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Sun March 25, 2012
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(WRAL) Dumbass Science museum leaves "mystery boxes" on city streets. Hilarity set to ensue in 3...2  (wral.com) (91)
(Washington Post) Florida After determining that tomatoes aren't fruits, and professional baseball isn't a business, US Supreme Court to decide whether a houseboat is a house or a boat  (washingtonpost.com) (60)
(Some Room) Photoshop Photoshop this light lace   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (31)
(Some Shagger) Spiffy 38 yr old woman gets 10 years for shagging 17 yr old student. Just kidding, she got probation  (hattiesburgamerican.com) (128)
(PennLive) Spiffy College student hosts a luncheon to encourage girls to embrace their bodies no matter how fat they are. Sandwiches, potato chips, and pickles were on the menu (w/ 'Of course you would' picture of student)  (pennlive.com) (198)
(Gothamist) Strange Would you like to be a squatter? Don't know how to get started? Take this helpful government funded course  (gothamist.com) (104)
(The Atlantic Wire) Interesting The average time spent during a visit to an adult site has grown 26% since 2008, to eight minutes and 35 seconds. Congratulations, if you had a partner they'd be proud you're lasting longer  (theatlanticwire.com) (77)
(The Sun) Interesting Not news: Smoking hot 22-year-old spends six months planning her entire wedding. Fark: She's single (w/pics)  (thesun.co.uk) (289)
(Some Guy) Hero Almost a hundred volunteers lend a hand and a little more to a severely injured Marine veteran from Afghanistan to build him a house... in one weekend  (nbcconnecticut.com) (70)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this guy splitting hairs  (teoric-me.com) (19)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Tag is for MHSAA rules that prevent high school student with Down Syndrome from playing on his school's basketball team  (uppermichiganssource.com) (132)
(Chicago Tribune) Wheaton Body found near railroad tracks  (chicagotribune.com) (99)
(Cleveland Plain Dealer) Obvious Now is the best time to visit Yellowstone Park. As long as you don't mind all the snow and bears  (cleveland.com) (38)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Do redheads feel more pain? Researchers, bullies eager to test out theory  (dailymail.co.uk) (104)
(Some Gal) Silly Submitter wants to mess with her husband's auto-correct (shortcuts) on his iPhone tonight. When he types "ok," the phone will change it to "donkle" instead. Suggest other ideas  (techchoices.co.uk) (247)
(Independent) Amusing Thousands of New Agers head for the mother ship to escape the coming apocalypse. Yeah it's a mountain, but you've got to believe  (independent.co.uk) (133)
(LA Times) Spiffy Duuuuuude. This is the best house EVER. I just wish they had also built it out of Doritos  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (78)
(YouTube) Sappy Blind dog living in trash pile gets rescued, has sight restored, stirring up enormous dust pile in the process  (youtube.com) (247)
(Mercury News) PSA U.S. Transportation Secretary says honk at drivers using cell phones  (mercurynews.com) (190)
(Some Guy) Florida 9-pound rats in a) Detroit; B) NYC; C) the idyllic Florida Keys ?  (keysnet.com) (104)
(Boston Herald) Sappy Seven month old takes his first steps  (bostonherald.com) (36)
(Newser) Asinine Things you give up when living in a condo: C) Planting flowers  (newser.com) (120)
(Bozeman Comical) Dumbass Not content with convincing parents not to vaccinate their kids, blithering idiots are now trying to stop cities from fluoridating drinking water in an effort to preserve their precious bodily fluids  (bozemandailychronicle.com) (504)
(CONTEMPORIST) Photoshop Photoshop this lampshade contemplator  (contemporist.com) (28)
(NASA) Scary Historic heat in North America. Note how warm it is way the heck up into Canada  (earthobservatory.nasa.gov) (317)
(Abc.net.au) Unlikely Health group wants a floor price for alcohol to curb excessive drinking. Subby finds the floor is already the price he pays for excessive drinking  (abc.net.au) (51)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Worst. Hiker. EVAR  (ksl.com) (104)
(SeattlePI) Sick Somebody's job is to keep track of the annual number of urine, vomit and fecal matter clean up calls in Seattle's Pioneer Square  (seattlepi.com) (50)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Interesting How many medical marijuana users are there in California? Nobody knows for su... HEYYY TACOS  (startribune.com) (89)
(Washington Post) Sick Bar Code Tattoos: All the cool pimps insist on them  (washingtonpost.com) (91)
(Daily Mail) Cool Not News: Couple gets married. News: Wedding gets crashed. Fark: By the Queen of England  (dailymail.co.uk) (165)
(Some Guy) Sick Exceptionally creepy looking child molester denied appeal after convic... wow that dude's creepy looking... conviction for molesting children who "wanted to be touched" by him... seriously though, that's one creepy looking fark  (magicvalley.com) (153)


Sat March 24, 2012
(Telegraph) Interesting Researchers say seaweed toast is same as half an hour on treadmill -- tastes the same, too  (telegraph.co.uk) (94)
(Wired) Asinine You now can not use the words "face", "book", or "wall" without prior written permission from Facebook  (wired.com) (165)
(Washington Post) Unlikely Dick Cheney in recovery after heart plant surgery  (washingtonpost.com) (544)
(St. Petersburg Times) Photoshop The Republican National Convention is sponsoring a student art contest with the theme "Elephants On Parade." Give the kiddies a break and post your entry  (tampabay.com) (43)
(USA Today) Dumbass TSA arrests Montana man going through airport security with ONE loaded handgun, AH-AH-AH... TWO loaded handguns, AH-AH-AH... THREE loaded handguns, AH-AH-AH... FOUR loaded handguns, AH-AH-AH  (usatoday.com) (134)
(Some Guy) Strange Over 90 property owners on the North Carolina/South Carolina border involuntarily moved to another state  (myrtlebeachonline.com) (80)
(io9) Interesting Here's a handy map of all the counties in America where alcohol is restricted or prohibited. Coincidentally, here's also a handy map of all the counties in America subby intends to stay the hell out of  (io9.com) (169)
(Some Guy) Amusing Thirty-year-old hottie teaches 14-year-old not to tell his mother what they did. Since this is on Fark, it didn't work out that way. With pics and YES you would  (wistv.com) (134)
(Some Guy who is so very scared) Amusing All right IKEA, very funny with the name and design of this chair  (ikea.com) (138)
(Fark) Survey Would you date your best friend's ex?  (fark.com) (256)
(Mercury News) Cool Ugly ass river otter babies to be introduced to public in May, but you can see them now in this 18 pic slideshow. Ugly ass trifecta now complete  (mercurynews.com) (26)
(The Raw Story) Amusing Barack Obama meets Hawaiian women on the rope line while campaigning, asks to see her birth certificate. Barack Obama, president, statesmen, King of the Trolls  (rawstory.com) (195)
(Some Guy) Interesting Idaho politicians vote to repeal law allowing towns to set speed limits on state highways after the obvious happened  (magicvalley.com) (61)
(Yahoo) Sad Not news: Kid has food allergy. News: Will kill him if he even smells it. Fark: He's allergic to pretty much ALL food  (shine.yahoo.com) (140)
(The News & Observer (NC)) Hero Asinine: Human Reject robs kid in wheelchair of money he's raising to bring wheelchair basketball demo to his school. Dusty Room: Dad sets up simple donation site and raises 2x the money before kid gets home from school the next day  (newsobserver.com) (62)
(YouTube) PSA The true cost of burning a gallon of gasoline. Goofus and Gallant aren't about to tackle the subject so please do pay attention to the cartoon  (youtube.com) (141)
(National Geographic) Photoshop Photoshop this Seoul stream stroller   (images.nationalgeographic.com) (26)
(Fox News) Unlikely Strip club industry prepares once again for customers needing to find a slot to deposit a $1 coin  (foxnews.com) (313)
(Some Guy) Cool Geologists discover a new class of landform on Mars, "periodic bedrock ridges," or "PBR". PBRs on Mars, dude. Whooooooo. Hold my beer, y'all, and watch this  (sci-tech-today.com) (24)
(The Union Leader) Misc Next in our series "Moustaches and their categories, sets and subsets" we see a typical example of the standard Type 3 Child Pornographer moustache  (unionleader.com) (95)
(Seattle Times) Sappy Ugly ass clouded leopards make their debut at Seattle zoo  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (36)
(Some Fightin' Cat) Amusing Redhead vs. brunette in the hottest catfight you've ever seen  (acidcow.com) (110)
(Omaha World Herald) Fail Tired of your parents out partying until dawn? Set fire to their bed and blame cartoons  (omaha.com) (47)
(Some Guy) Obvious Looks like Consumer Reports knows bagels as well as they do cars...not at all  (bites.today.msnbc.msn.com) (173)
(Daily Yomiuri) Strange Nearly bankrupt municipality of Izumi-Sano, Osaka Prefecture, plans to lease naming rights for city, city slogan, city hall, and public roads to interested applicants. Farkers see vacation to Izumi-Sano Boston Garden in their future  (yomiuri.co.jp) (30)
(Mercury News) Cool Eagles seen in San Francisco Bay area after almost 100-year absence; their music still sucks ass  (mercurynews.com) (118)
(Some Guy) Fail The Elite 8 American Cars. List includes the Chevy Volt explaining why the Fail tag was invented  (editorial.autos.msn.com) (259)
(Some Guy) Cool City of Manchester to honor Alan Turing by planting over 3,000 sunflowers to help solve a mathematical riddle -- Fibonacci phyllotaxis -- based upon the Fibonacci sequence, which Turing became fascinated by but never solved  (culture24.org.uk) (81)
(Some Guy) Asinine A road opening in 1949 was not registered properly at the city's courthouse. Do you: c) claim ownership and put up barricades? "I'll tell you what--if they want it back, they know where the court house is"  (kwch.com) (106)
(MN Public Radio) Amusing AccuWeather last fall: Winter is gonna be so bad you are gonna want to move. AccuWeather this spring: yeah about that, we're going with tsunami debris  (minnesota.publicradio.org) (57)
(Some Strand) Photoshop Photoshop this bucket on a beach  (ignant.de) (31)
(Jacksonville.com) Florida Ugly-ass baby mandrill introduced to public at age 3 days. (Ugly-ass slideshow badness warning)  (jacksonville.com) (12)
(Toronto Star) Interesting "She feels like a real girl and she is a real girl." Transgendered contestant booted from Miss Universe Canada pageant. Yes, you would  (thestar.com) (561)
(AZCentral) Caturday You fall nineteen stories, what do you get / Another life gone and a trip to the vet / Saint Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go / I'll owe my soul to a screened window  (azcentral.com) (594)
(The Local (Sweden)) Unlikely Apparently it's so easy to rape someone in Sweden, you can do it in your sleep  (thelocal.se) (50)
(The Sun) Spiffy Rural police have been equipped with night-vision goggles in a crackdown against: A) cattle rustlers, B) smugglers, or C) parsnip poachers?  (thesun.co.uk) (18)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Asinine Old hotness: Leaving kid in car while at casino. New hotness: Leaving kid naked in burning house while at casino  (startribune.com) (28)
(The Atlantic Wire) Dumbass Like most hard liquor ads depicting the lighter side of oral rape, this one did not go down smoothly  (theatlanticwire.com) (118)
(KING5) PSA If you're missing a 150-foot Japanese fishing boat from last year's tsunami, check with lost-and-found at the Canadian Coast Guard  (king5.com) (54)
(Rolling Stone) Caption I have no idea what you're talking about, so caption this picture of Barry Manilow, Marilyn Manson, and Lana Del Rey  (assets.rollingstone.com) (52)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Former NYC traffic commissioner has a BRILLIANT new plan to put tolls on East River bridges that includes a first-ever toll for bicyclists. Probably one of the reasons he's a 'former' traffic commissioner  (newyork.cbslocal.com) (64)
(Mother Nature Network) Unlikely You don't need air conditioning to stay cool in the summer, according to an author who has never visited Phoenix in August  (mnn.com) (171)
(Daily Mail) Asinine America's wackiest, ugliest televangelist couple accused of stealing $50 million in charitable funds to pay for lavish lifestyle, sex scandals, and the world's most hideous wigs. Includes kill it with fire pics  (dailymail.co.uk) (174)
(The Atlantic Wire) Followup Among the people who have worn hoodies and, therefore, according to Geraldo Rivera, are asking to be shot include Justin Bieber, Mark Zuckerberg, Rachel Maddow, Ellen Page, E.T. and Geraldo Rivera. Gentlemen, let's lock and load  (theatlanticwire.com) (627)


Fri March 23, 2012
(WESH Orlando) Florida Confused between a mosquito bite and cigarette burns? This woman sure is  (wesh.com) (36)
(Hartford Courant) Fail Protip: When you're out stealing 700 pounds of scrap metal, don't butt-dial 911  (courant.com) (17)
(Some Non-Redneck Guy) Dumbass If you're going to steal a NASCAR driver's car, take the cool one. You're going to prison anyway, so you might as well make it worth it  (wsmv.com) (55)
(WHP 21) Dumbass Sheesh. It's getting to be you can't spread the word of the Lord to kids by abducting them, putting pillow cases over their heads, taking them to your van and interrogating them anymore without their parents getting all pissy  (whptv.com) (134)
(Some Guy) Dumbass City council considers banning smoking in all apartment complexes. Lighten up  (sacramento.cbslocal.com) (145)
(The Smoking Gun) Silly People, forging IDs, disturbing the peace, resisting arrest and thieving is no way to go through life. But it will land you in this week's Mugshot Roundup  (thesmokinggun.com) (117)
(Some Guy) Strange I dreamed my estranged wife was dead and all of a sudden POOF  (wsmv.com) (42)
(WTOP) Amusing Armored truck spills cash all over the highway and good honest citizens help with the clean up  (wtop.com) (48)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Christian sex toy store offers smut-free dildo shopping online  (blogs.laweekly.com) (85)
(Some Winner) Photoshop Photoshop this pooch and prize  (bigpicture.ru) (8)
(Some Guy) Hero " Please buy a random person a Guinness every hour today, and that when the surprised patron asks him "Who is this from?" he should reply: "It's from LT Michael P. Murphy"  (big106.com) (128)
(Yahoo) Weird California man cuts off his hand with kitchen knife because... well, why the hell not?  (news.yahoo.com) (66)
(Houston Press) Unlikely Art imitates life imitates art: TABC believes Discovery Channel reality show Moonshiners is to blame for recent rash of moonshining operations in Texas  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (85)
(Fark) Survey Quiz time, come get your fresh Fark Weird News Quiz, right out of the oven  (fark.com) (45)
(Some Guy) Strange Church discovers a way to make services more exciting: Add mimes  (vindy.com) (80)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this guy who is a little horse  (bigpicture.ru) (33)
(Yahoo) Cool 19-year old entrepreneur has developed a thriving business selling a product that retails for hundreds of dollars and ounce, but unlike most people who fit this description, he has no fear of the DEA kicking in his front door  (news.yahoo.com) (117)
(Yahoo) Amusing Things to do with owlets: dry dishes, use them as book ends. (adorable slideshow)  (news.yahoo.com) (95)
(Detroit Free Press) Unlikely Five winning $250K lottery tickets purchased at the same store on the same day. No, not suspicious. Not at all. Happens all the time  (freep.com) (109)
(Indecision Forever) Amusing Daily Show goes off on Cable news. (sponsored link)  (indecisionforever.com) (83)
(Some Guy) Florida Geraldo Rivera brings his trademark investigative skills to the Trayvon Martin Case. This time he strikes gold  (twitter.com) (449)
(Some Guy) Asinine Alaska Rep. Alan Dick (R-eally is his last name) let the cat out of the bag, openly states that women should be submissive to men  (thenewstribune.com) (853)
(BBC) Interesting Saxon tomb found near Cambridge, raising doubts about future tour dates  (bbc.co.uk) (57)
(MSN) Strange Man refused entry to Game Stop and Marshall because of his one-horsepower wheelchair  (now.msn.com) (149)
(Some Guy) Sappy A dog named Data, a bucket of pups and a tiny, tiny yawn are among the highlights of this photo collection. Happy National Puppy Day (slideshow, but the cutest. One. Evar.)  (newstimes.com) (89)
(Some Guy) Dumbass The old "pull your girlfriend's shirt down and blame it on the deputy" trick never seems to work  (thenewsstar.com) (59)
(KWQC) Fail Two men accused of stealing $25,000 worth of gas over the course of nine months. No word on what they did with the 600 gallons  (kwqc.com) (24)
(Mother Nature Network) Followup As more and more schools and supermarket reject pink slime beef, it could be the worst thing to ever happen to cattle  (mnn.com) (242)
(BBC) Interesting Things you don't want to hear someone yelling during prostate surgery: "I've lost R2"  (bbc.co.uk) (97)
(Brockton Enterprise) Dumbass Not news: Man gets third DUI. News: While on tractor. Fark: He was doing doughnuts in a Bobcat  (enterprisenews.com) (23)
(Dacula Patch) Amusing "Suspect Sought in Soft Drink Assault." Try saying THAT five time fast  (dacula.patch.com) (23)
(Fox News) Asinine New Jersey middle school bans hugging. Fingerbanging not specifically prohibited  (foxnews.com) (87)
(Des Moines Register) Followup Iowa hopes to retard the insensitive use of words to describe people by amending the law  (blogs.desmoinesregister.com) (127)
(Short List) Fail Email from Danish Lottery: "Congratulations, all 300 of you are BILLIONAIRES" [An hour and a half later] "Erm, RE: our last email"  (shortlist.com) (35)
(LA Times) Scary Joshua Tree employees stricken by unknown illness. Hazmat teams conduct search for cause, but they still haven't found what they're looking for  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (77)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Before calling 9-1-1 about your suicidal husband, hide all firearms and drugs. That means YOU, Principal Smith  (y100.com) (20)
(News24) Unlikely Beautiful gang of sperm hunting women terrorizing male hitchhikers, which is even more amazing than when Michael Jackson came over to your house to use the bathroom  (news24.com) (124)
(USA Today) Interesting Bengals cheerleader says squad members torn by implants. Maybe they should have gone with a smaller size  (content.usatoday.com) (185)
(Some Guy) Amusing Possible Cougar Reported at U. of Mich. Campus... Party at UofM  (myfoxdetroit.com) (43)
(some dummkopf cop) Fail Motorcycle cop purposely rear-ends convertible, ends up face-down/boots-up in back seat, and presses charges against driver -- but didn't count on witnesses and incriminating video turning up (bonus: not his first deliberate rear-ending)  (laweekly.com) (158)
(USA Today) Interesting The notorious Exxon Valdez to be scrapped, inhabited by Dennis Hopper  (usatoday.com) (37)
(Yahoo) Stupid TSA: Shampoo on the plane? That's an arresting. TSA: Fetuses in clay jars on a plane? Okay, that one isn't in our manual so I guess you can go ahead  (news.yahoo.com) (29)
(nbc new york) Asinine New toilet tax puts Long Island schools on a pay-as-you-go plan  (nbcnewyork.com) (31)
(Yahoo) Strange Bride chooses a lizard over a one-eyed snake  (uk.news.yahoo.com) (28)
(Some Anti-Wags-ers) PSA Medical doctors of India would like to take this moment to reassure you that despite Janani Mukherjee's claims, getting bitten by a dog does not put your child at risk of becoming pregnant with puppies  (voanews.com) (35)
(WPTV) Florida When you go to an event described as "500 acres of mud and party" with your wife to see strippers, you know it can only end in blood and tears  (wptv.com) (66)
(USA Today) Dumbass Americans lost $30 billion worth of cell phones last year, and it looks like you'll find most of them in Philadelphia  (usatoday.com) (34)
(Some Guy) Unlikely "A town councillor who has big political aspirations" may find that telling the local paper his mother is a nine-foot tall green alien has an impact on those ambitions   (scarborougheveningnews.co.uk) (19)
(Stuff.co.nz) Obvious Just because you say your beer is approved by NASA doesn't mean the National Association of the Sellers of Alcohol are rocket scientists  (stuff.co.nz) (11)
(New York Daily News) Stupid I know a guy. He'll break into homes. He obscures the peepholes. So the resident can't see. But he doesn't use butter. He doesn't use cheese. He doesn't use jelly. Or any of these  (nydailynews.com) (39)
(Toronto Star) Amusing The latest entrants in the War on Women are Canadian squirrels  (thestar.com) (26)
(My Fox DC) Scary Fed up with local children pilfering candy from your Easter display? You should a) talk to their parents. b) move the decorations closer to the house. c) lace a batch of chocolate bunnies with ammonia and hang them from a tree in the front yard  (myfoxdc.com) (69)
(My Fox DC) Obvious Forget sex, women want you to cook them dinner, clean the bathroom and mop the floor  (myfoxdc.com) (172)
(Some Guy) Obvious Elementary school teacher fired after third graders found to be having oral sex in her classroom. "The principal felt that she was not monitoring the classroom adequately"  (thenewsstar.com) (123)
(Urup) Photoshop Photoshop this rocky outcrop in the Sea of Okhotsk  (s3.amazonaws.com) (38)
(BBC) Hero Sir Ian McKellen and Stephen Fry should be granted honorary UltraFark status for life for this immensely good deed  (bbc.co.uk) (114)
(Yahoo) Obvious Boy named Sue, Girl named LaShockqua: Baby-Name regret is on the rise  (news.yahoo.com) (446)
(Daily Mail) Weird Carrottop. Carrotbottom. Carrotmiddle. Carrotarm. Carrotleg. Carrotboob  (dailymail.co.uk) (63)
(Some Guy) Sad Protip for the disabled - Do not leave your wheelchair unattended. Society HAS crumbled and your wheelchair WILL be stolen  (bangordailynews.com) (47)
(Some Stray Dog) Florida Stray dog saves teenage girl from attack by sex offender. Seriously  (wtsp.com) (76)
(The New York Times) Sad Katrina: the gift that keeps on giving  (nytimes.com) (198)
(Some Guy) Stupid After a man was murdered on a dark stretch of a bike trail, city council decides it's best to add: A) Lights B) Police patrols C) A memorial bench  (dailytidings.com) (40)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Not News: Fight outside of school. News: Prearranged on Facebook. FARK: Between two Moms  (dailymail.co.uk) (28)
(Huffington Post) Interesting Not news: City Manager dumps his entire workload on his two assistants. Fark: Because he laid *himself* off in order to cut costs  (huffingtonpost.com) (49)
(Washington Times) Amusing It's not every day you get "G-strings" and "nuns" in the same headline  (p.washingtontimes.com) (66)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida If you send someone your money to be cleansed of evil spirits, and your Rolex because the crystal is a demon portal, they might just keep it  (tampabay.com) (44)


Thu March 22, 2012
(Daily Mail) Scary Escalades have a lot of features but babysitting 11-week old twins while you shop is not one of them  (dailymail.co.uk) (73)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop this cleared out camp  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (34)
(ABC) Spiffy Brazil is tired of looking at its ugly poor people so it gives them free beauty treatments  (abcnews.go.com) (129)
(AP) Strange I'm not saying that aliens are making mysterious booming noises in this Wisconsin town, but they're making mysterious booming noises  (hosted.ap.org) (96)
(Washington Post) Interesting 666: The number of the Beast. 667: The area code of the Beast  (washingtonpost.com) (141)
(Buzzfeed) Amusing Doctor Who Crochet. Ood a thunk it, a cuddly Dalek?  (buzzfeed.com) (39)
(Some Guy) Interesting Think a pack of Skittles looks like a gun? If you're holding a gun, probably  (newsinfo.nd.edu) (lots)
(Al Jazeera) Interesting The East is buying what the West is selling... as long as it can kill someone  (aljazeera.com) (50)
(Boing Boing) Scary Suddenly, mutant triple bananas  (boingboing.net) (97)
(Smh.com.au) Followup "I'd say his tucker would have been getting thin because the goannas have gone into hibernation now"  (smh.com.au) (37)
(Some Farm Serf) Amusing LGT baby ducks in need of a home. Subby has had ducks before, they are not as easy as it would seem to care for correctly. What cuteness has made you regret it in one way or another?  (lancaster.craigslist.org) (142)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop what this Robonaut is looking at  (upload.wikimedia.org) (30)
(Yahoo) Amusing News: French standoff ends in death of gunman. Fark: Female anchor drops f-bomb 57 seconds into this broadcast reporting it  (news.yahoo.com) (73)
(Craig's List) Sad To the second person who took the free grill we gave away on Craig's List. That grill was our neighbor's new one he got for his birthday. Please return  (minneapolis.craigslist.org) (147)
(ABC) Dumbass Republican voter at Gingrich speech in Louisiana: "Obama is a Muslim and I believe that it's his policy to ruin the United States of America, do you agree?" Gingrich: "Good question...uhh...are there any other questions?"  (abcnews.go.com) (273)
(KHOU Houston) Weird You know what makes an officer-involved shooting at the scene of a home invasion interesting? Nudity. Oh, and invisible snakes. Gotta have the snakes  (khou.com) (22)
(The Local (Sweden)) Dumbass What makes a man turn neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were they just born with a heart full of neutrality? I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kif. With enemies you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me  (thelocal.se) (68)
(PennLive) Asinine Apparently Jerry Sandusky's admission of guilt to one of his alleged victims' mothers wasn't a detail worth mentioning to the case investigator  (pennlive.com) (59)
(Some Mummy) Sick Not news: Elderly woman buried last Friday after passing away. News: She died two years ago. Fark: Body was stored in the basement of funeral home  (sj-r.com) (20)
(Some Guy) Amusing A wallet: it's like protection for your butt  (fox40.com) (31)
(My Fox DC) Amusing Well, at least Rex Ryan will probably have a couple weeks grace period before somebody 'Tebows' him...oh...nevermind (w/ video)  (myfoxdc.com) (36)
(The Atlantic Wire) Asinine Look, I'm as outraged at Trayvon Martin's shooting as anyone, but "A Million Hoodie March"? Really?  (theatlanticwire.com) (446)
(Daily Mail) Interesting More good deeds from the John Edwards scandals file: During his failed White House bid in 2007, he used soccer mom madam for a hooker and paid for it with campaign cash  (dailymail.co.uk) (120)
(ABC) Amusing In a Roswell, New Mexico visit by President Obama, he opens with "I come in peace." Clearly, Mr. Obama's home planet is much further away than Kenya  (abcnews.go.com) (123)
(Washington Post) Amusing Brietbart forced to take down their "gotcha" interview of Bono confessing to tax evasion when they realize the person they have on tape is in fact a professional Bono impersonator  (washingtonpost.com) (86)
(Washington Post) Silly Jeff Foxworthy, host of "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?" to host "The American Bible Challenge." So, lateral move?  (washingtonpost.com) (61)
(CNN) Dumbass High school drug counselor accused of giving students a safe space to have sex with each other. And then videotaping them  (cnn.com) (35)
(USA Today) Fail Roommate of gay Rutgers student who killed himself isn't sorry he Tweeted jokes about, posted video of, and bullied Tyler Clementi. He's really very sorry he has to pay for his actions though. Very very sorry  (usatoday.com) (210)
(Hartford Courant) Spiffy If you like 19th century champagne that's been stored at temperatures of 39-43 degrees Fahrenheit on the bottom of the Baltic Sea, have I got a sale for you. Bonus: Since the temperature was near perfect, it's still well balanced  (courant.com) (20)
(Belfast Telegraph) Silly "The notion of playing 'Danny Boy' over a loudspeaker every day at lunchtime in Limavady has been dismissed as an early April Fool's day joke"  (belfasttelegraph.co.uk) (7)
(Some Guy) Florida Red light cameras ruled unconstitutional by judge in ... oh. ok. Stay tuned  (y100.com) (83)
(CBS News) Silly Your dog wants a pool. Warning: slideshow, but worth it  (cbsnews.com) (39)
(Quad City Times) Fail "If a website can help people connect and find love, why can't a website help people find jobs?" pondered a chiropractic college's student affairs director who has apparently never been online  (qctimes.com) (22)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Is there anyone hotter than Kelly Brook? No. The answer is no  (dailymail.co.uk) (229)
(WRCB-TV) Asinine All right stop, collaborate and listen / The Birthers are back with a brand new conviction / The "evidence" grabs a hold of you tightly / File suit in Cali, wig out daily and nightly / Ice ice Romney / Ice ice Romney  (wrcbtv.com) (135)
(Some Guy) Followup Safeway will no longer sell "pink slime" beef products. Gray holographic shimmering pork still available  (big1059.com) (90)
(MSNBC) Obvious Two American gay men arrested for 'buggery' while on a cruise in a location that doesn't allow buggery  (msnbc.msn.com) (157)
(Yahoo) Interesting Ten things you don't know about Mister Rogers: No, the sniper thing isn't on there, but the fact that his big brother was one of the Tuskegee Airmen is  (news.yahoo.com) (135)
(CBS News) Spiffy We are just a few more steps away from developing the most profitable drug in the history of, well, history  (cbsnews.com) (89)
(io9) Amusing Ugly-ass baby elephant frolics at the beach, does a little body surfing  (io9.com) (21)
(WHJJ) Spiffy Get RI's goofball Governor Linc Chafee's soundbites as ringtones  (920whjj.com) (7)
(Discover) Spiffy Why do we waste money on the space program? This  (blogs.discovermagazine.com) (94)
(The Atlantic) Sad Why is The Daily Show more effective than The Mainstream Media at reporting news like defunding UNESCO? Stewart recognizes governmental madness and absurdity, while MSM takes it as axiomatic in their "objective" reporting  (theatlantic.com) (135)
(Some Guy) Sick Two young students caught having sex on School for the Deaf bus. Thank goodness Anne Frank isn't alive to see this  (fox59.com) (161)
(Yahoo) Dumbass Idiot says other idiots should avoid doing idiotic things  (news.yahoo.com) (12)
(Some Guy) Asinine Man busted for getting his little dog drunk more than four times the legal limit. Your dog wants a designated driver  (billingsgazette.com) (24)
(BBC) Interesting Welsh sheep are no longer radioactive, the government announces, which is good news for locals who will no longer have to explain why their crotches are glowing  (bbc.co.uk) (20)
(Some Hungry Guy) Dumbass Ever wonder what was really in that sweet-and-sour pork?  (k2radio.com) (34)
(Daily Mail) Florida Beware: Serial killer train on the loose in Florida, claims two victims in one day 435 miles apart. With helpful picture of what a serial killer train may look like  (dailymail.co.uk) (30)
(Some Guy) Followup Old and busted: Billboard for a new kidney. New hotness: Billboard for another kidney  (610wiod.com) (11)
(FiFi) Dumbass Judge asks defendant what the fark the guy's poodle was doing in his court. Man threatens to burn down the courthouse and the judge in it if he doesn't back off asking poodle questions (take the fifth, FiFi)  (kbkw.com) (65)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Followup School to porn-star-dating kid: No prom for you, can't haz  (startribune.com) (762)
(Stylist) Cool New York has the Statue of Liberty, Paris the Eiffel Tower, London has... FREE CAKES FOR EVERYONE AT BUS STOPS  (stylist.co.uk) (57)
(MSNBC) Interesting Coup topples "incompetent" regime in Mali--presumably by kicking the regime's leg while it was walking  (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com) (44)
(Some Woman) Florida Today's random image of Jesus showing up on something besides toast is brought to you by some woman and her power meter  (wtsp.com) (69)
(Dacula Patch) Interesting Disgruntled Craigslist buyer shoots up seller's home with "hand guns" while "saying something in Spanish"  (dacula.patch.com) (45)
(Some Military Guy) Fail From the "you're doing it wrong" files: Army tried to erase all information about Staff Sgt. Bales, heroic slaughterer of 16 Afghan civilians, from the internet before they released his name  (military.com) (118)
(Yahoo) Amusing The Smithsonian embraces its new mission of "scaring the daylights out of people" by placing a life-sized replica of "Titanboa", a 48 ft long, 2,500lb snake, at the entrance to Grand Central Station in NYC  (news.yahoo.com) (65)
(Some Guy) PSA Today is exotic animal amnesty day in Connecticut. So turn in your ocelots, black mambas, and rhinos with no penalties or questions asked. (Link in article with list of illegal animals which includes Gerbils)  (thedailywilton.com) (72)
(WTAE Pittsburgh) Strange Raccoon stuck in tree with head caught in jar can't get no love  (wtae.com) (36)
(NBCWashington) Cool Caught on Tape: Secret Service helps family of terrorist ducks break into White House grounds  (nbcwashington.com) (86)
(Fark) Photoshop Photoshop theme: A Venn diagram to explain Fark to someone who's never been here  (fark.com) (39)
(NBC DFW) Stupid When posting an invitation about your "Crazy Project X Type Party", please remember that the police read Craigslist, too, kiddies  (nbcdfw.com) (46)
(TwinCities.com) Followup Things John Woo, Mel Gibson & Jason Statham can do: Jump out a window firing at cops and live. Things a French terrorist can do: Jump out a window firing at cops and go splat  (twincities.com) (114)
(WPTV) Florida Trying to get your wife drunk because she won't leave you alone and then calling 911 so you can go on Facebook is apparently frowned upon by authorities  (wptv.com) (15)
(BBC) Obvious Toulouse siege enters second day. Press denial enters phase 2 (Phases - 1: "He's right-wing." 2: "He's just a lone wolf." 3: "His connections aren't Islamic." 4: "Local Muslims fear backlash")  (bbc.co.uk) (107)
(Some Guy) Hero This Farker's husband's plan to hike the Appalachian Trail with an inoperable brain tumor. LGT his project/blog  (kickstarter.com) (234)
(Daily Mail) Fail Parents leave their 9-year-old daughter and the-12-year-old son alone to fend for themselves while they go to Vegas. Thankfully the police have a problem with this  (dailymail.co.uk) (125)
(athens banner herald) Strange Homeless woman banned from the public transit system for A) Foul smell B) Drunken yelling C) Eating crab legs at the bus stop...repeatedly  (onlineathens.com) (55)
(Daily Mail) Stupid Afraid your 12 year old daughter wants to go out clubbing? Build her a $1 million nightclub in your own house (w/ WTF pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (143)
(Houston Press) Interesting Bacon, eggs, cheese and other American foods that foreigners just don't understand  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (458)
(Daily Mail) Obvious For some reason the 'Cheat On Your Girlfriend, Not Your Workout' ad campaign did not go over well  (dailymail.co.uk) (71)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 359: "Curves 2: Recurves". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (152)


Wed March 21, 2012
(Houston Chronicle) Hero Texas Baptist church raises money to pay medical bills of atheist activist who fought against them  (blog.chron.com) (233)
(News.com.au) Stupid Teenagers are learning how to iron, sew and make the bed as part of a school curriculum designed to turn boys into "men". Pretty men with soft hands and delicate smiles that we know get all the girls  (news.com.au) (278)
(Slate) Amusing Should you let your kids try wine?  (slate.com) (161)
(Some Glowing Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this sparkling water  (muz4in.net) (21)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Even if you're dumb enough to lie under oath to avoid jury duty, at least have the brains to avoid sharing the story on talk radio  (kdvr.com) (169)
(USA Today) PSA Much to everyone's disappointment, the new brand for Kraft Foods means "delicious world" not "world lesbian"  (usatoday.com) (99)
(Fark) Photoshop Photoshop some new sponsors for Rush Limbaugh. Difficulty: No Oxycontin  (fark.com) (37)
(The Smoking Gun) Florida Taco Bell busted after refusing to run for the order  (thesmokinggun.com) (82)
(MSNBC) Interesting While only giving your children bottled water may prevent Obama from controlling their minds through the neuro-socialist transmitters contained within fluoride, it can also make them more susceptible to cavities. Ah, well, life's a balance  (vitals.msnbc.msn.com) (133)
(Fark) Amusing Remember the story about the jerk who ruined a for-fun beer darts league? (LGT original thread) Well, the jerk behind it is now targeting a Farker (DIT)  (fark.com) (lots)
(Canada.com) Dumbass If you missed the story from Arkansas last week, Saskatchewan police would also like to remind you not to rid yourself of boredom by texting "I hid the body... now what?" to strangers  (canada.com) (57)
(Some Guy) Amusing Crazy things people do to ice cream. Eww not that...well maybe that  (foodandwine.com) (41)
(Huffington Post) Unlikely So, would it change any opinions if 911 tapes revealed that George Zimmerman muttered "f*cking coons" right before he shot Trayvon Martin to death?  (huffingtonpost.com) (884)
(NBCNewYork) Silly Get the popcorn ready. Another McDonald's melee caught on tape in Manhattan  (nbcnewyork.com) (113)
(Some Guy) Dumbass It's about time someone exposed the truth about genocidal peacocks  (cbs12.com) (31)
(Fox News) Scary Not News: If I were the Devil speech perfectly describes the decay of modern-day America. Fark: Speech was given in 1965. "In other words, if I were Satan, I'd just keep on doing what he's doing"  (nation.foxnews.com) (274)
(Yahoo) Obvious Little Rock to rename airport in honor of Bill and Hillary Clinton. What will the new name or IATA code be?  (news.yahoo.com) (135)
(Some Guy) Amusing Rick Perry, Dream Gynecologist  (wtsp.com) (36)
(Some Caveman) Dumbass Kirk Cameron's board game: "True or False? Prehistoric man may have sometimes lived in caves." "False. [...] Since the first man is mentioned in the Bible's historical record, there has never been a prehistoric man"  (ncse.com) (323)
(NPR) Scary The Supreme Court is about to decide on whether a man can go to prison for insulting Dick Cheney  (npr.org) (141)
(NBCWashington) Sad Nigerian woman busted with 180 pellets of heroin in her stomach, a Dulles Airport record  (nbcwashington.com) (32)
(Palm Beach Post) Florida Ever wonder how June Cleaver would have turned out if she was raised in Florida? (with DON'T FARK WITH ME" mugshot)  (palmbeachpost.com) (55)
(Fox News) Followup Southern Mississippi band chant to K-State Angel Rodriguez : "Where's your green card?" Southern Mississippi to band members: "Where's your scholarships?"  (foxnews.com) (250)
(BBC) Dumbass "Remember our wedding day, dear? You looked beautiful in white, the band played our favourite songs and I set fire to the venue and got 6 years in jail....... wonderful memories"  (bbc.co.uk) (19)
(USA Today) Stupid Payday lenders are responsible for more than a quarter million dollars of Mitt Romney's Super PAC contributions. Hope he read the fine print on those rates  (usatoday.com) (93)
(NBCNewYork) Sad Okay, who left the keys in that construction excavator near the brand-new playground?  (nbcnewyork.com) (43)
(Slate) Scary American teenagers now texting 60 times a day. And that's just while they're driving  (slate.com) (96)
(Some Guy) Fail Misbehaving in church? That's a beating. With a belt. By the Pastor  (big106.com) (74)
(Northampton Chronicle) Amusing Today's Fark-ready headline: Doggers put off by trimmed bushes  (northamptonchron.co.uk) (34)
(Some Guy) Interesting Meet the lobbyist responsible for Florida's "Stand Your Ground" law  (meetthenra.org) (225)
(MSN) Scary Made for Fark headline: "Menacing-looking artificial vaginas now sold at Walgreens"  (now.msn.com) (176)
(Some Guy) Followup Some things in life are just inevitable... the sun rises, the seasons change, and FARK's favorite spray paint connoisseur, Patrick Tribett, will be arrested for huffing paint  (wvjails.info) (124)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Dozens of marijuana grow house charges expected to be dropped after police are accused of trespassing and then lying about it. Whoa, dude, no way  (tampabay.com) (41)
(USA Today) Strange Mike Tyson, thespian  (usatoday.com) (45)
(Some Guy in Coach) Stupid In an attempt to keep up with highly competitive industry standards, United Airlines announces three-day San Francisco to Shanghai route. Better pack a lunch or two  (katu.com) (45)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop A fool sees not the same tree that a wise man sees. -William Blake  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (18)
(USA Today) Asinine In these difficult economic times, you'll be comforted to know that more CEOs than ever have surpassed the "earning more than $50 million per year" mark  (usatoday.com) (155)
(azfamily.com) Scary Today's seemingly innocent item that could burn down your home and make you homeless: The snow globe  (azfamily.com) (50)
(Haaretz) News Man responsible for the Toulouse shootings has been cornered in an apartment building and is currently in stand-off with the police, claims to be an Al Qaeda member  (haaretz.com) (425)
(MSNBC) Dumbass Drug smuggler with license plate SMUGLER staying at the Smuggler's Inn discovers that cops don't have much of a sense of irony  (usnews.msnbc.msn.com) (53)
(Daily Mail) Scary Jealous woman wants revenge on her ex. Does she? A) Take a Louisville slugger to both head lights. B) Carve her name into his leather seats. C) Claim his new wife was carrying a bomb on airliner?  (dailymail.co.uk) (34)
(HelenaIR.com) Scary Because guns don't kill people, defective Remington safeties do. For decades  (helenair.com) (142)
(Daily Mail) Amusing This looks shopped, I can tell from some of the pixels, and because that guy still has a hand  (dailymail.co.uk) (32)
(Waterloo Courier) Fail "Yes, 911, I have an emergency. There is a woman in my apartment and OH MY GOD SHE'S WEARING LIPSTICK SHE HAS ON LIPSTICK OH GOD OH GOD NO"  (wcfcourier.com) (40)
(AP) Hero Montana mining town's last Madam dies at 94. She had a reputation for kindness toward her girls, but the grandmotherly figure was also a husband-shooting, tax-evading madam who once said that prostitution should be considered a commodity  (hosted.ap.org) (59)
(Daily Mail) Hero Teacher hottie arrested for banging student. Just kidding, she pulls two kids from a burning car (w/pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (84)
(Telegraph) Obvious Man dies at faith healing event. You're definitely doing it wrong  (telegraph.co.uk) (111)
(WWSB ABC 7) Florida Florida: Where if the gators, pythons, rabid otters, lionfish, chupacabras, skunk ape, or citizen crime watchers don't get you, the feral monkeys will  (mysuncoast.com) (43)


Tue March 20, 2012
(Huffington Post) Obvious Did Jesus really exist? Short answer: yes. Long answer: yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees   (huffingtonpost.com) (543)
(Huffington Post) Interesting Looks like Susan G. Komen for the Cure is still reeling from its decision to pick a side in the culture wars. Well isn't that a shame  (huffingtonpost.com) (191)
(LA Times) Sad Tonight at 10: Some washed up TV actor hates gays, and Kim Kardashian takes offense at being called stupid. 46Iraqisdiedinexplosions. NEXT, on Toddlers and Tiaras: Will Honey Boo Boo Child beat Neglected Naomi?  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (83)
(NPR) Obvious Is anesthesia a luxury when a 5-foot snake and Taco Bell proportions of gas are shoved up your ass?  (npr.org) (138)
(Boston.com) PSA Thanks to couple's 30 year project, you can now pay to see free genealogical records from Massachusetts  (boston.com) (42)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop these twin walkers  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (21)
(NJ.com) Dumbass When trying to break into a cop's house, put your cell phone on silent  (nj.com) (30)
(Some Hoo) Florida Woman fails drug test after the urine from the bottle she hid in her hoo hoo also tested positive for drugs. You're doing it wrong  (wtsp.com) (141)
(Huffington Post) Obvious Republicans have released their budget proposal. I'm not saying it's tax cuts... but it's tax cuts  (huffingtonpost.com) (287)
(WSBTV) Ironic Protesters protest proposal to prohibit peaceful protests  (wsbtv.com) (72)
(Newsday) Followup That sound you hear is the self-defense claim being shot to pieces  (newsday.com) (847)
(BBC) Dumbass Harry Potter actor jailed for his part in London riots. Typical Slytherin  (bbc.co.uk) (69)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop Theme : Darwinism in action  (google.com) (18)
(Washington Post) Followup After the insurance regulators comes calling, atheist behind the post-Rapture pet care service admits it was all a hoax  (washingtonpost.com) (126)
(USGS) NewsFlash Magnitude 7.6 earthquake hits southern Mexico, about 150 miles south of Mexico City  (earthquake.usgs.gov) (302)
(Some Traveler) Spiffy Here's a list of the world's best airport bars to relax in after you've been thoroughly groped  (amog.com) (128)
(Uproxx) Cool Stage one of our plan to launch Ashton Kutcher into the sun is officially a go, thanks to Virgin Galactic  (uproxx.com) (50)
(Fire Critic) Cool Ever wonder what it's like going into a burning house? Here's one fire fighter's POV during an aggressive interior attack  (firecritic.com) (109)
(USA Today) Obvious Defense attorney for accused Afghan massacre suspect says his client has no memory of the attack, suggests goateed twin brother could be culprit  (usatoday.com) (198)
(Some Guy) Obvious The more time you spend making friends online, the more likely it is that you're a self-absorbed, narcissistic douchebag  (jezebel.com) (121)
(Some Guy) Weird If you're bored lately with everything on the internet, there's always the hotel duck blog  (y100.com) (61)
(Fark) Cool Rain, snow, sleet, pollen or sunshine? How is your first day of spring?  (fark.com) (224)
(WTOP) Spiffy Sorry, DC, but you're now only the 8th Most Bedbug Infested City in America. Congrats, Cincinnati, you worked hard for this one. We'll get you next time  (wtop.com) (63)
(MSN) Caption Caption these two well dressed young ladies just strolling along the street minding their own business  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (107)
(Some Guy) Scary You know it was en epic fight with your wife when she rams your car in the parking lot as you try to flee, chases you the wrong way down a highway and rams your car into a utility pole  (wtkr.com) (51)
(Hartford Courant) Scary This is what happens when you taunt the 400-pound gorilla  (courant.com) (71)
(Forbes) Fail The ten worst-built cars of 2012. Or, what the taxpayers got in return for saving GM, Chrysler and the UAW  (forbes.com) (460)
(The Daily Beast) Followup "I'm not homophobic, some of my best friends used to be gay before coming to their senses. Hey, would you like a chunk of my birthday sandwich?"  (thedailybeast.com) (274)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Some tourism vacation packages appear more curious than others  (articles.orlandosentinel.com) (8)
(The Sun) Scary Terrorists using FPS games to plan attacks. They must need one long extension cord to reach the back of that cave  (thesun.co.uk) (131)
(AZCentral) Scary Idiots in Iowa City are kidnapping residents, stripping them, and making them handle nuclear bombs and drink alcohol  (azcentral.com) (30)
(El Paso Times) Amusing Penguins vandalize high school in El Paso. That's like, in the desert, man  (elpasotimes.com) (39)
(Some Super Hero) Florida "When Iron Man isn't fighting for justice, he's actually a property manager in Clearwater"  (wtsp.com) (21)
(GQ) Obvious Republican presidential candidates' Secret Service code names revealed; Romney's is "Javelin", Santorum's is...what? Ew. I thought the word Cleveland went before that, but whatever  (gq.com) (150)
(Slate) Florida In Fark's favorite state, it's perfectly legal to kill anyone anywhere and claim self-defense  (slate.com) (646)
(Yahoo) Dumbass Bob Knight adds 'Kentucky' to his growing list of dirty words  (sports.yahoo.com) (158)
(Orlando Sentinel) Spiffy Tired of the same old Mickey Mouse, Cinderella, and Goofy? How about watching Spider-Man, Captain America, and Wolverine kicking the Seven Dwarves' asses instead?  (orlandosentinel.com) (41)
(ktuu.com) Scary Body found in North Pole snowbank, police checking naughty list for missing persons  (ktuu.com) (30)
(Fark) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Primitive UFOs  (fark.com) (26)
(Some Guy) Fail A great example of why a license should be required to have children  (strangebeaver.com) (117)
(Some Guy) Interesting The most censored words on the Chinese internet. I'm not sure what a 'Three-color cat' is or what it did, but it MUST be bad  (disinfo.com) (59)
(Globe and Mail) Fail Canada, being a little slower than most, didn't get the memo about McDonald's Twitter debacle; fails its own way with its own Rogers hashtag  (theglobeandmail.com) (44)
(Some Guy) Fail Dude, if there's a chance you'll get your mug shot taken for trying to pick up a hooker, don't shave your eyebrows into patterns. And definitely don't have snot dripping down your face (pic 12)  (wtkr.com) (40)
(Some Scam) Scary Door-to-door magazine salesweasels now offering advance copies of "Knife'n'Face", "You Gonna Get a Beatdown" after being told no by prospective customers  (wfaa.com) (72)
(LA Times) Cool Tired of your ho-hum, work-a-day life? Sell everything and start trippin' in a vintage VW microbus, like this guy  (latimes.com) (91)
(Detroit Free Press) Strange Asking for a Brazilian wax will result in a police call if you're wearing blue pantyhose and are male  (freep.com) (46)
(MSNBC) Followup US to join search for Amelia Earhart. This sort of is a repeat from 1937  (usnews.msnbc.msn.com) (96)
(Some Sipper) Strange If you've been eagerly awaiting the day when you can drink water filtered through panda dung, now is your time  (nbcchicago.com) (27)
(Daily Mail) Silly Italian mothers pull their snowflakes out of nursery school because the teacher is. A) Hot. B) Hot. C) A lingerie model. D) All of the above  (dailymail.co.uk) (123)
(LA Times) Spiffy Albert Einstein online archive puts a genius at our fingertips. And still you'll choose porn  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (69)
(Telegraph) Interesting Apparently, William Shakespeare spoke Amurikun. FARK yeah  (telegraph.co.uk) (253)


Mon March 19, 2012
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Woman arrested for having sex with 17 yr old student at a hotel room. You try to take a step up from having sex in the classroom and this is what you get  (dailymail.co.uk) (97)
(azfamily.com) Weird Naked homeowner wrestles with shirtless armed intruder. Of course this happened in the town of Surprise  (azfamily.com) (27)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Drug offender gets all stabby during argument. After arrest, lists his occupation as Drug Dealer. Hilarious mug shot included  (tampabay.com) (39)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Dumbass Idiot leaves his $40,000 cello in unlocked car with predictable results  (startribune.com) (125)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Interesting Does the MPAA really believe that kids haven't heard the 'F' word? Good thing that kind of censorship doesn't exist outside of farking Hollywood  (blogs.suntimes.com) (67)
(Fark) Survey Post a picture of something you made. It could be anything, as long as you made it  (fark.com) (632)
(The Raw Story) Strange Mitt Romney, who was once briefly a Democrat and who has espoused many pro-Democratic positions when running for state office: "I don't see how a young American can vote for a Democrat"  (rawstory.com) (177)
(BBC) Scary Fishery closed by killer lice. Apparently those little combs and shampoos don't work on trout  (bbc.co.uk) (23)
(Mirror.co.uk) Strange Today's Fark-ready headline: I want my four-year-old to have my baby  (mirror.co.uk) (43)
(Atlanta Journal Constitution) Hero Balloon pilot tells skydivers "You need to get out now." They do, and then it gets all dusty  (ajc.com) (123)
(Mirror.co.uk) Sad What's all this, then? Adele's 21 has overtaken Pink Floyd's The Dark Side Of The Moon in the list of biggest British albums ever  (mirror.co.uk) (200)
(Hartford Courant) Dumbass In unprecedented act of alcohol abuse, man beats wife with six pack  (courant.com) (35)
(Kansas.com) Obvious If you've been killing people in video games since you were 2 it will help prepare you for the cutthroat world of Corporate America  (kansas.com) (53)
(WLKY) Dumbass Don't you just hate it when your woman drags you out of the house .... and then several blocks?  (wlky.com) (17)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this fragmentary bust of a man in a general's cloak  (images.metmuseum.org) (27)
(Boing Boing) Asinine Al Qaeda now recruiting wheelchair-bound three-year-olds in body casts  (boingboing.net) (189)
(CBS News) Scary Apparently the Mark of the Beast is actually ABBA  (cbsnews.com) (95)
(Some Guy) Silly Because everybody's Monday afternoon needs a little silliness, here are some otters who look like Benedict Cumberbatch  (redscharlach.tumblr.com) (65)
(MSNBC) Scary Drug resistant "white plague" spreading. Victims reportedly develop fevers, and urges to listen to Pat Boone, wear socks with sandals, argue about the designated hitter rule  (msnbc.msn.com) (119)
(Fark) FarkBlog How dating with narcolepsy is just sleeping around, KONY 2012 guy busted for leaving his invisible children around, and NASA planning solar missions at night: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 3/11 - 3/17  (fark.com) (4)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these rock climbers  (2.bp.blogspot.com) (17)
(Atlanta Journal Constitution) PSA Pollen count: Low = 1-15, Medium = 15-91, High = 91-150, Atlanta = 8164  (ajc.com) (188)
(The Smoking Gun) Spiffy California judge rules that 14 members of "Anonymous" indicted for an online assault of PayPal may continue to use Twitter. For now  (thesmokinggun.com) (45)
(Some Guy) Strange Israel publicly: OMG Iran is DAYS away from having a nuclear bomb we have to strike NOW. Israel privately: Yeah, you're right, Iran probably hasn't even decided IF they're building a bomb yet  (nwherald.com) (175)
(Cape Cod Times) Amusing Some people will use any excuse for getting out of jury duty. I mean, he could've done better than "I'm too short to see over the jury box when I'm seated"  (capecodonline.com) (93)
(The Local (Sweden)) Dumbass Is that a nipple chain in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?  (thelocal.se) (50)
(BBC) Scary Japanese honeybees use their brains to broil invaders  (bbc.co.uk) (57)
(The Raw Story) Dumbass Chicago cop rewrites U.S. Constitution: You can now lose your First Amendment right by "causing a scene or whatever"  (rawstory.com) (322)
(My Fox DC) Interesting Student suspended for shaving his head. FARK: in support of his best friend who is battling leukemia  (myfoxdc.com) (120)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Florida's governor expected to sign a bill doubling and tripling fines for parking illegally in handicap spaces, which in Florida will impact no one at all  (sun-sentinel.com) (70)
(MSNBC) Sad 1 out of every 4 kids drops out of high school. That's almost 65%  (msnbc.msn.com) (192)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Sasquatch discovered in Florida, where he owes $1.3 million in liens on dilapidated home  (sun-sentinel.com) (61)
(Some Guy) Followup Fark's favorite chain-smoking 8 yr old sent to rehab  (big1059.com) (21)
(Toronto Star) Amusing Han Han suing suing Apple Apple for for piracy piracy  (thestar.com) (62)
(Mother Nature Network) Obvious It turns out celebrity chefs like Rachael Ray, Jamie Oliver, and Gwyneth Paltrow might not have written and researched every single recipe that appears in their cookbooks  (mnn.com) (216)
(Globe and Mail) Dumbass Meet Brenden Dowden, who thought it would be a good idea to brag on Facebook about starting fires and flipping news vans over  (theglobeandmail.com) (34)
(Wall Street Journal) Silly Volvo signs someone named Jeremy Lin to an endorsement deal. Apparently, he was a big deal a while back  (blogs.wsj.com) (36)
(WTSP) Florida When involved in a giant brawl on the beach, do you: A) shoot someone in the ass, B) hit them in the head with a bottle, C) crash your vehicle fleeing from police, or D) all of the above?  (wtsp.com) (23)
(Click Orlando) Florida Karaoke singer gets drunk, strips, knocks out manager after customers complain. Or, as we call it in Florida, a night at Applebee's  (clickorlando.com) (29)
(Politico) Interesting Sen. Marco Rubio's (R-FL) memoir, "An American Son," will now be published on June 19 instead of in October, as previously planned. Why ever would he do such a thing?  (politico.com) (136)
(Jacksonville.com) Florida Good: Going to Bottoms Up to watch strippers. Bad: Getting carjacked in the parking lot. Farkworthy: Having to put on a show for the ladies as you watch your car ride off in to the sunset  (jacksonville.com) (31)
(The New York Times) Obvious Nice story about a flight attendant who has been working for United Airlines for 63 years. Coincidentally, the same amount of time since a United flight has been on schedule  (nytimes.com) (61)
(Salon) Interesting How is boddy died? How is boddy died? How life get departed. They need to do way in stained brains who kill thier boddys. because these boddy can frigth back?  (salon.com) (74)
(IndyStar) Dumbass Those sexually explicit emails I sent my secretary were all part of a brilliant plan to expose corruption. You should all be thanking me  (indystar.com) (107)
(Washington Post) Obvious Low altitude flying may have caused plane crash in Sweden. You see, this is why we have teams of experts  (washingtonpost.com) (38)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida "I could feel her breath on me. I've never been so terrified in my life. I guess by instinct I rolled over so she wouldn't hurt something vital. I didn't know what she was going to do and then the bear bit me in my butt"  (articles.orlandosentinel.com) (65)
(Some Guy) Amusing Student busted for NCAA betting pool. FARK: Fifth grader  (wtsp.com) (41)
(Some Guy) Weird Drunk robber with no pants throws vice grips at homeowners. Then it gets weird  (wmur.com) (18)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this Dolmen  (britam.org) (32)
(Washington Post) Obvious Mitt Romney would like the non-slut, non-whore, non-baby killing female demographic to know he cares about the higher gas prices they're paying at the pump. "I have friends who own gas companies and know how you feel"  (washingtonpost.com) (193)
(My Fox Memphis) Fail Protip: If you're a cop and you want to have sex in your squad car it's not a good idea to broadcast it live on your radio  (myfoxmemphis.com) (42)
(C|Net) Obvious Does the new iPad have a heat problem? Trevor McSmokingballs gives us some answers  (news.cnet.com) (133)
(Yahoo) Interesting Britain considers privatizing roads to repair aging infrastructure, Oi, this 'ighway is sponsoured by Smyth-Higgins pickled kippers and eel  (news.yahoo.com) (39)
(WRCB-TV) Stupid "Hey Earl, whut you think this suitcase thang is with all these wires hangin' out of it?" "I dunno Cletus, mebbe we should call the police." "We are the police, Earl. Here, hold my beer, I wanna try something"  (wrcbtv.com) (38)
(AP) Obvious Many Americans seem willing to believe that a 10-year US military veteran, worn down by four tours of combat and perhaps suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder, simply snapped in Afghanistan  (hosted.ap.org) (435)
(ABC) Sad Where do you keep THAT many women?  (abcnews.go.com) (43)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Yo, dawg. I heard you like trucks, so I put a truck in my truck, and put another truck on top, so you can drive....oh, you can't do that?  (dailymail.co.uk) (41)
(Stars and Stripes) Cool Think women can't serve in combat roles? Here's some Army women taking on men in cage fighting. No Marines were injured during these matches  (stripes.com) (124)
(BBC) Scary More British men are getting oral... cancer  (bbc.co.uk) (24)
(The Sun) Strange Man lives in 7ft hole for 22 years. The Sun is there, but he can't see it (w/pics)  (thesun.co.uk) (65)
(Stuff.co.nz) Scary New Zealanders starting to panic as nationwide marmite shortage means they may be forced to eat vegemite  (stuff.co.nz) (48)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Bulldozers set to demolish the crumbling remains of the 55 acre compound near LA that American sympathizers built for Hitler in hopes he'd rule from it after he conquered America. Historians say Hitler did Nazi that as a possibility  (dailymail.co.uk) (163)
(Atlanta Journal Constitution) Asinine Old and busted: Rent-to-own furniture. New hotness: Rent-to-own tires. It probably won't be a Goodyear  (ajc.com) (81)

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