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Sun April 22, 2012
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Daily Mail) Ironic Cuban actors in a Cuban film about people escaping Cuba for the US, on tour for the US opening defect to the US  (dailymail.co.uk) (100)
(Some Guy) Interesting "Even though I spent over $500, I probably will have to go to the grocery store tomorrow." Why yes, we ARE talking about Costco  (lifeinc.today.msnbc.msn.com) (280)
(Telegraph) Cool Animal pictures of the week. Come for the swimming tiger, stay for the flying dolphins  (telegraph.co.uk) (60)
(Newser) Scary First came "pink slime," the processed beef too dubious even for McDonald's. Now "tuna scrape" might be poised to become the seafood equivalent  (newser.com) (141)
(BBC) Interesting Kenyan rangers shoot five ivory poachers, will grind up their bones and sell them to conservationists as an aphrodisiac  (bbc.co.uk) (113)
(BBC) Obvious Study of cell phone records shows only women care about relationships  (bbc.co.uk) (46)
(Some Guy) Photoshop My counter argument to your sinking feeling is that photoshopping this image would likely be quite paneless. Ok, that pun was bad, and I feel bad  (archiadesign.com) (37)
(KNBC 4 Los Angeles) Dumbass If you're going to steal an airplane, be sure to fully untie it first  (nbclosangeles.com) (62)
(cfnews13.com) Florida Hare finally wins race  (cfnews13.com) (33)
(Yahoo) Cool List of America's best doughnut shops not named Voodoo Doughnuts  (travel.yahoo.com) (184)
(The Sun) Spiffy Dizzy the duck loves going to the deli for some delicious donuts. Good thing she has a bill  (thesun.co.uk) (29)
(MSNBC) Scary Northeast to be assaulted by several inches of Global Warming. EVERYBODY PANIC  (usnews.msnbc.msn.com) (292)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If you're planning to rob a bank and begin to feel like you may need medical attention it really isn't in your best interest to hand the teller a note demanding cash AFTER you've had them call 911  (wdtn.com) (11)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this portable player   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (21)
(NYPost) Dumbass If you're a prom queen with cancer who just got $17,000 in sympathy donations, it's probably a good idea to really have cancer  (nypost.com) (76)
(Some Guy) Sappy The plot line for the next direct to video Disney movie is here. "Sappy" tag takes over for missing "Amazing" tag  (kptv.com) (30)
(Houston Chronicle) Obvious 1 in 2 new graduates are jobless or unemployed. Then again, if they all have creative writing degrees and nose rings like this guy in the article, I can see why  (chron.com) (419)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Armored catfish plaguing homeowners in Fark's favorite state  (sun-sentinel.com) (64)
(Salon) PSA Is your wife or girlfriend baby crazy? If so, their biological clock is ticking, and science has finally proved it to be true  (salon.com) (120)
(Cracked) Hero Six nobodies who turned into superheroes and blew dust in your eyes  (cracked.com) (51)
(NYPost) Asinine The "everyone's a winner" mentality is now bleeding over to college  (nypost.com) (123)
(NewsMax) Amusing Iran attempting to take their Photoshop skills to the next level  (newsmax.com) (22)
(Some Guy) Cool Where to get the best steaks in the US. What, no Sizzler? (warning: slideshow)  (foodandwine.com) (233)
(Slate) PSA NEWSFLASH: Breaking news on television is now nothing more than a joke  (slate.com) (84)
(Yahoo) Interesting Melamine in your milk? Rapeseed and industrial lubricant in your olive oil? Food fraud, it's real, and it's on your list  (shopping.yahoo.com) (126)
(KTLA) Scary 2 planes. 1 runway  (ktla.com) (75)
(Boston.com) Fail Town that spent $1 million last year to switch to multispace parking meters will spend $100,000 this year to switch back to traditional meters  (boston.com) (107)
(Pressherald.com) Obvious Good news: New technology lets anyone become a storm chaser. Bed news: ANYONE can become a storm chaser. "There were morons out there. There were plenty"  (pressherald.com) (114)
(Daily Mail) Interesting The 20 best places to visit, but god help you if you live there  (dailymail.co.uk) (128)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this miniature man mounting   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (20)
(Toronto Star) Silly Local horse whisperer telepathically communicates with animals. With picture of said person and horse thinking "Get this freak away from me"  (thestar.com) (96)
(Daily Express) Stupid Girl who went missing five years ago, aged three, is now in her mid 40s  (express.co.uk) (62)
(Some Guy) Cool Subby's nephew was invited to the prom via a "cheezy" invitation written in the dead of night with CheezWhiz and cheese puffs, what was the most cheesy way someone asked you out?  (i.imgur.com) (108)
(KHOU Houston) Amusing Free Jell-O  (khou.com) (48)
(Boston Herald) Hero Hot redhead singlehandedly collars Boston subway pervert after the other male passengers fold up like the Sox with a 9-0 lead  (bostonherald.com) (233)
(The Sun) Strange 35-year-old Milf cries tears of diamonds. The Sun is there, making her eyes all sparkly (w/pic)  (thesun.co.uk) (168)
(Numb Guy) Strange Man shot twice outside of bar, doesn't realize it until the next morning. I'll have what he's having  (kcra.com) (50)

Sat April 21, 2012
(Denver Post) Asinine Tossing mud balls containing flower and vegetable seeds into vacant lots is the "cool" and "radical" way to prove you're a revolutionary, bomb-throwing hipster  (denverpost.com) (200)
(Times Herald Record (NY)) Obvious Never give Darwin a second swing: man clips several parked cars, flees, and a few minutes later says hello to Mr. Tractor Trailer  (recordonline.com) (32)
(Some Guy) Asinine "She was like, 'Aaargh, aargh,' and she just kept biting her." The chilling description of an attack by... A) a lioness, B) a pitbull, or C) an irate motorist?  (ktvu.com) (50)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Theme: Warning labels for products that don't need them. LGT inspriration  (i.imgur.com) (40)
(Yahoo) Strange Doomed: Eight products the Facebook Generation will not buy  (finance.yahoo.com) (320)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop these festival goers going  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (30)
(National Geographic) Interesting 3000 Buddha statues in the mud, 3000 Buddha statues, excavate 1, clean him up, 2999 Buddha statues in the mud  (news.nationalgeographic.com) (79)
(BBC) Interesting British high court to rule if there are too many badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers in England  (bbc.co.uk) (66)
(NYPost) Fail Take notes, kiddies: This is what career self-destruction looks like  (nypost.com) (221)
(CBS News) Scary Jail, it's not just for potheads. Debtor prisons, you owe, you owe, it's off to jail you go  (cbsnews.com) (198)
(MSNBC) Sad Sam Wo's, the San Francisco restaurant that once featured "the world's rudest waiter" set to close its door after 100 years. How rude was he? "The Soup Nazi is the Dalai Lama compared to Edsel Ford Fung"  (usnews.msnbc.msn.com) (135)
(Some Guy) Interesting Not News: UFO video over France is enhanced. Still don't know what the Fark it is. News: France is starting to look like Milwaukee  (news.gather.com) (121)
(Entertainment Weekly) Cool Today is Vinyl Record Store Day, so you old timers need to get out there, go down to your local record store and chat with the crazy guy behind the counter. You can also buy a vinyl record or two  (music-mix.ew.com) (128)
(Newser) Dumbass More gun fun with the Motor City Madman, Ted Nugent fined for exceeding bear hunt quota  (newser.com) (129)
(Yahoo) Interesting Hundreds of thousands may lose Internet access in July due to hackers. Take off your tinfoil hat, the FBI is here to help and wants to keep you online  (news.yahoo.com) (105)
(Fark) FarkParty Twin Cities Fark Party TONIGHT April 21st, Psycho Suzi's Motor Lounge. Now with 17% more out-of-towner  (fark.com) (600)
(Telegraph) Fail Lamborghini seems to have not learned their lesson the first time and tries once again to make a SUV  (telegraph.co.uk) (105)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy World's Oldest Man celebrates 115th birthday, wants you to get off his lawn (w/pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (46)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Bad: You're stabbed badly enough to that the ambulance can't reach you in time. Good: The police rush you to the hospital on their car. Fark: Yes, I said ON their car  (tolland.patch.com) (72)
(UPI) Fail Liquid concrete accidentally floods upscale New York hotel. Officials predict that removing it will only get harder and harder  (upi.com) (28)
(Caturday) Photoshop Subby's cat has cancer. What would kitty heaven look like? Link to pic of cancerous cat, Lucy. (Need dual Caturday/Photoshop tag)  (4.bp.blogspot.com) (101)
(SLTrib) Strange Student-body president at BYU campus says hanging around all those Mormons has made him a better Muslim. Wait, what?  (sltrib.com) (71)
(Washington Post) Unlikely New study suggests lengthening the school day. Teachers immediately cite 8th Amendment, covering cruel and unusual punishment  (washingtonpost.com) (132)
(ksdk.com) Caturday Marcy the chihuahua adopts two motherless kittens, feeding and caring for them at the shelter while they all wait for a home. More proof that dogs are also welcome on Caturday  (ksdk.com) (827)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Ansel Adams photographs of Los Angeles in the nineteen dickities, way before the Kaiser stole the word forty, back when gas cost just a few bees and everyone wore an onion on their belt  (dailymail.co.uk) (56)
(Charlotte Observer) Dumbass You can't fight City Hall, but apparently you can smoke pot & have sex there  (charlotteobserver.com) (16)
(HelenaIR.com) Obvious The family that sells joints together gets cells in the joint together  (helenair.com) (17)
(Some Guy) Strange Man becomes irate after learning the officer coming to his aid was not the Son of God, steals his car  (jacksonsun.com) (11)
(Dayton Daily News) Fail If you're going to make a case for more art in your city there are more compelling ways to do it than a toilet on a pedestal in the city square  (daytondailynews.com) (13)
(Some Guy) Interesting Great news for all you fat alcoholics out there  (gizmag.com) (44)
(Daily Mail) Stupid Woman "shocked" to find duck-shaped potato in her kitchen. You'll be less shocked when you see photos of how often potatoes turn into ducks, which is pretty much all the goddamn time  (dailymail.co.uk) (57)
(The Sun) Spiffy 31-year-old hottie: "Tourettes turned me into a mother farking superhero" (w/pics)  (thesun.co.uk) (167)

Fri April 20, 2012
(Daily Mail) Strange Annoying: Shrinkage. Alarming: Phantom genitalia  (dailymail.co.uk) (143)
(Some Smart Ass) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: Everything I learned about Photoshopping, I learned on Fark  (c710720.r20.cf2.rackcdn.com) (56)
(CNN) Sad South African bodyboarder killed by great white shark remembered as well-mannered boy and great chum  (news.blogs.cnn.com) (77)
(Some Guy) Dumbass 'Bikini Baristas should be hidden behind privacy fence', says man whose house is the target of every egg-throwing teenager in Bremerton, WA  (kimatv.com) (511)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this fringed fish face  (bigpicture.ru) (40)
(Fark) Survey Put down your bong for a minute, it's time for the Fark Weird News Quiz, the only test in the world that you'll probably do a little better at if you're baked  (fark.com) (58)
(Buzzfeed) Amusing 33 animals who are extremely disappointed in you. Not a slideshow  (buzzfeed.com) (101)
(Fark) FarkParty TORONTO FARK PARTY - June 2nd. 1pm Blue Jays v. Red Sox, 8pm variety show at The Comedy Bar - stand-up, music and burlesque acts put together by our very own Mike "Nug" Nahrgang (AKA The Mustard Man). Come mooch a beer off Drew  (fark.com) (91)
(Houston Chronicle) Scary Some garbage collectors find tin cans and glass bottles in the trash. These guys found a used military-style rocket launcher  (blog.chron.com) (117)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Welsh rugby victories and the death of popes. No connection? Don't be so sure  (ibtimes.co.uk) (22)
(CBS 46 Atlanta) Sick Assistant principal accuses elementary school student of sexting, then makes the kid look at naked cell phone picture to prove it  (cbsatlanta.com) (109)
(New York Daily News) Obvious In a world where America fights to remain in front: Talking pineapple question on state exam stumps Students, Teachers and Principals  (nydailynews.com) (338)
(MSNBC) Scary Fear of clowns is serious business  (bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com) (152)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Great-granny drinks fifth while babysitting, gets arrested. Now with "what has been seen can not be unseen pic"  (thenewsstar.com) (171)
(Yahoo) Asinine The answer to this question headline isn't merely "no", but "you've got to be farking kidding me"  (news.yahoo.com) (143)
(Time) Fail Chinese company names sunglasses after Helen Keller  (newsfeed.time.com) (117)
(Slate) Unlikely Next time you drop a piece of food on the ground, pick it up and eat it. Your immune system will thank you  (slate.com) (180)
(WISHTV) Stupid Olive Garden management assures family 10-year-old will be fine after serving him rum cocktail  (wishtv.com) (161)
(CBS News) Unlikely The fastest state to execute murderers isn't the one you were thinking of, is it?  (cbsnews.com) (47)
(Daily Mail) Followup There might be a break in the Etan Patz case, the original "milk carton kid" who went missing in 1979  (dailymail.co.uk) (62)
(CNN) Followup George Zimmerman bail set at $150,000, or about 75,000 bags of Skittles and cans of Arizona Iced Tea  (news.blogs.cnn.com) (1335)
(AZCentral) Dumbass The epidemic of airplane nudity continues  (azcentral.com) (34)
(The Daily Star) Scary At least one killed in Japan's latest disaster... RAMPAGING BEARS  (dailystar.com.lb) (49)
(WorldNetDaily) PSA Good news, everyone: according to the Bible the Anti-Christ won't rule over America because America didn't exist in biblical times. Or something  (wnd.com) (207)
(Talking Points Memo) Followup One of the Secret Service agents in the middle of the Colombian prostitution scandal was part of Sarah Palin's detail, and he often joked about checking her out  (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com) (191)
(NBC) Florida If you lost your human torso skeleton off the waters of Key West, the Monroe County Sheriff's Office is keeping it for you  (nbcchicago.com) (23)
(Daily Mail) Cool Fark ready headline of the day (and future motion picture): "Friends 'broke into zoo, stripped to their underwear to swim with dolphins before stealing a penguin' on drunken night out"  (dailymail.co.uk) (50)
(Some Guy) Fail Why is it all tourist videos show the chunky guy in shorts going for a dip instead of the hot babe in a bikini? And, oh yeah, accidental UFOs  (news.gather.com) (110)
(Jacksonville.com) Florida A person opening the hotel door to the cops with "Hi, policeman" and testing positive for cocaine after being taken into custody normally isn't news. Unless he's four years old  (jacksonville.com) (24)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Unlike Whitney Houston, bats are rebounding from white-nose syndrome  (phys.org) (53)
(Toronto Star) Interesting Rupert Murdoch's method to deal with bugging scandal? Bug Rebekah Brooks' office and have a team of reporters spy and try to dig up dirt on her. Excellent Smithers  (thestar.com) (33)
(Hindustan Times) Stupid Hindustan Times tasteless headline: translation error or intentional?  (hindustantimes.com) (56)
(KNBC 4 Los Angeles) Hero Passenger captures bird strike on tape, milks his 15 minutes of fame  (nbclosangeles.com) (91)
(This is Kent) Stupid Cannabis dealer is jailed despite telling judge the apocalypse will come on December 21  (thisiskent.co.uk) (20)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Poodle recovering after Florida man is charged with knowingly having sex with the dog, as opposed to doing so ignorantly  (sun-sentinel.com) (84)
(Lake Baikal) Photoshop Photoshop this rocky remnant  (bigpicture.ru) (32)
(YouTube) Scary Forget Rebecca Black, there's a new duo in town  (youtube.com) (173)
(Newser) Followup Pregnant man becomes single mother  (newser.com) (240)
(Des Moines Register) Stupid Since Prom isn't overly expensive and a true waste of money, kids aren't getting invitations, they're getting "Prom-posals"  (desmoinesregister.com) (82)
(Some Guy) Dumbass One man tries beating recession by stealing only pickup truck tailgates. Cops helpfully point out they can be resold for as much as $4,500 and can be popped off in 15 seconds  (calgaryherald.com) (75)
(Some Aussie) Scary Continuing our long-running series of Australian Animals That Will Kill You: Backyard orb spider eats 1.5m snake  (cairns.com.au) (127)
(Fox News) Asinine Alabama bans beer over dirty name, you know, for the children. The name? "Dirty Bastard" Bonus: State approved the sale of "Fat Bastard" wine and "Raging biatch" beer  (foxnews.com) (79)
(Scotsman) Scary British warned that metals used in new coins may rot their skin  (scotsman.com) (39)
(Daily Mail) Sad How internet porn turned my beautiful boy into a hollow, self-hating shell -- with a grip of steel  (dailymail.co.uk) (291)
(New Zealand Herald) Stupid Not news: 30 year old mother of 8 overdoses on coke. News: 30 year old mother of 8 overdoses on Coke  (nzherald.co.nz) (128)
(Some Guy) Followup First pictures of hooker at the center of the Secret Service scandal released - and she's a hottie  (mailonsunday.co.uk) (235)
(Daily Mail) Scary Men warned of danger of using hair-removal gels on their junk: "You may wake up one morning with an extremely high voice and notice you have no more testicles and officially classed as a eunuch"  (dailymail.co.uk) (118)

Thu April 19, 2012
(Toronto Star) Amusing Blowing contestant: "It's a very delicate instrument," he said of the human mouth. "I just try to stay moist"  (toronto.com) (28)
(New York Daily News) Stupid Getting rats coked up to see if they like the music of Miles Davis is kind of stupid. That, and other dumb animal research paid for with tax dollars  (nydailynews.com) (105)
(Some Coatis) Cool Cute-ass baby red coatis born at Brno Zoo. Czech 'em out  (zooborns.com) (37)
(USA Today) Hero Girl born with no hands: A) wallows in self-pity. B) hates the song B-I-N-G-O. Fark) Wins National penmanship contest  (content.usatoday.com) (130)
(Sotheby's) Photoshop Photoshop this art for auction   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (56)
(CBS News) Sad 2011 was the worst year for measles since 1986. On the bright side, all the victims were autism free  (cbsnews.com) (209)
(Beaver County Times) Strange New addition to bucket list: being arrested for 'risking a catastrophe'  (timesonline.com) (43)
(Huffington Post) Sick Catholic Bishop says Obama is on the same path as Hitler or Stalin. Well, at least he didn't call him a pedophile  (huffingtonpost.com) (271)
(CNN) Followup Take a load off, Levon  (cnn.com) (181)
(AZCentral) Sad Not news: small plane goes down over the gulf. Scary news: take a look at his flightpath  (azcentral.com) (191)
(Fox News) Scary Bollywood actress beheaded by two fellow actors, no word on whether their alibi is the same old song and dance  (foxnews.com) (179)
(Daily Mail) Photoshop Challenge: make him even MORE ironic  (i.dailymail.co.uk) (60)
(Some Alien Abductee Guy) Strange Tired of being abducted and "probed" by space aliens? Resistance is fertile  (alienresistance.org) (62)
(Wikipedia) Amusing Greatest entry in the history of Wikipedia? "Yinling the Erotic Terrorist . . . gave birth to Monster Bono after being hit by The Great Muta's green mist in the genitals"  (en.wikipedia.org) (63)
(Talking Points Memo) Followup George Zimmerman wants a private meeting with the parents of Trayvon Martin. Preferably in a dark alley on a cool, rainy day  (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com) (551)
(USA Today) Strange Conan O'Brien and Andy Richter to become key members of Halo universe (w/ video)  (content.usatoday.com) (30)
(Denver Channel) Sad Hello, homeowner? Good news We finished a half hour early, the laundry is done, the kitchen is clean, your dead dog is under the dining room table and we need more Lemon Pledge. What was that? I said we need more Lemon Pledge  (thedenverchannel.com) (94)
(The Smoking Gun) Followup California school board fires high school science teacher, deciding that her appearances in Big Sausage Pizza videos were not the equivalent of a master's degree (Borderline NSFW images in article)  (thesmokinggun.com) (546)
(NJ101.5) Dumbass There's no harm in telling a girl she's "too sexy" for the gym right? Unless he's 40, she's in second grade and you're her teacher... Then you're uh, suspended  (nj1015.com) (91)
(Chicago Tribune) Spiffy A 93-year-old former Tuskegee Airman from Gary, IN whose Congressional Gold Medal was stolen is getting a replacement. Also says he did not see that awful Red Tails movie  (chicagotribune.com) (42)
(BBC) Stupid Vatican cracks down on priests who abuse boys. Just kidding, they are actually pissed about feminist nuns  (bbc.co.uk) (151)
(Yahoo) Obvious Chicken industries will now be doing their own inspections of chickens before they leave the factory. I'm okay with this because big business has never cut safety measures or regulations in the name of profits  (news.yahoo.com) (98)
(Redneck Riviera) Fail Number 1 thing to do in Myrtle Beach: Steal a reporter's mic during a live television broadcast and shout out the "N" word for your homies. With mug shot goodness  (myrtlebeachonline.com) (101)
(Yahoo) Fail Hindu God Ganesh, minus two of his arms, mysteriously turns up in museum parking lot after owner pays some guy to dispose of it. The Simpsons did not do this one yet  (ca.news.yahoo.com) (43)
(MSNBC) Followup FCC asks Supreme Court to take another look at Janet Jackson's nipple so they can wring CBS  (entertainment.msnbc.msn.com) (106)
(Some Guy) Interesting California teens hack into school computers to change attendance records. Next up: Getting keys to Cameron's dad's Ferrari, picking up Sloane Peterson  (duluthnewstribune.com) (99)
(Washington Post) Obvious Gaza residents disenchanted after finding Hamas is better at launching rockets than running a government  (washingtonpost.com) (164)
(Some Guy) Obvious "A Korean fishing boat sank in New Zealand waters nearly two years ago because it was not watertight, an expert witness testified." What would we do without experts?  (tvnz.co.nz) (28)
(Telegraph) Strange Greeks upset that their warship will not be allowed to storm London  (telegraph.co.uk) (52)
(Asbury Park Press) Strange People visiting the original "Jersey Shore" house are getting shingles  (app.com) (61)
(News.com.au) Obvious So you remember that sex video of yourself you sent to Justin Bieber because he asked you to? Well here's the thing  (news.com.au) (55)
(The Daily Caller) Interesting PETA thinks that Obama should get a pass for eating dogs. I mean he's the messiah, his touching it elevated the dog to a higher plane of existence  (dailycaller.com) (197)
(STV.tv) Fail Caller: Help, a strange car is following me. Cops: We know, it's us  (news.stv.tv) (57)
(WPTV) Florida You say tomato, I say violent rage  (wptv.com) (41)
(Daily Express) Amusing British parliament in uproar over plans to tax the Cornish pasty and other ancient pie-related products  (express.co.uk) (50)
(Business Insider) Scary Starting in 2015 your car will record every action you take. The government and police will never ever abuse this data or use it for personal reasons. Pinky swear  (businessinsider.com) (178)
(Chicago Tribune) Fail Sales of Ford's $39,000 Electric Focus have been less than two dozen, or in Chrysler terms, a pretty good year  (chicagotribune.com) (252)
(Des Moines Register) Obvious Today's Fark headline: "Rapists living next to Iowa grannies?"   (blogs.desmoinesregister.com) (24)
(Some Rockhound) Cool James Cameron's next project might be a remake of 'Armageddon'  (theverge.com) (115)
(The Raw Story) Interesting Reporter volunteers for trans-hoo-hah ultrasound  (rawstory.com) (157)
(My Fox DC) Weird You have the right to speak to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you right after I lick your hair. Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you?  (myfoxdc.com) (20)
(Yahoo) Obvious South Carolina cops still getting extra phlegm in their McDonald's Happy Meals; still not happy about it  (news.yahoo.com) (70)
(Some Guy) Scary Neither rain nor snow, heat nor darkness can prevent the mail from being delivered, unless the post office is infested with poisonous spiders, in which case you'll have to come pick it up  (1035superx.com) (75)
(Mother Nature Network) Spiffy More and more Americans are discovering the joys of pouring hot sauce over their breakfast cereal  (mnn.com) (139)
(Fox Sports) Unlikely Study says soccer is like sex for fans (including the acceptance of faking it and flopping)  (msn.foxsports.com) (59)
(Google) Ironic Norway shooter says his original plan included decapitating the former Prime Minister and posting the video of it online. You know, to make a statement about how barbaric and dangerous Muslims are  (google.com) (77)
(MSNBC) Dumbass Unlike Best Korea, India is able to keep it up and perform. Bonus: they call it the "China Killer"  (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com) (77)
(WPTV) Florida And I would have gotten away with it, too -- if it hadn't been for the traffic, the tree, my baggy shorts and that stun gun  (wptv.com) (10)
(Huffington Post) Followup Dick Clark's greatest moments from Pyramid  (huffingtonpost.com) (29)
(Yahoo) Interesting Looking for a vacation destination sure to provoke awkward silences from you and uncomfortable questions from your kids? The be sure to visit Michigan's newest attraction: The Jim Crow Museum of Racist Memorabilia  (news.yahoo.com) (98)
(970 WFLA) Florida Police on the lookout for a man... errr woman... errr man... dressed as a woman... errr man. (With totally hittable... errr NOT hittable mugshots)  (970wfla.com) (27)
(OC Register) Stupid Pot shop opens in California strip mall less than 50 feet from 'inconveniently located' continuation high school. Coincidentally, Sean Penn, Anthony Edwards, and Eric Stoltz seen outside near the food machines. Ray Walston inconsolable  (ocregister.com) (43)
(My Fox DC) Interesting If you're satisfied, you're happy - I'm happy - it's like, you're 16, you're 18, you're 21 then - POW - you're 39 with a suitcase full of chocolate - damn this is taking forever - I hope I get a window seat  (myfoxdc.com) (18)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this driving simulator  (i.imgur.com) (20)
(Some Guy) Weird Hey hoser, why can't we get some of that Clintonville booms publicity action up here in McAdam, eh? We'll need a new angle though. How aboot throwing in ball lightning? Skookum  (news.gather.com) (19)
(News.com.au) Followup Judge rules woman who was injured having sex on business trip is entitled to workers' compensation  (news.com.au) (101)
(USA Today) Asinine FDA proposes corn syrup to be called corn sugar. In similar news saturated fat to be renamed artery thickener  (usatoday.com) (199)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Obvious Family upset that a first-grade field trip to the library included a stint getting locked in a jail cell  (suntimes.com) (62)
(My Fox DC) Asinine We need a nice looking, friendly, not too dark black guy to play the role - oh, and, by uh, 'not too dark' we mean an African-American who is more comfortable with comedic roles rather than dramatic rol...okay we messed up  (myfoxdc.com) (89)
(Fark) Spiffy I am in the office WAY early, no one else is here. I am actually getting work done. Amazing  (fark.com) (121)
(MSNBC) Interesting Blood test could identify depression in teens, samples are easily collected after they finish cutting themselves  (vitals.msnbc.msn.com) (52)
(BBC) Sad I come from a land six foot down under  (bbc.co.uk) (89)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Researchers eager to see the result of an entire generation of children growing up addicted to online porn  (dailymail.co.uk) (158)
(Jalopnik) Scary I like my women how I like my Chevy Cobalts: Covered in BEEEEEEEEES  (jalopnik.com) (42)
(io9) Cool An abandoned village in Belgium is left to natural reclamation, slowly morphing into the countryside. Then came the graffiti artists  (io9.com) (41)
(Huffington Post) Asinine Brooklyn DA's office knew woman recanted rape accusations, but indicted two men anyway because, hey, conviction rate = justice  (huffingtonpost.com) (106)
(Daily Mail) Scary Terrifying pictures of near death experiences of young children from a barbaric age  (dailymail.co.uk) (166)
(Fox News) Scary NYPD Cop removes 3 inch knife from his own temple. Expected to survive with no lasting impact. Phineas Gage looks on menacingly  (latino.foxnews.com) (38)
(CNBC) PSA California grape shortage will make consumers wine  (cnbc.com) (47)
(Yahoo) PSA Attention single guys with pets: Be afraid, be very very afraid  (shine.yahoo.com) (310)
(LA Times) Asinine America's 2nd largest public school system anticipates larger number of drop-outs.To counter this do they a) increase the school day by 55 minutes, b) offer free tutoring or c) lower the bar and require 25% less credits to graduate  (latimes.com) (136)
(Denver Post) Obvious Utah man arrested for giving "the worst tattoo ever" for drugs. It was either a moobtat, tramp stamp, barbed wire on biceps, Japanese letters you hope are what you wanted, or anything you can't see without a mirror, or necktat  (denverpost.com) (95)
(Reason Magazine) Asinine Bad: two cops beat the crap out of a kid for fun. HERO: Officer Regina Tasca intervenes and stops the beating. Fark/obvious: Police department rules Regina Tasca "psychologically unfit" to be a police officer  (reason.com) (242)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 363: "Sun in Frame". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (175)

Wed April 18, 2012
(AZCentral) Followup Romance between 41-year-old teacher, and his 18-year-old student that was on, then off, is now back on. Charges of abusing another girl cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while  (azcentral.com) (88)
(Al Jazeera) Scary Fishermen are catching tons of shrmp in the Gulf. You read that right, these shrmp have no eyes  (aljazeera.com) (173)
(CNN) Interesting Why are American "Freedom Fries" saltier than French Fries? We don't really know, but here's an article about it  (cnn.com) (101)
(Boston.com) Photoshop Photoshop this woman watching  (inapcache.boston.com) (44)
(MSNBC) Obvious It's time for the Spring 2012 edition of 'researchers can't figure out why Gen Xers feel like they've been screwed over for good'  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (312)
(Discover) Followup No, a pilot did not plunge his plane into a nosedive to avoid Venus. Venus  (blogs.discovermagazine.com) (82)
(Washington Post) Interesting Tablets like the iPad are a boon for overcoming social and communication difficulties. They help disabled students, too  (washingtonpost.com) (76)
(Some Guy) NewsFlash Dick in a box  (wjla.com) (610)
(Some Guys) Photoshop Photoshop these psyched sliders   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (27)
(Yahoo) Dumbass Reporters and gun knowledge doesn't mix: "The female suspect, McClain, was described by witnesses at the scene as a black female carrying a small caliber pistol, possibly a 9mm"  (gma.yahoo.com) (340)
(Indecision Forever) Amusing GOP of Thrones--November is coming. Some language is NSFW (sponsored link)  (indecisionforever.com) (196)
(ESPN) Spiffy Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention? I've just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story. I need all of you, to stop what you're doing and listen: College athletes are smoking weed  (espn.go.com) (117)
(CNN) Strange Stripping naked at airport security checks will not decrease waiting time  (cnn.com) (72)
(Guardian) Sick Ten things not to say to someone with cancer. 'Can I have your stuff?' strangely absent  (guardian.co.uk) (223)
(MSNBC) Obvious Who knew that helicopters are faster than automobiles?  (msnbc.msn.com) (97)
(Some Guy) Stupid Baptists want to abolish lottery: "If you pay $5 for a lottery ticket and it says 'you won, one dollar', you've actually lost four dollars." In related news, if water turns to wine, you're actually losing water  (big1059.com) (182)
(Wired) Amusing Best Korea spends upwards of $15 to launch its powerful presence on the Interwebs  (wired.com) (128)
(Yahoo) Interesting Mystery that started with the question why a prominent mobster was buried in a secret Opus Dei church in the Vatican leads to a story so twisted that even Mario Puzo would say "I couldn't make this up"  (news.yahoo.com) (91)
(MSNBC) Hero Citigroup shareholders make history by becoming the first Wall St. shareholders to reject the executives' compensation packages  (marketday.msnbc.msn.com) (150)
(Newser) Florida Remember that controversial Florida law requiring welfare seekers to submit to drug tests? Turns out it didn't save taxpayers any money, didn't affect the number of applications, and didn't even ferret out very many drug users  (newser.com) (558)
(WRAL) Sad Girl:✓ White:✓ Blonde:✓ Missing:✓ Soldier:✓ Queue media and military frenzy in 3...2  (wral.com) (327)
(Stuff.co.nz) Cool I'm a prostitute robot from the future  (stuff.co.nz) (269)
(WPTV) Florida If locking your keys in your car doesn't clue officers in that you're on drugs, maybe the cocaine all over your face will  (wptv.com) (25)
(Your man in Ulan Bator) Interesting German beavers shipped to Mongolia. Beavers claim they're not even from there  (ubpost.mongolnews.mn) (46)
(Some Guy) Hero Not news: Son pays off father's $10,000 medical bill. News: He's six. Fark: The money was proceeds from his lemonade stand  (mega949.com) (123)
(Abc.net.au) Unlikely Man decides to quit his job to pursue his passion. Which is usually a cool thing, unless your passion is being an "artisan pencil sharpener" and trying to get people to pay you $15 a pop  (blogs.abc.net.au) (89)
(azfamily.com) Silly With 4/20 just days away, here's your annual story about about an anti-drug group handing out free drug testing kits to concerned parents. "Parents need to be aware of this culture"  (azfamily.com) (175)
(Mirror.co.uk) Strange Teenager sent to hospital after being struck by lightning twice in the same afternoon -- later discharged  (mirror.co.uk) (43)
(Yahoo) Obvious Study shows that the precentage of people believing in God increases dramatically with age. Statisticians call this phenomenon "hedging your bets"  (news.yahoo.com) (554)
(Yahoo) Stupid Dude, I was so stoned I didn't realize they added 7 new states  (news.yahoo.com) (113)
(The Register) Fail The only reason Mark Zuckerberg spent $1 billion on Instagram is because they wanted $2 billion and $1 billion seemed like such a deal  (theregister.co.uk) (182)
(Some Girl) Photoshop Photoshop this little bungee bouncer   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (22)
(Telegraph) Interesting Fark ready headline "Rugby player says he is happier since stroke 'turned him gay"  (telegraph.co.uk) (167)
(Daily Mail) Fail While having a profession can be a good thing, being a professional shoplifter is generally frowned upon  (dailymail.co.uk) (16)
(My Fox DC) Sappy There's nothing like having a dream wedding at your local IKEA  (myfoxdc.com) (38)
(Daily Mail) Scary Ugly ass baby parrot born in Germany  (dailymail.co.uk) (34)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Sheriff's Deputy files $50 million lawsuit after being dumb enough to believe the naked pictures her co-worker took of her were for catching pervs on the Internet  (wwnytv.com) (87)
(wymt.com) Dumbass The saga of posting crimes on Facebook continues as a 20 year old post pictures of himself siphoning gas from a police cruiser. When asked if he wanted to apologize..."not really". (with video)  (wkyt.com) (28)
(IndyChannel) Asinine Woman allergic to paprika brings service dog to work where coworker allergic to dogs files complaint to prevent dog in the workplace thus causing woman to file lawsuit. The allergy Aristocrats  (theindychannel.com) (231)
(Some Pork) Caption Caption this photo of respected politician John McCain  (p.twimg.com) (43)
(Boston News) Strange Your daughter will DIE unless you give me $16,000. I should know, I'm psychic  (www1.whdh.com) (25)
(The Sun) Fail Workers replace hospital sign with spelling error with new sign....that has the same error  (thesun.co.uk) (44)
(Gallup) Interesting New Gallup poll finds Americans are worrying less about environmental issues. This is a repeat of every year since 2000  (gallup.com) (87)

Tue April 17, 2012
(Deadspin) Strange Some guys keep mental notes of their dates for future reference.. then there's this guy  (deadspin.com) (225)
(AZCentral) Fail Just because a woman asks you about getting her genitals pierced does not give you the green light to try to pierce her with your genitals  (azcentral.com) (56)
(The New York Times) Obvious And in this corner, taking on Thin Crust and Deep Dish, is Montanara Fried Pizza. Calm, rational discussions about which is best over to the right  (nytimes.com) (124)
(WTSP) Florida When dealing with a "possessed" baby, do you: A) call Max von Sydow, B) call the Ghostbusters, or C) strip half naked and try to throw the child in the ocean?  (wtsp.com) (68)
(The Atlantic) Scary Is predicting crime before it happens: (a) something out of Philip K. Dick's "Minority Report," (b) a DHS research project, (c) a terrible and dangerous idea, (d) all of the above?  (theatlantic.com) (123)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these one-wheeled pigskin players  (cdni.wired.co.uk) (20)
(Wall Street Journal) Misc Warren Buffett acquires prostate cancer  (blogs.wsj.com) (145)
(Washington Post) Fail "This guy is the Taliban equivalent of the 'Home Alone' burglars"  (washingtonpost.com) (94)
(Atlanta Journal Constitution) Followup Remember that lottery winner that couldn't understand why she should stop collecting welfare? She's about to learn  (ajc.com) (419)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this wannabe flying guy  (i.imgur.com) (33)
(IGN) Interesting A few examples of cultural censorship in video games. Come for zombies flipping the bird at limeys, stay for the annexation of Tibet in Football Manager 2005  (games.ign.com) (89)
(TBO) Florida Virtual libraries in public schools are great tools, but maybe first graders should hold off seeing dead bodies, autopsies until after grandma's funeral  (www2.tbo.com) (51)
(CNN) Stupid No, no, Dickens wrote 'David Copperfield' with *two* Ps. This is 'David Coperfield' with *one* P by Edmund Wells  (tech.fortune.cnn.com) (193)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Fark-ready Headline: Barking man cited for noise violation Bonus: "Some people call me the holy lamb of God"  (onlineathens.com) (65)
(MSNBC) Interesting If you're an American getting in-vitro fertilization in another country you better make sure you have proof one of the donors is also American  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (150)
(TED.com) PSA Drew's TED talk is up - How I Beat a Patent Troll  (ted.com) (335)
(PennLive) Dumbass Seriously, who throws a scooter at a car?  (pennlive.com) (40)
(Some Guy) Sick We have a 429. I repeat a 429. PORT-A-POTTY DOWN. CODE BLUE JUICE  (lagrange.patch.com) (55)
(Forbes) Scary Microsoft to release Halo 4 on election day. This is bad news... for Obama  (forbes.com) (289)
(Wall Street Journal) Interesting Are you a member of the 1% or the 99%? Handy gadget from the WSJ helps you find out. Subby is in the 93rd percentile, and proud of it  (blogs.wsj.com) (431)
(Some Guy) Cool This is an obituary worthy of FARK. "He enjoyed booze, guns, cars and younger women until the day he died," Cause of death? "stubborn, refusing to follow doctors' orders and raising hell for more than six decades"  (hlntv.com) (112)
(The Sun) Followup The whole damn village is sick and tired of F*cking  (thesun.co.uk) (100)
(Denver Channel) Followup MIT physics researcher who flew to Colorado for sex with minors able to work out one last problem in loop quantum gravity theory  (thedenverchannel.com) (73)
(WPTV) Florida Are you saying you don't use your 3-week-old baby to dry your marijuana?  (wptv.com) (51)
(Telegraph) Fail As Europe prepares for the next round of bailouts, officials promise yet again that this time will be different  (telegraph.co.uk) (77)
(TSP) Dumbass Ball State student who was attacking his girlfriend gets a surprise when she shows him the one thing she learned at Ball State  (thestarpress.com) (60)
(Journal Register) Sad Journalist killed by road sign. Pennsylvania begins adding warning signs warning of warning signs  (dailylocal.com) (61)
(Yahoo) Misc Teller of 'Penn and Teller' fame suing alleged magic-trick thief; Teller is not expected to testify  (news.yahoo.com) (129)
(Some Guy) Followup "Oh, and did we mention that the Colombian prostitutes were probably underage?"  (wiod.com) (183)
(ESPN) Dumbass ESPN asks "why was Tim Tebow booed at Yankees game?" Strangely absent explanation: because he's a no-talent ass clown  (espn.go.com) (185)
(Buzzfeed) Sappy Cuteness overload: 33 animals with stuffed animals of themselves  (buzzfeed.com) (66)
(Some Guy) Amusing "He really was selling ice cream -- ice cream or marijuana. You can take your pick with this guy,"  (big1059.com) (18)
(Some Guy) Obvious Not all Europeans are thinner than Americans: "German firefighters tackle obese corpse cremation blaze"  (belfasttelegraph.co.uk) (45)
(Sun Sentinel) PSA It's Tax Day, Farkers; have you gotten your refund (or bill) yet? Or are you filing for an extension in hopes to avoid huge tax penalties? One thing's certain, though; you'll want to avoid the Post Office  (sun-sentinel.com) (243)
(WISHTV) Dumbass Man steals woman's purse at funeral, puts items in his underwear (with 'he was obviously on drugs' mug)  (wishtv.com) (9)
(Slate) Interesting No ma'am it isn't a bad pick up line, I'm actually a scientist; now please let me inspect the color of your hoohaw. Yes ma'am that is the term we use  (slate.com) (94)
(STV.tv) Spiffy Polite thief returns stolen bicycle with apology note and candy bar  (news.stv.tv) (28)
(A snoozing pilot) Scary Is it a bird?......Is it a plane?....OH MY GOD IT'S THE PLANET VENUS AND IT'S COMING RIGHT AT US...BREAK RIGHT BREAK RIGHT  (heraldsun.com.au) (90)
(AP) Interesting No Pulitzer prize for fiction was given for the first time in 35 years. Judges had considered "Obama, The Accomplishments of Change and All of That" and "Community, The Return of Must-See TV"  (hosted.ap.org) (80)
(Denver Channel) Strange What do you do with dozens of frozen cows stuck inside a cabin at 11,000 feet? If you're the U.S. Forest Service, the use of explosives is always an option  (thedenverchannel.com) (83)
(Some Guy) Scary Hundreds of Michigan residents score "Super Drunk" in new game sponsored by police. Former Miss USA's 0.20 is barely enough to qualify, with top scores in the 0.33 to 0.43 range  (policeone.com) (72)
(CNN) Obvious A new CNN poll shows most Americans think the tax system favors the wealthy. Also they're pretty sure the sky is blue and water is wet  (politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com) (370)
(Fark) Amusing Official Tuesday Morning discussion thread of super fun excitement and wonder  (fark.com) (298)
(MSNBC) Misc 21 % of New Yorkers live in poverty. The remaining 79% in New York City. Not sure which is worse  (msnbc.msn.com) (158)
(ABC) Unlikely Finally realizing the error of her ways, with deep remorse Ann Romney apologizes to dog-lovers everywhere for strapping the dog to the top of the car on long trips. Just kidding, she doubles down, saying the dog loved it  (abcnews.go.com) (281)
(The Sun) Strange Terrified pub patrons getting bum-pinched by a cheeky ghoul who goes by the name of Grasper the friendly ghost. Oh the HORROR  (thesun.co.uk) (27)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Austin Police Department says officer followed procedure when he showed up for a domestic disturbance at the wrong address, pulled his gun on the startled resident, and shot his dog dead in front of him in a span of four seconds  (kvue.com) (306)
(Some Guy) Followup The wife of the man who threw her out of the car, kidnapped his children, led police on a chase, and is still wanted? She's pregnant. She's also a fugitive  (1035superx.com) (27)
(BBC) Interesting Researchers find evidence that "helicopter parenting" pre-dates the invention of the actual helicopter by nearly 2,000 years  (bbc.co.uk) (28)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop this scientist speaking about a satellite  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (35)
(Guardian) Followup Anders Breivik believes Hitler was an ardent multi-culturalist that tried to overrun Germany with Muslim immigrants. But otherwise, he's perfectly sane  (guardian.co.uk) (116)
(MSNBC) Cool Affirmative ghostrider, you may buzz the tower  (msnbc.msn.com) (118)
(Some Guy) Stupid Liquor in the Anus: I Know I Know, It's Serious  (deccanherald.com) (85)
(BBC) Hero Chaplain's Korean war heroics now have him simultaneously under consideration for the Medal of Honor and sainthood. Wow, way to blow the curve for the rest of us, padre  (bbc.co.uk) (61)
(The Smoking Gun) Fail Fellony commits felony, says she did it because "b*tch fell on me"  (thesmokinggun.com) (67)
(Huffington Post) Strange The cops must have been intimidated by the porn star's immense size, or perhaps they saw a bulge in his waistband, so they Tasered him to death  (huffingtonpost.com) (182)
(Daily Mail) Strange Doctors battle to save six foot baby boy  (dailymail.co.uk) (86)
(The Ledger) Florida "I've got your dead daughter's ashes and I'm going to snort them"  (theledger.com) (34)
(Some Guy) Strange Apparently so many teachers are having sex with their students that the U.S. Fish and Wildlife office has had to start busting pervs  (katu.com) (47)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass I don't know what the hell a yob is, but 100 of them went on a rampage at a McDonald's in France or something  (dailymail.co.uk) (107)
(Some Guy) Florida Woman applies for job at bar, sticks around for three tequila shots, forgets her 5-year-old is in the car, and is dragged off calling police officer a "slut." No word yet if she is hired  (news-journalonline.com) (47)
(Huffington Post) Weird Twenty-eight-year-old man claims he has just become aware that he was circumcised, wants $1000 in compensatory damages from the hospital that circumcised him, is looking for tips to pursue his case  (huffingtonpost.com) (139)
(LA Times) Dumbass I find your lack of faith and citizenship disturbing  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (93)

Mon April 16, 2012
(Yahoo) Interesting After years of craving giant breasts, America's looking for more meat down below, if you know what I mean, and I think you do  (finance.yahoo.com) (136)
(Click Orlando) Florida Man tells 911 dispatcher: 'I am your father" ... soon the (police) force is with him  (clickorlando.com) (27)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption this awkward intro  (i39.tinypic.com) (63)
(MSNBC) Cool The elusive Majorana Fermion may have been found after decades of searching; the subatomic particle (which is its own antiparticle) was first theorized in 1937  (msnbc.msn.com) (72)
(io9) Weird Here's a good question: Why were there 10 dead bodies in found in Benjamin Franklin's basement?  (io9.com) (105)
(13 WMAZ) Silly Police in Milledgeville, GA arrest a six-year-old girl for simple assault and property damage after knocking over a shelf in a school tantrum that injured the principal. Thank god that monster is off our streets  (13wmaz.com) (245)
(News.com.au) Obvious Research finds a strong correlation between body art (piercings and/or tattoos) and unsafe sex, fighting, heavy drinking, and participating in completely obvious studies  (news.com.au) (135)
(Fark) Photoshop Theme: photoshop a commemorative plate that takes kitsch to a new level  (fark.com) (35)
(Fark) FarkBlog North American predator loss leaves Aliens unchecked, Santorum pulls out, and Best Buy CEO bones something other than his company: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 4/8 - 4/14  (fark.com) (8)
(NJ.com) Strange Part-time municipal prosecutor arrested for his day job as a criminal attorney. A *CRIMINAL* attorney  (nj.com) (52)
(Some Guy) Weird "Tower, we're gonna need to make an emergency landing. Someone has plugged their cell phone into the shaving socket in the restroom"  (big1059.com) (144)
(Courier Post) Interesting Camden, NJ, to demolish its blighted, dangerous buildings. So, all of them?  (courierpostonline.com) (114)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this volcanic eruption  (oddman.ca) (34)
(Mother Nature Network) Unlikely It turns out the best way to cure your crippling arachnophobia is to let virtual hairy black-and-red spiders run around on your desk all day  (mnn.com) (150)
(WOAI) Silly REMEMBER (not to pee on) THE ALAMO  (radio.woai.com) (237)
(Rolling Stone) Interesting An important, well researched article on how America conducts its aerial wars and assassinations in secret, though it drones on for a bit  (rollingstone.com) (104)
(Buzzfeed) Amusing Best picture of a praying mantis riding a bicycle that you're likely to see all day  (buzzfeed.com) (133)
(Slate) Sad First they did away with Saturday mail delivery, and I said nothing. Then they came for Friday delivery, and I sent a strongly worded email  (slate.com) (266)
(TC Palm) Florida Tips for aspiring thieves: 1) Bring a getaway car so you don't have to steal one when cops are running after you, 2) leave your bong at home, and 3) take something more valuable than frozen fish  (blogs.tcpalm.com) (43)
(Twitchy) Florida Students tweet strategy for acing Florida's standardized FCAT exam: show up high  (twitchy.com) (64)
(Metronews.ca) PSA If you successfully rob a pharmacy of its drugs, wait to get clear of the area before eating them all  (metronews.ca) (28)
(Some Guy) Dumbass It's not delivery, it's diiiiieeeeeAAAAAAHHHHHH  (ketv.com) (79)
(Krypton Radio) Hero Police and firefighters grant wish of seven-year-old boy with leukemia, let him be Batman for a day. Goddamn  (kryptonradio.com) (59)
(Some Guy) Fail AMBER ALERT: missing children last seen ...wait, they're Hispanic? Never mind  (1035superx.com) (132)
(UPI) Asinine U.S teens now spend $1078 for senior prom tickets, limo, clothes, good-night handshake  (upi.com) (211)
(Stylist) Cool Commuters with morning munchies, rejoice: the world's first lickable elevator  (stylist.co.uk) (40)
(WHNS) Asinine Middle school suspends 13-year-old girl for red hair. Was it non-human red? Only her gym teacher knows for sure  (foxcarolina.com) (276)
(KTXL Sacramento) Strange No matter how much fun it might sound like, you can't just go around punching your roommates while they're sleeping, then taking a walk around town while naked  (fox40.com) (17)
(emirates 24/7) Fail Married man watching internet porn gets less than he bargained for, exactly what he paid for  (emirates247.com) (175)
(Slate) Interesting In case you haven't noticed, engaging in hookers and blow is at all all-time low...price  (slate.com) (83)
(CNN) Misc In some weird version of medical Dear Abby, a writer asks CNN, "Can weed affect my work?"  (thechart.blogs.cnn.com) (126)
(Yahoo) Sick Feeding tubes, once reserved for the comatose and the terminally ill, have now become a hip fashion accessory as they are part of the latest diet craze  (gma.yahoo.com) (116)
(The Daily Beast) Strange In today's Daily Double, this once popular punishment for children is now being sought out by powerful adult women. [bzzzt] What is spanking, Alex?  (thedailybeast.com) (187)
(NBC San Diego) Cool Man convinces judge his $400 traffic ticket defies physics. Geeks rock  (nbcsandiego.com) (161)
(My Fox NY) Misc Mob of anarchists attack NYC Starbucks, leaving everyone inside jittery  (myfoxny.com) (129)
(Yahoo) Scary The fact that global warming is "an unproven theory pushed by tree-huggers" hasn't stopped the five nations bordering the Arctic from preparing their militaries to seize the Northwest Passage the moment it thaws  (news.yahoo.com) (354)
(Daily Express) Interesting Pippa Middleton facing jail. Long queue already forming in prison showers  (express.co.uk) (125)
(CNN) Sick Norwegian mass murderer admits killing 77 people. His plea? Not guilty, claiming "self defense." Seriously  (cnn.com) (166)
(Stylist) Interesting 50 things to do before you're 12  (stylist.co.uk) (128)
(Boston.com) Photoshop Photoshop this non-table tennis  (inapcache.boston.com) (23)
(Daily Mail) Unlikely Study: Women over 30 found to be more 'moral' than men  (dailymail.co.uk) (182)
(Metro) Silly George the goldfish develops Hitler mustache, proposes finny solution  (metro.co.uk) (50)
(BusinessWeek) Interesting How the CEO of Starbucks makes coffee at home, a necessity since his coffee at work sucks  (businessweek.com) (175)
(C|Net) Sappy Indian child, separated by circumstance from his family at five and adopted by Australians, finds his mom over 20 years later by using Google Earth  (news.cnet.com) (45)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Strange When will people learn that you never bring a kayak to a swan fight?  (suntimes.com) (35)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Man tells wife who lost her voice for 33 years 'you were better when you couldn't talk', now won't hear the end of it  (dailymail.co.uk) (33)
(Post-Gazette) Sad Two interesting first-hand Civil War stories  (post-gazette.com) (50)
(Daily Mail) Sick Today's HOT teacher that 'had sex with a student while her daughter slept in the same bed' comes to you from White Hall, Arkansas  (dailymail.co.uk) (110)
(CNN) Interesting Brazilian man, wife and mistress are fed up with people  (cnn.com) (60)
(Yahoo) Scary Congratulations El Salvador, you just had your first murder-free day in almost three years  (news.yahoo.com) (59)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy Ye olde lolcats. Even in the 1870s people were obsessed with taking bizarre photos of their pets. Ceiling cat looks down in approval  (dailymail.co.uk) (69)
(National Post) Ironic Don't hate PBR because it's ironic. The Canadian version "has some comforting malt flavours - sugar cookies, toasted corn - which give way to a moderately hoppy finish"  (life.nationalpost.com) (115)

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