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Sun April 29, 2012
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Slate) PSA Al-Qaida looking to outsource future attacks  (slatest.slate.com) (81)
(St. Gotthard Pass) Photoshop Photoshop this high highway  (pdnphotooftheday.com) (48)
(TBO) Florida HOA goes insane, evicts tenants from their homes, then rents out same houses it doesn't even own  (www2.tbo.com) (320)
(Newser) Weird A real-life Norman Bates has been busted for fraud for dressing up like his dead mother for six years and collecting her benefits. But he doesn't believe he's done anything wrong-because he actually believes he is his mother  (newser.com) (41)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Not wanting to be left out of the fun a teacher's aide has been arrested for sending nude photos to 16 year-old students because she 'enjoyed the attention'. With you'd hit it with your ruler picture  (dailymail.co.uk) (104)
(Telegraph) Unlikely Greece's Island of the Blind, where taxi drivers, farmers, restaurant owners and shopkeepers are all blind  (telegraph.co.uk) (43)
(UPI) Obvious Truck spills milk onto Texas interchange. Emergency crews seemed unnaturally stoic  (upi.com) (21)
(Some Guy) Stupid News: Frustration with government leads to secession talk. Fark: The Upper Peninsula seceding from Michigan  (miningjournal.net) (146)
(Bangor Daily News) Cool There's no middle ground when it comes to Moxie. You love it or you hate it. Oh, and the new logo was designed by a teenager  (bangordailynews.com) (137)
(BBC) Asinine London council to residents: "Thanks for all your complaints about drug addicts causing problems. Due to an administrative error we have given your names and phone numbers to the drug addicts....we're good though, right?"  (bbc.co.uk) (73)
(Daily Star) Strange Today's Fark-ready intro: A double killer who had a sex swap and was moved to a women's jail is divorcing the lesbian murderess he wed behind bars  (dailystar.co.uk) (23)
(Canoe) Scary Stop me if you've heard this one before: An elephant, a lion, and a tiger walked onto a highway  (cnews.canoe.ca) (22)
(Some Guy) Obvious Canadian sci-fi convention announces entire cast of Star Trek TNG as guests. C) Too many nerds turn up, failarity ensues  (calgaryherald.com) (108)
(Some Guy) Hero A small number of surviving veterans marked the 68th anniversary of the Anzio beach landing in Italy aboard the USS Mahan. Let's take a minute to salute what they've done before these 90-somethings are all gone  (wtkr.com) (76)
(Daily Mail) Weird Old and busted: Spray on tan. New and hot: Roll on tan  (dailymail.co.uk) (37)
(Daily Express) Asinine Council tells woman with twins who haven't been separated since birth to take them to different schools two miles apart...even though she has no car  (express.co.uk) (84)
(Awwww) Cool A live webcam of the cutest Red-Tailed Hawk babies that you'll see all week  (metobs.ssec.wisc.edu) (84)
(Telegraph) Photoshop Photoshop this car designed with pumps in mind  (i.telegraph.co.uk) (23)
(Daily Mail) Sad Chin implants the latest must-have for U.S teen girls wanting to make an impact on prom night  (dailymail.co.uk) (113)
(CTV) Interesting Drug company releases powerful new antibiotic to treat the Plague. This is not a repeat from 1348 when it would have been more helpful  (ctv.ca) (63)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Scientists discover that power is as addictive as cocaine, but harder to grind up and snort  (dailymail.co.uk) (48)
(Live Science) Spiffy Wiffle Balls are almost 60 years old, and you still shouldn't squeeze them  (livescience.com) (50)
(CNN) Weird What does God sound like? Evidently a cross between Spock, King Jaffe Joffer, and Pee-Wee Herman (with helpful illustration)   (religion.blogs.cnn.com) (114)
(SeattlePI) Cool Celebrate the Hubble Space Telescope turning 22 with this amazing gallery of pictures it has taken over the years  (blog.seattlepi.com) (57)
(Some Guy) Obvious Just so you know. THIS is a Beerfest  (sfbeerfest.com) (73)
(SLTrib) Interesting O RLY?  (sltrib.com) (30)
(WCTI) Spiffy 15-year-old has to wear two-sided sign that reads, "I have a bad attitude. I disrespect people who try to help me"  (wcti12.com) (334)
(SeattlePI) Spiffy Good news: Eight mayors band together to publicly compare the ban on marijuana in the United States to Prohibition. Bad news: They're not mayors in the United States  (blog.seattlepi.com) (116)
(Daily Express) Amusing British woman of 104 jumps 2,400ft off a mountain...just to irritate a competitive 101-year-old American  (express.co.uk) (30)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Dumb: Demanding to get off plane to find your lost wallet. Dumber: Arguing with flight personnel and getting removed from the plane. Fark: Your wallet turns up in Chicago on the plane you were removed from  (940winz.com) (56)
(Some Guy) Strange One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn't belong. Can you tell which thing is not like the others, by the time I finish my song?  (couriermail.com.au) (84)
(Palm Beach Post) Florida It's 5 a.m. and you've had one too many. The logical thing to do is: A) Drink some water and go to bed. B) Eat some greasy eggs and go to bed. C) Knock on your neighbor's door naked  (palmbeachpost.com) (30)
(Boston Herald) Interesting ᴴᵉᴵᵎᵁᵐ ᴾᴿᵎᶜᵉᵌ ᵁᴾ  (bostonherald.com) (119)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these light waves  (payload43.cargocollective.com) (18)
(Chicago Tribune) Cool Ahh doppelbock: The high-maintenance girlfriend of beers  (chicagotribune.com) (112)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Fail Area man discovers that when investing in the Franklin Mint 401(k), past performance is not indicative of future results  (heraldnews.suntimes.com) (224)
(Some Guy) Sad The US Navy is considered the master of six oceans. But Russia, Canada, and Demark have the upper hand in the seventh  (adn.com) (118)
(Yahoo) Sappy Yo dog, we heard you like blind dogs, so we gave your dog a seeing eye dog  (news.yahoo.com) (45)
(Some Guy) Amusing Man startles cat, knife fight ensues  (lfpress.com) (37)
(TheWave) Amusing Miss New Hampshire USA, living free and kicking the crap out of her boyfriend: Mugshot Goodness  (967thewave.com) (130)
(Bloomberg) Interesting Opera glasses used by Abraham Lincoln at Ford's Theater could bring $700,000. Auction house desperately hoping someone will take a shot at it  (bloomberg.com) (40)
(CBC) Cool Jury finds that cop who beat up a legally blind doctor, from behind and without provocation, is a total prick. Bonus: police internal affairs cleared the cop and recommend the man be charged after defending himself  (cbc.ca) (166)
(Huffington Post) Cool Old-and-busted: John Titor. New hotness: Seattle attorney Andrew Basiago. Famous photo shows him as a child at the Gettysburg Address  (huffingtonpost.com) (126)
(Fark) Survey Give up for a week: Sex, Internet, or Booze?  (fark.com) (327)
(Some Guy) PSA When robbing a store for diapers and beer, be advised that some cab drivers will NOT drive you on your getaway (with Son, you got a panty on your head picture goodness)  (salem-nh.patch.com) (40)
(HelenaIR.com) Sappy Cockatiel escapes home and gets blown miles away in high wind, but skilled bird dog on the scent retrieves it and reunites it with family  (helenair.com) (44)

Sat April 28, 2012
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida How NOT to get out of a speeding ticket: Flash a fake badge at the police officer and tell him "You're in trouble"  (tampabay.com) (50)
(STLToday) Scary At least one dead and a hundred injured in beer garden tent collapse in St Louis  (stltoday.com) (67)
(Telegraph) Asinine Swan porn? That'll be a bestiality charge  (telegraph.co.uk) (97)
(CBC) Sad Woman's first hang gliding experience turns into her last skydiving experience  (cbc.ca) (111)
(Some Guy) Scary Leaders of an insular religious commune are under investigation by authorities for extensive child abuse... in Waco. This is not a repeat from 1993  (wfaa.com) (184)
(Some Guys) Photoshop Photoshop this stage setup   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (30)
(Mental Floss) Cool A brief history of international signs  (mentalfloss.com) (55)
(Norwich Bulletin) Spiffy After being turned down applying for grant, saucy eight year old uses her noodle and raises enough money to deliver 20 homemade lasagnas to the local soup kitchen. Garfield smiles, pushes Odie off the table  (norwichbulletin.com) (68)
(Twitchy) Amusing Piers Morgan: Americans don't know what a 'wanker' is; Americans: thanks for demonstrating  (twitchy.com) (128)
(St. Petersburg Times) Unlikely The fact that the Republican National Convention is being held in one of the top 5 strip club cities in the country is just a coincidence....seriously   (tampabay.com) (115)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this giant girl and dog   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (29)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Man busted for parking his truck on the side of the road to sell seafood and regular, strawberry, blackberry and apple-flavored moonshine. Why yes, this did happen in Florida  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) (50)
(Daily Mail) Caption Governator pulled over for speeding; caption this conversation  (i.dailymail.co.uk) (82)
(Daily Mail) Scary 1. Date a young female dentist. 2. Dump her for another woman. 3. Show up at her office two days later for oral surgery. 4. Mrrrmphglglh  (dailymail.co.uk) (136)
(Newser) Obvious Memo to Secret Service agents: no more drinking alcohol within 10 hours of working; no bringing foreigners to your hotel rooms; and, no going to "non-reputable" establishments  (newser.com) (76)
(Yahoo) Interesting Walmart unveils a revolutionary new way to pay for online purchases, using specially printed slips of green paper, or as they call it, "cash"  (news.yahoo.com) (111)
(Yahoo) Interesting The world fears being plunged into anarchy and chaos as the Prince of Lichtenstein threatens to step down. Yeah, so, apparently Lichtenstein has a prince, who knew?  (news.yahoo.com) (136)
(KTLA) Sad Parents warned about dangers of upper-floor windows -- as apparently people these days are too stupid to understand the gravity of the situation  (ktla.com) (79)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida You never know what to expect when you discover your crazy ex-girlfriend has sneaked into your backyard to drink and tan by your pool  (nwfdailynews.com) (105)
(Some Guy) Obvious Animal control officers discover rare Arrowhead goose in CT  (theday.com) (51)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Student uses cell phone camera to document important high school events: Homecoming dance, Senior prom, ex-principal passionately kissing ex-school secretary  (dailymail.co.uk) (81)
(Some Guy) Strange There's caring for the environment and then there's eating fish you raised inside your New York City apartment  (asiaone.com) (65)
(Some Guy) Asinine Nothing gives you confidence in the electoral process quite like being handed a scrap of paper to write your vote on because they ran out of ballot papers  (couriermail.com.au) (26)
(Some Guy) Interesting For just $50,000 you can purchase a $195 million ship from the Defense Department. But there's just one catch: As soon as you buy it you have to dismantle it on US soil  (couriermail.com.au) (115)
(Pleasantville Patch) Dumbass Another grueling night for police in the Westchester suburbs: "3:58 a.m. - A dispute between neighbors was reported on Schrade Road. Police reported one neighbor was complaining the other was snoring too loud"  (pleasantville.patch.com) (36)
(Some Wreck) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Bigger isn't always better  (pdnphotooftheday.com) (20)
(azfamily.com) Strange We're not saying the lottery is rigged, but one convenience store in Phoenix sold six winning tickets this week, each worth 1-million dollars. "This is definitely a unique situation"  (azfamily.com) (68)
(Daily Express) Obvious The duck is NOT crazy. The guy who uses it as an umbrella? He's quackers  (express.co.uk) (49)
(www.news- press.com) Caturday "Walmart has its greeters, we have our cats". A heart-warming story of a tiny island community coming together to help homeless felines, just in time for Caturday  (news-press.com) (514)
(BBC) Sad Bullied children are more prone to self-harm, says new study from the Stop Hitting Yourself Institute  (bbc.co.uk) (109)
(AZCentral) Dumbass If you get caught secretly filming your hot neighbor in the bathroom, own up to your actions. Don't blame it on an imaginary nephew named Aaron  (azcentral.com) (57)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Mother of the Year candidate has seventh child taken away by health services, admits to using cocaine, marijuana and alcohol every day during latest pregnancy (w/pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (117)
(CNN) Spiffy Blind Chinese prisoner Chen Guangcheng escapes house arrest, apparently going unnoticed by pulling fire alarm while his captors ran in circles  (cnn.com) (43)
(BBC) Scary KFC's Twister Wrap contains a secret blend of 12 herbs and spices, one of which will paralyze you for life  (bbc.co.uk) (62)
(Fox News) Fail You're the founder of the "It Gets Better" campaign and delivering an anti-bullying speech. Do you: C) call the Christian teens in attendance "pansy asses" and mock them for walking out of your tirade?  (radio.foxnews.com) (894)
(AP) Stupid Dangerous terrorist breaches security at New Jersey airport. Terminal shut down for over an hour. Suspect last seen sucking on a pacifier and napping  (hosted.ap.org) (85)
(Click Orlando) Florida Teacher arrested after losing his iPad in a Wal-Mart. Apparently, the iPad had all his videos of 8th grade girls changing in the locker room  (clickorlando.com) (120)

Fri April 27, 2012
(Wired) Weird This doesn't get weird; it starts weird, and gets weirder  (wired.com) (138)
(Wired) Interesting The US is quietly positioning a lot of stealth aircraft near Iran. October surprise anyone?  (wired.com) (459)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing You lookin' at me crooked? Must be the Mugshot Roundup  (thesmokinggun.com) (84)
(NJ.com) Dumbass Would-be vending machine thieves, who've simultaneously watched too much and not enough CSI, torch building to destroy evidence of their failed burglary, then call 911 to report the fire  (nj.com) (12)
(Some Guy) Obvious Defective sippy cups recalled by Target after kids discover they're pokey cups. (PIC)  (wfaa.com) (59)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Best Korean parade honoring country's founder is visible from space  (dailymail.co.uk) (85)
(Hartford Courant) Stupid Prison officials propose law to label masturbating inmates as sex offenders, opponents say either way it would be tossed  (courant.com) (182)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this colourful chap  (i.pics.livejournal.com) (23)
(News 10 ABC Sacramento) Obvious Obiwan Kenobi arrested for hit and run, claims he is not the driver they are looking for  (news10.net) (55)
(Daily Mail) Fail Paramedics: Boasting on Facebook you saved the life of a young woman is good. Boasting that you managed to cop a feel while doing so is bad  (dailymail.co.uk) (63)
(Kansas City) Fail Meth lab explodes in man's pants  (kansascity.com) (77)
(Fark) Survey Check calendar. Note that it's Friday. Clear desk. Take Fark Weird News Quiz  (fark.com) (45)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these drunken revellers  (kirus.ru) (27)
(LA Times) Obvious Of the $200,000 in donations George Zimmerman raised from his website, he's already blown through $50,000 of it on "living expenses, rent or whatever"  (latimes.com) (931)
(Fark) Obvious I can't wait until the economy picks up so you people can find jobs and quit posting troll threads. That should be reason enough to vote Romney, no matter how you feel about our dog-eating POTUS  (fark.com) (543)
(Some Guy) Hero My dog napped and ate all day; this dog fought off a robber and called the police  (lifewithdogs.tv) (64)
(News 95.7) Misc Canadian soldiers no longer to stand at attention  (news957.com) (48)
(IBTimes) Followup Calm down everybody. There's no proof that Egyptians are actually considering a law to allow husbands to engage in necrophilia with their dead wives in order to raise an army of zombie concubines  (ibtimes.com) (103)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man earns dubious reputation as fastest lover in Illinois  (myfoxchicago.com) (111)
(MSNBC) Interesting Twenty years after the Rodney King riots, Battlestar Galactica's Bill Adama chimes on racial relations in LA, destroying those frackin toasters  (usnews.msnbc.msn.com) (106)
(Slate) Scary Once, we as a society respected great leaders and thinkers like Thomas Edison, Marie Curie, Teddy Roosevelt, and Margaret Thatcher. Now, we glorify Kim Kardashian and Justin Bieber. What happened?  (slate.com) (438)
(The Smoking Gun) Fail What do a bikini, a Domino's pizza, Mountain Dew pajamas, a baseball glove, and Pokémon trading cards have in common? Play TSG's 'match the shoplifter with the item they attempted to steal' and find out  (thesmokinggun.com) (45)
(BBC) Stupid In the wake of the Secret Service prostitute scandal, Colombia has plenty of laughs mocking the US for the incident. That is, of course, until a US airline advertisement associates Colombia with prostitution. Now it's not funny anymore  (bbc.co.uk) (84)
(Some Guy) Scary Wondering why that cute video you posted of your kid dancing in a diaper is getting so many views on Youtube? It's been added to a kiddie porn site  (1035superx.com) (141)
(SLTrib) Obvious Men charged with stealing thousands of dollars worth of printer ink. Police say both cartridges were successfully recovered  (sltrib.com) (56)
(I Heart Chaos) Interesting Had Hitler tried to escape Germany at the end of WWII, British intelligence feared he might disguise himself as Jeffrey Tambor  (iheartchaos.com) (66)
(CNN) Followup Hot teacher wants to be fruitful and multiply, forgoes the bang-a-student route and instead pursues IVF with her husband. Ends up fired by her Catholic employer. Bonus points: still hot. Lightning round: suing the diocese. (tag for the employer)  (cnn.com) (422)
(Some Guy) Interesting US, Japan Reach Agreement to Move 9,000 Marines. Defense of Okinawa will now be done by Mr. Miyagi's rival Mr. Sato, and his nephew Chozen  (voanews.com) (89)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Two words: Jumbo shrimp  (dailymail.co.uk) (100)
(The Local (Sweden)) Scary The Swedes have not kept very tight controls over their plutonium, even selling it to a wild-haired scientist for some spare pinball machine parts  (thelocal.se) (36)
(Yahoo) Asinine And the newest media-created word guaranteed to make you punch the first person you hear using it? "Mompreneur"  (news.yahoo.com) (92)
(nbc philadelphia) Dumbass Finders, keepers / Losers, weepers.... as long as there's no security camera  (nbcphiladelphia.com) (85)
(Short List) Cool When you absolutely, positively have to be the world's most badass leader, accept no substitute  (shortlist.com) (84)
(WPTV) Scary Tide detergent not only uses its fast-acting chemicals to get that stain off your shirt -- It makes a new one in your spleen  (wptv.com) (84)
(970 WFLA) Florida Driver finds iconic 26-foot-tall statue unavoidable, crashes into it. Guess where  (970wfla.com) (36)
(ABC) Obvious Bear shot from the sky while flying past University of Colorado campus  (abcnews.go.com) (61)
(Some Guy) Interesting Map of the world's death traps. And all they can say about the US is "lawnmower"?  (static.bbci.co.uk) (117)
(Huffington Post) Strange Wat Rong Khun, a Buddhist temple under construction is poised to become one of the most stunningly beautiful in the world, rich with symbolism derived from Buddhist and Hindu traditions, including: Superman, Batman, and Neo from The Matrix  (huffingtonpost.com) (58)
(Some Guy) Scary Take away a 15 year old's cellphone? That's a Teen Sledgehammer Rampage. You just read that in Don LaFontaine's voice  (wcax.com) (74)
(BBC) Spiffy 50 years ago co-pilot Major Ron Salt helped lift the new 80-foot spire onto Coventry cathedral after it had been destroyed by the Luftwaffe. This morning he climbed back up there to check out his handiwork  (bbc.co.uk) (23)
(BBC) Dumbass Dude, I'm sorry I stabbed your son. Tell you what, why don't you stab me and we'll call it even, deal?  (bbc.co.uk) (18)
(Some Suspicion) Photoshop Today's iron photoshop ingredient: Paranoia  (26.media.tumblr.com) (34)
(Fark) FarkParty EuroFark Party, Prague, April 27-28  (fark.com) (64)
(BBC) Sad Netherlands judge to decide whether foreign tourists should be banned from entering cannabis cafes. NOOOOOOO  (bbc.co.uk) (147)
(Daily Express) News Man with home-made bomb threatens to blow himself up in central London  (express.co.uk) (158)
(Some Guy) Cool Parents, pay attention, this is how you take photos of your kids  (boredpanda.com) (88)
(YouTube) Hero Henry Rollins: "There's no better time than now to have a moral and civic backbone. This is a tremendous opportunity for you...to be heroic"  (youtube.com) (156)
(NYPost) Dumbass Dumb: Getting drunk and picking up a prostitute. Dumber: Passing out in a hotel room in the company of prostitute. Dumbest: Passing out in the company of a prostitute while in possession of $500K worth of diamonds  (nypost.com) (49)
(NJ.com) Strange Man attacks power company worker with medieval-style weapon. FLAIL  (nj.com) (58)
(Some Guy) Interesting Russian Paratroopers will meet up with American Forces next month for a joint military exercise in Colorado. WOLVERINES   (articles.businessinsider.com) (77)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Prosecutors set up mock "Hunger Games" trial with first graders to highlight the issues with Stand Your Ground laws  (sun-sentinel.com) (45)
(NJ.com) Dumbass Seventy-three-year-old man drills into WWII-era 20mm cannon shell to make a lamp. Hilarity explodes  (nj.com) (48)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Parents sue because their snowflake was kicked out of an honors English class after he was caught cheating. Fark: He had signed an Academy Honesty Pledge which warned that cheating was grounds for immediate removal from the class  (dailymail.co.uk) (200)
(Stuff.co.nz) Interesting Professor uses 35 years of medical research to show that it's okay to have sexy time with your cousin  (stuff.co.nz) (99)
(SLO Tribune) Scary "Jellyfish-like creatures" take over intake structure and shut down Diablo Canyon nuclear power plant. And so it begins  (sanluisobispo.com) (126)
(Huffington Post) Sick "Sorry, you can't speak at our graduation ceremony because you're gay"  (huffingtonpost.com) (453)

Thu April 26, 2012
(The Consumerist) Sick "Welcome to Fazoli's, would you like to try our lasagna with spiders?"  (consumerist.com) (89)
(Huffington Post) Sick Nebraska assistant football coach: it would be an "honor" to be fired for anti-gay views  (huffingtonpost.com) (348)
(Oregon Live) Asinine A pest-removal company may have accidentally sealed a squirrel in your attic and it died. Do you: A) Demand they remove the carcass? B) Hire another company to remove it? C) Sue them for $112,000?  (oregonlive.com) (57)
(Washington Post) Strange Man attacks woman with couch. That is sofa king weird  (washingtonpost.com) (42)
(ABC) Amusing What do you mean, I can't have "F.Osama" license plates. You don't want me offending the dead guy? F.That  (abcnews.go.com) (36)
(Some Guy) Scary Emergency crews quarantine Delta flight at Chicago's Midway Airport over passenger with "contagious disease." EVERYBODY PANIC (and put your tray-tables in the upright position)  (chicago.cbslocal.com) (107)
(Some Guy) Weird 1917: Eight year old boy named William Lawlis Pace gets shot in the head. 2012: Pace dies in his sleep at age 103 with the bullet still in place, setting a world record  (modbee.com) (46)
(CBS News) Fail Lesbian? Lebanese? It's close enough for CBS  (cbsnews.com) (88)
(Some Shipping) Photoshop Photoshop this mailing wall  (christian-stoll.com) (22)
(Cleveland Plain Dealer) Scary Hope you enjoyed that mild winter as you and your pets get infested with a record number of ticks, fleas, and mosquitoes this summer  (cleveland.com) (237)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Let's say you worked at Sesame Street and realized that the walls were actually big chalk boards. You'd probably do this, too  (laughingsquid.com) (116)
(The New York Times) Sick Old and busted: Late night debt collection calls. New Hotness: Debt collectors in emergency rooms. Why, yes- there IS a lawsuit already pending  (nytimes.com) (377)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this achromatic airship  (christian-stoll.com) (41)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Fleeing DUI suspect's crappy excuse to cops: '"I had the runs"  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) (50)
(WFTV) Amusing Welcome to Walmart. May I help you steal some televisions?  (wftv.com) (76)
(Boing Boing) Asinine You can patent your pasta shapes. And 2,000 shapes already have been patented  (boingboing.net) (74)
(Craigslist) Weird World's strangest job opportunity: Dream Stenographer / Lucid Dreaming Partner  (seattle.craigslist.org) (39)
(The Consumerist) PSA Nutella settles court case and acknowledges it's not a health food, nor is it really truly edible  (consumerist.com) (230)
(Daily Mail) Sick Really, who doesn't enjoy farewell intercourse?  (dailymail.co.uk) (305)
(Daily Bulletin) Strange Shopping List 1.) eggs 2.) butter 3.) knock off that US Bank in the lobby: "I think he's robbed every day but Sunday and Friday"  (dailybulletin.com) (17)
(The New York Times) Silly Bigfoot, Nessie, UFOs and Ghosts are just a few of the "hunts" that travelers can join in. "I do think there's a Squatch in these woods"  (travel.nytimes.com) (73)
(Some Guy) Strange Two men on their way to work arrested for having an arsenal of weapons and cash in their car. Their job? Tutors at a middle school  (northescambia.com) (95)
(Nola.com) Stupid Not News: Man runs over mailbox. News: Of 10 different neighbors, on multiple occasions. Fark: "I didn't know it was illegal"  (nola.com) (55)
(Cracked) Stupid Want to be massaged by snakes or elephants? It is among the six "Luxury" Spa Treatments For The Extremely Rich & Insane  (cracked.com) (23)
(Some Guy) Sick New high score set for speed on highway to hell: Convicted sex offender sent to prison for stealing video games from a children's cancer ward  (charlotteobserver.com) (47)
(Some fruit seed huffer) Florida Weirdest story you will read all day about a woman who huffed a fruit seed back in 1984 and coughed it back up yesterday. With pic  (theheights.wtsp.com) (64)
(Foreign Policy) Interesting Want world peace? ... better treat your women right  (foreignpolicy.com) (94)
(CBS 46 Atlanta) Strange Old and busted: House flipping. New and disturbing: Dog flipping  (cbsatlanta.com) (48)
(MyrtleBeachOnline) Silly Someone breaks into woman's apartment, steals movie and eats her doughnut. Cop said the burglar did her a favor since it was a Tyler Perry movie that was stolen, but they will definitely be investigating the missing doughnut  (myrtlebeachonline.com) (28)
(Some Guy) Florida Fark's favorite state reverses its demographic decline, proving PT Barnum was right after all  (city-journal.org) (28)
(Palm Beach Post) Florida Even in a first-degree murder case, everyone is presumed innocent until proven guilty. But you're not helping things if you're the one arrested and you have a tattoo of a gun between your eyebrows  (palmbeachpost.com) (73)
(WISHTV) Amusing Dairy cow escapes. Last seen ordering Happy Meal at the drive through  (wishtv.com) (28)
(NJ.com) Sad Morning wood can be fatal  (nj.com) (35)
(WRCB-TV) Unlikely Apparently that whole "leap from the car seconds before it crashes and bursts into flames" thing happens in real life, too. Even more amazingly, the leaper only suffered minor injuries and will be fine  (wrcbtv.com) (27)
(Des Moines Register) Followup The Catholic priest who kept his cancer secret and gave a moving sermon about life on Easter Sunday has died at age 66  (desmoinesregister.com) (129)
(New York Daily News) Dumbass Woman who tried to exclusively live off sunlight has ridden off into the sunset  (nydailynews.com) (132)
(Toronto Sun) Interesting Thoughts of bordellos has tongues wagging, businesses lining up for get some. Stiff opposition expected from the usual jagoffs  (torontosun.com) (20)
(CSMonitor) Interesting How do Norwegians send an extra-special Fark You to a mass-murdering psychopath? Forty thousand of them marched to Oslo singing the song he claims is an example of Marxist indoctrination  (csmonitor.com) (117)
(MSNBC) Interesting Meet the mother and her then unborn daughter who were treated like a King 20 years ago in Los Angeles  (usnews.msnbc.msn.com) (38)
(NYPost) Fail Photographer: Oops, was that your 2,630-year-old sculpture. Manhattan art collector: No need to apologize, you bought it  (nypost.com) (140)
(Bille Jean) Obvious Good Idea: Listen to your old Thriller album when you're missing Michael. Bad Idea: Hold someone at gunpoint and force them to moonwalk  (bonnercountydailybee.com) (24)
(Farktography) Farktography The Farktographers made the mistake of letting you pick what they shoot in the upcoming Scavenger Hunt theme. Details in first post. LGT Farktography discussion thread  (farktography.net) (133)
(DFW Star-Telegram) Cool Prom for home-schooled teens included night of life sized chess and barefooted sword fighting, many awkward moments of realizing other teens exist outside of television and internet  (star-telegram.com) (79)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass A 13 yr. old is on the sex offenders list ....for surfing porn on the internet  (dailymail.co.uk) (176)
(Yahoo) Unlikely Tennessee baseball player hits game-winning home run, simultaneously incurs higher insurance rates  (sports.yahoo.com) (19)
(Yahoo) PSA Speed cameras now have lasers that can target individual cars. So don't be surprised if the car passing you suddenly explodes  (au.news.yahoo.com) (49)
(Instapundit) Followup U of Florida backs off on plans to ditch computer science department on news that they're the only school where nerds and hot cheerleaders exist on the same campus  (pjmedia.com) (62)
(Telegraph) Dumbass New entry in Worst. Boyfriend. Ever competition: hamster-stomping douchebag  (telegraph.co.uk) (164)
(NBCPhiladelphia) Obvious Neighborhood activist who protested the most about vandalism arrested for slashing tires  (nbcphiladelphia.com) (20)
(TC Palm) Florida When collecting a $12 debt for a haircut, soliciting help from the Leader of the Free World may be a bit of overkill  (blogs.tcpalm.com) (36)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Welcome to the world's first luxury dental spa, where you can get bridgework and a massage all in the same place. See, do this and people might enjoy coming to the dentist  (sun-sentinel.com) (25)
(Daily Mail) Scary "It was horrific - she came around to say sorry and ended up trying to bite my penis off"  (dailymail.co.uk) (112)
(The Local (Sweden)) Hero Drew?  (thelocal.se) (42)
(NPR) Obvious Arizona migrant case could lead to sweeping changes. Also dishwashing changes, landscaping changes, and nanny changes  (npr.org) (404)
(CBC) Unlikely Best Korea unveils glorious new mobile missiles that are absolutely, positively, definitely NOT phony mockups pieced together from various other systems and stuck on a random launch vehicle  (cbc.ca) (191)
(Boston.com) Photoshop Photoshop this kid keeping cool  (inapcache.boston.com) (30)
(Reuters) Followup Charles Taylor convicted at the Hague for war crimes, aiding and abetting hipsters  (reuters.com) (79)
(kgw.com) Asinine Instruments stolen from band bus. Authorities warn that the suspects may be prone to violins  (kgw.com) (68)
(Click On Detroit) Hero You still have the right to run through the streets naked and high on meth without being charged with a crime. USA USA USA  (clickondetroit.com) (64)
(New Zealand Herald) Sad New Zealand postal service laughs at US Postal Service's feeble attempt to go to five day a week service, says three days a week sounds about right  (nzherald.co.nz) (88)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Worst. Boyfriend. EVER. (w/pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (210)
(Komo) Dumbass ProTip #1: After burgling a home, do not call the owner the next day offering to come over and trade your swag. For ProTip #2,3 RTFA  (komonews.com) (25)
(The Sun) Sad Elephant forgets to not crush zookeeper  (thesun.co.uk) (47)
(Google) Cool Hottie proves the even kidneys can be recycled (w/pic)  (google.com) (61)
(Boston.com) PSA In honor of National Grilled Cheese Month, here are the meltability indexes for your favorite cheeses  (boston.com) (190)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 364: "Off Kilter". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (127)

Wed April 25, 2012
(Yahoo) Followup It turns out that when you join the military, there are limits on both your speech and your personal freedom to make choices. Who knew?  (finance.yahoo.com) (295)
(WUSA9) Amusing Speed Camera Vandal becoming folk hero in DC  (on.wusa9.com) (108)
(ABC) Ironic Woman who won $10 million settlement against a collections agency having trouble collecting her money from them  (abcnews.go.com) (102)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Not news: Americans solicit prostitute while traveling abroad. News: They're government officials and broke her collar bone after refusing to pay the agreed price. Fark: This isn't part of the Secret Service fiasco  (dailymail.co.uk) (107)
(MSN) Unlikely Grieving father invents device to communicate with his dead daughter, claims it works great unless you cross the streams  (now.msn.com) (60)
(Boston.com) Dumbass Thanks to tougher indoor smoking rules smokers are setting buildings on fire from the outside  (boston.com) (42)
(The Local (Sweden)) Interesting Borg: 'United States losing its global influence.' Resistance is futile  (thelocal.se) (92)
(Gawker) Strange "Artist" constructs life-size mummy out of McDonald's food to make a point about modern society, or something  (gawker.com) (30)
(Yahoo) Cool Oh...my...GOD. YES PLEASE  (shine.yahoo.com) (140)
(LA Weekly) Followup The original Southern California Darts Association hits the mark with a Federal injunction preventing Dino "Pebbles" Zaffina from using their 30 year old trademark  (blogs.laweekly.com) (144)
(Courier Press) Fail BMW: The Ultimate Driving Your Elderly Mother Off a Cliff Machine  (courierpress.com) (40)
(Daily Mail) Unlikely North Korea has powerful weapon that can defeat US with a single blow. Bubble solution said to be almost ready for launch  (dailymail.co.uk) (115)
(The Sun) Sappy Marathon runner stops 800 yards from the finish line to propose to his girlfriend. You know, he could have done all that without the running  (thesun.co.uk) (32)
(CBS 13) Asinine Facebook comments trigger 30 woman donnybrook in the street  (sacramento.cbslocal.com) (92)
(Boston.com) Photoshop Ibex you can photoshop this  (inapcache.boston.com) (29)
(Huffington Post) Silly Fox & Friends wonder why President Obama didn't "soft rock" the news instead  (huffingtonpost.com) (234)
(Talking Points Memo) Followup Some of the Secret Service Agents did not have sex with the hookers because they were too drunk. Also, Secret Service Agents on Bill Clinton's detail went to a Brazilian strip club, though that was part of their protective duties   (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (64)
(Houston Chronicle) Dumbass Mother leaves kids to play bingo, will C-6 months in jail  (blog.chron.com) (52)
(Al Jazeera) Interesting Pakistan successfully tests Hatf-IV Shaneen ballistic missile, which translates to 'this one actually flies' in North Korean  (aljazeera.com) (45)
(Yahoo) Stupid Owner abandons a million dollar Ferrari Enzo in Dubai rather than paying the fines  (autos.yahoo.com) (112)
(Boston.com) Photoshop Photoshop these rays in Spain  (inapcache.boston.com) (22)
(Some Guy) Asinine Family misses flight after TSA agents have an aggressive grope with their 7-year-old daughter. Bonus: The would-be terrorist has cerebral palsy  (washington.cbslocal.com) (348)
(Globe and Mail) Asinine Oh, The Asshats You'll Meet  (theglobeandmail.com) (72)
(New York Daily News) Stupid Prom date drops out at the last minute? No prom for you  (nydailynews.com) (111)
(Quad City Times) Obvious New coffee shop featuring A, B, and C cup sizes and female workers in low-cut tops, is proving to be a big hit with customers  (qctimes.com) (115)
(Kotaku) Amusing Funny thing to do to your Sims, No. 1,837: Set fire to all the guests at their wedding  (kotaku.com) (94)
(Politico) Fail Obama's lawyer farks up his argument to the Supreme Court against Arizona's immigration law so badly--even Justice Sotomayor isn't buying it  (politico.com) (561)
(Houston Chronicle) Amusing Goodwill wants to thank everyone for their recent donations but would like to point out that they cannot accept used bongs due to sanitary regulations  (chron.com) (89)
(Boing Boing) Spiffy Suddenly, tiny bananas  (boingboing.net) (49)
(Some Guy) Amusing Good: School board member encourages reading. Awesome: Of Playboy  (wlbt.com) (57)
(WXYZ Detroit) Sick The newest sensation sweeping the nation? Mom proms  (wxyz.com) (156)
(LA Times) Followup Remember that 3.9 quake that hit California the other day that no one really worried about? Um, yeah, about that  (latimes.com) (56)
(Cracked) Cool 18 Images you won't believe aren't photoshopped  (cracked.com) (78)
(Some Morons) Fail Ad for life-saving EpiPen pulled from air after outraged parents of children with food allergies protest that it makes them look like bad parents. Because I'd rather my child die than suffer the embarrassment of being considered a bad parent  (blogs.babycenter.com) (176)
(Uproxx) Cool President Obama wandered into a college bar in Boulder, Colorado last night and this picture happened  (uproxx.com) (269)
(MSN) Hero Charlie Sheen's porn star ex offers free breast exam bus. What a country  (now.msn.com) (39)
(WPTV) Florida If you have to headbutt your girlfriend and run out of your house in your underwear in the middle of the night so she won't have sex with you, then it might be time to move on  (wptv.com) (45)
(The Local (Sweden)) Spiffy Random woman mistakenly invited to dine with government ministers. Fark: she's allowed to stay  (thelocal.se) (22)
(BBC) Interesting Despite owning £20,000 of women's designer clothing, friends of "body in a sportsbag" MI6 agent claim he was not a mince spy  (bbc.co.uk) (12)
(Some Guy) Weird Sure, you say you love your dog. But would you get locked into an epic tug-of-war with an eagle to protect it?  (couriermail.com.au) (145)
(Some Very Sore Guy) Video Man peeping at a showering 14 yr old girl gets caught. By the girl's father. With a mugshot that shows how fathers tend to feel about that sort of thing  (click2houston.com) (110)
(Some Bright Guy) Dumbass If you are going to brandish a weapon in a road rage, don't use a flare gun. And try not to shoot it off in your own vehicle. Especially if you have a kid sitting in there  (wmur.com) (17)
(Some Guy) Amusing All porno movies produced in Simi Valley must now be reviewed by city's police department to ensure proper condom use. Breathless, sweaty detectives promise to put in as many hours as it takes to service protection  (losangeles.cbslocal.com) (136)
(CNN) Followup World Hide and Seek champion may still be alive  (cnn.com) (46)
(Short List) Fail Boyfriend fakes his own abduction to hide his cheating. It's so crazy it might just work. (No)  (shortlist.com) (20)
(Some Guy) Fail A classic case of not thinking your clever plan all the way through  (wtae.com) (15)
(Some Guy?) Interesting News: Man fights with medical insurance over the bill for his hysterectomy. Fark: A Canadian man...wait, what?  (thechronicleherald.ca) (115)
(BBC) Interesting When life gives you lemons make lemonade. When life gives you a kebab, use it to stem the flow of blood from your neck  (bbc.co.uk) (25)
(kwtv) Dumbass Woman is outraged over high electric bill and threatens to blow up the power company. Fark: The bill is only $14  (news9.com) (141)
(ABC) Amusing Proof yet again that Obama is the Anti-Clinton: Young woman spills her yogurt on Obama  (abcnews.go.com) (95)
(Some Guy) Sad Sooo, evidently you CAN'T just lock your mother-in-law in the basement with your 20 cats. Even if she is too senile to know. Be right back  (onlineathens.com) (25)
(WRCB-TV) Scary Side effect of all those foreclosed and abandoned homes? Millions and millions of hungry, blood-sucking parasites. And along with bankers, there are a lot of mosquitoes, too  (wrcbtv.com) (51)
(CNN) Strange Mexican drug cartel assassin lived in a wretched hive of scum and villainy: Sandusky, Ohio  (cnn.com) (36)
(New York Daily News) Asinine Bodega clerk arrested after refusing to sell booze to a minor  (nydailynews.com) (107)
(Fox Sports) Cool Bob?  (msn.foxsports.com) (50)
(NPR) Spiffy Girl makes prom dress out of corrugated cardboard. For previous proms, she's worn dresses she made from soda can pull-tabs and empty Doritos packets. And, yes, you should have a seat over there  (npr.org) (194)
(Yahoo) Sad The sea was angry that day my friends  (news.yahoo.com) (102)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop this space case  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (42)
(SF Weekly) Amusing Judge rules that you can't pay someone to masturbate in Utah, a state that I didn't even know had emissions standards  (blogs.sfweekly.com) (104)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Defamed by an anonymous poster on a forum? Profit  (dailymail.co.uk) (133)
(ABC) Silly Your Fourth Wife Flies Free  (abcnews.go.com) (27)
(Des Moines Register) Dumbass Police officer crashes his patrol car, drives away, then calls dispatch because he can't change a tire. That's when his fellow officer saw the pot and meth  (blogs.desmoinesregister.com) (46)
(Daily Mail) Ironic Study: Dieting makes you fat  (dailymail.co.uk) (264)
(MSN) Amusing New Yorkers complaining about too many people having sex in their cars (with a helpful picture of what people having sex in a car may look like)  (now.msn.com) (95)
(news8000.com) Followup Maul of America  (news8000.com) (110)
(KnoxNews) Asinine A poorly conceived Tennessee law is likely to lead to the miscarriage of justice  (knoxnews.com) (385)
(Yahoo) Sick It's not bullying when teachers do it, right? Bonus: autism. Super secret bonus: audio  (shine.yahoo.com) (273)

Tue April 24, 2012
(UPI) Followup Bears repeating  (upi.com) (41)
(KHOU Houston) Scary Attacker beats man to death with guitar, frets  (khou.com) (106)
(UPI) Florida Fake Dunkin' Donuts auditor arrested. I couldn't think of a cruller fate  (upi.com) (44)
(Some Guy) Interesting Lizzie Borden's house is for sale. Put in a bid before it's too late - chop, chop  (www1.whdh.com) (69)
(cfnews13.com) Florida Two men arrested for trying to steal soda machine, will be sent to Pound-Me-in-the-Can Prison  (cfnews13.com) (30)
(News.com.au) Dumbass Judge texts shirtless photo to bailiff. It's just like "Night Court," but without the laughtrack  (news.com.au) (60)
(Some Lamp) Photoshop Photoshop this light and shadow  (pdnphotooftheday.com) (29)
(Business Insider) Scary Russia sends R.S.V.P. reply for gracious invitation to summer mega-party "IranSlam 2012". All are reminded it's BYOB  (articles.businessinsider.com) (197)
(baynews9.com) Florida Sometimes, you're on the road when trucks spill money or marshmallows. Other times, you're on the road when trucks spill sulfuric acid  (baynews9.com) (41)
(Huffington Post) Stupid Worried that there may still be a few women voters siding with the GOP, Rush Limbaugh launches a new attack on Sandra Fluke  (huffingtonpost.com) (508)
(Some Guy) Hero Sheriff opens special housing unit in his jail just for military veterans to ensure that they get the PTSD and other mental health treatment that they desperately need. Tag is for Sheriff and Veterans  (ledger-enquirer.com) (146)
(Daily Mail) Silly The best way to mark the Queen's 60 years on the throne is with. A) A huge party. B) A statue. C) A commemorative can of beans  (dailymail.co.uk) (66)
(Reuters) Scary USDA: That cow? oh she mad  (reuters.com) (108)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop theme: "When I was your age"  (google.com) (66)
(USA Today) Stupid As if cruise ships weren't torture enough, 'Saw' movie cruise set for summer  (travel.usatoday.com) (57)
(WISHTV) Amusing Police would like to remind people searching a major highway for money that "finders keepers" doesn't apply when the cash was stolen from a bank  (wishtv.com) (52)
(Some Guy) Asinine Here's what will NOT get you fired from the Fargo, N.D., Police Department: a) Having sex with a teenager in your squad car, and b) leaving your squad car unlocked, allowing a thief to steal handcuffs, Taser, ammo and bulletproof vest  (duluthnewstribune.com) (90)
(Mental Floss) Interesting Why do we yell "Geronimo" when jumping out of things? Here's the answer -- and besides, yelling "Custer" does not have the same poetic ring  (mentalfloss.com) (88)
(Yahoo) Asinine Man spends 15 years in jail that was originally a 3 year sentence because.....c) his father would not pardon him "until he is proven to be righteous by his father"  (news.yahoo.com) (91)
(Metro) Spiffy A lab mix works to help thatch the woof  (metro.co.uk) (17)
(Some Guy) Interesting Chroniccocaineuseleads to accelerated aging of the b r a i n  (medicalxpress.com) (42)
(Some Guy) Florida When you're on the run for killing an armored truck guard and stealing $2 million, don't brag about it in a crack house, especially in, well, take a wild guess  (cbspittsburgh.com) (27)
(Al Jazeera) Sad Shaky ceasefire holds in Syrian city of Hama, if by 'shaky' you mean attacking neighborhoods with tanks, mortar fire and artillery  (aljazeera.com) (26)
(Newser) Scary New fashions solve dilemma of where to hide the gun  (newser.com) (119)
(NYPost) Interesting Murderer Joran van der Sloot to be dragged back to the U.S. to face charges in the disappearance of Natalee Holloway thanks to Peruvian authorities  (nypost.com) (106)
(Yahoo) Ironic Man shoots self, wife at gun safety class  (news.yahoo.com) (167)
(BBC) Obvious Ineluctable solipsists grue over the modality of sesquipedalian argot  (bbc.co.uk) (135)
(The Tennessean) Unlikely Turns out that mystery plane found in abandoned airport field belongs to a 74 year old ex-smuggler who made a midnight belly landing in a driving rain storm and forgot to tell anyone  (tennessean.com) (50)
(Baltimore Sun) Stupid Deep down in places you don't talk about you know. You want the Department of Homeland Security on that wall. YOU NEED THEM ON THAT WALL. Protecting us from counterfeit NFL jerseys  (baltimoresun.com) (85)
(Short List) Sick And a round of applause for Pizza Hut who have truly created the most disgustingly brilliant thing ever. Again  (shortlist.com) (221)
(Some Neuter) Scary Common: Parking lot dispute settled by a fight. Not common: To the death. Fark: By "squeezing his testicles"  (arbroath.blogspot.com) (82)
(Mother Nature Network) Stupid Old and busted: Planking. New teen stupidness: Skywalking  (mnn.com) (92)
(Some Guy) Scary Working in a brewery must be pretty cool. Except for the exploding kegs, of course  (wmur.com) (89)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Tweet: "I still got a warrant in Pearland...Those pigs will never catch me!!!NEVER!" lands woman in the #  (wiod.com) (52)
(Some Guy) Asinine Smoking hot wife and lawyer husband watched too many "naughty baby sitter" vids and rape the sitter. Wife still on the loose and is wanted by cops, Vivid Video  (wistv.com) (121)
(CBS 46 Atlanta) Dumbass Apparently needs to be said: Take Your Daughter To Work Day does not apply to burglars  (cbsatlanta.com) (18)
(wtsp) Asinine Owners throw $5000 wedding for dogs. Bride still a complete biatch (w/video)  (wtsp.com) (31)
(WFTV) Florida Welcome to McDonald's, would you like to beat my ass?  (wftv.com) (76)
(Daily Mail) Sad My hovercraft is empty and the Queen has no pie  (dailymail.co.uk) (53)
(STV.tv) Strange Boring OR forges international link of tedium with Dull, Scotland  (news.stv.tv) (40)
(Some Guy) Scary Man accused of raping four prostitutes in Pontiac. Subby is guessing it wasn't a Fiero  (myfoxdetroit.com) (85)
(NJ.com) Sappy Captain's Log, stardate 424.12. Weather permitting, this is the final cruise of the Space Shuttle Enterprise. This ship and her history will shortly become the care of the Intrepid Sea, Space and Air Museum in Manhattan  (nj.com) (78)
(EFF) Misc Want to know if you are being surveilled by a government drone? Here is a handy map of the places using drones in the U.S. Don't forget to wave...one finger at a time  (eff.org) (63)
(WPTV) Florida Self-described prophet breaks glass, rips out TVs, destroys Jeep, and writes 'Fear God' in his own blood. Don't blame the Devil for this one  (wptv.com) (23)
(Click Orlando) Fail The funniest and worst "Glamour shots" you'll ever see  (clickorlando.com) (401)
(Telegraph) Ironic Kazakhstan tourism booming thanks to Borat. No mention if they are coming to make sexy time  (telegraph.co.uk) (39)
(Houston Chronicle) Interesting Veterans returning from Afghanistan drive like everybody is out to kill them, and it shows  (chron.com) (85)
(Guardian) Amusing And oh how they bounced, the little children of Stonehenge  (guardian.co.uk) (28)
(UPI) Spiffy Ladies and gentleman, fellow conspiracy theorists, let's all give a warm welcome to the latest target for our government obsessions: the brand new Defense Clandestine Service  (upi.com) (83)
(NYPost) Obvious And this is what the streets on NYC look like AFTER the garbage truck comes through  (nypost.com) (64)
(Google) Photoshop Iron Photoshop ingredient: The Eye of Sauron  (google.com) (34)
(io9) Spiffy The other mouse that roared  (io9.com) (9)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Interesting As the Pope turns 85 the question is raised "what DO you get for the man who already has the Sistine Chapel?"  (suntimes.com) (81)
(Deadspin) Scary Tonight's newscast at WNEP in Scranton was interrupted by.. BEARS (video)  (deadspin.com) (40)
(Daily Mail) Sappy Ugly ass baby kangaroo asks its mom: "You mean I'm gonna stay this color?"  (dailymail.co.uk) (34)
(WIVB) Sappy Not News: Man finds a ball on an Alaskan beach. News: With the name of Japanese boy on it. Fark: His wife is Japanese. Ultrafark: They contact the boy who lost everything in the tsunami, and arrange to have the ball sent back. Holyfark: Twice  (wivb.com) (66)
(OneNewsNow.com) Weird Removing a Bible from a hotel room = Christians won't be able to read a Bible at night = Christians losing religious freedom. Got it  (onenewsnow.com) (439)
(The Sun) Hero Grandad kills three-foot-long swamp beaver (w/horrifying three-foot-long swamp beaver pic)  (thesun.co.uk) (82)
(Huffington Post) Dumbass If you're trying to trick Planned Parenthood using phony pregnant women seeking gender-based abortions, they're on to you  (huffingtonpost.com) (259)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Some of the coolest yet saddest pictures of life in the Appalachians you will see today  (dailymail.co.uk) (434)

Mon April 23, 2012
(The Sun) Sappy Dog adopts piglet. The Sun is there  (thesun.co.uk) (30)
(AZCentral) Followup The Heart Attack Grill claims its second victim. Someone should open more of these, they are clearly helping chlorinate the gene pool  (azcentral.com) (83)
(Some Guy) Followup Remember when everyone in LA stayed home one weekend nine months ago because of 'Carmageddon?' All the women about to give birth there sure do  (ocregister.com) (47)
(q13) Spiffy Aside from the seven-month winters, douchebag cyclists, crappy interstate, useless sports teams, liberal politics and water, Seattle is pretty popular  (q13fox.com) (124)
(Some Guy) Fail Four year old hugs her grandma and then gets an extra special hug from the TSA  (exm.nr) (236)
(Philly.com) Followup Murder suspect killed by passenger train. See, mass transit is good for something after all  (philly.com) (36)
(Some Guy) Interesting Because Bud Light needed a new flavor that was between feminine and Don Draper's wife  (foodbeast.com) (89)
(ABC) Cool Nine-year-old boy catches shark. Worst Jaws sequel EVER  (abclocal.go.com) (18)
(Huffington Post) Hero Hugh Hefner decides to take a stand against the GOP's war on sex  (huffingtonpost.com) (153)
(Some Guy with a restraining order) Obvious Yes, you would hit it. After your stab wounds healed, anyway  (parkrapidsenterprise.com) (101)
(Fark) FarkBlog Eyeless shrmp, pillowfights in lieu of NFL kickoffs, and earthquake research at the Sybian Building: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 4/15 - 4/21  (fark.com) (4)
(Washington Post) Obvious You know how the Social Security trust fund was going to run dry by 2036? Well, turns out that might have been a tad bit optimistic  (washingtonpost.com) (176)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Colorize this mustachioed astronaut  (pics.livejournal.com) (39)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Getting drunk and crashing into a police Blood Alcohol Testing Van and clipping two patrol cars is no way to drum up business, Miss hospital spokeswoman  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (27)
(Daily Mail) Sappy Boy takes girl with Down Syndrome to prom, where every dance is a slow dance  (dailymail.co.uk) (168)
(Iowa City Press-Citizen) Silly Iowa City to host "Slut Walk." Or as it's normally called, "Friday and Saturday Night"  (press-citizen.com) (117)
(Global Edmonton) Followup Vader charged with murder of missing Alberta couple, entire population of Alderaan  (globaltvedmonton.com) (54)
(USA Today) Misc Half a billion clicks, and it's not even Facebook  (usatoday.com) (39)
(WDTN.com) Stupid Bad: leading cops on a chase. Worse: clinging to side of getaway van during chase. Even worse: getting bit in the ass by a police dog. Fark: having all caught on camera  (wdtn.com) (27)
(Some Regular Citizen) Asinine Is it okay to fly down the Garden State Parkway to Atlantic City doing 100 mph in your exotic car? Apparently it is if you have a state police escort  (nbcnewyork.com) (56)
(WorldNetDaily) Amusing Groupon now offering deal on tours of the old San Francisco Armory--which is now the home of a porno film studio. Naturally, someone has their large granny-panties in a wad over this  (wnd.com) (81)
(IndyStar) Asinine Airline passenger calls police to report a flight attendant woke him up by tapping him on the knee with a magazine as the plane taxied to the gate  (indystar.com) (73)
(fox59.com) Sad College student drops out  (fox59.com) (77)
(The Sun) Interesting New GPS created just for old people, NASCAR drivers  (thesun.co.uk) (49)
(Baltimore Sun) Scary If you murder your wife and bury her underneath the backyard shed, don't sell your house and move to another county. The police may not have forgotten about you, even if it's been 20 years  (baltimoresun.com) (80)
(STLToday) Sad Family feud leaves man dead in southwest Missouri. SURVEY SAYS  (stltoday.com) (39)
(NPR) Amusing Artist tosses 1000 peoples' salads, and boy is her tongue tired  (npr.org) (44)
(Google) Scary North Korea threatens to turn Seoul into "ashes in three or four minutes" using "unprecedented peculiar means and methods of our own style"  (google.com) (238)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this NIF target  (lasers.llnl.gov) (40)
(Cracked) Interesting Remember Highlights magazine? Here are 5 Depressing Lessons you may have learned from it  (cracked.com) (120)
(Time) Dumbass Allah AckBOOM  (globalspin.blogs.time.com) (97)
(Buzzfeed) Weird Food eating contest goes high-class: Men wearing suits race to scarf down $70,000 worth of caviar  (buzzfeed.com) (37)
(Telegraph) Interesting The Dutch are Rutterless  (telegraph.co.uk) (22)
(Chicago Tribune) Followup Man pleads guilty in 2010 Wrigleyville Bomb plot. No word on the sentence Mr. Piniella will receive  (chicagotribune.com) (14)
(WRCB-TV) Fail Assistant principal, teacher, college access advisor, registrar, and three guidance counselors suspended from school for drinking. While on the senior trip. On a cruise. In the Bahamas  (wrcbtv.com) (86)
(The Sun) Hero What's that Lassie? Timmy's been impaled on an eight-foot fence? And you prefer to be called Spike?  (thesun.co.uk) (42)
(Some Guy) Followup City to engineer: We need paperwork to justify a 35 mph speed limit. Engineer: The speed limit should be 50. City: There are other consulting firms we could hire. Engineer: 35 is perfect for this road  (www2.dailyprogress.com) (67)
(Some Guy) Florida Today's forecast from NBC6: Mostly sunny with a good chance of D.I.A.F  (big1059.com) (40)
(Newser) Interesting While the US has been trying to disgust smokers into giving up tobacco, New Zealand has been considering a more direct idea: raising the price of cigarettes to $100 a pack  (newser.com) (209)
(ABC) Obvious Win/Win: Businesses that publish police mug shots are proliferating online, shaming those with DUI charges or other arrests into spend hundreds of dollars to have their information removed from the sites  (abcnews.go.com) (81)
(Some Guy) Sappy Mexicans were lined up along the streets to glimpse the Pope. This little dog thought the crowds were for him  (slyoyster.com) (67)
(My Fox DC) Strange You can lead a horse to water, but you can't tie a nylon strap to it and drag it behind your pickup truck  (myfoxdc.com) (36)
(NYPost) Sick A woman donates a kidney to her her ailing boss, then is promptly fired  (nypost.com) (202)
(BBC) Sad On the bright side, theater critics called the performance 'vivid and realistic'  (bbc.co.uk) (51)
(TMZ) Sappy WWE star visits children's hospital, attempts to knock Adenylosuccinate lyase deficiency out of sick kid with steel chair, swinging neckbreaker  (tmz.com) (43)
(Fox News) Interesting As a favor, US warns Kenya about imminent terrorist attack in Nairobi. It's almost as if Kenya has an agent in high levels of the US government  (foxnews.com) (63)
(MSNBC) Scary Mmmmmm...hand-shredded ass meat  (behindthewall.msnbc.msn.com) (53)
(Discover) Dumbass I flu American Airlines  (blogs.discovermagazine.com) (73)
(TBO) Florida Clown in training gets into an argument with his mom about a cell phone. Argument ends in a headbutt and arson. Or as it's known in Florida, Sunday night  (www2.tbo.com) (16)
(The Raw Story) Scary Father to four-year-old: No son, I won't buy you a PlayStation. Kid: BOOM, HEADSHOT  (rawstory.com) (109)
(CNN) Obvious Yes  (cnn.com) (470)
(TSP) Fail And that's why you don't build a highway over a bog  (thestarpress.com) (72)
(ABC) Obvious Texas Mom who put an ad on a billboard in an unsucessful attempt to get her daughter elected prom queen now says her daughter is being "harrassed" and teased by fellow students. Gee, who could possibly have forseen that?  (abcnews.go.com) (75)
(Some Guy) Florida If you are hunting and you mistake your girl friend for a hog and shoot her, do not admit you thought she looked like a hog  (wokv.com) (37)
(Newser) Dumbass When a high school teacher pulls a handgun and fires blanks at students to get their attention, it might be time for him to think about retirement. Just sayin'  (newser.com) (80)
(WPTV) Florida Not News: Guy arrested at McDonald's. News: He was charged with a felony and faces five years in prison. Fark: He was arrested because he asked for a cup of water, but put soda in it instead  (wptv.com) (264)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Woman arrested for throwing loose change at another woman. It makes no cents  (nwfdailynews.com) (17)
(Guardian) Amusing Londoners aren't looking forward to the Olympics due to the increase of traffic, influx of foreigners and opportunist thieves. Submitter can't imagine what a busy, crime riddled London full of foreigners would be like  (guardian.co.uk) (33)
(The Local (Germany)) Dumbass If you're going to send your crotch shot to a female Olympic high jumper, you might want to check that her day job is not in law enforcement  (thelocal.de) (41)
(CNN) Sad 877 dolphins wash ashore in Peru. LACES OUT, Dan  (cnn.com) (29)
(AP) Obvious Aging workforce strains Social Security, Medicare, Bowels  (hosted.ap.org) (48)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Looks like someone found out where the penis goes. It's this week's Mugshot Roundup  (thesmokinggun.com) (79)
(The Local - France) Strange Not News: Girl sent home from school for wearing "provocative" clothing. Fark: Her skirt was too long  (thelocal.fr) (84)
(CBS Local) Ironic Body with no head inadvertently shipped to BJ's  (boston.cbslocal.com) (15)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Dumbass "Among the 243 porn websites Judge Polito's county computer attempted to access are chubbyparade.com, hugeheavybreasts.com, bigbras-club.com, portofdebauchery.com and teenagesextape.com"... All rise  (suntimes.com) (76)
(Daily Mail) Weird 'Real-life Barbie' from Russia seeks to be the world's most convincing doll. I wonder if she's had her genitalia removed?  (dailymail.co.uk) (92)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Bad: Getting arrested for stealing scrap metal. Worse: Getting arrested for stealing scrap metal twice in one day. Fark: Posing for this picture after getting arrested  (norwichbulletin.com) (36)
(The Local (Germany)) Amusing Actor re-enacts jewelry store robbery for crime show, is promptly arrested after being identified by vigilant citizens  (thelocal.de) (17)
(Mirror.co.uk) Dumbass When the cops are after you, don't frame your wanted poster and hang it in the house you're hiding out in  (mirror.co.uk) (13)
(Short List) Fail How'd you like them apples? A little too much, apparently  (shortlist.com) (19)
(WPTV) Followup "Most of the strippers would be on the wall over here, and over there is where all the DVDs of pornography were stored" said Pastor Dumont Pierre of the new Evangelical Assembly of Christ Church  (wptv.com) (62)
(BBC) Interesting Extremely rare adult white killer whale spotted in the wild with his black counterparts. The whale appears to be healthy, socialized, not followed by mall security  (bbc.co.uk) (59)
(Some Guy) Asinine 13-year-old girl sued for accidentally hitting a classmate in the eye with a tennis ball during a tennis lesson. This is why someday soon you're going to be forced to buy third-party insurance if you want your child to play sports  (couriermail.com.au) (168)
(Some Guy) PSA If you have a maid, please remind her she doesn't have to clean the outside of your windows, especially the ones above the ground floor. "Once they do that, I think, we will be able to save a lot of lives"  (asiaone.com) (18)
(Twitchy) Scary Twitter lynch mob: George Zimmerman is out on bail? Let's kill him  (twitchy.com) (660)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If you're going to shoot up a speed van, you might want to do it from a different angle than directly in front of the camera  (fox11online.com) (44)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this wrinkly woman  (img4.tourbina.ru) (30)
(Daily Mail) Scary Two men arrested after setting deadly booby traps on popular hiking trail. When asked for a motive one suspect said: "They drew first blood, not me"  (dailymail.co.uk) (113)
(BBC) Weird Springtime in Germany means annual near-orgasmic obsession with asparagus has begun. "Who knows what the mixture of phallic symbolism and fertile soil means in the German psyche"  (bbc.co.uk) (88)
(Time) Fail Facebook is good for all sorts of things, such as sharing photos, planning events, exchanging recipes, informing military wives of their husbands' death in Afghanistan-- and that's just to name just a few  (newsfeed.time.com) (72)
(Mirror.co.uk) Amusing The worst police wanted posters you will ever see. EVER  (mirror.co.uk) (61)
(BBC) Strange North Koreans grow like this, and South Koreans grow like thiiis  (bbc.co.uk) (91)
(ABC) Followup George Zimmerman released from jail on $150,000 bail  (abcnews.go.com) (613)
(Forbes) Florida University of Florida cuts computer science department to save $1.7 million, adds $2 million to athletic department  (forbes.com) (241)

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