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Sun November 20, 2011
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Huffington Post) Cool Eleven other foods that should be considered vegetables if pizza's a veggie  (huffingtonpost.com) (168)
(Mercury News) Silly PETA takes action against the dark underworld of ...kangaroo boxing  (mercurynews.com) (60)
(Some Guy) Strange For richer hot chocolate, toss in a few doughnuts and whiz it up in a blender. This public service message courtesy of the Association of Cardiologists Who Need New Helicopters   (greenbaypressgazette.com) (44)
(NPR) Sad UC Davis chancellor Katehi does Walk of Shame, learns that silence speaks with a volume and clarity none can dispute  (npr.org) (930)
(Washington Post) Scary Increased use of GPS tracking devices: THIS IS AN OUTRAGE. Ubiquitous presence of surveillance cameras: Mild concern. Unfettered growth of license plate tracking cameras: Meh  (washingtonpost.com) (103)
(Some Kid) Photoshop Photoshop this cheesy child  (bigpicture.ru) (33)
(Quad City Times) Sappy Woman has worked at McDonald's for over 40 years, starting when she was 36. Instead of being depressed, she seems happy about her career; "You give a little kindness, you get it back"  (qctimes.com) (226)
(Cracked) Amusing Behold: The longest single-paged Cracked article  (cracked.com) (149)
(Statesman) Spiffy Woman fired from being a Sugar Plum Fairy because she's also a burlesque dancer. Or because she tried to cheat on a drug test. Or because she cusses. Whatever the reason, subby wants to party with her  (statesman.com) (196)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this milk can  (bigpicture.ru) (49)
(Some Guy) Scary "If social workers and judges can take your child away without due process, the Constitution is nothing more than a piece of paper the powerful can continue to ignore with impunity"  (washingtonexaminer.com) (316)
(Hartford Courant) Obvious Let's be frank: No matter how much you relish the idea, If you run a hot dog cart it's just not kosher to stab customers  (courant.com) (43)
(Talking Points Memo) Obvious The good news: the members of the so-called "super-committee" are finally talking with each other. The bad news: they're talking about how to spin their failure  (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com) (198)
(Washington Post) Cool Alaska temperatures fall to record -41 below zero. Yukon check the weather map, it's not an Aleutian  (washingtonpost.com) (138)
(The Eagle Tribune) Silly Feathers are "a good way to express your rebellious side without freaking out your parents"  (eagletribune.com) (60)
(Some Awesome Fanboy) PSA If you want to keep the Irish from moving to America, just smile and tell them how AWESOME they look. WARNING: Prepare to be offended  (fluentin3months.com) (267)
(Telegraph) Sad Study designed to illustrate just how effeminate Britain has become says men take longer to get ready than women -- including more time cleansing, toning and moisturizing  (telegraph.co.uk) (98)
(PhysOrg.com) Interesting Whale fossils found in the desert pose a mystery. The bowl of petunias next to them just raises even more questions  (physorg.com) (163)
(The New York Times) Obvious Military-led interim government in Egypt seeks to drop the "interim" part, replace it with "permanent". Predictable results follow  (nytimes.com) (85)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Obvious Chicago Sun-Times learns that "scamming the scammer" is actually fun  (suntimes.com) (49)
(Chicago Tribune) Obvious Oh, it's one of THOSE threads again. Look, if the delivery guy wanted a tip, he shouldn't have charged a delivery fee  (chicagotribune.com) (257)
(Mental Floss) Interesting Ten Coca-Cola products that you will never find in the U.S  (mentalfloss.com) (207)
(LA Times) Scary I like my hotels like I like my women: COVERED IN BEEEEES  (latimes.com) (39)
(IndyStar) Scary You know that grenade your grandfather brought home from Korea that's now up in your attic that everybody in your family says is a dud? Yeah, about that  (indystar.com) (63)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this caught catfish   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (23)
(Morning Sentinel.com) Spiffy You show up to work and the boss sees you crying because you have to move out of your apartment. Does he: a) tell you to get back to work and leave your problems at home, b) fire you, or c) throw dust in subby's eye?  (onlinesentinel.com) (176)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Baby Owl loves to be petted. O RLY? YA RLY  (dailymail.co.uk) (71)
(Daily Mail) Hero 73-year-old takes bottle of wine to knife fight and wins. In vino, testiculis  (dailymail.co.uk) (37)
(WIVB) Cool Radio station gives away fifty turkeys. Hopefully, they learned a valuable lesson from WKRP  (wivb.com) (35)
(Miami New Times) Florida Never give a baby a wine cooler. Never slap your sister. Never slap your sister for giving a baby a wine cooler  (blogs.miaminewtimes.com) (78)

Sat November 19, 2011
(News.com.au) Scary This is why you never perform Men at Work's "Down Under" in an Australian karaoke bar  (news.com.au) (106)
(Yahoo) Strange If you stole two trains, The Swiss Vapeur Park would kindly like them back  (news.yahoo.com) (48)
(Yahoo) Amusing Giant mound of tires in SC visible from space  (news.yahoo.com) (123)
(Quad City Times) Silly Crumudgeonly newspaper columnist takes on a scourge facing America: clip-on bow ties. Bonus: he says he writes for a "noospaper"  (qctimes.com) (91)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop this crate construction  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (25)
(Some Guy) Amusing Well, let's just scroll down and meet the staff of Aquinas High School...GAH  (aquinashigh.org) (291)
(The New York Times) Obvious Not quite poor yet because you're still earning a paycheck, but almost there? Welcome to America's 'near poor', according to the Census Bureau  (nytimes.com) (326)
(The Sun) Silly These caskets will show you how to put the "fun" in "funeral"  (thesun.co.uk) (77)
(Some Caturday Lover) Photoshop Photoshop this flying cat  (pics.livejournal.com) (66)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Hooters waitress volunteers as guest speaker during Great American Teach-In at local school. Apparently one mother has problems with this. "I'm not knocking waitresses ... My point is, these kids should have higher goals"  (tampabay.com) (371)
(NYPost) Interesting Actress sues New York City for failing to stop reckless bicyclists. "Just because they wear spandex doesn't mean they know what they're doing"  (nypost.com) (177)
(KTLA) Amusing In case you were wondering what the aftermath of a Fark Party looks like (slideshow, some possibly Not safe for work)  (ktla.com) (79)
(Forbes) Followup Think the zombie apocalypse is as bad as things can get? Any second now the global coffee supply is going run out. Submitter will be in his bunker brewing hoarded espresso  (forbes.com) (133)
(CBS News) News Saif Gadaffi aims to Please, fails  (cbsnews.com) (56)
(Some Loser) Dumbass "Yes, ladies of RWU, when you wear yoga pants and your shirt stops at your waist, I can see your lady parts"  (hawksherald.com) (563)
(Salon) Sick In new TV ads, Bank of America casts itself as a champion of the working class and small business. Ironic and Fail tags fight it out, but there's really only one tag that will suffice  (salon.com) (114)
(Slate) Obvious What happens when you don't talk to kids about sex: they learn everything from porn. And apparently, this is considered a bad thing  (slate.com) (148)
(WDTN) Dumbass Compulsive squirrel feeder faces 60 days in jail because she insists on feeding her neighbors' squirrels too  (wdtn.com) (72)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Not news: Man arrested and shoved to the ground by cops at Occupy Wall St. after protesting use of police force. News: He's a retired Philadelphia police captain in full uniform  (dailymail.co.uk) (551)
(CNN) Stupid You may soon be rewarded for everything you've done to save fuel. With a two-cent tax for every mile you drive  (cnn.com) (194)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop this round room  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (30)
(CBS News) Dumbass Did you know a mere sticker could send you to the fires of eternal damnation? This former employee did (*link updated*)  (cbsnews.com) (270)
(Some Guy) Caturday British PM defends civil servant described as lazy, eats too much, sleeps on the job, and would rather spend time with ladies than carry out official duties. Caturday: Model gov't employee is a tabby named Larry  (globalpost.com) (lots)
(SaveOnBrew) Obvious Five ways to tell if you're a prententious beer douche. Running a snarky website while drinking Heineken somehow missing from the list  (saveonbrew.com) (125)
(The Sun) Spiffy World's oldest dad: "I'm up, down, up, down, through the night. I don't stop. She loves it" (w/pic of happy family)  (nla.thesun.co.uk) (51)
(Komo) Silly Students are finally passionate about something - they're fighting to bring back chocolate milk  (komonews.com) (55)
(Washington Post) Obvious FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: Conservatives dominate political rumor chain e-mails. Send to everyone you know  (washingtonpost.com) (319)
(Daily Mail) Weird Cage fighter working at a slaughterhouse dies from a sudden heart attack after the carcass of a cow falls off a hook and lands on his head. The Aristocrats  (dailymail.co.uk) (55)
(Boing Boing) Asinine NYPD cop shoves another interfering dirty hippy. Except this hippy was a NY judge there as a legal observer. Someone's walking a beat in Harlem for the next twenty years  (boingboing.net) (768)

Fri November 18, 2011
(Daily Mail) Sappy Teenager drops 280lb after discovering woman attempting to be world's heaviest weighed LESS than her  (dailymail.co.uk) (119)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Alabama enticed Mercedes Benz to build a plant in their state but then arrests their German executives under their new tough immigration laws  (timesfreepress.com) (289)
(Spiegel) Caption Caption this delayed dark lord  (cdn.spiegel.de) (98)
(BBC) Sad The Caterpillar Club holds its last meeting before folding up the silk and going into the night  (bbc.co.uk) (30)
(The New York Times) Amusing Agility courses for cats work about as well as you'd expect. "We tried to get the cats to jump over (an inflatable swimming pool), but they would run up to it and stop or take a drink"  (nytimes.com) (76)
(Some Guy) Fail Rule #3 of robbing someone's house. Try not lo leave yourself logged into Facebook, your car running in the driveway, AND your parole card in your wallet on the seat (3 Likes - 2 Comments)  (atlanta.cbslocal.com) (18)
(The Smoking Gun) Silly Thank God, it's Friday's Mugshot Roundup  (thesmokinggun.com) (159)
(Some Guy) Florida Woman hospitalized for Fix-a-Flat ass  (610wiod.com) (57)
(Live Science) Spiffy If you were intensely engaged in a dynamic, bidirectional, biological dialogue when an infant you are a more erudite person than those bottle feeders  (livescience.com) (42)
(Houston Chronicle) Photoshop Photoshop this rhino in transport  (chron.com) (27)
(Some Guy) Sad Father of the Year candidate leaves 13-year-old daughter holding 50 bags of crack as he escapes from police  (nbcphiladelphia.com) (38)
(Kansas.com) Sad Golden Corral is open for Thanksgiving. Discover how food tastes when it is prepared and eaten solely by people who are utterly unloved and alone  (kansas.com) (179)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Teen learns the #1 rule of fishing: DON'T GET YOUR EYE CAUGHT ON A FISH HOOK  (nwfdailynews.com) (40)
(WLSAM) Fail The big "Spanksgiving" sexpo is the kickoff of the big "Swallowday" season in Illinois  (wlsam.com) (17)
(Washington Post) Scary Malicious cyber attack by foreign hackers (looking at you Russia) that targeted a water plant in Illinois appears to be the first of its kind on a critical computer system in the United States  (washingtonpost.com) (92)
(Miami Herald) Florida Walking to elevators is for commies, this is America, we demand the right to drive to our apartment door on the 32nd floor  (miamiherald.com) (47)
(UPI) Followup Sweat-lodge operator soaks up two-year sentence for negligent homicide  (upi.com) (47)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Spiffy Council votes to loosen laws that separate church and alcohol. The spirits of Christ compelled them  (startribune.com) (20)
(Telegraph) Stupid After three years of intense scrutiny, the EU claims that water can not, in fact, prevent dehydration  (telegraph.co.uk) (57)
(Quad City Times) Fail "We need more money for the city." "Hmm. Maybe we should disband the police force." "MORTIMER YOU'RE A GENIUS"  (qctimes.com) (46)
(Some Guy) Amusing Two words: Blimp jousting  (guyspeed.com) (24)
(LA Times) Sick Colleagues say that casting director really had a great feel for working with children. Police say that's precisely the problem  (latimes.com) (59)
(Some Guy) Sad Man dies in wood chipper accident. Aw, geez. And it's a beautiful day  (ksdk.com) (65)
(Houston Chronicle) Asinine This is why you don't hire a 32-year-old man you found on Craigslist to babysit your 6-year-old daughter  (chron.com) (85)
(Wired) Weird This new German sidewalk has as many twists and turns as, um, as a twisty-turny thing  (wired.com) (53)
(WLKY) Sad Woman accused of killing boyfriend with tire iron said relationship had gone flat  (wlky.com) (27)
(Some Guy) PSA Movember is more than halfway over and Team Fark needs your support  (movember.com) (41)
(Daily Mail) Cool Female Egyptian blogger posts full-frontal nude picture of herself on Belgium snipe hooligan BIE globe rush toys fig announcement beagle radish farmhand door  (dailymail.co.uk) (202)
(Life.com) Misc 50 years ago today, JFK sent 18,000 military advisors to South Vietnam, ushering in an era of unprecedented peace and prosperity in Southeast Asia and forging a bond between the ... what's that? Ohhhh  (life.com) (109)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this ultrarealistic artist rendering of a suburban dream house  (kud.su) (55)
(FARK) Survey Don't know how much you remember from the last seven days, but here's the Fark Weird News Quiz to test your memory  (fark.com) (35)
(CNN) Amusing Jesus Christ it's a Canada Lynx, get in the car! With glamour shot of what an exotic cat may look like  (wsbtv.com) (53)
(io9) Weird Four out of five scientists believe we are not alone. (with WTF picture proof)  (io9.com) (92)
(WSYX ABC6) Fail Good news: You avoided hitting that car. Bad news: You hit that pole... and that house... and that car  (abc6onyourside.com) (8)
(Mother Nature Network) Stupid Vegetarian's tips for how you should adapt your Thanksgiving meal to their diet  (mnn.com) (519)
(Cracked) Interesting Think twice before you whine to the IT guy, five true stories on why you should not piss them off  (cracked.com) (222)
(DFW Star-Telegram) Asinine Day care teacher pierces child's ears after obtaining permission from: a) the parents, b) the legal guardian, or c) the five-year-old  (star-telegram.com) (46)
(Daily Mail) Hero Fiance of fallen Marine trades in wedding whites for camo green. "I'm going to finish what he started"  (dailymail.co.uk) (222)
(Slate) Obvious Boys' brains are different than girls' brains. Well, for one, boys are smarter, more mature, and better suited to being leaders while girls have cooties  (slate.com) (125)
(New York Daily News) Followup First person to pitch a tent at Zuccotti Park also buried his spike for the first time there  (nydailynews.com) (184)
(Daily Mail) Interesting The question of the day: What does your husband think of your wobbly bits? With a fairly Not safe for work picture of owners of said wobblies. Wobble  (dailymail.co.uk) (112)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Canadian univeristy's marching band suspended for pamphlets with titles like "Mouth raping your little sister since 1905"  (queensjournal.ca) (65)
(USA Today) Asinine Catholic Church buys glass cathedral for $57M, plans to renovate by casting stones in all directions  (content.usatoday.com) (123)
(Guardian) Amusing Darth Vader claims a plot of land in Ukraine to park his spaceship. I hope he means his shuttle  (guardian.co.uk) (33)
(News.com.au) Asinine Swiss court rules to fine all hikers in the Alps who show their crevasse  (news.com.au) (49)
(Daily Record (UK)) Amusing Doctors find new baby each time pregnant woman goes for scan  (dailyrecord.co.uk) (48)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Friday Photo Fun Match Game: Match suspects with their respective alias (Opossum, Catfish, Bullfrog, Bull, or Bumblebee)  (thesmokinggun.com) (7)
(kpho) Followup Nevada man gets probation for pushing his wife over a cliff, tells judge he was not at fault  (kpho.com) (23)
(Some Guy) Strange New Axe commercial features models dressed as angels falling from the sky, tearing off their halos and chasing after a guy walking down the street. Who could possibly have a problem with this? Oh wait  (fashionetc.com) (189)
(Some Online Guy) Obvious Online hookups are to blame for the recent jump in STDs (with a handy pic of what that hot Swedish bikini model you've been chatting with actually looks like)  (stlouis.cbslocal.com) (67)
(JSOnline) Asinine Six-year-old boy caught playing doctor charged with sexual assault, served with a malpractice suit  (jsonline.com) (170)
(times sun) Dumbass Good citizenship: Arriving promptly at court to answer your summons. Bad citizenship: In a stolen car  (timesunion.com) (9)
(Some Guy) Scary Gullible men wanted for job on cattle farm. Located in out-of-the way area with no witnesses. Bring all your valuables along. Please, no bullet proof vests  (dispatch.com) (56)
(Boston Herald) Dumbass Don't you hate it when you almost miss your exit and cut across lanes at the last minute and you would have made it if you hadn't smashed into a cop car you didn't notice?  (bostonherald.com) (77)
(BBC) Fail Woman has been fighting to clear her fiancee's name. He's just shown police where he buried the body of his wife. Awkward  (bbc.co.uk) (73)
(Some Guy) Florida Although it may seem like a funny idea at the time, don't call 911 for a joke. Especially not 67 times in two hours. Really especially if you have cocaine in the car  (wtsp.com) (18)
(MSNBC) Stupid Pakistan's list of words you can't say on mobile phones includes...monkey crotch, wuutang, period, flatulence. You have been warned  (msnbc.msn.com) (107)
(UPI) Fail Aircraft carrier USS George H. W. Bush develops serious plumbing problems. Navy considering changing name of ship to USS Richard M. Nixon  (upi.com) (141)
(Boston Herald) Followup Occupy Boston protestors are either smarter or less motivated than their counterparts in other cities  (bostonherald.com) (256)
(The New York Times) Interesting As Gaddafi's regime was falling, a motley crew of Americans offered to help him get out of Libya -- for a very hefty fee  (nytimes.com) (63)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop this curious cloud  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (46)
(Some Guy) Interesting The holiday season is officially here now that cops have made their first arrest of someone carrying gift-wrapped packages of marijuana  (kitsapsun.com) (45)
(CBS News) Interesting Fifty years / By junta ruled / Now reformed / Or U.S. fooled?  (cbsnews.com) (70)
(PC Magazine) Fail The 25 worst passwords of 2011. Your password is undoubtedly on here (but we won't tell anyone)  (pcmag.com) (335)
(NPR) Ironic "Everybody hates hipsters ... especially hipsters. And the ironic part is that hipsters' opposition to pop culture has become pop culture"  (npr.org) (319)
(Some Guy) Scary If you are gay and live in Russia it's safer to Putin than Putout  (technorati.com) (47)
(NPR) Dumbass Scientist changes H5N1 from being lethal to being lethal and highly contagious. Yay Science  (npr.org) (85)
(Wired) Interesting Does gallons of booze make for a better advertisement? It sure as hell makes Fark headlines more amusing  (wired.com) (42)

Thu November 17, 2011
(WGAL 8) Ironic $800,000 federal breast-feeding bonus does little to combat notion that government handouts encourage teat suckling  (wgal.com) (44)
(Some Guy) Followup "Take one more step out of your comfort zone," says 84 year old, "I'm feeling great. I'm feeling so energized. It's amazing what a little pepper spray will do for you"  (current.com) (75)
(LA Times) Dumbass Female teacher accused of operating porn sites on school-issued computer, including MySluttyTeacher.com ... A++  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (285)
(TMZ) Asinine Damn near killed 'em  (tmz.com) (61)
(Some Guy) Scary Woman who let her nine year old son drive to school: 'It's cool, he has four years of driving experience'  (delawareonline.com) (35)
(Chicago Tribune) Fail From the you gotta be kidding department, Passat chosen as the car of the year  (chicagotribune.com) (112)
(The Sun) Weird Woman has tip of pool cue lodged up her nose for 12 years. The Sun is there  (thesun.co.uk) (36)
(Daily Mail) Florida Sorry we gave your Grandpa an execution drug rather than his antacid. Whoops. Our bad  (dailymail.co.uk) (144)
(I Heart Chaos) Obvious Wait, what was I going to submit? Fark it, probably wasn't important  (iheartchaos.com) (16)
(Some Guy) Followup See what you did, TeaParty? White House Shooter "believed he was Jesus and thought President Barack Obama was the anti-Christ"  (kptv.com) (168)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass When you're drunk, do you: A) Lower your social inhibitions, B) Pass out, or C) Go to the zoo, strip to the waist, and climb into the Spider Monkey enclosure?  (dailymail.co.uk) (45)
(PhysOrg.com) Cool Pentagon tests hypersonic flying bomb that has the ability to strike targets anywhere in the world in less than a hour. Damn that's fast... and threatening  (physorg.com) (122)
(ABC) Fail OWS purposely clogs main traffic system used by 99% of NY commuters. Guess which 1% does not use it. Go on, guess  (abcnews.go.com) (492)
(Some Shooty Guy) Strange Off-duty detective charged with firing four shots at grave site. Hundreds found dead  (lehighvalleylive.com) (18)
(Huffington Post) Amusing Bank of America: We're sorry we gave your $59,000 to someone with the same name, it's an honest mistake, a lot of people in this country have the same exact name. Konstantinos Alexopoulos: O RLY??  (huffingtonpost.com) (53)
(NBC Bay Area) Weird San Francisco to attempt Naked Santa world record (Not safe for work, eyes)  (nbcbayarea.com) (15)
(The Weekly Standard) Asinine General Electric filed a 57,000-page tax return but paid nothing in taxes on $14 billion in profits. GE that seems fair  (weeklystandard.com) (225)
(SeattlePI) Obvious You know that guy willing to pay you to participate in a sexology study that involves going to a motel to 'role play'? Yeah, he's a fraud  (seattlepi.com) (27)
(The Smoking Gun) Dumbass Did you know that Lowe's and Home Depot had a butt improvement aisle  (thesmokinggun.com) (25)
(Reuters) Dumbass Actual Twilight-related headline is five words too long  (reuters.com) (78)
(Atlanta Journal Constitution) Dumbass Man places signs reading "Car Bomb" and "50-Foot Clearance I.E.D." on woman's car. Cops don't appreciate his sense of vigilance  (ajc.com) (16)
(Abc.net.au) Obvious 252 million years ago Earth lost most of its animals and plants because aliens ate them all, big green grasshopper aliens, with heat rays and sucking machines. OK, it could have been a volcano but I think it was aliens  (abc.net.au) (46)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Woman steals a $1,400 handbag from her neighbor, then tries to sell it back to her, which is totes stupid  (dailymail.co.uk) (28)
(New York Daily News) News The NYPD strikes back at the OWS protesters with predictable results. (pics of carnage)  (live.nydailynews.com) (340)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop this streaky streetcar scene  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (28)
(The Consumerist) Florida Woman decides to line up outside Best Buy for Black Friday deals...nine days before it happens  (consumerist.com) (49)
(News.com.au) Interesting His smile alone could power a Third World country. She blushes, like a high school girl who has, finally, after much bedroom plotting, captured the gaze of the football captain  (news.com.au) (178)
(News24) Sad Teacher rapes 11 pupils. It looks like they should have *puts on sunglasses" put on sunglasses. YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH  (news24.com) (151)
(WISHTV) Scary Guy beats girlfriend off with dumbbell. Let's see how this shakes out  (wishtv.com) (85)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: good and evil (LGT inspiration)  (pics.livejournal.com) (21)
(My Fox DC) Amusing Man wearing 'I'm A Drunk' shirt hits police car while driving drunk. Ric Romero investigates  (myfoxdc.com) (22)
(FARK) Sad Farker Faethe died today at 8:10AM EST after a prolonged fight with cancer  (fark.com) (340)
(News.com.au) Interesting Police find six tons of marijuana in a cross border tunnel, and another three tons in a truck. All eighteen tons have been confiscated. Wait, that's not how the meme goes... Are they F-ing high?  (news.com.au) (94)
(Some Guy) Sad Semi full of beer flips on the interstate. Eight fire trucks, twenty-six police cruisers, four ambulances, two local construction crews, five local newstations, and several hundred commuters show up to help clean up the crash  (kcci.com) (93)
(Daily Mail) Fail Pilot locks self in bathroom, then sends passenger with Middle Eastern accent to bang on cabin door for help. Hilariity ensues  (dailymail.co.uk) (154)
(Some Guy) Strange Even the President of the United States can't stop copper thieves from looting. No, not Obama. Abraham Lincoln  (wsiltv.com) (60)
(Las Vegas Review Journal) Obvious What happens in Las Vegas gets beat up in Henderson  (lvrj.com) (51)
(CBC) Obvious School bans soccer balls, footballs, baseballs and tennis balls because kids might get hurt if they play with them  (cbc.ca) (255)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida 10-year-old breaks into impound lot and steals pickup truck. An 80's movie promptly breaks out  (orlandosentinel.com) (34)
(My Fox DC) Interesting Saudi women with sexy eyes may be forced to cover them up. (w/ you may need to cover something else up after looking at it pic)  (myfoxdc.com) (415)
(Washington Post) Asinine Russia threatens nuclear war on its borders. This is not a repeat from 1947 to 1989  (washingtonpost.com) (87)
(Atlanta Journal Constitution) Misc Atlantans flee the city as Yankees invade. This is not a repeat from 1864  (ajc.com) (107)
(Life.com) Misc 140 years ago today the National Rifle Association was founded in New York, but it would be another twelve decades before its primary goal of arming smoking hot blonde twins with powerful handguns would finally be realized  (life.com) (157)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If you've just received custody of your children, taking them on your shoplifting run is probably not the best idea  (wtsp.com) (17)
(Missoulian) Obvious Superior man injured when semi truck proves inferior to freight train  (missoulian.com) (18)
(MSNBC) Misc Some people think its stupid to swim in piranha infested waters. Then there are the toeless Brazilians  (msnbc.msn.com) (54)
(Statesman) Sick It's bad to steal someone's pet goat. It's flat out wrong to then serve it at a barbecue  (statesman.com) (86)
(Daily Mail) Interesting 12 stunning photographs for the National Geographic nature photography competition  (dailymail.co.uk) (64)
(Short List) Unlikely Man gets dumped by girlfriend. Goes through standard phases: 1. get drunk 2. listen to Kelly Clarkson and 3. buy a full suit of Halo armor  (shortlist.com) (60)
(Some Guy) Strange Fark-ready headline: "Brave grandma arrests robber with his penis"  (ghanaweb.com) (36)
(Daily Mail) Followup Here is what the hell China was up to in the desert  (dailymail.co.uk) (74)
(Smh.com.au) Amusing Gentlemen, no matter how desperate you think they are, no lovely Eastern European lady is going to fall for a dude wearing a beaver-skin hat to hide his mullet  (smh.com.au) (54)
(Seattle Times) Followup Sorry we sprayed that old lady. VOTE QUIMBY  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (137)
(Time) Interesting Dear #occupy USA: This is how you do it. Sincerely, Kuwaitis  (time.com) (111)
(Chicago Tribune) Followup Man who killed an Aldi security guard found dead in his prison cell. He will be charged $1 for the body bag  (chicagotribune.com) (33)
(CNNGo) Interesting Striking photos of some of the thousands who've taken up residence in a Manila cemetery. Hey, no one was living there  (cnngo.com) (39)
(NPR) Fail EPA to Arizona copper plant: Cu in court  (m.npr.org) (104)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Dumbass: Teenager fakes his own kidnapping to extort $50,000 ransom from his father. Fail: Dad doesn't pay  (orlandosentinel.com) (64)
(asahi.com) Weird Patriotic Japanese downing sake in mass quantities to benefit Fukushima disaster recovery. Yeah, that'sh the ticket  (ajw.asahi.com) (20)
(Some Guy) Florida High school math teacher accused of selling grades to pay for DUI. How irrational  (winknews.com) (47)
(Cyprus Mail) Scary When "seeking a pleasant change that would break the monotony of hard work", do not do it by rupturing your friend's intestine with a blast from an air compressor  (cyprus-mail.com) (65)
(Statesman) Scary With a name like Smuckers, it's got to be good -- and contaminated with salmonella  (statesman.com) (29)
(nwtn today) Dumbass During domestic dispute, man hits his mother with a ham. After short medical treatment, doctors pronounce her completely cured  (nwtntoday.com) (37)
(sUm Gye) Dumbass If you're going to rob a bank, you may want to make sure your note is legible  (wtov9.com) (30)
(My Fox DC) Asinine In the name of fighting social and economic inequality, high unemployment, greed, corruption, and undue influence of corporations - Occupy DC is going to F up your commute to work this morning  (myfoxdc.com) (214)
(Huffington Post) Silly We don't have flying cars, personal commuter jetpacks or a cure for cancer yet, but we do have bacon-flavored sexual lubricant, so yay science, I guess  (huffingtonpost.com) (38)
(CONTEMPORIST) Photoshop Photoshop this bubble lamp  (contemporist.com) (26)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Hero Millionaires storm Congress, demanding higher taxes for those taking home more than $1 million annually  (startribune.com) (237)
(Washington Post) Strange Eww. Just ewww  (washingtonpost.com) (105)
(Daily Mail) Scary Airline to Birmingham passengers at refueling stop in Vienna: "You guys are going to have to pitch in £20k for gas if you want to get home"  (dailymail.co.uk) (81)
(Chicago Tribune) Stupid Teacher suspended for exposing his class to The Daily Show  (chicagotribune.com) (258)
(Gawker) Fail Know who else wanted a ridiculous haircut?  (gawker.com) (58)
(Yahoo) Obvious When it comes to retiring for most older people in the workforce, the new reality is: 80 is the new 65  (ca.news.yahoo.com) (201)
(gobble gobble) Dumbass No PETA, the town of Turkey, Texas will not change its name to Tofurky  (valleycentral.com) (102)
(Telegraph) PSA Teachers now have the right to search your kids' cell phone for pictures that might be used to embarrass them  (telegraph.co.uk) (39)
(CBS News) Followup McQueary: "I spoke with the Police". Campus and State Police: "Yeah, about that"  (cbsnews.com) (170)
(Statesman) Strange In Texas, the law that requires cars to display license plates expires January 1  (statesman.com) (67)
(USA Today) Obvious Congress calls TSA bloated and ineffective. Fark: Without even a hint of irony in their voices  (travel.usatoday.com) (220)
(Detroit News) Asinine Father of the Year candidate crashes car, flees, and abandons his infant and toddler daughters in Detroit  (detnews.com) (43)
(Metro) Amusing Meet Gavin, the world's most sarcastic gorilla. OH, HE IS *SOOOOOOOOOOOO* AWESOME  (metro.co.uk) (34)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 341: "You Can't Fight City Hall". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (138)

Wed November 16, 2011
(Some Guy) Scary "On the 17th, we're gonna burn New York City to the f***in' ground. You'll see what a Molotov cocktail can do to a Macy's." See what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps, New York?  (verumserum.com) (314)
(TMZ) Obvious Winning: Obama's DUI-busted illegal alien Uncle Onyango clerking at liquor store  (tmz.com) (80)
(UPI) Stupid Mom upset by crotchless panties. Good thing your mom isn't  (upi.com) (109)
(The Times of India) Scary Informer killed by Maoists. In their defense, it is a very difficult song for karaoke  (timesofindia.indiatimes.com) (61)
(Washington Post) Sick Stop me if you've heard this one before: a priest, a pregnant teenager, and an 84-year-old woman are hit with pepper spray  (washingtonpost.com) (274)
(Talking Points Memo) Amusing In one of the ballsiest political maneuvers ever, Herman Cain says that the President simply shouldn't be expected to know things, especially things like foreign policy, because knowing things leads to poor decision making   (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com) (203)
(wpri.com) Strange Taunton ATM targeted. And I thought they smelled bad... on the OUTSIDE  (wpri.com) (27)
(The Sun) Cool Electric blue lobster found. The Sun is there with drawn butter  (thesun.co.uk) (47)
(Boston.com) Photoshop Photoshop this intent inspector  (inapcache.boston.com) (26)
(Mother Nature Network) Strange Scientists say cheese may be better for your heart than butter. Which is kind of like saying vodka may be better for your liver than tequila  (mnn.com) (84)
(Meteorologist Rich Uncle Pennybags) Scary It's like God's own Monopoly game as tornado moves house from Mediterranean to Baltic  (wwltv.com) (66)
(G4TV) Cool Skyrim ships 7 million copies since release. In related news, missing persons reports skyrocket  (g4tv.com) (896)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: Create a poster for a rejected Thanksgiving movie  (fark.com) (38)
(Yahoo) Sad Well, at least the Chinese have moved on to rare, plant-based, ingredients for their aphrodisiacs, so that's progress, I guess  (news.yahoo.com) (78)
(My Fox DC) Cool F/T, competitive pay, benefits, frequent travel may be required, bachelor's degree a must, blood pressure under 140/90, between 62 and 75 inches tall, must speak Russian, fax resume cover letter ATT: NASA  (myfoxdc.com) (120)
(Telegraph) Interesting Heinrich Himmler's WWII postcards up for sale. "Having wonderful time, wish Jew were not here"  (telegraph.co.uk) (116)
(LA Times) Sad One in five U.S. adults takes medication for a mental disorder. "I'll drink to that", said the other four  (latimes.com) (209)
(The Consumerist) Dumbass Japanese cook arrested after squirting sake into a two year-old's mouth. Thank God that's not a euphemism  (consumerist.com) (58)
(Houston Press) Interesting Whatever happened to Baked Alaska? The fates of once-faddish dishes  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (276)
(MSNBC) Cool 2012's new theme park thrill rides. Okay...maybe thrill isn't the right word. WTF Superman?  (itineraries.msnbc.msn.com) (82)
(Some Guy) Stupid "Um, yes...I found your video online, fapped to it, and now unfortunately we have to let you go from the company"  (delcotimes.com) (202)
(AZCentral) Strange Tips for getting along with your roommates: 1) Always pay your bills on time. 2) Don't let your dishes pile up in the sink. 3) Give your roommates a heads up before leaving a severed bison head on a decorative rock in the front yard  (azcentral.com) (56)
(Some Guy) Sad Not news: Couple busted for having marijuana. Kinda news: Police tipped off by secret photos of stash. FARK: Photos were taken by their sick-of-pot-smoke 11-year-old son  (duluthnewstribune.com) (341)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Why didn't any of my math teachers look like this?  (timesdaily.com) (203)
(ABC) Sad Tired of the Pedo State football program getting all the press, new accuser comes forward claiming the university ignored his abuse claim against a former professor. Just the tip...of the iceberg  (abcnews.go.com) (201)
(WFTV) Florida Just another day in Florida features a knock down, drag out, school lunchroom fight between two 11-year-old girls ... and a parent  (wftv.com) (66)
(PennLive) Followup Key witness in Jerry Sandusky sex abuse case changes his story about shower incident after costing four people their jobs. Hopefully they're not butthurt over it  (pennlive.com) (323)
(Some Guy) Fail Handcuffed woman gives cops the slip. Twice  (saljournal.com) (19)
(The Sun) Sad "Bubble Man" requests new treatment for illness, bad-guy role in next Batman film (graphic images)  (thesun.co.uk) (78)
(Toronto Star) Obvious Couple marry as the resort hosting the ceremony burns to the ground. The divorce should be spectacular. (w/pic of happy couple surrounded by flames)  (thestar.com) (59)
(Post Crescent) Ironic Not sure what you mean. You asked for a firetruck, and that's what we gave you  (postcrescent.com) (22)
(Washington Post) Obvious Best Korea is to allow tourists into the country. Just leave your camera, and cell phone at home. Don't talk to anyone, or look at anything. Sounds like fun  (washingtonpost.com) (64)
(Wonkette) Scary Homeland Security responsible for the nationwide crackdown on OWS  (wonkette.com) (407)
(Some Guy) Hero American pilot bombed innocent German children after WWII  (futilitycloset.com) (203)
(wsbtv) Dumbass Teen gets stuck in chimney while trying to break into house. Cops say it's very common during the flue season  (wsbtv.com) (22)
(BBC) Interesting Michael Jackson charged with the attempted abduction and sexual assault of ten year old boy  (bbc.co.uk) (27)
(kctv5) Scary Two year old boy hospitalized after swallowing a battery. Doctors say his prognosis is positive, will soon be discharged  (kctv5.com) (51)
(Dayton Daily News) Stupid Shoplifter caught, texts a friend for immediate help ... by calling in a bomb threat  (daytondailynews.com) (14)
(MSNBC) Sad Sad: 18 kindergarteners and 2 adults die when overcrowded minivan crashes. WTF: 44 other kids in the van survived  (msnbc.msn.com) (146)
(The Morning Call) Fail The dangers of representing yourself in court: "What did the robber sound like?" "He sounded like you"  (mcall.com) (34)
(AccessAtlanta) Sad Munchkin vists the Wizard of Oz  (accessatlanta.com) (46)
(My Fox DC) Interesting "If we can see video on our phones, why are our panties not keeping up with modern technology?"  (myfoxdc.com) (66)
(Some Guy) Dumbass We need a price check on a copper thief at Checkout 2  (losangeles.cbslocal.com) (16)
(NPR) Interesting Are you a child molester who didn't get caught? Well, Lester, you can thank Sandusky for what's about to happen next  (npr.org) (149)
(CBC) Fail If you're going to secretly place motion sensitive cameras in trees to spy on someone, make sure the flash is turned off first. Also, deleting crime photos from the memory cards of previous stakeouts won't hurt either  (cbc.ca) (62)
(BBC) News Syrian army defectors attack major military base and intelligence building near Damascus  (bbc.co.uk) (147)
(Wikipedia) Photoshop Photoshop your idea of heaven  (en.wikipedia.org) (47)
(Vancouver Sun) Interesting Internet account - check. Online alias - check. Superhero costume - check. Then it gets weird  (vancouversun.com) (52)
(Mirror.co.uk) Unlikely Alien craft crashes in woman's yard. Does she: a) call authorities, b) alert the media, or c) keep the alien's lifeless body in her fridge for two years?  (mirror.co.uk) (136)
(Some Guy) Sick Teacher accused of masturbating in class may have been doing it for the past 10 years. That's decadent  (chicago.cbslocal.com) (144)
(Think Progress) Stupid House decrees that tomato sauce on school lunch pizza counts as a vegetable. Part of a healthy and balanced meal, along with malk and horse parts  (thinkprogress.org) (228)
(Some Circuit Court) Sappy Texas appeals court rules owner of mistakenly euthanized dog can sue for damages based on sentimental value rather than replacement cost. "Dogs are unconditionally devoted to their owners"  (courthousenews.com) (86)
(Daily Mail) Stupid When hiring someone to kill your disabled Iraq war vet husband for insurance money, make sure they aren't friends  (dailymail.co.uk) (61)
(Salon) Interesting How Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder disagnoses took over America  (salon.com) (73)
(The Sun) Sappy Giraffe licks photographer's camera. The Sun is there  (thesun.co.uk) (25)
(Huffington Post) Interesting Atheist billboard wants to wish you a merry Christmyth  (huffingtonpost.com) (529)
(WANE TV) Ironic Bambi 1, Hunter 0. Check to see that the deer is DEAD before you 'field dress' it  (wane.com) (113)
(Anchorage Daily News) PSA Never bring an axe to a snowplow fight  (adn.com) (12)
(Some Guy in Texas) Strange What's the Mile High club called at 100 ft elevation? While in the back of a cop car? While handcuffed?   (montgomerycountypolicereporter.com) (84)

Tue November 15, 2011
(Oregon Live) Obvious PBS rockstar chef Christopher Kimball advises Thanksgiving cooks to "strip down the menu. Have the turkey, mashed potatoes and one other vegetable. And then forget the salad. Forget the six other sides"  (oregonlive.com) (225)
(Mercury News) Strange Killing, skinning and eating a bobcat isn't normal. But on meth it is  (mercurynews.com) (73)
(Slate) Obvious NPR's Michele Norris voluntarily stepped down after her husband took a job with the Obama campaign. What does George Will do after his wife goes to work for Rick Perry? Repeatedly bash Romney in his columns  (slate.com) (119)
(C|Net) Scary Unlike selling guns directly to drug cartels, the D.O.J. thinks that lying on your Match.com profile should be a Federal Crime. Scary meets Stupid  (news.cnet.com) (170)
(Local10) Florida If the boyfriend you're picking up from jail immediately attacks and strangles you, it may be a sign your relationship has some unresolved issues  (local10.com) (80)
(Reuters) Interesting Q: What is the best wine for Thanksgiving dinner? A: Lots  (reuters.com) (74)
(Google) Photoshop If Fark went public, it would need to publish an annual report to shareholders. Photoshop the cover  (google.com) (62)
(My San Antonio) Asinine "Man accused of robbing restaurant with child in car" rather than a more traditional weapon, like a knife or a gun  (mysanantonio.com) (29)
(New York Daily News) Dumbass Step 1) Voluntarily give DNA. Step 2) Remember you're a serial killer. Step 3) Regret step one  (nydailynews.com) (42)
(Abc.net.au) Silly US president insured against crocodile attack. Oh come on, when is he ever going to need.... oh Australia, it makes sense now  (abc.net.au) (64)
(New York Daily News) Sick Jerry Sandusky's lawyer once impregnated a 16-year-old client. We're gonna need a "Pennsylvania" tag  (nydailynews.com) (389)
(Cracked) Amusing Bruce Lee dies and has a casket boner and then goes to hell, but he takes over and outlaws gambling and teaches Popeye kung fu and beats up Dracula. After that this gets a little weird  (cracked.com) (61)
(MSNBC) Misc Contact lens recall. If you can't read this you may be affected  (vitals.msnbc.msn.com) (17)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Scary LaGrange man accused of stabbing and killing his pregnant girlfriend in 1981. "She was stabbed 34 times in the chest and back." A how how how how how how how how sick can you get?  (suntimes.com) (47)
(The Courier Times) Sick If you can't answer the question, "Are you sexually attracted to young boys?" with, "Absolutely not, that's ridiculous" then you shouldn't do the interview  (phillyburbs.com) (312)
(The Local (Germany)) Weird Today's Fark-ready headline:"Pervert-pleasing high-heeled mice stompers convicted of cruelty"  (thelocal.de) (82)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Two sugary soft drinks per day greatly increases heart attack risk in women and presumably the men who see them naked  (dailymail.co.uk) (46)
(fox10tv.com) Dumbass Teens drink bleach to pass drug tests, with predictable results  (fox10tv.com) (133)
(Houston Press) Asinine Drunk driver crashes into grounded Medevac helicopter, asks arresting officer why the chopper was "flying so low to the ground." See, there is such a thing as a dumb question  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (49)
(Some Guy) Asinine When shopping online you can usually choose to see the item in a different color. Clicking to see it in "Black" on this store's site might surprise you though  (ballston.patch.com) (182)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this temple entrance  (img-fotki.yandex.ru) (38)
(Wired) Spiffy Technology in DARPA's FastRunner robot will enable it to run up to 50 miles an hour, making it the fastest Scout Mech in the Inner Sphere  (wired.com) (172)
(BBC) Sick "I wish to complain about this salad which I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique"  (bbc.co.uk) (173)
(Some Guy) Sad Trapped girl survives after car wreck by drinking Gatorade and eating Pop-Tarts, or as your kids call it, "lunch"  (thetimesnews.com) (64)
(CTNow) Stupid ɴᴇᴡᴍᴀɴ  (ctnow.com) (80)
(Life.com) Amusing After 75 years and 2,237 issues, how on earth is an iconic American magazine supposed to choose its 20 worst, embarrassing, woefully god-awful and downright hideous covers of all time? LOUDLY, that's how  (life.com) (125)
(FARK) FarkBlog An update Fark's annual Headline of the Year contest, and some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 11/6 - 11/11  (fark.com) (34)
(New York Daily News) Cool Mom recreates scenes from classic films with her baby boy. With "D'awww" inducing Alien reference  (nydailynews.com) (69)
(Yahoo) Sappy People that have the "kindness gene" are known to be far more kind and caring than people without it, according to the "Give me a hug" Institute  (ca.news.yahoo.com) (161)
(Some Guy) Obvious You may be going mad if both your dog and Jesus tell you to break into a vacant home because you're supposed to meet Taylor Swift there and marry her in the back yard  (wgme.com) (81)
(National Post) Strange Birth control pills may be linked to increased prostate cancer. I don't think you're using them right  (news.nationalpost.com) (89)
(The Destin Log) Florida Deputies reprimanded for failing to find gun hidden in man's fat rolls. Florida tag unbuttons pants, goes back for seconds  (thedestinlog.com) (31)
(Think Progress) Asinine States converting unemployment checks to BoA prepaid cards, who charges $5 fee per use  (thinkprogress.org) (402)
(Amazon) Florida Casey Anthony Prosecutor Jeff Ashton's Book Drops Today. As far as reviews go, the jury's still out, but I think we can assume they'll get it wrong  (amazon.com) (53)
(ABC) Interesting If you are interested in renting an apartment in London for the upcoming Olympic games, why not consider this modest flat being offered by a nice old lady named "Her Royal Majesty Queen Elizabeth II"?  (abcnews.go.com) (50)
(Some Turkey) PSA Unsure what to bring on Thanksgiving? Here's a handy flowchart  (chow.com) (218)
(Fall River Herald News) Strange Man loses car, ear after showing $100 bill to drug addict "friend"  (heraldnews.com) (32)
(Yahoo) Interesting Crime novelist says he has uncovered evidence that Jane Austen may have been murdered. Police are now looking for a high-school English student with access to a time machine  (news.yahoo.com) (93)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If your wife received two gunshot wounds because you were "cleaning your gun" the police might have a problem with that  (wmur.com) (80)
(OC Register) Sad 90-year old steakhouse closes, because who wants to eat a 90-year old steak?  (fastfood.ocregister.com) (96)
(some chalupa) Dumbass They won't serve you in an electric wheelchair at the drive-thru window? Ram that chair into their front doors till they shatter. That's the *Elkhart* way  (abc57.com) (107)
(azfamily.com) Unlikely Family defends toddler beauty pageants by pointing out that fake teeth, fake fingernails, and fake tans are the same as using helmets and pads in football. "That's what they need to compete"  (azfamily.com) (162)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Fishing in Florida? Don't forget to bring your gun  (sun-sentinel.com) (92)
(New Zealand Herald) Fail Guy finds out the hard way that a hippopotamus does not make a good pet. w/vid of them in happier times  (nzherald.co.nz) (102)
(New York Daily News) Followup Court orders NYPD to let Occupy Wall Street back into Liberty Plaza with tents  (nydailynews.com) (812)
(Mother Nature Network) Interesting Some of astronomy's most popular misconceptions explained. Also, Uranus isn't pronounced like you think it is  (mnn.com) (111)
(Some Lizard) Photoshop Photoshop theme: bad puns  (chaospet.com) (45)
(MSNBC) Scary The War on Christmas taken to a frightening new level with the deployment of anti-aircraft weapons  (msnbc.msn.com) (48)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Tourist spots Christ's image on cliff. Jesus rocks  (dailymail.co.uk) (57)
(Some Guy) Obvious Were "Adam" and "Eve" the genetic ruling hybrids that were formed following an Extraterrestrial War against humans? If you answered, "yes," you might be a nutjob (NSFW pic in article)  (agoracosmopolitan.com) (178)
(CNN) Scary Russian historian caught with 29 female corpses dressed as dolls in his apartment. That's Psycho  (cnn.com) (71)
(Reuters) Amusing "Has not Batman taken care off?" Or, best video transcript ever?  (reuters.com) (48)
(AZCentral) Interesting The makers of Kotex tampons say they must recall their product, period  (azcentral.com) (62)
(Seattle Times) Weird Not news: woman dies from gunshot. Fark: that she received 15 years ago  (today.seattletimes.com) (55)
(OWS) News NYPD decides it's their turn to occupy Wall Street  (occupywallst.org) (686)
(Some Guy) Amusing So did you hear the one about a guy that went to a midget football game and a cheerleading cat fight broke out?  (pressdemocrat.com) (31)
(Huffington Post) Silly As silly as this story is, it's just an excuse to work the words "panda poo" into a headline  (huffingtonpost.com) (7)
(Yahoo) Interesting Worst. Car. Flops.... of 2011  (autos.yahoo.com) (174)
(MSNBC) Scary 1 in 5 AMERICANS NOW SUFFER FROM HEARING LOSS  (vitals.msnbc.msn.com) (110)
(Some Guy) Scary Virginia man is determined not to be browbeaten into copping to sexual assault charges, insisting the whole story is cockeyemamie. (w/ pic that demands admittance into the Fark mugshot pantheon)  (wtvr.com) (54)
(Some Guy) Obvious Photos from pole dancing competition. Warning slideshow. Now you know why the lights are so low  (29-95.com) (143)
(Casper Star Tribune) Dumbass Wyoming school board thin skinned over high school coach's Hurt Feelings Report. Bonus: He keeps his job as a counsellor. Time to chug over to mamby-pamby land, jackwagon  (trib.com) (152)

Mon November 14, 2011
(Metronews.ca) Cool Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music....So happy b'day XBox  (metronews.ca) (59)
(Fox News) Scary Most terrifying Russian invention since the ICBM  (foxnews.com) (148)
(Some Guy) Strange Tornado Watch issued for the Indianapolis region. Citizens are urged to seek shelter in Lucas Oil Stadium, where there is no chance of a touchdown  (theindychannel.com) (107)
(CNN) Sad Social network co-founder dies at age 22. No the other one. No the other one. Keep going  (money.cnn.com) (137)
(The Sun) Sick Botulism in sauce? That's some bad korma  (thesun.co.uk) (37)
(MLive.com) Stupid Man wins $176K in lottery, says he is going to buy a new house, a new car, and get his kids anything they want for Christmas. You do the math, he obviously can't  (mlive.com) (179)
(Yahoo) Unlikely AmberWatch unveils TV channel to stop sex abuse, Pedobear  (news.yahoo.com) (29)
(WTSP) Florida Do you have the bells to be a carillonneur? Well, do ya, punk?  (wtsp.com) (22)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop this lone leaf  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (40)
(CBS News) Hero "From desk of President Goodluck Johnathan. CONGRETULATOINS. You have ben awardeded the Ordere of the Federale Republic." Yeah right. *DELETE*  (cbsnews.com) (56)
(UPI) Interesting Researchers find sleep paralysis is more frequent in students -- which is no surprise to anyone who has ever taught a class of teenagers  (upi.com) (70)
(Huffington Post) Interesting Creepy Sandusky interview from 1987 "I enjoy being around children. I enjoy their enthusiasm I just have a good time with them." Okay, maybe there were red flags we missed  (huffingtonpost.com) (306)
(CBS) Asinine If you believe the Cal Trans safety inspection team, I have a bridge safety report to sell you  (losangeles.cbslocal.com) (45)
(Washington Post) Sad The secret behind the success of a thriving, upscale restaurant in DC's struggling Anacostia neighborhood? Coke  (washingtonpost.com) (57)
(Forbes) Stupid PETA attacks Mario...for wearing Tanooki fur  (forbes.com) (167)
(The New York Times) News NBA players: Nodealkthnxbai  (nytimes.com) (727)
(Some Guy) Amusing News: man hits deer with motorcycle. Fark: friends arrive to help, load bike into truck, and leave man on side of road with deer  (ksat.com) (100)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop this puzzling pasture  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (27)
(Tech Crunch) Interesting Company being sued by patent trolls goes on the offensive. May implement "Jack sh*t and go f*ck yourself" strategy in the case of Fark v. Patentroll  (techcrunch.com) (89)
(Some Guy) Strange Crazy train shoots out sparks as it nearly goes off the rails. Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay  (sanduskyregister.com) (55)
(wtvr.com) Sad Man accidentally kills self at grocery store. He must have used the self-checkout lane  (wtvr.com) (341)
(Washington Post) Interesting New theory suggests common cause for triathletes who die during the swim: EVERYBODY PANICKED  (washingtonpost.com) (40)
(A Dead Turkey) Asinine Thanksgiving is next week; so what has your family done already to make you totally crazy?  (veganmainstream.com) (302)
(Dayton Daily News) Followup Remember when Ohio drove those predatory payday lenders out of business? That market segment is now being served by "legitimate" banks, who offer short-term loans with 120 - 300% APRs  (daytondailynews.com) (105)
(Salisbury Post) Amusing She's no Goldilocks, but woman found sleeping in stranger's bed after raiding cookie jar  (salisburypost.com) (34)
(PennLive) Amusing When hiring an attorney connected to the largest pedo case in the US, it might be good to doublecheck the names of your lawyers  (pennlive.com) (104)
(The Local (Sweden)) Dumbass School Head on rape claim: "Guys do this kind of thing, you have to get used to it"  (thelocal.se) (139)
(Adweek) Silly Well I, for one, am glad that I'm not the only one who thought T-Mobile was encouraging us to go "walking in an orgy wonderland" instead of a "4-G wonderland"  (adweek.com) (68)
(Houston Press) Strange This one starts with some parents smoking weed with their kids, continues with an argument, a .22 pistol, a baseball bat and a machete. Then a Pakistani immigrant shows up and it gets weird  (houstonpress.com) (57)
(Yahoo) Obvious Sen. Schumer reminds Americans who are bad at math that after paying "layaway fees" and interest, many of them would have come out ahead just putting the purchase on plastic  (news.yahoo.com) (192)
(BBC) Interesting Wind machines on the Galloway crutches / Discount turbines on the Dumfriesshire buses / GOT A DEVIL'S BEEF TUB ON MY MIND  (bbc.co.uk) (31)
(Some Scrooge) Obvious Bah, humbug. If you try to smuggle illegal items like marijuana to put in Santa Claus's cookies this holiday season wrapped as gifts, the TSA warns that you won't get away with it  (losangeles.cbslocal.com) (83)
(Mercury News) Scary When returning your rental car, don't forget the half million dollars worth of cocaine you hid in the doors  (mercurynews.com) (46)
(Daily Mail) Fail NC couple sues AirTran for $100,000 from the airline for mental and emotional distress due to cockroaches on the plane. AirTran was just happy to have a full flight  (dailymail.co.uk) (49)
(Wisconsin Gazette) Followup Separated male penguin couple at the Toronto Zoo will reunite in the spring  (wisconsingazette.com) (43)
(JSOnline) Sad Owl stolen from rehab center. Who? Dakata. Who? Thieves did it. Who? I don't know who did it. Who? STOP IT ALREADY Hoo  (jsonline.com) (34)
(MSNBC) Followup National Toy Hall of Fame adds Hot Wheels, dollhouse and blanket. Also known as another Saturday night in mom's basement  (bottomline.msnbc.msn.com) (38)
(Grantland) Amusing The Men Who Camped Out for Twilight: A photo essay  (grantland.com) (273)
(CBS Local) Followup It seems that retailers forgot one small thing about opening their stores at 10PM and Midnight on Thanksgiving: their employees want to spend time with their families on the holiday  (detroit.cbslocal.com) (218)
(The New York Times) News Supreme Court to determine whether Alexander Hamilton would have wanted to join an HMO  (nytimes.com) (266)
(Daily Mail) Strange Many people who claim there won't be social security when they retire say they plan to invest wisely now. Others say they will keep working beyond age 65. Then there's this guy  (dailymail.co.uk) (46)
(Gizmodo) Strange China, what the hell are you building in the middle of the desert?  (gizmodo.com) (169)
(The New York Times) Scary Thanks to unending NRA lobbying, convicted felons are now able to regain their Second Amendment right to own firearms  (nytimes.com) (392)
(Smh.com.au) Obvious Coincidentally, the Iranian arms chief spontaneously detonates. Coincidentally  (smh.com.au) (72)
(Chicago Tribune) Obvious American Eagle fined $900,000 for tarmac delays, ugly overpriced hipster clothing  (chicagotribune.com) (59)
(CNN) Scary Judge rules no reason to believe Norway mass murderer is insane. Dead stare mugshot begs to differ, suggests ZOMG TOTES CRAY CRAY  (cnn.com) (115)
(The Register) Scary Swedish nuclear power plant on fire because of: a) earthquake, b) tsunami, or c) a vacuum cleaner  (theregister.co.uk) (42)
(Yahoo) Amusing If you thought spiders didn't have sex for money... you were wrong  (news.yahoo.com) (54)
(Daily Mail) Obvious I'm sorry, that will be a $300 "your airline sucks" fee  (dailymail.co.uk) (11)
(The Sun) Fail "Sex quiz cricket ace in hotel suicide leap." The Sun is there, with a grammatically questionable headline  (thesun.co.uk) (25)
(Gawker) Hero When Gaddafi farked you, you stayed farked. At least until after the surgeons stopped the internal bleeding  (gawker.com) (79)
(Some Lizard) Photoshop Photoshop characters in an important scene from one movie to a similarly important scene in another  (filmforum.org) (136)
(NYPost) Interesting Judge who set bail for Penn State pedo coach...worked for Penn State pedo coach's charity. You know, the one where he got the kids  (nypost.com) (471)
(Some Guy) Interesting In Thailand they have to bribe citizens with free eggs and rice to get them to recycle. Keep that in mind the next Sunday night you're up late sorting apart your glass, aluminum, and cardboard trash  (soshiok.com) (71)
(Some Guy) Scary If you have dark eyes and moles on your body, there's a good chance you carry a mutant gene. But not the cool type of mutant gene that will qualify you for the X-Men's School for Gifted  (couriermail.com.au) (50)
(some smh liberal) Asinine Mic check. Mic check. THIS IS WHAT A TANTRUM LOOKS LIKE  (slog.thestranger.com) (295)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Did you hear? Women can only keep a secret for 32 minutes  (dailymail.co.uk) (75)
(The Missoulian) Scary Actual quote from daycare owner turned child molester to police: she was "4 going on 40"  (missoulian.com) (155)
(MSNBC) Strange Woman honors sister's dying wish, for her to bork her husband after she dies  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (99)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Dumbass Once again, a poor decision to brand oneself with a tattoo leads police to a quick, tidy arrest  (suntimes.com) (64)
(Smh.com.au) Interesting Beautiful people are more successful, more productive, more annoying  (smh.com.au) (58)
(Daily Mail) Followup Judge bans woman from the internet....For sexting nude photos to her son's very lucky, fapping, underage friend  (dailymail.co.uk) (100)
(Calgary Herald) Strange Old and busted: Red Light Cameras. New hotness: Noise Cameras  (calgaryherald.com) (101)
(Daily Mail) Sick Guess what the Catholic Church's chief paedophile investigator was just arrested for. Go ahead...guess  (dailymail.co.uk) (206)

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