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Sun April 01, 2012
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Mirror.co.uk) Sappy Not News: Identical twins separated by adoption. Newsy: For 55 years. Fark: They've been living round the corner from each other  (mirror.co.uk) (42)
(Fark) FarkParty World Fark Party II - Las Vegas Nevada: March 30 - Apr 1  (fark.com) (1891)
(Some Bubble Dweller) Strange Not News: Guy hands a kid a five dollar bill and walks away..Police and Media: OMGZ DANGER DANGER  (bnd.com) (125)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop this massive Tibetan mastiff  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (26)
(Jalopnik) Dumbass And the award for Most Inappropriate Parking Space goes to...School-bus in front of Porn Store, let's have a round of applause  (jalopnik.com) (84)
(NYPost) Spiffy Wanna know what driving a NYC cab was like back in 1945? Ask Johnnie Footman, he started driving cabs in 1945. Fark: You can talk to him in the back of his cab because he's still driving cabs in NYC  (nypost.com) (61)
(Some Guy) Asinine Apparently, SC state troopers get pretty grumpy and vengeful when you try to protest the traffic tickets they give you  (wsoctv.com) (150)
(ABC) Interesting 72 years of confidentiality expires; 1940 census records released, including for 21 million still alive. Top that, Visa and Mastercard, with your relatively small security breaches and data compromises  (abcnews.go.com) (117)
(Gizmodo) Amusing Taco Mac shows how to alter a customer's receipt without saying something insulting  (gizmodo.com) (92)
(Kansas.com) Interesting Perhaps it's better she became a nun instead of continuing to teach high school science  (kansas.com) (75)
(Some Guy) Obvious Food carts today may sell more than hot dogs, reports Ric Romero in conjunction with woman eagerly awaiting Olive Garden in town  (onlineathens.com) (43)
(Some Guy) Silly In related news, Colorado Springs is in the midst of a burger war  (gazette.com) (79)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: Latte Art  (google.com) (21)
(MetroWest Daily News) Interesting 43 year old police officer has gun license revoked after state officials unseal juvenile record and learn he committed crime when he was 15  (metrowestdailynews.com) (121)
(Washington Post) Silly We're not paying enough attention to Attention Deficit and Hyperact... HEY LOOK, HELICOPTER... COOL  (washingtonpost.com) (57)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Not news: Cop turns on emergency lights and siren. Fark: Drivers notice and pull over to the side of the road to let the police car pass safely by  (policeone.com) (140)
(Buzzfeed) Cool Mmmmmm, deviled Cadbury creme eggs and 12 other creme egg recipes  (buzzfeed.com) (46)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Silly Joey, have you ever been to a Turkish bath?  (suntimes.com) (48)
(Des Moines Register) Cool The unseasonably warm weather has one small Iowa town fearing its annual Tulip Festival may get canceled because of premature blooming. But they have a solution: spray the plants with whiskey to delay the process  (desmoinesregister.com) (31)
(TBO) Florida Ugly ass baby aardvark born at Busch Gardens. Awww, how cu-KILL IT WITH FIRE  (www2.tbo.com) (57)
(News.com.au) Scary We're gonna need a bigger boat  (news.com.au) (32)
(The Daily Beast) Amusing Nudists campaigning for beach near the home of Prince William and Kate Middleton to be officially recognized as a nudist beach. However, like most nudists, they are having serious issues with sagging support  (thedailybeast.com) (52)
(LA Times) Interesting Gary Larson has a $5,000 deductible insurance plan, but has found that his medical bills are cheaper if he claims he's uninsured, pays cash, and his cows are bipedal  (latimes.com) (305)
(WXYZ Detroit) PSA If you are one of the dozens of people who eat chicken apple sausage, you may want to look at the label, as a company is recalling 26,000 pounds of the disgusting product  (wxyz.com) (43)
(News.com.au) Obvious New York medical examiners deny losing woman's brain, explaining that it was just mislabeled "Abby" something  (news.com.au) (44)
(Mother Nature Network) Interesting The scientific reason why your wife won't sleep with you  (mnn.com) (117)
(The New York Times) Scary Tracking for cops is big business for cellphone companies. A menu of "surveillance fees" is marketed to cops that determine a suspect's location, trace phone calls and texts and provide other classified services  (nytimes.com) (63)
(Time) Amusing She deprived her of dinner one night after learning that Bea had consumed "nearly 800 calories" of Brie, filet mignon, baguette and chocolate at a French Heritage Day event at school  (ideas.time.com) (178)
(AlterNet) Spiffy "Colombian congress debates new bill that decriminalizes cocaine and marijuana cultivation." Another sign the War on Drugs is succeeding...wait, what?  (alternet.org) (85)
(Mother Nature Network) Obvious 55% of employees surveyed say they are more productive when they work at home. 75% of bosses say "bullshiat"  (mnn.com) (131)
(Des Moines Register) Ironic Iowans can thank the jet stream for their outstanding spring weather; contrails for the mysterious tumors in their lungs  (desmoinesregister.com) (45)
(Mother Nature Network) Unlikely Antibiotics are making you fat, which explains how Jenny McCarthy can stay so slim even this late into her 30s  (mnn.com) (88)
(Daily Mail) Interesting The coolest pictures of 'Sweeps, nomads, quacks and crawlers' from 1870's London you'll see all day  (dailymail.co.uk) (68)
(Some Drifter) Photoshop Photoshop this driftwood on the beach  (upload.wikimedia.org) (37)
(CNN) Asinine For $6,500 a day you can hire Darth Maul's dad to come to your school and bully children  (cnn.com) (43)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption this entangled man   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (20)
(YouTube) Cool Introducing the YouTube Collection on DVD  (youtube.com) (46)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Just so you know, if you ever walk into a bar with walls covered in one dollar bills that people have tacked up there over the years, you're not allowed to stuff a bunch of them in your pockets to take home as souvenirs for your friends  (nwfdailynews.com) (34)
(SeattlePI) Cool When life imitates the movies: Cop chasing after a suspect yells, "Stop that guy," and a bystander tackles him  (seattlepi.com) (51)
(Duluth News Tribune) Obvious Jesus Christ, you're not going to escape the police by wading across Lake Superior  (duluthnewstribune.com) (32)
(Yahoo) Sad There were over 100 million losers in the MegaMillions drawing. This is their story  (news.yahoo.com) (106)
(The Sun) Weird Not news: Woman has twins. Fark: One from each womb. (w/pics)  (thesun.co.uk) (67)
(Time) Interesting Kids are cute until age four-and-a-half. Here comes the science, tantrum in the checkout line at Target  (healthland.time.com) (127)
(Orlando Sentinel) Followup "You can say with reasonable scientific certainty that it's not Zimmerman," say 2 forensic voice experts about who's calling for help in the 911 tape  (articles.orlandosentinel.com) (1112)

Sat March 31, 2012
(MSNBC) Scary Kansas man buying lottery tickets: "I've got a better chance of getting struck by lightning." Mother Nature takes that bet  (msnbc.msn.com) (51)
(CNN) Asinine CNN: "There is no student loan debt crisis." Next up: What's this stupid theory about the sky being blue everyone keeps going on about?  (money.cnn.com) (377)
(Huffington Post) Interesting After decades of snobs dismissing them as too plebeian, more and more wine aficionados are saying screw you to corks  (huffingtonpost.com) (93)
(Local10) Florida This is what makes Florida so fun: For only $30 you buy the answers to the written exam you have to pass to get your driver's license. And they're being sold right in front of the driver's license office  (local10.com) (44)
(Huffington Post) Scary First they came for the Trekkies, and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Trekkie  (huffingtonpost.com) (138)
(CBC) Cool You might be lucky if: you fall off your bike in cardiac arrest and three doctors including a cardiologist are riding behind you  (cbc.ca) (37)
(The Smoking Gun) Silly For those of us that can't be in Las Vegas, we can have our own party with this week's Mugshot Roundup. And it's a good one  (thesmokinggun.com) (86)
(The Newspaper) Followup Man buried in bogus parking tickets by estranged wife's cop friends will be allowed to sue police officers and city  (thenewspaper.com) (72)
(Fark) Survey What celebrity do you have a crush on not only because they're attractive, but also because they seem to have a decent personality?  (fark.com) (458)
(Reuters) Fail Lottery "Expert" Richard Lustig: "don't ever buy Quick Picks". Mega-Millions official: Two of the 3 jackpot winners were Quick Picks  (reuters.com) (169)
(Some Guy) Asinine Prison's 'Nutraloaf' may violate 8th Amendment, inmate's colon  (blogs.findlaw.com) (222)
(Corbin News Journal) Unlikely Couple busted for burglarizing a vacant home claim they were "looking for a pregnant horse" and "peat moss in order to decorate for a wedding"  (thenewsjournal.net) (15)
(RamblingBeachCat.com) Ironic Proof that the universe hates you: Survive going over Niagara Falls in a barrel, but die due to injuries sustained by slipping on an orange peel  (ramblingbeachcat.com) (31)
(FOX Charlotte) Dumbass Smoking hot 31-year-old English teacher arrested for giving anxiety pills to student, presumably to have sex with them (w/mugshot)  (foxcharlotte.com) (116)
(BBC) Interesting Where are you on the global pay scale? Hopefully you're a lil north of Tajikistan  (bbc.co.uk) (127)
(Google) Cool Google Mapquest  (maps.google.com) (190)
(Statesman) Interesting Texas raises speed limit near Austin to 80... but only if you pay $6.40 toll  (statesman.com) (79)
(Google) Spiffy Prosthetic limbs have come a long way, now you can have one with an axe and heater built into it  (google.com) (36)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Because when you see a baseball game, you definitely want your stadium food to include Cuban dishes like shrimp burgers and spicy lobster rolls instead of hot dogs and nachos  (sun-sentinel.com) (72)
(Huffington Post) Ironic G-spot high school produces a sexually deviant 16yr old  (huffingtonpost.com) (112)
(Some pixel pusher) Photoshop Photoshop this fellow in his spring finery   (markcoflaherty.files.wordpress.com) (21)
(The New York Times) Cool The best proof that there is a God -- the NYC pizza price war  (nytimes.com) (78)
(MLive.com) Dumbass If you're going to rob a convenience store, you might want to make sure one of the customers isn't a veteran trained in MMA; otherwise you'll have your ass handed to you  (mlive.com) (34)
(Some Guy) Asinine Fark soon to be illegal in Arizona  (mediacoalition.org) (233)
(Yahoo) Obvious Ladies and gentlemen, it's official. The drunker you are, the prettier you become - to yourself. This would explain why most Farkers "feel sexier, smarter and funnier, even when others privately think you are a turkey"  (ca.news.yahoo.com) (44)
(Gizmodo) Silly So, do you take your drink shaken like a proper gentleman, or stirred, like a prissy little girl?  (gizmodo.com) (87)
(Daily Mail) Sappy Ugly-ass tragic polar bear's cuter sister born in Germany (w/ ridiculously adorable pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (30)
(Bitten and Bound) Interesting Fun Fact for Losers: The mega trash generated by 640 million shredded losing lottery tickets would provide sufficient confetti for a grand parade stretching from here to the moon and back  (bittenandbound.com) (37)
(Mental Floss) Satire 6 times the Onion had everyone fooled  (mentalfloss.com) (79)
(BBC) Scary Competitors are desperately trying to keep up with Costa Cruises' unique "drifting without power" on-board experience. 1,000 people currently sweating just off the Philippines  (bbc.co.uk) (61)
(Huffington Post) Silly The best root beers. Dr. Brown demands a do-over  (huffingtonpost.com) (205)
(NDTV) Obvious Interpol chief Ric Romero warns that a group of hackers "might" target the Internet today  (ndtv.com) (52)
(Some Guy) Interesting Settling down and marrying the mail-order Vietnamese bride of your dreams is about to get a lot harder  (forums.asiaone.com) (101)
(azfamily.com) Interesting Sheriff Joe Arpaio makes the executive decision to allow actor Steven Seagal to patrol on deadly ground looking for drug smugglers who have put the Arizona desert under seige  (azfamily.com) (131)
(AZCentral) Dumbass Tired of noise from the neighborhood children? A couple of warning shots over their head should do the trick  (azcentral.com) (68)
(Some Guy) Interesting Cool: Hollywood is auctioning off a costumer worn by Christopher Reeve in a Superman movie. Sad: It was "Superman IV"  (couriermail.com.au) (47)
(Fark) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: How to make newspapers more profitable  (fark.com) (25)
(Statesman) Amusing Lick... no, pump... punk... PUB. Lick laws. Public. Intosh, intop, intof... drunk laws. They're too fuc... whoops. Fum (hee hee) fuzzy. Crickets say. What? Critics. CRITICS. That's what they say  (statesman.com) (33)
(Some Guy) Interesting If you've ever had to call up Poison Control because your little one has ingested glow sticks, hand sanitisers, toilet cleaning discs or silica gel sachets, don't worry. It's perfectly normal  (couriermail.com.au) (37)
(Mother Nature Network) Weird Questions you don't want to ask or have answered: "Could Obesity Be Cured by Injecting Our Guts With Fecal Bacteria From Ancient Mummies?"  (mnn.com) (60)
(CBC) Obvious The CBC tries to comfort you in the fact the while gas prices are rising, printer ink is still $1750 a liter  (cbc.ca) (47)
(busselton mail.com) Caturday Against all odds, Squid the cat turns 97 (cat) years old. This article seemed appropriate as we celebrate another birthday this weekend - Caturday's one and only Alien  (busseltonmail.com.au) (752)
(CNBC) Dumbass Is it really OK to recline 0.015 inches in your airline seat?  (cnbc.com) (202)
(WRCB-TV) Followup Someone in Maryland will soon realize that they are the most popular person on the entire planet, and if they were smart, we'd never ever hear of them again for the rest of their natural life  (wrcbtv.com) (150)
(CBS News) Stupid Alabama nightclub hosts "Food Stamps Friday" event, with special entrance fee for those with a valid food stamp card. Bonus: free shots at the door  (cbsnews.com) (64)
(Gizmodo) Dumbass How to deal with your child's iPad tantrums. Or, alternatively, you could... hmmmm... I don't know... NOT GIVE YOUR 5 YEAR OLD AN iPAD  (gizmodo.com) (198)
(Yahoo) Unlikely Five reasons you didn't really want to win all that lottery money  (finance.yahoo.com) (114)
(QC Online) Sappy The oldest man in the United States, Shelby Harris, celebrates his 111th birthday today. Hopefully the nursing home doesn't throw him a surprise party  (qconline.com) (23)
(NBC DFW) Stupid On tonight's episode of COP MATH: marijuana is now $3000 a pound  (nbcdfw.com) (129)

Fri March 30, 2012
(USA Today) Unlikely Wondering what to get your racist uncle for Christmas? How about the chance to be buried in the Hitler family plot?  (usatoday.com) (61)
(WBALTV) Interesting Here's a bunch of things you have better odds of happening to you than winning the Mega Millions tonight (w/pics)  (wbaltv.com) (211)
(Gawker) Weird Today on Weird Internets: Some twit is making it his mission to get to know every Kevin on Twitter  (gawker.com) (45)
(Naples Daily News) Florida 71-year-old woman arrested for standing her ground, shooting at three intruders in her house who shot back, wounding her. Who cares if intruders were deputy sheriffs on a welfare check? It was self-defense  (naplesnews.com) (246)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this bike bail  (cdn3.spiegel.de) (21)
(Newser) Amusing And the Oddest Book Title of the Year Is ...Other contenders included books about chicken sexing, office chairs  (newser.com) (53)
(Fox News) Unlikely Listen, your son died on a secret space station at the hands of a 7 foot tall assassin with metal teeth trying to save the world from a mad scientist's evil plot. What's so hard to understand about that?  (foxnews.com) (110)
(ABC) Scary Opera singer shot multiple times with no explanation. Sometimes it's just the wrong aria at the wrong time  (abcnews.go.com) (85)
(Some Highway) Photoshop Photoshop this architecture in Antwerp  (flakphoto.com) (26)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida You know what they always say: The family that grows 'shrooms together, camel spiders, festoonies... taste the pendulum  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) (30)
(Some Guy) Interesting ♫ He picks up a missile and he shots it right down and it blows up the buildings in the center of town. Oh no, there goes Tokyo, go go Gamera. ♫  (ajw.asahi.com) (46)
(The Consumerist) Fail There is no shame in moving back in with your parents, writes person who moved back in with her parents and is ashamed about it  (consumerist.com) (146)
(Some Guy) Hero 3 former Marines work with craft brewer to create special tribute brew for Marines killed in chopper crash. Proceeds will help build scholarship fund for the families of the deceased. Brew is named 'Homage'  (wtkr.com) (63)
(Newser) Asinine Michelle Duggar, who has given birth to 19 children, says that overpopulation is a lie because the entire population of the world would fit in Jacksonville, Florida. Wait, what?  (newser.com) (487)
(wtsp.com) Florida Not news: TV stations now picking "Facebook Friend of the Day." Fark: Tampa station picks a furry. Costume and all  (wtsp.com) (88)
(Some Guy) Dumbass You're late to class and the teacher calls you out on it. Do you: a) apologize and take your seat, b) accept a detention and be quiet, or c) strangle your teacher with his own necktie and flee?  (thedailystamford.com) (92)
(Some Guy) Interesting Absolutely genuine and real way to pay roughly $2.50 a gallon for fuel. But, wait There's more. A slight catch actually  (dailywealth.com) (176)
(Some Guy) Hero In 1973 Drake High School burned 32 copies of Slaughterhouse-Five in its furnace. Here is the letter Kurt Vonnegut wrote to their school board  (lettersofnote.com) (287)
(CNN) Followup $640,000,000.00  (cnn.com) (524)
(UPI) Spiffy Michigan plans to dramatically increase the number of organ donors statewide  (upi.com) (117)
(Fox News) Amusing No wonder Bigfoot has never been fully proven. You have to fill out the proper permits in triplicate to hunt him  (foxnews.com) (34)
(USA Today) Cool Hey, all you Vegas Farkers. Once you shake off the hangovers, here's an article listing some cool things to do. Test drive a Lambo, fire a grenade launcher, bulldoze things. Even some tree hugging and artsy crap for you libbies  (travel.usatoday.com) (43)
(Habby Offman) Cool Dude, it's like Woodstock all over again. Except, in France. And with, like, UFOs and sh*t. And it doesn't end until Doomsday 2012. Which has already started. Far out, man  (news.gather.com) (42)
(Daily Mail) Cool News article about a pole dancer (w/ pics). Too bad you didn't read the rest of the headline, because it's about a 53 year old guy  (dailymail.co.uk) (29)
(Some Spoiled Rotten Guy) Dumbass This is why children on airplanes should either be safely secured in a pet carrier, or the overhead luggage compartment  (losangeles.cbslocal.com) (155)
(Chicago Sun-Times) PSA The job outlook for recent college graduates is looking good. Assuming you want to work at Wal-Mart, McDonald's, and Starbucks  (suntimes.com) (180)
(Slate) Interesting Mother distraught over son being fat, lazy, uneducated ... and completely happy. Apparently, it IS a good way to go through life  (slate.com) (135)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Sometimes the headlines just write themselves: "Pop-and-son pillbilly snowbirds driving stolen methmobile"   (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) (36)
(Channel Register) Obvious This just in: half of all American households now officially fall into the "elitist latte-drinking hipster snob" category  (channelregister.co.uk) (74)
(Des Moines Register) Obvious Just like clockwork, the mass media suddenly realizes the odds on winning a lottery are really, really thin. This is a repeat from every time the jackpot has crossed $100 million  (desmoinesregister.com) (149)
(AZCentral) Followup Judge rules that Catholic schoolgirls who posted bikini pics WILL be allowed to attend their graduation ceremony, calls school officials out for being a**holes  (azcentral.com) (735)
(New York Daily News) Cool Teens filling up the lanes at local archery range after watching Hunger Games movie. Top that, sparkly vampires  (nydailynews.com) (199)
(Some Guy) Fail 6/2(1+2) = 9 no no, 6/2(1+2) = 1 no no, 6/2(1+2) = 2  (mathmagical.co.uk) (822)
(Some MajorGeek) Scary Visa and MasterCard are warning of what they call a "massive breach" that could involve as many as 10 million compromised credit card numbers  (majorgeeks.com) (115)
(New York Daily News) Obvious NYPD warn people not to sleep in the subway, not to stand in the pouring rain, that the night is long  (nydailynews.com) (37)
(Daily Mail) Obvious First you get the money, then you get the power, then you can get the lifesize bust of the Godfather, at least for awhile  (dailymail.co.uk) (14)
(Some Bowl) Photoshop Photoshop this milk merger  (bigpicture.ru) (38)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen) Spiffy Hy-Vee to allow consumers to choose from pink slime beef and non pink slime beef  (press-citizen.com) (179)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Taliban are dressing up as women to infiltrate US military bases, which is the perfect plan, because there is nothing unusual about Afghans with mustaches wearing dresses  (dailymail.co.uk) (68)
(Some Guy) Scary Leaked memo shows CT State Troopers plan 'ticket blitz' to outdo neighboring trooper barracks. "350 tickets would be stellar" ... Yup, those tickets are for safety alright  (wtnh.com) (205)
(The Sun) Sad Won in Fyve Britts cant reed ore right. The Son is their  (thesun.co.uk) (117)
(TwinCities.com) Spiffy Zoo adds extra phone lines to deal with April Fools' Day phone calls (w/direct number to Mr. Lyon)  (twincities.com) (39)
(Some Strange Camper) Florida So you look out your window and see someone you don't know camping in your yard. And then it gets weird  (origin.wtsp.com) (31)
(Daily Mail) Cool Stop me if you've heard this one before: A eagle a fox and a cat all walk onto a porch together  (dailymail.co.uk) (66)
(Washington Post) Amusing People who harass the family of an abortion doctor's landlord learn that payback is a biatch  (washingtonpost.com) (407)
(Huffington Post) Spiffy The Dalai Lama wins the Templeton Prize, so he's got that going for him  (huffingtonpost.com) (53)
(Some Guy) Asinine You think your son's new roommate might be gay. Do you: a) accept it, b) ask your son if this a roommate or a "roommate," or c) attack him with a cane?  (nbcdfw.com) (200)

Thu March 29, 2012
(CBC) Interesting New Canadian budget to leave Canadians penniless  (cbc.ca) (133)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Mexico gets its own clothing sizes to better suit their gorditas  (dailymail.co.uk) (44)
(The Sun) Amusing Sloth drops in on tourist photo. The Sun is there  (thesun.co.uk) (67)
(SLTrib) Interesting Utah has nation's highest autism rate. Their parents probably did too much LDS when they were young  (sltrib.com) (82)
(The Smoking Gun) Followup Meet the drunken Canadian man who is responsible for the greatest a capella version of "Bohemian Rhapsody" ever recorded in the back of a police cruiser  (thesmokinggun.com) (92)
(Telegraph) Amusing Ever the funny prince, the Duke of Edinburgh asks disabled man in wheelchair: 'ever run anyone over?'  (telegraph.co.uk) (71)
(Yahoo) Weird For 12,000 dollars, a Houston restaurant is offering a 10 course meal based on what Titanic passengers ate during the maiden voyage. Ice and Saltwater will be served after dessert  (news.yahoo.com) (70)
(The Sun) Hero Dominatrix sells extra bondage sessions to help out a cancer-stricken pal. Now that's HOT. Ouch  (thesun.co.uk) (67)
(Some Sedimentarian) Photoshop Photoshop this orange and teal masterpiece  (genx-stream.net) (25)
(Mental Floss) Spiffy Mental Floss uses real FARK stories in their own "FARK or Three's Company?" quiz  (mentalfloss.com) (50)
(Above the Law) Unlikely Woman sues McDonalds for a) burning her with hot coffee; b) serving her a mouse in her burger; or c) turning her into a hooker  (abovethelaw.com) (111)
(Some Guy) Obvious Canada is the preferred destination for American sex tourists, according to survey of 101 johns from Boston  (blogs.vancouversun.com) (110)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Cool No longer News: Teacher has sex with student. Sometimes News: Teacher is hot. Go directly to FARK: Teacher is a Cincinnati Bengals Cheerleader...and she's doing you, kid. +1  (news.cincinnati.com) (262)
(ABC) PSA Things not to try and bring past TSA (a) 5 oz of liquid, (b) scissors, (c) a vial with a fuse, a plastic bottle filled with explosive powder and three M-80 type fireworks  (abcnews.go.com) (27)
(More Intelligent Life) Spiffy Most interesting article about restaurant names you'll read all day. Subby's favorites are Aunt Chilada's, Thaitanic, Vin sur Vin, Untitled, Frying Nemo, and Dinner (where you can get lunch)  (moreintelligentlife.com) (117)
(Wired UK) Interesting Researchers at the DHS finally perfect your Mom's new line of tampons  (wired.co.uk) (20)
(News.com.au) Obvious Woman loses half of her body weight by joining friends climbing ladders and running...in front of airplanes  (news.com.au) (52)
(Some Guy) Sad Camden man axed to death in his home. Which begs the question, how many questions can cause a death?  (nbcphiladelphia.com) (79)
(Some Guy) Stupid Man reportedly on uppers, downers, and pot arrested. He was agitated, sleepy, and hungry  (thenewsstar.com) (21)
(News.com.au) Amusing Today's Fark-ready headline: Man wakes up to find front lawn stolen  (news.com.au) (27)
(ABC) Cool Miniature Hippo? We has it  (abcnews.go.com) (59)
(3 News New Zealand) Hero Beer-drinking dog awarded a hero medal  (3news.co.nz) (28)
(Dexter-Leader) Fail Comcast charges customers in an entire town a "vacation fee" for not responding to emails, letters, or phone calls. Difficulty: they didn't respond because their town was ravaged by a tornado  (heritage.com) (102)
(UPI) Scary Foot-and-mouth disease hits Egypt, though many remain in de Nile  (upi.com) (22)
(The Daily Beast) Photoshop Photoshop these Pakistani orphans  (thedailybeast.com) (17)
(Some Guy) Strange Horse-drawn buggy rear ends a school bus. When will this rein of terror end?  (news-leader.com) (40)
(KAAL) Dumbass 13 year old boy who killed his mom also sexually assaulted her. For an encore, he will gouge his own eyes out  (austin.kaaltv.com) (202)
(Metro) Spiffy Research shows boozing after a heart attack could help you live longer. Subby is ahead of the curve on this one  (metro.co.uk) (29)
(Daily Mail) Obvious The Adele Files: A global sex survey has revealed that the British are world leaders when it comes to lovemaking in the dark  (dailymail.co.uk) (88)
(Forbes) PSA The hidden dangers of messy desks. Yes, your coworkers are judging your competence and effectiveness if your desk looks like a giant pile of papers and coffee cups  (forbes.com) (128)
(YouTube) Scary Basically, don't stand too long in one place in Philadelphia or you're going to get shot  (youtube.com) (103)
(IndyStar) Amusing In Merrillville, Indiana, one city councilman is set to take on the town's horrible crack problem  (indystar.com) (29)
(Some Guy) Strange A hoopy frood may really know where his towel is, but a loopy dude brings a towel bar, an ice bucket, a trash can, an air conditioner cover, comforters, pillows and sheets  (wdbo.com) (20)
(WESH Orlando) Florida Special needs adults taken to hospital after multi-vehicle accident. They were tardy due to traffic, chromosomes  (wesh.com) (51)
(WUSA9) Amusing All units, be on the lookout for a woman with a very surprised look on her face  (wusa9.com) (37)
(LA Times) Obvious Downtown, where the cabs don't stop. Downtown, where the food is slop. Downtown, where the hop-heads flop in the snow. Down on Skid Row  (latimes.com) (33)
(wtol) Dumbass Man missed a turn, hit the curb, went airborne, hit the front porch of a house, landed on a car, and came to rest inside a neighboring building. Then it gets interesting  (wtol.com) (21)
(Some Guy) Amusing "You found someone you like enough to marry? Who also wants to marry you? And now you want some farking towels as a bonus prize, are you kidding me?"  (thefrisky.com) (134)
(STLToday) Cool New kind of pseudoephedrine can be used to make shake-and-bake black sludge. Now we'll have an epidemic of angry addicts who can't make meth  (stltoday.com) (111)
(CNN) Interesting Autism rates up 78% over the past decade, most likely due to children receiving their vaccinations  (us.cnn.com) (194)
(ABC) Weird Female crash test dummies get injured more often, can't parallel park  (abcnews.go.com) (21)
(The Sun) Spiffy Girls strip(you've already clicked) for morning stroll in London. (Safe for Work)  (thesun.co.uk) (178)
(ABC) Spiffy Once-illiterate lobsterman no longer lost at C  (abcnews.go.com) (16)
(CBS 46 Atlanta) Sappy Georgia Aquarium hatches two new ugly-ass baby penguins  (cbsatlanta.com) (15)
(Des Moines Register) Amusing In his defense, the HR meetings never said he shouldn't look up female coworker's photos in the employee database and then pee on the chairs of those he found attractive  (desmoinesregister.com) (72)
(Yahoo) Strange Your wife's dog craps on the floor, do you: A) Shoot the dog B) Shoot the other dog C) Shoot the wife D) All of the above  (news.yahoo.com) (78)
(USA Today) Interesting Mississippi is now the most religious state in U.S. after recent poll finds most people pray every day just to get out of Biloxi  (content.usatoday.com) (68)
(WPTV) Florida It's finally happened. Police in Florida have given up and decided to start enforcing the law in bunny costumes  (wptv.com) (59)
(The Register) Interesting Bored of burning money, cars & servants, this year, tomb sweepers will be mostly burning iPads. Because the dead like their tablets  (theregister.co.uk) (18)
(Inquirer) Dumbass Catholic school prevents girl from joining her class graduation after she burned down the entire school while doing meth and having sex with two teachers. Just kidding, it's because she posted pics of herself in a bikini on Facebook  (newsinfo.inquirer.net) (112)
(SLTrib) Weird Utah makes it illegal to cross train tracks while talking or texting on your iPhone, listening to your iPod, reading your iPad, or applying your iLiner  (sltrib.com) (45)
(NBC Bay Area) Obvious To the people of San Francisco: Subway's $5 Footlong, not yours. Apparently your new minimum wage makes the cost of doing business impossible  (nbcbayarea.com) (481)
(Short List) Cool Yeah your day would be much better if it included trying out this new wooden roller coaster  (shortlist.com) (73)
(The Local (Sweden)) Stupid "I'm not dead - I think I'll go for a walk" - old lady finds out she's legally dead  (thelocal.se) (51)
(IEEE Spectrum) Strange RoboBonobo: giving apes control of their own robot. This will end well  (spectrum.ieee.org) (57)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida What's more outrageous: Cops arresting a 10-year-old boy or a tricycle worth $400?  (nwfdailynews.com) (79)
(Some Guy) Interesting Making music with radiation  (nuclear.kth.se) (16)
(Some Subway Guy) Caption Caption this distraught commuter  (28.media.tumblr.com) (39)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this hovering hydrofoil  (navy.mil) (32)
(TMZ) Followup Spike Lee presents: Mea Culpa  (tmz.com) (413)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Smoking hot 25-year-old Baptist school teacher arrested for sex with student, prays she gets probation (w/mugshot)  (dailymail.co.uk) (172)
(Buzzfeed) Interesting The creepiest real-life Barbie that you will see today (w/creepy-ass pics)  (buzzfeed.com) (312)
(Daily Mail) Stupid Jewish High School for girls tells students to delete their Facebook accounts or be expelled because the site is against moral code  (dailymail.co.uk) (161)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida This story has it all. Middle school teacher, her young young female student, cleavage, and a ruler. And yes, Florida   (articles.orlandosentinel.com) (93)
(Oregon Live) Sad What rolls down stairs, alone or in pairs? Rolls over your neighbor Bob? What's great for a snack, and fits on your back? It's LOG LOG LOG  (oregonlive.com) (72)
(SeattlePI) Cool Friends will help you move. Real friends will help you move by hauling all your possessions across town using only bicycles  (seattlepi.com) (87)
(SeattlePI) Stupid Memos from the National Organization for Marriage regarding how they plan to repeal gay marriage are leaked. NOM, NOM, NOM  (seattlepi.com) (157)
(KHOU Houston) Fail Bad: Brawl erupts at party after beer runs out. Worse: Four people shot, two stabbed, two beaten, one dead. FARK: This was a kid's birthday party  (khou.com) (99)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 360: "Farktography Recipe Book". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (99)

Wed March 28, 2012
(WESH Orlando) Florida Here you go nurse, keep the tip  (wesh.com) (52)
(Some Guy) Interesting Illinois Senate to students: "Spit, don't swallow"  (rrstar.com) (44)
(Some Guy) Amusing Facebook's most lurid confessions by its dumbest people  (happyplace.com) (73)
(KNBC 4 Los Angeles) Interesting Fruit on the bottom. Oxycontin on top  (nbclosangeles.com) (34)
(The Smoking Gun) Asinine Rock guitarist applies for trademark to fill niche for "Justice For Trayvon" hoodies. With Jimi-Hendrix-wannabe album cover pic of the entrepreneur  (thesmokinggun.com) (45)
(LA Times) Obvious The Mega Millions jackpot has reached a record $500 million as of 12pm today and with two days to go before Friday nights drawing, things are bound to go full crazy  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (229)
(Washington Post) Spiffy Occupy DC, gladiators, internet memes, and hipsters are much more awesome when made out of Peeps (slideshow, but worth it)  (washingtonpost.com) (11)
(Atlanta Journal Constitution) Hero From the I never saw THAT coming department. A wild bear saves a man from a mountain lion attack  (blogs.ajc.com) (93)
(The Consumerist) Stupid Atheist orders custom Capitol One card with a red "A" on it. It's rejected, since they don't allow "religious imagery." Except, of course, for any of the pre-approved Jesus images available in their online gallery  (consumerist.com) (283)
(ABC) Interesting George Zimmerman on video after the shooting. Funny, those massive head injuries seem to have healed fast, and where's all the blood that should have stained his shirt from shooting someone who was on top of him?  (abcnews.go.com) (¼)
(IndyChannel) Dumbass There is lazy, there is really lazy, then there is this guy  (theindychannel.com) (65)
(VentureBeat) Weird Your Twitter stream can now be converted into toilet paper, creating a dangerous Internet Meme Recursion Loop  (venturebeat.com) (17)
(The Sun) Scary Some thug named Tyson has been beating the crap out of boat users on a two-mile stretch of the UK's longest canal. Yeah, he's just a swan with a whopping 8ft wingspan, but still  (thesun.co.uk) (23)
(LA Times) Sad Are Facebook friends really "friends" if they see posted photographs of your suicide attempt and don't call for help?  (latimes.com) (97)
(3 News New Zealand) Dumbass Dad of the year contender realises taking his two-year-old skydiving might be a bad idea  (3news.co.nz) (40)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this compassionate mother  (fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net) (23)
(BBC) Sad Daughters Disguised: The Afghan girls who are dressed and raised as boys  (bbc.co.uk) (95)
(USA Today) Followup JetBlue pilot faces the always onerous "lunacy on board" airline surcharge  (travel.usatoday.com) (56)
(SacBee) Strange Man wearing sombrero and boxing glove attacks police car. With mugshot goodness  (blogs.sacbee.com) (53)
(The Sun) Fail PSA: If you are sleepy and decide to take a nap then you should know that a narrow concrete ledge five floors up is not the best place to do so  (thesun.co.uk) (23)
(STLToday) Sick There are many ways a mother can build attachments with her son. Forcing him to eat screws is not one  (stltoday.com) (26)
(CBC) Obvious Trailer loaded with coins collides with trailer full of candy. Quite possibly the best crash of all time  (cbc.ca) (44)
(Some Guy) Dumbass The mainstream press is really doing a number on this Trayvon Martin thing, but I'll bet that the bastions of journalistic integrity at big state school newspapers are... oh my  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (162)
(WJW) Dumbass Ohio Senate bill would ban landline telephones, ending home burglar alarm services, dependable emergency communications. Of course, wireless companies are all for it  (fox8.com) (232)
(Some Guy) Asinine Supreme Court rules that the Federal government can tell the world about your HIV status if it wants to  (fox8.com) (77)
(Boston Herald) Dumbass Lawyers, police, reporters who don't read Fark are shocked by driver's .384 BAC reading  (bostonherald.com) (71)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this excited dancer  (i.imgur.com) (31)
(Yahoo) Sick Lorax statue lifted and taken away from home of Dr. Seuss's widow. Anyone with knowledge of the perpetrators' identities is encouraged to contact San Diego police; confidentiality is guaranteed if you use Whisper-ma-Phone  (news.yahoo.com) (51)
(USA Today) Dumbass Former abortion doctor caught disposing of remains of his practice in recycling bins  (yourlife.usatoday.com) (86)
(Some Guy) Cool Guy comes out of the closet after 8 years, on Facebook. Friends are horrified, HORRIFIED, at the web design of his linked blog post, begin in-depth discussion on how to make it look better  (happyplace.com) (253)
(Yahoo) Cool The rare question headline where the answer is not merely "yes", but "Oh HELL yes"  (news.yahoo.com) (300)
(Baltimore Sun) Asinine Baltimore to raise cash by selling its historical landmarks. Now accepting offers for Shot Tower, War Memorial Building, Brooks Robinson's glove  (articles.baltimoresun.com) (78)
(Labspaces.net) Cool The Pill was responsible for a third of all the wage increases earned by sluts during the 1990s  (labspaces.net) (128)
(Boston Channel) Strange 63 year old woman stands her ground against her estranged husband. No word on whether he was wearing a hoodie  (thebostonchannel.com) (37)
(Al Jazeera) Interesting ʞɹoʍʇǝu b4 uɐıןɐɹʇsnɐ ǝsn ʇ,uɐɔ ʇı ǝsnɐɔǝq 3 pɐdı uo spunɟǝɹ sɹǝɟɟo ǝןddɐ  (aljazeera.com) (61)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Woman plants herb garden containing parsley, rosemary, ex-husband, basil, lavender...wait, what?  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) (65)
(My Fox DC) Interesting The year was 1938. A loaf of bread was 9 cents. You could rent a house for $27 a month. And for $130, you could buy the rights to a multibillion-dollar comic book character  (myfoxdc.com) (55)
(io9) Interesting Man undergoes full facial transplant. Nicholas Cage, John Travolta reportedly unimpressed. (pics)  (io9.com) (58)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida You find car keys on the floor of a nightclub. Do you: A) Give them to the staff B) Ask around if anybody lost their car keys C) Get into the car and drive off. Extra Credit: C & D) Drive to a nearby strip club  (nwfdailynews.com) (40)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Six of the top twenty best-performing cities are located in one state, including the top city. Wave your rainbow colored bandana and rejoice  (businessinsider.com) (174)
(Boing Boing) Sappy Holy Wall walking. All the Batman window cameos in one compilation  (boingboing.net) (59)
(Fox News) Dumbass You know how Spike Lee retweeted George Zimmerman's home address to his 250,000 followers? Well, the unrelated elderly couple that lives there and has been forced to move due to death threats would like to have a few words  (foxnews.com) (654)
(Some Guy) Strange Man arrested for suddenly dropping his pants and filming the reactions of the people around him. FOX reportedly trying to secure the rights for their next reality TV show  (kitsapsun.com) (36)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man scrawls a huge painted death threat across garage door. "According to the Police Department, he is not breaking the law. The city is not allowed to regulate what people paint on their homes"  (kens5.com) (102)
(Brockton Enterprise) Sad Semi-hot teacher who had sex with teenage boy 300 times gets 29 months in prison for destroying his life  (enterprisenews.com) (257)
(BBC) Silly Et une triumph terrible en Russe avec mes Water Slides  (bbc.co.uk) (45)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this clay creation  (bigpicture.ru) (25)
(Telegraph) Misc This slideshow of the ten sexiest bedrooms is so good it'll make you wanna puke  (telegraph.co.uk) (204)
(KTVQ) Obvious Christ misses court hearing, expected to show up in three days  (ktvq.com) (32)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Think Jesus rose from the dead? Or was it an illusion  (dailymail.co.uk) (297)
(Huffington Post) Stupid Food bank in Indiana using federal funds asks for just a teensy prayer before you get your groceries  (huffingtonpost.com) (240)
(Hartford Courant) Stupid Crucifix on your condo door? No problem. A mezuzah? That'll be $50 per day, thank you very much  (courant.com) (253)
(96.1 Kiss) Sad Michigan boy gets pet pig taken away due to city law, news cameras are there to capture his tears and one of the greatest child mullets ever seen  (961kiss.com) (119)
(The Atlantic) Caption Caption this produce player  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (25)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy Not news: Woman gets revenge on school bullies. Fark: By becoming a smoking hot Victoria's Secret model (probably not safe for work)  (dailymail.co.uk) (124)
(Some Guy) Florida Woman calls 911, reporting she's "lost in the woods" and doesn't know where to pee. Or, as they call it in Florida, high on meth in her front yard with a gun and a cooler of beer  (wtsp.com) (47)
(Some Guy) Scary God really wants this woman dead  (local12.com) (98)

Tue March 27, 2012
(Tulsa World) Obvious If you're high on hallucinogens and invisible shadow men start to annoy you, don't use a lighter and a spray can to defend yourself  (tulsaworld.com) (67)
(Statesman) Strange Those mock drunk driving accidents staged at high schools during prom season are powerful in their own right. Adding real human blood isn't necessary  (statesman.com) (66)
(Herald Sun) Fail In-flight entertainment: Our captain forgot to take his meds and will be running up and down the aisles raving about "bombs" and "al-Qaida", ensure your seats are in the up-right position and your trays are folded away  (heraldsun.com.au) (121)
(Telegraph) Cool The coolest slideshow you will see today of 'British Design' from 1948-2012  (telegraph.co.uk) (71)
(Some Menopausal Lesbian) Florida You may remember the severed leg that randomly washed up behind a Florida home back in December. Well, if you guessed that it was from a missing menopausal lesbian involved in a love triangle, well then you win  (wtsp.com) (86)
(Gizmodo) Amusing What the fark is this? Obviously, you're not a golfer  (gizmodo.com) (79)
(Boston.com) Photoshop Photoshop this wheeled walker  (inapcache.boston.com) (20)
(Fark) FarkBlog Dick Cheney's heart plant surgery, Bob Uecker's statue juuust a bit outside of Miller Park, and a special report from Trevor McSmokingballs: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 3/18 - 3/24  (fark.com) (10)
(Some Guy) Plug New book coming out by Zack Parsons, author of "My Tank Is Fight!" This one is called Liminal States, and comes with its own music video  (liminalstates.com) (38)
(The New York Times) Stupid Drivers are starting to pull over before using their cell phones. Naturally, some people have a problem with this  (nytimes.com) (228)
(Some Blog) Asinine School bans high school student from wearing a kilt to prom stating that men should dress like men. You know, unlike that sissy Sean Connery   (markisutherland.wordpress.com) (327)
(Some Kitteh) Sappy Picture gallery of ugly ass lion cubs that were born on Valentines Day at the St. Louis Zoo  (ksdk.com) (38)
(Boston.com) Photoshop Photoshop this laid back guy  (inapcache.boston.com) (36)
(Think Progress) Unlikely Friend of Zimmerman defends his use of the slur "coon asses" stating that the phrase is used proudly in parts of the country by people to describe themselves  (thinkprogress.org) (1266)
(Yahoo) Sick Study shows that 20% of pharmacies tested lied to researchers posing as 17-year old girls about the availability of "the morning after pill"; falsely claiming either they didn't stock it, or that it was illegal for them to buy it  (news.yahoo.com) (415)
(Yahoo) Fail Good news: Syria has accepted the UN peace plan, except for the ceasefire part  (news.yahoo.com) (24)
(SFGate) Obvious Maker of pink slime shutting down plants. When asked about green slime, the company replied "I don't know"  (sfgate.com) (273)
(SFGate) Interesting Apparently FEMA made a study to see if Fallout could happen. "If you are thinking about (a city) being wiped off the face of the earth, that's not what happens"  (sfgate.com) (194)
(Gizmodo) Amusing Good news Potter fans Pottermore is now selling E-Book versions of the books you already own 2 print versions of and have already digitally pirated because they wouldn't take your money for them 2 years ago Also, Snape kills dumbledore  (gizmodo.com) (119)
(The Atlantic) Scary New law prohibits Pennsylvania doctors from telling patients what in fracking fluid is causing their cancer  (theatlantic.com) (221)
(Miami Herald) Florida It's possible to molest a freeway. Who knew?  (miamiherald.com) (63)
(Telegraph) Spiffy Come to the Ghent Court of Justice - see the newest modern architecture, the judges heading into chambers, the nude models. Wait, what?  (telegraph.co.uk) (28)
(Some dollar margarita Guy) Obvious Farmwald couldn't confirm if alcohol was involved  (abc57.com) (10)
(Telegraph) Unlikely UK absolutely says it didn't send a nuclear-armed submarine to the Falkland Islands amid rising tensions with Argentina, they just refuse to confirm or deny the deployment of it  (telegraph.co.uk) (157)
(Short List) Hero "Hello, 911? Yes, this is dog." - Basset hound saves own life by ringing emergency services  (shortlist.com) (125)
(Some Fatty) Amusing Point-counterpoint: The Monte Cristo sandwich is an absurd joke that no one gets  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (192)
(NPR) Scary US intelligence analysts being shifted away from al Qaeda to Iran. This might just be a repeat of 2002  (npr.org) (55)
(Fox News) Weird Real-life Hamburgler steals $20 worth of McDonald's food as it is handed to a customer. Cops unclear how anyone spends $20 at McDonald's but estimate the street value at $0.47  (foxnews.com) (95)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing The artist who created the 'Hope and Change' poster just got his mugshot on The Smoking Gun. So that means Jon McNaughton and Thomas Kinkade get to repaint the Sistine Chapel  (thesmokinggun.com) (94)
(Yahoo) Silly Insects discovered in Starbucks Strawberry Frappuccino. Starbucks says it's not a bug, it's a feature. Which is a bug  (news.yahoo.com) (91)
(Some Guy) Scary Two million "protesters" set to march on Jerusalem on Friday. The last time the protesters tried to March on Jerusalem was in 1967 and it lasted six whole days  (timesofisrael.com) (167)
(Philly.com) Dumbass Brandon Lee steals Microsoft co-founder's identity. Then it gets weird  (philly.com) (26)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Spiffy Blood-alcohol level of .552, your move Vegas Farkers  (suntimes.com) (119)
(ABC) Interesting Live blog as SCOTUS examines constitutionality of individual mandate  (abcnews.go.com) (249)
(Some Gal) Followup Submitter took a few suggestions from the Fark community and replaced words on her husband's iPhone. LGT photo album of results  (imgur.com) (269)
(Burlington Free Press) Amusing Protip: Before you put a bobcat into your car, make sure you have a plan to get it out. Big brass ones award goes to the guy who drew the short straw and used a taser  (burlingtonfreepress.com) (54)
(The New Yorker) Obvious How the Daily Mail Online conquered Britain, the Internet and Fark with fluff, fear, celebrity gossip and monkeys  (newyorker.com) (46)
(Fark) Sick Cadbury Cream Eggs are vile. That is all  (fark.com) (316)
(Science Daily) Interesting All kinds of tumors disappeared or shrank when treated with new anti-antibody. Still no cure ... wait, what?  (sciencedaily.com) (102)
(Reuters) Scary Signing up for a Mexican gang hit squad doesn't exactly increase your life expectancy. Neither does signing up for the DEA's fake Mexican gang hit squad  (reuters.com) (56)
(Stylist) Fail Commemorative mugs urge Kate Middleton to "produce children" with Prince Harry  (stylist.co.uk) (61)
(Mother Nature Network) Strange If every single toilet in America was flushed at the same time, pipes would burst, rivers would fill up with sewage, and town water reserves would evaporate. At least in theory  (mnn.com) (97)
(Some Escher) Photoshop Photoshop a surreal compliment. LGT random surreal compliment generator  (madsci.org) (20)
(Some Guy) Fail While the TSA feels up your grandmother at the checkpoint, it's okay for baggage handlers to steal stuff from your checked bag  (newyork.cbslocal.com) (82)
(The Smoking Gun) Sick Obvious: People try to make money of Trayvon Martin's death. Sick: One of the people is his own mother  (thesmokinggun.com) (598)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen) Strange Derick A. Thoene, 28, walked into Iowa City hall at 11:37 a.m. Thoene allegedly approached the lobby receptionist and said, 'I have your parking attendant in the trunk of my car, do you want him dead or alive?'  (press-citizen.com) (42)
(CBC) Asinine Drink named "Albino Rhino" has a woman with albinism seeing red  (cbc.ca) (181)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen) Dumbass Man arrested for repeatedly flashing people walking around a park and eating a bag of marijuana. Thank god he wasn't wearing a hoodie  (press-citizen.com) (51)
(BBC) Interesting Eating chocolate regularly may make you thinner. No, wait, regularly doesn't mean once a minute. Seriously, I don't have any chocola- OW MY FINGER  (bbc.co.uk) (46)
(PennLive) Dumbass If you want to celebrate getting a new job, particularly in this economy, that's cool. The Harrisburg Police, however, tend to frown on celebrations that involve firing guns wildly into the air  (pennlive.com) (40)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Father of two shows what Florida's "Stand Your Ground" law was really meant for  (sun-sentinel.com) (173)
(Mediaite) Dumbass Fox News scrubs all traces of hoodies from its online store. Hoodies are the new boogieman  (mediaite.com) (125)
(Daily Mail) Interesting 1930's vision of the 'House of the Future' was a huge ball with windows that could be towed around by a tractor. ♫Like a rolling home ♫  (dailymail.co.uk) (52)
(BBC) Sad Men have to prove they're gay to avoid the Turkish army. Suggestion 1: Enlist in the Greek army  (bbc.co.uk) (91)
(Some Guy) Fail If you're tracked down and busted by an 8 year old boy using a tracking app, maybe... just maybe, burglary isn't for you  (johnsoncitypress.com) (34)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Mother of the Year candidate admits to downing 12 'small' cans of lager a day while expecting her sixth child, states "I'm too fat to work" (w/pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (145)

Mon March 26, 2012
(CBC) Cool Ontario's Court of Appeal rules that it is unconstitutional for Canada to criminalize pimping and brothels, so long as their services are provided in both English and French  (cbc.ca) (95)
(Some Swashbuckling Waiter) Florida Restaurant worker fights off burglar with a sword and a beer bottle. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr  (wtsp.com) (37)
(Calgary Herald) Cool Old and busted: stealing painting from art museum. New hotness: smuggling painting into art museum  (calgaryherald.com) (43)
(Daily Mail) Sad Recent poll says going to church makes you happy ... unless, perhaps, you happen to be an altar boy  (dailymail.co.uk) (189)
(Huffington Post) Interesting Gang of Blondes: "Six really pretty blondes who wreak havoc around the city by robbing and assuming the identity of fellow beautiful blondes." With helpful pic of what a gang of blondes might look like  (huffingtonpost.com) (53)
(CBS News) Followup Trayvon Martin was suspended from school for possessing traces of marijuana in an empty plastic bag found in his backpack. Which means he totally had it coming, right?  (cbsnews.com) (lots)
(Globe and Mail) Spiffy Why it's ok to stare at women  (theglobeandmail.com) (225)
(Boston.com) Photoshop Photoshop this person in a paddy field in Pobitora  (inapcache.boston.com) (27)
(CNN) Followup Dominique Strauss-Kahn charged with "aggravated pimping." French prosecutors also consider charges of being "straight-up dope, yo"  (cnn.com) (92)
(Fox News) Strange 8 things that stink about spring breakers in Cancun (with pic of what apparently sucks)  (latino.foxnews.com) (244)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop this well work  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (25)
(Some Guy) Followup Chinese couple refuses to move when skyscrapers built around house. In related news, Disney plans to sue them for copyright infringement  (q95.com) (122)
(Yahoo) Cool Try to bring fruit or sausage through JFK Airport from overseas, and Izzy the beagle will bust you adorably  (news.yahoo.com) (100)
(CBS News) Scary Like a guy pleading with his loan-shark's goons for more time, Obama's conversation with Medvedev gets caught by a hot mic  (cbsnews.com) (257)
(USA Today) Dumbass Wife of the soldier who killed 17 Afghani civilians says the accusations are "unbelievable." But witnesses, forensics, and common sense make it really believable  (content.usatoday.com) (214)
(WFTV) Florida Instead of shooting the pit bull during standoff, police went against current policy and gave it treatment for tear gas exposure  (wftv.com) (44)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Woman charged with road rage on grounds she threw coffee into open window of another car  (y100.com) (84)
(Science Daily) Ironic Popular "Junk" food contains more antioxidants than fruit, vegetables. Grab some popcorn, it's gonna be a knock-em-down, drag-em out fight  (sciencedaily.com) (171)
(Fox News) Stupid NYC schools ban the use of terms like "dinosaurs," "dancing" (except for ballet), "birthday," and "Halloween" on tests because of the "unpleasant emotions" they might raise in students  (foxnews.com) (222)
(MSNBC) Interesting Ever get a sinking feeling that Venice could be called something else besides "Queen of the Adriatic," the "City of Water," "City of Bridges," "The Floating City," or the "City of Canals"?  (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com) (109)
(Smh.com.au) Dumbass Naked drunk driver rolls 4WD, loses saving throw against police  (smh.com.au) (34)
(Some Bee) Cool Sat. April 7th NJ Fark Party for Sir Cumference the Flatulent. Update: We're still hitting up Iplay America for some laser tag, but food & drink venue has changed DIT  (iplayamerica.com) (98)
(The Sun) Amusing I don't know what the hell is going on, but here is a UFO camouflaged with a pink lampshade  (thesun.co.uk) (31)
(IMDB) Cool Did anyone else see The Hunger Games this weekend? What did you think? (Warning: possible spoilers in thread)  (imdb.com) (432)
(Fox News) Interesting Texas town bans illegal immigrants from renting property within city limits, costing them $5 million in court costs  (latino.foxnews.com) (312)
(RamblingBeachCat.com) Unlikely What happens when an openly gay Kansas City DJ visits the Westboro Baptist Church? If you said "Welcomes him with open arms and becomes best friends," you would be correct  (ramblingbeachcat.com) (117)
(Houston Press) Dumbass Houston Chronicle society writer revealed to be an active stripper (with photos to show which job she's better at)  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (577)
(Stylist) Sappy Bear cubs in spring time (warning: may induce random "ahh-ing")  (stylist.co.uk) (21)
(WRCB-TV) Asinine Tennessee legislators really can't stand young people showing ANY skin whatsoever, those wanton temptresses. Oh, and pull your pants up, too, young man  (wrcbtv.com) (140)
(Short List) Scary "I'll stage a shooting where I gun down someone in the street, go on trial and be hanged, all within 20 or so minutes" - US mayor reveals plan to bring in the tourists  (shortlist.com) (33)
(Yahoo) Sick "The money shot media following Pope Benedict XVI's first trip to Mexico were waiting for"  (news.yahoo.com) (90)
(Vice) Strange Added to the list of Hezbollah's crimes: Cheating at paintball  (vice.com) (26)
(ABC) Obvious Not that it'll change anyone's mind. "George Zimmerman suffered a broken nose, and had an injury to the back of his head, he was attacked by Trayvon Martin on that evening," (Auto-play video)  (abcnews.go.com) (lots)
(WTOP) Scary Do you hang out in trendy Washington DC-area cafes? Be careful; Iranian spies may be trying to recruit you  (wtop.com) (46)
(Cracked) Fail Five creepy modern parenting fads: Want to worship your child as part of the coming of a new, superior race? Maybe you'd prefer to "train up" your less-than-one year old baby with a tree branch? Truly something for everyone  (cracked.com) (145)
(USA Today) Stupid New York City retro-hipsters aren't going to let the fact that Mad Men is filmed in Canada prevent them from hanging out in Don Draper's favorite watering holes  (travel.usatoday.com) (37)
(Palm Beach Post) Florida To curb the imported fire ant we have imported brain-eating flies. What could possibly go wrong?  (palmbeachpost.com) (51)
(CBS Detroit) Cool Internet tough guys to be exempted from Michigan's "gun-free zone" rules  (detroit.cbslocal.com) (129)
(My Fox DC) Strange What a lucky break  (myfoxdc.com) (18)
(NPR) Obvious Facebook may be bad for people with low self esteems. Also for people with half a brain, social lives, jobs, healthy interests, or the ability to communicate verbally on even a barely functional level. Don't forget to feed your pigs  (npr.org) (53)
(NPR) Fail Helicopter parents force cancellation of annual Easter egg hunt. Due to their "aggressive actions" when they swarmed the park last year, determined to get their precious snowflakes the most goodies  (npr.org) (89)
(Detroit Free Press) Interesting Is it wrong for a wife to use porn to turn on her husband so she can finally get some?  (freep.com) (82)
(CNN) Followup Today begins the day in which the Supreme Court shall hear arguments to decide if giving up a little freedom for a bit of safety is constitutional  (cnn.com) (308)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this costumed character   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (30)
(New York Daily News) Stupid Georgia restaurant jokes that their "black and bleu" sandwich was inspired by Chris Brown's attack on Rihanna. "Chris Brown won't beat you up for eating this unless your name starts with a R and ends with A"  (nydailynews.com) (97)
(Some Intero rectogestionist) Fail Last weekend Richard Dawkins told people to stand tall while patiently showing that atheistic reasoning is inherently stronger than religion...yeah, just kidding. He said to mock people and call them names. The Reason Rally, folks. Yup, Reason  (gatewaynews.co.za) (1177)
(Huffington Post) Stupid GOP files suit to prevent Democratic candidate from claiming to be an astronaut. Difficulty: he actually used to be an astronaut  (huffingtonpost.com) (180)
(Some Guy) Scary 'Bee-stung lips' are SO 2011. Try using this 2.5 inch wasp instead. 2.5 INCHES  (trebuchet-magazine.com) (49)
(io9) Dumbass No  (io9.com) (108)
(New York Daily News) Ironic Young white male hipsters in Brooklyn claim NYPD uses racial profiling against them when determining who to stop and frisk. "I had a bright pink shirt on that day. I was an easy target"  (nydailynews.com) (73)
(Some Really Stoned Ninja) Spiffy Medical marijuana delivery man robbed by ninjas. Yes way  (sgvtribune.com) (19)
(Mirror.co.uk) Cool The coolest hyper-real paintings which look just like photos that you'll see all day. Caution two may be not safe for work  (mirror.co.uk) (73)
(Mirror.co.uk) Unlikely Can Britain call time on 1,000 years of boozing? As far back as 1362, the Archbishop of Canterbury said: "The tavern is worshipped rather than the church, gluttony and drunkenness is more abundant than tears and prayers"  (mirror.co.uk) (69)
(The Raw Story) Scary How are your supplies of bottled water and ammo these days? Mysterious disease literally turning thousands of children in Uganda into zombies, and not only is there no cure, but they aren't even sure of the CAUSE yet  (rawstory.com) (152)
(My Fox DC) Fail Shampoo commercial featuring Adolf Hitler draws outrage. "Mein herr .... is so soft and silky"  (myfoxdc.com) (109)
(Seattle Times) Spiffy Bend, Oregon is America's new capital of beer tourism, thanks to thirst of skiers, rock climbers, river rafters, and other extreme drinkers  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (99)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Fail If you've got a toddler who likes to jump up and down on your bed, hiding your handgun between the mattresses isn't the best idea  (suntimes.com) (56)
(Telegraph) Amusing The Church of England is inviting Twitter users to help choose the new Archbishop of Canterbury. O M G  (telegraph.co.uk) (43)
(The Raw Story) Obvious If black kids didn't want to get shot they'd dress more like Urkel or Skip Gates. (Video)  (rawstory.com) (293)

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