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Sun February 26, 2012
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Click On Detroit) Asinine 86-year old WW2 vet recalls being wounded, crawling for his life while the civilians he fought for ignored him. Was this in France? The Phillipines? No, yesterday in Detroit after his carjacking  (clickondetroit.com) (204)
(Entertainment Weekly) Cool Will Billy Crystal bring dignity and humor back to The Oscars? Will The Artist silently dominate? What will Ben Stiller dress up as this year? It's your Official Academy Awards Discussion Thread, 7:30 PM on ABC  (ew.com) (2376)
(The Daily Caller) Ironic Published documents show that PETA killed more than 95 percent of pets in its care in 2011  (dailycaller.com) (212)
(CNN) Obvious Why isn't the US intervening in Syria? Not enough oil for a decent turn on investment  (cnn.com) (103)
(The Raw Story) Fail 'Super Sherpa' warns that climate change may make it impossible to climb Mount Everest  (rawstory.com) (186)
(Huffington Post) Sick The separation of church and state - one of the core tenets of American democracy - makes Rick Santorum "want to throw up"  (huffingtonpost.com) (519)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Students of taxpayer-funded elementary charter school enjoy a very merry Scientology Christmas. Some thetans have a problem with this  (tampabay.com) (40)
(LA Times) Fail TSA once again captures a dangerous terrorist. Just kidding. They left a metal detector unmanned and had to shut down a terminal  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (46)
(Boston.com) Photoshop Photoshop this man in black  (inapcache.boston.com) (31)
(Hot Air) Dumbass Man who shot President Reagan upset that everyone thinks of him as the guy who shot President Reagan  (hotair.com) (121)
(Toronto Star) News VIA train derailment in Ontario. Three dead, several wounded, some trapped still  (thestar.com) (108)
(Wikipedia) Photoshop Photoshop theme: A line from a nursery rhyme or children's song  (en.wikipedia.org) (33)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Obvious New study says Facebook users are getting less and less friendly. Well, maybe the new Facebook users just can't handle it  (suntimes.com) (115)
(Mother Nature Network) Obvious In this day and age, you have every right to not take your husband's name after you get married. And society has every right to judge you for that decision  (mnn.com) (320)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Bar owner accused of refilling high end liquor bottles with store brand liquor. I say we lynch him so it's the last time he hurts poor little Drew  (greenbaypressgazette.com) (151)
(CNN) Followup BP's Deepwater Horizon trial set to begin Monday, reach the U.S. Supreme court by 2047  (money.cnn.com) (72)
(Mental Floss) Cool Fifteen beds that will never get you laid. Millennium Falcon FTW  (mentalfloss.com) (188)
(Fox News) Scary The FAA is investigating whether air traffic controllers have been sleeping and texting on the job, if there's a sale at Penney's  (foxnews.com) (83)
(Smh.com.au) Cool I know how much everyone here hates slideshows. But what about a REDHEAD slideshow?  (smh.com.au) (188)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Cool Of course the most controversial debate of all on Fark is whether or not to pop your popcorn like a man with oil, or air like a sissy little girl  (suntimes.com) (257)
(Yahoo) Spiffy Restaurant prints a disclaimer on their menus asking parents to remove their unruly children from the restaurant. This is good news for everyone  (news.yahoo.com) (227)
(azfamily.com) Strange 2007: Converting your garage into a mancave. 2012: Converting your mancave into a survivalist's shelter. "The one thing I never want to hear from my kids is dad I'm hungry or dad I'm scared"  (azfamily.com) (215)
(Fark) Caption Caption theme: Twitter posts from founding fathers  (fark.com) (90)
(Reason Magazine) Stupid Wyoming is looking into issuing its own currency, a draft, a standing army and purchasing aircraft and an aircraft carrier, to replace the prairie schooner they use now to defend the mountains from Obama  (reason.com) (128)
(CNN) Interesting Here's a list of five things not to do on airplanes. Since "stewardesses" aren't on the list, subby presumes they're fair game  (cnn.com) (128)
(Some Woman) Photoshop Photoshop this warhead wrangler  (farm8.staticflickr.com) (21)
(Reuters) Followup Maine's biggest lobster weighing 27 pounds and with claws big enough to break a man's arms is released back into the Atlantic ocean  (reuters.com) (64)
(Some Guy) Fail There's "Can't hit the broad side of a barn" and then there's "Shoot yourself when trying to hit a raccoon in a live-trap". Fark: Twice  (kcrg.com) (52)
(Google) Silly What's the shiattiest job you've ever held? Bonus question: Ever pulled a "super quit" at work?  (google.com) (551)
(Wall Street Journal) PSA If you have a GPS tracking device on your car courtesy of the FBI, it has now been turned off  (blogs.wsj.com) (81)
(Daily Mail) Cool Strip club... in... Spaaace (w/pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (90)
(Some Guy) Fail Dumb: 16 year old kid takes mom's car to the bank, threatens the clerk with a weapon and demands money. Dumber: Through the drive thru. Dumbest: It works. Bonus: Twice  (ksl.com) (34)
(Boston Herald) Stupid Lawyer: My clients cannot be charged with a hate crime for beating up a gay man simply because they are lesbians  (bostonherald.com) (233)
(Abc.net.au) Sad Deadly explosion reported at Antarctic base. Survivors have not confirmed any Thing yet  (abc.net.au) (98)
(Mirror.co.uk) Sick Eight-year-old girl tries to put on happy face when Mom buys her £8,000 of cosmetic surgery vouchers for her birthday  (mirror.co.uk) (173)

Sat February 25, 2012
(New York Daily News) Obvious A Kennedy is facing charges after deciding the rules do not apply to them. This is not a headline from Prohibition through 2009  (nydailynews.com) (173)
(Longt Island Press) Fail It's always special when a Southwest pilot takes the time to announce a passenger's birthday. In fact, some would say it's the bomb  (longislandpress.com) (63)
(SLTrib) Dumbass If you plan to transport 8lbs of coke and 12lbs of weed in your car, get plenty of sleep before you head out  (sltrib.com) (27)
(Telegraph) Interesting Richard Dawkins: well, okay...maybe  (telegraph.co.uk) (449)
(MSNBC) Scary Eight reasons why gas prices will hit $5/gallon this year. "Because fark you, that's why" suspiciously absent  (bottomline.msnbc.msn.com) (299)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this butterfly buff  (i9.photobucket.com) (29)
(MSNBC) Weird If you had "by a naked man driving a fire truck" as your selection in the oddest way someone could die today, come collect your prize  (msnbc.msn.com) (38)
(Detroit News) Dumbass Price of gas hits a whopping $625,000 per gallon in White Lake, Michigan  (detroitnews.com) (130)
(Independent) Interesting After 156 years, Paris' Notre Dame cathedral is getting new big brass bells. I've got a little hunch that this may cause some controversy  (independent.co.uk) (41)
(National Geographic) Photoshop Photoshop this girl riding a water buffalo   (images.nationalgeographic.com) (27)
(Des Moines Register) Obvious The VCR is dead. This is not a repeat from 2004  (desmoinesregister.com) (216)
(WLSAM) Fail Teacher pleads guilty to changing grades. Fark: At least this is not another smokin' hot teacher student sex scandal. More Fark: At least she is smokin' hot  (wlsam.com) (212)
(Wired) Spiffy Yo dawg we heard you like the Lego International Space Station (ISS) and you're on the real ISS so we gave you a Lego ISS so you can have a Lego ISS on the ISS so now, you can get your ISS on because we heard you like Lego and the ISS, dawg  (wired.com) (66)
(Fark) Spiffy Subby made fresh homemade butter this morning with the kitchen aid mixer. What'd you accomplish?  (fark.com) (416)
(Columbus Dispatch) Asinine Ohio would like to arrest you if your car has "secret compartments" whether or not they contained drugs; while a felony, sentence would be only double secret probation  (dispatch.com) (270)
(Some Guy) Dumbass In the cool early morning hours, John Columbus Beane lay in the parking lot of Linda's Sports Bar, the distant police sirens signaling an end to a day filled with what had proven to be a string of very bad decisions  (wvgazette.com) (84)
(Palm Beach Post) Florida If you're going to open up a community safe haven for children to go to after school where they can play games, make arts and crafts, and get homework help, can you name it something a little less creepy than 'Clown Town?'  (palmbeachpost.com) (51)
(Morning Sentinel.com) Dumbass 76-year-old man, minivan, and high-speed chase usually aren't in the same sentence, and yet here it is  (onlinesentinel.com) (18)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Employees of child-care agency call police after discovering mysterious oil spread around their offices. Turns out it was just the boss performing an exorcism on a demonic community activist after he asked her too many questions  (tampabay.com) (177)
(Mother Nature Network) Obvious New study says those who have never smoked marijuana or have quit smoking marijuana are more of a slave to their jobs  (mnn.com) (124)
(Some Guy) Amusing "Sovereign citizen" tells court they have no jurisdiction over him because he's a ship. Here come the shrimp boats, toot-toot  (middletownpress.com) (170)
(Huffington Post) Dumbass Mr. Pink apparently became a banker in California  (huffingtonpost.com) (208)
(SFGate) Dumbass 41-year-old female teacher pleads not guilty to having sex with a 14-year-old student. With "no, don't want" pic  (sfgate.com) (78)
(Fark) Photoshop Photoshop theme: a square, a chair, and a lair  (fark.com) (11)
(Mother Nature Network) Spiffy Ten crafty ways to use something called a newspaper around your home  (mnn.com) (53)
(Huffington Post) Caturday Woman saves Pudding the cat's life by adopting him. Just hours later, Pudding returns the favor by saving his new owner from almost certain death so they can both enjoy Caturday  (huffingtonpost.com) (1015)
(Fark) FarkParty Fark Party in Asheville, NC area on Saturday at 7:30  (fark.com) (108)
(CNN) Scary Debbie Downer says a new recession seems inevitable  (money.cnn.com) (161)
(Daily Mail) Amusing A gentleman never kisses and tells, others might take pics while you have sex and send them to your mom and your brother  (dailymail.co.uk) (61)
(WTOP) PSA Washington DC is the best place to go if you're looking to cheat on your spouse  (wtop.com) (47)
(Nola.com) Hero Bad: Drunk jerk at Mardi Gras parade harasses autistic girl, sends her home in tears. Good: Girl's story goes viral, leading to massive outpouring of support. Fark: New Orleans restages Mardi Gras just for her  (nola.com) (154)
(Huffington Post) Cool In a real tacky gesture: Artist Rob Surette creates Jesus portrait with 24,790 thumbtacks  (huffingtonpost.com) (44)
(AP) Fail Dish network plans to close 500 Blockbuster stores. In other news, there are still Blockbuster stores  (hosted.ap.org) (103)
(Some Guy) Cool Hot tub appears, then disappears on University of Michigan campus...almost like it used a time machine  (annarbor.com) (56)
(Huffington Post) Asinine Woman banned from church for breastfeeding her baby. Pastor compares it to a stripper performing  (huffingtonpost.com) (438)

Fri February 24, 2012
(The Middletown Press) Scary Connecticut school teacher sent naked cell phone pictures of herself to male student. With mugshaaaaaawwww, no one wants to see that  (middletownpress.com) (61)
(Some Smoker) Obvious Want to grill in your backyard? Sure. Have a firepit? Ok. Smoke a cigarette? Why do you want to kill your neighbors' kids?  (sacramento.cbslocal.com) (180)
(Buzzfeed) Strange What kind of Pepsi? We have ice cream Pepsi, cappuccino Pepsi, mojito Pepsi, yogurt Pepsi, cucumber Pepsi, sweet bean Pepsi, strawberry-milk Pepsi... You want me to keep going?  (buzzfeed.com) (99)
(The New York Times) Sad The man who invented the "modern" pinball machine achieves high score of 100  (nytimes.com) (73)
(kstp.com) Fail Is that a TV in your pants, or are you just glad to see me?  (kstp.com) (19)
(Guardian) Cool The best street food on Earth. Not a pretzel or hot dog in sight  (guardian.co.uk) (214)
(Google) Florida If you make the most valuable sunken treasure discovery in history, don't tell Spain  (google.com) (103)
(National Post) Asinine Not News: Man arrested. News: Man arrested for possession of a firearm at a school. Fark: Because his four-year-old daughter doodled a gun  (fullcomment.nationalpost.com) (171)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this weird bubble  (3.bp.blogspot.com) (21)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Three men participate in fraudulent hand job for insurance money. Hand still solo. Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker unavailable for comment  (charlotte.cbslocal.com) (42)
(Fark) Survey Okay, get ready. It's time for (possibly the last) Fark Weird News Quiz  (fark.com) (66)
(NJ.com) Obvious U.S. Marine Corps gets go-ahead to start shelling New Jersey this weekend  (nj.com) (68)
(Cracked) Dumbass Ha ha, what if the entire crew of a naval destroyer were secretly replaced by the cast of Police Academy and asked to escort the President to a secret meeting? Great movie? No. It happened. And hilarity DID ensue  (cracked.com) (102)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Interesting Article: pending bill would allow (shooting) "to kill, whether they are in a car, at a campground or on a boat." Article remains silent on right of shooting to kill from afar, in a compound, or with a goat  (startribune.com) (107)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: When advertising characters go wrong (LGT an example)  (i.imgur.com) (60)
(Science Daily) Interesting Think you know your blood type? Think again  (sciencedaily.com) (239)
(Yahoo) Obvious At least one business in Greece is booming: German lessons  (news.yahoo.com) (44)
(BBC) Interesting Two Polish men get 11-year prison sentences after turning tropical fish into mules  (bbc.co.uk) (22)
(Some Guy) Obvious Twenty gallons of meth with a street value of $10 million found at Taco Bell. Printer ink industry executives shrug, laugh, go back tossing $50,000 bricks of hundreds into their platinum and diamond-encrusted fireplaces  (dfw.cbslocal.com) (111)
(ABC) Interesting Objects behind this clock are smaller than they appear  (abcnews.go.com) (111)
(Forbes) Obvious Science: Having a penis makes you act stupid on the internet. Anthony Weiner: Oh, great, NOW you tell me  (forbes.com) (64)
(KNBC 4 Los Angeles) Followup Judge says no to Dr. Conrad Murray's request to be let out of jail. It never hurts to ask  (nbclosangeles.com) (14)
(BBC) Scary Russian airliner lands safely after Vladimir Putin changes flat tire from the bed of a speeding Nissan pickup truck  (bbc.co.uk) (40)
(WPTV) Florida When a 14-year-old girl finds you naked and bent over in her pantry looking for a bottle of spiced rum, you're either in a Captain Morgan commercial or Florida  (wptv.com) (48)
(LA Times) Interesting 27-pound lobster caught off the coast of Maine. He was delicious  (latimes.com) (109)
(AP) Dumbass Wait a minute, I thought YOU had the loot  (hosted.ap.org) (6)
(eBay) Asinine Stupid: new Nike Foam Galaxy shoes on ebay for $50,000. Genius: the bids are up to $70,000  (ebay.com) (207)
(Fox News) Sad Dutch prince injured in avalanche may never regain consciousness, until the day he receives a kiss from Princess Charming  (foxnews.com) (63)
(NPR) Interesting The biggest threat to free speech on the Internet might just be the right to be forgotten. Because the Internet, like rock and roll, never forgets  (npr.org) (76)
(thelocal.no) Dumbass Tourists horrified to find Bulgarian-speaking Bulgarians in Bulgaria  (thelocal.no) (84)
(My Fox DC) Stupid When trying to convince the world you had nothing to do with the murder - you probably shouldn't wear a 'prison jumpsuit orange' shirt for the TV interview  (myfoxdc.com) (19)
(AL.com) Scary Lots of first-graders play doctor with their classmates. But most don't do it by sticking them with a syringe full of an unknown liquid  (blog.al.com) (26)
(Some Guy) Florida Finally, one of Florida's cities is nuked from orbit  (newser.com) (40)
(Click Orlando) Florida Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster by your side, kid  (clickorlando.com) (76)
(Omaha World Herald) Cool Now you too can prepare for the non existent zombie threat with real Hornady bullets. Subby is waiting for cherry PIE ammo  (omaha.com) (122)
(StateCollege.com) Interesting More PA bars announce that they will join the call to close on St. Patrick's Day, sacrificing profits in order to help stop dangerous binge drinking by students  (statecollege.com) (161)
(Stuff.co.nz) Asinine Texting your teenage employees "go f*** yourself" is not the ideal way to fire them unless you want to pay them $10,000  (stuff.co.nz) (63)
(AZCentral) Amusing Officer suspended, charged after police set up sting operation in their break room to find culprit who kept stealing their lunch  (azcentral.com) (69)
(Yahoo) Silly New York man grows six inches through painful surgery, opting to forego the traditional method of "Sofia Vergara bikini pics"  (news.yahoo.com) (87)
(Stuff.co.nz) Dumbass If someone mistakenly deposits $10,000,000 into your account and you take the money and run to China, stay in China  (stuff.co.nz) (73)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass It wasn't the kidnapping, the hose nozzle gun, or the screeching getaway when you left the school. IT WAS THE GOD DAMN CLOWN COSTUME THAT CROSSED THE LINE, headmaster  (dailymail.co.uk) (16)
(Pravda) Interesting Strange object with something inside falls down from space in Brazil  (english.pravda.ru) (114)
(Mediabistro) Sad Apparently female reporters are using XX sexy pics for their Twitter accounts. Tag is for what author thinks constitutes sexy  (mediabistro.com) (117)
(USA Today) Interesting Generation Y and Generation Z have merged via their technology to form Generation C. Which makes them sort of like a lazy two-piece Voltron that won't leave its base and whines if a battle gets too hard  (content.usatoday.com) (92)
(Pittsburgh Post Gazette) Interesting Judge fines woman $730,000 for code violations in building she bought for $32,000  (post-gazette.com) (48)
(BBC) Sick Asinine: Councillor celebrated his re-election by sexually assaulting a schoolgirl at a drunken party. Classy: Blames his sons and their friends for child porn on his PC. Bonus: Was Chairman of Child Welfare Committee  (bbc.co.uk) (22)
(Some Guy) PSA CDC puts out warning after a university study finds 13 deaths related to strippers in bathtubs  (wilx.com) (41)
(Some Guy) Interesting Werewolf girl says she's proud to be special, looks forward to leading her high school basketball team to victory   (todayhealth.today.msnbc.msn.com) (62)
(MSNBC) Interesting New Australian Coroner's inquest may finally prove once and for all that Dingoes did, in fact, eat her baby  (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com) (35)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Your buddy just died. To cope with the loss, do you: C) get drunk and break into the crematorium to steal his body?  (nbcdfw.com) (34)
(Some Red Eye) Florida Man robs hotel guests at gunpoint, gets pepper sprayed, drops gun, flees. Returns moments later offering to buy gun back for $40. Gets pepper sprayed again  (bradenton.com) (40)
(SFGate) Strange Man gets to find out if his insurance covers giant naked women jumping on his car and smashing his windshield  (blog.sfgate.com) (56)
(OC Register) Asinine Don't let a guy with a badge & gun who says he's a cop take your car, because he turns into a security guard who swears you handed it over to him after he totals it  (ocregister.com) (79)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this cow  (d48.net) (60)
(This Is Plymouth) Strange Call for mayor to resign over blue gnomes  (thisisplymouth.co.uk) (30)
(Daily Mail) Sappy Cutest pictures you'll see today of a grizzly bear cub hitching a ride on his momma's back  (dailymail.co.uk) (31)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Cops take a bite out of crime by arresting a guy who scraped his front teeth across the hood of their patrol car  (nwfdailynews.com) (30)
(ABC) Sad News: Cancer patient says "Screw chemo, let me go home and die in peace." Fark: Said cancer patient is 12 years old  (abcnews.go.com) (187)
(Fark) FarkParty NorCal Vegas Liver Warm-Up party: Friday, Feb 24th @ 7:30 PM @ Lefty O'Doul's. Drew will be there  (fark.com) (80)
(Huffington Post) Strange Slovakia votes to name a bridge after Chuck Norris, will become the only bridge in the region that people are afraid to cross  (huffingtonpost.com) (59)
(Boston.com) Scary Coyote attack defeated by teenager, ACME  (boston.com) (85)
(Gather.com) Cool This is why Spielberg started the whole "UFO hiding behind a cloud" thing. Damn, Nature You scary  (news.gather.com) (57)
(The Chattanoogan) Sad Remember when you were little and you'd wake your drunken mother to take you to school and she'd hurl a glass and hit you on the head and you'd bleed everywhere and she'd get arrested? Those were the days  (chattanoogan.com) (54)
(Seattle Times) Interesting A female high school Spanish teacher in Los Angeles was arrested after two male students said they had sex with her. Con usted lo golpeó foto  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (140)
(Fark) Survey Do you have a crazy roommate story?  (fark.com) (417)
(ABC) Cool Rare 12.76 carat pink diamond discovered in Australia will be cut and go on world tour. Inspector Clouseau to provide security  (abcnews.go.com) (65)
(SeattlePI) Weird Of all the ways to honor your dead son, throwing a Chinook salmon onto the ice during a Vancouver Canucks game may be the strangest  (blog.seattlepi.com) (65)

Thu February 23, 2012
(ABC) Spiffy Enterprise Rent-A-Car blinks in battle with California mom to the tune of $15 million and a new federal law  (abcnews.go.com) (179)
(The Sun) Stupid Teen sets Guinness World Record for attempting lamest Guinness World Record  (thesun.co.uk) (65)
(New York Daily News) Obvious Police officer finally admits what no other police officer will - that cops have an arrest quota  (nydailynews.com) (163)
(Some Cheapskate) Obvious Toxic glue kills four, sickens dozens in southern China. So, the wedding is off then?  (news.xinhuanet.com) (31)
(Philly.com) Amusing Don't click this link, don't read the story, and don't look at the mugshot  (philly.com) (131)
(UPI) Amusing "She is survived by her Son, 'A.J.', who loved and cared for her; Daughter 'Ninfa,' who betrayed her trust, and Son 'Peter,' who broke her heart  (upi.com) (54)
(Fox 4 KC) Hero Woman with brass ovaries captures rapist running from the scene by pretending to help him get away  (fox4kc.com) (54)
(Washington Post) Interesting Marry Land  (washingtonpost.com) (303)
(ktvb.com) Interesting Idaho committee approves the Gerald Ford Protection Act  (ktvb.com) (114)
(azfamily.com) Weird Strange: Man saves a drowning raccoon from the Colorado River. Spiffy: Nicknames it "Sonny" and trains it to sit on his shoulder while out in public. Sad: He gets arrested for keeping a wild animal as a pet  (azfamily.com) (117)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Refraction  (google.com) (17)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy Women ban husbands from cafe after barista starts wearing revealing outfits. w/ adequate supply of pics (Not safe for work)  (dailymail.co.uk) (320)
(Some Guy) Interesting News: Mayoral candidate secretly videotaped getting lap dance from a woman. Not News: Candidate claims he was set up. Fark: He was videotaped while his potential public relations person watched  (kvia.com) (32)
(The Union Leader) Amusing I know the guy in the top pic is a super villain, I just can't remember which one  (unionleader.com) (66)
(KPTV) Spiffy If you're looking to score a little ass tonight, the Deschutes County Sheriff's Office would like to talk to you  (kptv.com) (15)
(U.S. Naval Institute) Cool On Feb 23, 1945, a photo was taken that would become the most copied and parodied image in history. Don't believe it? Just take a look at the examples  (usni.org) (95)
(3 News New Zealand) Interesting Xena, Cylon #3 and Lucretia board an Alaska-bound oil ship in protest  (3news.co.nz) (94)
(AZCentral) Interesting Arizona Republica uncovers secret government facility in the desert where 22 million moths are grown each day to be released above North American fields. And all the workers are clones who won't mention the UN  (azcentral.com) (77)
(Some Guy) Interesting U.S. Defense Intelligence Agency director: China is preparing for space warfare and they've copied the plans for a Death Star from a Lego kit  (freebeacon.com) (59)
(ABC) Dumbass 'Bird Man' Jeb Corliss vows to continue base jumps even after his near death crash at Table Mountain. "That's so cute, hahaha," Corliss laughed when asked if he was now going to quit jumping  (abcnews.go.com) (74)
(MSNBC) Obvious Scottish member of the UK Parliment gives a Glasgow kiss to a fellow MP. Why yes alcohol was involved, how did you guess?  (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com) (30)
(Foreign Policy) Stupid Meet the British lawyer fighting Islam, one parking ticket at a time  (foreignpolicy.com) (55)
(Reason Magazine) Followup Six months after the raid, Feds still haven't charged Gibson Guitars with a crime, and no competitors using the same woods in union states have been raided  (reason.com) (169)
(City Pages) Amusing Over 100 police officers violated a woman's privacy by looking up her driver's license just because they thought she was hot. (With driver's license goodness.)  (citypages.com) (107)
(UPI) Followup The latest unionized group to feel the economic bite? The tooth fairy  (upi.com) (22)
(3 News New Zealand) Scary Scientists reveal list of foods that are essentially useless, including pretty much everything you've eaten in the last decade  (3news.co.nz) (163)
(NJ.com) Ironic Anti-underage drinking advocate accused of providing underage drinkers a place to drink  (nj.com) (18)
(IndyStar) Sad Toddler in church daycare goes to baptismal font, meets Jesus  (indystar.com) (62)
(Washington Post) PSA Whitney Houston celebrates seven days of sobriety. YOU GO GIRL  (washingtonpost.com) (42)
(El Paso Times) Scary Not news: El Paso woman hit by bullet. Fark: Fired from a gun in Mexico  (elpasotimes.com) (62)
(The Sun) Amusing PLEASE DO NOT CLICK THIS LINK. What is seen cannot be unseen  (thesun.co.uk) (188)
(TSP) Stupid Man buys new DVD player, discovers a bootleg porn disc inside, complains for some reason  (thestarpress.com) (39)
(azfamily.com) Sappy Soldier who has been in Afghanistan for more than a year surprises his daughters at their school in Arizona. My God, there's so much dust in this desert air  (azfamily.com) (34)
(CNN) Obvious Biologists say women are attracted to male traits *flexes* that are largely useless *throws football* and impractical *gestures towards crotch*  (cnn.com) (151)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop some rejected college textbooks  (half.com) (27)
(You are feeling very squirty) Strange "It's not that I don't believe in the possibility of a hypnotically induced orgasm...but because the person conducting the free workshop and demonstration billed himself as an 'Erotic Comedy Hypnotist'"  (clatl.com) (110)
(MSNBC) PSA Using Craigslist as a means of revenge against your ex-girlfriend can get you arrested for identity theft  (msnbc.msn.com) (102)
(Some Guy) Misc Old and busted: kidney stones. New hotness: kidney boulders. What the hell, India?  (punjabnewsline.com) (70)
(Slate) Interesting What beer can teach us about emerging technologies. Beer...is there anything it can't teach us?  (slate.com) (88)
(CBS News) Interesting Like a task force taking down a crime family, federal prosecutors are slowly working up the corporate chain of command of Massey Energy with criminal indictments connected to the Big Branch mine disaster  (cbsnews.com) (81)
(Some Guy) Sick Want to take pictures of homeless people with your Android phone, then hunt them in a game? There's an app for that  (vice.com) (87)
(NPR) Obvious This just in: banks make terrible landlords  (npr.org) (81)
(Fox23 Tulsa) Weird Hello, police? I need to report an intruder that broke into my house and hid in my water heater closet. Oh by the way, he's bleeding. And naked  (fox23.com) (23)
(Huffington Post) Followup Oh, you thought that foreclosure settlement money was going to help people who got screwed over by the banks? That's just adorable  (huffingtonpost.com) (79)
(Democrat and Chronicle) Obvious A train is not like a woman. If you're thrown out for being a drunk, it will not listen to your pleas. It will leave you. And if you try to cling to it as it does, it will kill you. Let it go. It's gone  (democratandchronicle.com) (34)
(WXYZ Detroit) Amusing The biggest, most common mistakes you can make in a job interview. Also included are some rather uncommon mistakes, like wearing a Boy Scout uniform to your interview or bringing a book entitled "How To Interview"  (wxyz.com) (260)
(Bangor Daily News) Scary A Maine family finds Hope. She was about a mile down the road looking for her Mom and pizza  (bangordailynews.com) (30)
(TC Palm) Florida New South Florida sideshow includes man who uses head as battering ram. They call him "Numbskull." He also bites cops' ears  (blogs.tcpalm.com) (13)
(Some Guy) Sick On a positive note, eight of the kids WEREN'T tied to their beds  (kens5.com) (30)
(USA Today) Spiffy Sick of smug renters gloating about how they're not losing any money in this economy? Don't worry, homeowners, life's about to get harder for them, too  (usatoday.com) (215)
(Yahoo) Cool Some moms teach you how to bake cookies, do your own laundry, and sew. Other moms build you an accurate scale replica of a F1 car out of cardboard for you to play video games in  (autos.yahoo.com) (58)
(Independent) Ironic New high-tech ad in London highlights inequality between men and women by only being viewable for women  (independent.co.uk) (53)
(Pravda) Weird Aliens invade Russia to have sex with successful businesswomen  (english.pravda.ru) (32)
(USA Today) Strange Flashlights are the new weapon in the war on prostitution. No, I said FLASHlights  (content.usatoday.com) (34)
(TC Palm) Florida If you get a speeding ticket, it's probably best not to go to officer's house to discuss things "man to man"  (tcpalm.com) (39)
(Forbes) Sad Today Forbes takes a pretty good argument for gun rights and promptly empties the magazine into the void between correlation and causation  (forbes.com) (149)
(ABC) Scary Gas prices are rising so fast reporters can't even get through a report about how fast gas prices are rising without the price of gas rising  (abcnews.go.com) (129)
(Some Guy) Sick Grandmother earns special place in hell for running her nine-year-old granddaughter to death for eating candy bars. Stepmom watches  (gadsdentimes.com) (180)
(WRCB-TV) Asinine Get stabbed in the face with a pen while trying to deal with an unruly passenger on your bus? You better believe that's a suspension...for the driver  (wrcbtv.com) (22)
(Fox News) Interesting Titanic's last lunch menu up for auction, shows passengers dined on roast beef, mashed potatoes, iceberg lettuce  (foxnews.com) (40)
(Some Guy) Interesting Hot teacher is fired for a problem with an inappropriate relationship. With a "yes you would" picture  (click2houston.com) (89)
(ABC) Strange Uh, Doc? No matter how you defend it, you still saw and touched your daughter's boobs  (abcnews.go.com) (92)
(The Register) Amusing "Mi exmarido es gilipollas"  (theregister.co.uk) (12)
(Cracked) Interesting Mother Nature's redheaded step-children  (cracked.com) (34)
(Some Guy) Florida If you see a man making animal noises on the beach to attract attention to the fact that he's masturbating, then "Welcome to Florida"  (naplesnews.com) (12)
(Yahoo) Sad 14 year old girl dies at party from inhaling helium, party guests tried to revive her by pinching her lip corners and letting the helium out with little squeaks to no avail  (news.yahoo.com) (102)
(WTOP) Hero Maryland lawmaker proposes that drunk driving asshats be mandated to participate in the ignition interlock program, even on a first offense, if their DUI happens while there are children in the car  (wtop.com) (86)
(BBC) Scary An electromagnetic pulse bomb sneak attack that would destroy all electronics is "quite likely." EVERYBODY PA  (bbc.co.uk) (195)
(NYPost) News Seven US Marines killed in chopper collision in Arizona  (nypost.com) (112)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: Beware the ides of March  (google.com) (24)
(Mother Nature Network) Cool You can own an iconic wooden bench from New York City's subway system for only $650. Urine, spit, and hobo vomit not included  (mnn.com) (31)
(MSNBC) Asinine The Arizona state legislation has decided that college students have had it too good for too long and have passed a bill that would charge non-athletic scholarship students an extra $2,000 just for the privilege of a necessary higher education  (msnbc.msn.com) (310)
(Some Guy) Ironic Woman steals more than $30,000 from Nigerian internet scammers  (couriermail.com.au) (67)
(Reuters) Scary Guns don't shoot people, third graders do  (in.reuters.com) (76)
(Madison East) Amusing If you are going to be an impostor do you: a) become an airline pilot, b) weasel your way into a party at the White House, or c) become general manager at Denny's?   (madisoneast.channel3000.com) (26)
(FOX Charlotte) Sick Police arrest man for spanking kids with shovel -- not his kids, his hoe's  (foxcharlotte.com) (28)
(New York Daily News) Dumbass Teacher arrested for administration of purple nurple  (nydailynews.com) (16)
(Nola.com) Dumbass If you miss your exit while being trailed by an 18-wheeler carrying caustic chemical waste, just let it go, cause man, it's gone  (nola.com) (38)
(BBC) Interesting The myth of the eight-hour sleep  (bbc.co.uk) (150)
(Des Moines Register) Silly Nebraska woman auctioning off a Chicken McNugget that she says looks like George Washington  (desmoinesregister.com) (39)
(Daily Mail) Scary Buying potato chips? That's a shootin' (w/photos and video)  (dailymail.co.uk) (23)
(The Sun) Strange Brain disease turns 22-year-old hottie into a toddler (w/ 'you'd spank it' pics)  (thesun.co.uk) (209)
(Some Clueless Boobs) Dumbass If you're willing to entrust your back-room boob job to Queen Divas Hair Salon and Spa, then don't be surprised when you end up in critical condition, and doctors aren't exactly sure what was injected into your chest  (wfaa.com) (46)
(North County Times) Spiffy From the "You CAN make a difference" files: Tonight a City Council in California killed a proposal to outsource the local public library. Leading the fight against outsourcing was a Farker. DIT  (nctimes.com) (324)
(STLToday) Asinine If you shoot "your friend" in the forehead at point blank range, saying he asked you to do it generally doesn't work as an alibi  (stltoday.com) (52)
(Daily Mail) Scary London Bridge may not be falling down but the Queensboro Bridge in New York sure as hell is  (dailymail.co.uk) (71)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 355: "Noir: Embrace Your Dark Side". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (104)

Wed February 22, 2012
(EFF) Interesting Time is running out for you to erase your Google search history, find that elusive Alyssa Milano naked video clip  (eff.org) (103)
(Washington Times) Asinine Former DNC chair to buy the two most prestigious and influential newspapers in a critical swing-state with funds provided by Democratic donors. Of course the newspapers will remain legit and non-parti..Ok I couldn't not laugh  (washingtontimes.com) (80)
(io9) Interesting The secret behind Admiral Ackbar's "It's a Trap" line finally revealed  (io9.com) (89)
(WSPA) Amusing Deviant hacker uses Best Buy's wifi to upload porn onto demo TVs causing woman to lie about having never seen such a thing  (www2.wspa.com) (125)
(NJ.com) Fail 1. Loosen shelf, knock over boxes. 2. Get under boxes. 3. Tip over cart. 4. Cry "HELP." 5. Hit self in head with batteries. 6. Drink soda, eat crackers. 7. Vomit. 8. File for worker's comp. 9. Forget about store security cameras  (nj.com) (52)
(Some Guy) Florida THIS DAY IN HISTORY: On February 22, 1819, Spain prevented Ohio from getting its own tag by selling Florida to the United States  (theepochtimes.com) (31)
(Some Guy) Strange "Unless they were hamsters flying in and missed the airport." Chuco "kind of wigged out"  (ktvu.com) (18)
(Scientific American) Obvious Warmer planet could be dominated by mosquitoes, ticks, rodents, jellyfish, tea party  (scientificamerican.com) (44)
(Some Guy) Interesting Do you know any people with really nutty beliefs, like that ZIP codes are illegal or that courtrooms that have flags with fringe on them are illegitimate?   (forum.freestateproject.org) (457)
(Seattle Times) Strange The hottest new spot for young hipsters to gather at in Seattle is: A) Dive bars? B) Record shops? C) Elks lodges? "I didn't think it would be as cool as it was"  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (70)
(Palm Beach Post) Followup Man who came up with 23-page plan to kidnap his former girlfriend and try to trick her into reconciling with him declared mentally incompetent. Captain Obvious shocked  (palmbeachpost.com) (14)
(MSNBC) Obvious Great googly moogly Huguely guilty  (usnews.msnbc.msn.com) (45)
(MSNBC) Sick Animal activist sets up Facebook page offering $850 for a random hit on someone wearing fur  (msnbc.msn.com) (113)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this guy on a board  (studio-bythesea.com) (24)
(CNN) Silly The Mormon v. The Catholic. The Big Baby v. The Big Crazy. It's YOUR official Arizona GOP debate thread. 8:00 EST, CNN  (cnn.com) (1478)
(Some Guy) Followup Grandfather who accused Austin PD of overreacting to him "babysitting while white" forced to recant part of his blog post after police release dash cam video of the incident  (thegrio.com) (134)
(Washington Post) Silly Apparently women are addicted to some website called Pederast or something  (washingtonpost.com) (61)
(Forbes) Interesting Gas prices aren't rising, the dollar is falling  (forbes.com) (118)
(Some Guy) Asinine These are the plane's exits. This is how to operate your seat belt. This is how to use the air mask. These are the three bottles of vodka I'm going to chug while working this flight  (duluthnewstribune.com) (36)
(Weekly World News) Amusing With just 13 days until Super Tuesday, Rick Santorum picks up the all important planet Zeeba endorsement. With pic of what an alien endorsing Rick Santorum may look like  (weeklyworldnews.com) (59)
(Herald Tribune) Florida Farmers' Market attracts a younger crowd, which means you now also have to avoid crashing tricycles  (heraldtribune.com) (7)
(TwinCities.com) Sad Argentine train slams into the end of the line, and that's what it was for 49 passengers  (twincities.com) (35)
(Some Guy) Obvious "Doofus" atheist in 'zombie Muhammed' costume is assaulted  (abc27.com) (176)
(Boing Boing) Amusing Flight attendant: "No one gets off this plane until I get the last missing video screen back"  (boingboing.net) (30)
(KDVR) Asinine Did your eight-year-old sit on his passport and bend its RFID chip? Did you not keep the passport nice and shiny no matter how often you travel? Sucks to be you, citizen. Your ankles. Grab them  (kdvr.com) (123)
(Buzzfeed) Amusing Will Smith playing Nintendo in a backwards hat, on a zebra rug, wearing Nike Airs and Zubaz pants, with a Mariah Carey CD on the ground--and 47 other pictures that perfectly capture the 90s  (buzzfeed.com) (152)
(SLTrib) Stupid For only $8000, you can be cured of your porn addiction by being taken into the desert with no computer or cell phone, and forced to exercise, eat healthy food, and talk about your feelings. This is not relevant to my interests  (sltrib.com) (55)
(CBC) Survey Suggest a name for Regina Saskatchewan's new Lingerie Football League team  (cbc.ca) (141)
(Daily Mail) Amusing France gets rid of "Mademoiselle" and other "sexist" words because they reveal marital status. Still looking for words to reveal status of regular bathing  (dailymail.co.uk) (44)
(NASA) Spiffy Spitzer finds buckyballs in space. What Eliot Spitzer was doing in space to begin with, we'll never know  (jpl.nasa.gov) (19)
(Fox News) Dumbass FBI forced to dump hundreds of pages of "training documents" on Islam after discovering that they were training gems like "Mohammed was a cult leader" and "devout Muslims have been violent for hundreds of years"  (foxnews.com) (121)
(Some Guy) Amusing "Dear Dan Savage, Should I go ahead and divorce my fantastic wife of 23 years now because gay marriage is going to destroy it eventually anyway?" - Tony From Wasilla  (clclt.com) (56)
(LA Times) Stupid Explosive exchange over Del Taco toilet leaves man with broken arm  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (10)
(Foreign Policy) Sad Once Upon a Time in Tehran: Photos of a swinging Iran when the skirts were short, the dance was the twist, and America wasn't Enemy No. 1  (foreignpolicy.com) (126)
(Dayton Daily News) Stupid I don't know what's worse: An elected official joking about putting Obama in jail, or the fact that he freely admits he ripped the joke off from Jay Leno  (daytondailynews.com) (33)
(Some Guy) Silly You know it's a slow news day in York, PA one of the lead stories is: With the mild weather, some homeowners already thinking about mowing  (ydr.com) (6)
(Ars Technica) Followup Those faster-than-light neutrinos? Yeah, they used the same technique your boss uses to avoid paying overtime  (arstechnica.com) (79)
(Yahoo) Interesting Cash-strapped Italy sells its lighthouses. Will no longer get +1 food from water tiles  (news.yahoo.com) (60)
(SeattlePI) Cool If you've always wanted to live in your very own historic firehouse, today's your lucky day. Fire/stripper pole not included  (blog.seattlepi.com) (34)
(Gothamist) Amusing Over 40 years before the Jetsons and flying cars, the people of 1919 NYC were planning circular runways around Manhattan for commuters' personal airplanes  (gothamist.com) (43)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop this solo singer on a small stage  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (31)
(WTSP 10) Florida And a hearty congratulations to Stephen Brewster of Sarasota, who is happily celebrating his 40th anniversary. What's that? Oh, I'm sorry. His 40th arrest  (wtsp.com) (21)
(Washington Post) Fail Henry Tang, one of the leading candidates for Hong Kong's Chief Executive spot, admits that, OK, maybe he *does* have a secret underground palace -- but it's only because his wife did it. How very savant of him. I'm convinced  (washingtonpost.com) (42)
(CBC) Dumbass Please enter deposit amount. Insert envelope when ready. Do not deposit coins, or baggies full of white powder  (cbc.ca) (4)
(CBS News) Sad Four more people who couldn't run as fast as an Italian sea captain found  (cbsnews.com) (56)
(Kens5.com) Asinine Erratic cab drivers cashing in on $100 vomit fee  (kens5.com) (23)
(Some Jersey) Dumbass Add "burning palm fronds" to the "things that should not be done indoors" list  (courierpostonline.com) (9)
(Some Guy) Weird Man arrested for setting his mouse on fire. And no, that's not a typo. However apparently it is news  (kjrh.com) (47)
(Some Guy) Amusing Where is the worst place to bake meth? c) in front of the most secure nuclear complex in the world  (wbir.com) (57)
(Some Guy) Interesting Ugly ass baby squirrel monkey born at Virginia Zoo. Not sure how I feel about squirrels with opposable thumbs  (wtkr.com) (17)
(TBO) Florida Live morning show report on gas prices interrupted when car and cab crash behind reporter. Two drivers that won't have to worry about gas prices anymore. With video of unfazed reporter  (www2.tbo.com) (42)
(WTOP) Interesting Church to Ash Wednesday parishioners: Would you like fries with your penitence?  (wtop.com) (21)
(Yahoo) Weird With all other crime taken care of, Rio de Janeiro takes aim at Carnival urinators. Fark: The first part of that sentence is actually close to being pretty accurate  (news.yahoo.com) (24)
(Some Fapping Guy) Amusing If you forgot your YouPorn login & password, not to worry. It's now posted online  (blog.eset.se) (100)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Mark Cuban saves St. Patrick's Day parade. "I just thought it was fair that other people should be able to kill as many brain cells on Greenville Avenue as I have in my life"  (irishcentral.com) (26)
(The Local (Germany)) Misc Germany told to stop lopping off sex offenders' balls  (thelocal.de) (122)
(Time) Amusing Meet the cat bounty hunter: For $80, she'll coax your cat out of a corner and into a crate  (newsfeed.time.com) (93)
(WTSP) Florida Pirate posing with random teens at Mardi Gras celebration is accidentally stabbed with his own knife  (wtsp.com) (40)
(Cleveland Plain Dealer) Hero Newspaper employee stakes out vending machine, saves newspaper at least $12  (cleveland.com) (74)
(Some Guy) Sad Yeah, we'd like to help with your life and death emergency, but all the police are currently tied up with the OWS Berkely protest. Please try to not get killed until we can leave these silly kids alone for a few minutes  (sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com) (230)
(Some Guy) Obvious Man found dead at Amtrak station. Officials investigating whether he was hit by train, or just died waiting  (mega949.com) (32)
(USA Today) Stupid Unpasteurized milk, which many foodies will tell you is the Greatest Health Drink EVAR, is 150 times more likely to kill you than regular milk. But where's the reward without a little risk, amiright?  (yourlife.usatoday.com) (301)
(Forbes) Obvious Facebook's Zuckerberg now richer than Apple's Steve Jobs, aliver too  (forbes.com) (63)
(WGAL 8) Silly In another disturbing sign of just how bad the economy is, Pennsylvania cuts its $300,000 animatronic groundhog that was used to promote the state lottery. May God help us all  (wgal.com) (40)
(Wrexham News) Amusing Half marathon disrupted when vandals change some of the directional signs, sending dozens of runners the wrong way  (leaderlive.co.uk) (78)
(NewsOK) Cool 51-year-old woman graduates from Army boot camp. Don't even ask about the lawn  (newsok.com) (63)
(Mother Nature Network) Interesting Scientists say dino-bots will help them better understand how dinosaurs lived. Transformers already did it  (mnn.com) (20)
(All Dead Mormons Are Now Gay) Followup Has a Mormon posthumously baptized someone you know, love or respect? Now you can fight back by posthumously "choosing" homosexuality for one of their loved ones  (alldeadmormonsarenowgay.com) (378)
(Fark) Misc Weird. Today, on my way to work I saw three or four people with dirt on their foreheads. Someone needs to clean their hands more before touching their face. What is wrong with hygiene in this country?  (fark.com) (343)
(LA Times) Scary L.A. schools not adhering to "three tikes and you're out" rule  (latimes.com) (19)
(Some Guy) Stupid "OMG turn the plane around. He's got an electric cigarette"  (big106.com) (203)
(Washington Post) Dumbass Virginia Governor Robert F. McDonnell, after being featured on The Daily Show for his support of the post-rape vaginal probe bill, would like to take some time to take a long, hard look at the issue and possibly reconsider his position  (washingtonpost.com) (370)
(Siskiyou Daily) Obvious Convenience store robbed by the Worst. Samurai. Ever  (siskiyoudaily.com) (22)
(New York Daily News) Followup Former Playboy Playmate awarded $1.2 million in manhandling lawsuit against NYC police. Judge: Good luck and may the force be with you  (nydailynews.com) (57)
(Fox News) Interesting Police investigate fetus found inside city pipe. At this point they have no leads as to who the fetus belonged to, but anyone named "Cobblepot" is currently under suspicion  (foxnews.com) (46)
(Yahoo) Amusing Sheboygan Mayor faces recall election after being taped going on a drinking binge that ended with him passed out in a tavern. When did that become a BAD thing in Wisconsin?  (news.yahoo.com) (49)
(This is Bristol) Weird Burglar apologizes for breaking into a house and trying on the residents' clothes, says he was invited in by a small Chinese boy who turned out to be a bunch of flowers  (thisisbristol.co.uk) (14)
(Some Guy) PSA Keep your medicine out of reach of your pets. Bonus: Pet pig named "Crispy Bacon"  (fox5vegas.com) (21)
(Al Jazeera) Followup Iran to UN: "You can't go in there, because we're currently testing nuclear warhead related equipment. I mean, uh... Oops"  (aljazeera.com) (172)
(Huffington Post) Scary Man wins "worst commute ever" award after trying to cross a river and having a crocodile savage his testicles  (huffingtonpost.com) (23)
(WRCB-TV) Amusing City sued for not approving a new IHOP. They take their pancakes pretty damn seriously down south  (wrcbtv.com) (43)
(Some Guy) Sad Pete has died from advanced kidney failure. He was 24, and a rhinoceros  (big1059.com) (18)
(Al Jazeera) Interesting Bolivian farmers zipline high over mountain valleys. Why yes, cocaine is involved  (aljazeera.com) (18)
(Some Guy) Amusing The world's strangest beer commercials, including beer for kids, a man being killed by a harpoon, and Van Damme sporting a remarkable mullet while discussing his talking nipples  (marketingmag.com.au) (15)
(Huffington Post) Asinine Bet no one saw this coming. Mormons target Anne Frank for posthumous baptism  (huffingtonpost.com) (206)
(NPR) Interesting Supreme Court decides limit of men's pickup lines in bars  (npr.org) (121)
(Daily Mail) Scary If ever there was a reason to jump off a cliff, this would be it  (dailymail.co.uk) (30)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man steals and crashes an ambulance because "the voices inside his head told him to"  (ledger-enquirer.com) (18)
(CBS News) News Female journalist killed in Syria just hours after broadcasting news. Yaaarrr, 'tis a sad story  (cbsnews.com) (107)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: Fark Vegas World Party 2012 predictions  (pledgebank.com) (24)
(Independent) Asinine 15,000 die on Indian railways every year because the toilets on the trains just empty onto the rails, corroding them to the point of breaking. Indian officials charged with not keeping track  (independent.co.uk) (119)
(KTLA) Followup Man facing charges he paid teens to spit on him for sexual gratification gets off  (ktla.com) (30)
(WFTV) Florida Good news if your school system paycheck isn't cutting it and you get busted robbing a bank...you're suspended WITH pay  (wftv.com) (18)
(Some Guy) Asinine Right-wing radio host says he only went to gay bar for the beer  (wisconsingazette.com) (257)
(io9) Interesting "Why Mass Effect is the most important science fiction universe of our generation"  (io9.com) (481)
(News.com.au) Scary F*CKING MORANS, why am I the only one on the right side of the road? (w/video)  (news.com.au) (49)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Family discovers "rarest football card in existence" while cleaning out old farmhouse  (fox17online.com) (34)
(Daily Mail) Stupid Headline: "Female photographer travels America to peer inside a truly masculine domain... that doesn't always involve cars". Article: 8 out of 16 pictured involve transportation  (dailymail.co.uk) (35)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Plug Couple gets electric bill for $108,000 saying they used 1.6 million kilowatt hours in a month  (suntimes.com) (104)
(News.com.au) Dumbass Following in the footsteps of Jesus, Swedish pastor saves (porn onto church computer)  (news.com.au) (43)
(Telegraph) Dumbass You know who else liked flower beds?  (telegraph.co.uk) (42)

Tue February 21, 2012
(LA Times) Interesting Personal gun ownership in India is surging, with as many as 3 guns for every 100 Indians. Americans react: *cough*rounding error*cough*  (latimes.com) (121)
(Fark) FarkBlog Gun accident leaves pastor's daughter holier than thou, LHC goes to ludicrous speed, and a bison as a best man, Tatonka very much: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week from 2/12 - 2/18  (fark.com) (9)
(The Consumerist) Dumbass Vietnamese man who never saw the season finale of M*A*S*H* thinks the proper response to a screaming child is the airplane emergency ramp  (consumerist.com) (89)
(Telegraph) Fail British Treasury discovers new tax rate of 50% actually results in less revenue  (telegraph.co.uk) (293)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this censer  (henningers.com) (37)
(Discovery) Interesting New research suggests that human beings are not 'nasty' by nature, though scientists who have ever been on the Internet disagree  (news.discovery.com) (77)
(Abc.net.au) Obvious New venomous snake discovered. Guess where  (abc.net.au) (119)
(ABC) Unlikely Angel resembling Olivia Newton-John instructs man to grease co-worker's husband  (abcnews.go.com) (87)
(Some Guy) Stupid Next up on the hipster agenda: raising goats in the city  (utne.com) (205)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: This bud's for you  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (18)
(NBC Bay Area) Amusing Dog chases a cat up a tree. Cat happens to be a mountain lion  (nbcbayarea.com) (144)
(970 WFLA) Florida Police are still unsure why he killed himself, but they're starting to think it may have had something to do with that other body he had in his garbage can  (970wfla.com) (34)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Unlikely "Police are not yet certain" what led to the death of autistic 17-year old found face-down at the bottom of a garbage chute after 47-floor fall  (suntimes.com) (128)
(The Smoking Gun) Asinine Ohio man busted in misguided attempt to stomp out breast cancer  (thesmokinggun.com) (32)
(WPTV) Florida Protip: When kidnapping teens, make sure to take away their cellphones so they don't text for help from inside your trunk  (wptv.com) (204)
(CBC) Amusing Iranian hardball: If the world refuses to buy Iranian oil, Iran will refuse to sell it  (cbc.ca) (190)
(Time) Interesting Recently discovered photographs suggest that, decades ago, Mardi Gras was a refined, subdued, elegant affair ... uhm ... can someone ask those obviously hammered dudes in bras and garters to move it along?  (life.time.com) (81)
(AP) Obvious The new reality for the Baby Boomer generation is 'work til you drop'. So what does that mean for you younger people? Well for starters, less jobs  (hosted.ap.org) (351)
(Des Moines Register) Obvious If your infant is teething, it's okay to wipe a little bit of whiskey on their gums to numb the pain. But don't let them have so much alcohol their BA is .09  (desmoinesregister.com) (57)
(Some Guy) Hero Megachurch gives the pastor a week off, so he runs off to campaign with Santorum....just kidding, he spends a week living under a bridge with homeless guys and writes up their stories  (breakpoint.org) (129)
(Slate) Interesting The high art of desktop cooking, or, how to get a decent meal when your heartless boss won't let you have a lunch break  (slate.com) (108)
(AZCentral) Interesting School board updates dress code to ban jeans, sweatpants, flip-flops, and shirts that show too much cleavage and midriffs. Fark: The dress code is for the teachers, not the students  (azcentral.com) (66)
(NPR) Scary New antibiotic-resistant superbug infecting humans across the globe is coming from pork. Delicious, tasty, pork. Isn't this how that Contagion movie started?  (npr.org) (90)
(CNN) Followup Outed Arizona sheriff says politics behind charges. That's not the only thing that's behind him, if'n ya know whut I mean (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)   (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com) (220)
(Forbes) Obvious From the editors at Forbes comes this groundbreaking expose: the five leadership mistakes of the Galactic Empire  (forbes.com) (126)
(BBC) Sad "Mummified man was heavy drinker" - presumably of formaldehyde  (bbc.co.uk) (11)
(NPR) Cool George Washington's ice cream recipe: first, have slaves cut ice from river  (npr.org) (36)
(BBC) Amusing Nooooooooooo  (bbc.co.uk) (36)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Drunk switches seats with friends after being pulled over. Friend also drunk. Both arrested for DUI. Some days it's easy to be a cop  (fremonttribune.com) (36)
(Some Guy) Weird It's generally considered to be tacky to talk about the perkiness of your wife's breasts with her best friend. Especially at your wife's funeral  (couriermail.com.au) (104)
(Some Guy) Interesting Research: 35% of men sleep with bears, your mom  (610wiod.com) (95)
(My Fox DC) Dumbass If you're going to have road rage, you might as well do it so over-the-top that nobody questions whether you have it. Like these guys  (myfoxdc.com) (62)
(Click Orlando) Florida I'm a little farked up maybe, but I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to farkin' amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?  (clickorlando.com) (23)
(Den Of Geek) Obvious Answer: Fark themselves  (denofgeek.com) (120)
(BBC) Spiffy A student at Oxford University has learnt 11 languages and uses them all to explain how in this video. Monolingual subby feels inadequate  (bbc.co.uk) (127)
(Some Taxi Driver) Florida Apparently, the idea of calling 911 repeatedly to ask for a taxi hasn't gotten old for homeless guys in Hudson  (wtsp.com) (19)
(Mother Nature Network) Weird Designer creates a house that will float when caught up in floodwater. The homeowner is responsible for gathering two animals of every species  (mnn.com) (43)
(My Fox DC) Scary Kansas City Zoo turns gorilla exhibit into a petting zoo  (myfoxdc.com) (50)
(Some Guy) Asinine Not news: Researchers testing new Alzheimer's drug. News: studies show the drug actually impairs memory. Fark: "The new findings are not a red light for [the drug's] development"  (myhealthnewsdaily.com) (34)
(Herald Tribune) Florida We know how to hang a chandelier in Sarasota  (heraldtribune.com) (20)
(Some Guy) Interesting Denver police have issued their first "Medina" alert and are asking people to be on the lookout for man described as "funky, cold"  (y100.com) (57)
(miami new times) Florida When teaching high school kids about the severity of a 0.112 blood alcohol level, it's probably best not to use yourself as the live example  (blogs.miaminewtimes.com) (32)
(Fark) Survey We've got lots of Louisiana transplants here in Texas, so Fat Tuesday is a pretty big deal. How are you celebrating Fat Tuesday?  (fark.com) (154)
(Some Melon Head) Florida When soccer goalposts attack: TV station points out the dangers of soccer goalposts by using one to smash a skull-like water melon. Gallagher surrenders  (wtsp.com) (35)
(Some Guy) Florida Pastor registers as a sex offender after pleading guilty to lewd conduct with underage girls from congregation. To ensure this problem won't happen again, church bans kids from attending services  (news4jax.com) (96)
(Houston Chronicle) Survey Southern Baptists consider name change. Let's hear your suggestions, voting enabled  (chron.com) (251)
(Sun Sentinel) Strange South Florida residents finding sticky white goo all over cars and plants. Ron Jeremy, Peter North claim they were in California the whole time  (sun-sentinel.com) (20)
(LA Times) Stupid "Plastic surgery does make you look younger, study finds." Obvious tag hands Asinine and Stupid tag a needle of Botox, with eventual result of Sad or Scary  (latimes.com) (33)
(Short List) Strange NASA recruiting chefs for Mars. Might be getting slightly ahead of themselves  (shortlist.com) (31)
(MSNBC) Dumbass Dominic Strauss-Kahn, who definitely didn't rape that maid in New York, or the other several women who alleged it, nor has he frequented prostitutes, is now being held on suspicion of using company funds for prostitute sex parties  (msnbc.msn.com) (47)
(WRCB-TV) Amusing 4.0 earthquake shakes four Southern states. West Coasters nearly pull a stomach muscle laughing  (wrcbtv.com) (79)
(MSNBC) Asinine Iran threatens pre-emptive strike if tensions do not ease. What sort of savage, barbaric, war-mongering super villain would attack another country pre-emptively? We really need to ... oh, wait  (msnbc.msn.com) (174)
(Boston.com) Obvious Those ads offering a free ticket to another country and a good job as a bartender, maid, or nanny? Hell yes they're a trap  (articles.boston.com) (35)
(TC Palm) Florida It's all fun and games and requests for sexual favors until the Taser comes out. With gratuitous "Alice" reference and SFW photos  (blogs.tcpalm.com) (39)
(WTOP) Stupid Headline: "Mom warns of energy drink dangers after boy falls out of car." Article: "her son had been drinking an energy drink laced with alcohol"  (wtop.com) (65)
(Canada.com) Dumbass It would appear that the scheme of giving your license to a stranger, leaving the scene of the crash, and returning hours later to the scene of the crash after pounding back two shots of vodka to evade charges wasn't entirely accurate  (canada.com) (20)
(Herald-Leader) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Drew is going to mentor entrepreneurs and help startup companies. Photoshop some of the ideas he'll be pitched. LGT article  (kentucky.com) (12)
(NPR) Obvious Headline: Is our society about to turn into the Matrix? Article: No  (npr.org) (28)
(Daily Mail) Strange Anderson Cooper gives Courtney Cox a bowl of his creamy white "dressing" which Courtney proceeds to gulp from the bowl as she tells him how good it tastes. Subby was confused by the lack of Japanese dialogue  (dailymail.co.uk) (64)
(News.com.au) Amusing Jazz FM temporarily rebrands as Jizz FM  (news.com.au) (37)
(Some Guy) Sick You know you have a hoarding problem when your mess is visible from space  (abclocal.go.com) (132)
(The Local (Sweden)) Cool Helllllllllllloooooooooooo Nurse  (thelocal.se) (456)
(The New York Times) Spiffy 22-foot-long carving valued at $1,000,000 has been recovered, which comes as a huge relief  (nytimes.com) (38)
(Palm Beach Post) Florida You're gambling with fate if you abandon a 95-year-old dementia patient in your car while you hit the casino for a couple of hours  (palmbeachpost.com) (17)
(Daily Mail) Scary Itsy bitsy spider climbed up the English man, itsy bitsy spider bit him in the neck  (dailymail.co.uk) (66)
(Some Guy) Followup A Seattle cop caught on tape threatening to "make stuff up" about two men to get felony charges against them say that he was merely "bantering" with them  (blogs.seattleweekly.com) (164)
(Daily Mail) Florida Not news: Fast food CEO works a shift at one of his restaurants for an episode of "Undercover Boss". Fark: He's so shocked by the abusive behavior of the shift manager that he breaks cover and confronts him (w/photos & video)  (dailymail.co.uk) (290)

Mon February 20, 2012
(AZCentral) Strange Man goes into Walmart bathroom stall, sits down, drops his revolver, the revolver shoots a bullet, the bullet goes through the stall door, hits a wall, ricochets into a ceiling light, back onto the floor toward a man standing at a urinal. Ta-da  (azcentral.com) (136)
(LA Times) Followup Family of sexually abused Boy Scout is suing the Boy Scouts of America after being told not to report the crime to the police because "those things are handled internally"   (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (220)
(AL.com) Strange Alabama. Where you don't need alcohol or drugs as an excuse to drive naked down the highway crashing into multiple cars along the way  (blog.al.com) (32)
(News 10 ABC Sacramento) Unlikely Scary: Helicopter and plane collide in mid air. Wow: Everyone survives with only minor injuries  (news10.net) (48)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this team taking time  (cdn3.spiegel.de) (29)
(Reuters) Scary Make sure your lightsabers are charged up because Pope Palpatine is gathering up the Sith  (reuters.com) (82)
(Yahoo) Silly Million Mustache March planned for D.C. in April. No word on how much the rides will cost  (news.yahoo.com) (49)
(io9) Amusing Japanese fart scrolls prove that human art peaked centuries ago  (io9.com) (121)
(Some Guy) Obvious Police searching for man who attempted to rob drugstore: 5'6" 130lb black male wearing dark grey, hooded sweatshirt, black shorts, a blue knit cap, two prosthetic legs  (939mia.com) (58)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this wastewater fishing cub  (awramedia.org) (33)
(Some Guy) Amusing Half off all black dog adoptions next month in Portland. White elephants still full price in DC  (damascus.katu.com) (106)
(Ohio.com) Amusing Married female judge caught with female defense attorney naked in backseat of car. I'm guessing it wasn't pro bono work  (ohio.com) (175)
(Some Guy) Amusing US border facing Mexican billboard: "No more weapons"; Mexican border facing US billboard response: "No more drugs". Billboard wars begun, they have  (610wiod.com) (187)
(Denver Channel) Amusing Can a city use WTF as its slogan if WTF means Welcome to Fruita?  (thedenverchannel.com) (59)
(NJ.com) Dumbass Fines for cheating on $21K in tolls = $102K. Using your mom's car so she's the one who owes the money = priceless  (nj.com) (70)
(LA Times) Followup Jeremy Lin forgives racist ESPN headline, suggests it wasn't even intentional  (latimes.com) (375)
(CBC) Stupid 22 year old man dies while surfing his couch down a country road. And yes, alcohol was involved  (cbc.ca) (76)
(WISHTV) PSA Note: When you finally get the courage to ask your neighbor out, you shouldn't be naked or touching yourself, and you shouldn't beg for sex  (wishtv.com) (74)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Tower of Pepperspray  (wiod.com) (101)
(SFGate) Misc Rose Cliver, who survived the 1906 San Francisco Earthquake, dies at 109. In other news, there are still 4 other survivors of the 1906 San Francisco Earthquake  (sfgate.com) (42)
(Denver Post) Followup After their anchor's lip was bitten off on live TV, 9News asked the other networks not to air the video. Guess which channel was the only one not to honor the request. Go ahead, guess  (denverpost.com) (201)
(CBS News) Sad Lima, OH crowns 1999 Hide-and-Seek champion  (cbsnews.com) (107)
(Fox News) Interesting Celebrate President's Day the way Washington, Jefferson, and Lincoln would have... with whiskey  (foxnews.com) (61)
(Starpulse) Obvious Victoria Beckham shoots down rumors of a Spice Girls reunion, says it "won't happen" in 2012. Guess the Mayans had it wrong after all  (starpulse.com) (36)
(KTLA) Scary Knife-wielding man at Hollywood tattoo parlor sought for providing unwanted body modification  (ktla.com) (10)
(Miami Herald) Florida Federal lawsuit against family of alleged psychic swindling gypsies may be cursed after victim says he's very happy with their ability to dispel his evil spirits  (miamiherald.com) (11)
(Stuff.co.nz) Dumbass Craig Richard Philpot, unemployed, was also getting texts from another 15-year-old girl until his 14-year-old girlfriend told her to stop  (stuff.co.nz) (47)
(My Fox DC) Scary In all due fairness to the "kite surfer", that building did jump out in front of him  (myfoxdc.com) (26)
(Daily Mail) Unlikely After taser had no effect on sword-wielding man, British police had no choice but to get on the radio and ask for officers with actual guns to be sent  (dailymail.co.uk) (58)
(thelocal.no) Amusing Then one foggy February Eve, Santa came to say: 'Screw this, guys, let's take the car'  (thelocal.no) (14)
(Fox News) Followup You just know that Iran is having serious computer problems when they're asking for bootleg copies of Norton 360™  (foxnews.com) (89)
(Telegraph) Interesting News: Child lives as a girl and has been diagnosed with Gender Identity Disorder Fark: at age four  (telegraph.co.uk) (328)
(Washington Post) Asinine 98% of Catholic woman have used contraception at some point. But since they're not using all the time, or may no longer want to use it, it's a "lie"  (washingtonpost.com) (256)
(LA Times) Amusing The Simpson's 500th episode ends with the line: All we ask is that you go out and get some fresh air before logging on the internet and saying how much this sucked"  (latimes.com) (252)
(naplesnews.com) Florida Man arrested at Florida bank claims he's CIA director, half orangutan  (naplesnews.com) (21)
(Fox News) Followup Doctors say that man who lived for two months in his frozen car may have survived by hibernating, but just barely  (foxnews.com) (35)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Planning the getaway from your next armed robbery? Make sure your wheelchair is equipped to handle the sand  (tampabay.com) (13)
(LA Times) Interesting Do you have an intense fear of being without your cellphone? There's no app for that, but there is a name  (latimes.com) (69)
(Washington Post) Interesting Baghdad's Green Zone empties out under Iraqi control, White Zone is still for loading and unloading only  (washingtonpost.com) (67)
(Some Guy) Scary The US has four major intel services: The CIA which monitors foreign activity, The FBI which monitors domestic threats, the NSA which handles electronic surveillance and the NYPD which seems to be able to do whatever the hell it wants  (kens5.com) (82)
(The Nation) Spiffy Galileo founded experimental physics and recast the relationship between science and faith. Not bad for a schlubby, sarcastic, wisecracking college dropout  (thenation.com) (25)
(Short List) Obvious Turns out that men incapable of controlling their bladders are deemed capable of controlling who wins Oscars  (shortlist.com) (44)
(TribLocal) Dumbass Just in case you have to settle a bar bet with a friend, a 2008 Dodge Charger can do 142 mph  (triblocal.com) (112)
(USA Today) Unlikely Gallup poll finds that picking the two best Presidents of the past four decades is about the same as picking the two greatest players in the history of the Charlotte Bobcats  (content.usatoday.com) (114)
(Oregon Live) Scary Scary: Some turkey shoots man to death at bowling alley. Obvious: Resulting in road closures split between 7th Avenue to 10th Avenue  (oregonlive.com) (24)
(News.com.au) Dumbass Disfigured man wins one-year paid vacation for playing UK version of "Don't whiz on the electric fence"  (news.com.au) (31)
(Mental Floss) Interesting 10 things you didn't know about the president's secret army, like that he even had one, and that they can reconstruct burned documents  (mentalfloss.com) (91)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Click link to generate a random sentence. Use that as your Photoshop theme  (users.globalnet.co.uk) (48)
(Short List) Interesting Students calculate the true cost of the Death Star. Without the help of marijuana  (shortlist.com) (114)
(A Theater Near You) Sappy Richard is a white supremacist down on his luck. Robert is a black inner-city gang member just looking to make it big. But this February, these enemies are about to learn some wacky new lessons about meth-cooking... and friendship  (newstribune.com) (42)
(The Raw Story) Strange First 'test-tube' hamburger to roll off the assembly line this year  (rawstory.com) (178)
(Daily Mail) Stupid The "Most Henpecked Man" in Britain isn't even married yet. Yeah, this will last  (dailymail.co.uk) (156)
(Daily Mail) Unlikely Want a four-seat Ferrari but can't afford the new FF? This one can be yours for a bargain £60k (some assembly required)  (dailymail.co.uk) (47)

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