (salon.com) (92)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this master cylinder  (farm4.static.flickr.com) (35)
(Cleveland Plain Dealer) Obvious Eating too much sugar can lead to sagging skin, cancer, the overwhelming urge to shout "I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs"  (cleveland.com) (114)
(The Newspaper) Scary If you've made an enemy of an Austin resident with a smartphone and photoshop skills, sell your car  (thenewspaper.com) (247)
(Some Guy) Stupid You know the economy is farked when the police say they'll stop responding to 911 calls if town leaders don't provide more gas money  (wtkr.com) (83)
(Guardian) Asinine Psychic "too busy" to claim million dollar prize. Who knew?  (guardian.co.uk) (494)
(CBS Philly) Interesting Authorities investigating cause of 3-alarm, 2-giraffe fire  (philadelphia.cbslocal.com) (14)
(Gawker) Asinine NYPD might be sending drunk and aggressive homeless people to the Occupy Wall Street park in order to discredit the movement. Protesters can't kick them out because... well, they're the 99%, too  (gawker.com) (605)
(Daily Mail) Sick Teacher arrested for forgetting to tell his tween students that he was teaching them what happens when a hidden camera is under a desk and you're wearing a skirt  (dailymail.co.uk) (83)
(The Geat Pumpkin) Photoshop Annual Fark Photoshop Pumpkin Carving Contest  (freakingnews.com) (29)
(Boing Boing) Amusing Your 2011 candy hierarchy to the left, arguments over whether Hershey makes tile grout to the right  (boingboing.net) (164)
(Some Guy) Cool Slutty Sailor, ✔. Slutty Nurse, ✔. Slutty Ninja Turtle, ✔. Slutty Slut, ✔. Your official Hookerwe'en thread (Link has NSFW pics, presume thread is NSFW)  (fitsnews.com) (926)
(NYPost) Interesting Dead Moammar Khadafy had an unlikely pen pal, a retired Jewish florist from Brooklyn who had been writing to him since the 1960's. The florists last letter was returned to him unopened, probably because Khadafy was a little busy lately  (nypost.com) (70)
(Some Guy) Followup FBI releases videos, papers on Russian spy ring. "Following her return to Russia, she worked as a model and became the celebrity face of a Moscow bank"  (610wiod.com) (61)
(I-Mockery) Cool I-Mockery's in-depth guide to the Halloween candies of 2011  (i-mockery.com) (31)
(FARK) FarkBlog Happy Halloween from Drew - and some scary new features  (fark.com) (516)
(Yahoo) Interesting Female couple named nation's first same-sex HS homecoming king and queen; proving that either we are entering a brave new word of increased tolerance and acceptance, or simply reaffirming the age-old truth that HS boys find lesbians hot  (news.yahoo.com) (321)
(Pravda) Interesting Seven-billionth Earthman born in several places at once  (english.pravda.ru) (98)
(CBS 46 Atlanta) Fail The perfect reaction to your dog gettting hit by a car after you fed it LSD: run naked down the street with your boyfriend  (cbsatlanta.com) (83)
(FARK) Survey In observance of Halloween, what's the worst thing you ever got while trick-or-treating?  (fark.com) (342)
(Some Guy) Sick Your elderly horse has been put down. Do you: C) Strip naked and pose for pictures in its carcass?  (koinlocal6.com) (234)
(Short List) Hero Brave man gets legal permission to kill the squirrel who has wrecked his life  (shortlist.com) (108)
(Life.com) Spiffy Leave it to the bloody-minded folks who invented the guillotine to devise the world's sickest house of horror. That it was back in 1947 only adds to the stomach-churning Gallic goodness. Happy Halloween, y'all  (life.com) (33)
(The Age (Melbourne)) Strange Melt a tablespoon of butter over medium heat, fry koala until lightly browned, add mirepoix and beef stock, simmer for an hour or two, season to taste, et voilà  (theage.com.au) (55)
(USA Today) Obvious Forget the gays. Modern weddings are what's destroying marriage  (usatoday.com) (284)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Your dog ate my bird; I burn your stuff. This is Florida, that's how we roll  (tampabay.com) (19)
(MSP Business Journal) Interesting Target announces plans to open stores at midnight on Thanksgiving in an attempt to get shoppers to spend more time in their stores on Black Friday. Of course, time is pretty much the only thing Americans have to spend this Christmas  (bizjournals.com) (164)
(Washington Post) Dumbass Woman gets 54 years in pizza murder. Geez, should subby call a lawyer? He just killed two larges last night  (washingtonpost.com) (40)
(FARK) Strange I heard some kid died last year because of the Annual Fark Spooky Story Halloween thread, and so we're not going to have one this year. So definitely don't post scary stories in this thread  (fark.com) (409)
(CNBC) Obvious Have the markets lost touch with reality? When were they ever in contact with it?  (cnbc.com) (55)
(Daily Mail) Strange Pregnant man says his days of having kids are over. Wants to have histerectomy  (dailymail.co.uk) (111)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop challenge: Dress Drew up for Halloween  (images.google.com) (77)
(Dayton Daily News) Spiffy Ohio may not seem like a workers' paradise of social justice and equality, but at least they're doing something about the scourge of millionaires. Bonus: You only need to earn a little more than $250,000 to be a One Percenter in Ohio  (daytondailynews.com) (75)
(Reuters) Strange Unwilling to let the US maintain a lead in any technology, Russia unveils a drunk, naked driver that can smash up 17 vehicles in downtown Moscow. US feverishly working on 20-car naked drunk driver technology  (af.reuters.com) (30)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Please push me down the stairs  (dailymail.co.uk) (32)
(News.com.au) Followup Barmaid who threw tampon at McDonald's worker now getting prank emails, nasty phone calls, friends stringing her along  (news.com.au) (85)
(TC Palm) Florida Police ignore blonde woman's bumper sticker that reads, "If this van's a rockin,' don't come a knockin.'" With I'd hit it photo  (blogs.tcpalm.com) (93)
(Chicago Tribune) Dumbass Some people will do anything for beer, including breaking into apartments and stabbing people with corkscrews when they fight back  (chicagotribune.com) (24)
(The Morning Call) Scary It's like "Goldilocks and the Three Bears," only with a blood-covered stranger and two college students  (mcall.com) (27)
(Reuters) Asinine Back there, I could fly a gunship. I could drive a tank. I operated million-dollar equipment. Back here, I can't even hold a job PARKING CARS  (reuters.com) (106)
(Daily Mail) Strange Old and busted: Vegan food. New Hotness: Caveman Food. Not to mention you can save 15% by switching your car insurance  (dailymail.co.uk) (84)
(I Heart Chaos) Stupid Starting in January in Australia, logos on cigarette boxes will be banned. Next step: Paying someone $100 to punch you in the face before being tossed down a spike-filled pit to retrieve a small handful of smokes  (iheartchaos.com) (19)
(Daily Star) Spiffy 12-year-olds drinking 19 glasses of wine a week. Save some for the rest of us  (dailystar.co.uk) (43)
(SacBee) Dumbass If you manage to sneak past the cops and firemen who respond to the burglar alarm you just set off, it might be a wise choice not to decide at that moment to play with the lights and sirens on the pretty fire truck  (blogs.sacbee.com) (24)

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