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Sun March 11, 2012
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Daily Mail) Cool The coolest sculptures made out of chicken wire you will see all day  (dailymail.co.uk) (51)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Small town worried new business might attract unsavory elements. Strip club? Pool hall? Nah, Dollar General  (nwfdailynews.com) (238)
(NASA) Photoshop Photoshop Gumdrop and Spider  (nasa.gov) (27)
(Des Moines Register) Asinine In Iowa, a barber has to take 2100 hours of school to legally cut somebody's hair. But a professional piercer can pierce anyone anywhere, and there's no regulation whatsoever  (desmoinesregister.com) (170)
(Google) Spiffy Unlikely: 12-year-old kid wrote to the greatest architect of all time and asked him to design a doghouse. Spiffy: He did it  (google.com) (195)
(Atlanta Journal Constitution) Amusing Only a Redneck would use a deer stand to steal copper  (ajc.com) (30)
(Local10) Florida Bad grades in school? Here's your sign  (local10.com) (87)
(Daily Mail) Scary Cute girl can't stop drinking gasoline: "It makes me feel good" (w/pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (196)
(CNN) Sad Why are millions of Americans locked up? It's profitable, that's why  (cnn.com) (495)
(USA Today) Interesting Before and after pictures of devastated Kesennuma, Japan. What a difference a year makes  (mediagallery.usatoday.com) (71)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop theme: St. Patrick's the Day After. (LGTI)  (epitomeofnothing.net) (21)
(Some Guy) Asinine Not news: Man buys car. News: Dealer sells man with dementia a new car. Fark: a $62,000 Nissan Murano convertible Ultra Fark: They even got him to pay $10,000 in extra accessories, including rust proofing  (pressdemocrat.com) (164)
(Some Guy) Fail Not news: Cops taser suspect. News: Suspect is a 9-year old boy described as "large for his age". FARK: Council fires police chief and disbands the PD  (dispatch.com) (119)
(Cracked) Amusing Finally, an article including the words "worst sex", macaque, and "nightmarish penis" that isn't about submitter  (cracked.com) (44)
(MSNBC) Interesting The FDA has approved a third silicone breast implant. Looks like we're going to Mars  (msnbc.msn.com) (66)
(Some Guy) Strange Is it really a grilled cheese sandwich if it has macaroni and pulled pork or meatloaf?  (toronto.com) (132)
(BBC) News Rogue US soldier accused of killing Afghan civilians, Paladin disapproves  (bbc.co.uk) (499)
(SeattlePI) Sappy Elderly gorilla given bunny companion to hug, pet, squeeze, and name "George"  (seattlepi.com) (79)
(Mental Floss) Cool ♪Real men of genius♫ Today we salute you, Mr. Guy-Who-Created-Brunch. Yes, thanks to you it's finally cool to drink during breakfast without looking like a functional alcoholic  (mentalfloss.com) (69)
(Fox News) Interesting Is flying shaking your children up? Why not hire an in-flight nanny to help?  (foxnews.com) (71)
(The Raw Story) Scary "We're having a heat ray, a topical heat ray"  (rawstory.com) (164)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Cool This record-breaker could be the best steak sandwich in the world  (suntimes.com) (61)
(CONTEMPORIST) Photoshop Photoshop this pointy building  (contemporist.com) (26)
(Yahoo) Interesting They're cuckoo for cocoa smuggling  (news.yahoo.com) (14)
(Yahoo) Sad The end of the USS Enterprise  (news.yahoo.com) (325)
(Telegraph) Asinine Government: Christians have no right to wear cross at work  (telegraph.co.uk) (420)
(SFGate) Scary The Berkeley PD couldn't respond to a 911 call of a murder due to lack of resources. However, they had plenty of resources to show up at the home of the reporter that covered the story and demand that he change the article  (blog.sfgate.com) (170)
(Daily Mail) Asinine A convicted murderer is suing his prison for £50,000 because his victim's son has sent him greetings cards, this he claims is a breach of his human rights  (dailymail.co.uk) (78)

Sat March 10, 2012
(JSOnline) Scary "Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Interrupting car." "Interrup-" *♩♫♪♬♪♬♫♫♪♬♪*  (jsonline.com) (45)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Weepy blondes, screwy tattoos and a Heamer impersonator in this week's mugshot roundup  (thesmokinggun.com) (113)
(WTSP) Amusing Woman gives birth to 14 lb. son. Her reaction? "How'd he fit?"  (wtsp.com) (106)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these brass fittings  (airgrip-group.com) (20)
(Asbury Park Press) Obvious You might be embellishing your Vietnam war record if the "Medal of Valor" you received came from a hunting club in Tucson and all your service details are "classified" because you were a spy  (app.com) (104)
(Some Guy) Spiffy EABOD  (esquire.com) (205)
(The New York Times) PSA In coach, passengers are reduced to scrounging stale peanuts and tiny pretzels out of the seat cushion, while up front, racks of lamb, fine wines, and exquisite desserts are standard fare. Here comes the science of how they do it  (nytimes.com) (118)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Fail Fistfight breaks out at a concert. Difficulty: symphony orchestra  (suntimes.com) (70)
(Reuters) Interesting Polish woman gives birth to Australians  (uk.reuters.com) (26)
(Houston Chronicle) Followup Thieves who robbed girl scouts and ran over one of them now in custody after gaining four pounds  (blog.chron.com) (30)
(Seattle Times) Cool Well sir, there's nothing on Earth like maintaining a genuine, bonafide, electrified, six-car monorail  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (109)
(io9) Sad French concept artist Moebius, who made The Abyss, Tron, and Alien even stranger, draws the great beyond. Concept artist trifecta in play  (io9.com) (80)
(USA Today) Strange Holy rollers saddened to hear there are fewer than 200 churches left in the U.S. with bowling alleys  (usatoday.com) (36)
(Wikipedia) Hero Go ahead, cuddle with your cat. But remember, your cat could never be as awesome as a dog  (en.wikipedia.org) (105)
(Daily Mail) Sappy Weekend cuteness: Baby squirrels  (dailymail.co.uk) (21)
(CBS Detroit) Asinine Man shot dead at Detroit gas station over price of condoms. Clearly he was not wearing protection at the time  (detroit.cbslocal.com) (54)
(CNN) Asinine School administrators claim its reasonable to detain a 12-year-old with the police until she gives up her Facebook password and they can read all her private content  (cnn.com) (252)
(Some Fetishist) Photoshop Photoshop Challenge: A Sock, a Clock, and a Knock  (littledixie-erf.org) (21)
(CNN) Spiffy New Massachusetts divorce bill would finally make alimony settlements more fair for men. Guess who has a problem with that?  (cnn.com) (212)
(Des Moines Register) Fail Four high school students arrested for breaking into an elementary school and stealing chocolate milk and Trix. Guess they really are for kids  (blogs.desmoinesregister.com) (32)
(wmtw.com) Stupid Want a purple poodle or pink pekingese? For as little as $25 you too could have a cherry Chihuahua. Your dog is feeling blue  (wmtw.com) (49)
(LA Times) Obvious Each of four pro-pot groups trying for a legalization referendum this year wants you to know that they're the real thing and the other three groups are conspiring against them  (latimes.com) (104)
(Morning Sentinel.com) Spiffy Was it named for a family that lived on the intersection? Was it for a loose female bartender? How about the story of a woman who would sit on her porch while wearing no underwear? Whatever the origin, the town likes the name Katie Crotch Road  (onlinesentinel.com) (57)
(Sun Sentinel) Amusing Man gets life in prison for stealing four-carat diamond ring from a 92 year old woman working in a mobile massage unit. Shouldn't getting a massage from a 92 year old woman be punishment enough?  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) (61)
(WMUR) Hero Hard: Climbing 48 mountains. Harder: Doing them all in a single winter. FARKing Hard: Doing it blind  (wmur.com) (74)
(Telegraph) Amusing Apparently fed up with constantly needing the US Navy to rescue its sailors from pirates, Iran is training a force of 3,000 ninjas. Bonus: An all female force of 3,000 ninjas  (telegraph.co.uk) (176)
(The New York Times) Unlikely Illegal immigrant runs for president. This is not a repeat from 2008  (nytimes.com) (99)
(Some Guy) Cool Ever really tried to understand just how far away we are from the Sun? This might help. With scroooooooooolling goodness  (phrenopolis.com) (121)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Elderly farmer tells three thieves to stay off his farm. Three star onion belt indeed  (petoskeynews.com) (21)
(Des Moines Register) Sad One drawback to rising gas prices? Fewer and fewer sexy Midwestern college girls will be wearing bathing suits on the beach  (desmoinesregister.com) (335)
(Some Guy) Dumbass You may have short-term memory problems if you get arrested for prostitution twice in the same night. For soliciting two different undercover detectives. In the same car  (pressofatlanticcity.com) (22)
(Some Old Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this Thunderbolt  (carfani.com) (25)
(Huffington Post) Caturday 'Fidge' the cat detects breast cancer in her human before doctors can thereby saving her human's life, now they can enjoy more Caturdays together  (huffingtonpost.com) (717)
(CNN) Interesting Man who became an author at age 98 reveals a secret: He couldn't read or write until age 90  (thechart.blogs.cnn.com) (28)
(Some Guy) Asinine For the second time this week, parents test Chuck E. Cheese's "No Child Left Behind" program  (kens5.com) (63)
(Houston Chronicle) Strange World's most courteous drunk driver stops to let passenger out during police chase, then promptly dies after driving into pillar  (chron.com) (28)
(The Sun) Obvious "Men are going to cheat and women had better learn to live with that"  (thesun.co.uk) (368)
(MSNBC) Interesting I said, IT'S AN ARTICLE ABOUT HOW BLIND PEOPLE DREAM  (bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com) (58)
(Some Guy) Fail It's a bad time to conduct a street drug deal: A) when a cop car drives by; B) when a cop is walking down the street; C) when 11 undercover drug agents are walking past after a training session  (timescolonist.com) (18)
(The Atlantic) Interesting It's 10 minutes to midnight: Introducing the Iran War Clock  (theatlantic.com) (130)
(Daily Mail) Obvious The greatest collection of Don't Stick It In Crazy pics you'll see all day  (dailymail.co.uk) (157)
(Yahoo) Strange Missing hiker found after nearly a month in the woods. Rescuers report "she's alive. And she's got a cat"  (news.yahoo.com) (75)
(Nola.com) Interesting If a man is wrongly imprisoned for 30 years, why should the state have to pay up? Shouldn't it be the jury that wrongly found him guilty?  (nola.com) (139)

Fri March 09, 2012
(The Atlantic) Interesting Industrial chemicals - it's what's really making us fat. Juicy, tasty industrial chemicals  (theatlantic.com) (97)
(MSNBC) Obvious One in four pilots fight fatigue, having to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes  (overheadbin.msnbc.msn.com) (110)
(ABC) PSA World did not end last year  (abcnews.go.com) (79)
(NJ.com) Dumbass Sad: 5 perish in NJ house fire, and have to be identified by their dental records. Bad: You're their dentist, and you falsified the dental records for an insurance scam  (nj.com) (79)
(Some Genius) Dumbass Don't like how the unemployment rate looks? One GOP Congressman has a fix  (hunter.house.gov) (197)
(The Atlantic) Hero "He has lived in a dozen caves tucked into sandstone nooks. In the fall of 2002, two years after quitting money, he homesteaded a majestic alcove high on a cliff, two hundred feet across and fifty feet tall"  (theatlantic.com) (145)
(Google) Photoshop Iron Photoshop Ingredient: Tetrahedrons  (google.com) (18)
(MLive.com) Asinine Seventeen & eighteen year-old girls start a fight with a sixteen year-old girl. Sixteen year-old girl uses pepper spray to defend herself. Guess which one faces expulsion from school?  (mlive.com) (154)
(Some Guy) Scary Remember the start of The Stand?  (baltimore.cbslocal.com) (200)
(Yahoo) PSA If you have two wives, don't friend both of them on Facebook  (news.yahoo.com) (50)
(WFTV) Florida Running a daycare seems like perfect fit for woman charged with armed burglary, driving on a suspended license, aggravated battery, and driving children without seat belts  (wftv.com) (16)
(Some Guy) Fail Dance instructor/choreographer makes dance troupe wear nude color bikinis: "The audience should think that you are nude - completely topless." FARK: They're eight years old  (939mia.com) (153)
(Fark) Survey Quiz time: How many Fark stories do you remember from the last week?  (fark.com) (57)
(St. Petersburg Times) Obvious After extensive research conducted in Walmarts across the nation, Medicare determines too many Americans are using power wheelchairs that they don't really need  (tampabay.com) (196)
(Some Guy) Sappy Woman rescues a bald raccoon. And you thought they were cute with fur  (cottagecountrynow.ca) (68)
(Some Guy) Amusing School officials facing suspension, spankings after porn links show up on school's Twitter feed  (wwnytv.com) (12)
(Yahoo) Cool You are now free to waddle about the cabin  (news.yahoo.com) (28)
(Scotsman) Followup Investment banker admits chaining a fake bomb to a hot 18-year-old girl's neck. He is the dumb %  (scotsman.com) (30)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen) Cool Two high school students score a perfect 36 on their ACTs, guaranteeing them placement at the Midwest college of their choice and a lonely prom  (press-citizen.com) (60)
(Washington Post) Fail Washington puts up $10M prize for company that can produce an American-made affordable green lightbulb - and now we have our winner, which you can buy for the low, low price of...$50 per bulb  (washingtonpost.com) (187)
(Reuters) Scary Demand for 'Survival Services' from the poor rises in U.S. cities. More cake?  (reuters.com) (39)
(Newsday) Interesting New reports say Bin Laden's four wives were feuding intensely in the days before the SEAL team raid; meaning that Osama may have actually welcomed the sweet embrace of death  (newsday.com) (55)
(The Sun) Sad Ruin my Rolls: A Designer with more cash than talent has created the world's flashest Rolls-Royce, complete with its own champagne bar and DJ booth  (thesun.co.uk) (35)
(Click Orlando) Sad What do you call a boy who has to stoop on a bathroom floor for nine hours a day as punishment for misbehavior? Neil  (clickorlando.com) (69)
(BBC) Sad British Employer/Employee negotiations c1938 - 'If it's too much for you, I'll send you back to Hitler'  (bbc.co.uk) (18)
(Quad City Times) Interesting Woman sues US Cellular after claiming her coworkers routinely looked for nude pictures on phones and created a "hostile working environment," three words which translate into lawyer-speak as "KA-CHING"  (qctimes.com) (26)
(Chicago Tribune) Sick Man charged after posting dog torture videos tells arresting officers that "everything shown in the videos was for entertainment purposes and that he did not think he did anything wrong"  (chicagotribune.com) (101)
(WXYZ Detroit) Cool Ford announces it will help the recent victims of tornadoes in the Midwest, presumably by giving them reliable vehicles like a Camry or 4Runner  (wxyz.com) (48)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Spring Break 2012 officially kicks off at Daytona Beach  (orlandosentinel.com) (13)
(Some Guy) Strange Schlitz, "The Beer That Made Milwaukee Famous," was one of the biggest first-round upsets in The Onion Beer Bracket, a March Madness-style contest in which voters pick their favorite beers  (host.madison.com) (32)
(Huffington Post) Obvious Dwarves finding out that sometimes, when you mess with the miniature bull, you get the adorable little horns  (huffingtonpost.com) (15)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If you get busted for growing 18 cannabis plants next door to police station but are released, that doesn't mean you have free license to grow three times that amount  (thisisnottingham.co.uk) (4)
(The New York Times) Florida Greyhound track owners demand to be allowed out of the greyhound racing business  (nytimes.com) (24)
(Rolling Stone) Fail According to record companies and the RIAA, file sharing has been the big villain in ripping off musicians, preventing them from being paid their deserved royalties while the record companies have been perfect angels... Yeah, well, about that  (rollingstone.com) (47)
(Washington Post) Spiffy 'That's Uncle Dave': Family spots unknown Civil War soldier in an ad  (washingtonpost.com) (16)
(Daily Overlook) Photoshop Photoshop this Wyoming welcome  (dailyoverlook.com) (26)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Weird "Welcome to American Airlines Flight 2332. We will serving drinks and snacks shortly after takeoff and our on-board entertainment will be Final Destination 5, performed by the flight crew. Enjoy"  (suntimes.com) (28)
(Slate) Ironic The KKK suffers in today's fast paced and competitive hate-group market  (slate.com) (67)
(Fox News) Obvious Announcer: "the world's population is getting fatter." World: *Yawn* Announcer: So fat that Brazil is no longer making tiny bikinis and is instead making bathing suits for fatties" World: "EVERYBODY PANIC"  (latino.foxnews.com) (23)
(The Sun) Silly 43-year-old British man can't get a date because. A) He lives with his Mum. B) He has bad teeth, C) He is Kim Jong-il's double  (thesun.co.uk) (27)
(Some Guy) Followup "Sandra Fluke is just your average college student voicing her impassioned opinion on this issue." Yeah, about that  (939mia.com) (408)
(Some Guy) Dumbass "Flaming balls" injures high school student. Surprisingly, this article does not make any reference Icy Hot or jockstraps  (939mia.com) (25)
(NYPost) Strange "I don't want any trouble. If you want the dog back, go to 87th and Farragut Road, there's a note on the tree"  (nypost.com) (32)
(WPTV) Florida It takes a very special kind of stupid to get run over by your own car  (wptv.com) (44)
(Some Guy) Fail Man goes from living in a million dollar home, having multiple vehicles, and vacationing all over the world to just owning 10 items. FARK - On purpose  (vcstar.com) (76)
(Some Guy) Cool International (Slutty) Women's Day: an essay in animated GIFs (SFW)  (annfriedman.com) (464)
(Some Guy) Scary Marie Claire assembles the face of the 'ideal woman' according to OMG KILL IT WITH FIRE  (mega949.com) (100)
(io9) Cool Police in Brazil have hired the goddamned Batman  (io9.com) (19)
(Salon) Interesting "None of you are getting out of here." A first person account of what happened at the Fukushima reactor  (salon.com) (36)
(My Fox DC) Fail Before showing off the new, million dollar train cars, make sure the station names are spelled correctly  (myfoxdc.com) (30)
(Mr Outre) Dumbass Hey you Got a spare £11.50 cluttering up your bank account? Want to ingest nicotine via a really, really pompous cocktail? Introducing the "Cig'nature". Or as some call it, the BLEAUGH  (mroutre.com) (22)
(WPTV) Sappy Dog stays by dead tornado victim's side until she was found by rescue workers  (wptv.com) (80)
(Yahoo) Stupid Notice to waiters: If Peyton Manning leaves a generous tip it's not a good idea to post the receipt online cause it just might cost you your job  (sports.yahoo.com) (68)
(USA Today) Followup Two guys get off easy for driving around their dead friend in their car. Using his credit cards for strip clubs did not sit too well with the judge  (content.usatoday.com) (30)
(Slate) Strange The question to ask Derrick Bell is not why did you write that whites would sell blacks to aliens. But what do space aliens need African-Americans for? What did Derrick Bell know about these aliens and when did he know it?  (slate.com) (226)
(Dayton Daily News) Followup High bidder decides that $8100 is too much to pay for a McNugget that looks like George Washington  (daytondailynews.com) (81)
(Some Guy) Obvious It's that same old story again: pastor abuses teen, teen gives birth, teen marries pastor after he divorces his wife, teen divorces pastor, teen sues church for $25 million  (1035superx.com) (75)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Two women to go 100% natural without makeup, hair styling, shaving for 60 days to experience rejuvenation, confidence, celibacy  (dailymail.co.uk) (106)
(Stylist) Weird Women 'best at spotting snakes after ovulation'. Men best at running away  (stylist.co.uk) (59)
(WRCB-TV) Fail Man, late for court on a meth possession charge, racks up $2,000 worth of speeding tickets in just one hour. Amateur  (wrcbtv.com) (34)
(Some Guy) Silly Coast To Coast AM radio host George Noory narrowly avoids kidnapping in Mexico. I'm not saying it was aliens  (theblaze.com) (90)
(Seattle Times) Interesting Mormon leaders restrict genealogical database to anyone who attempts to access names of hundreds of thousands of Holocaust victims the church has agreed not to posthumously baptize. But we all know Mormons have nothing to hide...right?   (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (266)
(The New York Times) Interesting 227,000 jobs added last month, personal ball washer not included  (nytimes.com) (123)
(Marketwatch) Followup I just had to come back to give this place 1 star. Everything started out good, but I woke up at the end of the night with my wallet missing and a sore butt  (marketwatch.com) (30)
(Some Guy) Strange Attorney says a reaction to antibiotic caused his police officer client to wreck his car, demand firefighters take him to Philly to see Jesus, then stab two of the firefighters and fire shots at a third  (wtkr.com) (44)
(WPTV) Florida "What an idiot," says sheriff after charging a guy with a felony for posting a photo of himself on Facebook holding a nameplate he stole from a judge's office. (w/ idiot's photo)  (wptv.com) (72)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop Bela Lugosi's head  (i773.photobucket.com) (37)
(Seattle Times) Followup Limbaugh says the 45 companies that have pulled ads from show are "Like losing a couple of french fries". Because if there's anyone who knows about french fries, it's him  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (324)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Leaving your DNA on a used beer can is no way to commit a burglary  (nwfdailynews.com) (8)
(Daily Mail) Misc Teacher accused of having sex with student 0.316 times per day over the course of two years  (dailymail.co.uk) (75)
(Telegraph) Fail Greece on verge of defaulting. Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead  (telegraph.co.uk) (79)
(My Fox DC) Sad Another sign newspapers don't get it  (myfoxdc.com) (39)
(The Daily Beast) Obvious Critic says Eddie Murphy's latest movie is a "career killer," setting the stage for Beverly Hills Cop 4 and Trading Places 2: Electric Boogaloo  (thedailybeast.com) (134)
(Some Guy) Amusing Police on peaceful 30 sq mile island in the English Channel spend $280,000 on missile proof armed car. Residents less than impressed with their tax dollars at work  (thisisguernsey.com) (50)
(News.com.au) Amusing We have to wonder what this news anchor was referring to when he said "when you do it, let me know so I can open my a**." on live TV  (news.com.au) (57)
(WHDH) Dumbass Boys engage in friendly game of "seeing who could throw a large rock the farthest". What could possibly go wrong?  (www1.whdh.com) (52)
(Daily Mail) Interesting A former U.S. Secret Service agent to the Clinton's claims Hillary never said 'thank you' to agents. Calls her aloof and the rest of the family arrogant  (dailymail.co.uk) (177)
(Chicago Tribune) Interesting Banks are foreclosing on more and more churches. Jesus Christ  (chicagotribune.com) (100)
(NYPost) Unlikely Al Qaeda Number Two #3,891 dies of natural causes  (nypost.com) (36)
(Yahoo) Interesting Pill to cure racism, still no cure for cancer  (news.yahoo.com) (89)
(Smh.com.au) Scary Farking magnets, how do they taste?  (smh.com.au) (34)
(The Sun) Sad Britain tries to pull a Seal Team Six and fails. The Sun is there  (thesun.co.uk) (127)
(Post-Gazette) Interesting University study entitled "Censorship and Deletion Practices in Chinese Social Media" narrows down a list of 295 words that will get your message deleted in China including Falun Gong, brainwash, and iodized salt  (post-gazette.com) (33)
(Some Guy) Weird Early morning rush hour traffic looked normal on the FOX 10 Phoenix traffic cam. Except for the blinding explosion caught on live TV which no one can explain. It's happened Mr. Chayefsky. The News is the News  (news.gather.com) (90)
(Gawker) Interesting Words that you type with your left hand suck. Words that you type with your right hand rock. No word on websites that you visit with one hand  (gawker.com) (55)
(MSNBC) Amusing Want your boner pills? Ohio wants to make it... *sunglasses* ...a lot harder. YEEEAAAAHHHHH  (usnews.msnbc.msn.com) (124)
(Killeen Daily Herald) Dumbass Kunta Kinte arrested for sexual assault. Chicken George not available for comment  (kdhnews.com) (41)
(Daily Mail) Strange Inmate being put to death by lethal injection counts backwards to potato  (dailymail.co.uk) (131)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Two young lesbians told they are not a 'real couple'. They obviously have a problem with this (w/ young lesbian pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (201)
(Hartford Courant) Scary Chicken jerky treats can kill your dog. You know what your dog wants  (courant.com) (69)

Thu March 08, 2012
(Some Guy) Strange Who knew you could get prison time for dropping anchor?  (losangeles.cbslocal.com) (52)
(CTV) Silly Toronto terrorized by roving gangs of...possums?  (toronto.ctv.ca) (75)
(Mancave Daily) Cool There's a place in Dallas that will let you beat on stuff to relieve stress and, no, it's not the Dallas PD   (mancavedaily.newyork.cbslocal.com) (32)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida You have 54 new messages. *BEEEP* Hello, this is the city of Hollywood, Florida. Please remove your obnoxious signs or we will keep calling you again and again and again and again  (sun-sentinel.com) (66)
(MSNBC) Hero Jet Blue pilots kicks off entire family for failing to extinguish a crying two year old  (ksl.com) (489)
(Indecision) Followup Blind squirrel Pat Robertson accidentally finds a nut (sponsored link)  (indecisionforever.com) (118)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop theme: The best practical joke  (img.sparknotes.com) (18)
(WVEC) Amusing When choosing "moped" as your getaway vehicle, do not be shocked when the police catch up to you mere blocks from the 7-11 you just robbed  (wvec.com) (34)
(Gothamist) Amusing Photo of a goat eating in a NYC pizzeria surfaces. NYers are obviously stunned and appalled........at the goat's choice in pizza  (gothamist.com) (114)
(Some Guy) Cool Pitching a tent never looked so fun  (gizmag.com) (100)
(Some Arrested Chick) Florida Today's mug shot round up brought to you by: Chicks arrested in Florida that you'd totally hit  (wtsp.com) (182)
(The Sun) Cool The coolest portraits created with soot you will see all day  (thesun.co.uk) (17)
(NBCMiami) Sad Robbers beat cat trapper, steal his pants  (nbcmiami.com) (28)
(Yahoo) Followup Michigan to lottery winner collecting public assistance: No you can't have food stamps. Not Yours  (news.yahoo.com) (199)
(NJ.com) Asinine $7.5 Million in renovations later, a New Jersey courthouse is declared "constitutionally defective" by a Judge  (nj.com) (52)
(ABC) Interesting Officials searching San Francisco bay for crashed Klingon war bird  (abcnews.go.com) (70)
(NYPost) Obvious Fight attendants say electronic devices are now the number one cause of unruly behavior by passengers who can't understand how they can flummox a 747-8 Intercontinental with something they bought at Radio Shack  (nypost.com) (379)
(Reuters) Unlikely US envoy said to be 'confident' Best Korean food aid will go to those who 'really need it,' like those impoverished, starving generals and members of the inner circle of government  (reuters.com) (42)
(Washington Post) Interesting Unemployed? It could be worse: How to completely, utterly destroy an employee's work life  (washingtonpost.com) (148)
(NYPost) Followup Suburban housewife/NYC madam's money bags has been ID'd as Morgan Stanley banker  (nypost.com) (31)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this pleasing portrait  (s2.ipicture.ru) (35)
(Yahoo) Obvious What part of OLRTXT HARW DPR REC NAMEC CASE1 EMRG HK US CN HDWR NEWS ENT;0334.HK AAPL.O do you not understand?  (news.yahoo.com) (59)
(Yahoo) Interesting Politician goes undercover to get insight on how to better help the homeless- wait, are we sure he's actually a politician?  (news.yahoo.com) (43)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Pro Tip: When calling in a fake bomb threat to get out of a test, it's best NOT to use your own cell phone  (kptv.com) (17)
(Some Guy) Interesting No man is an island. This man is a union, though  (detroitnews.com) (17)
(MSNBC) Cool Leave it up to Volvo to develop an airbag that will deflect pedestrians when you plow into them  (bottomline.msnbc.msn.com) (47)
(SeattlePI) Scary Something old, something new, something borrowed, something something restraining order  (seattlepi.com) (13)
(Some Guy) Scary FDA: Your skin cream may remove freckles, blemishes, heartbeat  (mega949.com) (14)
(The Stig) Cool Lamborghini has made the Mach V. In red. A 700-horsepower, 6.5-liter V12 engine. And you can't have it  (autoblog.com) (124)
(New York Daily News) Dumbass Portland nursing assistant sent to jail after posting dying patient's buttocks on Facebook what the hell?  (nydailynews.com) (65)
(Some Guy) Followup Baby who was pronounced dead at birth but was then revived by a hug turns two  (moms.today.msnbc.msn.com) (37)
(Smithsonian) Interesting Top pics from the 9th annual Smithsonian photo contest. (Prepare for slideshow rage)  (smithsonianmag.com) (18)
(WESH Orlando) Florida If you're going to try to rob a place, you might want to avoid writing down your contact information on a job application after the clerk talks you out of the robbery  (wesh.com) (11)
(Some Guy) NewsFlash Live feed coming in from Western Psychiatric Institute shooting. Five shot, including police officer, shooter/s still at large  (livewire.wtae.com) (282)
(SeattlePI) Spiffy Man bakes donuts with unique ingredient, sends them to contest judges over and over and over and over until he finally wins  (blog.seattlepi.com) (35)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Safety committee suggests neighbors meet gang members and drug dealers. Go talk to Lord Humungus, he seems reasonable  (kirotv.com) (51)
(The Sun) Amusing Kazakhstan's Kostanay regional festival of skiing has its own very special version of the Rick Roll...with a whole different Rick  (thesun.co.uk) (8)
(Statesman) Sad Austin just got a little less weird. RIP Leslie Cochran  (statesman.com) (87)
(MLive.com) Amusing Pygmy goat loose in Michigan town, cracking windows and causing an adorable bit of havoc  (mlive.com) (39)
(Huffington Post) Obvious Los Angeles high school under lockdown after racially-motivated brawl involving thirty students that left four injured and two under arrest, or as we use to call it at my alma mater, "recess"  (huffingtonpost.com) (70)
(Wired) Interesting Don't tase, mace, dazzle and/or shoot me, bro  (wired.com) (42)
(AZCentral) Followup "The Sheriff's Office insists in court documents that the use of a tank, a bomb robot and 40 deputies was part of its normal course of duties" in arresting a man for owning chickens  (azcentral.com) (72)
(MSNBC) Obvious Fox reporter pretty much sums up the feeling of the 2012 GOP field  (entertainment.msnbc.msn.com) (63)
(Boston.com) Sad The Long Shadow of Chernobyl (some photos are NSFW)  (boston.com) (165)
(Some Guy) Florida Journalism 101: Make sure the image you choose to illustrate your new article isn't from an old news story, doesn't contains the words "eat ass"  (y100.com) (46)
(Some Guy) Strange Mayor: What's a little prostitution amongst Council members?  (ydr.com) (33)
(Some rubber duck) Spiffy File under "Now why didn't I think of that". OU student installs hot tub in dorm room. Not too surprisingly school officials aren't pleased. Claims of homework for his anatomy & human sexuality classes fall on deaf ears  (wcpo.com) (62)
(WPTV) Florida Being drunk in a Wendy's drive through and telling the workers that you just saved them from being robbed by three imaginary people will not get you a free burger. It does, however, get you a free jail cell  (wptv.com) (25)
(Telegraph) Interesting British look up from their tea to watch Brazil take their place as world's sixth largest economy, feel they're entitled to fifth  (telegraph.co.uk) (62)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Pregnant Snooki learns three new words: Fetal alcohol syndrome  (dailymail.co.uk) (164)
(Huffington Post) Sad Atheists want you to come out of your closet (unless that closet is atheism)  (huffingtonpost.com) (671)
(Yahoo) Florida Keyless car ignitions are too scary; Florida soon to mandate return to buggy whips. Gas station attendants, bank tellers, and newspaper printers keeping fingers crossed  (gma.yahoo.com) (146)
(Some Guy) Strange Man is outraged after being kicked out of public pool for skinny dipping. Just kidding, he was kicked out because his swim suit was too long  (bournemouthecho.co.uk) (44)
(Some Guy) Asinine Getting a ticket for using a cell phone while driving sucks...especially when you don't even own or use a cell phone  (globalwinnipeg.com) (117)
(CBS News) Scary Satellite photos show conclusive proof Saddam is hiding his mobile biological weapons plant to avoid inspection  (cbsnews.com) (285)
(WPTV) Florida Having a bad day? Well at least you didn't get a $600 speeding ticket for going 14 miles over the limit, threaten to kill an officer and crash into a tree during the saddest police chase ever  (wptv.com) (37)
(SLO Tribune) Amusing Some people just can't handle technology: Bill sponsor pushes wrong button and ends up as the lone vote in opposition of her own bill  (sanluisobispo.com) (37)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Despite being told no, woman paints fingernails during flight. Cops waiting at airport with a digital message  (dailymail.co.uk) (151)
(Fark) FarkParty Dallas Fark Party, TONIGHT at Jack Daniels Bar and Grill. Starts 6PM - Drew will be there - ALL WELCOME  (fark.com) (218)
(NYPost) Asinine Obama to Israel: you like advanced weaponry, right? Well, I like it when nothing happens that could hurt my re-election chances. Maybe we can make a deal?  (nypost.com) (185)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Used car dealer accused of watching too much Ferris Bueller  (nbcphiladelphia.com) (35)
(USA Today) Interesting New study shows that marriage can keep your heart healthier after surgery. Unless, you know, it's the marriage that put you there in the first place. Then you're pretty much screwed  (yourlife.usatoday.com) (10)
(Daily Kos) Obvious Sluts vote. GOP just now realizing this  (dailykos.com) (730)
(Some Guy) Florida Customer management 101 (final exam): When a buyer complains their newly-purchased loveseat is full of bedbugs, do you A) offer a full refund; B) Send an exterminator to settle the issue; or C) pull out a gun and say you're tired of this  (dailycommercial.com) (25)
(CBC) Cool Scientists measure first antimatter "atom", remarking that it appears very much like a normal atom except for the tiny little goatee  (cbc.ca) (102)
(The Local (Sweden)) Scary Sweden: where the populace is beautiful and well-educated, and only occasionally do you get teenagers jumping onto your hood and stabbing a sword through your windshield  (thelocal.se) (40)
(Some Place & Time) Photoshop Iron photoshop ingredient: 1950's Hawaii  (26.media.tumblr.com) (18)
(St. Petersburg Times) Spiffy After trying out to be Goofy, Spanx inventor becomes youngest female self-made billionaire  (tampabay.com) (93)
(Daily Mail) Sad Bank worker dies after taking too many caffeine pills. I guess they don't air Saved By the Bell episodes in Britain  (dailymail.co.uk) (47)
(Toledo Blade) Sick Good: Family offered free funeral and casket. Bad: because their mother's body was molested by funeral home employee. Fark: Again  (toledoblade.com) (91)
(Space) Followup The biggest solar storm in five years is now hitting Earth. THE SUN IS HERE, EVERYBODY PANIC  (space.com) (104)
(The Age (Melbourne)) Scary Greece only hours away from defaulting, or if the admins have been drinking, already will have by the time this gets greenlit  (theage.com.au) (61)
(Some Guy) Spiffy 70 year old woman lives on a vegan diet and rainwater, has the face/body of a 40 year old. With hell-yes-you'd-hit-it pics  (odditycentral.com) (173)
(The Sun) Sad 19-year-old hottie can't have kids so she collects creepy-ass dolls (w/pics)  (thesun.co.uk) (175)
(Some Guy) Cool How reddit saved one man's life...aside from keeping him out of the sun's harmful UV rays  (mashable.com) (32)
(NPR) Obvious You're not going to believe this, but there are actually some women in the world who have a small problem with laundry instructions in men's pants that say, "give it to your woman, it's her job"  (npr.org) (126)
(Daily Mail) Hero Not News: Dog saves owners life. Fark: FOUR TIMES  (dailymail.co.uk) (28)
(Some Guy) Sappy If you lost a tiny piglet in Hawaii it hasn't been eaten yet  (king5.com) (27)
(WWSB ABC 7) Florida Florida finally does something about a huge problem plaguing society. No, not prescription drug abuse. Imprisoned pregnant women in labor making a break for it  (mysuncoast.com) (23)
(Some Guy) Dumbass The man stands accused of committing criminal mischief with cheese  (iowacity.patch.com) (37)
(SFGate) Amusing You have the right to an attorney. Anything you say... ZZZZZZZ... Hey, listen to us. You have the right to... ZZZZZZZZ  (blog.sfgate.com) (12)
(The Sun) Strange Teen is banned from throwing ________ at people. A) Rocks. B) Poop. C) Snowballs  (thesun.co.uk) (55)
(Daily Mail) Strange 'Brosiery' and 'mantyhose' take off as men seek warmth, comfort and to make a 'fashion statement'. Joe Namath: Been there done that  (dailymail.co.uk) (87)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 357: "Instant Inspiration" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's contest  (farktography.net) (52)

Wed March 07, 2012
(Huffington Post) Sad Principal slut-shames 8th-grade girl at school assembly, forcing her to drop out  (huffingtonpost.com) (320)
(LA Times) Fail School District to Parents: We've suspended the hot middle-school science teacher who appears in pr0n. Also? It would be helpful if you'd discourage your child from watching her extracurricular activities online  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (144)
(ABC) Silly Why has Chuck E. Cheese become a magnet for out and out violent, insane brawls between adults? A Chuck E. Cheese expert weighs in  (abcnews.go.com) (108)
(BBC) Amusing Five American things the Brits secretly envy. Teeth strangely absent  (bbcamerica.com) (168)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop this net meeting  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (21)
(Huffington Post) Obvious Student: I have a hearing disability. School: You don't listen, so you have a disciplinary problem. You're expelled. Student: Fine. Here's a lawsuit. School: What?  (huffingtonpost.com) (243)
(Huffington Post) Obvious Pre-kids: My snowflakes will have no TV, no fast food, no disposable diapers, and no temper tantrums unlike YOUR unruly kids. Post-kids: LOL J/K  (huffingtonpost.com) (236)
(WUSA 9) Scary Suspicious white powder found at two DC schools and a downtown hotel. Marion Barry offers to test it for free  (dupontcircle.wusa9.com) (35)
(Time) Scary Detroit woman continually having the stuffing scared out of her by an aggressive turkey  (newsfeed.time.com) (64)
(Some Rube) Fail Residents of Grand Forks, ND are lining up for blocks to enjoy a one-of-a-kind European dining experience that finally puts the city on the culinary map with its unique brand of Tuscan refinery. It's called "The Olive Garden"  (grandforksherald.com) (357)
(Al Jazeera) Sad Truck in Guinea plunges into ravine, killing fifty passengers, injuring another twenty seven and impressing the hell out of faculty at Clown Car University  (aljazeera.com) (39)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop this animal attraction  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (36)
(Some Guy) Asinine Gas prices hit $6 a gallon at California gas station. Watch out Europe, we're catching up to you  (californiagasprices.com) (338)
(Click On Detroit) Followup At least the guy who shot his daughter's laptop backed up her data first  (clickondetroit.com) (187)
(Some Guy) Asinine The Wisconsin Senator who wants to make single parenting illegal wishes to clarify his stance. He is only doing it because women are "trained to lie about planned pregnancies" and need to be held accountable  (rightwingwatch.org) (737)
(JSOnline) Interesting Shootings are up but homicides are down in Milwaukee, proving that the Wisconsin State Legislature needs to stop focusing on concealed-carry laws and start teaching these idiots how to aim properly  (jsonline.com) (47)
(Space) Interesting Two X-class flares from our star have generated a strong plasma wavefront. It should hit Earth over the next two days  (space.com) (254)
(9 News Now) Asinine Coconut spotted in Maryland courthouse. Shut. Down. Everything  (wusa9.com) (46)
(Some Guy) PSA Kids: You need to MAINTAIN at the party. If you pass out, your drunken friends will carry you to the car and kill you on the way home. Actually, they'll kill you and themselves, along with some other random drunk guy. This story is a mess  (hometownannapolis.com) (103)
(SanDiegoUnionTribune) Dumbass Robbing churches while running around in a tutu and tights with your junk hanging out is no way to go through life, son  (utsandiego.com) (29)
(IndyStar) Strange Now that Peyton Manning is on his way out, the good people of Indiana can focus their attention on what really matters: Naming an official state rifle  (indystar.com) (30)
(CBS News) Interesting Les étrangers prennent nos jorbs  (cbsnews.com) (90)
(Some Guy) Strange Man steals giant fiberglass chicken. "The drumsticks were left behind"  (citytv.com) (27)
(Ars Technica) Interesting Hey, the new iPad thingie is coming out and Steve Jobs isn't doing the announcement. WTF?  (live.arstechnica.com) (588)
(MSNBC) Scary Stranded kite surfer survives over 40 hours on energy drinks and energy bars while waiting for coast guard to pick him up. Oh, and he had to stab a bunch of hungry sharks. They probably just wanted his energy bars  (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com) (53)
(Some Guy) Dumbass "If elected Mayor, I promise to continue firebombing cement trucks, sitting on a ledge at the office of the U.S. Forrest Service, and committing domestic violence"  (big1059.com) (38)
(WHBL Sheboygan) Amusing The police don't really care whether or not you lost a bar bet over a game of darts. You're still not allowed to go jogging while naked  (whbl.com) (25)
(Palm Beach Post) Florida Florida town would like for fishermen to stop chumming for sharks off the public beach. Cause sometimes that shark he looks right into ya. Right into your eyes. And, you know, the thing about a shark  (palmbeachpost.com) (32)
(Connecticut Post) Amusing When you hear "unscheduled performance" you usually think of a guest musician coming on stage to jam with the band. But in Danbury, CT it means two homeless people coming on stage to jam with each other  (ctpost.com) (29)
(Huffington Post) Misc Whoa, the campaign to stop Joseph Kony just took off overnight. Did I miss something? Is all this attention due to that new video? Is that really what it takes to raise awareness these days?  (huffingtonpost.com) (163)
(What is Black White Black?) Cool 100 years ago, the Oreo was introduced to Hoboken, New Jersey. Happily for us, the Oreo forgave its manufacturers for that introduction and it went on to become the best black and white confection avaliable  (theindychannel.com) (100)
(Palm Beach Post) Florida Drunk and beating the crap out of a cockatoo in public is no way to spend your golden years  (palmbeachpost.com) (24)
(The Raw Story) Interesting Rush sues Rush  (rawstory.com) (346)
(USA Today) Spiffy Good news, TFettes: Here's a list of all the Vegas party pools where you'll be able to go topless for the Fark Convention March 30-April 1  (travel.usatoday.com) (117)
(NPR) Interesting The most beautifully serene collection of photographed landscapes you'll see today. In your nightmares tonight, too, after you realize that someone died in every single one of them  (npr.org) (114)
(Omaha World Herald) Hero Rev. Jane Florence of First United Methodist Church in Omaha: "It's a disgrace when Scripture is used to exclude and condemn and marginalize people"  (omaha.com) (206)
(WAMU.org) Followup After review, Maryland county council member who drove over 100mph gets retroactive reckless driving ticket  (wamu.org) (23)
(NYPost) Interesting Secrets of a suburban housewife who just happened to be a madam in NYC catering to millionaires  (nypost.com) (36)
(The Atlantic) Strange Well, going to Laos and eating magic mushrooms seemed like a good idea at the time  (theatlantic.com) (49)
(BBC) Interesting Seven questions on British food. Your dick wants spots  (bbc.co.uk) (68)
(The Smoking Gun) Florida Man gets hot and attacks his mom after she used his salsa and taco sauce on her dinner. With gender-bending mug shot  (thesmokinggun.com) (58)
(NYPost) Sad What the f--k are you doing? Firing Sue Simmons after 30 years as anchorwoman of WNBC news  (nypost.com) (141)
(UPI) Obvious Are you a September baby? There's a good chance Santa came down more than a chimney  (upi.com) (80)
(Rolling Stone) Cool The Melvins are selling their van, which features artwork by Kurt Cobain on the side. I CALL SHOTGUN  (rollingstone.com) (57)
(New York Daily News) Dumbass Before you take a picture of a woman then insult her on Facebook, you might want to make sure you haven't friended her first. Otherwise, it could become a real cane in the ass  (nydailynews.com) (49)
(Yorkshire Evening Post) Dumbass Fries shortage, Playstation ban, poor standard of hot chocolate. Complaints from your average teenager? Think again. These are moans from prisoners   (yorkshireeveningpost.co.uk) (76)
(UPI) Weird University of Chicago students and school officials look for cause of exploding toilets, but admit that right now they've got nothing to go on  (upi.com) (36)
(AL.com) Silly Imagine your job involves flying across the Atlantic to personally verify the world's largest bikini parade  (blog.al.com) (104)
(Some Girl) Photoshop Photoshop these tweeters  (i.imgur.com) (24)
(Orlando Sentinel) Obvious Dude, do you think today's young workers lack professionalism, er, I mean sir, dude. Er, sir  (orlandosentinel.com) (156)
(Some Guy) Cool The bad news: It's a slideshow. The good news: Baconfest  (katu.com) (16)
(Deadspin) Strange So remind me again, how much do you tip on a $323,000 bar tab?  (deadspin.com) (106)
(The Sun) Stupid Nanny state tells five-year-old that he will probably become a fat adult because his BMI was a mere 4 points over normal. With pictures of so-called fatty  (thesun.co.uk) (155)
(KCTV5) Dumbass What would Jesus do? Accidentally dial 911 during a drug deal and get himself and another Jesus arrested  (kctv5.com) (24)
(The Sun) Spiffy 24-year-old hottie suffers from sexsomnia: "It's turned me into a sleeping sex addict but in the morning I can't remember a thing" (w/pics)  (thesun.co.uk) (215)
(WWSB ABC 7) Florida Photo shows face peeking through clouds that even atheists can see  (mysuncoast.com) (134)
(Mother Nature Network) Interesting Michigan State University to offer class on how to survive the upcoming zombie apocalypse. In other news, your Dad is taking a third job to help pay your way through school  (mnn.com) (68)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Robber makes off with cash from register, but is nice enough to leave a tip .... of his finger  (dailymail.co.uk) (17)
(My Fox DC) Florida Miami-Dade police are not allowed to transport animals to veterinarians, children to school, or mattresses on top of their patrol cars  (myfoxdc.com) (32)
(Statesman) Dumbass Stanford found guilty of operating $7 billion Ponzi scheme, having lamest mascot ever  (statesman.com) (50)
(Daily Record (UK)) Weird Badass three-year-old escapes from daycare after scaling seven foot tall spiked fence, making plans for next year's conquest of K2  (dailyrecord.co.uk) (55)
(Houston Chronicle) Fail Southwest Airlines flight cancelled after a passenger came at a crew member with a box-cutter...that they found in the overhead luggage bin  (chron.com) (58)
(CBC) Strange Man asks for friends' advice on Facebook to deal with a) cranky neighbors, b) crazy girlfriend, or c) ongoing armed standoff with police  (cbc.ca) (32)
(Hell no) Dumbass Woman facing charges for having sex with 18 yr old female student claims this is a case of "a disgruntled mother who cannot accept the lifestyle of her daughter", *looks at pic* um, no  (klfy.com) (94)
(Wired) Fail If you are a rapper or famous athlete, Bentley has got the SUV for you. If you are pretty much anyone else, get your barf bag ready  (wired.com) (158)
(Reuters) Interesting In coming years, we'll know Spring will come early when Punxsutawney Phil won't see his shadow due to being swept up by a tornado and smashed into a tree half a mile away  (reuters.com) (68)

Tue March 06, 2012
(Daily Mail) Asinine 24-year-old Michigan woman still collecting welfare after winning the lottery. "It's okay because I'm not working. I have bills to pay. I have two houses"  (dailymail.co.uk) (163)
(Fark) Cool Welcome back from Afghanistan to one of our favorite Marines  (fark.com) (176)
(MyNorthwest.com) Amusing You can say you hate Seattle's rainy weather and annoying people. Unless you're Miss Seattle  (mynorthwest.com) (124)
(American Psychological Association) Obvious Women are happier when men are as miserable as they are  (apa.org) (139)
(Daily Mail) Amusing "Melvin Webb, 54, told Reading Crown Court he was not pleasuring himself in front of a female commuter, merely playing a pretend banjo"  (dailymail.co.uk) (51)
(Some Carl Sagan Guy) Sad The Oldebayer Memorial Thread  (carlsagan.com) (338)
(Yahoo) Unlikely Tennessee professor attempts to drive across the US on ten gallons of gas. Probably won't get out of driveway  (news.yahoo.com) (29)
(Reuters) Interesting It's curtains for the Lipstick Killer at 83, possibly the longest-serving inmate in the United States  (reuters.com) (71)
(NBC Bay Area) Weird These sisters were born together, raised, together, acted together, retired together, lived together -- so they decided to die together -- of natural causes  (nbcbayarea.com) (35)
(WJXT) Florida Today's school shooting is brought to you by Jacksonville Florida as teacher shoots principal, then self. Why should the kids have all the fun?  (news4jax.com) (70)
(Some Points) Photoshop Photoshop this surreal singer  (opequi.com) (36)
(MSNBC) Obvious Despite what the movie had us believe, it was actually the moon that sank the Titanic  (msnbc.msn.com) (103)
(NPR) Cool Only exceptional people can truly taste the difference between a $15 and $150 bottle of wine  (npr.org) (449)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this blank backed snoozer  (streetnine.com) (51)
(SanDiegoUnionTribune) Fail Things go awry on the set for the upcoming reality series "Cannon Boys" as a rogue cannonball takes out the adjoining mobile home and the resident inside it  (utsandiego.com) (174)
(BBC) Scary Pardon sir, but we would like to stay at your farm as the rest of this area is flooded. I hope you do not mind that we are THOUSANDS OF SPIDERS  (bbc.co.uk) (301)
(The Post and Courier) Amusing If you're a substitute teacher, don't try an endear yourself with the students by showing them 'Jackass Number Two.' "The video clip featured a nearly nude man with a puppet covering his penis"  (postandcourier.com) (82)
(Some Guy) Followup Step 1: Move to America. Step 2: Have sex with gay sheriff running for Congress. Step 3: Profit  (610wiod.com) (89)
(Denver Post) Hero When questioned about the arrest, officers cited that the suspect repeatedly called them all a bunch of poopieheads and, like, totally threatened to talk about them on Facebook and stuff  (denverpost.com) (194)
(Discover) Interesting Astronomers find an asteroid that has a 1 in 625 chance of hitting the Earth in 2040. Do they a) call Bruce Willis, b) panic, or c) thoughtfully debate what to do about it?  (blogs.discovermagazine.com) (243)
(Gizmodo) Interesting IBM's Watson expert system computer has moved from dominating at Jeopardy to dominating Wall Street. Now if it only knew the equation for love  (gizmodo.com) (98)
(Cleveland Plain Dealer) Amusing Judge unflustered by accused's pants on the ground guilty plea  (cleveland.com) (18)
(Some Guy) Followup "Afterwards, Bin Laden was buried at sea" Yeah, about that  (610wiod.com) (324)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If you're going to rob a woman as she gets off a bus, don't later call her up and ask her for a date. "How could you be that damn stupid, that dumb?"  (pittsburgh.cbslocal.com) (53)
(BBC) Weird Boy burned after replacing Wii sensor bar with aftermarket... tea candles  (bbc.co.uk) (76)
(Huffington Post) Obvious "Anything mysterious in Mexico is unfortunately labeled a Chupacabra"  (huffingtonpost.com) (52)
(ABC) Hero Mother loses legs protecting her children from tornado. "Mommy, I don't like this"  (abcnews.go.com) (153)
(The Sun) Strange Family of ten albinos in India are world's biggest albino clan. Of course The Sun is there, with SPF50  (thesun.co.uk) (81)
(Washington Post) Interesting What shall we do with a drunken sailor, early in the morning? Test his breath with a breathalyzer, test his breath with a breathalyzer, test his breath with a breathalyzer... when he reports on board for duty and at other, random intervals  (washingtonpost.com) (69)
(Fox Sports) Scary Woman hit by triathlon cyclist in coma. Which proves that cycling while in a coma is dangerous  (msn.foxsports.com) (42)
(UPI) Interesting W boson mass measurement alludes to the discovery of the Higgs boson particle  (upi.com) (119)
(WRAL) Sick Fark-ready headline: Santa posts bond for child sex charges  (wral.com) (39)
(NBC) Strange Couple offering $500 for return of their stolen 400-lb elephant  (nbcdfw.com) (25)
(TC Palm) Florida There's the Naked Cowboy, who sings in Times Square and has become a local legend. Then there's the Naked Cowboy, Florida-style  (blogs.tcpalm.com) (29)
(News.com.au) Scary Continuing the recent theme that everything in Australia will try to kill you: Normally safe aquarium shark bites woman in face  (news.com.au) (31)
(Visual.ly) Scary How lobbyists run Washington DC. Translation: we're screwed, and will continue to be screwed for a long, long time  (visual.ly) (359)
(CBS News) Interesting Poll shows that many believe in a magical man in the sky  (cbsnews.com) (130)
(Telegraph) Dumbass US Senator John McCain calls for air strikes on Syria, more pudding in the rec room  (telegraph.co.uk) (201)
(panama city news herald) Florida Panama City Beach attempts to break Austrian bikini record. Oompah Oompah  (newsherald.com) (207)
(BBC) Obvious Alien invaders threaten Antarctic. This is not a repeat from 2011, 1982, 1951  (bbc.co.uk) (50)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Man blames his trespassing on Hebrew National hot dogs  (nwfdailynews.com) (33)
(Fox News) Amusing He did it for the lulz: LulzSec leader Sabu turns government informant; rats out his companions  (foxnews.com) (94)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Autism walk cut 7,920 seconds short due to nearly 27,154 gallons of rain, man  (sun-sentinel.com) (17)
(BBC) Scary In a move that could not possibly go wrong in any way at all, the annual Thames Barrier flood test coincides with the Queen's jubilee flotilla of 1,000 boats  (bbc.co.uk) (19)
(TBO) Florida No matter what you've heard, banging 16-year-old girls is still illegal even if done in stairwell of cruise ship at sea  (www2.tbo.com) (119)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this doggy display  (scottwitterblog.com) (22)
(Short List) Followup Remember that three-year-old McNugget that looks like George Washington? It sold on eBay for $8,100. Subby's spending the day doing a BBQ sauce portrait of Teddy farking Roosevelt  (shortlist.com) (19)
(MSNBC) Obvious Americans rate themselves as the world's worst tourists. French immediately demand a recount  (travelkit.msnbc.msn.com) (163)
(TC Palm) Florida Man tells cops that The Devil's bicycle riding co-worker threatened to chop off his head. Initially skeptical, police concede it's possible because, hey, this is South Florida  (blogs.tcpalm.com) (10)
(Ars Technica) Stupid Mass Effect 3 review: a proper ending-but not a perfect one. Brought to you by some guy that has obviously finished the game in the four hours it's been out  (arstechnica.com) (245)
(MSNBC) Fail Gee, wasn't privacy guaranteed by the Supreme Court? Hmmm, maybe not  (redtape.msnbc.msn.com) (107)
(News.com.au) Unlikely The necktie: 1618 - 2032 RIP  (news.com.au) (225)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Math teacher, 29, busted for having sex with 17 yr old female student in her classroom during school hours  (dailymail.co.uk) (107)
(The Raw Story) Unlikely Pat Robertson: "Tornadoes wouldn't happen if enough people prayed." People, we've got this climate change thing beat  (rawstory.com) (265)
(Omaha World Herald) Strange Subby never thought he would see the phrase "steps to prevent battery ingestion" but dammit, there it is  (omaha.com) (20)
(MSNBC) Interesting Urban Sprawl: The Movie  (cosmiclog.msnbc.msn.com) (90)
(Daily Mail) Cool The original patent drawings for some of the world's most famous toys like Monopoly and Lego are revealed  (dailymail.co.uk) (26)
(WGAL 8) Dumbass When a card just won't do: Man exposes himself in Hallmark store  (wgal.com) (27)
(Dayton Daily News) Dumbass If you get pulled over for driving without your lights on, don't try to high-five the officer if your blood alcohol level is 2.5 times the legal limit  (daytondailynews.com) (17)
(Salon) Obvious "Can I go on a healthy gluten free diet without becoming annoying?" Short answer: no. Long answer: no you cannot  (salon.com) (155)
(Cleveland Plain Dealer) Fail Meth lab explosion reveals meth lab. In a nursing home  (blog.cleveland.com) (46)
(Daily Mail) Sick I toed you I was hardcore  (dailymail.co.uk) (44)
(The Local (Sweden)) Asinine 112 is a joke  (thelocal.se) (65)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Strange You want to rob somebody's home. Do you use: A) Guns? B) Knives? C) Flowers?  (news.cincinnati.com) (31)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass "Driving and facebooking is not safe! Haha," especially at night at 80 mph, prophetic teen learns  (dailymail.co.uk) (186)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Texas private school sports league, desperately trying not to admit a Muslim school, sends them a letter asking why they want to play with Christians. No, really. They did  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (271)

Mon March 05, 2012
(SFGate) PSA When listing your home for sale, don't forget to at least cover the body shaped blood stain on the floor (one Not safe for work pic)  (blog.sfgate.com) (47)
(The Daily Yorktown) Asinine NY to highway contractors: Finish the job late? That's a $33,000/day fine. Finish early? That's also a $33,000/day fine  (thedailyyorktown.com) (78)
(Houston Press) Stupid Fried red velvet cake and fried cherry Kool-aid debut at the Houston rodeo as Texas finds newer and more disgusting things to deep fry  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (63)
(CNN) Interesting Norman Rockwell's granddaughter is an artist too, except instead of nostalgic glimpses of Americana snatched from a bygone era, she paints terrorists snuggling kittens  (outfront.blogs.cnn.com) (75)
(Google) News Shut. Down. EVERYTHING  (google.com) (83)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop theme : Take your favorite childrens movie and create a poster for the Tarantino reboot  (google.com) (52)
(JSOnline) Amusing "Steamed Customers Rebel." Baked customers say they don't care  (jsonline.com) (55)
(Fark) PSA This is a fake thread. Please post fake things in it  (fark.com) (591)
(Fark) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: Photoshop an Internet meme in the style of WWII airplane nose art  (fark.com) (213)
(Fark) FarkBlog Notes from the TED conference, Kentuckynadoes and Las Vegas - Treasure Island Signup Deadline is Tomorrow  (fark.com) (35)
(Yahoo) Followup I took a nap in a bog one day and woke up screaming. 3796 leeches, 2910 fleas and 1044 vampire bats were stuck to my bald head drinking my blood in ecstasy. How many bloodthirsty bloodsuckers were dining on my head?  (news.yahoo.com) (148)
(Fond du Lac Reporter) Stupid Good news alcoholics: Mercedes is making flying cars. And if you drive 'em while intoxicated you can keep your license - as long as you're friends with the District Attorney. (With video goodness of "flying" car arrest)  (fdlreporter.com) (72)
(bad advice thread) Advice When I was a Sr in HS, my Uncle told me to carry a balance on my CC, as it built credit. I earned over $15K in debt in the first 2 years of college, took me forever to pay off. Tell us about poor advice received that you acted on  (fork.com) (416)
(ABC2News Baltimore) Dumbass Leaving your three-year-old at Chuck E Cheese is a mistake. Not realizing she was gone until you saw the report about a missing kid on the news is just farking dumb  (abc2news.com) (67)
(BBC) Amusing Penguin escapes in Tokyo. Where's Batman when you need him?  (bbc.co.uk) (35)
(Slate) Dumbass Man has spent the past 44 days living without using cash. Well then how does he tip at Starbucks?  (slate.com) (230)
(WPTV) Florida Occupy protesters in Palm Beach use a duct tape and PVC pipe concoction to essentially glue their hands to a building that police are trying to remove them from. Hilarity ensues  (wptv.com) (162)
(The Sun) Amusing Dave Marriott faces being kicked out of his local pub because of his Flatulence. The Sun is there  (thesun.co.uk) (46)
(AL.com) Unlikely Huntsville, AL to reduce fluoride in drinking water to prevent "cancer, Alzheimer's, ADHD, reduced IQ in children, dental and skeletal fluorosis, as well as hypothyroidism"  (blog.al.com) (151)
(Indecision) Asinine "Ron Paul: Tornadoes are nature's way of marketing insurance" (sponsored link)  (indecisionforever.com) (412)
(Daily Mail) Interesting China's new hit TV show: The Execution Factor - designed as propaganda to deter would-be criminals is a real killer with the populace  (dailymail.co.uk) (100)
(The Eagle Tribune) Scary Sh*t just got real: Warm winter means no maple syrup  (eagletribune.com) (143)
(TBO) Dumbass Drunken soldier takes a long walk off a short dock  (www2.tbo.com) (19)
(Some Appendage) Interesting Human life traced back to beginning as a worm. Man was made in the image of his noodly appendage  (vancouversun.com) (207)
(journal star) Stupid The story about the couple having sex in a museum is now history  (journalstar.com) (42)
(Daily Mail) Stupid Very good: Three teachers pass a student. Very bad: Three teachers pass around a student  (dailymail.co.uk) (100)
(My Fox DC) Scary Thanks for all the help guys, now, where's my knife?  (myfoxdc.com) (15)
(CBC) Spiffy Old & Busted: Groundhog day. New Hotness: Platypus Day  (cbc.ca) (56)
(Some Guy) Amusing Good news, everyone! Bender has been elected to the D.C. school board  (pcworld.co.nz) (84)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Followup Protesters crash Chicago's 175th birthday celebration. Chances are, they were people trying to get Chicagoans to embrace the deliciousness that is the superior New York Style pizza  (suntimes.com) (149)
(Washington Post) Ironic Man dies attempting to set the record for longest time buried alive  (washingtonpost.com) (80)
(New York Daily News) Dumbass Pregnant drug mule caught at JFK. Customs agents expecting $20,000 worth of heroin  (nydailynews.com) (30)
(WRCB-TV) Obvious Backstreet Boy reports $120,000 jewelry theft. Which just goes to prove that it's always better in the long run to waste the money on hookers and blow and avoid future problems like this  (wrcbtv.com) (20)
(Telegraph) Dumbass Legalising gay marriage goes against natural law, says man who has spent most of his life in an organization that forbids its workers from having sexual relationships  (telegraph.co.uk) (145)
(Chicago Tribune) Sad Four inches of snow helpfully land on Indiana tornado devastation  (chicagotribune.com) (45)
(Some Guy) Interesting Scientists develop robotic fish to "steer fish away" from danger. Commercial fishermen seem strangely interested  (trebuchet-magazine.com) (17)
(PerthNow) Obvious Deluge of deadly mushrooms in Australia. In other news, some mushrooms are not deadly in Australia  (perthnow.com.au) (67)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop this soldier and signal  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (33)
(Some Concerned Friend) Sappy Alice_Liddell is undergoing radiation and chemo after having a large brain tumor removed. Fark brain tumors Please donate to her team w/the American Brain Tumor Association, then pray for her or send her good mojo or whatever it is that you do  (hope.abta.org) (178)
(LA Times) Asinine Being a convicted murderer sitting in jail pays better than you think. (Bonus: Check out how he got caught)  (latimes.com) (67)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Plug kills 1, injures 2  (suntimes.com) (25)
(CNN) Misc The guy who impersonated Bush at the 2006 dinner is dead. *Reads article* Wait, he also impersonated Obama? Really?   (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com) (79)
(SFGate) Sad Toola the Otter, who served as the surrogate otter mom for over 14 otter pups, dies in Monterey, CA after battling neurological illness  (sfgate.com) (31)
(Daily Mail) Stupid Not News: Couple spend £10,000 on cosmetic surgery. Fark: For their dog  (dailymail.co.uk) (32)
(NYPost) Fail Not news: TSA confiscates woman's bottle of water. Fark: Lets her go with a dagger in her bag. Total Fark: takes 10 minutes for TSA to call the cops  (nypost.com) (81)
(Some Guy) Interesting Researchers aim to fill zoos with extinct species brought back via cloning. DID NONE OF THESE PEOPLE SEE JURASSIC PARK?  (thenewsstar.com) (148)
(Crooks & Liars) Amusing Maryland Congressman proposes a tax break for a) gun owners, b) truck drivers, or c) mustache wearers   (videocafe.crooksandliars.com) (67)
(KTLA) Asinine Assemblyman (D-umbass) believes food trucks should be farther from schools than pot dispensaries  (ktla.com) (195)
(Chicago Tribune) PSA Chicago police chief promises the city won't do a blanket surveillance of Muslims like New York City did, they'll just be more subtle and picky about it  (chicagotribune.com) (33)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Study: Women hate beards  (dailymail.co.uk) (363)
(Some Frosh) Spiffy Hot female teacher finds great success helping freshmen become acclimated into high school. If by "acclimated" you mean learning to have sex with the teachers, then yes, she was wildly successful. (w. haunting pic)  (dumbassdaily.com) (98)
(3 News New Zealand) Strange I've had it with these motherfarkin' eels in my motherfarkin' gutter  (3news.co.nz) (44)

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