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Sun June 17, 2012
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Yahoo) Sick Thought you could avoid body fluids and germs in hotel rooms by not sitting on the bedspread? Think again  (news.yahoo.com) (127)
(The Sun) Dumbass Hey, let's send a woman alone into an enclosure with 8 wolves who have attacked people before. I mean, what's the worst that can happen?  (thesun.co.uk) (116)
(MSNBC) Scary "Joey, have you ever burned in a Turkish prison?"  (msnbc.msn.com) (37)
(IndyStar) Followup In case you were curious, your premium gets jacked up an extra $1.7 million if a vintage plane crashes at your air race. And you have to push the grandstands back an extra 150 feet from the course  (indystar.com) (54)
(Chicago Tribune) Sad LaGrange man drowns during triathlon. Investigators are asking themselves, "How, how, how, how?"  (chicagotribune.com) (91)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this summer breeze  (getintravel.com) (45)
(BusinessWeek) Interesting Ukraine plans to release alcoholic bears into local forest near kindly church-going villages. Hungover, D.T. shaking, withdrawal-grumpy bears. Oh yeah. This should end well  (businessweek.com) (25)
(Slate) Cool 10 filthy rich dads who think their kids should get nothing. Nothing do you hear me? N O T H I N G  (slate.com) (227)
(Asbury Park Press) Strange 17 court employees sickened by bioterror attack. And by bioterror attack I mean "fresh-cut flowers"  (app.com) (35)
(Denver Post) Spiffy Forest fires bring out unlikely heroes. In this case, a donkey  (denverpost.com) (32)
(Daily Mail) Sappy Ugly-ass rare twin Amur leopards are born, making today a special Caturday  (dailymail.co.uk) (21)
(UPI) Followup Greece votes to have a real government for the first time in the country's history  (upi.com) (104)
(LA Times) Obvious Ric Romero reports that medical Cannabis is expensive  (latimes.com) (71)
(AP) Unlikely Psst. Hey Buddy, over here. How would youse like to get buy some energy credits, cheap? Of course they're real, I don't deal in no fake energy credits  (hosted.ap.org) (32)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this mystery girl  (cache.daylife.com) (39)
(Reuters) Dumbass USAF deserter comes in from the cold after 28 years because it's really cold in Sweden. Tag is for deserting in the first place  (reuters.com) (241)
(Washington Post) Interesting No, the EPA is not using unmanned drones to spy on poor, defenseless, manure-dumping farmers. The EPA is using regular, piloted planes to spy on poor, defenseless, manure-dumping farmers  (washingtonpost.com) (73)
(Telegraph) Hero Sad: Cover girl pinup dies at 91. Hero: Oh, and she also flew Spitfires, Mustangs and Hurricanes during WWII  (telegraph.co.uk) (78)
(The Sun) Dumbass 24-year-old hottie: 'I have £225 hangover drip every month so I can keep on partying' (w/pics)  (thesun.co.uk) (186)
(ABC) Misc 18 years ago today, The Juice got squeezed  (abcnews.go.com) (119)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida "The bath salts in the news for making people go crazy are not really for your bath"  (sun-sentinel.com) (145)
(Some spontn80) Followup Fifth year in a row: What would you say to your Daddy today if you could?  (dangrigor.com) (507)
(Fark) Survey Subby is looking for a vinegar based barbecue sauce. Got any recipes?  (fark.com) (147)
(Huffington Post) Interesting Five misconceptions about alien life. "The idea that they've come for breeding purposes is more akin to wishful thinking by members of the audience who don't have good social lives"  (huffingtonpost.com) (168)
(Des Moines Register) Fail Public school system refuses to bus a student who lives 1.35 miles from school, making her continue to cross a busy interstate and dangerous roadways  (desmoinesregister.com) (137)
(TMZ) NewsFlash If you had Rodney King in your dead pool, step on up and collect your winnings  (tmz.com) (403)
(Telegraph) Interesting US takes steps to interdict a Russian ship carrying missiles and arms to a client state. No, this isn't a repeat from October 1962...yet  (telegraph.co.uk) (64)
(Toronto Star) Interesting "Europeans prefer a wartless pickle" Giggity  (thestar.com) (30)
(New Zealand Herald) Asinine Don't you hate it when the doctors say you have fatal cancer, so you spend $80,000 completing everything on your bucket list, and then it turns out the doctors got it wrong?  (nzherald.co.nz) (124)
(Sun Sentinel) Interesting Rapid rise in baby boomer drug addicts reported. So, where's that "Just Say No" crap at now, grandpa?  (sun-sentinel.com) (162)
(LA Times Photos) Photoshop Photoshop this breakaway bicyclist   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (19)
(Boston Herald) Interesting Forty climate activists ripped up John's driveway yesterday  (bostonherald.com) (81)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Fail Hey dad, I got you a sweat treat. No, the paper said sweat, so that's what I went with  (suntimes.com) (56)
(Chicago Tribune) Misc Would you like a nice chardonnay? How about a pink blazer and an appletini?  (chicagotribune.com) (40)
(Digital Journal) Unlikely "He wanted the dead bodies to send a message to other squirrels not to trespass on his property"  (digitaljournal.com) (111)
(Telegraph) Obvious If you're a politician having sex in the deep forest, you have an expected right to privacy and a hidden camera meant to record wildlife should not be filming you  (telegraph.co.uk) (74)
(MSNBC) Dumbass Texas parents suing their child's school for forcing the child to take a bath. Subby guesses that's easier than actually making sure their child is clean before going to school  (usnews.msnbc.msn.com) (145)
(AZCentral) Asinine On the same day President Obama softened the country's policy towards young illegal immigrants, Sheriff Joe Arpaio arrests a 6-year-old girl suspected of being in the country illegally  (azcentral.com) (218)
(The Sun) Sad One in five throws trash out of the car. The Sun is there, turning it into compost  (thesun.co.uk) (46)
(CBS Sacramento) Strange Man impales himself trying to get into his own home. Neighbor: "It don't seem like no accident to me. You don't need to be a rocket scientist to figure that out. I mean I ain't no CSI, but I watch CSI"  (sacramento.cbslocal.com) (34)
(Daily Mail) Interesting 'Porn School': Desert boot camp helps teens beat internet porn addiction with chores, horse riding, lie detectors (w/pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (103)
(Pittsburgh Post-Gazette) Amusing "I believe God worked through the furries, because I really was in need," he said  (post-gazette.com) (175)
(Some Guy) Scary Dozens of Lima beings flattened when car drives into Ohio crowd  (kwtx.com) (44)

Sat June 16, 2012
(Orlando Sentinel) Obvious Sugar is killing us  (orlandosentinel.com) (442)
(CTV) NewsFlash Alberta armoured car robbery suspect caught at US border  (ctv.ca) (134)
(Guardian) Interesting My moobs and me  (guardian.co.uk) (70)
(LA Times Photos) Photoshop Photoshop this transit trio   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (24)
(Denver Post) Followup Scottish schoolgirl who photographed her school lunch, then was told not to photograph her school lunch, is allowed to photograph her school lunch again. School lunch  (denverpost.com) (159)
(CBC) Fail Hypnotist great at putting people into a trance, but the whole snapping them out of it part could use some work  (cbc.ca) (90)
(The Sun) Amusing Ewok accused of displaying his chub chub on an Imperial shuttle. The Sun is there  (thesun.co.uk) (46)
(BBC) Followup French Muslim Communist Holocaust denier dies. Personally, I think the claims that he died are exaggerated, if not completely made up  (bbc.co.uk) (129)
(Laughing Squid) Strange This year's "Deep fried county fair monstrosity" is (spins wheel)...breakfast cereal  (laughingsquid.com) (58)
(Fark) FarkParty Fark Party Charlotte II - Electric Boogaloo  (fark.com) (21)
(Daily Mail) Cool It's 100 years of the Mugshot Roundup  (dailymail.co.uk) (42)
(Phoenix New Times) Scary Man stretches one failed date into 19 years of creepy dedication   (blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com) (106)
(Fox News) Spiffy How to grill the perfect steak. Yes, you're doing it wrong  (foxnews.com) (389)
(LA Times Photos) Photoshop Photoshop these missing members   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (14)
(BBC) Scary Paisley shop worker critical after stabbing. Police searching for any pattern to the crime  (bbc.co.uk) (18)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Fail You don't win friends with salad. You don't win friends with salad. You don't win friends with salad. You don't win friends with salad  (suntimes.com) (64)
(Chicago Tribune) Sad Prince Nayef dead I caught sayof  (chicagotribune.com) (41)
(UPI) Interesting Mum... mum... mum, the super secret X-37B orbital space plane will be landing this weekend after 15 months on a secret mission. Mum... mum... mumm  (upi.com) (59)
(Yahoo) Interesting Woman behind controversial military breastfeeding photo gets fired from civilian job after filing harassment complaint - company says it was for doing personal business on company time  (shine.yahoo.com) (123)
(Reuters) Obvious War on Drugs moves from the jungles of South America to your local pharmacy. Finally, the scourge of CVS will be wiped from our streets  (reuters.com) (108)
(NYPost) Spiffy NYC Mayor Bloomberg channels his inner hooker/hottie to differentiate between hookers and real working girls, praising the halter topped bodies of respectable women everywhere. Ya dirty old mayor  (nypost.com) (16)
(BusinessWeek) Interesting Remember how Japan shut down all its nuclear reactors? Yeah, about that  (businessweek.com) (36)
(BBC-US) Obvious Is the Earth being pushed to its breaking point by us humans? Short answer: YES. Long answer: YES, but we still can do something about it  (bbc.com) (212)
(AZCentral) Cool Pasties: They're no longer just for strip bars  (azcentral.com) (62)
(Salon) PSA BREAKING NEWS: during slow news months, the media is most likely to overhype small stories and turn them into BREAKING NEWS. More on this as it develops  (salon.com) (30)
(WTHI-TV) Strange Today's "naked guy high on bath salts holds on to the hood of a car for four miles" story is brought to you by Robinson, Illinois  (wthitv.com) (85)
(CBS Philadelphia) Fail Testing scandal on proficiency exams linked to: A) high school seniors B) medical school applicants C) TSA agents  (philadelphia.cbslocal.com) (91)
(8 News Now) Misc Smoking hot junior high teacher arrested for having sex with student and sending explicit pictures through email  (8newsnow.com) (120)
(Mother Nature Network) Cool How to master the art of scything. Just in case the Grim Reaper needs to take a few days off and asks you to cover for him  (mnn.com) (75)
(LA Times) Spiffy Jury finds man charged with spitting on sheriff's deputy not guilty, something that had not been expectorated  (latimes.com) (37)
(Krypton Radio) Amusing Not news: New Superman movie has yet another redesigned costume. Sort of news: Fans are wondering about a strange addition to the outfit. Fark: They've sewn in a codpiece to give supes a package. George Clooney tweaks nipples on his Batsuit  (kryptonradio.com) (125)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this hand from a hole  (cdn3.spiegel.de) (28)
(CNN) Sad Studies show unemployment leads to mental illness, staying up 'til 3 in the morning to catch that one episode of Law and Order where Lennie Briscoe makes an amusing quip right before the opening credits  (cnn.com) (85)
(Some Guy) Caturday Cindy the cat is a role model to mothers everywhere. Seems she took a bullet to the head but refused to leave her kittens. She has recovered and is looking for a forever home to spend her Caturdays  (delmartimes.net) (690)
(The Sun) Dumbass 44-year-old hottie: I'm getting MMM boobs to give my kids a better life (w/pics)  (thesun.co.uk) (176)
(KOTV) Asinine City: "Your yard is overgrown and in code violation" Woman: "I checked before planting and according to the law it isn't. That garden provides my food." City: "We don't care. Send in the mowers"  (newson6.com) (276)
(kfor) Obvious Former nurse sentenced for letting 13 year old take her temperature. With "yes I would let that hit me if I was 13" pic  (kfor.com) (135)
(Daily Mail) Sick Sick : Man arrested for having sex with a teddy bear in public. Fark: For the fourth time  (dailymail.co.uk) (73)
(Denver Post) Dumbass There are some things that duct tape won't fix, like that leak in your 18-wheeler's fuel line  (denverpost.com) (26)
(MSNBC) Asinine California, the state with the largest death row and where the 3-strikes rule puts people in prison for life for stealing pizza, is about to release that guy from the 70's who took a bus full of children and buried them alive in a quarry  (usnews.msnbc.msn.com) (121)
(MSNBC) Florida Woman whose ex-boyfriend set her on fire outside a gas station now being charged for not moving her car off the gas station's property  (usnews.msnbc.msn.com) (45)
(Omaha World Herald) Sad Fifteen-year-old can't get custody of his own son, driver's license  (omaha.com) (79)
(Bismarck Tribune) Strange Runner surprised by naked man who was "holding his genitalia and making suggestive statements." Isn't "good morning" a suggestive statement when you're holding your genitalia?  (bismarcktribune.com) (41)
(The Atlantic) Interesting Photographers capture recent college grads who couldn't land careers and took menial jobs instead. That's what you get for studying Russian lit and, uh, civil engineering? What the fark?  (m.theatlantic.com) (138)

Fri June 15, 2012
(ABC) News Niagara Falls, Wallenda doesn't  (abcnews.go.com) (182)
(Gizmodo) PSA Forty-nine bits of booze jargon every Farker should know  (gizmodo.com) (85)
(Mirror.co.uk) Interesting Jack Daniels, the original BRITISH whiskey  (mirror.co.uk) (90)
(ABC) Scary Pull a jockstrap over a high school classmate's head in the high school locker room? That's a fatal shooting at your front door, 50 years later  (abcnews.go.com) (212)
(WCSC) Asinine Officers tase 80 year old woman for swinging her cane, seriously  (live5news.com) (100)
(ABC) Asinine Two teacher of the year candidates try to teach six-year-old a lesson by forcing 24 other students to punch him  (abcnews.go.com) (100)
(Wikipedia) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Black and white  (en.wikipedia.org) (24)
(Yahoo) Followup German "Forest Boy" isn't missing, amnesiac or feral. He's just Dutch  (gma.yahoo.com) (66)
(The New Yorker) Obvious Wine snobs are full of shiat: blind taste test shows the French likes of Clos des Mouches and Château Mouton Rothschild are barely better than a Lavallette orange from New Jersey with its subtle notes of dead mafiosi, corruption and sulfur  (newyorker.com) (210)
(The Atlantic Wire) Followup 'Kindness In America' hitchhiker admits he lied about being shot while hitchhiking and that he actually shot himself. How rude  (theatlanticwire.com) (92)
(Huffington Post) Obvious Remember: white wine with fowl, red wine with beef. And according to Maynard James Keenan, a pinot noir goes best when chewing off a face  (huffingtonpost.com) (172)
(Panama City News Herald) Florida Man stands his ground, holds six kids ages 4 to 16 at gunpoint for turning their ATV around in his driveway. Bonus: Makes oldest kid call mom to pick them up  (newsherald.com) (345)
(Popular Science) Interesting I don't know why you'd drink it instead of bourbon anyway, but here's why that glass of scotch smells like an old Band-Aid  (popsci.com) (181)
(Shorpy) Photoshop Photoshop this showroom pitch  (shorpy.com) (37)
(Fark) Survey Clear your desks and put away your genitals, it's time for the weekly Fark quiz  (fark.com) (81)
(The New York Times) Scary Donate a kidney to someone in need? Well that makes you a fine human being, a great humanitarian and forever after ineligible to get a health insurance policy on the grounds you have "chronic kidney disease"  (well.blogs.nytimes.com) (209)
(Al Jazeera) Interesting China's first female astronaut prepares for historic space docking on flight with two men. Subby is fairly certain he's seen this video already  (aljazeera.com) (143)
(610 WIOD) Hero Good Samaritan who rescued man from sinking car on Wednesday rescues two from plane crash on Thursday; says he has no plans for Friday.. yet  (610wiod.com) (51)
(WAFB) Obvious When I first came here, this was all swamp. Everyone said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built in all the same, just to show them. It sank into the swamp  (wafb.com) (114)
(The Local (Sweden)) Fail If you're going to steal a large painting, make sure your getaway car is big enough first  (thelocal.se) (13)
(CNN) Scary Egypt's military: So...now that we've dissolved that elected parliament we didn't like, why don't you folk draft up a new constitution for us to see. Meanwhile, we'll draft up our own. Just, you know, to use in the meantime  (cnn.com) (175)
(KREM) Fail 100-mph drive ends in dramatic fail. This story has it all: teenagers, moose, parolees, and nocturnal emissions  (krem.com) (61)
(WHDH Boston) Dumbass Hello, 911? This restaurant won't put enough mayo on my sandwich  (www1.whdh.com) (119)
(Stuff.co.nz) Fail The motorcycle trees are blooming early this year  (stuff.co.nz) (124)
(Pocono Record) Dumbass Protip: It is not a good idea to steal money from work - especially if you work at a police station  (poconorecord.com) (24)
(The Local (Sweden)) Fail Attention surgeons. Please make sure to read your operation orders in full, especially if they read: "Remove this patient's hip GROWTH"  (thelocal.se) (59)
(Evening Tribune) Fail When your "senior prank" involves getting drunk and spray painting toilet paper then posting pictures of said "prank" on Facebook, you probably shouldn't graduate until you think of something a bit more creative  (eveningtribune.com) (42)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Man commits the unforgivable sin of wearing two different plaids while robbing a Wells Fargo  (sun-sentinel.com) (18)
(Washington Post) Spiffy Pentagon officially authorizes a lot of Rear Admiral jokes  (washingtonpost.com) (74)
(WSOCTV) Asinine After a long discussion with our lawyers & a broken capslock key, turns out that girl wasn't trying to show off her hoo-ha in the high school yearbook after all. Friends?  (wsoctv.com) (114)
(Reading Eagle) Strange Hey diddle diddle, what's that in the highway's middle? It's two cows in the light of the moon. The oncoming truck had really bad luck and now the cows' guts on the roadway are strewn  (readingeagle.com) (40)
(USA Today) Spiffy The War of 1812 bicentennial, which most Americans don't even know is a thing, is drawing Canadians out of their igloos by the thousands for rousing re-enactments, celebratory Molsons, and presumably a few pick-up games of curling  (usatoday.com) (324)
(Bay News 9) Florida Old: Kidnapping. Florida: Pignapping  (baynews9.com) (20)
(Lynn Daily Item) Interesting Man who sold 22,000 fake rail passes sentenced to three years of trains  (itemlive.com) (25)
(STLToday) Dumbass It may not be unusual for a little girl to ask her daddy for a pony, but it just might be Farkworthy when that little girl grows up to sell her dad some Horse  (stltoday.com) (38)
(Mega 949) Fail Before declaring your site for historical preservation, make sure the racial stereotype caricature painted on the wall won't be protested by the local population  (mega949.com) (183)
(WHDH Boston) Cool Statues of soldiers holding guns is so cliche for military memorials; how about we sculpt a giant bunny instead?  (www1.whdh.com) (56)
(SeattlePI) Sad A system error has occured and Snow Leopard must now be terminated  (blog.seattlepi.com) (54)
(Stylist) Amusing Cancel that monthly subscription to Time Magazine. De-Worming World is the new must-read title  (stylist.co.uk) (20)
(WTKR) Strange Man says Titanic replica he built is haunted, now has Celine Dion stuck in his head 24/7  (wtkr.com) (36)
(CNN) Hero Are you a teenager who doesn't drink? Cool, this guy wants to give you $1000  (cnn.com) (90)
(Abc.net.au) Scary Chinese government: "We are really sorry about that late term abortion we forced you to have for not paying a fine on time"  (abc.net.au) (105)
(NECN.com) Dumbass If you're involved in a hit and run homicide, take the extra few seconds to jump out and grab your license plate at the scene. Or you can have the cops swing by with it a few hours later  (necn.com) (34)
(CNN) Interesting The reality is that doctors are getting much better at helping people survive cancer. The problem is we're not ready to support millions of cancer survivors who should be dead  (thechart.blogs.cnn.com) (134)
(Boston.com) Photoshop Photoshop this roaming recorder  (inapcache.boston.com) (21)
(Wired) Followup Try to change school lunches by taking pictures of them and posting them on your blog...that's a smack down. First rule of school lunches...we don't talk about school lunches  (wired.com) (181)
(Mirror.co.uk) Scary Is British Columbia's "The Highway of Tears" the hunting ground of a prolific serial killer? Forty women have vanished over the last thirty years (w/map of suspected victims and where they were found)  (mirror.co.uk) (131)
(AZCentral) Ironic School wants to ban flip-flops, visible undergarments, visible cleavage, bare midriffs, clothes that are too tight, too loose or transparent, bare shoulders, short skirts and exercise pants. Fark: Ban is for the teachers  (azcentral.com) (155)
(Nola.com) Amusing There's a burglar in your garage. You a) call the cops, b) attack him yourself, C) let your 72 year old momma beat the snot out of him and send him to the hospital  (nola.com) (32)
(Some Guy) Amusing "Missouri Man Asks to Be Sentenced in Sex Slave Case." He says he's been very, very bad and needs to be punished  (columbiamissourian.com) (45)
(Mirror.co.uk) Fail If you're going to use a samurai sword to fight off some intruders you'd better know how to use it. I'm just sayin'  (mirror.co.uk) (106)
(My Fox DC) Interesting I would say the sketch artist for this police department is between 5-12 years old  (myfoxdc.com) (52)
(DFW Star-Telegram) Interesting Painting found in Spain carbon-dated to 40,800 years old, believed to depict endless whining over why Vickers didn't just run to the left  (star-telegram.com) (68)
(Newser) Sick The Boy Scouts of America has two decades' worth of documents on 1,200 suspected child molesters in the organization-and the long-secret files are set to go public  (newser.com) (168)
(CNN) Scary Finally some good news about Syria - the invasion planning is complete  (security.blogs.cnn.com) (109)
(Smh.com.au) Amusing Is your stormwater drain blocked? You might want to check for infestation of wombats  (smh.com.au) (25)
(Daily Mail) Stupid This is all fine and good, but next step is to stop referring to these women as "plus-sized." (With plenty of examples of just how hittable plus-sized really is)  (dailymail.co.uk) (444)

Thu June 14, 2012
(Yahoo) Scary Of course the police in Mexico are corrupt, but it's rare to see them actually kidnap people for the cartels on video  (news.yahoo.com) (78)
(Oregon Live) Strange Trucker too drunk to drive does the logical thing and sends his boss a text claiming he's being held hostage by robbers who want to steal the load of berries he's hauling  (oregonlive.com) (25)
(SeattlePI) Dumbass This is why you should never walk up and punch a superhero wearing plated armor  (seattlepi.com) (49)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Man learns the hard way not to bring a table to a knife fight  (articles.orlandosentinel.com) (15)
(SFGate) Asinine Dear San Francisco PD: Next time a couple repeatedly begs you to help them rescue their daughter from a pimp, please take them seriously. And if you don't, please don't prosecute them for fixing the problem themselves  (sfgate.com) (145)
(The Consumerist) Sick "Sorry to hear your son died. But you owe money for his student loans. We can't tell you how much you owe, but we expect payment on time. Have a wonderful day"  (consumerist.com) (300)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this kid with a fuzzy fish  (i188.photobucket.com) (33)
(Gawker) Silly Yo dawg, I hear you like crocs, so here's a croc eating a croc  (gawker.com) (40)
(Wired) Stupid The latest version of the Army's M1 Abrams tanks is an utter, complete cupcake  (wired.com) (132)
(Some Guy) Interesting Are you a friend of Carlotta or an enemy of Carlotta?  (accuweather.com) (71)
(PennLive) Obvious Drifting looks pretty cool when cars do it. With tractor-trailers, not so much  (pennlive.com) (36)
(Fox News) Obvious Apparently, jumping from an airplane just before it crashes does NOT work  (foxnews.com) (113)
(Cracked) Cool "I come in peace. I didn't bring artillery. But I'm pleading with you, with tears in my eyes: If you Fark with me, I'll kill you all." Just one of the six most bad-ass things said by a soldier just before killing people  (cracked.com) (184)
(Chicago Tribune) Followup Couple arrested after authorities found their two children bound hand and foot and blindfolded inside their pickup truck in a Wal-Mart parking lot. To be fair, they did spare the customers the trauma of hearing annoying children  (chicagotribune.com) (65)
(Dallas Observer) Obvious Houston -- assh*le of the universe  (blogs.dallasobserver.com) (267)
(MSN) Photoshop Photoshop this prop prep  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (17)
(ABC) Cool Keep faking that chicken  (abcnews.go.com) (213)
(Fox News) Scary Doc, I have this shooting pain. Can you give me something for it?  (foxnews.com) (38)
(Some Guy) Ironic If you're going to crash land a plane, coming to a stop at the stop sign on Cessna Drive is a nice touch  (dailycamera.com) (65)
(New York Daily News) Obvious NYC mob war nearly erupts over: a) territory dispute b) missing drug shipment c) pizza sauce recipe  (nydailynews.com) (44)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Impromptu fajita cookout on the I-95  (orlandosentinel.com) (24)
(Yahoo) Spiffy Homeless TX man allowed to keep $77,000 in cash and gold coins he found in a park after police inexplicably fail to figure out a way to claim it's drug money  (news.yahoo.com) (60)
(CNN) Obvious Air Force V-22 Osprey crashes in Florida, injuring 5. This is not a repeat from 1991, 1992, 2000, 2000, 2010, 2012  (cnn.com) (121)
(CBS New York) Scary Is that an SUV sticking out of the side of your house or are you just happy to see me?  (newyork.cbslocal.com) (21)
(Some Guy) Interesting Can you live below the poverty line on $1.50 a day? How much is Ramen flavored noodles and a 40oz of Old English 800 nowadays?  (newsnet5.com) (163)
(KTLA) Obvious City bans nativity scenes amid mounting tension between atheists and devout. Sounds like someone's on a crusade  (ktla.com) (340)
(The New York Times) Interesting Stanford gets 110 years for Ponzi scheme, silly mascot  (nytimes.com) (27)
(BBC-US) Interesting A folding car for the urbanite with no space? It's more likely than you think  (bbc.com) (47)
(io9) Scary Dead squid gets woman's mouth pregnant  (io9.com) (104)
(WPTV) Followup Florida airboat captain who lost hand to gator suspected of illegal feeding, to get slap on the wrist  (wptv.com) (33)
(WTVR) Asinine Congratulations, you are Teacher of the Year. You're fired  (wtvr.com) (170)
(NYPost) Sad The modern American bachelor party is no longer about booze, strippers, and guys who know how to keep a secret, and more about a quiet dinner out with a couple of close friends  (nypost.com) (361)
(CBS Los Angeles 2) Sick Sears accused of turning a blind eye to employees hiding video cameras in changing rooms  (losangeles.cbslocal.com) (57)
(IFC) Video Stop me if you've heard this one before. Four rabbis and a chicken walk into a bar (sponsored link)  (bs.serving-sys.com) (28)
(Big 1059) Obvious It's almost Father's Day, so here's the obligatory article asking "Are Dads Morons?"  (big1059.com) (212)
(New York Daily News) Weird Language arts teacher found dead in classroom causes students to be treated for post-grammatic stress disorder  (nydailynews.com) (43)
(WTSP) Florida Apparently, the idea of telling students to cut and burn themselves to get rid of their demons hasn't gotten old for (hot) teachers in St. Petersburg. Yeah, you'd hit it, in spite of the crazy eyes  (wtsp.com) (104)
(NBCWashington) Cool So, the U.S. is officially in the flying saucer making business  (nbcwashington.com) (58)
(Ottawa Citizen) Hero 50-year-old John foils teen prostitution ring. "For me to give up Ralph Lauren, you know that I was passionate about making sure this girl was okay"  (ottawacitizen.com) (87)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Meet the couple that is going to die violently in their sleep some day soon  (dailymail.co.uk) (171)
(Some Guy) Strange London tourist's car breaks down. Leaves note and goes for a walk. When he returns, he finds his car blown up by police and gets a parking ticket  (standard.co.uk) (80)
(TC Palm) Florida If olive oil is used during sex, can you still call it extra virgin?  (blogs.tcpalm.com) (84)
(TMZ) Sick The first pics from the set of Octomom's masturbation video are here, and they might be safe for work, but they will irreparably damage your psyche  (tmz.com) (353)
(Telegraph) Sad Fewer than half of young UK adults know butter comes from cows, a third do not know eggs come from hens  (telegraph.co.uk) (195)
(Huffington Post) Fail If you're going to rob a Walmart it's probably best to avoid getting hit with your own getaway vehicle  (huffingtonpost.com) (17)
(Short List) Amusing REVEALED: World's most dangerous vegetables. Silence Of The Yams, anyone?  (shortlist.com) (67)
(Gwinnett Daily Post) Dumbass Police officer: I see a tree fell on your house. Is everybody inside okay? Do you need any h- ... say, that car in your driveway matches the description of a recently stolen vehicle  (gwinnettdailypost.com) (29)
(Stylist) Strange What to do with an abandoned farm? Turn it into a giant dollshouse, of course  (stylist.co.uk) (36)
(CBS 46 Atlanta) Hero Dozens of teachers respond to budget cuts by walking off the job. Just kidding, they're volunteering to teach children to read for free  (cbsatlanta.com) (216)
(WFTV) Sick If you're an adult and you're still eating Chef Boyardee, finding a spider in a ravioli is the least of your problems  (wftv.com) (175)
(UPI) Dumbass Jury duty tip: When jokingly texting a fake bomb threat to a fellow juror it's probably best not to forget the winking emoticon  (upi.com) (19)
(City Pages) Interesting Ever clean your garage and find human remains from 1901?  (blogs.citypages.com) (53)
(Some Drama Queen) Obvious Sure, a festival programme changing your name to Pubic Hair is a little embarrassing. But claiming it destroyed your life is a little over-dramatic, don't you think?  (standard.co.uk) (35)
(Phys Org2) Interesting Sex in difficult locations is beneficial to evolution, and yet subby's girlfriend won't let him put it there  (phys.org) (162)
(MSN) Photoshop Photoshop this steamy subject  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (31)
(MSNBC) Amusing States carefully monitor motorists' license 2 B creative on personalized plates. ASSMAN surrenders  (bottomline.msnbc.msn.com) (98)
(Daily Mail) Interesting The coolest attempted truck robbery you'll see all day  (dailymail.co.uk) (31)
(ABC 27) Amusing Arizona wants to promote dust storm safety by...c) writing haikus about them  (abc27.com) (78)
(SFGate) Scary Explosion inside meat market injures four people. Police take witnesses and evidence downtown for grilling  (sfgate.com) (25)
(New York Daily News) Scary Man attempts to rescue mouse from stray cat. Then thing gets all black plaguey: "Taking a mouse out of a cat's mouth is probably not a good idea"  (nydailynews.com) (103)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Former spy Anna Chapman hits the fashion runway, with results even 007 would appreciate (with "yes, you would double cross that" pics)  (thelook.today.msnbc.msn.com) (179)
(Globe and Mail) Sick Not News: Teacher aids students with helpful dissection film. Fark: It's not biology class, it's history and citizenship; and the dissection film is a snuff film  (theglobeandmail.com) (118)
(CNN) Scary This is why the pilot tells you to keep your seatbelt fastened even when the seatbelt sign is off  (cnn.com) (61)
(My Fox DC) Fail Oh, you don't mop the floors with baby oil? My bad  (myfoxdc.com) (56)
(The Sun) Dumbass Thirty-year-old woman spends more than £10,000 on OMG DAT ASS (w NSFW /pics)  (thesun.co.uk) (227)
(Click Orlando) Florida Thirty-two-year-old science teacher arrested for having sex with her student. Verdict: Hittable (w/mugshot)  (clickorlando.com) (125)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 371: "Photo Mosaics" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (76)

Wed June 13, 2012
(Huffington Post) Obvious The Senate gives JPMorgan Chase honcho Jamie Dimon a grilling. If by "grilling," you mean "a big wet kiss on the mouth"  (huffingtonpost.com) (94)
(NBC Bay Area) Dumbass San Francisco has a plan to stop panhandling: Hand out puppies  (nbcbayarea.com) (89)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Attempting to fight the scourge of homeless people, city officials weld shut the doors to public bathrooms, disconnect power to public outlets. But much like the Velociraptor, the homeless always find a way  (tampabay.com) (142)
(Talk About Equality) Sick "Son, want a new Retina MacBook? No problem. Just stop the homosexual activity"   (talkaboutequality.wordpress.com) (172)
(Google) Silly Go to Google Images. Drag and drop a picture of yourself into the search bar and "search by image". Show us the picture you used to search and the first result Google found for what your picture looked like  (google.com) (666)
(MSN) Photoshop Photoshop this sand storm scarf  (msnbcmedia1.msn.com) (21)
(Huffington Post) Obvious Maybe it's time to re-evaluate if your sex life is too rough when people stumble upon your sex chamber and mistake it for a crime scene  (huffingtonpost.com) (386)
(BBC) Spiffy Kabul motorbike pizza delivery service has exploded  (bbc.co.uk) (83)
(Boston.com) Photoshop Photoshop these Transit of Venus observers  (inapcache.boston.com) (25)
(CBS New York) Scary Moran: "Yes, I'd like to report a road rage incident that happened yesterday." Police: "Oh, so you're the guy who impersonated an ICE agent, handcuffed a teen, and brought him to your house. We need to talk"  (newyork.cbslocal.com) (129)
(Short List) Interesting The ultimate in "I totally cooked this meal from scratch, I swear" - Restaurant delivers fine food and dirty pans to your door  (shortlist.com) (81)
(Den Of Geek) Caption Caption what the Doctor is explaining to his new companion  (cdn-static.denofgeek.com) (133)
(Telegraph) Stupid Nothing quite says, "I care about you and your ridiculous overpriced fashion choices" than using a $68 official Louis Vuitton condom. Spend that much for a condom and you're guaranteed to have been screwed  (fashion.telegraph.co.uk) (189)
(Japan Times) Weird Japanese army rangers march through central Tokyo for first time since 1970, with rationale that they need to "get acquainted with the urban environment." Hence, the rifles  (japantimes.co.jp) (59)
(93.9 MIA) Strange Swedish Left Party proposes motion to: a) increase taxes b) spend more on healthcare c) make men sit when they pee  (939mia.com) (175)
(WSBTV) Amusing Police Chief sends a nastygram to the Sheriff, berating him for hiring all of the people that he fires. The Sheriff claims Police Chief hires all the people that HE fires. Sounds like working at either place would provide excellent job security  (wsbtv.com) (37)
(Fark) FarkBlog Jihad Me Elmo, butthole monocles, and stank-tainted confetti: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 6/3 - 6/9  (fark.com) (4)
(Time) Interesting The evolution of college dorm rooms (while RAs remain frozen in time)  (time.com) (191)
(Houston Chronicle) Dumbass Drunk teen shooting at butane tank ends predictably  (chron.com) (142)
(Washington Post) Sick WSJ reporter forced to resign after her affair with Obama's ambassadorial nominee to Iraq, which involved trading sexual favors for access, is discovered. Dude, that's just a hair away from Murdoch and Obama being found in bed together  (washingtonpost.com) (90)
(Huffington Post) Interesting Most expensive pizza in the world costs $450 and includes lobster, caviar, extra anchovies  (huffingtonpost.com) (87)
(oakland tribune) Unlikely Hiking the trails in California? Be sure to notice the wildlife, rare birds, $30,000 Picasso lithograph  (insidebayarea.com) (12)
(Mother Nature Network) Strange Croquet, tug-of-war, korfball, and the other former Olympic sports that have been discontinued and are the reason why your grandfather still boycotts the Summer Games to this day  (mnn.com) (65)
(AZ Family) Weird If you run an illegal horse track, be discreet. Don't have a website about it, don't post videos of your races on YouTube, don't hang posters promoting races, and don't hold the races right next to the Interstate  (azfamily.com) (27)
(New York Daily News) Stupid NYC high school students learn that entrusting their cell phones to the care of safe mobile storage trucks outside their schools isn't as safe as they thought  (nydailynews.com) (114)
(Slate) Obvious Should drinking and parenting be combined? Is there really any other way to ensure parents survive their offspring's adolescence?  (slate.com) (33)
(Oregon Live) Amusing Turtle puts up a struggle while being arrested for trespassing  (oregonlive.com) (44)
(Smh.com.au) Interesting Pentagon soon to deploy six-lb "kamikaze" switchblade drones for very focused attacks. It will be easy to be deployed by an individual soldier & best of all it will be almost impossible to take out an entire wedding party with one  (smh.com.au) (97)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Good news, Captain Hook  (sun-sentinel.com) (31)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Man tries to pull the ol', "I don't want to go jail without my underwear on" on the police. It doesn't work  (nwfdailynews.com) (14)
(The New York Times) Interesting Exposure to Diesel causes lung cancer, crappy movies  (nytimes.com) (75)
(Some Guy) Followup Lawyer representing FunnyJunk against The Oatmeal is amazed there are "people who would besiege my website and send me a string of obscene emails" goes on to try and shut down charity campaign   (digitallife.today.msnbc.msn.com) (269)
(Toronto Star) Strange Canadian man violated probation by going to Tim Hortons. Isn't that cruel and unusual punishment?  (thestar.com) (29)
(Chronicle Herald) Sick Girlfriend testifies against 'the perfect man' who she could never replace. Except with the sexy, sexy dog  (thechronicleherald.ca) (85)
(Discovery) Followup Police begin to rethink relying on information provided by psychics  (news.discovery.com) (117)
(Metro) Strange Creepiest. Dog. EVER. (w/pic)  (metro.co.uk) (63)
(My Fox Boston) Asinine Arrested for stealing from a charity? Put that man in charge of our town's retirement account  (myfoxboston.com) (10)
(MLive.com) Scary Let's visit the justifiable homicide capital of America  (mlive.com) (70)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida In a rare display of self-restraint, Floridians refuse to give lighter to man trying to set himself and his car on fire at gas station  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) (15)
(WTSP) Asinine Inappropriate places for your toddler: A) unbuckled in an SUV B) a robbery C) a police chase D) all of the above  (wtsp.com) (30)
(AZCentral) Strange 24-pounds of cocaine found inside an Xbox. Somebody's going to stay up all night playing Skyrim  (azcentral.com) (67)
(AZ Family) Interesting You know how at the beginning of a couples quiz in Cosmopolitan magazine both parties are encouraged to be 'totally honest'? Don't be totally honest if you've both parties have been drinking  (azfamily.com) (49)
(Some Guy) Unlikely You don't mess with a goose that's been plucked 9 times, son  (baxterbulletin.com) (11)
(Boston Herald) Asinine George Zimmerman's wife, Baron Harkonnen, in jail for perjury. Apparently, judges don't like it when you turn your homicidal husband's legal charity fund into your own money trough and lie about it under oath  (bostonherald.com) (508)
(Chicago Tribune) News Iraqi terrorist attacks surge again, this time killing 53. Police believe they are targeting pilgrims, who are easily spotted by their giant black hats and brass buckles  (chicagotribune.com) (105)
(MSN) Photoshop Photoshop this New York City bee keeper  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (21)
(Daily Mail) Obvious A new contender for world's largest yacht, world's tiniest manhood  (dailymail.co.uk) (181)
(Gizmodo) Dumbass Student caught with 35-foot long cheat sheet filled with 25,000 answers -- when he could have just used that time to study  (gizmodo.com) (60)
(TMZ) Misc What do you mean dead, dead how? How am I dead? RIP Henry Hill  (tmz.com) (184)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Mother of the Year candidate arrested for leaving 15-month-old son outside nightclub bar while she got drunk. And yes, she's hot (w/pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (71)
(Some Guy) Sappy Calico kitten rescued from engine of a Mercedes. This one can't wait 'til Caturday (w/pictures of ugly-ass kitten)   (animaltracks.today.msnbc.msn.com) (82)
(Daily Mail) Silly Awkward Family Photos, 80's style  (dailymail.co.uk) (119)
(SFGate) Scary Mystery odor on flight prompts return to Oakland -- where it only got worse once the doors were opened  (sfgate.com) (36)
(Daily Mail) Fail Criminal mastermind manages to escape holding room only to end up bursting through a door where court is in session (w/photos & video)  (dailymail.co.uk) (21)
(Spiegel) Strange This is What Hell Looks Like: Nazis have been left to thrive in parts of eastern Germany  (spiegel.de) (270)

Tue June 12, 2012
(Daily Mail) Amusing Yo dawg, i heard you like boats  (dailymail.co.uk) (34)
(MSNBC) Followup Little Darth Vader from the Volkswagen commercials to undergo open heart surgery, midichlorian insertion  (today.msnbc.msn.com) (60)
(Evansville Courier Press) Amusing Naked Spider-Man, Naked Spider-Man, runs straight through a glass door as fast as he can, is he drunk, or off his head, no there's just a spider in his bed, it's the Naked Spider-Maaaaan  (courierpress.com) (59)
(MyFox Twin Cities) Amusing My God, it's full of cars  (myfoxtwincities.com) (52)
(Daily Mail) Cool Everybody was Kung Fu fighting in color coordinated costumes  (dailymail.co.uk) (42)
(Salem Evening News) Dumbass 2 DUIs + 3 tires = 0 cat food  (salemnews.com) (46)
(MSN) Photoshop Photoshop these living statues  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (15)
(Medical Daily) Interesting Study finds that you can judge 90% of a stranger's personal characteristics just by looking a their shoes. It's like looking into their sole  (medicaldaily.com) (419)
(Barrow Patch) Amusing 'Hey, can you give me directions?' 'No, but I can show you this here pistol I carry so you don't ask again.'  (barrow.patch.com) (120)
(Some Guy) Sad News: A Farkette has been forced out of a store because she has a service dog. Fark: The store was Goodwill Inc., an organization that claims to champion the disabled  (wcyb.com) (759)
(Telegraph) Photoshop Photoshop these testing timbers  (i.telegraph.co.uk) (20)
(BBC) Spiffy Medical ethicists say baby-making with 2 women and 1 man is just dandy  (bbc.co.uk) (202)
(BBC) Scary Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. Make that lots of people in blue, crashing your wedding and wrongly arresting you  (bbc.co.uk) (102)
(KMOV St. Louis) Interesting Two women charged with blinding golfers with their high beams  (kmov.com) (232)
(South Coast Today) Amusing Man tries spicing up his love life by slapping his girlfriend with a pair of jeans doused in wasabi  (southcoasttoday.com) (50)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Today, arrested and tased by the government, he survives as a soldier of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find him, maybe you can hire... The A-Hole Team  (articles.orlandosentinel.com) (52)
(Huffington Post) Sick Things at the French circus can get a little freaky sometimes  (huffingtonpost.com) (77)
(610 WIOD) Followup State worker who faked triplets so boyfriend could have extra food stamps to sell for cash sentenced to 10 days per fake baby  (610wiod.com) (116)
(North Coast Now) Amusing Mugshot of the Week entrant is powered by Sharpie  (chronicle.northcoastnow.com) (38)
(The Morning Call) Dumbass Woman with zombie vanity plate involved in bizarre hit-and-shuffle  (mcall.com) (20)
(Big 1059) Dumbass Chemistry teacher mistakes sulfuric acid for nitric acid. What a Dumas  (big1059.com) (125)
(Jezebel) Strange Woman defies the odds by shooting herself in the leg, without the use of a gun  (jezebel.com) (65)
(Yahoo) Scary Old and busted: Zombie apocalypse. New hotness: Mutant guido cataclysm  (gma.yahoo.com) (33)
(CBC) Dumbass "Bock wants to call a veterinarian who found no evidence of burns on his cows. He also wants to call a police officer he says assured him there were no aliens flying over his farm"  (cbc.ca) (21)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Article proves that men and women are equal in the eyes of the law. Teacher that had sex with four students gets *gasp*, five months in jail. She is quite attractive so the sentence is understandable  (dailymail.co.uk) (124)
(Some Guy) Strange An article entitled, "I am a gay, devout Mormon, happily married to a woman, with three children", is full of as much WTF? as you would expect  (lifesitenews.com) (221)
(Springfield Republican) Scary US Marshals hunt three dangerous criminals who escaped from maximum security prison  (masslive.com) (29)
(WTKR) Sad 28-year-Navy sailor dies aboard the USS Enterprise one day before his daughter's high school graduation  (wtkr.com) (108)
(Yahoo) Cool Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to make the world's first bionic puppy. Better than he was before. Better... stronger... faster  (news.yahoo.com) (19)
(MLive.com) Amusing Actual Headline: 'Jerk-Off' contest. FTA: "The public will be able to taste the samples as well"  (mlive.com) (62)
(Atlanta Journal Constitution) Scary It's called a "Reverse New Jersey": Someone stuffs themselves inside of a trunk, then pops out to assault and rob you  (ajc.com) (14)
(New York Daily News) Dumbass Pakistani Muslim who believes that all gays are automatically criminals just can't understand why the NYPD thinks he should be denied admission to the police academy  (nydailynews.com) (119)
(TC Palm) Florida FTFA: Generally speaking, "walking back and forth masturbating in the driveway, the front yard and between the trucks" is not a socially acceptable practice  (blogs.tcpalm.com) (40)
(96.7 The Wave) Interesting China to send its first woman into space..no word on if they plan on bringing her back  (967thewave.com) (47)
(Detroit Free Press) Obvious State of Michigan: maybe all these school zero-tolerance policies weren't such a hot idea after all  (freep.com) (62)
(SFGate) Sick Who says theres a problem with parenting today? Mom and daughter have a night of Arts and Craps  (sfgate.com) (22)
(Yahoo) Sick Sandusky's laughably inept lawyer fails to prevent him from getting wrestled into soapy submission on the first day of his trial  (sports.yahoo.com) (248)
(Huffington Post) Cool So like......check it bro......some study found that medical weed shops do NOT lead to an increase in crime, yo. Woah. I got it dude...hear me out...ok, so we like build weed shops wherever there is war. Boom. No war  (huffingtonpost.com) (96)
(NBC San Diego) Scary Never mind the cannibals, now it's vampires  (nbcsandiego.com) (26)
(Some Guy) Cool I know what you're thinking, punk. "Did he grill six steaks, or only five?" Well, in all this excitement I kinda lost track myself. So, the question you have to ask yourself now is "Do I feel hungry?" Well? Do ya, punk?  (walyou.com) (62)
(WESH Orlando) Florida Man attempts to kill housekeeper when she refuses to polish his knob  (wesh.com) (26)
(Courier Mail) Spiffy You know you've just left one hell of a party if you find yourself walking home naked from the waist down at 3:40 in the afternoon  (couriermail.com.au) (28)
(The New York Times) Interesting Today's headline: "Anti-Putin Demonstrators Gather in Moscow". Tomorrow's headline: "Families of missing Anti-Putin demonstrators gather in Moscow"  (nytimes.com) (25)
(STLToday) Asinine City excise commissioner tells homebrew beer club holding their sixth annual homebrew beer festival they can't serve homebrew beer because giving samples of their legally brewed homebrew beer is illegal  (stltoday.com) (86)
(Neatorama) Cool Lady has a free weekend, drives her Winnebago to Mars  (neatorama.com) (48)
(Washington Post) Followup Commerce Secretary Bryson, whose alcohol and drug tests came back "indeterminate," will be taking an "indefinite leave of absence" to "focus on his medical issues" and "spend time with family"  (washingtonpost.com) (98)
(MSNBC) Misc States with the fastest growing economies. State of inebriation and despair notably missing  (bottomline.msnbc.msn.com) (37)
(USA Today) Stupid Well, looks like the next CSI spin-off is ready to launch  (usatoday.com) (21)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Photoshop some song lyrics  (google.com) (82)
(The Oatmeal) Hero Funny Junk sues The Oatmeal for defamation claiming damages of $20,000. The Oatmeal responds with a $20,000 charity drive and a fark you. Fark: So far has raised $90,000 in the first 9 hours  (theoatmeal.com) (265)
(Click Orlando) Florida Museum forced to close because a black bear was hiding in a tree  (clickorlando.com) (36)
(Click Orlando) Sick The death of the middle class continues, as the average income of middle-class families has decreased 40% compared to twenty years ago  (clickorlando.com) (491)
(Fox News) Obvious "Unmanned aircraft crashes in Maryland, no injuries reported" You don't say?  (foxnews.com) (76)
(Houston Chronicle) Fail Pro-tip: If you're teaching a novice how to ride a motorcycle, consider doing it some place other than the fifth story of a parking structure  (blog.chron.com) (115)
(The Smoking Gun) Weird King Missile's biggest fan arrested with "fake, flesh-colored penis" in her front pocket. But that's not even the weird part  (thesmokinggun.com) (135)

Mon June 11, 2012
(Indiana) Interesting ♫ I shot the sheriff ♫ And I did it legally in Indiana ♫  (allgov.com) (312)
(My Fox DC) Stupid I won't hurt a bug, and will beat the crap out of my stepfather and mother to prove it  (myfoxdc.com) (38)
(BBC) Sad Dingo ate my baby  (bbc.co.uk) (120)
(Daily Mail) Scary Mother-of-two disfigured by seven tumors on her face says, "Tumor would benign"  (dailymail.co.uk) (126)
(Houston Press) Sick Don't accuse someone of stealing your car keys unless you're very certain that he has your car keys, and also that he won't beat you to death and rape one of your friends after the accusation  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (119)
(Fark) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: A pill, a quill, and a krill  (fark.com) (15)
(Grist) Scary $28 for a cabbage, $65 per pound for chicken, $105 for a case of bottled water. No, this isn't New York. Welcome to Nunavut Canada  (grist.org) (243)
(Denver Post) News High Park Wildfire now 15 miles west of Fort Collins, Colorado. Has burned 37,000 acres in 2.5 days  (denverpost.com) (339)
(MSN) Photoshop Photoshop this Olympic moment  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (26)
(Fark) FarkBlog Fark's new iPhone/iPad app  (fark.com) (259)
(Washington Post) Spiffy "There are cages inside. And in those cages, your daughters are dancing like the nastiest strippers ever banned from TV"  (washingtonpost.com) (293)
(Boston.com) Amusing Time to break out the #@&*% swear jar again; Fark: For an entire town in Mass  (boston.com) (122)
(Philly.com) Sad Man describes his role in the biggest art theft in history  (philly.com) (67)
(610 WIOD) Obvious "I did not kill my girlfriend; she set HERSELF on fire. Then shot herself"  (610wiod.com) (86)
(Some Goddamn Batman) Scary Bats. My God  (petslady.com) (105)
(Guardian) Followup Greek neo-nazi politician who assaulted two female opponents set to sue his victims for the country's last two remaining euros  (guardian.co.uk) (112)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Efficient car thieves now stealing tow trucks to move their stolen cars  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) (27)
(CBS Los Angeles 2) Scary Excuse me, sir, but I believe you dropped your... lungs?  (losangeles.cbslocal.com) (43)
(Google) Followup Flame out  (google.com) (36)
(Some Guy) Cool "We will bury you... in the rubble of our abandoned military bases"  (environmentalgraffiti.com) (82)
(BBC) Strange I scream, you scream, we all scream as the ice cream truck drivers throw down  (bbc.co.uk) (52)
(ABC) Silly Al Qaeda in Somalia has offered a bounty for President Obama and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton - 10 camels for Obama and 20 chickens for Clinton. No word on how many goats V.P. Biden is worth  (abcnews.go.com) (77)
(Some Guy) Hero Actual Headline: "Father beats man to death; sheriff says dad reacted to his daughter, 4, being sexually assaulted"  (victoriaadvocate.com) (693)
(Huffington Post) Stupid Prospective Adopt-a-Highway group promises to add 10 times more trash to Georgia's roadways  (huffingtonpost.com) (85)
(Yahoo) Strange Man convicted of the largest financial scam in Russian history is out of jail, running a new Ponzi scheme that he openly tells investors is one, and Russian authorities are powerless to stop him  (news.yahoo.com) (45)
(New York Daily News) Ironic Woman falls head over heels at Inspiration Point  (nydailynews.com) (33)
(Short List) Sad Statistically you are more likely to die on your birthday than any other day of the year. Can someone check on Gene Wilder, Joe Montana and Shia Labeouf? Actually, just Wilder and Montana  (shortlist.com) (85)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Scientists create clothing material from red wine, see great possiblilities for applications in vintage fashions  (dailymail.co.uk) (27)
(Stylist) Cool London in the rain. It's not all bad  (stylist.co.uk) (26)
(Some Guy) Sad So, how do you think you did on your test? Oh, that's great. By the way, your mom died  (chinasmack.com) (57)
(CSMonitor) Interesting Four people, 8 pages, 11 years of war  (csmonitor.com) (41)
(KNBC 4 Los Angeles) Fail Time for diploma printing companies to hire people who can spell  (nbclosangeles.com) (56)
(Some Guy) Sad Housewife dies after vomiting six times in 50 minutes. She must have seen those nude photos of Snooki  (yourhealth.com.sg) (94)
(Newser) Dumbass Police arrest father for a being a whippersnapper  (newser.com) (39)
(NJ.com) Dumbass Robbery note to hand to bank teller: ✔ Garden hose spray nozzle in lieu of weapon: ✔ Getaway car: ✔ Gas in getaway car:  (nj.com) (31)
(AZCentral) Weird Two men drown another guy because he wasn't steering their paddleboat in the right direction. Why yes, meth was involved  (azcentral.com) (24)
(BBC) Dumbass News: Going home leaving your eight-year-old daughter in a bar. Fark.com You're the British Prime Minister  (bbc.co.uk) (67)
(AsiaOne) Interesting In other news, 26% of all professionals in the workforce think there's nothing wrong with posting on Facebook homoerotic photos of yourself dressed in a hedgehog costume and a tulip clenched between your teeth  (business.asiaone.com) (39)
(Some Guy) Obvious Speak softly and carry a big stick. Unless the police have you surrounded  (adn.com) (28)
(Some Guy) Asinine Gunplay over cattle is common in American history. And, more recently, in New Hampshire  (wmur.com) (18)
(Oregon Live) PSA Spending $100k on the backyard pool you've always dreamed about? Be sure to apply for the building permit first. Also, don't destroy a protected wetland in the process  (oregonlive.com) (194)
(CNN) Dumbass Commerce Secretary John Bryson charged with trying to increase commerce for car repair shops  (cnn.com) (121)
(UPI) Sad Getting a head start on their annual shark mania, the media isn't even waiting for sharks to appear before they start panicking people over going into the water  (upi.com) (39)
(Yahoo) Strange Punch a bride if you must, but why throw a lobster?  (uk.eurosport.yahoo.com) (45)
(Telegraph) Cool At last, we get inside Kylie Minogue's knickers  (telegraph.co.uk) (90)
(BBC) Misc Go on, give your oiled up, bikini-clad granny a big hug  (bbc.co.uk) (53)
(Shorpy) Photoshop Photoshop this iron woman  (shorpy.com) (25)
(BBC) Obvious Confirming what we always knew, all US vodka is equally devoid of taste, with different brands being indistinguishable from others by taste  (bbc.co.uk) (203)
(ABC) Sick Young girl accuses religious mentor of molestation. Community rallies in support - by calling the victim a "slut" and spitting on the girl and her family  (abcnews.go.com) (358)
(Billings Gazette) Ironic Man hitchhiking across the country to write book called "The Kindness of America" shot by random passer-by on the side of the highway  (billingsgazette.com) (110)
(3 coinslots in the fountain) Misc Three Maryland co-eds strip down to their underwear for a midnight swim in the campus fountain. Ten passersby: *YOINK*  (diamondbackonline.com) (202)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Perfect ACT score achieved by 10 students...from the same high school  (universitydailynews.com) (58)
(Daily Mail) Strange Youngest. Beauty pageant contestant. EVER. (w/pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (139)
(3 News New Zealand) Scary Hospital mix-up wipes the smile off woman's face... literally  (3news.co.nz) (49)
(Omaha World Herald) Hero Eight-year-old goes to baseball game to throw out the first pitch to one of the players. Only it's all a big lie; the catcher wasn't a baseball player, it was his dad, a National Guard sergeant who got to take his leave early  (omaha.com) (102)

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