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Sun June 24, 2012
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Deadspin) Weird Inmates serenade Jerry Sandusky with Pink Floyd as he enters jail  (deadspin.com) (358)
(UPI) Obvious Ric Romero reports that the rich and educated are healthier  (m.upi.com) (50)
(KSAT San Antonio) Strange Man run over by boat while sleeping in tent. Not a good way to wake  (ksat.com) (44)
(Fark) FarkParty Royal Oak Michigan Fark Party: Monday, August 13th, 2012. Come for the movie premiere, stay for the Dream Cruise  (fark.com) (44)
(Some Missourian) Hero MoDOT making it more difficult for Illinoisians... Illinoisites... um... Illannoyances to cross Mississippi River tomorrow  (fox2now.com) (98)
(Shorpy) Photoshop Photoshop these shoe-wearing surf sisters  (shorpy.com) (34)
(Some Guy) Cool Prince Albert II of Monaco is auctioning off part of the luxury car collection started by his father Prince Rainier III. Yes indeed, there is some American metal in the collection  (artcurial.com) (101)
(Daily Mail) Cool Photographer grieving over her mother's death from brain cancer creates breathtaking photo series in her memory. Bonus: not a slideshow  (dailymail.co.uk) (59)
(Slate) Interesting Riding on the school bus has always been a hellish experience, so why did it take a bullied elderly bus monitor before anyone took notice?  (slate.com) (148)
(WRCB-TV) Sad ♫ Hey Mister Tally man, tally me banana / Daylight come and I need a new home / Six foot, seven foot, eight foot truck / Daylight come and I need a new home ♫  (wrcbtv.com) (54)
(AZCentral) Obvious Even in this struggling economy, restaurants that specialize in sexy waitresses wearing short skirts and cleavage-baring tops are booming. "Servers can't have tattoos, piercings or dyed hair"  (azcentral.com) (145)
(Jalopnik) Strange Flaming Volkswagen van commits Hara-Kiri  (jalopnik.com) (35)
(ABC) Stupid Old and busted: YOLO. New hotness: FOMO  (abcnews.go.com) (110)
(The Sun) Stupid Dogs given Prozac to stop them barking. Your dog wants to chill  (thesun.co.uk) (84)
(WSJ) Photoshop Photoshop Gov. Walker and Rep. Ryan at a Romney campaign event in Wisconsin  (s.wsj.net) (21)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Silly Avocado pie? What is this, Communist Russia?  (suntimes.com) (48)
(NewsMax) Fail Two planes called back from runway and hundreds of passengers rescreened because TSA agents in Lane 1 a) found a hidden liquid b) received credible intelligence about a bomb, or c) didn't notice the metal detector was unplugged  (newsmax.com) (118)
(TechEBlog) Cool *sniff* This is the most got dang beautiful thing subby has ever seen in his life. It makes the Vogner Char-King Imperiale look like crap  (techeblog.com) (89)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Black bears caught wrestling one another on a suburban lawn. Thankfully, this is not a euphemism  (sun-sentinel.com) (40)
(Some Guy) Fail Over 5,500 firearms collected in Chicago's weapons buy-back program this weekend. In other news, only 14 people were shot this weekend so the program must be working  (wgntv.com) (169)
(The New York Times) Silly Mayor Bloomberg proposes public shaming of speeders, or as the rest of us call it an official high score list  (cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com) (116)
(Some Guy) Followup Oh, the weather in the Gulf is frightful / And the storm is getting an eye wall / But since it's got no place to go / Drop a 'sonde, drop a 'sonde, drop a 'sonde  (tropicwx.com) (91)
(Huffington Post) Amusing Ugly "Mugly" mugs for the masses and wins the World's Ugliest Dog Competition in Petaluma, California  (huffingtonpost.com) (28)
(CNN) Followup It Just Got Real: Turkey declares Syria shooting down of an F-4 as a "Hostile Act", seeking meeting with NATO  (cnn.com) (224)
(Yahoo) Hero Deadeye: A 14-year-old boy shoots and nearly kills an intruder who broke into his Phoenix home and pulled a gun on him and his three younger siblings  (news.yahoo.com) (226)
(Some Guy) Stupid If you're riding 50 in a 30 zone on the wrong side of the road whose fault is it when you crash and die? Hint: This happened in America  (berkeleyside.com) (149)
(Yahoo) Fail Several thousand future inmates protest Sheriff Joe Arpaio's Tent City Jail complex  (news.yahoo.com) (94)
(Kennebec Journal) Obvious Never has a headline stated a fact so clearly  (kjonline.com) (54)
(Ahram Online) News Muslim Brotherhood's Mohammed Mursi wins Egyptian presidential election, becoming the first non-military president of Egypt  (english.ahram.org.eg) (284)
(AZ Family) Strange Coast Guard rescues 12 people from a boat burning in an Arizona lake. In other news, why is the Coast Guard in Arizona?  (azfamily.com) (73)
(Fox News) Unlikely Do dogs really like to surf? Subby doesn't know, but recommends these geniuses try teaching a cat to surf first  (foxnews.com) (24)
(Telegram) Fail Result of renaming Massachusettts state "colleges" to state "universities" is more spending on marketing instead of education  (telegram.com) (67)
(MassLive) Obvious Fewer people are contesting traffic tickets since Massachusetts started charging a fee to plead not guilty  (masslive.com) (121)
(Telegraph) Obvious If you're a boy in the care of social services workers, you're going to have a hard time finding someone to take you in if the people taking care of you consider calling in an exorcist  (telegraph.co.uk) (40)
(Daily Express) Amusing Super-computer designed to predict the weather for the next 100 years gets it wrong inside 48 hours  (express.co.uk) (95)
(Daily Express) Dumbass Olympic bosses tell women who knit unofficial pullovers they are "denigrating" the ideal of world peace  (express.co.uk) (47)
(MSN) Photoshop Photoshop this canard causeway  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (15)
(WFAA) Dumbass Just for future reference, the going price for babies in the Dallas classifieds is $4,000  (wfaa.com) (36)
(Anchorage Daily News) Spiffy You know summer has finally arrived in Alaska when it's warm enough for a father and son -- both high on ecstasy, LSD and marijuana -- to fight each other over a woman outdoors in the nude  (adn.com) (62)
(Daily Star) Stupid New helpline launched to help stop crime INSIDE jails  (dailystar.co.uk) (16)
(YouTube) Video Jeff Beck is 68 today. It's just another day in the life for one of the greatest guitarists on the planet  (youtube.com) (60)
(Some older brother) Photoshop Please Farkers, This is subby's little brother and he is raising his three kids on his own. He really thinks he's manly in this picture. Please Photoshop him in a "manly setting", and help prove older brothers RULE  (sphotos.xx.fbcdn.net) (62)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Man calls 911 to report a chicken in his yard. That's clucked up  (nwfdailynews.com) (46)
(USA Today) Strange Old and busted: computer dating. New Hotness: Pheromone parties, where you smell shirts that others have slept in, to find your future mate  (usatoday.com) (98)
(NBC San Diego) Stupid Teen tries to steal soda from vending machine and gets his arm completely stuck in the receiving slot, prompting an elaborate, hour-long rescue. It's crazy what kids will do to score some free Coke  (nbcsandiego.com) (70)
(Edmonton Journal) Followup Principal put on leave for allowing students to eat highly processed food  (edmontonjournal.com) (71)

Sat June 23, 2012
(Some Guy) PSA Be sure to use the bathroom BEFORE entering into a standoff with police  (ketv.com) (34)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida If you're going to try to shoplift $53-worth of meat by shoving it down your pants, just get in your car and drive away. Don't stop to first remove your license plate  (sun-sentinel.com) (67)
(The Sun) Spiffy Seven-year-old British golf prodigy inspired by Happy Gilmore, marking perhaps the only time an Adam Sandler movie has brought anything besides utter desolation and hopelessness into the life of one of its viewers  (thesun.co.uk) (63)
(Abc.net.au) Strange Topless feminist disrupts psychic pig's feeding time (with thankfully pixellated pic)  (abc.net.au) (81)
(MSN) Photoshop Photoshop this wall watcher  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (27)
(Miami Herald) Florida Three Miami top chefs to hold weekend cook-off featuring python, wild boar and lionfish, to encourage Floridians to start eating the local invasive species  (miamiherald.com) (100)
(Fark) FarkBlog Fark site move (and 2-4 hours downtime) on the evening of Sat June 30. We'll try to webcast the carnage  (fark.com) (226)
(SanDiegoUnionTribune) Stupid One intersection in San Diego generates 4,672 red light tickets per year (12.8 per day) at $480 a pop ... for your safety  (utsandiego.com) (142)
(USA Today) Sad The Beverly Hills Hilton can't catch a break: February, Whitney Houston died there. Friday, an elderly couple dies in a murder-suicide. Today, they host the Daytime Emmy Awards  (usatoday.com) (18)
(Arizona Star) Interesting Border Patrol detains former Arizona governor as radiation risk  (azstarnet.com) (38)
(Miami Herald) Florida Fark's favorite state is slowing sinking into the sea. Just don't tell them; we don't want the residents to move inland  (miamiherald.com) (125)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Interesting I can cook to potato  (suntimes.com) (41)
(The Local (Sweden)) Weird Passenger gets refund from airline for sitting next to dead passenger during flight, visit from Orbitz Flying Saucer Discount Guy  (thelocal.se) (33)
(Some Supreme Overlord) Survey You're the president of Earth. Aliens invade and demand that you nuke one American city. Which city do you choose? Difficulty: no Detroit  (starwars.wikia.com) (661)
(Shorpy) Photoshop Photoshop theme: One for the ladies  (shorpy.com) (18)
(CBS Los Angeles 2) Scary Whatever happened to the days when they just spit in your food?  (losangeles.cbslocal.com) (54)
(Deseret News) Sad Eye for an eye, hair for hair? Judge orders Utah woman to cut off daughter's ponytail in court  (deseretnews.com) (237)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida This beats them all. Drummer accused of performing a sex act on himself while driving on a busy Interstate claimed woman saw him tapping his drumsticks, not his penis  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) (73)
(wyff4) Asinine Drunk driver hits your child in South Carolina? Get ready for a bill from the city for cleanup costs  (wyff4.com) (84)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida The untimely death of a man who truly loved the clock  (tampabay.com) (62)
(Daily Mail) Sick Genetic attraction is no longer confined to the state of Kentucky. Mom 32 who made sex tape with son, 16, is jailed for four years. With you'd make a tape too pic  (dailymail.co.uk) (157)
(Buzzfeed) Spiffy 25 of the most useless, expensive and awesome Items to spend your money on  (buzzfeed.com) (103)
(Click Orlando) Florida Scientists determine that sea birds should have made the left turn at Albequerque  (clickorlando.com) (31)
(Patch) Dumbass Starting your day off by downing a six-pack of beer in a grocery store parking lot is a good indicator the rest of the day is likely to go downhill  (dacula.patch.com) (54)
(Medical Daily) Interesting People can be trained to forget bad memories. Finally a cure for whatever a Bieber is  (medicaldaily.com) (35)
(CBC) Interesting Today on Houseflippers, this home, originally bought for $15,000, is now listed for sale at $2,000,000  (cbc.ca) (55)
(Daily Express) Dumbass Parent apologizes after her 10 year old knocks one teacher unconscious and makes a cripple out of an aide....well, this is fark so you know better, parent blames the teachers  (express.co.uk) (158)
(SeattlePI) Sappy Ugly-ass baby raccoon freed from storm drain in Michigan, is, unfortunately, still stuck in Michigan  (seattlepi.com) (57)
(WCAX Vermont) Weird If your C-130 recently buzzed a lake in Vermont near the Canadian border, the VT state police, ANG, and FAA would like a word with you  (wcax.com) (142)
(Daily Express) Sappy Cow licks cat. The Daily Express is there  (express.co.uk) (20)
(Daily Express) Scary Being awake makes you fat  (express.co.uk) (59)
(MSN) Photoshop Photoshop this rare sighting of the bicyclesaurus in the wild  (msnbcmedia.msn.com) (22)
(Metro) Caturday Equal Opportunity Employer seeking a security guard to protect a toy warehouse hires Millie the cat; compensation includes free meals and a uniform, but she has to work Caturdays  (metro.co.uk) (691)
(Chicago Tribune) Interesting Pet tortoise wanders off, owners appeal for help in searching the 10-foot radius he could be in  (chicagotribune.com) (24)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Oxycodone pills, in my vagina? It's more likely than you think  (nwfdailynews.com) (65)
(Daily Telegraph) Amusing Austrian father of the bride walks into kitchen at the wedding reception and sees his brand new son-in-law shtupping the waitress. CRIKEY  (dailytelegraph.com.au) (124)
(Hartford Courant) Scary I'm not saying it was piranhas  (courant.com) (71)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida "And this lovely 4 bedroom, 2 and a half bath features wood floors, central air, new kitchen appliances, and a stash of stolen semi-automatic firearms and a bonus AK-47"  (sun-sentinel.com) (42)
(Tacoma News Tribune) Interesting Pass the salt. It is slug festival time in Washington state  (blog.thenewstribune.com) (28)
(WSBTV) Amusing Ga. Sheriff explains recently surfaced pictures of him in KKK attire. "It's purely political. This is just the lowest of the low to infer whatever they're attempting to infer there. We were Blazing Saddles characters"  (wsbtv.com) (224)
(AZ Family) Sad Desert tour guide is on pins and needles waiting for cops to catch the spineless prick who mutilated a rare crested saguaro cactus. Bonus: Tour guide's name is Nettles  (azfamily.com) (45)
(Daily Mail) Sad Chinese soccer fan dies after not sleeping for 11 days in order to watch every Euro 2012 match. Doctors suspect he died of boredom  (dailymail.co.uk) (106)
(WSBTV) Amusing You know the old ladies who give out food samples in Wal-Mart? Well, two of them got into a fight over a cutting board and one of them ended up stuck in a cooler. With hilarious video  (wsbtv.com) (53)
(Washington Post) Cool First artwork from "Calvin & Hobbes" creator Bill Watterson in 16 years. You know damn well you want to click on this link  (washingtonpost.com) (166)

Fri June 22, 2012
(The New York Times) NewsFlash Sandusky goes from Penn State to State Pen  (nytimes.com) (690)
(Daily Mail) Cool Real life Hotwheels™ double loop stunt looks cool, totally safe  (dailymail.co.uk) (34)
(Jalopnik) Amusing Did you ever see a car and just know in your heart it was the car for you? This isn't it  (jalopnik.com) (100)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Stunning blonds, the world's best dad, Sideshow Bob and more. It's this week's Mugshot Roundup  (thesmokinggun.com) (168)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this room with a view  (cdn1.spiegel.de) (21)
(Huffington Post) Obvious Cool: group wants to revive the original, positive connotations of the swastika. Facepalm: It's the Raelian UFO enthusiasts  (huffingtonpost.com) (105)
(BusinessWeek) Sad Olive Garden and Red Lobster struggle to revive sales, as American appetite for authentic Italian foods and high-class seafood cuisine dwindles  (businessweek.com) (421)
(Lehigh Valley Live) Fail Failure by numbers: 54 years old, 10:17AM, 2 cars, BAC .238  (lehighvalleylive.com) (22)
(WRCB-TV) Scary Truck crashes into West Memphis funeral home. Five hurt, unknown number dead  (wrcbtv.com) (31)
(Al Jazeera) Obvious Sign you're in deep trouble #47: even your defense lawyer calls you criminally sane and says you should be sent to prison  (aljazeera.com) (126)
(Yahoo) Scary $1,381,783.92 electric bill, "Oh, my gosh. That's a lot of money"  (news.yahoo.com) (81)
(Mirror.co.uk) Sappy Seal pup recovering after being rescued from bathtub. Before you click, be prepared with your "Awwwwwwwwwwwww"  (mirror.co.uk) (70)
(Yahoo) Scary Shiat might have just gotten extremely real in the Mid-east as it appears that Syria may have shot down a Turkish Fighter jet  (news.yahoo.com) (174)
(Grind TV) Obvious You know it's a BIG fish that you've caught when you have to call your friend with a gun to subdue it  (grindtv.com) (99)
(Lifehacker) Obvious Lifehacker tells you to "Pick the Right Watermelon by Looking at Its Bottom". Also useful for Friday night bar scene  (lifehacker.com) (33)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this magician in Madrid  (1.bp.blogspot.com) (19)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Vietnamese American wins prize for sex work, thesis. I may have added a comma  (tuoitrenews.vn) (40)
(AZCentral) Scary What's worse than having a 16-foot tree fall on you? The 16-foot tree is a cactus  (azcentral.com) (38)
(Fark) Survey Clear your desks and take off your pants: it's time for the Fark Weird News Quiz  (fark.com) (41)
(Huffington Post) Interesting Now you can use a simple tool to discover which porn star you look like, although on a sliding scale, you may be disappointed to discover you're closer to Ron Jeremy than Tia Bella  (huffingtonpost.com) (59)
(CNN) Followup Okay, now he's just showing off  (cnn.com) (43)
(The Detroit_News) Stupid Add capture-the-flag to the long list of childhood memories to be banned by lawyers  (detroitnews.com) (60)
(YouTube) Spiffy Paul and Storm video for their new song, "Write Like The Wind" which begs George R.R. Martin to get off his ass and write the rest of the damn series  (youtube.com) (222)
(LA Times) Stupid Helicopter parents decide to open fire after their snowflake was passed over for valedictorian   (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (247)
(MyFox Twin Cities) Scary New Greek finance minister finally looks at the debt tally  (myfoxtwincities.com) (23)
(Denver Post) Scary Colorado confirms a pet cat and a dead squirrel have tested positive for the bubonic plague  (denverpost.com) (75)
(Yahoo) Cool Beauty queen's cunning plan to shave off all her hair and donate it to the St. Baldrick's Foundation doesn't stop her from being crowned Miss Alaska  (news.yahoo.com) (59)
(The Local (Germany)) Amusing Cow attacks own reflection, jumps through window into woman's kitchen  (thelocal.de) (17)
(KTRK) Weird Four teens charged with "drive-by squirting." Hey, I have that DVD  (abclocal.go.com) (46)
(NBC Philadelphia) Asinine Woman hit by ball sues Little Leaguer two years later  (nbcphiladelphia.com) (77)
(Kare11) Followup Because it's not cool to be in Duluth, arctic animals migrate south to St. Paul  (kare11.com) (25)
(NJ.com) Sad Online petition forces removal of billboard that boosts self-esteem of women  (nj.com) (628)
(WBAL Baltimore) Dumbass Reminder: If you must smoke pot, do not smoke it in public. If you must smoke pot in public, do not smoke it at 8 a.m. in the police department parking lot during the shift change. (w/ mugshot goodness)  (wbal.com) (36)
(ABC) Obvious Shockingly, the people dumb enough to believe that hoarding gold is a good idea, are also the ones not smart enough to avoid getting ripped off in the process  (abcnews.go.com) (123)
(IFC) Interesting Don Draper. Rapping about Taxi. You're welcome (sponsored link)  (bs.serving-sys.com) (56)
(AccuWeather) Interesting Tropical Storm Debby heading for Texas. Sometimes the headlines really do write themselves   (hurricane.accuweather.com) (70)
(Duluth News Tribune) Interesting Boy survives world's most awesome unintentional waterslide  (duluthnewstribune.com) (38)
(Some Guy) Asinine High school suspends girl for wearing a miniskirt. At a charity event. Away from school grounds  (edvantage.com.sg) (119)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Man scored tickets to Miami Heat game but missed game after he saw some action from another team - SWAT  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) (12)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Not-so-happy memories of the big day. The 50 wedding photos that should never have been. Bonus: not a slideshow (some images might be Not safe for work)  (dailymail.co.uk) (89)
(Times Union) Asinine 2nd graders get sent to the corner for calling each other "fat", "low-life" or "liar", but what about the school board members? If you said, "call the cops", you get a gold star  (timesunion.com) (17)
(Fox News) Stupid What do cellulosic ethanol, an additive that the EPA requires be added by refiners to gasoline, and unicorns have in common?  (foxnews.com) (174)
(WLBZ2 Bangor) Amusing "Emergency agencies converged in Bangor to fend off the devastation of a zombie apocalypse." Bangor? I shot her in the head  (wlbz2.com) (58)
(Big 1059) Hero While you sat on you mom's couch eating doughnuts and biatching about campers on Modern Warfare 3, a legless man scaled Mt. Kilimanjaro to raise money for clean water  (big1059.com) (52)
(Duluth News Tribune) Asinine Just what every flooded-out city hopes to see: A lawsuit from PETA  (duluthnewstribune.com) (45)
(Some Guy) Silly That guy's on heroin  (thatguysonheroin.com) (37)
(MSNBC) Interesting Def. Sec. Leon Panetta, "We are running out of Al Queada No. 2s"  (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com) (43)
(Short List) Amusing Man on drugs asked by a reporter if he's on drugs replies "what is drugs?" thereby inducting himself into the viral hall of fame  (shortlist.com) (40)
(Philly.com) Weird Blind woman confuses elderly roommate for trash bin. Surprised undertakers find Chex Mix, a diaper, and more in roommate's throat. "I pushed her tongue in and out popped a 10-inch rope"  (philly.com) (22)
(STV.tv) Fail Worker finds interesting way of turning ash into gold. His employers at crematorium not impressed  (news.stv.tv) (25)
(TMZ) Interesting Rodney King's friends say weed had nothing to do with his death because when it comes to smoking, he was a "professional." Can't we all get a bong?  (tmz.com) (116)
(Guardian) Unlikely "We have a week to save the Eurozone." Must be a Friday  (guardian.co.uk) (33)
(AZ Family) Amusing Teen stays up all night playing video game, goes to work at a movie theater, falls asleep on the drive home, crashes through a backyard wall and lands in a swimming pool. With photographic evidence of that last part  (azfamily.com) (57)
(This is Total Essex) Amusing Nervous patients breathe a sigh of relief as unfortunately-named Doctor Coffin finally hangs up his stethoscope  (thisistotalessex.co.uk) (30)
(Inland Valley Daily Bulletin) Asinine Woman calls your Thai restaurant & says she's an LAPD Detective from Edison who will shut your power in 20 minutes unless you obtain $1,400 in prepaid debit cards & give her the numbers? Sounds legit  (dailybulletin.com) (10)
(Daily Mail) Stupid Traditional starting pistol banned in UK races because sound might scare children. British citizens nod in agreement and go back to cutting their steaks with a spoon  (dailymail.co.uk) (123)
(Local10) Interesting It's take your dog to work day. Your dog wants a corner office and a sexy biatch for a secretary  (local10.com) (40)
(WMUR New Hampshire) Sad Man drowns in Canobie Lake. The Force was not strong with this one  (wmur.com) (23)
(The Sun) Dumbass Pro tip: If you're going to rob a betting shop, try to pick one where the staff don't know you by name  (thesun.co.uk) (17)
(NJ.com) Sad Home for retired racehorses becomes unstable  (nj.com) (9)
(Fox News) Stupid "Your mom is batshiat crazy and believes your dad abused you because a psychic told her, but I gave her full custody anyways." -- Judge  (foxnews.com) (151)
(Shorpy) Cool How did they smooth ice rinks before the Zamboni machine? Here's how they did it in 1917  (shorpy.com) (38)
(Toronto Star) Strange How Hot Was It? It was so hot, the highways buckled and heaved under the heat. In CANADA  (thestar.com) (97)
(People Magazine) Followup Virally-famous upstate NY school bus monitor feels sorry for the kids who taunted her, and doesn't want them punished. Kids figure that is totally farking sweet and they will be back to pick on her some more in the fall  (people.com) (170)
(CBS New York) Amusing Bear stops by takes a dip in homeowner's pool, twink prefers the hot tub  (newyork.cbslocal.com) (49)
(NBC Chicago) Dumbass BMW tops Jaguar and Mercedes. Just, not in a good way  (nbcchicago.com) (29)
(KATU) Dumbass When you and your buddy decide to grope that cute jogger, try to make sure her family doesn't own a martial arts school. Bonus: "Go ahead and try it" picture  (katu.com) (130)
(USA Today) Amusing Buick would like all you young Gen-Y millenial whippersnappers to know that Buicks are for more than old, boring people like Gen X-ers and their parents. They're for young, boring people who want to look like Gen-Xers and their parents, too  (usatoday.com) (108)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this transit in a box  (members.localnet.com) (26)
(Fark) FarkParty Seattle FARK Party - Friday, June 22nd, 7pm. Deluxe Bar and Grill on Capitol Hill. DIT  (fark.com) (309)
(The Local (Sweden)) Sappy Sweden's strawberry scandal. Sweet. Delicious. And, efficient  (thelocal.se) (37)
(ABC 27) Unlikely Prison guards to inmates: "Get past these new locks on your cells and you win free food"  (abc27.com) (39)
(Columbus Dispatch) Asinine The City of Columbus, OH thanks property owners who mow and maintain the reservoirs next to their properties. Just kidding, the city is suing them  (dispatch.com) (138)
(CBS Miami) Florida If a woman wants to sit on a bus bench naked, the cops shouldn't ruin it by arresting her. Oh, wait, she's 400lbs, nevermind, good work officers  (miami.cbslocal.com) (57)
(NYPost) Strange Thief just walks in and snatches $150,000 Salvador Dali painting right off the wall. The whole thing was so surreal  (nypost.com) (33)
(Yahoo) Unlikely Woman finds $6500 diamond ring in pants bought at Goodwill. Advises Goodwill & works with them to find the owner. Seven people promptly email claiming to have lost it. That means there are 6 MORE rings out there  (gma.yahoo.com) (66)
(Gawker) Cool Air conditioning is what made this nation great  (gawker.com) (137)
(Daily Mail) Interesting You have a one in five chance of achieving your childhood dream. Feeling lucky?  (dailymail.co.uk) (159)
(Toronto Star) Obvious McDonalds reveals how they make photos of their burgers look absolutely nothing like anything you'd ever find in their restaurants  (thestar.com) (153)

Thu June 21, 2012
(Daily Mail) Interesting Twenty-two-year-old cheerleading coach accused of having sex with 17-year-old basketball player. With "Yea, you would" pic  (dailymail.co.uk) (213)
(Toronto Star) Asinine $143 to install a pencil sharpener, $3000 for a power outlet, $250,000 kitchen. These overcharges are for: a) Goldman Sachs headquarters, b) Halliburton's newest executive suite, c) School board facing $109m in cuts  (thestar.com) (90)
(Telegraph) Obvious If you have your middle school students write mock 'suicide notes' as a creative writing exercise, make sure you tell the students to inform their parents it isn't real. Some parents may react badly otherwise  (telegraph.co.uk) (37)
(New York Daily News) Cool Breasts removed after a battle with cancer? Then you can swim topless in Seattle  (nydailynews.com) (88)
(CNN) Hero Obama's Homeland Security calls upon the internet community to help identify a teenage boy in danger. Republican or Democrat, Libertarian or Communist, why don't we put these labels aside and help them?  (news.blogs.cnn.com) (177)
(CNN) Followup Jerry Sandusky's adopted son Matt says he was sexually abused and was prepared to testify for the prosecution  (cnn.com) (290)
(Journal Times) Obvious Bad: You get jumped by a guy who steals your money and cell phone. Worse: Your girlfriend was texting the guy thinking he was you. Fark: Your girlfriend is still texting the guy two days later  (journaltimes.com) (61)
(MSN) Photoshop Photoshop this prodigious pothole  (msnbcmedia2.msn.com) (46)
(Duluth News Tribune) Obvious "...the Flood River in Floodwood was over its banks and past flood stage and was starting to flood some homes..." If only someone could have foreseen this  (duluthnewstribune.com) (59)
(Washington Post) Obvious Catholic bishops complain, "Why is everybody always picking on me?"  (washingtonpost.com) (263)
(Yahoo) Scary Der boom-boom founden in der Svedish nukey-planter. Everbody bork-bork  (news.yahoo.com) (108)
(The Daily) Weird The son of the judge in the Trayvon Martin shooting trial went to middle school with George Zimmerman's wife. He also dresses as the Hulk and poses with hot babes, so this story has a little something for everyone  (thedaily.com) (87)
(New York Daily News) Obvious Sondance the Clown busted for massive child pornography stash. Shakes the Clown is currently in rehab and unavailable for comment  (nydailynews.com) (155)
(CBS San Francisco) Amusing San Francisco tourists to be treated to a view of Twin Peaks  (sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com) (58)
(Wear it for life) Interesting How to get a decent tattoo. Which is really important when you get your tribal armband with badass-looking Japanese kanji that actually reads "ferret anus"  (joethepeacock.blogspot.com) (312)
(MSN) Photoshop Photoshop this sack of flower  (msnbcmedia3.msn.com) (17)
(Philly Burbs) Amusing Fail: Newlyweds from West Virginia go to Sonic drive-in for their honeymoon. Ultrafail: Husband gets arrested for fighting with his new wife while on their honeymoon at Sonic  (phillyburbs.com) (121)
(CNN) Spiffy Supreme court unanimously approves wardrobe malfunctions  (cnn.com) (148)
(NBC Miami) Fail Cabbie, just keep the meter running - I'll be right back, as soon as I rob this convenience store  (nbcmiami.com) (15)
(CBC) Interesting From the "You know, that just might work" files: Obese man whose sons are being put up for adoption plans hunger strike  (cbc.ca) (57)
(Mega 949) Dumbass Polygamist leader Warren Jeffs: "Okay, only you 15 guys get to impregnate all the women here." Congregation: "Ohh HELL noes"  (mega949.com) (201)
(IFC) Amusing Guinea pigs, subway passes and the rest of a mustache: things you would buy a dictator (sponsored link)  (bs.serving-sys.com) (21)
(Time) Amusing Go be skinny somewhere else  (newsfeed.time.com) (254)
(ABC 27) Followup Remember the Utah officer that was fired for wearing a Speedo? He was reinstated by his police department  (abc27.com) (43)
(AOL) Sick School's new filing system does not go over well with parents  (jobs.aol.com) (126)
(CBS Chicago) Misc 50 million workers victimized by a workplace bully... you gotta admire his tenacity  (chicago.cbslocal.com) (107)
(CNN) Obvious Sanford police chief retires for the greater good. The greater good  (cnn.com) (105)
(Patch) Dumbass News: Woman attacks husband after finding pornography in his car. Fark: It was copies of The Onion  (menomoneefalls.patch.com) (126)
(Fox News) Interesting Hiker's photo confirms rare wolverine sighting in California. Still no sightings of Storm, Colossus, or Rogue  (foxnews.com) (48)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida The Third Eye: mystical and esoteric concept referring in part to the ajna chakra in certain dharmic spiritual traditions, in particular Hinduism? Or really, REALLY bad tattoo?   (articles.orlandosentinel.com) (35)
(610 WIOD) Weird "The principal dressed as Lady Gaga and milked a cow". Wait, what?  (610wiod.com) (19)
(TMZ) Stupid Octomom is the spokesperson for high-interest cash loans called "Octoloans" by a company that has reached new lows  (tmz.com) (56)
(The Local (Germany)) Amusing Worried you might be turning into a German? Top ten signs to check for  (thelocal.de) (136)
(Detroit Free Press) Weeners What rhymes with Glock that you should never fire a .40 caliber bullet into?  (freep.com) (110)
(My Fox DC) Cool Unemployed veteran put his medals on eBay so he can get together enough money to start up a lawn-mowing business. FARK: And then this happens  (myfoxdc.com) (96)
(WUSA9) Asinine This way to the transvestite barbecue  (wusa9.com) (25)
(PennLive) Fail Guy robs a bank and eludes police while wearing clothing specifically designed to attract attention  (pennlive.com) (9)
(Headline News TV) Cool Guy loses 100 lbs to join the Air Force, could have joined the Navy as is  (hlntv.com) (44)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Spiffy Katy Perry plans to start her own record label, but hasn't yet decided on a name. Let's help her out  (hollywoodreporter.com) (223)
(Kotaku) Followup After news team bungle, Chinese street vendors now trying to sell sex toys as "longevity mushrooms"  (kotaku.com) (13)
(Some Guy) Scary Woman gives birth to 6.4 lb baby, 7.5 lb tumor  (cafemom.com) (29)
(WPTV) Asinine How does Walmart offer such good discounts? It secretly profits from your death  (wptv.com) (119)
(Fox 5 San Diego) Sad If you whip out a knife on the beach in San Diego after a guy blindsides you in the head with a skateboard, expect to be tazed and jailed. Next time use the trident  (fox5sandiego.com) (51)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Man strips down to his socks to take cooling swim in downtown fountain at 2 AM. Why yes, cocaine was involved  (tampabay.com) (7)
(WSBTV) Scary "Excuse me, Miss? Could you give me directions t- GOD HAS CHOSEN YOU TO BE MY WIFE. STOP STRUGGLING"  (wsbtv.com) (81)
(WRCB-TV) Fail "Congratulations, you've just won a new car. What are you going to do with it?" "Well, I guess it would make a great meth lab"  (wrcbtv.com) (20)
(AZCentral) Strange Woman on board a plane to Phoenix decides in mid-flight she'd rather have a weekend at Bernie's instead  (azcentral.com) (38)
(BBC) Interesting Giant wombat mass grave discovered. Giant kangaroos deny all knowledge of it  (bbc.co.uk) (24)
(Newser) Spiffy Starbucks will open an overpriced tea-only shop for people who think they're too good for overpriced coffee  (newser.com) (63)
(Gainesville Sun) Florida "When asked why he had been naked, (the suspect) told police he sunbathes that way while holding the sex toy." Yup, Florida  (gainesville.com) (18)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Uruguay to sell pot to its citizens, expect massive immigration of slackers  (dailymail.co.uk) (32)
(Telegram) Obvious Man stores classic car in mother's garage. Mother's mortgage lender is BoA. You can see where this is going  (telegram.com) (129)
(WSBTV) Fail Water company: Your bill for last month comes to $9,000. Homeowner: I live alone and don't even shower daily. If I was using that much water, I'd be in a sinkhole. Water company: Uh.. we'll check back with you next month  (wsbtv.com) (70)
(Yahoo) Interesting Favorite American foods the rest of the world doesn't get. Yet  (uk.news.yahoo.com) (300)
(610 WIOD) Followup Zimmerman's defense team releases audio, video from police interviews from the day after the shooting of Trayvon Martin. In related news, Trayvon Martin still dead  (610wiod.com) (447)
(Stylist) Weird Introducing the new body part jewelry collection (and no, it's not inspired by Dexter)  (stylist.co.uk) (17)
(940 WINZ) Florida "While the new law prohibits sex with animals, it doesn't necessarily outlaw bestial oral sex." Really, no other state is even close  (940winz.com) (63)
(Google) Scary Al-Qaeda kills Yemeni southern commander, exchange rate now set at 1 commander for every 1000 number 2s  (google.com) (10)
(The Newspaper) Interesting New Jersey DOT shuts down 3/4 of state's red light cameras because cities made lights turn red too qu  (thenewspaper.com) (68)
(WUSA9) Scary Chrysler: Our Jeeps are safe, besides those 48 people who died fiery deaths, they're totally safe  (wusa9.com) (47)
(Huffington Post) Fail How do you become a chicken wing eating champ and get to be called 'El Wingador'? I'm not saying it's cocaine  (huffingtonpost.com) (26)
(WPTV) Florida Today's zombie attack comes to you from Palmetto, Florida. Main course: biceps  (wptv.com) (49)
(Athens Banner Herald) Amusing Criminal Logic: Is it really wrong to steal a TV if it has already been stolen by the current owner? Don't the thefts sort of, you know, cancel one another out?  (onlineathens.com) (20)
(Daily Mail) Amusing There are safe and legal ways to transport your children around the city, or you could drag them behind a motorcycle in a box  (dailymail.co.uk) (31)
(Fox News) Interesting U.S. Navy begins the ocean recovery of 19,000 pounds marijuana in Operation Sea Weed  (foxnews.com) (55)
(Some Guy) PSA Starting tomorrow, you can pick up some gently used properties in and around Detroit, just like this one, for around about $500  (whydontweownthis.com) (115)
(AZCentral) Strange Firefighting aircraft battling out of control blazes in Colorado grounded because of ... a meteor?  (azcentral.com) (32)
(MSN) Photoshop Photoshop these paddling persons  (msnbcmedia3.msn.com) (16)
(MSNBC) Scary "Bachelor number three... If I was a cherry popsicle on a hot summer's day, would you abduct me, strangle me with panty hose, then dump me in the woods on an upstate estate?"  (usnews.msnbc.msn.com) (42)
(Newsnet5) Interesting New Louisiana law states that sex offenders must post their status on Facebook. Subby assumes most would list it as "Its Complicated"  (newsnet5.com) (92)
(KATU) Dumbass School district doesn't allow kids to carry sunscreen without Doctor's note. Mom doesn't put sunscreen on kids before they go on field trip. Kids get sunburned. Cue parent outrage and lawyers. Tag is for everyone involved  (katu.com) (85)
(Buzzfeed) Sad First they came for the teachers, but I wasn't a teacher. Then they came for the lunchladies, but I wasn't a lunchlady. Then they came for the bus monitors. Children of the corn  (buzzfeed.com) (353)
(Buzzfeed) Spiffy Study: Kids of lesbian moms "doing very well" (w/cute lesbian mom pic)  (buzzfeed.com) (256)
(TBO) Florida Truck stop agrees to clean up all the urine-filled bottles its customers toss in the mobile home canal next door  (duke1.tbo.com) (40)
(CBS News) Cool Rich people have to save money for nice things too  (cbsnews.com) (63)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Elderly woman hires crew to survey her property for sinkholes. Good news, they found one (w/ pics)  (tampabay.com) (47)
(Yahoo) Scary Out of all of the tick borne diseases, this one IS FARKING TERRIFYING  (news.yahoo.com) (82)
(Mirror.co.uk) Sick Psychic tells women to send him naked pictures of themselves to boost their psychic powers. I guess they didn't see him coming  (mirror.co.uk) (69)
(Some Joelogon) Followup The documentary about my dad, an RAF mechanic & Japanese POW during WWII, US Army Korean War vet and, finally US citizen and doctor, is online, free. Watch "Every Day Is a Holiday"  (everydayisaholiday.org) (70)
(WTSP) Amusing Alaska man climbs tree for exercise but gets stuck upside down, leading rescuers to ask, "Why didn't he just use a StairMaster?"  (wtsp.com) (20)
(AZCentral) Weird After he asks his neighbor for a cigarette and gets turned down, man does the logical thing and flashes her  (azcentral.com) (28)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 372: "Parks". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (152)

Wed June 20, 2012
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Drunk woman blames her GPS after getting car stuck in golf course sand trap. To be fair her destination was the 19th hole  (dailymail.co.uk) (33)
(Lincoln Journal Star) Silly Yo, dawg, we heard you like cranes  (journalstar.com) (37)
(CBS DC) Fail Drinking from the garden hose WILL KILL YOU says scientists that weren't alive when the hose was the only way to get water  (washington.cbslocal.com) (153)
(Outside Online) Weird Bad: being arrested and beaten by Chinese authorities for trespassing. Worse: at 25,000 feet up on Mount Everest  (outsideonline.com) (93)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Challenge: Take two animals and combine them to create a third. LGT inspiration  (i081.radikal.ru) (71)
(Buzzfeed) Spiffy Pictures that will restore your faith in humanity. You're welcome  (buzzfeed.com) (377)
(ABC) Strange Warning: Do not attempt to visit Fark.com while operating heavy machinery  (abcnews.go.com) (66)
(Fark) FarkBlog Oldest galaxy found off the belt of Onion, Arquette no longer giving Courteney Cox, and Greece surprisingly unable to bounce a Czech: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 6/10 - 6/16  (fark.com) (18)
(WRCB-TV) Sappy Tennessee Aquarium dealing with pair of ugly-ass macaroni penguin chicks  (wrcbtv.com) (22)
(Huffington Post) PSA Severe thunderstorms and showers have flooded the towns of Northern MinnesOMG THE ZOO'S POLAR BEAR ESCAPED  (huffingtonpost.com) (105)
(The Local (Germany)) Strange Headline:"Smoke alarms could be disaster warning system." Um, isn't that their actual purpose already?  (thelocal.de) (40)
(NPR) Cool It's official, moms-to-be: moderate weekly drinking and even a couple of benders here and there aren't actually that bad for you while you're carrying your child. BOTTOMS UP, PREGNANT LADIES  (npr.org) (179)
(The Atlantic) Photoshop Photoshop this large letter  (cdn.theatlantic.com) (32)
(Boing Boing) Obvious Teens and deputy hurt in crash of drunk driving simulator. Mission accomplished  (boingboing.net) (70)
(KTRK) Asinine You're parents and you're unsatisfied with the job a teacher volunteer is doing. Do you: C) plant marijuana & painkillers in said volunteer's unlocked car?  (abclocal.go.com) (225)
(The Times of India) Strange New beer designed for dogs has meat broth, malt barley and contains no alcohol. Or, as beer drinkers call it, "New Coors Light"  (timesofindia.indiatimes.com) (83)
(Slate) Interesting It's not news, it's Fork.com  (slate.com) (62)
(Yahoo) Cool This is the worst vacation ever  (news.yahoo.com) (136)
(Chicago Tribune) Followup FBI returning stolen art to Polish museum, which saw a decrease in patronage after works like Submarine with Screen Door, Hold Me While I Turn This Bulb, and Jackalope in Repose went missing  (chicagotribune.com) (80)
(Slate) Silly Spoooooooooooooooooooooooooon   (slate.com) (117)
(NYPost) Scary Hydraulic system failure on JetBlue flight leaves passengers in four hours of shaky hell. Flight attendants tried to serve food, but people were already nauseous and throwing up without the fish even being served  (nypost.com) (240)
(LA Daily News) Dumbass What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas - unless it's a stolen LAPD vehicle  (dailynews.com) (29)
(Politico) Asinine Andrea Mitchell: The issue here is not whether we broke a few rules, or took a few liberties with edited Romney tape - we did. But we're not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth MSNBC or the United States of America  (politico.com) (395)
(The Consumerist) Obvious Not everyone at NPR is amused after one of their interns on All Songs Considered brags about her giant collection of pirated music  (consumerist.com) (476)
(KDGE Dallas) Stupid Man uses his cell phone camera to record another man who is spraypainting over a Picasso in a museum. Alert security guard springs into action, stops man from recording with his phone  (kdge.com) (67)
(The New York Times) Weird On a Tuesday morning in New York City, a Bishop (who is clearly not insane) performed "The Blessing of the Bees". Buzz buzz, my Lord  (cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com) (39)
(The Consumerist) Dumbass Stupidity races up East Coast as Cambridge, Mass tries to copy NY in banning large sodas. Apparently the mayor is unfamiliar with the concept of refills  (consumerist.com) (230)
(Yahoo) Interesting Sydney brothel gets go-ahead from town planning council for multi-million dollar expansion into a "mega-brothel", upsetting local residents and activists who didn't want another Big-Box Store in their neighborhood  (news.yahoo.com) (86)
(Time) Interesting What your dog says about your sex life. "You really should find a human partner" strangely absent  (newsfeed.time.com) (257)
(AL.com) Dumbass As a defendant in a trial, if you're asked by a reporter if you did it, the answer shouldn't be "Did I do it? Yes." Then again, you've already confessed on a talk show, which is why you're here in the first place  (al.com) (48)
(Science Daily) Cool Scientists discover way to block pathological rage. Still no cure for clouds, kids walking on lawn  (sciencedaily.com) (64)
(Huffington Post) Sad The Five Best Places to Retire. "Alternate universe in which you pulled all your money out of the market in 2008" strangely absent  (huffingtonpost.com) (70)
(Yahoo) Followup We'll see your $450 pizza, and raise you with a $1,000 pizza  (news.yahoo.com) (55)
(Boing Boing) Amusing If politics in Game of Thrones featured attack ads  (boingboing.net) (52)
(Huffington Post) Followup Hosni Mubarak is neither dead nor alive until we open the box  (huffingtonpost.com) (64)
(Yahoo) Followup Greek parties agree to form a government. Fellas, look, I have to admit you throw a pretty good kegger, but don't you think this is a little ambitious?  (news.yahoo.com) (14)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida "My client's possession of child pornography is just sexual roleplay, nothing criminal," claims defense attorney  (sun-sentinel.com) (26)
(Daily Mail) Strange Almost too strange even for FARK headline: Zombie bride marries diaper-clad beau  (dailymail.co.uk) (35)
(Daily Mail) Obvious John Edward's mistress appears on beach to the delight of absolutely no one. (with 'maybe after 9 shots of tequila' pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (128)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this humongous horseman  (img-fotki.yandex.ru) (22)
(AL.com) Interesting Alabama high school repeals ban of male earrings. Administrators to work next on requirement of shoes  (blog.al.com) (61)
(Fox 40 Sacramento) Scary Dame with real moxie hit right in the kisser by a flivver while giving her brother the bums rush away from souped-up jalopies on the motorway. Crackerjack sawbones have her on the mend, and she should be doing the Charleston soon, and how  (fox40.com) (93)
(Las Vegas Sun) Interesting Roulette wheel at the Rio lands on 19. SEVEN times in a row. What are the odds?  (lasvegassun.com) (228)
(CNN) Unlikely Summer corn is better than sex, says virginal food critic  (eatocracy.cnn.com) (127)
(ABC 27) Obvious As it turns out, there is no such thing as free beer on an airplane  (abc27.com) (52)
(The Sun) Spiffy There are some guys who are dedicated to their job for their paycheck, and then there's this guy who hasn't missed a day of work in 50 years  (thesun.co.uk) (93)
(New York Daily News) Caption Caption Alec Baldwin's encounter with a photographer  (assets.nydailynews.com) (84)
(Outside Online) Weird Bad: hiker breaks foot on remote Norwegian island. Good: manages to build signal fire that leads rescuers to him. Bad again: fire engulfs entire island in the process  (outsideonline.com) (58)
(MLive.com) Sappy Cats and birds living together: Sign of impending apocalypse, or cutest thing ever?  (mlive.com) (46)
(Komo) Weird "Police were unable to find the leprechauns or anyone else involved"   (downtownseattle.komonews.com) (43)
(ABC) Hero There's being a career student...and then there's this  (abcnews.go.com) (161)
(The Sun) Spiffy You know that car gramps left sitting in the garage for 60 years? Yeah about that  (thesun.co.uk) (103)

Tue June 19, 2012
(NPR) Obvious When transporting a revolutionary new trachea built up from stem cells for a time-critical transplant, spend a couple of extra bucks so you don't have to rely on ultra-budget airline easyJet  (npr.org) (77)
(New York Daily News) Florida When the TSA pats you down, they're saving America. When you pat down the TSA, it's "violence"  (nydailynews.com) (149)
(Time) Strange Doctors at UNC Chapel Hill noting a sharp increase in newborns testing positive for marijuana due to baby soap. In other news, drug abuse is apparently so bad in NC that they have to drug test newborns. That sounds about right  (healthland.time.com) (120)
(News On 6 Tulsa) Amusing Why you don't steal from a calf roper: "The victim spotted the suspect stealing his car, followed him, yanked him out of the car, hog-tied him and suspended him on a nearby fence until police arrived"  (newson6.com) (63)
(CNN) News Hosni Mubarak reportedly dead, then not dead, then "clinically dead", then "not quite on the cart yet and considering going for a walk"  (cnn.com) (164)
(io9) Interesting If you picked "prescription painkillers" as the leading cause of accidental deaths in the U.S. step forward and collect your price  (io9.com) (187)
(Reno Gazette-Journal) PSA When reporting on a forest fire, DO NOT wear protective gear, helmet, or goggles. That's "impersonating a firefighter" and you will be dealt with in a police-like manner  (rgj.com) (95)
(Some Guy) Cool What do you do when the Tea Party tries to block a .7% tax increase so your library can stay open? You start a "Close the library - Join the Book Burning Party" campaign to disgust voters into voting to keep the library open, of course  (upworthy.com) (336)
(LA Times Photos) Photoshop Photoshop this pre-testifying CEO   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (23)
(Santa Cruz Sentinel) Dumbass "Actually, I'm getting out of prison today." "You're in the wrong line, dumbass." "Yeah, I'm a big dumbass. Sorry"  (santacruzsentinel.com) (80)
(The Consumerist) Fail Ann Taylor refuses to let a blind woman bring her guide dog into the store. The company doesn't see anything wrong with that decision  (consumerist.com) (220)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this Presidential party  (farm8.staticflickr.com) (48)
(The FW) Interesting 11 Things You Didn't Know About Garfield for Garfield's Anniversary. No 12: Some people still find Garfield funny and read newspapers  (thefw.com) (209)
(Time) Scary Clearly, it's an election year because bullets are being sold in record numbers  (moneyland.time.com) (496)
(CNN) Followup Tiny Darth Vader leaves hospital. You don't know the power of the doctors' side  (cnn.com) (58)
(Yahoo) Followup You would think that a three-foot fishing spear through your head would pretty much be the end of you, not for this teenager  (uk.news.yahoo.com) (62)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Mugger dropped the ball and conveniently left his mug at crime scene when he dropped his cellphone  (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) (14)
(The Smoking Gun) Strange Rainbow swirls and cockeyed girls. It's this week's Mugshot Roundup  (thesmokinggun.com) (125)
(Gwinnett Daily Post) Amusing Actual headline: Phone tracking device helps solve chicken wing robbery  (gwinnettdailypost.com) (30)
(Wisconsin Gazette) Cool 'Vaginas Take Back the Capitol' in Michigan  (wisconsingazette.com) (463)
(Wired) Asinine NSA: We can't reveal if we spied on you because that would violate your privacy  (wired.com) (133)
(Boston Herald) Unlikely Strip club worker says fatal crash was caused by teenage passenger's sexual advances, not the beer and vodka she had earlier  (bostonherald.com) (67)
(ABC) Sad Cool: Bank error lets man withdraw almost $1.5 million from his bank account which had a $300 balance. Dumbass: he promptly gambled it all away at local casinos  (abcnews.go.com) (270)
(CNBC) Interesting Now about those evil business owners that are sitting on their money and refusing to hire. 23% have gone a year without pay  (cnbc.com) (177)
(CBS New York) Asinine Hello 911, I'm President Obama. May I speak with Tim Tebow?  (newyork.cbslocal.com) (47)
(My Fox Tampa Bay) Interesting For the first time ever, the following words were uttered: "Thank you Mark Zuckerberg"  (myfoxtampabay.com) (19)
(Slate) PSA Finally, an answer to the biggest question facing us today: Why are Poland Springs water bottles so flimsy and crinkly when they used to be so sturdy?  (slate.com) (117)
(NPR) Interesting Hide the beer: Southern Baptists elect black Luter from New Orleans  (npr.org) (58)
(AZ Family) Obvious If you're in the business of making children strollers, you never want to see your product mentioned in a headline along with the words 'finger amputations'  (azfamily.com) (32)
(Big 1059) Dumbass Bad: Falling asleep in your car. Worse: being awakened by police. Fark: with the gas pump still in your car overflowing from the tank  (big1059.com) (64)
(WSBTV) Asinine Apple store refuses to sell an iPad to a woman because she's Iranian. Well surely this was just one misguided employ- oh, it's Apple's official policy to refuse to do business with anyone from Iran  (wsbtv.com) (381)
(NBC Washington) Asinine Latest parent hoping for his 15 minutes of fame makes son carry 'Homeless, Won't Listen to Parents' sign as punishment  (nbcwashington.com) (62)
(Patch) Dumbass Walmart clerk's register comes up $841 short after female customer "mentioned something about the bills being very pretty and she wanted to look at them because money was boring looking where she came from"  (dacula.patch.com) (90)
(WCPO) Asinine Cincinnati police become the PC police & charge man for saying "crippled". That's completely retarded  (wcpo.com) (89)
(Google) Cool 100 years ago today, the eight-hour workday became law  (news.google.com) (106)
(Some Deepak) Amusing It's official. Deepak Chopra is indistinguishable from a random quote generator. Deepak Deepity generator to the left. Your best Deepities to the right  (wisdomofchopra.com) (137)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Marc Cuban dumps his Facebook stock which gave him a negative return close to that of Vince Carter  (dailymail.co.uk) (23)
(Denver Post) Photoshop Photoshop this umbrella-wielding woman  (director.denverpost.com) (20)
(Kotaku) Amusing Chinese news team investigates mysterious "mushroom" discovered by rural villagers. *facepalm* That's no shroom (possibly Not safe for work)  (kotaku.com) (98)
(Gizmodo) PSA Taco Bell introducing 2 new Doritos Locos tacos, Cool Ranch and "Flamas"  (gizmodo.com) (229)
(Grind TV) Cool Photographs of a dolphin jumping out of the ocean with an octopus attached to its stomach. Suck it, remoras  (grindtv.com) (61)
(Fark) FarkParty Los Angeles Fark Party July 14th 7:00pm  (fark.com) (140)
(Sun Sentinel) Hero Good Samaritan pays for the two towing bills levied against the woman whose ex-boyfriend set her on fire. The Florida tag gets trumped for once  (sun-sentinel.com) (48)
(WRAL) Stupid News: third-grader strip-searched by principal after being accused of stealing, Creepy news: principal hugs the student after proven wrong  (wral.com) (120)
(Click2Houston) Dumbass Woman shoots well past the dumbass tag and ends up a sweaty, naked, ice cream covered, cop fighting, kid abandoning, car wrecker. Taa daa  (click2houston.com) (60)

Mon June 18, 2012
(Reuters) Fail There's a great way to replace the lost calories after gastric bypass surgery  (in.reuters.com) (60)
(The Tennessean) Sad Bad: You get locked inside your restaurant's cooler. Good: You find a way to trip the burglar alarm to summon police. Fail: Cops find the restaurant dark and the doors locked, so they ignore it  (tennessean.com) (130)
(Yahoo) Sad The Downward Spiral: Is Dad the New Mom? The rise of stay-at-home fathers  (news.yahoo.com) (287)
(Gawker) Weird Old and busted: Fight Club. New hotness: Fight Church  (gawker.com) (65)
(Daily Mail) Followup It takes a lot of balls to reject a free $1 million corrective surgery. 100 lbs of balls to be exact  (dailymail.co.uk) (113)
(Miami Herald) Florida Man charged with taking secret videos of Hooter's bikini pageant contestants while they were changing into their swimsuits. Actual quote: "Man to man, I did it because I've never had a girlfriend"  (miamiherald.com) (75)
(NESN) Sick Turns out much of the Costas interview with Tickle Monster didn't air. There can't be any real damning statements though, right?  (nesn.com) (205)
(Travel and Leisure) Silly Wanna sleep outside in NYC? That'll be $1,999  (travelandleisure.com) (77)
(LA Times Photos) Photoshop Photoshop this roadside rubber raft   (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com) (19)
(Lifehacker) Unlikely Emotional well-being also rises with income, but there is no further progress beyond an annual income of $75,000  (lifehacker.com) (241)
(KTLA) Sick Bad: Cutting off your daughter's allowance because of her behavior. Worse: Cutting off your daughter's head because of her behavior  (ktla.com) (161)
(CNN) NewsFlash Roger Clemens is guilty of being a pompous douchebag, but that's it  (news.blogs.cnn.com) (219)
(Some Guy) Misc I know we all want to know about what sandwich Romney orders at WaWa, or how often Obama golfs, but Israel and Egypt are prepping for war. Not that it matters next to meatball sandwiches  (apnews.myway.com) (158)
(New York Daily News) Scary Somehow this woman is 23  (nydailynews.com) (342)
(Herald Tribune) Florida Woman spreads carpet tacks on bike trail because the bike riders were talking about wildlife on a regular basis. Which makes perfect sense once you don your Florida Logic ear phones  (heraldtribune.com) (215)
(Shorpy) Photoshop Photoshop this postmaster's pad  (shorpy.com) (17)
(KPTV) Strange Possible Japanese fishing boat washes ashore in Washington State. No sightings of mushroom people......yet  (kptv.com) (65)
(Daily Mail) Fail Gypsies: Hey, can you remove this barrier so we can turn our trailers around? Police: Sure, no problem. Gypsies: SUCKAAS  (dailymail.co.uk) (353)
(Piedmont Triad / WFMY News 2) Florida Fark-ready headline: "Drunk man couldn't take kitten into strip club, repeatedly called 911"  (digtriad.com) (64)
(Yahoo) Scary Déjeuner sur l'herbe, sans tête  (news.yahoo.com) (52)
(Enterprise News) Weird "The victim told police he was riding his bike about 8 a.m. Sunday when (the suspect), whom he does not know, came up to him 'and started swinging sausage links at him'"  (enterprisenews.com) (57)
(USA Today) Interesting Survey finds death is the greatest fear of only 7% of seniors; living in pain and dependence is #1 for 64%  (usatoday.com) (164)
(Guardian) Interesting The Guardian wants the internet to help it name ten new species. Any suggestions?  (guardian.co.uk) (56)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Gator, gator, gator, out from swamps they stray / Gator, gator gator, with your cars they'll play  (tampabay.com) (26)
(Reuters) Interesting Companies now using "Active Defense" and "Strike Back" technology to hack the hackers: Begun, the Trojan War has  (reuters.com) (74)
(Newsnet5) Fail Ahh Fathers Day. A time to sit back, relax, fire shots at your family in a funeral home while leaving with clumps of hair missing from your scalp. Good times  (newsnet5.com) (6)
(wfja) Spiffy We loved him when he was 64, but today he's 70  (classichitsandoldies.com) (92)
(Asheville Citizen-Times) Amusing If you lost an unidentifiable naked man found walking the streets, Asheville police would like to speak to you  (citizen-times.com) (32)
(Billings Gazette) Interesting The amount of water required to make a pound of ground beef is the equivalent of six months' worth of showers. To help illustrate that point, here are two female PETA demonstrators showering in public  (billingsgazette.com) (321)
(MSN) Followup Strip club threatens to sue Octomom for not taking off her clothes. Surprisingly large number of people come to her defense  (wonderwall.msn.com) (116)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Amusing "Touchdown" Jesus to be replaced with "Her Ass Was This Big" Jesus  (news.cincinnati.com) (127)
(MSNBC) Scary A new study published by the Just How Fat Is Your Mom, Anyway Institute has concluded that the world population is 17 million tons overweight  (vitals.msnbc.msn.com) (51)
(Inland Valley Daily Bulletin) Followup Rodney King as remembered by the cops from the many post-beating interactions you barely heard about: "He wasn't happy, but he was compliant"  (dailybulletin.com) (89)
(ABC) Asinine "Okay, I see your resume is in order, and your references are excellent, so I guess I have only one more question: When exactly did you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior?"  (abcnews.go.com) (292)
(Yahoo) Asinine Topless painter on Thai Talent show stirs debate; penises  (news.yahoo.com) (69)
(Gawker) Silly Frozen burrito for stoners to be released; number that explode in the microwave expected to skyrocket  (gawker.com) (42)
(Some Guy) Scary Death row transport overturns, resulting in a jailbreak. Five inmates receive their sentence early  (stclairmonroe.fox2now.com) (42)
(This Is Kent) Unlikely Fears for road safety after a DUCK is killed by a rogue driver  (thisiskent.co.uk) (30)
(NPR) Asinine FDA develops labeling regulations for sunscreen so you actually know what the heck you're buying. The companies that make sunscreens whine, get the regulation pushed back a year  (npr.org) (132)
(TMZ) Followup Friends don't believe fiancée's story that Rodney King drowned. They think she murdered him  (tmz.com) (132)
(CNN) Dumbass Taliban "stop killing us, or we will do it for you". US "hmmm not seeing a downside here"  (cnn.com) (115)
(New York Daily News) Scary Mom on bath salt bender finds that stripping down naked and attacking police can have shocking results  (nydailynews.com) (188)
(Stylist) Amusing They say true beauty is priceless... apart from the one pot of face cream that sets you back $13K  (stylist.co.uk) (58)
(PostImage) Photoshop Photoshop this crosswalk  (postimage.org) (18)
(Japan Times) Amusing Surprisingly, stripping naked while drunk in a public park is NOT part of approved police officer training in Japan  (japantimes.co.jp) (28)
(Fark) Survey What would be some headlines if Fark was around in the 60s?  (fark.com) (411)
(CNN) Spiffy Mahmoud Ahmagonnaleavepolitics  (cnn.com) (101)
(WESH Orlando) Florida Cool: Skinny dipping. Not cool: With an 11 year old. Bonus mugshot of the week candidate  (wesh.com) (140)
(Telegraph) Interesting Nuns warned to stop dressing sexily and tempting young men... 1300 years ago  (telegraph.co.uk) (58)
(WESH Orlando) Florida School principal busted for selling drugs. (w/ 'Oh, yeah... he's baked' mug shot)  (wesh.com) (44)
(KGW Portland) Scary I'm stuck under my dresser. I'm so very scared. Help  (kgw.com) (48)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Healthiest. Meal. EVER  (dailymail.co.uk) (215)
(Wisconsin State Journal) Cool More than 1,000 college seniors from across the country apply for 12 spots each year as: (a) an intern, (b) manager's assistant, (c) hot dog driver  (host.madison.com) (41)

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