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Sun December 25, 2011
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Daily Mail) Interesting They found Jimmy Hoffa  (dailymail.co.uk) (97)
(AL.com) Amusing Newest dangerous teen trend that parents should be on the lookout for: snorting candy  (blog.al.com) (62)
(Mirror.co.uk) Unlikely The meter maid wins again  (mirror.co.uk) (46)
(Houston Chronicle) Scary Giant shrimp invade Gulf of Mexico and OMG KILL IT WITH FIRE (w/pic)  (chron.com) (157)
(MSN) Photoshop Photoshop these runners in all their glory  (msnbcmedia3.msn.com) (35)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Now that Kim Jong-Il is dead. Photoshop what life in North Korea might be like without Kim Jong-Il  (imageshack.us) (41)
(Yahoo) Spiffy Decades later, a Cold War secret is revealed in Danbury, CT  (news.yahoo.com) (146)
(Salon) Followup Today's Fark-ready headline: "Despite the headlines this week, there is no need to panic about kids having group sex"  (salon.com) (85)
(LA Times) Asinine L.A. might sue Occupy L.A. protesters for financial damages. Note to City of LA: OWS protesters have no cash, hence the protesting  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (241)
(Yahoo) Interesting Cash is King: The Obama administration appears to have softened a U.S. ban on Internet gambling  (news.yahoo.com) (56)
(Mirror.co.uk) Dumbass Woman changes her name to "Look At Me, I'm An Attention Whore". Just kidding, but that would be better than what she actually chose  (mirror.co.uk) (158)
(CBS News) News "Nigerian Taliban" church bombings kill dozens  (cbsnews.com) (197)
(Fark) Sappy It's the annual Fark "What I'm Thankful For" thread. Or if you prefer, the annual Fark "Dammit, Christmas Sucks" thread. Your pick  (fark.com) (373)
(Huffington Post) Cool Teen climbs Mt. Vinson Massif in Antarctica; becomes youngest to climb seven of the world's tallest mountains on Earth's seven continents. What did you conquer at 15?  (huffingtonpost.com) (188)
(Daily Mail) Sappy Playful penguins enjoying a white Christmas in Antarctica. Also, it's time for the penguin on top of your television set to explode  (dailymail.co.uk) (43)
(Mental Floss) Cool Brew up some eggnog fit for George Washington. Don't call it a comeback, the drink's been here for years  (mentalfloss.com) (31)
(Daily Mail) Sappy Dear Santa, please text my dad, he has my whole list. KTHXBAI  (dailymail.co.uk) (20)
(The Courier) Cool Great balls of fire  (thecourier.co.uk) (11)
(Boing Boing) Cool The Christmas tree is a lie  (boingboing.net) (37)
(Fark) Photoshop Photoshop theme: If everyday items were treated like dangerous drugs  (fark.com) (16)
(CBS DFW) Sappy As a joke, two Texas men began mailing each other the same Christmas card, year after year. The tradition has finally come to an end...61 years after it began  (dfw.cbslocal.com) (41)
(Some Guy) Scary Three killed at laundromat. When will this cycle of violence end?  (couriermail.com.au) (36)
(Boston.com) Interesting Roaster debuts line of gay coffee. You want some cream in that?  (boston.com) (93)
(Post-Gazette) Obvious Man shot by Pittsburgh cop is recalled by neighbors as affable, also off-able  (post-gazette.com) (55)
(Mercury News) Sad Burglars steal all of a family's Christmas presents, and also the dog. Presumably to tie a big horn to the top of his head, if they can't find a reindeer, they'll make one instead  (mercurynews.com) (24)
(WXYZ Detroit) Sad Rash of Baby Jesus figure thefts continues. Locals say it makes no frankincense  (wxyz.com) (26)
(Yahoo) Fail Worrying: You are commanding a US Navy vessel and maneuver to avoid hitting a trawler. Bad: You don't see the freighter now in your path: Embarrassing: The freighter sees you and moves out of the way: Fark: You are in a sub  (ca.news.yahoo.com) (123)
(AP) Sappy Young girl sends her Christmas list to Santa via balloon, finds it to be much more reliable than the USPS  (hosted.ap.org) (22)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Sleep study claims visions of angels in Bible were merely 'lucid dreams'  (dailymail.co.uk) (212)
(CNN) Stupid Gold embroidered hat-wearing Pope, carrying a diamond and ruby encrusted solid gold scepter, decries the "superficial glitter" of the season, just after unveiling an enormous 23 foot tall, 82 foot wide nativity scene  (cnn.com) (206)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Stabbing death over loud music leaves many questions. How loud was the music? Was it really worth killing over? Why is the housing project called the "Pork 'n Beans"?  (sun-sentinel.com) (41)
(Daily Mail) Interesting "The Slutcracker": Tchaikovsky's timeless Christmas ballet performed by pole dancers (w/video showcasing traditional & non-traditional versions of "The Nutcracker") Some content Not safe for work  (dailymail.co.uk) (157)

Sat December 24, 2011
(Slate) Interesting Admit it. You have lots of questions about Christianity, but none more burning than whether or not Jesus had an in-style hairdo  (slate.com) (108)
(Slate) Fail The worst catchphrases of the year. Meh  (slate.com) (161)
(AP) Scary Unprovoked attacks nationwide are at the heart of a game called 'Knockout King' . Brace yourselves  (hosted.ap.org) (347)
(Baltimore Sun) Cool Most people's Christmas displays don't contain an F-104 Starfighter. But then, Tom Blair is not most people  (baltimoresun.com) (52)
(Fark) Photoshop Holiday Theme: What else Santa does on Christmas Eve  (fark.com) (14)
(Independent) Interesting Airlines now cleared to fly over North Pole, which will shorten flights and lead to new routes. Oh, and death, there will be horrible horrible death when the engines fail  (independent.co.uk) (99)
(LA Times) Dumbass Nine words you thought you would never see in the same headline  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (176)
(Yahoo) Interesting 10 words Americans added to their vocabulary this past year  (finance.yahoo.com) (65)
(Yahoo) Cool Top selling Christmas gifts over the years  (shopping.yahoo.com) (69)
(Yahoo) Followup The Great Space Ball Mystery has been solved, your Mom was likely involved  (news.yahoo.com) (66)
(Buzzfeed) Amusing What people wanted for Christmas... in 1975  (buzzfeed.com) (224)
(MSNBC) Followup That $172,000 violin that was lost is is reunited with relieved owner. Just in time for Catgut-erday  (usnews.msnbc.msn.com) (24)
(The Atlantic) Interesting What it was like to run a bar in Baghdad during the Iraq war  (theatlantic.com) (52)
(LA Times) Silly The latest White House controversy? Where is Bo? Still no cure for politicians  (latimes.com) (61)
(LA Times) Unlikely "Mall's ban on Salvation Army bell-ringing saddens shoppers"  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (115)
(Some Grinning Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this plate passing  (img-fotki.yandex.ru) (28)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Assange may face spy charges after lawyers claim he 'coached' U.S. traitor on breaking military computer passwords  (dailymail.co.uk) (114)
(Atlanta Journal Constitution) Interesting More people are wanting an official Red Ryder carbine-action two-hundred-shot range model air rifle under their Christmas tree this year  (ajc.com) (82)
(Daily Mail) Fail Thief raises the bar in the "stupid things to leave behind at the crime scene" competition, leaves behind picture of himself on phone he stole in previous burglary  (dailymail.co.uk) (11)
(Daily Mail) Interesting These paintings are even better if you are totally tripping balls  (dailymail.co.uk) (55)
(Some Guy) Hero Family of terminally ill 11 year old requests a few emergency vehicles drive by his house. Within 24 hours, 100 emergency vehicles give this young man an awesome farewell. Merry Christmas everyone. I'm gonna hug my kids  (firetruckblog.com) (206)
(SaveOnBrew) Advice Five worst beers to give as a gift. Let the Christmas rage begin  (saveonbrew.com) (129)
(AZCentral) Spiffy Duuuuuuuude. I love to roll my own. Wait, what were we talking about again?  (azcentral.com) (21)
(The Sun) Interesting ...and Prince Philip's heart grew three sizes that day  (thesun.co.uk) (29)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Not about to be up-staged by FedEx, a UPS driver flips off security camera, as he throws package  (inquisitr.com) (94)
(Some Cooking Guy) Spiffy Subby'll be having Rosemary Garlic Prime Rib, caramelized carrots, asparagus w/ hollandaise sauce, steamed broccoli, mashed potatoes and Yorkshire pudding for Christmas dinner. What are you having?  (primetimesteakhouse.com) (283)
(MSNBC) Interesting The Star of Bethlehem was either a star, comet, aliens, or a supernova  (msnbc.msn.com) (86)
(MSNBC) Interesting Guy scores venti payout from Starbuck's after slipping on wet floor, his wife also gets a grande bit because he can't get tall any more  (usnews.msnbc.msn.com) (61)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Family of seven arrives at million-dollar beach home ready to start glorious 10-day vacation. However, there's just one small problem  (sun-sentinel.com) (53)
(Some Guy) Followup And... HE'S OFF (exclamation point) Merry Christmas, Santa Trackers  (noradsanta.org) (50)
(Some Guy) Strange So long and thanks for all the fish  (couriermail.com.au) (34)
(Mother Nature Network) Interesting Forget antidepressants and talk therapy. The best way to overcome your depression is a fistful of placebo pills  (mnn.com) (98)
(The Sun) Sappy 15 ugly-ass Dalmatian puppies born in one litter. Cruella De Vil spotted around the corner  (thesun.co.uk) (21)
(Daily Mail) Stupid "By using a five-foot-tall cannabis plant as a Christmas tree, Richards showed a total disregard for the law." (w/stoner Christmas pic)  (dailymail.co.uk) (90)
(Mother Nature Network) Interesting Female spiders who immediately eat their mates after sex produce healthier babies. Keep this in mind when you're writing out your next paternity check  (mnn.com) (38)
(Lohud.com) Sappy Nine-year-old boy with leukemia gets rescue puppy for Christmas, delivered by fire truck. And if that don't do the trick, the pic in TFA will demolish the rest of you cold-hearted bastards  (lohud.com) (67)
(SeattlePI) Interesting Overturned ice cream truck closes down Interstate 69. I guess you could say this ice cream spill made for a *puts on sunglasses* Rocky Road. YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH   (seattlepi.com) (32)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Unlikely private label wines  (i.imgur.com) (23)
(azfamily.com) Amusing Okay, the Darth Vader head and the Opus doll are pretty cool, but topping your Christmas tree with a Seahawks helmet is just too much  (azfamily.com) (46)
(Toronto Star) Caturday George the cat, thought to have died at airport, came back just in time for Christmas and Caturday  (thestar.com) (1363)
(ABC) Hero As if he had to remind everyone that he's a badass, Santa Claus pulls a man from a burning car THEN directs traffic around the flames to help keep passing motorists and pedestrians out of harm's way  (abcnews.go.com) (18)
(Some Guy) Sad Had I known that I wouldn't be getting a first gen back, I would have never sent mine in. Greed got the best of me. I should have kept my first gen, it was fine  (appleinsider.com) (96)
(KTLA) Followup Latest rectally extracted figures indicate Occupy L.A. protests cost more than two-thirds of a Michael Jackson memorial and slightly more than a 1%er makes in a week  (ktla.com) (74)
(NJ.com) Fail Bad: Leaving your umbrella on the bus. Worse: Leaving your phone on the bus. Worst: Leaving a rare violin valued at $172K on the bus  (nj.com) (35)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Trollface monkey plays in snow. U MAD?  (dailymail.co.uk) (16)
(Captain Steroid) Photoshop Captain Steroid brings you his 2nd Annual X-Mas Photoshop Contest. Theme: Polar Bear Bleh. 1st Prize: 1 month of sponsored TotalFark for the winner. Difficulty: No TFers allowed. Contest ends tonight @ Midnight CST on X-Mas Eve. Have fun :D  (img339.imageshack.us) (45)
(Yahoo) Stupid "Glamping" is luxury camping. And by "camping" I mean "all-amenities villas that only a city kid would consider camping"  (finance.yahoo.com) (88)
(Huffington Post) Hero "Teen Girls Having More Same Sex Contact". The Mayans were wrong. 2012 won't be the end. It is going to be the Best Year Ever  (huffingtonpost.com) (170)
(Daily Mail) Amusing On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, twelve drummers drumming, eleven crocodiles snapping, ten lords...wait, what?  (dailymail.co.uk) (8)
(Denver Channel) Hero Man, I was so drunk Wednesday night, I don't remember a thing. I didn't do anything stupid, did I?  (thedenverchannel.com) (36)
(New York Daily News) Asinine Autistic boy placed in "therapy" bag to control outbursts. In other news, there are 673 teeth on a gym bag zipper  (nydailynews.com) (52)
(NBC Bay Area) Asinine If your doctor has you hold the IV bag, smokes a cigar during your procedure, and flushes your fat down the toilet, he may not be legit  (nbcbayarea.com) (25)
(Patch) Hero Dad returns from Iraq to surprise kids at Medieval Times. When the hell will allergy season end?  (severn.patch.com) (43)
(New Zealand Herald) Interesting Study finds people would much rather travel alongside someone with bad body odour than parents with crying kids  (nzherald.co.nz) (63)
(Fox Business) Stupid Author of "Scroogenomics: Why You Shouldn't Buy Presents for the Holidays," Compares Christmas shopping to the Homer Simpson theory of why people do things: "It's because they're stupid, that's why"  (foxbusiness.com) (72)
(MLive.com) Interesting You take your snowflake to the mall for a visit with Santa, should you be allowed to take your own picture or be forced to pay for an overpriced 'professional' shot?  (mlive.com) (179)

Fri December 23, 2011
(CNN) Asinine Q: What do you call a guy who finished last in medical school? A: Better qualified than some of the hacks running around in Army hospitals  (cnn.com) (83)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida The only white Christmas in Florida comes from bales of cocaine washing ashore  (sun-sentinel.com) (34)
(ABC) PSA Q: What's the difference between a pickpocket and a Peeping Tom? A: The pickpocket snatches your watch  (abcnews.go.com) (112)
(Santa Cruz Sentinel) Hero Santa Cruz woman thrwarts mugger, hands him a bag of dog poop  (santacruzsentinel.com) (47)
(GovWin) Interesting Get last-minute gift ideas from the Army's PEO Soldier Portfolio, or if you prefer, a printable calendar from the National Counterterrorism Center  (govwin.com) (14)
(Washington Post) Dumbass Geez. Nurses in Utah find creative use for medical tape and everyone gets all upset  (washingtonpost.com) (47)
(Denver Channel) Asinine Twenty-three Christmas props and 30,000 lights: $1500; Telling your HOA and their $25 biweekly fine to stick it: priceless  (thedenverchannel.com) (148)
(Fark) Photoshop Theme: I have no idea what you are talking about, so here's a ____________ with a ____________ on its head  (fark.com) (48)
(BBC) Stupid Violence breaks out as shoppers fight for the new Nike shoe: The Air Jordan. This is not a repeat from 1991  (bbc.co.uk) (143)
(News Times) Sad Applesauce Acres Alpaca Attack leaves neighbors appalled, tongue-tied  (newstimes.com) (37)
(Life.com) Interesting Never-seen photographs from a forgotten war. Well ... forgotten, that is, except by the relatives of the millions killed, the hundreds of thousands still alive who served, and the multitudes whose lives were destroyed  (life.com) (195)
(Fark) Survey Since you weren't doing very much at work this week, the Fark Weird News Quiz should be pretty easy. Right?  (fark.com) (34)
(USA Today) Followup Anyone else tired of hearing about chronic fatigue syndrome?  (yourlife.usatoday.com) (105)
(The Straight Dope) Scary If "Holiday Heart Syndrome" doesn't get you, the tree bugs will. Merry frickin' Christmas  (straightdope.com) (31)
(Daily Mail) Interesting People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, unless they bought it for $14.1m. Then they can do whatever the hell they want  (dailymail.co.uk) (52)
(NJ.com) Interesting Toll booth robber: "Give us all the cash." Toll booth worker: "Dude, you're in the E-ZPass lane"  (nj.com) (49)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop holiday theme: Nutcracker  (daytonballet.org) (24)
(Yahoo) Sappy Archaeologists uncover ancient holy scripture containing True Account of Rudolph  (finance.yahoo.com) (19)
(Washington Post) Strange Because Christmas falls on a Sunday, some churches are canceling services. Wait, what?  (washingtonpost.com) (82)
(Fark) FarkBlog A wrap-up of this week's Headline of the Year contests, a preview of next week, and the Headlines of the Week for 12/11 - 12/17  (fark.com) (8)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen) Silly Citizens of Coralville, Iowa outraged that Old Country Buffet shut down without notice. "There are no buffets left in town. What will we do?"  (press-citizen.com) (77)
(The Consumerist) Sad In the worst tragedy on American soil since 9/11, vegetarian's life completely ruined because some stoned teenage windowlicker wouldn't make her a veggie sub. 10 years from now, we'll all remember where we were when we read this  (consumerist.com) (192)
(Daily Mail) Sappy Slow news day: Golden retriever takes a bath  (dailymail.co.uk) (33)
(ABC) Silly According to the Mayan Calendar, today is the first day of the end of the world. Happy Apocalypse everybody  (abcnews.go.com) (129)
(WLSAM) Weird Craiglist thieves use Craigslist to sell Craigslist items stolen from Craigslist meetings. Craigslist  (wlsam.com) (38)
(Slate) Silly Christmas services have gone from simple nativity scenes to acts that would make Cher weep with envy  (slate.com) (33)
(CNN) VideoEdit Rick Santorum has a new 'popup video' ad in Iowa. Make your own popup video ad for a Presidential candidate   (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com) (46)
(Coventry Telegraph) Dumbass Man gets two years in prison for selling cocaine while being drunk and dressed as The Incredible Hulk, after police caught him green-handed  (coventrytelegraph.net) (22)
(Irish Times) Sappy A letter to Santa written by two children in 1911 was discovered in 1992 in a Dublin fireplace  (irishtimes.com) (48)
(Aspen Daily News) Dumbass Aspen Colorado solves homeless problem by sending the homeless to North Dakota where they'll be cryogenically frozen for future generations  (aspendailynews.com) (75)
(Some Guy) Unlikely A slide show of Michelle Obama so you can decide for yourself if the First Lady has a 'large posterior'  (usnews.com) (224)
(Mother Nature Network) Scary Five of the scariest ski slopes in America. "Paradise begins with an eight-foot drop and continues through a steep obstacle course of trees, rocks and, often, ice - this is east coast skiing after all"  (mnn.com) (112)
(USA Today) Cool Now that you've realized how uncool your ridiculous earbuds are and are ready to move on to a pair of actually cool headphones, Dr. Dre would like you to know that he's "personally offended" if you buy generic  (usatoday.com) (260)
(Yahoo) Spiffy 21-year old man emerges from a coma just as doctors were preparing to turn him into spare parts. Reportedly told doctors he felt happy, felt like taking a walk  (news.yahoo.com) (95)
(Some Guy) Amusing Sad: Somebody stole an inflatable Frosty the Snowman from a family's front yard. Awesome: The captors show Frosty a good time, document the whole thing, and return him two weeks later  (heraldsun.com.au) (82)
(NYPost) Strange NYC subway vigilante Bernard Goetz gets his sweet revenge... well sort of  (nypost.com) (150)
(This Is Plymouth) Unlikely Napoleonic invasion, demonic possession, zombies, perverts and crashing Santas - just how do English councils prepare for the worst?  (thisisplymouth.co.uk) (16)
(NPR) Spiffy With winter extending its icy grip on poor slobs in northern climates, and endless months of dreary, cold, and miserable weather are enough to drive even the sane to consider eating a bullet, there's only one answer: Glogg  (npr.org) (69)
(Daily Mail) Silly Cafe owner posts sign of himself threatening Santa with a knife, saying "Eat here or the old bastard gets it". Surprisingly, some people have a problem with this  (dailymail.co.uk) (34)
(Philly.com) Strange Man awarded $4 million for overdosing on drugs stolen from a pharmacy. Is this a great country, or what?  (philly.com) (155)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida When you're at a routine traffic stop, it's never a good idea to tell the police 'I'm sorry officer, my gun is digging in my hip', especially if you're a convicted felon  (orlandosentinel.com) (39)
(UPI) Asinine As you board your flight home for the holidays, spare a thought for the brave TSA workers who are tirelessly protecting us from the perils of homemade jam in carry-on luggage  (upi.com) (79)
(UPI) Asinine From the "adding insult to injury" files: boy is run down by SUV, then ticketed for walking on the wrong side of the street  (upi.com) (84)
(Some Drunk Robber) Florida Out of money to pay your bar tab? Why, just go rob the bank next door, then go back to the bar, pay your tab and finish your beer  (newportrichey.wtsp.com) (25)
(The Morning Call) Scary Cleaning crew finds meth lab in apartment. That's *so* coming out of your security deposit  (mcall.com) (28)
(Topless Robot) Scary Ten things you didn't know about the Krampus  (toplessrobot.com) (64)
(Daily Mail) Misc Listen to that engine purr  (dailymail.co.uk) (25)
(Abc.net.au) Sad Severe damage after earthquake in New Zealand. See article for photo  (abc.net.au) (67)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this dynamic duo  (ryanlb.com) (18)
(MSNBC) Dumbass John Edwards requests that his trial start be delayed because of an undisclosed "medical condition" which may or may not involve his hair  (nbcpolitics.msnbc.msn.com) (111)
(Cracked) Interesting Seven ridiculous origins of everyday words. I don't know, these seem like perfectly cromulent origins to me  (cracked.com) (69)
(Some Guy) Asinine Grandparents kicked out of the mall for A.) Racing up the down escalator b.) Using the Macy's intercom to announce a 50% store wide discount for the next 30 minutes C.) Taking a picture of their 5 year old grandson  (wndu.com) (165)
(Yahoo) Weird Namibia, may the schwartz be with you  (news.yahoo.com) (64)
(MSNBC) Stupid TSA launches "TSA Cares," a helpline designed to help prime senior citizens and the disabled for their groping  (overheadbin.msnbc.msn.com) (53)
(CNN) Ironic CNN dares ask the question: Just how do atheists celebrate Christmas? Ironically, of course?  (cnn.com) (560)
(Mirror.co.uk) Stupid A 300 year old mystery has been solved... elephants have 5 toes, not 6. And, we wonder why there is not a cure for cancer  (mirror.co.uk) (45)
(Some Guy) Florida Crazy Kent has been travelling the state posing for pictures inside a trash can. It's crazy. Of course it is  (baynews9.com) (26)
(Bozeman Comical) Dumbass Man steals woman's panties from her apartment for use as masturbatory aid, gets caught while breaking back in to return them, gives her his voter registration card, and flees. Unknown where his polling place was at this time  (bozemandailychronicle.com) (52)

Thu December 22, 2011
(ABC) Misc Study finds heartburn on the rise. Here comes the acid  (abcnews.go.com) (60)
(USA Today) Obvious Old and busted: Unlimited data* New Hotness: In stock*, guaranteed by Christmas**  (usatoday.com) (82)
(NewsMax) Unlikely One recent poll found that 84% of U.S. adults claim they'd prayed in the past week. This might be impressive if we knew they weren't praying to win the lottery or to be hung like Ron Jeremy  (newsmax.com) (93)
(Daily Mail) Sappy Ugly-ass baby polar bear has a face even his mother couldn't love  (dailymail.co.uk) (43)
(Some Snob) Florida Ft. Lauderdale offering homeless free bus rides out of town. Miami and West Palm Beach soon to offer homeless free bus rides back to Ft. Lauderdale  (miami.cbslocal.com) (52)
(Fox News) Dumbass Iran announces plans to conduct Navy drills with...... CTRL+V, V, V, V, V, V, V, V....most fearsome, awe inspiring flotilla known to mankind  (foxnews.com) (139)
(Some Guy) Scary Sometimes a renter will take appliances or whatnot when he moves out in a huff. Other times he may take his landlord's underage daughter  (ksl.com) (52)
(Yahoo) Scary The Texans who live on the 'Mexican side' of the border fence: Technically, we're in the United States  (news.yahoo.com) (152)
(The Smoking Gun) Asinine Man punches three bar patrons in the face after getting booed off stage during karaoke. He's singing "In the Jailhouse Now"  (thesmokinggun.com) (29)
(Fark) Photoshop Photoshop theme:Photoshop an excuse to get out of work  (fark.com) (20)
(MSNBC) Dumbass *DING* you are now free to lose your unaccompanied minor  (overheadbin.msnbc.msn.com) (57)
(Some guy) Sad Still Burning: "She shows up tardy one day and hears her name called over the loud speaker to come to the principal's office. She spends the next five days behind bars"  (clarionledger.com) (154)
(Fark) FarkParty Holiday Fark Party - No plans for Christmas Eve? Join us in LA for some drinks and eats  (fark.com) (83)
(Mother Nature Network) Weird If you think penguins are the only animals in Antarctica, then you've never seen the tiny elephants, bear-yam hybrids, or the nematode worms. "They're a lot cuter than earwigs"  (mnn.com) (51)
(Some Guy) Obvious HOLIDAY HEART SYNDROME will KILL YOU. Now go eat, drink, and be merry  (wfaa.com) (46)
(Boing Boing) Sad TSA saves us from the limitless depravity of a cupcake-wielding terrorist. Our freedom is safe once again  (boingboing.net) (159)
(Boston.com) Photoshop Photoshop this rude reptile  (inapcache.boston.com) (35)
(Fark) Survey Fark's 2011 Headline of the Year contest: Business tab headlines  (fark.com) (47)
(Fox News) Scary Girl swept out to sea by a tsunami when she was eight years old finally makes it back home...seven years later  (foxnews.com) (111)
(Buzzfeed) Spiffy Animals wearing yarmulkes  (buzzfeed.com) (72)
(WTOP) Cool It's go-time at NORAD's Santa Tracking Center  (wtop.com) (65)
(Louis C.K) Interesting Twelve days ago Louis C.K started selling "Live at the Beacon theater" through his web page for five bucks without any DRM or other restrictions. Money earned so far: $1,000,000. Donated to charity: $280,000  (buy.louisck.net) (282)
(The Local (Germany)) Strange Headlines you don't expect to read: Germany edition  (thelocal.de) (36)
(NJ.com) Spiffy 16-year-old girl who failed CPR class resuscitates 75-year-old heart attack victim. Imagine what she could have done if she'd passed  (nj.com) (97)
(Some Guy) Stupid Perhaps the only thing more obnoxious than people who spend a small fortune each year on Christmas presents for their children are the people who spend a small fortune on presents for their pets. "He's getting a costume and a hat"  (ktar.com) (122)
(woodtv.com) Cool Grandma knits 300 scarves for school. This is comforting. This is warmness. THIS... IS... NECKWEAAAAAAAAAAAAR  (woodtv.com) (29)
(Fark) Survey It's only a few days before Christmas. If there's a gift you would like, please post in this thread and this thread will be delivered to Santa at the North Pole  (fark.com) (625)
(Quad City Times) Cool One city will be celebrating Festivus, complete with Pole, an Airing of Grievances, and the requisite Feats of Strength  (qctimes.com) (73)
(Some Dumb Kid) Obvious Heads up kids, if you're a a good student but a dumbass on social media sites, it may keep you from getting into college  (wtsp.com) (121)
(NPR) Obvious While North Korea is consumed with mourning for their dead leader; North Korean defectors in the south are holding equally enthusiastic "We're glad you're dead you miserable bastard" rallies  (npr.org) (83)
(USA Today) Obvious Studies confirm that the man tweeting next to you as the plane rolls down the runway would rather all of you die in a fiery crash than have the world be denied even 5 minutes of his 140-character wit  (travel.usatoday.com) (235)
(The Morning Call) Dumbass Man in custody after gas explosion threat, faces lifetime ban from Taco Bell  (mcall.com) (9)
(Some Tiny Violin) Interesting According to etiquette experts, holiday restaurant tipping varies widely among cheapskates, tightwads, and skinflints  (vancouversun.com) (74)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Presenting the "Muggies," TSG's mug shots of the year. Witness clowns, cleavage, a bride, self-mutilation, and Lindsay Lohan  (thesmokinggun.com) (118)
(STV.tv) Scary Fark ready headline: Villagers barricaded themselves in pub to hide from naked man with axe  (news.stv.tv) (35)
(Toronto Star) Strange "At one workplace, the employer had attached a large sex toy to the unisex washroom key so it wouldn't be misplaced. When a female employee complained, her boss refused to get rid of the key-chain. She no longer works there"  (thestar.com) (112)
(Gizmodo) Cool Scientists invent painless dental filling process which uses a plasma toothbrush to do it in less than 30 seconds. It will arrive in 2013 If you're terrified by dentists, today is an awesome day  (gizmodo.com) (144)
(Visual.ly) Cool Visual.ly presents the 20 best visualization graphics of 2011. Also known as Chart Porn at its finest  (blog.visual.ly) (50)
(AZCentral) Cool 23-year-old ASU coed ends up stranded in the snow, MacGyver's herself alive for 10 days, creating water out of crystals and finally using a Hershey Bar to charge a cell phone and a chewing gum wave guide to jam passing military craft  (azcentral.com) (168)
(Chicago Tribune) Scary Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking: Drew has invited us for some beers, so I'm going to go ahead and shut off this engine right here  (chicagotribune.com) (13)
(Adweek) Amusing The year's most inappropriate Christmas ad claims that "Dick" puts "last-minute go" into "Santa's ho"  (adweek.com) (16)
(Some Guy) Florida An AK47 is a surprisingly effective, though unconventional, medical diagnostic tool  (therepublic.com) (39)
(Yahoo) Sad Eight soldiers charged with bullying a comrade to death. Unclear who ordered the Code Red  (news.yahoo.com) (126)
(Daily Mail) Scary Lesbian vampire killer set to walk free after 20 years. Doesn't know about Twilight yet  (dailymail.co.uk) (44)
(I Heart Chaos) Hero An old Fark Photoshop contest picture gets a shout-out on I Heart Chaos. Tag is for all of you Fark photoshoppers  (iheartchaos.com) (54)
(Slate) Unlikely Beer deserves the "same kind of expertise" as wine does, because it's gotten more complicated  (slate.com) (187)
(Some Manscaped Brotoxer) Florida Old and busted: Manscaping. New hotness: Brotox  (wtsp.com) (82)
(Huffington Post) Amusing "I wanted to be a lot of things, but I never -- I PROMISE you -- ever wanted to grow up to be someone known as 'The Penis Mom'"  (huffingtonpost.com) (252)
(Some Guy) Dumbass A man has been charged with attempted murder after throwing a bowling ball at a woman's head. The Sphinx says that before throwing the bowling ball, you must first let the bowling ball throw you  (charlotte.cbslocal.com) (54)
(Salon) Asinine North Korean media reports that moments before Kim Jong-Il's death, there was a mysterious red glow emanating from the sacred mountain they claim he was born on. Apparently Satan was preparing the VIP entrance  (salon.com) (89)
(Yahoo) News Several massive explosions rip through Not Our Problem Anymore, killing {we are no longer required to care} people  (news.yahoo.com) (356)
(Will You PLEASE Make Me A Sandwich) Photoshop Photoshop the wooden model of marriage   (chosenrebel.files.wordpress.com) (36)
(Some Guy) Strange Talk about putting the T & A back into the TSA: Woman caught at the airport smuggling 2.5 kilograms of pure cocaine hidden in implants in her bust and backside  (asiaone.com) (56)
(Daily Mail) Sad Woman drowns while sleepwalking. I'm not saying it's Ambien, but it's Ambien  (dailymail.co.uk) (105)
(Slate) PSA The complete guide on how to give people the Christmas presents they actually want  (slate.com) (83)
(Huffington Post) Stupid A Girl Scouts troop's decision to admit a 7-year-old transgender child this fall has prompted three leaders to resign and dissolve their troops. Guess they'll all forfeit their tolerance badges  (huffingtonpost.com) (560)
(Some Guy) Fail Psychic Fails: 2011 Failed and Forgotten Predictions. Guess they didn't see that coming   (therelativelyinterestingblog.blogspot.com) (123)
(CNN) Interesting Ever wonder who came up with the idea for Suburban Sprawl, HOAs, Strip Malls and Car Dependent Communities?   (inamerica.blogs.cnn.com) (128)
(Live Science) Obvious From the Ric Romero Institute: Drunk office holiday parties are full of unwanted sexual advances  (livescience.com) (66)
(USA Today) PSA The oldest Christmas cake in America turned 100-years old. w/edible goodness photo  (content.usatoday.com) (29)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen) PSA If you've recently gotten divorced, laid off, or experienced some other negative life-changing event, the best city to start your new life in is...Iowa City? Really?  (press-citizen.com) (52)
(Sun Sentinel) Hero 81-year old woman beats up the gun-toting man who mugged her daughter, demands he get off her lawn. Sure, it happened in Florida, but this woman deserves the Hero tag  (sun-sentinel.com) (19)
(Some Naked, Roaring Guy) Strange Naked, roaring man arrested after being found sleeping in stranger's home. "When he opened the door to roar again, the trooper used a shotgun to shoot him in the stomach with a non-lethal beanbag"  (bozemandailychronicle.com) (73)
(Some Guy) Amusing If you are pulled over at 2:30am for driving drunk, the most plausible explanation to give the cops is: A) Your house is only a mile from the bar, B) You really had to go, or C) You were taking the deer in your trunk to the hospital  (democratandchronicle.com) (24)
(AL.com) Fail Man sent by the Lord to plug in Mayor's Christmas lights held at gunpoint by Mayor until police arrive  (blog.al.com) (28)
(CBC) Fail Tourist decides to go on a hiking trip to the taliban-infested mountains of Afghanistan, with predictable results  (cbc.ca) (154)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If you're a helicopter pilot and you're trying to avoid low lying fog, try to avoid the even lower power lines. Oh... and look out for the interstate too  (johnsoncitypress.com) (24)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 346: "Farktography Classic: Season's Greetings 5". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (83)

Wed December 21, 2011
(LA Times) Obvious Elephant fatally attacked by another elephant at zoo will always be remembered  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (25)
(Some Guy) Strange It's one thing to be the criminal mastermind behind the thefts of all the Baby Jesus' from outdoor nativity scenes in your town. But do you have to put the remaining figures left behind in sexually suggestive positions as well?  (peninsuladailynews.com) (72)
(Some Guy) Strange 9mm mouse hunting & wounded roommate & a 13 yr old girlfriend. The Fark crime trifecta hits in Taylorville, UT  (ksl.com) (81)
(Boing Boing) Scary Evidence suggests that the 2008 financial crisis was triggered by a "Bear Raid" market manipulation by short sellers against Citygroup late in 2007  (boingboing.net) (154)
(The New York Times) Asinine If you talk to people about jury nullification, this prosecutor will seek to have you jailed for six months. Subby wonders what the prosecutor might do to anyone who talks about the First Amendment  (nytimes.com) (307)
(MSNBC) Cool Coal plant operators finally run out of briquettes, will have to comply with a nearly 30 year backlog of clean air regulations  (msnbc.msn.com) (88)
(Stay Boring My Friends) Stupid When a cheesy beer commercial star visits for lunch, it's front page news. It is...the Least Interesting Town in the World  (portjefferson.patch.com) (42)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this lighthouse lashing  (cdn4.spiegel.de) (27)
(Curbed) Spiffy If you've been wondering what to do with that spare $8 million, why not pick up this private island with a Revolutionary War history?  (curbed.com) (53)
(Some Guy) Obvious Mullets plead not guilty to attacking beards  (myfoxchicago.com) (39)
(Some Guy) Stupid Olive Garden won't serve capers because they're too 'unexpected,' or pesto because it's too 'green'  (eater.com) (173)
(Stars and Stripes) Sad Soldier pawns his Purple Heart for Christmas. That hurts  (stripes.com) (187)
(Some Guy) Scary Mistletoe, snow spray, bubble lights, alcohol, and other common Christmas items that will kill you, because death never takes a holiday  (syracuse.com) (56)
(Bloomberg) Obvious Hungary downgraded to starving  (bloomberg.com) (50)
(Atlanta Journal Constitution) PSA If you happen to find a winning Powerball ticket from June 29, the Georgia Lottery would like a word with you by next Tuesday  (ajc.com) (32)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this bolt and blogger  (cdn1.spiegel.de) (23)
(Fark) Survey Fark's 2011 Headline of the Year contest: Politics tab headlines  (fark.com) (58)
(Some Guy) Spiffy A Navy tradition caught up with the repeal of 'Don't Ask Don't Tell' today when two women sailors became the first to share the coveted "first kiss" on the dock after one of them returned from 80 days at sea  (wtkr.com) (489)
(CNN) Obvious Kim Jong Un issues first order as president. I bet it was for a banana split  (cnn.com) (134)
(New York Magazine) Stupid Candy store Sugar & Plumm Purveyors of Yumm learns the hard way the Upper West Side doesn't like cute store names, bright layouts, or fun. "The whole thing needs toned down. The coolest places in New York have no signs"  (nymag.com) (163)
(The Register) Amusing "Chicken bones are not, in principle, problematic"  (theregister.co.uk) (37)
(Fark) Survey Fark's 2011 Headline of the Year contest: Geek tab headlines  (fark.com) (49)
(NPR) PSA Japan tsunami before/after Google street view pics, with nifty slider gizmo to illustrate the devastation  (npr.org) (44)
(Mother Nature Network) Sad Frankincense may soon be extinct because some wise guys are over-harvesting it  (mnn.com) (89)
(CNNGo) Cool Lessons learned from a 25,000 mile off-road drive from Hong Kong to Portugal. "In Russia, I learnt that when you have vodka for breakfast, you know it's going to be a good day"  (cnngo.com) (51)
(The Cambridge Chronicle) PSA Allowing children to wear "Jordan's Bar Mitzvah" shirt offends classmates who were not invited to Jordan's Bar Mitzvah  (wickedlocal.com) (228)
(UPI) Obvious Binge drinking is contagious, say researchers familiar with Fark gatherings  (upi.com) (44)
(MSNBC) Fail Bradley Manning's Klinger photos ignored by army, now hotlips on prison radar for hawkeye pierce  (openchannel.msnbc.msn.com) (112)
(Click Orlando) Florida Christmas decorations stolen. Suspect reported to have green complexion and a heart two times too small  (clickorlando.com) (12)
(Washington Post) Interesting TSA officers confiscate book because words are weapons, sharper than knives. Also, there were two throwing knives inside  (washingtonpost.com) (60)
(Some Guy) Scary A hit and a-mish  (tucsoncitizen.com) (43)
(Cracked) Amusing And now presenting, the seven types of holiday fights you are about to get in  (cracked.com) (110)
(Guardian) Interesting Meanwhile, in France, the government is considering forcing 30,000 women to have breast reduction surgery  (guardian.co.uk) (78)
(PennLive) Cool In a world of street food, this converted 18 wheeler crushes them all. "We wanted to turn it into a show"  (pennlive.com) (35)
(NPR) Cool Angry Birds: London Philharmonic edition  (npr.org) (20)
(The Sun) Strange Woman spends last five months of pregnancy upside down to keep baby from falling out  (thesun.co.uk) (130)
(Reuters) Interesting Like an al Qaedian Tupac Shakur, Awlaki releases some new posthumous material  (reuters.com) (10)
(New Zealand Herald) Obvious The killing of Osama bin Laden chosen as top news story of 2011. In other news, the top story from 2001 to 2010 was that he kept getting away  (nzherald.co.nz) (47)
(My Fox DC) Amusing Hoping I could I borrow a cup of sugar, oh and top off my tank please  (myfoxdc.com) (15)
(Daily Record (UK)) Silly Jesuslovesme and Awesome among the baby names registered in Scotland this year. Why can't people use traditional names like Dòmhnallaidh and Slàinidh?  (dailyrecord.co.uk) (52)
(Slate) Cool Need a last-minute gift for your kids but can't figure out what to get them? How about these new Occupy Wall Street-inspired Lego sets?  (slate.com) (65)
(Some Guy) Asinine European auto insurers are looking to use black box data to get around the coming ban on rate discrimination against men  (insurancejournal.com) (95)
(MSNBC) Weird Scary: boy gets flesh eating bacteria. Interesting: on the face. News: survives. Fark: so the Vatican canonizes a dead 17th centry Native American. Cool: first American saint. Silly: unless you're Mormon, I guess  (usnews.msnbc.msn.com) (111)
(Some Guy) Strange Meanwhile, in Switzerland  (thelocal.ch) (28)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Hot mother accused of having sex with her daughter's friends, playing sexy, sexy ping pong  (dailymail.co.uk) (120)
(Washington Post) Cool 'Sensitive Santas' are providing their services so that children with autism can make their first ever visit to the Jolly Old Elf  (washingtonpost.com) (31)
(Daily Mail) Scary Get ready for Avian Flu XXII: The Oh-Farkening  (dailymail.co.uk) (54)
(BBC) Amusing Penguins poo on people in line to see the Pandas at the Edinburgh in a tale of monochrome jealously  (bbc.co.uk) (13)
(The Local (Sweden)) Dumbass Tis the season... for "ingenious robbers caught after police followed their tracks in snow" headlines  (thelocal.se) (13)
(Some Guy) Stupid Want to pay off someone's layaway for toys? Totally okay. Want to prepare dinner for shut-ins and deliver them on Christmas Day? HOLD THE FARKING PHONES  (billingsgazette.com) (115)
(Toronto Sun) Followup Well it's Bud the Spud from the bright red mud, still languishing in Lebanese prison. The times are grim, and his hopes are dim because the Holidays and Hassan's coming. The Holidays and Hassan's coming  (torontosun.com) (28)
(Telegraph) Dumbass Teenage juror who stopped trial by pretending to be sick but in fact used the time to go and see musical "Chicago" found guilty of giving the judge the old razzle-dazzle  (telegraph.co.uk) (68)
(Daily Mail) Strange He's just this guy, you know?  (dailymail.co.uk) (87)
(BBC) Hero An Iranian diplomat who saved thousands of Jews in Nazi-occupied Paris died in poverty and obscurity thirty years ago. Finally his story is being told. "There is no distinction 'I am Muslim, he is Jew' or whatever"  (bbc.co.uk) (57)
(Chicago Tribune) Dumbass Latecomer for the coveted Father of the Year award arrested for putting a photo of his bound and gagged 22-month-old daughter on Facebook  (chicagotribune.com) (109)
(Uproxx) Spiffy Is there anything more distinctly American than hilariously awful family holiday photos? No, there is not  (uproxx.com) (110)
(Some Guy) Amusing Okay, seriously. Which one of you is responsible for this?  (cats4gold.com) (80)
(Daily Mail) Interesting New translation reveals the Three Wise Men might actually have been a score of random dumbasses, most of them too cheap to bring presents  (dailymail.co.uk) (89)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop challenge: design a band's next album cover  (images.google.com) (28)
(News.com.au) Interesting The pros and cons of flying nude. Problem #1: the flaps  (news.com.au) (70)
(The New York Times) Interesting "This American Life" helps take down a Georgia drug court Judge  (nytimes.com) (277)
(The Local (Germany)) Obvious "Boob job vouchers 'not a good gift idea'"  (thelocal.de) (108)
(CBS 4 Denver) Obvious Colorado ski resort waiting for snow so they can open for the season. Well, duh  (denver.cbslocal.com) (46)
(Chicago Tribune) Dumbass Woman who called police to report a home invasion and then said she must have hallucinated it was arrested after police found the source of her hallucinations: heroin  (chicagotribune.com) (39)
(WXYZ Detroit) Cool Man who lost his wallet containing $5,600 in cash has it returned less than 24 hours after it went missing  (wxyz.com) (84)
(SFGate) Sad Cocaine found on nine out of 10 public baby changing tables. "That's some good shiat right there"  (blog.sfgate.com) (107)

Tue December 20, 2011
(Examiner) Asinine Is Christianity now the new radical Islam?  (examiner.com) (451)
(Some Guy) Obvious Common man wins Lamborghini, a few hours later an embankment knocks him back into the 99%  (autoblog.com) (156)
(Toronto Sun) Hero US: 'We can't socialize healthcare, it'll kill innovation' Canada: 'Oh yeah? Where's your HIV vaccine, eh?' Hero tag needs a maple leaf  (torontosun.com) (305)
(NBC Sports) Cool Pa state supreme court rules that you can trade sex for things as long as you don't do it as a business  (hardballtalk.nbcsports.com) (88)
(News.com.au) Sick Woman found dancing naked around rotting corpse isn't a criminal, she's just a bit off. And by "off", we mean nutty as a fruit cake  (news.com.au) (50)
(Some Guy?) Photoshop Photoshop this reticent reward recipient  (upload.wikimedia.org) (27)
(Gizmodo) Cool Earth has a second moon, say astronomers. That's no moon, says Han Solo  (gizmodo.com) (180)
(Washington Post) Ironic Much ado about Much Ado About Nothing about nothing  (washingtonpost.com) (75)
(Yahoo) Sappy Boy: I'm concerned that the chimney on our new house is too small for Santa. Builders: Too small you say? Well we will redesign it and test the new design with a Santa Claus impersonator just for you  (news.yahoo.com) (80)
(NJ.com) Unlikely "Leftover asphalt" driveway paving scammers fined $17 million, will no doubt pay in a timely fashion  (nj.com) (101)
(Fark) Survey Fark's 2011 Headline of the Year contest: Entertainment tab headlines  (fark.com) (68)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Proving it's actually possible to have an IQ below zero, school officials discipline a student for taking bites from a pizza slice until it was shaped like a gun  (wkrn.com) (270)
(Slate) Amusing One woman's quest to obtain the hairstyle of Callista Gingrich  (slate.com) (98)
(Huffington Post) Asinine Income inequality in the United States is worse than in ancient Rome, and that's including the slaves. Wait until my friend Biggus Dickus hears about this  (huffingtonpost.com) (457)
(Foreign Policy) Fail 2011's worst predictions: Qaddafi says rebels will lose, Karl Rove says Palin will run, Conde Naste calls Libya a tourist hot spot, preacher claims the world will end, and...Thomas Edison says taxis will be made of solid gold?  (foreignpolicy.com) (29)
(Independent) Unlikely Scientists claim to have discovered the secret of the Turin Shroud. Their conclusion? They're not saying it was aliens, but it was aliens  (independent.co.uk) (320)
(Chicago Tribune) Sad Toys for Tots struggling this year due to embezzlement  (chicagotribune.com) (53)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop an unlikely man in a typical girlie pin-up pose OR Photoshop an unlikely woman in a typical hunky pin-up pose. LGTI  (petapixel.com) (50)
(Some Guy) Obvious ACLU stops Automatic Licence Plate system that scans and records every licence plate it sees into a database. Just kidding, police have already started using them. Bonus: Automatic search of existing databases regardless of innocence  (ktbs.com) (184)
(WTAE Pittsburgh) Sappy Kid: Santa, I want my mom home from Iraq for Christmas. Mall Santa: Well, look who I happen to have in my sleigh  (wtae.com) (96)
(UPI) Strange F104 Starfighter stolen from Dutch museum. Officials suspect thieves may have been after the rudder  (upi.com) (109)
(WISHTV) Stupid Bank robber: Give me all your money or I'll hot glue you into a Christmas ornament  (wishtv.com) (17)
(Houston Chronicle) Stupid Remember the good samaritans that paid off the layaway balances at K-Mart? A woman tries to do the same at Wal-Mart and is initially told no by store manager because it would violate their privacy policy  (blog.chron.com) (90)
(The Weekly Standard) Interesting You know that billboard with the picture of George W. Bush that says "Miss me yet?" Well, the Syrian protesters have an answer  (weeklystandard.com) (231)
(Live Science) Interesting Scholars discover where Drew's ancestors once lived  (livescience.com) (10)
(Click Orlando) Dumbass Fark-ready headline: "Man eats cocaine in brother's butt, dies"  (clickorlando.com) (78)
(Gizmodo) Hero YouHaveDownloaded.com outs its first major offender: The RIAA  (gizmodo.com) (144)
(Yahoo) Obvious Now it is 1984 / Knock-knock at your front door / It's the suede-denim secret police / They have come to Indonesia  (news.yahoo.com) (31)
(Huffington Post) Sick Walmart, subcontractors, and temp agencies welcome you to the wonderful new labor opportunies of the 19th century  (huffingtonpost.com) (372)
(Fark) Survey Fark's 2011 Headline of the Year contest: Sports tab headlines  (fark.com) (69)
(My Fox NY) Asinine NYC man gets a ticket for putting his garbage cans at the curb 30 minutes early. Thanks zero tolerance Sanitation Department for the $100 ticket  (myfoxny.com) (121)
(Some Guy) Strange Apparently this year's War on Christmas will be of the "civil" variety as MI homeowners recieve an anonymous letter denouncing their Christmas light displays for perpetuating a pagan tradition  (northwestohio.com) (194)
(News-Leader) Weird Fancy deer invade Ozarks courthouse for some caroling and piano time  (news-leader.com) (18)
(Denver Channel) Fail Occupy Denver protesters set their own tents and structures on fire as they get kicked out of park  (thedenverchannel.com) (204)
(People Daily) Dumbass Before you feel up one of the lovely airline stewardesses Singapore is known for, you may want to recall that Singapore is also known for "caning"  (english.peopledaily.com.cn) (54)
(NBC Sports) Dumbass Newest contender for dumbest Stanley Cup rioter emerges. "Unlike many others that night, [he] allegedly had his surname emblazoned across his back on a hockey jersey"  (prohockeytalk.nbcsports.com) (36)
(BBC) Interesting Japan decides to upgrade F-4 fleet to F-35's, citing the concerns over China, North Korea, Mothra  (bbc.co.uk) (120)
(Short List) Fail "Mmmphgh Abiryrt Mphdgjkdhd" said Bane. "Fark" said Warners  (shortlist.com) (325)
(Hindustan Times) Weird If your game show involves the two hosts cooking and eating each other's flesh, maybe it's time to reconsider the concept of the show  (hindustantimes.com) (31)
(WLSAM) Amusing Mugshots and descriptions of the top Teacher-Student sex scandals for your amusement. Yes, subby knows it is a slideshow, but it is 36 slides long  (wlsam.com) (97)
(BBC) Strange Uploader of pirate copy of "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" sentenced to one year in federal prison. Hasn't he been punished enough?  (bbc.co.uk) (177)
(Huffington Post) Amusing Actual headline: "Can loving a robot lead to divorce?"  (huffingtonpost.com) (83)
(wptv.com) Florida Florida wants your tired, your poor, your huddled masses. Check that. What we really want are nude Europeans  (wptv.com) (42)
(Huffington Post) Asinine University of Texas College Republicans President tweets: "My president is black. He snorts a lot of crack." Is our children learning, indeed  (huffingtonpost.com) (283)
(German Herald) Interesting New laboratory is growing human skin from foreskins collected from infants. It's safe, completely natural and the only side effect is that when burn victims see pretty women, they stand up straighter  (germanherald.com) (120)
(Reuters) Sad If you 'had "wouldn't even wait for the door to hit US troops in the ass on the way out" in the "How long until the Iraqi government starts collapsing?" pool, come collect your prize  (reuters.com) (192)
(The Morning Call) Fail Some of the best news article mistakes of the year. Among them: "Drunk and expecting child, man burglarized property"  (mcall.com) (7)
(The Morning Call) Dumbass Man steals mannequin from Sears. NOTHING'S GONNA STOP HIM NOW... except for the cops  (mcall.com) (35)
(wpbf.com) Florida Every item in a Florida Macys was marked down to $5 thanks to two now former employees  (wpbf.com) (56)
(Gizmodo) Dumbass Dear residents of Kansas: two of the letters in UFO stand for "unidentified" and "flying"  (gizmodo.com) (32)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Ah, the old "my cousin is concerned about the size of his penis, let me see your penis" trick  (malvern.patch.com) (32)
(YouTube) Amusing Our favorite Taiwanese animators take on Kim Jong-il's death. Come for Dear Leader's descent into hell, stay for Kim Jong Un's rocket penis  (youtube.com) (51)
(Business News Daily) Dumbass Delicious for Chanukah: Boneless spiral ham. $8.99/lb  (businessnewsdaily.com) (107)
(Atlanta Journal Constitution) Obvious Button-down high school with a reputation as being too serious decides to cut loose and not be lame, succeeds in a bunch of normal high school pranks that make it look like it's trying too hard. Lame  (ajc.com) (16)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these eggstatic folk dancers  (i.imgur.com) (26)
(MSNBC) Amusing Pen is retrieved from 76 year-old woman's stomach 25 years after she swallowed it. FARK: It still writes. Pen is mightier  (bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com) (52)
(Buzzfeed) Scary Forty things that will make you feel old. GET OFF MY LAWN  (buzzfeed.com) (282)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy Woman given 12 hours to live when she was born celebrates her 105th birthday  (dailymail.co.uk) (34)
(SeattlePI) Sad Courtney Stodden's new Christmas photos are so tasteless they made Anderson Cooper throw up a little in his mouth  (blog.seattlepi.com) (232)
(Yahoo) Amusing This kid has already saved more for retirement than you earned by the time you turned 14  (finance.yahoo.com) (120)
(Daily Mail) Weird Woman melts crayons, finds Jesus (w/pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (44)
(The Consumerist) Followup Burger King's new fries are better than their old ones, but "still not as good as Wendy's fries." Um...Wendy's fries suck. Now, Culver's and Five Guys, they've got great fries. And burgers  (consumerist.com) (210)
(Arizona Star) Scary Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Penis  (azstarnet.com) (47)
(The Smoking Gun) Asinine Louisiana Walmart introduces handicap scooter bumper car competition to spice up the early-morning hours at the store  (thesmokinggun.com) (29)
(The Sun) Stupid Vince the Dwarf is the world's smallest firefighter at just 4ft 2in tall. With Vince the Dwarf working his hose pic  (thesun.co.uk) (58)
(Some Guy) Caption What is Jon Bon Jovi really trying to tell us from the grave?  (a8.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net) (56)
(Daily Mail) Cool Engine by Ferrari, Handlebars by BMW: The world's most expensive quad bike goes on sale  (dailymail.co.uk) (74)
(LA Times) Cool Chimpanzees are now feeling the crunch of changing times too, losing their medical research jobs to computers and new technology  (latimes.com) (34)
(CBS News) Scary There is a 1 in 3 chance that your special little snowflake will become a criminal  (cbsnews.com) (99)
(MSNBC) Strange Man drove dead wife home to Canada from Oregon, says it was the most peaceful and relaxed 225 miles he's ever driven with her in the car  (msnbc.msn.com) (54)

Mon December 19, 2011
(Some Guy) Stupid If you're having sex with another man under the "Welcome to Caseyville" sign, you're probably not going to get off with a warning. Not even you, Sheriff. (with creepy mugshot)  (bnd.com) (105)
(Seattle Times) Strange If you're the only employee working at a pet food shop and you've got five pounds of pot stashed there, don't take a nap on the job just in case a customer comes in and gets so worried he calls the cops  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (15)
(I Heart Chaos) Interesting Meet Kim Jong Chul, the son of Kim Jong Il that was "too soft and feminine" to be the next Dear Leader, meaning he has a knack for writing poetry about how the world should be free of nukes and we should all live in harmony  (iheartchaos.com) (100)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen) Dumbass Remember those great nights in college, when you'd get drunk, break into someone's house, and steal a coat, yard flag, and frozen pizzas?  (press-citizen.com) (33)
(The Indy Channel) Strange Man drives up steps of War Memorial draped in an American flag and carrying a gun, says he's trying to spread message of Jesus Christ -- because, yeah, that's totally something Jesus would do  (theindychannel.com) (45)
(The Smoking Gun) Silly This week's Mugshot Roundup features a little home invasion, some driving without privileges, a few DUI's, meth possession, weed possession, burglary, battery, and one violation of the compulsory education act. Wait, what?  (thesmokinggun.com) (77)
(The New York Times) Asinine Yet another reason why people west of the Hudson think New Yorkers are nuts: $36,000 a year for kindergarten. Bonus: admissions director is named Babby  (nytimes.com) (151)
(WTAM) Misc Police investigating high school vandalism involving "even some images that were pornographic in nature like a painting of a penis"  (wtam.com) (74)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this ice-kiter  (cdn3.spiegel.de) (14)
(MSNBC) Sad Library of ancient and priceless documents burned in Egypt. This is not a repeat from 48 BC, 270 AD, 391 AD and maybe 642 AD  (msnbc.msn.com) (178)
(Media Matters) Dumbass Ted Nugent: being poor is a choice  (mediamatters.org) (941)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this red-haired wrestler  (cdn1.spiegel.de) (31)
(Cumberland Times-News) Fail "This is what the kids are smoking" says deputy who doesn't seem to know what the kids are smoking  (times-news.com) (233)
(Yahoo) Sad When the revolution comes, it won't be started by protestors in city parks, it will come from people like residents of Jefferson County, AL, who, thanks to JP Morgan, now have to choose between affording electricity or running water  (news.yahoo.com) (389)
(Slate) Silly How Nerf went from a purveyor of fun foam toys to the "leading kiddie arms dealer"  (slate.com) (313)
(Some Guy) Fail There once was a prostitution sting in Limerick, the men did expose their prick, many were deposed, the cops names did expose, but none were funny as the article's use of "bone banging reality"  (independent.ie) (146)
(AOL) Spiffy Police in Texas town handing gift cards to good drivers. Cards easily redeemable at all local businesses, liquor stores, firearms dealers  (autos.aol.com) (104)
(Pravda) Interesting Russia does not mind US missile defense system, but it works on a monster 100-ton missile to be on the safe side  (english.pravda.ru) (100)
(Hartford Courant) Weird Can drugs in a bean can get your can sent to the can? You bet your beans they can  (courant.com) (31)
(Washington Post) Hero Eight years, seven months and 25 days after the U.S. invasion of Iraq began, the final and 4,474th U.S. service member was killed by a roadside bomb  (washingtonpost.com) (220)
(syracuse.com) Amusing Unable to stop grinding at school dances, high school cancels winter ball  (syracuse.com) (138)
(Some Angry McTeacher) Florida Best video you'll see all day of a teacher going nuts, throwing all of her food back in the window after not getting the right order at McDonalds. With mug shot goodness  (wtsp.com) (281)
(Canada.com) Obvious British lawmakers blame police tactics for severity of August riots. Police outraged, insist they used no tactics whatsoever  (canada.com) (32)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Study shows significant numbers of teenage girls are having group sex. Somehow this is supposed to be a bad thing  (dailymail.co.uk) (191)
(Salon) Dumbass Cheney urges "quick airstrike" against Iran, to be followed by a "swift invasion" that will pay for itself when the teeming masses rise up to embrace their American liberators  (salon.com) (259)
(Yahoo) Sad You can't say that this should end well if it shows no signs of ending  (news.yahoo.com) (43)
(USA Today) Stupid Good news, everybody. USA Today has released its annual "I'm a social leper with no communication skills and need advice on how to handle even the most simplistic issues" advice column. Not that anybody here needs that, of course  (yourlife.usatoday.com) (37)
(Buffalo News) Fail Planning on going out drinking? Don't sleep it off on your own couch, or you might wake up surrounded by a SWAT team who have been waiting patiently for you to release your hostages  (buffalonews.com) (106)
(CNN) Obvious Early international response to Kim Jong Il's death  (cnn.com) (80)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: the last thing you want to find under your tree on Christmas morning  (google.com) (42)
(USA Today) Spiffy Just in time for the Fark convention, the Bellagio's water fountains are about to learn three new songs  (travel.usatoday.com) (13)
(CNN) Interesting Young evangelicals leaving the church in record numbers. "They don't appreciate being condemned for living with a partner, straight or gay, outside of marriage or opting for abortion to terminate an unplanned pregnancy"  (cnn.com) (327)
(Philly.com) Weird Heather Donahue of The Blair Witch Project fame is alive and well and selling marijuana. And best of all according to the article, "And you might be happy to know that her PMS is now under control"  (articles.philly.com) (116)
(LA Times) Unlikely 10 unneeded tech items you won't be using any more. THE HELL YOU SAY, you can go fax yourself  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (413)
(CNN) Followup Kim Jong-Il's successor is fond of James Bond and Michael Jordan, and is seen as unqualified to rule. Awesome  (cnn.com) (91)
(LA Times) Interesting 50 P_opl_ in In_ia hav_ a_ _li_ _ for th_ jo_ of han_man  (latimes.com) (27)
(Mirror.co.uk) Followup In honor of Dear Leader's passing, here are 17 bizarre details about his life. "He's ronery, so ronery" strangely absent  (mirror.co.uk) (66)
(MSNBC) Fail Store sells out of canned reindeer meat after protesters make people aware that there's such a thing as canned reindeer meat available to buy  (bottomline.msnbc.msn.com) (23)
(USA Today) Asinine Yes, it's here: the article linking Christopher Hitchens and Tim Tebow  (usatoday.com) (45)
(Some Guy) Scary This is why SOPA will probably get voted for by the Judiciary Committee. Enjoy  (opensecrets.org) (143)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Not News: Car theft ring in Philly. News: It's a family affair. FARK: Cars were Older Honda Accords  (philadelphia.cbslocal.com) (32)
(Economist) Spiffy For the first time in forty years America's prison population has actually decreased. Either the costs of locking up non-violent offenders is to blame, or Obama is releasing them to rape your women and children  (economist.com) (69)
(CBS 46 Atlanta) Amusing If the Mayans were right, this could be your last Christmas. So why not spend your money on lava resistant attire, or the baddest dog on planet. Low on cash? Charge it, it won't matter anyways  (cbsatlanta.com) (53)
(Quad City Times) Fail Would-be car thief learns the hard way not to break into a car belonging to the girlfriend of a mixed martial-arts fighter  (qctimes.com) (25)
(Reuters) Silly Military drone pilots under great stress over fears of eye strain, constipation, carpal tunnel syndrome  (reuters.com) (75)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Man critically injured after his girlfriend decides to clean her gun at 4AM and it "accidentally" fired  (sun-sentinel.com) (37)
(I Heart Chaos) Cool New wonder drug could give humans the power to never forget anything, and they say this like it's a good thing  (iheartchaos.com) (122)
(3 News New Zealand) Cool Most top 10 lists at the end of each year are boring. This one, though, is all about animals being dicks  (3news.co.nz) (46)

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