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Sun December 04, 2011
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Jalopnik) Fail Massive pileup in Japan claims 8 Ferraris, 3 Mercs, 1 Lambo, and a Prius  (jalopnik.com) (104)
(CNN) Hero Aging survivors of Pearl Harbor attack are passing on the Bataan  (cnn.com) (30)
(Time) Amusing Man protests bureaucracy by releasing 40 cobras in tax office  (newsfeed.time.com) (45)
(Detroit Free Press) Asinine US Postal Service to do the impossible, make mail delivery even slower  (freep.com) (197)
(Des Moines Register) Scary "Excuse me, are you talking to me?" "No." "Okay, then." STAB STAB STAB STAB  (blogs.desmoinesregister.com) (26)
(Some Guy) Strange Sasquatch hunters are recruiting around US Army base Fort Bragg, NC. Will highly trained military members finally catch this scumbag yeti?  (freethoughtblogs.com) (40)
(Some Flabby Lizard) Photoshop Photoshop this edgy tree  (pics.livejournal.com) (37)
(The Real Ric Romero) Obvious "Homeowners everywhere are anxious to hire work crews to cut up those limbs and branches... But a word of caution: Hiring the wrong people could actually do more harm than good." I'm intrigued by your insight, Ric Romero  (abclocal.go.com) (25)
(Some Guy) Asinine Mother says 9-year-old suspended for saying his teacher was cute. 9-year-old agrees that's what happened. There's no other confirmation so maybe it's not quite this simple. Still, don't we all want to believe this is true?  (gastongazette.com) (122)
(Mother Nature Network) Cool Whats bigger than Lucille's Balls and Whinny's Pooh? Give up? Why its Lincoln Log and we've got a picture of the epic driftwood  (mnn.com) (42)
(Fox News) Interesting Top 10 predictions for 2012. Step right up, place your bets  (foxnews.com) (186)
(Some Guy) Amusing 10 year veteran of pizza deliveries petitions Congress for a minimum pay rate of $20 hour. Bonus: He points out no one has a Constitutional right to pizza delivery and no tip? Then you need to buy frozen pizza at the supermarket  (petitiononline.com) (250)
(WIVB) Dumbass D...r...u...n...k . . . m...a...n . . . b...u...s...t...e...d . . . f...o...r . . . d...r...i...v...i...n...g . . . t...o...o . . . s...l...o...w...l...y  (wivb.com) (31)
(Yahoo) Fail Hot brunette claims she was injured and humiliated by TSA during strip search with picture goodness  (news.yahoo.com) (119)
(Yahoo) Interesting Top ten places to avoid this holiday season  (travel.yahoo.com) (63)
(Some Guy) Weird Deep in the hills Pennsyltucket. A man kept his cash in a bucket. A burglar his gun, stole away just for fun. And as for the bucket, he took it  (centredaily.com) (15)
(Gawker) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: Fark's 2011 Holiday List of Unsafe Children's Toys  (cache.gawker.com) (45)
(Huffington Post) Strange NYPD stealing pizzas from Robin Hood protesters. Those monstrous bastards  (huffingtonpost.com) (132)
(Reuters) Obvious Just when gas prices were actually dropping below $3.00 a gallon in some places, Iran pulls a HA HA moment  (reuters.com) (150)
(BBC) Sad All men are mortal. Socrates is a man. Therefore, Socrates is mortal  (news.bbc.co.uk) (70)
(UPI) Scary Giant pandas en route to Scotland. EVERYBODY PANIC  (upi.com) (31)
(Some Guy) Ironic Former Miss World Canada contestant and Miss Congeniality award winner one of the latest to be charged in the Vancouver Stanley Cup riot  (globaltvbc.com) (49)
(Live Science) Interesting Why Atheists celebrate Christmas. Also why Trekkies celebrate March 22 in Riverside, Why Potter fanatics celebrate July 31, and why leprechauns are hoarding gold  (livescience.com) (279)
(Seattle Times) Spiffy Listen up you fudging Farkers. It's about fudging time you fudging learned how to make some fudging fudge. Just don't ask us to help you pack it, that's what your mom is for  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (50)
(LA Times) Followup Hockey mom penalized for taking a 2-on-1 from her son's team (w/needs a hockey mask pic)  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (84)
(Yahoo) News Iranian military photoshops out U.S. drone  (news.yahoo.com) (260)
(Washington Post) Followup Just another Sunday in Germany - concerts in the park, boating on the Rhine, experts detonating a 1.8 ton WWII bomb  (washingtonpost.com) (53)
(Pravda) Interesting Noah's Ark officially found in Turkish mountains. Well, that settles everything once and for all  (english.pravda.ru) (258)
(News.com.au) Stupid Drink marketed as a hangover cure enrages alcohol and road safety groups who fear it will encourage drunk driving  (news.com.au) (80)
(Daily Mail) Florida Pro Tip: When attempting to escape Wal-Mart security after being caught shoplifting, it usually isn't the best policy to use your baby as a weapon by swinging it at the officers  (dailymail.co.uk) (81)
(Burlington Free Press) Weird Hey, we're all angry with the government these days. But that doesn't mean you should protest by whacking a dead raccoon against the doors of City Hall  (burlingtonfreepress.com) (30)
(Marketwatch) Cool Penis too small? No penis? Trying to compensate for something? Your penismobile has arrived  (marketwatch.com) (135)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida If you grow anything with hydroponics in Florida the police will automatically assume you are growing pot and come kick down your door without a warrant  (tampabay.com) (166)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these Golden Girls  (i.imgur.com) (32)
(Telegraph) Obvious Queen's income down from $120m to $59m a year. Obviously it's because of the new singer  (telegraph.co.uk) (42)
(New York Daily News) Strange Lawyer is not feeling irie after he's awarded only $1.50 for successfully defending the religous right of a prisoner to not have his dreadlocks touched by guards  (nydailynews.com) (29)
(Herald Tribune) Florida Smoking crack, passing counterfeit money, smacking up juvies, spitting on arrestees, cracking heads open -- just another day in the life of corrupt untouchable cops in the great state of Florida  (heraldtribune.com) (148)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass And you thought your holiday family gatherings were awkward  (dailymail.co.uk) (86)
(Daily Mail) Scary Man stranded in snow for three days survives on frozen Coors Light, which article incorrectly identifies as "beer"  (dailymail.co.uk) (47)
(Mirror.co.uk) Sick Starbucks' "festive favorites" coffee contains 579 calories... almost 90 more than a Big Mac  (mirror.co.uk) (105)
(WXYZ Detroit) Scary Radio station hosts a "Coats for Kids" night at a shopping mall. Things went will until several fights flared up and gunfire broke out  (wxyz.com) (67)
(KING5) Interesting While you were busy trying to make ends meet, a woman in Seattle has been collecting $1200 a month in housing assistance, along with food stamps and living in a 2,500 square-foot home, with gardens and a boat dock, that is valued at $1.2 million  (king5.com) (162)
(CNN) Followup Grand jury refuses to indict McDonald's cashier who beat two customers with a pipe for giving him a fake $50 bill, fracturing one's skull and breaking her arm. Good thing they didn't try to use a $2 bill  (cnn.com) (182)
(NYPost) Sad During a North Pole geography lesson, second-grade teacher informs the students that Santa doesn't exist. Why yes, some parents have a problem with this. "It's outrageous that a teacher would strip a child of their innocence"  (nypost.com) (198)
(NJ.com) Strange Cop uses a truck he stole from a drunk driver to intentionally ram his wife's car  (nj.com) (43)
(Detroit News) Sad Detroit mother of six trades house for minivan. "I lost a friend over this. She felt my decision made me look bad"  (detnews.com) (78)
(CNN) Interesting And the world's least corrupt nation is  (cnn.com) (79)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Police report says a man charged with assault walked up to a woman in a bar and "kissed her and put his tongue down her throat against her will." I'm sure the plan sounded much more smooth and sexy in his head beforehand  (nwfdailynews.com) (41)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Man caught lurking in the trees dressed all in black with a hooded sweatshirt and armed with a flashlight and a machete and nursing a spider bite tells cops he was walking to the store to buy his lady some smokes  (nwfdailynews.com) (38)

Sat December 03, 2011
(Scientific American) Interesting Would you kill one person to save five others?  (scientificamerican.com) (471)
(Some Guy) Asinine School puts up Ten Commandments display. Student complains, prompts ACLU to file lawsuit. Of course, the school wants to force the court to release the student's name and are calling him a "coward" for remaining anonymous  (roanoke.com) (411)
(Omaha World Herald) Dumbass Man claims he was running a "clean" escort service but "Craigslist really filthed it up"  (omaha.com) (34)
(Some Guy) Interesting 63 Percent of Illegal Aliens have Resided in the U.S. 10 Years or More. The illegals don't need to be "brought out of the shadows" because they live and work openly  (pewhispanic.org) (161)
(Some Guy) Asinine Study: People trust atheists about as much as they do rapists. "There's this persistent belief that people behave better if they feel like God is watching them." Oh for God's sake  (theblaze.com) (645)
(Telegram) Photoshop Photoshop this woman shoplifting  (telegram.com) (18)
(Daily Mail) Sappy Mother hyena brings ugly-ass pups above ground, poses for rare photos  (dailymail.co.uk) (55)
(Some Guy) PSA Protip: If your disturbed wife's shopping list includes plastic sheets, gallons of bleach, eight roasting pans, and a Sawzall, you might want to spend the holidays elsewhere  (heraldnet.com) (82)
(Some American Girl) Obvious Asians' college strategy: Don't check 'Asian'  (centredaily.com) (307)
(Some TVs) Photoshop Photoshop this double deal   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (31)
(The Brooklyn Paper) Spiffy You know your councilman deserves reelection when he calls the FAA to stop low-flying airplanes from disturbing 80-year-old's daily Matlock viewings  (brooklynpaper.com) (38)
(CNN) PSA The most popular baby names of 2011 are here, and let's welcome a whole generation of children who will get teased by kids in their class with normal, unpretentious names  (marquee.blogs.cnn.com) (439)
(Denver Channel) Asinine We're sorry our bus hit your car, please send us a $70,000 money order, kthxbai  (thedenverchannel.com) (218)
(The New York Times) Fail In a bid to help law enforcement officers with cognitive difficulties, the Border patrol and other agencies are purging anyone intelligent enough to question the drug war  (nytimes.com) (189)
(Some Guy) Hero Sheriff's deputies and movers show up on orders from bank to forcefully evict a 103-year old woman and her 86-year old daughter from their house. Refuse to do it when they actually see the women. Man, but it's dusty in here  (newsone.com) (262)
(TimeFreePress) Fail Sex with minors, snorting crushed pills, storing porn on city owned phones, shooting other officers and running from other law enforcement agencies... just another day in the Cleveland (Tennessee) Police Department  (timesfreepress.com) (55)
(Daily Mail) Interesting St. Petersburg, Florida has again been named the nation's saddest city, God's waiting room  (dailymail.co.uk) (83)
(Some Guy) Weird For the record, there have been no official reports of flesh-eating bananas in Mozambique  (couriermail.com.au) (35)
(Sun Journal (Maine)) Amusing It's not too late to make plans to come to Eastport, Maine and watch the Great Sardine drop for New Years. "Oh, yeah, it's good luck to kiss the fish"  (sunjournal.com) (21)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop this ChemCam chamber  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (30)
(Owner of a counter-surfer) Dumbass Tag is for subby. Yes she's okay. I'm going to just leave this here as a public service message: What to do if your dog eats your medical marijuana  (bouldermountainvet.com) (136)
(Fox News) Unlikely Eating Disorder? You were raped by a Satanic cult. Anxiety? Raped by a Satanic cult. Tension? Fear? Sad? Cult, cult, cult  (foxnews.com) (120)
(Baltimore Sun) Caturday Celebrity cats shown in "Hoarders" crawl out from rubble to find new homes in time for Caturday  (baltimoresun.com) (872)
(The Local (Sweden)) Asinine Man who lost both legs denied wheelchair until council can determine if his condition is permanent. That's quite a stumper  (thelocal.se) (79)
(Buzzfeed) Followup The 45 most powerful images of 2011. Yep, that one's there. That one too. (Some images may be disturbing)  (buzzfeed.com) (261)
(AP) Scary If only there were a phrase to describe this sort of behavior  (hosted.ap.org) (29)
(The Raw Story) Asinine When Alabama arrested one foreign car executive under its new immigration law, that might have been a fluke. But now they've gone and done it again  (rawstory.com) (176)
(CNN) Sad Upper house of African country's legislature passes bill to lock up all gays for 14 years. No, it's not Uganda  (cnn.com) (97)
(Some Guy) Strange Occupy Boston protesters trying to winterize their encampment have brought everything but the kitchen sink, and only because the cops confiscated that  (boston.cbslocal.com) (256)
(TwinCities.com) Unlikely Police in western South Dakota brought beanbags to a sword fight  (twincities.com) (28)
(Some Guy) Dumbass What has two thumbs, a hooker, and really wishes 411 and 911 weren't so similar? This guy  (wwaytv3.com) (41)

Fri December 02, 2011
(AZCentral) Asinine 1st grader faces sexual harassment charge for punching another boy in the groin. Mom says the other kid choked her son, and says if you consider the punch to be sexual assault, then you need to charge the other boy with attempted murder  (azcentral.com) (151)
(ABC) Strange Man dies from nosebleed  (abcnews.go.com) (124)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing After last week's less than stellar entries, a return to form this week in the Mugshot Roundup  (thesmokinggun.com) (181)
(msnbc.com) Amusing Effin woman can't get Facebook to acknowledge her Effin town, for eff's sake   (digitallife.today.msnbc.msn.com) (69)
(Travel + Leisure) Strange Cities with America's strangest people. The list could very easily be called "Where the liberals at?" instead  (travelandleisure.com) (194)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Move a street name sign to a more appropriate, or inappropriate location  (images.google.com) (38)
(WWSB ABC 7) Florida Just FYI, ordering "blunt and some herbs" at the Burger King drive-thru could get your ass thrown into jail in Florida  (mysuncoast.com) (72)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Protip: If you're going to make a career out of carjacking, learn how to drive a stick shift. Florida tag barely squeezes out dumbass tag  (tampabay.com) (71)
(Environmental Graffiti) Interesting The 10 creepiest abandoned water parks on Earth. (Warning : Slideshow, but worth it)  (environmentalgraffiti.com) (101)
(Some Guy) Amusing The ten most offensive beer labels in the world  (aleheads.com) (89)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Man accused of shooting his brother at a farewell party. Well, bye  (sun-sentinel.com) (16)
(The Smoking Gun) Followup Would it surprise you to learn that there is no actual Bennett composing those hilarious "Texts From Bennett"? I thought not  (thesmokinggun.com) (47)
(FARK) Cool It's the first anniversary of the greatest Fark holiday of all. Merry Biatchmas to all, and to all a good fight  (fark.com) (72)
(jezebel.com) Scary Xeni Jardin live-tweets her first mammogram, is diagnosed with cancer  (jezebel.com) (132)
(TwinCities.com) Obvious "Across the country the court systems and particularly the Bankruptcy Court in Minnesota, are composed of a bunch of ignoramus, bigoted Catholic beasts that carry the sword of the church"  (twincities.com) (73)
(Some Guy) Followup LA hit with "once in a generation windstorm". We knew Twilight sucked but damn  (losangeles.cbslocal.com) (43)
(Talking Points Memo) Followup When asked if his candidate would participate in the NewsMax debate moderated by Donald Trump, Huntsman's campaign adviser responded, "lol." Seriously   (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com) (173)
(Some Guy) Amusing Ultrasound of baby "Tebowing" is first time anything having to do with Tim Tebow was inside a woman  (athlonsports.com) (124)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Friday photo fun: Which crime did the time? Contest ends 6 p.m. EST  (thesmokinggun.com) (7)
(BBC) Obvious Thirty antique coins turned in after plea from authorities following metal detecting weekend in England. Police would like to thank a Mr. J. Iscariot for his honesty  (bbc.co.uk) (33)
(Telegraph) Cool Rembrandt painting identified by X-Ray analysis; self-portrait revealed to be underneath later work by unknown artist. Baby. That's just the way it is, baby  (telegraph.co.uk) (20)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this artistically presented dancer  (i483.photobucket.com) (25)
(BBC) Scary I scream, you scream, we all scream along with the ice cream salesman who has the machete stuck in his head  (bbc.co.uk) (38)
(Some Guy) Amusing In other news, Hillary Clinton gets groped in Myanmar  (l3.yimg.com) (64)
(CBC) Followup Not only will apple juice kill you with arsenic, it will also make you fat. Fark's previous recommendation of substituting beer continues with additional oomph  (cbc.ca) (55)
(Telegraph) Amusing Vietnamese are famed for their skills in fishing with nets are now using that expertise to catch motorcycles  (telegraph.co.uk) (35)
(wcnc.com) PSA South Carolina newspaper apologizes for dirty word, you sensitive prick bastards  (wcnc.com) (36)
(Boing Boing) Cool Trying to decide where to eat tonight? Check out "A Consumer Guide on the Working Conditions of American Restaurants." Once again, Five Guys beats out In-N-Out, and Olive Garden found yet another way to suck  (boingboing.net) (238)
(Short List) Obvious So apparently most of us don't know why we're here  (shortlist.com) (78)
(CNNGo) Interesting A visit to the Korean Demilitarized Zone, where military activity is prohibited, yet the air is so tense even the red-crowned cranes can't restrain themselves from an occasional arm wrestling match (6th photo)  (cnngo.com) (38)
(Daily Mail) Strange Biologists discover albino dolphin; from Hell's heart, stab at thee; for hate's sake, spit their last breath at thee  (dailymail.co.uk) (20)
(Slashdot) PSA FCC approves body-borne medical device networks. No word on who gets to assign I pee addresses  (science.slashdot.org) (30)
(Some server monkey) Asinine Good news overworked, sleep-deprived IT workers Kay Hagan submitted a bill making it so you can't get overtime pay, thinks that money would be better spent on hookers and blow for the MBAs  (standalone-sysadmin.com) (383)
(Fox News) Interesting Ukrainian Protestors Go Topless to Protest Who Cares  (foxnews.com) (109)
(Yahoo) Amusing Russian PM Vladimir Putin to face pig named Nakh-Nakh in Parliamentary election  (news.yahoo.com) (37)
(Forbes) Dumbass Why blog for the Huffington Post for free when you can pay five grand for the privilege of fetching Arianna's coffee?  (forbes.com) (36)
(Some Guy) Scary North Carolina man cannot collect damages from first responders who declared him dead, body bagged him and placed him in a refrigerator drawer  (thejobmouse.com) (53)
(Sporting News) Strange Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine invented the sandwich wrap. No, seriously  (aol.sportingnews.com) (61)
(Cambridge News) Amusing Runaway cat 'happy to be home' after 18-month vacation. Happy? Really? Check out the look on his face  (cambridge-news.co.uk) (134)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Armada of jellyfish seen floating towards Florida coast  (sun-sentinel.com) (43)
(The Register) Scary "We're seeing increasingly wholesale monitoring of entire populations with no suspicion of wrongdoing - the data is being monitored and stored in the hope that it might one day be useful." It's called the internet  (theregister.co.uk) (85)
(Some Guy) Followup Sharp-kneed AW Who Stood On Corner In Bikini Reunited With Missing Dog  (10news.com) (52)
(The New York Times) Sad The politics of economics in the Age of Shouting: "In the Internet age, anyone can be an expert, and anyone who says otherwise is an elitist"  (nytimes.com) (126)
(JoBlo.com) Amusing A Starship Troopers reboot is inbound. Would you like to know more?  (joblo.com) (377)
(Yahoo) Interesting Ticketmaster to repay for profiting off of process fees, but will probably charge you a inconvenience charge in the process  (finance.yahoo.com) (34)
(Some Guy) Fail Science teacher "rewards" class for doing well by performing a chemistry experiment that involves flammable liquid and fire. How could this possibly go wrong?  (minnesota.cbslocal.com) (55)
(Entertainment Weekly) Hero Adam Corolla give us his take on the "ass douches" involved in the OWS protests. It only gets better from there  (popwatch.ew.com) (407)
(Onion AV Club) PSA Napster officially finished. Lars Ulrich will crack the bubbly  (avclub.com) (178)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Woman on cocktail of prescription drugs plows through yard and injures man on riding mower (you'd hit it like you were pilled out behind the wheel mugshot)  (limerick.patch.com) (51)
(Washington Post) Spiffy Law school students provided puppies for exam study break, allowed to cuddle, play and bond, then required to kill them with their bare hands and eat them  (washingtonpost.com) (62)
(FARK) Survey Fark's Weird News Quiz. Come for the nudity, stay for the Florida  (fark.com) (16)
(Hot Air) Strange Disney Pixar Films animatedly angry over Pixar oil pipelines  (hotair.com) (46)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida You can break into my home and destroy my staircase railings, rip down my storm shutters, and punch holes in my walls, and I'm okay with that. But the minute you pour BBQ sauce on my floors, then it gets personal  (nwfdailynews.com) (12)
(Some Guy) Fail School bans Christmas cards. "In their effort to be PC, they've achieved the absurd"  (610wiod.com) (76)
(Some Guy) Cool Pictures of 1940s NYC by some kid named Kubrick. You'd think he'd've had a future involving cameras, or film, or something  (retronaut.co) (69)
(FARK) FarkParty Last call for Indy Fark Party tonight at Frontpage on Mass Avenue. Despite numerous requests, you may NOT bring your own moonshine  (fark.com) (71)
(CNN) Dumbass Obama betrays his Muslim faith at White House Christmas tree lighting  (religion.blogs.cnn.com) (285)
(Boston Herald) Stupid Public corruption is a very serious offense, so I'm sentencing you to 4 months of being home 18 hours a day  (bostonherald.com) (12)
(Some Guy) Asinine Police would like you to please stop being such an ass and calling 911 for no reason  (chicago.cbslocal.com) (22)
(SeattlePI) Strange "Forever 21" clothing chain under fire for selling replica of "Flipper" shirt Kurt Cobain drew and then wore on SNL in 1992  (blog.seattlepi.com) (88)
(Some Male Cheerleader) Stupid Hot high school cheerleading coach fired because of her part time job. At Hooters. (w. pic of what hot cheer coach dressed as Hooters girl might look like.)  (badjocks.com) (162)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Dear Ann Landers: How old do men have to be to quit having sex?  (spokesman.com) (81)
(BusinessWeek) Obvious Italy and Greece duke it out for the coveted "So Bad We Make American Politicians Look Honest" award  (businessweek.com) (7)
(Buzzfeed) Amusing If the Muppets auditioned for other movies. Statler and Waldorf in "X-Men" for the win  (buzzfeed.com) (60)
(Mediabistro) Spiffy "Like" Ric Romero's KABC-7 station on Facebook & $1 gets donated to their "Spark Of Love" toydrive for underprivileged kids. To the Romerocopter  (mediabistro.com) (28)
(AZCentral) Obvious Before you stab your husband in rage because you discovered he belongs to an online dating service, first make sure it's not an old account he opened before meeting you  (azcentral.com) (40)
(BBC) Dumbass The perfect fairytale wedding day just isn't complete without the groom deliberately setting fire to the reception venue and causing $10,000,000 in damages  (bbc.co.uk) (25)
(New Scientist) Scary Let's build a beacon to tell aliens who we were. And don't forget to mention our soft, fleshy underbellies and delicious rib meat  (newscientist.com) (66)
(BBC) Interesting Headlines about fighting against capitalism, foreign wars, deadbeat fathers, strange lights in the sky and a cow that swallowed a snake: It's not Fark, it's England in 1811  (bbc.co.uk) (7)
(Globe and Mail) Amusing Canadian professor who hasn't lived in Italy for 28 years surprised when newspapers start reporting he's the country's new agriculture minister  (theglobeandmail.com) (17)
(Telegraph) Sad Cool: Telegraph obit of WWII vet with the usual giant clanking British steel balls. Bonus: "Leading his company in a dawn raid, he surprised the local mayor, who was sharing his bed with several attractive companions"  (telegraph.co.uk) (32)
(Fuel Fix) Fail Remember that study that showed elevated levels of bromides in tested water wells? It seems that the water testing lab forgot to carry the one or something  (fuelfix.com) (35)
(Hartford Courant) Interesting Police say they've shut down a magic mushroom grow-op based on the cash, spores, mason jars, flying monkeys, talking grandfather clocks, giant bejeweled eels, answers to the Ancients' riddles, and cosmic waterfalls they confiscated  (courant.com) (37)
(Abc.net.au) Followup Dear Fark, Thanks for the sweaters, signed NZ penguins  (abc.net.au) (34)
(C|Net) PSA Sjakxnjckjdsnacdkj xsuuhsxiushausx dcuhduduc w38w8789uDCJE*# #*)DR()FC djRID88LGN/DIT  (news.cnet.com) (87)
(Telegraph) Stupid Saudi Arabian religious council says that allowing women drivers would be the end of virginity. I think they misunderstand the purpose of the stick shift  (telegraph.co.uk) (84)
(Some Guy) Obvious A page full of pictures of Victoria Secret models and what they'd look like... you've already stopped reading this haven't you? Won't you be surprised  (fora.mtv.ca) (83)
(ABC Action News) Florida Police arrest 29 during a raid on a homeless shelter; take food, literature and first amendment away from occupiers  (abcactionnews.com) (46)
(Patriot Ledger) Stupid Girl sues school because she sent naked pictures to another student and the obvious happened  (patriotledger.com) (117)
(Fox News) News November unemployment rate dips to 8.6%, the lowest since 2009  (foxnews.com) (332)
(YouTube) Asinine Record the police on your own property? 75 years in jail. Subsaharan Africa? China? Suprise, it's Illinois, where recording police is a Class 1 felony and carries the same sentence as rape  (youtube.com) (138)
(Crooks & Liars) Obvious Free speech has a three hour time limit in Texas. Dang, I know Texans that can talk about their pickup trucks for nine hours   (occupyamerica.crooksandliars.com) (34)
(The Local (Sweden)) Followup Do you remember the straw goat in Sweden which they decided to cover with with ice so that it would not burn this year? Better luck next year, or start searching for water that freezes in 1500F  (thelocal.se) (31)
(Pocono Record) Interesting Study shows that swearing helps ease pain, especially if you are usually polite  (poconorecord.com) (18)
(New York Daily News) Ironic Black college student sparks debate by hanging Confederate flag in dorm room, says "I know it's kind of weird because I'm black"  (nydailynews.com) (111)
(CNN) Strange Family says man was killed by airplane food. Am I right, folks? Are you with me on this? 'Cause it's nuts these days, you know?  (cnn.com) (42)
(Some Guy) Silly DespErate ciTy pRoposes vOluntary tax on stupIdiTy. Guess which one  (detroit.cbslocal.com) (27)
(WebProNews) Cool Texts From Bennett & Pancake Rapper viral hits are the same guy. The Internet just accidentally it's memes all over itself  (webpronews.com) (23)
(Short List) Asinine Bankrobber: "This is a stick up" Everyone else: "This is a physiotherapists"  (shortlist.com) (12)
(Bangor Daily News) Silly Maine man arrested after pulling a gun in a dispute over Silly String  (bangordailynews.com) (7)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida You know you've found a special girlfriend if she parks her car in the intersection to have sex with you, refuses to put her clothes back on when the cops tell her to, and then pees on the sidewalk of the woman who called the cops on you  (nwfdailynews.com) (42)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Beautify this desolate urban landscape  (img-fotki.yandex.ru) (34)
(Some Guy) Sad $20,000 of donated toys stolen from childrens hospital. Suspect described as 4'6 green male with a heart 2 sizes too small, last seen sitting in the window seat on the train to hell  (abc15.com) (24)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Beating victim: I was attacked because I was gay. Police and bar owner: No, you were attacked because you were a drunk asshat  (wvgazette.com) (52)
(CBS News) Sad Here in my car - I feel safest of all - I can lock all my doors - it's the only way to live in cars  (cbsnews.com) (124)
(Some WV Guy) Weird Never tap on the drivers window of a Brinks armored truck looking for a job  (wvgazette.com) (52)
(CBS News) Dumbass "Really poor children in really poor neighborhoods have no habit of working, and they have no one around them who works" Guess which GOP candidate said it? Guess  (cbsnews.com) (504)
(CBS News) Followup 13-year-old student handcuffed and taken to juvenile detention for burping in class. Tactical flatulence response team on standby  (cbsnews.com) (84)
(Boston.com) Interesting Remember when you could light up an e-cigarette anywhere you wanted?  (boston.com) (172)
(Yahoo) Amusing Coca-Cola: We're changing the cans to save the polar bears, Public: They look like Diet Coke and taste different CHANGE THEM BACK, Coca-Cola: Ummmm...fark it, change them back  (finance.yahoo.com) (201)
(Some Guy) Asinine TSA detains 17 year old girl at Norfolk airport, over the design of her purse. It had a replica gun on it. TSA This is a federal offense because it's in the shape of a gun. Girl, It's not real  (news4jax.com) (247)

Thu December 01, 2011
(Wired) Spiffy U.S. Marines given go-ahead to shoot at Segway riders  (wired.com) (113)
(Examiner) Asinine Latinos demand investigation in death of border agent Brian Terry. Claim misinformation was used to get people all riled up about illegal immigration  (examiner.com) (149)
(The Sun) Weird Man who lost arm gets dolphin tattooed on his stump. The Sun is there  (thesun.co.uk) (33)
(CNNGo) Weird Cabbages & Condoms, and 8 other restaurants contributing to Bangkok's evolution from "pretty bizarre" to "Japanese"  (cnngo.com) (38)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen) Cool Need proof that credit unions care about you, unlike banks? For the past month, a credit union has been doing everything from anonymous paying for gas to vet bills as part of a "random acts of kindness" venture  (press-citizen.com) (170)
(Canada.com) Sad Being a gay Iranian immigrant in Canada is supposed to be easier than being gay in Iran, that is, if they had gays in Iran  (canada.com) (72)
(Some Weave) Photoshop Photoshop this caning craft   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (23)
(The New York Times) Cool In addition to making you send unremembered, early morning, sexually charged emails to your boss, Ambien also can wake brain injury victims from a persistent vegetative state  (nytimes.com) (147)
(Some Guy) Amusing It's Damn You Autocorrect's first year anniversary. Let's have a look at the top 25 entries  (damnyouautocorrect.com) (292)
(ABC) Obvious 10 Things We Didn't Learn From Enron Scandal. You can add these to the things we didn't learn all the scandals that came after. And to the ones that came before  (abcnews.go.com) (77)
(Some Gal) Scary 174 cars involved in massive pile up that stretches over 2 miles in Tennessee  (newschannel5.com) (109)
(ABC) Florida Woman's face catches fire: "There are between 550 and 650 surgical fires a year,"  (abcnews.go.com) (48)
(ESPN) Followup World's most competent attorney says his client, Jerry Sandusky, might plead guilty  (espn.go.com) (85)
(WXII) Fail Man dies after falling from back of pickup while trying to hold down mattress. That's what happens when you get out of the wrong side of the bed  (wxii12.com) (49)
(BBC) Scary Oldest Holocaust archive features gifts for under the National Socialist Christmas tree: Nazi Viewmasters, childrens' books on how to identify Jews like poisonous mushrooms, and the delightful "Juden Raus" board game  (bbc.co.uk) (91)
(Kansas.com) Interesting Continuing yesterday's theme of robbery interuptus by handgun I give you the pizza delivery guy  (kansas.com) (40)
(MSNBC) Silly Top Gear host apologizes for saying striking public sector workers should be "executed in front of their families." Yes, of course it was Clarkson  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (121)
(Burlington Free Press) Dumbass Man pleads guilty of using Acme product to trap bear. Did he catch anything? Yeah. A fine  (burlingtonfreepress.com) (13)
(Gizmodo) Scary The world's biggest insect is so freaking huge it can eat a carrot. Sleep tight. Don't let the giant weta bite  (gizmodo.com) (123)
(truTV) Asinine When designing a bikini lap dance contest, don't place flimsy lawn chairs on the edge of the stage, or else drunk college kids will fall over and be further humiliated...Okay, on second thought, do  (trutv.com) (124)
(Quad City Times) Dumbass Yes, douchebags do sometimes make it past their 20s. This one almost didn't make it out of his 50s though  (qctimes.com) (52)
(Oregon Live) Asinine It will only cost $85,000 to repair the parks used by Occupy Portland. That's some impressive job creation  (oregonlive.com) (147)
(YouTube) Florida One woman, 15 children by 5 babydaddys, fiancée in jail and "somebody needs to pay for ALL my chilren"  (youtube.com) (309)
(AP) Unlikely Obama: 'I'm going to need another term to finish the job'  (hosted.ap.org) (278)
(Northwestern) Misc Firefighters respond to call about a body floating in the lake, happy to find out it's just some dummy  (thenorthwestern.com) (7)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this worn gear  (cdn.spiegel.de) (23)
(Wikipedia) Hero On this day in 1955, Rosa Parks told whitey to STFU  (en.wikipedia.org) (79)
(Komo) Scary Man is safe, no, satchel, sentiment, hmm, snackbar.. here it is, stabbed. He's stabbed at the library  (komonews.com) (16)
(Guardian) Asinine Median income continues to plummet in real terms. Eeeeeexcellent  (guardian.co.uk) (22)
(Toledo Blade) Followup Ohio cracking down on lions, tigers, bears. Oh my  (toledoblade.com) (13)
(Cleveland Plain Dealer) Hero Seventh grader gets sex toy as reward for a well written paper. Kudos kiddo  (blog.cleveland.com) (35)
(Some Guy) Survey Subby just got his check from the eBay Final Value Fee class-action settlement. Tell Subby what to do with his check for 3 cents. LInk may be Not safe for work  (myevilstar.com) (73)
(BBC) Followup Jailed Amish beard cutters denied bail over fears they pose a buggy risk  (bbc.co.uk) (15)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida If you're going to get drunk and then ransack your ex-girlfriend's apartment remember two things: 1) Don't pass out in her apartment. 2) Make sure you have the right apartment  (sun-sentinel.com) (13)
(The Macomb Daily) Amusing Person in gorilla suit dumps sand in Little Caesars and runs away ... numerous times  (macombdaily.com) (20)
(USA Today) Obvious Former diplomat warns of 'sexpionage' traps during trips to China. Ploy alleged to be extremely sophisticated, diplomat was targeted five times in the last year. Also notes Grand Hyatt Beijing is discounting through May  (content.usatoday.com) (27)
(Frosty) Interesting Pro tip : Had a little too much Holiday party? Shove an ice cube up your butt, of course  (kbkw.com) (43)
(Some Guy) Sad Nearly all of $40 million grant from Gates Foundation to improve teaching in Pittsburgh goes to administrators and consultants. All kids left behind  (pittsburghlive.com) (40)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Not news: Man tries to steal car. News: It's a police car. Near Fark: He's already inside the police car. Fark: He can't start it. Total Fark: He has the keys and calls the station for help  (newsnet5.com) (4)
(Reuters) Fail Australian Foreign Minister Kevin Rudd said in an interview that he backed the creation of a trilateral security deal and that the response from the Indian government had been "positive." India: Uhhh WTF are you talking about?  (reuters.com) (8)
(Slate) Interesting Science asks: Is it more dangerous to drive drunk or stoned? Subby's own near-exhaustive experimentation with Mario Kart indicate we should probably just have the damn pizza delivered  (slate.com) (56)
(Miami Herald) Florida Police officer and department office manager attempt to get rid of budget-slashing city official using Santerian birdseed ritual, are instead turned in by their accomplice the janitor. Can you guess the state without looking at the tag?  (miamiherald.com) (13)
(York Dispatch) Dumbass Pretend you have robbed a business. Do you: A - Flee as fast as possible to avoid capture, B - Go to a hideout no one can find you at, C - Call the business to see if anyone got your license plate number using your own cell phone?  (yorkdispatch.com) (4)
(The Smoking Gun) Asinine College student who recognizes her friend, an attempted cop killer, in wanted poster does the obvious thing: "Freaks out" and tears down the posters  (thesmokinggun.com) (38)
(Statesman) Strange Man says the only reason he burned his wife with a hot iron was because she put an unsolicited sex toy in his butt  (statesman.com) (42)
(The Atlantic Wire) Followup Apple apologizes for Siri's pro-life bias and promises that next version with work with coat-hanger attachment  (theatlanticwire.com) (95)
(Some Guy) Florida Nothing puts you into the holiday spirit more than bopping mom on the head with a bottle of eggnog  (wptv.com) (14)
(BBC) Interesting French President Sarkozy says France and Germany must converge economically, possibly over a glass of Vichy water  (bbc.co.uk) (19)
(Some Guy) Amusing Ways to know a first date has gone wrong: 1. You fall asleep on her couch. 2. You wake up bleeding. 3. She's from a town called Bumpass  (newsleader.com) (35)
(Deadspin) Interesting Penn State University, trying to head off more embarrassment from this rape scandal, buys 4 .XXX domain names  (deadspin.com) (31)
(Some Guy) Hero Man chokes a fellow movie-goer for talking too much on his cell phone during the show  (ballardnewstribune.com) (80)
(KTLA) Sick Public library mad because homeless people are watching porn on the computers. Article does not disclose what the hell else libraries are good for  (ktla.com) (49)
(Yahoo) Obvious Nightline, Ric Romero, investigate rampant meth labs in Kentucky  (news.yahoo.com) (15)
(Bleacher Report) Amusing BCS declares Germany winner of WWII  (bleacherreport.com) (98)
(The Smoking Gun) Fail Georgia cops break up bondage fetishists having sex in the woods. Cruel deputy punishes the couple by not putting them in handcuffs  (thesmokinggun.com) (26)
(LA Times) Interesting Facebook increases status update character limit to the average rant in a religion thread  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (17)
(Some Guy) Cool The Call of Cthulhu, by Dr. Seuss  (drfaustusau.deviantart.com) (32)
(Some Guy) Fail Man deported four prior times shows up in South Carolina jail. OK Alex, I'll take "Immigration reform, my ass" for $200 please  (thesunnews.com) (19)
(Buffalo.com) Hero Frat guys run 45 miles carrying Christmas tree -- but it's not "hazing"  (home.buffalo.com) (20)
(Forbes) Obvious Here's an article about the careless use of the race card in the U.S. written by some pasty white bigoted racist  (forbes.com) (71)
(Canada.com) Dumbass "After careful consideration, I withdraw my statements comparing annexing farmland for power lines to killing millions of Ukrainians"  (canada.com) (16)
(NYPost) Interesting For the first time in 40 years of Nielsen Research, the number of households with TV sets has dropped. Community was worse than we thought  (nypost.com) (77)
(Boing Boing) Ironic Copyright group accused of pirating its anti-piracy anthem. How arrronic  (boingboing.net) (25)
(Some Guy) Misc The "Stonewall Jackson Prayer Tree" once feared lost has now been found. Still blind, still cannot see  (newsleader.com) (18)
(Chicago Sun-Times) PSA If you want a healthy brain, eat fish and don't play video games. Yeah, that sounds exciting  (suntimes.com) (27)
(The Morning Call) Weird Scallops stolen in burglary. Goddamn clamcakes still unaccounted for  (mcall.com) (24)
(woai.com) Scary Refinery downgraded to rehorriblery after explosion  (woai.com) (12)
(CNN) Unlikely Facebook COO says that Facebook was 'the first innovator in privacy'. No, really, she said that. Stop laughing  (money.cnn.com) (39)
(The Daily Beast) Strange So the Israeli government is happy to take American money, but American Jews aren't good enough to marry  (thedailybeast.com) (130)
(BBC) Stupid Hungary makes being hungry in Hungary a $600 fine  (bbc.co.uk) (25)
(Spiegel) Sad It takes a German paper to state the obvious about the GOP presidential race  (spiegel.de) (408)
(NJ.com) Amusing "What are the odds of having two flying squirrels in the same emergency room?"  (nj.com) (16)
(Some Guy) Sad Economics professor asks 180 students to write an essay on the American dream. 8 of 10 expect someone else to pay for it. Welcome to Generation Gimme  (michaelgraham.com) (172)
(Quad City Times) Silly Sears offered $400 million to move their headquarters from Illinois to Ohio. Because when you think of failing retail industries, you think of Ohio  (qctimes.com) (45)
(wcti12.com) Hero Man rescues crash victim moments before a Michael Bay movie takes place  (wcti12.com) (12)
(Yahoo) Scary ♫ Here come those Santa Ana winds agaaaaain ♫  (news.yahoo.com) (45)
(New York Daily News) Dumbass Opera-singing dentist sues patient who complained about her on Yelp. WIth photo of what a dentist on the 69th floor of the Chrysler Building might look like  (nydailynews.com) (58)
(Yahoo) Sad Immigrants are now stealing American jobs that should belong to girls who are really just doing this to work their way through college and who want you to buy them a drink because they really, reallly like you  (news.yahoo.com) (66)
(Canada.com) Stupid 29-year-old virgins seeking men. I guess if there are 20 of them, I'm in  (canada.com) (210)
(Short List) Amusing Cheery News: Brewery releases beer called 'Christmas Jumper'. Morbid Fark: Brewery based at UK's most notorious suicide cliff  (shortlist.com) (21)
(Yahoo) PSA My dad was right: The safest vehicle for a teenager is a multi-ton land barge  (autos.yahoo.com) (85)
(USA Today) Hero Good news, everybody: Black Friday proved that Americans have recovered from their temporary fear of credit cards and are once again charging like the True Patriots we've always known they are  (usatoday.com) (59)
(Austin News KXAN) Strange "Police said when they arrived, they found the alleged victim covered in grease and macaroni"  (kxan.com) (35)
(Houston Chronicle) Sad Throw away an empty mayo jar? Oh yeah that's a beating  (chron.com) (45)
(MSNBC) Dumbass Dominique Strauss-Kahn explains that, sure, he went to sex parties, but there usually weren't any prostitutes there  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (25)
(Some Guy) Florida Let's talk about people who aren't in this thread  (usa.gov) (lots)
(WBIR) Dumbass Not news: Teen accidentally shoots his girlfriend. FARK: while he was pistol-whipping his mother  (wbir.com) (42)
(BBC) Sick Afghani rape victim, imprisoned for adultery, pardoned by Hamid Karzai after agreeing to marry her attacker. Yeah we really improved that country  (bbc.co.uk) (215)
(Click On Detroit) Scary When asking a father's permission to marry his daughter, and the answer is no, do you: C) Go in with guns and spray acid all over the entire family?  (clickondetroit.com) (43)
(post gazette) Amusing Bank van accidentally dumps cash on Pennsylvania highway. $100,000 goes up for grabs  (post-gazette.com) (38)
(My Fox DC) Scary "You go down there and get him." "No, you go down there and get him"  (myfoxdc.com) (21)
(Guardian) Cool Ancient Mayan tablet does not say the world will end in 2012; properly decoded, it cryptically states "In the One Mile High City, the 15 Man will lead his fellow horsemen to victory in a Bowl That Is Super". Whatever that means  (guardian.co.uk) (71)
(Some Scrooge) Asinine Lighted horses? Fine. Elves? Sure. Peacocks? Not so fast  (wapt.com) (29)
(Slate) Silly In the 1930s, everyone was worried about giant robots killing everyone  (slate.com) (56)
(The Sun) Strange Couple who graduated from the Acme School of Rodent Extermination create nearly $10,000 in damages trying to catch a rat they never found  (thesun.co.uk) (86)
(Some Guy) Misc It's not truly the holidays without a Soft Tinsel Sausage Dog or Inflatable Santa in the Outhouse  (fenton-highridge.patch.com) (10)
(Washington Post) Hero Famous Polish pilot dies. Tried to defend Warsaw, Paris and London against the Nazis. Third time was the charm  (washingtonpost.com) (70)
(Some Guy) Amusing "Blakeney had previously admitted causing criminal damaging to an inflatable duck costume " Bonus: prosecutors name  (birminghammail.net) (26)
(Chicago Tribune) Sad Roger Ebert announces At the Movies will go on hiatus at the end of December  (chicagotribune.com) (96)
(New York Daily News) Obvious Experts wonder if Israel was behind those explosions at Iran's nuclear plants, if water is wet, if the sky is blue and if beer is spilled on Fark's servers every now and then  (nydailynews.com) (363)
(Some Guy) Weird Things you don't expect to inherit from your 90-year-old blue-collar father: 1. Billions of dollars. 2. An oil company. 3. A storage unit with his 1,000+ dildo collection (language Not safe for work)  (nzafro.tumblr.com) (64)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop these multiple worlds  (cdn.spiegel.de) (15)
(CNNGo) Cool World's first chocolate theme park travels through China. Though it still lacks all-you-can-eat live chocolate puppies, it's nice to see Homer Simpson's greatest vision one step closer to being realized  (cnngo.com) (40)
(NPR) Followup One consequence of the historic Alaska storm? $9-a-gallon gas in Nome  (npr.org) (140)
(Ohio.com) PSA The doctor calling you asking about your genitals might not be a real doctor  (ohio.com) (63)
(KSTU FOX 13) Dumbass It's all fun and games until your dog shoots you in the ass with a shotgun  (fox13now.com) (81)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 343: "Dungeons & Dragons". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (120)

Wed November 30, 2011
(Some Skinny Guy) Interesting Remember back in the day when there were all those ads to help women GAIN weight? Me neither, but here is what they looked like. (Bonus: Not a slide show)  (retronaut.co) (188)
(The Cambridge Chronicle) Obvious From the "ran out of real news" department: Drunk man annoys women at nightclub  (wickedlocal.com) (51)
(Some Blow Your Own Horn Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this Venus single Bb french horn in bright gold lacquer  (authentic-cmo.co.uk) (25)
(Some Guy) Florida It's all fun and games until Santa's beard gets caught in rappelling equipment and comes off in front of the kids  (wtsp.com) (27)
(Some Guy) Amusing Why not mix it up this Christmas with a shotgun shell Mother Mary, a penguin Joseph, and a s'more baby Jesus?  (whyismarko.com) (39)
(Houston Chronicle) Followup Remember the $1.2 million Bugatti Veyron that went swmming about a year ago because the owner swerved to miss a seagull? Yeah the insurance company has something to say about that 'accident'  (chron.com) (140)
(Telegraph) Interesting "And on your left, you have one of the most iconic buildings in all of New York, the Fark.com UFIA Building, formerly known as the Empire State Building"  (telegraph.co.uk) (50)
(Topless Robot) Followup William Shatner fires a photon torpedo at Carrie Fisher  (toplessrobot.com) (358)
(NYPost) Silly Howard Stern can't believe CNN still books the guy who pranks anchormen by shouting "Baba Booey" after all these years  (nypost.com) (112)
(TwinCities.com) Dumbass You know you're hammered when they give you a DUI and you're just the passenger  (twincities.com) (65)
(Some Good German) Interesting Declassified memo hinted of the 1941 Pearl Harbor attack by the Germans  (usnews.com) (145)
(IOL) Cool World's first sex school opens in Vienna. Subby applying for a need-based scholarship  (iol.co.za) (100)
(Some Master) Spiffy The reason there's no pristine digital restoration of "Manos: The Hands of Fate?" Because until now, no one has had a flawless workprint to use  (manosinhd.com) (195)
(Some Guy) News Billy Graham admitted to hospital, said to be resting crustily  (abclocal.go.com) (224)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Scientists who created doomsday flu virus in lab and want to share their results in a research paper are worried about a media firestorm. Gee, ya think?  (news.sciencemag.org) (104)
(MSNBC) Unlikely Can 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' unite Israel and Palestinian leaders? Of course not, but the article features amusing clip from the show  (entertainment.msnbc.msn.com) (28)
(My Fox DC) Interesting Sometimes you need a vacation from your murderous vacation  (myfoxdc.com) (6)
(Talking Points Memo) Interesting President Obama has a secret iPad, which holds our top secret plan to take the Bay of Pigs with angry avian creatures   (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com) (54)
(Boing Boing) Cool Gingerbread AT-AT walker. May the force be with you this Christmas  (boingboing.net) (30)
(Yahoo) Amusing Republicans offer $100 reward for photo of Pennsylvania Senator with President Obama  (news.yahoo.com) (132)
(My Fox DC) Interesting Smithsonian Museum of African American History acquires KKK robes, but has not said where they'll hang  (myfoxdc.com) (53)
(Adweek) Interesting The top ten most shoplifted items this Christmas, brought to you by the Institute of Blindfolded Dart Throwing  (adweek.com) (83)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Ohio is redesigning their license plates. Let's help them design one that accurately depicts the state  (dispatch.com) (60)
(MSNBC) PSA This just in: Apple and grape juice cause cancer. Consider using beer and wine as safe alternatives  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (54)
(Post-Gazette) Asinine US Airways raises prices 600% when their competition drops out  (post-gazette.com) (214)
(Techspot) Scary UN e-mail addresses hacked. They'd release a strongly-worded letter, except that's kind of the problem already  (techspot.com) (15)
(Yahoo) Unlikely "Marijuana was also discovered in the new tunnel and Mack said federal agents were up late Monday night weighing it." Yeah, weighing it. That's what they were doing  (news.yahoo.com) (25)
(Some Guy) Amusing Best Craigslist job opening ad ever, if you're a bodyguard/assassin with a hot twin sister  (washingtondc.craigslist.org) (111)
(Some Guy) Unlikely How to get away with not giving any gifts for the holidays  (missminimalist.com) (93)
(NPR) Followup The Penn State Scandal civil suits have begun. Good thing Paterno put his house in his wife's name over the summer  (npr.org) (208)
(Denver Channel) Obvious Soldier getting robbed on a walk pulls out his own gun  (thedenverchannel.com) (109)
(Yahoo) Interesting Syria hit with Turkey trade embargo which would have been more effective BEFORE Thanksgiving  (news.yahoo.com) (5)
(Some Guy) Florida Strange Lovecraftian restaurant opens in secretive town occupied by psychics... guess where  (dieselpunks.org) (54)
(Some Guy) Amusing Burrito results in lock-down of prison. In 2005, in Clovis, NM, a burrito resulted in lock-down of a school. The burritos must be stopped  (lcsun-news.com) (38)
(Washington Post) Obvious "Communism is no longer a system in China. It's just a brand name that officials haven't figured out how to ditch"  (washingtonpost.com) (252)
(Some Redistricter) Florida Guess which state has the worst redistricting maps in the country  (wtsp.com) (73)
(Myrtle Beach Sun News) Scary We have located Jabba the Hutt. She is beating her children with curtain rods (see photo)  (thesunnews.com) (91)
(Salon) Unlikely "Cain's innocent because he never harassed me, and I'm a stone cold hottie" With "Do not want" pic  (salon.com) (151)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Le Mans race car at the center of disaster that killed 84 is set to sell at auction after being hidden away the past 42 years  (dailymail.co.uk) (44)
(Herald-Leader) Asinine Looking back at our country's history, we can see that banning interracial marriages was a closed-minded practice back... oh, right now  (kentucky.com) (187)
(Some Guy) Stupid So what you are saying is that Pedo Bear works like the bat signal, the sword of omens, and promises of free beer  (therepublic.com) (110)
(TwinCities.com) Strange Is it really hunting if the only way you can kill a deer is to intentionally run it over with a snowmobile?  (twincities.com) (29)
(Denver Post) Spiffy Legalizing medical marijuana leads to a 12% drop in alcohol related fatal car crashes  (denverpost.com) (127)
(Rasmussen Reports) Obvious A new Rasmussen poll finds 70% of American adults prefer stores that use signs with Merry Christmas over Happy Holidays  (rasmussenreports.com) (377)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Researchers find ravens are the only species other than apes who can 'point' and share objects like humans - and some members of Congress  (dailymail.co.uk) (81)
(News.com.au) Scary In anticipation of Israel's extremely imminent WWIII-initiating attack upon Iran, Britain has evacuated its embassy. Enjoy your holidays  (news.com.au) (192)
(ABC) Sad Opera-singing parrot missing in New York. Pagliacci want a cracker? (Sad tag for parrot, but owner wins Dumbass)  (abcnews.go.com) (35)
(Politiken) Asinine Doctors: Okay, let's put the NATO Secretary General here to heal his broken arm. Patient: But what about me and my incurable cancer? Doctors: How about a nice windowless office?  (politiken.dk) (57)
(NPR) Spiffy Finally, a solution to what I think you'll agree is one of history's greatest atrocities: those annoying stickers on fruit that NEVER PEEL OFF IN ONE PIECE NO MATTER HOW CAREFULLY YOU TRY  (npr.org) (80)
(KTVZ) Dumbass A squirrel runs up your pant leg. Do you A) Strip your pants off as quickly as possible? B) Stop, drop, and roll? or C) Shoot at it with a .22 rifle?  (ktvz.com) (55)
(truTV) Interesting Kate Middleton is pregnant with a bloodthirsty Dracula Antichrist reptilian cannibal, if all the rumors in this slideshow are true  (trutv.com) (60)
(CBS News) Interesting Why do women fake orgasms? Long term study comes to a surprising climax  (cbsnews.com) (285)
(lehighvalleylive) Silly Worst Christmas song of all time? Commenters debate Dominic the Donkey vs. I Want A Hippopotamus  (lehighvalleylive.com) (374)
(USA Today) Obvious Were you planning that big family vacation to Chernobyl this year? I've got some bad news for you  (travel.usatoday.com) (30)
(Some Guy) Cool This is not what I was expecting with a headline about 'weed bombing'  (blogs.miaminewtimes.com) (12)
(USA Today) Stupid Good news, everybody. Now you can go hundreds of thousands of dollars into debt earning a college degree in how to play video games  (usatoday.com) (42)
(Some Hamburglar Guy) Obvious San Francisco's regulations on the sale of Happy Meals has actually led to an increase in sales  (blogs.sfweekly.com) (49)
(The New York Times) Fail What does a prosecutor do when the DNA evidence doesn't match the suspect? Does he: a) drop charges, b) apologize, or c) invoke the unindicted co-ejaculator theory?  (nytimes.com) (68)
(Some Guy) Interesting First there was porn-porn. Then there was food porn. Now the hottest new trend is property porn. "Scenes that capture explosive tempers and despair are property porn's money shots"  (couriermail.com.au) (49)
(CBS News) Scary S&P: Downgrade ALL the banks  (cbsnews.com) (60)
(XKCD) Amusing "If you want something done right, learning from the Nazis isn't enough. You have to put them in charge too"  (xkcd.com) (98)
(MyFox Twin Cities) Asinine I see from your background check your references are a reindeer and an elf  (myfoxtwincities.com) (8)
(Telegraph) Obvious To the surprise of no one, government services improve when union members go on strike  (telegraph.co.uk) (46)
(USA Today) Amusing AZ government officials credit "a higher power" for sparing a juniper tree from fire so that it could once again be decorated by "elves." No, really  (usatoday.com) (17)
(MSNBC) Scary Oklahoma earthquakes opened a gateway to hell. Where is their God now?  (usnews.msnbc.msn.com) (61)
(Google) Cool Godless communists at Google at it again, this time choosing to celebrate with today's Doodle noted America-hater Mark Twain's birthday instead of the anniversary of the divine merger of capitalist juggernauts Exxon/Mobil 13 years ago  (google.com) (40)
(Canada.com) Silly Eiffel Tower could become world's largest tree, according to people who think putting plants on metal makes it a tree  (canada.com) (21)
(Yahoo) Dumbass Reagan shooter wants more time out of hospital. And maybe a date with Jodie. No pressure  (news.yahoo.com) (36)
(CNN) Interesting USDA gives out record fine to popular traveling circus. In other news, apparently the people who say what you can and cannot use as pesticides on your own damn land have say over entertainment  (cnn.com) (51)
(Some Guy) Obvious Amazon, Slick Rick work to stop wrap rage  (king5.com) (41)
(TheSpec.com) Strange The mayor of Hamilton, Ontario, Canada hires a Senior Military Advisor, plans invasion of other Canadian cities you've never heard of  (thespec.com) (44)
(Reuters) News Federal Reserve and European Central Bank throw a free money party and everyone is invited, as long as you own stocks  (reuters.com) (206)
(CNN) Sick Bakery selling "bin Laden" brand bread not known for its good taste  (edition.cnn.com) (23)
(Fox News) Followup US Airways: Non-refundable means non-refundable. Go have cancer somewhere else  (radio.foxnews.com) (104)
(Yahoo) Cool Lipitor goes generic. Patients now have extra money for more bacon  (news.yahoo.com) (25)
(Short List) Interesting Welcome to the most shared stories on Facebook, 2011. And here's your host - Ryaaan Duuunn  (shortlist.com) (13)
(ESPN) Followup Coach K: "Tonight, my butt's sore". Duke sucks  (sports.espn.go.com) (59)
(NYPost) Asinine Due to the national economic downturn, NYC upgrades critical, deteriorated, substandard highway in danger of collapse to safe and reliable  (nypost.com) (39)
(TC Palm) Florida After 14 years of failed peacemaking initiatives between a Florida woman and her neighbor, the woman takes one last stab at reconciliation, mooning the neighbor and warning of her 'Cuban temper.' With I'd hit it pic  (blogs.tcpalm.com) (54)
(My Fox DC) Fail Good Idea: Take a cab if you're going out drinking. Better Idea: Wait for the cab to stop before you try and get in  (myfoxdc.com) (5)
(The Sun) Sick What's worse than ordering a chicken wrap from your favorite restaurant and biting into a dead frog? Ordering a chicken wrap from your favorite restaurant and biting into a live frog  (thesun.co.uk) (45)
(Mother Nature Network) Interesting Satellites falling out of the sky aren't nearly as scary if they're only the size of a shoe box  (mnn.com) (17)
(Hakkari) Photoshop Photoshop this rinsed roof  (pdnphotooftheday.com) (27)
(Huffington Post) Dumbass Your Honor, the couple I kidnapped breached our contract when they escaped and turned me in. It's not like I held a gun to their head... Oh, right  (huffingtonpost.com) (34)
(My Fox DC) Interesting 1 lawmaker + 1 underage prostitute + 161 more prostitutes = 0 days in jail, thanks to his lawyer, otherwise known as "the best lawyer in the world"  (myfoxdc.com) (63)
(ABC) Interesting Scientists identify "morning person" gene. Researchers tentatively call it Couric7AM  (abcnews.go.com) (72)
(Some Lapp Dancing Guy) Ironic Maija the traffic safety reindeer killed in traffic accident. Memorial services will be held next week. The Police are asking the public to bring their own mashed potatoes and lingonberry sauce  (hs.fi) (13)
(The Daily Beast) Hero Winner of the "Huge, clanking balls, I has them" award  (thedailybeast.com) (102)
(SeattlePI) Amusing Zebras wander through the suburbs. George Jefferson warned us this would happen  (seattlepi.com) (8)
(Seattle Times) Spiffy Scientists receive $6 million to create earthquake early warning system. Suggestions are to make an ultra sensitive seismograph with computerized monitoring, or just get a dog  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (22)
(Some Guy) Florida One day you're Orlando's Sexiest Man of 2007 and the next you're the prime suspect in the disappearance of your ex-fiance. Oh how the mighty have fallen (Warning: Mighty Man Pics)  (xl1067.com) (29)
(Some Guy) Dumbass The newest inmate at the Patrick J. Sullivan Jr Detention Center? That would be former sheriff Patrick J. Sullivan Jr himself  (cbsdenver.wordpress.com) (93)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Protip: If you were involved in a fatal hit and run, and got away with it, don't call the cops on your boyfriend and try to have him arrested. It never works out well  (tampabay.com) (30)
(Some 99%) News Strap on your helmets, LA Farkers. Occupy LA is getting shut down  (abclocal.go.com) (537)
(CBC) Asinine Here's a headline you weren't expecting to read today: RCMP gave potato farmer's financial details to Algerians  (cbc.ca) (21)
(The Journal Times) Stupid You're at your girlfriend's house for Thanksgiving and her friend sits in your chair. There are many possible outcomes to this situation, but attempted first-degree intentional homicide is generally not one of the results  (journaltimes.com) (48)
(Some Awkward Moment) Strange The good news, your prostitute arrived on time; the bad news, she's your daughter  (weinterrupt.com) (161)
(Daily Mail) Sappy Ugly-ass turkey falls in love with ugly-ass deer. And then it gets weird (w/pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (18)
(Washington Post) Unlikely A team of Georgetown students, studying blogs, Google Maps, and a Chinese TV military docudrama, says China has a 3,000 mile long network of underground rail tunnels housing as many as 4,000 nuclear warheads  (washingtonpost.com) (108)
(Some Diggler) Florida Miami's federal jail overrun with strippers posing as paralegals. "In a scene straight out of a porno, one woman was caught on video stripping for an inmate. They are making a mockery out of the prison system"  (blogs.miaminewtimes.com) (54)
(Austin News KXAN) Cool After her son was killed in Iraq, Nanette West thought the only way to understand it was to put herself in his shoes. Wow it's quite sandy in the desert  (kxan.com) (42)
(Quad City Times) Sick ...yeah, this guy has creep pedophile and child pornographer written all over him  (qctimes.com) (125)

Tue November 29, 2011
(Daily Mail) Interesting Not News: Student gets lucky at the prom. Way to go man: with his hot teacher  (dailymail.co.uk) (78)
(Reuters) Sad You know who else's bed linens are expected to fetch $5,000 in auction  (reuters.com) (67)
(MSNBC) Cool New military enlistment perk: Less groping at the airport  (overheadbin.msnbc.msn.com) (115)
(Austin News KXAN) Sick ProTip for Mom: You cannot burn off your son's tattoo and if you try the police are going to be very interested  (kxan.com) (85)
(CNN) Sad Man who carefully planned a mass slaughter, picked a place where it would be unlikely that the people could defend themselves, then carefully and calmly executed 77 people declared "insane", won't face jail time  (cnn.com) (258)
(The Smoking Gun) Dumbass Cool: Woman hosts underwear party. Less cool: The woman who hosted it. Worse: For her students. Hot as the fires of hell: Her third grade students  (thesmokinggun.com) (125)
(Daily Mail) Fail Family undertakes lawsuit after grave diggers jump on 91-year-old's casket to force it into hole that was too small  (dailymail.co.uk) (50)
(Some Guy) Strange Burglar makes himself at home while on the job by showering, wearing resident's clothes, making tacos and cookies, then watching a movie  (sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com) (38)
(Aberdeen, SD) Photoshop Photoshop this baby buggy, bub  (shorpy.com) (29)
(Some Guy) Florida When your harebrained scheme to steal women's shoes from a sporting-goods store goes awry, be a dear and tell the arresting officers you have crack pipes hidden in your buttocks, won't you?  (wpbf.com) (23)
(Some Guy) Amusing Residents in a conservative South Carolina city sue neighbor over what they say are "unreasonably loud" activities. Late-night revelry? Brothel? No. A church  (greenvilleonline.com) (76)
(NJ.com) Asinine So if you're not supposed to use your squirt bottle of urine to hose down bus drivers before you punch them out, just what are you supposed to use your squirt bottle of urine for?  (nj.com) (56)
(Yahoo) Sad Survey lists world's Top 10 cities in terms of "Quality of Living." Zero in the U.S., 1 in America Jr., 1 in Australia's own Canada, 1 where they make porn, and 7 in places where they talk like the villians in old WWII movies  (shine.yahoo.com) (274)
(NewsOK) Strange News: diverse resumes help in these tough economic times. Fark: sex toy engineer, hoverboard designer, and arsonist may be a bit much to land that new career  (newsok.com) (20)
(Fox News) Interesting Golden opportunity for more Iranian Photoshop fail, as missile site sustains an "accident"  (foxnews.com) (27)
(Yahoo) Spiffy Some jerk wins $1M lottery for the second time in three years  (news.yahoo.com) (47)
(FARK) FarkBlog Headline of the Year contest begins next Monday, here's the schedule for those threads next week. Also Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 11/20 - 11/26  (fark.com) (15)
(Some Guy) Spiffy The world's first nuclear-powered aircraft carrier turned 50 this week, and all 250,000 who've served aboard the USS Enterprise would like to wish the Big E a very Happy Birthday  (wtkr.com) (124)
(Abc.net.au) Scary Come join the Scientology cruise liner, it is so good you will never want to leave, we have escorts to make sure of it. Bonus: Letter from CoS telling news site to not run story  (abc.net.au) (251)
(Atlanta Journal Constitution) Sick Owners of home where teen died during sleepover charged with possessing a rotten possum  (ajc.com) (36)
(Yahoo) Dumbass Marine awarded the CMOH in Aghanistan can't work due to accusations of mental instability by BAE after quitting due to them selling advanced military tech to Pakistan. Way to support the troops BAE  (news.yahoo.com) (90)
(Denver Post) Interesting To bolster safety ... Unusual signs go up ... New York tries haiku  (denverpost.com) (45)
(Some Guy) Asinine The same week he pardoned a bird from death, Obama legalized the slaughter of horses in the US. What a turkey  (technorati.com) (147)
(Yahoo) Misc FARC blames Colombia for captives' deaths, Readit blames ForeChan. Dig seen sobbing on the corner  (news.yahoo.com) (37)
(Some Floater) Followup Harbormaster says Natalie Wood clung to dinghy. Robert Wagner denies this, says that he's hung like a horse  (scoop.today.msnbc.msn.com) (21)
(truTV) Followup It appears that the arrest of the New York bomb plot suspect was 99% misdirection  (blog.trutv.com) (59)
(Some puzzled rescuers) Amusing "We saw two men, who were Iranians, drowning in the sea. We took them on our boat and battled the sea 45 minutes until we reached land. They hugged and kissed us, but when we told them we were Israelis, they got up and ran away"  (ynetnews.com) (88)
(The Smoking Gun) Followup That viral story about a man getting sued for tattooing a steaming pile of poop on his cheating girlfriend's back? Totally full of crap  (thesmokinggun.com) (69)
(Miami Herald) Florida ALF voting questioned, since he is a non-voting alien  (miamiherald.com) (27)
(Chow.com) Cool In case you were worried you wouldn't gain enough weight this holiday season, here's a little masterpiece that can only be described as "The Turducken of cheese balls"  (chow.com) (28)
(Washington Post) Strange It's the classic story: Boy meets girl. Boy and girl get drunk and have sex. Girl tells boy she has AIDS. Boy shoots girl in head with shotgun. Girl survives. Boy goes to jail. Bonus: Girl was just joking, doesn't really have AIDS  (washingtonpost.com) (211)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this contemplative sunbather  (media.zenfs.com) (31)
(BBC) Sick Study finds that 75% of oysters from the UK infected with "winter vomiting virus". Good thing nobody would ever think of eating a raw oyster  (bbc.co.uk) (80)
(Bradenton Herald) Florida Dog may have dialed 911 before cop shoots him  (bradenton.com) (69)
(CBS News) Advice What's a decent amount for a wedding gift these days? Will be attending with a date  (cbsnews.com) (594)
(Oregon Live) Amusing Another reason not to eat tofu: spontaneous explosion  (oregonlive.com) (43)
(BBC) Cool Two new "sun worship" spots found at Stonehenge, probably used before stones were erected  (bbc.co.uk) (38)
(BusinessWeek) Sick Israeli authorities apologize to pregnant NYTimes reporter who was forced to go through an X-ray machine three times and then strip searched by soldiers after she asked to avoid the x-ray machine for fear of harming her fetus  (businessweek.com) (204)
(Some Elf) Cool Has your office started decorating for Christmas yet? Will you decorate your cube?  (partycheap.com) (183)
(LA Times) Obvious Family puzzled that snowboarder died while wearing helmet, since everyone knows helmets grant the wearer complete invincibility in any activity  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (61)
(NYPost) Followup Could be the three rich guys who claimed the $254M Powerball jackpot were fronting for an even richer guy who doesn't feel like being hassled over his new "Let's Hunt #Occupy Hippies For Their Meat" charity  (nypost.com) (79)
(Uproxx) Obvious Anyone who can watch this video of pharmaceutical research dogs experiencing sunlight and grass for the first time and do it without producing tears is simply not human  (uproxx.com) (334)
(Slate) Silly Bob Costas warns us about the dangers of showboating  (slate.com) (84)
(BBC) Strange British coastguard alert ships in Bristol Channel to avoid a two-door compact car last seen bobbing up and down off the pier at Mumbles. Alert cancelled this morning when car discovered washed up on beach at nearby Raised-Eyebrows-on-Sea  (bbc.co.uk) (31)
(CNNGo) Amusing Meanwhile, "Hero Hitler In Love" rounds out the list of November's four worst Bollywood movies  (cnngo.com) (37)
(Some Guy On The Run) Hero Over 20 shots fired in a police shoot out. No one was hit, and the shooters got away. Here's the dashcam video of the exchange  (wsbtv.com) (110)
(Yahoo) Interesting War, what is it good for? Well jobs and housing of course  (news.yahoo.com) (81)
(My Fox DC) Dumbass Bank robbing 101 - Step 1: Identify a bank. Step 2: Make sure the bank is not on the same block where you live  (myfoxdc.com) (18)
(Washington Post) Asinine VA officials fine with people getting quietly and sadly drunk in bars, but heaven help the owners if they start dancing  (washingtonpost.com) (66)
(Some Dad) Sappy Marine returning from Afghanistan comes home covered in dust. Most of it got into his daughter's eyes when he surprised her at school. Some drifted this way, too  (welcomehomeblog.com) (95)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Silly Advice columnist suggests that moms use the Twilight movies to talk to their teen daughters about sex. Absent from the suggestions: "Don't get knocked up by someone 90 years older than you are"  (suntimes.com) (100)
(BBC) Ironic Retired Seattle police chief Norm Stamper - who led the 1999 WTO Battle for Seattle - says that police responses to the Occupy protests is too heavy handed, blames the militarization of local police by Homeland Security  (bbc.co.uk) (105)
(The Onion) PSA Ten year old boys hold press conference to ask us a little favor  (theonion.com) (68)
(New Scientist) Unlikely Stop badmouthing stupid jerk sharks that keep biting people  (newscientist.com) (37)
(Yahoo) Obvious Iran bans video game for predicting the future  (news.yahoo.com) (82)
(Some Megyn Kelly Snack) Strange LAPD punts case on Wal-Mart shopper who used pepperspray to grab Xbox, citing 'self-defense'; "What am I going to charge her with?"  (encino.patch.com) (91)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Kate Middleton is taking fashion tips from Camilla Parker-Bowles. Will have the nicest saddle of all the Royals. (with pic that gets funnier the more you stare at it)  (dailymail.co.uk) (49)
(The Register) Amusing Piece of 'art' on exhibit: "5 Million Dollars 1 Terabyte" consists of 1 USB-hdd full of 5 Million Dollars worth of pirated content. Can trolling the RIAA/MPAA/BSA be considered art?  (theregister.co.uk) (103)
(Mother Nature Network) Silly Doctors want to add warning labels to magazine ads and billboards alerting viewers that the images of celebrities have been digitally retouched  (mnn.com) (16)
(My Fox DC) Asinine Thanksgiving is over. So you know what that means - time for douchebag neighborhood associations to start telling people what color Christmas lights they can't hang on their porch  (myfoxdc.com) (56)
(eurekalert) Obvious New study says men do not think about sex all of the time ... Just most of the time  (eurekalert.org) (136)
(Fox News) Sick Super cool: You land a foursome with three hot chicks. Still kinda cool: They're all drunk at the bar you own. Not cool: Their combined ages add up to 36  (foxnews.com) (117)
(Short List) Cool Guess what weighs 27 pounds, packs 32,000 calories and is bouncing here and there and everywhere  (shortlist.com) (33)
(Yahoo) Obvious Behind the Cheddar Curtain: Wisconsin woman calls 911 to try to stop her husband from leaving a bar in the final hours of the long holiday weekend  (news.yahoo.com) (14)
(USA Today) Obvious Record cold snap hits the South. Guess, uh, global warming's coming a little later this year  (usatoday.com) (157)
(Canada.com) Interesting Canada considers pulling out of Kyoto. I bet you didn't even know they'd attacked Japan  (canada.com) (35)
(Huffington Post) Spiffy UK crematorium to use excess energy to warm nearby chapel. Community debate ends in a dead heat  (huffingtonpost.com) (33)
(Telegraph) Amusing It's not cognizant broadcast, it's Drew Curtis's Englightenment Dispatch  (telegraph.co.uk) (5)
(Short List) Obvious If you're going to forge a doctor's letter and hand it to the court, make sure you can spell first  (shortlist.com) (8)
(Some Reporter) Interesting News: Reporter finds that most people who investigate foreclosures get scammed. Fark: Including said reporter  (poynter.org) (24)
(Stuff.co.nz) Followup Oddly enough, the ol' "Call colleges your daughter is applying to, pretend to be a concerned nurse, and warn them that a rival girl applying for acceptance is a lesbian with an untreated STD" strategy somehow backfired  (stuff.co.nz) (19)
(Toronto Sun) Obvious On today's episode of "If Tiny Violins Could Golf Clap", woman who forgot to take the pill (on purpose), is ticked husband forgot to tell (in detail) of his vasectomy  (torontosun.com) (262)
(WISHTV) Amusing Indiana college students use $45K grant to heat water using the sun. Grad students unimpressed, continue banging rocks together to make fire  (wishtv.com) (28)
(My Fox DC) Fail When donating clothes to the needy, always remember to take your life-savings out of the pockets first  (myfoxdc.com) (26)
(Some Old Trou) Amusing Note: If you're trying to impress chicks at West Point, don't wear an 'Old Trou' t-shirt  (wtsp.com) (27)
(Some Guy) Interesting UN officials say mariachi music is a vanishing cultural tradition. Obviously they've never eaten at a Mexican restaurant in any strip mall in Phoenix  (couriermail.com.au) (45)
(The Eagle Tribune) Sick Nothing says "Team Building" like the ol' "Circle Jerk on a Cookie" contest  (eagletribune.com) (157)
(Abc.net.au) Obvious It is official: Killing 77 non-muslims in an attempt to halt the Muslim Invasion of Europe means you are criminally insane  (abc.net.au) (95)
(CBC) News Iranians storm British embassy, but are only able to find a bunch of guys with Canadian passports  (cbc.ca) (136)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida If you want to stop cars from speeding down your street, should you A: Install speed bumps? B: Erect speed limit signs? or C: Throw bricks through car's windows as they drive by?  (tampabay.com) (87)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Mike Tyson Sings "The Girl From Ipanema" on a Brazilian TV Show - and does it pretty damn well  (complex.com) (59)
(Guardian) Amusing Marmite: Love it or hate it... or be inconvenienced by its life-threatening tendencies  (guardian.co.uk) (33)
(MSNBC) Scary As you read this headline, hackers may be taking control of your network printer so they can use it to kill you  (redtape.msnbc.msn.com) (61)
(Some Girl) Photoshop Photoshop this stern stare  (jesseburke.com) (40)
(NPR) Unlikely Just like cheerleaders are real athletes and self-published writers are real authors, Air Force drone operators would like you to know that they're real pilots, damnit  (npr.org) (235)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida There's nothing creepier than a strange man knocking on your door late at night and when you answer he rocks his hands back and forth like he's cradling an invisible baby  (nwfdailynews.com) (19)
(CNN) Fail American Airlines decides to become a little more like Americans  (money.cnn.com) (139)
(The Consumerist) Stupid The 12 days of Christmas will now set you back more than $100K, according to the Association of Recycled News Story Writers  (consumerist.com) (36)
(I Heart Chaos) Stupid Because he's always full of good ideas when it comes to the internet, Joe Lieberman now thinks Blogger should come with a "terrorist flag" button. Surely this would only be used by responsible adults for real terror threats  (iheartchaos.com) (93)
(Jacksonville.com) Florida Look, one more time- if you buy a hooker and the sex is no good, do not kidnap her baby and leave it in a field. How many times do we need to go over this, people of Florida?  (jacksonville.com) (28)
(The Smoking Gun) Silly When life hands you lemons, squeeze them into some vodka and have some fun with this week's Mugshot Roundup  (thesmokinggun.com) (81)
(The Local (Germany)) Scary British bombs require evacuation of half a German city. This isn't a repeat of WWII, just an echo  (thelocal.de) (65)
(WFSB Rocky Hill) Weird Woman steals ornaments at craft fair, uses ornament to stab pursuer while fleeing police. I'm dreaming of a White Trash Christmas  (wfsb.com) (32)

Mon November 28, 2011
(The New Republic) Silly MItt Romney's idea of a four-letter curse word: "H-E-double hockey sticks." Well, okely-dokely then, neighbor  (tnr.com) (111)
(The Local (Germany)) Scary Today's Fark-ready headline:"Germany ready to inseminate you"  (thelocal.de) (52)
(The Republic) Dumbass 52 drunk drivers arrested in a game of 52-tard pickup  (therepublic.com) (49)
(Yahoo) Followup Pima County AZ SWAT team learning that it's a lot harder to sweep a questionable shooting under the rug when the guy you shoot is a Marine vet you can't even pretend was a bad guy  (news.yahoo.com) (463)
(Foreign Policy) Photoshop Photoshop this heroin(e)  (foreignpolicy.com) (17)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Not news: Man gets busted for video recording a woman in the bathroom. FARK: Man was recording his mother-in-law. (with "cue up the banjo" mugs)  (thesmokinggun.com) (66)
(Fox News) Sad Three 1%'er "asset managers" suddenly have lot more of their own to manage as they split a $254 million powerball jackpot after buying a single ticket on a whim at a gas station  (foxnews.com) (208)
(Yahoo) Followup Brownback uses the over-zealous staffer defense  (news.yahoo.com) (205)
(Yahoo) NewsFlash Herman Cain is now leaking his own scandals  (news.yahoo.com) (553)
(SeattlePI) Sad Ohio places 200 pound third-grader in foster care after luring him away from his parents with a trail of gravy  (seattlepi.com) (264)
(My Fox NY) Dumbass Woman with axe to grind uses it on neighbor  (myfoxny.com) (41)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this hauling Honda  (cdn.spiegel.de) (21)
(BBC) Dumbass Not all hot female teachers hit on their students. This one sexually assaulted an airline steward  (bbc.co.uk) (125)
(Some Trailer Park Guy) Florida "According to the Monroe County Sheriff's Office, 32-year old Maykel Borges was hanging around at the Trailerama Trailer Park on 15th Street and asking for beer"  (wtsp.com) (37)
(WLUK-TV) Dumbass Stealing from a church: Pretty hell-worthy. Stealing a pet rabbit from the church's daycare: What the hell is wrong with you?  (fox11online.com) (77)
(My Central Jersey) Sick As if responsible parents needed more worry, a number of states now have student vaccination opt-out rates of over 5% (and growing)  (mycentraljersey.com) (482)
(Palm Beach Post) Florida Teen who needs to spend more time watching Ric Romero dismayed when the racy pics she uploaded wind up on porn sites  (palmbeachpost.com) (550)
(Global Post) Spiffy A record-setting 9,600 corpses were found on the streets of Mexico City on Saturday  (globalpost.com) (44)
(Huffington Post) Sad Shoppers step over dead man's body in mad rush for Black Friday bargains. Hey, a deal's a deal  (huffingtonpost.com) (106)
(Yahoo) Unlikely A lawyer for Chick-fil-A said in a letter that the use of the "eat more kale" message is likely to cause confusion of the public with their phrase "eat mor chikin"  (finance.yahoo.com) (150)
(Some Guy) Followup The first operating U.S. nuclear plant shut down because of an earthquake has reopened to glowing reviews  (wtkr.com) (40)
(MSNBC) Interesting Massachusetts representative Barney Frank won't seek re-election in 2012, will return to the hundred acre wood to hang out with his animal pals, and guzzle honey all day  (firstread.msnbc.msn.com) (265)
(The Local (Sweden)) Asinine In case you were wondering, and I know some of you were, bestiality remains legal in Sweden  (thelocal.se) (126)
(National Post) Interesting Dominique Strauss-Kahn may have been blown a second time, from the grassy knoll  (news.nationalpost.com) (25)
(The New York Times) Sad Thanks to questionable breeding practices, the fact that bulldogs are "the most relentless farters in the canine world" is probably the least of their problems  (nytimes.com) (197)
(FARK) Plug Cyber Monday plug: every Fark Shop order placed today gets a Mystery Bonus included free with every order. LGT the shirt that the TFers have been requesting for the last six months  (shop.fark.com) (72)
(Daily Mail) Misc Woman gives birth moments after getting off plane...saving on the controversial airline "Baby Birthing Fee"  (dailymail.co.uk) (39)
(AL.com) Weird 16-year-old realizes he was shot several hours after he was accosted at convenience store  (blog.al.com) (55)
(NPR) Fail "Nowhere else in the world do you see a political debate about whether climate science is real, whether or not the climate is actually changing"  (npr.org) (627)
(CNNGo) Interesting Seoul restaurant being called the "Hooters for women" because it serves cheap, tasty food and employs attractive young men with big personalities  (cnngo.com) (114)
(My Fox DC) Sad Always remember, when washing your kid's clothes - first take your kid out of them  (myfoxdc.com) (83)
(Jacksonville.com) Obvious If the country was serious about ending the debt woes, it would cancel all military flyovers at professional sporting events  (jacksonville.com) (154)
(TC Palm) Florida Florida man accused of shooting a lawn mower and brawling with his son tells cops, "Fighting is what redneck people do." Cops concede that, but say blasting a riding mower with a .380 pistol crosses the line  (blogs.tcpalm.com) (54)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Believe it or not, rich people can be assholes too  (dailymail.co.uk) (179)
(The New York Times) Obvious Surname hyphenation, TNG: Some parents are realizing that there may be down-sides to saddling their new tyke with a name like "Joey Wilde-Cunningham-Lindquist"   (nytimes.com) (295)
(Huffington Post) Spiffy Top Marine says the service is embracing the gay ban repeal. Giggity  (huffingtonpost.com) (197)
(Washington Post) Hero If you're an NBA fan, give your TV a big hug. Network TV contracts forced the NBA to play this season  (washingtonpost.com) (261)
(Some Grill Guy) Photoshop With cold weather upon us, photoshop the end of grilling season  (bestofbbq.info) (17)
(Gizmodo) Cool A huge list of deals for Cyber Monday shoppers. Of course, you could go down to Walmart and get pepper sprayed by a 400-pound woman wearing a Flavor-Aid stained tube top again. Your call  (gizmodo.com) (127)
(Short List) Weird Who would you vote for in today's Egyptian elections, based on the candidates' logos? It's got to be flowery space shuttle man  (shortlist.com) (54)
(Some Guy) Followup Teenage girl who tweeted a criticism of Kansas Governor and then refused to apologize after pressure from the Governor and her school ends up getting over 6000 followers a day later. Welcome to the internet, Gov. #blowsalot  (news.gather.com) (325)
(Stuff.co.nz) Spiffy Drew's twin brother claims prize for world's first amateur photograph of another solar system  (stuff.co.nz) (68)
(PennLive) Cool Hershey Medical Center finds virus that sends cancer down the highway  (pennlive.com) (61)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Medvedev, "The beatings will continue until morale improves"  (dailymail.co.uk) (24)
(CNN) Followup Police have discovered the bodies of three men in Ohio believed to have been murdered after answering job ads on Craigslist  (cnn.com) (49)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy Gun club invites children to pose with Santa, $80,000 machine guns (w/pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (223)
(Some Guy) Asinine If law enforcement needs to take over your Facebook account so that they can pretend to be you while they investigate your friends, then Facebook will not require a warrant, court order, or subpoena, just a polite request  (dailydot.com) (88)
(CBS 4 Denver) Ironic Stop me if you've heard this one before: Deaf man arrested for noise complaint, held for 25 days while cops find an interpreter  (denver.cbslocal.com) (74)
(BBC) Interesting Modern American teenagers appear to have lost their love for cars, preferring to hang out online instead of 'cruising' together. Which leads to the question: What the hell is wrong with modern American teenagers?  (bbc.co.uk) (239)
(The New York Times) Amusing Parents increasingly hit Google to help pick baby names, particularly to avoid stripper names for their daughters. "I didn't want there to be a Google identity for her to wrestle with"  (nytimes.com) (264)
(CNN) Cool $52.4 billion spent on Black Friday. Suck it, Occupiers  (money.cnn.com) (326)

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